Plautus: Mostellaria

TRANIO SERVVS
GRVMIO SERVVS
PHILOLACHES ADVLESCENS
PHILEMATIVM MERETRIX
SCAPHA ANCILLA
CALLIDAMATES ADVLESCENS
DELPHIVM MERETRIX
THEOPROPIDES SENEX
MISARGYRIDES DANISTA
SIMO SENEX
PHANISCVS SERVVS
PINACIVM
SERVI ALII

TRANIO SLAVE
GRUMIO SLAVE
PHILOLACHES ADOLESCENT
PHILEMATIUM COURTESAN
SCAPHA HANDMAID
CALLIDAMATES ADOLESCENT
DELPHIUM COURTESAN
THEOPROPIDES OLD MAN
MISARGYRIDES MONEYLENDER
SIMO OLD MAN
PHANISCUS SLAVE
PINACIUM
OTHER SLAVES

ARGVMENTVM

ARGUMENT

Manu misit emptos suos amores Philolaches
Omnemque absente rem suo absumit patre.
Senem ut revenit ludificatur Tranio:
Terrifica monstra dicit fieri in aedibus
Et inde pridem emigratum. intervenit
Lucripeta faenus faenerator postulans.

Manumitted his purchased love, Philolaches
Out while his father is away, he squanders all his estate.
Soon as the old man returns, he is made sport of by Tranio:
Terrifying portents he says are happening in the house
Else, that long ago it was vacated from there; and there intervenes
Lucre-chaser, an interest-taking usurer, demanding payment.

Ludosque rursum fit senex; nam mutuom
Acceptum dicit pignus emptis aedibus.
Requirit quae sint: ait vicini proxumi.
Inspectat illas.

Ludicrously the old man is made sport of again; for as a loan
A pledge, he says, has been accepted upon the purchased house.
Requests whose they are: he says, the nearest neighbor’s.
Inspects them.

post se derisum dolet,
Ab sui sodale gnati exoratur tamen.

afterward he grieves at having been derided,
And yet he is prevailed upon by his son's comrade.

ACTVS I

ACT 1

I.i
GRVMIO Exi e culina sis foras, mastigia,
qui mi inter patinas exhibes argutias.
egredere, erilis permities, ex aedibus.
ego pol te ruri, si vivam, ulciscar probe.

1.1
GRVMIO Get out of the kitchen, outside, please, you scourge,
you who dish out quibbles among the platters at me.
be off, bane of the master’s household, out of the house.
by Pollux, if I live, I’ll exact proper revenge on you out in the country.

exi, inquam, nidor, e culina. quid lates? 5
TRANIO quid tibi, malum, hic ante aedis clamitatiost?
an ruri censes te esse?

come out, i say, reek, from the kitchen. why do you skulk? 5
TRANIO what, the mischief, is this shouting of yours here before the house?
or do you suppose you are in the countryside?

abscede ab aedibus.
abi rus, abi dierecte, abscede ab ianua.
em, hocine volebas?

recede from the house.
go to the country, go directly, recede from the doorway.
there—was it this you wanted?

GR. Perii. cur me verberas? 9-10
TR. Quia vivis. GR. Patiar.

GR. I have perished. Why do you beat me? 9-10
TR. Because you live. GR. I shall suffer.

sine modo adveniat senex. 11
sine modo venire salvom, quem absentem comes.
TR. Nec veri simile loquere nec verum, frutex,
comesse quemquam ut quisquam absentem possiet.
GR. Tu urbanus vero scurra, deliciae popli, 15
rus mihi tu obiectas?

just let the old man arrive. 11
just let him come safe, whom, though absent, you “accompany.”
TR. You speak neither plausible nor true, shrub, that anyone could have eaten someone who was absent.
GR. You, an urbane scurra, the darling of the people, 15
do you throw the country in my teeth?

sane hoc, credo, Tranio,
quod te in pistrinum scis actutum tradier.
cis hercle paucas tempestates, Tranio,
augebis ruri numerum, genus ferratile.
nunc, dum tibi lubet licetque, pota, perde rem, 20
corrumpe erilem adulescentem optumum;
dies noctesque bibite, pergraecamini,
amicas emite liberate, pascite
parasitos, obsonate pollucibiliter.

surely this, I believe, Tranio,
that you know you’re to be delivered straightway to the mill.
within, by Hercules, a few brief seasons, Tranio,
you’ll swell the count in the countryside, the iron-wearing breed.
now, while it pleases you and you’re permitted, drink, squander the estate, 20
corrupt the master’s most excellent young man;
drink days and nights, go thoroughly Greek,
buy girlfriends, set them free, feed
the parasites, and provision sumptuously for banquets.

haecine mandavit tibi, quom peregre hinc it, senex? 25
hocine modo hic rem curatam offendet suam?
hocine boni esse officium servi existumas,
ut eri sui corrumpat et rem et filium?
nam ego illum corruptum duco, quom his factis studet;
quo nemo adaeque iuventute ex omni Attica 30
antehac est habitus parcus nec magis continens,
is nunc in aliam partem palmam possidet.

Did the old man give you these orders, when he went abroad from here? 25
Is he to find his affairs cared for in this fashion here?
Do you think this is the office of a good slave,
that he should corrupt both his master's estate and his son?
For I reckon him corrupted, since he is eager for these deeds;
than whom no one in all Attica in youth 30
heretofore was held as sparing nor more continent,
he now holds the palm in the opposite direction.

virtute id factum tua et magisterio tuo.
TR. Quid tibi, malum, me aut quid ego agam curatiost?
an ruri quaeso non sunt, quos cures, bovis? 35
lubet potare, amare, scorta ducere.

by your virtue and your instruction.
TR. What the devil is it to you, to care about me or what I do?
or, pray, are there not, in the country, oxen for you to tend? 35
I like to drink, to love, to lead along harlots.

mei tergi facio haec, non tui fiducia.
GR. Quam confidenter loquitur. TR. At te Iuppiter
dique omnes perdant, fu, oboluisti alium.

I take this on my own hide, not from confidence in you.
GR. How confidently he speaks. TR. But may Jupiter and all the gods destroy you—fie, you reek of someone else.

germana inluvies, rusticus, hircus, hara suis,         40
caeno kopron commixte. GR. Quid vis fieri?
non omnes possunt olere unguenta exotica,
si tu oles, neque superiores accumbere
neque tam facetis quam tu vivis victibus.        44-45
tu tibi istos habeas turtures piscis avis,           46
sine me aliato fungi fortunas meas.

native squalor, rustic, he-goat, a sty for swine,         40
mixed with mud and dung. GR. What do you want to be done?
not everyone can smell of exotic unguents,
if you smell of them, nor to recline in the upper places
nor to live on victuals as facetious-dainty as those on which you live.        44-45
you for yourself have those turtledoves, fish, birds,           46
allow me, on garlicked fare, to manage my own fortunes.

tu fortunatu's, ego miser: patiunda sunt.
meum bonum me, te tuom maneat malum.            49-50
TR. Quasi invidere mi hoc videre, Grumio,          51
quia mihi bene est et tibi male est; dignissumumst:
decet me amare et te bubulcitarier,
me victitare pulchre, te miseris modis.
GR. O carnuficium cribrum, quod credo fore,      55
ita te forabunt patibulatum per vias
stimulis <carnufices>, si huc reveniat senex.

you are fortunate, I miserable: things must be endured.
let my good abide with me, your evil your own abide with you.            49-50
TR. As though you envy me this, Grumio,          51
because it is well with me and ill with you; it is most deserved:
it befits me to make love and you to be a cattle-driver,
for me to live handsomely, for you in wretched fashions.
GR. O hangman’s sieve, as I believe will be,      55
so will they bore you, gibbeted, through the streets
with goads the <executioners>, if the old man returns here.

TR. Qui scis, an tibi istuc evenat prius quam mihi?
GR. Quia numquam merui, tu meruisti et nunc meres.
TR. Orationis operam compendi face, 60
nisi te mala re magna mactari cupis.

TR. How do you know whether that may befall you before it befalls me?
GR. Because I have never merited it; you have merited it and now you merit it.
TR. Make your oration’s effort a short-cut, 60
unless you desire to be executed with a great punishment.

GR. Ervom daturin estis, bubus quod feram?
date, si non estis. agite, porro pergite
quoniam occepistis: bibite, pergraecamini,
este, ecfercite vos, saginam caedite. 65
TR. Tace atque abi rus.

GR. Are you about to give vetch, that I may carry it for the cattle? Give, if you are not. Come on, go on further since you’ve begun: drink, go Greek, eat, stuff yourselves, cut into the fattening. 65
TR. Be silent and go off to the country.

ego ire in Piraeum volo,
in vesperum parare piscatum mihi.
ervom tibi aliquis cras faxo ad villam adferat.
quid est?

i want to go to the Piraeus,
to get ready for a fishing for myself toward evening.
i’ll make sure someone tomorrow brings vetch to your villa for you.
what is it?

quid tu me nunc optuere, furcifer?
GR. Pol tibi istuc credo nomen actutum fore. 70
TR. Dum interea sic sit, istuc actutum sino.
GR. Ita est.

why are you now gawking at me, gallows-bird?
GR. By Pollux, I believe that name will be yours forthwith. 70
TR. Meanwhile, let it be so; I allow that forthwith.
GR. So it is.

sed unum hoc scito: nimio celerius
veniet quod noles quam illud, quod cupide petas.
TR. Molestus ne sis nunciam, i rus, te amove.
ne tu [erres] hercle praeterhac mihi non facies moram.— 75
GR. Satin abiit neque quod dixi flocci existumat?

but know this one thing: far more swiftly will what you do not want come than that which you eagerly seek.
TR. Do not be troublesome now; go to the country; remove yourself.
do not [go astray], by Hercules; hereafter you will not cause delay for me.— 75
GR. Has he gone off, and does he value what I said at a straw?

pro di immortales, obsecro vostram fidem,
facite, huc ut redeat noster quam primum senex,
triennium qui iam hinc abest, prius quam omnia
periere, et aedis et ager; qui nisi huc redit, 80
paucorum mensum sunt relictae reliquiae.
nunc rus abibo. nam eccum erilem filium
video, corruptum ex adulescente optumo.—

O immortal gods, I beseech your good faith,
make that our old man return here as soon as possible,
who has now been away from here for three years, before everything
is lost—both house and field; unless he returns here, 80
only the relics of a few months are left.
now I will go to the countryside. For look, the master’s son
I see, corrupted from being a most excellent young man.—

I.ii
PHILOLACHES Recordatus multum et diu cogitavi
argumentaque in pectus institui multa 85
ego, atque in meo corde, si est quod mihi cor,
eam rem volutavi et diu disputavi,
hominem cuius rei, quando natus esset,
similem esse arbitrarer simulacrumque habere:
id repperi iam exemplum. 90
novarum aedium esse arbitror similem ego hominem,
quando natus est. ei rei argumenta dicam.
[atque hoc haud videtur veri simile vobis,
at ego id faciam esse ita ut credatis.

I.ii
PHILOLACHES Having recalled much and long I have cogitated
and I have instituted many arguments into my breast 85
I, and in my heart, if I have what is a heart for me,
I have rolled that matter and long disputed it,
what thing a man, when he was born,
I should think he was like and had a simulacrum of:
that example I have now found. 90
I reckon a man is like a new-built house,
when he is born. I will speak arguments for this matter.
[and this does not seem very likely to you,
but I will make it be so that you believe it.

profecto ita esse ut praedico vera vincam.]              95
atque hoc vosmet ipsi, scio, proinde uti nunc
ego esse autumo, quando dicta audietis
mea, haud aliter id dicetis.
auscultate, argumenta dum dico ad hanc rem:
simul gnaruris vos volo esse hanc rem mecum.      100
aedes quom extemplo sunt paratae, expolitae,
factae probe examussim,
laudant fabrum atque aedes probant, sibi quisque inde exemplum expetunt,
sibi quisque similis volt suas, sumptum operam <non> parcunt suam.
atque ubi illo immigrat nequam homo, indiligens                       105
cum pigra familia, immundus, instrenuos,
hic iam aedibus vitium additur, bonae cum curantur male;
atque illud saepe fit: tempestas venit,
confringit tegulas imbricesque: ibi
dominus indiligens reddere alias nevolt;                110
venit imber, perlavit parietes, perpluont,
tigna putefacit, perdit operam fabri:
nequior factus iam est usus aedium.

surely, that it is so as I foretell, I shall conquer by truths.]              95
and this you yourselves, I know, just as now
I affirm it to be, when you shall hear
my sayings, you will say it not otherwise.
listen, while I state the arguments for this matter:
at the same time I want you to be cognizant of this matter with me.      100
when a house is straightway prepared, polished,
made properly exactly to the rule,
they praise the craftsman and approve the house, each for himself seeks from there an example,
each wants his own similar ones, they do not spare their own expense and effort.
and when into it there moves a worthless man, negligent,                       105
with a sluggish household, unclean, unenergetic,
here now a defect is added to the house, when good ones are cared for badly;
and that often happens: a storm comes,
it breaks the tiles and pantiles: thereupon
the negligent master is unwilling to replace others;                110
rain comes, it thoroughly washes the walls, they let it rain through,
it makes the beams rot, it ruins the craftsman’s work:
the use of the house has now become worse.

atque <ea> haud est fabri culpa, sed magna pars
morem hunc induxerunt: si quid nummo sarciri potest,     115
usque mantant neque id faciunt, donicum
parietes ruont: aedificantur aedes totae denuo.
haec argumenta ego aedificiis dixi; nunc etiam volo
dicere, ut homines aedium esse similis arbitremini.
primumdum parentes fabri liberum sunt:               120
ei fundamentum substruont liberorum;
extollunt, parant sedulo in firmitatem
et ut in usum boni et in speciem~
poplo sint sibique, haud materiae reparcunt
nec sumptus ibi sumptui esse ducunt;          125
expoliunt: docent litteras, iura leges,
sumptu suo et labore
nituntur, ut alii sibi esse illorum similis expetant.

and that is not the craftsman’s fault, but a great many
have introduced this custom: if anything can be patched for a coin,     115
they keep putting it off and do not do it, until
the walls come crashing down: the whole house is built anew.
these arguments I stated about buildings; now I also want
to say, that you may judge men to be like houses.
first of all, parents are the craftsmen of their children:               120
they lay the foundation for their children;
they raise them up, they prepare them diligently for firmness
and so that for good use and for appearance~
they may be for the people and for themselves; they do not spare material
nor do they reckon expense to be expense there;          125
they polish: they teach letters, rights, laws,
at their own expense and labor
they strive, so that others may desire to have children like theirs.

ad legionem cum ita <paratos mittunt>, adminiclum eis danunt
tum iam, aliquem cognatum suom. 130
eatenus. abeunt a fabris. unum ubi emeritum est stipendium,
igitur tum specimen cernitur, quo eveniat aedificatio.

to the legion, when thus they send them prepared, they give them a support;
then at that point, some kinsman of their own. 130
to that extent. they go away from the craftsmen. when one stipend has been earned out,
then therefore the specimen is discerned, what outcome the edification has.

nam ego ad illud frugi usque et probus fui,
in fabrorum potestate dum fui.
postea quom immigravi ingenium in meum, 135
perdidi operam fabrorum ilico oppido.
venit ignavia, ea mihi tempestas fuit,
mi adventu suo grandinem [imbremque] attulit;
haec verecundiam mi et virtutis modum
deturbavit detexitque a me ilico; 140
postilla optigere me neglegens fui.

for I up to that point was frugal and upright,
while I was in the power of the craftsmen.
afterward, when I immigrated into my own disposition, 135
I straightway, utterly, wasted the craftsmen’s effort.
sloth came; that was a tempest for me,
by its arrival it brought me hail and [rain];
this drove off from me modesty and the measure of virtue
and pushed it down and stripped it from me at once; 140
thereafter it befell that I was negligent.

continuo pro imbre amor advenit [in cor meum],
is usque in pectus permanavit, permadefecit cor meum.
nunc simul res, fides, fama, virtus, decus
deseruerunt: ego sum in usu factus nimio nequior.          145
atque edepol ita haec tigna umide <iam> putent: non videor mihi
sarcire posse aedes meas, quin totae perpetuae ruant,
cum fundamento perierint nec quisquam esse auxilio queat.
cor dolet, cum scio ut nunc sum atque ut fui,
quo neque industrior de iuventute erat                           150
<quisquam nec clarior >arte gymnastica:
disco, hastis, pila, cursu, armis, equo
victitabam volup,
parsimonia et duritia discipulinae aliis eram,
optumi quique expetebant a me doctrinam sibi.           155
nunc, postquam nihili sum, id vero meopte ingenio repperi.

straightway, in place of a rainstorm, love arrived [into my heart],
it seeped all the way into my breast, thoroughly drenched my heart.
now at once means, faith, fame, virtue, honor
have deserted me: in practice I am become far too more good-for-nothing.          145
and, by Pollux, thus these beams are moistly rotting <now>: it does not seem to me
that I can patch my house without the whole collapsing outright,
since they have perished to the foundation and no one can be of help.
my heart aches, when I know how I am now and how I was,
than whom among the youth there was none more industrious,                           150
<nor anyone more renowned> in the gymnastic art:
in discus, spears, ball, running, arms, on horseback
I kept winning with delight,
I was for others a model of parsimony and toughness of discipline,
and the very best were seeking instruction from me for themselves.           155
now, since I am worth nothing, I have indeed discovered that by my very own nature.

I.iii
PHILEMATIVM Iam pridem ecastor frigida non lavi magis lubenter
nec quom me melius, mea Scapha, rear esse deficatam.
SC. Eventus rebus omnibus, velut horno messis magna
fuit. PHILEM. Quid ea messis attinet ad meam lavationem? 160
SC. Nihilo plus quam lavatio tua ad messim.

I.iii
PHILEMATIVM By Castor, it’s been a long time since I bathed in cold water more gladly,
nor do I, my Scapha, suppose myself to have ever been better cleansed.
SC. There’s a good outcome to all things, just as this year the harvest
was great. PHILEM. What has that harvest to do with my washing? 160
SC. No more than your washing has to do with the harvest.

PHILOL. O Venus venusta,
haec illa est tempestas mea, mihi quae modestiam omnem
detexit, tectus qua fui; tum mihi Amor et Cupido
in pectus perpluit meum, neque iam umquam optigere possum:
madent iam in corde parietes, periere haec oppido aedis. 165
PHILEM. Contempla, amabo, mea Scapha, satin haec me vestis deceat.
volo me placere Philolachi, meo ocello, meo patrono.
SC. Quin tu te exornas moribus lepidis, quom lepida tute es?
non vestem amatores amant [mulieris], sed vestis fartim.

PHILOL. O Charming Venus,
this is that tempest of mine, which uncovered from me all modesty
under which I was covered; then Love and Cupid
rained clean through into my breast, nor can I ever now get to shelter:
already the walls within my heart are wet; these parts of the house are utterly ruined. 165
PHILEM. Consider, please, my Scapha, whether this dress becomes me enough.
I want to please Philolaches, my little eye, my patron.
SC. Why don’t you deck yourself out with charming manners, since you yourself are charming?
lovers do not love the garment [of the woman], but the stuffing of the garment.

PHILOL. Ita me di ament, lepidast Scapha, sapit scelesta multum. 170
ut lepide omnes mores tenet sententiasque amantum.
PHILEM. Quid nunc? SC. Quid est?

PHILOL. So may the gods love me, Scapha is charming; the rogue is very shrewd. 170
how cleverly she holds all the mores and sentiments of lovers.
PHILEM. What now? SC. What is it?

PHILEM. Quin me aspice et contempla,
ut haec me deceat.
SC. Virtute formae id evenit, te ut deceat quidquid habeas.
PHILOL. Ergo ob istuc verbum te, Scapha, donabo ego hodie aliqui,
neque patiar te istanc gratiis laudasse, quae placet mi. 175
PHILEM. Nolo ego te adsentari mihi.

PHILEM. Why not look at me and contemplate,
how this becomes me.
SC. By the virtue of your form it comes about, that whatever you have suits you.
PHILOL. Therefore for that word I will donate to you, Scapha, something today,
nor will I allow you to have praised her gratis, she who pleases me. 175
PHILEM. I do not want you to assent to me.

SC. Nimis tu quidem stulta es mulier.
eho, mavis vituperarier falso quam vero extolli?
equidem pol vel falso tamen laudari multo malo,
quam vero culpari aut meam speciem alios inridere. 179-180
PHILEM. Ego verum amo, verum volo dici mihi: mendacem odi. 181
SC. Ita tu me ames, ita Philolaches tuos te amet, ut venusta es.
PHILOL. Quid ais, scelesta?

SC. You indeed are too
foolish, woman.
hey, do you prefer to be vituperated falsely rather than truly extolled?
for my part, by Pollux, even falsely, nevertheless to be lauded I much prefer,
than truly to be blamed or that others deride my appearance. 179-180
PHILEM. I love the truth, I want the truth to be said to me: I hate a liar. 181
SC. So may you love me, so may your Philolaches love you, as you are charming.
PHILOL. What are you saying, you wretch?

quo modo adiurasti? ita ego istam amarem?
quid istaec me, id cur non additum est?

In what way did you swear? ‘So may I love that one?’
what is that to me—why was that not added?

infecta dona facio.
periisti: quod promiseram tibi donum, perdidisti. 185
SC. Equidem pol miror tam catam, tam docilem te et bene doctam
nunc stultam stulte facere. PHILEM. Quin mone quaeso, si quid erro.

I make the gifts undone.
You’re finished: the gift which I had promised to you, you have lost. 185
SC. Indeed, by Pollux, I marvel that you, so shrewd, so docile and well taught,
now, foolish, do foolishly. PHILEM. Why not warn me, I beg, if I err in anything.

SC. Tu ecastor erras, quae quidem illum expectes unum atque illi
morem praecipue sic geras atque alios asperneris.
matronae, non meretricium est unum inservire amantem. 190
PHILOL. Pro Iuppiter, nam quod malum versatur meae domi illud?
di deaeque me omnes pessumis exemplis interficiant,
nisi ego illam anum interfecero siti fameque atque algu.

SC. By Castor, you are in error, you who indeed wait for him alone and thus especially humor him and spurn the others.
it is a matron’s, not a meretricious, thing to serve a single lover. 190
PHILOL. By Jupiter, what plague is that that is afoot at my house?
may all the gods and goddesses put me to death with the worst examples, unless I kill that old woman with thirst and hunger and cold.

PHILEM. Nolo ego mihi male te, Scapha, praecipere. SC. Stulta es plane,
quae illum tibi aeternum putes fore amicum et benevolentem. 195
moneo ego te: te ille deseret aetate et satietate.
PHILEM. Non spero.

PHILEM. I do not want you to give me bad advice, Scapha. SC. You are plainly foolish,
you who think that he will be for you an eternal friend and benevolent. 195
I warn you: that man will desert you on account of age and satiety.
PHILEM. I do not expect it.

SC. Insperata accidunt magis saepe quam quae speres.
postremo, si dictis nequis perduci, ut vera haec credas
mea dicta, ex factis nosce rem. vides quae sim; et quae fui ante.

SC. Unexpected things happen more often than those you hope for.
Lastly, if you cannot be led by words to believe that these my words are true, from deeds know the matter.
you see what I am; and what I was before.

nihilo ego quam nunc tu *** amata sum; atque uni modo gessi morem: 200
qui pol me, ubi aetate hoc caput colorem commutavit,
reliquit deseruitque me. tibi idem futurum credo.
PHILOL. Vix comprimor, quin involem illi in oculos stimulatrici.
PHILEM. Solam ille me soli sibi suo <sumptu> liberavit:
illi me soli censeo esse oportere opsequentem. 205
PHILOL. Pro di immortales, mulierem lepidam et pudico ingenio.

I was *** loved*** no more than you are now; and I complied only with one: 200
who, by Pollux, when age changed the color of this head,
left and deserted me. I believe the same will be in store for you.
PHILOL. I am scarcely restrained from flying at the eyes of that instigatrix.
PHILEM. He alone freed me for himself alone at his own <expense>:
I reckon that I ought to be obsequious to him alone. 205
PHILOL. O immortal gods, what a charming woman, and with a modest nature.

bene hercle factum et gaudeo mihi nihil esse huius causa.
SC. Inscita ecastor tu quidem es. PHILEM. Quapropter? SC. Quae istuc <cures>,
ut te ille amet.

well, by Hercules, well done, and I rejoice that nothing of this is my concern on her account.
SC. By Castor, you indeed are ignorant. PHILEM. For what reason? SC. That you <cures> that,
so that he may love you.

PHILEM. Cur obsecro non curem? SC. Libera es iam.
tu iam quod quaerebas habes: ille te nisi amabit ultro, 210
id pro tuo capite quod dedit perdiderit tantum argenti.

PHILEM. Why, I pray, should I not care? SC. You are free now.
you now have what you were seeking: unless he loves you of his own accord, 210
he will have lost that amount of silver which he gave for your head.

PHILOL. Perii hercle, ni ego illam pessumis exemplis enicasso.
illa hanc corrumpit mulierem malesuada ~ vitilena.
PHILEM. Numquam ego illi possum gratiam referre ut meritust de me.
Scapha, id tu mihi ne suadeas, ut illum minoris pendam. 215
SC. At hoc unum facito cogites: si illum inservibis solum
dum tibi nunc haec aetatulast, in senecta male querere.

PHILOL. I am undone, by Hercules, unless I finish her off with the worst exemplary punishments.
that woman is corrupting this woman—an ill-persuading vice-procuress.
PHILEM. Never could I repay him the favor as he has merited from me.
Scapha, do not you urge me to value him at a lesser rate. 215
SC. But see that you think on this one thing: if you will serve him alone
while now this age is yours, in old age you will complain miserably.

PHILOL. In anginam ego nunc me velim verti, ut veneficae illi
fauces prehendam atque enicem scelestam stimulatricem.
PHILEM. Eundem animum oportet nunc mihi esse gratum, ut impetravi, 220
atque olim, prius quam id extudi, quom illi subblandiebar.
PHILOL. Divi me faciant quod volunt, ni ob istam orationem
te liberasso denuo et ni Scapham enicasso.

PHILOL. I would now wish to turn myself into a strangling-angina, so that I may seize that witch’s throat and slay the wicked instigatrix.
PHILEM. I ought to have the same grateful spirit now that I have impetrated it, 220
as once, before I beat it out, when I was blandishing him.
PHILOL. Let the gods do with me what they will, unless for that speech
I free you anew and unless I make away with Scapha.

SC. Si tibi sat acceptum est fore tibi victum sempiternum
atque illum amatorem tibi proprium futurum in vita, 225
soli gerundum censeo morem et capiundas crines.
PHILEM. Vt fama est homini, exin solet pecuniam invenire.
ego si bonam famam mihi servasso, sat ero dives.

SC. If it is acceptable enough to you that you shall have an everlasting livelihood,
and that that lover shall be your own for life, 225
I judge that deference should be shown to him alone, and that you have your tresses done.
PHILEM. As a man’s reputation is, thereafter he is wont to find money.
if I shall have kept a good reputation for myself, I shall be rich enough.

PHILOL. Siquidem hercle vendundust pater, venibit multo potius,
quam te me vivo umquam sinam egere aut mendicare. 230
SC. Quid illis futurum est ceteris qui te amant? PHILEM. Magis amabunt,
quom <me> videbunt gratiam referre <bene mere>nti.
PHILOL. Vtinam nunc meus emortuos pater ad me nuntietur,
ut ego exheredem meis bonis me faciam atque haec sit heres.

PHILOL. If, by Hercules, father must be sold, he will be sold far sooner, than I will ever, while I live, allow you to be in want or to beg. 230
SC. What will become of the others who love you? PHILEM. They will love me more,
when they see me returning favor to one who has deserved well.
PHILOL. Would that my father were now reported to me as dead,
so that I may make myself disinherited of my goods and that this girl be the heir.

SC. Iam ista quidem absumpta res erit: dies noctesque estur bibitur, 235
neque quisquam parsimoniam adhibet: sagina plane est.
PHILOL. In te hercle certumst principe ut sim parcus experiri,
nam neque edes quicquam neque bibes apud me his decem diebus.
PHILEM. Si quid tu in illum bene voles loqui, id loqui licebit:
nec recte si illi dixeris, iam ecastor vapulabis. 240
PHILOL. Edepol si summo Iovi bovi eo argento sacruficassem,
pro illius capite quod dedi, numquam aeque id bene locassem.

SC. By now that matter will indeed be spent: days and nights there is eating and drinking, 235
and no one applies parsimony: it is sheer stuffing.
PHILOL. By Hercules, it’s settled to try being sparing on you first and foremost,
for you will neither eat anything nor drink at my place for these ten days.
PHILEM. If you wish to speak anything well of him, it will be permitted to say that:
but if you speak not rightly to him, by Castor you’ll get a beating at once. 240
PHILOL. By Pollux, if I had sacrificed to Highest Jove a cow with that silver,
for the price of his head which I paid, I would never have invested it so well.

videas eam medullitus me amare. oh, probus homo sum:
quae pro me causam diceret, patronum liberavi.
SC. Video te nihili pendere prae Philolache omnis homines. 245
nunc, ne eius causa vapulem, tibi potius adsentabor.

you may see that she loves me to the marrow. oh, I am a man of probity:
I freed her, as a patron, the one who would plead a cause on my behalf.
SC. I see you value all men at nothing in comparison with Philolaches. 245
now, lest I get a beating on his account, I will rather assent to you.

[si acceptum sat habes, tibi fore illum amicum sempiternum.]
PHILEM. Cedo mi speculum et cum ornamentis arculam actutum, Scapha,
ornata ut sim, quom huc adveniat Philolaches voluptas mea.
SC. Mulier quae se suamque aetatem spernit, speculo ei usus est: 250
quid opust speculo tibi, quae tute speculo speculum es maxumum?
PHILOL. Ob istuc verbum, ne nequiquam, Scapha, tam lepide dixeris,
dabo aliquid hodie peculi tibi, Philematium mea.

[If you have it entered as received enough, he will be to you a sempiternal friend.]
PHILEM. Hand me the mirror and the little casket with the ornaments at once, Scapha,
so that I may be adorned when my delight Philolaches arrives here.
SC. A woman who spurns herself and her age, for her there is use in a mirror: 250
what need have you of a mirror, you who yourself are for a mirror the greatest mirror?
PHILOL. For that remark, so that you may not have spoken so wittily in vain, Scapha,
I will give you today something of peculium, my Philematium.

PHILEM. Suo quique loco (viden?) capillus satis compositust commode.
SC. Vbi tu commoda es, capillum commodum esse credito. 255
PHILOL. Vah, quid illa pote peius quicquam muliere memorarier?
nunc adsentatrix scelesta est, dudum adversatrix erat.

PHILEM. Each in its proper place (do you see?), my hair is arranged quite neatly.
SC. Where you are becoming, believe your hair to be becoming. 255
PHILOL. Faugh, what worse thing could be mentioned than that woman?
now she is a wicked flatteress; a little while ago she was a contradictress.

PHILEM. Cedo cerussam. SC. Quid cerussa opust nam? PHILEM. Qui malas
oblinam.

PHILEM. Hand me the ceruse. SC. What need is there of ceruse, then? PHILEM. So that my cheeks
I may smear.

SC. Vna opera ebur atramento candefacere postules.
PHILOL. Lepide dictum de atramento atque ebore. euge, plaudo Scaphae. 260
PHILEM. Tum tu igitur cedo purpurissum.

SC. With the same effort you might demand to make ivory dazzling-white with ink.
PHILOL. Neatly said about the ink and the ivory. Bravo, I applaud Scapha. 260
PHILEM. Then, therefore, hand over the rouge.

SC. Non do. scita es tu quidem.
nova pictura interpolare vis opus lepidissimum?
non istanc aetatem oportet pigmentum ullum attingere,
neque cerussam neque melinum, neque aliam ullam offuciam.

SC. I won’t give. you are clever indeed.
with a new painting you want to interpolate a most charming work?
no pigment at all ought to touch that complexion,
neither cerussa (white lead) nor melinum (Melian white), nor any other cosmetic cover‑up.

PHILEM. Cape igitur speculum. PHILOL. Ei mihi misero, savium speculo 265
dedit.
nimis velim lapidem, qui ego illi speculo diminuam caput.

PHILEM. So then, take the mirror. PHILOL. Alas for wretched me, a kiss to the mirror 265
she gave.
I would very much like a stone, with which I might diminish that mirror’s head.

SC. Linteum cape atque exterge tibi manus. PHILEM. Quid ita, obsecro?
SC. Vt speculum tenuisti, metuo ne olant argentum manus:
ne usquam argentum te accepisse suspicetur Philolaches.

SC. Take a linen cloth and wipe your hands. PHILEM. Why so, I beseech?
SC. As you held the mirror, I fear lest your hands smell of silver:
lest anywhere Philolaches suspect that you have accepted silver.

PHILOL. Non videor vidisse lenam callidiorem ullam alteras. 270
ut lepide atque astute in mentem venit de speculo malae.
PHILEM. Etiamne unguentis unguendam censes? SC. Minime feceris.

PHILOL. I do not seem to have seen any procuress craftier than that one. 270
how neatly and astutely it came into that bad woman’s mind about the mirror.
PHILEM. Do you think she should be anointed with unguents as well? SC. By no means do it.

PHILEM. Quapropter? SC. Quia ecastor mulier recte olet, ubi nihil olet.
nam istae veteres, quae se unguentis unctitant, interpoles,
vetulae, edentulae, quae vitia corporis fuco occulunt, 275
ubi sese sudor cum unguentis consociavit, ilico
itidem olent, quasi cum una multa iura confudit cocus.

PHILEM. Why so? SC. Because, by Castor, a woman smells right when she smells of nothing at all.
for those old ones, who keep anointing themselves with unguents, the refurbishers,
little old women, toothless, who conceal the vices of the body with cosmetic paint, 275
when sweat has associated itself with the unguents, straightaway
they smell the same as when a cook has confounded many sauces into one.

quid olant nescias, nisi id unum, ~ ni male olere intellegas.
PHILOL. Vt perdocte cuncta callet. nihil hac docta doctius.

you would not know what they smell of, except this one thing, ~ unless you understand that they smell bad.
PHILOL. How most learnedly she is expert in all things. Nothing is more learned than this learned one.

verum illud esse maxima adeo pars vestrorum intellegit, 280
quibus anus domi sunt uxores, quae vos dote meruerunt.
PHILEM. Agedum contempla aurum et pallam, satin haec <me> deceat, Scapha.
SC. Non me istuc curare oportet.

but so very great a part of your number understands that that is true, 280
you whose wives at home are old women, who have earned you by a dowry.
PHILEM. Come then, look at the gold and the mantle; do these suit <me> enough, Scapha?
SC. It is not proper for me to care about that.

PHILEM. Quem obsecro igitur? SC. Eloquar:
Philolachem, is ne quid emat, nisi quod sibi placere censeat.                284-285
[nam amator meretricis mores sibi emit auro et purpura.]                      286
quid opust, quod suom esse nolit, ei ultro ostentarier?
[purpura aetati occultandaest, aurum turpi mulieri.]
pulchra mulier nuda erit quam purpurata pulchrior:
[poste nequiquam exornata est bene, si morata est male.     290
pulchrum ornatum turpes mores peius caeno conlinunt.]
nam si pulchra est, nimis ornata est.

PHILEM. Whom, I beg, then? SC. I will speak:
Philolaches, that he buy nothing unless he judges it to please himself.                284-285
[for a lover of a meretrix buys for himself her mores with gold and purple.]                      286
what need is there that what he does not wish to be his be proffered to him unasked?
[purple ought to be hidden from youth, gold from an ugly woman.]
a beautiful woman will be more beautiful nude than purple-clad:
[afterwards she is adorned well in vain, if she is ill-mannered.     290
foul mores smear fair adornment worse than mud.]
for if she is beautiful, she is over-ornate.

PHILOL. Nimis diu abstineo manum.
quid hic vos agitis? PHILEM. Tibi me exorno ut placeam.

PHILOL. I have too long held back my hand.
what are you all doing here? PHILEM. I adorn myself for you so that I may please.

PHILOL. Ornata es
satis.
abi tu hinc intro atque ornamenta haec aufer. sed, voluptas mea,
mea Philematium, potare tecum conlibitum est mihi. 295
PHILEM. Et edepol mihi tecum, nam quod tibi libet idem mihi libet,
mea voluptas.

PHILOL.
You are adorned
enough.
You go inside from here and take away these ornaments. But, my delight,
my Philematium, I have a mind to drink with you. 295
PHILEM. And, by Pollux, with you I too; for what pleases you pleases me likewise,
my delight.

PHILOL. Em istuc verbum vile est viginti minis.
PHILEM. Cedo, amabo, decem: bene emptum tibi dare hoc verbum volo.
PHILOL. Etiam nunc decem minae apud te sunt; vel rationem puta.

PHILOL. There—that word is cheap at twenty minae.
PHILEM. Come now, please, make it ten: I want to let you have this word as a good buy.
PHILOL. Even now ten minae are with you; or reckon it on the account.

triginta minas pro capite tuo dedi. PHILEM. Cur exprobras? 300
PHILOL. Egone id exprobrem, qui mihimet cupio id opprobrarier?
nec quicquam argenti locavi iam diu usquam aeque bene.

I paid thirty minae for your head. PHILEM. Why do you reproach me? 300
PHILOL. I, to reproach that, I who desire to have that made an opprobrium to myself?
nor have I for a long time put out any money anywhere equally well.

PHILEM. Certe ego, quod te amo, operam nusquam melius potui ponere.
PHILOL. Bene igitur ratio accepti atque expensi inter nos convenit:
tu me amas, ego te amo; merito id fieri uterque existimat. 305
haec qui gaudent, gaudeant perpetuo suo semper bono;
qui invident, ne umquam eorum quisquam invideat prosus commodis.
PHILEM. Age accumbe igitur.

PHILEM. Surely I, because I love you, could nowhere have placed my effort better.
PHILOL. Well then, the account of receipts and expenditures between us agrees:
you love me, I love you; each thinks that this is done deservedly. 305
let those who rejoice in these things rejoice perpetually in their own enduring good;
as for those who envy, may none of them ever envy at all the advantages.
PHILEM. Come then, recline.

cedo aquam manibus, puere, appone hic mensulam.
vide, tali ubi sint. vin unguenta?

bring water for the hands, boy, set the little table here.
see, where the knucklebones are. do you want unguents?

PHILOL. Quid opust? cum stacta accubo.
sed estne hic meus sodalis, qui huc incedit cum amica sua? 310
is est, Callidamates cum amica incedit.

PHILOL. What need is there? I recline with stacte.
But is that my comrade, who is coming here with his girlfriend? 310
It is: Callidamates is walking with his girlfriend.

euge, oculus meus,
conveniunt manuplares eccos: praedam participes petunt.

Bravo, my eye,
the manipulars are gathering—look, there they are: they seek the plunder as participants.

I.iv
CALLIDAMATES Adversum veniri mihi ad Philolachetem
volo temperi. audi, em tibi imperatum est.
nam illi ubi fui, inde effugi foras, 315
ita me ibi male convivi sermonisque taesumst.

1.4
CALLIDAMATES I want to come to meet Philolaches in good time.
listen—look, it’s been ordered to you. for when I was with him, from there I fled outside, 315
I was so sick there of the convivium and the sermonizing.

nunc comissatum ibo ad Philolachetem,
ubi nos hilari ingenio et lepide accipient.
ecquid tibi videor mammamadere?
DELPHIVM Semper istoc modo. 320
moratu's tu te. <ire huc> debebas.

now I will go carousing to Philolaches,
where they will receive us with a cheerful disposition and wittily.
do I seem to you wet-from-the-breast?
DELPHIVM Always in that way. 320
you have delayed yourself. you ought <to come here>.

CALL. Visne ego te ac tu me amplectare?
DEL. Si tibi cordi est facere, licet. CALL. Lepida es.
duc me amabo.

CALL. Do you wish that I embrace you and you embrace me?
DEL. If it is to your heart to do so, you may. CALL. You’re charming.
lead me, please.

DEL. Cave ne cadas, asta.
CALL. O — o — ocellus meus, tuos sum alumnus, mel meum. 325
DEL. Cave modo, ne prius in via accumbas,
quam illi, ubi lectus est stratus, concumbimus.
CALL. Sine, sine cadere me. DEL. Sino, sed hoc, quod mi in manu est:
si cades, non cades quin cadam tecum.

DEL. Beware you don’t fall; stand firm.
CALL. O—o— my little eye, I am your alumnus, my honey. 325
DEL. Only beware, lest you recline on the road first,
before we, with them, where the couch is spread, lie down.
CALL. Let, let me fall. DEL. I let you, but this, what I have in my hand:
if you fall, you shall not fall without my falling with you.

CALL. Iacentis tollet postea nos ambos aliquis. 330
DEL. Madet homo. CALL. Tun me ais mammamadere?
DEL. Cedo manum, nolo equidem te adfligi.

CALL. Someone will lift us both up later as we lie. 330
DEL. The man is soaked. CALL. Do you say that I—ma-ma—am wet?
DEL. Give me your hand, indeed I do not want you to be afflicted.

CALL. Em tene. DEL. Age, i simul. CALL. Quo ego eam?

CALL. Here, hold. DEL. Come on, go along together. CALL. Where am I to
go?

DEL. An <ne>scis?
CALL. Scio, in mentem venit modo:
nempe domum eo comissatum. 335
DEL. Immo, istuc quidem. CALL. Iam memini. 335a
PHILOL. Num non vis me obviam his ire, anime mi?
illi ego ex omnibus optume volo.

DEL. Don’t you know?
CALL. I know, it just came to mind:
namely I’m going home for a comissation. 335
DEL. Yes, that indeed. CALL. Now I remember. 335a
PHILOL. Don’t you want me to go to meet them, my dear?
of all people, I wish them the very best.

iam revertar. PHILEM. Diu est iam id mihi.
CALL. Ecquis hic est?

I will return now. PHILEM. It's been a long while for me already.
CALL. Is anyone here?

PHILOL. Adest. CALL. Eu, Philolaches,
salve, amicissime mi omnium hominum. 340
PHILOL. Di te ament. accuba, Callidamates.

PHILOL. He’s here. CALL. Ah, Philolaches,
greetings, my dearest friend of all men. 340
PHILOL. May the gods love you. Recline, Callidamates.

unde agis te? CALL. Vnde homo ebrius probe.
PHILEM. Quin amabo accubas, Delphium mea?
da illi quod bibat.

whence are you coming? CALL. From where a properly drunk man does.
PHILEM. Please, won’t you recline, my Delphium? Give him something to drink.

CALL. Dormiam ego iam.
PHILOL. Num mirum aut novom quippiam facit? 345
DEL. Quid ego hoc faciam postea? PHILEM. Mea, sic sine eumpse.

CALL. I’ll sleep now.
PHILOL. Is that any wonder or anything new? 345
DEL. What am I to do with this afterward? PHILEM. My dear, just leave him as he is.

age tu interim da ab Delphio cito cantharum circum.

come now, you meanwhile, quickly fetch from Delphio the cantharus, pass it round.

ACTVS II

ACT 2

II.i
TRANIO Iuppiter supremus summis opibus atque industriis
me periisse et Philolachetem cupit erilem filium.
occidit Spes nostra, nusquam stabulum est Confidentiae, 350
nec Salus nobis saluti iam esse, si cupiat, potest:
ita mali, maeroris montem maximum ad portum modo
conspicatus sum: erus advenit peregre, periit Tranio.
ecquis homo est, qui facere argenti cupiat aliquantum lucri,
qui hodie sese excruciari meam vicem possit pati? 355
ubi sunt isti plagipatidae, ferritribaces viri,
vel isti qui hosticas trium nummum causa subeunt sub falas,
ubi quinis aut denis hastis corpus transfigi solet?

2.i
TRANIO Supreme Jupiter, with utmost resources and industries,
desires that I have perished—and Philolaches, the master’s son, as well.
Our Hope has fallen; nowhere is there a stable for Confidence; 350
nor can Salvation be for salvation to us now, even if she should wish:
so great an evil—of grief the greatest mountain—I have just espied by the harbor:
the master has come from abroad; Tranio is done for.
Is there any man who would wish to make some profit of silver,
who today could endure to be excruciated in my stead? 355
Where are those lash-sufferers, iron-brawned men,
or those who for the sake of three coins go beneath hostile gallows-forks,
where the body is accustomed to be transfixed with five or with ten spears?

ego dabo ei talentum, primus qui in crucem excucurrerit;
sed ea lege, ut offigantur bis pedes, bis bracchia. 360
ubi id erit factum, a me argentum petito praesentarium.
sed ego — sumne infelix, qui non curro curriculo domum?
PHILOL. <Adest> adest opsonium.

I will give him a talent, the first who runs out to the cross;
but on this condition, that the feet be nailed twice, the arms twice. 360
when that has been done, ask from me the ready silver on the spot.
but I—am I unlucky, that I am not running home at full tilt?
PHILOL. <Is here> the relish is here.

eccum Tranio a portu redit.
TR. Philolaches. PHILOL. Quid est?

Look, Tranio returns from the port.
TR. Philolaches. PHILOL. What is it?

TR. <Et> ego et tu — PHILOL. Quid
et ego et tu? TR. Periimus.
PHILOL. Quid ita? TR. Pater adest.

TR. <And> I and you — PHILOL. What
I and you? TR. We perish.
PHILOL. Why so? TR. Father is here.

PHILOL. Quid ego ex te audio? 365
TR. Absumpti sumus.
pater inquam tuos venit. PHILOL. Vbi is est, obsecro?

PHILOL. What
am I hearing from you? 365
TR. We are done for.
father, I say, has come. PHILOL. Where is he, I beseech?

TR. *** adest.
PHILOL. Quis id ait? quis vidit?

TR. *** is here.
PHILOL. Who says that? Who has seen?

TR. Egomet inquam vidi. PHILOL. Vae mihi.
quid ego ago?

TR. I myself saw, I say. PHILOL. Woe is me.
what am I to do?

TR. Nam quid tu, malum, me rogitas quid agas? accubas.
PHILOL. Tutin vidisti?

TR. For why, the mischief, do you ask me what you’re doing? You are reclining.
PHILOL. Did you see for certain?

TR. Egomet, inquam. PHILOL. Certe? TR. <Certe>
inquam.

TR. I myself, I say. PHILOL. Certainly? TR. <Certainly>
I say.

PHILOL. Occidi,
si tu vera memoras. TR. Quid mihi sit boni, si mentiar? 370
PHILOL. Quid ego nunc faciam? TR. Iube haec hinc omnia amolirier.

PHILOL. I am undone,
if you recount true things. TR. What good may there be to me, if I lie? 370
PHILOL. What am I to do now? TR. Order all these things to be removed from here.

quis istic dormit? PHILOL. Callidamates. TR. Suscita istum, Delphium.

who is sleeping there? PHILOL. Callidamates. TR. Rouse that fellow, Delphium.

DEL. Callidamates, Callidamates, vigila. CALL. Vigilo, cedo [ut] bibam.
DEL. Vigila.

DEL. Callidamates, Callidamates, wake up. CALL. I’m awake, come on, let me drink.
DEL. Stay awake.

pater advenit peregre Philolachis. CALL. Valeat pater.
PHILOL. Valet ille quidem, atque <ego> disperii.

Philolaches, your father has arrived from abroad. CALL. Let father fare well.
PHILOL. He is well indeed, and I have perished.

CALL. Bis periisti? 375
qui potest?
PHILOL. Quaeso edepol, exsurge; pater advenit. CALL. Tuos venit pater?

CALL. Have you perished twice? 375
how can that be?
PHILOL. Please, by Pollux, get up; father has arrived. CALL. Has your father come?

iube abire rursum. quid illi reditio etiam huc fuit?
PHILOL. Quid ego agam?

Bid him go away again. Why was there even a return hither for him?
PHILOL. What am I to do?

pater iam hic me offendet miserum adveniens ebrium,
aedis plenas convivarum et mulierum. miserum est opus,
igitur demum fodere puteum, ubi sitis fauces tenet; 380
sicut ego adventu patris nunc quaero quid faciam miser.
TR. Ecce autem <iterum> hic deposivit caput et dormit.

my father will now catch me here, wretched, arriving to find me drunk,
a house full of banqueters and women. it is a miserable business,
then at last to dig a well, when thirst holds the throat; 380
just so I, at my father’s arrival, now seek what I should do, wretch that I am. TR. Look, however, he has laid down his head here and is sleeping.

suscita.
PHILOL. Etiam vigilas? pater, inquam, aderit iam hic meus.

rouse him.
PHILOL. Are you still awake? Father, I say, my father will be here right away.

CALL. Ain tu,
pater?
cedo soleas mihi, ut arma capiam. iam pol ego occidam patrem.

CALL. Do you say so,
father?
hand over the sandals to me, that I may take up arms. Now, by Pollux, I will slay my father.

PHILOL. Perdis rem. DEL. Tace, amabo. TR. Abripite hunc intro 385
actutum inter manus.

PHILOL. You are ruining the affair. DEL. Be silent, please. TR. Carry him off inside 385
forthwith, in your hands.

CALL. Iam hercle ego vos pro matula habebo, nisi mihi matulam datis.
PHILOL. Perii. TR. Habe bonum animum: ego istum lepide medicabo metum.

CALL. Now, by Hercules, I’ll use you as a chamber-pot, unless you give me a chamber-pot.
PHILOL. I’m done for. TR. Take heart: I’ll cleverly doctor that fear.

PHILOL. Nullus sum. TR. Taceas: ego qui istaec sedem meditabor tibi.
satin habes, si ego advenientem ita patrem faciam tuom,
non modo ne intro eat, verum etiam ut fugiat longe ab aedibus? 390
vos modo hinc abite intro atque haec hinc propere amolimini.

PHILOL. I am nothing. TR. Be quiet: I will meditate the setup for this for you.
are you satisfied, if I make your father, as he arrives, in such a way
not only that he not go inside, but even that he flee far from the house? 390
you all just go away inside from here and quickly remove these things from here.

PHILOL. Vbi ego ero? TR. Vbi maxime esse vis: cum hac, cum istac eris.
DEL. Quid si igitur abeamus hinc nos?

PHILOL. Where will I be? TR. Where you most wish to be: with this one, with that one you will be.
DEL. What if, then, we depart from here?

TR. Non hoc longe, Delphium.
nam intus potate hau tantillo hac quidem causa minus.
PHILOL. Ei mihi, quam istaec blanda dicta quo evenant madeo metu. 395
TR. Potin animo ut sis quieto et facias quod iubeo?

TR. Not far off, Delphium.
for drink inside; not a whit the less for this very cause.
PHILOL. Alas for me, how those bland words—to what they eventuate—I am drenched with fear. 395
TR. Can you be with a quiet mind and do what I order?

PHILOL. Potest.
TR. Omnium primum, Philematium, intro abi, et tu, Delphium.
DEL. Morigerae tibi erimus ambae.— TR. Ita ille faxit Iuppiter.

PHILOL. It can be.
TR. First of all, Philematium, go inside, and you, Delphium, too.
DEL. We will both be compliant to you.— TR. So may Jupiter do it.

animum advorte nunciam tu quae volo accurarier.
omnium primumdum aedes iam face occlusae sient; 400
intus cave muttire quemquam siveris. PHILOL. Curabitur.

Turn your mind right now to making sure the things I want are more carefully attended to.
First of all, see that the house is now shut up; 400
inside, take care that you allow no one to mutter a word. PHILOL. It will be cared for.

TR. Tamquam si intus natus nemo in aedibus habitet. PHILOL. Licet.
TR. Neu quisquam responset, quando hasce aedis pultabit senex.

TR. As though no one born within were inhabiting the house. PHILOL. It is permitted.
TR. And let no one respond, when the old man knocks at this house.

PHILOL. Numquid aliud? TR. Clavem mi harunc aedium Laconicam
iam iube efferri intus: hasce ego aedis occludam hinc foris.               405
PHILOL. In tuam custodelam meque et meas spes trado, Tranio.—
TR. Pluma haud interest, patronus an cliens probior siet.         407-408
Homini, cui nulla in pectore est audacia,                      409
[nam cuivis homini, vel optumo vel pessumo]
quamvis desubito facile est facere nequiter:
verum id videndum est, id viri docti est opus,
quae designata sint et facta nequiter,
tranquille cuncta et ut proveniant sine malo,
ne quid potiatur, quam ob rem pigeat vivere.        415
sicut ego efficiam, quae facta hic turbavimus,
profecto ut liqueant omnia et tranquilla sint
neque quicquam nobis pariant ex se incommodi.
sed quid tu egredere, Sphaerio?

PHILOL. Anything else? TR. Have the Laconian key of this house ordered out from inside now; I will shut up this house from outside here.               405
PHILOL. Into your custody I hand over myself and my hopes, Tranio.—
TR. It differs not a feather whether the patron or the client be more upright.         407-408
To a man in whose breast there is no audacity,                      409
[for to any man, whether the best or the worst,]
however suddenly it is easy to act wickedly:
but this must be looked to; that is the work of a learned man,
that the things designated and done wickedly
may all turn out tranquilly and without harm,
so that nothing occur for which it would be a pain to live.        415
Just so shall I bring it about, that the deeds we have here thrown into turmoil
shall surely be clear and at peace,
nor produce anything of inconvenience for us from themselves.
but why are you coming out, Sphaerio?

PVER Iamiam ***
TR. Optime. 419a
praeceptis paruisti. PVER. Iussit maximo
opere orare, ut patrem aliquo absterreres modo,
ne intro iret ad se. TR. Quin etiam illi hoc dicito,
facturum <me>, ut ne etiam aspicere aedis audeat,
capite obvoluto ut fugiat cum summo metu.
clavem cedo atque abi intro atque occlude ostium, 425
et ego hinc occludam.— iube venire nunciam.

BOY Right now ***
TR. Excellent. 419a
you have obeyed the precepts. BOY. He ordered me with utmost effort to beg that you deter his father somehow, so that he not go in to him. TR. Nay, tell him this as well, that I will bring it about that he not even dare to look at the house, with his head wrapped, so that he flee with utmost fear.
hand over the key and go inside and shut the door, 425
and I will lock it from here.— bid him to come this instant.

ludos ego hodie vivo praesenti hic seni
faciam, quod credo mortuo numquam fore.
concedam a foribus huc, hinc speculabor procul,
unde advenienti sarcinam imponam seni. 430

I will make sport today of this old man, alive and present here,
which I believe will never be when he is dead.
I will withdraw from the doors to here; from here I will keep watch from afar,
whence, as he arrives, I will impose a pack upon the old man. 430

II.ii
THEOPROPIDES Habeo, Neptune, gratiam magnam tibi,
quom med amisisti abs te vix vivom domum.
verum si posthac me pedem latum modo
scies imposisse in undam, hau causast, ilico
quod nunc voluisti facere quin facias mihi. 435
apage, apage te a me nunciam post hunc diem:
quod crediturus tibi fui, omne credidi.
TR. Edepol, Neptune, peccavisti largiter,
qui occasionem hanc amisisti tam bonam.

II.ii
THEOPROPIDES I have great gratitude to you, Neptune,
since you sent me away from yourself home scarcely alive.
But if hereafter you learn that I have set so much as a broad foot
into the wave, there is no cause, forthwith,
why you should not do to me what you now wished to do. 435
Away, away from me now after this day:
all that I was going to believe you, I have believed all.
TR. By Pollux, Neptune, you have sinned lavishly,
who have let slip so good an occasion.

TH. Triennio post Aegypto advenio domum; 440
credo exspectatus veniam familiaribus.
TR. Nimio edepol ille potuit exspectatior
venire, qui te nuntiaret mortuom.
TH. Sed quid hoc?

TH. After three years I arrive home from Egypt; 440
I believe I shall come expected by my family.
TR. Far indeed—by Pollux—more expected would be the one
to announce you dead.
TH. But what is this?

occlusa ianua est interdius.
pultabo. heus, ecquis intust?

the door is shut in the daytime.
i will knock. hey, is anyone inside?

aperitin fores? 445
TR. Quis homo est, qui nostras aedes accessit prope?
TH. Meus servos hic quidem est Tranio. TR. O Theopropides,
ere, salve, salvom te advenisse gaudeo.

will you open the doors? 445
TR. Who is the man who has approached near to our house?
TH. My slave here, indeed, is Tranio. TR. O Theopropides,
master, hail; I rejoice that you have arrived safe.

usquin valuisti? TH. Vsque ut vides. TR. Factum optime.

have you been well all the way? TH. All the way, as you see. TR. Excellent.

TH. Quid vos? insanin estis? TR. Quidum?

TH. What, you? Are you insane? TR. How so?

TH. Sic, quia      450
foris ambulatis, natus nemo in aedibus
servat, neque qui recludat neque ~ quis respondeat.
pultando [pedibus] paene confregi hasce ambas <foris>.
TR. Eho an tu tetigisti has aedis? TH. Cur non tangerem?       454-455
quin pultando, inquam, paene confregi foris.                             456
TR. Tetigistin?

TH. So, because      450
you are walking outside, no one born in the house keeps watch, nor anyone to unclose nor ~ anyone to respond.
by pounding [with my feet] I almost broke these two <doors>.
TR. Hey, did you touch this house? TH. Why should I not touch it?       454-455
indeed by pounding, I say, I almost broke the doors.                             456
TR. Did you touch?

TH. Tetigi, inquam, et pultavi. TR. Vah. TH. Quid est?

TH. I touched, I say, and I knocked. TR. Bah. TH. What is it?

TR. Male hercle factum. TH. Quid est negoti? TR. Non potest
dici, quam indignum facinus fecisti et malum.

TR. By Hercules, badly done. TH. What is the matter? TR. It cannot
be said how outrageous and evil a deed you have done.

TH. Quid iam? TR. Fuge, obsecro, atque abscede ab aedibus. 460
fuge huc, fuge ad me propius. tetigistin foris?

TH. What now? TR. Flee, I beseech, and withdraw from the house. 460
flee here, flee nearer to me. Did you touch the doors?

TH. Quo modo pultare potui, si non tangerem?
TR. Occidisti hercle— TH. Quem mortalem? TR. Omnis tuos.

TH. How could I knock, if I did not touch?
TR. By Hercules, you have slain— TH. Which mortal? TR. All yours.

TH. Di te deaeque omnes faxint cum istoc omine—
TR. Metuo, te atque istos expiare ut possies. 465
TH. Quam ob rem? aut quam subito rem mihi adportas novam?
* * * 466a
TR. Et heus, iube illos illinc ambo abscedere.

TH. May the gods and all the goddesses do to you with that omen—
TR. I fear whether you can expiate yourself and those. 465
TH. For what reason? or what sudden new thing do you bring to me?
* * * 466a
TR. And hey, order those two to withdraw from there.

TH. Apscedite. TR. Aedes ne attigatis. tangite
vos quoque terram.

TH. Withdraw. TR. Do not touch the house. touch
you too the earth.

TH. Obsecro hercle, quin eloquere
* * * 469a
TR. Quia septem menses sunt, quom in hasce aedis pedem
nemo intro tetulit, semel ut emigravimus.
TH. Eloquere, quid ita? TR. Circumspicedum, numquis est,
sermonem nostrum qui aucupet?

TH. I beg, by Hercules, why don’t you speak out
* * * 469a
TR. Because it’s been seven months since anyone set foot into this house, since once we moved out.
TH. Speak out—why so? TR. Look around, see whether there’s anyone who is snaring our conversation.

TH. Tutum probest.
TR. Circumspice etiam. TH. Nemo est.

TH. It is quite safe.
TR. Look around as well. TH. There is no one.

loquere nunciam.
TR. Capitale scelus est. TH. Quid est?

Speak now at last.
TR. It is a capital crime. TH. What is it?

non <satis> intellego. 475
TR. Scelus, inquam, factum est iam diu, antiquom et vetus.
TH. Antiquom? TR. Id adeo nos nunc factum invenimus.

I do not sufficiently understand. 475
TR. A crime, I say, was done long ago, ancient and old.
TH. Ancient? TR. That indeed we now find done.

TH. Quid istuc est sceleris? aut quis id fecit? cedo.

TH. What is that crime? Or who did it? Out with it.

TR. Hospes necavit hospitem captum manu;
iste, ut ego opinor, qui has tibi aedis vendidit. 480
TH. Necavit? TR. Aurumque ei ademit hospiti
eumque hic defodit hospitem ibidem in aedibus.
TH. Quapropter id vos factum suspicamini?

TR. The host killed his guest, taken captive by hand;
that fellow, as I suppose, who sold you this house. 480
TH. Killed? TR. And he took the gold from the guest,
and here he buried that guest on the spot in the house.
TH. For what reason do you suspect that deed was done?

TR. Ego dicam, ausculta. ut foris cenaverat
tuos gnatus, postquam rediit a cena domum, 485
abimus omnes cubitum; condormivimus:
lucernam forte oblitus fueram exstinguere;
atque ille exclamat derepente maximum.
TH. Quis homo?

TR. I will tell, listen. When your son had dined out of doors
after he returned home from dinner, 485
we all went to bed; we fell asleep:
by chance I had forgotten to extinguish the lamp;
and he suddenly exclaims very loudly.
TH. What man?

an gnatus meus? TR. St, tace, ausculta modo.
ait venisse illum in somnis ad se mortuom. 490
TH. Nempe ergo in somnis?

Or my son? TR. Hush, be silent, just listen a moment.
He says that the dead man came to him in a dream. 490
TH. So then, in a dream?

TR. Ita. sed ausculta modo.
ait illum hoc pacto sibi dixisse mortuom.

TR. Yes. But just listen.
he says that the dead man said this to him in this fashion.

TH. In somnis? TR. Mirum quin vigilanti diceret,
qui abhinc sexaginta annos occisus foret.
interdum inepte stultus es, <Theopropides>. 495
TH. Taceo.

TH. In a dream? TR. A marvel that he would say it to someone awake,
he who was slain sixty years ago.
at times you are ineptly foolish, <Theopropides>. 495
TH. I am silent.

TR. Sed ecce quae illi in ***
'ego transmarinus hospes sum Diapontius.
hic habito, haec mihi dedita est habitatio.
nam me Acheruntem recipere Orcus noluit,
quia praemature vita careo.

TR. But look what to him in ***
'I am a transmarine guest, Diapontius.
here I dwell, this habitation has been allotted to me.
for Orcus did not wish to receive me to Acheron,
because I was deprived of life prematurely.

per fidem 500
deceptus sum: hospes [hic] me necavit isque me
defodit insepultum clam [ibidem] in hisce aedibus,
scelestus, auri causa. nunc tu hinc emigra.
scelestae hae sunt aedes, impia est habitatio'.
quae hic monstra fiunt, anno vix possum eloqui. 505
TH. St, st.
TR. Quid, obsecro hercle, factum est?

upon good faith 500
I was deceived: the host [here] killed me, and he
buried me, unburied, secretly [in the same place] in this very house,
a wicked man, for the sake of gold. Now you move out from here.
these houses are wicked, the dwelling is impious'.
what prodigies happen here, I can scarcely tell in a year. 505
TH. Hush, hush.
TR. What, by Hercules I beg, has happened?

TH. Concrepuit foris.
TR. Hicin percussit! TH. Guttam haud habeo sanguinis,
vivom me accersunt Acheruntem mortui.

TH. The door creaked.
TR. Has he knocked here?! TH. I have not a drop of blood,
the dead are summoning me, alive, to Acheron.

TR. Perii, illisce hodie hanc conturbabunt fabulam. 510
nimis quam formido, ne manifesto hic me opprimat.
TH. Quid tute tecum loquere? TR. Abscede ab ianua.

TR. I’m done for; those fellows there today will confound this play. 510
I’m terribly afraid, lest he catch me here in the open.
TH. Why are you talking to yourself? TR. Step away from the door.

fuge, obsecro hercle. TH. Quo fugiam? etiam tu fuge.

Flee, I beseech, by Hercules. TH. Whither should I flee? You too, flee.

TR. Nihil ego formido, pax mihi est cum mortuis.
INTVS. Heus, Tranio. TR. Non me appellabis, si sapis. 515
nihil ego commerui, neque istas percussi fores.

TR. I fear nothing; I have peace with the dead.
INTVS. Hey, Tranio. TR. You will not address me, if you are wise. 515
I have merited nothing, nor did I strike those doors.

INTVS. Quaeso — <TR. Cave verbum faxis. TH. Dic> quid segreges
<sermonem. TR. Apage hinc te. TH. Quae res> te agitat, Tranio?

INTVS. I beg — <TR. Don’t you say a word. TH. Say> why do you segregate
<the conversation. TR. Be off from here. TH. What is it> is agitating you, Tranio?

quicum istaec loquere? TR. An quaeso tu appellaveras?
ita me di amabunt, mortuom illum credidi 520
expostulare quia percussisses fores.

With whom are you saying these things? TR. Or, pray, was it you that had called me?
so may the gods love me, I believed it was a dead man expostulating because you had struck the doors. 520

sed tu, etiamne astas nec quae dico optemperas?
TH. Quid faciam? TR. Cave respexis, fuge, [atque] operi caput.

but you—are you still standing there and not obeying what I say?
TH. What am I to do? TR. Mind you don’t look back, run, [and] head to the task.

TH. Cur non fugis tu? TR. Pax mihi est cum mortuis.
TH. Scio. quid modo igitur?

TH. Why don’t you flee? TR. Peace is to me with the dead.
TH. I know. What then, just now?

cur tanto opere extimueras? 525
TR. Nil me curassis, inquam, ego mihi providero:
tu, ut occepisti, tantum quantum quis fuge,
atque Herculem invoca. TH. Hercules, ted invoco.—
TR. Et ego — tibi hodie ut det, senex, magnum malum.
pro di immortales, obsecro vestram fidem, 530
quid ego hodie negoti confeci mali.

why had you been so greatly terrified? 525
TR. Don’t you bother about me, I say; I will provide for myself:
you, as you’ve begun, flee as far as anyone can,
and invoke Hercules. TH. Hercules, thee I invoke.—
TR. And I too — that he give you today, old man, a great evil.
O immortal gods, I beseech your good faith, 530
what a piece of bad business I have accomplished today.

ACTVS III

ACT 3

III.i
DANISTA Scelestiorem ego annum argento faenori
numquam ullum vidi quam hic mihi annus optigit.
a mani ad noctem usque in foro dego diem,
locare argenti nemini nummum queo. 535
TR. Nunc pol ego perii plane in perpetuom modum.
danista adest, qui dedit <argentum faenore>,
qui amica est empta quoque <opus in sumptus fuit>.
manifesta res est, nisi quid occurro prius,
ne hoc senex resciscat.

3.1
USURER A more wicked year for silver at usury
I have never seen than this year that has befallen me.
from morning to night I pass the day in the forum,
I cannot place out to anyone a single coin of silver. 535
TR. Now by Pollux I am plainly undone for good and all.
the usurer is here, who gave ,
with which the mistress was bought as well, .
the matter is manifest, unless I forestall something first,
lest the old man find this out.

ibo huic obviam. 540
sed quidnam hic sese tam cito recipit domum?
metuo ne de hac re quippiam indaudiverit.
accedam atque adpellabo.

i will go to meet him. 540
but why is this fellow taking himself back home so quickly?
i fear lest he may have overheard something about this matter.
i will approach and address him.

ei quam timeo miser.
nihil est miserius quam animus hominis conscius,
sicut me ~ habet. verum utut res sese habet, 545
pergam turbare porro: ita haec res postulat.

Ah, how I fear, poor wretch that I am.
Nothing is more miserable than a man's conscience,
as it has me. But however the matter stands, 545
I will go on to disturb further: so this affair demands.

unde is? THEOPROPIDES Conveni illum unde hasce aedis emeram.
TR. Numquid dixisti de illo quod dixi tibi?
TH. Dixi hercle vero omnia.

Where is he? THEOPROPIDES I met the man from whom I had bought this house here.
TR. Did you say anything about him—what I told you?
TH. By Hercules, indeed I told everything.

TR. Ei misero mihi,
metuo ne techinae meae perpetuo perierint. 550
TH. Quid tute tecum? TR. Nihil enim. sed dic mihi,
dixtine quaeso?

TR. Ah, wretched me,
I fear lest my machinations have perished forever. 550
TH. What are you muttering to yourself? TR. Nothing, indeed. But tell me,
did you say it, I pray?

TH. Dixi, inquam, ordine omnia.
TR. Etiam fatetur de hospite? TH. Immo pernegat.

TH. I said, I say, everything in order.
TR. Does he even confess about the guest? TH. On the contrary, he utterly denies it.

TR. Negat <scelestus? TH. Negitat in>quam. TR. Cogita:
<non confitetur?

TR. He denies <the wretch? TH. He keeps denying, I> say. TR. Think:
<does he not confess?

TH.> Dicam si confessus sit. 555
quid nunc faciundum censes? TR. Egon quid censeam?
cape, obsecro hercle, cum eo una iudicem
(sed eum videto ut capias, qui credat mihi):
tam facile vinces quam pirum volpes comest.

TH.> I will speak if he has confessed. 555
what do you judge should be done now? TR. I—what should I opine?
take, I beseech, by Hercules, a judge along with him
(but see that you take one who will believe me):
you will conquer as easily as a fox eats a pear.

DAN. Sed Philolachetis servom eccum Tranium, 560
qui mihi neque faenus neque sortem argenti danunt.
TH. Quo te agis? TR. Nec quoquam abeo.

DAN. But here is Tranio, the slave of Philolaches, 560
who neither pays me the interest nor the principal of the money. TH. Where are you going? TR. I am not going anywhere.

ne ego sum miser,
scelestus, natus dis inimicis omnibus.
iam illo praesente adibit. ne ego homo sum miser,
ita et hinc et illinc mi exhibent negotium. 565
sed occupabo adire.

indeed I am wretched,
wicked, born with all the gods as enemies.
now, with him present, he will approach. indeed I am a wretched man,
so both here and there they give me trouble. 565
but I will forestall by going up to him.

DAN. Hic ad me it, salvos sum,
spes est de argento. TR. Hilarus est: frustra est homo.
salvere iubeo te, Misargyrides, bene.

DAN. He’s coming to me; I’m safe; there’s hope about the silver.
TR. He’s merry; the fellow is wasting his effort.
I bid you greeting, Misargyrides, right well.

DAN. Salve et tu. quid de argentost? TR. Abi sis, belua.
continuo adveniens pilum iniecisti mihi. 570
DAN. Hic homo est inanis.

DAN. Greetings to you too. What about the silver? TR. Go away, please, you brute.
immediately upon arriving you hurled a javelin at me. 570
DAN. This man is inane.

TR. Hic homo est certe hariolus.
DAN. Quin tu istas mittis tricas? TR. Quin quid vis cedo.

TR. This man is certainly a soothsayer.
DAN. Why don’t you drop those tricks? TR. Come then, what do you want—out with it.

DAN. Vbi Philolaches est? TR. Numquam potuisti mihi
magis opportunus adven<ire quam> advenis.
DAN. Quid est?

DAN. Where is Philolaches? TR. Never could you have come to me
more opportunely than you come.
DAN. What is it?

TR. Concede huc. <DAN. Quin mihi faenus red>ditur? 575
TR. Scio te bona esse voce, ne clama nimis.
DAN. Ego hercle vero clamo.

TR. Step aside here. <DAN. Why
isn't my interest re>paid? 575
TR. I know you have a good voice; don’t shout too much.
DAN. By Hercules, indeed I shout.

TR. Ah, gere morem mihi.
DAN. Quid tibi ego morem vis geram? TR. Abi quaeso hinc domum.

TR. Ah, comply with me.
DAN. What compliance do you want me to render you? TR. Go, please, home from here.

DAN. Abeam? TR. Redito huc circiter meridie.
DAN. Reddeturne igitur faenus?

DAN. Am I to go away? TR. Come back here around midday.
DAN. Will the interest then be returned?

TR. Reddeturne. abi. 580
DAN. Quid ego huc recursem aut operam sumam aut conteram?
quid si hic manebo potius ad meridie?

TR. It will be returned. go away. 580
DAN. Why should I run back here or take pains or waste my effort? what if I rather stay here till midday?

TR. Immo abi domum, verum hercle dico, abi modo.
* * *
DAN. Quin vos mihi faenus date. quid hic nugamini? 585
TR. Eu hercle, ne tu — abi modo, ausculta mihi.

TR. No, rather go home; truly, by Hercules, I tell you—just go now.
* * *
DAN. Why don’t you give me the interest? Why are you trifling here? 585
TR. Ah, by Hercules, you really—just go now, listen to me.

DAN. Iam hercle ego illum nominabo. * * * TR. Euge strenue.
beatus vero es nunc, quom clamas.

DAN. Now, by Hercules, I will name him. * * * TR. Bravo, strenuously.
Blessed indeed you are now, when you shout.

DAN. Meum peto.
multos me hoc pacto iam dies frustramini.
molestus si sum, reddite argentum: abiero. 590
responsiones omnes hoc verbo eripis.

DAN. I demand what is mine.
for many days now you have been thus frustrating me in this manner.
if I am troublesome, hand back the silver: I’ll be off. 590
you snatch away all responses with this one word.

TR. Sortem accipe. DAN. Immo faenus, id primum volo.
TR. Quid ais tu, omnium hominum taeterrime?

TR. Take the principal. DAN. Nay, the usury—that first I want.
TR. What do you say, you foulest of all men?

venisti huc te extentatum? agas quod in manu est.
non dat, non debet.

Have you come here to have yourself stretched out?
do what is in hand.
he does not give, he does not owe.

DAN. Non debet? TR. Ne frit quidem 595
ferre hinc potes. an metuis ne quo abeat foras
urbe exulatum faenoris causa tui,
quoi sortem accipere iam licet?

DAN. He doesn’t owe? TR. Not even a whit 595
can you carry off from here. Or do you fear lest he go somewhere outside,
banished from the city for the sake of your usury,
he to whom it is now permitted to accept the principal?

DAN. Quin non peto
sortem: illuc primum, faenus, reddundum est mihi. 599-600
TR. Molestus ne sis. nemo dat, age quid lubet. 601
tu solus, credo, faenore argentum datas.
DAN. Cedo faenus, redde faenus, faenus reddite.

DAN. Why, I am not asking for the principal: to that first, the interest must be returned to me. 599-600
TR. Don’t be troublesome. No one pays; come, do what you please. 601
you alone, I suppose, give out silver at interest.
DAN. Hand over the interest, pay back the interest—interest, pay it back, you all.

daturin estis faenus actutum mihi?
datur faenus mihi? TR. Faenus illic, faenus hic. 605
nescit quidem nisi faenus fabularier.

Are you going to give me the interest straightaway? Is the interest being given to me? TR. Interest there, interest here. 605
He, indeed, knows how to talk of nothing but interest.

ultro te. neque ego taetriorem beluam
vidisse me umquam quemquam quam te censeo.
DAN. Non edepol tu nunc me istis verbis territas.
TH. *** calidum hoc est: etsi procul abest, urit male.

I’ll go at you into the bargain. Nor do I, for my part, think
that I have ever seen any fouler beast than you.
DAN. By Pollux, you don’t frighten me now with those words.
TH. *** this is hot: though it is far off, it burns badly.

*** 609a
quod illuc est faenus, opsecro, quod illic petit?
TR. Pater eccum advenit peregre non multo prius
illius, is tibi et faenus et sortem dabit,
ne inconciliare quid nos porro postules.
vide num moratur.

*** 609a
what is that interest yonder, I beseech, which he is demanding there?
TR. Behold, his father has arrived from abroad not much earlier;
that man will give you both interest and principal,
so that you do not go on demanding anything to set us at variance.
see whether he is delaying.

DAN. Quin feram, si quid datur.
TH. Quid ais tu? TR. Quid vis? TH. Quis illic est?

DAN. Why not? I’ll bring it, if anything is given.
TH. What say you? TR. What do you want? TH. Who is that there?

quid illic petit? 615
quid Philolachetem gnatum compellat <meum>
sic et praesenti tibi facit convicium?
quid illi debetur? TR. Obsecro hercle, <illud> iube
obi<ci illi> argentum ob os impurae beluae.

what does he there petition? 615
why does he address Philolaches, my son,
thus, and in your presence, does he hurl invective at you? what is owed to him? TR. I beseech, by Hercules, order
for the silver to be thrown into the face of the foul beast.

TH. Iubeam —? TR. Iuben homini argento os verberarier? 620
DAN. Perfacile ego ictus perpetior argenteos.
TR. Audin? videturne, obsecro hercle, idoneus, 625
danista qui sit, genus quod improbissimum est.

TH. Should I order—? TR. Do you order a man’s mouth to be beaten with silver? 620
DAN. I very easily endure silver blows.
TR. Do you hear? Does he, by Hercules I beseech, seem fit, 625
to be a moneylender, a genus most reprobate.

TH. Non ego istuc curo qui sit <quid sit> unde sit:
id volo mihi dici, id me scire expeto,
quod illud argentum est? TR. Est — huic debet Philolaches 622
paulum. TH. Quantillum?

TH. I do not care who he is <what he is> whence he is:
that I want told to me, that I seek to know,
what that money is? TR. It is—Philolaches owes this man 622
a little. TH. How much?

TR. Quasi — quadraginta minas;
ne sane id multum censeas. TH. Paulum id quidem est.
adeo etiam argenti faenus creditum audio. 629
TR. Quattuor quadraginta illi debentur minae,
et sors et faenus.

TR. As it were — forty minae;
do not, to be sure, suppose that much. TH. That indeed is little.
indeed I even hear that interest on the silver has been credited. 629
TR. Four forties of minae are owed him,
both principal and interest.

DAN. Tantumst, nihilo plus peto.
TR. Velim quidem hercle ut uno nummo plus petas.
dic te daturum, ut abeat.

DAN. That’s enough; I ask not a whit more.
TR. Indeed, by Hercules, I would wish that you ask one coin more;
say that you will give it, so that he may go away.

TH. Egon dicam dare?
TR. Dic. TH. Egone?

TH. Am I to say I will give?
TR. Say. TH. I?

TR. Tu ipsus. dic modo, ausculta mihi.
promitte, age inquam: ego iubeo.

TR. You yourself. Just say it, listen to me.
Promise, come on, I say: I order it.

TH. Responde mihi: 635
quid eo est argento factum? TR. Salvom est. TH. Solvite
vosmet igitur, si salvomst.

TH. Answer me: 635
what has been done with that silver? TR. It is safe. TH. Release
yourselves then, if it is safe.

TR. Aedis filius
tuos emit. TH. Aedis? TR. Aedis.

TR. The son of Aedis bought yours.
TH. Aedis? TR. Aedis.

TH. Euge, Philolaches
patrissat: iam homo in mercatura vortitur.
ain tu, aedis? TR. Aedis inquam.

TH. Bravo, Philolaches
takes after his father: now the man is turning to commerce.
do you say, a house? TR. A house, I say.

sed scin quoius modi? 640
TH. Qui scire possum? TR. Vah. TH. Quid est?

but do you know what kind it is? 640
TH. How can I know? TR. Bah. TH. What is it?

TR. Ne me roga.
TH. Nam quid ita? TR. Speculo claras, candorem merum.

TR. Do not ask me.
TH. Why so? TR. Mirror-bright, candid whiteness.

TH. Bene hercle factum. quid, eas quanti destinat?
TR. Talentis magnis totidem quot ego et tu sumus.

TH. Well done, by Hercules. What—at how much does he set them?
TR. At big talents, just as many as we are, you and I.

sed arraboni has dedit quadraginta minas; 645
hinc sumpsit quas ei dedimus. satin intellegis?
nam postquam haec aedes ita erant, ut dixi tibi,
continuo est alias aedis mercatus sibi.

but as earnest-money he gave forty minas; 645
from this he took what we had given him. Do you quite understand?
for after this house was as I told you,
straightway he bought himself another house.

TH. Bene hercle factum. DAN. Heus, iam adpetit meridie. 649-651
TR. Absolve hunc quaeso, vomitu ne hic nos enecet. 652
TH. Adulescens, mecum rem habe. DAN. Nempe aps te petam?

TH. Well done, by Hercules. DAN. Hey, now noon is drawing near. 649-651
TR. Absolve this fellow, please, lest this one kill us here with vomiting. 652
TH. Young man, have business with me. DAN. Surely I should ask it from you?

TH. Petito cras. DAN. Abeo: sat habeo, si cras fero.—
TR. Malum quod isti di deaeque omnes duint, 655
ita mea consilia perturbat paenissime.
nullum edepol hodie genus est hominum taetrius
nec minus bono cum iure, quam danisticum.

TH. Ask for it tomorrow. DAN. I’m off: I’ve enough, if I get it tomorrow.—
TR. May all the gods and goddesses give that fellow an evil, 655
so almost utterly does he throw my plans into confusion.
By Pollux, today there is no kind of men more foul,
nor more deservedly so, than the usurer-kind.

TH. Qua in regione istas aedis emit filius?
TR. Ecce autem perii. TH. Dicisne hoc quod te rogo? 660
TR. Dicam.

TH. In what region did the son buy those house(s)?
TR. Look—now I’m ruined. TH. Will you say what I ask you? 660
TR. I’ll tell.

sed nomen domini quaero quid siet.
TH. Age comminiscere ergo. TR. Quid ego nunc agam,
nisi ut in vicinum hunc proximum ***,
eas emisse aedis huius dicam filium?

but I inquire what the name of the owner is.
TH. Come now, then, contrive it. TR. What am I to do now,
except that you go to this nearest neighbor ***,
and I will say that the son has bought this man’s house?

calidum hercle esse audivi optimum mendacium. 665
quidquid dei dicunt, id decretumst dicere.
TH. Quid igitur? iam commentu's? TR. Di istum perduint—
(immo istunc potius) de vicino hoc proximo
tuos emit aedis filius.

By Hercules, I’ve heard the optimum lie is hot. 665
Whatever the gods say, that is decreed to be said.
TH. What then? Have you already devised it? TR. May the gods destroy that fellow—
(nay, that one rather) from this nearest neighbor here next door
your son has bought the house.

TH. Bonan fide? 669-670
TR. Siquidem tu argentum reddituru's, tum bona, 671
si redditurus non es, non emit bona.
non in loco emit perbono? TH. Immo in optumo.

TH. Bona fide? 669-670
TR. If indeed you are going to hand back the money, then good; 671
if you are not going to hand it back, he did not buy good.
did he not buy in a very good location? TH. Rather, in the best.

cupio hercle inspicere hasce aedis. pultadum fores
atque evoca aliquem intus ad te, Tranio. 675
TR. Ecce autem perii. nunc quid dicam nescio.

By Hercules, I desire to inspect this house. Knock at the doors
and call out someone from inside to you, Tranio. 675
TR. Look, I’m undone. Now I don’t know what to say.

iterum iam ad unum saxum me fluctus ferunt.
quid nunc? non hercle quid nunc faciam reperio:
manufesto teneor.

again now the waves bear me to the selfsame rock.
what now? by hercules, I do not discover what I should do now:
I am manifestly caught.

TH. Evocadum aliquem ocius,
roga circumducat. TR. Heus tu, at hic sunt mulieres: 680
videndumst primum, utrum eae velintne an non velint.
TH. Bonum aequomque oras.

TH. Have someone called out quickly,
ask that he conduct us around. TR. Hey, you, but there are women here: 680
it must first be seen whether they are willing or unwilling. TH. You ask for what is good and equitable.

i, percontare et roga.
ego hic tantisper, dum exis, te opperiar foris.
TR. Di te deaeque omnes funditus perdant, senex,
ita mea consilia undique oppugnas male. 685
euge, optume eccum aedium dominus foras
Simo progreditur intus.

Go, inquire and ask.
I meanwhile, while you go out, will wait for you outside.
TR. May the gods and all goddesses utterly destroy you, old man,
so you badly assail my plans from every side. 685
Bravo, excellent—look, the master of the house
Simo is coming forward from inside.

huc concessero,
dum mihi senatum consili in cor convoco.
igitur tum accedam hunc, quando quid agam invenero.

I will withdraw here,
while I convoke a senate of counsel into my heart.
therefore then I will approach this man, when I have discovered what I should do.

III.ii
SIMO Melius anno hoc mihi non fuit domi, 690
nec quod una esca me iuverit magis.
prandium uxor mihi perbonum dedit,
nunc dormitum iubet me ire: minime.
non mihi forte visum ilico fuit,
melius quom prandium quam solet dedit: 695
voluit in cubiculum abducere me anus.

3.2
SIMO It has not been better for me at home than this year, 690
nor has any single meal helped me more.
my wife gave me a very good luncheon,
now she bids me go to sleep: not at all.
it did not happen to seem good to me straightaway,
all the more since she gave a luncheon better than she usually does: 695
the old woman wanted to lead me off into the bedchamber.

non bonust somnus de prandio. apage.
clanculum ex aedibus me edidi foras.

Sleep after luncheon is not good. Away with it.
Clandestinely I put myself out of doors.

tota turget mihi uxor, scio, domi.
TR. Res parata est mala in vesperum huic seni. 700
nam et cenandum et cubandumst ei male.
SI. Quom magis cogito cum meo animo:
si quis dotatam uxorem atque anum habet,
neminem sollicitat sopor: ibi omnibus
ire dormitum odio est veluti nunc mihi 705
exsequi certa res est, ut abeam
potius hinc ad forum quam domi cubem.

My wife is all swelled up at home, I know.
TR. A bad affair is prepared for this old man for the evening. 700
for both the dining and the bedding will be bad for him.
SI. The more I consider with my mind:
if anyone has a dowered wife and an old woman,
slumber solicits no one: there for all
to go to sleep is hateful, just as now to me 705
it is a settled thing to carry out, that I go off
rather from here to the forum than that I lie at home.

atque pol nescio, ut moribus sient
vostrae: haec sat scio quam me habeat male.
* * * 709a
peius posthac fore quam fuit mihi.
TR. Abitus tuos tibi, senex, fecerit male:
nihil erit, quod deorum ullum accusites;
te ipse iure optimo merito incuses licet.

and by Pollux I do not know how your women are as to their morals;
this at least I know, how badly this one treats me.
* * * 709a
that it will be worse hereafter than it was for me.
TR. Your departures will have worked you harm, old man:
there will be nothing for which you accuse any of the gods;
you yourself, and with the very best right and desert, you may accuse.

tempus nunc est senem hunc adloqui mihi.
hoc habet. repperi qui senem ducerem, 715
quo dolo a me dolorem procul pellerem.

now it is time for me to address this old man.
this has it. I have found how I might lead the old man on, 715
by what trick I might repel pain far from me.

accedam. di te ament plurimum, Simo.
SI. Salvos sis, Tranio.

I will approach. May the gods love you very much, Simo.
SI. May you be safe, Tranio.

TR. Vt vales? SI. Non male.
quid agis?

TR. How do you fare? SI. Not badly.
what are you doing?

TR. Hominem optumum teneo. SI. Amice facis,
quom me laudas. TR. Decet.

TR. I’ve got hold of a most excellent man. SI. You do a friendly deed,
when you laud me. TR. It is fitting.

SI. Certe. quin m<utuomst>: 720
hercle ted hau bonum teneo servom <manu>.
[THEOPR. Heia, mastigia, ad me redi. TR. Iam isti ero.] 721a
SI. quid nunc?

SI. Certainly. Why, it’s m: 720
by Hercules, I do not hold you as a good slave .
[THEOPR. Hey, you whip‑scourged wretch, return to me. TR. I will be to that master now.] 721a
SI. what now?

quam mox? TR. Quid est? SI. Quod solet fieri hic
intus.

how soon? TR. What is it? SI. What is wont to be done in here
inside.

TR. Quid id est? SI. Scis iam quid loquar. sic decet.

TR. What is that? SI. You already know what I’m talking about. That’s fitting.

* * * morem geras.
vita quam sit brevis, *** simul cogita. 725
TR. *** quid *** ehem,
vix tandem percepi super his rebus nostris te loqui.
SI. musice hercle agitis aetatem, ita ut vos decet,
vino et victu probo, piscatu electili 729-730
vitam colitis.

* * * do comply.
how brief life is, *** consider at the same time. 725
TR. *** what *** ahem,
scarcely at last have I perceived that you are speaking about these matters of ours.
SI. musically, by Hercules, you pass your lifetime, just as it befits you,
with wine and proper victuals, with select fishing 729-730
you cultivate life.

~ TR. Immo vita antehac erat: 731
nunc nobis omnia haec exciderunt <simul>.
SI. Quidum? TR. Ita oppido occidimus omnes, Simo.
SI. Non taces?

~ TR. No, rather, life existed before: 731
now all these things have fallen away from us .
SI. How so? TR. Thus indeed we have utterly perished, Simo.
SI. Will you not be silent?

prospere vobis cuncta usque adhuc
processerunt. TR. Ita ut dicis facta hau nego. 735
nos profecto probe ut voluimus viximus.
sed, Simo, ita nunc ventus navem <nostram> deseruit.

prosperously for you all things up to now
have proceeded. TR. Just as you say, I do not deny it. 735
we indeed have lived well as we wished.
but, Simo, just so now the wind has deserted the <our> ship.

SI. Quid est?
quo modo? TR. Pessimo.

SI. What is it?
how so? TR. In the worst way.

SI. Quaene subducta erat
tuto in terra? TR. Ei. SI. Quid est? TR. Me miserum, occidi.

SI. The one that had been drawn up
safely on land? TR. Alas. SI. What is it? TR. Wretched me,
I’m killed.

SI. Qui? TR. Quia venit navis, nostrae navi quae frangat ~ ratem. 740
SI. Vellem ut tu velles, Tranio. sed quid est negoti?

SI. How so? TR. Because a ship is coming, one that will shatter our ship’s ~ raft. 740
SI. I would that it were as you would wish, Tranio; but what is the business?

TR. Eloquar.
erus peregre venit. SI. Tunc <tibi > *** portenditur,
inde ferriterium, postea <crux.

TR. I will speak out.
The master has come from abroad. SI. Then <to you > *** is portended,
next the irons, afterward <the cross.

TR. Per tua te g>enua obsecro,
ne indicium ero facias meo. SI. E me, ne quid metuas, nil sciet. 744-745
TR. Patrone, salve. SI. Nil moror mi istius modi clientis. 746
TR. Nunc hoc quod ad te noster me misit senex—
SI. Hoc mihi responde primum, quod ego te rogo:
iam de istis rebus voster quid sensit senex?

TR. By your kn>ees I beseech you,
do not make a disclosure to my master. SI. From me, do not fear anything; he will know nothing. 744-745
TR. Patron, hail. SI. I care nothing for clients of that sort. 746
TR. Now this, that our old man sent me to you—
SI. Answer this to me first, which I ask you:
by now, what has your old man thought about those matters?

TR. Nil quicquam. SI. Numquid increpavit filium? 750
TR. Tam liquidust quam liquida esse tempestas solet * * *
nunc te hoc orare iussit opere maximo,
ut sibi liceret inspicere hasce aedis tuas.
SI. Non sunt venales.

TR. Nothing at all. SI. Did he perhaps rebuke his son? 750
TR. He is as clear as the weather is wont to be clear * * *
now he ordered me to beg you this with the greatest effort,
that it might be permitted to him to inspect these your premises.
SI. They are not for sale.

TR. Scio equidem istuc. sed senex
gynaeceum aedificare volt hic in suis 755
et balineas et ambulacrum et porticum.
SI. Quid ergo somniavit?

TR. I know that indeed. But the old man
wants to build a gynaeceum here on his own premises 755
and baths and an ambulacrum and a portico.
SI. What then did he dream?

TR. Ego dicam tibi.
dare volt uxorem filio quantum potest,
ad eam rem facere volt novom gynaeceum.
nam sibi laudavisse hasce ait architectonem 760
nescio quem exaedificatas insanum bene;
nunc hinc exemplum capere volt, nisi tu nevis.

TR. I will tell you.
he wants to give his son a wife as quickly as he can,
for that matter he wants to make a new gynaeceum (women’s quarters).
for he says that some architect praised these premises to him 760
as built insanely well; now he wants to take a model from here, unless you are unwilling.

nam ille eo maiore hinc opere ex te exemplum petit,
quia isti umbram aestate tibi esse audivit perbonam
sub sicco lumine usque perpetuom diem. 765
SI. Immo edepol vero, quom usquequaque umbra est, tamen
sol semper hic est usque a mani ad vesperum:
quasi flagitator astat usque ad ostium,
nec mi umbra hic usquamst, nisi si in puteo quaepiamst.
TR. Quid, Sarsinatis ecqua est, si Vmbram non habes? 770
SI. Molestus ne sis. haec sunt sicut praedico.

for on that account he seeks from you a model with the greater effort,
because he has heard that that shade here for you in summer is very good,
under dry light right through the whole day. 765
SI. Nay, by Pollux indeed, although there is shade everywhere, yet
the sun is always here from morning to evening:
like a dun he stands right at the door,
nor is there any shade anywhere here for me, unless there is some in the well.
TR. What—have you any Sarsinate, if you do not have an Umbrian? 770
SI. Do not be troublesome. These things are as I declare.

TR. At tamen inspicere volt. SI. Inspiciat, si lubet;
si quid erit quod illi placeat, de exemplo meo
ipse aedificato. TR. Eon, voco huc hominem?

TR. But yet he wants to inspect. SI. Let him inspect, if it pleases;
if there will be anything that pleases him, from my example
let him himself build. TR. Is it so—shall I call the man here?

SI. I, voca.
TR. Alexandrum magnum atque Agathoclem aiunt maximas 775
duo res gessisse: quid mihi fiet tertio,
qui solus facio facinora immortalia?
vehit hic clitellas, vehit hic autem alter senex.

SI. Go, call (him).
TR. They say Alexander the Great and Agathocles accomplished the greatest exploits; 775
what will become of me, the third,
who alone do immortal deeds?
this one carries the pack-saddle, and here the other old man carries it as well.

novicium mihi quaestum institui non malum:
nam muliones mulos clitellarios 780
habent, at ego habeo homines clitellarios.
magni sunt oneris: quidquid imponas vehunt.
nunc hunc hau scio an conloquar.

I have instituted for myself not a bad new line of profit:
for muleteers have pack-mules 780
they have them, but I have pack-men.
they are great for burden: whatever you load on, they carry.
now I do not know whether I should speak with this fellow.

congrediar.
heus Theopropides. TH. Hem quis hic nominat me?
TR. Ero servos multis modis fidus.

I will accost him.
Hey, Theopropides. TH. Eh? Who here names me?
TR. To my master, I, the slave, will be faithful in many modes.

TH. Vnde is? 785
TR. Quod me miseras, adfero omne impetratum.
TH. Quid illic, opsecro, tam diu destitisti?
TR. Seni non erat otium, id sum opperitus.

TH. Whence is he? 785
TR. What you had sent me for, I bring all obtained.
TH. Why, I beseech, did you stand there so long?
TR. The old man had no leisure; that I waited for.

TH. Antiquom optines hoc tuom, tardus ut sis.
TR. Heus tu, si voles verbum hoc cogitare, 790
simul flare sorbereque haud factu facilest.
ego hic esse et illic simitu hau potui.

TH. You maintain this your ancient habit, that you are slow.
TR. Hey you, if you wish to cogitate this word, 790
to blow and to sip simultaneously is not easy to do.
I could not be here and there simultaneously.

TH. Quid nunc? TR. Vise, specta tuo usque arbitratu.
TH. Age <i>, duce me. TR. Num moror?

TH. What now? TR. View, inspect at your own arbitrament throughout.
TH. Come on, <i>, lead me. TR. Do I delay?

TH. Supsequor te.
TR. Senex ipsus te ante ostium eccum opperitur. 795
sed ut maestus est se hasce <aedis> vendidisse.
TH. Quid tandem? TR. Orat ut suadeam Philolacheti,
ut istas remittat sibi.

TH. I follow after you.
TR. Look, the old man himself awaits you before the doorway. 795
but how downcast he is at having sold these <premises>.
TH. What, pray? TR. He begs that I persuade Philolaches
to release those back to him.

TH. Haud opinor.
sibi quisque ruri metit. si male emptae
forent, nobis istas redhibere haud liceret. 800
lucri quidquid est, id domum trahere oportet.

TH. I don’t think so.
each man harvests for himself in the country. if they had been badly bought, it would not be licit for us to redhibit those. 800
whatever there is of profit, it is proper to drag it home.

misericordias *** hominem oportet.
TR. Morare hercle *** facis. subsequere.

mercies *** a man ought.
TR. By Hercules, you delay—*** you are doing. follow after.

TH. Fiat.
do tibi ego operam. TR. Senex illic est.

TH. Let it be done.
I give you my service. TR. The old man is there.

em, tibi adduxi hominem.
SI. Salvom te advenisse peregre gaudeo, Theopropides. 805
TH. Dei te ament. SI. Inspicere te aedis has velle aiebat mihi.

Here, I’ve brought you the man.
SI. I rejoice that you have arrived safe from abroad, Theopropides. 805
TH. May the gods love you. SI. He told me you wished to inspect these premises.

TH. Nisi tibi est incommodum. SI. Immo commodum. i intro atque inspice.

TH. Unless it is incommodious to you. SI. On the contrary, it is commodious. Go inside and inspect.

TH. At enim mulieres — SI. Cave tu ullam flocci faxis mulierem.
qua libet perambula aedis oppido tamquam tuas.
TH. Tamquam?

TH. But indeed, the women— SI. See that you don’t value any woman at a tuft of wool.
walk wherever you like through the house absolutely as if it were yours.
TH. As if?

TR. Ah, cave tu illi obiectes nunc in aegritudine, 810
te has emisse. non tu vides hunc, voltu uti tristi est senex?
TH. Video.

TR. Ah, beware you don’t object to him now in his sickness, 810
that you have bought these. Don’t you see this man, how with a sad visage the old man is?
TH. I see.

TR. Ergo inridere ne videare et gestire admodum;
noli facere mentionem te <has> emisse. TH. Intellego,
et bene monitum duco, atque esse existumo humani ingeni.
quid nunc?

TR. Therefore, so that you may not seem to mock and to exult exceedingly;
do not make mention that you have bought <these>. TH. I understand,
and I consider it a good admonition, and I judge it to be of human wit.
what now?

SI. Quin tu is intro, atque otiose perspecta ut lubet. 815
TH. Bene benigneque arbitror te facere. SI. Factum edepol volo.
[vin qui perductet?

SI. Why don’t you go inside, and at your ease look over as you please. 815
TH. I think you are acting well and kindly. SI. By Pollux, I want it done.
[do you want someone to escort you?

TH. Apage istum perductorem, non placet. 816a
quidquid est, errabo potius quam perductet quispiam.] 816b
TR. Viden vestibulum ante aedis hoc et ambulacrum cuius modi?
TH. Luculentum edepol profecto. TR. Age specta postes cuius modi,
quanta firmitate facti et quanta crassitudine.

TH. Away with that guide; he does not please. 816a
whatever it is, I would rather go astray than have someone guide me.] 816b
TR. Do you see this vestibule before the house and the ambulatory, what sort it is?
TH. Splendid, by Pollux, for sure. TR. Come, look at the posts—of what sort,
with how great firmness made and with how great thickness.

TH. Non videor vidisse postis pulchriores. SI. Pol mihi 820
eo pretio empti fuerant olim. TR. Audin 'fuerant' dicere?

TH. I do not think I have seen doorposts more beautiful. SI. By Pollux, for me 820
they had once been bought at that price. TR. Do you hear him say 'had been'?

vix videtur continere lacrimas. TH. Quanti hosce emeras?
SI. Tris minas pro istis duobus praeter vecturam dedi.

He scarcely seems to hold back tears. TH. For how much had you bought these?
SI. I paid three minas for those two, besides the freight.

TH. Hercle qui multo improbiores sunt quam a primo credidi.
TR. Quapropter? TH. Quia edepol ambo ab infimo tarmes secat. 825
TR. Intempestivos excisos credo, id eis vitium nocet.

TH. By Hercules, they are much more disreputable than I believed from the first.
TR. Wherefore? TH. Because, by Pollux, a termite cuts both from the bottom. 825
TR. I suppose they were cut unseasonably; that defect harms them.

atque etiam nunc satis boni sunt, si sunt inducti pice;
non enim haec pultiphagus opifex opera fecit barbarus.
viden coagmenta in foribus? TH. Video.

and even now they are good enough, if they have been coated with pitch;
for a porridge-eating barbarian workman did not make these works. Do you see the joints in the doors? TH. I see.

TR. Specta, quam arte dormiunt.
TH. Dormiunt? TR. Illud quidem, ut conivent, volui dicere. 830
satin habes?

TR. Look, how
artfully they sleep.
TH. They sleep? TR. That indeed, I meant to say, that they are winking. 830
are you satisfied?

TH. Vt quidquid magis contemplo, tanto magis placet.
TR. Viden pictum, ubi ludificat cornix una volturios duos?
TH. Non edepol video.

TH. That the more I contemplate it, the more it pleases me.
TR. Do you see the painting, where a single crow makes sport of two vultures?
TH. By Pollux, I do not see.

TR. At ego video. nam inter volturios duos
cornix astat, ea volturios duo vicissim vellicat.
quaeso huc ad me specta, cornicem ut conspicere possies. 835
iam vides?

TR. But I see. for between the two vultures
a crow stands; she nips the two vultures in turn.
please look over here at me, so that you may be able to espy the crow. 835
now do you see?

TH. Profecto nullam equidem illic cornicem intuor.
TR. At tu isto ad vos optuere, quoniam cornicem nequis
conspicari, si volturios forte possis contui.
TH. Omnino, ut te absolvam, nullam pictam conspicio hic avem.

TH. Indeed, I for my part do not behold any crow there.
TR. But you, look that way, toward your side, since you cannot descry the crow, if perchance you can behold the vultures.
TH. Altogether, to acquit you, I see no bird painted here.

TR. Age, iam mitto, ignosco: aetate non quis optuerier. 840
TH. Haec, quae possum, ea mihi profecto cuncta vehementer placent.
SI. Latius demum est operae pretium ivisse. TH. Recte edepol mones.

TR. Come, now I let it go, I pardon: at your age one cannot gaze closely. 840
TH. These, which I can, assuredly all please me greatly.
SI. More widely at last it is worth the effort to have gone. TH. Rightly, by Pollux, you advise.

SI. Eho istum, puere, circumduce hasce aedis et conclavia.
nam egomet ductarem, nisi mi esset apud forum negotium.
TH. Apage istum a me perductorem, nil moror ductarier. 845
quidquid est, errabo potius quam perductet quispiam.

SI. Hey, boy, conduct that fellow around these house-quarters and chambers.
for I myself would conduct him, unless I had business at the forum.
TH. Away with that guide-conductor from me; I do not care to be conducted. 845
whatever it is, I will wander rather than be conducted by anyone.

SI. Aedis dico. TH. Ergo intro eo igitur sine perductore. SI. Ilicet.

SI. I mean the house. TH. So then I go inside without a guide. SI. Go ahead.

TH. Ibo intro igitur. TR. Mane sis videam, ne canis — TH. Agedum vide.
TR. Est!

TH. I’ll go in then. TR. Wait, please, let me see, lest the dog— TH. Go on then, look.
TR. There is!

abi, canis. est! abin dierecta?

be off, dog. it is! are you going straight off?

abin hinc in malam crucem? 849-850
at etiam restas? est! abi istinc.

will you be off from here to the gallows? 849-850
what, are you still hanging about? right! be off from there.

SI. Nil pericli est, age <modo>. 851
tam placidast, quam feta. quam vis ire intro audacter licet.
eo ego hinc ad forum.— TH. Fecisti commode, bene ambula.

SI. There is no peril, come on, just so. 851
she’s as placid as a mother-beast with young. As much as you wish, you may go inside boldly.
I am going from here to the forum.— TH. You have done commodiously; walk well.

Tranio, age, canem istam a foribus <aliquis> abducat face,
etsi non metuenda est. TR. Quin tu illam aspice ut placide accubat; 855
nisi molestum vis videri te atque ignavom. TH. Iam ut lubet.

Tranio, come on, let <someone> lead that dog away from the doors with a torch,
although she is not to be feared. TR. Why don’t you look how placidly she is lying down; 855
unless you want to seem troublesome and cowardly. TH. Now, as you please.

sequere hac me igitur.— TR. Equidem haud usquam a pedibus apscedam tuis.—

follow me this way then.— TR. Indeed I will not depart anywhere from your feet .—

ACTVS IV

ACT 4

IV.i
PHANISCVS Servi qui, quom culpa carent, tamen malum metuont,
ei solent esse eris utibiles.
nam illi qui nil metuont postquam sunt malum meriti,   860
stulta sibi expetunt consilia:
exercent sese ad cursuram, [fugiunt] sed ei si reprehensi sunt,
faciunt de malo peculium quod nequeunt <de bono>.
augent ex pauxillo *** de parant.                              864-865
mihi in pectore consili *** malam rem prius             866
quam ut meum ***
ut adhuc fuit, mihi corium esse oportet,
sincerum atque ut votem verberari.
si huic imperabo, probe tectum habebo,                   870
malum quom impluit ceteris, ne impluat mi.
nam ut servi volunt esse erum, ita solet ***
boni sunt: <bonust>; improbi sunt, malus fit.

IV.i
PHANISCVS Slaves who, when they lack fault, yet fear harm,
they are wont to be useful to their masters.
for those who fear nothing after they have deserved evil,   860
seek foolish counsels for themselves:
they exercise themselves for running, [they flee] but if they are caught,
they make a peculium out of ill, which they cannot from <good>.
they augment out of a very little *** they prepare from.                              864-865
in my breast as counsel I have *** a bad matter first             866
rather than that my ***
as it has been up to now, my hide ought to be unblemished,
and that I should vow to be thrashed.
if I give orders to this one, I shall have a roof well covered,                   870
when evil rains on the rest, let it not rain on me.
for as slaves wish the master to be, so he is wont ***
they are good: <he is good>; they are depraved, he becomes bad.

nam nunc domi nostrae tot pessimi vivont,
peculi sui prodigi, plagigeruli. 875
ubi adversum ut eant vocantur ero: 'non eo, molestus ne sis.
scio quo properas: gestis aliquo; iam hercle ire vis, mula, foras pastum.'
bene merens hoc preti inde abstuli. abii foras.

for now at our house so many of the worst live,
prodigals of their own peculium, little lash-bearers. 875
when they are called to go face-to-face to the master: 'I’m not going; don’t be bothersome.
I know where you’re hurrying: you’re eager for something; now, by Hercules, you want to go out, mule, to pasture.'
for well-deserving, I took this pay from there. I went outside.

solus nunc eo advorsum ero ex plurimis servis. 879-880
hoc die crastini quom erus resciverit, 881
mane castigabit eos bubulis exuviis.
postremo minoris pendo tergum illorum, quam meum:
illi erunt bucaedae multo potius, quam ego sim restio.

I alone now go to meet the master from among very many slaves. 879-880
tomorrow, when the master has found it out, 881
in the morning he will castigate them with oxhide thongs.
finally, I set the hide of those men at a lesser price than my own:
they will be leather-lashed much rather than that I be a ropemaker.

IV.ii
PINACIVM Mane tu atque adsiste ilico, 885
Phanisce. etiam respicis?
PHAN. Mihi molestus ne sies. 886a
PIN. Vide ut fastidit simia.

4.2
PINACIVM Stay and stand right on the spot, 885
Phaniscus. Are you still looking back?
PHAN. Do not be troublesome to me. 886a
PIN. See how the ape is fastidious.

manesne ilico, impure parasite? PHAN. *** 887a
qui parasitus sum? PIN. Ego enim dicam: cibo perduci potis es quovis.

will you stay right there, impure parasite? PHAN. *** 887a
how am I a parasite? PIN. for I will say: by food you are able to be led whithersoever.

PHAN. Mihi sum, libet esse. quid id curas?
PIN. Ferocem facis, quia te erus amat.

PHAN. I am for myself; it pleases me to be. Why do you care about that?
PIN. You make yourself ferocious, because your master loves you.

PHAN. Vah, 890
oculi dolent. PIN. Cur? PHAN. Quia fumus molestust.

PHAN. Ugh, 890
my eyes ache. PIN. Why? PHAN. Because the smoke is troublesome.

PIN. Tace sis, faber, qui cudere soles plumbeos nummos.
PHAN. Non potes tu cogere me, ut tibi male dicam.
novit erus me. PIN. Suam quidem pol culcitulam oportet. 894-895
PHAN. Si sobrius sis, male non dicas.

PIN. Be quiet, please, smith, you who are wont to hammer out leaden coins.
PHAN. You cannot compel me to speak ill to you. The master knows me. PIN. Indeed, by Pollux, he ought to have his own little cushion. 894-895
PHAN. If you were sober, you would not speak ill.

PIN. Tibi obtemperem, cum tu 896
mihi nequeas?
PHAN. At tu mecum, pessime, ito adversus; quaeso hercle abstine
iam sermonem de istis rebus. PIN. Faciam, et pultabo fores.

PIN. Should I obey you,
when you 896
cannot obey me?
PHAN. Then face me, worst man; I beg, by Hercules, now refrain
from talk about those matters. PIN. I will, and I’ll knock at the doors.

heus, ecquis hic est, maximam qui his iniuriam
foribus defendat? ecquis has aperit foris? 900
nemo hinc quidem foras exit.
ut esse addecet nequam homines, ita sunt.

hey, is there anyone here who will defend these doors from the greatest injury?
will anyone open these doors? 900
no one from here indeed exits outside.
as it befits wicked men to be, so they are.

sed eo magis cauto est opus, ne huc
exeat qui male me mulcet.

but all the more there is need of caution, lest here
come out the one who thrashes me.

IV.iii
TRANIO Quid tibi visum est mercimoni? THEOPROPIDES *** totus gaudeo.
TR. Num nimio emptae tibi videntur?

IV.iii
TRANIO What did the merchandise seem to you? THEOPROPIDES *** I rejoice entirely.
TR. Do they seem to you to have been bought at too excessive a price?

TH. Numquam edepol ego me scio 905
vidisse usquam abiectas aedes, nisi modo hasce. TR. Ecquid placent?
TH. Ecquid placeant me rogas?

TH. Never, by Pollux, do I know myself 905
to have seen anywhere houses cast down, except only these here. TR. Do they please at all?
TH. You ask me whether they please at all?

immo hercle vero perplacent.
TR. Cuius modi gynaeceum? quid porticum?

nay, by Hercules, truly they please me exceedingly.
TR. Of what kind is the gynaeceum? What of the portico?

TH. Insanum bonam.
non equidem ullam in publico esse maiorem hac existimo.
TR. Quin ego ipse et Philolaches in publico omnis porticus 910
sumus commensi.

TH. Insanely good.
indeed I for my part do not think there is any in public larger than this.
TR. Why, I myself and Philolaches in public all the porticoes 910
we have measured.

TH. Quid igitur? TR. Longe omnium longissima est.
TH. Di immortales, mercimoni lepidi.

TH. What then? TR. It is by far the longest of all.
TH. Immortal gods, delightful merchandise!

<si> hercle nunc ferat
sex talenta magna argenti pro istis praesentaria,
numquam accipiam. TR. Si hercle accipere cupies, ego numquam sinam.
TH. Bene res nostra conlocata est istoc mercimonio. 915
TR. Me suasore atque impulsore id factum audacter dicito,
qui subegi, faenore argentum ab danista ut sumeret,
quod isti dedimus arraboni.

<si> by Hercules, if now he should bring
six great talents of silver as ready cash for those, I will never accept. TR. If, by Hercules, you should wish to accept, I will never
allow it. TH. Our affair is well settled with that merchandizing. 915
TR. With me as adviser and instigator, say boldly that this was done,
I who compelled him to take silver from the money‑lender at interest,
which we gave that fellow as earnest‑money.

TH. Servavisti omnem ratem.
nempe octoginta debentur huic minae? TR. Hau nummo amplius.

TH. You have saved the whole ship.
surely eighty minas are owed to this man? TR. Not a coin more.

TH. Hodie accipiat. TR. Ita enim vero, ne qua causa subsiet. 920
vel mihi denumerato, ego illi porro denumeravero.
TH. At enim ne quid captioni mihi sit, si dederim tibi.

TH. Let him receive it today. TR. Yes indeed, so that no pretext remains. 920
either count it out to me, and I in turn will count it out to him.
TH. But indeed, lest there be any quibble for me, if I give it to you.

TR. Egone te ioculo modo ausim dicto aut facto fallere?
TH. Egone aps te ausim non cavere, ne quid committam tibi?
TR. Quid?

TR. I—would I dare to deceive you, as a joke, by word or by deed?
TH. I—would I not beware of you, lest I commit anything to you?
TR. What?

tibi umquam quicquam, postquam tuos sum, verborum dedi? 925
TH. Ego enim cavi recte: eam mihi des gratiam atque animo meo.
sat sapio, si aps te modo uno caveo. TR. Tecum sentio.

Have I ever, since I became yours, given you any “words”? 925
TH. For I have guarded myself rightly: grant me that favor, to me and to my mind.
sat I am wise enough, if I only beware of you alone. TR. I agree with you.

TH. Nunc abi rus, dic me advenisse filio. TR. Faciam, ut iubes.
TH. Curriculo iube in urbem veniat iam simul tecum.

TH. Now go to the country, tell my son that I have arrived. TR. I will do, as you command.
TH. Bid him come into the city at a run now, at the same time with you.

TR. Licet. 929-930
nunc ego me illac per posticum ad congerrones conferam. 931
dicam ut hic res sint quietae atque hunc ut hinc amoverim.—
PHAN. Hic quidem neque convivarum sonitus, item ut antehac fuit,
neque tibicinam cantantem neque alium quemquam audio.
TH. Quae illaec res est? quid illisce homines quaerunt apud aedis meas?

TR. All right. 929-930
now I will betake myself that way through the postern to my cronies. 931
I’ll say that things here are quiet and that I have removed this fellow from here.—
PHAN. Here indeed there is neither the sound of banqueters, just as before,
nor a pipe-girl singing nor anyone else do I hear. TH. What is that business? What are those men there seeking at
my house?

935
quid volunt? quid intro spectant? PIN. Pergam pultare ostium.

935
What do they want? Why are they looking inside? PIN. Shall I go on knocking at the door?

heus, reclude, heus, Tranio, etiamne aperis? TH. Quae haec est fabula?
PIN. Etiamne aperis?

hey, open up, hey, Tranio, are you opening yet? TH. What fable is this?
PIN. Are you opening yet?

Callidamati nostro adversum venimus.
TH. Heus vos, pueri, quid istic agitis? quid istas aedis frangitis?

We have come to meet our Callidamates.
TH. Hey you, boys, what are you doing there? Why are you breaking up that house?

PHAN. Heus senex, quid tu percontare ad te quod nihil attinet? 940
TH. Nihil ad me attinet? PHAN. Nisi forte factu's praefectus novos,
qui res alienas procures, quaeras videas audias.
TH. Non sunt istae aedis, ubi statis.

PHAN. Hey, old man, why do you inquire into what does not pertain to you? 940
TH. Nothing pertains to me? PHAN. Unless perchance you’ve been made a new prefect,
to manage alien affairs, to inquire, to see, to hear. TH. This is not the house at which you stand.

PHAN. Quid ais? an iam vendidit
aedis Philolaches? aut quidem iste nos defrustratur senex.

PHAN. What do you say? Or has Philolaches already sold the house?
Or indeed that old man is making fools of us.

TH. Vera dico. sed quid vobis est negoti hic? PHAN. Eloquar. 945
erus hic noster potat.

TH. I speak true. But what business have you here? PHAN. I will tell. 945
our master here is drinking.

TH. Erus hic voster potat? PHAN. Ita loquor.
TH. Puere, nimium delicatu's. PHAN. Ei advorsum venimus.

TH. Is your master here drinking? PHAN. So I speak.
TH. Boy, you are too delicate. PHAN. We have come to confront him.

TH. Cui homini? PHAN. Ero nostro. quaeso, quotiens dicendumst tibi?

TH. To which man? PHAN. To our master. please, how many times must it be said to you?

TH. Puere, nemo hic habitat. nam te esse arbitror puerum probum.
PHAN. Non hic Philolaches adulescens habitat hisce in aedibus? 950
TH. Habitavit, verum emigravit iam diu ex hisce aedibus.

TH. Boy, no one dwells here. For I reckon you to be a boy of probity.
PHAN. Does not the adolescent Philolaches dwell here in this house? 950
TH. He lived here, but he emigrated long ago from this house.

PIN. Senex hic elleborosust certe. PHAN. Erras pervorse, pater.
nam nisi hinc hodie emigravit aut heri, certo scio
hic habitare.

PIN. This old man certainly needs hellebore. PHAN. You err perversely, father.
for unless he emigrated from here today or yesterday, I certainly know
he lives here.

TH. Quin sex menses iam hic nemo habitat. PIN. Somnias.
TH. Egone?

TH. Why, for six months now no one inhabits here. PIN. You are dreaming.
TH. I?

PIN. Tu. TH. Tu ne molestu's. sine me cum puero loqui. 955
nemo habitat. PHAN. Habitat profecto, nam heri et nudius tertius,
quartus, quintus, sextus, usque postquam hinc peregre eius pater
abiit, numquam hic triduom unum desitum est potarier.
TH. Quid ais?

PIN. You. TH. You, don’t be troublesome. allow me to speak with the boy. 955
nobody lives here. PHAN. He certainly lives here, for yesterday and on the third day, fourth, fifth, sixth, ever since his father went abroad from here,
never has it ceased to be drunk here for a single triduum. TH. What do you say?

PHAN. Triduom unum est haud intermissum hic esse et bibi,
scorta duci, pergraecari, fidicinas tibicinas 960
~ducere. TH. Quis istaec faciebat? PHAN. Philolaches.

PHAN. For a single three-day period it has by no means been intermitted—
to be here and to drink,
courtesans to be led in, to go full-Greek, lyre-girls and flute-girls 960
~to lead in. TH. Who was doing those things? PHAN. Philolaches.

TH. Qui Philolaches?
PHAN. Quoius patrem Theopropidem esse opinor. TH. Ei <mihi>, occidi,
si haec hic vera memorat.

TH. Which Philolaches?
PHAN. Whose father I suppose is Theopropides. TH. Alas <mihi>, I am undone,
if he here relates these things truly.

pergam porro percontarier.
ain tu istic potare solitum Philolachem istum, quisquis est,
cum ero vostro? PHAN. Hic, inquam.

I will go on to inquire further.
do you say that that Philolaches there, whoever he is, was accustomed to drink there with your master? PHAN. Here, I say.

TH. Puere, praeter speciem stultus es. 965
vide sis, ne forte ad merendam quopiam devorteris
atque ibi ampliuscule quam satis fuerit biberis. PHAN. Quid est?
TH. Ita dico, ne ad alias aedis perperam deveneris.

TH. Boy, apart from your appearance you are foolish. 965
see, please, lest by chance you turn aside somewhere for a snack
and there drink a little more than would have been enough. PHAN. What is it?
TH. I say it thus, lest you mistakenly end up at some other house.

PHAN. Scio qua me ire oportet et quo venerim novi locum.
Philolaches hic habitat, cuius est pater Theopropides. 970
qui, postquam pater ad mercatum hinc abiit, hic tibicinam
liberavit. TH. Philolachesne ergo?

PHAN. I know where I must go, and I know the place to which I have come.
Philolaches lives here, whose father is Theopropides. 970
who, after his father went off from here to the market, here liberated a flute-girl. TH. Philolaches then?

PHAN. Ita, Philematium quidem.
TH. Quanti? PHAN. Triginta.

PHAN. Yes, Philematium indeed.
TH. How much? PHAN. Thirty.

TH. Talentis? PHAN. Ma ton Apollo, sed minis.
TH. Liberavit?

TH. For talents? PHAN. By Apollo, but for minas.
TH. Freed her?

PHAN. Liberavit valide, triginta minis. 973a
TH. Ain minis triginta amicam destinatam Philolachi?
PHAN. Aio. TH. Atque eam manu emisisse?

PHAN. He freed her in earnest, for thirty minae. 973a
TH. Do you say, with thirty minae, the girlfriend destined for Philolaches?
PHAN. I do. TH. And that he has manumitted her?

PHAN. Aio. TH. Et, postquam
eius hinc pater
sit profectus peregre, perpotasse assiduo, ac simul
tuo cum domino? PHAN. Aio.

PHAN. I say so. TH. And, after
his father from here
has set out abroad, to have caroused assiduously, and together
with your master? PHAN. I say so.

TH. Quid? is aedis emit has hinc proxumas?
PHAN. Non aio.

TH. What? Did he buy these houses here next door?
PHAN. I say no.

TH. Quadraginta etiam dedit huic quae essent pignori?
PHAN. Neque istud aio. TH. Ei, perdis.

TH. Did he also give 40 to this man as collateral?
PHAN. I don’t say that either. TH. Ah, you’re spoiling it.

PHAN. Immo suom patrem illic perdidit.
TH. Vera cantas. PHAN. Vana vellem.

PHAN. Nay, he lost his own father there.
TH. You sing truths. PHAN. I would they were vain.

patris amicu's videlicet. 980
TH. Eu edepol patrem eius miserum praedicas. PHAN. Nihil hoc quidem est,
triginta minae, prae quam alios dapsilis sumptus facit.
TH. Perdidit patrem.

the father's friend, evidently. 980
TH. Eh, by Pollux, you proclaim his father wretched. PHAN. This, indeed, is nothing—
thirty minas—compared with the sumptuous expense he makes others bear.
TH. He ruined his father.

PHAN. Vnus istic servos est sacerrimus,
Tranio: is vel Herculi conterere quaestum possiet.
edepol ne me eius patris misere miseret, qui cum istaec sciet 985
facta ita, amburet ei misero corculum carbunculus.
TH. Si quidem istaec vera sunt.

PHAN. There is one slave there most accursed,
Tranio: he could even grind down the gain of Hercules.
By Pollux, I truly pity his poor father, who, when he learns these things 985
done thus, a little ember will scorch his poor little heart.
TH. If indeed these things are true.

PHAN. Quid meream, quam ob rem mentiar?
PIN. Heus vos, ecquis hasce aperit? PHAN. Quid istas pultas, ubi nemo intus est?

PHAN. What do I deserve, for what
reason should I lie?
PIN. Hey, you there, will anyone open these? PHAN. Why are you knocking at those
doors, when no one is inside?

alio credo comissatum abiisse. abeamus nunciam
atque porro quaeritemus <illos>. sequere hac me. <PIN. Sequor>. 990
TH. Puere, iamne abis? PHAN. Libertas paenulast tergo tuo:
mihi, nisi ut erum metuam et curem, nihil est qui tergum tegam.—

I believe they’ve gone off elsewhere to revel. let’s go away now
and further search <those>. follow me this way. <PIN.
I follow>. 990
TH. Boy, are you leaving already? PHAN. Freedom is a cloak on your back:
for me, save fear of and concern for my master, there’s nothing to cover my back.—

IV.iv
TH. Perii hercle, quid opust verbis? ut verba audio,
non equidem in Aegyptum hinc modo vectus fui,
sed etiam in terras solas orasque ultumas 995
sum circumvectus, ita ubi nunc sim nescio.
verum iam scibo, nam eccum unde aedis filius
meus emit.

IV.iv
TH. I’m done for, by Hercules—what need is there of words? As I hear the words,
not only have I just now been carried from here into Egypt,
but even around desolate lands and the farthest shores 995
I have been wafted, so that I don’t know where I am now.
But now I shall know, for look—there’s the one from whom my son
bought a house.

quid agis tu? SIMO A foro incedo domum.
TH. Numquid processit ad forum hodie novi?
SI. Etiam.

what are you doing? SIMO I proceed home from the forum.
TH. Has anything new proceeded to the forum today?
SI. Yes.

TH. Quid tandem? SI. Vidi efferri mortuom. TH. Hem.

TH. What, pray? SI. I saw a corpse being carried out. TH.
Hah.

1000
SI. [Novom unum: vidi mortuom efferri foras.]
modo eum vixisse aiebant. TH. Vae capiti tuo.
SI. Quid tu otiosus res novas requiritas?

1000
SI. [One novelty: I saw a dead man carried out.]
just now they were saying he had been alive. TH. Woe to your head.
SI. Why do you, idle, be seeking after new things?

TH. Quia hodie adveni peregre. SI. Promisi foras,
ad cenam ne me te vocare censeas. 1005
TH. Haud postulo edepol. SI. Verum cras, nisi <quis> prius
vocaverit me, vel apud te cenavero.

TH. Because today I have arrived from abroad. SI. I am engaged out of doors,
so do not suppose that I am inviting you to dinner. 1005
TH. By Pollux, I do not ask it at all. SI. But tomorrow, unless someone
has invited me first, I will dine even at your place.

TH. Ne istuc quidem edepol postulo. nisi quid magis
es occupatus, operam mihi da. SI. Maxime.
TH. Minas quadraginta accepisti, quod sciam, 1010
a Philolachete?

TH. Not even that, by Pollux, do I ask. unless you are more occupied, give me your attention. SI. By all means.
TH. You accepted forty minas, so far as I know, 1010
from Philolaches?

SI. Numquam nummum, quod sciam.
TH. Quid, a Tranione servo? SI. Multo <hercle> id minus.

SI. Never a coin, so far as I know.
TH. What, from Tranio the slave? SI. Much less than that, by Hercules.

TH. Quas arraboni tibi dedit? SI. Quid somnias?
TH. Egone?

TH. What did he give you as earnest-money? SI. What are you dreaming?
TH. I?

at quidem tu, qui istoc te speras modo
potesse dissimulando infectum hoc reddere. 1015
SI. Quid autem? TH. Quod me apsente hic tecum filius
negoti gessit. SI. Mecum ut ille hic gesserit,
dum tu hinc abes, negoti?

but indeed you, who hope in that way
to be able, by dissimulating, to render this undone. 1015
SI. What then? TH. That, in my absence, your son here with you
did business. SI. That he here should have done business with me,
while you were away from here?

quidnam aut quo die? 1018-1020
TH. Minas tibi octoginta argenti debeo. 1021
SI. Non mihi quidem hercle. verum, si debes, cedo.
fides servanda est, ne ire infitias postules.

what indeed or on which day? 1018-1020
TH. I owe you eighty minas of silver. 1021
SI. Not to me indeed, by Hercules. But if you owe, hand it over.
faith must be kept, lest you proceed to denial.

TH. Profecto non negabo debere, et dabo;
tu cave quadraginta accepisse hinc te neges.               1025
SI. Quaeso edepol huc me aspecta, et responde mihi.
<quadraginta istas cur mih>i argenti minas                      1026a
fil<ius, ut ais, debebat? TH.> Ego dicam tibi.                1026b
ta<lentis duobus, Tranio ut dixit> mihi,                           1026c
de te aedis <emit.

TH. Surely I will not deny that I owe it, and I will give;
you take care not to deny that you received forty from here.               1025
SI. Please, by Pollux, look at me here, and answer me.
<why to me those forty> minas of silver                      1026a
did my son, as you say, owe? TH.> I will tell you.                1026b
wi<th two talents, as Tranio said> to me,                           1026c
from you he <bought a house.

SI. De me> ille aedis emerit? 1026d
* * * 1026e
SI. Te velle uxorem aiebat tuo nato dare,
ideo aedificare hic velle aiebat in tuis.
TH. Hic aedificare volui? SI. Sic dixit mihi.

SI. From me has he bought a house? 1026d
* * * 1026e
SI. He said that you wanted to give a wife to your son,
therefore he said he wanted to build here on your property.
TH. I wanted to build here? SI. So he told me.

TH. Ei mihi, disperii. vocis non habeo satis. 1030
vicine, perii, interii. SI. Numquid Tranio
turbavit?

TH. Ah me, I am utterly undone. I do not have voice enough. 1030
neighbor, I have perished, I am undone. SI. Has Tranio
disturbed anything?

TH. Immo exturbavit omnia.
deludificatust me hodie indignis modis.
SI. Quid tu ais?

TH. Rather, he has thrown everything into turmoil.
He has deluded me today in unworthy modes.
SI. What do you say?

TH. Haec res sic est ut narro tibi:
deludificatust me hodie in perpetuom modum. 1035
nunc te obsecro, ut me bene iuves operamque des.
SI. Quid vis? TH. I mecum <hinc>, obsecro, <ad te> una simul.

TH. This matter is thus as I narrate to you:
I have been made sport of today in a perpetual fashion. 1035
now I beseech you, that you may well aid me and give your effort.
SI. What do you want? TH. Go with me <from here>, I pray, <to you> together at once.

SI. Fiat. TH. Servorumque operam et lora mihi cedo.
SI. Sume.

SI. Let it be done. TH. And hand over to me the service of the slaves and the straps.
SI. Take them.

TH. Eademque opera haec tibi narravero,
quis med exemplis hodie ludificatus est. 1040

TH. And with the same effort I will narrate these things to you,
by what examples he has deluded me today. 1040

ACTVS V

ACT 5

V.i
TRANIO Qui homo timidus erit in rebus dubiis, nauci non erit;
atque equidem quid id esse dicam verbum nauci, nescio.
nam erus me postquam rus misit, filium ut suom arcesserem,
abii illac per angiportum ad hortum nostrum clanculum, 1044-1045
ostium quod in angiportu est horti, patefeci fores, 1046
eaque eduxi omnem legionem, et maris et feminas.
postquam ex opsidione in tutum eduxi maniplares meos,
capio consilium, ut senatum congerronum convocem.

V.i
TRANIO The man who will be timid in doubtful matters will be worth a trifle;
and indeed what I should say that word “nauci” is, I do not know.
For after the master sent me to the country, to fetch his son,
I went that way through the alley to our garden on the sly, 1044-1045
the door of the garden that is in the alley I opened wide, 1046
and from there I led out the whole legion, both males and females.
after I led my manipulars out from the siege into safety,
I take counsel, to convene a senate of my fellows.

quoniam convocavi, atque illi me ex senatu segregant.                1050
ubi ego me video venire in meo foro, quantum potest
facio idem quod plurimi alii, quibus res timida aut turbidast:
pergunt turbare usque, ut ne quid possit conquiescere.
nam scio equidem nullo pacto iam esse posse haec clam senem. 1054-1055
non amicus alius quisquamst ***                   1056
aut ***
pro ***
ille qui *** ero simul. ***                             1059-1060
praeoccupabo atque anteveniam et foedus feriam.

since I convened them, and they segregate me from the senate.                1050
when I see myself coming into my own forum, as much as possible
I do the same as very many others, for whom the matter is timid or turbid:
they proceed to throw things into turmoil continually, so that nothing can come to rest.
for I know indeed that by no means now can these things be kept secret from the old man. 1054-1055
no other friend at all is ***                   1056
or ***
for ***
that one who *** I will be at the same time. ***                             1059-1060
I will preoccupy and forestall and strike a treaty.

me moror. 1061
sed quid hoc est, quod foris concrepuit proxima vicinia?
erus meus hic quidem est. gustare ego eius sermonem volo.

I linger. 1061
But what is this, what has rattled outside in the nearest vicinity?
My master is here indeed. I want to taste his discourse.

THEOPROPIDES Ilico intra limen isti astate, ut, cum extemplo vocem,
continuo exiliatis. manicas celeriter conectite. 1065
ego illum ante aedis praestolabor ludificatorem meum,
cuius ego hodie ludificabor corium, si vivo, probe.
TR. Res palam est.

THEOPROPIDES Straightway stand within the threshold, you there, so that, when I call forthwith,
you at once leap out. Quickly fasten the manacles. 1065
I will wait before the house for that mocker of mine,
whose hide I today will make sport of—if I live—thoroughly. TR. The matter is plain.

nunc te videre meliust quid agas, Tranio.
TH. Docte atque astu mihi captandumst cum illo, ubi huc advenerit.
non ego illi extemplo hamum ostendam, sensim mittam lineam. 1070
dissimulabo me horum quicquam scire.

now you’d better see to what you’re doing, Tranio.
TH. Skillfully and with astuteness I must entrap him, when he arrives here.
I will not at once show him the hook; little by little I will cast the line. 1070
I will pretend that I know nothing of these things.

TR. O mortalem malum,
alter hoc Athenis nemo doctior dici potest.
verba illi non magis dare hodie quisquam quam lapidi potest.
adgrediar hominem, appellabo.

TR. O mortal pest,
no other in Athens can be said more learned than this one.
no one today can give words to him any more than to a stone.
I will approach the man, I will address him.

TH. Nunc ego ille huc veniat velim.
TR. Siquidem pol me quaeris, adsum praesens praesenti tibi. 1075
TH. Euge, Tranio, quid agitur? TR. Veniunt rure rustici.

TH. Now I would like that fellow to come here.
TR. If indeed, by Pollux, you’re looking for me, I am here—present to you present. 1075
TH. Bravo, Tranio; what’s going on? TR. The rustics are coming from the country.

Philolaches iam hic aderit. TH. Edepol mi opportune advenerit.
nostrum ego hunc vicinum opinor esse hominem audacem et malum.

Philolaches will be here now. TH. By Pollux, he will have come opportunely for me.
I think this neighbor of ours is a man audacious and evil.

TR. Quidum? TH. Quia negat novisse vos. TR. Negat?

TR. How so? TH. Because he says he does not know you. TR. He denies it?

TH. Nec vos sibi
nummum umquam argenti dedisse. TR. Abi, ludis me, credo haud negat. 1080
TH. Quid iam? TR. Scio, iocaris nunc tu. nam ille quidem <edepol> haud negat.

TH.
Nor that you ever gave him a single coin of silver. TR. Away, you’re teasing me; I suppose he does not deny. 1080
TH. What now? TR. I know, you’re joking now; for he indeed, <edepol> does not deny.

TH. Immo edepol negat profecto, neque se hasce aedis Philolachi
vendidisse. TR. Eho, an negavit sibi datum argentum, obsecro?
TH. Quin ius iurandum pollicitust dare se, si vellem, mihi,
neque se hasce aedis vendidisse neque sibi argentum datum [est]. 1085
* * *
TH. Dixi ego istuc idem illi.

TH. Nay, by Pollux, he certainly denies it, and that he has not sold this house of Philolaches.
TR. Hey, has he denied that the silver was given to him, I beseech?
TH. Why, he promised to give an oath, if I wished, to me,
that he had neither sold this house nor that silver had been given to him [has been]. 1085
* * *
TH. I said that same thing to him.

TR. Quid ait? TH. Servos pollicitust dare
suos mihi omnes quaestioni. TR. Nugas.

TR. What does he say? TH. He has promised to hand over
all his slaves to me for interrogation. TR. Nonsense.

numquam edepol dabit.
TH. Dat profecto. TR. Quin i cum illo in ius.

Never, by Pollux, will he give.
TH. He gives, assuredly. TR. Why don’t you go with him into court?

sine inveniam. TH. Mane.
experiar, ut opinor.

let me find out. TH. Wait.
I will try, as I opine.

certum est. TR. <Immo> mihi hominem cedo. 1090
vel hominem iube aedis ~ mancipio poscere. TH. Immo hoc primum volo,
quaestioni accipere servos.

It is certain. TR. <Rather> hand the man over to me. 1090
or else order the man to claim the house ~ by mancipium. TH. Rather, this first I want,
to take the slaves for inquest.

TR. Faciundum edepol censeo.
TH. Quid si igitur ego accersam homines? TR. Factum iam esse oportuit.

TR. By Pollux, I think it must be done.
TH. What if, therefore, I were to summon the men? TR. It ought to have been done already

ego interim hanc aram occupabo. TH. Quid ita? TR. Nullam rem sapis.

I in the meantime will occupy this altar. TH. Why so? TR. You are wise in no matter.

ne enim illi huc confugere possint, quaestioni quos dabit. 1095
hic ego tibi praesidebo, ne interbitat quaestio.
TH. Surge. TR. Minime.

so that those whom he will deliver to the inquest cannot flee for refuge here. 1095
Here I will preside for you, lest the inquest be interrupted.
TH. Get up. TR. Not at all.

TH. Ne occupassis, obsecro, aram. TR. Cur?
TH. Scies.

TH. Do not occupy, I beseech, the altar. TR. Why?
TH. You will know.

quia enim id maxime volo, ut illi istoc confugiant. sine:
tanto apud iudicem hunc argenti condemnabo facilius.
TR. Quod agas id agas.

for indeed this is what I especially want, that they take refuge there. allow it:
by so much the more easily will I have them condemned in silver before this judge.
TR. Do what you are doing.

quid tu porro serere vis negotium? 1100
nescis quam metuculosa res sit ire ad iudicem?
TH. Surgedum huc igitur. consulere quiddam est quod tecum volo.

what further business do you want to sow? 1100
don’t you know how fearsome a thing it is to go before a judge?
TH. Get up here then. There’s something I want to consult about with you.

TR. Sic tamen hinc consilium dedero. nimio plus sapio sedens.
tum consilia firmiora sunt de divinis locis.

TR. Thus, however, from here I will give counsel. I am by far more sapient sitting.
then counsels are more firm from divine places.

TH. Surge, ne nugare. aspicedum contra me. TR. Aspexi. TH. Vides? 1105
TR. Video.

TH. Rise, do not trifle. just look toward me. TR. I have looked. TH. Do you see? 1105
TR. I see.

huc si quis intercedat tertius, pereat fame.
TH. Quidum? TR. Quia nil <illi> quaesti sit.

Here, if anyone as a third should intercede, let him perish by famine.
TH. Why so? TR. Because there would be no gain for him.

mali hercle ambo sumus.
TH. Perii. TR. Quid tibi est?

By Hercules, we are both in a bad way.
TH. I have perished. TR. What is the matter with you?

TH. Dedisti verba. TR. Qui tandem? TH. Probe
med emunxti.

TH. You’ve tricked me. TR. How so, pray? TH. You’ve thoroughly
wiped me clean.

TR. Vide sis, satine recte: num mucci fluont?
TH. Immo etiam cerebrum quoque omne e capite emunxti meo. 1110
nam omnia male facta vestra repperi radicitus,
non radicitus quidem hercle, verum etiam exradicitus.
TR. Numquam edepol hodie <hinc, si vivo,> invitus desistam tibi.

TR. Look, please, are you quite all right: is the mucus flowing?
TH. Nay rather, you have even wiped all the brain out of my head. 1110
for I have discovered all your misdeeds from the root,
not from the root indeed, by Hercules, but even uprooted root-and-branch.
TR. By Pollux, never today will I desist from you, though you are unwilling.

TH. Iam iubebo ignem et sarmenta, carnifex, circumdari.
TR. Ne faxis, nam elixus esse quam assus soleo suavior. 1115
TH. Exempla edepol faciam ego in te. TR. Quia placeo, exemplum expetis?
TH. Loquere: quoius modi reliqui, quom hinc abibam, filium?

TH. I will now order fire and faggots, executioner, to be set around. TR. Don’t do that, for I am accustomed to be sweeter boiled than roasted. 1115
TH. By Pollux, I’ll make an example of you. TR. Because I please, you seek an exemplar?
TH. Speak: of what sort did I leave my son, when I was going away from here?

TR. Cum pedibus, manibus, cum digitis, auribus, oculis, labris.
TH. Aliud te rogo. TR. Aliud ergo nunc tibi respondeo.

TR. With feet, hands, with fingers, ears, eyes, lips.
TH. I ask you something else. TR. Then I answer you something else now.

sed eccum tui gnati sodalem video huc incedere 1120
Callidamatem: illo praesente mecum agito, si quid voles.

but look, I see the associate of your son proceeding here 1120
Callidamas: with him present, conduct business with me, if you wish anything.

V.ii
CALLIDAMATES Vbi somno sepelivi omnem atque edormivi crapulam,
Philolaches venisse <dixit> mihi suom peregre huc patrem
quoque modo hominem ad<venientem> servos ludificatus sit,
ait se metuere in conspe<ctum sui patris pr>ocedere. 1125
nunc ego de sodalitate solus sum orator datus,
qui a patre eius conciliarem pacem. atque eccum optime.
iubeo te salvere et salvos cum advenis, Theopropides,
peregre, gaudeo.

5.2
CALLIDAMATES When I buried all my crapulence by sleep and slept it right off,
Philolaches told me that his own father had come here from abroad,
and in what way the slave made a mock of the man as he was arriving,
he says he is afraid to advance into the sight of his father. 1125
now I alone from the sodality have been appointed orator,
to conciliate peace with his father. And look—excellent.
I bid you be well, and I rejoice that you come safe, Theopropides,
from abroad.

hic apud nos hodie cenes, sic face.
TH. Callidamates, dei te ament. de cena facio gratiam. 1130
CALL. Quin venis?

Dine here with us today; do so.
TH. Callidamates, may the gods love you. I excuse myself from the dinner. 1130
CALL. Why not come?

TR. Promitte: ego ibo pro te, si tibi non libet.
TH. Verbero, etiam inrides? TR. Quian me pro te ire ad cenam autumo?

TR. Promise it: I will go for you, if it is not your pleasure.
TH. You whipping-post, do you even mock me? TR. Because I aver that I am going to dinner in your place?

TH. Non enim ibis. ego ferare faxo, ut meruisti, in crucem.
CALL. Age mitte ista ac te ad me ad cenam dic venturum.

TH. For you will not go. I will make you be borne, as you have merited, to the cross.
CALL. Come, drop those things, and declare that you will come to dinner at my place.

TR. Quid taces?
CALL. Sed tu, istuc quid confugisti in aram? TR. Inscitissimus 1135
adveniens perterruit me. loquere nunc quid fecerim:
nunc utrisque disceptator eccum adest, age disputa.

TR. Why are you silent?
CALL. But you—why have you fled for refuge to that altar? TR. A most ignorant fellow, arriving, terrified me. 1135
Speak now what I have done:
now, look, a judge-arbitrator for both is here; come, dispute your case.

TH. Filium corrupisse aio te meum. TR. Ausculta modo.
fateor potavisse, amicam liberasse absente te,
faenore argentum sumpsisse; id esse absumptum praedico. 1140
numquid aliud fecit nisi quod [faciunt] summis gnati generibus?

TH. I say that you have corrupted my son. TR. Just listen.
I admit that he has drunk, that he has freed his girlfriend in your absence,
that he has taken silver on interest; I declare that that has been spent. 1140
Did he do anything other than what [do] sons of the highest families?

TH. Hercle mihi tecum cavendum est, nimis qui es orator catus.
CALL. Sine me dum istuc iudicare. surge, ego isti adsedero.

TH. By Hercules, I must be on my guard with you, you who are an overly shrewd orator.
CALL. Let me judge that for the moment. Rise, I will sit beside that man.

TH. Maxime, accipito hanc <tute> ad te litem. TR. Enim istic captio est.
fac ego ne metuam *** ut tu meam timeas vicem. 1145
TH. Iam minoris <omnia alia fa>cio, prae quam quibus modis
me ludificatust.

TH. Maximus, take this case upon yourself. TR. For there is a catch in that.
see to it that I do not fear *** that you may fear in my stead. 1145
TH. Already I value ngs less, compared with the ways
he has made sport of me.

TR. Bene hercle factum, et factum gaudeo:
sapere istac aetate oportet, qui sunt capite candido.
TH. Quid ego nunc faciam? TR. Si amicus Diphilo aut Philemoni es,
dicito eis, quo pacto tuos te servos ludificaverit: 1150
optumas frustrationes dederis in comoediis.

TR. Well, by Hercules, well done, and I am glad it was done:
at that age, those who are white‑headed ought to be wise.
TH. What am I to do now? TR. If you are a friend to Diphilus or to Philemon,
tell them in what way your slave has made a fool of you: 1150
you will have supplied the best tricks for comedies.

CALL. Tace parumper, sine vicissim me loqui, ausculta. TH. Licet.
CALL. Omnium primum sodalem me esse scis gnato tuo.

CALL. Be silent a little while, allow me in turn to speak, listen. TH. You may.
CALL. First of all, you know that I am a comrade to your son.

is adiit me, nam eum prodire pudet in conspectum tuom 1154-1155
propterea quia fecit quae te scire scit. nunc te obsecro, 1156
stultitiae adulescentiaeque eius ignoscas: tuost;
scis solere illanc aetatem tali ludo ludere.
quidquid fecit, una nobiscum fecit: nos deliquimus.

He approached me, for he is ashamed to come forth into your sight 1154-1155
because he has done what he knows that you know. Now I beseech you, 1156
to pardon his folly and adolescence: he is yours;
you know that that age is wont to play such a game.
whatever he did, he did together with us: we are at fault.

faenus, sortem sumptumque omnem, qui amica <empta> est, omnia 1160
nos dabimus, nos conferemus, nostro sumptu, non tuo.
TH. Non potuit venire orator magis ad me impetrabilis
quam tu; neque <iam> illi sum iratus neque quicquam suscenseo.
immo me praesente amato bibito, facito quod lubet:
si hoc pudet, fecisse sumptum, supplici habeo satis. 1165
CALL. Dispudet.

interest, the principal, and all the expense, since the girlfriend was <bought>, everything 1160
we will give, we will contribute, at our cost, not yours.
TH. No orator could have come to me more likely to prevail
than you; nor am I <now> angry with him nor do I resent anything.
Nay rather, with me present, love and drink; do what you please:
if this shames him—that he has incurred expense—I deem it enough as a penalty. 1165
CALL. The shame will wear off.

TR. <Post> istam veniam quid me fiet nunciam?
TH. Verberibus caedere multum pendens. TR. Tamen etsi pudet?

TR. <After> that pardon, what will become of me now?
TH. To be beaten with scourges, hanging up, and plenty of it. TR. Even so, even if he’s ashamed?

TH. Interimam hercle ego <te>, si vivo. CALL. Fac istam cunctam gratiam:
Tranioni amitte quaeso hanc noxiam causa mea.
TH. Aliud quidvis impetrari perferam a me facilius, 1170
quam ut non ego istum pro suis factis pessumis pessum premam.

TH. By Hercules, I’ll kill you, if I live. CALL. Do me that whole favor:
let Tranio off this offense, I beg, for my sake.
TH. I would more easily allow anything else to be obtained from me, 1170
than that I should not press that fellow down to perdition for his very worst deeds.

CALL. Mitte quaeso. TH. Istumne <ut mittam>? viden ut astat furcifer?
CALL. Tranio, quiesce, si sapis.

CALL. Let him go, I beg. TH. Him—that I should let go? Do you see how that gallows-bird stands there?
CALL. Tranio, be quiet, if you are wise.

TH. Tu quiesce hanc rem modo
petere: ego illum, ut sit quietus, verberibus subegero.
TR. Nihil opust profecto. CALL. Age iam, sine te <hoc> exorarier. 1175
TH. Nolo ores.

TH. You just desist from pressing this matter
I will beat him into quiet with lashes, so that he may be still.
TR. There is no need at all, indeed. CALL. Come now, allow yourself to be prevailed upon <in this>. 1175
TH. I do not want you to plead.

CALL. Quaeso hercle. TH. Nolo, inquam, ores. CALL.
Nequiquam nevis.

CALL. Please, by Hercules. TH. I do not want you to beg, I say. CALL.
In vain you strive.

hanc modo noxiam unam, quaeso, <missam> fac causa mea.
TR. Quid gravaris? quasi non cras iam commeream aliam noxiam:
ibi utrumque, et hoc et illud, poteris ulcisci probe.

this one offense only, please, make <missam> for my sake.
TR. Why do you make difficulties? as if I will not already tomorrow incur another offense:
then you will be able to avenge both, both this and that, properly.

CALL. Sine te exorem. TH. Age abi, abi impune. em huic habeto gratiam.

CALL. Allow me to win you over. TH. Come, be off—be off with impunity. There—to this man
have gratitude.

1180
spectatores, fabula haec est acta, vos plausum date.

1180
spectators, this play has been acted; give applause.