Plautus: Miles Gloriosus

I.i
Pyrgopolynices Curate ut splendor meo sit clupeo clarior
quam solis radii esse olim quom sudumst solent,
ut, ubi usus veniat, contra conserta manu
praestringat oculorum aciem in acie hostibus.
nam ego hanc machaeram mihi consolari volo,; 5
ne lamentetur neve animum despondeat,
quia se iam pridem feriatam gestitem,
quae misera gestit ~ et fartem facere ex hostibus.
sed ubi Artotrogus hic est?

1.1
Pyrgopolynices See to it that the splendor on my shield be brighter
than the rays of the sun are wont to be when it is clear,
so that, when need comes, against foes with hands interlinked in close combat
it may bedazzle the sharpness of their eyes on the battle-line.
for I want to console this sword for myself,; 5
lest she lament or lose heart,
because I have kept her on holiday for quite some time now,
she, poor thing, is itching ~ to make sausage out of the enemies.
but where is this Artotrogus?

Artotrogvs Stat propter virum
fortem atque fortunatum et forma regia; 10
tum bellatorem—Mars haud ausit dicere
neque aequiperare suas virtutes ad tuas.
Pyrg. Quemne ego servavi in campis Curculioniis,
ubi Bumbomachides Clutomistaridysarchides
erat imperator summus, Neptuni nepos? 15

Artotrogvs He stands beside a man
brave and fortunate and of royal form; 10
then as a bellator—Mars would not dare to speak
nor to equiparate his own virtues to yours.
Pyrg. Whom I saved in the Curculionian fields,
where Bumbomachides Clutomistaridysarchides
was supreme imperator, Neptune’s grandson? 15

Art. Memini. nempe illum dicis cum armis aureis,
cuius tu legiones difflavisti spiritu,
quasi ventus folia aut paniculum tectorium.
Pyrg. Istuc quidem edepol nihil est.

Art. I remember. Indeed you mean that man with golden armor,
whose legions you dispersed with your breath,
as the wind [does] leaves or a plasterer’s little broom.
Pyrg. By Pollux, that indeed is nothing.

Art. Nihil hercle hoc quidemst
praeut alia dicam—quae tu numquam feceris. 20
periuriorem hoc hominem si quis viderit
aut gloriarum pleniorem quam illic est,
me sibi habeto, ego me mancupio dabo;
nisi unum, epityrum estur insanum bene.
Pyrg. Vbi tu es? Art. Eccum. edepol vel elephanto in India, 25
quo pacto ei pugno praefregisti bracchium.

Art. Nothing, by Hercules, this indeed is,
compared to what else I could say—which you would never have done. 20
if anyone has seen a man more perjured than this man,
or fuller of boasts than that fellow is there,
let him have me for himself; I will give myself to him in mancipium;
except one thing: epityrum is eaten insanely well.
Pyrg. Where are you? Art. Here I am. By Pollux, even upon an elephant in India, 25
the way you broke its arm with your fist.

Pyrg. Quid, bracchium? Art. Illud dicere volui, femur.
Pyrg. At indiligenter iceram.

Pyrg. What, the arm? Art. I meant to say, the thigh.
Pyrg. But I had spoken carelessly.

Art. Pol si quidem
conisus esses, per corium, per viscera
perque os elephanti transmineret bracchium. 30

Art. By Pollux, if indeed
you had strained yourself, through the hide, through the viscera
and through the bone of the elephant your arm would have penetrated. 30

Pyrg. Nolo istaec hic nunc. Art. Ne hercle operae pretium quidemst
mihi te narrare tuas qui virtutes sciam.
venter creat omnis hasce aerumnas: auribus
peraurienda sunt, ne dentes dentiant,
et adsentandumst quidquid hic mentibitur. 35
Pyrg. Quid illuc quod dico?

Pyrg. I do not want that here now. Art. By Hercules, it is not even worth the effort
for me to narrate to you—who know your virtues—your virtues.
the belly creates all these hardships: through the ears
they must be thoroughly warmed, so that the teeth do not chatter,
and one must assent to whatever he will fabricate. 35
Pyrg. What about that which I say?

Art. Ehem, scio iam quid vis dicere.
factum hercle est, memini fieri. Pyrg. Quid id est?

Art. Ahem, I know now what you wish to say.
By Hercules, it was done; I remember it happening. Pyrg. What is that?

Art. Quidquid est.
Pyrg. Habes—Art. Tabellas vis rogare? habeo, et stilum.

Art. Whatever it is.
Pyrg. You have—Art. Do you want to ask for the tablets? I have them, and a stylus.

Pyrg. Facete advortis tuom animum ad animum meum.
Art. Novisse mores tuos me meditate decet 40
curamque adhibere, ut praeolat mihi quod tu velis.
Pyrg. Ecquid meministi?

Pyrg. Wittily you turn your mind toward my mind.
Art. It befits me, with deliberate thought, to have known your ways, 40
and to apply care, so that what you wish may be anticipated by me.
Pyrg. Do you remember at all?

Art. Memini: centum in Cilicia
et quinquaginta, centum in Scytholatronia,
triginta Sardos, sexaginta Macedones
~ sunt homines quos tu occidisti uno die. 45

Art. I remember: a hundred in Cilicia
and fifty, a hundred in Scytholatronia,
thirty Sardinians, sixty Macedonians
~ these are the men whom you slew in one day. 45

Pyrg. Quanta istaec hominum summast? Art. Septem milia.
Pyrg. Tantum esse oportet.

Pyrg. How great is that sum of men? Art. Seven thousand.
Pyrg. That must be the amount.

recte rationem tenes.
Art. At nullos habeo scriptos: sic memini tamen.
Pyrg. Edepol memoria es optuma.

you keep the account rightly.
Art. But I have none written down: thus I remember nonetheless.
Pyrg. By Pollux, your memory is most excellent.

Art. Offae monent.
Pyrg. Dum tale facies quale adhuc, assiduo edes, 50
communicabo semper te mensa mea.
Art. Quid in Cappadocia, ubi tu quingentos simul,
ni hebes machaera foret, uno ictu occideras?

Art. The morsels prompt me.
Pyrg. So long as you do such as hitherto, you shall eat continually, 50
I will always share my table with you.
Art. What about in Cappadocia, where you would have killed five hundred at once with a single stroke, if your sword had not been dull?

Pyrg. At peditastelli quia erant, sivi viverent.
Art. Quid tibi ego dicam, quod omnes mortales sciunt, 55
Pyrgopolynicem te unum in terra vivere
virtute et forma et factis invictissumum?
amant ted omnes mulieres, neque iniuria,
qui sis tam pulcher; vel illae quae here pallio
me reprehenderunt.

Pyrg. But because they were mere little foot-soldiers, I let them live.
Art. What should I tell you that all mortals know, 55
that you, Pyrgopolynices, you alone on earth live
most invincible in virtue and form and deeds?
all women love you, and not unjustly,
since you are so handsome; even those who yesterday by the cloak
seized me.

Pyrg. Quid eae dixerunt tibi? 60

Pyrg. What did those women say to you? 60

Art. Rogitabant: 'hicine Achilles est?' inquit mihi.
'immo eius frater' inquam 'est'. ibi illarum altera
'ergo mecastor pulcher est' inquit mihi
'et liberalis. vide caesaries quam decet.

Art. They kept asking: 'Is this here Achilles?' she said to me.
'Nay rather, his brother,' I said, 'it is.' Then one of those women
'therefore, by Castor, he is handsome,' she said to me,
'and liberal. See how the hair becomes him.'

ne illae sunt fortunatae quae cum isto cubant.' 65
Pyrg. Itane aibant tandem? Art. Quaen me ambae obsecraverint,
ut te hodie quasi pompam illa praeterducerem?
Pyrg. Nimiast miseria nimis pulchrum esse hominem.

indeed those women are fortunate who lie with that fellow.' 65
Pyrg. Is that what they were saying, then? Art. How both of them implored me,
that today I should lead you past them like a pomp/procession.
Pyrg. It is an excessive misery, to be too handsome a man.

Art. Immo itast.
molestae sunt: orant, ambiunt, exobsecrant
videre ut liceat, ad sese arcessi iubent, 70
ut tuo non liceat dare operam negotio.
Pyrg. Videtur tempus esse, ut eamus ad forum,
ut in tabellis quos consignavi hic heri
latrones, ibus denumerem stipendium.

Art. Rather, so it is.
they are troublesome: they beg, they canvass, they beseech
that it may be permitted to see you; they order that you be summoned to themselves, 70
so that you may not be allowed to give attention to your business.
Pyrg. It seems time that we go to the forum,
that, on the tablets, to the brigands whom I consigned here yesterday,
I may count out the stipend to them.

nam rex Seleucus me opere oravit maxumo, 75

for King Seleucus most earnestly besought me, 75

ut sibi latrones cogerem et conscriberem.
regi hunc diem mihi operam decretumst dare.
Art. Age eamus ergo.

that I should gather and enroll brigands for him.
it has been decreed that I give this day’s service to the king.
Art. Come, let us go then.

Pyrg. Sequimini, satellites.—

Pyrg. Follow, bodyguards.—

ACTVS II

ACT 2

II.i
Palaestrio Mihi ad enarrandum hoc argumentum est comitas,
si ad auscultandum vostra erit benignitas;                    80
qui autem auscultare nolet, exsurgat foras,
ut sit ubi sedeat ille qui auscultare volt.
nunc qua adsedistis causa in festivo loco,
comoediai quam nos acturi sumus
et argumentum et nomen vobis eloquar.                    85
Alazon Graece huic nomen est comoediae,
id nos Latine gloriosum dicimus.
hoc oppidum Ephesust; illest miles meus erus,
qui hinc ad forum abiit, gloriosus, impudens,
stercoreus, plenus periuri atque adulteri.                    90

2.1
Palaestrio I have courtesy for narrating this plot,
if for listening yours will be benignity;                    80
but whoever will not wish to listen, let him rise and go outside,
so that there may be a place to sit for him who wants to listen.
now the cause for which you have sat down in this festive place,
the comedy which we are about to perform,
both the plot and the name I will declare to you.                    85
Alazon in Greek is the name of this comedy,
this we in Latin call “Gloriosus.”
this town is Ephesus; that is my master, the soldier,
who has gone from here to the forum, vainglorious, impudent,
filthy, full of perjury and of adultery.                    90

ait sese ultro omnis mulieres sectarier:
is deridiculost, quaqua incedit, omnibus.
itaque hic meretrices, labiis dum ductant eum,
maiorem partem videas valgis saviis.
nam ego hau diu apud hunc servitutem servio; 95
id volo vos scire, quo modo ad hunc devenerim
in servitutem ab eo cui servivi prius.

he says that, unprovoked, he chases after all women:
he’s a laughing-stock, wherever he struts, to everyone.
and so here the courtesans, while they lead him by the lips,
for the greater part you may see with crooked kisses.
for I have not long been in servitude with this fellow; 95
this I want you to know: how I came down to this man
into servitude from him whom I served before.

date operam, nam nunc argumentum exordiar.
erat erus Athenis mihi adulescens optumus;
is amabat meretricem * * matre Athenis Atticis, 100
et illa illum contra; qui est amor cultu optumus.
is publice legatus Naupactum fuit
magnai rei publicai gratia.

give attention, for now I will begin the plot.
there was for me at Athens a master, an excellent youth;
he loved a courtesan, * * with her mother at Athens in Attica, 100
and she him in return; which is love in its best cultivation.
he was, on public business, a legate to Naupactus
for the sake of a great matter of the commonwealth.

interibi hic miles forte Athenas advenit,
insinuat sese ad illam amicam eri ~ 105

In the meantime this soldier by chance arrived at Athens,
he insinuates himself to that girlfriend of the master ~ 105

occepit eius matri suppalparier
vino, ornamentis opiparisque obsoniis,
itaque intimum ibi se miles apud lenam facit.
ubi primum evenit militi huic occasio,
sublinit os illi lenae, matri mulieris, 110
quam erus meus amabat; nam is illius filiam
conicit in navem miles clam matrem suam,
eamque huc invitam mulierem in Ephesum advehit.
ubi amicam erilem Athenis avectam scio,
ego quantum vivos possum mihi navem paro, 115
inscendo, ut eam rem Naupactum ad erum nuntiem.

he began to fawn upon her mother
with wine, ornaments, and opulent viands;
and so the soldier makes himself an intimate there with the procuress.
when first an occasion befalls this soldier,
he smears the mouth—i.e., bribes—of that procuress, the mother of the woman, 110
whom my master loved; for the soldier throws her daughter onto a ship,
without her mother’s knowledge, and carries this woman here unwilling to Ephesus.
when I learn that my master’s girlfriend has been carried off from Athens,
I, as fast as I can for my life, get a ship ready for myself, 115
I board, to announce this matter to my master at Naupactus.

ubi sumus provecti in altum, fit quod <di> volunt,
capiunt praedones navem illam ubi vectus fui:
prius perii quam ad erum veni, quo ire occeperam.
ille <qui> me cepit dat me huic dono militi. 120

when we are carried forward into the deep, what the <gods> want happens,
pirates seize that ship on which I was conveyed:
I was undone before I came to my master, to whom I had commenced to go.
the one <who> captured me gives me as a gift to this soldier. 120

hic postquam in aedis me ad se deduxit domum,
video illam amicam erilem, Athenis quae fuit.
ubi contra aspexit me, oculis mihi signum dedit,
ne se appellarem; deinde, postquam occasio est,
conqueritur mecum mulier fortunas suas:                    125
ait sese Athenas fugere cupere ex hac domu,
sese illum amare meum erum, Athenis qui fuit,
neque peius quemquam odisse quam istum militem.
ego quoniam inspexi mulieris sententiam,
cepi tabellas, consignavi, clanculum                    130
dedi mercatori cuidam, qui ad illum deferat
meum erum, qui Athenis fuerat, qui hanc amaverat,
ut is huc veniret. is non sprevit nuntium;
nam et venit et is in proximo hic devertitur
apud suom paternum hospitem, lepidum senem;                    135

here, after he led me into the house, to his home,
I see that girlfriend of my master, the one who had been at Athens.
when she looked back at me, she gave me a sign with her eyes
not to address her; then, after there was an opportunity,
the woman laments to me her fortunes:                    125
she says she desires to flee to Athens from this house,
that she loves that master of mine, who was in Athens,
and that she hates no one worse than that soldier.
since I had discerned the woman’s sentiment,
I took writing-tablets, I consigned them, secretly                    130
I gave them to a certain merchant, to carry to that
master of mine, who had been at Athens, who had loved her,
that he should come here. he did not spurn the message;
for he both came and here he lodges close by
with his own paternal host, a charming old man;                    135

isque illi amanti suo hospiti morem gerit
nosque opera consilioque adhortatur, iuvat.
itaque ego paravi hic intus magnas machinas,
qui amantis una inter se facerem convenas.
nam unum conclave, concubinae quod dedit 140
miles, quo nemo nisi eapse inferret pedem,
in eo conclavi ego perfodi parietem,
qua commeatus clam esset hinc huc mulieri;
et sene sciente hoc feci: is consilium dedit.

and he complies with the wishes of that lover, his guest,
and he exhorts us with effort and counsel, he helps.
therefore I prepared here inside great machines,
so that I might make the lovers hold meetings together as one.
for the one chamber which the soldier gave to the concubine 140
into which no one except she herself might set foot,
in that chamber I perforated the wall,
where a passage might secretly be from here to there for the woman;
and with the old man knowing this I did it: he gave the counsel.

nam meus conservos est homo haud magni preti, 145
quem concubinae miles custodem addidit.
ei nos facetis fabricis et doctis dolis
glaucumam ob oculos obiciemus eumque ita
faciemus ut quod viderit ne viderit.
et mox ne erretis, haec duarum hodie vicem 150

for my fellow-slave is a man of not great price, 145
whom the soldier added as a guardian to the concubine.
upon him we, with witty fabrications and learned wiles,
will cast a glaucoma before his eyes, and thus
we will make him so that what he has seen he has not seen.
and soon, so that you may not err, this today will take the turn of two. 150

<suam> et hinc et illinc mulier feret imaginem,
atque eadem erit, verum alia esse adsimulabitur.
ita sublinetur os custodi mulieris.
sed foris concrepuit hinc a vicino sene;
ipse exit: hic illest lepidus quem dixi senex. 155

<her own> and from here and from there the woman will bear an image,
and she will be the same, but she will simulate being another.
thus let the woman’s face be painted for the guard.
but the door has rattled here, by the neighboring old man;
he himself comes out: this is that witty old man whom I mentioned. 155

II.ii

2.2

Periplectomenvs Ni hercle diffregeritis talos posthac quemque in tegulis
videritis alienum, ego vostra faciam latera lorea.
mi equidem iam arbitri vicini sunt, meae quid fiat domi,
ita per impluvium intro spectant. nunc adeo edico omnibus:
quemque a milite hoc videritis hominem in nostris tegulis, 160
extra unum Palaestrionem, huc deturbatote in viam.

Periplectomenus Unless, by Hercules, you hereafter smash the ankles of every alien you shall see upon the tiles,
I will make your sides leathern. For my part, the neighbors are already arbiters of what is done at my house,
so through the impluvium they look inside. Now indeed I issue an edict to all:
whomever you shall see belonging to this soldier upon our tiles, 160
except one Palaestrio, thrust him down here into the street.

quod ille gallinam aut columbam se sectari aut simiam
dicat, disperiistis ni usque ad mortem male mulcassitis.
atque adeo ut ne legi fraudem faciant aleariae,
adcuratote ut sine talis domi agitent convivium. 165
Pal. Nescio quid malefactum a nostra hic familiast, quantum audio:
ita hic senex talos elidi iussit conservis meis;
sed me excepit: nihili facio, quid illis faciat ceteris.
adgrediar hominem.

as for his saying that he is chasing a hen or a dove or a monkey,
you are done for unless you beat him badly even to death.
and indeed, so that they not do a cheat upon the law of dice-playing,
take care that they hold their banquet at home without knucklebones (dice). 165
Pal. I do not know what wrongdoing by our household there is here, so far as I hear:
so this old man has ordered the knucklebones to be smashed for my fellow-servants;
but he has excepted me: I value at nothing what he does to those others.
I will approach the man.

Per. Estne advorsum hic qui advenit Palaestrio?
Pal. Quid agis, Periplectomene? Per. Hau multos homines, si optandum 170

Per. Is the one who is coming straight toward us, Palaestrio?
Pal. How are you doing, Periplectomenus? Per. Not many men, if one had to choose 170

foret,
nunc videre et convenire quam te mavellem. Pal. Quid est?
quid tumultuas cum nostra familia?

it would be,
now I would rather see and meet you than anyone. Pal. What is it?
why are you raising a tumult with our household?

Per. Occisi sumus.
Pal. Quid negotist? Per. Res palamst.

Per. We are slain.
Pal. What’s the business? Per. The matter is manifest.

Pal. Quae res palamst? Per. De
tegulis
modo nescio quis inspectavit vestrum familiarium
per nostrum impluvium intus apud nos Philocomasium atque hospitem 175
osculantis. Pal. Quis homo id vidit?

Pal. What matter is plain? Per. From
the tiles
just now some I-know-not-who of your household inspected
through our impluvium, inside at our place, Philocomasium and the guest 175
kissing. Pal. What man saw that?

Per. Tuos conservos. Pal. Quis is
homost?
Per. Nescio, ita abripuit repente sese subito.

Per. Your fellow slave. Pal. Who is that
man?
Per. I don’t know; just like that, he whisked himself away all of a sudden.

Pal. Suspicor
me periisse. Per. Vbi abit, conclamo: 'heus quid agis tu' inquam 'in
tegulis?'
ille mihi abiens ita respondit 'se sectari simiam.'
Pal. Vae mihi misero, quoi pereundumst propter nihili bestiam. 180
sed Philocomasium hicine etiam nunc est? Per. Quom exibam, hic erat.

Pal. I suspect
I am undone. Per. When he went away, I shout: 'hey, what are you doing,' I say, 'on the
tiles?'
he, departing, thus answered me: 'that he was pursuing a simian.'
Pal. Woe to wretched me, who must perish on account of a worthless beast. 180
but is Philocomasium still here even now? Per. When I was going out, she was here.

Pal. I sis, iube transire huc quantum possit, se ut videant domi
familiares, nisi quidem illa nos volt, qui servi sumus,
propter amorem suom omnes crucibus contubernales dari.
Per. Dixi ego istuc; nisi quid aliud vis. Pal. Volo.

Pal. Do go, order her to cross over here as best she can, so that her familiars at home may see her,
unless indeed she wishes us, who are slaves,
on account of her own love, all the contubernals to be handed over to the crosses.
Per. I said that; unless you want anything else. Pal. I do.

hoc ei dicito: 185

tell this to her: 185

profecto ut ne quoquam de ingenio degrediatur muliebri 185a
earumque artem et disciplinam optineat colere. Per. Quem ad modum?
Pal. Vt eum, qui hic se vidit, verbis vincat, ne is se viderit.

assuredly, so that she may in no way depart from a womanly genius, and may maintain and cultivate their art and discipline. 185a
and may maintain and cultivate their art and discipline. Per. In what manner?
Pal. That she, him who saw himself here, may conquer with words, so that he has not seen himself.

siquidem centiens hic visa sit, tamen infitias eat.
os habet, linguam, perfidiam, malitiam atque audaciam,
confidentiam, confirmitatem, fraudulentiam. 189a
qui arguat se, eum contra vincat iureiurando suo:
domi habet animum falsiloquom, falsificum, falsiiurium,
domi dolos, domi delenifica facta, domi fallacias.
nam mulier holitori numquam supplicat, si quast mala:
domi habet hortum et condimenta ad omnis mores maleficos.

Even if she has been seen here a hundred times, yet she denies it.
She has a mouth, a tongue, perfidy, malice and audacity,
confidence, firmness, fraudulence. 189a
Whoever arraigns her, she in turn conquers him by her oath:
at home she has a mind false-speaking, falsifying, perjurious,
at home tricks, at home seductive deeds, at home fallacies.
For a woman never begs the greengrocer, if she is a bad one:
at home she has a garden and condiments for every maleficent disposition.

Per. Ego istaec, si erit hic, nuntiabo. sed quid est, Palaestrio, 195
quod volutas tute tecum in corde? Pal. Paulisper tace,
dum ego mihi consilia in animum convoco et dum consulo
quid agam, quem dolum doloso contra conservo parem,
qui illam hic vidit osculantem, id visum ut ne visum siet.

Per. I will announce these things, if he is here. But what is it, Palaestrio, 195
that you revolve with yourself in your heart? Pal. Be silent for a little while,
while I summon counsels into my mind for myself and while I consult
what I am to do, what stratagem equal I am preparing against the trickster,
that he who saw her here kissing, that seeing may be as though it had not been seen.

Per. Quaere: ego hinc abscessero aps te huc interim. illuc sis vide, 200
quem ad modum adstitit, severo fronte curans cogitans.
pectus digitis pultat, cor credo evocaturust foras;
ecce avortit: nixus laevo in femine habet laevam manum,
dextera digitis rationem computat, ferit femur
dexterum.

Per. Seek: I’ll withdraw from here away from you to here meanwhile. Look over there, please, 200
how he has taken his stand, with a severe brow, caring, considering.
he drums his breast with his fingers; I think his heart is about to be summoned forth outside;
look, he turns away: resting his left hand on his left thigh,
with his right he computes the reckoning on his fingers, he strikes his right
thigh.

ita vehementer icit: quod agat aegre suppetit. 205

so vehemently he strikes: what to do scarcely suggests itself. 205

concrepuit digitis: laborat; crebro commutat status,
eccere autem capite nutat: non placet quod repperit.
quidquid est, incoctum non expromet, bene coctum dabit.
ecce autem aedificat: columnam mento suffigit suo.

he snapped his fingers: he is working; he frequently changes his stance,
look there, he nods with his head: what he has found does not please.
whatever it is, he will not bring it out half-cooked, he will give it well-cooked.
look, moreover, he builds: he props up a column with his chin.

apage, non placet profecto mi illaec aedificatio; 210
nam os columnatum poetae esse indaudivi barbaro,
cui bini custodes semper totis horis occubant.
euge, euscheme hercle astitit et dulice et comoedice;
numquam hodie quiescet prius quam id quod petit perfecerit.
habet opinor.

away with it, that edification assuredly does not please me; 210
for I have heard tell that a barbarian poet has a columned mouth,
to whom two guards are always on duty at all hours.
bravo, by Hercules, he has taken his stand well-shaped, and sweetly and comedically;
never today will he rest before he has accomplished that which he seeks.
he has it, I think.

age si quid agis, vigila, ne somno stude, 215
nisi quidem hic agitare mavis varius virgis vigilias.
tibi ego dico. an heri maduisti?

Come now, if you are doing anything, keep vigil, do not apply yourself to sleep, 215
unless indeed you prefer here to agitate your vigils with various rods.
I am speaking to you. Or did you get soaked yesterday?

heus te adloquor, Palaestrio:
vigila inquam, expergiscere inquam, lucet hoc inquam. Pal. Audio.
Per. Viden hostis tibi adesse tuoque tergo obsidium?

hey, I address you, Palaestrio:
keep awake, I say, wake up, I say, it is light, I say. Pal. I hear.
Per. Do you see the enemy at hand for you and a siege at your back?

consule,
arripe opem auxiliumque ad hanc rem: propere hoc, non placide decet. 220

consider,
seize help and assistance for this matter: this ought to be done quickly, not placidly. 220

anteveni aliqua aut tu aliquosum circumduce exercitum,
coge in obsidium perduellis, nostris praesidium para;
interclude inimicis commeatum, tibi muni viam
qua cibatus commeatusque ad te et legiones tuas
tuto possit pervenire: hanc rem age, res subitaria est. 225
[reperi, comminiscere, cedo calidum consilium cito,
quae hic sunt visa ut visa ne sint, facta ut facta ne sient.
magnam illic homo rem incipissit, magna munit moenia.]
tu unus si recipere hoc ad te dicis, confidentiast
nos inimicos profligare posse. Pal. Dico et recipio 230
ad me. Per. Et ego impetrare dico id quod petis.

get ahead somehow, or you lead some army around,
drive the enemy (perduellis) into a siege, prepare a garrison for our men;
cut off supplies (commeatus) from the foes, fortify for yourself the way
by which food-ration and supply (cibus and commeatus) to you and your legions
may be able to reach safely: push this matter; it is a sudden affair. 225
[find out, devise, come—give a hot counsel quickly,
so that the things seen here not be seen, the things done not be done.
the man there has undertaken a great affair; he is fortifying great walls.]
if you alone say you take this upon yourself, there is confidence
we can rout the enemies. Pal. I say it, and I take it 230
upon myself. Per. And I say I will obtain that which you ask.

Pal. At te Iuppiter
bene amet. Per. Auden participare me quod commentu's? Pal. Tace,
dum in regionem astutiarum mearum te induco, ut scias
iuxta mecum mea consilia. Per. Salva sumes indidem.

Pal. But may Jupiter love you well. Per. Will you let me participate in what you’ve contrived? Pal. Hush,
while I lead you into the region of my astuteness, that you may know
my counsels side by side with me. Per. You will take it safely from that same place.

Pal. Erus meus elephanti corio circumtentust, non suo, 235

Pal. My master is wrapped around in an elephant’s hide, not his own, 235

neque habet plus sapientiai quam lapis. Per. Ego istuc scio.
Pal. Nunc sic rationem incipisso, hanc instituam astutiam,
ut Philocomasio huc sororem geminam germanam alteram
dicam Athenis advenisse cum amatore aliquo suo,
tam similem, quam <lacte> lactist; apud <te> eos hic devortier 240
dicam hospitio.

nor has he more of sapience than a stone. Per. I know that.
Pal. Now thus I will begin the plan; I will institute this stratagem,
that I will say that for Philocomasium here a twin sister—the other, a german (own) one—
has arrived from Athens with some lover of hers,
as similar as <milk> milk is; I will say that they have turned in here with you for lodging 240
as guests.

Per. Euge euge, lepide, laudo commentum tuom.
Pal. Vt si illic concriminatus sit advorsum militem
meus conservos, eam vidisse hic cum alieno oscularier,
eam arguam vidisse apud te contra conservom meum
cum suo amatore amplexantem atque osculantem. Per. Immo optume. 245
idem ego dicam, si <ex> me exquiret miles.

Per. Bravo, bravo, deftly—I praise your contrivance.
Pal. So that, if that fellow be incriminated before the soldier—my fellow-slave—of having seen her here kissing with a stranger, I will allege that she was seen at your house, in rebuttal of my fellow-slave, embracing and kissing with her own lover. Per. Nay, excellent: 245
I too will say the same, if the soldier should inquire of me.

Pal. Sed simillimas
dicito esse, et Philocomasio id praecipiendum est ut sciat,
ne titubet, si exquiret ex ea miles. Per. Nimis doctum dolum.
sed si ambas videre in uno miles concilio volet,
quid agimus?

Pal. But say that they are most similar; and this must be prescribed to Philocomasium, that she may know it, lest she stumble, if the soldier inquires of her. Per. A very learned stratagem. But if the soldier will want to see both together in one conclave, what do we do?

Pal. Facilest: trecentae possunt causae conligi: 250

Pal. It’s easy: three hundred causes can be collected: 250

'non domist, abiit ambulatum, dormit, ornatur, lavat,
prandet, potat: occupatast, operae non est, non potest',
quantum vis prolationum, dum modo hunc prima via
inducamus, vera ut esse credat quae mentibimur.
Per. Placet ut dicis. Pal. Intro abi ergo, et si isti est mulier, eam 255
iube
cito domum transire, atque haec ei dice monstra praecipe,
ut teneat consilia nostra, quem ad modum exorsi sumus,
de gemina sorore.

'she’s not at home, she’s gone out for a walk, she’s sleeping, she’s being adorned, she’s washing,
she’s lunching, she’s drinking: she’s occupied, she has no leisure, she cannot,'
as many protractions as you wish, so long as we lead this man on the first way,
so that he may believe as true the things we shall fabricate.
Per. It pleases me as you say. Pal. Go inside then, and if that man has a woman, order her 255
to pass quickly across to the house, and tell her these things, show, instruct her,
that she hold fast to our plans, in the manner we have begun,
about the twin sister.

Per. Docte tibi illam perdoctam dabo.
numquid aliud? Pal. Intro ut abeas.

Per. Learned man, I will give her to you thoroughly instructed.
anything else? Pal. Go inside, so that you may be off.

Per. Abeo.—Pal. Et quidem ego ibo
                    domum
atque hominem investigando operam huic dissimulabiliter dabo,                    260
qui fuerit conservos qui hodie sit sectatus simiam.
nam ille non potuit quin sermone suo aliquem familiarium
participaverit de amica eri, sese vidisse eam
hic in proximo osculantem cum alieno adulescentulo.
novi morem: egomet tacere nequeo solus quod scio.                    265

Per. I go away.—Pal. And indeed I will go
                    home
and by investigating the man I will give effort to this dissimulatingly,                    260
to find out which fellow-slave it was who today has followed the simian.
for that one could not but, by his speech, have made some familiar
a participant about the master’s girlfriend, that he had seen her
here close by kissing with an alien adolescent.
I know the custom: I myself cannot keep silent alone about what I know.                    265

si invenio qui vidit, ad eum vineas pluteosque agam:
res paratast, vi pugnandoque hominem caperest certa res.
si ita non reperio, ibo odorans quasi canis venaticus,
usque donec persecutus volpem ero vestigiis.
sed fores crepuerunt nostrae, ego voci moderabor meae; 270
nam illic est Philocomasio custos meus conservos qui it foras.

if I find someone who saw, against him I will bring vines and mantelets:
the affair is ready; by force and by fighting to capture the man is a sure thing.
if I do not find him thus, I will go sniffing like a hunting hound,
until I have tracked the fox by its footprints.
but our doors have creaked; I will moderate my voice; 270
for there is the keeper of Philocomasium, my fellow-slave, who is going outside.

II.iii

2.3

Sceledrvs Nisi quidem ego hodie ambulavi dormiens in tegulis,
certo edepol scio me vidisse hic proxumae viciniae
Philocomasium erilem amicam sibi malam rem quaerere.
Pal. Hic illam vidit osculantem, quantum hunc audivi loqui. 275
Scel. Quis hic est? Pal. Tuos conservos.

Sceledrvs Unless indeed I today walked sleeping on the tiles,
surely, by Pollux, I know I saw here in the nearest neighborhood
Philocomasium, the master's girlfriend, seeking a bad thing for herself.
Pal. He saw her kissing, as far as I’ve heard him talk. 275
Scel. Who is this? Pal. Your fellow slave.

quid agis, Sceledre? Scel. Te,
Palaestrio,
volup est convenisse. Pal. Quid iam?

What are you doing, Sceledrus? Scel. You,
Palaestrio,
it is a pleasure to have run into you. Pal. What now?

aut quid negotist? fac sciam.
Scel. Metuo—Pal. Quid metuis?

or what is the business? See that I know.
Scel. I fear—Pal. What do you fear?

Scel. Ne hercle hodie, quantum hic
familiariumst,
maxumum in malum cruciatumque insuliamus. Pal. Tu sali
solus, nam ego istam insulturam et desulturam nil moror. 280
Scel. Nescis tu fortasse, apud nos facinus quod natumst novom.
Pal. Quod id est facinus?

Scel. By Hercules, today, let us not, as many as there are household-familiars here,
leap into the greatest evil and cruciation. Pal. You jump
by yourself, for I do not care at all for that leaping-in and leaping-down. 280
Scel. Perhaps you do not know that among us a novel crime has been born.
Pal. What deed is that?

Scel. Impudicum. Pal. Tute scias soli tibi,
mihi ne dixis, scire nolo. Scel. Non enim faciam quin scias.

Scel. Impudent. Pal. Know it yourself, for yourself alone,
don’t tell me; I don’t want to know. Scel. For I will not fail to make you know.

simiam hodie sum sectatus nostram in horum tegulis.
Pal. Edepol, Sceledre, homo sectatu's nihili nequam bestiam. 285

today I have chased our monkey on these men’s roof-tiles.
Pal. By Pollux, Sceledrus, man, you’ve chased a worthless good-for-nothing beast. 285

Scel. Di te perdant. Pal. Te istuc aequom—quoniam occepisti, eloqui.
Scel. Forte fortuna per impluvium huc despexi in proxumum,
atque ego illi aspicio osculantem Philocomasium cum altero
nescio quo adulescente.

Scel. May the gods destroy you. Pal. It’s fair for you—since you’ve begun—to speak that out.
Scel. By sheer chance, through the impluvium I looked down here into the next-door place,
and I see Philocomasium kissing with some other I-know-not-what adolescent.

Pal. Quod ego, Sceledre, scelus ex te audio?
Scel. Profecto vidi. Pal. Tutin?

Pal. What wickedness, Sceledrus, do I hear from you?
Scel. I certainly saw it. Pal. You yourself?

Scel. Egomet duobus his oculis 290
meis.
Pal. Abi, non verisimile dicis, neque vidisti. Scel. Num tibi
lippus videor?

Scel. I myself with these two eyes 290
of mine.
Pal. Be off, you say what is not verisimilar, nor did you see. Scel. Do I seem
bleary-eyed to you?

Pal. Medicum istuc tibi meliust percontarier.
verum enim tu istam, si te di ament, temere hau tollas fabulam:
tuis nunc cruribus capitique fraudem capitalem hinc creas.
nam tibi iam ut pereas paratum est dupliciter, nisi supprimis 295
tuom stultiloquium.

Pal. It’s better for you to inquire of a medic about that.
truly, if the gods love you, don’t rashly take up that tale:
you are now creating from here a capital harm for your legs and head.
for it is already prepared for you to perish doubly, unless you suppress 295
your silly-talking.

Scel. Qui vero dupliciter? Pal. Dicam tibi.
primumdum, si falso insimulas Philocomasium, hoc perieris;
iterum, si id verumst, tu ei custos additus <eo> perieris.

Scel. How, indeed, doubly? Pal. I will tell you.
first of all, if you falsely insimulate Philocomasium, by this you will perish;
again, if that is true, you, assigned as her guard, will perish on that account <eo>.

Scel. Quid fuat me, nescio: haec me vidisse ego certo scio.
Pal. Pergin, infelix? Scel. Quid tibi vis dicam nisi quod viderim? 300

Scel. What may be happening to me, I do not know: this I certainly know, that I have seen these things.
Pal. Do you persist, unlucky man? Scel. What do you want me to say to you except what I have seen? 300

quin etiam nunc intus hic in proxumost. Pal. Eho an non domist?
Scel. Vise, abi intro tute, nam ego mi iam nil credi postulo.

why, even now she is inside here, next door. Pal. Hey— or is she not at home?
Scel. Go see; go inside yourself, for I now demand that no credit be given me.

Pal. Certum est facere.—Scel. Hic te opperiar; eadem illi insidias dabo,
quam mox horsum ad stabulum iuuenix recipiat se <a> pabulo.
quid ego nunc faciam? custodem me illi miles addidit: 305
nunc si indicium facio, interii; si taceo, <interii> tamen,
si hoc palam fuerit.

Pal. It’s settled—I’ll do it.—Scel. Here I will wait for you; I will lay the same ambush for him,
when soon this way to the stable the young bullock withdraws himself from <from> pasture.
what am I to do now? The soldier has added me to him as a custodian: 305
now if I give information, I’m done for; if I keep silent, <I’m done for> nonetheless,
if this becomes public.

quid peius muliere aut audacius?
dum ego in tegulis sum, illaec sese ex hospitio edit foras;
edepol facinus fecit audax. hocine si miles sciat,
credo hercle has sustollat aedis totas atque hunc in crucem. 310
hercle quidquid est, mussitabo potius quam inteream male;
non ego possum quae ipsa sese venditat tutarier.

What is worse than a woman, or more audacious?
While I am on the roof-tiles, that one comes out from the lodging-house;
by Pollux, she has done an audacious deed. If the soldier should know this,
I believe, by Hercules, he would lift up this whole house and put this man on the cross. 310
By Hercules, whatever it is, I will keep quiet rather than perish badly;
I cannot protect one who vends herself.

Pal. Sceledre, Sceledre, quis homo in terra te alter est audacior?
quis magis dis inimicis natus quam tu atque iratis? Scel. Quid est?

Pal. Sceledrus, Sceledrus, what man on earth is more audacious than you?
who was born more to inimical and irate gods than you? Scel. What is it?

Pal. Iuben tibi oculos exfodiri, quibus id quod nusquam est vides? 315

Pal. Do you bid your eyes to be dug out, with which you see that which is nowhere? 315

Scel. Quid, nusquam? Pal. Non ego tuam empsim vitam vitiosa nuce.
Sc. Quid negotist?

Scel. What, nowhere? Pal. I would not buy your life for a faulty nut.
Sc. What’s the business?

Pal. Quid negoti sit rogas? Sc. Cur non rogem?
Pal. Non tu tibi istam praetruncari linguam largiloquam iubes?

Pal. Do you ask what the business is? Sc. Why should I not ask?
Pal. Do you not order that loquacious tongue of yours to be truncated?

Scel. Quam ob rem iubeam? Pal. Philocomasium eccam domi, quam in proxumo
vidisse aibas te osculantem atque amplexantem cum altero. 320
Scel. Mirumst lolio victitare te tam vili tritico.
Pal. Quid iam?

Scel. For what reason should I order it? Pal. Philocomasium—look!—at home, whom in the next place you said you had seen kissing and embracing with another. 320
Scel. It’s strange you victual yourself on lolium—so cheap a wheat. Pal. What now?

Scel. Quia luscitiosu's. Pal. Verbero, edepol tu quidem
caecus, non luscitiosu's. nam illa quidem * domi.
Scel. Quid, domi? Pal. Domi hercle vero.

Scel. Because you’re half-sighted. Pal. Whipping-post, by Pollux, you indeed
are blind, not half-sighted. For she indeed * is at home.
Scel. What, at home? Pal. At home, by Hercules, indeed.

Scel. Abi, ludis me,
Palaestrio.
Pa. Tum mihi sunt manus inquinatae. Sc. Qui dum?

Scel. Go away, you are making sport of me,
Palaestrio.
Pa. Then my hands are dirty. Sc. How so?

Pa. Quia ludo luto. 325
Scel. Vae capiti tuo. Pal. <Tuo> istuc, Sceledre, promitto fore,
nisi oculos orationemque aliam commutas tibi.
sed fores concrepuerunt nostrae.

Pa. Because I play with mud. 325
Scel. Woe to your head. Pal. I promise that will be yours, Sceledrus,
unless you change your eyes and your oration for another for yourself.
but our doors have rattled.

Scel. At ego ilico observo foris;
nam nihil est qua hinc huc transire ea possit nisi recto ostio.
Pal. Quin domi eccam. nescio quae te, Sceledre, scelera suscitant. 330

Scel. But I at once keep watch at the door;
for there is nothing by which she can pass from here to here unless by the straight doorway.
Pal. Why, look, she’s at home. I do not know what crimes stir you up, Sceledrus. 330

Scel. Mihi ego video, mihi ego sapio, <mihi> ego credo plurumum:
me homo nemo deterrebit, quin ea sit in his aedibus.
hic obsistam, ne imprudenti huc ea se subrepsit mihi.
Pal. Meus illic homo est, deturbabo iam ego illum de pugnaculis.

Scel. For myself I see, for myself I am wise, for myself I trust most:
no man will deter me, but that she is in this house.
here I will stand in the way, lest unawares she slip in here on me.
Pal. That there is my man; I will now dislodge him from the battlements.

vin iam faciam, ut stultividum * fateare? Scel. Age face. 335
Pal. Neque te quicquam sapere corde neque oculis uti? Scel. Volo.

Do you want me now to make you confess that you are fool-blind *? Scel. Come, do it. 335
Pal. That you neither have any sense in your heart nor make use of your eyes? Scel. I want it.

Pal. Nempe tu istic ais esse erilem concubinam? Scel. Atque arguo
eam me vidisse osculantem hic intus cum alieno viro.
Pal. Scin tu nullum commeatum hinc esse a nobis?

Pal. So you there say that the master’s concubine is in there? Scel. And I argue
that I saw her here inside kissing with another man.
Pal. Do you know that there is no passage out of here past us?

Scel. Scio.
Pal. Neque solarium neque hortum, nisi per impluvium? Scel. Scio. 340
Pal. Quid nunc?

Scel. I know.
Pal. And neither a solarium nor a garden, except through the impluvium? Scel. I know. 340
Pal. What now?

si ea domist, si facio, ut eam exire hinc videas domo,
dignun es verberibus multis? Scel. Dignus. Pal. Serva istas fores,
ne tibi clam se subterducat istinc atque huc transeat.

if she is at home, if I make it so that you see her go out from the house here,
are you worthy of many whippings? Scel. Worthy. Pal. Guard those doors,
so that she does not secretly steal herself away from there by you and pass over to here.

Scel. Consilium est ita facere. Pal. Pede ego iam illam huc tibi sistam
in viam.—
Scel. Agedum ergo face. volo scire, utrum egon id quod vidi viderim 345

Scel. The plan is to do so. Pal. With my foot I will now set her here for you
into the street.—
Scel. Come then, do it. I want to know whether I actually saw what I saw 345

an illic faciat, quod facturum dicit, ut ea sit domi.
nam ego quidem meos oculos habeo nec rogo utendos foris.
sed hic illi subparasitatur semper, hic eae proxumust,
primus ad cibum vocatur, primo pulmentum datur;
nam illic noster est fortasse circiter triennium, 350
neque cuiquam quam illi in nostra meliust famulo familia.

whether he there does what he says he will do, so that she may be at home.
for I indeed have my own eyes, nor do I ask to use others’ abroad.
but this fellow is always playing the sub-parasite to her, this one is nearest to her,
he is first called to food, the relish is first given to him;
for that fellow of ours has been there perhaps about three years, 350
nor is it better for any servant in our family than for him.

sed ego hoc quod ago, id me agere oportet, hoc observare ostium.
sic obsistam. hac quidem pol certo verba mihi numquam dabunt.

But I—this which I am doing—this is what it behooves me to do: to observe this door.
Thus I shall stand my ground. By this, indeed, by Pollux, surely they will never put me off with words.

II.iv

2.4

Pal. Praecepta facito ut memineris. Philocomasivm Totiens monere mirumst.
Pal. At metuo ut satis sis subdola.

Pal. See to it that you remember the instructions. Philocomasivm It is a wonder to be admonished so often.
Pal. But I fear that you will not be sly enough.

Phil. Cedo vel decem, edocebo 355
minime malas ut sint malae, mihi solae quod superfit.
Pal. Age nunciam insiste in dolos; ego abs te procul recedam.
quid ais tu, Sceledre?

Phil. Hand over even ten; I will instruct 355
the bad women to be least bad, so that what remains over is mine alone.
Pal. Come now, press on with your deceits; I will withdraw far from you.
what say you, Sceledrus?

Scel. Hanc rem gero. habeo auris, loquere quidvis.
Pal. Credo ego istoc extemplo tibi esse eundum actutum extra portam,
dispessis manibus, patibulum quom habebis.

Scel. I’m handling this matter. I have ears; say whatever you like.
Pal. I believe that right this instant you must go forthwith outside the gate,
with hands spread apart, when you will be bearing the patibulum, the gallows-beam.

Scel. Quamnam ob rem? 360
Pal. Respice dum ad laevam: quis illaec est mulier? Scel. Pro di
immortales,
eri concubinast haec quidem. Pal. Mihi quoque pol ita videtur.

Scel. For what reason? 360
Pal. Just look to the left: who is that woman? Scel. By the
immortal gods,
this indeed is the master’s concubine. Pal. To me too, by Pollux, it seems so.

age nunciam, quando lubet—Scel. Quid agam? Pal. Perire propera.
Phil. Vbi iste est bonus servos, qui probri me maxumi innocentem
falso insimulavit?

come on now then, since it pleases—Scel. What am I to do? Pal. Make haste to perish.
Phil. Where is that good slave, who falsely accused me, innocent, of the greatest disgrace?

Pal. Em tibi, hic mihi dixit tibi quae dixi. 365

Pal. Here you are: this fellow told me to say to you what I said. 365

Phil. Tun me vidisse in proxumo hic, sceleste, ais osculantem?
Pal. Atque cum alieno adulescentulo dixit. Scel. Dixi hercle vero.

Phil. Do you say you saw me here next door, scoundrel, kissing?
Pal. And he said it was with an alien young lad. Scel. By Hercules, I did indeed say it.

Ph. Tun me vidisti? S. Atque his quidem hercle oculis. Ph. Carebis,
credo,
qui plus vident quam quod vident.

Ph. Did you see me? S. And with these very eyes, by Hercules. Ph. You will be without them,
I believe,
those that see more than what they see.

Scel. Numquam hercle deterrebor
quin viderim id quod viderim. Phil. Ego stulta et mora multum, 370
quae cum hoc insano fabuler, quem pol ego capitis perdam.
Scel. Noli minitari: scio crucem futuram mihi sepulcrum;
ibi mei sunt maiores siti, pater, avos, proavos, abavos.

Scel. Never, by Hercules, shall I be deterred from having seen what I have seen. Phil. I am foolish and a great hindrance, 370
who chat with this insane man—by Pollux, I will make him lose his head. Scel. Do not threaten: I know the cross will be my sepulchre;
there my ancestors are set—father, grandfather, great-grandfather, great-great-grandfather.

non possunt mihi minaciis tuis hisce oculi exfodiri.
sed paucis verbis te volo, Palaestrio. opsecro te, 375
unde exit haec?

These eyes of mine cannot be gouged out by your menaces.
But I want you for a few words, Palaestrio. I beseech you, 375
whence does this issue?

Pal. Vnde nisi domo? Scel. Domo? Pal. Me viden?

Pal. From where if not from the house? Scel. From the house? Pal. Do you see me?

Scel.
Te video.
nimis mirumst facinus, quo modo haec hinc huc transire potuit;
nam certo neque solariumst apud nos neque hortus ullus
neque fenestra nisi clatrata; nam certe ego te hic intus vidi.
Pal. Pergin, sceleste, intendere hanc arguere?

Scel.
I see you.
it’s a very marvelous deed, how this could pass from here to here;
for surely there is neither a solarium at our place nor any garden,
nor a window unless latticed; for certainly I saw you in here inside.
Pal. Do you persist, scoundrel, in intending to accuse her?

Phil. Ecastor ergo 380

Phil. By Castor, then 380

mi hau falsum evenit somnium, quod noctu hac somniavi.
Pal. Quid somniasti? Phil. Ego eloquar.

For me, the dream turned out not false, which I dreamed this night.
Pal. What did you dream? Phil. I will declare.

sed amabo advortite animum.
hac nocte in somnis mea soror geminast germana visa
venisse Athenis in Ephesum cum suo amatore quodam;
ei ambo hospitio huc in proxumum mihi devortisse visi. 385
Pal. Palaestrionis somnium narratur. perge porro.

but please, turn your mind.
this night in dreams my sister, a twin-born sister, seemed
to have come from Athens to Ephesus with a certain paramour of hers;
and both of them seemed to me to have turned aside as guests here right next door to me. 385
Pal. Palaestrio’s dream is being narrated. Go on further.

Phil. Ego laeta visa, quia soror venisset, propter eandem
suspicionem maximam sum visa sustinere.
nam arguere in somnis me meus mihi familiaris visust,
me cum alieno adulescentulo, quasi nunc tu, esse osculatam, 390
quom illa osculata mea soror gemina esset suompte amicum.
id me insimulatam perperam falsum esse somniavi.

Phil. I seemed glad, because my sister had come; on account of that same thing
I seemed to be sustaining the greatest suspicion.
for in the dream my familiar, my close friend, seemed to accuse me,
that I had been kissing with another’s young lad, as now you, 390
while my twin sister had kissed her own lover.
I dreamed that I was accused of that, wrongfully, falsely.

Pal. Satin eadem vigilanti expetunt quae in somnis visa memoras?
eu hercle praesens somnium. abi intro et comprecare.

Pal. Do you desire the same things awake as those you recount as having been seen in dreams?
Ah, by Hercules, a present dream. Go inside and pray.

narrandum ego istuc militi censebo. Phil. Facere certum est, 395

I will advise that that be told to the soldier. Phil. I am resolved to do it, 395

neque me quidem patiar probri falso impune insimulatam.—
Scel. Timeo quid rerum gesserim, ita dorsus totus prurit.
Pal. Scin te periisse? Scel. Nunc quidem domi certo est.

nor indeed will I allow myself to be falsely accused of a disgrace with impunity.—
Scel. I fear what deeds I have done, so my whole back itches.
Pal. Do you know you have perished? Scel. Now indeed at home it is certain.

certa res est
nunc nostrum observare ostium, ubi ubist. Pal. At, Sceledre, quaeso,
ut ad id exemplum somnium quam simile somniavit 400
atque ut tu suspicatus es eam vidisse osculantem.
Scel. Nescio quid credam egomet mihi iam, ita quod vidisse credo
me id iam non vidisse arbitror.

It is a sure thing
now our business is to observe the door, where it is. Pal. But, Sceledrus, please,
how like to that example the dream he dreamed was 400
and as you suspected that he had seen her kissing.
Scel. I do not know what I should believe of myself now, so much so that what I believe I saw,
I now think that I did not see.

Pal. Ne tu hercle sero, opinor,
resipisces: si ad erum haec res prius ~ devenerit, peribis pulchre.
Scel. Nunc demum experior, mi ob oculos caliginem opstitisse. 405
Pal. Dudum edepol planum est id quidem, quae hic usque fuerit intus.
Scel. Nihil habeo certi quid loquar: non vidi eam, etsi vidi.

Pal. By Hercules, you will, I suppose, come to your senses too late: if this matter comes to the master first, you’ll perish finely.
Scel. Now at last I experience that a murk has stood before my eyes. 405
Pal. Long since, by Pollux, that indeed has been clear—who it is that has been in here all along.
Scel. I have nothing certain to say: I did not see her, although I did see her.

Pal. Ne tu edepol stultitia tua nos paene perdidisti:
dum te fidelem facere ero voluisti, absumptu's paene.
sed fores vicini proxumi crepuerunt. conticiscam. 410

Pal. By Pollux, you nearly ruined us with your stupidity:
while you wanted to make yourself faithful to the master, you were nearly done for.
but the nearest neighbor’s door creaked. I will fall silent. 410

II.v

2.5

Phil. Inde ignem in aram, ut Ephesiae Dianae laeta laudes
gratesque agam eique ut Arabico fumificem odore amoene,
quom me in locis Neptuniis templisque turbulentis
servavit, saevis fluctibus ubi sum adflictata multum.
Scel. Palaestrio, o Palaestrio. Pal. O Sceledre, Sceledre, quid vis? 415
Scel. Haec mulier, quae hinc exit modo, estne erilis concubina
Philocomasium, an non est ea? Pal. Hercle opinor, ea videtur.

Phil. Thence a fire on the altar, that to Diana of Ephesus I may joyfully render lauds and thanks, and that I may pleasantly fumigate her with Arabic fragrance, since in Neptunian places and in turbulent temples she saved me, where by savage waves I was much battered.
Scel. Palaestrio, O Palaestrio. Pal. O Sceledrus, Sceledrus, what do you want? 415
Scel. This woman, who just now comes out from here, is she the master’s concubine Philocomasium, or is she not she? Pal. By Hercules, I suppose, she seems to be the one.

sed facinus mirum est, quo modo haec hinc huc transire potuit,
si quidem east. Scel. An dubium tibi est eam esse hanc? Pal. Ea videtur.

but it is a wondrous deed, how this woman could have crossed from here to here,
if indeed it is she. Scel. Is it doubtful to you that this is she? Pal. She seems so.

Scel. Adeamus, appellemus. heus, quid istuc est, Philocomasium? 420
quid tibi istic in istisce aedibus debetur, quid negotist?
quid nunc taces?

Scel. Let us approach, let us call her. Hey, what is that, Philocomasium? 420
What is owed you there in that house, what business is it?
Why are you silent now?

tecum loquor. Pal. Immo edepol tute tecum;
nam haec nil respondet. Scel. Te adloquor, viti probrique plena,
quae circum vicinos vagas.

I am speaking with you. Pal. Nay, by Pollux, you yourself with yourself;
for this woman answers nothing. Scel. I address you, full of vice and disgrace,
you who roam around the neighbors.

Phil. Quicum tu fabulare?
Scel. Quicum nisi tecum? Phil. Quis tu homo es, aut mecum quid est 425

Phil. With whom are you talking?
Scel. With whom, unless with you? Phil. Who are you, man, or what have you to do with me? 425

negoti?
Scel. Me rogas homo qui sim? Phil. Quin ego hoc rogem quod nesciam?

of business?
Scel. Do you ask me, man, who I am? Phil. Why should I not ask this which I do not know?

Pal. Quis ego sum igitur, si hunc ignoras? Phil. Mihi odiosus, quisquis
es,
et tu et hic. Sc. Non nos novisti?

Pal. Who am I then, if you do not know him? Phil. Odious to me, whoever
you are,
both you and this man. Sc. Do you not know us?

Ph. Neutrum. Sc. Metuo maxume,
Pal. Quid metuis? Scel. Enim ne <nos> nosmet perdiderimus uspiam;
nam nec te neque me novisse ait haec.

Ph. Neither. Sc. I fear very much,
Pal. What do you fear? Scel. Indeed, that we ourselves have lost ourselves somewhere;
for this woman says that she knows neither you nor me.

Pal. Persectari hic volo, 430
Sceledre, nos nostri an alieni simus, ne dum quispiam
nos vicinorum imprudentis aliquis immutaverit.
Scel. Certe equidem noster sum. Pal. Et pol ego.

Pal. I want to pursue an investigation here, 430
Sceledrus, whether we are our own or alien, lest meanwhile someone
of the neighbors, unwitting, has transmuted us.
Scel. Surely indeed I am one of ours. Pal. And, by Pollux, I too.

quaeris tu, mulier,
malum.
tibi ego dico, heus, Philocomasium. Phil. Quae te intemperiae tenent,
qui me perperam perplexo nomine appelles?

you are seeking, woman,
evil.
I’m talking to you, hey, Philocomasium. Phil. What intemperance possesses you,
that you call me wrongly with a perplexed name?

Pal. Eho, 435
quis igitur vocare? Phil. Diceae nomen est. Scel. Iniuria es,
falsum nomen possidere, Philocomasium, postulas;
êdikow es tu, non dika¤a, et meo ero facis iniuriam.

Pal. Hey, 435
whom then should I call? Phil. The name is Dicea. Scel. You are in the wrong,
to possess a false name, Philocomasium, you claim;
you are unjust, not just, and you do an injury to my master.

Phil. Egone? Scel. Tu<ne>. Phil. Quae heri Athenis Ephesum adveni
vesperi
cum meo amatore, adulescente Atheniensi? Pal. Dic mihi, 440

Phil. Me? Scel. You? Phil. I, who yesterday from Athens arrived at Ephesus
in the evening
with my lover, an Athenian adolescent? Pal. Tell me, 440

quid hic tibi in Epheso est negoti? Phil. Geminam germanam meam
hic sororem esse indaudivi, eam veni quaesitum. Scel. Mala es.
Phil. Immo ecastor stulta multum, quae vobiscum fabuler.

what business have you here in Ephesus? Phil. I have heard tell that my twin sister
is here, I have come to seek her. Scel. You are wicked.
Phil. Nay, by Castor, very foolish, for chatting with you.

abeo. Scel. Abire non sinam te. Phil. Mitte. Scel. Manifestaria es.
non omitto.

I go away. Scel. I will not allow you to depart. Phil. Let go. Scel. You are a manifest thief (caught in the act).
I do not let go.

Phil. At iam crepabunt mihi manus, malae tibi, 445
nisi me omittis. Scel. Quid, malum, astas? quin tenes altrinsecus?

Phil. But now my hands will be cracking, for your cheeks, 445
unless you let me go. Scel. What the devil, are you standing? Why not hold her on the other side?

Pal. Nil moror negotiosum mi esse tergum. qui scio
an ista non sit Philocomasium atque alia eius similis sit?
Phil. Mittis me an non mittis?

Pal. I don’t care if my back is kept busy with business. How do I know
whether that one is not Philocomasium, and the other is someone like her?
Phil. Are you letting me go or not?

Scel. Immo vi atque invitam ingratiis,
nisi voluntate ibis, rapiam te domum. Phil. Hosticum hoc mihi 450
domicilium est, Athenis domus est Atticis; ego istam domum
neque moror neque vos qui homines sitis novi neque scio.
Scel. Lege agito: te nusquam mittam, nisi das firmatam fidem,
te huc, si omisero, intro ituram.

Scel. Rather, by force and, unwilling, against your will, unless you go by your own will, I will seize you and drag you home. Phil. This for me is a hostile 450
dwelling; my home is at Athens, in Attic lands; that house I do not concern myself with, nor do I know who you men are, nor do I have any knowledge. Scel. Proceed by law: I will let you go nowhere, unless you give a confirmed pledge that, if I let you go, you will go inside here.

Phil. Vi me cogis, quisquis es.
do fidem, si omittis, isto me intro ituram quo iubes. 455

Phil. By force you compel me, whoever you are.
I give my pledge, if you let me go, that I will go inside there where you order. 455

Sc. Ecce omitto. Ph. At ego abeo missa.—Sc. Muliebri fecit fide.
Pal. Sceledre, manibus amisisti praedam.

Sc. Behold, I let go. Ph. But I go off released.—Sc. She has acted with womanly faith.
Pal. Sceledrus, you have lost the prey from your hands.

tam east quam potis
nostra erilis concubina. vin tu facere hoc strenue?
S. Quid faciam?

She is, as much as can be,
our master’s concubine. Do you want to do this strenuously?
S. What am I to do?

P. Ecfer mihi machaeram huc intus. S. Quid facies ea?
Pal. Intro rumpam recta in aedis: quemque hic intus videro 460
cum Philocomasio osculantem, eum ego obtruncabo extempulo.
Scel. Visanest ea esse?

P. Bring out for me the sword from inside here. S. What will you do with it?
Pal. I’ll break straight in, into the house: whomever I see inside here 460
kissing with Philocomasium, him I’ll cut down on the spot.
Scel. Does that seem so?

Pal. Immo edepol plane east. Scel. Sed quo modo
dissimulabat. Pa. Abi, machaeram huc ecfer.

Pal. Nay, by Pollux, plainly she is. Scel. But how
she was dissimulating. Pa. Go, bring the sword out here.

Sc. Iam faxo hic erit.—
Pal. Neque eques neque pedes profectost quisquam tanta audacia,
qui aeque faciat confidenter quicquam quam mulier facit. 465
ut utrubique orationem docte divisit suam,
ut sublinitur os custodi cauto, conservo meo.
nimis beat quod commeatus transtinet trans parietem.
Scel. Heus, Palaestrio, machaera nihil opust.

Sc. I’ll see to it he’s here at once.—
Pal. Neither horseman nor foot-soldier has ever been of such audacity
as to do anything as confidently as a woman does. 465
How cleverly she divided her discourse on both sides,
how the mouth is buttered over for the cautious guard, my fellow-servant.
It’s exceedingly fine that the supply-line runs across the wall.
Scel. Hey, Palaestrio, there’s no need of the sword.

Pal. Quid iam, aut quid est?
S. Domi eccam erilem concubinam. P. Quid, domi?

Pal. What now, or what is it?
S. At home—look!—the master’s concubine. P. What, at home?

S. In lecto cubat. 470

S. She is lying in bed. 470

Pal. Edepol ne tu tibi malam rem repperisti, ut praedicas.
Scel. Quid iam? Pal. Quia hanc attingere ausu's mulierem hinc ex proxumo.

Pal. By Pollux, surely you have found for yourself a bad business, as you proclaim.
Scel. What now? Pal. Because you have dared to touch this woman here from right next door.

Scel. Magis hercle metuo. Pal. Sed numquam quisquam faciet quin soror
istaec sit gemina huius: eam pol tu osculantem hic videras.
Scel. Id quidem palam est eam esse, ut dicis; quid propius fuit, 475
quam ut perirem, si elocutus essem ero?

Scel. By Hercules, I’m the more afraid. Pal. But no one will ever make it otherwise than that that sister is the twin of this one: by Pollux, you had seen her here kissing. Scel. That indeed is clear that she is, as you say; what was closer than that I should perish, if I had spoken out to the master? 475

Pal. Ergo, si sapis,
mussitabis: plus oportet scire servom quam loqui.
ego abeo a te, ne quid tecum consili commisceam,
atque apud hunc ero vicinum; tuae mihi turbae non placent.
erus si veniet, si me quaeret, hic ero: hinc me arcessito.— 480

Pal. Therefore, if you are wise,
you will keep it quiet: a slave ought to know more than he speaks.
I am going away from you, lest I mix any counsel with you,
and I’ll be at this neighbor’s; your tumults do not please me.
if the master comes, if he seeks me, I shall be here: summon me from here.— 480

II.vi

2.6

Sceledrvs Satin abiit ille neque erile negotium
plus curat, quasi non servitutem serviat?
certo illa quidem hic nunc intus est in aedibus,
nam egomet cubantem eam modo offendi domi.
certum est nunc observationi operam dare. 485
Periplectomenvs non hercle hisce homines me marem, sed feminam
vicini rentur esse servi militis:
ita me ludificant.

Sceledrus Has he gone off then, and does he not care more for the master’s business, as if he were not in servitude?
surely that woman indeed is here now inside in the house,
for I myself just now encountered her lying down at home.
it is fixed now to give effort to observation. 485
Periplectomenus By Hercules, these men think me not a male, but a female,
the neighbor’s, the soldier’s slave:
thus they make sport of me.

meamne hic invitam hospitam,
quae heri huc Athenis cum hospite advenit meo,
tractatam et ludificatam, ingenuam et liberam? 490
Scel. Perii hercle, hic ad me recta habet rectam viam.
metuo, illaec mihi res ne malo magno fuat,
quantum hunc audivi facere verborum senem.
Per. Accedam ad hominem.

Is this my guest here, unwilling,
who yesterday came here from Athens with my guest,
handled and made sport of, freeborn and free? 490
Scel. I’m undone, by Hercules; this fellow has a straight road straight at me.
I fear, lest this affair be great harm to me,
so much have I heard this old man make of words.
Per. I will approach the man.

tun, Sceledre, hic, scelerum caput,
meam ludificavisti hospitam ante aedis modo? 495

You, Sceledrus, here, head of crimes,
have you just now made sport of my guest before the house? 495

Scel. Vicine, ausculta quaeso. Per. Ego auscultem tibi?
Scel. Expurigare volo me. Per. Tun te expuriges,
qui facinus tantum tamque indignum feceris?

Scel. Neighbor, listen, I beg. Per. Am I to listen to you?
Scel. I want to expurgate myself. Per. You, expurgate yourself,
you who have done so great and so unworthy a deed?

an quia latrocinamini, arbitramini
quidvis licere facere vobis, verbero?                    500
Scel. Licetne? Per. At ita me di deaeque omnis ament,
nisi mihi supplicium virgeum de te datur
longum diutinumque, a mane ad vesperum,
quod meas confregisti imbricis et tegulas,
ibi dum condignam te sectatu's simiam,                    505
quodque inde inspectavisti meum apud me hospitem
amplexum amicam, quom osculabatur, suam,
quodque concubinam erilem insimulare ausus es
probri pudicam meque summi flagiti,
tum quod tractavisti hospitam ante aedis meam:                    510

or because you practice latrociny, do you reckon
that it is permitted for you to do anything whatsoever, you scourge?                    500
Scel. Is it permitted? Per. But so may all gods and goddesses love me,
unless a rod-punishment is given from you to me,
long and long-lasting, from morning to evening,
because you smashed my imbrices and tiles,
there while you were chasing a monkey well-suited to you,                    505
and because from there you peeped at my guest at my place
embracing his girlfriend, when she was kissing, his own,
and because you dared to accuse the master’s concubine,
chaste, of disgrace, and me of the highest outrage,
then because you manhandled my guest-woman before my doors:                    510

nisi mihi supplicium stimuleum de <te> datur,
dedecoris pleniorem erum faciam tuom,
quam magno vento plenumst undarum mare.
Scel. Ita sum coactus, Periplectomene, ut nesciam
utrum me postulare prius * tecum aequom siet; 515
nisi <si> istaec non est haec neque <haec> istast, mihi
me expurigare tibi videtur aequius;
sicut etiam nunc nescio quid viderim:
itast ista huius similis nostrai tua,
siquidem non eadem est. Per. Vise ad me intro, iam scies. 520
Scel. Licetne?

unless a goading punishment upon <you> is granted to me,
I will make your master fuller of disgrace
than the sea is full of waves in a great wind. Scel. I am so constrained, Periplectomenus, that I do not know
whether it would be equitable that I should first postulate * with you; 515
unless <if> that one is not this one nor <this> that one, it seems to me
more equitable that I expurgate myself to you;
just as even now I do not know what I saw:
so like is that woman of his to ours, yours,
if indeed she is not the same. Per. Come in to take a look at my place; now you will know. 520
Scel. May I?

Per. Quin te iubeo; et placide noscita.
Scel. Ita facere certum est.—Per. Heus, Philocomasium, cito
transcurre curriculo ad nos, ita negotiumst.
post, quando exierit Sceledrus a nobis, cito
transcurrito ad vos rursum curriculo domum. 525

Per. Why, I bid you; and know it calmly.
Scel. I am resolved to do so.—Per. Hey, Philocomasium, quickly run across at a run to us; such is the business.
after, when Sceledrus has gone out from us, quickly
run right back across to your house again at a run. 525

nunc pol ego metuo ne quid infuscaverit.
si hic non videbit mulierem—aperitur foris.
Scel. Pro di immortales, similiorem mulierem
magisque eandem, ut pote quae non sit eadem, non reor 529-530
deos facere posse.

now, by Pollux, I fear lest he has obfuscated something.
if this fellow does not see the woman—the door opens.
Scel. By the immortal gods, a more similar woman
and more the same, inasmuch as she is not the same, I do not think 529-530
the gods able to make.

Per. Quid nunc? Scel. Commerui malum. 531
Per. Quid igitur? eanest?

Per. What now? Scel. I have deserved a punishment. 531
Per. What then? Is it so?

Scel. Etsi east, non est ea.
Per. Vidistin istam? Scel. Vidi, et illam et hospitem,
complexam atque osculantem. Per. Eanest?

Scel. Even if she be that woman, she is not that one.
Per. Did you see that one? Scel. I saw—both her and the guest—
embracing and kissing. Per. Is it she?

Scel. Nescio.
Pe. Vin scire plane? Sc. Cupio.

Scel. I do not know.
Pe. Do you want to know plainly? Sc. I desire it.

Pe. Abi intro ad vos domum 535
continuo, vide sitne istaec vostra intus. Scel. Licet,
pulchre admonuisti. iam ego ad te exibo foras.—
Per. Numquam edepol hominem quemquam ludificarier
magis facete vidi et magis miris modis.

Pe. Go inside to your house 535
at once, see whether that one of yours is inside. Scel. Very well,
you’ve given a fine reminder. Now I’ll come out to you.—
Per. Never, by Pollux, have I seen any man mock
more wittily and in more wondrous ways.

sed eccum egreditur. Scel. Periplectomene, te opsecro 540

but look, he is coming out. Scel. Periplectomenus, I beseech you 540

per deos atque homines perque stultitiam meam
perque tua genua—Per. Quid opsecras me? Scel. Inscitiae
meae et stultitiae ignoscas. nunc demum scio
me fuisse excordem, caecum, incogitabilem.
nam Philocomasium eccam intus.

by the gods and men and by my stupidity
and by your knees— Per. Why do you beseech me? Scel. That you forgive
my ignorance and stupidity. Now at last I know
that I have been out of my wits, blind, incogitant.
for look, Philocomasium is inside.

Per. Quid nunc, furcifer? 545
vidistin ambas? Scel. Vidi. Per. Erum exhibeas volo.

Per. What now, gallows-bearer? 545
Did you see both? Scel. I saw. Per. I want you to bring out the master.

Scel. Meruisse equidem me maxumum fateor malum,
et tuae fecisse me hospitae aio iniuriam;
sed meam esse erilem concubinam censui,
cui me custodem erus addidit miles meus. 550
nam ex uno puteo similior numquam potis
aqua aquai sumi quam haec est atque ista hospita.
et me despexe ad te per impluvium tuom
fateor. Per. Quid ni fateare, ego quod viderim?

Scel. Indeed I confess that I have deserved the maximum punishment,
and I say that I have done an injury to your hostess;
but I judged that she was my master’s concubine,
to whom my master, my soldier, appointed me as a guard. 550
for from one well water more like water can never possibly
be drawn than this one is to that hostess.
and that I looked down toward you through your impluvium
I confess. Per. Why should you not confess what I saw?

et ibi osculantem meum hospitem cum ista hospita 555

and there my host kissing with that hostess 555

vidisti? Scel. Vidi (cur negem quod viderim?),
sed Philocomasium me vidisse censui.
Per. Ratun istic me hominem esse omnium minimi preti,
si ego me sciente paterer vicino meo
eam fieri apud me tam insignite iniuriam? 560
Scel. Nunc demum a me insipienter factum esse arbitror,
cum rem cognosco; at non malitiose tamen
feci.

did you see? Scel. I saw (why should I deny what I have seen?),
but I supposed that I had seen Philocomasium.
Per. Do you reckon me here to be a man of the least price of all,
if I, knowing it, would allow my neighbor
so signal an injury to be done to me at my place? 560
Scel. Only now at last do I think that I acted unwisely,
when I recognize the matter; yet not maliciously, however,
did I act.

Per. Immo indigne; nam hominem servom suos
domitos habere oportet oculos et manus
orationemque. Scel. Egone si post hunc diem 565
muttivero, etiam quod egomet certo sciam,
dato excruciandum me: egomet me dedam tibi;
nunc hoc mi ignosce quaeso. Per. Vincam animum meum,
ne malitiose factum id esse aps te arbitrer.

Per. Nay, disgracefully; for a slave ought to have his eyes and hands and his speech tamed. Scel. I—if after this day 565
I so much as mutter, even what I myself know for certain, give me to be tortured: I myself will hand myself over to you; now forgive me this, I beg. Per. I will conquer my spirit, so that I may not think that to have been done by you maliciously.

ignoscam tibi istuc. Scel. At tibi di faciant bene. 570

I will pardon you that. Scel. And may the gods do well by you. 570

Per. Ne tu hercle, si te di ament, linguam comprimes
posthac, etiam illud quod scies nesciveris
nec videris quod videris. Scel. Bene me mones,
ita facere certum est. sed satine oratu's? Per. Abi.

Per. By Hercules, if the gods love you, you will hold your tongue hereafter; even that which you will know you will have not known, nor will you have seen what you have seen. Scel. You advise me well; it is determined to do so. But have I entreated you enough? Per. Go.

Scel. Numquid nunc aliud me vis? Per. Ne me noveris. 575
Scel. Dedit hic mihi verba. quam benigne gratiam
fecit, ne iratus esset.

Scel. Do you want anything else from me now? Per. Do not know me. 575
Scel. He put me off with words. How kindly he showed grace, in order that he might not be angry.

scio quam rem gerat:
ut miles cum extemplo a foro adveniat domum,
domi comprehendar. una hic et Palaestrio
me habent venalem: sensi et iam dudum scio. 580
numquam hercle ex ista nassa ego hodie escam petam;
nam iam aliquo aufugiam et me occultabo aliquot dies,
dum haec consilescunt turbae atque irae leniunt.
nam uni satis populo impio merui mali.—
[verum tamen de me quidquid est, ibo hinc domum.] 585

I know what business he is driving at:
so that when the soldier straightway from the forum arrives home,
I may be apprehended at home. Together he and Palaestrio
have me for sale: I perceived it and have long known it. 580
By Hercules, never today from that fish-trap will I seek bait;
for now I will flee off somewhere and hide myself for several days,
until these tumults grow silent and the wraths are softened.
for from a single impious populace I have deserved evil enough.—
[but still, whatever there is concerning me, I will go home from here.] 585

Per. Illic hinc abscessit. sat edepol certo scio,
occisam saepe sapere plus multo suem:
quoin id adimatur ne id quod vidit viderit.
nam illius oculi atque aures atque opinio
transfugere ad nos.

Per. That fellow has withdrawn from here. Quite, by Pollux, I certainly know,
that a slaughtered sow often knows much more:
provided that this be taken away—that he should not have seen what he saw.
for his eyes and ears and opinion
have defected over to us.

usque adhuc actum est probe; 590
nimium festivam mulier operam praehibuit.
redeo in senatum rusum; nam Palaestrio
domi nunc apud me est, Sceledrus nunc autemst foris:
frequens senatus poterit nunc haberier.
ibo intro, ne, dum absum, alter sorti defuat.— 595

up to this point it has been done properly; 590
the woman has provided exceedingly festive service.
I return into the senate again; for Palaestrio
is now at home with me, Sceledrus now, however, is outside:
a full senate can now be held. I will go inside, lest, while I am away, the other fail his allotted lot.— 595

ACTVS III

ACT 3

III.i
Palaestrio Cohibete intra limen etiam vos parumper, Pleusicles,
sinite me prius perspectare, ne uspiam insidiae sient
concilium quod habere volumus. nam opus est nunc tuto loco,
unde inimicus ne quis nostri spolia capiat consili.
nam bene consultum inconsultum est, si id inimicis usuist, 600
neque potest quin, si id inimicis usuist, obsit tibi;
[nam bene <consultum> consilium surripitur saepissime,
si minus cum cura aut cautella locus loquendi lectus est.]
quippe qui, si rescivere inimici consilium tuom,
tuopte tibi consilio occludunt linguam et constringunt manus, 605
atque eadem quae illis voluisti facere, illi faciunt tibi.

3.1
Palaestrio Hold within the threshold you too for a little while, Pleusicles,
allow me first to look around, lest anywhere there be ambushes
for the council we wish to hold. For there is need now of a safe place,
whence no enemy may seize the spoils of our counsel.
for a well-consulted counsel is ill-consulted, if it has been of use to enemies, 600
nor can it but, if it has been of use to enemies, harm you;
[for a well- counsel is very often surreptitiously snatched,
if the place of speaking has been chosen with less care or caution.]
indeed, if the enemies have learned your counsel,
by your very own counsel they shut your tongue and bind your hands, 605
and the same things which you wished to do to them, they do to you.

sed speculabor, ne quis aut hinc aut ab laeva aut dextera
nostro consilio venator adsit cum auritis plagis.
sterilis hinc prospectus usque ad ultumam est plateam probe.
evocabo.

but I will keep watch, lest anyone either from here or from the left or right
be present, a hunter of our counsel with eared snares.
from here the prospect is barren right up to the farthest street, quite so.
I will call out.

heus Periplectomene et Pleusicles, progredimini. 610

hey Periplectomenus and Pleusicles, come forward. 610

Periplectomenvs Ecce nos tibi oboedientes. Pal. Facilest imperium in
bonis.
sed volo scire: eodem consilio, quod intus meditati sumus,
gerimus rem?

Periplectomenvs Behold us obedient to you. Pal. Command is easy among
the good.
but I wish to know: by the same counsel, which we have meditated indoors,
do we conduct the affair?

Per. Magis non potest esse ad rem utibile. Pal. Immo *
quid tibi, Pleusicles? Plevsicles Quodne vobis placeat, displiceat mihi?

Per. It cannot be more to the matter, more utile. Pal. Nay rather *
what about you, Pleusicles? Plevsicles Should that which pleases you displease me?

quis homo sit magis meus quam tu es? Pal. Loquere lepide et commode. 615
Per. Pol ita decet hunc facere. Pl. At hoc me facinus miserum macerat
meumque cor corpusque cruciat. Per. Quid id est quod cruciat?

What man would be more mine than you are? Pal. Speak wittily and suitably. 615
Per. By Pollux, it befits him to do so. Pl. But this deed wears me down, wretched, and
it crucifies my heart and body. Per. What is it that is crucifying you?

cedo.
Plevs. Me tibi istuc aetatis homini facinora puerilia
obicere, neque te decora neque tuis virtutibus;
ea te expetere ex opibus summis mei honoris gratia 620
mihique amanti ire opitulatum atque ea te facere facinora,
quae istaec aetas fugere facta magis quam sectari solet:
eam pudet me tibi in senecta obicere sollicitudinem.
Pal. Novo modo tu homo amas, siquidem te quicquam quod faxis pudet;
nihil amas, umbra es amantis magis quam amator, Pleusicles. 625

out with it.
Plevs. That I, to you—a man of that age—should upbraid childish deeds,
neither decorous for you nor for your virtues;
that you should seek those things, from your utmost resources, for the sake of my honor 620
and, loving me, go to give aid and do those deeds,
which that age is wont to flee rather than to follow:
I am ashamed to throw this solicitude upon you in old age.
Pal. You love in a novel way, man, if indeed you are ashamed of anything you do;
you love nothing; you are the shadow of a lover rather than a lover, Pleusicles. 625

Plevs. Hancine aetatem exercere <mei> me amoris gratia?
Per. Quid ais tu? itane tibi ego videor oppido Acherunticus?
tam capularis, tamine tibi diu videor vitam vivere?

Plevs. Am I to put an age like this to exertion, for the sake of my love?
Per. What do you say? Do I really seem to you downright Acherontic?
so coffin-ready, do I seem to you to be living life so long?

nam equidem haud sum natus annos praeter quinquaginta et quattuor,
clare oculis video, pernix sum manibus, pedibus mobilis. 630
Pal. Si albicapillus hic, videtur neutiquam ab ingenio senex.
inest in hoc emussitata sua sibi ingenua indoles.
Plevs. Pol id quidem experior ita esse ut praedicas, Palaestrio;
nam benignitas quidem huius oppido adulescentula est.

for indeed I am not past fifty-four years old,
I see clearly with my eyes, I am nimble with my hands, mobile with my feet. 630
Pal. If gray-haired, this man is by no means old in wit.
there is in him his own native indoles, polished to the last file.
Plevs. By Pollux, I indeed find it to be as you proclaim, Palaestrio;
for the benignity of this man is downright youthful.

Per. Immo, hospes, magis cum periclum facies, magis nosces meam                    635
comitatem erga te amantem. Plevs. Quid opus nota noscere?
Per. Vt apud <te> exemplum experiundi habeas, ne quaeras foris;
nam nisi qui ipse amavit, aegre amantis ingenium inspicit:
et ego amoris aliquantum habeo umorisque etiam in corpore,                    639-640
neque dum exarui ex amoenis rebus et voluptariis.                    641

Per. Rather, guest, the more you make a trial, the more you will know my loving courtesy toward you.                    635
kindliness toward you. Plevs. What need is there to know by a proof?
Per. So that you may have with you an example of making trial, and not seek it outside;
for unless one has himself loved, he can hardly discern a lover’s temperament:
and I have some measure of love, and even humor, in my body,                    639-640
nor yet have I dried out from pleasant and voluptuary things.                    641

vel cavillator facetus vel conviva commodus
item ero, neque ego oblocutor sum alteri in convivio:
incommoditate abstinere me apud convivas commodo
commemini et meae orationis iustam partem persequi                    645
et meam partem itidem tacere, quom aliena est oratio;
minime sputator, screator sum, itidem minime mucidus:
post Ephesi sum natus, non enim in Apulis; non sum Animulas.
Pal. O lepidum senem, in se si quas memorat virtutis habet,
atque equidem plane educatum in nutricatu Venerio.                    650
Per. Plus dabo quam praedicabo ex me venustatis tibi.
neque ego umquam alienum scortum subigito in convivio,
neque praeripio pulpamentum neque praevorto poculum,
neque per vinum umquam ex me exoritur discidium in convivio:
si quis ibi est odiosus, abeo domum, sermonem segrego;                    655

either I will be a facetious caviller or an agreeable table-companion likewise, nor am I an oblocutor against another at a banquet:
I keep in mind to abstain from inconvenience to the fellow-guests for their convenience,
and to pursue the just share of my speaking,                    645
and likewise to keep my part silent, when another’s speech is on;
by no means am I a spitter or a hawker, likewise by no means mucous:
I was born at Ephesus, for I am not among the Apulians; I am not “Animulas.”
Pal. O charming old man, if he has in himself any virtues he recounts,
and indeed plainly reared in Venus’s nurture.                    650
Per. I will give you more charm from me than I proclaim.
nor do I ever subdue another man’s courtesan at a banquet,
nor do I snatch the relish nor preempt the cup,
nor does a quarrel ever arise from me through wine at a banquet:
if anyone there is odious, I go home, I separate myself from the conversation.                    655

Venerem, amorem amoenitatemque accubans exerceo.
Pal. Tu quidem edepol omnis moris ad venustatem ~ vacet;
cedo tris mi hominis aurichalco contra cum istis moribus.
Plevs. At quidem illuc aetatis qui sit non invenies alterum
lepidiorem ad omnis res nec qui amicus amico sit magis. 660
Per. Tute me ut fateare faciam esse adulescentem moribus,
ita apud omnis comparebo tibi res bene factis frequens.

Venus, love, and amenity I, reclining, practice.
Pal. You indeed, by Pollux, in all your ways are devoted to comeliness;
come, bring me three men of orichalcum to match him with those manners.
Plevs. But indeed, of that age you will not find another more charming for all matters, nor one who is more a friend to a friend. 660
Per. I will make you yourself admit that I am a youth in my manners,
so among all I will present myself to you, frequent in well-done deeds.

opusne erit tibi advocato tristi, iracundo? ecce me;
opusne leni? leniorem dices quam mutum est mare,
liquidiusculusque ero quam ventus est favonius. 665
vel hilarissimum convivam hinc indidem expromam tibi,
pel primarium parasitum atque obsonatorem optumum;
tum ad saltandum non cinaedus malacus aequest atque ego.

Do you have need of an advocate grim, irascible? Behold me;
need a gentle one? you will say me gentler than the sea is still,
and I shall be a trifle more limpid than the Favonian wind. 665
or I will produce for you from right here on the spot the most cheerful table-companion,
or a prime parasite and most excellent caterer;
then, for dancing, no effeminate catamite is equal to me.

Pal. Quid ad illas artis optassis, si optio eveniat tibi?
Plevs. Huius pro meritis ut referri pariter possit gratia, 670

Pal. What would you have wished regarding those arts, if a choice should come to you?
Plevs. That for this man, in proportion to his merits, gratitude might be returned in equal measure, 670

tibique, quibus nunc me esse experior summae sollicitudini.
at tibi tanto sumptui esse mihi molestumst. Per. Morus es.
nam in mala uxore atque inimico si quid sumas, sumptus est,
in bono hospite atque amico quaestus est quod sumitur
et quod in divinis rebus sumptumst, sapienti lucrumst. 675
deum virtute est te unde hospitio accipiam apud me comiter:
es, bibe, animo obsequere mecum atque onera te hilaritudine.

and to you, to whom I now find myself to be of the highest solicitude.
but that I am to you at so great an expenditure is troublesome to me. Per. You are a fool.
for in a bad wife and an enemy, if you spend anything, it is expense;
in a good host and a friend, what is expended is gain,
and what is expended on divine matters is lucre to the wise man. 675
by the gods’ virtue it is that I may receive you with hospitality at my place courteously:
eat, drink, indulge your spirit with me and load yourself with hilarity.

liberae sunt aedis, liber sum autem ego: mei volo vivere.
nam mihi, deum virtute dicam, propter divitias meas
licuit uxorem dotatam genere summo ducere; 680
sed nolo mi oblatratricem in aedis intro mittere.
Pal. Cur non vis?

the house is free, but I am free besides: I want to live for myself.
for to me, by the gods’ virtue, I say, on account of my riches
it was permitted to marry a dowried wife of the highest lineage; 680
but I do not want to let a barking woman into my house.
Pal. Why do you not wish to?

nam procreare liberos lepidumst onus.
Per. Hercle vero liberum esse tete, id multo lepidiust.
Pal. Tu homo et alteri sapienter potis es consulere et tibi.

for to procreate children is a charming burden.
Per. By Hercules indeed, for you yourself to be free—that is much more charming.
Pal. You, man, are able wisely to counsel both another and yourself.

Per. Nam bona uxor suave ductust, si sit usquam gentium 685

Per. For a good wife is sweet leading, if she exists anywhere among the nations 685

ubi ea possit inveniri; verum egone eam ducam domum,
quae mihi numquam hoc dicat 'eme, mi vir, lanam, unde tibi pallium
malacum et calidum conficiatur tunicaeque hibernae bonae,
ne algeas hac hieme' (hoc numquam verbum ex uxore audias),
verum prius quam galli cantent quae me e somno suscitet,                    690
dicat 'da, mi vir, kalendis meam qui matrem munerem,
da qui faciam ~ condiat, da quod dem quinquatribus
praecantrici, coniectrici, hariolae atque haruspicae;
flagitiumst, si nil mittetur quae supercilio spicit;
tum plicatricem clementer non potest quin munerem;                     695
iam pridem, quia nihil abstulerit, suscenset ceriaria;
tum opstetrix expostulavit mecum, parum missum sibi;
quid? nutrici non missuru's quicquam, quae vernas alit?'
haec atque horum similia alia damna multa mulierum
me uxore prohibent, mihi quae huius similes sermones serat.                    700

where such a one could be found; but shall I take her home,
who would never say this to me: ‘buy, my husband, wool, from which for you a cloak
soft and warm may be made and good winter tunics,
lest you be chilled this winter’ (you would never hear this word from a wife),
but before the cocks crow the sort who rouses me from sleep,                    690
she says, ‘give, my husband, on the Kalends something with which I may gift my mother;
give, that I may make ~ to have it seasoned; give what I may give at the Quinquatrus
to the enchantress, the conjecturer, the soothsayer, and the female haruspex;
it is a scandal if nothing is sent to the one who peers from under her eyebrow;
then I cannot but gently give a gift to the hair-braider;                     695
long already the wax-woman, the candlemaker, is angry because nothing has been bought from her;
then the midwife expostulated with me, that too little had been sent to her;
what? will you send nothing to the nurse, who nourishes the homeborn slaves?’
These and many other similar damages of women keep me from a wife,
one who would sow such speeches to me like these.                    700

Pal. Di tibi propitii sunt, nam hercle si istam semel amiseris
libertatem, haud facile in eundem rusum restitues locum.
Plevs. At illa laus est, magno in genere et in divitiis maxumis
liberos hominem educare, generi monumentum et sibi.
Per. Quando habeo multos cognatos, quid opus est mihi liberis? 705
nunc bene vivo et fortunate atque ut volo atque animo ut lubet.

Pal. The gods are propitious to you, for, by Hercules, if you once lose that liberty, you will hardly restore yourself back to the same place again.
Plevs. But that is praise, for a man of great lineage and in very great riches to rear children—a monument to the lineage and to himself.
Per. Since I have many cognates, what need have I of children? 705
now I live well and fortunately, and as I wish and as my mind pleases.

mea bona in morte cognatis didam, inter eos partiam.
[ei apud me aderunt, me curabunt, visent quid agam, ecquid velim.]
prius quam lucet adsunt, rogitant noctu ut somnum ceperim.
[eos pro liberis habebo, qui mihi mittunt munera.] 710
sacrificant: dant inde partem mihi maiorem quam sibi,
abducunt ad exta; me ad se ad prandium, ad cenam vocant;
ille miserrumum se retur, minimum qui misit mihi.

my goods in death I will give to my cognates, I will distribute among them.
[they will be present with me, will care for me, will visit to see what I am doing, whether I want anything.]
before it is light they are there, they keep asking by night whether I have taken sleep.
[I will hold them in place of children, who send me gifts.] 710
they sacrifice: from that they give me a greater portion than to themselves,
they lead me off to the entrails; they call me to breakfast, to dinner;
that one reckons himself most wretched, who sent me the least.

illi inter se certant donis, egomet mecum mussito:
bona mea inhiant, me certatim nutricant et munerant. 715

they compete among themselves with gifts, I myself mutter to myself:
they gape after my goods; in rivalry they nurse me and bestow gifts on me. 715

Pal. Nimis bona ratione nimiumque ad te <te> et tuam vitam habes:
et tibi sunt gemini et trigemini, si te bene habes, filii.
Per. Pol si habuissem, satis cepissem miseriarum e liberis:
continuo excruciarer animi: si ei forte fuisset febris, 719-720
censerem emori; cecidissetve ebrius aut de equo uspiam, 721
metuerem ne ibi diffregisset crura aut cervices sibi.
Pal. Huic homini dignum est divitias esse et diu vitam dari,
qui et rem servat et se bene habet suisque amicis usui est.

Pal. By too good a rationale you have too much regard toward yourself and your life:
and you have twins and triplets—sons—if you keep yourself well.
Per. By Pollux, if I had had them, I would have gotten enough miseries from children:
straightway I would be tormented in mind: if by chance he had had a fever, 719-720
I would reckon him dying; or if he had fallen drunk somewhere or from a horse, 721
I would fear lest there he had broken his legs or his neck.
Pal. This man deserves to have riches and to have a long life given him,
who both preserves his estate and keeps himself well and is of use to his friends.

Plevs. O lepidum caput. ita me di deaeque ament, aequom fuit 725
deos paravisse, uno exemplo ne omnes vitam viverent;
sicut merci pretium statuit qui est probus agoranomus:
quae probast mers, pretium ei statuit, pro virtute ut veneat,
quae improbast, pro mercis vitio dominum pretio pauperat,
itidem divos dispertisse vitam humanam aequom fuit: 730

Plevs. O charming head. So may the gods and goddesses love me, it was equitable 725
that the gods should have provided that not all live life by one example;
just as a man of probity, an agoranomus, sets a price for merchandise:
what merchandise is proven good, he sets a price for it, that it may sell in proportion to its virtue;
what is not good, by the fault of the merchandise he makes its owner poorer in price;
likewise it was equitable that the gods should have apportioned human life: 730

qui lepide ingeniatus esset, vitam ei longinquam darent,
qui improbi essent et scelesti, is adimerent animam cito.
si hoc paravissent, et homines essent minus multi mali
et minus audacter scelesta facerent facta, et postea,
qui homines probi essent, esset is annona vilior. 735
Per. Qui deorum consilia culpet, stultus inscitusque sit,
quique eos vituperet. nunc istis rebus desisti decet.

whoever were ingeniously endowed, to him they would give a long life,
whoever were wicked and criminal, from them they would deprive life quickly.
if they had arranged this, there would be fewer bad men,
and they would do criminal deeds less boldly, and thereafter,
for men of probity the grain-supply would be cheaper. 735
Per. Whoever blames the counsels of the gods, let him be a fool and unskilled,
and whoever vituperates them. Now it is fitting to desist from these matters.

nunc volo opsonare, ut, hospes, tua te ex virtute et mea
meae domi accipiam benigne, lepide et lepidis victibus.
Plevs. Nihil me paenitet iam quanto sumptui fuerim tibi; 740
nam hospes nullus tam in amici hospitium devorti potest,
quin, ubi triduom continuom fuerit, iam odiosus siet;
verum ubi dies decem continuos sit, east odiorum Ilias:
tam etsi dominus non invitus patitur, servi murmurant.
Per. Serviendae servituti ego servos instruxi mihi, 745

now I want to go marketing for provisions, so that, guest, on the strength of your worth and mine I may receive you at my house kindly, charmingly, and with charming viands.
Plevs. I have no regret now at how great an expense I have been to you; 740
for no guest can turn in to a friend’s hospitality without, when he has been there three days in a row, becoming already odious;
but when it’s ten days continuously, that is an Iliad of hatreds:
for even if the master suffers it not unwillingly, the slaves murmur.
Per. I have arrayed slaves for servitude to be served to me, 745

hospes, non qui mi imperarent quibusve ego essem obnoxius:
si illis aegrest mihi quod volup est, meo remigio rem gero,
tamen id quod odiost faciundumst cum malo atque ingratiis.
nunc, quod occepi, opsonatum pergam. Plevs. Si certumst tibi,
commodulum obsona, ne magno sumptu: mihi quidvis sat est. 750
Per. Quin tu istanc orationem hinc veterem atque antiquam amoves?

guest, not such as would give orders to me nor to whom I should be obnoxious;
if what is pleasure to me is a sore to them, I manage the affair by my own rowing,
yet that which is odious must be done to my hurt and against my will.
now, what I have begun, I shall proceed to market for provisions. Plevs. If it’s settled with you, buy something modest, not at great expense: for me anything is sufficient. 750
Per. Come now, remove that oration from here, old and antique, will you?

[nam] proletario sermone nunc quidem, hospes, utere;
nam ei solent, quando accubuere, ubi cena adpositast, dicere:
'quid opus fuit hoc, <hospes>, sumptu tanto nostra gratia?
insanivisti hercle, nam idem hoc hominibus sat erat decem.' 755
quod eorum causa obsonatumst culpant et comedunt tamen.
Pal. Fit pol illud ad illud exemplum.

[for] now indeed, guest, use proletarian speech;
for they are accustomed, when they have reclined, when dinner has been set out, to say:
'what need was there, <guest>, for expense so great for our sake?
you have raved, by Hercules; for this same thing was enough for ten men.' 755
they blame that on their account provisioning has been done, and yet they eat it.
Pal. By Pollux, that fits that example.

ut docte et perspecte sapit.
Per. Sed eidem homines numquam dicunt, quamquam adpositumst ampliter:
'iube illud demi; tolle hanc patinam; remove pernam, nil moror;
aufer illam offam porcinam, probus hic conger frigidus, 760

how learnedly and perspicuously he shows sense.
Per. But those same men never say, although it has been set down amply:
'order that to be taken away; take away this dish; remove the ham, I do not care;
carry off that pork morsel; this fine conger is cold,' 760

remove, abi aufer' neminem eorum haec adseverare audias,
sed procellunt se et procumbunt dimidiati, dum appetunt.
Pal. Bonus bene ut malos descripsit mores. Per. Haud centesimam
partem dixi atque, otium rei si sit, possum expromere.

'remove, be off, carry it away'—you would hear none of them aver these things,
but they storm forward and topple over half-soused, while they are assailing it.
Pal. How well a good man has described bad manners. Per. I have not said the hundredth
part, and, if there be leisure for the matter, I can bring it forth.

Pal. Igitur id quod agitur, ~ hic primum praeverti decet. 765
nunc hoc animum advortite ambo. mihi opus est opera tua,
Periplectomene; nam ego inveni lepidam sycophantiam,
qui admutiletur miles usque caesariatus atque uti
huic amanti ac Philocomasio hanc ecficiamus copiam,
ut hic eam abducat habeatque. Per. Dari istanc rationem volo. 770
Pal. At ego mi anulum dari istunc tuom volo.

Pal. Therefore the thing in hand— ~ here first it is fitting to be given precedence. 765
now turn your minds to this, both of you. I have need of your help,
Periplectomenus; for I have found a clever stratagem,
whereby the soldier, mane and all, may be shorn right down, and so that
for this lover and for Philocomasium we may effect this opportunity,
that he may carry her off and have her. Per. I want that plan to be set forth. 770
Pal. But I want that ring of yours to be given to me.

Per. Quam ad rem usui est?
Pal. Quando habebo, igitur rationem mearum fabricarum dabo.
Per. Vtere, accipe.

Per. For what use is it?
Pal. When I shall have it, then I will give the rationale of my fabrications.
Per. Use it, take it.

Pal. Accipe a me rusum rationem doli,
quam institui. Plevs. Perpurigatis damus tibi ambo operam auribus.
Pal. Erus meus ita magnus moechus mulierum est, ut neminem 775

Pal. Take from me again the plan of the trick,
which I have instituted. Plevs. With ears thoroughly cleansed we both give you attendance.
Pal. My master is so great an adulterer of women, that no one 775

fuisse aeque neque futurum credo. Plevs. Credo ego istuc idem.
Pal. Isque Alexandri praestare praedicat formae suam,
itaque omnis se ultro sectari in Epheso memorat mulieres.

that there has been an equal, nor do I believe there will be. Pleus. I believe that same thing myself. Pal. And he proclaims that his beauty surpasses Alexander’s,
and so he recounts that all the women in Ephesus of their own accord pursue him.

Per. Edepol qui te de isto multi cupiunt ~ non mentirier,
sed ego ita esse ut dicis teneo pulchre. proin, Palaestrio, 780
quam potis tam verba confer maxime ad compendium.
Pal. Ecquam tu potes reperire forma lepida mulierem,
cui facetiarum cor pectusque sit plenum et doli?

Per. By Pollux, there are many who want you about that ~ not to be lying,
but I hold quite well that it is as you say. therefore, Palaestrio, 780
as much as you can, bring your words together most to a compendium. Pal. Can you find any woman of pretty form,
whose heart and breast are full of facetiousness and of trickery?

Per. Ingenuamne an libertinam? Pal. Aequi istuc facio, dum modo
eam des quae sit quaestuosa, quae alat corpus corpore, 785
cuique sapiat pectus; nam cor non potest, quod nulla habet.
Per. Lautam vis an quae nondum sit lauta?

Per. Freeborn or freedwoman? Pal. I count that as equal, so long as
you give one who is lucrative, who nourishes her body with her body, 785
whose breast is savvy; for the heart cannot be, since she has none.
Per. Do you want a refined one, or one not yet refined?

Pal. Sic consucidam,
quam lepidissimam potis quamque adulescentem maxume.
Per. Habeo eccillam meam clientam, meretricem adulescentulam.
sed quid ea usus est?

Pal. Just so tricked out, as most delightful as possible and as youthful as can be.
Per. I have—look there—that client of mine, a young courtesan. But what use is she?

Pal. Vt ad te eam iam deducas domum 790

Pal. That you now bring her home to you 790

itaque eam huc ornatam adducas, ex matronarum modo,
capite compto, crinis vittasque habeat, adsimuletque se
tuam esse uxorem: ita praecipiundum est. Plevs. Erro quam insistas viam.
Pal. At scietis.

and so bring her here adorned, in the manner of matrons,
with her head arranged, let her have tresses and fillets, and let her simulate that she is your wife: thus it must be prescribed. Plevs. I err as to what way you are taking.
Pal. But you will know.

sed ecquae ancillast illi? Per. Est prime cata.
Pal. Ea quoque opus est.

but has she any maidservant? Per. There is—first-rate shrewd.
Pal. She too is needed.

ita praecipito mulieri atque ancillulae, 795
ut simulet se tuam esse uxorem et deperire hunc militem,
quasique hunc anulum faveae suae dederit, ea porro mihi,
militi ut darem, quasique ego <ei> rei sim interpres. Per. Audio;
ne me surdum esse arbitrare, si audes. ego recte meis
auribus utor * Pal. * 799a
ei dabo, <aps> tua mi uxore dicam delatum et datum,
ut sese ad eum conciliarem; ille eiusmodi est: cupiet miser,
qui nisi adulterio studiosus rei nulli aliaest improbus.

thus instruct the woman and the little maidservant, 795
that she simulate that she is your wife and is perishing-with-love for this soldier,
and as if she has given this ring from her honeycomb, then to me,
that I might give it to the soldier, and as if I am the interpreter/go-between of this affair. Per. I hear;
do not think me to be deaf, if you dare. I use my ears rightly
with my ears * Pal. * 799a
I will give it to him, I will say it has been conveyed and given to me from your wife,
so that she might conciliate herself to him; he is of that sort: the poor wretch will desire it,
who, except that he is zealous for adultery, is in no other matter wicked.

Per. Non potuit reperire, si ipsi Soli quaerendas dares,
lepidiores duas ad hanc rem quam ego. habe animum bonum.
Pal. Ergo adcura, sed propere opus est.

Per. He could not find, even if you were to assign the searching to the Sun himself, two more charming women for this matter than I can. Keep a good heart.
Pal. Therefore see to it, but there is need of haste.

nunc tu ausculta, Pleusicles. 805
Plevs. Tibi sum oboediens. Pal. Hoc facito, miles domum ubi advenerit,
memineris ne Philocomasium nomines. Plevs. Quem nominem?

now listen, Pleusicles. 805
Plevs. I am obedient to you. Pal. See that this is done: when the soldier comes home,
remember not to name Philocomasium. Plevs. Whom should I name?

Pa. Diceam. Pl. Nempe eandem quae dudum constitutast. Pa. Pax, abi.

Pa. I would say. Pl. Surely the same as was agreed a moment ago. Pa. Peace, be off.

Plevs. Meminero. sed quid meminisse id refert, <rogo> ego te tamen.
Pal. Ego enim dicam tum quando usus poscet; interea tace, 810

Plevs. I will remember. But what does remembering that matter, <I ask> you nevertheless.
Pal. For I will say it then when need shall require; meanwhile be silent, 810

ut nunc etiam hic agat ac tu tum partis defendas tuas.
Plevs. Ego eo intro igitur.—Pal. Et praecepta sobrie ut cures face.

so that even now he may act here and you then defend your parts.
Plevs. I will go inside then.—Pal. And see that you attend to the precepts soberly.

III.ii

3.2

quantas res turbo, quantas moveo machinas.
eripiam ego hodie concubinam militi,
si centuriati bene sunt maniplares mei. 815
sed illum vocabo. heus Sceledre, nisi negotiumst,
progredere ante aedis, te vocat Palaestrio.

what great things I whirl up, what great machinations I set in motion.
I will snatch today the concubine from the soldier,
if my manipulars are well centuriated. 815
but I’ll call that fellow. Hey, Sceledrus, if you’ve no business,
come forward before the house; Palaestrio calls you.

Lvcrio Non operaest Sceledro. Pal. Quid iam? Lvc. Sorbet dormiens.

Lvcrio Sceledrus is not at leisure. Pal. What now? Lvc. He’s snoring asleep.

Pal. Quid, sorbet? Lvc. Illud, stertit, volui dicere.
sed quia consimile est, quom stertas, quasi sorbeas— 820
Pal. Eho an dormit Sceledrus intus?

Pal. What, “slurps”? Lvc. That is, “he snores,” I meant to say.
but because it’s similar—when you snore, it’s as if you were slurping— 820
Pal. Hey—so is Sceledrus sleeping inside?

Lvc. Non naso quidem,
nam eo magnum clamat. tetigit calicem clanculum,
dum misit nardum in amphoram, cellarius.
Pal. Eho tu sceleste, qui illi suppromu's, eho— 824-825
Lvc. Quid vis?

Lvc. Not with his nose, indeed,
for with that he bellows loudly. The cellarman touched the cup on the sly,
while he was putting nard into the amphora. Pal. Hey, you scoundrel, you who drew it off for him, hey— 824-825
Lvc. What do you want?

Pal. Qui lubitum est illi condormiscere? 826

Pal. How did it please him to fall asleep? 826

Lvc. Oculis opinor. Pal. Non te istuc rogito, scelus.
procede huc.

Lvc. With the eyes, I suppose. Pal. I’m not asking you that, you villain.
proceed here.

periisti iam, nisi verum scio.
prompsisti tu illi vinum? Lvc. Non prompsi.

you have perished now, if I know the truth.
did you draw wine for him? Lvc. I did not draw it.

Pal. Negas?
Lvc. Nego hercle vero, nam ille me vetuit dicere; 830
neque equidem heminas octo exprompsi in urceum
neque illic calidum exbibit in prandium.
Pal. Neque tu bibisti?

Pal. Do you deny it?
Lvc. I deny it, by Hercules indeed, for that fellow forbade me to say; 830
nor indeed did I draw off eight heminae into the pitcher,
nor did that man there drink down hot wine for luncheon.
Pal. Nor did you drink?

Lvc. Di me perdant, si bibi,
si bibere potui. Pal. Quid iam? Lvc. Quia enim obsorbui;
nam nimis calebat, amburebat gutturem. 835
Pal. Alii ebrii sunt, alii poscam potitant.

Lvc. May the gods destroy me, if I drank,
if I could drink. Pal. What now? Lvc. Because indeed I gulped it down;
for it was too hot, it was burning the gullet. 835
Pal. Some are inebriated, others tipple posca.

bono subpromo et promo cellam creditam.
Lvcr. Tu hercle idem faceres, si tibi esset credita:
quoniam aemulari non licet, nunc invides. 839-840
Pal. Eho an umquam prompsit antehac? responde, scelus. 841

I, as a good under-butler and butler, keep the entrusted cellar.
Lvcr. You, by Hercules, would do the same, if it had been entrusted to you:
since it is not permitted to emulate, now you envy. 839-840
Pal. Hey, has he ever brought anything out before now? answer, scoundrel. 841

atque ut tu scire possis, <ego> dico tibi:
si falsa dices, Lucrio, excruciabere.
Lvcr. Ita vero? ut tu ipse me dixisse delices,
post <e> sagina ego eiciar cellaria, 845
ut tibi, si promptes, alium subpromum pares.

and so that you may know, <ego> I tell you:
if you speak falsehoods, Lucrio, you will be excruciated.
Lvcr. Indeed so? so that you yourself may declare that I have said it,
after <e> fattening I be cast out of the cellar, 845
so that for yourself, if you draw, you may procure another under-cellarman.

Pal. Non edepol faciam. age eloquere audacter mihi.
Lvcr. Numquam edepol vidi promere.

Pal. By Pollux, I will not do it. Come, speak out boldly to me.
Lvcr. By Pollux, I have never seen him bring out (produce).

verum hoc erat:
mihi imperabat, ego promebam postea.
Pal. Hoc illi crebro capite sistebant cadi. 850
Lvcr. Non hercle tam istoc valide cassabant cadi;
sed in cella erat paulum nimis loculi lubrici,
ibi erat bilibris aula sic propter cados,
ea saepe deciens complebatur: vidi eam
plenam atque inanem fieri, plenam maxume; 855

but this was it:
he was giving orders to me; I drew it out afterward.
Pal. At this, his jars would often be stopped at the mouth. 850
Lvcr. By Hercules, not so strongly were the jars being made void by that;
but in the cellar there was a little too slippery a little compartment,
there was a two-pound pot right by the jars,
that would often be filled ten times: I have seen it
become full and empty, full most of all; 855

ubi bacchabatur aula, cassabant cadi.
Pal. Abi, abi intro iam. vos in cella vinaria
bacchanal facitis.

where the bowl was Bacchic-raving, the jars were being emptied.
Pal. Off, off, inside now. You lot are making a Bacchanal in the wine-cellar
you are holding a Bacchanal.

iam hercle ego erum adducam a foro.
Lvcr. Perii, excruciabit me erus, domum si venerit,
quom haec facta scibit, quia sibi non dixerim. 860
fugiam hercle aliquo atque hoc in diem extollam malum.
ne dixeritis, obsecro, huic, vostram fidem.

now, by Hercules, I will bring the master from the forum.
Lvcr. I’m done for; the master will excruciate me, if he comes home,
when he learns these things have been done, because I did not tell him. 860
I’ll flee somewhere, by Hercules, and put off this evil for a day.
do not tell him, I beseech you, on your honor.

Pal. Quo te agis? Lvcr. Missus sum aliquo: iam huc revenero.
Pal. Quis misit?

Pal. Where are you going? Lvcr. I’ve been sent somewhere; I’ll be back here presently.
Pal. Who sent you?

Lvcr. Philocomasium. Pal. Abi, actutum redi.
Lvcr. Quaeso tamen tu meam partem, infortunium 865
si dividetur, me absente accipito tamen.—
Pal. Modo intellexi quam rem mulier gesserit:
quia Sceledrus dormit, hunc subcustodem suom
foras ablegavit, dum ab se huc transiret.

Lvcr. Philocomasium. Pal. Go, return straightway.
Lvcr. I beg you, however, do you take my share—the misfortune— 865
if it will be divided, even in my absence, nevertheless.—
Pal. Only just now have I understood what business the woman has managed:
because Sceledrus is sleeping, she has sent this her sub-custodian
out of doors, while she might cross over from her place to here.

placet.
sed Periplectomenus quam ei mandavi mulierem 870

it pleases.
but Periplectomenus, the woman whom I entrusted to him 870

nimis lepida forma ducit. di hercle hanc rem adiuvant.
quam digne ornata incedit, haud meretricie.

an exceedingly charming figure leads. the gods, by Hercules, are aiding this affair.
how worthily adorned she advances, not meretriciously.

lepide hoc succedit sub manus negotium.

Neatly this business succeeds under my hands.

III.iii

3.3

Periplectomenvs Rem omnem tibi, Acroteleutium, tibique una, Milphidippa,
domi demonstravi in ordine. hanc fabricam fallaciasque 875
minus si tenetis, denuo volo percipiatis plane;
satis si intellegitis, aliud est quod potius fabulemur.
Acrotelevtivm Stultitia atque insipientia mea istaec sit, <mi patrone,>
me ire in opus alienum aut ibi meam operam pollicitari,
si ea in opificina nesciam aut mala esse aut fraudulenta. 880
Per. At melius est monerier.

Periplectomenus The whole matter to you, Acroteleutium, and together to you, Milphidippa,
at home I have demonstrated in order. This fabrication and fallacies 875
if you grasp it less, I wish you again to perceive plainly;
if you understand enough, there is something else which rather we should talk about.
Acrotelevtivm Let this be my stupidity and insipience, <my patron,>
for me to go into another’s work or there to promise my service,
if in that workshop I do not know it to be either bad or fraudulent. 880
Per. But it is better to be admonished.

Acr. Meretricem commoneri,
quam sane magni referat, nihil clam est. quin egomet ultro,
postquam adbibere auris meae tuae oram orationis,
tibi dixi, miles quem ad modum potis sit deasciari.
Per. At nemo solus satis sapit.

Acr. For a courtesan to be admonished,
which indeed imports greatly, is no secret. Nay, I myself unbidden,
after my ears drank in the edge of your oration,
told you in what manner the soldier could be cut down to size.
Per. But no one alone is wise enough.

nam ego multos saepe vidi 885

for I have often seen many 885

regionem fugere consili prius quam repertam haberent.
Acr. Si quid faciendum est mulieri male atque malitiose,
ea sibi immortalis memoriast meminisse et sempiterna;
sin bene quid aut fideliter faciundum eisdem veniat,
obliviosae extempulo fiunt, meminisse nequeunt. 890
Per. Ergo istuc metuo, quom venit vobis faciundum utrumque:
nam id proderit mihi, militi male quod facietis ambae.
Acr. Dum nescientes quod bonum faciamus, ne formida.

to flee the region of a plan before they had it discovered.
Acr. If anything must be done against a woman ill and maliciously,
she has for herself an immortal memory to remember it, and sempiternal;
but if anything good or faithfully must come to be done for those same ones,
they become oblivious extempore, they are unable to remember. 890
Per. Therefore I fear this, since both things come to be done by you:
for that will be profitable to me, the ill you both will do to the soldier.
Acr. So long as they are unknowing of what good we do, do not be afraid.

Per. Mala mulier mers est. Acr. Ne pave, peioribus conveniunt. 894-895
Per. Ita vos decet. consequimini.

Per. A bad woman is death. Acr. Do not be afraid; they consort with worse men. 894-895
Per. So it befits you. Follow it up.

Pal. Cesso ego illis obviam ire? 896
venire salvom gaudeo, lepide hercle ornatus incedis.
Per. Bene opportuneque obviam es, Palaestrio. em tibi adsunt
quas me iussisti adducere et quo ornatu.

Pal. Do I delay to go to meet them? 896
I rejoice that you have come safe; smartly, by Hercules, attired you proceed.
Per. Well and opportunely you meet me, Palaestrio. Look, here they are for you,
those whom you ordered me to bring, and in what adornment.

Pal. eu, noster esto.
Palaestrio Acroteleutium salutat. Acr. Quis hic amabo est, 900

Pal. well then, be one of ours.
Palaestrio greets Acroteleutium. Acr. Who is this, please, 900

qui tam pro nota nominat me? Per. Hic noster architectust.
Acr. Salve, architecte. Pal. Salva sis.

who calls me by name so familiarly? Per. This is our architect.
Acr. Greetings, architect. Pal. May you be safe.

sed dic mihi, ecquid hic te
oneravit praeceptis? Per. Probe meditatam utramque duco.
Pal. Audire cupio, quem ad modum; ne quid peccetis paveo.

but tell me, has this fellow burdened you at all with precepts?
Per. I reckon both well rehearsed.
Pal. I desire to hear in what manner; I fear lest you commit anything amiss.

Per. Ad tua praecepta de meo nihil his novom adposivi. 905
Acr. Nempe ludificari militem tuom erum vis? Pal. Exlocuta es.
Acr. Lepide et sapienter, commode et facete res paratast.
Pal. Atque huius uxorem volo <te esse> adsimulare.

Per. According to your precepts I have added nothing new of my own to these. 905
Acr. Surely you wish your soldier-master to be made sport of? Pal. You have spoken out.
Acr. Wittily and wisely, commodiously and facetiously, the matter has been prepared.
Pal. And I want you to pretend this man’s wife.

Acr. Fiet.
Pal. Quasi militi animum adieceris, simulare. Acr. Sic futurum est.

Acr. It shall be done.
Pal. Simulate, as if you had set your heart upon the soldier. Acr. Thus it will be.

Pal. Quasique ea res per me interpretem et tuam ancillam ei curetur. 910
Acr. Bonus vates poteras esse, nam quae sunt futura dicis.
Pal. Quasique anulum hunc ancillula tua abs te detulerit ad me,
quem ego militi <porro> darem tuis verbis.

Pal. And as if that matter were cared for through me as interpreter and through your maidservant to him. 910
Acr. You could be a good prophet, for you say the things that are going to be.
Pal. And as if this ring your little maidservant had brought from you to me,
which I would <further> give to the soldier with your words.

Acr. Vera dicis.
Per. Quid istis nunc memoratis opust quae commeminere? Acr. Meliust.

Acr. You speak true.
Per. What need is there now of those things mentioned, which they have recalled? Acr. Better.

nam, mi patrone, hoc cogitato, ubi probus est architectus, 915

For, my patron, consider this: where the architect is upright, 915

bene lineatam si semel carinam conlocavit,
facile esse navem facere, ubi fundata, constitutast.
nunc haec carina satis probe fundata, bene statutast,
atque architecto adsunt fabri ad eam rem haud imperiti.
si non nos materiarius remoratur, quod opus qui det 920
(novi indolem nostri ingeni), cito erit parata navis.

if he has once set in place a well-lined keel,
it is easy to make a ship, once it is founded and constituted.
now this keel is quite properly founded, well set,
and with the architect there are craftsmen for that matter not unskilled.
if the materials-man does not delay us, to supply what the work requires 920
(I know the temper of our genius), the ship will quickly be prepared.

Pal. Nempe tu novisti militem meum erum? Acr. Rogare mirumst.
populi odium quidni noverim, magnidicum, cincinnatum,
moechum unguentatum.

Pal. Surely you know my master, the soldier? Acr. Strange you should ask.
Why should I not know the people’s hatred—the big-talking, curly-locked, perfumed adulterer.

Pal. Num ille te nam novit? Acr. Numquam vidit:
qui noverit me quis ego sim? Pal. Nimis lepide fabulare; 925
eo ~potiuerim lepidius pol fieri.

Pal. Does he, then, know you? Acr. He has never seen me:
how would he know who I am? Pal. You speak too wittily; 925
on that account, by Pollux, it could not be done more wittily.

Acr. Potin ut hominem
mihi des, quiescas cetera? ni ludificata lepide
ero, culpam omnem in me imponito. Pal. Age igitur intro abite,
insistite hoc negotium sapienter.

Acr. Could you manage to give me the man,
to me, and be quiet about the rest? If I shall be cleverly made a laughingstock,
lay all the blame upon me. Pal. Come then, go on in,
set yourselves upon this business wisely.

Acr. Alia cura.
Pal. Age, Periplectomene, has nunciam duc intro; ego ad forum illum 930

Acr. Another concern.
Pal. Come on, Periplectomenus, lead these women inside right now; I’ll go to that forum there 930

conveniam atque illi hunc anulum dabo, atque praedicabo
a tua uxore mihi datum esse eamque illum deperire.
hanc ad nos, quom extemplo a foro veniemus, mittitote,
quasi clanculum ad <eum> missa sit. Per. Faciemus.

I will meet him and give him this ring, and I will proclaim
that it was given to me by your wife and that she is desperately in love with him.
send her to us, as soon as we come from the forum,
as if she had been sent secretly to <him>. Per. We will do it.

alia cura.
Pal. Vos modo curate, ego illum probe iam oneratum huc acciebo.— 935
Per. Bene ambula, bene rem geras. egone hoc si efficiam plane,
ut concubinam militis meus hospes habeat hodie
atque hinc Athenas avehat, <si> hodie hunc dolum dolamus,
quid tibi ego mittam muneris!

another concern.
Pal. You just take care; I will fetch him here already well-laden.— 935
Per. Walk well, manage the matter well. If I indeed bring this about plainly,
that my guest have the soldier’s concubine today
and carry her off from here to Athens, if today we shape this stratagem,
what gift I will send you!

Acr. Datne ab se mulier operam?                    939-940
Per. Lepidissume et compsissume. Acr. Confido confuturum.                    941
ubi facta erit conlatio nostrarum malitiarum,
haud vereor ne nos subdola perfidia pervincamur.
Per. Abeamus ergo intro, haec uti meditemur cogitate,
ut accurate et commode hoc quod agendumst exsequamur,                    945

Acr. Is the woman doing her part?                    939-940
Per. Most charmingly and most neatly. Acr. I am confident it will come about.                    941
once a collation of our malice has been made,
I do not fear that we will be thoroughly overcome by insidious perfidy.
Per. Let us go inside then, that we may meditate these things with cogitation,
so that accurately and commodiously we may execute this which has to be done,                    945

ne quid, ubi miles venerit, titubetur. Acr. Tu morare.—

lest anything falter, when the soldier arrives. Acr. You wait.—

ACTVS IV

ACT 4

IV.i
Pyrgopolinices Volup est, quod agas, si id procedit lepide at<que ex>
sententia;
nam ego hodie ad Seleucum regem misi parasitum meum,
ut latrones quos conduxi hinc ad Seleucum duceret,
qui eius regnum tutarentur, mihi dum fieret otium 950
Palaestrio Quin tu tuam rem cura potius quam Seleuci, quae tibi
condicio nova et luculenta fertur per me interpretem.
Pyrg. Immo omnis res posteriores pono atque operam do tibi.
loquere: auris meas profecto dedo in dicionem tuam.

4.1
Pyrgopolinices It’s a pleasure, whatever you undertake, if it turns out neatly and according to
your mind;
for today I sent my parasite to King Seleucus,
to lead the bandits whom I have hired from here to Seleucus,
so that they might guard his kingdom, while leisure might be made for me 950
Palaestrio Why don’t you look after your own affair rather than Seleucus’s? A new and splendid proposal is being brought to you, through me as interpreter.
Pyrg. No indeed: I put all other matters later and give my attention to you.
speak: I most assuredly hand over my ears into your dominion.

Pal. Circumspice dum, ne quis nostro hic auceps sermoni siet. 955
nam hoc negoti clandestino ut agerem mandatumst mihi.
Pyrg. Nemo adest. Pal. Hunc arrabonem amoris primum a me accipe.

Pal. Look around for a bit, lest anyone here be an eavesdropper on our conversation. 955
for I have been mandated to conduct this business clandestine.
Pyrg. No one is present. Pal. Take from me this first earnest-pledge of love.

Pyrg. Quid hic? unde est? Pal. A luculenta atque festiva femina,
quae te amat tuamque expetessit pulcram pulcritudinem;
eius nunc mi anulum ad te ancilla porro ut deferrem dedit. 960

Pyrg. What is this? Whence is it? Pal. From a splendid and festive woman,
who loves you and seeks after your fair pulchritude;
she has now given me her ring, that I might convey it on to you by way of her maidservant. 960

Pyrg. Quid ea? ingenuan an festuca facta e serva liberast?
Pal. Vah, egone ut ad te ab libertina esse auderem internuntius,
qui ingenuis satis responsare nequeas quae cupiunt tui?
Pyrg. Nuptan est an vidua?

Pyrg. What about her? Is she freeborn, or freed by the rod from being a slave?
Pal. Fie, would I dare to be a go-between to you on behalf of a freedwoman,
you who cannot sufficiently respond to freeborn ladies who desire you?
Pyrg. Is she married or a widow?

Pal. Et nupta et vidua. Pyrg. Quo                     964-965
                    pacto potis
nupta et vidua esse eadem? Pal. Quia adulescens nuptast cum sene.                    966
Pyrg. Euge.

Pal. Both married and a widow. Pyrg. By what                     964-965
                    pact is it
possible for the same [woman] to be married and a widow? Pal. Because a young woman was married to an old man.                    966
Pyrg. Bravo.

Pal. Lepida et liberali formast. Pyrg. Cave mendacium.
Pal. Ad tuam formam illa una dignast.

Pal. She is charming and of liberal form. Pyrg. Beware of a lie.
Pal. She alone is worthy of your form.

Pyrg. Hercle pulchram praedicas.
sed quis east? Pal. Senis huius uxor Periplectomeni ex proxumo;
ea demoritur te atque ab illo cupit abire: odit senem. 970
nunc te orare atque obsecrare iussit, ut eam copiam
sibi potestatemque facias.

Pyrg. By Hercules, you proclaim her beautiful.
but who is she? Pal. The wife of this old man, Periplectomenus, from next door;
she is dying for you and wishes to depart from him: she hates the old man. 970
now she has bidden me to beg and beseech you, that you make for her the opportunity
and the power for herself to leave him.

Pyrg. Cupio hercle equidem, si illa volt.
Pal. Quae cupit? Pyrg. Quid illa faciemus concubina, quae domist?

Pyrg. By Hercules, I indeed desire it, if she wishes.
Pal. She wants it? Pyrg. What shall we do with that concubine who is at home?

Pal. Quin tu illam iube abs te abire quo lubet: sicut soror
eius huc gemina venit Ephesum et mater, accersuntque eam. 975

Pal. Why don’t you order her to go away from you wherever she pleases: just as her twin sister has come hither to Ephesus, and her mother as well, and they are summoning her. 975

Pyrg. Eho tu, an venit Ephesum mater eius? Pal. Aiunt qui sciunt.
Pyrg. Hercle occasionem lepidam, ut mulierem excludam foras.

Pyrg. Hey, you—has her mother come to Ephesus? Pal. Those who know say so.
Pyrg. By Hercules, a lovely occasion to exclude the woman out-of-doors.

Pal. Immo vin tu lepide facere? Pyrg. Loquere et consilium cedo.
Pal. Vin tu illam actutum amovere, a te ut abeat per gratiam?

Pal. Nay rather, do you want to do it cleverly? Pyrg. Speak, and I cede to your counsel.
Pal. Do you want to remove her straightway, that she may depart from you by grace?

Pyrg. Cupio. Pal. Tum te hoc facere oportet. tibi divitiarum 980
adfatimst:
iube sibi aurum atque ornamenta, quae illi instruxti mulieri,
dono habere, auferre * abs te quo lubeat sibi.

Pyrg. I desire it. Pal. Then it behooves you to do this. you have riches 980
in plenty:
order that she have the gold and the ornaments which you have furnished for that woman,
to have them as a gift, to bear away * from you to wherever it pleases her for herself.

Pyrg. Placet ut dicis; sed ne <et> istam amittam et haec mutet fidem
vide modo. Pal. Vah delicatu's, quae te tamquam oculos amet.
Pyrg. Venus me amat.

Pyrg. It pleases me as you say; but just see that I do not <et> lose that one, and that this one does not change her faith.
Pal. Bah, you’re delicate, when she loves you as her eyes.
Pyrg. Venus loves me.

Pal. St tace, aperitur foris, concede huc                     985
                    clanculum.
haec celox illiust, quae hinc egreditur, internuntia,
[Pyrg. Quae haec celox? Pal. Ancillula illiust, quae hinc egreditur
                    foras.]
quae anulum istunc attulit quem tibi dedi.

Pal. Hist, be quiet; the door is opening; withdraw here                    985
                    secretly.
this is that woman’s courier, who is coming out from here, an intermediary,
[Pyrg. What courier is this? Pal. The little maidservant of that woman, who is coming out from here
                    outside.]
who brought that ring which I gave to you.

Pyrg. Edepol haec quidem
bellulast. Pal. Pithecium haec est prae illa et spinturnicium.
viden tu illam oculis venaturam facere atque aucupium auribus? 990

Pyrg. By Pollux, this one indeed
is pretty. Pal. This one is a little ape compared to that one, and a whirligig.
do you see that one making a hunt with her eyes and fowling with her ears? 990

IV.ii

4.2

Milphidippa Iam est ante aedis circus ubi sunt ludi faciundi mihi.
dissimulabo, hos quasi non videam neque esse hic etiamdum sciam.
Pyrg. Tace, subauscultemus ecquid de me fiat mentio.

Milphidippa Now before the house there is a circus where the games are to be put on by me.
I will dissemble, as if I do not see these men nor yet know that they are here.
Pyrg. Be silent, let us eavesdrop whether any mention is made of me.

Milph. Numquis nam hic prope adest qui rem alienam potius curet quam suam,
qui aucupet me quid agam, qui de vesperi vivat suo? 995
eos nunc homines metuo, mihi ne obsint neve opstent uspiam,
domo si bitat, dum huc transbitat, quae huius cupiens corporist,
quae amat hunc hominem nimium lepidum et nimia pulchritudine,
militem Pyrgopolynicem. Pyrg. Satin haec quoque me deperit?
meam laudat speciem.

Milph. Is there perhaps anyone close by who would care for another’s affair rather than his own,
who would lie in wait to catch what I do, who lives off his own “good-evenings”? 995
Those sorts of men I fear now, lest they harm me or stand in my way anywhere,
if she steps out from the house, while she crosses over here, she who is desirous of this one’s body,
who loves this man, too charming and of excessive pulchritude,
the soldier Pyrgopolynices. Pyrg. Is she too desperately in love with me? She lauds my appearance.

edepol huius sermo haud cinerem quaeritat. 1000
Pal. Quo argumento? Pyrg. Quia enim loquitur laute et minime sordide.
Pal. Quippini?

By Pollux, this one’s discourse does not hunt for ashes. 1000
Pal. By what argument? Pyrg. Because indeed she speaks elegantly and not at all sordidly.
Pal. Why not?

istaec de te loquitur: nihil attrectat sordidi.
Pyrg. Tum autem illa ipsa est nimium lepida nimisque nitida femina.
hercle vero iam adlubescit primulum, Palaestrio.

She is talking about you: she touches on nothing sordid.
Pyrg. Then moreover that very woman is exceedingly charming and excessively polished a female.
By Hercules, indeed, I’m already beginning to like it a little, Palaestrio.

Pal. Priusne quam illam oculis tuis <videas>? Pyrg. Video id quod 1005

Pal. Before you her with your own eyes? Pyrg. I see that which 1005

credo tibi.
tum haec celocula autem absentem subigit me ut amem. Pal. Hercle hanc quidem
nil tu amassis; mi haec desponsast: tibi si illa hodie nupserit,
ego hanc continuo uxorem ducam.

I believe you.
then this little skiff, moreover, compels me, while absent, to love. Pal. By Hercules, you will not at all have loved this one; this one is betrothed to me: if that one marries you today,
I will straightway take this one as wife.

Pyrg. Quid ergo hanc dubitas conloqui?
Pal. Sequere hac me ergo. Pyrg. Pedisequos tibi sum.

Pyrg. Why then do you hesitate to hold colloquy with her?
Pal. Follow me this way, then. Pyrg. I am your attendant.

Milph. Vtinam,
cuius causa foras
sum egressa, <eius> conveniundi mihi potestas evenat. 1010
Pal. Erit, et tibi exoptatum optinget, bonum habe animum, ne formida;
homo quidamst qui scit, quod quaeris ubi sit. Milph. Quem ego hic audivi?
Pal. Socium tuorum conciliorum et participem consiliorum.

Milph. Would that,
for whose sake I have gone out of doors,
the power of meeting <him> may befall me. 1010
Pal. It will, and your longed-for thing will befall you; take good heart, do not fear;
there is a certain man who knows where what you seek is. Milph. Whom have I heard here?
Pal. A partner of your counsels and a participant in your consultations.

Milph. Tum pol ego id quod celo hau celo. Pal. Immo et celas et non
celas.
Milph. Quo argumento?

Milph. Then, by Pollux, that which I hide I do not hide. Pal. Nay rather, you both hide and do not
hide.
Milph. By what argument?

Pal. Infidos celas: ego sum tibi firme fidus.                    1015
Milph. Cedo signum, si harunc Baccharum es. Pal. Amat mulier quaedam
                    quendam.
Milph. Pol istuc quidem multae. Pal. At non multae de digito donum
                    mittunt.

Pal. You hide from the unfaithful: I am to you firmly faithful.                    1015
Milph. Hand over the sign, if you are of these Bacchae. Pal. A certain woman
                    loves a certain man.
Milph. By Pollux, many indeed. Pal. But not many send a gift
                    from the finger.

Milph. Enim cognovi nunc, fecisti modo mi ex proclivo planum.
sed hic numquis adest? Pal. Vel adest vel non.

Milph. Indeed I have now understood; you have just made for me from a declivity a plain.
is anyone here? Pal. Either he is here or not.

Milph. Cedo te mihi solae
solum.
Pal. Brevin an longinquo sermoni? Milph. Tribus verbis.

Milph. Yield yourself to me alone
alone.
Pal. For a brief or for a long discourse? Milph. In three words.

Pal. Iam 1020

Pal. Now 1020

ad te redeo.
Pyrg. Quid ego? hic astabo tantisper cum hac forma et factis frustra?

I return to you.
Pyrg. What am I to do? Shall I stand here for the meantime with this form and deeds, in vain?

Pal. Patere atque asta, tibi ego hanc do operam. Pyrg. Propera,
<expecta>ndo excrucior.
Pal. Pedetemptim (tu hoc scis) tractari satiust hasce huius modi mercis.

Pal. Allow it and stand still; I give you this service. Pyrg. Hurry,
<wait>ing I am tortured.
Pal. Step-by-step (you know this) merchandise of this sort is better handled.

Pyrg. Age age ut tibi maxume concinnumst. Pal. Nullumst hoc stolidius
saxum.
redeo ad te. quid me voluisti?

Pyrg. Come, come, as is most fitting for you. Pal. There is no stone more stolid than this
stone.
I return to you. What did you want of me?

Milph. Quo pacto hoc Ilium accedi 1025
velis, ut ferrem abs te consilium. Pal. Quasi hunc depereat—Milph. Teneo
istuc.
Pal. Conlaudato formam et faciem et virtutis commemorato.

Milph. In what way would you wish this Ilium to be approached 1025
so that I might take counsel from you? Pal. As if she were dying for him—Milph. I get
that.
Pal. Praise his form and face, and make mention of his virtues.

Milph. Ad eam rem habeo omnem aciem, tibi uti dudum iam demonstravi.
Pal. Tu cetera cura et contempla et de meis venator verbis.
Pyrg. Aliquam mihi partem hodie operae des denique, tandem ades, 1030
remeligo.

Milph. For that affair I have all keenness, as I already a little while ago showed to you.
Pal. You take care of the rest and contemplate, and hunt from my words.
Pyrg. Give me at least some part of the work today, do be present at last, 1030
I choose the plan.

Pa. Adsum, impera, si quid vis. Py. Quid illaec narrat tibi? Pa.
Lamentari
ait illam, miseram cruciari et lacrimantem se adflictare,
quia tis egeat, quia te careat.

Pa. I am here; command, if you want anything. Py. What does that one tell you? Pa.
To lament,
she says that that woman, wretched, is being tormented and, weeping, afflicts herself, because she needs you, because she is without you.

ob eam rem huc ad te missast.
Pyrg. Iube adire. Pal. At scin quid tu facias?

for that reason she has been sent here to you.
Pyrg. Command her to approach. Pal. But do you know what you should do?

facito fastidi plenum,
quasi non lubeat; me inclamato, quia sic te volgo volgem. 1035

See to it you are full of fastidiousness,
as if it were not pleasing; call out to me, since thus I will openly publish you. 1035

Pyrg. Memini et praeceptis parebo. Pal. Vocon ergo hanc quae te quaerit?
Pyrg. Adeat, si quid volt.

Pyrg. I remember and I will obey the precepts. Pal. Shall I call, then, this woman who seeks you?
Pyrg. Let her approach, if she wants anything.

Pal. Si quid vis, adi, mulier. Mil. Pulcher,
salve.
Pyrg. Meum cognomentum commemoravit.

Pal. If you want anything, come near, woman. Mil. Pulcher,
greetings.
Pyrg. She mentioned my cognomen.

di tibi dent quaecumque optes.
Milph. Tecum aetatem exigere ut liceat—Pyrg. Nimium optas. Milph. Non
me dico,
sed eram meam, quae te demoritur.

May the gods grant you whatever you wish.
Milph. That it may be permitted to pass a lifetime with you—Pyrg. You wish too much. Milph. Not
me, I mean,
but my mistress, who is languishing for you.

Pyrg. Multae aliae idem istuc 1040
cupiunt,
quibus copia non est. Milph. Ecastor haud mirum, si te habes carum,
hominem tam pulchrum et praeclarum virtute et forma <et> factis.
deus dignior fuit quisquam homo qui esset?

Pyrg. Many others desire that same thing                     1040
                    to whom there is no opportunity.
Milph. By Castor, not at all a marvel, if you hold yourself dear—Pyrg. You wish too much. Milph. I do not
                    mean myself,
but my mistress, who is wasting away for you—a man so beautiful and preeminent in virtue and form and deeds.
Has there ever been any man who was more worthy to be a god?

Pal. Non hercle humanust ergo—
nam volturio plus humani credo est. Pyrg. Magnum me faciam
nunc quom illaec me sic conlaudat. Pal. Viden tu ignavum, ut sese 1045
infert?

Pal. Not, by Hercules, a human being then—
for I believe there is more of the human in a vulture. Pyrg. I will magnify myself
now, since that woman so commends me. Pal. Do you see the coward, how he thrusts himself 1045
in?

quin tu huic responde, haec illaec est ab illa quam dudum <dixi>.
Pyrg. Qua ab illarum? nam ita me occursant multae: meminisse haud possum.
Milph. Ab illa quae digitos despoliat suos et tuos digitos decorat.

why don’t you answer this woman? this here is that one from that lady whom I mentioned a little while ago.
Pyrg. Which “from” of those women? for so many run up to meet me: I cannot remember.
Milph. From that one who strips her own fingers and adorns your fingers.

nam hunc anulum ab tui cupienti huic detuli, hic <ad te> porro.
Pyrg. Quid nunc tibi vis, mulier? memora.

for I delivered this ring from your suitor to this man; he in turn.
Pyrg. What do you want now, woman? Recount.

Milph. Vt quae te cupit, 1050

Milph. As one who desires you, 1050

eam ne spernas,
quae per tuam nunc vitam vivit: sit necne sit, spes in te uno est.
Pyrg. Quid nunc volt? Mil. Te compellare et complecti et contrectare.

Do not spurn her,
who now lives by your life: whether she be or be not, the hope is in you alone.
Pyrg. What does she want now? Mil. To address you and to embrace and to handle you.

nam nisi tu illi fers suppetias, iam illa animum despondebit.
age, mi Achilles, fiat quod te oro, serva illam pulchram pulchre,
exprome benignum ex te ingenium, urbicape, occisor regum. 1055
Pyrg. Eu hercle odiosas res. quotiens hoc tibi, verbero, ego interdixi,
meam ne sic volgo pollicitere operam?

for unless you bring her succor, she will now lose heart.
come, my Achilles, let what I beg of you be done: preserve that fair one fairly,
bring forth from yourself a benign disposition, taker-of-cities, slayer of kings. 1055
Pyrg. Ah, by Hercules, odious business. How many times have I forbidden you this, you rascal,
that you not thus promise my service to the public?

Pal. Audin tu, mulier?
dixi hoc tibi dudum, et nunc dico: nisi huic verri adfertur merces,
non hic suo seminio quemquam porclenam impertiturust.                    1059-1060
Milph. Dabitur quantum ipsus preti poscet. Pal. Talentum Philippi                     1061
                    huic opus auri est;
minus ab nemine accipiet.

Pal. Do you hear, woman?
I told you this a little while ago, and I tell it now: unless a fee is brought to this boar,
he will bestow a piglet on no one with his own seed.                    1059-1060
Milph. As much price as he himself demands will be given. Pal. A talent of Philip                    1061
                    is the gold he needs;
he will accept less from no one.

Milph. Eu ecastor nimis vilest tandem.
Pyrg. Non mihi avaritia umquam innatast: satis habeo divitiarum,
plus mi auri mille est modiorum Philippi. Pal. Praeter thensauros.

Milph. Ah, by Castor, he’s exceedingly cheap after all.
Pyrg. Avarice has never been innate in me: I have enough of riches,
I have, of gold, a thousand modii of Philip’s. Pal. Besides the treasure-hoards.

tum argenti montes, non massas habet, Aetna mons non aeque altos. ~ 1065

then he has mountains of silver, not masses; Mount Etna not equally high. ~ 1065

Milph. Eu ecastor hominem periurum. Pal. Vt ludo? Milph. Quid ego?

Milph. Ah, by Castor, a perjured man. Pal. How am I jesting? Milph. What, I?

ut
sublecto?
sed amabo, mitte me actutum. Pal. Quin tu huic respondes aliquid,
aut facturum aut non facturum?

how
with him buoyed up?
but please, let me go at once. Pal. Why don’t you answer this one something,
either that you will do it or will not do it?

Milph. Quid illam miseram animi excrucias,
quae numquam male de te meritast? Pyrg. Iube eampse exire huc ad nos.
dic me omnia quae volt facturum.

Milph. Why do you excruciate that wretched woman in spirit,
who has never deserved ill from you? Pyrg. Order her herself to come out here to us.
say that I will do everything she wishes.

Milph. Facis nunc ut <te> facere 1070
aequom,
quom, quae te volt, eandem tu vis, Pal. Non insulsum huic ingenium.
Milph. Quomque me oratricem haud sprevisti sistique exorare ex te.
quid est? ut ludo?

Milph. You are now doing what it is right for you to do 1070
fair,
since you want the same woman who wants you, Pal. No insipid ingenuity in her.
Milph. And since you did not spurn me as an oratrix and allowed me to stand and win entreaty from you.
what is it? am I being played with?

Pal. Nequeo hercle equidem risu meo moderari. Milph. *
ob eam causam huc abs te avorti. Pyrg. Non edepol tu scis, mulier,
quantum ego honorem nunc illi habeo.

Pal. By Hercules, indeed I cannot moderate my laughter. Milph. *
on that account I turned aside here from you. Pyrg. By Pollux, you do not know, woman,
how much honor I now have for her.

Milph. Scio, et istuc illi dicam. 1075
Pal. Contra auro alii hanc vendere potuit operam. Mil. Pol istuc tibi
credo.
Pal. Meri bellatores gignuntur, quas hic praegnatis fecit,
et pueri annos octingentos vivont.

Milph. I know, and I will say that to him. 1075
Pal. On the contrary, another could have sold this service for gold. Mil. By Pollux, I believe you
I do believe.
Pal. Mere war-fighters are begotten from the women whom this man has made pregnant,
and the boys live 800 years.

Milph. Vae tibi, nugator.
Pyrg. Quin mille annorum perpetuo vivont, ab saeclo ad saeclum.
Pal. Eo minus dixi, ne haec censeret me advorsum se mentiri. 1080

Milph. Woe to you, trifler.
Pyrg. Why, they live for 1,000 years continually, from age to age.
Pal. I said the less for that reason, lest this woman think me to be lying against her. 1080

Milph. Perii, quot hic ipse annos vivet, cuius filii tam diu vivont?
Pyrg. Postriduo natus sum ego, mulier, quam Iuppiter ex Ope natust.
Pal. Si hic pridie natus foret quam ille est, hic haberet regnum in caelo.

Milph. I am undone—how many years will he himself live, whose sons live so long?
Pyrg. I was born the next day, woman, after Jupiter was born from Ops.
Pal. If he had been born the day before he was, he would have the kingdom in heaven.

Milph. Iam iam sat, amabo, est. sinite abeam, si possum, viva a vobis.
Pal. Quin ergo abis, quando responsumst?

Milph. Now, now, that’s enough, please. Allow me to go away, if I can, alive from you.
Pal. Why then don’t you go, since an answer has been given?

Milph. Ibo atque illam huc                    1085
                    adducam,
propter <quam> opera est mihi. numquid vis? Pyrg. Ne magis sim pulcher quam
                    sum,
ita me mea forma habet sollicitum.

Milph. I will go and bring her here                    1085
                    on whose account I have business—
is there anything you want? Pyrg. May I not be more comely than
                    I am—
so much does my own form keep me solicitous.

Pal. Quid hic nunc stas? quin abis?
Milph. Abeo.

Pal. Why are you standing here now? Why don’t you go?
Milph. I’m going.

Pal. Atque adeo, audin [tu]? dicito docte et cordate, ut cor ei saliat—
Philocomasio dic, si est istic, domum ut transeat: hunc hic esse.
Milph. Hic cum <mea> era est, <hinc> clam nostrum hunc sermonem 1090
sublegerunt.
Pal. Lepide factumst: iam ex sermone hoc gubernabunt doctius porro.

Pal. And moreover, do you hear [you]? say learnedly and prudently, so that her heart may leap—
Tell Philocomasium, if she is there, to cross over home: that this man is here.
Milph. She is here with my mistress; from here they have secretly overheard this our conversation 1090
overheard.
Pal. Cleverly done: now from this conversation they will steer more learnedly onward.

Milph. Remorare, abeo.—Pal. Neque te remoror neque tango neque te—taceo.
Pyrg. Iube maturare illam exire huc. iam istic rei praevortemur.

Milph. Delay me, I’m off.—Pal. I neither delay you nor touch you nor you— I am silent.
Pyrg. Order her to hasten to come out here. Now there we will first turn to the matter.

IV.iii

4.3

Pyrg. Quid nunc mi es auctor ut faciam, Palaestrio,
de concubina? nam nullo pacto potest 1095
prius haec in aedis recipi quam illam amiserim.
Pal. Quid me consultas quid agas?

Pyrg. What now do you advise me to do, Palaestrio, about the concubine? For in no way can this one be received into the house before I have dismissed that one. 1095
Pal. Why do you consult me what you should do?

dixi equidem tibi
quo id pacto fieri possit clementissime.
aurum atque vestem muliebrem omnem habeat sibi,
quae illi instruxisti: sumat, habeat, auferat; 1100
dicasque tempus maxume esse, ut eat domum:
sororem geminam adesse et matrem dicito,
quibus concomitata recte deveniat domum.
Pyrg. Qui tu scis eas adesse?

I did indeed tell you in what manner that can be done, most clement sir.
let her have for herself the gold and all the women’s clothing which you furnished for her: let her take, keep, carry off; 1100
and say that it is exactly the time for her to go home:
say that her twin sister and mother are present,
with whom, accompanied, she may come properly home.
Pyrg. How do you know that they are present?

Pal. Quia oculis meis
vidi hic sororem esse eius. Pyrg. Convenitne eam? 1105

Pal. Because with my own eyes
I saw that her sister is here. Pyrg. Has she met her? 1105

Pal. Convenit. Pyrg. Ecquid fortis visast? Pal. Omnia
vis optinere.

Pal. I met her. Pyrg. Did she seem at all brave? Pal. You wish to obtain everything.

Pyrg. Vbi matrem esse aiebat soror?
Pal. Cubare in navi lippam atque oculis turgidis
nauclerus dixit, qui illas advexit, mihi.
is ad hos nauclerus hospitio devortitur. 1110
Pyrg. Quid is? ecquid fortis?

Pyrg. Where did the sister say the mother was?
Pal. The shipmaster who brought them told me that she was lying in the ship, bleary and with swollen eyes.
That shipmaster is lodging here as a guest with these men. 1110
Pyrg. What of him? Is he at all brave?

Pal. Abi sis hinc, nam tu quidem
ad equas fuisti scitus admissarius,
qui consectare qua maris qua feminas.
hoc age nunc. Pyrg. Istuc quod das consilium mihi,
te cum illa verba facere de ista re volo; 1115
nam cum illa sane congruos sermo tibi.

Pal. Be off from here, please, for indeed you have been a savvy covering-stallion for mares,
who chase after both males and females. Do this now. Pyrg. That counsel which you give to me—
I want you to have words with her about that matter; 1115
for with her, truly, congruous speech is yours.

Pal. Qui potius quam tute adeas, tuam rem tute agas?
dicas uxorem tibi necessum ducere;
cognatos persuadere, amicos cogere.
Pyrg. Itan tu censes?

Pal. Who rather than you yourself should go in, should manage your own affair yourself? say that it is necessary for you to take a wife; persuade the kinsmen, compel the friends.
Pyrg. Do you think so?

Pal. Quid ego ni ita censeam? 1120

Pal. Why should I not so opine? 1120

Pyrg. Ibo igitur intro. tu hic ante aedis interim
speculare, ut, ubi illaec prodeat, me provoces.
Pal. Tu modo istuc cura quod agis.

Pyrg. I will go in, then. You meanwhile keep watch here in front of the house,
so that, when that one comes out, you summon me.
Pal. Just take care of what you’re doing.

Pyrg. Curatum id quidemst.
quin si voluntate nolet, vi extrudam foras.
Pal. Istuc cave faxis; quin potius per gratiam 1125
bonam abeat abs te. atque illaec quae dixi dato,
aurum, ornamenta quae illi instruxisti ferat.

Pyrg. That indeed is taken care of.
why, if she will not of her own volition, I will thrust her out by force.
Pal. Beware of doing that; rather, by grace 1125
let her depart from you on good terms. And give those things which I said,
the gold, the ornaments which you have equipped her with, let her carry.

Pyrg. Cupio hercle. Pal. Credo te facile impetrassere.
sed abi intro.

Pyrg. By Hercules, I desire it. Pal. I believe you will easily obtain it.
but go inside.

noli stare. Pyrg. Tibi sum oboediens.—
Pal. Numquid videtur demutare alio atque uti 1130
dixi esse vobis dudum hunc moechum militem?
nunc ad me ut veniat usust Acroteleutium aut
ancillula eius aut Pleusicles.

Do not stand. Pyrg. I am obedient to you.—
Pal. Does it seem to change to anything other than as I said 1130
to you a little while ago, that this soldier is an adulterer?
now there is need for Acroteleutium to come to me, or
her little maid, or Pleusicles.

pro Iuppiter,
satine ut Commoditas usquequaque me adiuvat?
nam quos videre exoptabam me maxume, 1135

O Jupiter,
how thoroughly does Convenience aid me everywhere?
for those whom I most especially longed to see, 1135

una exeuntis video hinc e proxumo.

I see them coming out together from here, from right next door.

IV.iv

4.4

Acrotelevtivm Sequimini, simul circumspicite, ne quis adsit arbiter.
Milphidippa Neminem pol video, nisi hunc quem volumus conventum. Pal. Et
ego vos.

Acrotelevtivm Follow, at the same time look around, lest any arbiter be present.
Milphidippa By Pollux, I see no one, except this one whom we want to meet. Pal. And
I you.

Milph. Quid agis, noster architecte? Pal. Egone architectus? vah.

Milph. How are you, our architect? Pal. Me, an architect? pah.

Milph. Quid est?
Pal. Quia enim non sum dignus prae te, ut figam palum in parietem. 1140
Acr. Heia vero. Pal. Nimis facete nimisque facunde malast.

Milph. What is it?
Pal. Because indeed I am not worthy compared to you, to fix a stake in the wall. 1140
Acr. Come now, indeed. Pal. It is bad—too facetiously and too eloquently.

ut lepide deruncinavit militem. Milph. At etiam parum.
Pal. Bono animo es: negotium omne iam succedit sub manus;
vos modo porro, ut occepistis, date operam adiutabilem.

how neatly he has planed down the soldier. Milph. And yet too little.
Pal. Take heart: the whole business is now succeeding under our hands;
you only, further, as you have begun, apply helpful effort.

nam ipse miles concubinam intro abiit oratum suam, 1145
ab se ut abeat cum sorore et matre Athenas. Plevsicles Eu, probe.
Pal. Quin etiam aurum atque ornamenta, quae ipse instruxit, mulieri
omnia dat dono, a se ut abeat: ita ego consilium dedi.

for the soldier himself went inside to his concubine to plead with her, 1145
that she go away from him with her sister and mother to Athens. Plevsicles Bravo, excellent.
Pal. What is more, the gold and the ornaments, which he himself furnished, to the woman
he gives all as a gift, that she may go away from him: thus I gave the counsel.

Plevs. Facile istuc quidemst, si et illa volt et ille autem cupit.
Pal. Non tu scis, quom ex alto puteo sursum ad summum escenderis, 1150

Plevs. That indeed is easy, if both she wills and he, moreover, desires.
Pal. Do you not know, when you have climbed up from a deep well up to the very top, 1150

maxumum periclum inde esse ab summo ne rusum cadas?
nunc haec res apud summum puteum geritur: si praesenserit
miles, nihil ecferri poterit huius: nunc cum maxume
opust dolis: domi esse ad eam rem video silvai satis,
mulieres tres, quartus tute es, quintus ego, sextus senex; 1155
quod apud nos fallaciarum sex situmst, certo scio
oppidum quodvis, si detur, posse expugnari dolis.
date modo operam.

that the maximum peril is from the very top, lest you fall back again?
now this affair is being conducted at the top of the well: if the soldier should sense it beforehand,
nothing of this can be carried out: now more than ever
there is need of wiles: at home for that matter I see timber enough for it,
three women, you are the fourth, I the fifth, the old man the sixth; 1155
so that with us a sixfold emplacement of deceits is set, I know for certain
that any town, if it be allowed, can be stormed by wiles.
only give your attention.

Acr. Id nos ad te, si quid velles, venimus.
Pal. Lepide facitis. nunc hanc tibi ego impero provinciam.

Acr. For that we came to you, if you wanted anything.
Pal. You do it charmingly. Now I assign you this province.

Acr. Impetrabis, imperator, quod ego potero, quod voles. 1160
Pal. Militem lepide, et facete <et> laute ludificarier
volo. Acr. Voluptatem mecastor mi imperas. Pal. Scin quem ad modum?

Acr. You shall obtain, commander, what I can, what you want. 1160
Pal. I want to make sport of the soldier cleverly, and wittily <and> splendidly.
Acr. By Castor, you are commanding me a pleasure. Pal. Do you know how?

Acr. Nempe ut adsimulem me amore istius differri. Pal. Tenes.
Acr. Quasique istius causa amoris ex hoc matrimonio
abierim, cupiens istius nuptiarum.

Acr. Namely, that I should simulate that I am being carried away by love of that one. Pal. You’ve got it.
Acr. And as if, for the sake of love of that one, from this matrimony
I had departed, desiring that one’s nuptials.

Pal. Omne ordine. 1165

Pal. Everything in order. 1165

nisi modo unum hoc: hasce esse aedis dicas dotalis tuas,
hinc senem aps te abiisse, postquam feceris divortium:
ne ille mox vereatur intro ire in alienam domum.
Acr. Bene mones. Pal. Sed ubi ille exierit intus, istinc te procul
ita volo adsimulare, prae illius forma quasi spernas tuam 1170
quasique eius opulentitatem reverearis, et simul
formam, amoenitatem illius, faciem, pulchritudinem
conlaudato.

except just this one thing: say that this is your dotal house,
that the old man went away from you from here, after you have effected a divorce:
so that he may not soon fear to go inside into another’s house.
Acr. You advise well. Pal. But when he has come out from inside, from over there, at a distance,
thus I want you to simulate, as if, in comparison with his form, you despise your own, 1170
and as if you stand in awe of his opulence, and at the same time
highly commend his form, his amenity, his face, his pulchritude.

satin praeceptumst? Acr. Teneo. satinest, si tibi
meum opus ita dabo expolitum, ut improbare non queas?

Is the precept enough? Acr. I grasp it. Is it enough, if I give my work to you so polished that you cannot disapprove it?

Pal. Sat habeo. nunc tibi vicissim quae imperabo ea discito. 1175
quom extemplo hoc erit factum, ubi intro haec abierit, ibi tu ilico
facito uti venias ornatu huc ad nos nauclerico;
causeam habeas ferrugineam, et scutulam ob oculos laneam,
palliolum habeas ferrugineum (nam is colos thalassicust),
id conexum in umero laevo, exfafillato bracchio, 1180

Pal. I have enough. now in your turn learn the things I will command you. 1175
when forthwith this shall have been done, when she has gone inside, then you at once
see to it that you come here to us in shipmasterly attire;
have a rust-colored causia, and a woolen scutula before your eyes,
have a rust-colored little cloak (for that color is thalassic),
that fastened on the left shoulder, with the arm unwrapped, 1180

praecinctus aliqui: adsimulato quasi gubernator sies;
atque apud hunc senem omnia haec sunt, nam is piscatores habet.
Plevs. Quid? ubi ero exornatus quin tu dicis quid facturus sim?

girded somewhat; simulate as if you were a helmsman;
and at this old man's place all these things are, for he has fishermen.
Plevs. What? when I am outfitted, won't you say what I am going to do?

Pal. Huc venito et matris verbis Philocomasium arcessito, 1184-1185
ut, si itura sit Athenas, eat tecum ad portum cito, 1186
atque ut iubeat ferri in navim si quid imponi velit.
nisi eat, te soluturum esse navim: ventum operam dare.
Plevs. Satis placet pictura.

Pal. Come here and, in her mother’s words, summon Philocomasium, 1184-1185
so that, if she is going to go to Athens, she may go with you to the port quickly, 1186
and that she order to be carried onto the ship whatever she wishes to be loaded.
unless she goes, that you will cast off the ship: to give labor to the wind.
Plevs. The picture pleases enough.

perge. Pal. Ille extemplo illam hortabitur
ut eat, ut properet, ne morae sit matri. Plevs. Multimodis sapis.

go on. Pal. He will at once exhort her
to go, to hasten, lest she be a delay to her mother. Plevs. You are wise in many ways.

1190
Pal. Ego illi dicam, ut me adiutorem, qui onus feram ad portum, roget.
ille iubebit me ire cum illa ad portum. ego adeo, ut tu scias,
prorsum Athenas protinus abibo tecum.

1190
Pal. I will tell her to ask me as an assistant, to carry the burden to the port.
he will bid me go with her to the port. As for me, so that you may know,
straight to Athens I will depart forthwith with you.

Plevs. Atque ubi illo veneris,
triduom servire numquam te, quin liber sis, sinam.
Pal. Abi cito atque orna te. Plevs. Numquid aliud? Pal. Haec ut 1195

Plevs. And when you come there,
I will never permit you to serve three days without your being free.
Pal. Go quickly and adorn yourself. Plevs. Anything else? Pal. These things, that 1195

memineris.
Plevs. Abeo.—Pal. Et vos abite hinc intro actutum; nam illum huc sat scio
iam exiturum esse intus. Acr. Celebre apud nos imperium tuomst.—
Pal. Agite abscedite ergo.

remember.
Plevs. I’m off.—Pal. And you, go inside from here at once; for I know well that he is now about to come out from within, here.
Acr. Celebrated among us is your command.—
Pal. Come on, be off then.

ecce autem commodum aperitur foris.
hilarus exit: impetravit. inhiat quod nusquam est miser.

Lo, just then the door opens.
he comes out cheerful: he has obtained it. the poor wretch gapes after what is nowhere.

IV.v

4.5

Pyrgopolinices Quod volui ut volui impetravi, per amicitiam et gratiam, 1200
a Philocomasio. Pal. Quid tam intus fuisse te dicam diu?
Pyrg. Numquam ego me tam sensi amari quam nunc ab illa muliere.

Pyrgopolinices What I wanted, just as I wanted, I obtained, through friendship and favor, 1200
from Philocomasium. Pal. What am I to say was the reason that you were inside so long?
Pyrg. Never have I sensed myself to be so loved as now by that woman.

Pal. Quid iam? Pyrg. Vt multa verba feci, ut lenta materies fuit.
verum postremo impetravi ut volui: donavi dedi
quae voluit, quae postulavit; <te> quoque <ei> dono dedi. 1205
Pal. Etiam me? quo modo ego vivam sine te? Pyrg. Age, animo bono <es>,
eidem ego te illim liberabo.

Pal. What now? Pyrg. How many words I made, how slow the matter was.
but at last I obtained it as I wished: I gifted, I gave
what she wanted, what she demanded; <you> also I gave <to her> as a gift. 1205
Pal. Me too? How am I to live without you? Pyrg. Come, be of good spirit <be>,
to that same one I will free you from there.

nam si possem ullo modo
impetrare ut abiret, ne te abduceret, operam dedi;
verum oppressit. Pal. Deos sperabo teque. postremo tamen
etsi istuc mi acerbumst, quia ero te carendum est optimo, 1210
saltem id volup est, quom ex virtute formae evenit tibi
mea opera super hac vicina, quam ego nunc concilio tibi.

for if I could in any way
obtain that she go away, so that she not lead you off, I gave effort;
but she has overborne me. Pal. I will hope in the gods and in you. In the end, however,
although that is bitter to me, because I must be without you, the best, 1210
at least this is a delight, when from the virtue of your form there eventuates for you
by my agency about this neighbor-woman here, whom I now am arranging for you.

Pyrg. Quid opust verbis? libertatem tibi ego et divitias dabo,
si impetras. Pal. Reddam impetratum.

Pyrg. What need of words? I will give you liberty and riches, if you impetrate.
Pal. I will impetrate it.

Pyrg. At gestio. Pal. At modice
decet:
moderare animo, ne sis cupidus. sed eccam ipsam, egreditur foras. 1215

Pyrg. But I’m eager. Pal. But moderately
it befits:
moderate your spirit, lest you be greedy. but behold, the very one—she goes forth outside. 1215

IV.vi

4.6

Milphidippa Era, eccum praesto militem. Acrotelevtivm Vbi est? Milph.
Ad laevam.

Milphidippa Mistress, look, the soldier is present. Acrotelevtivm Where is he? Milph.
To the left.

Acr. Video.
Milph. Aspicito limis [oculis], ne ille nos se sentiat videre.
Acr. Video.

Acr. I see.
Milph. Look sidelong [with your eyes], lest that man perceive that we see him.
Acr. I see.

edepol nunc nos tempus est malas peioris fieri.
Milph. Tuomst principium. Acr. Obsecro, tute ipsum convenisti?

By Pollux, now it’s time for us to make our cheeks look worse.
Milph. Yours is the beginning. Acr. I beseech you, did you yourself meet the man?

ne parce vocem, ut audiat. Milph. Cum ipso pol sum locuta, 1220
placide, ipsi dum libitum est mihi, otiose, meo arbitratu [ut volui].
Pyrg. Audin quae loquitur? Pal. Audio.

do not spare your voice, so that he may hear. Milph. With the man himself, by Pollux, I have spoken, 1220
calmly, so long as it pleased him; for me, at leisure, at my own arbitration [as I wished].
Pyrg. Do you hear what she says? Pal. I hear.

quam laeta est, quia ted adiit.
Acr. O, fortunata mulier es. Pyrg. Vt amari videor. Pal. Dignu's.
Acr. Permirum ecastor praedicas, te adiisse atque exorasse;
per epistulam aut per nuntium, quasi regem, adiri eum aiunt. 1225
Milph. Namque edepol vix fuit copia adeundi atque impetrandi.

how glad she is, because she went to you.
Acr. O, fortunate woman you are. Pyrg. How beloved I seem. Pal. You’re worthy.
Acr. Most marvelous, by Castor, you boast—that you have gone to him and have won him over;
they say he is to be approached by epistle or by messenger, as if a king. 1225
Milph. For indeed, by Pollux, there was scarcely a chance of approaching and of obtaining.

Pal. Vt tu inclitu's apud mulieres. Pyrg. Patiar, quando ita Venus volt.
Acr. Veneri pol habeo gratiam, eandemque et oro et quaeso,
ut eius mihi sit copia quem amo quemque expetesso
benignusque erga me <ut> siet, quod cupiam ne gravetur.

Pal. How illustrious you are among women. Pyrg. I will endure it, since thus Venus wills.
Acr. By Pollux, I have gratitude to Venus, and the same I both beg and beseech,
that I may have the opportunity of him whom I love and whom I earnestly seek,
and that he be benign toward me, that he not be burdened by what I desire.

1230

Milph. Spero ita futurum, quamquam illum multae sibi expetessunt:
ille illas spernit segregat ab se omnis, extra te unam.
Acr. Ergo iste metus me macerat, quod ille fastidiosust,
ne oculi eius sententiam mutent, ubi viderit me,
atque eius elegantia meam extemplo speciem spernat. 1235
Milph. Non faciet, bonum animum habe. ~ Pyrg. Vt ipsa se contemnit.

Milph. I hope it will be so, although many desire him for themselves:
he spurns them, segregates all from himself, except you alone.
Acr. Therefore that fear wears me down, because he is fastidious,
lest his eyes change their verdict, when he has seen me,
and that his elegance at once spurn my appearance. 1235
Milph. He will not do it; take heart. ~ Pyrg. How she despises herself.

Acr. Metuo, ne praedicatio tua nunc meam formam exsuperet.
Milph. Istuc curavi, ut opinione illius pulchrior sis.
Acr. Si pol me nolet ducere uxorem, genua amplectar
atque obsecrabo; alio modo, si non quibo impetrare, 1240
consciscam letum: vivere sine illo scio me non posse.

Acr. I fear, lest your praise now outstrip my form.
Milph. That I have taken care of, that in his opinion you may be more beautiful.
Acr. If, by Pollux, he is unwilling to take me as wife, I will clasp his knees
and beseech; otherwise, if I cannot obtain it, 1240
I will resolve upon death: I know I cannot live without him.

Pyrg. Prohibendam mortem mulieri video. adibon? Pal. Minime;
nam tu te vilem feceris, si te ultro largiere:
sine ultro veniat; quaeritet, desideret, exspectet
sine: perdere istam gloriam vis, quam habes?

Pyrg. I see the woman’s death must be prevented. Shall I go to her? Pal. By no means;
for you will have made yourself cheap, if you give yourself away unasked:
let her come of her own accord; let her seek, desire, and expect,
let it be: do you wish to lose that glory you have?

cave sis faxis. 1245

see that you don't do it, please. 1245

nam nulli mortali scio obtigisse hoc, nisi duobus,
tibi et Phaoni Lesbio, tam mulier se ut amaret.
Acr. Eo intro, aut tu illum huc evoca foras, mea Milphidippa.
Milph. Immo opperiamur, dum exeat aliquis.

for I know this has befallen no mortal, except two— you and Phaon the Lesbian— that a woman should love him so much.
Acr. I’ll go inside, or you summon him out here, my Milphidippa.
Milph. No, rather let’s wait, until someone comes out.

Acr. Durare nequeo,
quin eam intro. Milph. Occlusae sunt foris. Acr. Exfringam.

Acr. I cannot endure, without going inside.
but that I go in. Milph. The doors are shut. Acr. I will break them open.

Milph. 1250
Sana non es.
Acr. Si amavit umquam aut si parem sapientiam habet ac formam,
per amorem si quid fecero, clementi animo ignoscet.
Pal. Vt, quaeso, amore perditast tuo misera. Pyrg. Mutuom fit.

Milph. 1250
You are not sound.
Acr. If she has ever loved, or if she has wisdom equal to her form, if I do anything through love, she will pardon with a clement spirit.
Pal. How, pray, the poor woman is ruined by your love. Pyrg. It’s mutual.

Pal. Tace, ne audiat. Milph. Quid astitisti obstupida? cur non pultas?

Pal. Be quiet, so that she doesn’t hear. Milph. Why have you stood there obstupefied? why don’t you knock?

Acr. Quia non est intus quem ego volo. Milph. Qui scis? Acr. Scio 1255
pol ego, olfacio;
nam odore nasum sentiat, si intus sit.

Acr. Because the one whom I want is not inside. Milph. How do you know? Acr. I know 1255
by Pollux, I smell it;
for by the odor my nose would perceive it, if he were inside.

Pal. Hariolatur.
Pyrg. Quia me amat, propterea Venus fecit eam ut divinaret.
Acr. Nescio ubi hic prope adest quem expeto videre: olet profecto.

Pal. She is vaticinating.
Pyrg. Because she loves me, therefore Venus made her to divine.
Acr. I do not know where the one whom I long to see is here nearby: he certainly reeks.

Pyrg. Naso pol iam haec quidem plus videt quam oculis. Pal. Caeca amore
est.
Acr. Tene me obsecro.

Pyrg. By Pollux, with her nose now this woman indeed sees more than with her eyes. Pal. She is blind with love
is.
Acr. Hold me, I beseech.

Mil. Quor? Acr. Ne cadam. Milph. Quid ita? 1260

Mil. Why? Acr. So that I don't fall. Milph. Why so? 1260

Acr. Quia stare nequeo,
ita animus per oculos meos <meus> defit. Milph. Militem pol
tu aspexisti. Acr. Ita.

Acr. Because I cannot stand,
thus the spirit through my eyes <my> fails me. Milph. By Pollux,
you have looked upon a soldier. Acr. Yes.

Milph. Non video. ubi est? Acr. Videres pol, si
amares.

Milph. I do not see. where is he? Acr. You would see, by Pollux, if
you loved.

Milph. Non edepol tu illum magis amas, quam ego amem, si per te liceat.
Pal. Omnes profecto mulieres te amant, ut quaeque aspexit.
Pyrg. Nescio, tu ex me hoc audiveris an non: nepos sum Veneris. 1265
Acr. Mea Milphidippa, adi obsecro et congredere.

Milph. By Pollux, you do not love him more than I would love him, if it were permitted by you.
Pal. Surely all women love you, the moment each one has set eyes on you.
Pyrg. I do not know whether you have heard this from me or not: I am the grandson of Venus. 1265
Acr. My Milphidippa, go to him, I beg, and meet him.

Pyrg. Vt me veretur.
Pal. Illa ad nos pergit. Mil. Vos volo.

Pyrg. How she reveres me.
Pal. She proceeds to us. Mil. You I want.

Pyrg. Et nos te. Mil. Vt
iussisti,
eram meam eduxi foras. Pyrg. Video. Milph. Iube ergo adire.

Pyrg. And we you. Mil. As
you ordered,
I have brought my mistress out. Pyrg. I see. Milph. Then bid her approach.

Pyrg. Induxi in animum, ne oderim item ut alias, quando orasti.
Milph. Verbum edepol facere non potis, si accesserit prope ad te. 1270
dum te obtuetur, interim linguam oculi praeciderunt.
Pyrg. Levandum morbum mulieri video.

Pyrg. I have resolved, not to hate as at other times, since you entreated. Milph. By Pollux, you are not able to utter a word, if she comes near to you. 1270
while she gazes at you, meanwhile her eyes have cut off your tongue.
Pyrg. I see the woman’s malady must be alleviated.

Mil. Vt tremit atque extimuit,
postquam te aspexit. Pyrg. Viri quoque armati idem istuc faciunt,
ne tu mirere eius mulierem. sed quid <illa> volt me facere?

Mil. How she trembles and took fright,
after she caught sight of you. Pyrg. Armed men too do that same thing,
so do not you marvel at a woman in this. But what does <illa> want me to do?

Milph. Ad se ut eas: tecum vivere volt atque aetatem exigere. 1275

Milph. That you go to her: she wants to live with you and to spend her lifetime. 1275

Pyrg. Egon ad illam eam, quae nupta sit? vir eius me deprehendat.
Milph. Quin tua causa exegit virum ab se. Pyrg. Qui id facere potuit?

Pyrg. Am I to go to her, who is married? Her husband might apprehend me.
Milph. Nay, for your sake she has expelled her husband from her. Pyrg. How could she do that?

Mil. Quia aedis dotalis huius sunt. Pyrg. Itane? Mil. Ita pol.

Mil. Because the house is this woman’s dotal house. Pyrg. Is it so? Mil. Yes, by Pollux.

Pyrg.
Iube domum ire.
iam ego illi ero. Milph. Vide ne sies in exspectatione,
ne illam animi excrucies.

Pyrg.
Order her to go home.
Now I will be her husband. Milph. See that you are not in expectation,
lest you excruciate her in mind.

Pyrg. Non ero profecto. abite. Mil. 1280
Abimus.—
Pyrg. Sed quid ego video?

Pyrg. I certainly will not. Go away. Mil. 1280
We are going.—
Pyrg. But what do I see?

Pal. Quid vides? Pyrg. Nescio quis eccum
incedit
ornatu quidem thalassico. Pal. It ad nos, volt te profecto.

Pal. What do you see? Pyrg. I don’t know who—look—
advances
indeed in nuptial adornment. Pal. He is coming to us; he surely wants you.

nauclerus hic quidem est. Pyrg. Videlicet accersit hanc iam. Pal. Credo.

the shipmaster is indeed here. Pyrg. Evidently he is summoning her now. Pal. I believe so.

IV.vii

4.7

Plevsicles Alium alio pacto propter amorem ni sciam
fecisse multa nequiter, verear magis 1285
me amoris causa hoc ornatu incedere.
verum quom multos multa admisse acceperim
inhonesta propter amorem atque aliena a bonis:
mitto iam, ut occidi Achilles civis passus est—
sed eccum Palaestrionem, stat cum milite: 1290
oratio alio mihi demutandast mea.
mulier profecto natast ex ipsa Mora;
nam quaevis alia quae morast aeque, mora
minor ea videtur quam quae propter mulieremst.

Plevsicles Unless I knew that one man and another, on account of love, have done many things nefariously, I would more fear 1285
to go about in this attire for the sake of love.
But since I have heard that many have admitted many deeds,
dishonorable on account of love and alien from the good:
I pass over now how Achilles allowed a fellow-citizen to be killed—
but look, Palaestrio; he’s standing with the soldier: 1290
my oration must be shifted elsewhere.
A woman was surely born from Delay herself;
for any other thing which is equally a delay seems
a lesser delay than that which is on account of a woman.

hoc adeo fieri credo consuetudine. 1295

I believe this indeed comes to pass by habit. 1295

nam ego hanc accerso Philocomasium. sed fores
pultabo. heus, ecquis hic est?

for I will summon this Philocomasium. but I will knock at the doors
hey, is anyone here?

Pal. Adulescens, quid est?
quid vis? quid pultas?

Pal. Young man, what is it?
what do you want? why are you knocking?

Plevs. Philocomasium quaerito.
a matre illius venio. si iturast, eat.

Plevs. I'm looking for Philocomasium.
I come from her mother. If she's set to go, let her go.

omnis moratur: navim cupimus solvere. 1300
Pyrg. Iam dudum res paratast. i, Palaestrio,
aurum, ornamenta, vestem, pretiosa omnia
duc adiutores tecum ad navim qui ferant.
omnia conposita sunt quae donavi: auferat.

everyone is delaying: we desire to loose the ship. 1300
Pyrg. For a long time now the matter has been prepared. go, Palaestrio,
the gold, the ornaments, the clothing, all the precious things—
take adjutors with you to the ship to carry them.
all the things which I have donated are arranged: let him carry them off.

Pal. Eo.—Plevs. Quaeso hercle propera. Py. Non morabitur. 1305
quid istuc, quaeso? quid oculo factumst tuo?

Pal. I'm going.—Plevs. I beg, by Hercules, hurry. Py. He will not delay. 1305
what's that, pray? what has been done to your eye?

Plevs. Habeo equidem hercle oculum. Pyrg. At laevom dico. Plevs.
Eloquar.

Plevs. I do indeed, by Hercules, have an eye. Pyrg. But I mean the left one. Plevs.
I will speak out.

maris causa hercle hoc ego oculo utor minus,
nam si abstinuissem amare, tamquam hoc uterer.
sed nimis morantur me diu. Pyrg. Eccos exeunt. 1310

By Hercules, on account of love I use this eye the less;
for if I had refrained from loving, I would, as it were, be using it.
but they are keeping me waiting too long. Pyrg. Look—there they are coming out. 1310

IV.viii

4.8

Pal. Quid modi flendo quaeso hodie facies? Philocomasivm Quid ego ni
fleam?
ubi pulcherrume egi aetatem, abeo.

Pal. What good by weeping, I pray, will you do today? Philocomasivm Why should I not
weep?
where I have spent my time most splendidly, I am going away.

Pal. Em hominem tibi,
qui a matre et sorore venit. Phil. Video. Pyrg. Audin, Palaestrio?

Pal. Here’s the man for you,
who has come from his mother and sister. Phil. I see. Pyrg. Do you hear, Palaestrio?

Pal. Quid vis? Pyrg. Quin tu iubes ecferri omnia quae isti dedi?
Plevs. Philocomasium, salve.

Pal. What do you want? Pyrg. Won’t you order all the things which I gave to that fellow to be carried out?
Plevs. Philocomasium, greetings.

Phil. Et tu salve. Plevs. Materque et 1315
soror
tibi salutem me iusserunt dicere. Phil. Salvae sient.

Phil. And greetings to you. Plevs. Mother and 1315
sister
ordered me to give you greetings. Phil. May they be safe.

Plevs. Orant te, ut eas, ventus operam dum dat, ut velum explicent;
nam matri oculi si valerent, mecum venissent simul.
Phil. Ibo; quamquam invita facio, impietas sit nisi eam. Plevs. Sapis.

Plevs. They beseech you to go, while the wind lends its service, so that they may unfurl the sail;
for if mother’s eyes were strong, she would have come along with me together.
Phil. I will go; although I do it unwillingly, it would be impiety unless I go to her. Plevs. You are wise.

Pyrg. Si non mecum aetatem egisset, hodie stulta viveret. 1320
Phil. Istuc crucior, a viro me tali abalienarier,
nam tu quemvis potis es facere ut afluat facetiis;
et quia tecum eram, propterea animo eram ferocior:
eam nobilitatem amittendam video. Pyrg. Ne fle. Phil. Non queo,
quom te video.

Pyrg. If she had not spent her lifetime with me, today she would be living a fool. 1320
Phil. That torments me, to be alienated from such a man;
for you are able to make anyone overflow with facetiousness;
and because I was with you, therefore I was more ferocious in spirit:
I see that that nobility must be lost. Pyrg. Do not weep. Phil. I cannot,
when I see you.

Pyrg. Habe bonum animum. Phil. Scio ego quid doleat 1325
mihi.
Pal. Nam nil miror, si libenter, Philocomasium, hic eras,
<si> forma huius, mores, virtus, animum attinuere hic tuom,
quom ego servos quando aspicio hunc, lacrumo quia diiungimur.

Pyrg. Have good courage. Phil. I know what pains 1325
me.
Pal. For I do not marvel at all, if willingly, Philocomasium, you were here,
<if> the form of this man, his mores, his virtue, have held your mind here,
since whenever I look upon this slave, I weep because we are disjoined.

Phil. Obsecro licet complecti prius quam proficisco? Pyrg. Licet.
Phil. O mi ocule, o mi anime.

Phil. I beseech, is it permitted to embrace before I set forth? Pyrg. It is permitted.
Phil. O my eye, O my soul.

Pal. Obsecro, tene mulierem, 1330

Pal. I beseech you, hold the woman, 1330

ne adfligatur. Pyrg. Quid istuc quaesost? Pal. Quia abs te abit, animo
male
factum est huic repente miserae.

so that she not be dashed down. Pyrg. What’s that, pray? Pal. Because she is going away from you, in spirit
ill
has come over this poor woman suddenly.

Pyrg. Curre intro atque ecferto aquam.
Pal. Nihil aquam moror, quiescat malo. ne interveneris,
quaeso, dum resipiscit.

Pyrg. Run inside and bring out water.
Pal. I do not trouble about water; let her rest in her malady. Do not intervene, I beg, until she comes to her senses.

Pyrg. Capita inter se nimis nexa hisce habent.
non placet. labra ab labellis aufer, nauta, cave malo. 1335
Plevs. Temptabam spiraret an non.

Pyrg. These have their heads too closely bound together with each other. it does not please. take the lips away from the little lips, sailor; beware the mast. 1335
Plevs. I was testing whether she breathed or not.

Pyrg. Aurem admotam oportuit.
Plevs. Si magis vis, eam omittam. Pyrg. Nolo, retine.

Pyrg. An ear ought to have been applied.
Plevs. If you prefer, I will leave it off. Pyrg. I do not want that—keep it.

Plevs. At ultro
misero.
Pyrg. Exite atque ecferte huc intus omnia quae isti dedi.
Pal. Etiam nunc saluto te, <Lar> familiaris, prius quam eo.
conservi conservaeque omnis, bene valete et vivite, 1340
bene quaeso inter vos dicatis mi med absenti tamen.

Plevs. But unbidden
to poor me.
Pyrg. Go out and bring out here from inside everything I gave to that one.
Pal. Even now I greet you, <Lar> of the household, before I go.
fellow-slaves and fellow-slavewomen all, fare well and live well, 1340
pray, speak well among yourselves of me, though I am absent nevertheless.

Pyrg. Age, Palaestrio, bono animo es. Pal. Eheu, nequeo quin fleam,
quom abs te abeam. Pyrg. Fer aequo animo. Pal. Scio ego quid doleat mihi.

Pyrg. Come now, Palaestrio, be of good spirit. Pal. Alas, I cannot but weep,
when I go away from you. Pyrg. Bear it with an even mind. Pal. I know what pains me.

Phil. Sed quid hoc? quae res? quid video?

Phil. But what is this? What matter? What do I see?

lux, salve *
Plevs. Iam resipisti? * Phil. Obsecro, quem amplexa sum 1345

Light, hail *
Plevs. Have you now come to your senses? * Phil. I beseech, whom have I embraced? 1345

hominem? perii. sumne ego apud me? Plevs. Ne time, voluptas mea. 1345a
Pyrg. Quid istuc est negoti?

a man? I am undone. Am I in my senses? Plevs. Do not fear, my delight. 1345a
Pyrg. What business is that?

Pal. Animus hanc modo hic reliquerat. 1347
~ metuoque ut timeo, ne hoc tandem propalam fiat nimis.
Pyrg. Quid id est? Pal. Nos secundum ferri nunc per urbem haec omnia,
ne quis tibi hoc vitio vortat.

Pal. Her spirit had just now left her here. 1347
~ and I fear, as I dread, lest this at length be made too openly public.
Pyrg. What is that? Pal. That, right behind us, all these things be carried now through the city,
lest anyone turn this to your fault.

Pyrg. Mea, non illorum dedi: 1350
parvi ego illos facio. agite, ite cum dis benevolentibus.
Pal. Tua ego hoc causa dico.

Pyrg. Mine, not theirs, I gave: 1350
I reckon them of little account. Come now, go with benevolent gods.
Pal. I say this for your sake.

Pyrg. Credo. Pal. Iam vale. Pyrg. Et tu
bene vale.

Pyrg. I believe it. Pal. Now, farewell. Pyrg. And you
fare well.

Pal. Ite cito, iam ego adsequar vos: cum ero pauca volo loqui.—
quamquam alios fideliores semper habuisti tibi
quam me, tamen tibi habeo magnam gratiam rerum omnium; 1355

Pal. Go quickly, I will now overtake you: when I arrive I want to speak a few things.—
although you have always had others more faithful to you
than me, nevertheless I have great gratitude to you for all things; 1355

et, si ita sententia esset, tibi servire malui
multo, quam alii libertus esse. Pyrg. Habe bonum animum.
Pal. Eheu, quom venit mi in mentem, ut mores mutandi sient,
muliebris mores discendi, obliscendi stratiotici.

and, if the judgment were so, I much preferred to serve you
rather than be another’s freedman. Pyrg. Keep up your courage.
Pal. Alas, when it comes into my mind that the mores must be changed,
that womanly mores are to be learned, and soldierly ones forgotten.

Pyrg. Fac sis frugi. Pal. Iam non possum, amisi omnem lubidinem. 1360
Pyrg. I, sequere illos, ne morere. Pal. Bene vale.

Pyrg. Do, please, be frugal. Pal. Now I cannot; I have lost all desire. 1360
Pyrg. Go, follow them, do not delay. Pal. Farewell.

Pyrg. Et tu bene
vale.
Pal. Quaeso memineris, si forte liber fieri occeperim
(mittam nuntium ad te), ne me deseras. Pyrg. Non est meum.

Pyrg. And you, well
fare.
Pal. Please remember, if by chance I begin to become free
(I will send a messenger to you), do not desert me. Pyrg. It is not my way.

Pal. Cogitato identidem, tibi quam fidelis fuerim.
si id facies, tum demum scibis, tibi qui bonus sit, qui malus. 1365
Pyrg. Scio et perspexi saepe. Pal. Verum cum antehac, hodie maxume
scies: immo hodie me tuom factum faxo post dices magis.

Pal. Think again and again how faithful I have been to you.
if you do that, then at last you will know who is good for you, who bad. 1365
Pyrg. I know and have often perceived clearly. Pal. True, as before, today most of all
you will know: nay, today I will make it so that afterward you will say all the more that I have been made yours.

Pyrg. Vix reprimor quin te manere iubeam. Pal. Cave istuc feceris:
dicent te mendacem nec verum esse, fide nulla esse te,
dicent servorum praeter me esse <hic> fidelem neminem. 1370

Pyrg. I can hardly restrain myself from ordering you to stay. Pal. Don’t do that:
they will say you are a liar and not truthful, that you have no good faith,
they will say that among the slaves, besides me, there is no one faithful <here>. 1370

nam si honeste censeam te facere posse, suadeam;
verum non potest. cave faxis. Pyr. Abi iam.

for if I should deem that you could do it honorably, I would advise it;
but it cannot be. see that you do not do it. Pyr. Go now.

Pal. Patiar quidquid est.
Pyrg. Bene vale igitur. Pal. Ire meliust strenue.—Pyrg. Etiam nunc
vale.

Pal. I will endure whatever it is.
Pyrg. Fare well, then. Pal. It is better to go strenuously.—Pyrg. Even now,
farewell.

ante hoc factum hunc sum arbitratus semper servom pessumum:
eum fidelem mi esse invenio. cum egomet mecum cogito, 1375
stulte feci qui hunc amisi. ibo hinc intro nunciam
ad amores meos.

before this deed I have always judged this slave the worst:
I find him faithful to me. When I myself with myself consider, 1375
I acted foolishly, in that I lost this man. I will go from here indoors now straightaway
to my amours.

sed, sensi, hinc sonitum fecerunt foris.

but, I sensed, from here they made a sound outside.

IV.ix
Pver Ne me moneatis, memini ego officium meum,
ego ~ nam conveniam illum, ubi ubi est gentium;
investigabo, operae non parcam meae. 1380
Pyrg. Me quaerit illic. ibo huic puero obviam.
Pver. Ehem, te quaero.

4.9
Boy Do not warn me; I remember my duty,
I ~ for I will meet him, wherever in the world he is;
I will track him down; I will not spare my labor. 1380
Pyrg. He is looking for me there. I will go to meet this boy.
Boy. Ahem, I am looking for you.

salve, vir lepidissime,
cumulate commoditate, praeter ceteros
duo di quem curant. Pyrg. Qui duo? Pver. Mars et Venus.

hail, most charming man,
with cumulate commodiousness, beyond the others—
two gods care for him. Pyrg. Which two? Pver. Mars and Venus.

Pyrg. Facetum puerum. Pver. Intro te ut eas obsecrat, 1385
te volt, te quaerit, teque exspectans expetit.
amanti fer opem.

Pyrg. A facetious boy. Pver. He beseeches that you go inside, 1385
he wants you, he seeks you, and, awaiting you, presses for you.
bring help to the lover.

quid stas? quin intro is? Pyrg. Eo.—
Pver. Ipsus illic sese iam impedivit in plagas;
paratae insidiae sunt: in statu stat senex,
ut adoriatur moechum, qui formast ferox, 1390

why do you stand? why not go inside? Pyrg. I’m going.—
Pver. Right there he himself has already gotten entangled in the snares;
the ambushes are prepared: in position stands the old man,
to attack the adulterer, who in form is ferocious, 1390

qui omnis se amare credit, quaeque aspexerit
mulier: eum oderunt qua viri qua mulieres.
nunc in tumultum ibo: intus clamorem audio.—

who believes that everyone loves him, and any woman who has looked at him:
him both men and women hate.
now I will go into the tumult: inside I hear a clamor.—

ACTVS V

ACT 5

V.i
Periplectomenvs Ducite istum; si non sequitur, rapite sublimen foras,
facite inter terram atque caelum ut sit <situs>, discindite. 1395
Pyrgopolinices Obsecro hercle, Periplectomene, te. Per. Nequiquam hercle
obsecras.
vide ut istic tibi sit acutus, Cario, culter probe.
Cario Quin iamdudum gestit moecho hoc abdomen adimere,
ut ea iam quasi puero in collo pendeant crepundia.

5.1
Periplectomenus Lead that man; if he does not follow, snatch him up aloft outside, make it so that he be between earth and heaven <set>, rend him asunder. 1395
Pyrgopolinices I beg you, by Hercules, Periplectomenus, you. Per. In vain, by Hercules,
you beg.
see that that knife is keen for you there, Cario, properly.
Cario Why, long since it has been eager to remove this adulterer’s abdomen,
so that now those things may hang from his neck like a boy’s rattles.

Pyrg. Perii. Per. Haud etiam, numero hoc dicis. Car. Iamne in 1400
hominem involo?

Pyrg. I have perished. Per. Not yet; you only say so in words. Car. Am I now to swoop in 1400
upon the man?

Per. Immo etiam prius verberetur fustibus. Car. Multum quidem.
* * * 1401a
Per. Cur es ausus subigitare alienam uxorem, impudens?

Per. Nay rather, let him first be beaten with clubs. Car. Very much indeed.
* * * 1401a
Per. Why did you dare to commit adultery with another man’s wife, shameless one?

Pyrg. Ita me di ament, ultro ventumst ad me. Per. Mentitur, feri.
Pyrg. Mane, dum narro. Per. Quid cessatis?

Pyrg. So may the gods love me, she came to me of her own accord. Per. He lies, strike!
Pyrg. Wait, while I tell it. Per. Why do you delay?

Pyrg. Non licet mihi dicere?
Per. Dic. Pyrg. Oratus sum, ad eam ut irem.

Pyrg. Am I not permitted to speak?
Per. Speak. Pyrg. I was entreated to go to her.

Per. Quor ire ausu's? 1405

Per. Why did you dare to go? 1405

em tibi.
Pyrg. Oiei, satis sum verberatus. obsecro.

There—take that!
Pyrg. Ouch, I’ve been beaten enough. I beg you.

Car. Quam mox seco?
Per. Vbi lubet: dispennite hominem divorsum et distendite.
Pyrg. Obsecro hercle te, ut mea verba audias prius quam secat.

Car. How soon shall I cut?
Per. Wherever you please: pull the man apart in different directions and distend him.
Pyrg. I beseech you, by Hercules, to hear my words before he cuts.

Per. Loquere. Pyrg. Non volui nec factum est: viduam hercle esse censui,
itaque ancilla, conciliatrix quae erat, dicebat mihi. 1410
Per. Iura te non nociturum esse homini de hac re nemini,
quod tu hodie hic verberatu's aut quod verberabere,
si te salvom hinc amittemus Venerium nepotulum.
Pyrg. Iuro per Iovem et Mavortem, me nociturum nemini,
quod ego hic hodie vapularim, iureque id factum arbitror; 1415
et si intestatus non abeo hinc, bene agitur pro noxia.

Per. Speak. Pyrg. I did not want it and it was not done: by Hercules, I judged her to be a widow, and so the maidservant, who was a go-between, told me so. 1410
Per. Swear that you will not do harm to any person about this matter, not because you have been beaten here today or because you will be beaten, if we let your little grandson of Venus go away safe from here.
Pyrg. I swear by Jove and Mavors, that I will harm no one, because I have been flogged here today, and I judge that done by right; 1415
and if I do not go away from here intestate, it goes well in proportion to the offense.

Per. Quid si id non faxis? Pyrg. Vt vivam semper intestabilis.
Car. Verberetur etiam, postibi amittendum censeo.

Per. What if you do not do that? Pyrg. May I live forever intestable, disqualified as a witness.
Car. Let him be beaten too; afterward I judge he must be sent away.

Pyrg. Di tibi bene faciant semper, quom advocatus mihi venis.
Car. Ergo des minam auri nobis. Pyrg. Quam ob rem?

Pyrg. May the gods always do well for you, since you come as my advocate to me.
Car. Therefore give us a mina of gold. Pyrg. For what reason?

Car. Salvis 1420

Car. Safe 1420

testibus
ut te hodie hinc amittamus Venerium nepotulum;
aliter hinc non ibis, ne sis frustra. Pyrg. Dabitur. Car. Magis sapis.

with witnesses
that today we may send you away from here as Venus’s little grandson;
otherwise you will not go from here, don’t be in vain. Pyrg. It shall be given. Car. You are wiser.

de tunica et chlamyde et machaera ne quid speres, non feres.
Car. Verberon etiam, an iam mittis? Pyrg. Mitis sum equidem fustibus.

as for the tunic and the chlamys and the machaera, do not hope for anything; you will not carry them off.
Car. Will you beat me as well, or are you now letting me go? Pyrg. I am gentle indeed—with clubs.

opsecro vos. Per. Solvite istunc. Pyrg. Gratiam habeo tibi.

I beseech you. Per. Untie that fellow. Pyrg. I am grateful to you.

1425
Per. Si posthac prehendero ego te hic, carebis testibus.
Pyrg. Causam haud dico. Per. Eamus intro, Cario.—Pyrg. Servos meos
eccos video.

1425
Per. If hereafter I shall have apprehended you here, you will be without witnesses.
Pyrg. I do not plead a cause. Per. Let us go inside, Cario.—Pyrg. My slaves
look, I see them.

Philocomasium iam profecta est? dic mihi.
Servvs Iam dudum.

Has Philocomasium already set out? tell me.
Servvs Long since.

Pyrg. Ei mihi. Ser. Magis dicas, si scias quod ego
scio.
nam ille qui lanam ob oculum habebat <laevom>, nauta non erat. 1430
Pyrg. Quis erat igitur?

Pyrg. Alas for me. Ser. You would say more, if you knew what I
know.
for that fellow who had wool over his <left> eye was not a sailor. 1430
Pyrg. Who was he then?

Ser. Philocomasio amator. Pyrg. Qui tu scis?
Ser. Scio.

Ser. Philocomasium’s lover. Pyrg. How do you know?
Ser. I know.

nam postquam porta exierunt, nil cessarunt ilico
osculari atque amplexari inter se. Pyrg. Vae misero mihi,
verba mihi data esse video. scelus viri Palaestrio,
is me in hanc inlexit fraudem. iure factum iudico; 1435

for after they went out the gate, they straightway did not cease
to kiss and embrace each other. Pyrg. Alas for wretched me,
I see that words have been given to me. the crime of the man Palaestrio—
he inveigled me into this fraud. I judge it done justly; 1435

si sic aliis moechis fiat, minus hic moechorum siet,
magis metuant, minus has res studeant. eamus ad me. plaudite.

if thus it should befall other adulterers, there would be fewer adulterers here;
let them fear more, let them be less studious of these things. let us go to my place. applaud.