Holberg: NICOLAI KLIMII ITER SUBTERRANEUM (1741)

PETRUS ET ANDREAS KLIMII, THOMAE KLIMII FILII, MAGNI KLIMII NEPOTES, BENEVOLO LECTORI SALUTEM. Cum ad aures nostras pervenerit, ab incredulis quibusdam in dubium vocari veritatem huius historiae, ac proinde editorem Itineris Subterranei sinistris passim rumoribus differri, consultum duximus, quo rumoribus mature obviam eatur, novam hanc editionem testimoniis popularium quorundam munire. Testes, quos adducimus, omni sunt exceptione maiores: quippe duos priores Heroi nostro novimus aequales, reliqui prope tempora Klimii vixere, et cuncti antiqua virtute et fide perspicui homines nec fabulas orbi obtrudere nec nubem pro Iunone amplecti solent.

PETER AND ANDREAS, SONS OF THOMAS KLIM, GRANDSONS OF MAGNUS KLIM, GREETING TO THE BENEVOLENT READER. Since it has come to our ears that the truth of this history is called into doubt by certain incredulous persons, and consequently that the editor of the Subterranean Journey is maligned everywhere by sinister rumors, we have deemed it expedient, in order that the rumors may be promptly met, to fortify this new edition with the testimonies of certain compatriots. The witnesses whom we bring forward are above all exception: indeed, we knew the first two as contemporaries of our Hero; the rest lived near the times of Klim; and all are men conspicuous for old-fashioned virtue and fidelity, who are not wont either to foist fables upon the world or to embrace a cloud in place of Juno.

Exhibito virorum tanti ponderis testimonio, exhibito autographo sigillis eorundem munito, obmutescant iam censores nostri, incredulitatem agnoscant ac temeraria sua iudicia damnent. Testimonium, nuper huc missum, his verbis conceptum est:

With the testimony of men of such weight exhibited, with the autograph exhibited, fortified with their seals, let our censors now be struck dumb, let them acknowledge their incredulity and condemn their temerarious judgments. The testimony, recently sent hither, was conceived in these words:

Rogatu Praestantissimorum Iuvenum Petri et Andreae Klimiorum testamur inter libros Celeberrimi Nicolai Klimii delituisse codicem quendam manuscriptum, cui titulus: Iter Subterraneum, subnexamque huic Itineri Grammaticam Subterraneam cum vocabulario quodam bilingui, Danico scil. et Quamitico. Collata cum codice hoc vetusto Latina Nob.

At the request of the Most Excellent youths Peter and Andrew Klimius, we attest that among the books of the Most Celebrated Nicholas Klimius there had lain hidden a certain manuscript codex, whose title: Subterranean Journey, and appended to this Journey a Subterranean Grammar with a certain bilingual vocabulary, Danish, namely, and Quamitic. Compared with this old codex the Latin Nob.

Abelini versione, quae iam publici iuris facta omnium manibus teritur, patet nihil ab archetypo aberratum. In fidem maiorem sigilla nostra apposuimus

From Abelin’s version, which, now made public property, is thumbed by the hands of all, it is clear that nothing has deviated from the archetype. For greater assurance we have affixed our seals

ADRIANUS PETRI M. ppria.
JANUS THORLACI M. ppria.
SVENO KLACK M. ppria.

ADRIANUS, SON OF PETER, BY HIS OWN HAND.
JANUS, SON OF THORLACUS, BY HIS OWN HAND.
SVENO KLACK, BY HIS OWN HAND.

IOACHIMUS BRANDARIUS M. ppria.
IANUS GADDIUS pro me et fratre M. ppria.
HIERONIMUS GIBS: scotus, M. ppria.

IOACHIMUS BRANDARIUS by my own hand.
IANUS GADDIUS, for me and my brother, by my own hand.
HIERONIMUS GIBS: a Scot, by my own hand.

Speramus insigni adeo et authentico testimonio omnem dubitationem sublatum iri. Si vero tot testibus convicti in apistiai perseverant Censores, arcem incredulitatis aliis armis expugnabimus. Constat, in eo Norvegiae tractu, quae Finmarchia dicitur, dari homines, in philosophia occulta, cuius ne limina quidem attigerunt aliarum gentium Doctores, adeo versatos, ut tempestates ciere ac sedare, in lupos se transformare, varias et orbi nostro ignotas linguas loqui, totumque orbem terraqueum a polo boreali ad oppositi poli cardinem horulae spatio transmittere queant.

We hope that by so distinguished and authentic a testimony every doubt will be removed. But if, convicted by so many witnesses, the Censors persist in unbelief, we shall storm the citadel of incredulity with other arms. It is agreed that in that tract of Norway which is called Finnmark there are men so versed in occult philosophy—whose very thresholds the Doctors of other nations have not even touched—that they can arouse and calm storms, transform themselves into wolves, speak various tongues unknown to our world, and traverse the entire terraqueous orb from the boreal pole to the hinge of the opposite pole in the span of a little hour.

Advectus huc nuper Finlandus quidam nomine Peyvis, iubente Nomophylace, stupenda adeo artis ac doctrinae specimina edidit, ut omnes, qui aderant, spectatores, pileo doctorali dignissimum iudicarent; et cum eodem tempore allata fuit acerba quaedam crisis in Iter Klimii Subterraneum, quod ad aniles fabulas relegandum iudicat Censor, iubetur praedictus Peyvis, cum de vindicanda Klimiorum existimatione ageretur, omnes ad signa vocare artes, itinerisque subterranei suscipiendi periculum facere.

A certain Finn named Peyvis, having been brought hither recently, by order of the Nomophylax produced such stupendous specimens of art and doctrine that all the spectators who were present judged him most worthy of the doctoral cap; and when at the same time a certain bitter critique was brought against the Subterranean Journey of Klimius, which the Censor adjudges to be relegated to old-wives’ tales, the aforesaid Peyvis is ordered, since the matter concerned vindicating the estimation of the Klimii, to call all the arts to the standards and to make trial of undertaking the subterranean journey.

Dicto ille obediens Nomophylaci operam addixit, potentiam artis his fere verbis Danico idiomate expressis iactans:

Obedient to the command, he pledged his service to the Nomophylax, vaunting the potency of the art in nearly these words, expressed in the Danish idiom:

Quicquid in orbe vides, paret mihi: Florida tellus,
Cum volo, spissatis arescit languida succis:
Cum volo, fundit opes; scopulique ac horrida saxa
Limosas iaculantur aquas: Mihi Pontus inertes
Submittit fluctus: Zephyrique tacentia ponunt
Ante meos sua flabra pedes: mihi flumina parent.

Whatever you see in the world obeys me: the florid earth,
when I will, with its thickened juices grows languid and dries;
when I will, it pours forth opulence; and crags and horrid rocks
hurl muddy waters: to me the Deep submits its inert
waves: and the Zephyrs set their silent breaths before
my feet: to me the rivers obey.

Inhorruerunt omnes tam fabulosa pollicitatione conterriti. At ille his dictis itineri se intrepidus accingit. Exuit se, ac, vestimentis depositis, in aquilam (mirabile visu) transformatus, sublimis abit.

All shuddered, terrified by so fabulous a promise. But he, with these words, girds himself fearlessly for the journey. He strips himself, and, his garments laid aside, transformed into an eagle (marvelous to behold), he departs on high.

Post integri mensis absentiam die quodam Veneris paulo ante primam facem et dubiis adhuc sideribus intrat domum Nomophylacis Doctor Versipellis, mollis tunc, debilis, lassus et tanquam caballus in clivo; nam exhaustae erant vires, et sudor per bifurcum colabat.

After the absence of an entire month, on a certain Friday, a little before first torchlight and with the stars still doubtful, Doctor Versipellis enters the house of the Nomophylax—then limp, feeble, weary, and like a nag on a slope; for his strength had been drained, and sweat was percolating down through the fork.

Dato ad respirandum spatio, et viribus vini adusti portione refectis, conspectum itineris exhibuit, cuncta, quae in aëria navigatione et regionibus subterraneis acciderant, exserte partiteque exponens. Docuit, post integrata aliquot praelia, in quibus superiores evaserant Klimianae factionis homines, imperium rediisse ad filium Nicolai nostri, qui diu sub tutela matris sceptra tenuit, iam vero senio ac rerum gestarum gloria Venerabilis in orbe subterraneo longe lateque sub nomine Nicolai Secundi regnat.

With a space given for breathing, and his strength restored by a portion of burnt wine, he presented an overview of the journey, setting forth explicitly and in detail all the things which had happened in the aerial navigation and in the subterranean regions. He explained that, after several battles had been brought to completion, in which the men of the Klimian faction had come out superior, the imperium had returned to the son of our Nicholas, who for a long time held the scepters under the guardianship of his mother, now indeed, venerable with old age and the glory of deeds, reigns far and wide in the subterranean world under the name Nicholas II.

Missa mox in literas fuere cuncta, quae ordine narraverat vir doctissimus. Largam narratio haec materiam dabit annalibus, quos sub titulo CONTINUATIONIS HISTORIAE QUINTAE MONARCHIAE promittunt literati Bergenses. Una cum annalibus prodibit Grammatica Quamitica, quae pro tempore nullius quidem momenti est, at poterit magno usui esse posteris; nam cum patria nostra novatorum (absit invidia) feracissima sit, in commercio cum Quamitis stabiliendo otia, negotia, somnos, vigilias ponent, nihilque intentatum relinquent, donec machinas comminiscantur, quibus tuto et absque arte magica in subterranea navigari queat.

Soon everything was sent into letters—what the most learned man had recounted in order. This narration will give abundant material to the annals, which under the title CONTINUATION OF THE HISTORY OF THE FIFTH MONARCHY the learned men of Bergen promise. Together with the annals there will come forth a Quamitic Grammar, which for the present is indeed of no moment, yet may be of great use to posterity; for since our fatherland is most fertile in innovators (far be envy), in establishing commerce with the Quamites they will stake both leisure and business, both sleep and wakefulness, and they will leave nothing unattempted, until they devise machines by which one may navigate safely and without magical art in the subterranean regions.

Ite iam, mortales increduli, et discite in rebus momentosis cautius procedere.

Go now, incredulous mortals, and learn to proceed more cautiously in momentous matters.

Ite Viri, veniam dictis exposcite vestris.

Go, men, and beg pardon for your words.

Ite denique et aut vos ipsos aut iudicia vestra inposterum suspendite, ne ob eiusmodi temerarias et iniquas censuras Respublica literaria male audiat. FINIS APOLOGIAE.

Go then at last, and henceforth either hold yourselves or your judgments in suspense, lest on account of such rash and iniquitous censures the Republic of Letters be ill-spoken of. FINIS APOLOGIAE.

Hactenus Klimii nostri, qui sufficere hanc apologiam et alio non opus esse clypeo ad retundenda censorum quorundam vibrata missilia iudicarunt. Aucta est nova haec editio centonibus aliquot, qui a primo editore aut incuria omissi fuere, aut ob squalorem manuscripti autographi legi nequierunt.

Thus far about our Klimius; those have judged that this apology suffices and that there is no need of another shield for blunting the missiles hurled by certain censors. This new edition has been augmented with several centos, which by the first editor were either omitted through negligence, or could not be read on account of the squalor of the autograph manuscript.

Caput I: Autoris Descensus ad Inferos

Chapter 1: Author’s Descent to the Infernal Regions

Anno 1664, postquam in Academia Hafniensi utroque examine defunctus eram et Characterem, qui dicitur Laudabilis, suffragiis Tribunalium tam Philosophorum quam Theologorum emerueram, reditui in patriam me accingo, navemque Bergas Norvegiae ituram conscendo, niveis utriusque Facultatis calculis monstrabilis, at aeris inops. Commune mihi fatum cum caeteris Norvegiae Studiosis erat, qui a bonarum artium mercatura deplumes in patriam redire solent. Ferentibus ventis usi, post prosperam sextidui navigationem portum Bergensem intravimus.

In the year 1664, after I had completed both examinations in the Academy of Copenhagen and had earned the Character which is called Laudabilis by the suffrages of the Tribunals both of Philosophers and of Theologians, I gird myself for a return to my fatherland and board a ship bound for Bergen in Norway, made notable by the snow-white counters of both Faculties, yet in want of cash. My fate was common with the other Students of Norway, who from the commerce of the liberal arts are wont to return to their homeland deplumed. Availing ourselves of favorable winds, after a prosperous six-day navigation we entered the port of Bergen.

Ita redditus patriae, doctior quidem, sed non ditior, sumptibus eorum, qui necessitudine mihi iuncti erant, sublevatus aliquandiu precariam, licet non plane desidem atque inertem vitam egi. Nam ut Physicum, cui initiatus eram, studium experimentis illustrarem, indolemque terrae ac montium viscera explorarem, omnes provinciae angulos solicite perreptabam. Nulla tam ardua erat rupes, quam non scandere, nulla tam praeceps et immanis caverna, in quam non descendere conabar, visurus ecquod curiosum ac Physici examine dignum forte reperirem.

Thus, returned to my fatherland, more learned indeed but not richer, supported at the expense of those who were joined to me by kinship, I for some time led a precarious life, though not wholly idle and inert. For, that I might illustrate by experiments the study of Physic to which I had been initiated, and explore the native character of the earth and the bowels of the mountains, I diligently crept through every corner of the province. There was no cliff so arduous that I did not climb it, no cavern so precipitous and immense that I did not attempt to descend into it, to see whether perchance I might find anything curious and worthy of a Physicist’s examination.

Permulta enim in patria nostra non oculis modo, sed ne auribus quidem novimus, quae si tulisset Gallia, Italia, Germania aliave quaelibet miraculorum ferax commendatrixque terra, audita, perlecta lustrataque haberemus.

For very many things in our fatherland we know not by the eyes only, nay, not even by the ears; which, if France, Italy, Germany, or any other land fertile in miracles and a commender of them had produced, we would have had as things heard, perused, and surveyed.

Inter ea, quae notatu maxime mihi visa sunt digna, erat spelunca magno praeceps hiatu in cacumine montis, quem indigenae vocant Fl"ien. Cumque os eiusdem speluncae levem ac haud ingratam per intervalla emittat auram, sed ita, ut crebris quasi singultibus fauces modo laxare, modo includere videatur, literati Bergenses, in primis celeberrimus Abelinus et Conrector Scholae Mag. Eduardus, Astronomiae ac Physices apprime gnarus, rem credebant exercitationibus philosophicis dignissimam, saepeque populares, cum ipsi prae senio nequirent, stimulaverant ad indolem istius cavernae penitius inspiciendam; maxime cum statis veluti vicibus, ad exemplum respirantis hominis, retractam cum impetu regereret animam.

Among the things that seemed to me most worthy of note, there was a cavern with a great precipitous yawning in the summit of the mountain which the natives call Fl"ien. And since the mouth of this same cavern emits at intervals a light and not unpleasing breeze, but in such a way that, with frequent, as it were, sobs, it seems now to loosen, now to shut its throat, the learned men of Bergen—especially the most celebrated Abelinus and the Co‑rector of the School, Mag. Eduardus, exceedingly knowing in Astronomy and Physics—judged the matter most worthy of philosophical exercises, and often, since they themselves by reason of old age were unable, had spurred the townsmen to have the nature of that cavern inspected more deeply; especially since, at set, as it were, turns, after the example of a breathing man, it would, with impetus, send back the breath once drawn in.

Stimulatus ego qua sermonibus horum, qua proprio ingenio, descensum in hanc cavernam meditabar, mentemque meam quibusdam ex amicis indicabam. Sed his consilium valde displicebat, dicentibus, inceptionem esse stulti ac desperati hominis. At impetum his monitis non flectere, nedum frangere poterant, et quae sufflaminare ardorem deberent, aegro animo faces subiiciebant.

Stimulated both by the discourses of these men and by my own natural ingenium, I was contemplating a descent into this cavern, and I was indicating my intention to certain of my friends. But this plan was greatly displeasing to them, saying that the inception was that of a foolish and desperate man. Yet by these warnings they could not bend, much less break, the impetus; and what ought to have put a brake upon my ardor, to a sickly mind was putting torches beneath it.

Ad quodvis enim discrimen subeundum acerrimum istud, quo in res naturales detegendas ducebar, studium excitabat, et sponte currenti calcaria addebant rerum domesticarum angustiae; nam exhaustae erant facultates, et durum ac molestum mihi videbatur, aliena diutius quadra vivere in patria, ubi omni emergendi spe incisa, ad perpetuam mendicitatem me damnatum intuebar, omneque ad honores et emolumenta obseptum iter, nisi audaci aliquo facinore nobilitarer.

For to undergo any risk whatsoever, that very keen zeal by which I was led to uncover things natural was inciting me, and the straits of domestic affairs added spurs to one running of his own accord; for my resources were exhausted, and it seemed hard and vexatious to me to live any longer at another’s board in my fatherland, where, with every hope of emerging cut off, I beheld myself condemned to perpetual mendicancy, and every path to honors and emoluments blocked, unless I should be made notable by some audacious feat.

Obfirmato igitur animo, et praeparatis huic expeditioni necessariis, die quodam Iovis, cum serenum atque impluvium esset coelum, egredior civitate paulo post diluculum, quo, rebus peractis, salvo adhuc die redire in urbem liceret. Quippe rerum futurarum nescius praevidere non poteram, quod alter ego Phaëthon Volverer in praeceps longoque per aëra tractu in alium orbem detrusus, non nisi post decem annorum errores patriam et amicos revisurus essem.

Therefore, with my mind made firm and the necessaries for this expedition prepared, on a certain Thursday, when the sky was serene and showery, I go forth from the city a little after daybreak, in order that, my affairs transacted, it might be permitted to return to the city with the day still safe. For, being ignorant of future things, I could not foresee that I, another Phaëthon, would be rolled headlong and, after a long tract through the air, thrust into another orb, and that only after ten years of wanderings should I revisit my fatherland and my friends.

Suscepta est haec expeditio Anno 1665 Consulibus Bergensibus Iohanne Munthe et Laurentio Severini, Senatoribus Christierno Bertholdi et Laurentio Sandio. Euntem comitabantur quatuor mercenarii, qui funes et harpagones, quibus descendenti erat opus, secum ducebant. Recta tendimus ad Sandvicum, per quem commodissime in montem ascenditur.

This expedition was undertaken in the year 1665, the consuls of Bergen being Johannes Munthe and Laurentius Severini, the senators Christiernus Bertholdus and Laurentius Sandius. As I was going, four mercenaries accompanied me, who were bringing with them ropes and grappling-hooks, which were needed for the descent. We make straight for Sandvicum, through which one most conveniently ascends the mountain.

Enixi in cacumen, postquam pervenimus in locum, ubi fatalis erat caverna, fessi molesto itinere paulisper ibi consedimus, ientaculum sumpturi. Tunc animus, quasi instantis mali praesagiens, compavescere mihi primum coepit. Igitur conversus ad comites, ecquis, rogo, aleam hanc prior subire velit.

Having exerted ourselves to the summit, after we arrived at the place where the fatal cavern was, weary from the troublesome journey we sat down there for a little while, about to take breakfast. Then my spirit, as if presaging an impending evil, began for the first time to quake. Therefore, turning to my companions: “Is there anyone, I ask, who would like to undergo this hazard first?”

Nemine vero respondente, impetus languescens ex integro recaluit: funem aptari iubeo, itinerique ita paratus animam Deo commendo.

With no one, however, responding, the languishing impetus rekindled anew: I order the rope to be fitted, and thus prepared for the journey I commend my soul to God.

Iam in cavernam demittendus comites docebam, quid porro faciendum: pergerent scilicet remittere funem, donec vociferantem me audirent, quo signo dato restem intenderent, ac vociferari perseverantem ex antro subito retraherent. Ipse dextra tenebam harpagonem, quo mihi opus erat, ut, si qua in descensu occurrerent obstacula, removerem er medium inter utrumque cavernae latus corpus suspensum servarem. At vix ad altitudinem decem vel duodecim cubitorum descenderam, cum rumpitur restis.

Now, about to be let down into the cavern, I was instructing my companions what further was to be done: namely, that they should continue to let down the rope until they heard me vociferating; upon that sign given they were to tighten the rope, and, as I persevered in vociferating, they were to pull me back suddenly from the cavern. I myself was holding in my right hand a grappling-hook, which I had need of, so that, if any obstacles should occur in the descent, I might remove them and keep my body suspended midway between the two sides of the cavern. But I had scarcely descended to a depth of ten or twelve cubits, when the rope snaps.

Malum hoc mihi innotuit e subsequenti mercenariorum clamore et ululatu, qui tamen mox evanuit. Nam mira celeritate in profundum rapior, et tanquam alter Pluto, nisi quod harpago mihi pro sceptro esset, Labor, et icta viam tellus ad tartara fecit.

This misfortune became known to me from the subsequent clamor and ululation of the mercenaries, which, however, soon evanesced. For with marvelous celerity I am snatched into the deep, and, as though another Pluto—save that a grappling-iron was my scepter—I glide, and the smitten earth made a way to Tartarus.

Circiter horae quadrantem, quantum in ista animi perturbatione coniicere licuit, in spissa caligine et perpetua nocte versatus eram, cum tandem tenue quoddam lumen, crepusculi instar, emicuerit, et mox lucidum et serenum coelum apparuerit. Stulte igitur credebam, aut a repercussione aëris subterranei aut vi contrarii venti me reiectum, cavernamque istam spiritus sui reciprocatione in terram me revomuisse. At neque sol, quem tunc conspicabar, nec coelum nec reliqua sidera nota mihi erant phaenomena, cum coeli nostri sideribus ista, quae iam videbam, essent minora.

For about a quarter of an hour, so far as it was permitted to conjecture in that perturbation of mind, I had been engaged in dense caliginous gloom and perpetual night, when at length a certain thin light, in the likeness of twilight, flashed out, and soon a lucid and serene sky appeared. Foolishly, then, I believed that either by the repercussion of the subterranean air or by the force of a contrary wind I had been cast back, and that that cavern, by the reciprocation of its own breath, had vomited me back upon the earth. But neither the sun, which I then beheld, nor the sky nor the remaining stars were phenomena known to me, since these things which I was now seeing were smaller than the stars of our sky.

Credebam igitur, aut totam novi istius coeli machinam in sola cerebri imaginatione, e capitis vertigine excitata, consistere, aut fingebam me mortuum ad sedes beatorum ferri.

I believed, therefore, either that the whole machine of this new heaven subsisted solely in the imagination of the brain, excited by a vertigo of the head, or I was imagining myself dead being borne to the seats of the blessed.

At ultimam hanc opinionem mox ridebam, cum me ipsum intuerer harpagone munitum et longum funis syrma trahentem, satis gnarus, reste ac harpagone non opus esse in paradisum eunti, nec coelitibus placere posse ornatum, quo ad exemplum Titanum Olympum vi expugnare et superos inde deturbare velle viderer. Tandem, re serio pensitata, iudicabam, delatum me fuisse in coelum subterraneum, ac veras esse eorum coniecturas, qui concavam statuunt terram, et intra crustas illius alium contineri orbem nostro minorem, aliudque coelum sole, sideribus ac planetis minoribus interstinctum. Et docuit eventus, acu me rem tetigisse.

But I soon laughed at this last opinion, when I beheld myself equipped with a grapnel and dragging a long train of rope, well aware that one going to Paradise has no need of rope and grapnel, nor could such an accoutrement please the celestials, with which I should seem, after the example of the Titans, to wish to storm Olympus by force and from there to hurl down the gods above. At length, the matter seriously weighed, I judged that I had been conveyed into a subterranean heaven, and that the conjectures of those are true who declare the earth to be concave, and that within its crusts another orb, smaller than ours, is contained, and another heaven interspersed with a sun, stars, and lesser planets. And the event taught that I had touched the matter with a needle.

Impetus iste, quo praeceps ferebar, diu iam duraverat, cum tandem sentirem, paulatim languescere, prout propius accederem planetae, seu coelesti cuidam corpori, quod primum in descensu obvium habui. Idem planeta in tantum sensim excrevit, ut randem per densiorem quandam atmosphaeram, qua cinctus erat, montes, valles et maria internoscere haud difficulter possem; . . . Sicut avis, quae circum litora, circum Piscosos scopulos humilis volat aequora iuxta, Haud aliter terras inter coelumque volabam.

This impetus, by which I was being borne headlong, had already lasted long, when at length I felt it gradually grow languid, in proportion as I drew nearer to a planet, or to a certain celestial body, which I first met with in the descent. The same planet gradually swelled to such a degree, that at length, through a certain denser atmosphere with which it was encircled, I could not with difficulty distinguish mountains, valleys, and seas; . . . Just as a bird, which around the shores, around fish-rich crags, flies low close beside the level waters, not otherwise was I flying between the land and the sky.

Tunc animadvertebam, non modo suspensum me in aura coelesti natare, sed et cursum, qui adhuc perpendicularis fuerat, in circularem abire. Hinc stetere mihi comae; nam verebar, ne in planetam vel satellitem proximi planetae transformarer, aeterna vertigine circumagendus. At cum reputarem, dignitatem meam hac metamorphosi nil detrimenti capturam, corpusque coeleste seu satellitem coelestis corporis pari saltem passu ambulaturum cum famelico Philosophiae Studioso: animum resumo, maxime cum beneficio aurae purioris et coelestis, in qua natabam, neque fame neque siti premi me sentirem.

Then I observed, not only that I, suspended in the celestial air, was floating, but also that my course, which until now had been perpendicular, was passing into a circular one. Hence my hair stood on end; for I feared lest I be transformed into a planet or a satellite of a neighboring planet, to be whirled about in an eternal vertigo. But when I considered that my dignity would suffer no detriment by this metamorphosis, and that a celestial body, or the satellite of a celestial body, would at least go with equal step with the famished Student of Philosophy, I recover my spirit, especially since, by the benefit of the purer and celestial air in which I was floating, I felt myself pressed by neither hunger nor thirst.

Attamen cum ad animum revocarem, in loculis meis esse panem (Bergenses vocant Bolken, qui figurae ovalis vel potius oblongae solet esse), statui e loculis eundem depromere et periculum facere, ecquid in isto rerum statu palato arrideret. Sed primo statim morsu nauseam mihi moturum omne terrestre alimentum deprehendens, tanquam rem plane inutilem abieci. At excussus panis non modo suspensus in aethere stetit, sed, mirabile dictu, circulum minorem circa me describere coepit.

Nevertheless, when I called to mind that there was bread in my pockets (the Bergensians call it Bolken, which is wont to be of an oval—or rather oblong—shape), I resolved to draw the same forth from my pockets and to make a trial, whether in that state of things it would smile upon the palate. But at the very first bite, perceiving that every terrestrial aliment would stir nausea in me, I cast it away as a thing plainly useless. But the bread, once shaken out, not only stood suspended in the aether, but, marvelous to say, began to describe a smaller circle around me.

Et innotuerunt mihi exinde verae motus leges, quae efficiunt, ut omnia corpora in aequilibrio posita motum circularem sortiantur. Hinc qui tanquam fortunae ludibrium me nuper deploraveram, fastu tumescere coepi, intuens me ipsum non solum tanquam simplicem planetam, sed et talem, qui perpetuo stipatus foret satellite, adeo ut inter sidera maiora aut primi ordinis planetas quodammodo referri possem. Et ut impotentiam meam fatear, tantus tunc animum fastus incessit, ut, si obvios habuissem omnes simul Consules ac Senatores Bergenses, cum supercilio eosdem excepissem, tanquam atomos adspexissem, indignosque iudicassem, quos salutarem, aut quibus harpagonem meum subiicerem.

And from then the true laws of motion became known to me, which bring it about that all bodies set in equilibrium acquire circular motion. Hence I, who had but lately lamented myself as a plaything of Fortune, began to swell with arrogance, viewing myself not only as a simple planet, but as such a one as would be perpetually attended by a satellite, so that among the greater stars or the first-order planets I could in some manner be classed. And, to confess my own impotence, such haughtiness then seized my spirit that, if I had chanced to meet all the Bergen Consuls and Senators at once, I would have received them with a supercilious brow, as if I had looked upon atoms, and would have judged them unworthy for me to salute, or to whom I should extend my grappling-hook.

Integrum fere triduum in isto statu permanebam. Nam cum circa planetam mihi proximum absque intermissione volutarer, noctes ac dies discriminare poteram, solem subterraneum iam orientem, iam rursus descendentem et e conspectu meo abeuntem cernens, quamvis nullam, qualis apud nos, noctem sentirem. Cadente enim sole, lucidum apparuit ac purpureum undique firmamentum, splendori lunae haud dissimile; id quod iudicabam esse intimam terrae subterraneae superficiem aut hemisphaerium, quod lumen istud a sole subterraneo in centro huius orbis posito mutuabatur.

For almost a full three days I remained in that state. For since I was whirling about around the planet nearest to me without intermission, I was able to distinguish nights and days, seeing the subterranean sun now rising, now again descending and departing from my sight, although I perceived no night such as with us. For with the sun setting, a bright and purple firmament appeared on all sides, not unlike the splendor of the moon; which I judged to be the inmost surface of the subterranean earth, or a hemisphere, which was borrowing that light from the subterranean sun placed in the center of this orb.

Hypothesin hanc mihi fingebam studii Physicae coelestis non plane hospes.

I was forming this hypothesis for myself, not entirely a stranger to the study of celestial Physics.

At cum ista felicitate Diis me proximum crederem meque ut novum coeli sidus intuerer, una cum satellite meo, quo cingebar, a proximi planetae Astronomis in catalogum stellarum inferendum: ecce! immane apparuit monstrum alatum, quod iam dextro, iam sinistro lateri meo, iam capiti et cervici imminebar. Credebam primo intuitu esse unum e duodecim signis coelestibus subterraneis, ac proinde optabam, si vera esset coniectura, Virginem fore, cum e toto duodecim signorum systemate solum istud signum (scilicet Virgo) in ista solitudine auxilii quid ac solatii afferre valeret.

But when, in that felicity, I believed myself next to the Gods and regarded myself as a new star of heaven, together with my satellite, by which I was encircled, to be entered by the Astronomers of the nearest planet into the catalog of the stars: behold! an immense winged monster appeared, which was now looming over my right, now my left side, now over my head and neck. I believed at first glance that it was one of the twelve subterranean celestial signs, and accordingly I wished, if the conjecture were true, that it might be the Virgin, since out of the whole system of the twelve signs only that sign (to wit, Virgo) in that solitude could bring some aid and solace.

At cum corpus istud mihi propius accederet, videbam torvum et immanem esse gryphum. Tanto tunc corripiebar terrore, ut oblitus mei ipsius et sidereae meae, ad quam nuper evectus eram, dignitatis, in isto animi aestu deprompserim testimonium meum Academicum, quod in loculis meis forte habebam, occurrenti ostensurus adversario, examina mea Academica me sustinuisse Studiosumque me esse, et quidem Baccalaureum, qui quemvis aggressorem extraneum exceptione fori repellere possem.

But when that body drew nearer to me, I saw it was a grim and immense griffin. Then I was seized by such terror that, forgetful of myself and of my sidereal dignity, to which I had lately been carried, in that agitation of mind I drew forth my Academic testimonial, which I happened by chance to have in my pockets, intending to show it to the adversary who met me, to the effect that I had sustained my Academic examinations and that I was a Student—indeed a Bachelor—by which I might be able to repel any extraneous aggressor by an exception of forum (jurisdiction).

At defervescente primo aestu, cum ad me paulatim redirem, stoliditatem meam deridebam. Dubium adhuc erat, in quem finem gryphus isre me comiraretur, utrum hostis esset an amicus, aut quod verisimilius erat, an sola rei novitate delectatus, propius accedendo oculos saltem pascere vellet. Nam adspectus corporis humani, in aëre circumacti, harpagonem dextra tenentis et longum post se funem caudae instar trahentis, phaenomenon erat, quod quodvis brutum animal in spectaculum sui allicere posset.

But as the first heat cooled down and I gradually came back to myself, I laughed at my stupidity. It was still doubtful to what end that griffin was eyeing me—whether he was an enemy or a friend, or, what was more probable, whether, delighted solely by the novelty of the thing, he wished, by coming nearer, at least to feed his eyes. For the sight of a human body, whirled about in the air, holding a grapnel in the right hand and trailing a long rope behind him like a tail, was a phenomenon that could entice any brute animal to make a spectacle of itself.

Insolita ista figura, quam tunc expressi, variis, ut postea audivi, sermonibus et coniecturis ansam dederat incolis globi, circa quem volvebar. Nam Philosophi ac Mathematici cometam me putarunt, funem pro cauda cometae capientes. Et erant, qui ex eodem insolito meteoro imminens aliquod malum, pestem, famem aut insignem aliquam catastrophen portendi iudicarunt.

That unusual figure, which I then expressed, had, as I afterwards heard, given occasion to various discourses and conjectures among the inhabitants of the globe about which I was revolving. For Philosophers and Mathematicians took me for a comet, taking the rope for the tail of a comet. And there were those who judged that from the same unusual meteor some impending evil was portended—pestilence, famine, or some notable catastrophe.

Nonnulli etiam ulterius progressi corpus meum, quale e longinquo illis visum fuerat, accuratis penicillis delineaverant, adeo ut descriptus, definitus, depictus et aeri incisus essem, antequam globum istum attigerim. Haec omnia non sine risu ac voluptate quadam audivi, cum in orbem hunc delatus linguam subterraneam didicissem.

Several even, proceeding further, had delineated my body—such as it had seemed to them from afar—with meticulous little brushes, so that I was described, defined, depicted, and engraved on copper before I had reached this globe. All these things I heard not without laughter and a certain delight, when, having been borne down into this orb, I had learned the subterranean language.

Notandum est, dari quoque repentina quaedam sidera, quae subterranei dicunt Sciscisi (i. e. crinita), quaeque describunt horrentia crine sangvineo et comarum modo in vertice hispida, adeo ut in speciem barbae longae promineat iuba. Hinc non secus ac in orbe nostro inter prodigia coelestia referuntur.

It must be noted that there are also certain sudden stars, which the subterraneans call Sciscisi (i. e. “hairy”), and which they describe as bristling with blood-red hair and, in the manner of tresses, rough at the crown, such that the mane projects into the appearance of a long beard. Hence, no differently than in our world, they are listed among celestial prodigies.

Sed ut ad telam revertar, gryphus iste eo viciniae iam pervenerat, ut alarum quassatione me infestaret et tandem crus meum serrato vexare morsu non dubitaret, adeo ut manifeste patuerit, qua mente novum hospitem venaretur. Hinc coepi pugnacissimum animal armata elidere manu, et harpagonem utraque manu complexus, hostis audaciam compescui, fugae locum saepe circumspicere cogens, tandemque, cum pergeret me vellicare, post unum vel alterum inanem ictum harpagonem tanto impetu tergo alitis inter utramque alam impegi, ut telum revellere nequirem. Vulneratus ales horrendo edito stridore in globum praeceps corruit.

But, to return to the thread, that gryphon had now come to such a vicinity that he was infesting me by the shaking of his wings and at last did not hesitate to worry my leg with a serrated bite, so that it was manifestly evident with what mind he was hunting the new guest. Hence I began to beat down the most pugnacious animal with an armed hand, and, having clasped the grapnel with both hands, I checked the enemy’s audacity, forcing him often to look around for a place of flight; and finally, when he kept on nipping me, after one or another empty stroke I drove the grapnel with such impetus into the back of the winged creature between both wings that I could not wrench out the weapon. The wounded bird, having uttered a horrendous screech, fell headlong onto the globe.

Ego vero status iam siderei ac novae dignitatis, quam variis casibus et periculis, ut vulgo fieri solet, expositam videbam, pertaesus Arbitrio volucris rapior, quaque impetus egit, Huc sine lege ruo, longoque per aëra tractu In terram feror, ut de coelo stella sereno, Etsi non cecidit, potuit cecidisse videri. Et ita motus circularis, quem nuper descripseram, in perpendicularem denuo mutatur.

But I, indeed, seeing that my now-sidereal state and new dignity, as commonly happens, were exposed to various chances and perils, wearied, am snatched away at the bird’s arbitrement; and wherever impulse drove, Hither without law I rush, and with a long tract through the air I am borne to the earth, as a star from a serene heaven, Although it did not fall, it could have seemed to have fallen. And thus the circular motion, which I had lately described, is again changed into a perpendicular.

Sic ingenti cum impetu per adversa crassioris aëris verbera, cuius stridor aures percutiebat, diu tractus, tandem levi innoxioque casu in globum delabor una cum alite, qui paulo post e vulnere obiit. Nox erat, quando in planetam istum delatus fui, id quod e sola absentia solis colligere poteram, non vero e tenebris; nam tantum luminis restabat, ut testimonium meum Academicum distincte legere possem. Oritur nocturnum istud lumen e firmamento sive crusta terrae inversa, cuius hemisphaerium splendorem, qualem apud nos luna, reddit; hinc si solius luminis ratio habeatur, parum hic differunt noctes a diebus, nisi quod absit sol, et absentia eiusdem nocres reddat paulo frigidiores.

Thus, with immense impetus through the adverse buffets of the thicker air, whose shriek was striking my ears, long dragged along, at length with a light and harmless fall I slip down onto the globe together with the bird, who a little afterward died from the wound. It was night when I was borne down onto that planet, which I could gather from the mere absence of the sun, not indeed from darkness; for so much light remained that I could distinctly read my Academic testimonial. That nocturnal light arises from the firmament or inverted crust of the earth, whose hemisphere renders a brilliance such as, among us, the moon does; hence, if account be had of light alone, the nights here differ little from the days, except that the sun is absent, and the absence of the same makes the nights a little colder.

Caput II: Descensus in Planetam Nazar

Chapter 2: Descent into the Planet Nazar

Defunctus ita aëria hac navigatione, cum globum salvus et illaesus attigissem (nam impetus, quo initio ferebatur gryphus, cum virium diminutione languerat) , iacebam diu immobilis, exspectans, quid novi illucescente die mihi contingeret. Animadvertebam tunc pristinas infirmitates redire, opusque mihi esse tam somno quam cibo, adeo ut poenitudo me ceperit abiecti temere panis. Variis solicitudinibus fesso animo tandem altus sopor obrepsit.

Having thus finished this aerial navigation, when I had reached the globe safe and uninjured (for the impetus with which at the beginning the gryphon was being borne had languished with the diminution of its forces) , I lay for a long time motionless, awaiting what new thing would befall me as the day grew light. I observed then that my former infirmities were returning, and that I had need both of sleep and of food, so that regret seized me for the rashly cast-away bread. At length, upon a mind wearied by various solicitudes, a deep sleep crept over me.

Stertueram, quantum coniicere mihi licuit, duas horas, cum horrendus boatus, diu quietem turbans, tandem somnum penitus excussit. Dormientis animo variae ac mirae oberraverant imagines. Videor in Norvegiam rediisse, ibique popularibus, quae usu venerant, narrasse.

I had been snoring, as far as it was permitted me to conjecture, for two hours, when a horrendous bellow, long disturbing the quiet, at last utterly shook my sleep out. In the mind of the sleeper various and wondrous images had wandered. I seem to have returned to Norway, and there to have recounted to my compatriots the things that had come by experience.

Imaginor denique in Templo Fanoensi haud procul ab urbe cantantem Diaconum Nicolaum Andreae audire, stridoremque vocis illius aures meas misere et more solito ferire. Igitur experrectus credebam, latratum istius viri somnum turbasse. Sed cum haud procul stantem viderem taurum, ex eiusdem boatu quietem abruptam conieci.

I imagine at last that in the Temple of Fano, not far from the city, I hear Deacon Nicholas, Andrew’s son, singing, and that the grating of his voice strikes my ears miserably and in the accustomed manner. Therefore, on waking I believed that the barking of that man had disturbed my sleep. But when I saw a bull standing not far off, I inferred from its bellowing that my repose had been broken.

Mox timidos oculos undique circumferens, cum oriente sole, virides passim campos et foecundos videbam agros. Arbores quoque apparuere, sed (mirabile visu) mobiles erant, licet tanta esset aëris tranquillitas, ut ne levissima quidem pluma moveri loco posset.

Soon, casting my timorous eyes all around, as the sun was rising, I saw green plains everywhere and fecund fields. Trees also appeared, but (marvelous to see) they were mobile, although so great was the tranquility of the air that not even the very lightest plume could be moved from its place.

Cum mugiens taurus recta ad me tenderet, trepidus fugam circumspiciebam, ac in ista trepidatione arborem haud procul stantem conspicatus, eandem scandere conabar. Sed cum in eo essem, vocem illa edidit teneram, sed acutam et talem, qualis solet esse iracundae mulieris, moxque quasi palma excussissima colaphus mihi tanta vi inflictus est, ut vertigine correptus pronus in terram caderem. Ictu hoc iam quasi fulmine percussus, ac terrore animam propediem agens, murmura undique audiebam et strepitus, qualibus resonare solent macella aut mercatorum basilicae, quando maxime sunt frequentes.

While the bellowing bull was heading straight toward me, trembling I was looking around for flight, and in that trepidation, having caught sight of a tree standing not far off, I tried to climb the same. But when I was in the act, it emitted a voice, tender but sharp, and such as is wont to be that of an irascible woman; and soon, as if by a palm most violently swung, a cuff was inflicted on me with such force that, seized by vertigo, I fell prone to the earth. By this blow now as if struck by lightning, and in terror almost breathing my last, I was hearing murmurs on every side and noises with which markets or merchants’ basilicas are wont to resound when they are most thronged.

Postquam oculos aperiebam, conspicabar totam circa me silvam animatam campumque arboribus arbusculisque obsitum, cum nuper vix sex vel septem apparuissent. Vix dici potest, quantas haec omnia in cerebro meo turbas excitaverint, et quantum his praestigiis animus commotus fuerit. Iam vigilem me somniare, iam spectris me vexari et malis spiritibus obsideri, iam alia absurdiora mihi fingebam.

After I opened my eyes, I was beholding all around me an animated forest and a plain overgrown with trees and saplings, though a short time before scarcely six or seven had appeared. It can scarcely be said what great tumults all these things aroused in my brain, and how much my mind was stirred by these illusions. Already I was imagining that, awake, I was dreaming; already that I was harassed by specters and besieged by evil spirits; already I was fashioning for myself other, more absurd things.

Sed tempus mihi non datum est, automata haec eorundemque causas excutiendi; nam advolans mox alia arbor ramum demittit, cuius extremitas sex gemmis, tanquam totidem digitis, munita erat. His iacentem me sustulit ac vociferantem abstraxit, comitantibus innumeris diversi generis diversaeque magnitudinis arboribus, quae sonos ac murmura edebant, articulata quidem, sed auribus meis peregrina, adeo ut nihil praeter verba haec Pikel Emi, cum saepius eadem iterata fuerint, retinere memoria potuerim. Audivi mox per verba haec intelligi simiam insolitae figurae: quippe e corporis mei forma et cultu coniiciebant, me simiam esse, quamvis specie nonnihil distinctam a cercopithecis, quos haec terra alit.

But time was not granted me for examining these automata and their causes; for soon another tree, flying up, let down a branch, whose extremity was furnished with six gems, as if with just so many fingers. With these it lifted me as I lay and, while I was vociferating, carried me off, with innumerable trees of diverse kind and diverse magnitude accompanying, which emitted sounds and murmurs, articulated indeed, but foreign to my ears, to such a degree that I could retain in memory nothing except these words Pikel Emi, when the same had been more often repeated. I soon heard that by these words there was understood a monkey of unusual figure: for from the form and attire of my body they were conjecturing that I was a monkey, although in appearance somewhat distinct from the cercopitheci, which this land nourishes.

Alii pro incola firmamenti me ceperunt, quem alitem per aërem huc apportasse credebant; id quod olim usu venisse annales huius globi testantur.

Others took me for an inhabitant of the firmament, believing that a winged being had brought me hither through the air; a thing which the annals of this globe attest to have happened of old.

Sed haec non nisi post aliquot mensium intercapedinem, et postquam linguam subterraneam edoctus fueram, didici. Nam in praesenti rerum statu prae metu et mentis perturbatione mei ipsius oblitus eram, nec capere poteram, quid de vivis et loquacibus arboribus statuendum, nec quorsum evaderet processio haec, quae lente et compositis gradibus fiebat.

But I learned these things only after an interval of several months, and after I had been instructed in the subterranean language. For in the present state of affairs, because of fear and perturbation of mind, I had forgotten myself, nor could I grasp what was to be determined concerning the living and loquacious trees, nor whither this procession would issue, which was taking place slowly and with composed steps.

Voces tamen et murmura, quibus undique personabant campi, iram et indignationem quandam indicabant; et sane non sine gravi causa iram in me conceperant. Arbor enim ista, quam taurum fugiens scandere volebam, uxor erat Praetoris, qui in proxima civitate ius dicebat, qualitasque personae laesae crimen aggravaverat; nam non modo simplicem et plebeiae sortis mulierem, sed matronam primi ordinis visus sum voluisse palam subagitare: insolitum ac horrendum genti adeo modestae ac verecundae spectaculum.

Yet the voices and murmurs, with which on all sides the fields resounded, indicated wrath and a certain indignation; and indeed they had conceived wrath against me not without grave cause. For that tree, which, fleeing the bull, I wished to climb, was the wife of the Praetor, who in the nearest city was dispensing justice; and the quality of the person injured had aggravated the charge; for I seemed to have wished openly to possess carnally not merely a simple woman of plebeian lot, but a matron of the first order: an unusual and horrendous spectacle to a people so modest and so bashful.

Tandem ad civitatem, quo captivus ducebar, ventum est. Erat illa non minus superbis aedificiis quam regionum, vicorum ac platearum concinno ordine et symmetria monstrabilis. Altae adeo conspicuaeque erant aedes, ut speciem turrium praeberent.

At length we came to the city whither I, a captive, was being led. It was no less remarkable for stately buildings than for the harmonious order and symmetry of its districts, quarters, and streets. The houses were so high and so conspicuous that they presented the appearance of towers.

Plateae ambulantibus plenae erant arboribus, quae demittendo ramos se invicem in occursu consalutabant, quoque plures deprimerent ramos, eo maius erat reverentiae ac submissionis argumentum. Ita cum e conspicua quadam domo forte eodem tempore egrederetur quercus, ad visum illius demissis ramis plerisque retro cedebant caeterae arbores, unde coniicere licuit, eandem supra sortem vulgarem esse. Et innotuit mox mihi urbis esse Praetorem, et quidem eundem, cuius a me laesa dicebatur uxor.

The streets were full of trees that were walking, which, by letting down their branches, were saluting one another upon meeting; and the more they lowered their branches, the greater was the token of reverence and submission. And so, when from a certain conspicuous house at the same time an oak happened by chance to go out, at the sight of it, with branches lowered, most of the other trees stepped back, whence it was possible to conjecture that the same stood above the common lot. And it soon became known to me that it was the city’s Praetor, and indeed the very one whose wife was said to have been wronged by me.

Rapior mox sublimis in eiusdem Praetoris aedes, ubi confestim a tergo meo obditur ianua, et fores oppessulantur, quocirca me tanquam pistrini candidatum intuebar. Metum hunc insigniter adaugebant positi extra fores, tanquam in excubiis, tres custodes; singuli sex securibus pro numero ramorum erant armati; nam quot rami erant, tot brachia, et quot gemmae, tot digiti. Notabam in summitate truncorum posita esse capita, humanis haud absimilia, et loco radicum binos conspicabar pedes, eosdemque admodum curtos, unde fit, ut testudineo gradu incedant planetae huius incolae.

I am soon borne aloft into that same Praetor’s house, where immediately behind my back the door is fastened, and the doors are bolted, wherefore I looked upon myself as a candidate for the mill. This fear was notably increased by three guards posted outside the doors, as if on sentry-duty; each was armed with six axes, according to the number of branches; for as many branches as there were, so many arms, and as many gems (buds), so many fingers. I noted that on the top of the trunks there were heads set, not unlike human ones, and in place of roots I observed a pair of feet, and those very short, whence it comes that the inhabitants of this planet advance with a tortoise-like gait.

Hinc, si solutus fuissem, facile mihi foret manus illarum effugere, cum pernicitate pedum praestantior prae illis volare viderer.

Hence, if I had been released, it would easily have been for me to escape their hands, since, by the swiftness of my feet, I seemed to outfly them.

Ut brevi me expediam, perspicue iam videbam, arbores has incolas esse huius globi, et ratione easdem esse praeditas, mirabarque varietatem istam, qua natura in animantium formatione delectatur. Arbores hae nostras proceritate non exaequant, quippe iustam hominis staturam vix excedunt pleraeque; quaedam minores erant; flores diceres aut plantas; et has coniiciebam esse infantes. Mirum est, in quosnam cogitationum labyrinthos phaenomena ista me deduxerint, quot suspiria mihi expresserint, quantumque carissimae tunc patriae desiderium subierit.

To be brief, I now clearly saw that these trees were the inhabitants of this globe, and that the same were endowed with reason, and I marveled at that variety with which nature delights in the formation of living beings. These trees do not equal ours in tallness, for most scarcely exceed a man’s proper stature; some were smaller; you would call them flowers or plants; and these I conjectured to be infants. It is a wonder into what labyrinths of cogitations these phenomena had led me, how many sighs they had wrung from me, and how great a longing for my dearest fatherland then had come upon me.

Nam, quamvis istae arbores visae mihi sint sociabiles, linguae beneficio utentes ac specie quadam rationis praeditae, adeo, ut ad animantia rationalia quodammodo referri possent, dubitabam tamen, comparari posse cum hominibus; negabam iustitiam, clementiam aliasque virtutes morales inter easdem locum habere. His cogitationum turbis collisus, viscera mea moveri sentiebam, et e fontibus oculorum torrentes lacrimarum defluentes faciem inundabant.

For, although those trees had seemed to me sociable, availing themselves of the benefit of language and endowed with a certain semblance of reason, to such a degree that they could in some manner be referred to rational animals, yet I doubted that they could be compared with human beings; I denied that justice, clemency, and other moral virtues had a place among them. Buffeted by these tumults of cogitations, I felt my viscera being moved, and from the fountains of my eyes torrents of tears, flowing down, inundated my face.

Sed cum dolori ita indulserim et in fletus me muliebres coniecerim, intrant cubiculum custodes corporis mei, quos respectu securium tanquam lictores intuebar. His praeeuntibus ducor per urbem ad perspicuam quandam domum, in umbilico fori positam. Visus mihi tunc sum Dictatoriam dignitatem adeptus et Consule Romano maior; nam non nisi duodecim secures in comitatu consulum erant, cum ego octodecim stipatus procederem.

But when I had thus indulged my grief and had cast myself into womanish weeping, the custodians of my body enter the bedchamber, whom, on account of the axes, I regarded as lictors. With these going before, I am led through the city to a certain transparent house, set in the navel of the forum. I then seemed to myself to have attained the Dictatorial dignity and to be greater than a Roman Consul; for there were no more than twelve axes in the retinue of consuls, whereas I advanced escorted by eighteen.

Valvis aedium, ad quas ferebar, caelata stabat Iustitia, in formam arboris efficta, bilancem ramo tenens. Imago eadem erat filo virginali, adspectu vehementi, luminibus oculorum acribus, neque humilis neque atrocis, sed reverendae cuiusdam tristitiae dignitate spectabilis.

At the doors of the house to which I was being borne, there stood Justice, embossed, fashioned in the form of a tree, holding a balance by a branch. The image was likewise adorned with a virginal fillet, of vehement aspect, with the lights of her eyes keen, neither humble nor atrocious, but conspicuous for the dignity of a certain reverend sadness.

Hinc senaculum esse mihi liquido patuit. Introductus in curiam, cuius strata tessellati operis marmore interstincta nitebant, aureo ibi sedili tanquam tribunali sublimem vidi arborem cum bis senis assessoribus, qui a dextra et sinistra Praesidis ordine concinno ac totidem subselliis assidebant. Praeses palma erat mediocris staturae, sed inter caeteros iudices ob foliorum varietatem, quae diversis coloribus erant tincta, notabilis.

Hence it was plainly evident to me that this was a senate-chamber. Introduced into the curia, whose pavements of tessellated work shone, interspersed with marble, there on a golden seat, as if a tribunal, I saw a lofty tree with twice six assessors, who on the right and left of the President sat in harmonious order and on as many benches. The President was a palm of moderate stature, but among the other judges notable on account of the variety of its leaves, which were dyed in diverse colors.

Utrumque latus cingebant apparitores numero viginti quatuor, quorum singuli sex securibus armati stabant. Horrendum oculis meis spectaculum! cum ex ista armatura sanguinariam hanc gentem ominarer.

On either side there girded apparitors, in number 24, each one standing armed with six axes. A horrendous spectacle to my eyes! since from that armature I took an omen that this nation was sanguinary.

Ad introitum meum consurgentes senatores excelsos ad aethera extendebant ramos, quo religionis exercitio defuncti, denuo consederunt. Sedentibus cunctis, ante cancellos ego sistor inter duas medius arbores, quarum trunci pelle ovina erant obducti. Credebam esse advocatos, et re vera tales erant.

At my entry, the senators, rising, were stretching their branches lofty toward the aether; once they had discharged this exercise of religion, they sat down again. With all seated, I am set before the lattice-rails, midway between two trees, whose trunks were overlaid with ovine hide. I believed them to be advocates, and in very truth such they were.

Antequam causas dicere coeperunt, centonibus quibusdam atrati coloris obvolvitur caput Praesidis. Mox actor brevem habuit orationem, quam ter repetivit; responditque pari brevitate rei defensor. Actiones eorum subsecutum est semihorae silentium.

Before they began to plead their cases, the head of the Presiding Magistrate was wrapped in certain centones of black attire. Soon the accuser delivered a brief oration, which he repeated three times; and the defender of the defendant replied with equal brevity. A silence of half an hour followed their pleadings.

Tunc adempto, quo tectus erat, velamine, exsurgit Praeses, sublatisque denuo ad sidera ramis, verba quaedam decenter enuntiavit, quibus sententiam meam contineri iudicabam. Nam finito sermone, dimissus ad vetus ergastulum reducor, unde tanquam e cella promptuaria ad flagrum me mox depromendum ominabar.

Then, the veil with which he was covered having been removed, the President rises, and, the branches once again lifted to the stars, he decently enunciated certain words, by which I judged that my sentence was contained. For when the discourse was finished, being dismissed I am led back to the old ergastulum, whence I was foreboding that, as from a store-cell, I would soon be drawn forth for the lash.

Solus ibi relictus, cunctis quae acciderant ad animum revocatis, ridebam stultitiam huius gentis; nam visa mihi est potius histrioniam egisse, quam iustitiam exercuisse, omniaque, quae videram, gestus, ornatus, modus procedendi etc. ludicris spectaculis ac pantomimorum scenis quam gravi Themidos tribunali apparebant digniora. Felicitatem tunc orbis nostri praedicabam et praestantiam Europaeorum prae caeteris hominibus.

Left there alone, with all that had happened recalled to mind, I was laughing at the stupidity of this nation; for it seemed to me rather to have played histrionics than to have exercised justice, and all the things I had seen—gestures, adornment, mode of proceeding, etc.—appeared more worthy of ludicrous spectacles and the scenes of pantomimes than of the grave tribunal of Themis. Then I was proclaiming the felicity of our world and the preeminence of the Europeans over the rest of mankind.

At, quamvis stuporem et stoliditatem gentis huius subterraneae damnarem, coactus tamen simul eram fateri, a brutis animantibus debere distingui. Nam nitor civitatis, symmetria aedificiorum et alia manifeste indicabant, ratione non destitutas esse has arbores, nec artium, inprimis mechanices, prorsus esse rudes. Sed putabam, hoc solo virtutem ac praestantiam omnem absolvi.

But, although I condemned the stupor and stolidity of this subterranean nation, yet at the same time I was compelled to confess that they ought to be distinguished from brute animals. For the polish of the city, the symmetry of the buildings, and other things clearly indicated that these trees were not destitute of reason, nor utterly rude in the arts, especially mechanics. But I supposed that in this alone all their virtue and excellence was summed up.

Dum ita tacitus mecum loquebar, intrat arbor, sistrum manu tenens. Eadem, diffibulato meo pectore, ac nudato altero brachio, mediam mihi venam scite admodum pertudit. Postquam sanguinis, quantum sat videbatur, elicuerat, brachium non minori dexteritate obligabat.

While I was thus speaking silently with myself, a tree enters, holding a sistrum in her hand. The same one, with my chest unfastened and the other arm bared, very skillfully punctured my median vein. After she had drawn off as much blood as seemed sufficient, she bound up my arm with no less dexterity.

Ita officio functa, inspecto solicite sanguine, tacita ac velut admiratione satura digreditur. Haec omnia confirmabant opinionem, quam de stoliditate huius gentis mihi finxeram. At quam primum linguam subterraneam edoctus essem, et explicata mihi cuncta fuissent, contemptus in admirationem vertitur.

Thus, her office performed, the blood solicitously inspected, she departs silent and as if sated with admiration. All these things confirmed the opinion which I had fashioned for myself concerning the stolidity of this people. But as soon as I had been taught the subterranean tongue, and everything had been unfolded to me, contempt turns into admiration.

Processus hic forensis, quem temere damnaveram, ita mihi exponitur. E forma corporis mei iudicaverant, me esse incolam firmamenti. Visus fueram honestam et primi ordinis matronam velle violare.

This forensic process, which I had rashly condemned, is thus explained to me. From the shape of my body they had judged that I was an inhabitant of the firmament. I had seemed to wish to violate an honorable matron of the first rank.

Ob crimen hoc in forum reus tractus fueram. Advocatorum alter culpam exaggeraverat, supplicium lege debitum poscens; alter vero non poenam deprecatus erat, sed dilationem supplicii suaserat, donec innotuerit, quis, qualis et cuias essem, utrum brutum, an animal rationale. Porro ramorum extensionem didici esse actum religionis ordinarium, antequam res diiudicaretur.

For this crime I had been dragged as a defendant into the forum. One of the advocates had exaggerated the fault, demanding the punishment owed by law; the other, however, had not deprecated the penalty, but had advised a dilation of the punishment until it should become known who I was, of what quality, and of what country, whether a brute or a rational animal. Moreover, I learned that the extension of branches was an ordinary act of religion before the case was adjudicated.

Advocati ovina tecti erant pelle, ut memores essent innocentiae et integritatis in partibus obeundis. Et revera probi hic omnes ac integri sunt, id quod monstrat, in republica bene constituta dari posse probos ac honestos causidicos. Severae adeo in praevaricatores latae sunt leges, ut nec sycophantiis nec fucis ullum mantellum sit obvium, nec deprecatio perfidiis, nec maledictis sit fuga, nec confidentiae usquam hospitium sit, nec diverticulum dolis.

Advocates were covered with a sheep’s hide, so that they might be mindful of innocence and integrity in discharging their parts. And in truth all here are upright and integral, which shows that in a well‑constituted republic there can be upright and honorable pleaders. So severe are the laws passed against prevaricators that there is no mantle at hand for sycophancies or cosmetic deceits, no deprecation for perfidies, no escape for maledictions, no lodging anywhere for brazen confidence, no by‑way for wiles.

Verborum trina repetitio fieri solebat ob tarditatem perceptionis, qua ab aliis gentibus distinguebantur huius terrae incolae; nam paucis datum erat intelligere, quod obiter legerant, aut percipere, quod semel tantum audiverant. Qui statim rem capiebant, vi iudicandi credebantur destituti, ideoque raro hi ad magna ac momentosa munera admittebantur. Experientia quippe didicerant, fluctuasse rempublicam in manibus eorum, qui promptissimae sunt perceptionis, ac qui vulgo magna ingenia dicuntur; tardos vero, ac per contemptum hebetes dictos, composuisse, quae primi turbaverant.

A triple repetition of words used to be made on account of slowness of perception, by which the inhabitants of this land were distinguished from other peoples; for to few was it given to understand what they had read cursorily, or to perceive what they had heard only once. Those who straightway seized the matter were believed to be destitute of the force of judging, and therefore these were rarely admitted to great and momentous offices. For experience had learned that the commonwealth had fluctuated in the hands of those who are of the most prompt perception, and who in the common speech are called great geniuses; but that the slow—and, in contempt, called dull—had set in order the things which the first had disturbed.

Paradoxa haec omnia erant, licet serio ponderanti non plane absurda mihi sint visa.

All these were paradoxes, though, to one seriously pondering, they did not seem to me wholly absurd.

Maximam vero admirationem movebat historia Praesidis; nam virgo erat, indigena huius loci, et a principe constituta Kaki, seu supremus in civitate iudex. Apud hanc gentem enim nullum in distributione officiorum observatur sexus discrimen, sed habito delectu, reipublicae negotia dignissimis conferuntur. Ut rite de uniuscuiusque profectu ac dotibus animi iudicetur, instituta sunt seminaria, quorum ephori sive directores dicebantur Karatti (vox ista proprie denotat examinatores sive scrutatores). Eorum officium erat profectum et vires uniuscuiusque examinare, indolem iuventutis penitius inspicere, habitoque examine, principi quotannis exhibere indicem eorum, qui ad munera publica essent admittendi, simulque ostendere, qua in re unusquisque patriae maxime usui esse posset.

But the greatest admiration was stirred by the story of the President; for she was a maiden, a native of this place, and by the prince was appointed Kaki, that is, the supreme judge in the city. For among this people no distinction of sex is observed in the distribution of offices; rather, after a selection has been held, the affairs of the republic are conferred upon the most worthy. In order that a right judgment might be made concerning the progress and endowments of mind of each individual, seminaries were instituted, whose ephors or directors were called Karatti (this word properly denotes examiners or scrutinizers). Their office was to examine the progress and the strengths of each one, to look more deeply into the natural disposition of the youth, and, an examination having been held, to present to the prince each year an index of those who ought to be admitted to public duties, and at the same time to show in what matter each person could be most of use to the fatherland.

Accepto isto catalogo, Princeps nomina candidatorum libro inferri iussit, quo in memoria et tanquam ante oculos haberet, quos ad vacantia munera admoveret.

Having received that catalogue, the Prince ordered the names of the candidates to be entered in a book, so that he might have, in memory and as if before his eyes, those whom he would assign to the vacant offices.

Praedicta virgo splendidum ante quatuor annos a Karattis obtinuerat testimonium, eoque nomine a Principe constituta erat Praeses Senatus huius urbis, in qua nata erat. Sancta et constans est huius moris observantia apud Potuanos, cum credant, optime iis perspectum esse statum loci, qui in eodem nati sunt et educati. Palmka (id nomen huic virgini erat) summa cum laude triennii spatio spartam hanc ornaverat, habitaque fuit prudentissima totius civitatis arbor.

The aforesaid maiden had obtained from the Karatti a splendid testimony four years before, and by that title had been appointed by the Prince President of the Senate of this city, in which she had been born. Holy and constant is the observance of this custom among the Potuans, since they believe that the condition of a place is best perceived by those who are born and brought up in the same. Palmka (that was the name of this maiden) had, with highest praise, in the span of three years adorned this charge, and she was held the most prudent arbiter of the whole city.

Nam tanta illi erat perceptionis tarditas, ut rem, nisi ter vel quater repetita esset, aegre perciperet. At, quod semel percepit, penitus perspexit, tantoque iudicio quaevis problemata discussit, ut effata eiusdem totidem oracula habita fuerint. Novit enim iustum gemina suspendere lance Ancipitis librae, rectum discrevit, ubi inter Curva subit, vel cum fallit pede regula varo.

For so great was his slowness of perception that he could scarcely perceive a matter unless it had been repeated three or four times. Yet what he once grasped, he thoroughly saw through, and with such judgment did he discuss every problem, that his utterances were accounted as so many oracles. For he knew how to suspend the just in the twin-pan balance of the Ancipitis Scale, and he distinguished the straight where it goes in among the Curved, or when the rule misleads with a bow-legged foot.

Hinc nulla ab ea quadriennii spatio dicta fuit sententia, quae non a summo tribunali Potuano confirmata et encomiis ornata esset.

Hence, during the space of four years, there was no decision pronounced by her that was not confirmed by the supreme Potuan tribunal and adorned with encomia.

Igitur institutum istud in favorem sexus sequioris, quod primo intuitu damnaveram, non plane absonum curatius examinanti visum est. Cogitabam mecum: Quid, si uxor Praetoris nostri Bergensis loco mariti ius diceret? Quid, si advocati Severini filia, eloquentia ac praeclaris animi dotibus ornata virgo, pro stupido parente causas in foro ageret?

Therefore that institution in favor of the weaker sex, which at first glance I had condemned, seemed not altogether out of tune upon a more careful examination. I was thinking to myself: What, if the wife of our Praetor of Bergen should declare the law in the place of her husband? What, if the daughter of the advocate Severinus, a maiden adorned with eloquence and with outstanding endowments of mind, should plead cases in the forum on behalf of her stupid parent?

Iurisprudentia nostra parum inde detrimenti caperet, et forsitan Themis toties non vapularet. Cogitabam porro, quoniam in foris Europaeis causae celeriter adeo iudicantur, sententias istas extemporales ac praecoces, si severiori examini subiicerentur, notas censoris non effugituras.

Our jurisprudence would take little detriment from it, and perhaps Themis would not so often get a beating. I was moreover thinking, since in the European fora cases are judged so swiftly, that those extemporaneous and premature judgments, if they were subjected to a more severe examination, would not escape the marks of the censor.

Ut pergam reliqua explicare: venae sectionis rationem hanc audivi. Si quis criminis convictus sit, pro flagris, membrorum mutilatione aut capitali supplicio ad venae sectionem damnatur, quo pateat, utrum e malitia an sanguinis aut humorum vitio derivandum sit crimen, et an tali operatione corrigi queat, adeo ut tribunalia haec ad emendationem potius quam ad poenam spectent. Emendatio tamen haec poenam quodammodo complectebatur, quoniam nota quaedam ignominiae erat ex iudicis sententia hanc operationem subire.

To proceed to explain the rest: I heard this rationale of venesection. If anyone be convicted of a crime, instead of flagellation, mutilation of the limbs, or capital punishment, he is condemned to venesection, in order that it may be laid open whether the crime is to be derived from malice or from a defect of the blood or of the humors, and whether by such an operation it can be corrected, to such a degree that these tribunals look to emendation rather than to punishment. Nevertheless this emendation in some manner encompassed punishment, since to undergo this operation by the judge’s sentence was a certain mark of ignominy.

Si quis iterum laberetur, indignus civitate iudicatus, ad firmamentum, ubi omnes absque discrimine recipiebantur, solebat relegari. At de exsilio isto, eiusdemque indole, plura mox dicenda. Quod vero chirurgus iste, qui venam mihi mediam aperuit, ad visum sanguinis mox obstupuerit, causa haec erat, quod incolae huius globi, loco sanguinis, liquidum et candidum habeant succum, per venas fluentem, qui, quo est candidior, eo maior sanctiratis nota.

If anyone were to lapse again, judged unworthy of citizenship, he would be relegated to the firmament, where all without distinction were received. But about that exile, and its very character, more is soon to be said. As for the fact that the surgeon who opened for me the median vein was straightway stupefied at the sight of the blood, the cause was this: that the inhabitants of this globe, in place of blood, have a liquid and white juice flowing through the veins, which, the whiter it is, the greater the mark of sanctity.

Haec omnia linguam subterraneam edocto penitius innotuerunt, quo facto clementius iudicium ferre coeperam de gente ista, quam temere nimis damnaveram. At, quamvis stupidas et stolidas has arbores primo intuitu iudicaveram, animadverteram tamen mox non omni humanitate esse destitutas, ac proinde nullum mihi esse periculum vitae; in qua spe confirmabar, cum viderem, bis quovis die alimenta mihi afferri. Cibus vulgo constabat e fructibus, herbis ac leguminibus; potus erat liquidus succus, quo nil dulce magis ac saporum.

All these things became more fully known to me, once I had been taught the subterranean language; this done, I began to render a more clement judgment about that people, whom I had far too rashly condemned. But, although at first glance I had judged these trees to be stupid and stolid, I soon observed nevertheless that they were not deprived of all humanity, and therefore that there was no danger to my life; in which hope I was confirmed, when I saw that food was brought to me twice each day. The food commonly consisted of fruits, herbs, and legumes; the drink was a liquid juice, than which nothing is sweeter or more flavorful.

Praetor iste, in cuius custodia eram, Principi sive Dynastae, haud procul ab hac civitate degenti, mox indicabat, in manus suas casu incidisse animal quoddam rationale, sed insolitae figurae. Rei novitate motus Princeps, in lingua me erudiri, et deinde ad aulam suam mitti iubet. Datus hinc mihi fuit Magister linguae, sub cuius institutione semestri spatio tantum profeci, ut cum incolis satis expedite fabularer.

That Praetor, in whose custody I was, soon reported to the Prince or Dynast, dwelling not far from this city, that a certain rational animal, but of unusual figure, had by chance fallen into his hands. Moved by the novelty of the thing, the Prince orders that I be instructed in the language, and then sent to his court. Thereupon a Master of the language was assigned to me, under whose instruction, in the space of half a year, I advanced so far that I conversed with the inhabitants quite readily.

Postquam in lingua subterranea tyrocinii rudimenta deposueram, agfertur ab aula novum mandatum de ulteriore mea institutione, iubeorque seminario urbis initiari, ut a Karattis eiusdem sive examinatoribus perspicerentur vires ingenii mei, et in quo disciplinae genere maximam spem promitterem. Haec omnia solicite exsequuntur; sed dum in stadio hoc eram, non corporis mei minor cura habebatur quam animi, et soliciti inprimis erant, ut ad similitudinem arboris, quantum fieri licuit, formarer; quem in finem ramos quosdam adscititios corpori aptabant.

After I had laid aside the rudiments of my tyrocinium in the subterranean language, a new mandate is brought from the court concerning my further instruction, and I am ordered to be initiated into the seminary of the city, so that by its Karatts, or examiners, the powers of my genius might be inspected, and in what kind of discipline I might promise the greatest hope. All this they diligently carry out; but while I was in this stage, no less care was taken of my body than of my mind, and they were especially solicitous that, to the likeness of a tree, as far as it could be done, I should be formed; to which end they fitted to my body certain adscititious branches.

Dum haec aguntur, hospes meus redeuntem quavis vespera e seminario variis sermonibus ac quaestionibus exercebat. Audivit summa cum animi voluptate me de iis, quae in subterraneo hoc itinere usu venerant, dissertantem; maxime vero obstupuit ad descriptionem terrae nostrae, et immensi, quo cincta erat, coeli, innumeris sideribus interstincti. Horum omnium attentus avidusque erat auditor; at erubuit non nihil ad ea, quae narrabam de arboribus nostri orbis, quae inanimatae, immobiles, ac radicibus terrae stent fixae, ac tandem non sine indignatione me intuebatur, cum testarer, arbores nostras caesas calefaciendis fornacibus et cibis coquendis inservire.

Meanwhile, as these things were being transacted, my host, on my returning every evening from the seminary, used to ply me with various discourses and questions. He listened with the highest pleasure of mind to me discoursing about those things which on this subterranean journey had occurred by experience; but he was especially astonished at the description of our earth, and of the immense heaven, with which it was encircled, interspersed with innumerable stars. Of all these things he was an attentive and avid auditor; but he blushed not a little at the things I was relating about the trees of our orb, which are inanimate, immobile, and stand fixed in the earth by their roots, and at last he looked at me not without indignation, when I testified that our trees, once felled, serve for heating furnaces and for cooking foods.

Attamen re serio pensitata, paulatim ira detumuit, protensisque versus coelum quinque ramis (nam totidem illi erant), iudicia Creatoris, cuius sint variae occultae rationes, est miratus; attente porro audivit alia narrantem. Uxor illius, quae adhuc praesentiam meam aversata fuerat, cum veram, ob quam in iudicium tractus eram, causam didicisset, ac specie me arboris, quam in orbe nostro scandere solemus, deceptum, abiecta omni suspicione, in gratiam mecum rediit. At ego, ne inter initia coëuntis gratiae recentem cicatricem rescinderem, non nisi praesente ac iubente marito, sermones cum illa miscui.

Nevertheless, the matter having been seriously weighed, little by little his anger subsided, and with his five branches stretched forth toward heaven (for just so many he had), he marveled at the judgments of the Creator, whose reasons are various and occult; and he listened attentively as I related other things. His wife, who until now had shunned my presence, when she learned the true cause on account of which I had been dragged into judgment, and that I had been deceived by the appearance of a tree which in our world we are accustomed to climb, with all suspicion cast aside, returned into favor with me. But I, lest at the very beginnings of the coalescing grace I should reopen a fresh scar, did not engage in conversation with her except with her husband present and bidding it.

Caput III: Descriptio Urbis Kebae

Chapter 3: Description of the City of Keba

Interea, dum in cursu hoc tyrocinii eram, per urbem me circumduxit hospes meus, ut monstraret, quicquid maxime curiosum ac spectabile erat. Ambulavimus absque impedimento ac, quod maxime mirabar, sine ullo incolarum accursu; aliter ac apud nos fieri solet, ubi ad omne, quod insolitum est, catervatim advolant homines, ut curiosos pascant oculos. Nam incolae huius planetae novitatis parum avidi solida tantum sectantur.

Meanwhile, while I was in this course of apprenticeship, my host led me around the city, to show whatever was most curious and spectacle-worthy. We walked without impediment and, what I especially marveled at, without any rush of the inhabitants; otherwise than is wont to happen among us, where at every unusual thing men flock in troops, to feed their curious eyes. For the inhabitants of this planet, little avid for novelty, pursue only the solid.

Civitati huic nomen est Keba, quae inter urbes Principatus Potuani secundum locum tenet. Incolae graves adeo sunt ac prudentes, ut quot cives, tot senatores diceres. Honestissimum ibi est senectutis domicilium; nusquam enim tantum tribuitur aetati, nusquam senectus est honoratior, cuius non in sententia sola, sed et nutu residet auctoritas.

The name of this city is Keba, which among the cities of the Potuan Principate holds the second place. The inhabitants are so grave and prudent that you would say, “as many citizens, so many senators.” There the domicile of old age is most honorable; for nowhere is so much attributed to age, nowhere is old age more honored, whose authority resides not in judgment alone, but even in a nod.

Mirabar gentem adeo modestam ac sobriam certaminibus ludicris, comoediis ac spectaculis delectari; nam haec gravitati eiusdem parum convenire videbantur. Id quod animadvertens hospes, per totum, ait, hunc Principatum seria ac nugae per vices nos partiuntur, Saturnumque gravem nostro Iove frangimus una. Inter alia enim huius Principatus egregia instituta erat permissio voluptatum innocuarum, quibus roborari creditur animus et ad molesta obeunda munera reddi idoneus, quibusque dissipari putantur atrae istae nubes ac melancholici affectus, tot turbarum, seditionum ac pravorum consiliorum fontes.

I marveled that a people so modest and sober should take delight in ludic contests, comedies, and spectacles; for these seemed to suit their gravity but little. Noticing this, my host said, “Throughout this whole Principality, serious things and trifles take us by turns; and together we break grim Saturn with our own Jove.” For among the other outstanding institutions of this Principality was the permission of innocuous pleasures, by which the mind is believed to be strengthened and rendered fit for undertaking burdensome duties, and by which those black clouds and melancholic affections—the sources of so many disturbances, seditions, and depraved counsels—are thought to be dissipated.

Hac ratione ducti graviora opera lusibus iocisque distinguunt, severitatem tamen comitatemque ita miscentes, ne illa in tristitiam, haec in petulantiam degeneret.

Guided by this rationale, they intersperse the graver works with games and jests, yet so mixing severity and comity that the former may not degenerate into sadness, the latter into petulance.

At non sine indignatione animadvertebam, inter spectacula et ludos scenicos numerari exercitia disputatoria. Namque statis anni temporibus, factis sponsionibus, et certo vincentibus statuto praemio, disputatores tanquam gladiatorum paria committebantur, eisdem fere legibus, quibus certamina apud nos fiunt inter gallos gallinaceos aut animalia aeque ferocia. Hinc divitibus mos erat alere disputatores, quemadmodum in orbe nostro canes venaticos, eosdemque in arte disputandi sive dialectica erudire, ut idonei et loquaces redderentur ad stata, quae quotannis fierent, certamina.

But not without indignation I observed that disputatory exercises were numbered among the spectacles and scenic games. For at fixed times of the year, wagers having been laid and a definite prize set for the victors, disputants were pitted in pairs like gladiators, under almost the same laws by which contests among us are held between gamecocks or animals equally ferocious. Hence it was the custom for the wealthy to keep disputants, just as in our world hunting dogs, and to educate the same in the art of disputation, or dialectic, so that they might be rendered fit and voluble for the stated contests that were held every year.

Ita civis quidam opulentus, nomine Henochi, triennii spatio magnas opes, scilicet 4000 Ricatu, cumulaverat e tropaeis unius, quem hunc in finem alebat, disputatoris, et haud semel immodicae summae domino eiusdem oblatae fuerant ab iis, qui ex eiusmodi exercitiis quaestus facere solebant; sed adhuc vendere nolebat thesaurum, unde tot illi quotannis erant reditus. Mira ille linguae volubilitate pollens diruebat, aedificabat, quadrata rotundis mutabat, syllogismorum captionumque dialecticarum laqueis strepebat, et unumquemque opponentem distinguendo, subsumendo et limitando eludere ac ad silentium pro lubitu reducere callebat.

Thus a certain opulent citizen, by name Henoch, in the space of three years had heaped up great wealth—namely 4,000 Ricatu—from the trophies of a single disputant, whom he maintained for this very end; and more than once immoderate sums had been offered to that same man’s owner by those who were wont to make profit from exercises of this kind; but he was still unwilling to sell the treasure whence so many returns were his every year. Abounding in marvelous volubility of tongue, he would demolish, he would build, he would change squares into rounds, he rattled with the snares of syllogisms and dialectical captious tricks, and he was skilled to elude each and every opponent by distinguishing, subsuming, and limiting, and to reduce him to silence at pleasure.

Semel atque iterum spectaculis eiusmodi summa cum animi aegritudine interfui. Nam impium et indignum mihi videbatur, augusta adeo exercitia, quae ornare solent gymnasia nostra, in ludos scenicos transformari. Et cum ad animum revocarem, ter me summo cum applausu publice disputasse et lauream exinde emeruisse, a lacrimis vix temperare poteram.

Once and again I was present at spectacles of this sort with the utmost distress of spirit. For it seemed to me impious and unworthy that exercises so august, which are wont to adorn our gymnasia, should be transformed into scenic shows. And when I called to mind that I had three times, with the highest applause, disputed publicly and had therefrom earned the laurel, I could scarcely restrain myself from tears.

Caeterum non ipse magis actus quam disputandi modus stomachum mihi movebat. Conducti enim erant certi stimulatores, quos dicebant Cabalcos, qui, cum viderent impetum disputantium languescere, latera eorundem sistris quibusdam pungerent, ut denuo recalescerent, ac vires torpentes intergrarent.

Moreover, not so much the performance itself as the method of disputation stirred my indignation. For certain stimulators had been hired, whom they called Cabalcos, who, when they saw the impetus of the disputants languishing, would prick their sides with certain sistrums, so that they might grow warm again and reinvigorate their torpid strength.

Mitto alia, quorum meminisse pudet, et quae in gente adeo exculta damnabam. Praeter hos disputatores, quos Masbakos, sive altercantes, per ludibrium vocant subterranei, erant et alia certamina inter quadrupedia, tam fera quam mansueta, et alites maxime feroces, quae certo spectantibus pretio exhibebantur. Quaerebam ab hospite, qui fieri posset, ut gens tanto iudicio praedita ad ludos circenses reiiceret nobilia adeo exercitia, quibus facultas loquendi paratur, veritas detegitur, ingeniumque acuitur.

I pass over other things, the remembrance of which makes me blush, and which I condemned in a nation so cultivated. Besides those disputants, whom the Subterraneans, in mockery, call Masbakos, or Altercators, there were also other contests among quadrupeds, both wild and tame, and birds, most of them fierce, which were exhibited to spectators for a fixed price. I asked my host how it could be that a people endowed with such judgment consigned to the circus games exercises so noble, by which the faculty of speaking is prepared, truth is unveiled, and ingenuity is sharpened.

Respondebat ille, certamina haec barbaris olim saeculis magni aestimata fuisse; sed cum experientia tandem edocti fuerint, veritatem disputando potius suffocari, iuventutem procacem reddi, turbas inde enasci, et solidis studiis compedes iniici, ab Academiis ad circos haec exercitia transtulisse: et docuisse eventum, silentio, lectione ac meditatione citius magisterium adipisci tyrones. Qua tamen responsione, quantumvis speciosa, non acquiescebam.

He replied that these contests had in barbarous ages been held in high esteem; but when at length they had been taught by experience that truth is rather smothered by disputation, that youth is made saucy, that disturbances arise therefrom, and that shackles are put upon solid studies, they had transferred these exercises from the Academies to the circuses: and that the outcome had taught that by silence, reading, and meditation tyros more quickly attain mastery. With which answer, however specious, I did not acquiesce.

In civitate hac erat Academia sive Gymnasium, ubi decenter ac summa gravitate docebantur artes liberaliores. Ab hospite meo in auditorium huius scholae introducor die quodam solenni, quo crearetur Madic, sive Philosophiae Doctor. Celebratus fuit actus absque ulla caeremonia, nisi quod Candidatus docte et eleganter de problemate quodam physico disseruerit; quo exercitio defunctus, a Praesidibus Gymnasii in album relatus est eorum, qui publice docendi iure gaudent.

In this city there was an Academy or Gymnasium, where the more liberal arts were taught becomingly and with the highest gravity. By my host I am introduced into the auditorium of this school on a certain solemn day, on which a Madic, that is, a Doctor of Philosophy, was to be created. The act was celebrated without any ceremony, except that the Candidate, learnedly and elegantly, discoursed on a certain problem of physics; this exercise completed, he was entered by the Presidents of the Gymnasium on the roll of those who enjoy the right of teaching publicly.

Rogitanti hospiti, ecquid actus iste mihi placuisset, respondebam, siccum nimis ac ieiunum prae nostris promotionibus mihi visum. Exponebam porro, qui apud nos creari soleant Magistri ac Doctores, nempe praeviis speciminibus disputatoriis. Ad haec frontem ille contrahens, modum et indolem eiusmodi disputationum, et qui a subrerraneis differant, quaerit.

To my host, who kept asking whether this act had pleased me, I replied that it had seemed to me too dry and jejune compared with our promotions. I went on to explain how among us Masters and Doctors are wont to be created, namely by preliminary specimens of disputation. At this, he, knitting his brow, inquires about the method and the nature of disputations of this sort, and how they differ from the subterranean ones.

Respondebam ego, vulgo fieri de rebus admodum doctis et curiosis, in primis de iis, quae spectant ad mores, linguas et vestitus duarum veterum gentium, quae olim in Europa maxime floruerant; testabarque me trinis eruditis disputationibus commentatum in veteres earundem gentium crepidas.

I replied that, as a rule, they are conducted on very learned and curious matters, especially on those which pertain to the mores, languages, and vesture of two ancient peoples who had once flourished most in Europe; and I attested that, in three learned disputations, I had commented on the ancient sandals of those same peoples.

Hoc audito, tantum edidit cachinnum, ut tota domus inde exsonaret. Excitata ad strepitum hunc uxor illius advolat, causam risus curiose sciscitans. At, tantam ego conceperam iram, ut respondere non dignarer; nam indignum mihi videbatur, res adeo graves ac serias cum risu ac ludibrio excipi.

On hearing this, he let out such a burst of laughter that the whole house resounded from it. Roused by this noise, his wife flies up, curiously inquiring the cause of the laughter. But I had conceived such anger that I did not deign to answer; for it seemed to me unworthy that matters so grave and serious be received with laughter and mockery.

At a marito tandem id, quod rei erat, edocta, in risum non minorem erupit. Res haec per totam brevi urbem disseminata perpetuis sannis ansam dedit, et uxor Senatoris cuiusdam, in risum prona, narratione hac adeo commota fuit, ut ilia crebris cachinnis paene dissolveret. Et cum non ita multo post febri correpta moreretur, credebatur ex immoderato hoc risu, quo pulmonem nimis exagitaverat, morbum, qui fatalis illi erat, contraxisse.

But at last, instructed by her husband as to what the matter was, she too erupted into no lesser laughter. This affair, soon disseminated through the whole city, gave occasion for perpetual sneers, and the wife of a certain Senator, prone to laughter, was so moved by this narration that she almost split her sides with frequent guffaws. And when not much later she died, having been seized by a fever, it was believed that from this immoderate laughter, by which she had over-agitated her lung, she had contracted the disease which was fatal to her.

Sed de vera mortis causa non satis liquide constat; murmura tantum eiusmodi audiebantur. Erat alias praeclarae indolis matrona ac strenua materfamilias; nam septem illi erant rami, quod rarum in isto sexu. Hinc mortem illius aegre tulerunt omnes honestae arbores.

But as to the true cause of the death, it is not established with sufficient lucidity; only murmurs of such a sort were heard. She was otherwise a matron of distinguished disposition and a strenuous mistress of the household; for she had seven branches, which is rare in that sex. Hence all respectable trees took her death hard.

Humo mandatur intempesta nocte extra urbis pomoeria, iisdemque vestibus effertur, quibus mortua est inventa. Cautum enim lege est, ne quis in urbe sepeliatur, cum aërem ex effluviis cadaverum putrescere credant. Cautum porro est, ne cum insigni comitatu ac splendido ornatu efferantur funera, vermium scilicet pabula mox futura.

She is consigned to the ground in the dead of night outside the city’s pomerium, and is carried out in the same garments in which she was found dead. For it is provided by law that no one be buried in the city, since they believe the air putrefies from the effluvia of corpses. Further, it is provided that funerals not be borne out with a distinguished retinue and splendid adornment—namely, soon-to-be food for worms.

Quae omnia satis prudenrer instituta mihi videbantur. Parentalia tamen haberi solent orationesque funebres, sed quae pura tantum hortamina sunt ad bene vivendum, quaeque mortalitatis imaginem ante oculos audientium ponunt. Adesse iubentur Censores, observaturi, an defunctorum praeter merita memoriam aut extenuent oratores aut attollant.

All these things seemed to me to have been instituted quite prudently. The Parentalia, however, are accustomed to be held, and funeral orations too; but these are pure exhortations only to living well, and they set before the eyes of the hearers an image of mortality. The Censors are ordered to be present, to observe whether the orators either diminish or exalt the memory of the deceased beyond their deserts.

Hinc encomiorum parcissimi sunt oratores subterranei, cum poena immodice et praeter merita laudantibus sit statuta.

Hence the subterranean orators are most sparing of encomia, since a penalty has been established for those who laud immoderately and beyond deserts.

Non ita multo post, cum tali parentationi interfuerim, quaerebam ab hospite de sorte et statu defuncti herois, cuius memoria celebrabatur. Respondit ille, agricolam fuisse, quem ad urbem tendentem mors in itinere occupaverat. Hinc, qui nuper a subterraneis derisus fueram, meo more non minus effuse ridebam, telaque, quae in Europaeos vibraverant hi, strenue retorsi.

Not long after, when I had attended such a parentation, I was asking my host about the lot and condition of the deceased hero whose memory was being celebrated. He replied that he had been a farmer, whom, as he was making for the city, death had overtaken on the way. Then I, who had lately been mocked by the subterraneans, after my fashion laughed no less effusely, and sturdily hurled back the darts which these had brandished against the Europeans.

Eccur, aiebam, boves ac tauri, rusticorum socii et commilitones, pro rostris etiam non laudantur? Eandem, quam fossores terrae materiam orationi suppeditabunt, eodem ministerio fungentes. At a risu me temperare iubet hospes, docens, agricolas in his terris summo in honore haberi ob nobilitatem ministerii, in quo occupantur, nullumque vitae genus hic honestius agricultura censeri.

“Why then,” I was saying, “are oxen and bulls, the rustics’ allies and fellow-soldiers, not praised even before the rostra? They will furnish the same material for an oration as the diggers of the earth, performing the same ministry.” But my host bids me restrain myself from laughter, explaining that farmers in these lands are held in the highest honor on account of the nobility of the ministry in which they are engaged, and that no kind of life here is reckoned more honorable than agriculture.

Hinc quivis honestus rusticus, ac diligens paterfamilias, nutritor et patronus oppidanorum salutatur. Eo respectu fieri solet, ut agricolae, cum circa autumni initium, aut mense Palmae ad urbem cum ingenti numero vehiculorum, frumento onustorum, tendunt, extra portas urbis obvios habeant Magistratus urbis ac tubarum clangore et symphoniae sono, ovantium ritu, in civitatem introducantur.

Hence every respectable rustic, and diligent paterfamilias, is saluted as the nourisher and patron of the townspeople. In this regard it is wont to occur that the farmers—when around the beginning of autumn, or in the month of Palm—they make for the city with a huge number of vehicles laden with grain, have the Magistrates of the city meet them outside the city gates, and, to the clang of trumpets and the sound of symphony, are introduced into the city in the manner of an ovation.

Stupescebam ad hanc narrationem, ad animum revocans sortem agricolarum nostrorum, sub foeda servitute gementium, et quorum occupationes sordidas et illiberales iudicamus prae aliis artibus, quae ministrae sunt voluptatum, ut coquorum, fartorum, unguentariorum, saltatorum etc. Hospiti quidem hoc paulo post, sed sub fide silentii exposui, verens, ne nimis sinistra iudicia de genere humano ferrent subterranei. Silentium ille pollicitus, ad auditorium me, ubi habenda esset oratio funebris, secum duxit.

I was astonished at this narration, recalling to mind the lot of our farmers, groaning under foul servitude, and whose occupations we judge sordid and illiberal, in comparison with other arts which are ministers of pleasures, such as those of cooks, sausage-makers, perfumers, dancers, etc. To my host indeed I set this forth a little later, but under a pledge of silence, fearing lest the subterraneans should form too sinister judgments about the human race. He, having promised silence, led me with him to the auditorium where the funeral oration was to be delivered.

Fateor, nil unquam me solidius, veracius et ab omni adulationis specie magis immune audivisse; et visa mihi haec parentatio exemplar, ad quod omnes eiusmodi orationes exprimi deberent. Orator primo conspectum dedit virtutum defuncti, moxque vitia ac infirmitates enumeravit, monendo auditores, ut ab hisce sibi caverent.

I confess, I have never heard anything more solid, more veracious, and more immune from every appearance of adulation; and this funeral oration seemed to me an exemplar, to which all orations of this kind ought to be molded. The orator first gave a conspectus of the virtues of the deceased, and soon after enumerated the vices and infirmities, admonishing the hearers to beware of these for themselves.

Redeuntibus ex auditorio obvius fit noxius quidam, tribus custodibus stipatus. Idem nuper ex iudicis sententia poenam brachii (ita vocant venae sectionem) subierat, iam vero in nosocomium urbis publicum trudendus. Quaerenti damnationis causam, respondetur, eundem publice de qualitatibus ac essentia Dei disputasse; id quod prohibitum in his terris, ubi curiosae eiusmodi disputationes temerariae adeo ac stolidae censentur, ut in compositae mentis creaturas cadere nequeant.

Returning from the auditorium, we met a certain culprit, escorted by three guards. The same man had recently, by the judge’s sentence, undergone the punishment of the arm (thus they call venesection), and was now to be thrust into the city’s public hospital. When I asked the cause of the condemnation, the answer was returned that this same man had publicly disputed concerning the qualities and the essence of God; which is forbidden in these lands, where curious disputations of this sort are judged so temerarious and stolid that they cannot befall creatures of a composed mind.

Solitum est igitur subtiles hos disputatores, tanquam insanos, post venae sectionem in ergastula publica compingere, donec delirare cessant. Hinc tacite mecum: Hei! quid de Theologis nostris hic fieret?

It is therefore the custom to confine these subtle disputants, as if madmen, in the public prisons after venesection, until they cease raving. Hence, silently to myself: Alas! what would become of our Theologians here?

quos quotidie de qualitate et attributis Numinis, de natura spirituum et id genus aliis mysteriis rixantes cernimus. Qualis sors esset Metaphysicis nostris, qui transcendentalibus suis studiis superbientes, supra vulgus sapere, imo Diis se proximos credunt? Certe pro laureis, birretis, pileis Doctoralibus, quibus in terris nostris decorantur, iter sibi panderent ad ergastula aut nosocomiorum candidati fierent.

whom we daily see wrangling about the quality and attributes of the Divinity, about the nature of spirits, and mysteries of that kind. What lot would there be for our Metaphysicians, who, exulting in their transcendental studies, think to be wise above the vulgar, nay believe themselves next to the gods? Surely, instead of the laurels, birettas, and Doctoral caps with which in our lands they are adorned, they would be opening a road for themselves to the workhouses, or would become candidates for the hospitals.

Haec et alia, quae valde paradoxa mihi visa sunt, tempore tirocinii notabam. Aderat Tandem mandato Principis definitum tempus, quo e Gymnasio in aulam cum testimonio dimittendus essem. Splendida mihi encomia et niveos calculos pollicebar, fretus qua propriis virtutibus, cum linguam subterraneam exspectatione celerius didicissem, qua hospitis mei favore ac iudicum decantata integritate.

These and other things, which seemed to me very paradoxical, I noted during the time of my apprenticeship. At last, by the Prince’s mandate, the fixed time was at hand, when I was to be dismissed from the Gymnasium into the court with a testimonial. I was promising myself splendid encomia and snow-white ballots, relying both on my own virtues—since I had learned the subterranean language more quickly than expected—and on my host’s favor and the oft-sung integrity of the judges.

Tandem traditum mihi est testimonium, quod prae gaudio tremens aperui, avidus laudes meas legendi, exindeque, qualis sors mea foret, noscendi. At lectio eiusdem in iram et desperationem me coniecit. Literae commendatitiae his verbis conceptae fuerunt:

At last the testimonial was handed to me, which, trembling for joy, I opened, eager to read my encomia, and thereafter to learn what my lot would be. But the reading of the same cast me into anger and desperation. The commendatory letters were composed in these words:

Mandato Serenitatis Vestrae obsequentes, instructum solicite in Gymnasio nostro dimittimus animal nuper ad nos ex alio orbe delatum, hominemque se nuncupans. Perspecto penitius eiusdem ingenio, ac moribus exploratis, docilem satis ac promptissimae perceptionis offen dimus, sed obliqui adeo iudicii, ut ob ingenium nimis praecox vix ad creaturas rationales referri, nedum ad munus aliquod momentosum admitti queat. At cum per nicitate pedum nobis omnibus sit praestantior, cursoris aulici officio fungi strenue poterit.

Obeying Your Serenity’s mandate, we dismiss from our Gymnasium, carefully instructed, the animal lately conveyed to us from another orb, styling itself a man. With its character more closely inspected and its manners explored, we find it sufficiently docile and of the most prompt perception, but of such oblique judgment that, on account of an intellect too precocious, it can scarcely be reckoned among rational creatures, much less be admitted to any momentous office. But since by the nicety of its feet it is superior to us all, it will be able to discharge vigorously the office of a court courier.

Datum ex Seminario de Keba, mense Veprium, a Serenitatis Vestrae servis humillimis NEHEC. IOCHTAN. RAPASI.

Given from the Seminary of Keba, in the month Veprium, by Your Serenity’s most humble servants, NEHEC. IOCHTAN. RAPASI.

CHILAC.

In lacrimas hinc effusus hospitem meum adibam, humillime obsecrans, ut, auctoritate sua interposita, clementius testimonium a Karattis extorqueret, utque monstraret iisdem testimonium meum Academicum, in quo ingeniosus et optimae notae civis salutor. Regessit ille, testimonium istud in nostro orbe suo stare pretio, ubi forsitan maior umbrae quam corporis, maior corticis quam medullae habeatur ratio, sed nullius hic esse ponderis, ubi in viscera rerum penetratur; hortatur porro, ut sortem meam patienter feram, maxime cum testimonium rescindi aut mutari nequeat. Nam nullum hic gravius crimen esse virtutum immeritarum praeconio.

From this, poured out into tears, I approached my host, most humbly beseeching that, with his authority interposed, he would wring out from the Karattis a more clement testimony, and that he would show to those same men my Academic testimonial, in which I am saluted as an ingenious and a citizen of the best note. He replied that that testimonial in our world stands at its own price, where perhaps greater account is taken of the shadow than of the body, of the bark than of the marrow, but that here it is of no weight, where one penetrates into the viscera of things; he further exhorts that I bear my lot patiently, especially since the testimonial cannot be rescinded or changed. For here there is no heavier crime than the proclamation of unmerited virtues.

Vulneri tamen fomentum aliquod admoturus, . . . verba facit, quibus hunc lenire dolorem Possit et ingentem morbi partem removere: Ne cures haec, quae stulte miraris et optas. Quos non praecipitat subiecta potentia magnae Invidiae? mergit longa atque insignis honorum Pagina: namque homini, nimios qui captat honores, Et nimias venatur opes, numerosa parantur Excelsae turris tabulata, unde altior illi Casus, et impulsae praeceps immane ruinae.

Yet, about to apply some foment to the wound, . . . he speaks words by which he might be able to soften this dolor and remove a huge part of the disease: Do not care for these things, which you foolishly marvel at and desire. Whom does not power subjected to great Envy cast headlong? The long and distinguished page of honors plunges one: for to the man who snatches at inordinate honors and hunts inordinate wealth, numerous stories of a lofty tower are prepared, whence the fall is the higher for him, and, once it is driven, a headlong, immense crash of ruin.

Porro addidit, nihil tale in tenui aut mediocri fortuna metuendum. Quod vero ad testimonium Karattorum attinet, illud confirmat, oculatissimos simul ac integerrimos esse iudices, qui nullis neque donis corrumpi neque minis deterreri possunt, ut unguem latum a vero deflectant; quapropter in hac etiam causa nullum esse suspicioni locum. Candide tandem ipse fassus est, iam dudum innotuisse sibi imbecillitatem iudicii mei, ac statim e memoriae meae ubertate et celeri apprehensione iudicasse, lignum me non esse, ex quo Mercurius fieri posset, ac proinde ob insignem iudicii eclipsin amplo alicui muneri non suffecturum.

Furthermore he added that nothing of the sort is to be feared in a tenuous or mediocre fortune. But as regards the testimony of the Karats, he affirms that they are most clear‑sighted and most unimpeachable judges, who can be corrupted by no gifts nor deterred by menaces, so as to deflect a nail’s breadth from the truth; wherefore in this case too there is no room for suspicion. Candidly at last he himself confessed that the imbecility of my judgment had long since become known to him, and that he had immediately judged, from the abundance of my memory and my rapid apprehension, that I was not wood from which a Mercury could be made, and therefore, on account of a notable eclipse of judgment, that I would not suffice for some ample office.

Didicisse se, ait, e narrationibus et descriptione gentis Europaeae, me Stultorum in patria, pravoque sub aëre natum. Caetera de amicitia sua prolixe testatus, itineri ut absque mora accingerer, me hortatus est. Consilium prudentissimi viri secutus sum, in primis cum ita postularet necessitas, et temerarium mihi videretur mandato Principis obniti.

He said he had learned from narrations and from the description of the European nation that I was born in the fatherland of Fools and under a perverse air. For the rest, having profusely attested his amity, he urged me to gird myself for the journey without delay. I followed the counsel of a most prudent man, especially since necessity thus demanded it, and it seemed temerarious to me to resist the mandate of the Prince.

In iter igitur me coniicio, comitantibus nonnullis arbusculis, quae simul mecum a seminario dimissae eundem in finem ad regiam urbem ablegantur. Dux itineris erat senior quidam e numero Karattorum, sive ephororum, qui, cum aetate confectus pedum vitio laboraret, tauro vehebatur. Nam insolitum hic est vehiculis uti, et soli hoc senes decrepiti sive aegroti privilegio gaudent, quamvis nobis excusatiores essent huius planetae incolae ob difficultatem et tarditatem incessus.

Therefore I throw myself into the journey, accompanied by several saplings, which, dismissed from the nursery (seminary) at the same time as I, are dispatched to the same destination, to the royal city. The leader of the journey was a certain elder from the number of the Karatti, or ephors, who, worn out by age and suffering from a defect of his feet, rode on a bull. For it is unusual here to use vehicles, and only decrepit or sick old men enjoy this privilege, although to us the inhabitants of this planet would be more excusable on account of the difficulty and slowness of locomotion.

Memini, cum descriptionem semel fecissem vecturarum nostrarum, equorum scilicet, quadrigarum et pyxidum, in quas sarcinarum insrar compacti per urbem vehimur, ad hanc meam narrationem subridere subterraneos, maxime cum audirent, e vicinis alterum invisere alterum non solere, nisi plaustro vel pyxidi inclusum, et a duobus ferocissimis quadrupedibus per vicos ac plateas abreptum.

I remember that, when I had once made a description of our conveyances—namely, of horses, of quadrigae and pyxides, into which, packed in the likeness of baggage, we are carried through the city—the subterraneans smiled at this my narration, especially when they heard that, even from among neighbors, one is not accustomed to visit another unless enclosed in a wagon or a pyxis, and dragged off by two most ferocious quadrupeds through streets and squares.

Ob tarditatem incessus, qua laborant arbores hae rationales, triduum huic itineri insumere cogebamur, quamvis Keba ab urbe principali vix spatio quatuor milliarium dirimatur. Nam si solus fuissem, una die iter hoc explicuissem. Gaudebam equidem, pedum beneficio me subterraneis longe praestare, sed dolebam simul, ob istam corporis praestantiam ad vile et abiectum ministerium proscriptum iri.

On account of the slowness of gait, with which these rational trees labor, we were compelled to spend a three-day period on this journey, although Keba is separated from the principal city by scarcely a span of four miles. For if I had been alone, I would have completed this journey in one day. I rejoiced indeed, by the benefit of my feet, that I far excel the subterraneans; but I grieved at the same time, that on account of that superiority of body I would be doomed to a vile and abject ministry.

Vellem me, dixi, eodem pedum vitio, quo subterranei, laborare, cum hoc solo defectu evitarem destinatum mihi servile et ignobile munus. Quo audito, Dux noster, Si hac, ait, corporis praestantia natura non quodammodo compensasset animi tui defectus, tanquam inutile terrae pondus te omnes intueremur; ob ingenii enim velocitatem sola rerum putamina, non nucleos vides; et cum duo tantum rami tibi sint, in quovis opere manuario subterraneis longe inferior es. Haec omnia cum audiverim, gratias Deo egi ob pedum praestantiam, cum absque hac virtute me inter creaturas rationales locum vix habiturum viderem.

I would wish, I said, to labor under the same defect of the feet as the subterraneans, since by this defect alone I would avoid the servile and ignoble office destined for me. On hearing this, our Leader said: If nature had not in some way compensated by this excellence of body the defects of your mind, we would all regard you as a useless burden of the earth; for, on account of the velocity of your genius, you see only the husks of things, not the kernels; and since you have only two branches, in any manual work you are far inferior to the subterraneans. When I had heard all this, I gave thanks to God for the excellence of my feet, since without this virtue I saw that I would scarcely have a place among rational creatures.

Iter faciens non sine admiratione videbam, incolas labori adeo intentos, ut ad adspectum praetereuntium, quamquam insolitum esset spectaculum, nemo labores intermitteret, aut lumina circumferre dignaretur. At finito die, laboribus solitis defuncti, ludis ac omnimodis animi remissionibus vacant, connivente summo magistratu, qui ludos hos corporum ac animorum fulturas existimans creaturas iudicat iisdem non minus ali quam cibo et potu. His et aliis de causis iter hoc summa cum animi voluptate confeci.

Making the journey, I saw not without admiration the inhabitants so intent upon labor that, at the sight of those passing by, although the spectacle was unusual, no one interrupted their labors, nor deigned to turn their eyes about. But when the day is finished, their accustomed labors discharged, they devote themselves to games and to every kind of relaxations of spirit, the supreme magistrate conniving, who, esteeming these games to be supports of bodies and souls, judges creatures to be nourished by the same no less than by food and drink. For these and other causes I completed this journey with the utmost pleasure of mind.

Regionis forma pulcherrima est. Imaginare amphitheatrum aliquod, et quale sola rerum natura possit effingere. Ubi natura minus prodiga fuerat, suppleta omnia erant arte incolarum, qui, positis a magistratu praemiis, ad rusticos labores et agros colendos ornandosque acuebantur; qui vero agrum sordescere patiebatur, aerarius fiebat.

The form of the region is most beautiful. Imagine some amphitheater, and such as only Nature herself can fashion. Where Nature had been less prodigal, everything was supplied by the art of the inhabitants, who, prizes having been set by the magistrate, were spurred to rustic labors and to cultivate and adorn the fields; but whoever allowed his field to grow squalid was made a payer to the Treasury.

Peragravimus multos spectabiles vicos, qui ob frequentiam unius perpetuae et contiguae urbis conspectum dant, unamque faciem longe lateque contexunt. Infestabamur tamen nonnihil a simiis quibusdam sylvestribus, quae viis passim inerranres me, quem ob affinitatem formae gentilitium credebant, crebris assultibus vellicabant. Hinc iram et indignationem supprimere non poteram, maxime cum viderem, scenam hanc risus materiam arborihus dare: nam ad aulam ducebar, cum ita iusserat Princeps, eodem habitu, quo in planetam hunc delatus fueram, harpagonem scilicet dextra tenens, quo perspiceret, qualis esset orbis nostri ornatus, et quo apparatu huc primum appulissem.

We traversed many notable villages, which, on account of their frequency, give the sight of a single continuous and contiguous city, and they weave one visage far and wide. Yet we were somewhat harassed by certain sylvan monkeys, which, wandering everywhere along the roads, pinched at me with frequent assaults, believing me, on account of an affinity of form, to be a fellow tribesman. Hence I could not suppress anger and indignation, especially when I saw this scene giving the trees material for laughter: for I was being led to the court, since the Prince had so ordered, in the same habit in which I had been borne down to this planet, namely holding a grappling-hook in my right hand, so that he might inspect what the ornament of our globe was like, and with what apparatus I first made landfall here.

Et commode tunc ad manum erat harpago, quo simias catervatim ingruentes in fugam mittere conabar, quamvis frustra; nam in fugientium locum plures successerunt, adeo ut quovis momento gradum praeliantis componere cogerer.

And conveniently then the harpoon was at hand, with which I tried to put the monkeys, rushing upon me in troops, to flight, although in vain; for in the place of those fleeing more succeeded, to such a degree that at every moment I was compelled to compose the step of a combatant.

Caput IV: Aula Principis Potuani

Chapter 4: The Hall of Prince Potuanus

Tandem ad urbem regiam Potu ventum est. Magnifica quidem ac speciosa urbs est. Aedificia ibi porrectiora sunt Kebanis, strataque magis patula et commodiora.

At last the royal city Potu was reached. It is indeed a magnificent and splendid city. The edifices there are more extended than at Kebanis, and the streets are more open and more commodious.

Primum, ad quod delati sumus, forum ingenti mercatorum copia erat frequens, artificumque et opificum tabernis undique cinctum. Videbam attonitus in medio fori noxium quendam, collo in laqueum inserto stantem, et ingenti gravissimarum arborum corona, quae speciem senatus praebuit, circumdatum.

First, the place to which we were borne was the forum, crowded with a huge abundance of merchants, and girded on every side with the shops of artificers and workmen. Astonished, I saw in the middle of the forum a certain culprit, standing with his neck inserted into a noose, and surrounded by a huge ring of very stately trees, which presented the appearance of a senate.

Quaerenti mihi, quid rei esset ac quam ob noxam suspendium meruisset, in primis cum nullum crimen in his terris sit capitale? respondetur, reum hunc esse novatorem (Proiect-Macher), qui abrogationem veteris cuiusdam consuetudinis suaserat, circumstantes esse iureconsultos et senatores, qui novum commentum more solito examinarent, ita ut, si bene digestum, ac reipublicae salutare deprehensum foret, reus non modo absolvendus, sed et remunerandus esset; si vero damnosum publico, aut si novator ad proprium commodum ista legis antiquatione collineare videretur, gula eiusdem, uti reipublicae perturbatoris, mox laqueo frangeretur.

To me, as I asked what the matter was and for what offense he had deserved hanging, especially since no crime in these lands is capital? it is answered that this defendant is an innovator (Proiect-Macher), who had proposed the abrogation of a certain old custom; that those standing around are jurisconsults and senators, who in the usual manner examine the new contrivance, such that, if it should be found well digested and salutary to the commonwealth, the defendant not only ought to be acquitted but also rewarded; but if damaging to the public, or if the innovator should seem to be aiming, by this antiquation of the law, at his own private advantage, his throat, as a disturber of the commonwealth, would soon be broken by the noose.

Et haec est causa, cur pauci hanc aleam iacere, aut legis cuiusdam abrogationem suadere audeant, nisi res adeo aequa sit ac liquida, ut de successu dubitari nequeat. Adeo existimant subterranei, servandas esse leges veteres, et maiorum instituta in honore habenda; credunt quippe nutare rempublicam, si ad cuiusvis libidinem mutentur aut antiquentur. Tunc ego mecum: Hei!

And this is the cause why few dare to cast this die, or to advocate the abrogation of any law, unless the matter be so equitable and lucid that there can be no doubting of the success. So highly do the Subterraneans esteem that the old laws must be preserved, and the institutions of the ancestors held in honor; for they believe the commonwealth totters if, at anyone’s whim, they are altered or abrogated. Then I to myself: Alas!

quid de novatoribus nostri orbis hic fieret, qui sub specie publicae utilitatis quotidie novas meditantur leges, non statui publico, sed privatis quaestibus ancillantes?

what would be done here about the innovators of our world, who, under the guise of public utility, every day devise new laws, not serving the public state, but subservient to private profits?

Tandem in spatiosam domum introducimur, solitum iis receptaculum, qui e seminariis totius Principatus emancipantur. Ex eadem domo educuntur Principi sistendi. Dux noster, sive Karatti, accinctos nos stare iubet, dum digrediatur, adventum nostrum Principi nuntiaturus.

At length we are introduced into a spacious house, the usual lodging for those who are emancipated from the seminaries of the whole Principality. From that same house they are led out to be presented to the Prince. Our leader, that is, Karatti, bids us stand girt, while he withdraws, about to announce our arrival to the Prince.

Vix egressus erat ille, cum ingens aures nostras ferit clamor, qualis triumphantium esse solet, mox tibiarum sonitu ac tympanorum strepitu omnia personabant. Excitati ad hunc strepitum, et foras egressi, conspicamur arborem quandam, magnifico comitatu incedentem, coronaque e floribus contexta redimitam, moxque patuit, eundem esse civem, quem collo in laqueum inserto stantem nuper in foro videramus.

He had scarcely gone out, when a huge clamor strikes our ears, such as is wont to be of those triumphing; soon, with the sound of pipes and the din of tympanums, everything was resounding. Roused by this racket, and having gone outside, we behold a certain tree advancing with a magnificent retinue, wreathed with a garland woven from flowers; and soon it became clear that it was the same citizen whom we had recently seen in the forum standing with a noose inserted about his neck.

Causa triumphi erat approbatio legis, quam capitis periculo suaserat. At quibus argumentis veterem ille legem impugnaverit, non mihi innotuit, nec ullo modo ad notitiam meam pervenire potuit ob taciturnitatem incolarum, qua fit, ut minima res, quae ad statum publicum pertinet, aut in senatu peragitur, plebem lateat; aliter ac fieri solet apud nos, ubi Senatusconsulta et consiliorum conclusa in cauponis ac triviis postridie narrantur, discutiuntur, notantur.

The cause of the triumph was the approbation of the law, which he had urged at the peril of his head. But by what arguments that man had attacked the old law did not become known to me, nor could it by any means come to my knowledge on account of the taciturnity of the inhabitants, whereby it comes about that even the slightest matter that pertains to the public status, or is transacted in the senate, lies hidden from the plebs; otherwise than as is wont to happen among us, where Senatusconsults and the conclusions of counsels on the next day are recounted, discussed, and noted in taverns and at crossroads.

Post unius horae intercapedinem revertitur Karatti nosque omnes sequi se iubet. Dicto nos audientes ducem sequimur. In itinere nostro passim occurrebant arbusculae, quae venales offerebant impressos de rebus curiosis ac memorabilibus libellos.

After an interval of one hour Karatti returns and orders us all to follow him. Obedient to his word, we follow the guide. On our way, here and there, saplings appeared which offered for sale printed booklets about curious and memorable matters.

In ista libellorum farragine conspicabar forte opusculum, cui titulus erat: De novo et insolito Phaenomeno, sive Dracone volante, qui anno superiore apparuit. Videbam me ipsum, qualis eram, cum circa planetam cum harpagone et syrmate funis volutarer, aeri incisum. Vix risum eo adspectu continere poteram, et tacite mecum dicebam: Hei qualis facies, et quali digna tabella!

In that farrago of pamphlets I happened by chance to descry an opuscule, whose title was: On a New and Unusual Phenomenon, or the Flying Dragon, which appeared last year. I saw myself, just as I was, when I was whirling around the planet with a grappling-hook and the train of a rope, engraved on copper. I could hardly contain my laughter at that sight, and quietly I said to myself: Hey, what a face, and worthy of what sort of panel!

Empto tamen libro tribus Kilac, qui duobus solidis nostrae monetae aequiparari possunt, risum compressi, iter tacite persecutus ad regiam. Hanc ars potius ac nitor commendant, quam atria . . . Regali splendida luxu Aut picturata lucentia marmora vena. Paucos tantum conspicabar aulicos sive apparitores; nam temperantia Principum omne, quod superfluum est, proscribit.

However, having bought the book for three Kilac, which can be equated to two solidi of our coinage, I suppressed my laughter, silently continuing my journey to the palace. This art rather and polish commend, than halls . . . marbles shining with Regal splendor of luxury Or with a painted vein. I observed only a few courtiers or apparitors; for the temperance of Princes proscribes everything that is superfluous.

Nec opus his est tot ministris, quot poscunt aulae nostri orbis; nam quot rami his arboribus erant, tot brachia, adeo ut labores manuarii ac ministeria oeconomica triplo vel quadruplo citius expediri possint.

Nor is there need here of so many attendants as the courts of our world require; for as many branches as there were on these trees, so many arms, to such an extent that manual labors and oeconomic ministrations can be carried out three or even four times more quickly.

Hora prandii erat, cum aulam Principis intravimus. Et cum seorsum mecum loqui desideraverat Serenitas sua, antequam accumberet, solus in diaetam intromittor. Erat in hoc Principe insignis clementiae ac gravitatis mixtura.

It was the luncheon hour when we entered the Prince’s hall. And since His Serenity had desired to speak with me separately, before he reclined, I am admitted alone into the chamber. In this Prince there was a remarkable mixture of clemency and gravity.

Tanta eiusdem erat constantia, ut serenitas oris vultusque nulla aegritudine posset obnubilari.Viso Principe, in genua mox procubui. At ad adorationem hanc stupebant circumstantes, et cum causam, cur genua flecterem, roganti Principi indicassem, surgere me iussit, dicens, talem cultum soli Numini deberi: addit porro, sola obedientia, labore ac industria hic favorem Principis obtineri.

Such was the same man’s constancy, that the serenity of his countenance and visage could by no illness be clouded.Upon seeing the Prince, I soon sank to my knees. But at this adoration the bystanders were astonished, and when I had indicated to the Prince, who asked, the cause why I bent my knees, he ordered me to rise, saying that such worship is owed to the Divinity alone: he further adds that only obedience, labor and industry here obtain the favor of the Prince.

Postquam surrexeram, variae mihi quaestiones datae ; et primum, Qua veniam, causamque viae nomenque rogatus Et patriam: Patria est, respondeo, grandior orbis, Klimius est nomen; veni nec puppe per undas Nec pede per terras; patuit mihi pervius aether. Pergit ille quaerere de rebus, quae in itinere evenerant, de nostri orbis moribus ac scitis. Pathetice tunc exposui hominum virtutes, ingenia, urbanos mores et alia, quibus genus humanum maxime superbire solet.

After I had risen, various questions were put to me ; and first, By what way I had come, and the cause of the journey and my name And my fatherland: My fatherland is, I answer, the larger orb; Klimius is the name; I came neither by ship through the waves Nor by foot over the lands; the pervious aether lay open to me. He proceeds to inquire about the matters which had occurred on the journey, about the morals and statutes of our orb. Pathetically I then set forth the virtues of men, their ingenia, urbane manners, and other things with which the human race is most wont to be over-proud.

Sed narrationem hanc frigide excepit ac ad nonnulla, quae maximam admirationem mea opinione ciere debuissent, oscitavit. Tunc ego mecum: Hei! quam varii sunt mortalium gustus!

But he received this narration coldly and yawned at several things which, in my opinion, ought to have stirred the greatest admiration. Then I said to myself: Alas! how various are the tastes of mortals!

Quae nos maxime afficiunt, hisce nauseam movent. Maxime vero aures Principis offendere videbam id, quod de modo procedendi in iure, de advocatorum nostrorum eloquentia et de iudicum in sententia dicenda celeritate exposui.

The things that most affect us stir up nausea in these men. But I saw that what I had set forth about the mode of proceeding in law, about the eloquence of our advocates, and about the celerity of judges in pronouncing sentence, most especially offended the Prince’s ears.

Conabar hoc paulo explicatius reddere, sed loquentem interpellans ad alia digressus est, tandemque de cultu ac religione nostra sciscitari coepit. Explicui tunc breviter omnes fidei articulos, ad quorum recitationem nonnihil ex rugis remisit, testans, unicuique se haud invitum subscribere posse, tantum miratur, gentis iudicii expertae sana adeo de Deo eiusdemque cultu esse principia. At cum mox audiret, Christianos in sectas innumeras esse divisos ac ob istam in fide discrepantiam in propria viscera armari: Apud nos, ait, etiam variae de rebus ad cultum divinum pertinentibus sunt dissentientes sententiae: at alter alterum proinde non persequitur.

I was trying to render this a little more explicitly, but interrupting me as I spoke he digressed to other matters, and at length he began to inquire about our cult and religion. I then briefly explained all the articles of the faith, at whose recitation he relaxed somewhat of his wrinkles, affirming that he could not unwillingly subscribe to each one, only he marvels that a nation experienced in judgment has principles so sound concerning God and his worship. But when he soon heard that Christians are divided into innumerable sects and, on account of that disagreement in faith, arm themselves against their own vitals: Among us, he said, there are also differing opinions on matters pertaining to divine worship; but the one therefore does not persecute the other.

Nam omnis persecutio ob res theoreticas aut errores, e sola perceptionis varietate orientes, non nisi a fastu oritur, cum alter altero perspicaciorem se stolide autumat: qui fastus vix placere poterit Deo, modestiae ac humilitatis commendatori.

For every persecution on account of theoretical matters or errors, arising from the mere variety of perception, springs from nothing but haughtiness, when one stolidly deems himself more perspicacious than another: which haughtiness can scarcely be able to please God, the Commender of modesty and humility.

Nemini, ait, qui bona fide in theoreticis a recepta opinione aberrat, circulos iudicii turbamus, modo in practicis, quae cultum Numinis spectant, consentiat, ac in eo vestigia premimus decessorum nostrorum, qui inhumanum existimarunt, iudiciis creaturarum compedes iniicere ac in conscientias dominari. Huius quoque regulae observantiam in rebus politicis solicite commendamus, ita, si subditorum variae sint opiniones de corporis nostri forma, de vitae genere, de oeconomia et id genus aliis, iidem vero agnoscant me legitimum Principem, cui obsequium debetur, cunctos existimo bonos esse cives. Respondebam ad haec: Serenissime Princeps!

To no one, he said, who in good faith in theoretical matters deviates from the received opinion do we throw the circles of judgment into confusion, provided that in practicals, which pertain to the cult of the Numen, he be in agreement; and herein we tread in the footsteps of our predecessors, who deemed it inhuman to throw fetters upon the judgments of creatures and to dominate consciences. We earnestly commend the observance of this rule also in political affairs, thus: if the subjects should hold various opinions about the form of our body, about the kind of life, about economy, and other things of that sort, yet the same acknowledge me as the legitimate Prince, to whom obedience is owed, I deem all to be good citizens. I was replying to these things: Most Serene Prince!

istud apud nos dicitur Syncretismus, maximeque a literatis nostris improbatur. Non dedit mihi spatium plura loquendi; nam subiratus mox abiit, iubens ut manerem, donec prandium finitum esset.

that is among us called Syncretism, and is most of all disapproved by our literati. He did not give me space to say more; for, somewhat irate, he soon went away, ordering that I should remain until the luncheon was finished.

Ad mensam sedebant ipse Princeps cum serenissima eiusdem coniuge, item filius Principis cum magno Cancellario sive Kadoki. Idem Kadoki ob morum urbanita tem ac prudentiam circumspectam maximi inter Potua nos nominis erat. Per integros viginti annos nullam in senatu sententiam tulerat, cui caeteri non suffragati erant, nihil in rebus publicis statuerat, quod non inconcussum steterat, dictaque eius totidem erant axiomata.

At table sat the Prince himself with his most serene consort, likewise the Prince’s son with the Grand Chancellor, or Kadoki. The same Kadoki, on account of the urbanity of his manners and circumspect prudence, was of the greatest name among the Potuans. For a full twenty years he had brought forward no opinion in the senate to which the rest had not given their vote; he had established nothing in public affairs which had not stood unshaken; and his sayings were so many axioms.

At perceptionis adeo tardae simul erat, ut ad minimum edictum concipiendum quatuordecim dierum spatium stipulari soleret. Hinc si in nosrrum orbem delatus foret, ubi cunctatio omnis desidiae ac ignaviae nomen accipere solet, parum idoneus rebus alicuius ponderis esset iudicandus.

But at the same time he was of such slow perception that he was wont to stipulate an interval of 14 days for the drafting of even the smallest edict. Hence, if he had been brought into our world, where all cunctation is wont to receive the name of sloth and cowardice, he would have to be judged scarcely fit for affairs of any weight.

At cum, quicquid perciperet, penitus perspiceret nihilque nisi praevio ac gravi examine adhibito statueret, dici poterat plura fecisse, quam decem ex iis, qui prompte et celeriter negotia obeunt, ac vulgo magna ingenia dicuntur, quorum acta reformari, mutari ac limam saepius subire solent, adeo ut, tempore ministerii exacto, nihil non tentatum, sed nihil simul peractum cernere liceat. Inter apophthegmata igitur aulae huius insigne est istud, nempe eos, qui prompte nimis munera obeunt comparari posse cum otiosis ambulatoribus, qui progrediendo, retroëundo eandem semitam terunt, movendoque nihil promovent.

Yet since, whatever he apprehended, he saw through thoroughly, and determined nothing unless a prior and grave examination had been applied, it could be said that he had accomplished more than ten of those who promptly and swiftly dispatch business, and are commonly called great geniuses, whose acts are wont to be reformed, altered, and to undergo the file more often, to such a degree that, when the term of service is completed, one may behold nothing unattempted, yet nothing at the same time accomplished. Among the apophthegms, therefore, of this court, this is a notable one: namely, that those who discharge their duties too promptly can be compared with idle walkers, who, by going forward and by going back, wear the same path, and by moving promote nothing.

Postquam accubuerat tota serenissima domus, intrat virgo octo ramorum cum totidem patinis et orbibus, adeo ut momento citius tota quadra ferculis instruatur. Secuta mox alia arbor cum octo lagenis diversi generis musto aut succo impletis. Huic erant novem rami, quocirca ministeriis domesticis aut oeconomicis aptissima iudicabatur.

After the whole most serene household had reclined, a maiden enters, of eight branches, with as many serving-dishes and platters, so that in less than a moment the whole board is furnished with courses. Soon another tree followed with eight flagons filled with must or juice of different kinds. This one had nine branches, wherefore it was judged most apt for domestic or oeconomic services.

Sic a duabus solis ministris commode peragitur id, quod ab integris ministrantium cohortibus effici nequit in aulis terrestribus. Eadem, qua apposita erant, dexteritate fercula etiam auferuntur. Prandium frugi erat, sed simul nitidum.

Thus by only two attendants there is conveniently accomplished that which in earthly palaces cannot be effected by entire cohorts of ministering attendants. With the same dexterity with which they had been set on, the dishes are also taken away. The luncheon was frugal, but at the same time polished.

Ex appositis ferculis uno rantum, quod maxime ad palatum erat, usus est Princeps; aliter ac divites nostri orbis, qui lautam negant coenam, nisi ablatae patinae alia melior atque amplior succenturietur. Dum prandebant, varii de virtutibus ac vitiis, item de rebus politicis sermones serebantur, adeo ut voluptates studiis condirentur. Mei quoque mentio identidem facta est, quem ob celeritatem apprehensionis credebant lignum esse, e quo vix Mercurius fieri posset.

Of the dishes set before them the Prince made use of only one, that which was most to his palate; otherwise than the rich of our world, who deny that a dinner is lavish unless, when a platter has been removed, another, better and larger, is brought in to reinforce it. While they were dining, various conversations were being carried on about virtues and vices, likewise about political matters, so that pleasures were seasoned with studies. Mention of me too was made repeatedly, whom, on account of the quickness of apprehension, they believed to be a piece of wood from which scarcely a Mercury could be fashioned.

Postquam exempta fames epulis, mensaeque remotae, testimonium meum exhibere iubeor. Quo perlecto, in pedes meos oculos coniiciens Princeps, recte ait iudicasse Karattos, et fieri ita debere. Hoc responso tanquam fulmine percussus, manantibus ubertim lacrimis, petebam revisionem actorum, cum, virtutibus meis et ingenii dotibus penitus examinatis, longe clementius sperarem iudicium.

After hunger had been removed by the banquet, and the tables cleared away, I am ordered to exhibit my testimony. When this had been read through, the Princeps, casting his eyes upon my feet, said that Karattos had judged rightly, and that it ought to be done so. Struck by this answer as by a thunderbolt, with tears flowing abundantly, I was petitioning a revision of the proceedings, since, my virtues and the endowments of my genius having been thoroughly examined, I hoped for a far more clement judgment.

Princeps, ut erat clemens ac aequus, ob molestum et insolitum hoc postulatum mihi non succensens, novum et curatius examen praesenti Karatto iniungit. Durante hoc tentamine, paulum secessit, caetera perlecturus testimonia. Digresso Principe, Karatti novas mihi quaestiones proposuit solvendas.

The Princeps, as he was clement and equitable, not taking offense at me on account of this troublesome and unusual request, enjoined upon Karatto, who was present, a new and more carefully conducted examination. During this testing, he withdrew a little, to read through the remaining testimonies. The Princeps having departed, Karatto proposed new questions to me to be solved.

Respondebam ego solita mea celeritate, quam miratus ille, Celeriter quidem, ait, rem capis, sed iugulum rei non arripis; indicant enim solutiones tuae, quaestionem potius prompte perceptam, quam recte perspectam.

I was answering with my accustomed celerity, at which he, marveling, said, “Quickly indeed you grasp the matter, but you do not seize the jugular of the matter; for your solutions indicate the question rather promptly perceived than rightly seen through.”

Finito tentamine, Principis diaetam intrat, moxque revertitur cum sententia huius tenoris: male me ac imprudenter fecisse revocando in dubium Karattorum iudicium, ideoque eam me poenam incurrisse, quam temere calumniantibus dictitat legis spatii quarti maioris spatium tertium minus (per spatia maiora et minora sive Skibal et Kibal intelligunt libros et capita), ac meruisse me venae sectionem more maiorum pati ambobus meis ramis sive brachiis ac ergastulo publico includi. Verba Legis libr. 4. cap.

With the examination finished, he enters the Prince’s apartment, and soon returns with a sentence of this tenor: that I had acted badly and imprudently by calling into doubt the judgment of the Karatti, and therefore that I had incurred that penalty which the law, of the fourth greater space, the third lesser space, repeatedly declares for those who rashly calumniate (by greater and lesser spaces, or Skibal and Kibal, they understand books and chapters), and that I had deserved to suffer venesection, in the manner of the ancestors, in both my branches, that is, arms, and to be confined in the public prison. The words of the Law, book 4, chap.

3. de Calumniis haec sunt: Spik. antri. Flak.

3. concerning Calumnies these are: Spik. antri. Flak.

Skak. mak. Tabu Mihalatti Silac.

At quamvis evidens sit verborum sensus, et sanctio legis nullam exceptionem patiatur, decrevisse tamen Serenitatem suam gravissimum hoc delictum peculiari gratia qua ob animi praecocis vitium qua ob ignorantiam legis mihi ignoscere, cum peregrino et novo hospiti noxa absque legis violatione remitti quodammodo posset. Tandem, ut eo maiorem in me testaretur favorem ac benevolentiam, locum mihi dedisse inter cursores aulicos ordinarios, quo favore acquiescere me debere.

But although the sense of the words is evident, and the sanction of the law suffers no exception, nevertheless His Serenity has decreed to pardon me this most grave delict by a special grace, whether on account of the vice of a precocious (over-hasty) spirit or on account of ignorance of the law, since to a foreigner and new guest the penalty could in some sort be remitted without violation of the law. Finally, that he might thereby attest the greater favor and benevolence toward me, he granted me a place among the ordinary palace couriers, with which favor I ought to acquiesce.

Hac dicta sententia, arcessitur Kiva sive secretarius, qui me cum caeteris nuper advenientibus candidatis in album promovendorum inferret. Idem secretarius vir erat egregiae formae, undecim scilicet ramorum, ideoque undecim simul epistolas eadem, qua nos facilitate unam solam scribimus, exarare poterat; mediocris tamen iudicii erat, quam ob causam ad maiora ascendere nequiret, sed in eodem officio, quod triginta fere annos exercuerat, consenescere cogeretur. Is vir erat, quocum postea coniunctissimus vivebam, quemque maxime colere debebam, cum copias edictorum aut epistolas scriberet, quas cursor ego per provincias disseminarem.

With this sentence having been pronounced, Kiva, that is, the secretary, is summoned, to enter me, together with the other candidates recently arriving, into the roll of those to be promoted. This same secretary was a man of distinguished form, namely of eleven limbs, and therefore he could draft eleven letters at once with the same facility with which we write a single one; yet he was of mediocre judgment, for which reason he could not ascend to higher things, but was compelled to grow old in the same office, which he had exercised for nearly thirty years. This was the man with whom afterwards I lived most closely connected, and whom I had especially to cultivate, when he would write out copies of edicts or letters, which I, as courier, would disseminate through the provinces.

Obstupui saepe, cum viderem, qua dexteritate spartam impleret, cum haud raro undecim exemplaria eodem tempore scriberet, iisdemque simul totidem sigilla imprimeret.

I was often stupefied, when I saw with what dexterity he filled his post, since not rarely he would write eleven copies at the same time, and at the same time impress just as many seals.

Igitur inter res maxime prosperas in familiis numerantur partus multorum ramorum. Hinc mulieres puerperae, postquam foetus feliciter sunt enixae, vicinis notum facere solent, quot ramis in lucem prodierint infantes. Fama hic erat, patrem secretarii nostri duodecim ramos habuisse, totumque eius genus pluralitate ramorum prae aliis celebre.

Therefore, among the things most prosperous in households are counted births of many digits. Hence women in childbed, after they have happily brought forth their offspring, are accustomed to make known to the neighbors with how many digits the infants have come forth into the light. There was a report here that the father of our secretary had had twelve digits, and that his whole lineage was celebrated before others for a multiplicity of digits.

Accepto meo diplomate, cum inter cursores Principis ordinarios receptus fuissem, cubitum ivi; sed licet valde fessa essent membra, maximam tamen noctis partem pervigil oculos frustra in somnum orabam. Nam animo continue oberravit ignobile, ad quod damnatus eram, ministerium, et indecorum ac turpe videbatur Ministerii Candidato ac Baccalaureo magni orbis, vilem agere cursorem subterraneum. In tristi ista imagine magnam noctis partem vigil exegi, et in hoc aestu legebam et relegebam testimonium meum academicum, quod mecum asportaveram (nam antea notavi diem ac noctem hic parum differre).

Having received my diploma, since I had been admitted among the Prince’s ordinary couriers, I went to bed; but although my limbs were very weary, yet for the greatest part of the night, wide awake, I begged my eyes in vain into sleep. For in my mind there continually wandered the ignoble ministry to which I was condemned, and it seemed unseemly and shameful for a Candidate of the Ministry and a Bachelor of the great world to play the base part of a subterranean courier. In that sad image I spent a great part of the night awake, and in this fever I read and reread my academic testimonial, which I had carried off with me (for previously I noted that day and night here differ little).

Tandem his curis et cogitationibus fessum altus sopor oppressit. Variae tunc quiescenti occurrebant imagines. Videbar in patriam redux, popularibus, quae in itinere subterraneo acciderant, ad ravim usque exponere: mox aëriam navigationem mihi fingens cum torvo alite rem habebam, qui tantum mihi negotium facessebat, ut somnus praelianti tandem excuteretur.

At last, deep sleep overpowered me, wearied by these cares and cogitations. Then, as I rested, various images occurred. I seemed returned to my homeland, explaining to my fellow-countrymen, even to hoarseness, what had happened on the subterranean journey; soon, imagining for myself an aerial navigation, I was having it out with a grim bird, who gave me so much trouble that sleep, as I fought, was at length shaken off.

At evigilans cum horrore conspicabar lecto adstantem eximiae magnitudinis simiam, quae per ianuam cubiculi non satis solicite clausam intraverat ac in cubile irrepserat. Istud improvisum phaenomenon tantum mihi terrorem incussit, ut ingenti vociferatione, qua tota camera exsonuit, auxilium implorarem. Excitatae hoc strepitu arbusculae quaedam, quae in cubiculis meo contiguis cubabant, inrrant, luc tanti mihi cum simia in auxilium veniunt foedumque istud animal foras eiiciunt.

But waking, with horror I caught sight of a simian of extraordinary size standing by the bed, which had entered through the bedroom door, not closed with sufficient solicitude, and had crept onto the couch. That unlooked-for phenomenon struck such terror into me that, with a huge vociferation, wherewith the whole chamber resounded, I implored help. Roused by this din, certain little saplings, who were sleeping in rooms contiguous to mine, rush in, come to my aid as I am struggling with the ape, and eject that foul animal outside.

Audivi mox, fabulam hanc Principi largam risus materiam praebuisse. At, ne in eundem casum saepius reciderem, iussit illico me more subterraneo vestiri ramisque exornari. Vestes vero Europaeae, quas adhuc portaveram, mihi ademptae, ob insolentiam suspensae fuere in cimelio Principis cum hoc epigrammate:

I soon heard that this fable had supplied the Prince with abundant matter for laughter. But, lest I should fall back into the same mishap more often, he forthwith ordered that I be clothed in the subterranean fashion and adorned with branches. The European garments, indeed, which I had up to now worn, were taken from me, and, for insolence, were hung up in the Prince’s treasury with this epigram:

CULTUS CREATURAE SUPERTERRANEAE.

ATTIRE OF THE SUPERTERRANEAN CREATURE.

Hinc ego mecum: Quid si sartori Bergensi Iano Andreae vestium harum formatori innotesceret, opificia sua inter cimelii subterranei rariora asservari? fastu sine dubio intumesceret, vixque posthac ipsis consulibus aut urbis centurionibus cederet.

Hence I said to myself: What if it should become known to the Bergen tailor Jan Andreas, the fashioner of these garments, that his craftworks are preserved among the rarities of the subterranean cabinet? Without doubt he would swell with pride, and thereafter would scarcely yield even to the consuls themselves or to the centurions of the city.

Post hunc casum reliquum noctis insomme egi usque ad solis ortum. Tunc surgenti affertur diploma, quo cursoris ministerium mihi iniunctum fuerat. Innumera mox dabantur negotia peragenda, perpetuumque eram mobile, ad urbes minores ac maiores edicta ac literas publicas perferens.

After this mishap I spent the remainder of the night sleepless until sunrise. Then, as I was rising, a diploma was brought, by which the service of a courier had been enjoined upon me. Innumerable tasks were soon being assigned to be accomplished, and I was in perpetual motion, carrying edicts and public letters to lesser and greater cities.

In hisce expeditionibus meis indolem huius gentis curiosius scrutatus, miram in plerisque detegebam urbanitatem ac raram sapientiam. Soli incolae civitatis Maholki, qui omnes vepres sunt, parum culti ac morati mihi videbantur. Quaevis enim provincia suis peculiaribus gaudet arboribus sive incolis; id quod maxime patet e gente rustica sive agricolis, qui omnes indigenae sunt: Nam in magnis civitatibus, praesertim in urbe regia, colluvies erat omnium arborum.

In these expeditions of mine, having more curiously scrutinized the disposition of this people, I was detecting in very many a marvelous urbanity and rare sapience. Only the inhabitants of the city of Maholki, who are all brambles, seemed to me rather uncultivated and ill‑mannered. For every province rejoices in its peculiar trees or inhabitants; which is most evident from the rustic folk or farmers, who are all indigenous: For in great cities, especially in the royal city, there was a conflux of all trees.

Crevit ista, quam de prudentia incolarum huius principatus conceperam, opinio, prout virtutes eorum penitius inspiciendi data est copia. Leges et consuetudines, quas maxime improbaveram, maxime mox ob aequitatem ac iustitiam laudabam, verso in admirationem contemptu. Haud difficile mihi foret integrum exhibere indicem rerum ac consuetudinum, quae leviter intuenti stultae, curiosius vero rimanti solidae ac prudentes visae sunt.

That opinion, which I had conceived concerning the prudence of the inhabitants of this principality, grew, in proportion as there was granted an opportunity to inspect their virtues more deeply. The laws and customs which I had most disapproved I soon most praised for their equity and justice, my contempt turned into admiration. It would not be difficult for me to exhibit a complete index of things and customs which, to one looking superficially, seemed foolish, but to one probing more curiously appeared solid and prudent.

E sexcentis unum tantum afferam exemplum, quod characterem huius gentis graphice exprimit. Rectoratum scholae cuiusdam cum ambiret Philologiae studiosus, petitio eiusdem tali munita erat commendatione: testabantur nempe cives urbis Nahami, candidatum in coniugio cum lasciva ac infida uxore integros quatuor annos placide vixisse ac cornua sua parienter gessisse. Testimonium his fere verbis conceptum erat: Cum testimonium vitae et morum a tribulibus petierit doctus ac venerandus vir Iocthan Hu, testamur nos cives habitantes in vico sive regione urbis Posko, integrum quadriennium eundem in matrimonio cum infida coniuge absque ullo strepitu vixisse, cornua sua patienter gessisse, ac tanta moderatione animi istud malum pertulisse, ut dignissimum scholae vacantis Rectorem, modo studia moribus respondeant, fore ominemur.

Out of six hundred I will bring only one example, which vividly expresses the character of this people. When a student of Philology was canvassing for the rectorate of a certain school, his application was fortified with a commendation of this kind: namely, the citizens of the city of Nahami testified that the candidate had lived peaceably for a full four years in marriage with a wanton and unfaithful wife and had borne his horns patiently. The testimonial was framed in nearly these words: Since the learned and venerable man Iocthan Hu has sought a testimony of life and morals from his fellow townsmen, we, the citizens dwelling in the ward or district of the city Posko, bear witness that for a whole four-year period he lived in marriage with an unfaithful spouse without any uproar, that he bore his horns patiently, and that he endured that misfortune with such moderation of soul that we augur he will be a most worthy Rector of the vacant school, provided that his studies correspond to his morals.

Datum die decimo mensis Palmae termillesimo anno post magnum diluvium.

Given on the tenth day of the month of Palma in the three-thousandth year after the great deluge.

Isti tribulium commendationi annexum erat testimo nium a seminarii Karattis de doctrina ac studiis eiusdem quod magis ad rem facere videbatur; nam quodnam esset meritum cornuti ludimagistri prae aliis Doctoribus, haud facile capiebam. At paradoxi huius testimonii hic erat sensus: inter virtutes, quae Doctorem maxime commendant, est moderatio; namque hic, nisi ferrea praeditus sit patientia, cum toto eruditionis suae apparatu parum aptus erit muneri scholastico, quod absque severitate ac iracundia sit exercendum, ne intempestivis suis castigationibus iuvenum animi exasperentur. Iam cum maius moderationis exemplum vix dari potest ista, qua insigne adeo malum domesticum pertulerat candidatus, ita vicini supplicantis non dubitarunt huic maxime argumento insistere, ut exinde evincerent, quid sibi polliceri possent a ludimagistro, hac virtute inter alios conspicuo.

Annexed to that recommendation of the fellow townsmen was a testimonial from the seminary of Karattis concerning his doctrine and studies, which seemed to make more to the point; for what merit a horn-bearing schoolmaster (ludimagister) should have above other Doctors I could hardly grasp. But the sense of this paradoxical testimonial was this: among the virtues which most commend a Doctor is moderation; for unless he be endowed with an iron patience, he, with all the apparatus of his erudition, will be but little apt for the scholastic office, which ought to be exercised without severity and irascibility, lest by his untimely castigations the minds of the youth be exasperated. Now since a greater example of moderation can scarcely be given than this whereby the candidate had borne so notable a domestic ill, thus the neighbors of the petitioner did not hesitate to insist especially on this argument, that from this they might evince what they might promise themselves from a schoolmaster conspicuous among others in this virtue.

Dicitur ad insolitam hanc commendationem impense risisse Principem; at cum non plane absurdam indicaverit, in petitorem vacantem contulit Rectoratum: et constat, spartam hanc tanta dexteritate eundem implesse ac tyrones moderatione et clementia adeo sibi devinxisse, ut potius tanquam parentem, quam scholae moderatorem, eundem intuerentur, tantoque in literas sub ephoro adeo miti ac moderato ferebantur studio, ut paucae in toto principatu hodie dentur scholae, e quibus tot praeclarae, eruditae ac bene moratae arbores quotannis dimittuntur.

It is said that at this unusual commendation the Prince laughed exceedingly; but since he indicated it was not plainly absurd, he conferred the vacant Rectorship upon the petitioner: and it is agreed that he fulfilled this charge with such dexterity and so bound the tyros to himself by moderation and clemency, that they regarded him rather as a parent than as the moderator of the school, and were borne toward letters with such zeal under an ephor so mild and moderate, that today few schools can be found in the whole principality from which so many illustrious, learned, and well‑mannered trees are sent forth every year.

Quoniam quadriennii tempore, quo ministerium cursoris obibam, occasionem nactus sum scrutandi tam ingenium huius terrae quam indolem ac mores gentis, eiusdem politiam, sacra, leges ac studia, legentibus spero non ingratum fore, si, quae sparsim in hoc opere reperiuntur, hic uno veluti fasce complectar.

Since in the span of four years, during which I was discharging the ministry of a courier, I found the occasion to scrutinize both the genius of this land and the indole and mores of the nation, its polity, sacra, laws, and studies, I hope it will not be unwelcome to readers if I here gather, as it were into a single bundle, the things that are found scattered in this work.

Caput V: Natura Terrae Potuanae et Gentis Indoles

Chapter 5: The Nature of the Potuan Land and the Nation’s Disposition

Principatus Potuanus terminis admodum exiguis clauditur ac modicam tantum partem huius globi perreptat. Totus globus Nazar dictus in circuitu vix ducenta milliaria Germanica complectitur. Potest commode circumiri a quovis viatore absque itineris duce; nam una est ubique eademque lingua, licet a reliquis rebuspublicis ac principatibus, scitis ac moribus valde differant Potuani.

The Potuan Principality is enclosed by exceedingly narrow boundaries and skirts only a modest portion of this globe. The whole globe called Nazar scarcely encompasses 200 German miles in circumference. It can be conveniently gone around by any traveler without a guide; for one and the selfsame language is everywhere, although the Potuans differ greatly from other republics and principalities in statutes and customs.

Et velut in orbe nostro Europaei inter alias gentes eminent, ita hi, scilicet Potuani, inter reliquos huius globi incolas virtute ac prudentia maxime sunt conspicui. Itinera passim lapidibus distinguuntur, qui milliaria notant et aut manus habent porrectas aut alia signa, quae ad quamvis urbem ac vicum semitas monstrant. Totus principatus vicis ac splendidis urbibus frequens est.

And just as in our orb Europeans are eminent among other gentes, so these, namely the Potuans, among the other inhabitants of this globe are most conspicuous for virtue and prudence. The roads everywhere are distinguished by stones, which mark the milestones and either have hands outstretched or other signs, which point out the paths to any city and village. The whole principality is frequent with hamlets and splendid cities.

Illud sane memorabile et admiratione dignum est, quod cuncti huius globi incolae eadem lingua loquantur, quamvis singulae gentes sorte, moribus, scitis ac ingenii dotibus ita discrepent, ut orbis hic maxime perspicuam exhibeat imaginem varietatum, quibus laetatur natura, eoque intuitu viatores non tam afficit, quam percellit ac in ecstasin paene coniicit.

That, indeed, is memorable and worthy of admiration, that all the inhabitants of this globe speak the same language, although individual peoples differ in lot, customs, statutes, and the endowments of genius to such a degree that this world displays a most perspicuous image of the varieties in which nature rejoices, and at that sight it does not so much affect travelers as strike them and almost cast them into ecstasy.

Dirimuntur terrae aquis tam maioribus quam minoribus, quas secant naves, remis, virtute quasi magica, impulsae; nam non lacertis, uti nostrae, sed machinis, automatorum instar, aguntur. Machinarum harum indolem et artificium definire nequeo, cum in mathesi parum versatus sim; huc adde, quod arbores hae tanta subtilitate omnia comminiscantur, ut nemo, nisi Argo sit oculatior et divino paene acumine praeditus, artificium detegere queat. Globus, instar terrae nostrae, triplici gaudet motu, adeo ut tempora hic, non secus ac apud nos, nocte, die, aestate, autumno, hieme ac vere distinguantur, locique sub polorum cardinibus siti caeteris sint frigidiores.

The lands are parted by waters both greater and lesser, which are cut by ships, driven with oars by a quasi-magic force; for they are propelled not by muscles, as ours, but by machines, in the likeness of automata. The nature and artifice of these machines I cannot define, since I have been little versed in mathematics; add to this that these masts contrive all things with such subtlety that no one, unless he be sharper-sighted than Argus and endowed with almost divine acumen, can detect the artifice. The globe, in the likeness of our earth, rejoices in a triple motion, so that the seasons here, just as with us, are distinguished by night, day, summer, autumn, winter, and spring, and the places situated beneath the hinges of the poles are colder than the rest.

At quod ad lumen attinet, parum est discriminis inter noctes diesque, ob causas, quas nuper exposui. Et dici potest nox quodammodo gratior die; nam nihil fingi potest splendidius lumine isto, quod a sole receptum in planetam hunc reflectit ac reverberat hemisphaerium sive compactum firmamentum, speciem contiguae et immensae lunae longe lareque contexens.

But as regards the light, there is little distinction between nights and days, for the causes which I lately expounded. And it can be said that the night is in a certain manner more pleasing than the day; for nothing can be imagined more splendid than that light which, received from the sun, the hemisphere, or compact firmament, reflects and reverberates into this planet, weaving far and wide the appearance of a contiguous and immense moon.

Incolae constant e diversi generis arboribus, velut quercubus, tiliis, populis, palmis, vepribus etc., unde nomina sortiuntur sedecim menses, in quos annus subterraneus describitur. Nam quovis decimo sexto mense ad sedis suae principia regreditur Nazar, non tamen stato die, idque ob motum inaequalem; quippe non secus ac luna nostra multiformi ambage ingenia torquet eorum, qui firmamentum inhabitant. Annorum epochae sunt variae et figuntur a rebus maxime memorabilibus, in primis ab ingenti cometa, qui ter mille abhinc annis diluvium universale creditur excitasse, quo submersum fuit totum arboreum genus cum caereris animantibus, exceptis tantum paucis, qui in collibus ac montium cacuminibus commune naufragium effugerunt, et ex quibus praesentes incolae descendunt.

The inhabitants consist of trees of diverse kinds, such as oaks, lindens, poplars, palms, brambles, etc., whence the sixteen months, into which the subterranean year is delineated, draw their names. For every sixteenth month the Nazar returns to the starting-points of its seat, yet not on a fixed day, and this on account of unequal motion; indeed, no differently than our moon, with a multiform winding, it twists the dispositions of those who inhabit the firmament. The epochs of the years are various and are fixed from things most memorable, chiefly from a vast comet, which three thousand years ago is believed to have stirred up a universal deluge, by which the whole arboreal race was submerged together with the rest of living creatures, except only a few who on the hills and summits of the mountains escaped the common shipwreck, and from whom the present inhabitants descend.

Terra frugum, herbarum ac leguminum feracissima, eosdem fere omnes producit fructus, quos gignit Europa nostra: avenam tamen non patitur, nec opus ea est, cum equos hic globus non ferat. Maria ac lacus pretiosos pisces suggerunt, ac litora ripasque ornant varietate gratissima nunc continua nunc intermissa villarum tecta. Succus, quem bibunt, e certis elicitur herbis, quae cunctis anni tempestatibus virent.

The land, most fertile in fruits, herbs, and legumes, produces almost all the same fruits that our Europe engenders: oats, however, it does not tolerate, nor is there need of it, since this globe does not bear horses. The seas and lakes supply precious fish, and the roofs of villas, now continuous now intermittent, ornament the shores and banks with a most welcome variety. The juice which they drink is elicited from certain herbs, which are green in all the seasons of the year.

Succi huius venditores vulgo dicuntur Minhalpi, id est, herbicoctores, qui in quavis civitate ad certum numerum restringuntur, quique soli gaudent privilegio herbas coquendi. Qui hoc privilegio donati sunt, ab omni alio ministerio, quaestu ac opere manuario abstinere iubentur. In primis cautum est, ne ii, qui in officiis sunt, et publicis stipendiis fruuntur, hos quaestus exerceant; quoniam hi ob auctoritatem, qua in civitate pollent, omnes attrahant emptores, ac ob alia, quibus fruuntur, emolumenta res viliori pretio vendere queant, uti saepe fieri cernimus in orbe nostro ubi officiales ac stipendiarii his mediis, aliorum opificum ac mercatorum coriis brevi ditescunt.

The sellers of this juice are commonly called Minhalpi, that is, herb‑cookers, who in any city are restricted to a fixed number, and who alone enjoy the privilege of cooking herbs. Those who are endowed with this privilege are ordered to abstain from every other ministry, gainful pursuit, and manual work. It is provided first of all that those who are in offices and enjoy public stipends not practice these trades; since these men, by the authority with which they prevail in the city, would draw all the buyers, and, by other emoluments which they enjoy, would be able to sell things at a cheaper price, as we often see happen in our world, where officials and stipendiaries by these means quickly grow rich at the expense of other craftsmen and merchants.

Incolarum multitudinem mire promovet lex salutaris de procreanda sobole. Nam, pro numero liberorum augentur aut minuuntur beneficia aut immunitates. Et qui sex liberorum pater est, tributis tam ordinariis quam extraordinariis eximitur.

The multitude of inhabitants is wonderfully promoted by a salutary law on procreating offspring. For, in proportion to the number of children, benefits or immunities are increased or diminished. And he who is the father of six children is exempted from tributes, both ordinary and extraordinary.

Hinc procreatio sobolis et copia liberorum hic non minus salubris censetur, quam in nostro orbe, ubi capitibus liberorum imponi solet tributum, incommoda sit ac damnosa. Nemo in hoc orbe duo simul munera exercet, credunt nempe, minimam occupationem totum poscere virum. Hanc ob causam, pace dicam incolarum nostri orbis, munera rectius et melius administrantur, quam apud nos.

Hence the procreation of offspring and a plenty of children is here reckoned no less salutary than in our world, where, since a capitation is wont to be imposed upon the heads of children, it is incommodious and damaging. No one in this world exercises two offices at once; for they believe that even the least occupation demands the whole man. For this reason—if I may say it with all respect to the inhabitants of our world—offices are administered more rightly and better than among us.

Sancta adeo est huius legis observantia, ut Medicus non in rotam medicinam se diffundat, sed unius tantum morbi naturam solicite scrutetur; Musicus uni soli instrumento operam det: aliter ac in orbe nostro, ubi varietate officiorum humanitas infringitur, morositas augetur, munera negliguntur, et nusquam solemus esse, quia ubique. Ita Medicus, dum morbis corporis humani ac vitiis reipublicae simul medeatur, labitur in utroque. Ita a musico, si citharoedum ac senatorem simul agit, non nisi dissonantia sunt exspectanda.

So sacred is the observance of this law, that the Physician does not diffuse himself into the whole circle of medicine, but carefully probes the nature of only one disease; the Musician devotes his effort to one instrument only: otherwise than in our world, where by the variety of offices humanity is broken, morosity is increased, duties are neglected, and we are wont to be nowhere, because we are everywhere. Thus the Physician, while he treats at once the diseases of the human body and the vices of the commonwealth, slips in both. Thus from a musician, if he plays the cithara-player and a senator at the same time, nothing but dissonances are to be expected.

Admiratione nos illos prosequimur, qui varia simul officia obire non verentur, qui maximi momenti rebus ultro se ingerunt ac nulli officio se impares existimant. At sola est audacia, ac virium propriarum ignorantia, quam stulte admiramur; quippe, si negotiorum pondera ipsis essent perspecta sique modulum virium noscerent, oblatos ultro fasces remitterent ac ad solum nomen tremerent.

With admiration we follow those who do not fear to discharge various offices at the same time, who of their own accord thrust themselves into matters of the greatest moment, and who think themselves unequal to no office. But it is mere audacity, and ignorance of their own powers, which we foolishly admire; indeed, if the weights of the affairs were clearly perceived by them and if they knew the measure of their powers, they would send back the proffered fasces and tremble at the very name.

Nemo igitur hic invita Minerva aliquid suscipit. Memini de hoc praecepto dissertantem me audire illustrem philosophum Rakbasi, et quidem hunc in modum: Suum quisque noscat ingenium, acremque se et vitiorum et bonorum suorum iudicem praebeat, ne scenici plus, quam nos, videantur habere prudentiae; illi enim non optimas, sed sibi accommodatissimas fabulas eligunt. An histrio hoc videbit in scena, quod sapiens non videbit in vita?

No one, therefore, here undertakes anything with Minerva unwilling. I remember hearing the illustrious philosopher Rakbasi discoursing about this precept, and indeed in this fashion: Let each person know his own genius, and show himself a keen judge both of his vices and his virtues, lest stage-players seem to have more prudence than we; for they choose not the best plays, but those most accommodated to themselves. Or will a histrion see on the stage what a wise man will not see in life?

Incolae huius principatus in nobiles et plebeios non sunt divisi. Obtinuit quidem olim haec ordinum distinctio. At cum observaverint Principes, exinde semina discordiarum spargi, omnem, quae nativitatem sequitur, praerogativam prudenter sustulerunt, adeo, ut e sola virtute, muneribus et occupationibus aestimentur arbores; id quod alibi explicatius reddam.

The inhabitants of this principality are not divided into nobles and plebeians. Indeed, this distinction of orders once held sway. But when the Princes observed that from it the seeds of discords were being scattered, they prudently removed every prerogative that follows nativity, to such a degree that family trees are assessed solely by virtue, duties, and occupations; which I shall render more explicitly elsewhere.

Sola, quae nativitatem comitatur, praeeminentia consistit in ramorum multitudine; nam pro eorundem copia aut defectu nobilior aut ignobilior censetur foetus, quoniam copia ramorum arboribus habilitatem ad opera manuaria conciliat. De ingenio ac moribus gentis non pauca in antecessum sparsim attuli; quocirca remisso ad ea, quae superius dicta sunt, lectore, sectionem hanc claudo, ad alia progressurus.

The sole preeminence that accompanies nativity consists in the multitude of branches; for according to the abundance or deficiency of the same, the offspring is judged more noble or more ignoble, since an abundance of branches imparts to trees an aptitude for manual works. Concerning the genius and morals of the nation I have, in advance, scattered not a few things; wherefore, remitting the reader to those which have been said above, I close this section, about to proceed to other matters.

Caput VI: De Religione Gentis Potuanae

Chapter 6: On the Religion of the Potuan People

Systema religionis Potuanae paucis absolvitur capitibus, et continent brevem fidei confessionem, quae Symbolo nostro Apostolico paulo extensior est. Prohibitum hic est, sub poena relegationis ad firmamentum, in libros sacros commentari. Et, si quis disputare audeat de essentia et attributis Dei, de spirituum et animarum qualitatibus, ad venae sectionem damnatur, ac in nosocomium urbis publicum truditur.

The system of the Potuan religion is completed in a few chapters, and they contain a brief confession of faith, which is a little more extensive than our Apostolic Symbol. It is prohibited here, under the penalty of relegation to the firmament, to commentate upon the sacred books. And, if anyone should dare to dispute about the essence and attributes of God, about the qualities of spirits and souls, he is condemned to venesection, and is thrust into the city’s public hospital.

Nam stultum aiunt ea describere ac definire velle, ad quae caligat mens nostra, non minus quam oculi noctuae ad lumen solis.

For they say it is foolish to wish to describe and define those things at which our mind is darkened, no less than the eyes of the owl at the light of the sun.

Consentiunt omnes in colendo summo aliquo ente, cuius omnipotentia cuncta sunt creata, et cuius providentia eadem conservantur. Si hunc cultum excipias, nemini ob dissentientes sententias, modum cultus spectantes, molestia exhibetur; tantum illi, qui palam impugnant religionem legibus sancitam, ut pacis publicae turbatores puniuntur. Hinc liberum mihi erat religionis exercitium, et a nemine eo nomine infestabar.

All agree in venerating some supreme entity, by whose omnipotence all things have been created, and by whose providence the same are preserved. If you except this worship, no trouble is inflicted on anyone for dissenting opinions regarding the manner of worship; only those who openly impugn the religion sanctioned by the laws are punished as disturbers of the public peace. Hence the exercise of religion was free to me, and on that account I was molested by no one.

Preces Potuanorum rarae sunt, sed admodum ardentes, adeo, ut orantes, quamdiu durant preces, quasi in ecstasi esse videantur. Hinc cum narrarem, precari nos ac hymnos sacros canere ministeriis oeconomicis ac operibus manuariis occupatos, vitio id nobis vertebant Potuani, dicentes, Principem terrestrem aegre laturum, si quem videret suppliciter cum petitione se accedentem, ac simul in praesentia sua vestes verrentem aut capillos crispantem.

The prayers of the Potuans are rare, but exceedingly ardent, to such a degree that those praying, for as long as the prayers last, seem to be as if in ecstasy. Hence, when I related that we pray and sing sacred hymns while occupied with economic ministries and manual works, the Potuans charged this to us as a fault, saying that an earthly Prince would bear it ill, if he should see anyone approaching him as a suppliant with a petition, and at the same time in his presence brushing his garments or crisping his hair.

Nec magis ad palatum illis erant hymni nostri sacri; existimabant nempe, ridiculum esse musicis modulis dolorem et poenitentiam exprimere, cum lacrimis et suspiriis, non modulis, tibiis ac tubis ira Dei flectitur. Haec et alia audiebam non sine indignatione, praesertim cum beatus parens meus Cantor olim Ecclesiae diversos hymnos, qui hodieque celebrantur, modulis musicis aptaverat, ipseque vacantem quendam Cantoratum ambire decreveram. Sed iram supprimere conabar: nam subterranei nostri tanto acumine opiniones tuentur, et adeo speciose omnia exponunt, ut errores eorum vel maxime evidentes refellere in proclivi non sit.

Nor were our sacred hymns any more to their palate; for they thought it ridiculous to express grief and penitence with musical modes, since by tears and sighs, not by modes, pipes, and trumpets, the wrath of God is bent. These things and others I heard not without indignation, especially since my blessed parent, once Cantor of the Church, had adapted various hymns—which are celebrated even today—to musical modes, and I myself had resolved to court a certain vacant Cantorship. But I strove to suppress my anger; for our Subterraneans defend their opinions with such acumen, and set forth everything so speciously, that to refute their errors, even the most evident, is not easy.

Sunt et aliae circa sacra opiniones, quas eadem arte et sub eadem veritatis specie propugnant. Ita cum nonnullis eorum, quibuscum familiariter vivebam, saepe indicassem, nullam illis, quippe in tenebris versantibus, esse post mortem speran dam salutem, respondebant, severe damnantem alios maximum damnationis periculum incurrere. Nam dam natio aliorum ex arrogantia plerumque nascitur, quam odit et in creaturis improbat Deus, humilitatis maximus commendator; aliorum iudicia damnare et dissentientes ad suas opiniones vi adigere, idem esse, ac sibi solis omne rationis lumen arrogare; id quod stultorum est, cum solos hi se sapere credant.

There are also other opinions about sacred things, which they defend by the same artifice and under the same appearance of truth. Thus, when I had often indicated to some of them, with whom I lived on familiar terms, that for them—since they are engaged in darkness—there is no salvation to be hoped for after death, they replied that one who severely condemns others incurs the greatest danger of condemnation. For the condemnation of others is for the most part born from arrogance, which God—greatest commender of humility—hates and reproves in creatures; to condemn the judgments of others and to drive dissenters by force to their opinions is the same as to arrogate to oneself alone the whole light of reason; which is the mark of fools, since these men believe that they alone are wise.

Porro cum semel opinionem quandam probaturus conscientiae meae fidem disputanti opponerem, laudat argumentum adversarius iubetque, pergerem conscientiae meae testimonium sequi; id quod se ipsum quoque semper facturum pollicetur; ita enim unoquoque in controversiis conscientiae dictamen sequente, cessaturas omnes lites, et omnem disputandi materiam praecidendam.

Furthermore, when once, being about to prove a certain opinion, I set against the disputant the faith of my conscience, the adversary praises the argument and bids me proceed to follow the testimony of my conscience; which he promises that he himself likewise will always do; for thus, with each person in controversies following the dictate of conscience, all disputes would cease, and all material for disputing ought to be cut off.

Inter alios errores, quos tuebantur huius principatus incolae, erant sequentes. Non quidem negabant, bona opera remunerari, ac mala e Deo puniri; sed non nisi in altera vita iustitiam istam in praemiorum ac poenarum distributione exercendam iudicabant. Afferebam ego varia eorum exempla, qui ob scelera et iniquitatem in hac vita poenas subierunt; at illi totidem allegabant opposita scelestissimarum scilicet arborum, quae impiae simul ac summe felices usque ad obitum fuerunt; quoties, aiebant, cum adversariis congredimur, e vitae communis pharetra sola ea tela desumimus, ac ad ea sola exempla attendimus, quae in usum nostrum sunt, ac quae theses nostras corroborant, neglectis ac praetermissis iis, quae iisdem adversantur.

Among other errors which the inhabitants of this principality were defending, the following were. They did not indeed deny that good works are remunerated and that evils are punished by God; but they judged that that justice is to be exercised only in the other life in the distribution of rewards and punishments. I would bring forward various examples of those who, on account of crimes and iniquity, underwent penalties in this life; but they would allege just as many opposite ones, namely of most wicked trees, which, impious and yet supremely fortunate, remained so up to death; whenever, they said, we engage with adversaries, from the quiver of common life we select only those darts and attend only to those examples which are for our use and which corroborate our theses, with those which oppose the same neglected and passed over.

Adduxi ego proprium exemplum, monstrando non paucos, qui vim ac iniuriam mihi attulerunt, exitum funestum habuisse, regerebant ii, e philautia haec omnia proficisci, dum crederem, me in oculis Dei maiorem ac praestantiorem esse aliis, qui, licet gravissimas immerito iniurias passi sint, persecutores tamen suos in perpetua felicitate usque ad obitum consenescentes viderunt.

I brought forward my own example, showing that not a few who had inflicted violence and injury upon me had a baleful end; they retorted that all this proceeds from philautia (self-love), inasmuch as I believed myself, in the eyes of God, to be greater and more preeminent than others, who, although they have suffered most grievous injuries undeservedly, nevertheless have seen their persecutors grow old in perpetual felicity up to death.

Porro, cum semel commendarem preces Deo quotidie faciendas, respondebant, nec se quidem precum necessitatem negare, sed persuasum sibi esse pietatem et verum cultum maxime in observantia legis divinae consistere. Haec ut probarent, a Principe vel legislatore tale argumentum mutuabantur: Princeps duplicibus imperat subditis; nonnulli quotidie peccant, ac mandata eiusdem sive infirmitate animi, sive malitia aut contumacia transgrediuntur: at in atrio Principis hi perpetuo cum supplicationibus ac deprecationibus versantur, petentes veniam criminum mox renovandorum. Alii vero raro et non nisi rogati in aulam veniunt, sed domi semper manentes, mandata Principis fideliter ac strenue exsequuntur, legisque observantia perpetua monstrant Principi debitam obedientiam.

Moreover, when I once was recommending prayers to be made daily to God, they replied that they indeed did not deny the necessity of prayers, but that they were persuaded that piety and true cult consist especially in the observance of the divine law. To prove these things, they would borrow such an argument from a Prince or legislator: a Prince commands his subjects in a twofold manner; some sin daily, and transgress his commands either through weakness of spirit, or through malice or contumacy: yet in the atrium of the Prince these men are perpetually occupied with supplications and deprecations, seeking pardon for crimes soon to be renewed. Others, however, come into the aula rarely and not unless invited, but always remaining at home, they faithfully and strenuously execute the commands of the Prince, and by perpetual observance of the law they show to the Prince the due obedience.

Quis dubitet, quin hos amore suo dignos iudicet, illos vero tanquam malos, inertes ac simul molestos subditos, intueatur, idque respectu qua transgressionum, qua crebrarum petitionum?

Who would doubt that he judges these worthy of his love, but regards those as bad, inert, and at the same time troublesome subjects—and that with respect both to their transgressions and to their frequent petitions?

Hisce et aliis disputationibus saepius exercebar, quam vis absque successu; nam neminem in sententiam meam pertrahere valebam. Hinc omissis caeteris religionis controversiis, pergam exponere dogmata eorum generalia et notatu maxime digna, iudicio legentium relinquens, cretane an carbone sint notanda.

By these and other disputations I was frequently exercised, albeit without success; for I was not able to draw anyone over to my opinion. Hence, the other controversies of religion being omitted, I will proceed to set forth their general dogmas and those most worthy of note, leaving it to the judgment of the readers whether they should be marked with chalk or with charcoal.

Credunt Potuani unum Deum, omnipotentem, omnium creatorem et conservatorem, monstrantque eiusdem omnipotentiam et unitatem e rerum creatarum magnitudine et harmonia. Cumque sint Astronomiae ac Physices apprime gnari, de essentia et attributis Dei magnifice adeo sentiunt, ut stolidum existiment, definire velle ea, quae captum nostrum transcendunt.

The Potuani believe in one God, omnipotent, the creator and preserver of all things, and they demonstrate His omnipotence and unity from the magnitude and harmony of created things. And since they are exceedingly knowledgeable in Astronomy and Physics, they think so magnificently about the essence and attributes of God that they deem it foolish to wish to define those things which transcend our grasp.

Annus quinque festis diebus distinguitur: quorum primus summa cum religione celebratur locis obscuris, quo radii lucis penetrare nequeunt, ut monstrent numen, quod adorant, incomprehensibile esse. Iisdem in locis adorantes, tanquam extra se rapti, immobiles manent ab ortu solis usque ad eiusdem occasum. Festum hoc dicitur dies incomprehensibilis Dei, et incidit in primum diem mensis Quercus.

The year is distinguished by five feast days: of which the first is celebrated with the highest religious reverence in dark places, where the rays of light are not able to penetrate, so that they may show the numen which they adore to be incomprehensible. In the same places the worshippers, as if rapt outside themselves, remain motionless from the rising of the sun until its setting. This feast is called the Day of the Incomprehensible God, and falls on the first day of the month Quercus.

Reliqua quatuor anni tempestatibus habentur, et instituta sunt eum in finem, ut grates agantur Deo ob praestita beneficia.

The remaining four are held at the seasons of the year, and have been instituted to this end, that thanks may be rendered to God for the benefits bestowed.

Pauci sunt in toto principatu, qui his sacris solennibus non intersunt. Qui absunt, ni sonticas absentiae causas dent, mali subditi existimantur ac in perpetuo contemptu vivunt. Publicae precationum formulae ita conceptae sunt, ut non ipsos precantes, sed solum Principem ac reipublicae salutem spectent.

Few there are in the whole principate who do not take part in these sacred solemnities. Those who are absent, unless they give legitimate causes of absence, are judged bad subjects and live in perpetual contempt. The public formulae of prayers are so conceived that they regard not the petitioners themselves, but only the Prince and the welfare of the republic.

Hinc nemo preces pro se ipso publice effundit. Scopus instituti est, ut credant Potuani, salutem singulorum cum salute reipublicae adeo arcte esse coniunctam, ut separari nequeat. Nemo ad cultum divinum aut vi aut pecuniaria mulcta adigitur: nam cum pietatem maxime in amore consistere iudicent, cumque experientia doceat, amorem vi potius frigescere quam accendi, non solum inutile, sed etiam noxium credunt, flagris ad pietatem tepidos pellere velle.

Hence no one pours out prayers publicly for himself. The scope of the institution is that the Potuans may believe that the welfare of individuals is so closely conjoined with the welfare of the commonwealth that it cannot be separated. No one is driven to divine worship either by force or by a pecuniary mulct; for since they judge that piety consists most of all in love, and since experience teaches that love is made to grow cold by force rather than kindled, they deem it not only useless but even noxious to wish to drive the lukewarm toward piety with scourges.

Thesin hanc tali exemplo illustrant: si maritus, reciprocum a coniuge amorem postulans, teporem aut frigus eiusdem fustibus ac pugnis expugnare moliatur, tantum abest, ut his mediis amor accendatur, ut potius crescat frigus, et denique in odium et horrorem terminetur.

They illustrate this thesis by such an example: if a husband, postulating reciprocal love from his spouse, should endeavor to expugn her tepidness or coldness by cudgels and fists, so far is it from the case that by these means love is enkindled, that rather the cold increases, and finally it terminates in hatred and horror.

Olim Sacrificiis, Spectaculis aliisque ceremoniis Numen placabant Potuani. Obtinuit cultus iste externus usque ad tempora insignis philosophi Limali, qui octingentis abhinc annis reformationem Potuanorum aggressus, librum edidit, cui titulus Sebolac Tacsi i. e. Vera piae arboris nota. Libri huius iterata lectione satiari nunquam potui.

Once the Potuans used to appease the Numen with sacrifices, spectacles, and other ceremonies. That external cult prevailed down to the times of the distinguished philosopher Limal, who 800 years ago undertook the reformation of the Potuans, and published a book, whose title is Sebolac Tacsi, i. e. The True Mark of the Pious Tree. By the iterated reading of this book I could never be sated.

Complectitur praecepta theologica et moralia, quae a Potuanis memoriter tenentur.

It comprises theological and moral precepts, which are held in memory by the Potuans.

Cur Sacrificia et id genus alios ritus abolendos iudicaverit Doctor subterraneus, has affert rationes, Verae, ait, virtutes sunt, quarum exercitium corruptis cordibus grave, arduum et ingratum est. At sacrificare, hymnos fundere, otiari, mortuorum cineres venerari, sanctorum imaginibus ornatos incedere, otia sacra potius sunt quam actiones; ac, si actiones dici merentur, eae sunt, quas impii quoque, cum molestae ac arduae non sint, sponte exercent. Verum facultatibus suis pauperes sublevare, odium ac vindictae cupidinem cohibere, voluptatibus mascule obniti et id genus alia cum pravis affectibus certamina, quoniam sumptus ac labores exposcunt, verae pietatis notae sunt ac obedientiae argumenta.

Why the subterranean Doctor judged that Sacrifices and other rites of that sort should be abolished, he brings forward these reasons: “True,” he says, “virtues are those whose exercise is grievous, arduous, and ungrateful to corrupted hearts. But to sacrifice, to pour forth hymns, to idle, to venerate the ashes of the dead, to go about adorned with images of the saints, are rather sacred leisures than actions; and, if they deserve to be called actions, they are such as even the impious, since they are not troublesome and arduous, readily practice of their own accord. But to relieve the poor with one’s means, to restrain hatred and the desire of vengeance, to manfully withstand pleasures, and other combats of that kind with depraved affections, since they require expenses and labors, are marks of true piety and evidences of obedience.”

A pagano dignoscitur miles vestitu castrensi, sago, chlamyde ac armorum nitore; strenuus vero miles fortitudine, patientia, improbis laboribus, vitae ac membrorum pro salute patriae oblatione.

A soldier is distinguished from a pagan by camp attire, by the sagum, the chlamys, and the sheen of arms; but a strenuous soldier by fortitude, patience, unremitting labors, the offering of life and limbs for the safety of the fatherland.

His et aliis argumentis thesin suam corroborat Limali. Et cum Praeceptorum eius observantissimi sint Potuani, oleum et operam in hac regione perderent conversores (Missionarii) Romani, qui ceremoniarum observantiam tantopere commendant, paradisumque illis pollicentur, qui mortuorum reliquias venerantur, aut qui solis agrorum, hortorum, vinearum, fluminum ac Oceani deliciis tempore quadragesimali saginantur.

With these and other arguments Limali corroborates his thesis. And since the Potuans are most observant of his Precepts, the Roman converters (Missionaries) would waste their oil and effort in this region, who so greatly commend the observance of ceremonies, and promise paradise to those who venerate the relics of the dead, or who in the Lenten season are fattened solely on the delights of fields, gardens, vineyards, rivers, and the Ocean.

Haec sunt praecipua capita Theologiae Potuanae, quae nil nisi mera religio naturalis nonnullis videbitur, et talis mihi initio apparuit. At contendunt Potuani, omnia sibi divinitus esse revelata, datumque ante aliquot saecula codicem, qui credenda et facienda complectitur. Olim aiunt, sola religione naturali contentos vixisse maiores, docuisse vero experientiam, solum naturae lumen non sufficere, cum ob nonnullorum desidiam et incuriam praecepta ista naturalia penitus obliterarentur, et ob aliorum nimis subtilem philosophiam, cum nihil esset, quod libertatem cogitandi sisteret, ac intra limites contineret, omnia depravarentur: hinc scriptam sibi legem a Deo fuisse datam.

These are the principal chapters of Potuan Theology, which to some will appear nothing but mere natural religion, and such it seemed to me at the beginning. But the Potuans contend that all things have been divinely revealed to them, and that a codex was given some centuries ago, which comprises things to be believed and things to be done. They say that formerly their ancestors lived content with natural religion alone; but experience taught that the light of nature alone does not suffice, since, on account of the sloth and negligence of some, those natural precepts were utterly obliterated, and, on account of others’ overly subtle philosophy—since there was nothing to arrest the liberty of thinking and to contain it within limits—everything was perverted: hence a written law was given to them by God.

Et patuit inde, quantum errent ii, qui necessitatem revelationis praefracte negant. Fateor equidem lubens, diversa Theologiae Potuanae dogmata, si non laudanda, attamen non plane contemnenda mihi videri, nonnullis vero adstipulari nequeo. Istud vero non solum laude, sed et admiratione dignum mihi videbatur, quod tempore belli a praeliis victores redeuntes, pro laetitia ac gaudio, quo nos victorias celebramus, ac Te Deum canimus, in tristi silentio aliquot dies exegerint, quasi puderet victores cruentae victoriae.

And it became evident from that, how greatly those err who obstinately deny the necessity of revelation. I confess indeed willingly that the diverse dogmas of Potuan Theology, if not laudable, nevertheless do not seem to me altogether to be contemned; yet to some I cannot give assent. This, however, seemed to me worthy not only of praise but also of admiration: that in time of war, returning as victors from battles, instead of the gladness and joy with which we celebrate victories and sing the Te Deum, they spent several days in sad silence, as if the victors were ashamed of a blood-stained victory.

Hanc ob causam rerum bellicarum rara fit mentio in chronicis subterraneis, sed annales eorum res tantum civiles, instituta, leges et fundationes complectuntur.

For this reason, rare mention is made of military affairs in the subterranean chronicles, but their annals comprise only civil matters, institutions, laws, and foundations.

Caput VII: De Politia

Chapter 7: On the Polity

In Principatu Potuano successio haereditaria, et quidem linealis, integros mille annos viguit et adhuc sancte observatur. Monstrant quidem annales, semel ab ordine successionis deflexisse Potuanos; nam cum recta postulare videatur ratio, ut imperantes prudentia et animi dotibus subditis praestent, necesse existimarunt nonnulli, virtutum potius quam natalium rationem habendam, ac illum eligendum, qui inter cives praestantior credebatur. Hinc, sublata antiqua successione, Principatus omnium suffragiis delatus fuit Philosopho cuidam, nomine Rabaku.

In the Potuan Principate, hereditary succession—indeed lineal—flourished for a full thousand years and is still religiously observed. The annals do indeed show that the Potuans once deviated from the order of succession; for since right reason seems to demand that those who rule surpass their subjects in prudence and endowments of mind, some judged it necessary that account be taken of virtues rather than of birth, and that he be chosen who was believed more preeminent among the citizens. Hence, with the ancient succession removed, the Principate, by the suffrages of all, was conferred upon a certain Philosopher, by name Rabaku.

Idem prudenter initio ac placide adeo rempublicam moderabatur, ut regimen illius visum sit exemplar, ad quod alia exprimerentur. Attamen exiguae durationis fuit, adeo, ut sero tandem animadverterint Potuani, falsum esse, quod vulgo dici solet: nempe beatum esse regnum, ubi Philosophi ad clavum sedent. Nam cum novus Princeps e sordidis initiis ad summa creverat, solae eiusdem virtutes et regnandi artes venerationem illam ac maiestatem, quae reipublicae robur ac caementum est, parere ac tueri nequibant.

He likewise, at the beginning, governed the commonwealth so prudently and so placidly that his governance seemed an exemplar, on the pattern of which others might be molded. Yet it was of short duration, to such an extent that the Potuans only late at last perceived that what is commonly said is false: namely, that a realm is blessed where Philosophers sit at the helm. For since the new Prince had grown from sordid beginnings to the heights, his virtues and arts of ruling alone were not able to procure and to preserve that veneration and majesty, which is the strength and the cement of the commonwealth.

Qui nuper illius aut aequales, aut superiores fuerant, vix adduci poterant, ut pari aut inferiori morem gererent, et ut eam novo Principi praestarent obedientiam, quam subditi imperantibus debent, ideoque, quoties, molestum quid et arduum illis imperatum fuit, murmura passim edebant, haud attendentes, qualis tunc esset Princeps, sed qualis ante promotionem fuisset.

Those who had recently been either his equals or his superiors could hardly be induced to defer to an equal or an inferior, and to render to the new Prince that obedience which subjects owe to rulers; and therefore, whenever something troublesome and arduous was imposed on them, they uttered murmurs everywhere, paying no heed to what sort of Prince he then was, but to what sort he had been before his promotion.

Hinc more supplicantis cuncta eblandiri coactus fuit. Sed blanditiis parum profecit; nam imperata ac leges illius insuper habentes, ad quodvis edictum frontem contrahebant. Videns tunc Rabaku, aliis opus esse mediis ad subditos in officio tenendos, a clementia et popularitate ad severitatem delabitur.

Hence, in the manner of a supplicant, he was compelled to blandish all. But by blandishments he made little progress; for, holding his commands and laws in contempt, at every edict they knit their brows. Seeing then, Rabaku, that other means were needed to hold the subjects to their duty, slips from clemency and popularity down to severity.

Sed altero hoc extremo scintillae, quae sub cinere latuere, in apertum incendium eruperunt, inque Principem palam insurgere coeperunt subditi, unaque male sopita rebellio initium erat sequentis.

But, at this other extreme, the sparks that had lain hidden under the ash burst into open conflagration, and the subjects began openly to insurge against the Prince, and the ill-quenched rebellion was the beginning of the next.

Tandem, cum animadverteret, rempublicam stare nequire, nisi sub moderatore, illustri prosapia orto, et cuius natales populo venerationem imprimere solent, se ipsum sponte abdicans, insignia Principatus transtulit in Principem, cui iure nativitatis debebantur. Ita cum antiqua domo regnatrice pax rediit, et procellae istae quibus diu vexata fuerat respublica, detumuerunt. Cautum ex eo tempore est capitali supplicio, ne quid in ordine successionis in posterum innovaretur.

At length, when he observed that the commonwealth could not stand unless under a moderator, sprung from an illustrious lineage, and whose birth is wont to imprint veneration upon the people, abdicating himself of his own accord, he transferred the insignia of the Principate to the Prince to whom by the right of birth they were owed. Thus, with the ancient reigning house peace returned, and those tempests by which the commonwealth had long been vexed subsided. From that time it was provided, under the penalty of capital punishment, that nothing in the order of succession should thereafter be innovated.

Est igitur hic Principatus haereditarius, et verisimile est, veterem successionis ordinem inconcussum semper mansurum, adeo, ut non nisi urgente extrema necessitate a primogenito discedatur. Mentio quidem in annalibus Potuanis fit philosophi, qui regiam hanc legem infracturus temperamentum aliquod commentus est. Suasit ille, a regia quidem prosapia non esse discedendum, sed, delectu filiorum defuncti Principis habito, sceptra illi deferenda, cuius virtutes maxime enitebant, et quem huic oneri maxime parem subditi iudicarent.

Therefore this Principate is hereditary, and it is plausible that the ancient order of succession will remain unshaken forever, to such a degree that one would not depart from the firstborn except under the pressure of extreme necessity. Mention indeed is made in the Potuan annals of a philosopher who, intending to infringe this royal law, devised a certain tempering. He advised that one ought not to depart from the royal lineage, but, a selection having been held among the sons of the deceased Prince, the scepters should be conferred upon him whose virtues most shone forth, and whom the subjects judged most equal to this burden.

Idem, postquam legem hanc proposuerat, tentamini se more patrio subiecit, collo, dum de utilitate consilii suffragia ferrentur, in laqueum inserto.

The same man, after he had proposed this law, submitted himself to an ordeal according to the ancestral custom, with his neck inserted into a noose while suffrages were being cast on the utility of the counsel.

Habito vero senatu, ac numeratis suffragiis, legis istius rogatio tanquam temeraria ac reipublicae exitialis damnata fuit. Credebant scilicet, multarum turbarum hoc fomitem fore, ac seminibus discordiarum inter liberos regios ansam daturum, satius proinde fore antiquum obtinere, ac tutius esse, ut ad Principem primogenitum ius principatus devolveretur, quamvis natu minores animi dotibus essent praestantiores. Antiquata igitur lege, novatoris gula laqueo frangitur.

Once the senate had been held, and the suffrages counted, the proposal of that law was condemned as rash and ruinous to the commonwealth. They believed, to wit, that this would be the tinder of many tumults, and would give a handle to the seeds of discords among the royal children; therefore it would be preferable to maintain the ancient order, and safer that the right of the principate should devolve upon the firstborn Prince, although the younger by birth might be more outstanding in the endowments of mind. The law, then, having been set aside, the innovator’s throat is broken by the noose.

Nam soli, qui in hoc Principatu capite puniuntur, sunt novatores: credunt quippe Potuani, quamvis mutationem ac reformationem, licet bene digestam, motibus ac procellis causam dare totamque rempublicam fluctuantem reddere; si vero male digesta ac praecox sit, praecipitium ac ruinam afferre.

For the only ones who in this Principality are punished by death are innovators: for the Potuans believe that any change and reformation, even if well digested, gives occasion to commotions and tempests and renders the whole commonwealth fluctuating; but if it be ill-digested and premature, it brings a precipice and ruin.

Imperium Principum Potuanorum, quamvis nullis legibus circumscribatur, paternum potius quam regium est. Ingeniis enim, non legibus iustitiam colentes, principatum ac libertatem, res alibi dissociabiles, constanter miscent.

The imperium of the Potuan Princes, although circumscribed by no laws, is paternal rather than regal. For, cultivating justice by native dispositions, not by laws, they constantly commingle principate and liberty—things elsewhere dissociable.

Inter huius Principatus leges maxime salutaris est illa, qua Principes aequalitatem, quantum respublica patiatur, inter subditos tueri conantur. Hinc nullae hic sunt dignitatum classes, tantum inferiores superioribus obtemperare, et iuniores seniores colere ac venerari coguntur.

Among the laws of this Principate, the most salutary is that by which the Princes strive to guard equality, so far as the republic may permit, among the subjects. Hence there are here no classes of dignities, only that inferiors are compelled to obey superiors, and juniors to honor and venerate seniors.

Monstrant quidem annales subterranei, ante aliquot saecula in usu fuisse dignitatum classes, easdemque legibus publicis fuisse ordinatas; sed patet simul, magnis has motibus causam dedisse: nam fratri natu maiori durum atque acerbum videbatur, fratri suo minori loco cedere, et parentibus intolerabile erat liberis posthaberi, adeo, ut altera arbor alterius praesentiam fugeret, et tandem omnes conversationes ac sodalitates penitus cessarent.

Indeed the subterranean annals show that some centuries ago classes of dignities were in use, and that these same were ordered by public laws; but at the same time it is clear that these gave cause to great commotions: for to the elder-born brother it seemed harsh and bitter to yield place to his younger brother, and for parents it was intolerable to be set after their children, to such a degree that one lineage shunned the presence of the other, and at length all associations and sodalities utterly ceased.

At non sola erant haec incommoda. Distinctionibus his procedente tempore effectum est, ut praestantiores ac digniores arbores, quas natura maximis animi dotibus et plurimis ramis decoraverit, ultimis ac infimis subselliis in conviviis ac sodalitatibus locarentur. Nam omnis arbor, cui valor aliquis erat internus, quaeque virtute ac prudentia conspicua satis erat, adduci non poterat, ut titulum aut proedr¡as characterem ambiret.

But these were not the only inconveniences. As time went on with these distinctions, it came about that the more excellent and more dignified trees, which nature had adorned with the greatest endowments of mind and with very many branches, were seated on the last and lowest benches at banquets and sodalities. For every tree that had some internal valor, and was sufficiently conspicuous for virtue and prudence, could not be induced to court a title or the character of proedr¡as.

Arbores vero nauci ac nullius pretii, quo naturale vitium et inanitatem splendidis honorum titulis quodammodo tegerent, absque intermissione Principem tamdiu petitionibus fatigabant, donec titulum quendam extorquerent. Hinc effectum, ut tituli tandem vilissimarum arborum haberentur notae ac indicia. Miras igitur ac ridiculas scenas advenis exhibebant congregationes solennes ac convivia, cum viderent, vepres aut dumos honoratioribus subselliis, palmas vero, cedros et conspicuas quercus decem vel duodecim ramorum scamnis aut infimis sedilibus locari: nam, durante hoc statu, pauci erant vepres sine aliquo charactere.

But trees of no account and of no price, that they might somehow veil their natural vice and inanitas with splendid titles of honors, without intermission wearied the Prince with petitions until they extorted some title. Hence it came about that titles at last were held as the marks and tokens of the most worthless trees. Marvelous, then, and ridiculous scenes were exhibited to newcomers by the solemn congregations and banquets, when they saw briers or brambles placed on the more honorable benches, but palms, cedars, and conspicuous oaks on benches of 10 or 12 branches or on the lowest seats: for, during this state of things, few briers were without some character.

Foeminis tituli dabantur consiliariarum oeconomiae, moderationis aut aulae, et maiores in sexu sequiore quam virili turbas istud ciebat. Nonnullarum arborum vana ambitio eo usque progrediebatur, ut, quamvis duobus tantum aut tribus ramis essent a natura donatae, titulos tamen decem vel duodecim ramorum venarentur, et, quae vepres aut dumi erant, palmae vocari gestirent. Id quod aeque ridiculum esser, ac si deformis aut monstrosus homo titulum formosi (Wohlgebohren), aut infimo loco natus titulum illustris prosapiae (Edelgebohren) ambiret.

Titles were given to women of counselors of economy, moderation, or of the court, and this was stirring greater disturbances in the weaker sex than in the male. The vain ambition of some trees advanced so far that, although they had been endowed by nature with only two or three branches, yet they hunted after titles of 10 or 12 branches, and those which were brambles or thickets were eager to be called palms. Which was just as ridiculous as if a deformed or monstrous man should aspire to the title of handsome (Wohlgebohren), or one born in the lowest rank to the title of illustrious lineage (Edelgebohren).

Hinc cum malum istud in summum excrevisset, ac tota regio quasi ad primum chaos redacta fuisset, cunctis inanes umbras ac sine honore nomina aucupantibus, ausus est incola quidam civitatis Keba legem proponere de abroganda hac consuetudine. Idem more maiorum cum laqueo in forum abstractus est; at senatu coacto ac suffragiis initis, con silium illius, nemine intercedente aut abrogante, utile reipublicae iudicatum est. Quo facto, florea corona redimitus in triumphum per civitatem, comitante ac plaudente toto populo, ductus est.

Hence, when that evil had grown to the utmost, and the whole region had been, as it were, reduced to the primal chaos, while all were angling for empty shades and for names without honor, a certain inhabitant of the city Keba dared to propose a law for the abrogation of this custom. The same man, in the ancestral manner, was dragged with a noose into the forum; but with the senate convened and the suffrages entered upon, his counsel, with no one interceding or abrogating, was judged useful to the republic. This done, wreathed with a floral crown, he was led in triumph through the city, the whole people accompanying and applauding.

Et cum processu temporis animadversum fuerit, quantam utilitatem abrogatio huius consuetudinis attulisset, Kadoki sive magnus Cancellarius factus est.

And when, in the process of time, it had been observed how great a utility the abrogation of this custom had brought, Kadoki, that is, the great Chancellor, was appointed.

Ex eo tempore sancte observata est lex de aequalitate inter cives perpetuo conservanda. Attamen consuetudinis huius antiquatione non cessavit omnis aemulatio, sed sola virtute ac meritis alter alterum superare conatus est. Pater ex historia subterranea, unum solum novato rem ex eo tempore exstitisse, qui legem de classibus dignitatum revocare bis tecte molitus est, sed ob primum conatum ad venae sectionem damnatus est, et, cum accusatus fuerit in molimine isto persistere, ad firmamentum denique relegatus est.

From that time the law concerning equality among citizens to be conserved perpetually was observed holily. Nevertheless, with the antiquation of this custom not all emulation ceased, but by virtue alone and merits each strove to surpass the other. It is evident from the subterranean history that from that time there existed only a single innovator, who twice covertly endeavored to recall the law concerning the classes of dignities; but for his first attempt he was condemned to phlebotomy, and, when he was accused of persisting in that endeavor, he was finally relegated to the firmament.

Nullae hinc dignitatum aut titulorum classes hodie in hoc Principatu obtinent, tantum supremus Magistratus distinctione quadam certas professiones aliis nobiliores declarat, qua tamen declaratione nemini ius datur primum locum in conventibus sibi vindicandi. Distinctio haec cernitur ex edictis aut literis Principis, quae claudi solent his verbis:

No classes of dignities or of titles hold here today in this Principality; only the supreme Magistrate, by a certain distinction, declares certain professions nobler than others, yet by which declaration no one is given the right to claim for himself the first place in assemblies. This distinction is discerned from the edicts or letters of the Prince, which are wont to be closed with these words:

MANDAMUS ET INIUNGIMUS AGRICOLIS NOSTRIS, FABRICARUM INVENTORIBUS, MERCATORIBUS, OPIFICIBUS, PHILOSOPHIS, ARTIFICIBUS, AULAE MINISTRIS, etc.

WE COMMAND AND ENJOIN OUR FARMERS, INVENTORS OF MANUFACTORIES, MERCHANTS, WORKMEN, PHILOSOPHERS, ARTISANS, MINISTERS OF THE COURT, etc.

Didici in archivo Principis servari catalogum dignitatum huius tenoris: CLASSES DIGNITATUM

I have learned that in the Prince’s archive a catalogue of dignities of this tenor is kept: CLASSES OF DIGNITIES

1. Qui opibus suis rempublicam sublevarunt difficillimis temporibus.
2. Ministri, qui serviunt gratis ac absque stipendio.
3. Rustici et agricolae octo ramorum et supra.

1. Those who with their resources have supported the republic in the most difficult times.
2. Ministers, who serve gratis and without stipend.
3. Rustics and farmers of eight branches and above.

4. Agricolae septem ramorum et infra.
5. Fabricarum sive manufacturarum conditores.
6. Opifices, qui opificia necessaria exercent.

4. Farmers of seven branches and below.
5. Founders of factories or manufactures.
6. Artificers, who exercise necessary crafts.

7. Philisophi et mitra donati Doctores utriusque sexus.
8. Artifices.
9. Mercatores.

7. Philosophers and Doctors of either sex endowed with the mitre.
8. Artificers.
9. Merchants.

10. Aulae Ministri, qui stipendio fruuntur 500 Rupatorum.
11. Iidem, quibus annuum stipendium est 1000 Rupatorum.

10. Ministers of the Court, who enjoy a stipend of 500 Rupators.
11. The same, for whom the annual stipend is 1000 Rupators.

Valde ridiculus mihi visus est hic honorum index, cui nemo in orbe nostro album calculum adiiceret. Subodorabar equidem, quaenam esset inversi ordinis ratio, quonam fundamento niteretur, et quibus argumentis eandem propugnarent subterranei. Sed fateor, adhuc mihi paradoxon esse, quod capere nequeo.

This index of honors seemed to me very ridiculous, to which no one in our world would add a white pebble. I did indeed suspect what the rationale of the inverted order was, on what foundation it rested, and with what arguments the subterraneans would champion the same. But I confess, it is still a paradox to me, which I cannot grasp.

Inter alia notatu dignissima notabam sequentia. Quo pluribus beneficiis quis a republica cumulatur, eo modestiorem ac submissiorem se exhibet. Ita saepe videbam, Bospolak, virum inter Potuanos opulentissimum, tanta humilitate obvios in itinere cives excipere, ut omnes submitteret ramos capitisque inclinatione cuivis plebeiae arbori gratum animum testaretur.

Among other things most worthy of note, I noted the following. The more numerous the benefices with which someone is heaped up by the commonwealth, the more modest and submissive he shows himself. Thus I often saw Bospolak, the wealthiest man among the Potuans, receive fellow citizens met on the road with such humility, that he would lower all his branches, and by a nod of the head bear witness of a grateful spirit to any plebeian tree.

Quaerenti mihi causam respondetur, ita fieri debere, cum in civium neminem plura beneficia essent collata, ac proinde maximus is reipublicae debitor existeret. Ad hunc tamen cultum nemo lege obligatur, sed cum Potuani sane ac cum iudicio omnia expendant, sponte hanc virtutem exercent, existimantes se ad talem, quem grata mens dictitat, cultum obstringi: aliter sane ac apud nos, ubi ii, qui maximis honoribus maximisque emolumentis cumulantur, pauperiores alto supercilio despiciunt.

To me, asking the cause, the answer is given: that it ought to be thus, since upon none of the citizens had more benefits been conferred, and hence he would be the greatest debtor of the commonwealth. Yet to this observance no one is bound by law; but since the Potuans weigh all things soundly and with judgment, they of their own accord exercise this virtue, thinking themselves bound to such an observance as a grateful mind keeps declaring; otherwise indeed than among us, where those who are heaped with the greatest honors and the greatest emoluments look down upon the poorer with a lofty eyebrow.

Cives vero meritissimi, quos omnes colere ac venerari iubentur, sunt numerosae sobolis auctores. Heroës hi subterranei sunt, sacraque apud posteros memoria eorundem manet. Soli etiam sunt, quibus nomen MAGNI confertur.

But the most meritorious citizens, whom all are enjoined to honor and to venerate, are the authors of numerous progeny. These heroes are subterranean, and the sacred memory of the same remains among posterity. They alone also are those upon whom the name GREAT is conferred.

Longe aliter ac apud nos, ubi Magni dicuntur humani generis eversores. Hinc facile est coniicere, quid de Alexandro Magno aut Iulio Caesare statuerent subterranei, cum uterque sine prole mortuus aliquot hominum myriades neci dederit. Memini epitaphium rustici cuiusdam videre Kebae hac inscriptione ornatum:

Far otherwise than among us, where the subverters of the human race are called Great. Hence it is easy to conjecture what the Subterraneans would judge about Alexander the Great or Julius Caesar, since each, dying without offspring, has given several myriads of men to death. I remember seeing at Keba the epitaph of a certain peasant adorned with this inscription:

HIC IACET IOCHTANUS MAGNUS, TRIGINTA LIBERORUM PATER, SUI TEMPORIS HEROS.

HERE LIES IOCHTANUS THE GREAT, FATHER OF THIRTY CHILDREN, A HERO OF HIS TIME.

Notandum tamen est, ad gloriam istam acquirendam non sufficere solam sobolis procreationem, sed opus esse, ut et liberi honeste sint educati.

It must nevertheless be noted that for acquiring that glory the mere procreation of progeny does not suffice, but there is need that the children also be honorably educated.

In legum ac edictorum latione omnia lente procedunt; nam veterum fere Romanorum ritu leges hic conduntur. Novae legis rogatio cunctis civitatum curiis affigitur. Et tunc liberum est civibus eandem examinare, ac monita sua ad Prudentum collegium, eum in finem in civitate Potuana constitutum, deferre.

In the enactment of laws and edicts everything proceeds slowly; for here laws are established almost after the rite of the ancient Romans. The rogation of a new law is affixed to all the curiae of the cities. And then it is free for the citizens to examine the same, and to carry their admonitions to the College of the Jurists, established for that end in the city of Potuana.

Serio hic perpenduntur omnia, quae de legis latione, obrogatione aut abrogatione, approbatione, correctione, limitatione aut extensione allata sunt. Et cum iureconsultorum limam omnia sic subierint, tandem ad consensum ac subscriptionem Principis mittitur promulganda lex. Cunctatio haec ridicula quidem nonnullis videri potest; at effectus huius cautionis est aeterna legum duratio, et fama accepi, nullam huius Principatus legem quingentorum annorum spatio minimae mutationi fuisse expositam.

Here, everything that has been brought concerning legislation, obrogation or abrogation, approbation, correction, limitation or extension is weighed in earnest. And when all things have thus undergone the file of the jurisconsults, at last the law to be promulgated is sent to the consent and subscription of the Prince. This delay can indeed seem ridiculous to some; but the effect of this caution is the eternal duration of the laws, and I have heard by report that no law of this Principality, in the span of 500 years, has been subjected to the least alteration.

In custodia Principis est catalogus arborum maxime insignium, una cum earundem testimoniis tam doctrinae, quae ab Examinatoribus sive Karattis dantur, quam vitae morumque, quae a vicinis et tribulibus emeruere. Hinc reipublicae non desunt idonei viri, qui vacantia munera implebunt. Istud inprimis memorabile est, quod nemini ius habitationis in urbis regione aut vico concedatur, nisi munitus sit testimonio regionis aut vici, ubi olim habitavit, cautionemque exhibeat vitae futurae.

In the custody of the Prince is a catalogue of the most outstanding trees, together with their testimonies both of doctrine, which are given by the Examiners or Karatts, and of life and morals, which they have earned from neighbors and fellow-tribesmen. Hence the republic does not lack apt men to fill vacant offices. This is especially memorable: that to no one is the right of habitation in a district of the city or in a village granted, unless he is furnished with a testimonial of the district or village where he once lived, and he presents a surety for his future life (conduct).

In legem semel latam, ac publica auctoritate sancitam, prohibitum est sub poena capitis commentari, adeo, ut in rebus politicis restrictior sit libertas, quam in sacris. Causam huius instituti hanc afferunt: si quis in religione aut rebus fidei aberret, suo solo periculo errat; at si quis leges publice sancitas in dubium vocet, aut interpretationibus suis in alium sensum detorquere moliatur, societatem turbat.

It is prohibited, under the penalty of the head (capital punishment), to comment upon a law once laid and sanctioned by public authority, to such an extent that in political matters liberty is more restricted than in sacred matters. They allege this reason for the institution: if anyone should stray in religion or in matters of faith, he errs at his own peril alone; but if anyone should call into doubt laws publicly sanctioned, or by his interpretations endeavor to twist them into another sense, he disturbs society.

De statu aulico et de eiusdem oeconomia superius a me allata sunt nonnulla. Monstravi, Kadoki, sive magnum Cancellarium supremum inter aulicos locum tenere. Huic proximus est Smirian, sive magnus aerarii praefectus.

Concerning the aulic state and its oeconomy, several particulars have been adduced above by me. I have shown that Kadoki, that is, the Grand Chancellor, holds the supreme place among the courtiers. Next to him is Smirian, that is, the Grand Prefect of the Treasury.

Spartam hanc eo tempore obibat vidua septem ramorum nomine Rahagna, ob integritatem et egregias animi dotes ad tanti ponderis officium admota. Diu hoc munere functa erat, et quidem aliquot annos ante obitum mariti, qui, quamvis et ipse in rebus aerarii apprime versatus esset, coniugis tamen consilio ac nutu regebatur, adeo ut nihil proprio arbitratu ordinaret, hinc vicarium potius quam maritum diceres.

This office at that time was exercised by a widow of the Seven Branches named Rahagna, advanced to an office of such weight on account of her integrity and outstanding endowments of mind. She had long discharged this duty, indeed even for several years before her husband’s death, who, although he too was most thoroughly versed in matters of the treasury, was nonetheless governed by the counsel and nod of his spouse, to such a degree that he arranged nothing by his own discretion; hence you would have called him a deputy rather than a husband.

Literas quidem et edicta proprio nomine edidit, quoties illa aut puerperio aut morbis impedita, negotiis vacare nequibat, nihil tamen ratum ac authenticum censebatur, antequam uxoris subscriptione aut sigillo esset munitum. Duos Rahagna habuit fratres, quorum alter cellae aulicae inspector erat, alter lanio aulicus, nec ausi sunt ob tenuitatem ingenii, licet sororem haberent in tanto honoris fastigio positam, maiora ambire: tanta his iustitia distribuuntur munera.

He indeed issued letters and edicts in his own name, whenever she, hindered either by childbed or by illnesses, was unable to give time to affairs; yet nothing was deemed ratified and authentic before it had been fortified by the wife’s subscription or seal. Rahagna had two brothers, of whom one was inspector of the aulic cellar, the other an aulic butcher; nor did they dare, on account of slenderness of talent, although they had a sister placed on so high a pinnacle of honor, to aspire to greater things: with such justice are offices distributed to them.

Ipsa Rahagna, quamvis arduis negotiis distenta teneretur, infanti tamen posthumo mamillas praebebat. Munus istud nutricationis nimis molestum ac tanta matrona indignum mihi iudicanti, respondebant subterranei: Ecquid credis, naturam foeminis mammarum ubera, quasi quosdam naevulos venustiores, non alendorum liberorum, sed ornandi pectoris causa dedisse? In moribus inolescendis magnam partem ingenium altricis et natura lactis tenet.

Rahagna herself, although she was held stretched thin by arduous affairs, nevertheless offered her breasts to the posthumous infant. This office of nursing, too burdensome and, as I judged, unworthy of so great a matron, the underlings replied: Do you really believe that Nature gave to women the mammary breasts, as though certain rather pretty beauty-marks, not for the nourishing of children but for the adorning of the bosom? In the forming of morals, a great part is held by the temperament of the nurse and the nature of the milk.

Quae partus suos aliarum nutricationi committunt, vinculum istud, coagulumque amoris ac animi interscindunt. Hinc cunctae huius Principatus matronae proprio liberos lacte alunt.

Those who entrust their infants to the nursing of others cut asunder that bond and coagulum of love and spirit. Hence all the matrons of this Principality nourish their children with their own milk.

Princeps haereditarius erat iuvenis sexennis, in quo erat indoles et magnarum virtutum semina, ac iam sex ramis erat instructus; id quod rarum est in viridi adeo aetate: nam nemo nisi cum quinque aut sex ramis nascitur, caeteri cum aetate excrescunt. Praeceptor eiusdem, sapientissima totius Principatus arbor, instruebat discipulum in notitia Dei, in Historia, Mathesi et Philosophia morali. Vidi celebratissimum istud Systema morale sive Compendium Politicum, quod in usum Principis composuerat.

The hereditary Prince was a six-year-old youth, in whom there was a natural disposition and the seeds of great virtues, and he was already furnished with six branches; a thing which is rare at so green an age: for no one is born except with five or six branches, the rest grow out with age. His preceptor, the wisest tree of the whole Principality, was instructing the disciple in the knowledge of God, in History, in Mathesis, and in Moral Philosophy. I saw that most celebrated Moral System, or Political Compendium, which he had composed for the Prince’s use.

Eidem compendio titulus est: Mahalda Libab Helil, quod lingua subterranea denotat Clavum Reipublicae.

The title of that same compendium is: Mahalda Libab Helil, which in the subterranean language denotes the Helm of the Republic.

Complectitur praecepta admodum solida ac salutaria, quorum nonnulla adhuc memoria retineo; suntque sequentia.

It comprises precepts exceedingly solid and salutary, some of which I still retain in memory; and they are the following.

1. Accusationi aut laudi non temere fidem habendam; at suspendendum iudicium, donec matura rerum acquiratur notitia.

1. One should not rashly give credence to accusation or praise; but judgment must be suspended, until a mature knowledge of the matters is acquired.

2. Si quis criminis alicuius arcessitus et convictus sit, examinandum est, utrum reus quid boni olim fecerit; atque ita bonarum ac malarum actionum comparatione facta, ac ratione simul habita, sententia tandem pronuntianda.

2. If anyone has been arraigned and convicted of some crime, it must be examined whether the defendant has at some time done anything good; and thus, a comparison of good and bad actions having been made, and due consideration likewise had, the sentence is at last to be pronounced.

3. Molestis et crebro conrradicentibus Consiliariis, tanquam cordatioribus subditis, confidat reipublicae moderator: nam nemo pro dicenda veritate se ipsum periculo exponit, nisi is, cui patriae utilitas propria salute sit carior ac antiquior.

3. Let the governor of the republic trust in Councillors who are troublesome and frequently contradict, as being more prudent subjects: for no one exposes himself to peril for the sake of speaking the truth, except the man to whom the utility of the fatherland is dearer and of higher precedence than his own safety.

4. In Senatum non recipiat nisi latifundiorum dominos; nam eorundem commoda cum commodo publico sunt coniuncta: contra, qui bona immobilia in Principatu non possident, regionem non pro patria, sed pro stabulo quasi peregrinantes habent

4. Let him receive into the Senate only owners of latifundia; for their interests are conjoined with the public interest: on the contrary, those who do not possess immovable goods in the Principate regard the region, as if peregrinating, not as a fatherland, but as a stable.

5. Ministerio quidem mali viri pro tempore, si ad certa negotia idoneus sit, uti potest; sed eundem peculiari vel favore dignari inconsultum erit: nam si improbus aut odiosus vir inter amicos Principis recipitur, patrocinio eiusdem pessimae notae cives emergunt ac munera publica invadunt.

5. Indeed, one may make use, for the time, of the ministry of a bad man, if he be idoneous for certain affairs; but to dignify that same man with peculiar favor will be ill‑advised: for if an unscrupulous or odious man is received among the Prince’s friends, by his patronage citizens of the worst note emerge and invade public offices.

6. Illos quam maxime habeat suspectos, qui saepissime aulam frequentant, ac atriis illius perpetuo inerrant; nam qui limina principum crebrius et haud rogati terunt, ii sunt, qui facinus aut perpetrarunt aut moliuntur.

6. Let him hold as most suspect those who most often frequent the court, and who wander perpetually in its atria; for those who more frequently, and unbidden, wear down the thresholds of princes—these are they who either have perpetrated a crime or are contriving one.

7. Ardentissimos honorum captatores minimo honore dignetur: nam, cum nemo stipem petit, nisi qui inops est, et fame premitur, ita nemo quoque honores avide venatur, nisi qui virtute ac meritis nullam aestimationem sibi acquirere potuit.

7. Let him deem the most ardent hunters of honors worthy of the least honor: for, since no one begs alms except one who is needy and is pressed by hunger, so likewise no one avidly hunts after honors except one who has been able to acquire no estimation for himself by virtue and merits.

8. Praeceptum est revera quidem utilissimum, sed cui adstipulari nequibam ob odiosum, quo illustratur, exemplum. Praecepti verba haec fere sunt; nullum civem prorsus inutilem iudicandum; nam nemo tam hebes atque obtusus est, qui non, si verus fit delectus, usui alicui inservire, imo in certa re excellere queat.

8. The precept is indeed, in truth, most useful, but one to which I could not assent on account of the odious example by which it is illustrated. The words of the precept are roughly these; that no citizen should be judged altogether useless; for no one is so dull and obtuse that he cannot, if a true selection be made, serve some use—nay rather, be able to excel in a certain matter.

Exempli gratia: ille iudicio pollet, hic ingenio, ille robore animi, hic corporis; ille iudicis, hic scribae officium implebit; ille in rebus inveniendis aut detegendis sagax, hic in rebus exsecutioni dandis strenuus est: ideoque pauci sunt, qui plane inutiles dici queant. Nam, quod tot creaturae tales videantur, non creatoris culpa est, sed eorum, qui vires uniuscuiusque non rite perspiciunt, et eo, quo iubet Minerva, ducunt. Thesin hanc meo exemplo illustrat his verbis: vidimus aevo nostro animal superterraneum, quod omnium suffragiis ob praecox ingenium tanquam inutile terrae pondus habitum fuit, ob gressus tamen celeritatem et pedum praestantiam non exiguo nobis usui fuisse.

For example: that man excels in judgment, this one in genius, that one in strength of spirit, this one of body; that one will fulfill the office of judge, this one of scribe; that one is sagacious in finding or uncovering matters, this one is strenuous in giving matters to execution: and therefore there are few who can plainly be called useless. For that so many creatures seem such is not the creator’s fault, but of those who do not rightly discern the powers of each individual, and lead them in that direction which Minerva bids. He illustrates this thesis by my example with these words: we have seen in our age a land-dwelling animal which, by the suffrages of all, on account of precocious genius, was held as a useless burden upon the earth; yet on account of the swiftness of its gait and the excellence of its feet it was of no small use to us.

Lecta hac paragrapho, tacite ita mecum locutus sum: Prologus est honesti viri, sed epilogus ac finis est nebulonis.

Having read this paragraph, I silently spoke thus with myself: The prologue is that of an honorable man, but the epilogue and the finish are that of a knave.

9. In arte regnandi praecipuum istud iudicat, ut imperator solicite circumspiciat idoneum haereditario principi praeceptorem, eligatque pietate et eruditione maxime monstrabilem, cum ex institutione futuri successoris salus reipublicae fluat. Nam quod in viridi aetate discimus, in naturam abit. Necesse hinc esse, ut iuvenis moderator sit patriae amans, qui amorem in proprios subditos principi instillet: eo enim cuncta, quae iuveni dat, praecepta collineare debere.

9. In the art of reigning he judges this the principal thing: that the emperor solicitously look around for a suitable preceptor for the hereditary prince, and choose one most notable for piety and erudition, since from the instruction of the future successor the safety of the republic flows. For what we learn in our green age passes into nature. Hence it is necessary that the young ruler be a lover of the fatherland, who may instill in the prince love toward his own subjects: to that end, indeed, all the precepts which he gives to the youth ought to be aimed.

10. Necesse est, ut indolem subditorum penitus scrutetur Princeps, eidemque se conformet; et, si vitiis subditorum mederi velit, exemplo potius quam legibus reformet. . . . Velocius et citius nos Corrumpunt vitiorum exempla domestica, magnis Cum subeant animos auctoribus . . .

10. It is necessary that the Prince thoroughly scrutinize the disposition of his subjects, and conform himself to the same; and, if he should wish to remedy the vices of the subjects, let him reform them by example rather than by laws. . . . More swiftly and more quickly do the domestic examples of vices Corrupt us, When they come into our minds with great authors. . . .

11. Ut neminem otiosum esse patiatur, cum otiosi viri patriae sint oneri: nam industria continuisque laboribus crescunt et roborantur vires reipublicae ; mala vero consilia ac subdolae machinationes dissipantur et evanescunt. Hinc consultius statui est, ut subditi rebus inutilibus, nugis ac ludis occupentur, quam ut indulgeant otio, pravorum consiliorum fomiti.

11. Let him allow no one to be idle, since idle men are a burden to the fatherland: for by industry and continuous labors the forces of the commonwealth grow and are strengthened ; but evil counsels and insidious machinations are dissipated and evanesce. Hence it has been judged more advisable that subjects be occupied with useless things, trifles and games, rather than that they indulge in idleness, the fuel of depraved counsels.

12. Officium Principis est, ut concordiam inter subditos servet; quamvis non male faciat, si aemulationem quandam inter consiliarios suos foveat, cum hoc modo saepe detegitur veritas, velut veram causae cognitionem e iurgiis advocatorum hauriet iudex.

12. It is the office of the Prince to preserve concord among the subjects; although he does not do ill, if he fosters a certain emulation among his counsellors, since in this way truth is often detected, just as a judge will draw the true cognition of the cause from the quarrels of the advocates.

13. Prudenter agit Princeps, si in rebus momentosis totius senatus sententias audiat; tutius tamen est singulorum senatorum seorsum, quam totius coacti senatus uno eodemque tempore mentem explorare: nam in toto coacto senatu, ubi sententiae palam dicuntur, fieri solet, ut disertissimus saepe senator torrente eloquentiae suae caereros abripiat, et sic pro multis unicam tantum sententiam audiat Princeps.

13. The Prince acts prudently, if in momentous matters he hears the opinions of the whole senate; yet it is safer to explore the mind of individual senators separately than that of the whole convened senate at one and the same time: for in the entire convened senate, where opinions are spoken openly, it is wont to happen that the most eloquent senator often sweeps the others away with the torrent of his eloquence, and thus, in place of many, the Prince hears only a single opinion.

14. Poenae non minus necessariae sunt, quam praemia; nam illis sistuntur mala, his promoventur bona. Hinc opus est, et malum virum ob rem bene gestam praemio mactare, quo ad munera rite obeunda acuantur alii.

14. Punishments are no less necessary than rewards; for by those evils are checked, by these goods are promoted. Hence there is need also to reward even a wicked man for a well-conducted deed, in order that others may be sharpened to discharge duties duly.

15. In promotionibus ad dignitates ac publica munera docet dexteritatis in primis habendam esse rationem. Nam licet pietas et integritas per se virtutes sint magis commendabiles, hae tamen sunt, quarum specie saepe fallimur. Nam unusquisque pietatem simulat, cum sciat, hac virtutis ostentatione viam sibi ad honores pandi.

15. In promotions to dignities and public offices he teaches that dexterity is, above all, to be taken into account. For although piety and integrity, in and of themselves, are virtues more commendable, yet these are those by the semblance of which we are often deceived. For each person simulates piety, since he knows that by this ostentation of virtue the way to honors is laid open for himself.

Unusquisque etiam eodem intuitu probum atque integrum se profitetur. Huc adde, quod de pietate aut integritate viri non facile sit iudicare, antequam ad munus admittatur, in quo, tanquam in conspicuo theatro, specimina virtutum editurus est. Dexteritatem vero praevio examine facile est explorare.

Each person also, with the same view, professes himself upright and integral. Add to this, that it is not easy to judge of a man’s piety or integrity before he is admitted to an office, in which, as on a conspicuous theater, he is going to produce specimens of virtues. Dexterity, however, by a previous examination, is easy to explore.

Nam stupido ac ignaro difficilius est stupiditatem ac ignorantiam, quam hypocritae impietatem, aut nebuloni iniquitatem tegere. Porro capacitas ac probitas non sunt contrariae semper virtutes, quin in uno eodemque homine facile coalescant, veluti stupor cum probitate non semper est coniunctus. Si vero vir capax simul sit probus, omnibus numeris est absolutus.

For a stupid and ignorant man it is more difficult to conceal stupidity and ignorance than for a hypocrite his impiety, or for a knave his iniquity. Moreover, capacity and probity are not always contrary virtues; indeed, they readily coalesce in one and the same man, just as stupidity is not always conjoined with probity. But if a capable man is at the same time upright, he is perfect in every respect.

Stupidus vir aut bonus aut malus est; si malus, notum est, quot monstra alat ignorantia, quando cum malitia est coniuncta; si vero bonus est, ob stuporem virtutes, quas possidet, exercere nequit. Et, si ipse vel nequeat, vel non audeat facinora machinari, audebit servus aut minister, cuius opera utitur. Nam stolidus fundi dominus vulgo astutum villicum habet, et stupidus iudex dolosum scribam, qui absque metu fraudes exercet, cum, quicquid peccat, domini corio peccat.

A stupid man is either good or bad; if bad, it is known how many monsters ignorance nourishes, when it is conjoined with malice; but if he is good, on account of stupidity he cannot exercise the virtues which he possesses. And, if he himself either cannot, or does not dare, to machinate crimes, a servant or minister will dare, whose agency he employs. For a stolid owner of an estate commonly has an astute bailiff, and a stupid judge a crafty scribe, who without fear practices frauds, since, whatever he sins, he sins on his master’s hide.

Hinc in distributione munerum in primis respicienda est dexteritas.

Hence, in the distribution of offices, dexterity is to be regarded first of all.

16. Nemo, tanquam ambitiosus, temere damnandus, ac ob id solum a limine honorum removendus est, quod munera, quibus parem se credit, ambiat. Nam si in distributione officiorum hanc regulam nimis stricte sequitur Princeps, humilitatis larvam induet ambitiosissimus quisque, certus, quod hac via tutius et celerius ad metam perveniat. Princeps vero acerrimos honorum venatores contra mentem suam promovebit, quia specie humillimos circumspicit, id est eos, qui, vacante aliquo munere, fugam simulant ac latebras quaerunt, quique per amicos disseminant, ab omni se dignitate, ab omni honore publico abhorrere.

16. No one, as though ambitious, is to be rashly condemned, and on that account alone removed from the threshold of honors, because he canvasses for offices which he believes himself equal to. For if, in the distribution of offices, the Prince follows this rule too strictly, every most ambitious man will put on the mask of humility, certain that by this road he will arrive at the goal more safely and more swiftly. But the Prince will, against his own intention, promote the keenest hunters of honors, because he looks around for the seemingly most humble, that is, those who, when some office lies vacant, feign flight and seek hiding places, and who disseminate through friends that they abhor every dignity, every public honor.

Affert huc exemplum viri cuiusdam, qui, vacante perspicuo quodam et salivam illi maxime movente munere, per literas Principi indicat, pervenisse ad aures suas, quod Serenitati suae statutum sit, dignitatem, quam multi solicite ambiunt, in se conferre, quocirca splendidum istud munus, cui imparem se profitetur, deprecatur et, ut in alium magis idoneum conferat, humillime rogitat, in primis cum ipse statu suo praesenti contentus ad maiora non adspiret. Motus adeo Princeps hac humilitatis testatione est, ut praeter mentem suam deprecantem ad eandem dignitatem eveheret. Mox tamen didicit, falsa humilitatis specie se circumventum, cum novus minister fastu ac impotentia animi omnes excederet.

He brings here the example of a certain man who, a quite conspicuous post falling vacant and one that most made his mouth water, by letters indicates to the Prince that it has come to his ears that His Serenity has determined to confer upon himself the dignity which many solicitously canvass; wherefore he deprecates that splendid office, to which he professes himself unequal, and very humbly begs that he confer it upon another more suitable, especially since he himself, content with his present status, does not aspire to greater things. The Prince was so moved by this attestation of humility that, contrary to the petitioner’s own mind, he raised him to the same dignity. Soon, however, he learned that he had been circumvented by a false show of humility, since the new minister outstripped all in haughtiness and intemperance of spirit.

17. Pauperem, qui non est solvendo, Senatorem vel Quaestorem aerarii constituere idem esse, ac famelicum cellae promptuariae praeficere. Idem dicendum de divite avaro: ille enim nil habet, hic vero nunquam sat habet.

17. To appoint a poor man, who is not solvent, as Senator or Quaestor of the Treasury is the same as to set a famished man over the storeroom. The same must be said of the rich miser: for the former has nothing, but the latter never has enough.

18. Nulla legata aut fundationes confirmare, quae ad alendas otiosas arbores ac ad earundem inertiam fovendam solum tendunt. Hinc cuncta huius Principatus monasteria, cuncta collegia, non nisi navas ac frugi arbores admittunt, eas scilicet, quae aut opere aliquo manuario rempublicam sublevare, aut studiis ac literis societatem, cuius membra sunt, ornare queunt. Excipiuntur tantum pauca quaedam monasteria, quae arbores alunt effoetas ac senio marcidas; hae enim aetatis privilegio omni labori sunt exemptae.

18. Confirm no legacies or foundations which tend only to nourishing idle trees and fostering the same inertness. Hence all the monasteries of this Principality, all the colleges, admit none but industrious and frugal trees, namely those which either by some manual work can relieve the commonwealth, or by studies and letters can adorn the society of which they are members. Only a few monasteries are excepted, which nourish trees made effete and withered by old age; for these, by the privilege of age, are exempt from all labor.

19. Quando vitia status reformationem poscunt, lento incedere gradu necesse est. Nam cuncta simul inveterata vitia uno veluti ictu exstirpare velle est idem ac aegroto vomitum, purgationem ac venae sectionem uno eodemque tempore praescribere.

19. When the vices of the state require reformation, it is necessary to proceed with a slow step. For to wish to extirpate all inveterate vices at once with, as it were, a single stroke is the same as prescribing to a sick man vomiting, purgation, and venesection at one and the same time.

20. Qui audacter cuncta pollicentur, et plura in se negotia simul suscipiunt, aut stolidi sunt, qui proprias vires ignorant, et pondera rerum non perspiciunt, aut mali ac spurii cives, qui sibi ipsis, non reipublicae serviunt. Prudens homo lacertos experitur, antequam molem subeat; et genuinus civis, cui patriae salus sit cordi, nil perfunctorie agendum existimat.

20. Those who boldly promise everything, and at the same time take upon themselves more affairs, are either stolid men, who are ignorant of their own strengths and do not perceive the weights of things, or evil and spurious citizens, who serve themselves, not the commonwealth. A prudent man assays his sinews before he goes under the mass; and a genuine citizen, to whom the safety of the fatherland is at heart, thinks that nothing is to be done perfunctorily.

Caput VIII: De Academia

Chapter 8: On the Academy

In hoc Principatu tres sunt Scholae superiores sive Academiae, quarum prima est Potu, altera Keba, tertia Nahami. Studia, quae in iisdem excoluntur, sunt Historia, Oeconomia, Mathesis et Iurisprudentia. Quod ad Theologiam attinet, cum concisa adeo et compendiosa sit, ut duabus fere paginis tota pandi et explicari queat; cumque praecepta ista tantum contineat, ut amore et veneratione prosequamur Deum, rerum omnium creatorem ac moderatorem, qui in altera vita virtutes remunerabit, et scelera puniet, ita nullum est studium academicum, nec esse potest, cum legibus solicite cautum sit, ne quis de Dei essentia eiusdemque attributis disputer.

In this Principate there are three higher Schools or Academies, of which the first is Potu, the second Keba, the third Nahami. The studies which are cultivated in the same are History, Oeconomy, Mathematics, and Jurisprudence. As for Theology, since it is so concise and compendious that in almost two pages it can be wholly laid out and explicated; and since it contains only these precepts, that we should honor God, the creator and governor of all things, with love and veneration, who in the other life will reward virtues and punish crimes, therefore there is no academic study of it, nor can there be, since it is carefully provided by the laws that no one dispute about the essence of God and his attributes.

Nec Medicina hic inter studia academica numeratur; nam cum arbores hae sobrie vivunt, morbi interni plerumque ignorantur. Nil dicam de Metaphysica et transcendentalibus studiis, cum nuper monstraverim, disputantes de essentia divina, de angelorum qualitate deque animarum natura, post venae sectionem in nosocomia aut ergastula compingi.

Nor is Medicine here counted among the academic studies; for since these trees live soberly, internal maladies are for the most part unknown. I will say nothing of Metaphysics and transcendental studies, since I have lately demonstrated that those disputing about the divine essence, about the quality of angels, and about the nature of souls, after a venesection, are confined in hospitals or workhouses.

Exercitia academica haec sunt. Tenentur studiosi iuvenes tempore tyrocinii difficilium ac curiosarum quaestionum analysin reddere. Nodi hi solvendi statis temporibus proponuntur, certo iis statuto praemio, qui scitissime et elegantissime aenigmata explicant.

These are the academic exercises. The studious youths are required, during the time of their tyrocinium, to render an analysis of difficult and curious questions. These knots to be solved are proposed at stated times, with a certain fixed prize for those who most skillfully and most elegantly explain the enigmas.

His mediis verus uniuscuiusque profectus elicitur: et perspiciunt studiorum moderatores, quanta cuique sit hasta, et qua in re magisterium polliceri queat. Nemo nisi uni soli disciplinae operatur. Nam polymathiae studium fluxi ac vagi ingenii notam autumant.

By these means the true progress of each is elicited; and the moderators of studies perceive how great a spear each one has, and in what matter he can promise mastery. No one labors except at one single discipline. For they reckon the pursuit of polymathy a mark of a genius in flux and vagrant.

Hinc fit, ut studia, cum intra limites adeo angustos coarctantur, brevi maturescant.

Hence it comes about that studies, when they are constrained within such narrow limits, mature in a short time.

Ipsis quoque Doctoribus annua incumbunt specimina exhibenda. Philosopho morali difficile quoddam problema datur enucleandum. Historici est historiam aut partem quandam historiae contexere.

Upon the Teachers themselves, too, annual specimens to be exhibited are incumbent. To the moral philosopher a certain difficult problem is given to be elucidated. It is the historian’s task to weave together a history or some part of history.

Oeconomus et Mathematicus abdita detegere ac scientiis suis novis commentis lucem affundere tenentur. Iurisconsultorum specimina sunt aptae ac scite compositae orationes: nam soli hi sunt, qui in Rhetorica aut arte dicendi se experiri coguntur; cum soli sint, quibus haec exercitia in posterum proderunt, ac ad obeunda advocatorum munera, quae in vi dicendi consistunt, idoneos reddent.

The Economist and the Mathematician are held to uncover the hidden and to shed light upon their sciences by new contrivances. The specimens of the Jurisconsults are speeches apt and skillfully composed: for these alone are they who are compelled to test themselves in Rhetoric or the art of speaking; since they are the only ones for whom these exercises will profit hereafter, and will render them fit for undertaking the duties of advocates, which consist in the force of speaking.

Hinc, cum narrarem, cuncta apud nos specimina academica in re oratoria fieri, istud institutum palam improbantes: Si omnes, aiebant, opifices in suendis calceis exempla exhiberent, pleraque specimina cruda atque incondita fore, ac solos sutores praemia et coronas emerituros. Mentionem tantum feci artis oratoriae, de disputationibus nil ausus dicere, cum eaedem hic inter spectacula ludicra numerentur. Doctores publici, quae utilia monitu suasuque sunt, non severe, non imperiose praecipiunt, uti philosophis nostris mos, sed festivos delectabilesque apologos commenti, res salubriter animadversas cum audiendi quadam illecebra inculcant.

Hence, when I was relating that among us all academic specimens are carried out in the rhetorical sphere, they, openly disapproving that institute, said: “If all craftsmen, in sewing shoes, were to exhibit examples, most specimens would be crude and incondite, and the cobblers alone would earn prizes and crowns.” I made only a mention of the art of oratory, not daring to say anything about disputations, since these here are counted among ludic spectacles. The public Doctors do not prescribe, severely or imperiously, the things that are useful for monition and suasion, as is the custom with our philosophers; but, having devised festive and delectable apologues, they inculcate matters healthfully observed with a certain allurement of listening.

Mirum est, quanta gravitate quantoque decore actus academici celebrentur, ac promotiones hic procedant. Nam cautio summa adhiberi solet, ne quid in actibus academicis deprehendatur, quod risui ansam dare aut speciem ludicri spectaculi exhibere queat; quippe existimant, ritus academicos gravitate ac decore distingui debere a ludis theatralibus, ne artes liberales ob earundem exercitia parum decentia sordeant aut vilescant. Hinc non ausus sum mentionem facere rituum, quibus gradus ac promotiones in nostro orbe celebrantur, cum id, quod mihi acciderat Kebae, promotiones nostras Doctorales describenti, satis gravis causa esset perpetui silentii.

It is a wonder with what gravity and with what decorum the academic acts are celebrated, and how promotions proceed here. For the highest caution is customarily applied, lest anything be detected in the academic acts which could give an occasion for laughter or present the appearance of a ludic spectacle; for they judge that academic rites ought to be distinguished by gravity and decorum from theatrical games, lest the liberal arts, on account of exercises of theirs not quite decent, grow sordid or be cheapened. Hence I did not dare to make mention of the rites by which degrees and promotions are celebrated in our world, since that which had happened to me at Keba, while I was describing our Doctoral promotions, was a sufficiently serious cause for perpetual silence.

Praeter has Academias cunctae civitates maiores sua habent seminaria, sua gymnasia, ubi solicite delectus habetur ingeniorum, quo mature perspici queat, quaenam sit Rhodus, in qua quisque saltabit, aut in quo studii genere spem maxime polliceri possit. Dum in seminario Kebano tyrocinii rudimenta deposui, commilitones habebam quatuor iuvenes summi sacerdotis filios, qui omnes in re militari erudiebantur; quatuor alios Senatorii generis in opificiis et rebus manuariis; et duas virgines, quae in re navali instruebantur. Nam respicitur tantum tyronum indoles, nulla sortis aut sexus ratione habita.

Besides these Academies, all the larger cities have their own seminaries, their own gymnasia, where a solicitous selection of talents is conducted, so that it may be perceived betimes what is the Rhodes on which each will dance, or in what genre of study he may promise the greatest hope. While at the Keban seminary I was laying aside the rudiments of my tyrocinium, I had as comrades-in-arms four youths, sons of the High Priest, who were all being trained in the military art; four others of senatorial stock in crafts and manual works; and two maidens, who were being instructed in naval matters. For only the natural disposition of the recruits is regarded, no account being had of rank or sex.

Habita ingeniorum exploratione, testimonia unicuique dant seminariorum moderatores, ea qua superius monstratum est fide. Testimonia haec sincera admodum et absque studio partium data censentur, quamvis secus mihi videretur, cum testimonium, quod ego a seminario Kebano obtinueram, stultum, absurdum atque iniquum crederem.

After an exploration of talents has been conducted, the moderators of the seminaries give to each person testimonials, with the good faith which was shown above. These testimonials are reckoned very sincere and given without party-spirit, although it seemed otherwise to me, since I believed the testimonial which I had obtained from the Keban seminary to be foolish, absurd, and inequitable.

Nemini hic permittitur libros scribere, antequam tricesimum annum impleverit, ac a studiorum moderatoribus maturus et idoneus ad scribendum sit iudicatus. Quocirca pauca, sed docta ac bene digesta scripta in lucem prodeunt. Hinc cum infra annos pubertatis quinque vel sex dissertationes scripsissem, nemini id detegere audebam, ne risui exponerer.

No one here is permitted to write books before he has completed his thirtieth year, and until he has been judged by the moderators of studies to be mature and suitable for writing. Wherefore few writings come forth into the light, but learned and well-digested. Thus, when I had written five or six dissertations before the years of puberty, I did not dare to disclose it to anyone, lest I be exposed to ridicule.

Satis hoc de gentis indole, de religione, politia et literis dictum. Restant alia nonnulla notatu digna et huic genti peculiaria memoranda.

Enough has been said about the nation’s disposition, about religion, polity, and letters. There remain some other things worthy of note and peculiar to this people to be recorded.

Si arbor arborem in duellum provocat, provocanti in perpetuum interdicitur armorum usu; iubetur insuper tanquam infans sub tutela vivere, quoniam affectibus imperare nescit. Aliter ac apud nos, ubi provocationes eiusmodi notae atque indicia heroici animi censentur, maxime in septentrione nostro, qui originem huic pravae consuetudini dedit, cum provocationes inter Graecos, Romanos aliasque antiquiores gentes plane fuerint ignotae.

If a tree challenges a tree to a duel, the challenger is in perpetuity interdicted from the use of arms; moreover he is ordered to live under guardianship as though an infant, since he does not know how to command his affections. Otherwise than among us, where challenges of this sort are reckoned marks and indications of a heroic spirit, especially in our North, which gave origin to this depraved custom, whereas challenges among the Greeks, Romans, and other more ancient peoples were plainly unknown.

In iure Potuano paradoxon istud notavi. Litigantium nomina occulta manent iudicibus, et lites non in locis, ubi sunt natae, dirimuntur, sed ad remotiores provincias diiudicandae ablegantur. Mirae adeo consuetudinis ratio haec est.

In the Potuan law I noted this paradox. The names of the litigants remain hidden to the judges, and lawsuits are not decided in the places where they were born, but are sent away to more remote provinces to be adjudicated. The rationale of so wondrous a custom is this.

Docet experientia, iudices plerosque aut praemio corrumpi, aut studio partium abripi. Igitur eiusmodi tentationibus obviam iri credunt, si nomina litigantium lateant, sique ignorentur actor et reus simul cum rebus, praediis ac fundis, quae in disceptationem veniunt. Sola argumenta utriusque partis ad forum arbitrarium, pro lubitu Principis, mittuntur cum notis quibusdam ac characteribus: exempli gratia: an A, qui est in possessione, rem possessam restituere debet, urgente et actionem movente B. Vellem equidem hunc morem apud nos introductum, cum, quid studium partium aut alia irritamenta efficere in iudicum animis queant, saepe simus experti.

Experience teaches that most judges are either corrupted by a reward, or swept away by partisanship. Therefore they think such temptations can be countered if the names of the litigants are concealed, and if the plaintiff and the defendant are unknown along with the things, estates, and lands that come into dispute. Only the arguments of each party are sent to an arbitral forum, at the Prince’s pleasure, with certain notes and characters: for example, whether A, who is in possession, ought to restore the possessed thing, B urging and bringing an action. I for my part would wish this practice introduced among us, since we have often experienced what party zeal or other irritants can effect in the minds of judges.

Iura libere exercentur absque personarum respectu. Soli Principes ad interdictum non veniunt. Statim vero ac vivere desierint, accusatores publici sive reipublicae advocati dicam defuncto scribunt.

Rights are exercised freely, without respect of persons. Only Princes do not come under an interdict. But immediately once they have ceased to live, the public accusers—or, let me say, the advocates of the commonwealth—file a bill of indictment against the deceased.

In Senatu tunc maxime frequenti acta exstincti Principis ad examen vocantur, et tandem sententia fertur, quae pro meritis mortuorum certis characteribus distinguitur. Characteres vero hi fere sunt:

In the Senate, then at its most fully attended, the acts of the deceased Prince are called to examination, and at length a sentence is delivered, which, according to the merits of the dead, is distinguished by certain characters. The characters indeed are generally these:

LAUDABILITER,
HAUD ILLAUDABILITER;
BENE, NON MALE;
TOLERABILITER,
MEDIOCRITER.

LAUDABLY,
NOT UNLAUDABLY;
WELL, NOT BADLY;
TOLERABLY,
MEDIOCRELY.

Quae notae voce Praeconis in foro coram populo enunciantur, mox lapidibus sive monumentis defunctorum imprimendae.

These notes are enunciated by the voice of the Herald in the forum before the people, soon to be imprinted on the stones or monuments of the deceased.

Consuetudinis huius talem Potuani dant rationem: Principem viventem in ius vocari non posse absque motu ac turbis; nam dum vivit, caecam illi deberi obedientiam ac perpetuam venerationem, qua respublicae maxime stare solent: cum Principis vero obitu solvi vinculum istud, quo imperantibus obstricti sunt subditi, ac proinde sui quodammodo iuris factos libere agere posse. Ita saluberrimo hoc, quamvis valde paradoxo, instituto securitati Principis prospicitur, maiestati summi imperii nil detrahitur, et tamen saluti reipublicae simul consulitur. Nam characteres hi, quamvis defunctis dati, totidem viventibus ad virtutem sunt stimuli.

The Potuans give such a rationale for this custom: that a living Prince cannot be called into court without commotion and tumults; for so long as he lives, blind obedience and perpetual veneration are owed to him, whereby commonwealths are most wont to stand. But with the Prince’s decease, that bond is loosened by which the subjects are bound to those who command, and accordingly, being made in a certain manner sui iuris, they can act freely. Thus by this most healthful, although very paradoxical, institution, provision is made for the security of the Prince, nothing is detracted from the majesty of the supreme empire, and yet care is at the same time taken for the welfare of the republic. For these characters, although given to the deceased, are just so many incentives to the living toward virtue.

Docet historia Potuana, per integros quadringentos annos duos tantum principes fuisse, qui infimum characterem, scilicet Mediocrem, tulerunt. Caeteri fere omnes Laudabilem aut haud illaudabilem emeruere, prout monstrant epigrammata uniuscuiusque monumenti, quae adhuc sarta tecta et a temporis iniuria invicta manent. Character Mediocris, qui dialecto Potuana dicitur Rip-fac-si, tantum in familia principali luctum ciet, ut successor defuncti Principis una cum eiusdem consanguineis, integros sex menses pullati incedant.

Potuan history teaches that for a full four hundred years there were only two princes who bore the lowest character, namely Mediocre. Almost all the others earned either Laudable or not unpraiseworthy, as the epigrams of each monument show, which still remain kept in good repair and unconquered by the injury of time. The Mediocre character, which in the Potuan dialect is called Rip-fac-si, arouses such mourning in the princely family that the successor of the deceased Prince, together with his kinsmen, goes about clad in mourning black for a full six months.

Tantum abest, ut successores iudicibus ob ingratas eiusmodi sententias succenseant, ut stimuli illis potius sint ad res praeclare gerendas, et ut virtute, prudentia, iustitia et moderatione notam, domui principali inustam, deleant.

So far is it from the case that the successors are incensed at the judges on account of such ungrateful sentences, that they are rather stimuli—spurs—to them for conducting affairs excellently, and that by virtue, prudence, justice, and moderation they erase the mark branded upon the princely house.

Cur vero horum Principum alter charactere hoc notatus fuerit, causa haec erat: in rebus bellicis exercitatissimi quidem sunt Potuani, nemini tamen bellum inferunt, sed illatum fortiter propulsant. His mediis effectum est, ut arbitri fiant inter alios belligerantes, variique huius globi populi iustae ac pacificae gentis imperio se sponte subiecerint. At Princeps Mikleta, avidus proferendi fines Principatus, vicinos bello adortus, eosdem brevi subegit.

Why indeed one of these Princes was marked with this character, the cause was this: in military affairs the Potuans are most well-exercised, yet they bring war upon no one, but stoutly repel it when it is brought against them. By these means it has come about that they are arbiters among other belligerents, and various peoples of this globe have of their own accord subjected themselves to the rule of a just and pacific nation. But Prince Mikleta, eager to extend the borders of the Principate, having assailed his neighbors in war, soon subdued them.

At, quantum gens Potuana hac devictae gentis accessione crevit, tantum decrementi passa est, amore vicinorum in terrorem ac invidiam verso. Et ingens ista existimatio iustitiae et aequitatis, qua sola creverant ac steterant res Potuanae, ex eo tempore nutare coepit. Hinc Potuani, ut benevolentiam aliarum gentium sibi rursus conciliarent, defuncti Principis memoriam hac nota affecerunt.

But, by as much as the Potuan nation grew through this accession of the conquered nation, by so much it suffered a decrement, the love of the neighbors having turned into terror and envy. And that immense estimation of justice and equity, by which alone the Potuan affairs had grown and stood, from that time began to waver. Hence the Potuans, that they might once again conciliate to themselves the benevolence of other nations, afflicted the memory of the deceased Prince with this mark.

Quaenam vero noxa fuerit alterius Principis, hoc charactere notati, non constat.

What, indeed, the offense of the other Prince, marked with this character, may have been, is not clear.

Doctores publici sunt ii, qui tertiam aetatem attigerunt. Ut explicatius hoc fiat, notandum est, vitam arborum in tres classes describi. Prima aetas earum est, quae in rebus publicis erudiuntur.

Public doctors are those who have reached the third age. In order that this may be made more explicit, it must be noted that the life of trees is described into three classes. Their first age is that which is trained in public affairs.

In secunda aetate ea, quae didicerunt, publice exercent. In tertia vero aetate, a muneribus publicis honeste dimissae, alias instruunt. Hinc nemo publice docendi iure gaudet, nisi in administratione rerum publicarum consenuerit, cum nemo so lida praecepta dare existimetur, nisi qui ex usu plenam hauserit notitiam.

In the second age they publicly exercise the things they have learned. But in the third age, honorably dismissed from public duties, they instruct others. Hence no one enjoys the right of teaching publicly unless he has grown old in the administration of public affairs, since no one is thought able to give solid precepts unless he has drawn full knowledge from experience.

Si quis turpitudine vitae defamatus honestum ac rei publicae salutare consilium dederit, supprimitur nomen viri, ne sententia proba turpissimi auctoris contagio dehonestetur; et iubetur decretum ex viri honestioris nomine fieri: sic bona sententia manet, turpis auctor mutatur.

If anyone, defamed by the turpitude of his life, has given honorable counsel salutary to the Republic, the man’s name is suppressed, lest the upright judgment be dishonored by the contagion of a most base author; and it is ordered that the decree be made under the name of a more honorable man: thus the good judgment remains, the base author is changed.

In articulo de religione didici, interdictum esse, de rebus fidei fundamentalibus, in primis vero de essentia et attributis Dei disputare: at liberum est, de aliis rebus iudicia proferre, et sententias particulares ventilandas proponere. Dicunt Potuani, incommoda, quae ex eiusmodi litibus nascuntur, comparari posse cum procellis, quae tecta atque arbores prosternunt, at simul purificant aërem, impediuntque, ne nimia tranquillitate putrescat. Cur paucos habeant dies festos, causa haec est, ne otio torpeat arboreum genus: credunt enim Potuani, in utili labore non minus, quam in votis ac precationibus esse cultum Dei.

In the article on religion I learned that it is interdicted to dispute about matters of faith that are fundamental, and especially about the essence and attributes of God; but it is free to put forth judgments about other things and to propose particular opinions to be ventilated. The Potuans say that the inconveniences which arise from lawsuits of this sort can be compared with tempests which lay low roofs and trees, but at the same time purify the air and prevent it from rotting through excessive tranquility. Why they have few feast days, the cause is this: lest by idleness the arboreal race grow torpid; for the Potuans believe that in useful labor there is the worship of God no less than in vows and prayers.

Studium poëticum frigide tantum excolitur, licet Principatus hic non plane destitutus sit poëtis. At Poësis subterranea sola stili sublimitate differt a dictione soluta. Hinc tanquam puerile quippiam deridebant id, quod de pedibus ac rhythmis nostris narrabam.

The poetic pursuit is cultivated only coldly, although this Principality is not entirely destitute of poets. But subterranean Poetry differs from prose only by the sublimity of its style. Hence they derided as something puerile what I was narrating about our feet and rhythms.

Inter Doctores Potuanos sunt, qui Professores boni gustus dicuntur. Horum est, curam agere, ne vitiliginibus ac rebus nihili occupentur iuvenum animi, ne scripta nimis trivialia ac plebeii saporis, quorum lectio gustum depravat, in lucem prodeant; et ut e libris imprimendis deleantur ea, quae contra sensum communem sunt. Et hunc solum in finem institutae sunt censurae ac revisiones librorum; aliter ac in orbe nostro, ubi a censoribus optimae notae libri ob id solum supprimi solent, quod a regnante quadam opinione, sive adoptata quadam loquendi formula, paulum deflectant, aut quod vitia mortalium salse aut candide perstringant.

Among the Potuan doctors there are those who are called Professors of good taste. It is theirs to take care that the minds of the young not be occupied with scurfy blemishes and things of no account, that writings which are too trivial and of a plebeian savor—whose reading depraves the taste—not come forth into the light; and that from books to be printed there be deleted those things which are against common sense. And for this sole end have the censures and revisions of books been instituted; otherwise than in our world, where books of the best note are wont to be suppressed by censors for this alone, that they deviate a little from a certain reigning opinion, or from a certain adopted formula of speaking, or because they wittily or candidly touch upon the vices of mortals.

Quo fit, ut studia sufflaminentur, et scripta sani coloris enitescere nequeant.

Whereby it comes about that studies are held back, and writings of a sound complexion cannot shine forth.

At, quoniam liberum Potuanis cum conterminis gentibus est commercium, inter alias saepe merces libri nonnunquam triviales ac plebeii saporis irrepunt. Hinc instituti sunt censores, qui bibliopolia identidem frequentant. Vocantur hi Syla-Macati (i. e. bibliothecarum purgatores): nam, velut in orbe nostro certum est hominum genus, qui caminos ac fornaces quotanis verrunt, ita censores isti, examine librorum venalium habito, sordes solicite secernunt, ac in cloacas, quicquid est librorum trivialium, qui gustum depravare queunt, abiiciunt.

But, since the Potuans have free commerce with the conterminous peoples, among other wares books sometimes trivial and of plebeian savor slip in. Hence censors have been instituted, who again and again frequent the bookshops. They are called Syla-Macati (i.e. purgers of libraries): for, just as in our world there is a certain kind of men who sweep chimneys and furnaces yearly, so those censors, an examination of books for sale having been held, carefully separate the filth, and into the sewers they cast whatever there is of trivial books which can deprave the taste.

Hinc mecum: Hei! quanta librorum foret strages, si id institutum in orbe nostro obtineret?

Hence I to myself: Alas! how great a slaughter of books there would be, if that institution were to obtain in our world?

Maxime vero laudanda est cura eorum, qui e iuvenum indole, quem vitae cursum potissimum sequantur, exquirunt. Nam sicut in fidibus musicorum aures vel minima sentiunt: sic iudices hi atque animadversores virtutum ac vitiorum, magna intelligunt saepe ex parvis; ex oculorum obtutu, superciliorum aut remissione aut contractione, ex moestitia, ex hilaritate, ex risu, ex locutione, ex reticentia et ex similibus rebus facile iudicant, quid aptum cuique, et quid a natura discrepet.

Most of all truly laudable is the care of those who, from the inborn character of youths, ascertain what course of life they should especially pursue. For just as on the strings the ears of musicians perceive even the very least things: so these judges and animadverters of virtues and vices often understand great things from small; from the gaze of the eyes, from the relaxation or contraction of the eyebrows, from sadness, from cheerfulness, from laughter, from speech, from reticence, and from similar things they easily judge what is fitting for each person, and what is at variance with nature.

Sed ut iam ad me ipsum redeam. Parum iucunde tempus transmisi cum paradoxis his arboribus, quibus contemptui ac derisui eram ob imputatum mihi praecox ingenium. Et aegre ferebam dicteria eo nomine in me coniecta: nam vulgo Skabba, id est, praecocem aut praematurum, me nominabant.

But now to return to myself. I passed the time not very pleasantly with these paradoxical trees, by which I was for contempt and derision on account of a precocious genius imputed to me. And I bore with difficulty the taunts hurled at me under that name: for commonly they named me Skabba, that is, precocious or premature.

Maxime vero dolebam, idem de me iudicium ferri a lotrice mea, quae, quamvis ex infima plebis faece esset, misera scilicet et triobolaris tilia, odioso tamen isto titulo me notare non dubitavit.

But I was most of all grieved that the same judgment was being passed on me by my laundress, who, although she was from the lowest dregs of the common people, a wretch to be sure and a triobolar hussy, nevertheless did not hesitate to mark me with that hateful title.

Caput IX: Iter Klimii circa Planetam Nazar

Chapter 9: The Journey of Klimius around the Planet Nazar

Postquam spatio biennii molesto cursoris officio functus eram, totamque regionem mandatis ac literis publicis oneratus pervolaveram, taedebat me tandem molesti ac simul indigni muneris. Hinc aliis super alias precationibus a serenissimo Principe honestam dimissionem petebam, munus paulo honoratius simul ambiens. Sed repulsam semper tuli, cum iudicaverit Princeps, non esse virium mearum maioris momenti res gerere.

After the span of a biennium having discharged the troublesome office of courier, and having flown through the whole region burdened with mandates and public letters, I was at last weary of a burdensome and at once unworthy charge. Hence, with petitions heaped one upon another, I begged from the Most Serene Prince an honorable dismissal, at the same time aspiring to an office a little more honorable. But I always met with a repulse, since the Prince judged that it was not within my powers to conduct affairs of greater moment.

Allegavit etiam leges et consuetudines, quae petitionibus meis refragabantur, quaeque ad insignia atque ardua ministeria solos idoneos viros admittunt. Necesse igitur esse dicebat, in officio mihi semel collato permanere, donec aliquo merito ad maiora viam mihi sternerem. Claudit orationem his monitis : Metiri se quemque suo modulo ac pede fas est.

He also alleged the laws and customs which were opposing my petitions, and which admit only suitable men to distinguished and arduous ministries. Therefore, he said, it was necessary for me to remain in the office once conferred upon me, until by some merit I should pave a way for myself to greater things. He closes his speech with these admonitions: It is right that each person measure himself by his own measure and foot.

E coelo magnum descendit gnothi seauton , Figendum ac memori tractandum pectore.

From heaven descended the great gnothi seauton , To be fixed and to be handled in a mindful breast.

Iteratae hae repulsae ad audax et desperatum consilium me adegerunt. Conabar ex eo tempore aliquid novi comminisci, quo praestantiam indolis patefacerem, et maculam, qua notatus eram, diluerem. Integrum fere annum in legibus et consuetudinibus huius Principatus investigandis omne studium posueram, periculum facturus, an vitia quaepiam, reformationem poscentia, forte detegerem.

These repeated rebuffs drove me to a bold and desperate counsel. From that time I strove to devise something new, whereby I might lay open the excellence of my indole and wash away the stain with which I was marked. For almost an entire year I had bestowed all my zeal on investigating the laws and customs of this Principate, meaning to make a trial whether I might perhaps detect some vices demanding reformation.

Meditationes meas aperui dumo cuidam, quem arcta familiaritate complexus eram, et quocum seria et iocos miscere consueveram. Ille quidem commenta mea non plane absurda iudicabat, sed, an reipublicae huic utilia forent, valde dubitabat: esse reformatoris officium, aiebat, statum et indolem regionis reformandae oculis sistere; nam eadem res pro diversis terrarum ingeniis diversos et contrarios effectus producit, veluti idem medicamentum, quod uni corpori prodest, aliis noxium deprehenditur. Docuit porro, quanto me periculo exponerem, aleam hanc subeundo, comitia de capite meo habenda, actumque de vita mea fore, si consilia mea ab examinatoribus improbarentur.

I laid open my meditations, at that time, to a certain man, whom I had embraced with close familiarity, and with whom I had been accustomed to mingle serious matters and jests. He indeed judged my contrivances not plainly absurd, but he greatly doubted whether they would be useful to this republic: it is the reformer’s office, he said, to set before his eyes the status and indoles of the region to be reformed; for the same thing, given the diverse temperaments of lands, produces diverse and contrary effects, just as the same medicament, which profits one body, is found noxious to others. He further taught how great a peril I exposed myself to by undergoing this alea, that assemblies would be held upon my head, and that it would be all over with my life if my counsels were disapproved by the examiners.

Ardenter igitur rogabat, ut maturius omnia expenderem, quamvis a conatu non plane dissuaderet, cum fieri posset, ut quippiam solerti examine tam mihi ipsi quam statui utile detegerem.

He therefore ardently begged that I weigh everything more maturely, although he did not plainly dissuade me from the endeavor, since it could happen that by a skillful examination I might detect something useful both to myself and to the state.

Secutus consilium amici, tempus prorogabam, ac patienter deinceps cursoris munere fungebar, urbes ac provincias more solito circumvolans. Continuus iste cursus ansam mihi dedit, totum Principatum cum vicinis regionibus accurate perspiciendi. Et ne memoria exciderent, quae in itineribus meis annotaveram, cuncta eo, quo poteram, stilo persecutus, non exiguae molis volumen Principi offerebam.

Following the counsel of my friend, I postponed the time, and thereafter patiently discharged the courier’s office, circling cities and provinces in the accustomed manner. This continuous course gave me the occasion to survey carefully the whole Principality together with the neighboring regions. And lest the things which I had noted on my journeys slip from memory, pursuing all with the pen as I could, I was offering to the Prince a volume of no small bulk.

Quantum hoc opus Serenitati suae ad palatum fuerit, exinde mox patuit, quod labores meos in Senatu publico encomio extolleret, perlectoque studiose libro, meo uti ministerio ad totum planetam Nazar detegendum decerneret. Aliam ego lucubrationum mearum messem exspectaveram, quocirca tacite cum poëta ingeminabam: . . . Virtus laudatur et alget. At, cum rerum novarum avidissimus essem, ac praemia post reditum a benignissimo Principe sperarem, haud prorsus invitus operam meam addixi.

How much this work was to His Serenity’s palate soon thereafter was plain, in that he extolled my labors in the Senate with a public encomium, and, after diligently perusing the book, resolved to make use of my service for uncovering the whole planet Nazar. I had expected another harvest of my lucubrations, wherefore silently with the poet I kept repeating: . . . Virtue is praised and grows cold. But, since I was most avid for novelties, and hoped for rewards after my return from the most benign Prince, I not altogether unwillingly dedicated my service.

Globus Planetae Nazar, quamvis circuitu vix ducenta milliaria Germanica complectitur, valde tamen spatiosus ob tarditatem incessus incolis videtur. Hinc subterraneis hisce adhuc pleraeque regiones, maxime vero remotiores, sunt incognitae. Nam cuivis Potuano biennii spatium non sufficeret, orbem hunc pedibus emensuro.

The globe of the Planet Nazar, although by its circuit it scarcely comprises two hundred German miles, nevertheless seems very spacious to the inhabitants on account of the slowness of locomotion. Hence, to these Subterraneans most regions, and especially the more remote, are still unknown. For to any Potuan the span of two years would not suffice to traverse this orb on foot.

Mihi vero ob pedum pernicitatem unus mensis sat erat. Quod vero maxime me anxium habuit, erat ea, quam imaginabar, linguarum diversitas. Sed animum mihi addiderunt nonnulli, qui totius planetae incolas, licet moribus mire discordes, eadem tamen dialecto uti testabantur; porro totum arboreum genus innoxium, sociabile et beneficum esse, adeo, ut absque ullo discrimine totam huius globi superficiem perreptarem.

To me indeed, on account of my fleetness of foot, one month sufficed. But what most kept me anxious was that diversity of tongues which I imagined. Yet some encouraged me, who testified that the inhabitants of the whole planet, although marvelously discordant in customs, nevertheless used the same dialect; furthermore, that the whole arboreal race was innocuous, sociable, and beneficent, to such a degree that I might traverse the whole surface of this globe indiscriminately.

His dictis calcaria addita sunt sponte currenti, initioque mensis Populi itineri me dabam.

With these things said, spurs were applied to one running of his own accord, and at the beginning of the month Poplar I gave myself to the journey.

Quae sequuntur stupenda adeo sunt, ut ad fictiones poëticas aut meros ingenii lusus referri queant, maxime cum diversitas ista corporum et animorum, quam in itinere hoc expertus sum, ne inter gentes quidem a se invicem dissitissimas, et sub alio sole viventes exspectari posset. At notandum est, plerasque huius globi gentes per freta ac maria dirimi, ac speciem quandam archipelagi praebere hunc globum. Raro haec freta traiiciuntur, et portitores, qui ad ripas excubant, solorum peregrinantium causa in his stationibus ponuntur.

What follows is so stupendous that it could be referred to poetic fictions or mere sports of ingenuity, especially since that diversity of bodies and souls which I experienced on this journey could not be expected even among peoples most widely sundered from one another and living under another sun. But it must be noted that most of the peoples of this globe are separated by straits and seas, and that this globe presents a certain appearance of an archipelago. These straits are rarely traversed, and ferrymen, who keep watch at the shores, are stationed in these posts for the sake of travelers alone.

Ipsi enim indigenae vix pedes extra limites patriae proferunt, et, si necessitate adacti freta transmittere cogantur, subito reverti solent, utpote alieni soli diu impatientes. Hinc quot gentes, tot novi orbes.

For the indigenes themselves scarcely put their feet beyond the limits of their fatherland, and, if driven by necessity they are compelled to cross the straits, they are accustomed to return immediately, being, as they are, long impatient of alien soil. Hence, as many peoples, so many new worlds.

Praecipua vero huius dissimilitudinis causa oritur e terrarum diversa natura, quam indicant agrorum ac glebarum varii colores ac plantarum, frugum ac leguminum insignis dissimilitudo; ut mirum proinde non sit, in ista terrarum ac frugum diversitate tot diversas incolarum indoles ac tot oppositas naturas deprehendi. In nostro orbe indole, moribus, studiis, colore et corporis forma a se invicem leviter tantum distant gentes etiam maxime remotae. Nam, cum soli qualitas undiquaque eadem fere est, nisi quod una terra alia sit feracior ac frugum, herbarum ac aquae eadem sit natura, tot heterogenea animantia produci nequeunt, quot in hoc globo subterraneo nascuntur, ubi cuivis terrae sua peculiaris qualitas.

The chief cause, indeed, of this dissimilarity arises from the diverse nature of the lands, which is indicated by the various colors of the fields and clods and by the remarkable dissimilarity of plants, fruits, and legumes; so that it is not strange, accordingly, that in that diversity of lands and crops so many diverse dispositions of inhabitants and so many opposed natures are discovered. In our world, in disposition, morals, studies, color, and bodily form, the nations—even the most remote—differ from one another only lightly. For, since the quality of the soil is almost everywhere nearly the same, except that one land is more fertile than another, and the nature of fruits, herbs, and water is the same, so many heterogeneous living beings cannot be produced as are born in this subterranean globe, where to each land its peculiar quality belongs.

Alienigenis iura quidem itineris et commercii, sed habitationis non conceduntur, nec ob terrarum diversas adeo atque oppositas naturas concedi possunt. Hinc peregrini omnes, qui in itinere occurrunt, aut viatores sunt aut mercatores. Terrae vero, quae Principatui Potuano sunt confines, eiusdem fere indolis sunt: incolae earundem gravia olim bella gesserunt cum Potuanis: iam vero iisdem aut foedere sunt iunctae, aut domitae sub mansueta eorum dominatione acquiescunt.

To the alien-born, the rights of travel and of commerce indeed are granted, but not of habitation; nor can they be granted, on account of the lands’ natures so diverse and opposed. Hence all strangers who are met on the road are either wayfarers or merchants. But the lands that are contiguous to the Potuan Principate are of nearly the same indole: the inhabitants of the same once waged grave wars with the Potuans: but now they are either joined to them by a treaty, or, subdued, acquiesce under their gentle dominion.

At traiecto ingenti, quod totum globum secat, freto, novi visuntur orbes, nova et ignota Potuanis animalia. Id solum commune habent cum hoc principatu, quod cunctae totius globi creaturae rationales arbores sint, et eadem fere dialecto utantur: Hinc molestum non est iter, in primis, cum ob frequentiam mercatorum aut viatorum per provincias transeuntium, assueti sint, omnes creaturas heterogeneas ac sibi dissimillimas videre. Istud monuisse operae pretium duxi, ne subsequenti narratione aures offendantur, ac narranti ob splendida mendacia dica scribatur.

But, once a huge strait has been crossed which cleaves the whole globe, new orbs are seen, and animals new and unknown to the Potuans. They have this alone in common with this Principate: that all the rational creatures of the whole globe are trees, and they use almost the same dialect. Hence the journey is not troublesome, especially since, on account of the frequency of merchants or travelers passing through the provinces, they are accustomed to see all heterogeneous creatures most dissimilar to themselves. I have judged it worth the effort to have given this warning, lest in the subsequent narration ears be offended, and the narrator be indicted on account of splendid mendacities.

Longum foret, nec operae est, sigillatim et secundum ordinem historicum omnia, quae in hoc itinere mihi oblata sunt, persequi; describere tantum lubet gentes maxime paradoxas, in quarum moribus, ac indole non pauca adeo insolita ac stupenda deprehendi, ut globus Nazar eo nomine inter miracula mundi numerari queat. Observavi, totum plerumque arboreum genus humanitate, iudicio ac gravitate a Potuanis parum differre, ritibus vero, ingeniis corporisque forma adeo discordare, ut quaevis provincia novus mihi orbis apparuerit.

It would be long, nor is it worth the labor, to pursue severally and according to the historical order all the things that were presented to me on this journey; it pleases me only to describe the most paradoxical gentes, in whose morals and indole I discovered not a few things so unusual and stupendous that the globe Nazar, for that reason, might be numbered among the miracles of the world. I observed that the arboreal genus as a whole, for the most part, differs little from the Potuans in humanity, judgment, and gravity; but in rites, ingenia, and the form of the body it is so discordant that every province appeared to me a new world.

In provincia Quamso, quae prima ultra fretum regio est, nulli corporis infirmitati ac morbo obnoxii sunt incolae, sed omnes usque ad canitiem in valetudine inoffensa vivunt. Hinc visae mihi sunt omnium creaturarum felicissimae; at e levi cum iisdem conversatione, opinione me insigniter falsum esse animadverti. Nam cum inter huius provinciae incolas neminem viderim tristem, ita neminem simul contentum, ne dicam laetum, conspexi.

In the province Quamso, which is the first region beyond the strait, the inhabitants are subject to no bodily infirmity or disease, but all live, up to gray-haired age, in unimpaired health. Hence they seemed to me the happiest of all creatures; but from slight conversation with them, I observed that in my opinion I was notably mistaken. For although among the inhabitants of this province I saw no one sad, so too I beheld no one at the same time content— not to say joyful.

Nam uti coeli serenitate ac aëris temperie, non nisi turbida ac nubila prius experti, afficimur; ita arbores hae felicitatem non percipiunt, quia perennis ac sine interruptione est, sanosque se non sentiunt, quoniam morbos ignorant. Vitam igitur agunt in perpetua sanitate, at simul in perpetuo tepore: perpetua enim bona languescunt satietate; et soli iucunde vivunt, quorum suaves voluptates acoribus condiuntur.

For just as we are affected by the serenity of the sky and the temperateness of the air only after we have first experienced turbid and cloudy weather, so these trees do not perceive felicity, because it is perennial and without interruption, and they do not feel themselves to be healthy, since they are ignorant of diseases. Therefore they pass their life in perpetual health, but at the same time in perpetual tepidity: for perpetual goods languish through satiety; and they alone live pleasantly whose sweet pleasures are seasoned with bitters.

Testari possum, in nulla gente mores minus lepidos, conversationem magis frigidam et invenustam me deprehendisse. Innoxia sane gens est, sed ea, quae nec amore, nec odio digna; nullius offensa metuenda, et nullius favor exspectandus; et ut paucis dicam: nihil hic, quod displiceat, nihil etiam, quod placeat, reperies. Porro, cum perpetuum istud corporis beneficium mortis imaginem nunquam oculis sistat, nullamque miserationem erga afflictos et laborantes alios moveat; ita nimis secure ac frigide absque zelo et misericordia totum vitae tempus transigunt.

I can testify that in no nation have I found manners less charming, conversation more frigid and ungraceful. It is indeed an innocuous people, but one worthy neither of love nor of hate; no one’s offense is to be feared, and no one’s favor to be expected; and, to say it briefly: here you will find nothing that displeases, and nothing, likewise, that pleases. Moreover, since that perpetual benefit of the body never sets before their eyes the image of death, and stirs no commiseration toward others who are afflicted and laboring; thus they spend the whole span of life too securely and coldly, without zeal and mercy.

Quocirca in illa gente nullum pietatis, nullum amoris ac misericordiae vestigium apparet.

Therefore, in that people no vestige of piety, no vestige of love and mercy appears.

Nam cum morbi mortalitatem nobis repraesentent, ad bene moriendum nos quoque acuunt, ac quasi in procinctu itineris paratos stare iubent; et cum cruciatibus nos affligant, afflictorum simul misereri docent. Hinc facile mihi erat discernere, quantum morbi et pericula mortis ad pietatis ac socialitatis exercitia nos ducant, imo, quam iniuste succenseamus Creatori, quoniam ad certas nati videmur afflictiones, quae salubres tamen et utiles nobis sunt. Notandum tamen istud est, has Quercus, quoties in alia loca divertuntur, morbis et infirmitatibus, non secus ac alias arbores, esse expositas.

For since diseases represent mortality to us, they also whet us to die well, and bid us to stand ready as if in marching-order for a journey; and while they afflict us with torments, they at the same time teach us to have compassion on the afflicted. Hence it was easy for me to discern how far diseases and the perils of death lead us to the exercises of piety and sociality—nay rather, how unjustly we are incensed against the Creator, since we seem to have been born to certain afflictions, which nevertheless are healthful and useful to us. Yet this is to be noted: these Oaks, whenever they turn aside into other places, are exposed to diseases and infirmities, no differently than other trees.

Hinc soli huius regionis aëri aut victui hoc beneficium, modo beneficium dici mereatur, acceptum ferendum iudico.

Hence I judge this benefit, if indeed it deserve to be called a benefit, to be credited to the soil of this region, or to the air or the victuals.

Provincia Lalac, quae cognominatur Mascatta, id est, beata, nomini respondere videbatur; nam omnia ibi sponte proveniebanr. Flumina iam lactis, iam flumina Nectaris ibant, Flavaque de viridi stillabant ilice mella: Ipsa quoque immunis rastroque intacta, nec ullis Saucia vomeribus per se dabat omnia tellus. At insigne hoc beneficium non aliis feliciores reddit incolas.

The province Lalac, which is cognominated Mascatta, that is, blessed, seemed to answer to its name; for everything there sprang up of its own accord. Rivers now of milk, now rivers of Nectar were flowing, and golden honeys were dripping from the green holm-oak: the earth herself too, immune and untouched by rake, and wounded by no ploughshares, was by herself yielding everything. But this remarkable benefit does not render the inhabitants happier than others.

Nam cum nullo ad victum parandum opus sit labore, otio ac desidia plerique torpentes, perpetuis vexantur morbis. Hinc pauci sunt, quos non praematura mors abripit, vermibus scilicet ac putredine corruptos.

For since there is no need of labor for providing victuals, the majority, becoming torpid through leisure and sloth, are vexed by perpetual maladies. Hence there are few whom premature death does not snatch away, namely, corrupted by worms and putrefaction.

Materiam non minus amplam meditationibus philosophicis suggessit natura huius terrae, patuitque e gentis conditione et sorte, servos et operarios quodammodo feliciores esse illis, qui de victu nunquam soliciti, desidiae ac voluptati indormiunt. Nempe inamarescunt epulae sine fine petitae, Illusique pedes vitiosum ferre recusant Corpus . . . Hinc tot prava consilia, desperati conatus, violentae mortes. Nam affluentia illa, in qua vivunt, omnem gustus ac voluptatis sensum eripiens, nauseam ac vitae fastidium unicuique affert.

The nature of this land supplied material no less ample for philosophical meditations, and it was evident from the condition and lot of the people that slaves and operatives are in a certain way more felicitous than those who, never solicitous about victual, doze off into sloth and pleasure. Indeed, feasts sought without end grow bitter, and pampered feet refuse to carry the vitiated Body . . . Hence so many depraved counsels, desperate attempts, violent deaths. For that affluence in which they live, snatching away every sense of taste and pleasure, brings nausea and a loathing of life to each one.

Ita regio ista, quam beatorum domicilium imaginabar, tristis silentum sedes mihi visa est, miseratione dignior, quam invidia. Hoc celerare fugam, terraque excedere suasit.

Thus that region, which I imagined as the domicile of the blessed, seemed to me a sad seat of the silent, more worthy of compassion than of envy. This urged me to accelerate my flight and to depart from the land.

Proxima huic terrae est regio dicta Mardak, cuius incolae sunt cupressi, eiusdem omnes corporis formae; solis vero oculorum diversis figuris a se invicem distinguuntur. Quidam lumina habent oblonga, quidam quadrata; minutissima alii, alii patula, quae totam fere frontem occupant: nonnulli nascuntur cum binis, alii cum trinis, alii cum quaternis oculis. Sunt etiam, qui uno solo oculo gaudent; sobolem diceres Polyphemi, nisi quod oculum hi in occipitio habeant positum.

Next to this land is a region called Mardak, whose inhabitants are cypresses, all of the same bodily form; but they are distinguished from one another only by the diverse figures of their eyes. Some have eyes oblong, some square; others very minute, others patulous, which occupy almost the whole forehead: some are born with two, others with three, others with four eyes. There are also those who rejoice in a single eye only; you would call them the offspring of Polyphemus, except that these have the eye placed in the occiput.

Hinc, pro diversis luminum figuris in totidem tribus describuntur. NOMINA TRIBUUM HAEC SUNT

Hence, according to the diverse figures of the eyes, they are assigned into as many tribes. THE NAMES OF THE TRIBES ARE THESE

1. Nagiri, id est eorum, qui lumina habent oblonga, et quibus proinde cuncta obiecta apparent oblonga.
2. Naquiri, quorum oculi quadratae sunt formae.
3. Talampi, cum oculis minutis.

1. Nagiri, that is, of those who have oblong eyes, and to whom accordingly all presented objects appear oblong.
2. Naquiri, whose eyes are of a square form.
3. Talampi, with minute eyes.

4. Iaraku, cum binis oculis, quorum alter altero paulo obliquior.
5. Mehanki, cum trinis.
6. Tarrasuki, cum quaternis.

4. Iaraku, with two eyes, one a little more oblique than the other.
5. Mehanki, with three eyes.
6. Tarrasuki, with four eyes.

7. Harramba, quorum lumina totam frontem perreptant.
8. Skadolki, qui unum in occipite oculum habent.

7. Harramba, whose eyes creep over the whole forehead.
8. Skadolki, who have a single eye in the occiput.

Harum omnium numerosissima ac proinde potentissima tribus est Nagirorum, id est, eorum, qui oculos oblongos habent, ac quibus proinde obiecta apparent oblonga. Ex ista tribu soli reipublicae Rectores, senatores ac sacerdotes desumuntur. Soli ad clavum sedent hi, et neminem ex alia tribu ad munera publica admittunt, nisi qui fatetur, tabulam quandam Soli dedicatam, et in loco editissimo templi positam, sibi etiam videri oblongam, eamque confessionem iureiurando firmat.

Of all these, the most numerous, and accordingly the most powerful, tribe is that of the Nagirs, that is, of those who have oblong eyes, and to whom, accordingly, the objects set before them appear oblong. From this tribe alone the Rectors of the republic, the senators, and the priests are taken. They alone sit at the helm, and they admit no one from another tribe to public offices, unless he acknowledges that a certain tablet dedicated to Sol, and set in the most elevated place of the temple, seems to him also oblong, and he confirms that confession by an oath.

Sacra haec tabula praecipuum cultus Mardakani obiectum est. Hinc honestissimi cives, qui crimine periurii se polluere nolunt, ab omni publico honore remoti, perpetuis sannis ac persecutionibus exponuntur; et quanquam testentur, oculis se fidem abnuere non posse, querelae tamen insuper habentur, et quod vitium naturae est, soli eorundem malitiae aut contumaciae imputatur.

This sacred tablet is the principal object of Mardakan worship. Hence the most honorable citizens, who do not wish to defile themselves with the crime of perjury, are removed from every public honor and exposed to perpetual jeers and persecutions; and although they testify that they cannot refuse credence to their eyes, nevertheless their complaints are moreover disregarded, and what is a defect of nature is imputed solely to their own malice or contumacy.

Formula iurisiurandi, cui omnes, ad munera ac honores admittendi, subscribere tenentur, haec fere est: Kaki manasca quihompu miriac Iacku mesimbrii Caphani Crukkia Manaskar Quebriac Krusundora. i. e. Ego iuro, sacram solis tabulam mihi videri oblongam, et polliceor, in hac opinione me ad ultimum vitae halitum permansurum. Praestito hoc iureiurando, candidati honorum fiunt, et in tribum Nagirorum cooptantur.

The formula of the oath, to which all who are to be admitted to offices and honors are bound to subscribe, is roughly this: Kaki manasca quihompu miriac Iacku mesimbrii Caphani Crukkia Manaskar Quebriac Krusundora. i. e. I swear that the sacred tablet of the sun appears to me oblong, and I promise that in this opinion I will remain until the last breath of life. This oath having been rendered, they become candidates for honors, and are co-opted into the tribe of the Nagiri.

Postridie adventus mei, dum per forum otiosus ambulo, senem quendam ad flagra deduci conspicor, comitante ingenti cupressorum caterva, et dicteria in noxium eiaculante. Roganti mihi, quid rei esset, respondetur, haereticum esse, qui palam docuerat, tabulam Solis sibi quadratam videri, in eaque pestifera opinione, post crebras admonitiones pertinacirer perstiterat.

On the day after my arrival, while I was strolling at leisure through the forum, I catch sight of a certain old man being led off to the lashes, accompanied by a huge troop of cypresses, hurling jeers at the guilty man. When I asked what the matter was, it was answered that he was a heretic, who had openly taught that the tablet of the Sun seemed to him square, and in that pestiferous opinion, after frequent admonitions, he had persisted pertinaciously.

Hinc templum Solis, periculum facturus, an orthodoxos haberem oculos, ingressus, cum tabula ista sacra mihi quoque quadrata appareret, hospiti meo, qui ad aedilitatem urbis nuper evectus erat, id candide indicabam. Profundo ille suspirio verba mea excepit, testans, sibi etiam quadratam videri, sed nemini id detegere ausum, ne negotium sibi facesseret tribus regnatrix, et munere privaret.

Hence, having entered the temple of the Sun, about to make a trial whether I had orthodox eyes, when that sacred tablet too appeared to me as square, I candidly indicated this to my host, who had lately been elevated to the aedileship of the city. He received my words with a deep sigh, attesting that to him also it seemed square, but that he had dared to disclose it to no one, lest the ruling tribe make trouble for him and deprive him of his office.

Tremens igitur ac tacitus urbem reliqui, verens, ne crimen oculorum tergo luerem, aut odioso haeretici titulo notatus, cum ignominia eiicerer. Nulla sane instituta horrida magis, magisque barbara et iniqua mihi sunt visa: sola enim videbam simulatione, solo periurio, iter ad honores pandi. Hinc redux in Principatum Potuanum, quoties data fuit occasio, in barbaram istam rem publicam bilem evomui.

Trembling therefore and silent, I left the city, fearing lest I pay on my back for the crime of my eyes, or, marked with the odious title of heretic, be cast out with ignominy. No institutions, to be sure, seemed to me more horrid, ever more barbarous and iniquitous: for I saw the path to honors opened only by dissimulation, only by perjury. Hence, returned to the Principality of Potua, whenever occasion was afforded, I vomited bile against that barbarous republic.

At cum iunipero cuidam, mihi admodum familiari, pro more furens indignationem meam patefacerem, ita fari exorsus est ille: Nobis equidem stulta atque iniqua Nagirorum instituta videbuntur, tibi vero non mirum videbitur, si ob istam luminum varietatem tanta severitas exerceatur; quippe asserere te memini in plerisque rebuspublicis Europaeis dari regnatrices tribus, quae ob naturale oculorum, sive rationis vitium in caeteras ferro ac igne grassantur, teque eiusmodi coactiones tanquam pias ac rebuspublicis admodum salutares laudasse. Intelligebam mox, quorsum tenderet arguta viri oratio. Hinc rubore suffusus discessi, et ex eo tempore tolerantiae perpetuus praeco, mitiora de errantibus iudicia fero.

But when to a certain Juniper, very familiar to me, I, as was my custom, raging, laid open my indignation, he began to speak thus: “To us indeed the institutes of the Nagiri will seem foolish and iniquitous; to you, however, it will not seem marvelous if, on account of that variety of eyes, such severity is exercised; for I remember you to assert that in very many European commonwealths there are ruling tribes, who, on account of a natural defect of the eyes, or of reason, make their way against the rest with iron and fire, and that you have praised coactions of this sort as pious and very salutary for commonwealths.” I soon understood whither the shrewd man’s oration tended. Hence, suffused with blush, I departed, and from that time, a perpetual herald of tolerance, I bear milder judgments concerning the erring.

Principatus Kimal, omnium potentissimus ob divitias, quibus abundat, habetur. Nam praeter argentifodinas, quarum magna est copia, ex arena fluviorum ingens vis auri quotannis elicitur: margaritarum quoque feracia passim sunt maria. At, in solis opibus felicitatem non esse positam, e curatiore huius gentis examine didici.

The Principality of Kimal is held the most powerful of all on account of the riches with which it abounds. For besides silver-mines, of which there is a great abundance, from the sand of the rivers an immense quantity of gold is yearly extracted: the seas too are everywhere fertile in pearls. But that felicity is not set in wealth alone, I learned from a more careful examination of this people.

Nam quot incolae, tot fere fossores sunt et urinatores, qui in lucrum intenti ad perpetuam servitutem, et maxime improbos labores damnati apparent. Qui ab his laboribus immunes sunt, pro thesauris acquisitis excubias agunt. Tota regio latronibus infesta adeo est, ut absque custodibus corporum nemo iter facere audeat.

For as many inhabitants, there are almost as many diggers and divers, who, intent upon lucre, appear condemned to perpetual servitude and to most arduous labors. Those who are immune from these labors stand watch over the acquired treasures. The whole region is so infested with brigands that no one dares to make a journey without body‑guards.

Non tam festa dies, ut cesset prodere furem, Perfidiam, fraudes, atque omni ex crimine lucrum. Vivitur ex rapto; non hospes ab hospite tutus, Non socer a genero, fratrum quoque gratia rara est. Filius ante diem patrios inquirit in annos; Victa iacet pietas, et virgo caede madentes Ultima coelestum, terras Astraea reliquit.

Not so festive a day that it ceases to betray the thief, perfidy, frauds, and lucre from every crime. Life is lived by rapine; not is a guest safe from his host, nor a father-in-law from a son-in-law, and the favor of brothers too is rare. A son, before his time, inquires into his father’s years; piety lies conquered, and the virgin Astraea, last of the celestials, has left the lands dripping with slaughter.

Hinc gens ista, quam invidis oculis intuentur vicini, commiserationem potius, quam invidiam meretur. Nam metus, suspicio, diffidentia, livor omnium animos perpetuo obsidet, alterque alterum tanquam hostem, bonis suis insidiantem, intuetur, adeo, ut metus, solicitudo, pervigilium, faciei pallor fructus et messes sint felicitatis istius, quam iactat Principatus Kimal. Hinc non absque molestia ac metu regionem peragravi; nam in quavis semita ac loco limitaneo causam itineris, nomen, patriam et alia custodibus viarum indicare cogebar, expositumque me videbam cunctis his vexationibus, quas in regione suspicaci experiri solent viatores.

Hence that nation, which their neighbors look upon with envious eyes, deserves commiseration rather than envy. For fear, suspicion, diffidence, and ill-will perpetually besiege everyone’s minds, and each regards the other as an enemy lying in wait for his goods, to such a degree that fear, solicitude, vigil-keeping, and pallor of face are the fruits and harvests of that felicity which the Principality of Kimal vaunts. Hence I traversed the region not without annoyance and fear; for on every path and at every border-place I was compelled to declare to the guards of the roads the reason for my journey, my name, my fatherland, and other particulars, and I saw myself exposed to all those vexations which travelers are wont to experience in a suspicious region.

Montem haec terra habet ignivomum, unde subterranei ignis venae perpetuis veluti fluctibus evolvuntur.

This land has an ignivomous mountain, whence the veins of subterranean fire roll out in, as it were, perpetual billows.

Postquam emensus eram hunc principatum, quo molestiorem nullum in toto meo itinere expertus sum, cursum persequor continue orientem versus. In gentes ubique sociabiles ac bene moratas, sed simul valde paradoxas, incidi. Maximam vero admirationem movebant incolae perexigui regni Quamboia, quos natura inverso ordine formaverat, adeo, ut, quo maturior quis aetate ac annis fit, eo protervior ac voluptuosior evadat, crescantque cum annis petulantia, lascivia ac vitia, quae viridem aetatem alibi comitari solent.

After I had traversed this principality, than which I experienced none more troublesome in my whole journey, I continued to pursue my course toward the Orient. Everywhere I fell in with peoples sociable and well-mannered, yet at the same time very paradoxical. But the inhabitants of the very exiguous kingdom of Quamboia aroused my greatest admiration, whom nature had fashioned in an inverted order, to such an extent that the more mature one becomes in age and years, by so much the more insolent and voluptuous he turns out, and with the years there grow petulance, lasciviousness, and the vices which elsewhere are wont to accompany the green age.

Nemini igitur munus hic reipublicae committitur, nisi annum quadragesimum nondum impleverit: si vero hunc terminum excesserit, instar pueri petulantis est, . . . quem dura premit custodia matris

Therefore no one here is entrusted with an office of the republic, unless he has not yet completed his fortieth year: but if he has exceeded this limit, he is like a petulant boy, . . . upon whom the hard custody of his mother presses.

Videbam senio canos in plateis urbis passim vitulantes ludis puerilibus tempora fallere, Aedificare casas, plostello adiungere mures, Ludere par impar, equitare in arundine longa. Videbam, eosdem a pueris eo saepe nomine reprehendi, ac nonnunquam flagris domum compelli. Virum conspexi decrepitum, in foro palam turbinem flagello rotantem aut trocho ludentem.

I saw graybeards with senility, in the streets of the city everywhere frolicking, beguiling the time with puerile games, To build little houses, to yoke mice to a little cart, To play odd-and-even, to ride on a long reed. I saw the same, often on that very account, being reprehended by boys, and sometimes driven home with whips. I beheld a decrepit man, openly in the forum, whirling a top with a lash or playing with a hoop.

Idem olim vir fuerat omnium gravissimus, et magni consilii praeses.

The same man had once been the most grave of all, and the president of a great council.

Inversum hunc ordinem in sexu tam sequiore quam virili deprehendi. Hinc iuveni vetulam uxorem ducenti fata Actaeonis ominantur omnes; id quod e diametro oppositum est iis, quae apud nos usu veniunt, ubi senex iuvenculam ducturus cornua timet. Obvios semel habui duos defloccatos senes in foro digladiantes.

I detected this inverted order in both the weaker sex and the male. Hence, to a youth leading home a little old woman as a wife, all ominously portend the fates of Actaeon; which is diametrically opposed to the things that come about among us, where an old man, about to lead a young girl, fears the horns. Once I came upon two threadbare old men in the forum, dueling.

Miranti insolitum in ista aetate fervorem et causam duelli quaerenti, respondetur, litem inter eosdem enatam esse de meretrice, quam in lupanari ambo subagitaverant. Qui istud mihi narrabant, addiderunt, nates eorundem virgis strenue lacerandas, si ad aures tutorum aut moderatorum ista senum petulantia perveniret. Eadem vespera annosa dicebatur matrona suspendio vitam finivisse, cum repulsam tulisset ab adolescentulo fago, cuius amore exarserat.

To one marveling at such an unusual fervor in that age and asking the cause of the duel, it was answered that a quarrel had arisen between those same men over a meretrix, whom in a lupanar both had had their way with. Those who were telling me this added that the buttocks of those same men would be stoutly lacerated with rods, if this petulance of the old men should come to the ears of the guardians or overseers. The same evening an aged matron was said to have ended her life by hanging, when she had suffered a rebuff from a young page-boy, with whose love she had flared up.

Inversus hic ordo inversas etiam leges postulat. Hinc in isto legis capite, ubi agitur de tutela, nemini bonorum administratio conceditur, nisi infra annos quadraginta sit. Porro pacta legitima non censentur, quae ab iis, qui annos quadraginta excesserunt, sunt inita, nisi a tutoribus aut liberis eorum sint signata.

This inverted order demands inverted laws as well. Hence, in this chapter of the law, where tutelage is in question, the administration of goods is conceded to no one unless he is under forty years. Furthermore, the pacts are not deemed legitimate which have been entered into by those who have exceeded forty years, unless they are signed by their guardians or their children.

In capite de subordinatione haec exstant verba: Senes ac vetulae liberis suis dicto obedientes sunto. Hinc, qui in officiis est, paulo ante quadragesimum annum dimitti solet; et . . . interdicto huic omne adimat ius Praetor, et ad iuvenes abeat tutela propinquos. Credebam ego, non consultum mihi fore, diutius in hac regione haerere, ubi, si decennium mihi adhuc vivere contingeret, iussu legis repuerascere cogerer.

In the chapter on subordination these words appear: Let old men and old women be obedient to the command of their children. Hence, he who is in office is wont to be dismissed a little before the fortieth year; and . . . by an interdict the Praetor takes away all right from this man, and let the guardianship pass to the young kinsmen. I believed it would not be expedient for me to stick longer in this region, where, if it should befall me to live for another decade, by order of the law I would be compelled to grow a boy again.

At defunctus hac peregrinatione, cum indolem huius gentis comparabam moribus ac institutis popularium meorum, quos in aetate virili philosophari, in senectute vero vitulari, luxu diffluere et vanos honorum titulos venari cernimus, nonnihil de rugis remisi, et iudicia paulo mitiora de gente hac ferre coepi.

But, this peregrination finished, when I compared the character of this nation with the morals and institutions of my compatriots—whom we see in the virile age to philosophize, but in old age to frisk like calves, to run riot in luxury, and to hunt vain titles of honor—I smoothed out my wrinkles somewhat, and began to render judgments a little milder about this people.

In regione dicta Cocklecu consuetudo obtinebat non minus perversa, et ab Europaeis maxime damnanda. Inversus hic ordo non naturae, sed solis legibus originem debuit. Incolae terrae omnes iuniperi sunt utriusque sexus: at soli viri ad culinaria et ignobiles labores damnantur.

In the region called Cocklecu a custom prevailed no less perverse, and most to be condemned by Europeans. This inverted order owed its origin not to nature, but to laws alone. The inhabitants of the land are all junipers of both sexes; but only the men are condemned to culinary and ignoble labors.

Tempore belli militiae quidem nomina dant, sed supra sortem militum gregariorum raro ascendunt, cum pauci admodum sint, qui vexilliferi fiunt; estque munus vexilliferi summa dignitas militaris, ad quam arbor masculina aspirare queat. Mulieribus contra maximi ponderis negotia, qua civilia, qua sacra, et militaria committuntur.

In time of war they indeed give in their names for military service, but they rarely rise above the lot of the rank-and-file soldiers, since very few become vexillifers (standard-bearers); and the office of the vexillifer is the highest military dignity to which the male tree can aspire. To women, by contrast, matters of the greatest weight, both civil and sacred, as well as military, are entrusted.

Nuper deriseram Potuanos, quod in distributione officiorum nullum sexus discrimen admitterent. At haec gens furere mihi visa est, et naturae penitus adversari. Capere sane non poteram indolentiam virorum, qui, cum corporis viribus longe sint praestantiores, indignum adeo iugum sibi imponi passi fuetint, ac tot saecula ignominiam hanc concoxerint.

Recently I had derided the Potuans, because in the distribution of offices they admitted no distinction of sex. But this nation seemed to me to be raving, and to be utterly adversary to nature. Truly I could not comprehend the indolence of the men, who, although they are far superior in strength of body, should have allowed so unworthy a yoke to be imposed upon themselves, and should have for so many centuries digested this ignominy.

Nam facile esset, iugum excutere, modo vellent, aut auderent nervos muliebri huic tyrannidi incidere. At, inveterata consuetudo usque excaecaverat animos, ut nemini in mentem veniret, pro tollenda ista ignominia aleam subire, quin crederent, naturam ita ordinasse, ut imperium penes mulieres esset, virorum vero esset texere, molere, pensum facere, aedes verrere, vapulare. Argumenta vero, quibus hunc usum tueri solent mulieres, haec sunt: cum sexum virilem corporis viribus, et lacertis, ad duros perferendos labores aptioribus natura donaverit, credi potest, solum masculinum genus ad ignobiles ac ferreos labores relegasse.

For it would be easy to shake off the yoke, if only they were willing, or dared to cut the sinews of this womanly tyranny. But inveterate custom had so blinded minds that it came into no one’s thought to undergo the hazard for removing that ignominy; rather, they believed that nature had so ordered things that command was in the hands of women, while it was the part of men to weave, to grind, to do the allotted task of spinning, to sweep the house, to be flogged. The arguments, moreover, by which women are wont to defend this usage are these: since nature has endowed the male sex with strengths of body and with arms more apt for enduring hard labors, it can be believed that she has relegated the masculine kind alone to ignoble and iron labors.

Stupebant extranei, cum domos introeuntes matremfamilias viderent in museo, cum stilo ac pugillaribus sedentem, maritum vero culinae inerrantem et ollas patinasque tergentem. Et sane in quamcunque domum venerim, cum patrefamilias locuturus, mittor ad culinam, ubi Hic lavet argentum, vasa aspera tergeat alter; Vox dominae fremit instantis virgamque tenentis.

Strangers were astounded, when, entering homes, they saw the materfamilias in the study, sitting with a stylus and writing-tablets, but the husband wandering about the kitchen and wiping pots and pans. And indeed, into whatever house I have come, when about to speak with the paterfamilias, I am sent to the kitchen, where “Let this one wash the silver, let another scour the coarse vessels;” The voice of the mistress resounds, as she presses on and holds a rod.

Inversae huius consuetudinis funestos notabam effectus: Nam quemadmodum in aliis terris petulantes ac salaces dantur mulieres, quae pro mercede corpora prostituunt, ac pudicitiam in propatulo habent, hic adolescentuli ac viri noctes vendunt, eumque in finem lupanaria conducunt, quorum portae titulis ac signis meretriciis dignoscuntur. Iidem cum nimis audacter ac palam quaestus hos improbos agunt, in carceres abducti, flagris in comitiis, non secus ac meretrices nostrae, caeduntur.

I was noting the baleful effects of this inverted custom: For whereas in other lands petulant and salacious women are provided, who for pay prostitute their bodies and have modesty in the open, here adolescent youths and men sell nights, and to that end hire brothels, whose gates are recognized by meretricious titles and signs. The same, when they prosecute these shameful gains too boldly and openly, being led off to prisons, are flogged with whips in the comitium, no otherwise than our prostitutes.

Contra matronae ac virgines, hic absque ulla reprehensione incedentes per vias, viros contemplantur, nutant, nictant, sibilant, vellicant, vocant, molestae sunt, fores elogiorum carbonibus implent, veneres suas impune iactant, ac tanquam totidem tropaeis superbiunt, quemadmodum petulantes apud nos iuvenes iactanter enumerare solent, quot virginum aut matronarum pudicitiam expugnarint. Porro matronis ac virginibus vitio non vertitur, si carmina amatoria et munuscula offerant adolescentulis: hi vero frigus ac modestiam simulant, cum contra decorum sit, ut adolescens petitioni et desiderio virgunculae statim annuat.

On the contrary, matrons and virgins here, proceeding without any reprehension through the streets, contemplate men, nod, wink, whistle, tweak, call, are bothersome, fill the doorways with complimentary inscriptions in charcoal, flaunt their Venuses with impunity, and pride themselves as if in just so many trophies, just as the petulant youths among us are wont vauntingly to enumerate how many maidens’ or matrons’ chastity they have stormed. Moreover, it is not turned to fault in matrons and virgins if they proffer love-songs and little gifts to young adolescents: these, however, simulate coldness and modesty, since it is against decorum that a youth should at once nod assent to the petition and desire of a little maiden.

Ingens eodem tempore erat motus ob filium senatoris, cuius pudicitiam violaverat virgo. Male ob istud facinus passim audivit puella, et audiebam, inter se mussitare amicos iuvenis, in ius mox vocandam virginem, et a proximo Consistorio ad nuptias ac reparationem honoris damnandam esse, in primis cum legitimis testimoniis evinci posset, inculpatae adhuc vitae fuisse iuvenem, quem ad amores illicitos pellexerat virgo.

At the same time there was an immense commotion over the son of a senator, whose pudicity the maiden had violated. For that crime the girl was ill-spoken of everywhere, and I heard the youth’s friends murmuring among themselves that the virgin was soon to be called into court, and at the next Consistory to be condemned to nuptials and to the reparation of honor, especially since by legitimate testimonies it could be proved that the youth—whom the maiden had seduced to illicit amours—had thus far been of a blameless life.

Tunc ego mecum tacitus: O terque quaterque beatam Europam nostram! Maxime vero Galliam et Magnam Britanniam, ubi sexus sequior nomini respondet, ubi mulieres caece adeo virorum imperio ac voluntati obsequuntur, ut machinae potius aut automata quam substantiae libero arbitrio praeditae videantur.

Then I, silent, to myself: O thrice and four times blessed our Europe! Most especially indeed Gaul and Great Britain, where the weaker sex answers to its name, where women obey so blindly the dominion and will of men that they seem rather machines or automata than substances endowed with free will.

Non ausus sum, dum inter iuniperos hos versabar, perversam hanc consuetudinem palam damnare. At egressus urbe praecipua, nonnullis indicavi, contra naturam hic agi, cum e iure universali et suffragiis omnium gentium constet, ad ardua et momentosa negotia formatum esse sexum virilem. Regerebant hi: confundere me consuetudinem et institutionem cum natura, cum infirmitates istae, quae in sexu muliebri notantur, e sola educatione deriventur, id quod maxime patet e reipublicae huius statu ac forma, ubi in sexu muliebri enitescere videmus virtutes animique dotes, quas mares alibi sibi solis vindicant.

I did not dare, while I was moving about among these junipers, to openly condemn this perverse custom. But, having gone out from the chief city, I indicated to some that what is done here is against nature, since from universal law and the suffrages of all nations it is established that the male sex has been formed for arduous and momentous affairs. These replied: that I was confounding custom and institution with nature, since those infirmities which are noted in the female sex derive from education alone, which fact is most evident from the state and form of this commonwealth, where in the female sex we see virtues and endowments of spirit shine forth which males elsewhere claim for themselves alone.

Nam mulieres Cocklecuanae modestae sunt, graves, prudentes, constantes ac taciturnae; contra viri leves, praecoces et loquaces. Hinc cum quid absurdi narratur, proverbium istud: viriles esse nugas; et cum quid praecipitanter aut praemature actum est, dicunt incolae: Dandam esse veniam impotentiae virili.

For the Cocklecuan women are modest, grave, prudent, constant, and taciturn; by contrast the men are light, precocious, and loquacious. Hence, when something absurd is told, this proverb: that the nonsense is virile; and when something has been done precipitately or prematurely, the inhabitants say: that pardon ought to be given to male impulsiveness.

At, his argumentis acquiescere non potui, statum hunc perversum, deformem ac naturae plane adversantem iudicans. Indignatio ista, quam fastus hic muliebris animo impresserat, causa erat infelicis, quod paulo post reditum meum cepi, consilii, quodque tot mihi molestias peperit, ut suo loco dicendum erit.

But I could not acquiesce in these arguments, judging this state perverse, deformed, and plainly adverse to nature. That indignation, which this feminine haughtiness had imprinted on my mind, was the cause of the ill-fated counsel which I took a little after my return, and which brought me so many vexations, as will be told in its proper place.

Inter splendidissima huius urbis aedificia erat gynaeceum regium trecentis, qua viris qua adolescentibus speciosissimae formae instructum. Hi omnes alebantur sumptibus reginae, cuius deliciis inserviebant. Cum audirem, formam corporis mei a nonnullis extolli, veritus, ne in gynaeceum istud a venatoribus abriperer, iter maturavi, et . . . pedibus metus addidit alas

Among the most splendid edifices of this city was the regal gynaeceum, furnished with three hundred, both men and adolescents, of the most beautiful form. All these were maintained at the queen’s expense, and served her delights. When I heard that the form of my body was being extolled by some, fearing lest I be snatched away into that gynaeceum by the hunters, I hastened my journey, and . . . fear added wings to my feet.

Huic principatui vicina est regio Philosophica, sic dicta ab incolis, philosophiae ac subtilibus scientiis penitus immersis. Flagrabam studio videndi terram, quam centrum omnium scientiarum et veram Musarum sedem mihi fingebam. Imaginabar non agros et prata, sed contiguum . . . ac raris gemmantem floribus hortum, totusque in hac imagine gradum accelerabam, horas et momenta in digitos mittens.

Adjacent to this principality is the Philosophical region, so named by the inhabitants, thoroughly immersed in philosophy and subtle sciences. I was burning with the zeal of seeing the land, which I was fashioning to myself as the center of all sciences and the true seat of the Muses. I imagined not fields and meadows, but a contiguous . . . garden gemmed with rare flowers, and wholly in this image I was hastening my pace, counting the hours and moments on my fingers.

Semitae, per quas iter feci, lapidosae erant, ac fossis cavernisque impeditae, adeo, ut iam per loca abrupta, iam per coenosa, usque ad umbilicum madidus, cum pontibus essent destitutae, saucios ac luteos traherem pedes. Sed molestiis his fortiter obnixus sum, satis gnarus, per aspera iri solere ad astra.

The paths along which I made my way were stony and impeded by ditches and caverns, to such a degree that, now over abrupt places, now through muddy ground, soaked up to the navel—since they were destitute of bridges—I dragged my feet, wounded and clay-smeared. But I stoutly withstood these hardships, quite cognizant that through asperities one is wont to go to the stars.

Horae spatio cum his difficultatibus luctatus, obvium habui agricolam, quem comiter interpellans interrogo, quantum adhuc abessem a Mascattia sive Regione philosophica. Respondet ille: Quaerendum potius, quantum itineris sit reliquum, cum iam in meditullio regionis versaris. Attonitus hoc responso, Qui fit, dicebam, ut terra a solis philosophis habitata speciem horrentium potius lustrorum quam cultae regionis praebeat?

For the space of an hour having wrestled with these difficulties, I met a farmer; courteously interrupting him, I ask how far I still was from Mascattia, or the Philosophical Region. He replies: “It should rather be asked how much of the journey remains, since you are already in the very midst of the region.” Thunderstruck at this answer, “How comes it,” I was saying, “that a land inhabited by philosophers alone presents the appearance of horrid lairs rather than of a cultivated region?”

Regessit ille, terrae faciem brevi fore meliorem, quam primum tempus detur incolis eiusmodi minutiis vacandi. Nunc, ait, solis coelestibus rebus intentos omnes id agere, ut iter quoddam ad solem detegant: Excusari proinde debere, si agros ad tempus incultos relinquant; haud enim facile esse flare simul ac sorbere.

He rejoined that the face of the land would shortly be better, as soon as time is granted to the inhabitants to have leisure for such minutiae. Now, he says, all, intent upon celestial matters alone, are engaged in this, that they may discover a certain road to the sun: therefore they ought to be excused, if they leave the fields uncultivated for a time; for it is by no means easy to blow and to suck at the same time.

Intelligebam mox, quo collinearet oratio versuti villici; et iter persecutus, tandem ad metropolin Caskam perveni. In portis civitatis pro custodibus anseres conspexi, gallinas, nidos avium et aranearum telas.

I soon understood what the discourse of the wily bailiff was aiming at; and, pursuing the journey, at length I arrived at the metropolis Caska. At the gates of the city, in place of guards, I caught sight of geese, hens, birds’ nests, and spiders’ webs.

Urbis plateis porci ac philosophi passim inerrabant; sola hi corporis forma distinguebantur a porcis, caeteroquin sorde ac illuvie similes. Pallia eiusdem generis portabant omnes philosophi; sed, quis color iisdem, discernere nequibam, cum pulvere et luto essent obsita. Eorundem unum, quem meditationibus defixum, recta ad me tendere videbam, ita alloquor: Dic, quaeso, quodnam nomen huic urbi, Magister!

In the city’s streets pigs and philosophers were wandering everywhere; these were distinguished from the pigs only by the form of the body, otherwise alike in filth and mire. All the philosophers wore pallia of the same kind; but what color they were I could not discern, since they were covered with dust and mud. One of them, whom I saw fixed in meditations and making straight toward me, I thus address: Say, I pray, what name has this city, Master!

Ille immobilis, inconnivens, tanquam secessu mentis atque animi facto a corpore, diu stabat; tandem vero ad coelum oculos tollens, respondet: haud procul a meridie sumus. Ineptum adeo responsum insignem animi aberrationem indicans, persuasit, melius esse, parce studere, quam prae nimia doctrina delirare. Urbis mox interiora penetravi, visurus, an praeter Philosophos, homines aut creaturas rationales forte invenirem.

He, immobile, unblinking, as if, a secession of mind and spirit having been made from the body, stood for a long time; at length indeed, lifting his eyes to heaven, he replies: we are not far from midday. Such an inept answer, indicating a conspicuous aberration of mind, persuaded me that it is better to study sparingly than to delirate through excessive doctrine. Soon I penetrated the inner parts of the city, intending to see whether, besides Philosophers, I might perhaps find men or rational creatures.

Forum urbis, quod valde spatiosum erat, diversae ornabant statuae et columnae, titulis atque inscriptionibus distinctae. His accedebam, periculum facturus, ecqua forte epigrammata legere possem. Sed, dum in eo conatu desudo, tergum mihi incalescere ac, madidum fieri animadvertebam.

The Forum of the city, which was very spacious, was adorned by diverse statues and columns, distinguished by titles and inscriptions. I was approaching these, intending to make a trial, whether by chance I might be able to read any epigrams. But, while I was sweating hard in that endeavor, I noticed my back growing hot and becoming wet.

Hinc retrospiciens, ut fontem calidi fluminis detergerem, conspicabar Philosophum, posteriora mea permingentem. Nam meditationibus abstractus, statuam me credidit, ad quam vesicam exonerare solebat. Tantae ego contumeliae impatiens, in primis cum philosophum istum albis insuper me dentibus deridere cernerem, palma excussissima alapam illi applicui.

Looking back from there, to wipe off the source of the hot stream, I caught sight of the Philosopher, pissing upon my hind parts. For, abstracted in meditations, he took me for a statue, at which he was wont to empty his bladder. Unable to endure such contumely, especially when I saw that philosopher moreover deriding me with his white teeth, with a most well‑swung palm I dealt him a slap.

Quo facto, rabie ille percitus, in capillos meos invasit perque totum forum vociferantem traxit. At, cum iram satiari non posse viderem, statum praeliantis composui, par pari referens, adeo, ut ratio accepti et expensi inter nos quodammodo conveniret. Tandem, post acre certamen, cadimus ambo athletae.

With this done, he, maddened by rage, seized me by the hair and dragged me, bellowing, through the whole forum. But when I saw that his anger could not be satiated, I composed the stance of a combatant, returning like for like, to such a degree that the account of receipts and expenditures between us, in a certain manner, agreed. At length, after a sharp contest, we athletes both fall.

Ad spectaculum istud accurrebant innumeri Philosophi, moreque furentium impetum facientes, pugnis ac fustibus articulatim caesum animamque propediem agentem, totum circa forum capillis raptarunt. Caedendo tandem fessi, licet non satiati, ad spatiosam domum me ducunt, et, cum obnixis in ianuam pedibus obluctarer, meque ingressurum fidenter abnuerem, obducto me collo, ceu porcum mugientem, intro rapiunt, ac in medio pavimento supinum ponunt. Turbata omnia et confusa ibi erant, ac talis mihi visus est aedium status, qualis apud nos esse solet circa terminos Michaëlis aut Paschatis, ubi res mobiles, vasa ac utensilia, in novam domum transferenda confuse proiiciuntur.

To that spectacle there ran up innumerable Philosophers, and, making an assault in the manner of the frenzied, with fists and clubs they beat me by the joints, and, as I was on the point of giving up the ghost, they dragged me all around the forum by the hair. At last, tired out with beating, though not satiated, they lead me to a spacious house; and, while I, with feet braced against the door, struggled, and stoutly refused to go in, having looped my neck, like a bellowing pig, they snatch me inside, and lay me on my back in the middle of the pavement. Everything there was disturbed and in confusion, and such did the state of the house seem to me as is wont to be with us about the terms of Michaelmas or of Easter, when movable goods, vessels and utensils, to be transferred into a new house, are thrown together in confusion.

Coeperam tunc sapientes nostros suppliciter orare, ut irae modum imponerent, et ad misericordiam se flecti paterentur, docens, quam indecorum esset philosophiae et sapientiae cultoribus more ferarum saevire, et affectibus, contra quos declamare solent ipsi, nimium indulgere. At, surdis fabulam narrabam. Nam philosophus iste, qui tergum mihi perminxerat, certamen integrabat, ac me miserum, quasi incudem, tot ictibus caedebat, ut videretur non nisi morte mea placari posse.

I had then begun humbly to beseech our wise men to set a measure to their wrath and to allow themselves to be bent toward mercy, showing how indecorous it was for cultivators of philosophy and wisdom to rage in the manner of wild beasts, and to indulge too much the passions against which they themselves are wont to declaim. But I was telling a tale to the deaf. For that philosopher who had drenched my back with urine was renewing the bout, and was beating me, wretched as I was, as if an anvil, with so many blows that he seemed able to be appeased by nothing except my death.

Didici tunc, nullam iram philosophica esse fortiorem, virtutumque commentatores longe ab earundem cultura abesse. . . . Nec enim minor ira rebullit Pectore in hoc, leviorve exurit flamma medullas.

I learned then that no anger is stronger than the philosophical, and that the commentators on virtues are far removed from the cultivation of the same. . . . For neither does a lesser anger bubble back in this man’s Breast, nor does a lighter flame sear the marrow.

Tandem domum intrarunt quatuor Philosophi, quorum pallia singularem sectam indicabant. Iidem saevientium minas, qua voce, qua manibus, interpellantes, sortem meam miserari videbantur: ac, postquam cum caeteris seorsum locuti fuerant, in aliam domum me transtulerunt. Laetabar ego, praedonum me manibus ereptum, in honestos viros incidisse, causamque harum turbarum rogantibus fuse exposui.

At last four Philosophers entered the house, whose cloaks bespoke a particular sect. The same men, interrupting the threats of the raging ones, both with voice and with hands, seemed to commiserate my lot; and, after they had spoken apart with the others, they transferred me into another house. I rejoiced that, snatched from the hands of the robbers, I had fallen in with honorable men, and, to those asking, I set forth at length the cause of these commotions.

Subridebant illi ad fabulam adeo lepidam, dicentes, solitum esse Philosophis, in foro ambulantibus, ad statuas has mingere, ac verisimile esse, aggressorem meum, in meditationibus philosophicis defixum, pro statua me cepisse. Dicebant porro, eundem esse magni nominis Astronomum, caeterosque, qui tanta rabie in scapulas meas saevierant, Doctores esse philosophiae moralis. In portu me iam esse credebam, et omnis periculi securus, haec et alia narrantes cum voluptate audiebam.

They smiled at so droll a tale, saying that it was customary for Philosophers, as they walked in the forum, to urinate upon these statues, and that it was plausible that my aggressor, fixed in philosophical meditations, had taken me for a statue. They said moreover that the same man was an Astronomer of great name, and that the others, who had with such rage assailed my shoulders, were Doctors of moral philosophy. I believed I was now in harbor, and, secure from all peril, I listened with pleasure as they recounted these and other things.

At, suspicionem quandam movebat formae meae examinatio nimis curiosa: Porro quaestiones de vitae genere, itineris causa, et patria, toties iteratae, nec non subsecuta secreta murmura, instantis mali praesagia erant.

But a certain suspicion was stirred by the too curious examination of my appearance: moreover, the questions about my mode of life, the cause of my journey, and my fatherland, so often repeated, as well as the secret murmurs that followed, were presages of impending evil.

Verum mens prae timore mihi paene excussa fuit, cum in cameram quandam anatomicam compingerer, ubi proiectam videbam horrendam ossium et cadaverum struem, quae foedo totam odore implebant. Credebam mox latronum esse cavernam: sed quae e parietibus suspensa erant instrumenta anatomica, metum paulo diminuebant, cum exinde pateret, hospitem meum medicinae aut chirurgiae operari.

But my mind was almost shaken out by fear, when I was thrust into a certain anatomical chamber, where I saw a horrendous heap of bones and cadavers cast down, which filled the whole place with a foul odor. I presently supposed it to be a robbers’ cavern; but the anatomical instruments that were hanging from the walls somewhat diminished my fear, since from that it was evident that my host practiced medicine or surgery.

Postquam semihorae spatio in ergastulo hoc solus torpueram, intrat matrona cum prandio, quod mihi paraverat. Valde humana videbatur, at attente me aspiciens per intervalla suspiria edidit. Quarenti mihi doloris causam, respondet, instans mihi fatum suspiria haec elicere: In honestam equidem domum, ait, venisti; nam maritus meus, huius insulae dominus, publicus civitatis Physicus est et Medicinae Doctor, caeterique, quos vidisti, eius collegae sunt.

After I had lain torpid for the space of half an hour in this dungeon, a matron enters with the luncheon which she had prepared for me. She seemed very humane, but, looking at me attentively, at intervals she emitted sighs. As I asked her the cause of her grief, she replied that an imminent fate for me was drawing forth these sighs: “You have indeed come into an honorable house,” she says; “for my husband, the master of this island, is the public Physician of the city and a Doctor of Medicine, and the others whom you saw are his colleagues.”

At iidem insolitam corporis tui formam mirati, decreverunt, machinam interiorem ac viscera tua penitius examinare dissectionemque corporis facere, visuri, ecquid novi detegant, quo anatomia illustrari queat. Palpitantem animum haec verba percusserunt. Edito igitur horrendo clamore: Qui, inquam, Domina!

But those same men, amazed at the unusual form of your body, resolved to examine more deeply your interior machinery and your viscera, and to perform a dissection of the body, to see whether they might detect anything new by which anatomy could be illustrated. These words struck my palpitating spirit. Therefore, emitting a horrendous cry: “Who,” I say, “Madam!”

dici possint boni viri, qui honesti et innocui hominis ventrem findere non dubitant? Tunc illa: Non venit in mentem, quorum consederis arvis: In honestos viros incidisti, qui malo animo nil facturi, solo anatomiae illustrandae studio hanc operationem decreverunt.

can they be called good men, who do not hesitate to split the belly of an honorable and innocuous man? Then she: Does it not come to mind in whose fields you have sat down? You have fallen among honorable men, who, intending to do nothing with an evil mind, have decreed this operation solely from zeal for illustrating anatomy.

Ad hoc regerebam, malle me a latronibus dimitti, quam ab honestissimis viris dissecari, moxque ad genua matronae provolutus, manantibus ubertim lacrimis, intercessionem illius implorabam. Respondet illa: Intercessio mea parum tibi proderit contra Facultatis conclusum, quod irrevocabile solet esse, at per aliud te medium morti subducere conabor. His dictis, manu me prehensum per pseudothyrum eduxit, ac trepidantem comitata est usque ad portam civitatis.

To this I added, that I would prefer to be dismissed by bandits rather than to be dissected by the most honorable men; and soon, having flung myself at the matron’s knees, with tears flowing abundantly, I implored her intercession. She replies: My intercession will profit you little against the Faculty’s decree, which is wont to be irrevocable, but I will try to withdraw you from death by another means. With these words, having taken me by the hand, she led me out through a postern-door, and accompanied me, trembling, all the way to the city gate.

Tunc servatrici meae valedicturus, verbis conceptissimis gratum animum, uti par erat, exprimere conabar, at prooemiari incipientem interpellans, se non abituram ait, antequam videret, me extra omne periculum constitutum, meque non reluctantem comitari pergit.

Then, about to bid farewell to my protectress, I was trying, with most well-conceived words, as was fitting, to express a grateful mind; but, interrupting me as I began a proem, she says she will not depart before she sees me established beyond all danger, and, I offering no resistance, she goes on to accompany me.

Dum una ambulamus, varii de statu huius regionis seruntur sermones, et avide ego omnia audiebam. At digressa est tandem ad narrationem, quae parum grata auribus meis erat, cum exinde coniicerem, pro praestita illam opera poscere nonnulla, quae moraliter impossibilia mihi erant. Nam pathetice exposuit, iniquam in hac regione matronarum sortem, cum paedagogi hi philosophici, literis penitus sepulti, officia coniugalia prorsus negligant.

While we were walking together, various discourses about the state of this region were being circulated, and I was avidly listening to everything. But at length she digressed to a narration which was little pleasing to my ears, since from that I conjectured that, in return for the service rendered, she was asking for certain things which were morally impossible for me. For she pathetically set forth the inequitable lot of matrons in this region, since these philosophical pedagogues, utterly buried in letters, wholly neglect conjugal duties.

Possum, ait, iureiurando testari, actum de nobis fore, nisi unus et alter honestus ac misericors advena miserias nostras sublevaret et malis, quibus excruciamur, medicas identidem admoveret manus. Simulabam ego non intelligere scopum, ad quem collineabat. Gradum addere coepi, at frigus meum aestuantis desiderium auxit.

I can, she said, attest by oath that it would be all over with us, unless one or two honorable and merciful strangers should alleviate our miseries and should again and again apply medical hands to the evils with which we are tormented. I was pretending not to understand the scope at which she was aiming. I began to quicken my step, but my frigidity increased the desire of the one seething with heat.

Hinc, Consumptis precibus, violentam transit ad iram, Intendensque manus, passis furibunda capillis ingratum animum mihi obiecit.

Hence, her prayers consumed, she passes over into violent anger, and, stretching out her hands, with hair let loose in frenzy, she hurled at me the charge of an ungrateful mind.

At cum nihilominus ego iter persequor, laciniam togae meae apprehendens, obnitentem retinere moliebatur. Hinc vi adhibita, e manibus matronae me eripui et, cum incessus celeritate praestantior essem, brevi extra conspectum illius me proripui. Quanta tunc rabie accensa in me fuerit, ex his verbis, quae identidem evomuit, scilicet Kaki spalaki, i. e. ingrate canis, didici.

But when I nonetheless pursued my journey, she, grasping the fringe of my toga, tried to hold back me, who was resisting. Then, force being applied, I tore myself from the matron’s hands and, since my gait was superior in speed, in a short while I dashed out of her sight. How inflamed with rage against me she then was I learned from these words, which she kept spewing forth, namely Kaki spalaki, i. e. ungrateful dog.

At dicteria illius Spartana nobilitate concoxi, laetus, quod ex hac sapientum terra, cuius absque horrore meminisse nequeo, salvus quodammodo evasissem.

But I digested her jibes with Spartan nobility, glad that I had in some measure escaped safe from this land of sages, the memory of which I cannot recall without horror.

Proxima huic provinciae est Nakir, cognominem habens urbem sive ingentem vicum, de quo multa dicere nequeo, cum maxima, qua poteram, festinatione, regiones, terrae philosophicae vicinas, transcurrerem, ad gentes philosophiae, in primis vero anatomiae minus studiosas properans. Tantus enim terror animum invaserat, ut quemvis in itinere obvium, an Philosophus esset, interrogarem, et cadavera et instrumenta anatomica quiescentis animo diu oberrarent. Incolae vici Nakir valde affabiles mihi visi sunt: nam obvius quisque, officium non petenti offerens, de honestate sua prolixe testabatur.

Nearest to this province is Nakir, having a cognominal city or an enormous village, about which I cannot say much, since with the greatest haste I could I was running through the regions adjacent to the philosophical land, hastening toward peoples less studious of philosophy, and especially of anatomy. For so great a terror had invaded my mind that I asked anyone I met on the journey whether he was a Philosopher, and both cadavers and anatomical instruments long haunted my quiescent mind. The inhabitants of the village of Nakir seemed to me very affable: for every passerby, offering a service unasked, was profusely attesting to his honesty.

Ridiculas sane iudicabam has contestationes, cum nullum suspicionis indicium dedissem, nec ullius integritatem unquam in dubium vocassem. At, cum nonnullis indicarem, capere me non posse, cui usui tot contestationes, easdem addito iureiurando integrabant.

Truly I judged these protestations ridiculous, since I had given no indication of suspicion, nor had I ever called anyone’s integrity into doubt. But, when I indicated to several that I could not grasp to what use so many protestations served, they corroborated the same with an added oath.

Egressum hoc vico, excepit viator tarde incedens et sub pondere sarcinarum gemens. Subsistit ille me viso, ac unde venerim sciscitatur: Verum, ubi vicum Nakir me nuper transmisisse indicarem, gratulatur salvum me evasisse, cum incolae, technarum noti artifices, viatores deplumes a se dimittere soleant. Regerebam ego, si facta verbis respondeant, integerrimos esse debere, cum unusquisque, haud rogatus, honestatem suam diris exsecrationibus praedicaret.

Having gone out from this village, I was met by a traveler proceeding slowly and groaning under the weight of his packs. He halted when he saw me and asks whence I had come; but when I indicated that I had lately passed through the village Nakir, he congratulates me on having escaped safe, since the inhabitants, noted artificers of the crafts, are wont to send travelers away from them “deplumed.” I rejoined that, if deeds answer to words, they ought to be most upright, since each man, unasked, was proclaiming his honesty with dire execrations.

Subridens tunc ille: Cave, ait, ne nimium credas propriae integritatis praeconibus, in primis vero iis, qui diabolum honestatis suae testem provocant. Admonitio ista alta mihi mente diu reposita est, didicique, recte monuisse subterraneum hunc virum. Hinc, quoties debitores de honestate iurant, contractum rescindo ac mutuum reposco.

Smiling then he: Beware, he said, lest you trust too much the heralds of their own integrity, and especially those who invoke the devil as witness of their honesty. This admonition was long laid up deep in my mind, and I learned that this subterranean man had advised rightly. Hence, whenever debtors swear to their honesty, I rescind the contract and demand back the loan.

Emensus hanc regionem, stagnum fulvi coloris conspicor, ad cuius ripam parata stabat triremis meritoria, qua vectores in Terram rationalem modico pretio feruntur. Pactus de naulo triremem conscendo, summaque cum animi voluptate iter hoc explico: Quippe machinis quibusdam latentibus, absque ministerio remigum, impelluntur naves subterraneae, incredibilique celeritate aequora sulcant. Delatus in terram, mercenarium circumspicio, eoque duce ad civitatem rationalem propero.

Having traversed this region, I catch sight of a pool of tawny color, on whose bank a trireme for hire was standing ready, by which passengers are carried into the Rational Land for a moderate price. Having agreed on the fare, I board the trireme, and with the greatest delight of mind I complete this journey: indeed, by certain hidden machines, without the service of oarsmen, the subterranean ships are propelled, and they furrow the waters with incredible speed. Put ashore, I look around for a hireling, and with him as my guide I hasten to the rational city.

Dum iter carpimus, statum mihi civitatis, indolemque incolarum, comes itineris luculenter exposuit. Audiebam, cives ad unum omnes Logicos esse et urbem hanc veram esse rationis sedem, indeque nomen sortitam. Civitatem ingressus, vera esse, quae narraverat, expertus sum.

While we were pursuing the journey, my fellow-traveler lucidly set forth for me the status of the city and the innate disposition of the inhabitants. I kept hearing that the citizens, to a man, are Logicians, and that this city is the true seat of Reason, and from that it had drawn its name. Having entered the city, I found by experience that the things he had narrated were true.

Quivis enim civis ob iudicii acumen, gravitatem, et compositos mores, senator mihi apparuit. Hinc, sublatis in coelum manibus, O terque quaterque beatam, ingemino, terram, quae solos Catones parit.

For indeed every citizen, on account of the acumen of judgment, gravity, and composed mores, appeared to me a senator. Hence, with hands lifted to heaven, O thrice and four times blessed, I repeat, land, which brings forth only Catos.

At, cum statum civitatis penitius perspexeram, multa hic segniter agi, et ob defectum stultorum rempublicam quodammodo languescere videbam. Nam, cum aequa mentis lance omnia, ponderent incolae, et speciosis promissis, fucatis orationibus et crepundiis nemo moveatur, cessant ista media, quibus ad praeclaros, et reipublicae saepe salutares conatus, facile et absque sumptu publico animi subditorum acui solent.

But, when I had more deeply inspected the condition of the city, I saw that many things here were being done sluggishly, and that, owing to a deficiency of fools, the republic was in a certain manner languishing. For, since the inhabitants weigh all things with the equal balance of mind, and no one is moved by specious promises, painted orations, and rattles, those means cease by which the spirits of subjects are wont to be whetted toward noble—and often salutary to the republic—endeavors, easily and without public expense.

Vitia civitatis, quae ab exacta ista rerum ponderatione fluunt, pathetice mihi explicuit minister quidam aerarii, et quidem his verbis: Arbitror ab arbore hic non nisi solo nomine et corporis specie distinguitur. Nulla inter cives est aemulatio, cum nulla acquiri possit distinctionis nota, et nemo videtur sapere, cum omnes sint sapientes. Stultitiam fateor esse vitium, sed, ut penitus exsulet, non optandum.

The vices of the state, which flow from that exact weighing of things, a certain minister of the treasury pathetically explained to me, and indeed in these words: I judge that here a man is distinguished from a tree by nothing except the name alone and the appearance of the body. There is no emulation among the citizens, since no mark of distinction can be acquired, and no one seems to be wise, since all are sapient. I confess stupidity to be a vice, but that it should be utterly banished is not to be desired.

Sufficit cuivis civitati, ut tot sint sapientes, quot sunt munera publica. Sint, qui regant, sint, qui regantur. Id, quod meris nugis ac crepundiis efficiunt aliarum societatum moderatores, noster hic magistratus non nisi solidis praemiis, quae aerarium haud raro exhauriunt, perficit.

It suffices for any commonwealth that there be as many wise men as there are public offices. Let there be those who rule, let there be those who are ruled. That which the moderators of other societies bring about by mere trifles and baubles, our magistracy here accomplishes only by solid rewards, which not rarely exhaust the treasury.

Nam ob praestitam patriae operam, nucleos poscunt sapientes, stulti vero putamine placantur.

For service rendered to the fatherland, the wise demand the kernels, but the foolish are appeased by the shell.

Sic exempli gratia distributio honorum ac titulorum, quibus tanquam hamis blandientibus capiuntur, ac ad quosvis labores facile impelluntur stulti, parum operatur in civibus, qui, sola virtute, ac valore interno, veram existimationem et solidum honorem acquiri posse, iudicant, ac proinde speciosis promissis sibi fucum fieri non patiuntur. Porro, mentio nominis post mortem in annalibus victuri, ad quaevis pro salute patriae subeunda stimulat vestros milites: Nostri vero, mera haec esse aurium ludibria putantes, phrasin istam (scilicet re vera mori, et in annalibus vivere) non capiunt, cum vanam credant non audituris gloriae praedicationem. Taceo innumera alia incommoda, quae e nimio rerum omnium scrutinio fluunt, quaeque satis monstrant, necesse esse, ut in republica bene constituta dimidia saltem pars civitatis insaniat.

Thus, for example, the distribution of honors and titles, by which, as by blandishing hooks, fools are caught and are easily impelled to any labors, works little upon citizens who judge that by virtue alone, and internal valor, true estimation and solid honor can be acquired, and therefore do not allow themselves to be daubed by specious promises. Moreover, the mention of one’s name—destined to live in the annals after death—stimulates your soldiers to undergo anything for the safety of the fatherland: ours, however, thinking these to be mere mockeries of the ears, do not grasp that phrase (to wit, to die in reality, and to live in the annals), since they deem the proclamation of glory to those who will not hear to be vain. I am silent about innumerable other inconveniences, which flow from an excessive scrutiny of all things, and which sufficiently show that, in a well-constituted commonwealth, it is necessary that at least half the state be insane.

Idem in societate est stultitiae effectus, ac fermenti in stomacho: nam, aut nimio, aut nullo fermento laboramus.

The effect of stupidity in society is the same as that of ferment in the stomach: for we suffer either from excessive ferment or from none at all.

Haec perorantem summo cum animi stupore audiebam: At cum nomine senatus civitatem mihi offerret, in eaque domicilium figere iteratis precibus hortaretur, rubore suffundor, suspicans, e concepta de stultitia mea opinione petitionem hanc procedere, et fermentum me iudicari, quo opus esset reipublicae, nimia sapientia languescenti. In ista suspicione mox confirmabar, cum audirem, statutum esse senatui, ingentem civium numerum in colonias mittere, ac in supplementum abeuntium, totidem stultos e vicinis gentibus mutuari. Hinc civitate ratiocinante subiratus egredior.

I was hearing him perorating these things with the utmost stupefaction of mind: But when, in the name of the senate, he offered citizenship to me, and with repeated entreaties urged me to fix a domicile in it, I am suffused with blushes, suspecting that from a conceived opinion about my folly this petition proceeded, and that I was being judged the ferment which the commonwealth, languishing through excessive wisdom, had need of. In this suspicion I was soon confirmed, when I heard it had been decreed by the senate to send an immense number of citizens into colonies, and, as a supplement of those departing, to borrow just as many fools from the neighboring nations. Hence, the state ratiocinating, I go out indignant.

Diu vero animo obversabatur axioma istud subterraneum, politicis nostris adhuc incognitum: quod scilicet in republica bene constituta necesse sit, ut dimidia saltem pars civitatis insaniat. Mirabar, praeceptum adeo salutare nostri orbis Philosophos tamdiu latere potuisse. At forsitan quibusdam innotuit, sed inter axiomata politica referre noluerunt, cum stultorum apud nos plena sint omnia, et nullus, absit invidia, sit vicus, nedum civitas, quae saluberrimi huius fermenti defectu laborat.

For a long time, this subterranean axiom kept presenting itself to my mind, as yet unknown to our politicians: namely, that in a well-constituted republic it is necessary that at least half the citizen-body go insane. I marveled that a precept so salutary could have lain hidden so long from the philosophers of our world. But perhaps it became known to some, yet they were unwilling to refer it among the political axioms, since among us all things are full of fools, and—envy be absent—there is no village, to say nothing of a city, which labors under a deficiency of this most salubrious ferment.

Postquam temporis non nihil quieti dederam, itineri me reddens, peragravi regiones nonnullas, quas silentio praetereo, cum pauca ibi insolita, et a vulgaribus rebus abhorrentia, occurrerent. Credebam tunc, finem esse rerum mirabilium, quas globus Nazar producit. At, cum in terram Cabac dictam ingrederer, nova oculis sistuntur monstra ac ea, quae fidem omnem excedere videntur.

After I had given not a little time to repose, returning myself to the journey, I traversed several regions, which I pass over in silence, since there occurred there few things unusual and abhorrent from vulgar matters. I then believed that there was an end to the marvelous things which the globe Nazar produces. But, when I was entering the land called Cabac, new monsters are presented to my eyes, and such as seem to exceed all credence.

Inter huius regionis incolas nonnulli sunt acephali, sine capitibus nati. Iidem per os in medio pectore positum loquuntur. Hanc ob causam, et ob istud naturae vitium, a muneribus difficilioribus, et quae cerebrum poscunt, abstineant, cum negotia maioris ponderis acephalis committi nequeant.

Among the inhabitants of this region there are some acephali, born without heads. The same speak through a mouth placed in the middle of the chest. For this cause, and on account of that defect of nature, they abstain from the more difficult duties and those that demand a brain, since affairs of greater weight cannot be entrusted to the acephali.

Officia ista, ad quae admitti solent, aulica plerumque sunt. Sic cambellani, aulae magistri, gynaeceorum praefecti, et apparitores plerique e centuriis eorum, qui absque capite sunt, desumuntur. Ex iisdem etiam creantur pedelli, aeditui, aliique, quorum officia sine cerebro peragi quodammodo possunt.

Those offices, to which they are wont to be admitted, are for the most part aulic. Thus chamberlains, masters of the court, prefects of the gynaecea, and most apparitors are selected from the centuries of those who are without a head. From the same are also made beadles, aeditui, and others, whose duties can in some fashion be carried out without a brain.

In Senatum quoque nonnulli, speciali magistratus favore, et propter merita parentum, recipiuntur, id quod absque reipublicae detrimento nonnunquam fieri potest. Docet enim experientia, in paucis senatoribus totam residere senatus auctoritatem, caeterosque numerum tantum implere, ac ad ea signanda aut subscribenda, quae ab aliis concluduntur, adhiberi. Ita hoc tempore in senatu urbis duo erant assessores, sine capite nati, qui tamen senatoriis stipendiis fruebantur.

Into the Senate too some are admitted, by the special favor of a magistrate and on account of the merits of their parents—something which can sometimes be done without detriment to the republic. For experience teaches that in a few senators the whole authority of the senate resides, and that the rest merely make up the number, and are employed for signing or subscribing those things which are concluded by others. Thus at this time in the senate of the city there were two assessors, born without a head, who nevertheless enjoyed senatorial stipends.

Nam licet sensibus, ob naturalem defectum, essent destituti, adsensum tamen dabant, et suffragia cum aliis ferebant, feliciores in eo collegis, quod nemo, qui causa excideret, acephalis succenseret, sed in caeteros omnem bilem evomeret. Et patuit inde, tutius interdum esse, sine capite nasci. Civitas haec paucis huius globi urbibus magnificentia ac nitore cedit.

For although they were, on account of a natural defect, deprived of senses, yet they gave assent and cast their votes with the others, more fortunate than their colleagues in this respect: that no one who lost his case grew angry with the acephali, but spewed all his bile upon the rest. And from this it was evident that sometimes it is safer to be born without a head. This city yields to few cities of this globe in magnificence and splendor.

Aulam habet, universitatem et splendida templa.

It has a palace, a university, and splendid temples.

In duabus, quas mox intravi, provinciis, Cambara, scilicet et Spelek, incolae omnes sunt tiliae. In eo vero differunt, quod illi ultra quatuor annos vitae tempora non extendant, his vero longe productius aevum contingat, nam vulgo ultra quadringentos annos vitam protrahunt. Hinc multos videas avos, proavos, abavos et atavos; audias fabulas veteres sermonesque maiorum, cumque veneris illo, putes te ante aliquot saecula natum.

In the two provinces which I soon entered, namely Cambara and Spelek, all the inhabitants are lindens (Tiliae). In this, however, they differ: those do not extend the spans of life beyond four years, whereas to these a far more prolonged age falls; for commonly they prolong life beyond 400 years. Hence you may see many grandfathers, great-grandfathers, great-great-grandfathers, and great-great-great-grandfathers; you may hear old tales and the discourses of the elders, and when you have come there, you would think yourself born some centuries earlier.

Quantum illorum sortem miserabar, tantum hos felices praedicabam. At, postquam statum utriusque gentis curatius examinaveram, iudicio me deceptum animadverti.

As much as I pitied the lot of those, by so much I was proclaiming these fortunate. But, after I had more carefully examined the state of each nation, I perceived that I had been deceived in my judgment.

Provinciae Cambarae talis erat facies. Quivis incola, intra paucos a nativitate menses, ad plenam, qua corporis, qua animi, maturitatem excrevit, adeo, ut primus annus formationi eiusdem sufficeret, reliqui vero viderentur concessi, ut morti se praepararent. Et cum ita res essent comparatae, speciem haec terra exhibuit reipublicae vere Platonicae, in qua omnes prorsus virtutes maturuere.

Such was the aspect of the province Cambara. Any inhabitant, within a few months from birth, grew to full maturity, both of body and of mind, to such a degree that the first year sufficed for his formation, while the remaining years seemed granted so that he might prepare himself for death. And since matters were thus arranged, this land exhibited the appearance of a truly Platonic republic, in which all the virtues fully ripened.

Nam cum intuitu vitae brevitatis, quasi in procinctu semper starent, aspicientes aevum hoc tanquam portam, per quam ad alteram vitam subito transirent, ita futuri potius quam praesentis status imago animis inhaerebat. Unusquisque igitur tanquam verus philosophus existimari potuit, qui rerum terrestrium securus, solum thesaurum duraturum et perennem, qui in virtute, pietate, et famae integritate constat, sectabatur.

For since, with a view to the brevity of life, they stood as if always in the battle‑readiness line, looking upon this age as a gate through which they would suddenly pass to the other life, thus the image of the future rather than of the present status clung to their minds. Each person, therefore, could be reckoned a true philosopher, who, secure from earthly things, pursued the only treasure that will endure and is perennial, which consists in virtue, piety, and integrity of fame.

Ut brevi praecidam, videbatur haec terra angelorum, aut sanctorum domicilium, ac vera schola, ubi virtus ac pietas optime doceantur. Exinde patet, quam iniqua sint murmura eorum, qui de brevitate vitae conqueruntur, eoque nomine quasi litem Deo movent. Nam vita nostra brevis dici potest, quia maximam eius partem otio ac voluptate perdimus, longaque satis foret, si tempora melius locarentur.

To cut it short, this land seemed the dwelling-place of angels or of saints, and a true school where virtue and piety are taught best. From this it is clear how unjust are the murmurings of those who complain about the brevity of life, and on that account, as it were, bring suit against God. For our life can be called short, because we lose the greatest part of it in idleness and pleasure; and it would be long enough, if the times were better allocated.

At, in altera regione, ubi aetas ultra quatuor saecula producebatur, cuncta regnare videbam vitia, quae in genere humano notantur. Ante oculos tantum praesentia, tanquam aeterna, et nunquam peritura, versabantur. Hinc fugere pudor, verumque, fidesque et honestum, In quorum subiere locum dolus insidiaeque.

But, in the other region, where the lifespan was prolonged beyond four centuries, I saw all the vices which are noted in the human race reign. Only present things were before their eyes, as though eternal and never to perish, were in motion. Hence modesty, and truth, and faith, and the honorable fled, In whose place deceit and insidious plots entered.

Porro ex ista vitae longaevitate alius nascebatur funestus effectus. Nam ii, qui casu bonorum iacturam fecerant, quique membris mutilati erant, aut in morbos inexplicabiles inciderant, aetatis longae moram tremulis vocibus solebant accusare, ac tandem necem sibi consciscere, cum ob vitae longaevitatem nullum malorum finem viderent: vitae enim brevitas miseris et afflictis efficacissimum est solatium. Utraque regio materia admirationis meae fuit, indeque egressus sum plenus meditationum philosophicarum.

Furthermore, from that longevity of life another baneful effect was being born. For those who by chance had suffered a loss of goods, and those who had been mutilated in their limbs, or had fallen into inexplicable diseases, were accustomed, with trembling voices, to accuse the protraction of a long age, and at length to bring death upon themselves, since, on account of life’s longevity, they saw no end of evils: for the brevity of life is to the wretched and the afflicted the most efficacious consolation. Both regions were the material of my admiration, and from thence I went forth full of philosophical meditations.

Iter persequor per loca abrupta ac deserta, quae ducunt ad terram innocentem, vulgo Spalank. Regio haec ita dicebatur ab incolarum innocentia, ac pacifica indole. Aesculi hi omnes erant, et omnium mortalium felicissimi habebantur: nullis enim affectibus ac passionibus erant obnoxii: ac proinde ab omnibus vitiis immunes, Sponte sua, sine lege, fidem rectumque colebant.

I pursue the journey through abrupt and desert places, which lead to the innocent land, commonly Spalank. This region was thus called from the innocence and peaceful character of the inhabitants. They were all Aesculi, and were held the most happy of all mortals: for they were liable to no affections or passions; and hence, immune from all vices, of their own accord, without law, they cultivated faith and rectitude.

Poena metusque aberant: nec verba minantia fixo Aere ligabantur: nec supplex turba timebant Iudicis ora sui, sed erant sine vindice tuti. Non tuba directi, non aeris cornua flexi, Non galeae, non ensis erant: sine militis usu Mollia securae peragebant otia mentes. In terram hanc delatus, vera esse omnia, quae fama acceperam, comperi: ingeniis nempe, non legibus virtutes coli.

Punishment and fear were absent: nor were threatening words bound to fixed bronze: nor did the suppliant crowd fear the face of its judge, but they were safe without an avenger. No straight trumpets, no curved horns of bronze, no helmets, no sword were there: without the use of soldiery, secure minds passed their soft leisure. Borne to this land, I discovered that all the things which I had received by report were true: namely, that virtues are cultivated by natural dispositions, not by laws.

Invidiam, cupiditatem, iram, odium, superbiam, gloriae studium, discordiam, et cuncta, quae in genere humano notantur vitia, videbam proscripta.

I saw envy, cupidity, anger, hatred, pride, zeal for glory, discord, and all the vices that are noted in the human race, proscribed.

At simul cum vitiis deerant multa, quae mortales maxime ornare, et creaturas rationales a brutis distinguere creduntur. Praeter Theologiam, Physicam et Astronomiam omnes ignotae erant artes et scientiae: Jurisprudentia, Politica, Historia, Ethica, Mathesis, Eloquentia multaeque aliae scientiae, ne nomine quidem illis notae.

But at the same time, along with the vices, many things were lacking which are believed most of all to adorn mortals and to distinguish rational creatures from brute beasts. Apart from Theology, Physics, and Astronomy, all arts and sciences were unknown: Jurisprudence, Politics, History, Ethics, Mathesis (Mathematics), Eloquence, and many other sciences, not known to them even by name.

Et cum nullum inter eos locum obtinent invidia, ac gloriae studium, nulla proinde erat aemulatio, quae ad magna ac praeclara quaevis stimulare solet. Nulla erant palatia, ac splendida aedificia, nulla senacula aut fora, ac nullae opes, cum nullus esset magistratus, nullae lites, et nulla habendi cupido. Et ut paucis dicam: aberant vitia, et simul aberant elegantiae, artes, nitor, et innumera alia, quae virtutum nomine veniunt, quae societates civiles commendant, ac quae cultos ac politos reddunt homines, adeo, ut in verum potius aesculetum quam in societatem viderer delatus.

And since envy and the pursuit of glory held no place among them, there was accordingly no emulation, which is wont to spur to any great and preeminent things. There were no palaces and splendid edifices, no senate-chambers or fora, and no wealth, since there was no magistracy, no lawsuits, and no desire of having. And, to say it in few words: vices were absent, and at the same time elegances, arts, polish, and innumerable other things which go under the name of virtues, which commend civil societies, and which render men cultivated and polished, to such a degree that I seemed to have been conveyed rather into a true oak-grove than into a society.

Hinc dubius diu eram, quodnam de hac gente iudicium ferrem, ecquid status iste naturalis homini optabilis foret. Tandem vero, cum considerarem, praestare incultam, quam vitiosam vitam agere, ac cum ignorantia artium quarundam abesse latrocinia, furta, caedes et alia, quae corpus cum anima saepe perdunt, felicem hunc statum agnovi.

Hence I was for a long time dubious what judgment I should render about this people, whether this natural status would be desirable for man. At length, however, when I considered that it is preferable to live an uncultivated rather than a vicious life, and that, along with ignorance of certain arts, brigandages, thefts, slaughters, and other things which often destroy the body together with the soul are absent, I acknowledged this status to be happy.

Dum per hanc regionem incautius ambulo, sinistri pedis crus, lapidi allisum, graviter laeditur ac intumescit. Conspicatus hunc casum villicus, illico accurrit, ac manu decerptam vulneri imponit herbam, qua subito mitigatur dolor, ac tumor residet. Exinde coniicere licuit, in arte medendi excellere hanc gentem.

While I walk incautiously through this region, the shin of my left foot, dashed against a stone, is grievously injured and swells. The farm-steward, having caught sight of this mishap, immediately runs up, and with his hand places upon the wound a herb plucked, whereby the pain is suddenly mitigated and the swelling subsides. From this it was permitted to infer that this people excels in the art of healing.

Nec coniectura fefellit. Nam, cum intra limites adeo angustos coarctantur Spalankorum studia, cortice, velut polyhistores nostri, non contenti, penitius omnia rimantur. Cum medico meo ob praestitam hanc operam gratias agerem, ac Deum huius beneficii remuneratorem dicerem, tam solide, erudite, ac pie, licet dictione tenui et agresti, ille respondit, ut virum divinum aut angelum, qui sub forma arboris mihi apparuit, imaginarer.

Nor did my conjecture deceive me. For although the pursuits of the Spalanks are constrained within such narrow limits, yet, not content with the bark, like our polyhistors, they probe everything more deeply. When I was giving thanks to my physician for this service rendered, and was saying that God is the remunerator of this benefit, he replied so solidly, eruditely, and piously—though in a thin and rustic diction—that I could imagine a divine man or an angel who had appeared to me under the form of a tree.

Patuit inde, quam inique succenseamus apathiae sectatoribus, quos, dum nihil cupiunt, nihil dolent, nihil irascuntur, nihil gaudent, omnibus vehementioris animi officiis amputatis, in corpore ignavae ac quasi enervatae vitae consenescere credimus.

It became evident from that how unjustly we are indignant with the sectators of apathy, whom—while they desire nothing, suffer nothing, are angry at nothing, rejoice at nothing, with all the offices of a more vehement spirit amputated—we believe to grow old within the body of a slothful and, as it were, enervated life.

Patuit vero magis, quantum errent ii, qui necessitatem quandam vitiorum mortalibus imponunt, qui iram fortitudinis cotem, aemulationem industriae calcar, diffidentiam prudentiae fomitem statuunt. Nam ex malis ovis non nisi mali corvi nascuntur, et virtutes quam plurimae, quibus superbiunt mortales, et quas carminibus celebramus, dedecora potius sunt quam ornamenta, si oculo philosophico easdem intueamur.

But it became more evident indeed how greatly those err who impose upon mortals a certain necessity of vices, who set anger as the whetstone of fortitude, emulation as the spur of industry, and diffidence as the fuel of prudence. For from bad eggs nothing but bad crows are born, and very many “virtues,” with which mortals are proud and which we celebrate in songs, are rather disgraces than ornaments, if we gaze upon the same with a philosophical eye.

Relicta hac terra, iter facio per provinciam Kiliac, ubi incolae nascuntur cum certis fronti impressis notis, quae numerum annorum, ac vivendi spatium produnt. Felices quoque hos praedicabam, cum neminem improvisa mors, in ipso peccandi actu, opprimat. At, cum dies mortis unicuique esset perspecta, poenitentiam in ultimum tempus prorogabant omnes.

Leaving this land, I make a journey through the province of Kiliac, where the inhabitants are born with certain marks impressed upon the forehead, which reveal the number of years and the span of life. I declared these people fortunate as well, since unforeseen death oppresses no one in the very act of sinning. But, since the day of death was clearly seen by each individual, all postponed repentance to the last moment.

Hinc, si quem pium inter eos ac honestum videres, is erat, quem impressae fronti notae receptui canere iubebant. Videbam obstipis passim capitibus ire per urbem nonnullos: omnes hi mortis candidati erant, qui dies ac momenta in digitos mittebant, ac cum horrore appropinquantem ultimam horam intuebantur. Hinc sapienter in eo etiam providisse creatorem videbam, et praestare iudicabam creaturis, ut mortis hora eas lateat.

Hence, if you saw anyone pious and honorable among them, he was the one whom the marks imprinted on his forehead were bidding to sound the retreat. I saw some going through the city everywhere with heads stiffly bowed: all these were candidates for death, who were counting the days and the moments on their fingers, and with horror were gazing at the last hour approaching. Hence I saw that in this too the creator had provided wisely, and I judged it preferable for creatures that the hour of death be hidden from them.

Emensus hanc regionem, fretum quoddam atri coloris, scapha transmisi, ac delatus sum in terram Askarac. Nova hic oculis sistuntur monstra: nam quemadmodum terra Cabac animantes generat sine capite, ita nonnulli huius regionis incolae, septem capitibus distincti, in lucem prodeunt. Insignes hi polyhistores sunt, quos caeteri olim cives ob tantum naturae beneficium divino propemodum cultu prosequebantur, adeo, ut ex solis eorundem centuriis imperatores, consules, senatores, quaestores desumerentur.

Having traversed this region, I crossed a certain strait of black color by skiff, and I was borne to the land Askarac. New monsters are set before the eyes here: for just as the land Cabac generates animate beings without a head, so some inhabitants of this region, distinguished by seven heads, come forth into the light. These are distinguished polyhistors, whom the other citizens once attended with worship well-nigh divine on account of so great a boon of nature, to such a degree that from their centuries alone emperors, consuls, senators, quaestors were selected.

At, cum, quot capita illis sunt, tot diversae indoles, strenue quidem et celeriter varia simul munera obierunt, nihilque, dum rempublicam gerebant, intentatum reliquerunt, sed ob istam simul polypragmosynen, et ob varias istas, et in uno individuo pugnantes ideas omnia misere miscebant, tantaque, procedente tempore, exstitit rerum confusio, ut integri saeculi labore opus fuerit, ad componendas istas, quas omniscius hic magistratus excitaverat, turbas.

But, since, as many heads as they have, so many diverse temperaments, indeed they vigorously and swiftly performed various duties at the same time, and left nothing unattempted while they administered the commonwealth; yet on account of that simultaneous polypragmosyne, and on account of those various ideas fighting within one individual, they wretchedly mixed everything up, and so great, as time went on, was the confusion of affairs, that the labor of a whole century was required to compose those tumults which this all-knowing magistracy had stirred up.

Cautum hinc lege est, ut aeternum a publicis ac momentosis negotiis arceantur septicipites, et ut respublica deinceps a solis simplicioribus, id est, iis, qui unum tantum caput habent, geratur. Hinc, qui olim tanti ponderis viri ac Diis proximi habebantur, in eodem iam fere statu sunt, quo acephali regionis Cabac. Nam, veluti illi, cum omnino destituti sint capite, nihil agere possunt, ita hi, ob capitum multitudinem, omnia perverse agunt.

It is provided by law, therefore, that the seven-headed be perpetually kept away from public and momentous affairs, and that the republic henceforth be conducted by the simpler only, that is, by those who have only one head. Hence those who once were held as men of such weight and almost next to the gods are now nearly in the same condition as the acephali of the region Cabac. For, just as those, since they are altogether bereft of a head, can do nothing, so these, on account of the multitude of heads, do everything perversely.

Igitur heptacephali nostri, ab omni munere publico remoti, in perpetua iam obscuritate consenescunt. Ornamento tamen reipublicae quodammodo inserviunt. Histrionum enim instar passim circumducuntur, ut artes exhibeant, ac ut monstrent, quam munifica in iisdem formandis fuerit natura: at si minus prodiga fuisset, sique uno solo capite donasset, longe benignior dici potuisset.

Therefore our heptacephalics, removed from every public office, now grow old in perpetual obscurity. Yet they serve the ornament of the republic in a certain manner. For, like actors, they are led about everywhere, to exhibit their arts, and to show how munificent nature was in forming them: but if it had been less prodigal, and had endowed them with a single head only, it could have been said far more benign.

E tota hac heptacephalorum gente, tres tantum eo tempore in officiis erant, sed ad munera ista non admissi fuerunt, nisi post amputationem sex capitum, quo fit, ut, uno tantum capite remanente, confusae, quibus laborabant, ideae evanescant, et ad sensum communem redigantur. Veluti arborum putatores saepe ramos quosdam abscindunt, quo remanentibus maior concilietur sanitas. Pauci tamen ex heptacephalis istud tentamen, ob dolorem et mortis discrimen, subeunt.

And out of this whole race of heptacephalics, only three at that time were in duties, but they were not admitted to those functions except after the amputation of six heads; with the result that, one head only remaining, the confused ideas with which they were laboring vanish and are reduced to common sense. Just as pruners of trees often cut off certain branches, in order that greater health may be conciliated for what remains. Few, however, of the heptacephalics undergo that trial, on account of the pain and the peril of death.

Didici hinc, omne nimium nocere, et veram prudentiam in simplicitate cerebri, et composita mente consistere.

I learned hence that every excess harms, and that true prudence consists in the simplicity of the brain and in a composed mind.

Ex hac regione per loca deserta itur ad Principatum Bostanki, cuius incolae, quoad externam corporis formam parum differunt a Potuanis, intus vero istud habent anomalon, quod cor in dextro femore sit positum, adeo, ut vere dici possint corda in femoralibus gestare. Hinc inter omnes huius globi incolas, maxime timidi, er imbelles censentur. Aeger animi ob itineris molestiam, cum stabulum quoddam prope portam urbis intrarem, lentum ac moras nectentem cauponem acriter increpui.

From this region, through desert places one goes to the Principality of Bostanki, whose inhabitants, as to the external form of the body, differ little from the Potuans; inwardly, however, they have this anomalous feature, that the heart is positioned in the right thigh, to such a degree that they can truly be said to carry their hearts in their breeches. Hence, among all the inhabitants of this globe, they are accounted the most timid and unwarlike. Sick at heart on account of the annoyance of the journey, when I was entering a certain inn near the city gate, I sharply rebuked the sluggish innkeeper, who was spinning out delays.

Ille vero, in genua procumbens, lacrimis misericordiam implorabat, dextrumque femur tangendum praebuit, quo palpitationem cordis deprehenderem. Hinc ira in risum versa, lacrimas supplicantis detergeo, ac omnem metum abiicere iubeo. Surgens ille, manum meam osculatur, ac ad coenae officium digreditur.

He, indeed, falling to his knees, with tears implored mercy, and offered his right thigh to be touched, that I might detect the palpitation of the heart. Hence my anger, turned into laughter, I wipe away the suppliant’s tears, and I order him to cast away all fear. Rising, he kisses my hand, and departs to the service of supper.

At, non ita multo post gemitibus ac horrendo eiulatu tota personabat culina. Accurrens ego, cum stupore videbam, timidum nostrum cauponem flagellis ac pugnis in uxorem ancillasque saevientem. Viso me, in pedes se illico coniicit, ac aufugit.

But, not much later, with groans and horrendous ululation the whole kitchen was resounding. Running up, I, with stupefaction, saw our timid innkeeper raging with whips and fists against his wife and the maidservants. On seeing me, he immediately jumps to his feet and flees.

Hinc ad plorantem familiam conversus quaero, qua noxa, aut crimine, virum adeo mansuetum, ad tantam iram provocassent. Illae vero, oculis in terram defixis, tacitae diu stabant, dolorem indicare non ausae; me vero quaerere pergente, ac precibus minas addente, ita fari exorsa est matrona: Haud satis perspecta, hospes! tibi videtur mortalium indoles.

Then, turning to the weeping household, I ask by what offense or crime they had provoked a man so mild to such anger. But they, with their eyes fixed on the ground, stood silent for a long time, not daring to indicate their pain; and as I kept on asking, and added threats to prayers, thus the matron began to speak: The nature of mortals, guest, seems to you not sufficiently perceived!

Cives huius Principatus, qui armati hostis adspectum sustinere nequeunt, et qui ad minimum strepitum foris misere trepidare solent, regnant omnes in culinis, et in familiam inermem saeve grassantur: cum armatis bella non gerunt, inermes sint, quas oderint. Hinc vicinarum gentium praedae, ac ludibrio exposita est respublica nostra. At, in gente nobis vicina, cui tributum pendimus, alia est virorum indoles: non, nisi cum armatis hostibus congrediuntur, foris imperant, sed domi serviunt.

Citizens of this Principate, who cannot sustain the aspect of an armed enemy, and who at the least clatter outside are wont miserably to tremble, reign all in the kitchens, and upon the unarmed household they rage savagely: they do not wage wars with armed men; only if those whom they hate are unarmed. Hence our commonwealth has been exposed as prey and to derision by neighboring peoples. But, in the nation next to us, to whom we pay tribute, the disposition of the men is different: they meet only with armed enemies; abroad they command, but at home they serve.

Mirabar prudentiam matronae, quam meliore sorte dignam iudicabam.

I marveled at the prudence of the matron, whom I judged worthy of a better lot.

Et postquam mores et ingenia humani generis paulo curatius examinaveram, vera matronam dixisse confessus sum, cum innumeris evincitur exemplis, non solum esse Herculem, quem palla uxoris subegit, sed vulgo hanc fortium virorum esse sortem, ut iugo muliebri colla patienter subdant: contra timidissimos, et qui corda cum Bostanki incolis in femoralibus portant, in culinis esse heroës. Gens haec sub clientela vicini populi, cui vectigalis est, perpetuo vivit.

And after I had examined a little more carefully the morals and dispositions of the human race, I confessed that the matron had spoken true, since it is evinced by innumerable examples that there is not only a Hercules whom the wife’s palla subdued, but that commonly this is the lot of brave men, to submit their necks patiently to a womanly yoke: on the contrary, the most timorous, and those who, like the Bostangi inhabitants, carry their hearts in their breeches, are heroes in the kitchens. This nation lives perpetually under the clientage of the neighboring people, to whom it is tributary.

Relicta hac gente, aliam scapham conscendens, ducor ad terram Mikolac dictam, in hac scapha furto mihi surripitur mantica. Postquam frustra diu cum portitore, furtum pertinaciter negante, rixatus fueram, magistratum loci adibam, indicans, ex quasi_maleficio saltem ad simplicem rei restitutionem teneri portitorem, si actio depositi, aut furti mihi negetur. Ille vero non solum negare praefracte pergit, sed insuper calumniae actionem mihi intendit.

Leaving this people behind, boarding another skiff, I am led to the land called Mikolac; in this skiff my satchel is surreptitiously stolen from me. After I had for a long time in vain quarrelled with the boatman, who persistently denied the theft, I approached the magistrate of the place, pointing out that from a quasi-delict at least the boatman is bound to the simple restitution of the thing, if an action of deposit, or of theft, is denied me. He, however, not only continues to deny obstinately, but moreover brings against me an action of calumny.

In re adeo dubia testes poscit senatus: at, cum nullos adducere possem, iusiurandum adversario, quo se purgaret, defero. Subridens ad vocem iurisiurandi Praetor: Nulla, ait, hospes! hic religione adstringimur, soli nobis dii sunt leges patriae.

In so dubious a matter the senate demands witnesses; but, since I could bring none, I tender an oath to my adversary, by which he might purge himself. The Praetor, smiling at the word “oath”: “None,” he says, “stranger! Here we are bound by religion; for us the only gods are the laws of our fatherland.”

Igitur probationes eiusmodi fieri debent modis legitimis, uti expensi latione, mensae rationibus, chirographi exhibitione, tabularum obsignatione, et testium intercessione. Qui hisce destituuntur, non solum frustra agunt, sed et de calumnia damnantur. Testibus rem planam redde, et depositum tibi restituetur.

Therefore proofs of this sort ought to be made by legitimate modes, such as by the entry of payment (expensi latio), by table-accounts, by the exhibition of a chirograph, by the sealing of the tablets, and by the attestation of witnesses. Those who are destitute of these not only act in vain, but are also condemned for calumny. Make the matter plain by witnesses, and the deposit will be restored to you.

Ita ob defectum testium causa cadens, non tam meam quam reipublicae huius sortem miseratione dignam iudicabam. Nam patuit inde, quam debiles et infirmae sint societates, si solis legibus humanis nitantur, et quam exiguae durationis sint aedificia ista politica, nisi religionis caemento firmentur. Triduum hic manebam, et interea temporis in perpetuo metu versabar.

Thus, because the case was collapsing for want of witnesses, I judged worthy of compassion not so much my own lot as that of this commonwealth. For from that it became evident how feeble and infirm societies are, if they rely on human laws alone, and how scant in duration these political edifices are, unless they are made firm by the cement of religion. I stayed here for three days, and meanwhile I was in perpetual fear.

Nam, quamvis saluberrimae sint leges civitatis, et crimina gravissime puniantur, nulla tamen in gente athea, et omni religionis vinculo soluta, est aut exspectari potest securitas, cum nulla non scelera, modo lateant, perpetrare non vereantur.

For, although the laws of the commonwealth be most salutary, and crimes be punished most gravely, nevertheless in a people atheistic, and loosed from every bond of religion, there is no security, nor can any be expected, since there are no crimes which they would not dare to perpetrate, provided only they remain hidden.

Relicta terra athea, et asperi montis iugo superato, deferor ad urbem Bracmat, in planitie, ad montis radices sitam. Incolae huius urbis iuniperi sunt. Primus, quem obvium habui, tota in me corporis mole ruens, humi supinum prostravit, cumque causam huius adventitiae quaererem, veniam conceptissimis verbis rogat.

With the athean land left behind, and the ridge of a rough mountain overcome, I am conveyed to the city Bracmat, situated on a plain at the mountain’s roots. The inhabitants of this city are junipers. The first whom I encountered, rushing upon me with the whole mass of his body, threw me flat on my back on the ground; and when I asked the cause of this adventitious occurrence, he begs pardon in the most carefully framed words.

Mox alter palum, quem dextra tenebat, lateri praetereuntis impingens, elumbem me paene fecit. Imprudentiam quoque hic causatur, ingenti verborum syrmate culpam deprecans. Caecam igitur aut luscam hanc gentem suspicatus, occursum praetereuntium solicite vitabam.

Soon another, by impinging with the stake which he held in his right hand against my side as I was passing by, almost crippled me in the loins. He too here pleads imprudence, deprecating his fault with an immense train of words. Suspecting therefore this people to be blind or one-eyed, I solicitously avoided the encounter of passers-by.

At vitium istud oritur ex acuto nimis nonnullorum visu, quo fit, ut remotiora, quae alios latent, discernant, propiora vero, ac quae ante pedes posita sunt, prae nimia oculorum acie non videant. Hi vulgo dicuntur Makkatti, et studiis transcendentalibus, et astronomiae plerumque operantur. Nam in rebus terrestribus, ob lumina nimis arguta, nullius fere usus sunt, quoniam minutiarum perspicacissimi observatores, in rebus solidis caecutiant.

But that defect arises from the sight of certain persons being too acute, whereby it happens that they discern more remote things, which lie hidden from others, yet the nearer things, indeed those set before their feet, they do not see because of the excessive sharpness of their eyes. These are commonly called “Makkatti,” and for the most part they occupy themselves with transcendental studies and with astronomy. For in terrestrial matters, on account of eyes too keen, they are of almost no use, since, though most keen observers of minutiae, in solid matters they are purblind.

In metallifodinis tamen examinandis opera eorundem utitur respublica, nam qui terrae superficiem non vident, ea, quae sub cortice eiusdem latent, perspiciunt. Didici hinc dari nonnullos, qui ob lumen nimis lynceum caecutientes plus viderent, si minus acute viderent.

Nevertheless, in examining the metal-mines the republic makes use of the labor of these same men; for those who do not see the surface of the earth discern those things which lie hidden beneath its bark (crust). Hence I learned that there are some who, because of too Lyncean light, being half-blind, would see more if they saw less acutely.

Superato abrupto ac difficillimi ascensus monte, terram ingredior Mütak, cuius metropolis speciem praebet saliceti, cum incolas habeat salices. In forum delatus, robustum quendam iuvenem conspicor, sella Patrocliana sedentem, ac misericordiam senatus implorantem. Sciscitanti mihi, quid rei esset, respondetur: maleficum esse, cui hodie decima quinta dabitur dosis.

After the abrupt and most difficult-of-ascent mountain was overcome, I enter the land of Mütak, whose metropolis presents the appearance of a willow-grove, since it has willows as inhabitants. Borne into the forum, I catch sight of a certain robust youth, sitting on a Patroclean chair, and imploring the mercy of the senate. As I inquire what the matter was, it is answered: that he is a malefactor, to whom today the 15th dose will be given.

Perculsus hoc responso, digredior, solutionem aenigmatis ab hospite meo paulo post petens. Ille vero ita fari exorsus est: Flagella, stigmata, cruces et id genus alias poenas, quibus vicinae gentes scelera coërcent, penitus nos ignoramus, quippe vitia non tam punire, quam vitiosos emendare conamur. Noxius iste, quem in publica sella nuper sedentem vidisti, auctor est insulsus, qui ob pruritum scribendi, quem neque legibus, neque admonitionibus coërcere potuit senatus, iam publicae poenae, sive medicinae subiicitur, et pergent censores urbis, qui omnes medicinae Doctores sunt, crebris purgationibus eundem macerare, donec fomite libidinis restincto scribere cesset.

Percussed by this answer, I depart, seeking a little later the solution of the enigma from my host. He indeed began to speak thus: Scourges, stigmata, crosses, and other punishments of that kind, by which neighboring peoples coerce crimes, we utterly are ignorant of, since we strive not so much to punish vices as to amend the vicious. That guilty man, whom you lately saw sitting on the public seat, is an insipid author, who, on account of an itch for writing—which the senate could restrain neither by laws nor by admonitions—is now subjected to a public punishment, or rather remedy; and the censors of the city—who are all Doctors of Medicine—will continue to waste him with frequent purgations, until, the tinder of lust being extinguished, he ceases to write.

Vix finito sermone ad publicum pharmacopolium ducor, ubi cum ingenti animi stupore ordine dispositas videbam pyxides, his titulis signatas:

Hardly had the speech been finished, I am led to the public pharmacy, where, with immense astonishment of mind, I saw pyxides arranged in order, marked with these titles:

PULVIS AVARITIAE.
PILULAE LIBIDINIS.
TINCTURA SAEVITIAE.

POWDER OF AVARICE.
PILLS OF LIBIDO.
TINCTURE OF CRUELTY.

LENITIVUM, sive INFUSIO TEMPERANS CONTRA AMBITIONEM.
CORTEX CONTRA VOLUPTATEM. etc.

LENITIVE, or TEMPERING INFUSION AGAINST AMBITION.
BARK AGAINST VOLUPTUOUSNESS. etc.

Exprimere non possum, quantas hae praestigae cerebri vertigines mihi pepererint. Sed in ecstasin plane coniectus fui, cum viderem manuscriptorum quorundam fasciculos his titulis: SERMO MAG. PISAGI, CUIUS MATUTINA LECTIO SEX SEDES SIVE RESOLUTIONES ALVI PRAESTAT.

I cannot express what vertigoes of the brain these sleights have produced for me. But I was plainly cast into an ecstasy, when I saw bundles of certain manuscripts with these titles: SERMON OF MASTER PISAGUS, WHOSE MORNING READING PROVIDES SIX STOOLS OR RESOLUTIONS OF THE BELLY.

MEDITATIONES DOCT. IUKESI, QUAE INSOMNIIS MEDENTUR! etc.

MEDITATIONS OF DR. JUKES, WHICH HEAL INSOMNIA! etc.

Valde igitur paradoxam hanc gentem videbam, et, ut virtutem horum medicaminum curatius examinarem, librum primum aperui. Insulse adeo erat scriptus, ut ad primae sectionis lectionem oscitarem, et, cum legere pergerem, murmura intestinorum, et mox tormenta sentirem. Hinc, cum optime mihi valenti purgatione alvi non esset opus, abiecto libro, in pedes me coniicio.

Therefore I saw this tribe to be very paradoxical, and, in order to examine more carefully the virtue of these medicaments, I opened the first book. It was written so insipidly that at the reading of the first section I yawned; and, as I went on reading, I felt murmurs of the intestines, and soon torments. Hence, since, being excellently well, I had no need of a purgation of the bowels, the book cast aside, I spring to my feet.

Videbam hinc, nihil in mundo plane esse inutile, et libros maxime insipidos, non omni usu esse destitutos. Didici porro, gentem hanc, licet mire paradoxam, non tamen plane stultam esse. Testatus est hospes meus, diris se insomniis diu vexatum, e sola Doct.

From this I saw that nothing in the world is plainly useless, and that even the most insipid books are not deprived of every use. I learned furthermore that this nation, though wondrously paradoxical, is yet not plainly stupid. My host attested that he, long vexed by dire insomnias, from the mere Doct.

Iukesi lectione convaluisse, tantamque huius libri esse virtutem, ut ipsam vigilantiam stertentem reddat.

that he had convalesced by the reading of Iukes, and that so great is the virtue of this book that it renders wakefulness itself snoring.

His et aliis auditis, miris cogitationum aestibus agitabar. At ne circuli pristinae meae philosophiae penitus turbarentur, terram ocius relinquo, et sane, quod commodum mihi accidit, diutius his cogitationibus immorari non permiserunt nova aliarum gentium prodigia et occurrentia passim phaenomena. Defunctus vero itinere circa hunc globum, cum philosophiam Mütacianam curiosius rimarer, artem medendi, quam profitetur haec gens, non plane reiiciendam iudicavi.

Having heard these and other things, I was driven by wondrous tides of thoughts. But lest the circles of my former philosophy be wholly disturbed, I quickly leave the earth; and indeed, as it fell out conveniently for me, the new prodigies of other nations and the phenomena occurring everywhere did not allow me to linger longer over these thoughts. When I had finished the journey around this globe, as I more curiously probed the Mütacian philosophy, I judged the art of healing which this nation professes not to be wholly to be rejected.

Saepe enim expertus sum, in Europa nostra dari libros, qui vomitionem, alvi solutionem aut somnum legentibus pariunt.

For I have often experienced that, in our Europe, there are books which produce vomiting, a loosening of the bowels, or sleep in their readers.

At, quod ad morbos animi attinet, principiis Mütacianis subscribere non sustineo, quamvis fatear, dari infirmitates corporis nonnullas, quas cum morbis animi confundimus, uti prudenter monuit poeta quidam nostri orbis subsequenti epigrammate : Sexte, diu mecum morbo vexaris eodem, Humores acres nos cruciare solent Cum mihi sit morbus circa praecordia versans, Exosus, querulus difficilisque vocor At, te aegrotantem plorant, miserantur amici, In pedibus morbi vis quia tota sedet. Comiter excusant te, cum saltare recusas, Immunem clamant, namque podagra tenet. Inter convivas at me cantare negantem, Fastosum, querulum difficilemque vocant, Cum minus ardua res tibi sit saltatio, Sexte, Quam sit cardiaco psallere saepe mihi.

But, as it pertains to the diseases of the mind, I do not sustain subscribing to Mütacian principles, although I confess that there are certain infirmities of the body which we confuse with diseases of the mind, as a certain poet of our world prudently admonished in the following epigram: Sextus, for a long time you have been vexed with me by the same disease, sharp humors are wont to torment us Since I have a disease turning about the precordia, I am called hateful, querulous, and difficult But you, being sick, your friends weep for and pity, because the whole force of the disease sits in your feet. They courteously excuse you, when you refuse to dance, they cry you exempt, for podagra (gout) holds you. But among the dinner-companions, when I refuse to sing, they call me fastidious, querulous, and difficult, since dancing is a less arduous thing for you, Sextus, than it often is for me, a cardiac, to psalm/chant.

Relicta hac terra, et stagno quodam fulvi coloris traiecto, ad terram Mikrok adpellor. At, civitatem cognominem introiturus, portam clausam offendi. Hinc subsistere aliquamdiu cogor, donec a somnolento vigile, ferro et compagibus arctis obstructa, reseratur.

Leaving this land, and, a certain pool of tawny color having been crossed, I make landfall at the land Mikrok. But, about to enter the namesake city, I encountered the gate closed. Hence I am compelled to halt for some time, until, by a drowsy watchman, it is unbarred, having been obstructed with iron and tight fastenings.

Alta per totam urbem regnabat quies, nisi quod stertentium stridor auribus ambulantis obstreperet, adeo, ut in somni verum domicilium, et quale fingunt Poëtae, delatus viderer. Hinc tacitus mecum: o utinam hic nasci contigisset consulibus, senatoribus quibusdam, aliisque honestis in patria mea civibus, qui, cum pacis amantissimi sint, in beata hac urbe, commode ac quiete vitam transigerent! E signis tamen ac titulis aedium, artes ac opificia coli, et iura exerceri patuit.

Deep quiet reigned through the whole city, except that the harsh stridor of the snorers dinned in the ears of the walker, so much that I seemed to have been borne into the true dwelling of Sleep, such as the Poets feign. Hence, silent with myself: O would that it had befallen the consuls, certain senators, and other honorable citizens in my fatherland to be born here, who, since they are most loving of peace, would spend their life commodiously and quietly in this blessed city! From the signs and inscriptions of the buildings, however, it was evident that the arts and handicrafts were cultivated, and that law and rights were exercised.

Ducibus hisce titulis deversorium detexi, cuius tamen nullus patebat aditus, cum fores essent clausae et oppessulatae: nam, quamvis sol medium coeli orbem traiecisset, nox erat incolis. Tandem postquam crebris assultibus fores infestaveram intromittor.

With these titles as guides I discovered a hostelry, yet no entrance stood open, since the doors were closed and bolted: for, although the sun had traversed the middle orb of the sky, it was night for the inhabitants. At length, after I had annoyed the doors with frequent assaults, I am admitted.

Tempora hic in viginti tres distinguuntur horas, quarum novendecim somno dantur, reliquae quatuor vigilio. Hinc mirum rerum tam publicarum, quam privatarum neglectum suspicatus, cibi quicquid ad manum erat, ocius afferri iubeo, cum vererer, ne coquum in ipso prandii apparatu nox opprimeret. At, cum cuncta hic compendio fiant, et omne, quod superfluum est, reiiciatur, diecula Mikrokianorum satis longa est et rebus peragendis sufficiens.

Here the times are distinguished into twenty-three hours, of which nineteen are given to sleep, the remaining four to vigil. Hence, suspecting a strange neglect of affairs both public and private, I order whatever food was at hand to be brought more swiftly, since I feared lest night should overtake the cook in the very preparation of the luncheon. But, since here everything is done in compendium, and whatever is superfluous is rejected, the Microkians’ little day is long enough and sufficient for the dispatching of affairs.

Post prandium, quod exspectatione citius mihi afferebatur, ab hospite per urbem ducor. Templum intravimus, ubi habitus fuit sermo, brevis quidem, si temporis, satis vero longus, si ponderis ratio habeatur. Statim ad rem accessit orator, nullae erant ambages, tautologiae nullae, nihil superfluum, adeo ut, si cum longissimis Mag.

After the luncheon, which was being brought to me more quickly than expectation, I am led through the city by my host. We entered the temple, where a discourse was held—brief indeed, if the account be of time; but quite long enough, if the account be of weight. The orator came straightway to the point: there were no circumlocutions, no tautologies, nothing superfluous—so much so that, if with the very long Mag.

Petri sermonibus, qui nauseam mihi saepe moverunt, subterraneam hanc orationem comparem, altero tanto copiosior sit visa. Eadem brevitate res forenses expediuntur. Paucis multa referunt advocati, et testes mox examinandos proferunt.

I would compare this subterranean oration with Peter’s sermons, which have often stirred nausea in me; it seemed twice as copious as the other. With the same brevity the forensic matters are expedited. The advocates report much in few words, and they produce witnesses soon to be examined.

Memini me tabulam initi nuper cum vicina gente foederis videre, quod conceptum erat his verbis: Amicitia perpetua erit inter populum Mikrokianum et Splendikanos. Limites utriusque imperii erunt fluvius Klimac cum iugo montis Zabor. Subscripsimus etc etc.

I remember that I saw the tablet of a treaty recently entered with the neighboring nation, which had been conceived in these words: “Perpetual friendship shall be between the Mikrokian people and the Splendikans. The limits of each empire shall be the river Klimac together with the ridge of Mount Zabor. We subscribed, etc. etc.”

Ita tribus lineis absolvitur hic, quod integra volumina apud nos exposcit.

Thus here it is finished in three lines, that which with us demands entire volumes.

Patuit hinc, minori cum strepitu et temporis dispendio ad metam perveniri posse, si superflua tollantur, uti dimidio breviora viatori forent itinera, si recta semper incedere liceret. Incolae huius urbis omnes cupressi sunt, frontibus tuberosis ab aliis arboribus distinctae. At ista frontium tubera statis auctibus ac diminutionibus crescunt decrescuntque, et, cum intumescere incipiunt frontes, gravedo sensim obrepens, utpote humoribus ab ulcere frontis in oculos descendentibus, noctem appropinquantem indi>>

It became evident from this that one can reach the goal with less commotion and loss of time, if superfluities are removed, just as the journeys would be shorter by half for the traveler, if it were permitted always to advance straight. The inhabitants of this city are all cypresses, distinguished from other trees by protuberant brows. But these swellings of the brows grow and diminish with fixed increases and diminutions, and, when the brows begin to swell, a catarrh gradually creeps on, inasmuch as humors, descending from an ulcer of the brow into the eyes, indicate the approaching night indi>>

Unius fere diei itinere ab hac terra dirimitur Makrok, sive vigilantium regio: quippe incolis, nunquam dormientibus, perpetuum est pervigilium. Urbem ingressus, festinanti cuidam iuveni obvium me sisto, humillime obsecrans, ut commodum mihi aliquod hospitium monstrare dignaretur: ille vero occupatum se dicens, eodem impetu iter persecutus est. Tanta omnium erat festinatio, ut per urbis vicos ac regiones non ambulare, sed currere aut volare viderentur, ac si metus esset, ne nimis sero venirent.

Makrok, or the region of the wakeful, is separated from this land by a journey of nearly a single day: since the inhabitants, never sleeping, keep a perpetual vigil. Having entered the city, I set myself in the way of a certain young man in a hurry whom I met, most humbly beseeching that he would deign to show me some convenient lodging: but he, saying that he was occupied, with the same impetus continued his journey. So great was the haste of all, that through the city’s streets and districts they seemed not to walk, but to run or to fly, as if there were a fear lest they should come too late.

Hinc ardere urbem aut alio improviso malo exterritos cives suspicatus, diu solus errabam, donec ad hospitium, quod suspensa ante fores tabula indicabat, delatus sum.

Hence, suspecting the city to be burning or the citizens terrified by some other unforeseen evil, I wandered alone for a long time, until I was brought to a hostelry, which a tablet suspended before the doors indicated.

Videbam hic alios discedentes, ascendentes alios, alios prae nimia festinatione cespitantes, adeo, ut horae fere quadrantem in atrio aedium starem, antequam intromitterer. Innumeris mox et inutilibus quaestiunculis excipior. Quaerebat hic, cuias essem, quo tenderem, quam diu in hac civitate commorarer: ille, utrum pransurus seorsum, an in communi, aut in qua stabuli cella, an in rubra, viridi, alba, an atra, an in superiori, an in inferiori domus contignatione, et eiusmodi generis alia.

I saw here some departing, others ascending, others stumbling from excessive haste, to such a degree that I stood for nearly a quarter of an hour in the atrium of the house before I was admitted. Soon I am received with innumerable and useless little questionlets. This one asked of what country I was, whither I was tending, how long I would sojourn in this city: that one, whether I was going to dine separately or in common, or in which cell of the inn, whether in the red, green, white, or black, whether on the upper or on the lower story of the house, and other things of that kind.

Hospes, qui simul curiae cuiusdam inferioris erat scriba, ad officium prandii digressus, paulo post revertitur, ingentique verborum syrmate processum mihi litis, quae decem iam annos duraverat, quaeque iam coram foro decimo quarto agebatur, exponit. Spero, ait, intra biennii spatium terminandam fore, cum duo tantum supersint fora, ultra quae nulla datur appellatio. Attonitum me hac narratione reliquit, et patuit inde, in nihilo agendo hanc gentem esse occupatissimam.

The host, who at the same time was scribe of a certain lower curia, having gone off to the duty of luncheon, returned a little after and, with an immense train of words, set forth to me the progress of my lawsuit, which had already lasted ten years and was now being conducted before the 14th court. I hope, he said, that it will be terminated within the space of two years, since only two courts remain, beyond which no appeal is granted. He left me thunderstruck by this narration, and from that it was evident that this nation is most occupied in doing nothing.

Dum aberat hospes, aedes passim circumreptans, in bibliothecam quandam incidi. Ampla satis ac instructa erat, si numerum, tenuis vero ac inops, si pondus librorum spectes. Inter libros, qui nitidissime compacti erant, notabam sequentes:

While the host was away, creeping about the house everywhere, I stumbled upon a certain library. It was ample enough and well-appointed, if you regard the number; but tenuous and indigent, if you regard the weight of the books. Among the books, which were bound most resplendently, I noted the following:

1. Descriptio Templi Cathedralis. 24 volumina.
2. Obsidio arcis Pehunc . . . 36 volumina.

1. Description of the Cathedral Temple. 24 volumes.
2. Siege of the citadel of Pehunc . . . 36 volumes.

3. De usu herbae Slac . . . 13 volumina.
4. Oratio funebris in obitum Senatoris Iaksi. 18 volumina.

3. On the Use of the Herb Slac . . . 13 volumes.
4. Funeral Oration on the Death of Senator Iaksi. 18 volumes.

Reversus hospes statum mihi urbis delineavit, unde conieci, plura a dormientibus Mikrokianis, quam a perpetuo vigilantibus Makrokianis peragi negotia, cum nucleos illi arripiunt, hi vero in cortice et putamine ludunt. Sunt quoque cupressi huius regionis incolae, et externa corporis specie, si frontium tubera excipias, parum a Mikrokianis differunt. Sanguinem tamen aut succum non habent, qualem aliae huius globi animatae arbores.

The guest, having returned, delineated for me the state of the city, whence I conjectured that more business is transacted by the sleeping Mikrocians than by the perpetually watchful Makrocians, since those seize the kernels, while these play upon the bark and the shell. The inhabitants of this region are also cypresses, and in the external appearance of the body, if you except the swellings of the foreheads, they differ little from the Mikrocians. Yet they do not have blood or sap such as the other animated trees of this globe have.

At loco sanguinis per venas fluit crassior quidam liquor, qui virtute mercuriali praeditus est. Et sunt, qui verum ac genuinum mercurium autumant, cum in thermometris eundem effectum producat.

But in place of blood, through the veins there flows a certain thicker liquor, which is endowed with a mercurial virtue. And there are those who aver it is true and genuine mercury, since in thermometers it produces the same effect.

Bidui itinere ab hac terra distat respublica Siklok, quae in duas foederatas societates, sed sub diversis ac oppositis legibus viventes, subdividitur. Prima dicitur Miho, condita a Mihac, insigni olim legislatore, et inter subterraneos altero Lycurgo. Legibus hic in primis sumptuariis rempublicam firmaturus, omnem luxum severe cohibuit.

At a two-days’ journey from this land lies the commonwealth of Siklok, which is subdivided into two federated societies, but living under diverse and opposite laws. The first is called Miho, founded by Mihac, once a distinguished legislator, and among the subterraneans a second Lycurgus. He, intending to strengthen the commonwealth by laws, especially sumptuary ones, severely restrained all luxury.

Hinc societas ista, ob continentiam, ac parsimoniam, nova dici meretur Sparta. At mirabar, in republica optime constituta, et legum praestantia superbiente, tot dari mendicos: nam, quocunque se vertebat oculus, arbor erat stipem petens, adeo, ut nullum iter viatori sit molestius. Curatius statum reipublicae perpendens, didici, ex ipsa incolarum continentia miserias hasce fluere.

Hence that society, on account of continence and parsimony, deserves to be called a new Sparta. Yet I marveled that in a republic most excellently constituted, and priding itself on the excellence of its laws, so many beggars should be found: for, wherever the eye turned, there was a tree soliciting alms, to such a degree that no journey is more troublesome to the traveler. Weighing the state of the republic more carefully, I learned that these miseries flow from the very continence of the inhabitants.

Omni enim luxu proscripto, et opulentioribus genium defraudantibus, desidem, inertem ac mendicam vitam agit plebs, cum nihil habeat, unde quaestum faciat. Didici hinc, tenacitatem ac parsimoniam eundem in rebus politicis effectum, quem obstructio sanguinis in corpore humano parit, producere.

For with all luxury proscribed, and the more opulent defrauding their genius, the commons lead an idle, inert, and beggarly life, since they have nothing from which to make a profit. Hence I learned that stinginess and parsimony produce in political affairs the same effect which an obstruction of the blood begets in the human body.

In altera societate, cui nomen Liho, laute ac genialiter vivitur, ac nullis sumptibus parcitur. Hinc artibus opificiisque passim florentibus, ad labores, quibus non solum paupertatem expugnare, sed et ditescere queant, cives acuunt. Et, si quis paupertate prematur, propriae desidiae indigentiam imputet, cum quaestus faciendi nulla desit occasio.

In the other society, whose name is Liho, one lives sumptuously and genially, and no expenses are spared. Hence, with the arts and handicrafts flourishing everywhere, they spur the citizens to labors by which they may be able not only to overcome poverty but even to grow rich. And, if anyone is pressed by poverty, let him impute his indigence to his own sloth, since no occasion for making profit is lacking.

Ita opulentiorum profusio toti civitati animam dat, non secus, ac circulatio sanguinis membra corporis roborat, ac vegeta reddit.

Thus the profusion of the more opulent gives soul to the whole city, not otherwise than as the circulation of the blood strengthens the members of the body, and renders them vigorous.

Huic regioni contermina est Lama, Medicorum celeberrimum domicilium. Tanto ibi studio ars medendi excolitur, ut genuinus Medicinae Doctor nemo censeatur, nisi illustrem Lamae scholam frequentaverit. Hinc tanta Doctorum multitudine oppleta est urbs, ut facilius sit Doctores, quam homines invenire.

Contiguous to this region is Lama, the most celebrated domicile of Physicians. There the art of healing is cultivated with such zeal, that no one is deemed a genuine Doctor of Medicine, unless he has attended the illustrious school of Lama. Hence the city is filled with so great a multitude of Doctors, that it is easier to find Doctors than men.

Integras quoque plateas occupant pharmacopoeorum tabernae, et instrumentorum anatomicorum officinae. Dum semel otiosus per urbem ambulo, obviam habui arbusculam, catalogos defunctorum huius anni venales offerentem. Videbam non sine stupore, natas superiore anno centum quinquaginta arbores, at sexcentas esse mortuas.

Whole streets too are occupied by apothecaries’ shops and workshops of anatomical instruments. While once, at leisure, I was strolling through the city, I encountered a little tree offering for sale catalogues of this year’s deceased. I saw, not without astonishment, that in the previous year one hundred fifty trees had been born, but six hundred had died.

Capere sane non poteram, in ipsa Apollinis arce, tantam quotannis fieri posse civium stragem. Bibliopolam proinde rogo, ecqua insolita tabes aut pestis urbem superiori anno depopulata fuisset? Respondet ille, duobus abhinc annis plures fuisse defunctos, solitam hanc esse proportionem inter natos ac defunctos, horumque numerum triplo plerumque esse maiorem, cum incolae huius urbis perpetuis vexentur morbis, qui mortem accelerant, adeo ut, ni quotannis supplementa mitterent provinciae, brevi vacuam fore urbem.

I truly could not grasp that, in Apollo’s very citadel, so great a slaughter of citizens could happen every year. Accordingly I ask the bibliopole whether any unusual wasting or pestilence had depopulated the city the previous year. He replies that two years ago there had been more deceased, that this is the customary proportion between those born and those deceased, and that the number of the latter is for the most part triple, since the inhabitants of this city are vexed by perpetual diseases which accelerate death, to such a degree that, unless the provinces were sending reinforcements every year, the city would soon be empty.

Hinc iter maturavi, inconsultum ducens, diutius hic haerere, maxime cum nomen Medici, et adspectus instrumentorum anatomicorum post ea, quae in terra philosophica acciderant, nondum animo excidissent. Igitur relicta hac terra, in itinere non substiti, antequam ad vicum, quater mille passus inde distantem, venirem, ubi incolae absque medicis, et simul absque morbis vivunt.

From here I hastened my journey, deeming it unadvised to linger here longer, especially since the name of the Physician, and the sight of anatomical instruments, after those things which had happened in the philosophic land, had not yet slipped from my mind. Therefore, leaving this land behind, I did not halt on the road before I came to a village, four thousand paces distant from there, where the inhabitants live without physicians, and at the same time without diseases.

Post bidui iter in terram liberam delatus sum. Singuli huius terrae incolae sui iuris sunt, et constant e familiis segregibus, nullis neque legibus neque imperiis subiectis, speciem tamen societatis servant, et in re communi consulunt seniores, qui ad pacem ac concordiam perpetuo hortantur et de primario isto naturae praecepto, scilicet quod tibi non vis fieri, alteri ne facias, admonent. Cunctis urbium ac vicorum portis caelata stabat Libertatis effigies, vincula catenasque calcans, cum hoc epigrammate:

After a two-day journey I was borne into a free land. Each inhabitant of this land is sui iuris, and they consist of separate families, subject to neither laws nor commands; nevertheless they preserve the semblance of society, and in common affairs the elders deliberate, who continually exhort to peace and concord, and admonish concerning that primary precept of nature, namely: what you do not wish to be done to you, do not do to another. At all the gates of the cities and villages there stood, engraven, the effigy of Liberty, trampling bonds and chains, with this epigram:

AUREA LIBERTAS.

GOLDEN LIBERTY.

In prima, quam intrabam, civitate omnia satis tranquilla videbam, at certis fasciis distincti incedebant cives, quae notae ac symbolae erant factionum, in quas tunc descripta erat civitas. Aditus potentiorum domuum armatis obsepti erant custodibus, et omnes quasi in procinctu stabant, cum, finitis induciis, bellum postridie recrudesceret. Hinc trepidus aufugiebam, nec liberum me credebam, antequam extra conspectum liberae terrae me proripueram.

In the first city which I was entering I saw everything fairly tranquil, but the citizens advanced distinguished by certain sashes, which were marks and symbols of the factions into which the civic body had then been enrolled. The approaches of the houses of the more powerful were blocked by armed guards, and all stood as it were in battle-readiness, since, the truces having ended, the war on the next day would recrudesce. Hence, trembling, I fled away, nor did I believe myself free until I had snatched myself forth beyond the sight of the free land.

Proxima huic terrae est Iochtana, ad cuius descriptionem exhorrui, cum omnia turbata magis, intuta, et confusa crederem, quam in terra libera. Erat enim haec regio omnium religionum sentina ac colluvies, et cuncta, quae per totum hunc planetam sparsa erant dogmata, hic, tanquam in centro reperta publice docebantur. Igitur ad animum revocans, quot fluctus in plerisque Europae societatibus ciere soleat religionum diversitas, vix ausus sum ingredi metropolin Iochtansii, ubi, quot regiones, vici ac plateae, tot templa, diversae, ac oppositae sectae numerabantur.

Next to this land is Iochtana, at whose description I shuddered, since I believed everything to be more disturbed, unsafe, and confused than in the free land. For this region was the bilge and offscouring of all religions, and all the dogmas which had been scattered throughout this whole planet were here, as though found at the center, publicly taught. Therefore, recalling to mind how many billows the diversity of religions is wont to stir up in most European societies, I scarcely dared to enter the metropolis of Iochtansia, where, as many regions, quarters and squares, so many temples, diverse and opposite sects were enumerated.

At evanuit mox timor, cum summam ubique regnare viderem concordiam, nullis ruptam querelis. Una in rebus politicis erat facies, una omnibus mens, una quies, unus labor erat.

But soon the fear vanished, when I saw the highest concord reigning everywhere, broken by no quarrels. There was one face in political affairs, one mind for all, one quiet, one labor.

Nam, cum poena capitali sancitum esset, ne alter alterius sacra turbarer, aut alter alteri, ob dogmatum diversitatem succenseret, dissensio erat absque hostilitate, disputatio absque altercatione, et nullum enasci potuit odium, quia nulla erat persecutio. Tantum perpetua, sed honesta inter dissentientes erat aemulatio, cum quaevis secta, vitae et morum sanctitate, religionis suae praestantiam evincere conaretur. Igitur cura magistratus effectum est, ut dogmatum diversitas non maiores hic moveret turbas, quam diversae in foris movere solent mercatorum tabernae, aut opificum officinae, quando sola mercium aut opificiorum bonitate, emptores alliciunt, nulla adhibita fraude, nulla violentia aut obtrectatione, quo fit, ut cuncta, quae enasci queant, discordiarum semina suffocentur, ac sola foveatur honesta, et reipublicae salutaris aemulatio.

For, since it had been sanctioned with the death penalty that no one should disturb another’s sacred rites, nor be incensed against another on account of the diversity of dogmas, there was dissension without hostility, disputation without altercation, and no hatred could arise, because there was no persecution. Only a perpetual, yet honest, emulation existed among the dissentients, since each sect strove to evince the preeminence of its religion by sanctity of life and morals. Therefore, by the care of the magistrate, it was brought about that the diversity of dogmas here stirred no greater crowds than the diverse shops of merchants or the workshops of artificers are wont to stir in the marketplaces, when by the sole goodness of their wares or their workmanship they allure purchasers, no fraud employed, no violence or detraction; whereby it comes to pass that all the seeds of discord which could spring forth are suffocated, and that only an honest emulation, salutary to the commonwealth, is fostered.

Hinc patuit, non e religionum varietate, sed e sola persecutione turbas, quae alibi regnare solent, oriri.

Hence it was evident that tumults, which are wont to reign elsewhere, arise not from the variety of religions, but from persecution alone.

Mores huius gentis, indolem regiminis et causas tranquilli status, fusius mihi exposuit Literatus quidam Iochtanensis, avideque ego perorantis verba excipiens, alta mente reposui. Diu quidem obiectionibus meis dicenti obstrepebam, tandem vero victas dare manus cogebar, cum insigni adeo experimento theses suas evinceret. Igitur non sustinens fidem sensibus abnuere, ac id, quod res facti erat, praefracte negare, libertatem credendi, verum huius tranquillitatis, ac concordiae fontem agnoscebam: at, alio pugnae genere adversarium adortus, officium aiebam esse legislatorum, in rebuspublicis condendis, futuram potius quam praesentem mortalium felicitatem, et non tam id, quod mortalibus in hac vita conducit, quam quod Creatori placeat, respicere.

The morals of this people, the character of the government, and the causes of their tranquil state were set forth to me more diffusely by a certain Man of Letters of the Joktanian nation; and I, eagerly catching the words of the orator, stored them away in the depths of my mind. For a long time indeed I was drowning out the speaker with my objections; at length, however, I was compelled to surrender, since by so remarkable an experiment he proved his theses. Therefore, not enduring to refuse faith to the senses, and to flatly deny that which was a matter of fact, I acknowledged freedom of believing as the true fountain of this tranquility and concord: but, attacking my adversary with another kind of combat, I maintained that it is the office of legislators, in establishing republics, to regard the future rather than the present happiness of mortals, and to look not so much to that which benefits mortals in this life as to that which may please the Creator.

Tunc ille hunc in modum fari exorsus est: Falleris, hospes! dum Deum, veracitatis fontem, fucato cultu ac hypocrisi delectari credis. In gentibus aliis, ubi ad certam credendi normam publica omnes auctoritate adstringuntur, fenestras aperiri videmus ignorantiae aut simulationi, cum nemo nec velit, nec audeat, veros animi sensus depromere, sed plerique aliud lingua profitentur, aliud in pectore servant.

Then he began to speak in this manner: You are mistaken, guest! while you believe that God, the fountain of veracity, is delighted by fucate (painted-over) worship and hypocrisy. In other gentes, where by public authority all are constrained to a fixed norm of believing, we see windows opened for ignorance or for simulation (pretense), since no one either wishes or dares to bring forth the true feelings of the soul, but most profess one thing with the tongue and keep another in the breast.

Hinc frigida adeo Theologorum studia, ac veritatis detegendae neglectus: hinc etiam profanae eruditionis cultus, cum ipsimet sacerdotes, ne infami haereticorum titulo notentur, a meditationibus sacris abstineant, ac ad alia studia, quae minori cum discrimine excolere possunt, ac quae tot compedes libertati non iniiciunt, deflectant. Damnari vulgo solent omnes, qui a regnanti quadam opinione discedunt. Hypocritas vero ac simulatores improbat Deus, cui erroneus candor antiquior est verae, sed simulatae fidei professione.

Hence the studies of the Theologians are so frigid, and there is a neglect of truth’s being uncovered: hence too the cultivation of profane erudition, since the priests themselves, lest they be marked with the infamous title of heretics, abstain from sacred meditations, and deflect to other studies, which they can cultivate with less risk, and which do not throw so many fetters upon liberty. All who depart from a certain reigning opinion are commonly condemned. But God disapproves hypocrites and simulators, for to Him an erroneous candor is preferable to the profession of a true, but feigned, faith.

His auditis, subticui, cum gente adeo arguta disputandi aleam inire non sustinens.

Having heard these things, I fell silent, not willing to enter the hazard of disputation with a people so acute.

Duorum fere mensium spatium itineri huic insumpseram, cum tandem Tumbac, regionem Principatui Potuano confinem, intrarem, quam tanquam patriam intuebar, cum molesto itinere iam prope defunctum me viderem. Incolae huius regionis maximam partem oleastri sunt, gens devota admodum ac aspera. In primo, quod intrabam, stabulo binas fere horas ieiunus stare cogebar, ientaculum, quod frustra saepe flagitaveram, exspectans.

I had spent a span of nearly two months on this journey, when at length I entered Tumbac, a region contiguous to the Principality of Potuano, which I regarded as a fatherland, since I saw myself now almost worn out by the troublesome journey. The inhabitants of this region are for the most part olive-hued, a people very devout and harsh. In the first inn which I entered, I was compelled to stand fasting for almost two hours, waiting for the breakfast which I had often demanded in vain.

Causa cunctationis erat intempestiva hospitis religio, cum manum operi admovere nollet, antequam preces matutinas absolvisset. Defunctus solito pietatis officio, Tandem intrans, magno porrexit murmure panem, Pallidus, et caulem misero mihi ponit olentem Laternam . . . At, ientaculum istud impendio mihi stetit, et testor, in devotum magis, magisque simul immitem cauponem me nunquam incidisse. Hinc ita mecum: satius esse parcius precari, et paulo largius opera pietatis exercere.

The cause of the delay was the untimely religion of the host, since he was unwilling to put his hand to the work before he had completed the morning prayers. Having discharged the customary office of piety, At length entering, with a great murmur he proffered bread, Pale, and he sets for wretched me a reeking cabbage, a Lantern . . . But that breakfast cost me heavily, and I testify that I have never fallen upon an innkeeper at once more devout and, at the same time, more inhumane. Hence thus with myself: that it is better to pray more sparingly, and to exercise the works of piety a little more liberally.

Dolorem tamen dissimulabam, satis gnarus, periculum esse, coelestibus animis crabrones irritare.

Nevertheless I dissembled the pain, well aware that it is dangerous to irritate hornets in celestial minds.

Quot cives in hac urbe, tot rigidi Catones, ac morum erant censores. Cuncti per plateas ambulant obstipis capitibus, ac demissis ramis, contra vanitatem mundi perpetuo declamantes, ac quamvis innoxiam voluptatem damnantes: omnia enim severe reprehendunt usque ad gestus et risus, perpetuisque censuris ac atra verborum fuligine, sanctitatis nomen ementiuntur omnes. Et cum fessus ego et exhaustus tot laboribus, innoxiis ludis animum fovere ac erigere vellem, male eo nomine passim audiebam, adeo, ut quaevis domus rigidum mihi tribunal, coram quo peccatorum confessio fieret, videretur.

As many citizens in this city as there were, so many rigid Catos and censors of morals there were. All walk through the streets with rigid heads and lowered branches, perpetually declaiming against the vanity of the world and condemning even harmless pleasure: for they severely reprehend everything, down to gestures and laughter; and by perpetual censures and the black soot of words, they all counterfeit the name of sanctity. And when I, weary and exhausted by so many labors, wished to foster and raise my spirit with innocuous pastimes, I was everywhere ill spoken of on that account, so much so that any house seemed to me a rigid tribunal before which a confession of sins was being made.

Nonnulli, cum monitis ac castigationibus parum me moveri viderent, tanquam pestem, aut aliam aeque contagiosam luem, me fugiebant.

Some, when they saw that I was scarcely moved by monitions and castigations, fled from me as from a pestilence, or from some other equally contagious lues.

In morositarem huius gentis fusius commentari supersedeo: afferam unum tantum exemplum, quod Tumbacorum characterem graphice exprimit, et unde de caeteris facile fiat coniectura. Oleaster quidam, olim, dum uterque Potu fuimus, mihi familiaris, me forte cauponam quandam praetereuntem conspicatus, intrare iubet. Et cum audivisset, genio me nonnihil indulgere, tanta acerbitate in mores et vitam meam invectus est, ut comae mihi stare, membraque tremere coeperint.

I refrain from commenting more diffusely on the moroseness of this people: I will bring only one example, which graphically expresses the character of the Tumbacs, and from which a conjecture about the rest may easily be made. A certain Oleaster, once, while we both were under the influence of Drink, an acquaintance of mine, having caught sight of me by chance as I was passing a certain tavern, bids me enter. And when he had heard that I was indulging my genius somewhat, he attacked my manners and my way of life with such bitterness that my hair began to stand on end and my limbs to tremble.

At, dum ista fulmina vibrat Cato noster, unum atque alterum poculum identidem hausimus, donec ebrii ambo in terram supini cadimus, et ab accurrentibus domum semimortui trahimur. Exhalata crapula, cum experrectus ad me ipsum redirem, indolem huius religionis serio examinabam, ac patuit tunc, zelum gentis, e vitiosis potius humoribus, ac bile, quam a vero pietatis motu fluere. Nemini tamen hic mentem meam indicavi, sed tacitus paulo post abii.

But, while our Cato was brandishing those thunderbolts, we again and again drained one cup and then another, until, both inebriated, we fell supine to the ground, and, half-dead, were dragged home by those who ran up. The crapulence exhaled, when, awakened, I returned to myself, I was seriously examining the indole of this religion, and it then became plain that the zeal of the nation flows from vitiated humors, and from bile, rather than from a true motion of piety. To no one, however, did I here disclose my mind, but silently, a little later, I went away.

Post duorum mensium intercapedinem, domum tandem redii, valde fatigatus, nam succisi e continua ambulatione poplites vix membra sustinebant. Ingressus urbem Potu decimo die mensis Esculi, ephemerides meas Principi statim humillime obtuli, quas sua Serenitas mox typis evulgari iussit. (Notandum est, typographiae artem, cuius inventores se iactant Europaei ac Seres, longe antiquiorem hic esse.)

After an interval of two months, I at last returned home, greatly fatigued, for my knees, cut down by continuous ambulation, scarcely sustained my members. Having entered the city Potu on the tenth day of the month Esculus, I forthwith most humbly offered my journal to the Prince, which His Serenity soon ordered to be published in type. (It should be noted that the art of typography, of which the Europeans and the Seres boast themselves inventors, is here far more ancient.)

Itinerarium Potuanis ad palatum adeo fuit, ut crebra eiusdem lectione satiari nequirent. Currebant per cunctas urbis regiones ac vicos cum hisce ephemeridibus arbusculae, vociferantes:

The Itinerary was so much to the palate of the Potuans that they could not be sated by frequent reading of the same. Saplings ran through all the regions and lanes of the city with these ephemerides, vociferating:

ITINERARIUM CURSORIS AULICI SCABBAE CIRCA TOTUM ORBEM.

ITINERARY OF THE COURT COURIER SCABBA AROUND THE WHOLE WORLD.

Hoc ego successu tumidus, ad maiora adspirare coepi, munus quoddam magni ponderis mihi pollicitus. At, cum spe mea deceptum me viderem, novam Principi insinuavi petitionem, in qua labores meos extollens, debitum meritis meis hostimentum flagitavi. Princeps, ut erat pius ac benignus, precibus meis movetur curamque se mei habiturum gratiose promittit: stetit equidem promissis, at totus favor in annui mei stipendii augmentum terminabatur.

Swollen with this success, I began to aspire to greater things, having promised to myself a certain office of great weight. But, when I saw myself deceived in my hope, I insinuated to the Prince a new petition, in which, extolling my labors, I demanded the compensation due to my merits. The Prince, as he was pious and benign, is moved by my entreaties and graciously promises that he will have care of me: he did indeed stand by his promises, but the whole favor was limited to an increase of my annual stipend.

Aliam ego laborum compensationem speraveram, quocirca isto favore acquiescere nequibam. At, cum crebrioribus petitionibus Principem fatigare non sustinuerim, magno cancellario dolorem, qui circa praecordia versabatur, exposui. Solita querelas meas humanitate excepit prudentissimus vir, operam suam pollicitus, sed monuit simul, ut desisterem a petitione adeo absurda, iussit me buccae meae mensuram nosse ac tenuitatem iudicii metiri: Naturam, ait, nactus es novercam, et desunt tibi animi dotes, quibus ad momentosa reipublicae negotia panditur iter.

I had hoped for another compensation for my labors, wherefore I could not acquiesce in that favor. But, since I did not have the heart to weary the Prince with more frequent petitions, I laid open to the great chancellor the pain that was turning about my precordia. The most prudent man received my complaints with his wonted humanity, promising his service; but at the same time he warned me to desist from a petition so absurd, and ordered me to know the measure of my cheek and to measure the tenuity of my judgment: “Nature,” he said, “you have gotten as a stepmother, and the endowments of mind are lacking to you, by which a path is opened to the momentous affairs of the commonwealth.”

Sequi non debes, quae assequi nequeas, ne aliorum naturam imitaturus omittas tuam. Porro, si ea, quae stulte petis, obtineres, Principem, ait, eo nomine male auditurum, ac leges infringendas: acquiscere igitur sorte tua, ac spem, cui natura refragatur, abiicere debes.

You ought not to follow what you cannot attain, lest, being about to imitate the nature of others, you omit your own. Moreover, if you were to obtain the things which you foolishly request, the Prince, he says, would on that account be ill-spoken of, and the laws would be infringed: you must therefore acquiesce in your lot, and cast away a hope which nature opposes.

Fatetur quidem merita mea, et extollit labores, quos novissima peregrinatione subierim: at non eiusmodi, ait, esse merita, quae ad munera reipublicae viam sternunt; nam si ob quemvis laborem, ob quodvis meritum, ad summos honores deberetur promotio, quivis opifex, pictor, aut sculptor ob dexteritatem in statua fingenda, aut tabula pingenda, senatoriam dignitatem, tanquam laboris praemium, sibi deberi contenderet. Merita quidem remunerari debere, at danda esse praemia merentibus convenientia, ne respublica quid detrimenti capiat, aut ludibrio exponatur.

He does indeed acknowledge my merits, and he extols the labors which I underwent on my most recent peregrination; but, he says, such merits are not of the sort that pave the way to the offices of the commonwealth; for if, on account of any labor, on account of any merit whatsoever, promotion to the highest honors were owed, any craftsman—painter or sculptor—because of dexterity in fashioning a statue or painting a panel, would contend that senatorial dignity, as the reward of his labor, was owed to him. Merits indeed ought to be remunerated, but rewards must be given to the deserving in a manner congruent to them, lest the commonwealth incur any detriment or be exposed to mockery.

His admonitionibus motus, rursus aliquamdiu silui. At, cum in vili adeo occupatione canescere, nimis durum atque acerbum mihi esset, desperatum istud, quod intermiseram, resumo consilium, reformationem aliquam in rebus politicis meditatus, quo novo aliquo commento, et reipublicae inservirem, ac proprio meo commodo simul prospicerem.

Moved by these admonitions, again for some time I was silent. But, since to grow gray in so base an occupation was too hard and bitter for me, I resume that desperate project which I had intermitted, having meditated some reformation in political affairs, whereby, by some new contrivance, I might both serve the commonwealth and at the same time look to my own advantage.

Paulo ante novissimum iter, statum huius Principatus studiose examinaveram, visurus, ecquid vitia, quibus maxime laborabat, detegerem, ac simul, quaenam remedia essent adhibenda. E statu Provinciae Coklekuanae didiceram, nutare rempublicam, ob mulierum ad munera publica admissionem, cum eaedem natura ambitiosae, auctoritatem et potentiam in infinitum extendere laborent, nec quiescant, antequam plenum ac absolutum imperium sibi acquisiverint. Hinc ferre decrevi rogationem, de excludendis, ab administratione, munerum publicorum, mulieribus, sperans, me non paucos suffragatores reperturum, cum rem liquidam facere, et mala, quae exinde queant nasci, ac in quantum discrimen adduci possit sexus virilis, ni impotentiae muliebri mature nervi incidantur, ante oculos omnium ponere facile mihi foret.

A little before the most recent journey, I had studiously examined the condition of this Principate, to see whether I might detect the vices with which it especially labored, and at the same time what remedies ought to be applied. From the state of the Province of Coklekuana I had learned that the commonwealth was wavering, on account of the admission of women to public offices, since these same, ambitious by nature, strive to extend authority and power to infinity, nor do they rest before they have acquired for themselves full and absolute dominion. Hence I resolved to bring a rogation (bill) about excluding women from the administration of public offices, hoping I should find no few supporters, since it would be easy for me to make the matter clear, and to set before the eyes of all the evils which may arise therefrom, and into how great a peril the male sex can be brought, unless the sinews of womanly intemperance are cut in due time.

Et, si consuetudinis huius plena abolitio nimis ardua plerisque videretur, refraenandam saltem, et coarctiorem reddendam esse potentiam muliebrem contenderem.

And, if the full abolition of this custom might seem too arduous to very many, I would contend that female power should at least be reined in, and be made more circumscribed.

Legis huius suasionis triplex erat scopus:

The scope of this law’s suasion was threefold:

1) Viderer mederi velle vitio, cui respublica erat obnoxia.
2) Nobili ac prudenti commento iudicii ac ingenii specimen exhibendo, sortem meam paulo meliorem redderem.
3) Ulciscerer iniuriam, a mulieribus mihi illatam, et maculam, ab iisdem mihi saepius aspersam, diluerem.

1) I would seem to wish to remedy the vice to which the Republic was subject.
2) By exhibiting, with a noble and prudent device, a specimen of judgment and ingenuity, I would render my lot a little better.
3) I would avenge the injury inflicted on me by women, and I would wash away the stain, repeatedly spattered upon me by those same women.

Nam fateor lubens, proprium commodum, aut vindictae desiderium huius consilii praecipuum fuisse fomitem. Mentem tamen callide dissimulabam, ne sub praetextu publici commodi, proprio tantum velificari, ac aliorum vestigia premere viderer novatorum, quorum consilia utilitatem plerumque publicam prae se ferunt, quamvis curiosius rimantibus appareat, proprium commodum, primum ac praecipuum esse argumentum, quo impelluntur.

For I gladly confess that my own advantage, or the desire for vengeance, was the chief fuel of this counsel. Yet I cleverly dissimulated my intention, lest under the pretext of public advantage I should seem to be making sail solely for my own interest, and to press the footsteps of other innovators, whose counsels for the most part profess public utility, although to those scrutinizing more curiously it appears that private advantage is the first and principal argument by which they are impelled.

Consilium istud, ea, qua poteram, arte formatum, efficacissimisque rationibus munitum, humillime Principi obtuli. Ille, cum singulari me semper prosecutus esset favore, obstupuit ad audax adeo et stolidum inceptum, quod perniciem mihi allaturum ominabatur. Quocirca precibus a molimine isto me deterrere conatur, . . . precibusque minas regaliter addit.

That counsel, fashioned with the art I could and fortified with the most efficacious reasons, I most humbly presented to the Prince. He, since he had always attended me with singular favor, was astonished at so audacious and so stolid an undertaking, which he portended would bring perdition upon me. Wherefore he tries to deter me from that enterprise by entreaties, . . . and to his prayers he royally adds threats.

Mihi vero, freto non minus commenti utilitate, quam favore totius sexus virilis, quem causam communem non deserturum sperabam, mens immota manebat, adeo, ut nullis admonitionibus everberari pertinacia potuerit. Hinc, secundum legem gentis, ad forum cum laqueo abstrahor, exspectaturus ibi senatus iudicium. Coacto senatu, et latis suffragiis, sententia ad Principem mittitur confirmanda, ab eoque remissa, voce praeconis enunciatur, his verbis:

As for me, relying no less on the utility of the contrivance than on the favor of the entire male sex, which I hoped would not desert a common cause, my mind remained unmoved, to such a degree that by no admonitions could my obstinacy be scourged. Hence, according to the law of the people, I am dragged to the forum with a noose, there to await the judgment of the senate. The senate having been convened, and the suffrages having been cast, the sentence is sent to the Prince to be confirmed, and, remitted by him, it is announced by the voice of the herald, in these words:

Habito maturo examine, iudicamus: Legem Domini Scabbae, cursoris aulici primarii, de excludendo a muneribus publicis sexu sequiore latam, perferri non posse, nisi summo cum totius reipublicae detrimento, cum dimidia pars gentis, quae e sexu muliebri constat, hanc innovationem aegerrime sit latura, ac reipublicae proinde molesta ac infensa reddatur. Porro existimamus, iniquum esse, praeclarae indolis arbores ab honoribus, quibus se dignas praebent, omnino removere, maxime, cum constet, a natura, nil temere agente, tot egregiis dotibus incassum easdem non esse ornatas. Credimus, salutem reipublicae poscere, ut ingeniorum potius, quam nominum respectus in promotionibus habeatur.

Having held a mature examination, we judge: The law of Lord Scabba, the principal court courier, enacted for excluding the weaker sex from public offices, cannot be carried through except with the greatest detriment to the whole commonwealth, since half of the nation, which is composed of the female sex, will bear this innovation most painfully, and will therefore be rendered troublesome and hostile to the commonwealth. Moreover, we consider it inequitable to remove entirely the trees of most illustrious nature from the honors for which they show themselves worthy, especially since it is agreed that by Nature, who does nothing rashly, they have not been adorned with so many excellent endowments in vain. We believe the safety of the commonwealth demands that in promotions regard be had to talents rather than to names.

Et, cum saepe inopia hominum strenuorum laboret regio, stultum esse, uno edicto, vel senatusconsulto totam dimidiam partem ob solam nascendi sortem inhabilem, et officiis indignam pronuntiare. Hinc, re serius pensitata, praedictum Scabbam ob stultum adeo, ac temerarium consilium, more maiorum plectendum iudicamus.

And, since the realm often labors under an inopia of strenuous men, it is foolish, by a single edict or senatus‑consult, to pronounce the whole half of the nation, solely on account of the lot of birth, unfit and unworthy of offices. Hence, the matter having been more seriously weighed, we judge that the aforesaid Scabba must be punished, according to the custom of the ancestors, for so foolish and temerarious a counsel.

Graviter hunc casum tulit Princeps, at cum nunquam rescindere soleret senatusconsultum, sententiam propria manu subscriptam, et solito sigillo firmatam, publicari iussit, addito tamen hoc temperamento, ut, quoniam alienigena essem, ex novo scilicet et incognito oriundus orbe, ubi praecox ingenium inter virtutes ponitur, possem eo nomine a supplicio capitali liberari. At, ne poenae remissione leges infirmarentur, in carcere custodirer usque ad initium mensis Betulae, et tunc, cum aliis legum violatoribus, ad firmamentum ablegarer.

The Princeps bore this mishap gravely; but since he was never wont to rescind a senatus‑consult, he ordered the sentence, subscribed with his own hand and confirmed with the usual seal, to be published, with this tempering added: that, since I was an alienigena, sprung from a new and indeed unknown orb, where precocious ingenium is placed among the virtues, I might on that ground be freed from capital punishment. But, lest by remission of the penalty the laws be weakened, I was to be kept in prison until the beginning of the month of Birch, and then, with other violators of the laws, to be banished to the Firmament.

Sententia publicata, in carcerem compingor. Suasores mihi tunc erant nonnulli amicorum, ut contra sententiam hanc protestarer, cum inter iudices meos tot matronae aut virgines fuissent, quae in propria causa iudicassent. Aliis vero tutius videbatur, culpam agnoscere, factumque stoliditate nativa, ac gentilitia excusare.

The sentence having been published, I am clapped into prison. Then several of my friends were persuaders to me that I should protest against this sentence, since among my judges there had been so many matrons or virgins, who had judged in their own cause. To others, however, it seemed safer to acknowledge the fault and to excuse the deed by native and tribal stupidity.

At, consilium hoc constanter reieci, idque respectu hominum superterraneorum, quorum existimationi tali confessione non levis macula inureretur.

But I steadfastly rejected this counsel, and that out of regard for the superterranean men, upon whose reputation no light stain would be branded by such a confession.

Audivi mox, decrevisse Principem, ab omni me poena liberare, modo simpliciter gratiam illius implorassem, delictique veniam petiissem, quamvis Rahagna, sive aerarii praefecta, manibus pedibusque libertati meae obniteretur. At, ut verum fatear, sententiam non aegre ferebam. Nam munus istud, quod exercebam, morte mihi acerbius erat, ac pigebat, me diutius conversari cum arboribus hisce, nimia sapientia turgidis.

I soon heard that the Prince had decreed to liberate me from every punishment, provided that I had simply implored his grace and had sought pardon for the offense, although Rahagna, that is, the prefect of the treasury, was opposing my liberty hand and foot. But, to confess the truth, I did not bear the sentence with difficulty. For that office which I was exercising was to me more bitter than death, and it irked me to converse any longer with these trees, turgid with excessive sapience.

Sperabam quoque meliorem sortem in firmamento, ubi omnes sine discrimine advenas benigne recipi audiveram.

I also hoped for a better lot in the firmament, where I had heard that all newcomers were benignly received without discrimination.