Priapea: CARMINA PRIAPEA

Carminis incompti lusus lecture procaces,
conveniens Latio pone supercilium.
non soror hoc habitat Phoebi, non Vesta sacello,
nec quae de patrio vertice nata dea est,
sed ruber hortorum custos, membrosior aequo,
qui tectum nullis vestibus inguen habet.
aut igitur tunicam parti praetende tegendae,
aut quibus hanc oculis aspicis, ista lege.

A ribald play of an unadorned song, lewd in reading,
fitting for Latium, set beneath the brow.
not Phoebus’s sister dwells in this, nor Vesta in a small shrine,
nor she who was born from the ancestral summit of the goddess,
but the red guardian of gardens, more membered than an ass,
who bares his groin with no garment upon him.
therefore either lend a tunic to the part to be covered,
or by those eyes with which you behold this, hold to this rule.

[II]

[2]

Ludens haec ego teste te, Priape,
horto carmina digna, non libello,
scripsi non nimium laboriose.
nec musas tamen, ut solent poetae,
ad non virgineum locum vocavi.
nam sensus mihi corque defuisset,
castas, Pierium chorum, sorores
auso ducere mentulam ad Priapi.

Playing, I wrote these things, with you, Priapus, as witness,
songs fit for a garden, not for a little book,
not with excessive labor.
nor yet did I, as poets are wont, call the Muses
to a non‑virginal place.
for both wit and heart would have failed me,
had I dared to lead the chaste, Pierian chorus, the sisters,
to bring the phallus to Priapus.

ergo quidquid id est, quod otiosus
templi parietibus tui notavi,
in partem accipias bonam, rogamus.

Therefore whatever it is that I, idle, have marked
on the walls of your temple,
we beg that you take it in good part.

[III]

[3]

Obscure poteram tibi dicere: 'da mihi, quod tu
des licet assidue, nil tamen inde perit.
da mihi, quod cupies frustra dare forsitan olim,
cum tenet obsessas invida barba genas,
quodque Iovi dederat qui raptus ab alite sacra
miscet amatori pocula grata suo,
quod virgo prima cupido dat nocte marito,
dum timet alterius volnus inepta loci.'
simplicius multo est 'da pedicare' Latine
dicere. quid faciam?

Obscure I could tell you: "give me what you permit to give assiduously, yet nothing thereof perishes.
Give me what you may one day desire to give in vain perhaps,
when the envious beard besieges the cheeks,
and what he had given to Jove who, snatched by the sacred bird,
mixes cups pleasing to his lover,
what the maiden first gives to a desirous husband in the night,
while she fears the wound of another in that unseemly place."
Much simpler it is to say in Latin "da pedicare."
What shall I do?

crassa Minerva mea est.

My crass Minerva is.

[IV]

[4]

Obscaenas rigido deo tabellas
dicans ex Elephantidos libellis
dat donum Lalage rogatque, temptes,
si pictas opus edat ad figuras.

To the rigid god he gives obscene tablets
taken from Elephantis’ little books and, reciting, gives them as a gift to Lalage and begs that you try,
to see if the work should be issued with painted figures.

[V]

[5]

Quam puero legem fertur dixisse Priapus,
versibus his infra scripta duobus erit:
'quod meus hortus habet sumas inpune licebit,
si dederis nobis quod tuos hortus habet.'

Which law Priapus is said to have spoken to the boy,
will be in these two verses written below:
'what my garden has you may take with impunity,
if you give to us what your garden has.'

[VI]

[6]

Quod sum ligneus, ut vides, Priapus
et falx lignea ligneusque penis,
prendam te tamen et tenebo prensum
totamque hanc sine fraude, quantacunque est,
tormento citharaque tensiorem
ad costam tibi septimam recondam.

That I am wooden, as you see, Priapus
and a wooden falx and wooden phallus,
yet I will seize you and hold you seized,
and this whole thing, without deceit, whatever it is,
made more taut by torment and cithara
I will tuck away beside your seventh rib.

[VII]

[7]

Cum loquor, una mihi peccatur littera; nam T
P dico semper blaesaque lingua mihi est.

When I speak, one letter is mistaken for me; for I always say T
for P, and my tongue is lisping.

[VIII]

[8]

Matronae procul hinc abite castae:
turpe est vos legere inpudica verba. —
non assis faciunt euntque recta:
nimirum sapiunt videntque magnam
matronae quoque mentulam libenter.

Chaste matrons, depart far hence:
it is shameful that you read shameless words. —
they make not an as and go straight on:
no doubt they are wise and behold a great
penis even matrons gladly.

[IX]

[9]

Cur obscaena mihi pars sit sine veste, requirens
quaere, tegat nullus cur sua tela deus.
fulmen habens mundi dominus tenet illud aperte;
nec datur aequoreo fuscina tecta deo.
nec Mavors illum, per quem valet, occulit ensem;
nec latet in tepido Palladis hasta sinu.

Why an obscene part should be to me without a garment, asking—seek
why no god covers his own weapons. The world’s lord, holding the thunderbolt,
bears it openly; nor is the trident given hidden to the sea‑god.
Nor does Mavors hide that sword by which he is strong;
nor does Pallas’ spear lie hidden in her warm bosom.

num pudet auratas Phoebum portare sagittas?
clamne solet pharetram ferre Diana suam?
num tegit Alcides nodosae robora clavae?

are Phoebus’ gilded arrows a shame to bear?
does Diana customarily carry her quiver in secret?
does Alcides hide the strength of his knotted club?

sub tunica virgam num deus ales habet?
quis Bacchum gracili vestem praetendere thyrso,
quis te celata cum face vidit, Amor?
nec mihi sit crimen, quod mentula semper aperta est:
hoc mihi si telum desit, inermis ero.

Does any winged god have a rod hidden beneath his tunic?
who would present Bacchus with a slender garment instead of his thyrsus,
who saw you, Love, concealed while bearing a torch?
nor let it be counted a crime against me that my penis is ever exposed:
if this weapon be wanting to me, I shall be unarmed.

[X]

[10]

Insulsissima quid puella rides?
non me Praxiteles Scopasve fecit,
non sum Phidiaca manu politus;
sed lignum rude vilicus dolavit
et dixit mihi 'tu Priapus esto'.
spectas me tamen et subinde rides:
nimirum tibi salsa res videtur
adstans inguinibus columna nostris.

Why do you laugh, most insipid girl?
Praxiteles nor Scopas did not make me,
I am not polished by a Phidian hand;
but a rustic steward hewed the crude wood
and said to me, "you be Priapus."
yet you behold me and repeatedly laugh:
surely to you the thing seems salty
standing as a column with our groins .

[XI]

[11]

Ne prendare cave. prenso nec fuste nocebo,
saeva nec incurva volnera falce dabo:
traiectus conto sic extendere pedali,
ut culum rugam non habuisse putes.

Beware lest you be seized. I, having grasped, will not harm with a club,
nor will I give savage wounds with a curved sickle:
pierced on a pike thus to stretch upon a foot‑long stake,
so that you would think the buttock had never worn a wrinkle.

[XII]

[12]

Quaedam iunior Hectoris parente,
Cumaeae soror, ut puto, Sibyllae,
aequalis tibi, quam domum revertens
Theseus repperit in rogo iacentem,
infirmo solet huc gradu venire
rugosasque manus ad astra tollens,
ne desim sibi mentula, rogare.
hesterna quoque luce dum precatur,
dentem de tribus excreavit unum.
'tolle' inquam 'procul et iube latere
scissa sub tunica stolaque russa,
ut semper solet et timere lucem
qui tanto patet indecens hiatu,
barbato macer eminente naso,
ut credas Epicuron oscitari.'

A certain younger, of Hector by parentage,
I think sister of the Cumaean Sibyl,
a contemporary of you, whom returning home
Theseus found lying on the funeral-pyre,
is wont to come here with a feeble step
and, lifting her wrinkled hands to the stars,
to beg that her mentula (phallus) not fail her.
And also at yesterday’s light while she prays,
from three teeth one sprang forth.
"Lift it," I say, "far off and bid it lie hidden
torn beneath the tunic and the red stola,
as she is always wont; and fear the light
he who is so widely open with an indecent gape,
gaunt, bearded, with a projecting nose,
so that you would believe Epicurus to be yawning."

[XIII]

[13]

Percidere puer, moneo: futuere puella:
barbatum furem tertia poena manet.

Fall, boy, I warn: to fuck the girl:
the bearded thief remains as a third punishment.

[XIV]

[14]

Huc huc, quisquis es, in dei salacis
deverti grave ne puta sacellum.
et si nocte fuit puella tecum,
hac re quod metuas adire, non est.
istud caelitibus datur severis:
nos vappae sumus et pusilla culti
ruris numina, nos pudore pulso
stamus sub Iove coleis apertis.

Hither, hither, whoever you are, do not deem it a grievous little shrine to turn aside into the salacious god;
and if a girl was with you by night,
there is nothing in this that you should fear to approach.
That is granted to the severe caelestials:
we are vappae and small worshippers of the rural numina;
with shame driven off
we stand beneath Jove with our coleis open.

ergo quilibet huc licebit intret
nigri fornicis oblitus favilla.

ergo quilibet huc licebit intret
anyone, having forgotten the ash of the black furnace, may enter here.

[XV]

[15]

Commisso mihi non satis modestas
quicunque attulerit manus agello,
is me sentiet esse non spadonem.
dicat forsitan hoc: 'tibine quisquam
hic inter frutices loco remoto
percisum sciat esse me?', sed errat:
magnis testibus ista res agetur.

Should modesty not be entrusted to me enough
whoever shall have laid hands upon the little plot,
that man will know that I am no eunuch.
He may perhaps say this: 'Does any one of you
here among the bushes in a remote place
know that I was pierced?', but he is mistaken:
this matter will be conducted with great witnesses.

[XVI]

[16]

Qualibus Hippomenes rapuit Schoeneida pomis,
qualibus Hesperidum nobilis hortus erat,
qualia credibile est spatiantem rure paterno
Nausicaam pleno saepe tulisse sinu,
quale fuit malum, quod littera pinxit Aconti,
qua lecta est cupido pacta puella viro:
qualiacunque, pius dominus florentis agelli
imposuit mensae, nude Priape, tuae.

By the apples with which Hippomenes seized Schoeneida,
by which the noble garden of the Hesperides was endowed,
of the sort it is credible that Nausicaa, walking from her father's country,
often bore in her full bosom,
what sort was the apple which Acontius' letter painted,
by which, when read, the girl was bound by pact to the man:
of whatever kindsoever the pious lord of the flourishing little farm
placed upon the table of your naked self, O Priapus.

[XVII]

[17]

Quid mecum tibi, circitor moleste?
ad me quid prohibes venire furem?
accedat, sine: laxior redibit.

What have I with you, troublesome watchman?
why do you forbid a thief to come to me?
Let him come—permit it: he will return more lax.

[XVIII]

[18]

Commoditas haec est in nostro maxima pene,
laxa quod esse mihi femina nulla potest.

This convenience is almost the greatest in our household,
in that no woman can be slack in being with me.

[XIX]

[19]

Hic quando Telethusa circulatrix,
quae clunem tunica tegente nulla
exos altius altiusque motat,
crisabit tibi fluctuante lumbo?
haec sic non modo te, Priape, posset,
privignum quoque sed movere Phaedrae.

When Telethusa the circler is here,
who, with no tunic covering her rump,
sets that buttock moving higher and ever higher,
will she make you creak with a swaying loin?
this woman thus could not only move you, Priape,
but likewise stir Phaedra’s stepson.

[XX]

[20]

Fulmina sub Iove sunt; Neptuni fuscina telum;
ense potens Mars est; hasta, Minerva, tua est;
sutilibus Liber committit proelia thyrsis;
fertur Apollinea missa sagitta manu;
Herculis armata est invicti dextera clava:
at me terribilem mentula tenta facit.

Under Jove are the thunderbolts; Neptune's trident is a weapon;
Mars is mighty with the sword; the spear, Minerva, is yours;
Liber entrusts battles to thyrsi bound with cord;
an Apollinean arrow is borne by a sent hand;
the right hand of unconquered Hercules is armed with a club:
but a tensed mentula makes me terrible.

[XXI]

[XXI]
Thunderbolts are under Jove; Neptune’s trident is a weapon;
Mars is powerful with the sword; the spear, Minerva, is yours;
Liber entrusts battles to thyrsi stitched with leather;
an arrow is said to be sent by Apollo’s hand;
the right hand of unconquered Hercules is armed with a club:
but a terrible penis, when stretched forth, makes me fearsome.

Copia me perdit: tu suffragare rogatus,
indicio nec nos prode, Priape, tuo,
quaeque tibi posui tamquam vernacula poma,
de sacra nulli dixeris esse via.

Plenty ruins me: you, entreated to give your suffrage,
and by your hint do not betray us, Priapus,
and the things I have placed for you as domestic fruits,
tell no one that they are a sacred offering.

[XXII]

[22]

Femina si furtum faciet mihi virve puerve,
haec cunnum, caput hic praebeat, ille nates.

If a woman will commit a theft for me, whether man or boy,
let this one present her cunnus, let this one his head, let that one his buttocks.

[XXIII]

[23]

Quicunque hic violam rosamve carpet
furtivomve holus aut inempta poma,
defectus pueroque feminaque
hac tentigine, quam videtis in me,
rumpatur, precor, usque mentulaque
nequiquam sibi pulset umbilicum.

Whoever here plucks a violet or a rose
or a furtive vegetable or unbought apples,
may he be ruined, and let boy and girl
be stricken by this tingling, which you see in me,
let him be broken, I pray, and may his mentula
beat his navel to no avail.

[XXIV]

[24]

Hic me custodem fecundi vilicus horti
mandati curam iussit habere loci.
fur habeas poenam, licet indignere 'feram'que
'propter holus' dicas 'hoc ego?' 'propter holus'.

This steward of a fruitful garden made me guardian
and ordered me to hold the care of the entrusted place.
May you bear the punishment of a thief, though you protest and say "I'll bear it,"
and say "for a vegetable? — me?" "for a vegetable."

[XXV]

[25]

Hoc sceptrum, quod ab arbore est recisum
nulla et iam poterit virere fronde,
sceptrum, quod pathicae petunt puellae,
quod quidam cupiunt tenere reges,
quoi dant oscula nobiles cinaedi,
intra viscera furis ibit usque
ad pubem capulumque coleorum.

This scepter, which has been cut from a tree
and now will be unable to flourish with any frond,
a scepter which pathic girls seek,
which some kings long to hold,
to which noble cinaedi give kisses,
will go into the entrails of a thief all the way
to the pubis and the handle of the buttocks.

[XXVI]

[26]

Porro — nam quis erit modus? — Quirites
aut praecidite seminale membrum,
quod totis mihi noctibus fatigant
vicinae sine fine prurientes
vernis passeribus salaciores,
aut rumpar nec habebitis Priapum.
ipsi cernitis, effututus ut sim
confectusque macerque pallidusque,
qui quondam ruber et valens solebam
fures caedere quamlibet valentes.

Furthermore — for what will be the measure? — Quirites
either cut off the seminal member,
which through whole nights wears me out
neighboring girls endlessly itching,
more salacious than spring sparrows,
or I shall be burst and you will not have Priapus. You yourselves see, so effututed am I
spent and emaciated and pale,
who once red and strong was wont
to fell thieves however valiant.

defecit latus et periculosam
cum tussi miser expuo salivam.

my side has failed and, with a perilous cough,
I, wretched, spit forth saliva.

[XXVII]

[27]

Deliciae populi, magno notissima circo
Quintia, vibratas docta movere nates,
cymbala cum crotalis, pruriginis arma, Priapo
ponit et adducta tympana pulsa manu:
pro quibus, ut semper placeat spectantibus, orat,
tentaque ad exemplum sit sua turba dei.

The people's darling, Quintia, most famed in the great circus,
skilled to set her quivering buttocks in motion,
lays aside cymbals with crotals, the weapons of prurience, before Priapus
and strikes the tightened tambourines with her hand:
for these things, that she may always please those watching, she begs,
and that her troupe be held up as an example of the god.

[XXVIII]

[28]

Tu, qui non bene cogitas et aegre
carpendo tibi temperas ab horto,
pedicabere fascino pedali.
quod si tam gravis et molesta poena
non profecerit, altiora tangam.

You, who do not think well and who with difficulty
by plucking temper yourself from the garden,
shall be sodomized with a foot‑long fascine.
but if so grave and molesting a penalty
does not avail, I will touch higher matters.

[XXIX]

[29]

Obscaenis, peream, Priape, si non
uti me pudet inprobisque verbis.
sed cum tu posito deus pudore
ostendas mihi coleos patentes,
cum cunno mihi mentula est vocanda.

May I perish, obscene one, Priapus, if I am not ashamed to use shameless words.
but since you, god, with modesty put aside,
display to me the open coleos,
when for me cunno must be named mentula.

[XXX]

[30]

'Falce minax et parte tua maiore, Priape,
ad fontem, quaeso, dic mihi qua sit iter.'
vade per has vites, quarum si carpseris uvam,
cur aliter sumas, hospes, habebis aquam.

"With threatening sickle and with your larger part, Priapus,
to the spring, I beg, tell me where the way is."
"Go through these vines; if you pluck a grape from them,
why would you take another way, guest? You will have water.

[XXXI]

[31]

Donec proterva nil mei manu carpes,
licebit ipsa sis pudicior Vesta.
sin, haec mei te ventris arma laxabunt,
exire ut ipse de tuo queas culo.

So long as you presumptuously seize nothing of mine with your hand,
you may even be more chaste than Vesta herself.
But if these arms of my belly loosen you,
that you yourself may be able to go out from your own arse.

[XXXII]

[32]

Vvis aridior puella passis,
buxo pallidior novaque cera,
collatas sibi quae suisque membris
formicas facit altiles videri;
quoius viscera non aperta Tuscus
per pellem poterit videre aruspex;
quae suco caret usque putris † pumex,
nemo viderit hanc ut expuentem;
quam pro sanguine pulverem scobemque
in venis medici putant habere —
ad me nocte solet venire et affert
pallorem maciemque larualem.
ductor ferreus insulariusve
lanternae videor fricare cornu.

Ivy-drier is the girl with dishevelled hair,
paler than boxwood and fresh wax,
whose limbs drawn together make ants
seem to appear plump by comparison;
whose entrails, unopened, an Etruscan
haruspex could read through her skin;
who lacks sap even as a rotten pumice,
none has seen her spitting out;
whom physicians think to have, in her veins, powder and saw-dust —
by night she is wont to come to me and brings
a larval pallor and leanness.
I seem to rub the horn of a lantern
with an iron or an islandish flint.

[XXXIII]

[33]

Naidas antiqui Dryadasque habuere Priapi,
et quo tenta dei vena subiret, erat.
nunc adeo nihil est, adeo mea plena libido est,
ut Nymphas omnis interiisse putem.
turpe quidem factu, sed ne tentigine rumpar,
falce mihi posita fiet amica manus.

Naiads and Dryads the ancients assigned to Priapus,
and where the god’s strained vein might rise beneath, there it was.
now there is so much nothing, so full is my libido,
that I think all the nymphs have perished.
shameful indeed to do, but lest I burst with longing,
if a sickle be set to me, my hand will become a friend.

[XXXIV]

[34]

Cum sacrum fieret deo salaci,
conducta est pretio puella parvo
communis satis omnibus futura:
quae quot nocte viros peregit una,
tot verpas tibi dedicat salignas.

While a sacrifice was made to the salacious god,
a girl was hired for a small price
to be common enough to all:
as many men as she passed through in one night,
so many willow-cocks she dedicates to you.

[XXXV]

[35]

Pedicabere, fur, semel; sed idem
si prensus fueris bis, irrumabo;
quod si tertia furta molieris,
ut poenam patiare et hanc et illam,
pedicaberis irrumaberisque.

You will be sodomized, thief, once; but the same
if you are caught twice, I will throat‑fuck you;
and if you steal a woman a third time,
so that you suffer both this penalty and that,
you shall be both sodomized and throat‑fucked.

[XXXVI]

[36]

Notas habemus quisque corporis formas:
Phoebus comosus, Hercules lacertosus,
trahit figuram virginis tener Bacchus,
Minerva flava, lumine <est> Venus paeto,
fronte † crinitos Arcadas vides Faunos,
habet decentes nuntius deum plantas,
tutela Lemni dispares movet gressus,
intonsa semper Aesculapio barba est,
nemo est feroci pectorosior Marte:
quod si quis inter haec locus mihi restat,
deus Priapo mentulatior non est.

We each know the noted forms of the bodies:
Phoebus long-haired, Hercules brawny-armed,
Bacchus takes the figure of a tender virgin,
Minerva fair-haired, Venus is pale in light,
on the brow † you see Arcadian Fauns hair‑crested,
the becoming messenger of the gods has comely soles,
the guardian of Lemnos moves with uneven steps,
Aesculapius’ beard is ever unshorn,
no one is fiercer of chest than Mars:
but if any place among these remains for me,
no god is more mentulate than Priapus.

[XXXVII]

[37]

Cur pictum memori sit in tabella
membrum quaeritis, unde procreamur?
cum penis mihi forte laesus esset
chirurgique manum miser timerem,
dis me legitimis nimisque magnis,
ut Phoebo puta filioque Phoebi,
curatum dare mentulam verebar;
huic dixi: 'fer opem, Priape, parti,
quoius tu, pater, ipse pars videris;
qua salva sine sectione facta
ponetur tibi picta, quam levaris,
compar consimilisque concolorque.'
promisit fore mentulamque movit
pro nutu deus et rogata fecit.

Why should a painted member be kept in memory on a tablet
you ask, whence are we procreated?
when by chance my penis had been injured to me
and I miserably feared the surgeon’s hand,
the gods, lawful and far too great, chose me,
as to Phoebus and, say, to the son of Phoebus;
I feared to give my mentula for cure;
to him I said: ‘bring aid, Priapus, to the part,
of which you, father, yourself seem a part;
if it is preserved without a cut being made
it will be set before you painted, which you will raise,
make it matching and similar and of like color.’
He promised it would be so, and the god moved the mentula
at a nod and did what was asked.

[XXXVIII]

[38]

Simpliciter tibi me, quodcunque est, dicere oportet,
natura est quoniam semper aperta mihi:
pedicare volo, tu vis decerpere poma;
quod peto, si dederis, quod petis, accipies.

I ought simply to tell you myself, whatever I am,
for my nature is, since always open to me:
I desire to be sodomized, you wish to pluck apples;
what I ask — if you give it — you shall receive what you ask.

[XXXIX]

[39]

Forma Mercurius potest placere,
forma conspiciendus est Apollo,
formosus quoque pingitur Lyaeus,
formosissimus omnium est Cupido.
me pulcra fateor carere forma,
verum mentula luculenta nostra est:
hanc mavolt sibi quam deos priores
si qua est non fatui puella cunni.

Mercury’s form can please,
Apollo’s form is meant to be beheld,
Lyaeus too is painted handsome,
and Cupid is the most beautiful of all.
I, though fair, confess to lack of form,
but my penis is splendid:
she prefers this to the earlier gods,
if there is any girl not foolish about the cunni.

[XL]

[XL]
The form of Mercurius can please,
the form of Apollo is to be beheld,
Lyaeus too is pictured handsome,
but most handsome of all is Cupid.
I confess that I lack a fair form,
but truly my mentula is splendid:
she prefers this to the earlier gods
if there is any girl not foolish about cunnus.

Nota Suburanas inter Telethusa puellas,
quae, puto, de quaestu libera facta suo est,
cingit inaurata penem tibi, sancte, corona:
hoc pathicae summi numinis instar habent.

Note the Suburan girls among Telethusa’s girls,
one of whom, I think, having made herself free from gain, is at her own disposal,
girds for you, O holy one, a gilded penis with a crown:
this the pathic ones hold as the likeness of the highest divinity.

[XLI]

[41]

Quisquis venerit huc, poeta fiat
et versus mihi dedicet iocosos.
qui non fecerit, inter eruditos
ficosissimus ambulet poetas.

Whoever shall come here, let him be a poeta
and dedicate jocose verses to me.
He who shall not have done this, among the erudite
may he walk, most fig-bearing of poets.

[XLII]

[42]

Laetus Aristagoras natis bene vilicus uvis
de cera † facta dat tibi poma, deus.
at tu sacrati contentus imagine pomi
fac veros fructus ille, Priape, ferat.

Happy Aristagoras, the steward who has well provided his children with grapes,
gives you apples made of wax †, O god.
But you, content with the sacred image of the apple,
make that it bear true fruit, O Priapus.

[XLIII]

[43]

Velle quid hanc dicas, quamvis sim ligneus, hastam,
oscula dat medio si qua puella mihi?
augure non opus est: 'in me' mihi credite, dixit
'utetur veris viribus hasta rudis.'

Do you wish to say what this desires, though I am a wooden spear?
If any girl gives kisses to my middle, will she give them to me?
No augur is needed: "Believe me," she said to me,
"'lay it on me' — the untried spear will be used with true force."

[XLIV]

[44]

Nolite omnia, quae loquor, putare
per lusum mihi per iocumque dici.
deprensos ego ter quaterque fures
omnis, non dubitetis, irrumabo.

Do not suppose that all things which I speak are said by me in play or by any jest.
The thieves I have caught — three or four times each — every one I will irrumate, do not doubt it.

[XLV]

[45]

Cum quendam rigidus deus videret
ferventi caput ustulare ferro,
ut Maurae similis foret puellae,
'heus' inquit 'tibi dicimus, cinaede,
uras te licet usque torqueasque,
num tandem prior es puella, quaeso,
quam sint, mentula quos habet, capilli?'

When a stern god saw a certain man scorch his head with glowing iron,
that he might be like a Moor to the girl,
"hey," he says, "we tell you, cinaedus,
though you may burn and twist yourself up to the utmost,
are you at last a girl, I pray,
whose little prick has the hairs that girls have?"

[XLVI]

[46]

O non candidior puella Mauro,
sed morbosior omnibus cinaedis,
pygmaeo brevior gruem timenti,
ursis asperior pilosiorque,
Medis laxior Indicisve bracis:
manes hinc, licet ut liberet, ires;
nam quamvis videar satis paratus,
erucarum opus est decem maniplis,
fossas inguinis ut teram dolemque
cunni vermiculos scaturrientis.

O not more fair than a Moorish girl,
but more disease-ridden than all the cinaedi,
shorter than a crane fearing the pygmy,
rougher and hairier than bears,
looser in the loincloth than Median or Indian;
depart, shades, though to free you, ire there is;
for although I may seem sufficiently prepared,
it takes ten handfuls of caterpillars’ work,
that I may scrape the groin’s trenches and lament
the cunt seething with vermin.

[XLVII]

[47]

Quicunque vestrum, qui venitis ad cenam
libare nullus sustinet mihi versus,
illius uxor aut amica rivalem
lasciviendo languidum, precor, reddat
et ipse longa nocte dormiat solus
libidinosis incitatus erucis.

Whichever of you, who come to dinner to take a taste,
cannot endure a single verse of mine,
may his wife or mistress return him to a rival,
languid from lasciviousness, I pray,
and may he himself sleep alone through the long night,
stung on by lustful caterpillars.

[XLVIII]

[48]

Quod partem madidam mei videtis
per quam significor Priapus esse,
non ros est, mihi crede, nec pruina,
sed quod sponte sua solet remitti,
cum mens est pathicae memor puellae.

That moist part of me which you see
by which I am signified to be Priapus,
it is not dew, believe me, nor hoar-frost,
but that which of its own accord is wont to relax,
when the mind is mindful of a pathic girl.

[XLIX]

[49]

Tu, quicunque vides circa tectoria nostra
non nimium casti carmina plena ioci,
versibus obscaenis offendi desine: non est
mentula subducti nostra supercilii.

You, whoever you are who see around our roof-tiles
songs not too chaste and full of jest,
cease to be offended by obscene verses: it is not
the penis beneath our elevated eyebrow.

[L]

[50]

Quaedam, si placet hoc tibi, Priape,
fucosissima me puella ludit
et nec dat mihi nec negat daturam:
causas invenit usque differendi.
quae si contigerit fruenda nobis,
totam cum paribus, Priape, nostris
cingemus tibi mentulam coronis.

A certain girl, if this pleases you, Priapus,
a most crafty deceiver toys with me
and neither gives me nor refuses that she will give:
she forever finds causes for delaying.
which if it should happen that she be to be enjoyed by us,
we will gird, Priapus, your mentula (penis)
with garlands from all our peers.

[LI]

[51]

Quid hoc negoti est quave suspicer causa
venire in hortum plurimos meum fures,
cum, quisquis in nos incidit, luat poenas
et usque curvos excavetur ad lumbos?
non ficus hic est praeferenda vicinae
uvaeve, quales flava legit Arete,
non mala truncis adserenda Picenis
pirumve, tanto quod periculo captes,
magisve cera luteum nova prunum
sorbumve ventres lubricos moraturum.
praesigne rami nec mei ferunt morum
nucemve longam, quae vocatur † alva
amygdalumve flore purpurae fulgens.

What business is this, or by what suspected cause,
that so many thieves come into my garden,
when whoever falls upon us pays the penalties
and is even dug out up to his curved loins?
This is not a fig to be preferred to the neighbor’s
nor grapes, such as golden Arete gathers,
nor apples to be set upon Picene trunks
or a pear, which you seize at so great a risk,
or rather a new yellow plum with waxy skin
or a service‑tree fruit that would delay slippery stomachs.
Markedly my branches bear neither mulberry
nor the long nut, which is called † alva,
nor the almond shining with a purple flower.

non brassicarum ferre glorior caules
betasve, quantas hortus educet nullus,
crescensve semper in suom caput porrum.
nec seminosas ad cucurbitas quemquam
ad ocimumve cucumeresque humi fusos
venire credo sessilesve lactucas
acresque cepas aliumque furatum,
nec ut salaces nocte tollat erucas
mentamque olentem cum salubribus rutis.
quae cuncta quamvis nostro habemus in saepto,
non pauciora proximi ferunt horti.

i do not boast to bear stalks of brassicas
or beets, as many as no garden may rear,
nor of a leek forever growing into its own head.
nor do I believe that anyone comes to seed‑bearing gourds
or to basil or cucumbers spread upon the ground,
or to seated lettuces or sharp onions and some stolen garlic,
nor that he by night lifts lustful rocket
and fragrant mint together with the salutary rues.
all these things, although we have them in our own hedge,
no fewer do the neighboring gardens bear.

quibus relictis in mihi laboratum
locum venitis, improbissimi fures:
nimirum apertam convolatis ad poenam,
hoc vos et ipsum, quod minamur, invitat.

having left those things behind, you come into the place in which I have labored,
most wicked thieves:
undoubtedly you rush headlong to an open punishment,
this very thing — that which we threaten — invites you.

[LII]

[52]

Heus tu, non bene qui manum rapacem
mandato mihi contines ab horto,
iam primum stator hic libidinosus
alternis et eundo et exeundo
porta te faciet patentiorem.
accedent duo, qui latus tuentur,
pulcre pensilibus peculiati;
qui cum te male foderint iacentem,
ad partis veniet salax asellus
et nil deterius mutuniatus.
quare si sapiet malus, cavebit,
cum tantum sciet esse mentularum.

Hey you, who do not well keep your rapacious hand
away from my garden at my command,
already first this lascivious porter,
coming and going in alternation,
will make you more exposed at the open gate.
Two will approach who guard your flank,
handsomely furnished with pendants;
and when they have badly fucked you while you lie there,
a lecherous little ass will come to your parts
and nothing worse than being given mouth will befall you.
Therefore if the bad man has sense, he will beware,
when he shall know how many penises there are.

[LIII]

[53]

Contentus modico Bacchus solet esse racemo,
cum capiant alti vix cita musta lacus,
magnaque fecundis cum messibus area desit,
in Cereris crines una corona datur.
tu quoque, dive minor, maiorum exempla secutus,
quamvis pauca damus, consule poma boni.

Bacchus is content with a modest raceme,
when the high vats scarce take up the swift must,
and when the great area lacks abundant harvests,
to Ceres one crown is given for her tresses.
you too, lesser divinity, following the exempla of your elders,
although we give few poma, consult the good fruit.

[LIV]

[54]

CD si scribas temonemque insuper addas,
qui medium volt te scindere, pictus erit.

If you write CD and besides add temonem,
he who wishes to cleave you in the middle will be painted.

[LV]

[55]

Credere quis possit? falcem quoque — turpe fateri —
de digitis fures subripuere meis.
nec movet amissi tam me iactura pudorque
quam praebent iustos altera tela metus:
quae si perdidero, patria mutabor, et olim
ille tuos civis, Lampsace, Gallus ero.

Who could believe it? even a sickle — shameful to confess —
thieves slipped from my fingers.
Nor does the loss so much stir me with shame
as the other fears which rightful arms present:
if I lose those, I shall be changed out of my country, and someday
I will be your citizen, Lampsacus, a Gaul.

[LVI]

[56]

Derides quoque, fur, et impudicum
ostendis digitum mihi minanti?
heu heu me miserum — quid ista lignum est
quae me terribilem facit videri?
mandabo domino tamen salaci,
ut pro me velit irrumare fures.

Do you jeer also, thief, and show an impudent
finger to me who threatens?
alas alas wretched me — what is that piece of wood
which makes me seem terrible?
I will yet entrust to a salacious master,
that he may be willing to irrumate the thieves for me.

[LVII]

[57]

Cornix et caries vetusque bustum,
turba putida facta saeculorum,
quae forsan potuisset esse nutrix
Tithoni Priamique Nestorisque,
illis ni pueris anus fuisset,
ne desim sibi, me rogat, fututor.
quid si nunc roget, ut puella fiat?
Si nummos tamen haec habet, puella est.

A crow and rot and an ancient tomb,
a putrid throng made of the ages,
who perhaps could have been nurse
of Tithon, of Priam, and of Nestor,
had she not been an old woman to those boys,
“Do not fail me,” she begs me, “be my fucker.”
What if now she asks that she be made a girl?
If, however, this one has money, she is a girl.

[LVIII]

[58]

Quicunque nostram fur fefellerit curam,
effeminato † imminet procul † dubio;
quaeque hic proterva carpserit manu poma
puella, nullum reperiat fututorem.

Whoever has deceived our charge, the thief, is, beyond doubt, beset by effeminacy;
and the girl who here with wanton hand has plucked the apples
may find no bedfellow.

[LIX]

[59]

Praedictum tibi ne negare possis:
si fur veneris, inpudicus exis.

That which was foretold to you you may not be able to deny:
if you come as a thief, you depart impudent.

[LX]

[60]

Si quot habes versus, tot haberes poma, Priape,
esses antiquo ditior Alcinoo.

If you had as many apples as you have versus, Priapus,
you would be richer than ancient Alcinous.

[LXI]

[61]

Quid frustra quereris, colone, mecum,
quod quondam bene fructuosa malus
autumnis sterilis duobus adstem?
non me praegravat, ut putas, senectus,
nec sum grandine verberata dura,
nec gemmas modo germine exeuntes
seri frigoris ustulavit aura,
nec venti pluviaeve siccitasve,
quod de se quererer, malum dederunt;
non sturnus mihi gracculusve raptor
aut cornix anus aut aquosus anser
aut corvos nocuit siticulosus:
sed quod carmina pessimi poetae
ramis sustineo laboriosis.

Why do you complain in vain, tiller, with me,
that once the apple-tree well-fruiting
stood barren for two autumns in a row?
My old age does not weigh me down, as you suppose,
nor have I been smitten hard by hail,
nor has a harsh breeze scorched the buds just issuing from the shoot,
nor have winds, rains, or drought — which would give me cause to complain — harmed me;
no starling, jackdaw, thieving magpie,
old crow, nor water-loving goose,
nor seed‑pecking crow has done me injury:
but that I bear the verses of the worst poet
upon my toiling branches.

[LXII]

[62]

* * *
* * *
securi dormite, canes: custodiet hortum
cum sibi dilecta Sirius Erigone.

* * *
* * *
sleep secure, dogs: Sirius will guard the garden
when Erigone, beloved of him, is with him.

[LXIII]

[63]

Parum est mihi quod hic fixi † sedem,
agente terra per caniculam rimas
siticulosam sustinemus aestatem;
parum, quod hiemis perfluont sinus imbres
et in capillos grandines cadunt nostros
rigetque dura barba vincta crystallo;
parum, quod acta sub laboribus luce
parem diebus pervigil traho noctem.
huc adde, quod me terribilem † fuste
manus sine arte rusticae dolaverunt,
interque cunctos ultimum deos numen
cucurbitarum ligneus vocor custos.
accedit istis impudentiae signum,
libidinoso tenta pyramis nervo.

It is little to me that here I have fixed my seat †,
while the earth, through the dog-days, drives cracks
we endure a parched, fissured summer;
little that winter’s rains flow through my folds
and hail falls upon our hairs,
and the hard beard stiffens, bound with crystal;
little that, with deeds under labors by daylight,
I draw a watchful night equal to the days.
add to this, that with a dreadful club †
rustic hands, unskilled, have bruised me,
and among all gods I am called the last divinity,
the wooden guardian, the tutelary numen of cucurbits.
to these is joined a sign of impudence,
a pyramid tried with a libidinous cord.

ad hanc puella — paene nomen adieci —
solet venire cum suo fututore,
quae tot figuras, quas Philaenis enarrat,
* * *
non † inventis pruriosa discedat.

to this girl — I have almost added the name —
she is wont to come with her fututor,
who tries so many figures, which Philaenis relates,
* * *
does not, † having found them, depart prurient.

[LXIV]

[64]

Quidam mollior anseris medulla
furatum venit huc amore poenae:
furetur licet usque, non videbo.

A certain man, softer than a goose’s marrow
came here, stolen away by a love of punishment:
let him steal on forever if he will — I will not see.

[LXV]

[65]

Hic tibi qui rostro crescentia lilia morsit,
caeditur e tepida victima porcus hara.
ne tamen extraneum † facias pecus omne, Priape,
horti sit, facias, ianua clausa tui.

Here for you, he who with his beak nibbled the growing lilies,
a pig is slain from the warm victim in the sty.
yet do not make every herd foreign †, Priape,
let it belong to your garden, make your gate closed of you.

[LXVI]

[66]

Tu quae ne videas notam virilem
hinc averteris, ut decet pudicam:
a mirum, nisi quod times videre
intra viscera habere concupiscis.

You who, so that you not see the virile mark,
turn away from here, as befits a pudic woman:
strange, unless because you fear to see that you desire
to have within your viscera.

[LXVII]

[67]

Penelopes primam Didonis prima sequatur
et primam Cadmi syllaba prima Remi,
quodque fit ex illis, tu mi deprensus in horto,
fur, dabis: hac poena culpa luenda tua est.

Let Penelope's first follow Dido's first
and let the first syllable of Cadmus follow the first of Remus,
and whatever is made from those, you — caught by me in the garden,
thief — shall give: by this penalty your fault must be expiated.

[LXVIII]

[68]

Rusticus indocte si quid dixisse videbor,
da veniam: libros non lego, poma lego.
sed rudis hic dominum totiens audire legentem
cogor Homereas edidicique notas.
ille vocat, quod nos psolen, ψολόεντα κεραυνόν,
et quod nos culum, κουλεόν ille vocat.

If I, an unlettered rustic, seem to have said anything,
grant pardon: I do not read books, I read apples.
but this rustic is forced so often to hear his master reading
that I have learned Homeric notations.
he calls what we psolen, ψολόεντα κεραυνόν,
and what we culum, he calls κουλεόν.

μερδαλέον certe si res non munda vocatur,
et pediconum mentula merdalea est.
quod nisi Taenario placuisset Troica cunno
mentula, quod caneret, non habuisset opus.
mentula Tantalidae bene si non nota fuisset,
nil, senior Chryses quod quereretur, erat.

If a thing is called unclean, certainly "merdaleon",
and the sodomites' prick is merdalea.
For if the Trojan prick had not pleased the Taenarian cunna,
the prick, which would sing, would not have had work.
Had the Tantalid's prick not been well known,
there would have been nothing for old Chryses to complain of.

haec eadem socium tenera spoliavit amica,
quaeque erat Aeacidae, maluit esse suam.
ille Pelethroniam cecinit miserabile carmen
ad citharam, cithara tensior ipse sua.
nobilis hinc nata nempe incipit Ilias ira
principiumque sacri carminis illa fuit.

This same tender amica bereft her socius,
and she who was of the Aeacidae preferred to be his own.
He sang a pitiable song to the Pelethronian
to the cithara, himself more tense than his own cithara.
From this noble birth indeed the Iliad’s ira begins,
and she was the commencement and principle of that sacred carmen.

altera materia est error fallentis Vlixei:
si verum quaeras, hanc quoque movit amor.
hic legitur radix, de qua flos aureus exit,
quam cum μωλυ vocat, mentula μωλυ fuit.
hic legimus Circen Atlantiademque Calypson
grandia Dulichii vasa petisse viri.

another materia is the error of deceitful Ulixes:
if you seek the truth, this also was moved by amor.
here is read the radix, from which the golden flos issues,
which, when she calls μωλυ, the mentula was μωλυ.
here we read that Circe and Atlantean Calypso
sought the great vasa of the Dulichian vir.

huius et Alcinoi mirata est filia membrum
frondenti ramo vix potuisse tegi.
ad vetulam tamen ille suam properabat, et omnis
mens erat in cunno, Penelopea, tuo:
quae sic casta manes, ut iam convivia visas
utque fututorum sit tua plena domus.
e quibus ut scires quicunque valentior esset,
haec es ad arrectos verba locuta procos:
'nemo meo melius nervom tendebat Vlixe,
sive illi laterum sive erat artis opus.

even Alcinous’ daughter wondered that the member
could scarcely be covered by a leafy branch. Yet he hurried to his old woman, and all
his mind was in your cunt, Penelope:
may you remain so chaste, as though you already saw the banquets
and that your house be full of those who will fuck. Of these, that you might know which was the stronger,
you spoke these words to the aroused suitors:
'nobody strained a sinew for me better than Ulysses,
whether it was the work of his loins or a matter of skill.'

qui quoniam periit, vos nunc intendite, qualem
esse virum sciero, vir sit ut ille meus.'
hac ego, Penelope, potui tibi lege placere,
illo sed nondum tempore factus eram.

who, since he perished, attend now, you, to what sort of man I may know him to be,
that he be a husband such as my own.'
by this law, Penelope, could I have pleased you,
but I had not yet been made at that time.

[LXIX]

[69]

Cum fici tibi suavitas subibit
et iam porrigere huc manum libebit,
ad me respice, fur, et aestimato,
quot pondo est tibi mentulam cacandum.

When the sweetness of the fig seizes you
and now you will take pleasure in stretching out your hand here,
look back at me, thief, and reckon,
how many pounds your penis is worth to be shat.

[LXX]

[70]

Illusit mihi pauper inquilinus:
cum libum dederat molaque fusa,
carnum partibus additis in ignem,
sacro protinus hinc abit peracto.
vicini canis huc subinde venit
nidorem, puto, persecuta fumi,
quae libamine mentulae comeso
tota nocte mihi litat rigendo.
at vos amplius hoc loco cavete
quicquam ponere, ne famelicorum
ad me turba velit canum venire,
ne dum me colitis meumque numen,
custodes habeatis irrumatos.

A poor tenant mocked me:
when he had given a cake and scattered meal,
having cast meat with added portions on the fire,
straightaway he departed hence with the sacred rite completed.
the neighbor’s dog kept coming here and there
pursuing the odor, I think, of the smoke,
which, as a libation to the phallus, devoured the penis
and all night propitiates me by standing erect.
but you, take greater care in this place
to put nothing at all, lest a throng of hungry
dogs wish to come to me,
lest while you worship me and my divine power,
you have guards that are irrumated.

[LXXI]

[71]

Si commissa meae carpes pomaria curae,
dulcia qui doleam perdere, doctus eris.

If you tend the orchards entrusted to my care,
you will be taught to grieve at the loss of sweet things.

[LXXII]

[72]

Tutelam pomari, diligens Priape, facito:
rubricato furibus minare mutinio.
Quod monear non est, quia, si furaberis ipse
grandia mala, tibi bracchia macra dabo.

Grant guardianship to the orchard, diligent Priapus, make it so:
threaten thieves with a red-marked muzzle.
It is not that I am warned of this; for if you yourself should steal
great goods, I will give you meagre, emaciated arms.

[LXXIII]

[73]

Obliquis quid me, pathicae, spectatis ocellis?
non stat in inguinibus mentula tenta meis.
quae tamen exanimis nunc est et inutile lignum,
utilis haec, aram si dederitis, erit.

Why do you gaze at me askance, O pathic with sidelong eyes?
my prick does not stand erect within my groin, strained by my garments.
which, however, is now lifeless and an useless piece of wood,
this will be useful, if you give it to the altar.

[LXXIV]

[74]

Per medios ibit pueros mediasque puellas
mentula, barbatis non nisi summa petet.

Through the midst it will go among boys and through the midst of girls
the little penis; among the bearded it will seek nothing but the tip.

[LXXV]

[75]

Dodone tibi, Iuppiter, sacrata est,
Iunoni Samos et Mycena ditis,
undae Taenaros aequorumque regi;
Pallas Cecropias tuetur arces,
Delphos Pythius, orbis umbilicum,
Creten Delia Cynthiosque colles,
Faunus Maenalon Arcadumque silvas;
tutela Rhodos est beata Solis,
Gades Herculis umidumque Tibur;
Cyllene celeri deo nivosa,
tardo gratior aestuosa Lemnos;
Hennaeae Cererem nurus frequentant,
raptam Cyzicos ostreosa divam,
formosam Venerem Gnidos Paphosque
* * *

Dodona is sacred to you, Jupiter,
to Juno Samos and wealthy Mycena,
Taenarus to the wave and to the king of the waters;
Pallas guards the Cecropian citadels,
Pythian presides over Delphi, the world’s navel,
Delia over Crete and the Cynthian hills,
Faunus over Maenalus and the Arcadian woods;
Rhodes is the blessed tutelage of the Sun,
Gades to Hercules, and moist Tibur;
snowy Cyllene to the swift god,
Lemnos, hot, more pleasing to the slow god;
the Hennaean brides attend Ceres,
oyster-rich Cyzicus to the abducted goddess,
lovely Venus to Gnidos and Paphos
* * *

[LXXVI]

[76]

* * *
quod sim iam senior meumque canis
cum barba caput albicet capillis:
deprensos ego perforare possum
Tithonum Priamumque Nestoremque.

* * *
that I am now older, and my head whitens with beard and hairs:
I can pierce those taken — Tithonus, Priam, and Nestor.

[LXXVII]

[77]

Immanem stomachum mihi † videtis
qui densam facitis subinde saepem
et fures prohibetis huc adire.
hoc est laedere, dum iuvatis; hoc est
non admittere ad aucupem volucres.
obstructa est via, nec licet iacenti
iactura natis expiare culpam.

You see in me a monstrous stomach (spite),
which you make into a dense hedge again and again,
and forbid thieves to come hither.
this is to wound, while you help; this is
not to admit to the aucupem the birds.
the way is obstructed, nor is it permitted for the lying one
to expiate by the loss of his nates his guilt.

ergo qui prius usque et usque et usque
furum scindere podices solebam,
per noctes aliquot diesque cesso.
poenas do quoque, quot satis superque est,
in semenque abeo salaxque quondam
nunc vitam perago — quis hoc putaret? —
ut clusus citharoedus abstinentem.

therefore I who before was ever and ever and ever
accustomed to rend thieves’ podices (breeches),
now pause through several nights and days.
I also pay penalties, as many as are enough and more,
and into old age I go, once lustful,
now I lead a chaste life — who would have thought this? —
that a shut-up citharoedus should be abstinent.

at vos, ne peream situ senili,
quaeso, desinite esse diligentes
neve imponite fibulam Priapo.

but you, lest I perish of senile wasting, I beg, cease to be so diligent
and do not fasten a fibula upon Priapus.

[LXXVIII]

[78]

At di deaeque dentibus tuis escam
negent, amicae cunnilinge vicinae,
per quem puella fortis ante nec mendax
et quae solebat impigro celer passu
ad nos venire, nunc misella landicae
vix posse iurat ambulare prae fossis.

But may gods and goddesses deny food to your teeth
—neighbor of a friend's cunnilingus—
through whom the once hardy and not-deceitful girl,
and she who was wont with eager, swift step
to come to us, now the poor little country maid
scarce swears that she is able to walk before the ditches.

[LXXIX]

[79]

Priape, quod sis fascino gravis tento,
quod exprobravit hanc tibi suo versu
poeta noster, erubescere hoc noli:
non es poeta fascinosior nostro.

Priapus, that you are heavy with a charm I assert,
that our poet reproached this to you in his verse,
do not be ashamed of this:
you are not a poet more enchanted than ours.

[LXXX]

[80]

At non longa bene est, at non bene mentula crassa
et quam si tractes, crescere posse putes?
me miserum, cupidas fallit mensura puellas:
non habet haec aliud mentula † maius eo.
utilior Tydeus, qui, si quid credis Homero,
ingenio pugnax, corpore parvos erat.
sed potuit damno nobis novitasque pudorque
esse, repellendus saepius iste mihi.

But it is not long in a good way, nor is it good if the prick is thick
— and however you stretch it, would you think it could grow?
Wretched me, a measuring deceives desirous girls:
this prick has nothing else † greater than that.
Tydeus was more serviceable, who, if you believe anything of Homer,
fiery in genius, was small in body.
But novelty and shame could be a harm to us both,
and that thing must be driven off from me oftener.

* * *
* * *

[LXXXI]

[81]

[dum vivis, sperare licet: tu, rustice custos,
huc ades et nervis, tente Priape, fave.]

[while you live, it is permitted to hope: you, rustic guardian,
be present here and with your sinews strive — Priapus, be propitious.]

[LXXXII TIBVLLI(?)]

[82 TIBULLI(?)]

Vilicus aerari quondam, nunc cultor agelli,
haec tibi Perspectus templa, Priape, dico.
pro quibus officiis, si fas est, sancte, paciscor,
assiduus custos ruris ut esse velis,
improbus ut si quis nostrum violabit agellum,
hunc tu, sed tento — scis, puto, quod sequitur.

Once steward of the treasury, now cultivator of a little field,
to you these temples I, Perspectus, speak, O Priapus.
For these services, if it be right, holy one, I entreat,
that you be an assiduous guardian of the farm,
and if some wicked man should violate our little field,
do with him as you — but I refrain; — you know, I think, what follows.

[LXXXIII TIBVLLI(?)]

[83 TIBVLLI(?)]

Quid hoc novi est? quid ira nuntiat deum?
silente nocte candidus mihi puer
tepente cum iaceret abditus sinu,
Venus fuit quieta, nec viriliter
iners senile penis extulit caput.

What new thing is this? what does the anger of a god announce?
in the silent night a fair boy
lay hidden on my warm bosom,
Venus was quiet, nor did the senile penis,
inert in virility, lift up its head.

placet, Priape, qui sub arboris coma
soles, sacrum revincte pampino caput,
ruber sedere cum rubente fascino?
at, o Triphalle, saepe floribus novis
tuas sine arte deligavimus comas
abegimusque voce saepe, cum tibi
senexve corvos impigerve graculus
sacrum feriret ore corneo caput.
vale, nefande destitutor inguinum,
vale, Priape: debeo tibi nihil.

it pleases, Priape, you who beneath the tree's coma
are wont, having bound the sacred head with a pampiniform wreath,
to sit, O red one, with the reddening fascinus?
but, O Triphalle, oft with fresh flowers
we bound your locks without art,
and oft drove them off with a voice, when to you
an old man or an active jackdaw
would strike the sacred head with a corneous beak.
farewell, impious destitutor of the groins,
farewell, Priape: I owe you nothing.

iacebis inter arva pallidus situ,
canisque saeva susque ligneo tibi
lutosus affricabit oblitum latus.
at, o sceleste penis, o meum malum,
gravi piaque lege noxiam lues.
licet querare: nec tibi tener puer
patebit ullus, † imminente qui toro
iuvante verset arte mobilem natem,
puella nec iocosa te levi manu
fovebit apprimetve lucidum femur.

you will lie among the fields, pale with decay,
and a fierce sow, white and swinish, with a wooden touch
will, muddy, smear your forgotten flank.
but, O wicked penis, O my calamity,
by a heavy and pious law you will expiate your guilt.
you may complain: no tender boy will be open to you, † one who, with the bed looming and aiding art,
would turn his supple buttock;
nor will a playful girl cherish you with a light hand
or press your shining thigh.

bidens amica Romuli senis memor
paratur, inter atra cuius inguina
latet iacente pantice abditus specus
vagaque pelle tectus annuo gelu
araneosus obsidet forem situs.
tibi haec paratur, ut tuom ter aut quater
voret profunda fossa lubricum caput.
licebit aeger angue lentior cubes,
tereris usque, donec, a miser miser,
triplexque quadruplexque compleas specum.

A two-toothed companion, mindful of old Romulus, is prepared for you, in whose dark groin a hidden cave lies with a fallen threshold, covered by a wandering hide, beset by annual frost like a web at the doorway’s place.
These things are prepared for you, that you may thrice or four times swallow your slippery head in the deep ditch.
You may, sick and slower than a snake, lie abed; you will be worn away continuously, until, wretched one, thrice and fourfold you fill the cavern.

superbia ista proderit nihil, simul
vagum sonante merseris luto caput.
quid est, iners? pigetne lentitudinis?

That pride will avail nothing, as soon as
you are plunged, your wandering head drowned in sounding mud.
What is it, inert one? Does sluggishness make you repent?

licebit hoc inultus auferas semel:
sed ille cum redibit aureus puer,
simul sonante senseris iter pede,
rigente nervos excubet lubidine
et inquietus inguina arrigat tumor
neque incitare cesset usque dum mihi
Venus iocosa molle ruperit latus.

you may carry this off unpunished once:
but when that golden boy returns,
at the very sound you will have perceived the path by his footstep,
with nerves stiffening he will lie awake with desire
and, restless, will raise a swelling in his groin
and will not cease to urge on until playful Venus has burst my soft side.