Martial: EPIGRAMMATON LIBRI

Scio me patrocinium debere contumacissimae trienni desidiae; quo absolvenda non esset inter illas quoque urbicas occupationes, quibus facilius consequimur, ut molesti potius, quam ut officiosi esse videamur; nedum in hac provinciali solitudine, ubi nisi etiam intemperanter studemus, et sine solacio et sine excusatione secessimus. Accipe ergo rationem. In qua hoc maximum et primum est, quod civitatis aures, quibus adsueveram, quaero et videor mihi in alieno foro litigare; si quid est enim, quod in libellis meis placeat, dictavit auditor: illam iudiciorum subtilitatem, illud materiarum ingenium, bibliothecas, theatra, convictus, in quibus studere se voluptates non sentiunt, ad summam omnium illa, quae delicati reliquimus, desideramus quasi destituti.

I know I owe a defense for a most contumacious three‑year idleness; for which I would not be to be absolved even amid those urban occupations, by which we more easily contrive that we seem rather troublesome than dutiful; much less in this provincial solitude, where, unless we even study intemperately, we have withdrawn both without solace and without excuse. Receive therefore the account. In which the greatest and first point is this: that I seek the ears of the city, to which I had grown accustomed, and I seem to myself to be pleading in an alien forum; for if there is anything that pleases in my little booklets, the hearer has dictated it: that subtlety of judgments, that ingenium of subjects, the libraries, the theaters, the social gatherings, in which pleasures do not perceive that they are studying—in sum, all those things which, as pampered men, we left behind, we long for as if destitute.

Accedit his municipalium robigo dentium et iudici loco livor, et unus aut alter mali, in pusillo loco multi; adversus quod difficile est habere cotidie bonum stomachum: ne mireris igitur abiecta ab indignante quae a gestiente fieri solebant. Ne quid tamen et advenienti tibi ab urbe et exigenti negarem — cui non refero gratiam, si tantum ea praesto quae possum — , imperavi mihi, quod indulgere consueram, et studui paucissimis diebus, ut familiarissimas mihi aures tuas exciperem adventoria sua. Tu velim ista, quae tantum apud te non periclitantur, diligenter aestimare et excutere non graveris; et, quod tibi difficillimum est, de nugis nostris iudices nitore seposito, ne Romam, si ita decreveris, non Hispaniensem librum mittamus, sed Hispanum.

To these there is added the municipal rust of teeth and, in place of a judge, ill will, and one or two bad men who, in a tiny place, are many; against which it is hard to keep a good stomach every day: do not wonder, therefore, that what used to be done by one eager has been cast aside by one indignant. Yet, lest I should deny anything to you arriving from the City and exacting — to whom I do not repay a favor, if I merely furnish what I can — I imposed upon myself what I had been accustomed to indulge, and in very few days took pains to have your ears, most familiar to me, receive their arrival-gifts. Do you, please, not hesitate diligently to appraise and to shake out these pieces, which only with you are not in jeopardy; and — what is most difficult for you — judge our trifles with polish set aside, lest we send to Rome, if you so decide, not a “Hispaniensis” book, but a “Hispanus.”

Retia dum cessant latratoresque Molossi
Et non invento silva quiescit apro,
Otia, Prisce, brevi poteris donare libello.
Hora nec aestiva est nec tibi tota perit.

While the nets are idle and the barking Molossians,
And the forest rests, with the boar not found,
Leisure, Priscus, you can bestow on a brief little book.
The hour is not a summer hour, nor does it wholly perish for you.

Ad populos mitti qui nuper ab Urbe solebas,
     Ibis, io, Romam nunc peregrine liber
Auriferi de gente Tagi tetricique Salonis,
     Dat patrios amnes quos mihi terra potens.
Non tamen hospes eris, nec iam potes advena dici,              5
     Cuius habet fratres tot domus alta Remi.
Iure tuo veneranda novi pete limina templi,
     Reddita Pierio sunt ubi tecta choro.
Vel si malueris, prima gradiere Subura;
     Atria sunt illic consulis alta mei:              10
Laurigeros habitat facundus Stella penatis,
     Clarus Hyanteae Stella sititor aquae;
Fons ibi Castalius vitreo torrente superbit,
     Unde novem dominas saepe bibisse ferunt:
Ille dabit populo patribusque equitique legendum,              15

You who lately were accustomed to be sent to the peoples from the City,
     you will go—io!—to Rome now, peregrine book,
from the race of the gold-bearing Tagus and the grim Salo,
     which mighty land gives me as my native rivers.
Yet you will not be a guest, nor now can you be called a newcomer,              5
     of whom the lofty house of Remus holds so many brothers.
In your own right seek the venerable thresholds of the new temple,
     where the roofs have been restored to the Pierian choir.
Or, if you prefer, go first through the Subura;
     there are the lofty halls of my consul there:              10
the eloquent Stella dwells with laurel-bearing Penates,
     Stella, famed, a thirster for Hyantean water;
there the Castalian spring prides itself with a glassy torrent,
     whence they say the nine mistresses have often drunk:
he will give it to be read by the people and by the fathers and by the equestrian order.              15

Nec nimium siccis perleget ipse genis.
Quid titulum poscis? versus duo tresve legantur,
Clamabunt omnes te, liber, esse meum.

Nor will he himself read it through with overly dry cheeks.
Why do you ask for a title? Let two or three verses be read,
All will cry that you, book, are mine.

III

Quod Flacco Varioque fuit summoque Maroni
     Maecenas, atavis regibus ortus eques,
Gentibus et populis, hoc te mihi, Prisce Terenti,
     Fama fuisse loquax chartaque dicet anus
Tu facis ingenium, tu, si quid posse videmur;              5
     Tu das ingenuae ius mihi pigritiae.
Macte animi, quem rarus habes, morumque tuorum,
     Quos Numa, quos hilaris possit habere Cato.
Largiri, praestare, breves extendere census,
     Et dare quae faciles vix tribuere dei,              10
Nunc licet et fas est.

What Maecenas was to Flaccus, to Varius, and to the highest Maro,
     a knight sprung from ancestors who were kings,
To nations and peoples, this—for me, Priscus Terentius—you,
     loquacious Fame and the aged page will say you were.
You make my genius; you—if we seem able to do anything—              5
     you grant to me the right of freeborn sloth.
Bravo in spirit, which you, a rare one, possess, and in your manners,
     which Numa, which cheerful Cato could possess.
To be generous, to provide, to stretch slender resources,
     and to give what the gracious gods scarcely bestowed,              10
Now it is permitted and right.

Sed tu sub principe duro
Temporibusque malis ausus es esse bonus.

But you under a harsh prince
and in bad times you dared to be good.

Longior undecimi nobis decimique libelli
Artatus labor est et breve rasit opus.
Plura legant vacui, quibus otia tuta dedisti:
Haec lege tu, Caesar; forsan et illa leges.

Longer for us was the toil of the eleventh and the tenth little book;
the labor has been curtailed, and a brief piece has been filed down.
Let the unoccupied read more, to whom you have granted secure leisure:
Read these, Caesar; perhaps you will read those as well.

Quae modo litoreos ibatis carmina Pyrgos,
     Ite sacra — iam non pulverulenta — via.
Contigit Ausoniae procerum mitissimus aulae
     Nerva: licet toto nunc Helicone frui:
Recta fides, hilaris clementia, cauta potestas              5
     Iam redeunt; longi terga dedere metus.
Hoc populi gentesque tuae, pia Roma, precantur:
     Dux tibi sit semper talis, et iste diu.

You songs, which just now were going to the shore-side Pyrgos,
     Go by the Sacred Way — now no longer dusty.
To the hall of the Ausonian nobles there has come the gentlest
     Nerva: now it is permitted to enjoy all of Helicon:
Upright faith, cheerful clemency, cautious power              5
     now return; long-standing fears have turned their backs.
This thy peoples and nations, dutiful Rome, pray:
     May a leader for thee always be such, and this one for long.

VII

Toto vertice quot gerit capillos,
Annos si tot habet Ligeia, trima est.

As many hairs as she bears on her whole crown,
if Ligeia has as many years, she is three years old.

VIII

Terrarum dea gentiumque Roma,
Cui par est nihil et nihil secundum,
Traiani modo laeta cum futuros
Tot per saecula conputaret annos,
Et fortem iuvenemque Martiumque 5
In tanto duce militem videret,
Dixit praeside gloriosa tali:
'Parthorum proceres ducesque Serum,
Thraces, Sauromatae, Getae, Britanni,
Possum ostendere Caesarem; venite.'

Rome, goddess of the lands and of the nations,
to whom nothing is equal and nothing second,
just now rejoicing in Trajan, when she computed
the future years through so many ages,
and the soldier as brave and young and Martial, 5
she saw in so great a leader,
she said, glorious with such a protector:
'Chiefs of the Parthians and leaders of the Seres,
Thracians, Sarmatians, Getae, Britons,
I can show Caesar; come.'

Palma regit nostros, mitissime Caesar, Hiberos,
Et placido fruitur pax peregrina iugo.
Ergo agimus laeti tanto pro munere grates:
Misisti mores in loca nostra tuos.

The palm rules our Iberians, most gentle Caesar,
and foreign peace enjoys the placid yoke.
Therefore we, joyful, render thanks for so great a gift:
you have sent your mores into our lands.

Habet Africanus miliens, tamen captat.
Fortuna multis dat nimis, satis nulli.

Africanus has a million, yet he angles for legacies.
Fortune gives too much to many, enough to no one.

Parthenio dic, Musa, tuo nostroque salutem:
Nam quis ab Aonio largius amne bibit?
Cuius Pipleo lyra clarior exit ab antro?
Quem plus Pierio de grege Phoebus amat?

Muse, say greeting to Parthenius, yours and ours:
For who has drunk more abundantly from the Aonian stream?
Whose lyre comes forth clearer from the Piplean cave?
Whom does Phoebus love more from the Pierian flock?

Et si forte — sed hoc vix est sperare — vacabit,              5
     Tradat ut ipse duci carmina nostra, roga,
Quattuor et tantum timidumque brevemque libellum
     Commendet verbis 'Hunc tua Roma legit.'

And if by chance — but this is scarcely to be hoped — he will have leisure,              5
     ask that he himself hand over our songs to the leader,
Four only, a timid and brief little book,
     commend it with the words, 'Your Rome reads this one.'

XII

Omnia promittis, cum tota nocte bibisti;
Mane nihil praestas. Pollio, mane bibe.

You promise everything when you have drunk the whole night;
In the morning you perform nothing. Pollio, drink in the morning.

XIII

Genus, Aucte, lucri divites habent iram:
Odisse, quam donare, vilius constat.

Auctus, the rich have anger as a kind of lucre:
To hate costs less than to donate.

XIV

Parcius utaris, moneo, rapiente veredo,
     Prisce, nec in lepores tam violentus eas.
Saepe satisfecit praedae venator, et acri
     Decidit excussus, nec rediturus, equo.
Insidias et campus habet: nec fossa nec agger              5
     Nec sint saxa licet, fallere plana solent.

Use more sparingly, I warn, the rushing post-horse,
     Priscus, nor rush so violently upon hares.
Often the hunter has had his fill of prey, and,
     shaken off from a spirited horse, has fallen, never to return.
Even the plain has ambushes: neither fosse nor rampart              5
     and though there be no rocks, the level places are wont to deceive.

Non deerit qui tanta tibi spectacula praestet,
     Invidia fati sed leviore cadat.
Si te delectant animosa pericula, Tuscis
      — Tutior est virtus — insidiemur apris.              10
Quid te frena iuvant temeraria? saepius illis,
     Prisce, datum est equitem rumpere, quam leporem.

There will not be lacking one to furnish you such great spectacles,
     but let the envy of fate fall more lightly.
If spirited dangers delight you, Tuscan
      — Valor is safer — let us lie in wait for boars.              10
What good to you are rash reins? more often to them,
     Priscus, it has been given to break a rider than a hare.

Quidquid Parrhasia nitebat aula,
Donatum est oculis deisque nostris.
Miratur Scythicas virentis auri
Flammas Iuppiter, et stupet superbi
Regis delicias gravesque lusus: 5
Haec sunt pocula, quae decent Tonantem,
Haec sunt, quae Phrygium decent ministrum.
Omnes cum Iove nunc sumus beati;
At nuper — pudet, a pudet fateri —
Omnes cum Iove pauperes eramus.

Whatever shone in the Parrhasian hall
has been bestowed upon our eyes and our gods.
Jupiter marvels at the Scythian flames
of green-glinting gold, and is astonished at the proud
king’s delights and weighty playthings: 5
these are the goblets that befit the Thunderer,
these are what befit the Phrygian cupbearer.
Now we are all blessed along with Jove;
but lately — it shames, ah it shames to confess —
we were all poor along with Jove.

XVI

Addixti, Labiene, tres agellos;
Emisti, Labiene, tres cinaedos:
Pedicas, Labiene, tres agellos.

You knocked down, Labienus, three little fields;
You bought, Labienus, three catamites:
You bugger, Labienus, three little fields.

XVII

Quare tam multis a te, Laetine, diebus
     Non abeat febris, quaeris et usque gemis.
Gestatur tecum pariter pariterque lavatur;
     Cenat boletos, ostrea, sumen, aprum;
Ebria Setino fit saepe et saepe Falerno,              5
     Nec nisi per niveam Caecuba potat aquam;
Circumfusa rosis et nigra recumbit amomo,
     Dormit et in pluma purpureoque toro.
Cum recubet pulchre, cum tam bene vivat apud te,
     Ad Damam potius vis tua febris eat?

Why for so many days does the fever not depart from you, Laetine,
     you ask and groan continually.
It is carried along with you, and equally is bathed;
     it dines on boletes, oysters, sow’s-udder, boar;
Drunk it becomes on Setian and often on Falernian,              5
     nor does it drink Caecuban except through snowy water;
Enwreathed with roses and black amomum it reclines,
     and sleeps on down and a purple couch.
Since it reclines finely, since it lives so well with you,
     would you rather your fever go to Dama instead?

XVIII

Dum tu forsitan inquietus erras
Clamosa, Iuvenalis, in Subura,
Aut collem dominae teris Dianae;
Dum per limina te potentiorum
Sudatrix toga ventilat vagumque              5
Maior Caelius et minor fatigant:
Me multos repetita post Decembres
Accepit mea rusticumque fecit
Auro Bilbilis et superba ferro.
Hic pigri colimus labore dulci              10
Boterdum Plateamque — Celtiberis
Haec sunt nomina crassiora terris — :
Ingenti fruor inproboque somno,
Quem nec tertia saepe rumpit hora,
Et totum mihi nunc repono, quidquid              15

While you perhaps, restless, wander
in the clamorous Subura, Juvenal,
or wear down the hill of Lady Diana;
while through the thresholds of the more powerful
a sweat-drenched toga fans you, and as you roam the Greater Caelius and the Lesser tire you:              5
me, after many Decembers repeated,
my Bilbilis has received and has made a countryman,
Bilbilis rich in gold and proud in iron.
Here, sluggish, we cultivate with sweet labor              10
Boterdum and Platea — these are names rather coarser for Celtiberian lands — :
I enjoy an enormous and immoderate sleep,
which not even the third hour often breaks,
and now I pay back to myself in full whatever              15

Ter denos vigilaveram per annos.
Ignota est toga, sed datur petenti
Rupta proxima vestis a cathedra.
Surgentem focus excipit superba
Vicini strue cultus iliceti, 20
Multa vilica quem coronat olla.

Thrice ten years I had kept vigil.
The toga is unknown, but to the one asking the nearest garment is given, torn, from the cathedra.
The hearth, proud with a pile from the neighbor’s well‑tended holm‑oak grove, welcomes me as I rise, 20
whom the vilica crowns with a plenteous pot.

Venator sequitur, sed ille quem tu
Secreta cupias habere silva;
Dispensat pueris rogatque longos
Levis ponere vilicus capillos. 25
Sic me vivere, sic iuvat perire.

A hunter follows, but the one whom you would wish
to have in a secret forest;
The easy steward dispenses to the boys and asks
them to lay aside their long hair. 25
So to live, so it delights me to perish.

XIX

In thermis sumit lactucas, ova, lacertum,
Et cenare domi se negat Aemilius.

In the baths he takes lettuces, eggs, and a cut of tunny,
and Aemilius says he cannot dine at home.

Quare non habeat, Fabulle, quaeris
Uxorem Themison? habet sororem.

Why, Fabullus, do you inquire why Themison does not have a Wife?
He has a sister.

XXI

Municipem rigidi quis te, Marcella, Salonis
     Et genitam nostris quis putet esse locis?
Tam rarum, tam dulce sapis. Palatia dicent,
     Audierint si te vel semel, esse suam;
Nulla nec in media certabit nata Subura              5
     Nec Capitolini collis alumna tibi;
Nec cito ridebit peregrini gloria partus,
     Romanam deceat quam magis esse nurum.

Who would think you, Marcella, a townswoman of rigid Salona,
     and who would suppose you born in our places?
You savor so rare, so sweet. The Palaces will say,
     if they but once hear you, that you are their own;
Nor will any girl born in the midst of the Subura compete with you              5
     nor the alumna of the Capitoline hill;
Nor will the glory of a foreign birth be quickly laughed to scorn,
     for whom it is more becoming to be a Roman daughter-in-law.

Tu desiderium dominae mihi mitius urbis
Esse iubes: Romam tu mihi sola facis.

You bid that my desire for the City be milder for me than for my mistress;
you alone make Rome for me.

XXII

Quam sit lusca Philaenis indecenter,
Vis dicam breviter tibi, Fabulle?
Esset caeca decentior Philaenis.

How indecently one‑eyed Philaenis is,
do you wish that I tell you briefly, Fabullus?
Philaenis would be more decent if she were blind.

XXIII

Dentibus atque comis — nec te pudet — uteris emptis.
Quid facies oculo, Laelia? non emitur.

You use purchased teeth and hair — and you are not ashamed.
What will you do about an eye, Laelia? It is not for sale.

XXIV

O iucunda, covinne, solitudo,
Carruca magis essedoque gratum
Facundi mihi munus Aeliani!
Hic mecum licet, hic, Iuvate, quidquid
In buccam tibi venerit, loquaris: 5
Non rector Libyci niger caballi,
Succinctus neque cursor antecedit;
Nusquam est mulio: mannuli tacebunt.
O si conscius esset hic Avitus,
Aurem non ego tertiam timerem. 10
Totus quam bene sic dies abiret!

O delightful solitude, travelling-cart,
more welcome than a coach and an essedum,
the gift to me of eloquent Aelianus!
Here with me you may, here, Juvatus, whatever
comes into your mouth, you may say: 5
no black driver of a Libyan nag,
nor a girded runner goes ahead;
nowhere is the muleteer: the little geldings will be silent.
O if Avitus were privy here,
I should not fear a third ear. 10
How well the whole day would pass thus!

XXV

Cum rogo te nummos sine pignore, 'non habeo' inquis;
     Idem, si pro me spondet agellus, habes:
Quod mihi non credis veteri, Telesine, sodali,
     Credis coliculis arboribusque meis.
Ecce, reum Carus te detulit: adsit agellus.              5
     Exilii comitem quaeris: agellus eat.

When I ask you for money without a pledge, you say, 'I do not have';
     The same, if a little field stands surety for me, you have it:
What you do not credit to me, Telesinus, an old comrade,
     You credit to my little cabbages and to my trees.
Look, Carus has named you defendant: let the little field be present.              5
     You seek a companion for exile: let the little field go.

XXVI

A latronibus esse te fututam
Dicis, Saenia: sed negant latrones.

You say you were fucked by robbers,
Saenia: but the robbers deny it.

XXVII

Poto ego sextantes, tu potas, Cinna, deunces:
Et quereris quod non, Cinna, bibamus idem?

I drink sixths; you, Cinna, drink eleven-twelfths:
And you complain that we do not, Cinna, drink the same?

XXVIII

Hermogenes tantus mapparum, fur est,
     Quantus nummorum vix, puto, Massa fuit;
Tu licet observes dextram teneasque sinistram,
     Inveniet, mappam qua ratione trahat:
Cervinus gelidum sorbet sic halitus anguem,              5
     Casuras alte sic rapit Iris aquas.
Nuper cum Myrino peteretur missio laeso,
     Subduxit mappas quattuor Hermogenes;
Cretatam praetor cum vellet mittere mappam,
     Praetori mappam surpuit Hermogenes.              10
Attulerat mappam nemo, dum furta timentur:
     Mantele a mensa surpuit Hermogenes.
Hoc quoque si deerit, medios discingere lectos
     Mensarumque pedes non timet Hermogenes.

Hermogenes is such a thief of napkins
     as, I think, scarcely Massa was of coins;
even if you observe your right and hold your left,
     he will find by what method to drag off the napkin:
thus the stag’s breath sips up the icy snake,              5
     thus Iris snatches on high the waters about to fall.
Recently, when a reprieve was being sought for the wounded Myrinus,
     Hermogenes filched four napkins;
when the praetor wanted to send the chalked napkin,
     Hermogenes stole the praetor’s napkin.              10
No one had brought a napkin, while thefts were feared:
     Hermogenes stole the table-towel from the table.
If even this is lacking, Hermogenes does not fear to ungird the middles of the couches
     and the legs of the tables.

Quamvis non modico caleant spectacula sole, 15

Although the spectacles grow hot beneath no moderate sun, 15

     Vela reducuntur, cum venit Hermogenes.
Festinant trepidi substringere carbasa nautae,
     Ad portum quotiens paruit Hermogenes.
Linigeri fugiunt calvi sistrataque turba,
     Inter adorantes cum stetit Hermogenes.              20
Ad cenam Hermogenes mappam non attulit unquam,
     A cena semper rettulit Hermogenes.

     The sails are hauled in, when Hermogenes comes.
The anxious sailors hurry to reef the canvas,
     whenever Hermogenes has appeared at the harbor.
The linen-clad bald men and the sistrum-bearing crowd flee,
     whenever Hermogenes has stood among the worshipers.              20
To dinner Hermogenes never brought a napkin,
     from dinner Hermogenes always carried one back.

XXIX

Sexagena teras cum limina mane senator,
     Esse tibi videor desidiosus eques,
Quod non a prima discurram luce per urbem
     Et referam lassus basia mille domum.
Sed tu, purpureis ut des nova nomina fastis              5
     Aut Nomadum gentes Cappadocumve petas:
At mihi, quem cogis medios abrumpere somnos
     Et matutinum ferre patique lutum,
Quid petitur? Rupta cum pes vagus exit aluta
     Et subitus crassae decidit imber aquae              10
Nec venit ablatis clamatus verna lacernis,
     Accedit gelidam servus ad auriculam
Et 'Rogat ut secum cenes Laetorius' inquit.

When you wear out sixty thresholds in the morning, senator,
     I seem to you an idle eques,
Because I do not run about through the city from first light
     And bring home, weary, a thousand kisses.
But you, so that you may give new names to the purple-dyed Fasti              5
     Or seek the tribes of the Nomads or of the Cappadocians:
But for me, whom you force to break off my sleep midway
     And to bear and endure the morning mud,
What is asked? When, with the soft leather burst, the wandering foot comes out,
     And a sudden downpour of thick water falls,              10
And the homeborn slave, though shouted for after the cloaks have been carried off, does not come,
     A slave approaches my icy ear
And says, “Laetorius asks that you dine with him.”

Viginti nummis? non ego: malo famem,
Quam sit cena mihi, tibi sit provincia merces, 15

For twenty coins? Not I: I prefer hunger,
Than that there be a dinner for me, for you a province be the wage, 15

Et faciamus idem nec mereamur idem.

And let us do the same, nor merit the same.

XXX

Siccus, sobrius est Aper; quid ad me?
Servum sic ego laudo, non amicum.

Aper is dry, sober; what is that to me?
I praise a slave thus, not a friend.

XXXI

Hoc nemus, hi fontes, haec textilis umbra supini
     Palmitis, hoc riguae ductile flumen aquae,
Prataque nec bifero cessura rosaria Paesto,
     Quodque viret Iani mense nec alget holus,
Quaeque natat clusis anguilla domestica lymphis,              5
     Quaeque gerit similes candida turris aves,
Munera sunt dominae: post septima lustra reverso
     Has Marcella domos parvaque regna dedit.
Si mihi Nausicaa patrios concederet hortos,
     Alcinoo possem dicere 'Malo meos.'

This grove, these fountains, this textile shade of the reclining
     vine-shoot, this ductile stream of irrigant water,
and meadows with rose-gardens that would not yield to twice-bearing Paestum,
     and greens that in the month of Janus are verdant and do not feel cold,
and the house-tamed eel that swims in enclosed waters,              5
     and the white tower that bears like-looking birds—
these are my lady’s gifts: to me returned after 35 years,
     Marcella gave these homes and little realms.
If Nausicaa should grant me her father’s gardens,
     I could say to Alcinous, “I prefer my own.”

XXXII

O Iuliarum dedecus Kalendarum,
Vidi, Vacerra, sarcinas tuas, vidi;
Quas non retentas pensione pro bima
Portabat uxor rufa crinibus septem
Et cum sorore cana mater ingenti.              5
Furias putavi nocte Ditis emersas.
Has tu priores frigore et fame siccus
Et non recenti pallidus magis buxo
Irus tuorum temporum sequebaris.
Migrare clivom crederes Aricinum.              10
Ibat tripes grabatus et bipes mensa,
Et cum lucerna corneoque cratere
Matella curto rupta latere meiebat;
Foco virenti suberat amphorae cervix;
Fuisse gerres aut inutiles maenas              15

O disgrace of the July Kalends,
I saw, Vacerra, your baggage, I saw;
which, not detained by a payment of rent for two years,
your wife, red-haired with seven locks, was carrying,
and your enormous, hoary mother together with your sister.              5
I thought the Furies had risen by night from Dis.
These you preceded, dried out with cold and hunger,
and paler than boxwood not fresh-cut;
you, the Irus of your times, were trailing after them.
You would think the Arician slope was moving house.              10
A three-footed pallet went, and a two-footed table,
and, along with a lamp and a horn crater,
a chamber-pot with a broken short side was peeing;
beneath the green hearth lay the neck of an amphora;
it seemed to have held gerres or worthless maenae-fish.              15

Odor inpudicus urcei fatebatur,
Qualis marinae vix sit aura piscinae.
Nec quadra deerat casei Tolosatis,
Quadrima nigri nec corona pulei
Calvaeque restes alioque cepisque, 20
Nec plena turpi matris olla resina,
Summemmianae qua pilantur uxores
Quid quaeris aedes vilicesque derides,
Habitare gratis, o Vacerra, cum possis?
Haec sarcinarum pompa convenit ponti.

The shameless odor of the little jar avowed it,
such as scarcely is the air of a sea fishpond.
Nor was a quarter of Tolosan cheese lacking,
nor a four-year-old garland of black pennyroyal,
and ropes of heads of garlic and onions, 20
nor a pot full of base mother-resin,
the Summemmian kind by which wives are depilated.
Why do you seek houses and mock the stewards,
when you can dwell for free, O Vacerra?
This procession of baggage befits the sea.

XXXIII

Ut pueros emeret Labienus vendidit hortos.
Nil nisi ficetum nunc Labienus habet.

To buy boys, Labienus sold his gardens.
Now Labienus has nothing except a fig-orchard.

XXXIV

Triginta mihi quattuorque messes
Tecum, si memini, fuere, Iuli.
Quarum dulcia mixta sunt amaris,
Sed iucunda tamen fuere plura;
Et si calculus omnis huc et illuc 5
Diversus bicolorque digeratur,
Vincet candida turba nigriorem.
Si vitare velis acerba quaedam
Et tristis animi cavere morsus,
Nulli te facias nimis sodalem: 10
Gaudebis minus et minus dolebis.

Thirty-four harvests with you, if I remember, have been, Julius.
Of which the sweet things were mixed with bitter,
But nevertheless the pleasing were more;
And if every counter, hither and thither,
varied and two-colored, be sorted, 5
the white throng will outnumber the darker.
If you wish to avoid certain bitter things
and beware the bites of a gloomy mind,
make yourself too much a companion to no one: 10
you will rejoice less and you will grieve less.

XXXV

Tamquam simpliciter mecum, Callistrate, vivas,
Dicere percisum te mihi saepe soles.
Non es tam simplex, quam vis, Callistrate, credi.
Nam quisquis narrat talia, plura tacet.

As though you live simply with me, Callistratus,
you are accustomed often to say to me that you are laid bare.
You are not so simple as you wish, Callistratus, to be believed.
For whoever narrates such things keeps more things silent.

XXXVI

Libras quattuor aut duas amico
Algentemque togam brevemque laenam,
Interdum aureolos manu crepantis,
Possint ducere qui duas Kalendas,
Quod nemo, nisi tu, Labulle, donas, 5
Non es, crede mihi, bonus. Quid ergo?
Ut verum loquar, optimus malorum es.
Pisones Senecasque Memmiosque
Et Crispos mihi redde, sed priores:
Fies protinus ultimus bonorum. 10
Vis cursu pedibusque gloriari?

Four pounds or two to a friend,
and a freezing toga and a short cloak,
sometimes little gold-pieces jingling in the hand,
which can draw out two Kalends,
which no one, except you, Labullus, gives, 5
you are not, believe me, good. What then?
To speak true, you are the best of the bad.
Give me back the Pisos and the Senecas and the Memmii
and the Crispi, but the earlier ones:
you will straightway become the last of the good. 10
Do you want to boast in running and in your feet?

Tigrim vince levemque Passerinum:
Nulla est gloria praeterire asellos.

Conquer the tiger and the nimble Passerinus:
there is no glory in passing by little asses.

XXXVII

Nasutus nimium cupis videri.
Nasutum volo, nolo polyposum.

You are too eager to seem nasute.
I want nasute; I do not want polypous.

XXXVIII

Hunc qui femineis noctesque diesque cathedris
     Incedit tota notus in urbe nimis,
Crine nitens, niger unguento, perlucidus ostro,
     Ore tener, latus pectore, crure glaber,
Uxori qui saepe tuae comes inprobus haeret,              5
     Non est quod timeas, Candide: non futuit.

This man who, by night and by day, on women's chairs
     Struts, too well-known to the whole city,
With hair gleaming, black with unguent, all translucent in purple,
     Soft of face, broad in chest, smooth of leg,
Who often, a shameless companion, clings to your wife,              5
     There is nothing for you to fear, Candidus: he does not fuck.

XXXIX

Odi te, quia bellus es, Sabelle.
Res est putida bellus et Sabellus.
Bellum denique malo, quam Sabellum.

I hate you, because you are "pretty," Sabellus.
"Pretty" and Sabellus is a putrid thing.
In the end, I prefer war to Sabellus.

Tabescas utinam, Sabelle belle!

Would that you waste away, pretty Sabellus!

Mentiris, credo: recitas mala carmina, laudo:
     Cantas, canto: bibis, Pontiliane, bibo:
Pedis, dissimulo: gemma vis ludere, vincor:
     Res una est, sine me quam facis, et taceo.
Nil tamen omnino praestas mihi. 'Mortuus,' inquis,              5
     'Accipiam bene te.' Nil volo: sed morere.

You lie, I believe: you recite bad poems, I praise:
     You sing, I sing: you drink, Pontilianus, I drink:
You fart, I feign not to notice: you want to play with a gem, I am beaten:
     There is one thing you do without me, and I am silent.
Yet you furnish me nothing at all. 'When you are dead,' you say,              5
     'I shall receive you well.' I want nothing: but die.

XLI

Non est, Tucca, satis, quod es gulosus:
Et dici cupis et cupis videri.

It is not enough, Tucca, that you are gluttonous:
You also desire to be called it and you desire to seem it.

XLII

Barbatus rigido nupsit Callistratus Afro,
Hac qua lege viro nubere virgo solet.
Praeluxere faces, velarunt flammea vultus,
Nec tua defuerunt verba, Talasse, tibi.
Dos etiam dicta est.

Bearded Callistratus married the rigid African,
Under that law by which a maiden is accustomed to marry a man.
The torches shone before, the bridal veils veiled the faces,
Nor did your words, Talassus, fail you.
The dowry too was named.

Nondum tibi, Roma, videtur 5
Hoc satis? expectas numquid ut et pariat?

Does it not yet seem to you, Rome, 5
Is this enough? Are you perhaps waiting for her to give birth as well?

XLIII

Facundos mihi de libidinosis
Legisti nimium, Sabelle, versus,
Quales nec Didymi sciunt puellae
Nec molles Elephantidos libelli.
Sunt illic Veneris novae figurae, 5
Quales perditus audeat fututor,
Praestent et taceant quid exoleti,
Quo symplegmate quinque copulentur,
Qua plures teneantur a catena,
Extinctam liceat quid ad lucernam. 10
Tanti non erat, esse te disertum.

You have read to me, Sabelle, too eloquent verses about the libidinous,
such as neither the girls of Didymus know nor the soft little books of Elephantis.
There are there new figures of Venus,
such as a depraved copulator would dare,
what exoleti might provide and keep silent, 5
by what symplegma five may be coupled,
by what chain more may be held,
what is permitted with the lamp extinguished.
It was not worth so much, your being eloquent.

XLIV

Unice, cognato iunctum mihi sanguine nomen
     Qui geris et studio corda propinqua meis;
Carmina cum facias soli cedentia fratri,
     Pectore non minor es, sed pietate prior.
Lesbia cum lepido te posset amare Catullo,              5
     Te post Nasonem blanda Corinna sequi.
Nec deerant zephyri, si te dare vela iuvaret;
     Sed tu litus amas.

Unique one, who bear to me a name joined by cognate blood,
     and hearts akin to mine in zeal;
since you compose songs yielding to a brother alone,
     you are not lesser in heart, but prior in piety.
When Lesbia could love you more than charming Catullus,              5
     winsome Corinna would follow you after Naso.
Nor were the Zephyrs lacking, if it might please you to set sail;
     but you love the shore.

Hoc quoque fratris habes.

This too you have from your brother.

XLV

Haedina tibi pelle contegenti
Nudae tempora verticemque calvae,
Festive tibi, Phoebe, dixit ille,
Qui dixit caput esse calceatum.

To you, covering with a goat-skin
the temples and the crown of your naked bald head,
wittily to you, Phoebus, said that fellow
who said that the head was shod.

XLVI

Difficilis facilis, iucundus acerbus es idem:
Nec tecum possum vivere, nec sine te.

Difficult, facile, jocund, acerb—you are the same:
I can neither live with you nor without you.

XLVII

Vendunt carmina Gallus et Lupercus.
Sanos, Classice, nunc nega poetas.

Gallus and Lupercus sell poems.
Now, Classicus, deny that poets are sane.

XLVIII

Boletos et aprum si tamquam vilia ponis
     Et non esse putas haec mea vota, volo:
Si fortunatum fieri me credis et heres
     Vis scribi propter quinque Lucrina, vale.
Lauta tamen cena est: fateor, lautissima, sed cras              5
     Nil erit, immo hodie, protinus immo nihil,
Quod sciat infelix damnatae spongia virgae
     Vel quicumque canis iunctaque testa viae:
Mullorum leporumque et suminis exitus hic est,
     Sulphureusque color carnificesque pedes.              10
Non Albana mihi sit comissatio tanti
     Nec Capitolinae pontificumque dapes;
Inputet ipse deus nectar mihi, fiet acetum
     Et Vaticani perfida vappa cadi.
Convivas alios cenarum quaere magister,              15

Boletes and a boar, if you set them out as though cheap,
     and you think these are not my wishes—I do want them:
If you believe I can be made fortunate and you wish
     to be written as heir on account of five Lucrines, farewell.
The dinner is lavish, however: I confess, most lavish, but tomorrow              5
     there will be nothing—nay, today, straightway indeed nothing,
which the unlucky sponge of the condemned rod might recognize,
     or any dog, and the potsherd joined to the roadway:
this is the end of mullets and hares and sow’s-udder—
     a sulphurous color and executioners’ feet.              10
No revel at Alba would be worth so much to me,
     nor the banquets of the Capitol and of the pontiffs;
let the god himself pour nectar for me—it will become vinegar,
     and the treacherous flat-wine of the Vatican cask.
Seek other guests for your dinners, master of banquets.              15

Quos capiant mensae regna superba tuae:
Me meus ad subitas invitet amicus ofellas:
Haec mihi, quam possum reddere, cena placet.

Those whom the proud realms of your table may take in:
Let my friend invite me to impromptu tidbits:
This dinner pleases me, one I can repay.

XLIX

Crinitae Line paedagoge turbae,
Rerum quem dominum vocat suarum
Et credit cui Postumilla dives
Gemmas, aurea, vina, concubinos:
Sic te perpetua fide probatum 5
Nulli non tua praeferat patrona:
Succurras misero, precor, furori
Et serves aliquando neglegenter
Illos qui male cor meum perurunt,
Quos et noctibus et diebus opto 10
In nostro cupidus sinu videre,
Formosos, niveos, pares, gemellos,
Grandes, non pueros, sed uniones.

O shaggy-haired Lina, pedagogue of the crowd,
whom rich Postumilla calls the lord of her affairs
and to whom Postumilla the wealthy entrusts gems, golden ware, wines, concubines:
thus, proven by perpetual faithfulness, 5
may your patroness set you before everyone:
help my wretched frenzy, I pray,
and sometimes negligently keep safe
those who badly scorch my heart,
whom I long, by nights and by days, 10
to see, eager, in my embrace—
handsome, snow-white, matched, twin-like,
large—not boys, but pearls.

Daphnonas, platanonas et aerios pityonas
     Et non unius balnea solus habes,
Et tibi centenis stat porticus alta columnis,
     Calcatusque tuo sub pede lucet onyx,
Pulvereumque fugax hippodromon ungula plaudit,              5
     Et pereuntis aquae fluctus ubique sonat;
Atria longa patent. Sed nec cenantibus usquam
     Nec somno locus est. Quam bene non habitas!

Laurel-groves, plane-groves, and airy pine-groves,
     and you alone have baths not of one only,
and for you a lofty portico stands on a hundred columns,
     and onyx, trodden beneath your foot, gleams,
and the fleeing hoof applauds the dusty hippodrome,              5
     and everywhere the surge of perishing water sounds;
long atriums lie open. But nowhere is there a place for diners
     nor for sleep. How well you do not dwell!

Tam saepe nostrum decipi Fabullinum,
Miraris, Aule? semper homo bonus tiro est.

That our Fabullinus is so often deceived,
do you marvel, Aulus? A good man is always a tyro.

LII

Tempora Pieria solitus redimire corona,
     Nec minus attonitis vox celebrata reis,
Hic situs est, hic ille tuus, Sempronia, Rufus,
     Cuius et ipse tui flagrat amore cinis.
Dulcis in Elysio narraris fabula campo,              5
     Et stupet ad raptus Tyndaris ipsa tuos:
Tu melior, quae deserto raptore redisti,
     Illa virum voluit nec repetita sequi.
Ridet et Iliacos audit Menelaus amores:
     Absolvit Phrygium vestra rapina Parim.              10
Accipient olim cum te loca laeta piorum,
     Non erit in Stygia notior umbra domo:
Non aliena videt, sed amat Proserpina raptas:
     Iste tibi dominam conciliabit amor.

Accustomed to wreathe his temples with a Pierian crown,
     and a voice no less celebrated among thunderstruck defendants,
here lies—here is that Rufus of yours, Sempronia—
     whose very ash itself burns with love of you.
A sweet tale you are recounted in the Elysian field,              5
     and the Tyndarid herself stands amazed at your abductions:
you are the better, you who returned, your ravisher left behind;
     she chose to follow her man, nor, though demanded back, to return.
Menelaus laughs and listens to the Iliac loves:
     your rapine acquits the Phrygian Paris.              10
When the joyous places of the righteous shall one day receive you,
     there will be no shade more renowned in the Stygian home:
Proserpina does not deem the taken as alien, but loves the seized;
     this love will win you the Lady for a patroness.

LIII

Nummi cum tibi sint opesque tantae,
Quantas civis habet, Paterne, rarus,
Largiris nihil incubasque gazae,
Ut magnus draco, quem canunt poetae
Custodem Scythici fuisse luci. 5
Sed causa, ut memoras et ipse iactas,
Dirae filius est rapacitatis.
Ecquid tu fatuos rudesque quaeris,
Inludas quibus auferasque mentem?
Huic semper vitio pater fuisti.

When coins and such great wealth are yours,
such as a rare citizen has, Paterne,
you bestow nothing and brood over your treasure-hoard,
like a great dragon, whom the poets sing
to have been the guardian of the Scythian grove. 5
But the reason, as you recount and yourself vaunt,
is that you are the son of dire rapacity.
Do you perchance seek fools and the untrained,
to mock them and to take away their mind?
To this vice you have always been a father.

LIV

Crine ruber, niger ore, brevis pede, lumine laesus,
Rem magnam praestas, Zoile, si bonus es.

Red in hair, black in face, short in foot, injured in eyesight,
You accomplish a great thing, Zoilus, if you are good.

Gratis qui dare vos iubet, puellae,
Insulsissimus inprobissimusque est.
Gratis ne date, basiate gratis.
Hoc Aegle negat, hoc avara vendit.

He who bids you give gratis, girls,
is the most insipid and most reprobate.
Do not give gratis; kiss gratis.
This Aegle denies; this the avaricious one sells.

Sed vendat: bene basiare quantum est! 5
Hoc vendit quoque nec levi rapina:
Aut libram petit illa Cosmiani,
Aut binos quater a nova moneta,
Ne sint basia muta, ne maligna,
Ne clusis aditum neget labellis. 10
Humane tamen hoc facit, sed unum,
Gratis quae dare basium recusat
Gratis lingere non recusat, Aegle.

But let her sell; what a thing it is to kiss well! 5
She sells this too, and not with light rapine:
either she demands a pound of Cosmian,
or four times two from the new coinage,
so that the kisses be not mute, not grudging,
nor deny access with lips shut. 10
Yet in one respect she does this humanely:
she who refuses to give a kiss for free
does not refuse to lick for free, Aegle.

LVI

Aegrotas uno decies aut saepius anno,
Nec tibi, sed nobis hoc, Polycharme, nocet:
Nam quotiens surgis, soteria poscis amicos.
Sit pudor: aegrota iam, Polycharme, semel.

You fall ill ten times or more often in a single year,
and this harms not you, but us, Polycharme:
for as often as you get up, you demand thank-offerings from your friends.
Have some shame: be ill now, Polycharme, once.

LVII

Cur saepe sicci parva rura Nomenti
Laremque villae sordidum petam, quaeris?
Nec cogitandi, Sparse, nec quiescendi
In urbe locus est pauperi. Negant vitam
Ludi magistri mane, nocte pistores, 5
Aerariorum marculi die toto;
Hinc otiosus sordidam quatit mensam
Neroniana nummularius massa,
Illinc balucis malleator Hispanae
Tritum nitenti fuste verberat saxum; 10
Nec turba cessat entheata Bellonae,
Nec fasciato naufragus loquax trunco,
A matre doctus nec rogare Iudaeus,
Nec sulphuratae lippus institor mercis.

Why I often seek the small, dry fields of Nomentum
and the filthy household Lar of a villa, you ask?
For a poor man, Sparse, in the city there is no place
either for thinking or for resting. Schoolmasters in the morning,
at night the bakers deny one’s life; 5
all day the little hammers of the coppersmiths;
here the money-changer, at his leisure, rattles his dirty table
with a Neronian ingot, there the hammerer of Spanish glass-gems
beats the worn stone with a shining mallet; 10
nor does the Bellona-possessed mob cease,
nor the gabby shipwrecked man with his bandaged stump,
nor the Jew taught by his mother to beg,
nor the bleary-eyed huckster of sulphurated wares.

Numerare pigri damna quis potest somni? 15

Who can count the damages of lazy sleep? 15

Dicet quot aera verberent manus urbis,
Cum secta Colcho Luna vapulat rhombo.
Tu, Sparse, nescis ista, nec potes scire,
Petilianis delicatus in regnis,
Cui plana summos despicit domus montis, 20
Et rus in urbe est vinitorque Romanus
Nec in Falerno colle maior autumnus,
Intraque limen latus essedo cursus,
Et in profundo somnus, et quies nullis
Offensa linguis, nec dies nisi admissus. 25
Nos transeuntis risus excitat turbae,
Et ad cubilest Roma. Taedio fessis
Dormire quotiens libuit, imus ad villam.

He will tell how many bronzes the hands of the city beat,
when the Moon, carved for the Colchian, takes a beating from the rhombus.
You, Sparse, do not know these things, nor can you know them,
pampered in the Petilian realms,
whose level house looks down upon the mountain’s summits, 20
and you have country-in-the-city and a Roman vintager,
nor is autumn greater on the Falerian hill,
and within the broad threshold there is a course for the chariot,
and sleep is in the deep, and rest is offended by no tongues,
and day is not admitted unless invited. 25
The laughter of the passing crowd rouses us,
and Rome is at the bedside. For us wearied with tedium,
whenever it has pleased us to sleep, we go off to the villa.

LVIII

Ancillariolum tua te vocat uxor, et ipsa
Lecticariola est: estis, Alauda, pares.

Your wife calls you a little lackey, and she herself
a little litter-girl: you are well matched, Alauda.

LIX

Tantum dat tibi Roma basiorum
Post annos modo quindecim reverso,
Quantum Lesbia non dedit Catullo.
Te vicinia tota, te pilosus
Hircoso premit osculo colonus; 5
Hinc instat tibi textor, inde fullo,
Hinc sutor modo pelle basiata,
Hinc menti dominus periculosi,
Hinc et dexiocholus, inde lippus,
Fellatorque recensque cunnilingus. 10
Iam tanti tibi non fuit redire.

So much of kisses Rome gives you,
on returning after only fifteen years,
as Lesbia did not give to Catullus.
You the whole neighborhood, you the hairy
farmer with a goat-reeking kiss presses; 5
here a weaver bears down on you, there a fuller,
here a cobbler with a hide just kissed,
here the master of the perilous chin,
here too the right-hand-grabber, there the bleary-eyed,
and a fellator and a fresh cunnilingus-performer. 10
Now it was not worth so much for you to return.

Martis alumne dies, roseam quo lampada primum
     Magnaque siderei vidimus ora dei,
Si te rure coli viridisque pudebit ad aras,
     Qui fueras Latia cultus in urbe mihi:
Da veniam, servire meis quod nolo Kalendis,              5
     Et qua sum genitus, vivere luce volo.
Natali pallere suo, ne calda Sabello
     Desit; et ut liquidum potet Alauda merum,
Turbida sollicito transmittere Caecuba sacco;
     Atque inter mensas ire, redire suas;              10
Excipere hos illos, et tota surgere cena
     Marmora calcantem frigidiora gelu:
Quae ratio est, haec sponte sua perferre patique,
     Quae te si iubeat rex dominusque, neges?

O day, alumnus of Mars, on which for the first time we beheld the rosy lamp
     and the great visage of the sidereal god,
if it will shame you to be worshiped in the countryside and at green altars,
     you who had been honored by me in the Latin city:
grant pardon that I am unwilling to serve my own Kalends,              5
     and I wish to live in the light by which I was begotten.
To grow pale on his natal day, lest hot calda be lacking for the Sabellus;
     and so that Alauda may drink clear, unmixed wine;
to pass the turbid Caecuban through the anxious sack (strainer);
     and to go and come back among his tables;              10
to receive these and those, and to rise throughout the whole dinner,
     treading marbles colder than frost:
what rationale is there to endure and suffer these things of one’s own accord—
     things which, if a king and lord should bid you, you would refuse?

LXI

Versus et breve vividumque carmen
In te ne faciam, times, Ligurra,
Et dignus cupis hoc metu videri.
Sed frustra metuis cupisque frustra.
In tauros Libyci ruunt leones, 5
Non sunt papilionibus molesti.

You fear, Ligurra, that I may make verses and a brief and vivid song
against you, and you wish to seem worthy of this fear.
But you fear in vain, and you desire in vain.
Libyan lions rush upon bulls, 5
they are not troublesome to butterflies.

Quaeras, censeo, si legi laboras,
Nigri fornicis ebrium poetam,
Qui carbone rudi putrique creta
Scribit carmina, quae legunt cacantes. 10
Frons haec stigmate non meo notanda est.

Seek out, I reckon, if you struggle to be read,
the drunken poet of the black arch,
who with crude charcoal and putrid chalk
writes poems which the defecating read. 10
This brow must be marked with a stigma not my own.

LXII

Antiqui rex magne poli mundique prioris,
     Sub quo pigra quies nec labor ullus erat,
Nec regale nimis fulmen nec fulmine digni,
     Scissa nec ad Manes, sed sibi dives humus:
Laetus ad haec facilisque veni sollemnia Prisci              5
     Gaudia: cum sacris te decet esse tuis.
Tu reducem patriae sexta, pater optime, bruma
     Pacifici Latia reddis ab urbe Numae.
Cernis, ut Ausonio similis tibi pompa macello
     Pendeat et quantus luxurietur honos?              10
Quam non parca manus largaeque nomismata mensae,
     Quae, Saturne, tibi pernumerentur opes?

Great king of the ancient sky and of the earlier world,
     under whom there was sluggish repose and no labor,
nor an over-regal thunderbolt nor any worthy of a thunderbolt,
     nor was the earth torn to the Manes, but rich for itself:
come cheerful and easy to these solemn joys of Priscus,              5
     it befits you to be with your own sacred rites.
You, best father, on the sixth Bruma, restore me returning to my homeland
     from Numa’s peaceful Latian city.
You see how a pageant like to you hangs in the Ausonian shambles,
     and how great an honor luxuriates?              10
How the unsparing hand and the nomismata of a lavish table—
     what riches, Saturn, are counted up to you?

Utque sit his pretium meritis et gratia maior,
Et pater et frugi sic tua sacra colit.
At tu sancte — tuo sic semper amere Decembri — 15

And so that for these merits there may be a reward and greater grace,
thus both father and frugal man honor your sacred rites.
But you, O holy one — may you thus always be loved in your December — 15

Hos illi iubeas saepe redire dies.

May you bid these days to return to him often.

LXIII

Uncto Corduba laetior Venafro,
Histra nec minus absoluta testa,
Albi quae superas oves Galaesi
Nullo murice nec cruore mendax,
Sed tinctis gregibus colore vivo: 5
Dic vestro, rogo, sit pudor poetae,
Nec gratis recitet meos libellos.
Ferrem, si faceret bonus poeta,
Cui possem dare mutuos dolores.
Corrumpit sine talione caelebs, 10
Caecus perdere non potest quod aufert:
Nil est deterius latrone nudo:
Nil securius est malo poeta.

Corduba, more cheerful than oily Venafrum,
and no less perfected in a Histrian earthenware jar,
you who surpass the white sheep of the Galaesus,
not mendacious by any murex nor by gore,
but with flocks dyed with a living color: 5
Say to your poet, I ask, let there be shame,
and let him not recite my little books for free.
I would endure it, if a good poet did it,
to whom I could give pains in kind.
A bachelor corrupts without talion, 10
a blind man cannot lose what he carries off:
nothing is worse than a naked robber:
nothing is safer than a bad poet.

LXIV

Vincentem roseos facieque comaque ministros
Cinna cocum fecit. Cinna, gulosus homo es.

Vincent—conquering the rosy attendants by his face and hair—
Cinna made a cook. Cinna, you are a gluttonous man.

LXV

Formosa Phyllis nocte cum mihi tota
Se praestitisset omnibus modis largam,
Et cogitarem mane quod darem munus,
Utrumne Cosmi, Nicerotis an libram,
An Baeticarum pondus acre lanarum, 5
An de moneta Caesaris decem flavos:
Amplexa collum basioque tam longo
Blandita, quam sunt nuptiae columbarum,
Rogare coepit Phyllis amphoram vini.

When lovely Phyllis, through the whole night, had shown herself to me lavish in every way,
and I was thinking in the morning what gift I should give—
whether a pound of Cosmus’s, or of Niceros’s,
or a keen weight of Baetican wools, 5
or ten gold pieces from Caesar’s mint—
having embraced my neck and, with a kiss so long as the nuptials of doves are,
coaxing, Phyllis began to ask for an amphora of wine.

LXVI

Bis quinquagenis domus est tibi milibus empta,
     Vendere quam summa vel breviore cupis.
Arte sed emptorem vafra corrumpis, Amoene,
     Et casa divitiis ambitiosa latet.
Gemmantes prima fulgent testudine lecti,              5
     Et Maurusiaci pondera rara citri;
Argentum atque aurum non simplex Delphica portat;
     Stant pueri, dominos quos precer esse meos.

Your house has been bought for 100,000,
     which you are eager to sell either for the highest price or for a shorter one.
But by crafty art you corrupt the buyer, Amoene,
     and the cottage, ambitious with riches, lies hidden.
Gem-studded beds gleam with first-quality tortoiseshell,              5
     and rare masses of Mauretanian citrus-wood;
The Delphic table bears silver and gold not simple;
     Pages stand, whom I could pray to be my masters.

Deinde ducenta sonas, et ais non esse minoris.
Instructam vili vendis, Amoene, domum.

Then you name two hundred, and say it is not for less.
You sell, Amoenus, the house furnished, at a cheap price.

LXVII

Maiae Mercurium creastis Idus,
Augustis redit Idibus Diana,
Octobres Maro consecravit Idus.
Idus saepe colas et has et illas,
Qui magni celebras Maronis Idus.

You, the Ides of Maia, created Mercury,
On the Ides of August Diana returns,
Maro consecrated the October Ides.
May you often celebrate the Ides, both these and those,
You who celebrate the Ides of great Maro.

LXVIII

Matutine cliens, urbis mihi causa relictae,
     Atria, si sapias, ambitiosa colas.
Non sum ego causidicus, nec amaris litibus aptus,
     Sed piger et senior Pieridumque comes;
Otia me somnusque iuvant, quae magna negavit              5
     Roma mihi: redeo, si vigilatur et hic.

Morning client, you were the cause that I left the city;
     if you are wise, you should cultivate ambitious atria.
I am no pleader, nor apt for bitter litigations,
     but sluggish and a senior, and a companion of the Pierides;
Leisure and sleep delight me—things which Great Rome denied to me:              5
     I go back, if one must keep vigil here too.

LXIX

Sic tanquam tabulas scyphosque, Paule,
Omnes archetypos habes amicos.

Thus, as if they were tablets and cups, Paul,
you have all your friends as archetypes.

LXX

Lintea ferret Apro vatius cum vernula nuper
     Et supra togulam lusca sederet anus
Atque olei stillam daret enterocelicus unctor,
     Udorum tetricus censor et asper erat:
Frangendos calices effundendumque Falernum              5
     Clamabat, biberet quod modo lotus eques.
A sene sed postquam patruo venere trecenta,
     Sobrius a thermis nescit abire domum.
O quantum diatreta valent et quinque comati!

When recently a home-born maid was carrying linens for Aper Vatius
     And a one-eyed old woman sat upon a little toga,
And the enterocoelic anointer gave a drop of oil,
     He was a grim and harsh censor of the wet:
He kept shouting that the cups must be broken and the Falernian poured out              5
     because a just-laved equestrian was drinking it.
But after three hundred came from an old paternal uncle,
     he does not know how to go home sober from the baths.
O how much diatreta and the five long-haired are worth!

Tunc, cum pauper erat, non sitiebat Aper.

Then, when he was poor, Aper was not thirsty.

LXXI

Nil non, Lygde, mihi negas roganti:
At quondam mihi, Lygde, nil negabas.

Lygde, you deny me everything when I ask:
But once, Lygde, you denied me nothing.

LXXII

Iugera mercatus prope busta latentis agelli
     Et male compactae culmina fulta casae,
Deseris urbanas, tua praedia, Pannyche, lites
     Parvaque, sed tritae praemia certa togae.
Frumentum, milium tisanamque fabamque solebas              5
     Vendere pragmaticus, nunc emis agricola.

Acres bought near the burial-mounds of a hidden little plot,
     and the gable-peaks propped of a poorly compacted cottage,
you desert the city lawsuits—about your estates, Pannychus—
     and the small, yet sure, rewards of the well-worn toga.
Grain, millet, barley-groats and beans you used to sell as a pragmatic dealer,              5
     now you buy as a farmer.

LXXIII

Heredem tibi me, Catulle, dicis.
Non credam, nisi legero, Catulle.

You say that I am your heir, Catullus.
I will not believe it, unless I have read it, Catullus.

LXXIV

Dum tibi Niliacus portat crystalla cataplus,
     Accipe de circo pocula Flaminio.
Hi magis audaces, an sunt qui talia mittunt
     Munera? Sed gemmis vilibus usus inest:
Nullum sollicitant haec, Flacce, toreumata furem,              5
     Et nimium calidis non vitiantur aquis.

While the Nile-borne merchantman carries crystals to you,
     receive cups from the Flaminian Circus.
Are these the bolder, or are they those who send such
     gifts? But in cheap gems there is a use:
No toreutic works, Flaccus, entice any thief,              5
     and they are not marred by waters that are too hot.

Quid, quod securo potat conviva ministro,
Et casum tremulae non timuere manus?
Hoc quoque non nihil est, quod propinabis in istis,
Frangendus fuerit si tibi, Flacce, calix.

What too, that the guest drinks carefree with a safe attendant,
and does not fear the chance of a trembling hand?
This also is not nothing: that you will pledge a toast in these,
if, Flaccus, a cup should have to be broken for you.

LXXV

Festinat Polytimus ad puellas;
Invitus puerum fatetur Hypnus;
Pastas glande natis habet Secundus;
Mollis Dindymus est, sed esse non vult;
Amphion potuit puella nasci. 5
Horum delicias superbiamque
Et fastus querulos, Avite, malo,
Quam dotis mihi quinquies ducena.

Polytimus hastens to the girls;
Hypnus, unwilling, admits to a boy;
Secundus has buttocks fattened on acorns;
Dindymus is soft, but does not wish to be;
Amphion could have been born a girl. 5
Of these men’s delights and pride
and querulous airs, Avite, I prefer,
rather than a dowry for me of 1,000.

LXXVI

Amphora vigesis, modius datur aere quaterno.
Ebrius et crudus, nil habet agricola.

An amphora at twenty, a modius is given for four in bronze.
Drunk and with a hangover, the farmer has nothing.

LXXVII

Multis dum precibus Iovem salutat
Stans summos resupinus usque in ungues
Aethon in Capitolio pepedit.
Riserunt homines, sed ipse divom
Offensus genitor, trinoctiali 5
Adfecit domicenio clientem.
Post hoc flagitium misellus Aethon,
Cum vult in Capitolium venire,
Sellas ante petit Paterclianas
Et pedit deciesque viciesque. 10
Sed quamvis sibi caverit crepando,
Compressis natibus Iovem salutat.

While with many prayers he salutes Jove,
standing, bent backward all the way to his very nails,
Aethon on the Capitol farted.
Men laughed, but the sire of the gods himself,
offended, afflicted his client with a three-night 5
home-dinner. After this disgrace poor little Aethon,
whenever he wants to come to the Capitol,
first seeks out the Paterclian seats,
and farts ten times and twenty times. 10
But although he has taken precautions for himself by crackling,
with buttocks compressed he salutes Jove.

LXXVIII

Nil in te scripsi, Bithynice. Credere non vis
Et iurare iubes? Malo satis facere.

I wrote nothing against you, Bithynicus. You do not wish to believe
And you order me to swear? I would rather give satisfaction.

LXXIX

Donavi tibi multa, quae rogasti;
Donavi tibi plura, quam rogasti:
Non cessas tamen usque me rogare.
Quisquis nil negat, Atticilla, fellat.

I have given you many things which you asked;
I have given you more than you asked:
Yet you do not cease continually to ask me.
Whoever denies nothing, Atticilla, fellates.

LXXX

Ne laudet dignos, laudat Callistratus omnes.
Cui malus est nemo, quis bonus esse potest?

Lest he laud the worthy, Callistratus lauds everyone.
To whom no one is bad, who can be good?

LXXXI

Brumae diebus feriisque Saturni
Mittebat Umber aliculam mihi pauper;
Nunc mittit alicam: factus est enim dives.

On the midwinter days and Saturnalia holidays
the Umbrian, poor, used to send me a little cloak;
now he sends spelt-groats: for he has become rich.

LXXXII

Effugere in thermis et circa balnea non est
     Menogenen, omni tu licet arte velis.
Captabit tepidum dextra laevaque trigonem,
     Inputet acceptas ut tibi saepe pilas.
Colliget et referet laxum de pulvere follem,              5
     Et si iam lotus, iam soleatus erit.

There is no escaping Menogenes in the baths and around the bathhouses,
     though you may will it with every art.
He will be catching the warm trigon with right hand and with left,
     he will impute to your account the balls you have received, again and again.
He will collect and carry back the slack ball from the dust,              5
     and even if you are now bathed, he will already be sandal-shod.

Lintea si sumes, nive candidiora loquetur,
     Sint licet infantis sordidiora sinu.
Exiguos secto comentem dente capillos
     Dicet Achilleas disposuisse comas.              10
Fumosae feret ipse propin de faece lagonae,
     Frontis et umorem colliget usque tuae.
Omnia laudabit, mirabitur omnia, donec
     Perpessus dicas taedia mille 'Veni!'

If you take up the linens, he will say they are whiter than snow,
     though they be dirtier than an infant’s bosom.
Someone arranging scant hairs with a notched tooth,
     he will say has disposed Achilles-like locks.              10
He himself will bring a draught from the dregs of a smoky flagon,
     and will continually collect the moisture of your brow.
He will praise everything, he will marvel at everything, until
     having endured a thousandfold tedium you say, 'Come!'

LXXXIII

Derisor Fabianus hirnearum,
Omnes quem modo colei timebant
Dicentem tumidas in hydrocelas,
Quantum nec duo dicerent Catulli,
In thermis subito Neronianis 5
Vidit se miser, et tacere coepit.

Fabianus, derider of hernias,
Whom all the testicles just now were fearing,
As he called them tumid into hydroceles,
As much as not even two Catulluses would say,
In the Neronian baths suddenly 5
Saw himself, wretch, and began to keep silence.

LXXXIV

Nolueram, Polytime, tuos violare capillos,
Sed iuvat hoc precibus me tribuisse tuis.
Talis eras, modo tonse Pelops, positisque nitebas
Crinibus, ut totum sponsa videret ebur.

I had been unwilling, Polytime, to violate your hair,
But it delights me to have granted this to your prayers.
Such you were, Pelops just now shorn, and you were shining
With your tresses laid aside, so that the bride might see all the ivory.

LXXXV

Pediconibus os olere dicis.
Hoc si, sicut ais, Fabulle, verum est:
Quid tu credis olere cunnilingis?

You say my mouth smells of sodomites.
If this, as you say, Fabullus, is true:
what do you think cunnilingers smell of?

LXXXVI

Triginta tibi sunt pueri totidemque puellae:
Una est nec surgit mentula. Quid facies?

You have thirty boys and just as many girls:
There is one member, and it does not rise. What will you do?

LXXXVII

Bis Cotta soleas perdidisse se questus,
Dum neglegentem ducit ad pedes vernam,
Qui solus inopi praestat et facit turbam,
Excogitavit — homo sagax et astutus —
Ne facere posset tale saepius damnum: 5
Excalceatus ire coepit ad cenam.

Twice Cotta complained that he had lost his sandals,
while he drags a negligent homeborn slave to his feet,
who alone lends to a poor man and gathers a crowd,
he devised — a shrewd and astute man —
so that he might not be able to make such loss more often: 5
he began to go to dinner unshod.

LXXXVIII

Tongilianus habet nasum: scio, non nego. Sed iam
Nil praeter nasum Tongilianus habet.

Tongilianus has a nose: I know, I do not deny it. But now
Tongilianus has nothing except a nose.

LXXXIX

Quod lana caput alligas, Charine,
Non aures tibi, sed dolent capilli.

That you tie up your head with wool, Charine,
it is not your ears that hurt, but your hair.

Pro sene, sed clare, votum Maro fecit amico,
     Cui gravis et fervens hemitritaeos erat,
Si Stygias aeger non esset missus ad umbras,
     Ut caderet magno victima grata Iovi.
Coeperunt certam medici spondere salutem.              5
     Ne votum solvat, nunc Maro vota facit.

For an old friend, but clearly, Maro made a vow,
     for whom a severe and burning hemitritaeus was,
if the sick man were not sent to the Stygian shades,
     that a pleasing victim might fall to great Jove.
The doctors began to pledge certain recovery.              5
     Lest he discharge the vow, now Maro makes vows.

XCI

Communis tibi cum viro, Magulla,
Cum sit lectulus et sit exoletus,
Quare, dic mihi, non sit et minister.
Suspiras; ratio est, times lagonam.

Common to you with your man, Magulla,
since the little bed is common and the exoletus is,
why, tell me, should not the minister be as well?
You sigh; the reason is, you fear the flagon.

XCII

Saepe rogare soles, qualis sim, Prisce, futurus,
Si fiam locuples simque repente potens.
Quemquam posse putas mores narrare futuros?
Dic mihi, si fias tu leo, qualis eris?

You are often wont to ask what I shall be like, Priscus, in the future,
if I should become opulent and be suddenly powerful.
Do you think anyone can narrate future character?
Tell me, if you should become a lion, what would you be like?

XCIII

Qua moechum ratione basiaret
Coram coniuge, repperit Fabulla.
Parvum basiat usque morionem;
Hunc multis rapit osculis madentem
Moechus protinus, et suis repletum 5
Ridenti dominae statim remittit.
Quanto morio maior est maritus!

By what method she might kiss her adulterer
in front of her husband, Fabulla discovered.
She keeps on kissing a little buffoon;
him, dripping with many kisses, the adulterer at once snatches,
and, stuffed with his own, at once sends him back to the smiling mistress. 5
How much greater a buffoon is the husband!

XCIV

Scribebamus epos; coepisti scribere: cessi,
     Aemula ne starent carmina nostra tuis.
Transtulit ad tragicos se nostra Thalia coturnos:
     Aptasti longum tu quoque syrma tibi.
Fila lyrae movi Calabris exculta Camenis:              5
     Plectra rapis nobis, ambitiose, nova.

We were writing epic; you began to write: I yielded,
     lest our emulous songs stand against yours.
Our Thalia transferred herself to the tragic buskins:
     you too fitted a long syrma for yourself.
I moved the strings of the lyre, cultivated by the Calabrian Camenae:              5
     you snatch from us, ambitious one, new plectra.

Audemus saturas: Lucilius esse laboras.
Ludo levis elegos: tu quoque ludis idem.
Quid minus esse potest?

We dare satires: you strive to be Lucilius.
I play at light elegies: you also play the same.
What can be less?

epigrammata fingere coepi:
Hinc etiam petitur iam mea palma tibi. 10
Elige, quid nolis — quis enim pudor, omnia velle? —
Et si quid non vis, Tucca, relinque mihi.

I began to fashion epigrams:
Hence even my palm is now being claimed by you. 10
Choose what you do not want — for what modesty is there in wanting everything? —
And if there is anything you do not wish, Tucca, leave it to me.

XCV

Musseti pathicissimos libellos,
Qui certant Sybariticis libellis,
Et tinctas sale pruriente chartas
Instanti lege Rufe; sed puella
Sit tecum tua, ne talassionem 5
Indicas manibus libidinosis
Et fias sine femina maritus.

Mussetus’s most pathic little books,
which vie with Sybaritic little books,
and pages tinged with prurient salt—
read forthwith, Rufus; but let your girl
be with you, lest you proclaim the thalassio 5
with lustful hands
and become a husband without a woman.

XCVI

Cum tibi nota tui sit vita fidesque mariti,
     Nec premat ulla tuos sollicitetve toros,
Quid quasi paelicibus torqueris inepta ministris,
     In quibus et brevis est et fugitiva Venus?
Plus tibi quam domino pueros praestare probabo:              5
     Hi faciunt, ut sis femina sola viro;
Hi dant quod non vis uxor dare. 'Do tamen,' inquis,
     'Ne vagus a thalamis coniugis erret amor.'
Non eadem res est: Chiam volo, nolo mariscam:
     Ne dubites quae sit Chia, marisca tua est.              10
Scire suos fines matrona et femina debet:
     Cede sua pueris, utere parte tua.

Since the life and faith of your own husband are known to you,
     nor does any woman press upon or agitate your couches,
why are you, foolish, tortured at servants as though at concubines,
     in whom Venus is both brief and fugitive?
I will prove that boys profit you more than their master:              5
     these make it so that you are the only female to your man;
these give what, as a wife, you are unwilling to give. 'Yet I give it,' you say,
     'lest love, a wanderer, stray from a husband's bridal chambers.'
It is not the same thing: I want a Chian fig, I do not want a marisca:
     lest you doubt what the Chian fig is—your fig is the marisca.              10
A matron and a woman ought to know their bounds:
     yield what is theirs to boys; use your own part.

XCVII

Uxor cum tibi sit puella, qualem
Votis vix petat inprobus maritus,
Dives, nobilis, erudita, casta,
Rumpis, Basse, latus, sed in comatis,
Uxoris tibi dote quos parasti. 5
Et sic ad dominam reversa languet
Multis mentula milibus redempta;
Sed nec vocibus excitata blandis,
Molli pollice nec rogata surgit.
Sit tandem pudor, aut eamus in ius. 10
Non est haec tua, Basse: vendidisti.

Since your wife is a young woman, such as a shameless husband could scarcely ask for in his prayers,
rich, noble, erudite, chaste,
you bust your flank, Basse—but on long‑haired youths,
whom you procured for yourself with your wife’s dowry. 5
And so, returned to its mistress, the penis, ransomed for many thousands, languishes;
but neither roused by coaxing voices,
nor, when entreated by a soft thumb, does it rise.
Let there at last be shame, or let us go to law. 10
This is not yours, Basse: you sold it.

XCVIII

Baetis olivifera crinem redimite corona,
     Aurea qui nitidis vellera tinguis aquis;
Quem Bromius, quem Pallas amat; cui rector aquarum
     Albula navigerum per freta pandit iter:
Ominibus laetis vestras Instantius oras              5
     Intret, et hic populis ut prior annus eat.
Non ignorat, onus quod sit succedere Macro:
     Qui sua metitur pondera, ferre potest

Baetis, your hair bound with an olive-bearing crown,
     you who dye golden fleeces in your shining waters;
whom Bromius loves, whom Pallas loves; for whom the ruler of the waters
     the Albula spreads a ship-bearing path through the straits:
with happy omens may Instantius enter your shores,              5
     and here for the peoples may the year go as the former one.
He does not ignore what an onus it is to succeed Macro:
     he who measures his own weights can bear them