Horace: SERMONES

Qui fit, Maecenas, ut nemo, quam sibi sortem
seu ratio dederit seu fors obiecerit, illa
contentus vivat, laudet diversa sequentis?
'o fortunati mercatores' gravis annis
miles ait, multo iam fractus membra labore;

How does it come about, Maecenas, that no one, with the lot which for himself either reason has given or fortune has thrown in his path, lives content with that, but praises the different pursuits of those who follow them?
"O fortunate merchants," says the soldier, heavy with years,
now with his limbs broken by much labor;

contra mercator navim iactantibus Austris:
'militia est potior. quid enim? concurritur: horae
momento cita mors venit aut victoria laeta.'
agricolam laudat iuris legumque peritus,
sub galli cantum consultor ubi ostia pulsat;

by contrast the merchant, with the South Winds tossing the ship:
'military service is preferable. Why indeed? They come to close quarters: in the moment of an hour
swift death comes or joyful victory.'
the man expert in jurisprudence and laws praises the farmer,
when at the cock’s song the client knocks at his doors;

ille, datis vadibus qui rure extractus in urbem est,
solos felicis viventis clamat in urbe.
cetera de genere hoc—adeo sunt multa—loquacem
delassare valent Fabium. ne te morer, audi,
quo rem deducam. si quis deus 'en ego' dicat

that one, bail having been given, who has been extracted from the countryside into the city,
shouts that only those living in the city are happy.
the other things of this kind—so many are they—are able to weary loquacious
Fabius. not to delay you, listen,
to what point I will deduce the matter. if some god should say, 'Lo, I'

'iam faciam quod voltis: eris tu, qui modo miles,
mercator; tu, consultus modo, rusticus: hinc vos,
vos hinc mutatis discedite partibus. eia,
quid statis?' nolint. atqui licet esse beatis.

'now I will do what you want: you, who just now are a soldier,
shall be a merchant; you, just now a jurisconsult, a rustic: you this way,
you that way, depart with the roles exchanged. come on,
why do you stand?' they are unwilling. and yet it is permitted to be happy.

quid causae est, merito quin illis Iuppiter ambas

what cause is there, deservedly, why Jupiter should not grant to them both

iratus buccas inflet neque se fore posthac
tam facilem dicat, votis ut praebeat aurem?
praeterea, ne sic ut qui iocularia ridens
percurram: quamquam ridentem dicere verum
quid vetat? ut pueris olim dant crustula blandi

angry, let him puff out his cheeks and say that hereafter he will not be so facile as to lend an ear to vows?
besides, lest I in like manner run through it as one laughing at jocularities: although, laughing, to speak the truth—what forbids it?
as the coaxing give little cakes to boys once upon a time

doctores, elementa velint ut discere prima:
sed tamen amoto quaeramus seria ludo:
ille gravem duro terram qui vertit aratro,
perfidus hic caupo, miles nautaeque, per omne
audaces mare qui currunt, hac mente laborem

teachers, so that they may be willing to learn the first elements:
but yet, with play removed, let us seek serious matters:
that man who turns the heavy earth with the hard plow,
this perfidious tavern-keeper, the soldier, and the sailors, through all
the bold who course the sea, with this mind endure labor

sese ferre, senes ut in otia tuta recedant,
aiunt, cum sibi sint congesta cibaria: sicut
parvola—nam exemplo est—magni formica laboris
ore trahit quodcumque potest atque addit acervo
quem struit, haud ignara ac non incauta futuri.

they say that they bear it, so that the old may withdraw into safe leisure,
when provisions have been heaped up for themselves: just as
the tiny— for it is an example— ant of great labor
with its mouth drags whatever it can and adds to the heap
which it builds, not ignorant and not incautious of the future.

quae, simul inversum contristat Aquarius annum,
non usquam prorepit et illis utitur ante
quaesitis sapiens, cum te neque fervidus aestus
demoveat lucro neque hiems, ignis mare ferrum,
nil obstet tibi, dum ne sit te ditior alter.

which, as soon as Aquarius saddens the year turned upside down,
does not creep out anywhere and, wise, makes use of the things previously sought,
while neither fervid heat nor winter, fire, sea, iron,
drives you away from lucre, and nothing stands in your way,
so long as another be not richer than you.

quid iuvat inmensum te argenti pondus et auri
furtim defossa timidum deponere terra?
quod, si conminuas, vilem redigatur ad assem?
at ni id fit, quid habet pulcri constructus acervus?
milia frumenti tua triverit area centum:

what does it profit you to stash, timid, an immense weight of silver and of gold stealthily in earth dug out? which, if you break it up, would be reduced to a cheap as? but if that is not done, what of beauty has a constructed heap? your threshing-floor will have threshed a hundred thousand measures of grain:

non tuus hoc capiet venter plus ac meus: ut, si
reticulum panis venalis inter onusto
forte vehas umero, nihilo plus accipias quam
qui nil portarit. vel dic quid referat intra
naturae finis viventi, iugera centum an

Your belly will not take more of this than mine: just as, if by chance you should carry a little net-bag of bread for sale among burdens on your laden shoulder, you would receive nothing more than one who has carried nothing. Or say what it matters, within
the bounds of nature for one living, whether a hundred iugera or

mille aret? 'at suave est ex magno tollere acervo.'
dum ex parvo nobis tantundem haurire relinquas,
cur tua plus laudes cumeris granaria nostris?
ut tibi si sit opus liquidi non amplius urna
vel cyatho et dicas 'magno de flumine mallem

to plow a thousand? 'but it is sweet to take from a great heap.'
so long as you leave to us to draw just as much from a small store,
why do you praise your granaries more than our grain-baskets?
as if you should need of liquid no more than an urn
or a cyathus, and you say, 'I would prefer from a great river

quam ex hoc fonticulo tantundem sumere.' eo fit,
plenior ut siquos delectet copia iusto,
cum ripa simul avolsos ferat Aufidus acer.
at qui tantuli eget quanto est opus, is neque limo
turbatam haurit aquam neque vitam amittit in undis.

than to take the same amount from this little fountain.' Thus it comes about,
that, fuller, if copiousness beyond the just measure delights anyone,
the keen Aufidus carries them off, torn away together with the bank.
but he who needs only so little as there is need, he neither draws water
troubled with mud nor loses his life in the waves.

at bona pars hominum decepta cupidine falso
'nil satis est', inquit, 'quia tanti quantum habeas sis':
quid facias illi? iubeas miserum esse, libenter
quatenus id facit: ut quidam memoratur Athenis
sordidus ac dives, populi contemnere voces

but a good portion of men, deceived by false cupidity,
'nothing is enough,' he says, 'since you are worth just as much as what you have':
what would you do with that man? would you bid him be miserable, gladly
inasmuch as he does that: as a certain man is reported at Athens,
sordid and rich, to contemn the voices of the people

sic solitus: 'populus me sibilat, at mihi plaudo
ipse domi, simul ac nummos contemplor in arca.'
Tantalus a labris sitiens fugientia captat
flumina—quid rides? mutato nomine de te
fabula narratur: congestis undique saccis

thus he was wont: 'the populace hisses at me, but I applaud myself
at home, as soon as I contemplate the coins in my strongbox.'
Tantalus, thirsty, snatches at the fleeing streams from his lips—why do you laugh?
with the name changed, the fable is told about you: with sacks heaped up from everywhere

indormis inhians et tamquam parcere sacris
cogeris aut pictis tamquam gaudere tabellis.
nescis, quo valeat nummus, quem praebeat usum?
panis ematur, holus, vini sextarius, adde
quis humana sibi doleat natura negatis.

you doze, gaping, and as though you were compelled to spare sacred things,
or as though to rejoice in painted panels.
Do you not know what a coin avails, what use it affords?
let bread be bought, greens, a sextary of wine; add
those things which human nature would grieve at being denied to itself.

an vigilare metu exanimem, noctesque diesque
formidare malos fures, incendia, servos,
ne te conpilent fugientes, hoc iuvat? horum
semper ego optarim pauperrimus esse bonorum.
at si condoluit temptatum frigore corpus

or to keep vigil, exanimate with fear, nights and days,
to dread evil thieves, fires, slaves,
lest they, fleeing, despoil you, does this please? of these
goods I would always choose to be the poorest. but if the body, assailed by cold, has ached

aut alius casus lecto te adflixit, habes qui
adsideat, fomenta paret, medicum roget, ut te
suscitet ac reddat gnatis carisque propinquis?
non uxor salvum te volt, non filius; omnes
vicini oderunt, noti, pueri atque puellae.

or another mishap has afflicted you to the bed, have you one
to sit by, to prepare fomentations, to ask the medic, that he
may rouse you and give you back to your sons and dear kinsfolk?
not your wife wants you safe, nor your son; all
the neighbors hate you, the acquaintances, boys and girls.

miraris, cum tu argento post omnia ponas,
si nemo praestet, quem non merearis, amorem?
an si cognatos, nullo natura labore
quos tibi dat, retinere velis servareque amicos,
infelix operam perdas, ut siquis asellum

Do you marvel, since you place everything after silver,
if no one bestows a love which you do not deserve?
Or if the cognates, whom nature gives to you with no labor,
you should wish to retain and preserve as friends,
unhappy, you would waste your effort, as if someone a little donkey

in campo doceat parentem currere frenis?
denique sit finis quaerendi, cumque habeas plus,
pauperiem metuas minus et finire laborem
incipias, parto quod avebas, ne facias quod
Ummidius quidam; non longa est fabula: dives

would a little donkey in the field teach his parent to run with reins?
finally let there be an end of seeking, and when you have more,
fear poverty less and begin to finish the labor
—with what you craved having been acquired—lest you do what
a certain Ummidius did; the tale is not long: rich

ut metiretur nummos, ita sordidus, ut se
non umquam servo melius vestiret, ad usque
supremum tempus, ne se penuria victus
opprimeret, metuebat. at hunc liberta securi
divisit medium, fortissima Tyndaridarum.

so that he might measure out his coins, so sordid, that he never clothed himself better than a slave, right up to the last time, lest a lack of victuals overwhelm him, he was afraid. But him a freedwoman, with an axe, split down the middle, the bravest of the Tyndarids.

100

'quid mi igitur suades? ut vivam Naevius aut sic
ut Nomentanus?' pergis pugnantia secum
frontibus adversis conponere: non ego avarum
cum veto te, fieri vappam iubeo ac nebulonem:
est inter Tanain quiddam socerumque Viselli:

'What, then, do you advise me? To live like Naevius, or thus
like Nomentanus?' You go on to put together things fighting with themselves,
with foreheads opposed: when I forbid you to be a miser,
I do not bid you to become a vappa (a wastrel) and a good-for-nothing:
there is something between the Tanais and Visellius’s father-in-law:

105

est modus in rebus, sunt certi denique fines,
quos ultra citraque nequit consistere rectum.
illuc, unde abii, redeo, qui nemo, ut avarus,
se probet ac potius laudet diversa sequentis,
quodque aliena capella gerat distentius uber,

there is a measure in things, there are certain, in fine, limits,
beyond which and on this side the Right cannot take its stand.
thither, whence I went away, I return: that no one, like the miser,
approves himself, and rather praises those following diverse ways,
and that another’s she-goat bears a more distended udder,

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tabescat neque se maiori pauperiorum
turbae conparet, hunc atque hunc superare laboret.
sic festinanti semper locupletior obstat,
ut, cum carceribus missos rapit ungula currus,
instat equis auriga suos vincentibus, illum

let him waste away, nor let him compare himself to the greater crowd of the poorer,
let him labor to surpass this man and that.
thus to the one hastening a more wealthy man always stands in the way,
as, when the hoof carries off the chariots sent from the starting-gates,
the charioteer presses upon his horses, his own winning, that one

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praeteritum temnens extremos inter euntem.
inde fit, ut raro, qui se vixisse beatum
dicat et exacto contentus tempore vita
cedat uti conviva satur, reperire queamus.
iam satis est. ne me Crispini scrinia lippi

scorning the one overpassed, going among the hindmost.
thence it comes, that we can rarely find a man who says he has lived blessed,
and, content with his completed time, withdraws from life like a sated guest.
now it is enough. lest the book-chests of bleary-eyed Crispinus

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conpilasse putes, verbum non amplius addam.

you might think I had plagiarized; I will add not one word more.

1.2

Ambubaiarum collegia, pharmacopolae,
mendici, mimae, balatrones, hoc genus omne
maestum ac sollicitum est cantoris morte Tigelli.
quippe benignus erat. contra hic, ne prodigus esse
dicatur metuens, inopi dare nolit amico,

The guilds of the ambubaiae, the pharmacopolists, mendicants, mimes, buffoons, this whole genus is mournful and anxious at the death of the singer Tigellius. For he was benign. By contrast, this man, fearing lest he be said to be prodigal, is unwilling to give to an indigent friend,

frigus quo duramque famem propellere possit.
hunc si perconteris, avi cur atque parentis
praeclaram ingrata stringat malus ingluvie rem,
omnia conductis coemens obsonia nummis,
sordidus atque animi quod parvi nolit haberi,

with which he can drive away cold and stubborn hunger.
If you question this fellow why he, ungrateful, should strip by his maw the splendid estate of his grandsire and father,
buying up all his viands with borrowed coins,
—a sordid sort—and because he does not wish to be considered a man of small spirit,

respondet. laudatur ab his, culpatur ab illis.
Fufidius vappae famam timet ac nebulonis
[dives agris, dives positis in fenore nummis]:
quinas hic capiti mercedes exsecat atque
quanto perditior quisque est, tanto acrius urget;

he responds. he is praised by these, blamed by those.
Fufidius fears the reputation of a “vappa” and a “ne’er‑do‑well”
[rich in fields, rich in coins placed at usury]:
he slices off fivefold interest payments from the capital, and
the more ruined each man is, the more sharply he presses;

nomina sectatur modo sumpta veste virili
sub patribus duris tironum. 'maxime' quis non
'Iuppiter' exclamat simul atque audivit? 'at in se
pro quaestu sumptum facit hic?' vix credere possis,
quam sibi non sit amicus, ita ut pater ille, Terenti

he pursues “names,” with the manly garment just assumed,
a tyro under harsh fathers. “Greatest”—who does not
shout “Jupiter” as soon as he has heard it? “But does he
make expense upon himself for the sake of gain?” You could scarcely believe
how he is not a friend to himself, just like that father, in Terence

fabula quem miserum gnato vixisse fugato
inducit, non se peius cruciaverit atque hic.
siquis nunc quaerat 'quo res haec pertinet?' illuc:
dum vitant stulti vitia, in contraria currunt.
Maltinus tunicis demissis ambulat, est qui

the play which portrays him as having lived wretched with his son driven into exile would not have tortured himself worse than this man.
if someone now should ask, 'to what does this matter pertain?' to this:
while fools avoid vices, they run into contraries.
Malthinus walks with his tunics let down; there is one who

inguen ad obscaenum subductis usque; facetus
pastillos Rufillus olet, Gargonius hircum:
nil medium est. sunt qui nolint tetigisse nisi illas
quarum subsuta talos tegat instita veste,
contra alius nullam nisi olenti in fornice stantem.

the groin, with garments drawn up, all the way to the obscene; the witty
Rufillus smells of pastilles, Gargonius of goat:
there is nothing in the middle. there are those who are unwilling to have touched any but those
whose sewn-on flounce in the garment covers the ankles,
by contrast another wants none unless she is standing in a reeking brothel-arch.

quidam notus homo cum exiret fornice, 'macte
virtute esto' inquit sententia dia Catonis;
'nam simul ac venas inflavit taetra libido,
huc iuvenes aequom est descendere, non alienas
permolere uxores.' 'nolim laudarier' inquit

a certain well-known man, as he was exiting a brothel, ‘be magnified in virtue’ he says—the divine sententia of Cato;
‘for as soon as foul libido has inflated the veins,
it is equitable that young men descend hither, not to grind other men’s wives.’ ‘I would not wish to be praised,’ he says

'sic me' mirator cunni Cupiennius albi.
audire est operae pretium, procedere recte
qui moechis non voltis, ut omni parte laborent
utque illis multo corrupta dolore voluptas
atque haec rara cadat dura inter saepe pericla.

'So be it for me,' says Cupiennius, admirer of a white cunny.
it is worth the effort to hear, you who do not wish to be adulterers, how to proceed rightly,
how they labor on every side,
and how their pleasure, corrupted by much pain,
and this rare treat falls amid often harsh perils.

hic se praecipitem tecto dedit, ille flagellis
ad mortem caesus, fugiens hic decidit acrem
praedonum in turbam, dedit hic pro corpore nummos,
hunc perminxerunt calones; quin etiam illud
accidit, ut cuidam testis caudamque salacem

here one hurled himself headlong from the roof, that one by scourges
beaten to death; fleeing, this one fell into the keen
mob of robbers, this one gave coins for his body,
this one the camp-servants thoroughly pissed upon; nay even this
befell, that to a certain man the testicle and the salacious tail

demeterent ferro. 'iure' omnes: Galba negabat.
tutior at quanto merx est in classe secunda,
libertinarum dico: Sallustius in quas
non minus insanit quam qui moechatur. at hic si,
qua res, qua ratio suaderet quaque modeste

they cut off with iron. 'Rightly,' everyone [said]; Galba was denying it.
but how much safer the merchandise is in the second class,
I mean of freedwomen: Sallustius raves over them no less
than one who commits adultery. But this man, if,
as the matter, as reason would urge, and as modestly

munifico esse licet, vellet bonus atque benignus
esse, daret quantum satis esset nec sibi damno
dedecorique foret. verum hoc se amplectitur uno,
hoc amat et laudat: 'matronam nullam ego tango',
ut quondam Marsaeus, amator Originis ille,

It is permitted to be munificent; let him wish to be good and benign,
let him give as much as would be enough and would not be to his own damage
and disgrace. But this one thing he embraces, this he loves and praises:
‘I touch no matron,’ as once Marsaeus, that lover of Origo,

qui patrium mimae donat fundumque laremque,
'nil fuerit mi' inquit 'cum uxoribus umquam alienis.'
verum est cum mimis, est cum meretricibus, unde
fama malum gravius quam res trahit. an tibi abunde
personam satis est, non illud, quidquid ubique

he who gives to a mime-actress his ancestral farm and hearth and home,
'I have had nothing at all to do,' he says, 'with other men’s wives, ever.'
But it is with mime-actresses, it is with prostitutes, whence
rumor drags an evil heavier than the reality. Or is the persona
enough for you in abundance, not that other thing, whatever, wherever

officit, evitare? bonam deperdere famam,
rem patris oblimare malum est ubicumque. quid inter-
est in matrona, ancilla peccesne togata?
Villius in Fausta Sullae gener, hoc miser uno
nomine deceptus, poenas dedit usque superque

does it hinder, to avoid it? to lose good fame, to be-mire a father’s estate is evil everywhere. what differ-
ence is there, whether you sin with a matron, or with a toga-clad handmaid? Villius, with Fausta, Sulla’s son-in-law—this wretch, deceived by this one name—paid penalties up to the full and beyond.

quam satis est, pugnis caesus ferroque petitus,
exclusus fore, cum Longarenus foret intus.
huic si muttonis verbis mala tanta videnti
diceret haec animus 'quid vis tibi? numquid ego a te
magno prognatum deposco consule cunnum

more than enough, beaten with fists and assailed with iron,
that he would be shut out, when Longarenus was inside.
if to this man, seeing such evils, his spirit, in a prick’s words,
were to say these things: 'what do you want? surely I am not asking from you
a cunt sprung from a great consul'

velatumque stola, mea cum conferbuit ira?'
quid responderet? 'magno patre nata puella est.'
at quanto meliora monet pugnantiaque istis
dives opis natura suae, tu si modo recte
dispensare velis ac non fugienda petendis

and veiled with a stola, when my anger boiled up?'
what would he answer? 'the girl is born of a great father.'
but how much better, and at variance with those, does Nature,
rich in her own resources, advise, if only you should rightly
dispense and not seek things that ought to be fled

inmiscere. tuo vitio rerumne labores,
nil referre putas? quare, ne paeniteat te,
desine matronas sectarier, unde laboris
plus haurire mali est quam ex re decerpere fructus.
nec magis huic, inter niveos viridisque lapillos

to get yourself mixed in. Do you think it makes no difference whether you toil by your own fault or by the nature of things? therefore, that you may not repent, stop pursuing matrons, whence one draws more evil toil than plucks fruits from the matter. nor any more to this one, amid snowy and green little stones

sit licet, hoc, Cerinthe, tuum tenerum est femur aut crus
rectius, atque etiam melius persaepe togatae.
adde huc, quod mercem sine fucis gestat, aperte
quod venale habet ostendit nec, siquid honesti est,
iactat habetque palam, quaerit, quo turpia celet.

granted, let it be so, Cerinthus: this woman of yours has a tender thigh or a straighter leg,
and even very often better than a toga-clad girl.
add to this, that she carries her merchandise without paints, openly
she shows what she has for sale, nor, if there is anything honest,
does she vaunt it; she has it in the open, she looks for where to conceal the turpitudes.

regibus hic mos est, ubi equos mercantur: opertos
inspiciunt, ne si facies, ut saepe, decora
molli fulta pede est, emptorem inducat hiantem,
quod pulcrae clunes, breve quod caput, ardua cervix.
hoc illi recte: ne corporis optima Lyncei

Here is the custom for kings, when they purchase horses: they inspect them covered,
so that, if the face, as often, is comely,
though propped on a soft foot, it not lead on the gaping buyer,
because the haunches are fair, because the head is short, the neck high-arched.
This they do rightly: so that the best points of the body not deceive even a Lynceus

contemplere oculis, Hypsaea caecior illa,
quae mala sunt, spectes. 'o crus, o bracchia.' verum
depugis, nasuta, brevi latere ac pede longo est.
matronae praeter faciem nil cernere possis,
cetera, ni Catia est, demissa veste tegentis.

contemplate with your eyes, more blind than Hypsaea, look at the things which are bad. 'O leg, O arms.' But in truth she is snub-nosed, big-nosed, with a short flank and a long foot.
of a matron you could discern nothing besides the face,
the rest—unless she is Catia—she covers with a lowered garment.

si interdicta petes, vallo circumdata—nam te
hoc facit insanum—, multae tibi tum officient res,
custodes, lectica, ciniflones, parasitae,
ad talos stola demissa et circumdata palla,
plurima, quae invideant pure adparere tibi rem.

If you seek the interdicted, surrounded with a rampart—for this is what makes you insane—then many things will hinder you: guards, a litter, cinder-blowers (hair-curlers), parasites, a stola let down to the ankles and a palla wrapped around, very many things that begrudge the matter’s appearing purely to you.

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altera, nil obstat: Cois tibi paene videre est
ut nudam, ne crure malo, ne sit pede turpi;
metiri possis oculo latus. an tibi mavis
insidias fieri pretiumque avellier ante
quam mercem ostendi? leporem venator ut alta

the other, nothing hinders: in Coan fabric you can almost see her as though naked, lest she have a bad shin, lest she have an ugly foot; you can measure her side with the eye. or do you prefer that traps be set for you and the price be torn away before the merchandise is shown? as a hunter takes the hare in a deep

105

in nive sectetur, positum sic tangere nolit,
cantat et adponit 'meus est amor huic similis; nam
transvolat in medio posita et fugientia captat.'
hiscine versiculis speras tibi posse dolores
atque aestus curasque gravis e pectore pelli?

in the snow he hunts, yet is unwilling to touch it when it is set down thus,
he sings and adds, 'My love is similar to this; for
it flies across things placed in the midst and snatches at things that flee.'
With little verses like these do you hope that pains
and heats and grievous cares can be driven from your breast?

110

nonne, cupidinibus statuat natura modum quem,
quid latura sibi, quid sit dolitura negatum,
quaerere plus prodest et inane abscindere soldo?
num, tibi cum faucis urit sitis, aurea quaeris
pocula? num esuriens fastidis omnia praeter

does not nature set some measure to desires, what she will be bringing for herself, what she would grieve to have denied,
that it is more profitable to inquire and to cut the void away from the solid?
surely, when thirst burns your throat, do you seek golden cups?
do you, being hungry, disdain everything except

115

pavonem rhombumque? tument tibi cum inguina, num, si
ancilla aut verna est praesto puer, impetus in quem
continuo fiat. malis tentigine rumpi?

a peacock and a turbot (rhombus)? when your loins are swelling, is it, if
a maidservant or a homeborn slave-boy is at hand, the impulse upon whom
may straightway be made. would you rather burst with priapic tension?

non ego; namque parabilem amo venerem facilemque.
illam 'post paulo' 'sed pluris' 'si exierit vir'

not I; for I love a procurable and easy Venus.
that one of 'in a little while,' 'but for more,' 'if the husband goes out'

120

Gallis, hanc Philodemus ait sibi, quae neque magno
stet pretio neque cunctetur cum est iussa venire.
candida rectaque sit, munda hactenus, ut neque longa
nec magis alba velit quam dat natura videri.
haec ubi supposuit dextro corpus mihi laevom,

For the Gauls, Philodemus says this sort is for himself, one who does not stand at a great price nor hesitate when she is bidden to come.
let her be white and straight, clean to this degree, that she not wish to appear taller nor whiter than nature grants.
when she has placed her left side under my right,

125

Ilia et Egeria est; do nomen quodlibet illi.
nec vereor, ne, dum futuo, vir rure recurrat,
ianua frangatur, latret canis, undique magno
pulsa domus strepitu resonet, vepallida lecto
desiliat mulier, miseram se conscia clamet,

She is an Ilia and an Egeria; I give whatever name to her.
nor do I fear, lest, while I copulate, the husband run back from the countryside,
that the door be broken, that the dog bark, that on every side with great
din the house, struck, resound, that the very-pale woman leap from the bed,
and, conscious, cry out that she is wretched,

130

cruribus haec metuat, doti deprensa, egomet mi.
discincta tunica fugiendum est et pede nudo,
ne nummi pereant aut puga aut denique fama.
deprendi miserum est: Fabio vel iudice vincam.

let this one fear for her legs, if caught, and for her dowry; I myself, for my part.
with tunic ungirded, one must flee, and with bare foot,
lest the coins perish, or by a brawl, or, finally, reputation.
to be caught is wretched: even with Fabius as judge I shall win.

1.3

Omnibus hoc vitium est cantoribus, inter amicos
ut numquam inducant animum cantare rogati,
iniussi numquam desistant. Sardus habebat
ille Tigellius hoc. Caesar, qui cogere posset,
si peteret per amicitiam patris atque suam, non

All singers have this vice: among their friends
that they never bring themselves to sing when asked,
unbidden they never cease. The Sardinian
Tigellius had this. Caesar, who could have compelled him,
if he asked through the friendship of his father and his own, not

quicquam proficeret; si conlibuisset, ab ovo
usque ad mala citaret 'io Bacchae' modo summa
voce, modo hac, resonat quae chordis quattuor ima.
nil aequale homini fuit illi: saepe velut qui
currebat fugiens hostem, persaepe velut qui

he would accomplish nothing; if it had suited him, from egg
all the way to apples he would cry ‘Io Bacchae,’ now with the highest
voice, now with this one, which with four strings resounds the lowest.
nothing was equal/consistent in that man: often like one who
was running, fleeing an enemy, very often like one who

Iunonis sacra ferret; habebat saepe ducentos,
saepe decem servos; modo reges atque tetrarchas,
omnia magna loquens, modo 'sit mihi mensa tripes et
concha salis puri et toga, quae defendere frigus
quamvis crassa queat.' deciens centena dedisses

he would bear Juno’s sacred rites; he had often two hundred, often ten slaves; now talking of kings and tetrarchs, speaking all things on a grand scale, now: ‘let there be for me a three-legged table and a shell of pure salt and a toga which, though thick, can defend against the cold.’ had you given a million

huic parco, paucis contento, quinque diebus
nil erat in loculis; noctes vigilabat ad ipsum
mane, diem totum stertebat; nil fuit unquam
sic inpar sibi. nunc aliquis dicat mihi 'quid tu?
nullane habes vitia?' immo alia et fortasse minora.

to this man, frugal, content with few things, in five days
there was nothing in his little coffers; he kept vigil the nights till the very
morning, he snored the whole day; nothing was ever
so unequal to itself. now let someone say to me, 'what about you?
have you no vices?' nay, others—and perhaps smaller.

Maenius absentem Novium cum carperet, 'heus tu'
quidam ait 'ignoras te an ut ignotum dare nobis
verba putas?' 'egomet mi ignosco' Maenius inquit.
stultus et inprobus hic amor est dignusque notari.
cum tua pervideas oculis mala lippus inunctis,

When Maenius was carping at Novius in his absence, “hey you,”
someone says, “are you ignorant of yourself, or do you think to give us,
as to the unknown, mere words?” “I myself pardon myself,” says Maenius.
This foolish and shameless love is worthy to be marked.
although, bleary-eyed with anointed eyes, you see through your own evils,

cur in amicorum vitiis tam cernis acutum
quam aut aquila aut serpens Epidaurius? at tibi contra
evenit, inquirant vitia ut tua rursus et illi.
iracundior est paulo, minus aptus acutis
naribus horum hominum; rideri possit eo quod

why do you discern so acutely in the vices of friends
as either an eagle or the Epidaurian serpent? but to you, conversely,
it happens that they too inquire into your vices in turn.
he is a little more irascible, less apt to the sharp
noses of these men; he could be laughed at on this account that

rusticius tonso toga defluit et male laxus
in pede calceus haeret: at est bonus, ut melior vir
non alius quisquam, at tibi amicus, at ingenium ingens
inculto latet hoc sub corpore. denique te ipsum
concute, numqua tibi vitiorum inseverit olim

his toga droops rather rustic with a barbered head, and a shoe, badly loose, clings on his foot: yet he is good, so that no other man is better; and he is your friend; and vast genius lies hidden beneath this uncultivated body. finally, shake yourself, whether in any way he has ever sown for you vices once

natura aut etiam consuetudo mala; namque
neglectis urenda filix innascitur agris.
illuc praevertamur, amatorem quod amicae
turpia decipiunt caecum vitia aut etiam ipsa haec
delectant, veluti Balbinum polypus Hagnae.

nature or even bad custom; for indeed,
in fields neglected, bracken to be burned springs up.
let us turn first to this, that the lover
is deceived, blind, by the shameful vices of his mistress, or even these very things
delight him, just as Hagna’s polyp delights Balbinus.

vellem in amicitia sic erraremus et isti
errori nomen virtus posuisset honestum.
ac pater ut gnati, sic nos debemus amici
siquod sit vitium non fastidire. strabonem
appellat paetum pater, et pullum, male parvos

I would that in friendship we should err thus, and that Virtue had put an honorable name upon that error.
And as a father of his son, so we, as friends, ought not to be disgusted at any fault that there may be. He calls the squinter “Paetus,”
and the dark one “Dusky,” the undersized “little fellows.”

sicui filius est, ut abortivus fuit olim
Sisyphus; hunc varum distortis cruribus, illum
balbutit scaurum pravis fultum male talis.
parcius hic vivit: frugi dicatur; ineptus
et iactantior hic paulo est: concinnus amicis

if someone has a son, as once Sisyphus was an abortive; this one bow‑legged with distorted shanks, that one he stammers as club‑foot, ill propped on crooked ankles. this one lives more sparingly: let him be called frugal; this one is inept and a bit more boastful: neat to his friends

postulat ut videatur; at est truculentior atque
plus aequo liber: simplex fortisque habeatur;
caldior est: acris inter numeretur. opinor,
haec res et iungit iunctos et servat amicos.
at nos virtutes ipsas invertimus atque

he demands to be seen so; but he is more truculent and freer than is equitable: let him be held simple and brave; he is hotter: let him be numbered among the keen. I suppose, this thing both joins the already joined and preserves friends. but we invert the virtues themselves and

sincerum furimus vas incrustare. probus quis
nobiscum vivit, multum demissus homo: illi
tardo cognomen, pingui damus. hic fugit omnis
insidias nullique malo latus obdit apertum,
cum genus hoc inter vitae versemur, ubi acris

we rage to encrust a clean vessel. if some upright man
lives with us, a very demiss man: to him we give the
cognomen “slow,” “thick.” this man flees all
ambushes and lays his flank open to no evil,
since we move amid this kind of life, where keen

invidia atque vigent ubi crimina: pro bene sano
ac non incauto fictum astutumque vocamus.
simplicior quis et est, qualem me saepe libenter
obtulerim tibi, Maecenas, ut forte legentem
aut tacitum inpellat quovis sermone: 'molestus,

where envy and where accusations thrive: instead of “well-sane
and not incautious” we call one “feigned” and “astute.”
if someone is rather simpler, such as I have often gladly
presented myself to you, Maecenas, so that perchance, as you read
or are silent, he nudges you into any sort of talk: ‘troublesome,’

communi sensu plane caret' inquimus. eheu,
quam temere in nosmet legem sancimus iniquam.
nam vitiis nemo sine nascitur; optimus ille est,
qui minimis urgetur. amicus dulcis, ut aequum est,
cum mea conpenset vitiis bona, pluribus hisce,

'he plainly lacks common sense,' we say. Alas,
how rashly we sanction against ourselves an iniquitous law.
for no one is born without vices; best is he
who is pressed by the fewest. A sweet friend, as is equitable,
when he compensates my good qualities with my vices, these being more numerous,

si modo plura mihi bona sunt, inclinet, amari
si volet: hac lege in trutina ponetur eadem.
qui, ne tuberibus propriis offendat amicum,
postulat, ignoscet verrucis illius: aequum est
peccatis veniam poscentem reddere rursus.

if only I have more good points, let him bend—if he wishes to be loved:
by this law he will be placed on the same balance.
he who, lest he offend a friend with his own bumps,
makes this demand, will pardon that man’s warts: it is equitable
to render pardon in turn to one asking it for sins.

denique, quatenus excidi penitus vitium irae,
cetera item nequeunt stultis haerentia, cur non
ponderibus modulisque suis ratio utitur ac res
ut quaeque est, ita suppliciis delicta coercet?
siquis eum servum, patinam qui tollere iussus

finally, insofar as the vice of anger can be excised utterly,
while the other faults likewise, clinging to fools, cannot, why does not
reason use its own weights and measures, and, as each case is, thus
restrain delicts with punishments?
if anyone that slave, who was ordered to take away the dish

semesos piscis tepidumque ligurrierit ius,
in cruce suffigat, Labeone insanior inter
sanos dicatur. quanto hoc furiosius atque
maius peccatum est: paulum deliquit amicus,
quod nisi concedas, habeare insuavis: acerbus

has licked the half-eaten fishes and the tepid sauce,
let him be fastened on a cross, let him be called more insane than Labeo among
the sane. How much more frenzied and greater a sin this is: a friend has committed a small delict,
which, unless you concede it, you will be held unsavory: acerbic

odisti et fugis ut Rusonem debitor aeris,
qui nisi, cum tristes misero venere kalendae,
mercedem aut nummos unde unde extricat, amaras
porrecto iugulo historias captivus ut audit.
conminxit lectum potus mensave catillum

you hate and you flee like a debtor of cash from Ruso,
who, unless, when the sad Kalends have come upon the wretch,
scrapes together the rent or coins from wherever, hears, with throat outstretched,
as a captive, the bitter histories.
drunk, he has pissed the bed or the saucer on the table

Euandri manibus tritum deiecit: ob hanc rem,
aut positum ante mea quia pullum in parte catini
sustulit esuriens, minus hoc iucundus amicus
sit mihi? quid faciam, si furtum fecerit aut si
prodiderit conmissa fide sponsumve negarit?

He threw down a dish worn smooth by Evander’s hands: for this reason,
or because, when a chicken had been set before me, he, hungry, lifted it from my side of the bowl,
should a friend be less agreeable to me for this? what am I to do, if he should commit theft, or if
he should betray things committed in trust, or deny a surety-pledge (sponsion)?

quis paria esse fere placuit peccata, laborant,
cum ventum ad verum est: sensus moresque repugnant
atque ipsa utilitas, iusti prope mater et aequi.
cum prorepserunt primis animalia terris,
mutum et turpe pecus, glandem atque cubilia propter

they who have been pleased to consider sins nearly equal, are hard-pressed,
when it comes to the truth: sense and morals resist,
and utility itself, almost the mother of the just and the equitable.
when animals crawled forth upon the earliest lands,
a mute and shameful herd, for the sake of acorn and their lairs

100

unguibus et pugnis, dein fustibus atque ita porro
pugnabant armis, quae post fabricaverat usus,
donec verba, quibus voces sensusque notarent,
nominaque invenere; dehinc absistere bello,
oppida coeperunt munire et ponere leges,

with claws and fists, then with clubs and so on thereafter
they fought with arms which later use had fabricated,
until words, by which they might mark voices and senses,
and names they discovered; thereafter to desist from war,
they began to fortify towns and to set down laws,

105

ne quis fur esset neu latro neu quis adulter.
nam fuit ante Helenam cunnus taeterrima belli
causa, sed ignotis perierunt mortibus illi,
quos venerem incertam rapientis more ferarum
viribus editior caedebat ut in grege taurus.

that no one be a thief nor a robber nor any adulterer.
for before Helen, the cunt was the most foul cause of war,
but those men perished by unknown deaths,
whom, with Venus uncertain, in the manner of wild beasts snatching,
the one superior in strength would cut them down, as in a herd a bull.

110

iura inventa metu iniusti fateare necesse est,
tempora si fastosque velis evolvere mundi.
nec natura potest iusto secernere iniquum,
dividit ut bona diversis, fugienda petendis,
nec vincet ratio hoc, tantundem ut peccet idemque,

you must confess that laws were invented from fear of the unjust,
if you wish to unroll the times and the annals of the world.
nor can nature separate the unjust from the just,
as she divides goods to different men, things to be fled to those pursuing them,
nor will reason prevail in this, that the same man should sin just as much and in the same way,

115

qui teneros caules alieni fregerit horti
et qui nocturnus sacra divum legerit. adsit
regula, peccatis quae poenas inroget aequas,
ne scutica dignum horribili sectere flagello.
nam ut ferula caedas meritum maiora subire

whoever has broken the tender stalks of another’s garden
and whoever, a nocturnal one, has gathered the sacra of the gods. Let there be
a rule which imposes equal penalties upon sins,
lest you pursue with a horrible scourge one worthy of the strap.
for instance, that you beat with a ferule one deserving to undergo greater

120

verbera, non vereor, cum dicas esse paris res
furta latrociniis et magnis parva mineris
falce recisurum simili te, si tibi regnum
permittant homines. si dives, qui sapiens est,
et sutor bonus et solus formosus et est rex,

beatings, I do not fear, since you say thefts are equal things to brigandages, and you threaten small things with great ones, that with a similar sickle you would cut them down, if men should permit you a kingdom. if the man who is wise is rich, and a good cobbler, and the only handsome one, and is a king,

125

cur optas quod habes? 'non nosti, quid pater' inquit
'Chrysippus dicat: sapiens crepidas sibi numquam
nec soleas fecit; sutor tamen est sapiens.' qui?
'ut quamvis tacet Hermogenes, cantor tamen atque
optumus est modulator; ut Alfenus vafer omni

why do you desire what you have? 'Do you not know,' he says, 'what Father Chrysippus says: the wise man never made sandals nor slippers for himself; yet the wise man is a shoemaker.' How so? 'Just as, although Hermogenes is silent, he is nevertheless a cantor and an excellent modulator; as Alfenus, the crafty, in every

130

abiecto instrumento artis clausaque taberna
sutor erat: sapiens operis sic optimus omnis
est opifex, solus sic rex.' vellunt tibi barbam
lascivi pueri, quos tu nisi fuste coerces,
urgeris turba circum te stante miserque

with the instrument of his art thrown aside and the shop shut, he was a cobbler: thus the wise man is the best craftsman of every work, thus alone a king. lascivious boys pluck your beard, whom unless you coerce with a cudgel, you are pressed by a crowd standing around you, and wretched

135

rumperis et latras, magnorum maxime regum.
ne longum faciam: dum tu quadrante lavatum
rex ibis neque te quisquam stipator ineptum
praeter Crispinum sectabitur, et mihi dulces
ignoscent, siquid peccaro stultus, amici

you burst and you bark, greatest of great kings.
not to make it long: while you, king, will go to be bathed for a quadrans,
nor will anyone as a bodyguard, inept, pursue you
except Crispinus, and my sweet friends
will forgive me, if, foolish, I have sinned in anything,

140

inque vicem illorum patiar delicta libenter
privatusque magis vivam te rege beatus.

and in turn I will gladly endure their offenses,
and, as a private person, I shall live happier than you, a king.

1.4

Eupolis atque Cratinus Aristophanesque poetae
atque alii, quorum comoedia prisca virorum est,
siquis erat dignus describi, quod malus ac fur,
quod moechus foret aut sicarius aut alioqui
famosus, multa cum libertate notabant.

Eupolis and Cratinus and Aristophanes, poets,
and others, whose comedy is the ancient comedy of men,
if anyone was worthy to be described, because he was evil and a thief,
because he was an adulterer or an assassin or otherwise
notorious, they used to mark with much liberty.

hinc omnis pendet Lucilius, hosce secutus,
mutatis tantum pedibus numerisque, facetus,
emunctae naris, durus conponere versus.
nam fuit hoc vitiosus: in hora saepe ducentos,
ut magnum, versus dictabat stans pede in uno;

On these entirely Lucilius depends, following these,
with only the feet and meters changed, facetious,
keen-nosed, rough in composing verses.
For in this he was faulty: in an hour he would often dictate two hundred,
as a great feat, verses, standing on one foot;

cum flueret lutulentus, erat quod tollere velles;
garrulus atque piger scribendi ferre laborem,
scribendi recte: nam ut multum, nil moror. ecce,
Crispinus minimo me provocat 'accipe, si vis,
accipiam tabulas; detur nobis locus, hora,

when he flowed muddy, there was something you would want to take away;
a garrulous and sluggard man to bear the labor of writing,
of writing correctly: for as to writing much, I care nothing. Behold,
Crispinus challenges me for the least stake: “take it, if you wish,
I will take up the tablets; let there be given to us a place, an hour,

custodes; videamus, uter plus scribere possit.'
di bene fecerunt, inopis me quodque pusilli
finxerunt animi, raro et perpauca loquentis;
at tu conclusas hircinis follibus auras
usque laborantis, dum ferrum molliat ignis,

'guards; let us see which of us can write more.'
the gods did well, in that they fashioned me of a needy and small spirit,
one who speaks rarely and very few things;
but you, with airs shut up in goat-skin bellows ever laboring,
while the fire softens the iron,

ut mavis, imitare. beatus Fannius ultro
delatis capsis et imagine, cum mea nemo
scripta legat, volgo recitare timentis ob hanc rem,
quod sunt quos genus hoc minime iuvat, utpote pluris
culpari dignos. quemvis media elige turba:

as you prefer, imitate. happy Fannius, with book-cases and an image brought to him unbidden,
while no one reads my writings, fearing to recite to the public on this account,
because there are those whom this genus least pleases, as being more worthy to be blamed.
choose anyone you like from the middle of the crowd:

aut ob avaritiam aut misera ambitione laborat.
hic nuptarum insanit amoribus, hic puerorum:
hunc capit argenti splendor; stupet Albius aere;
hic mutat merces surgente a sole ad eum, quo
vespertina tepet regio, quin per mala praeceps

either he labors from avarice or from wretched ambition.
this man raves with the loves of married women, this one of boys:
this one is seized by the splendor of silver; Albius gapes at bronze;
this man changes merchandise from where the sun rises to that place where
the evening region grows warm, nay headlong through evils

fertur uti pulvis collectus turbine, nequid
summa deperdat metuens aut ampliet ut rem.
omnes hi metuunt versus, odere poetas.
'faenum habet in cornu, longe fuge; dummodo risum
excutiat sibi, non hic cuiquam parcet amico

he is borne as dust gathered by a whirlwind, fearing lest he lose anything of his principal, or to amplify his property.
all these men fear verses, they hate poets.
'he has hay on his horn, flee far away; provided only that he shake out a laugh for himself, this fellow will spare no friend.'

et quodcumque semel chartis inleverit, omnis
gestiet a furno redeuntis scire lacuque
et pueros et anus.' agedum pauca accipe contra.
primum ego me illorum, dederim quibus esse poetis,
excerpam numero: neque enim concludere versum

and whatever he has once smeared onto his pages, everybody
will be eager that boys and old women, returning from the oven and from the tank,
and boys and old women, should know it.' Come now, take a few things in reply.
first, I will extract myself from the number of those to whom I would grant to be poets;
for indeed I do not conclude a verse

dixeris esse satis neque, siqui scribat uti nos
sermoni propiora, putes hunc esse poetam.
ingenium cui sit, cui mens divinior atque os
magna sonaturum, des nominis huius honorem.
idcirco quidam comoedia necne poema

You would not say it is enough; nor, if someone writes, as we do, things closer to speech, would you think this man to be a poet.
to him who has genius, whose mind is more divine and a mouth
destined to sound great things, give the honor of this name.
therefore certain men ask whether comedy is or is not a poem

esset, quaesivere, quod acer spiritus ac vis
nec verbis nec rebus inest, nisi quod pede certo
differt sermoni, sermo merus. 'at pater ardens
saevit, quod meretrice nepos insanus amica
filius uxorem grandi cum dote recuset,

whether it were, they asked, since a keen spirit and force
is present neither in the words nor in the things, except that by a fixed foot
it differs from speech, mere speech. 'But the ardent father
rages, because, mad over a courtesan-mistress,
the profligate son refuses a wife with a large dowry,

ebrius et, magnum quod dedecus, ambulet ante
noctem cum facibus.' numquid Pomponius istis
audiret leviora, pater si viveret? ergo
non satis est puris versum perscribere verbis,
quem si dissolvas, quivis stomachetur eodem

drunk and—what a great disgrace—that he walks before night with torches.'
Would Pomponius hear lighter things than these, if his father were alive?
Therefore it is not enough to write out a verse with pure words,
which, if you dissolve it, anyone would be indignant at the same thing

quo personatus pacto pater. his, ego quae nunc,
olim quae scripsit Lucilius, eripias si
tempora certa modosque, et quod prius ordine verbum est
posterius facias praeponens ultima primis,
non, ut si solvas 'postquam Discordia taetra

in what fashion, masked, the father. With these, the things which I now,
the things which once Lucilius wrote, if you strip away
the fixed times and measures, and make the word which is earlier in order
later, putting the last before the first,
not, as if you should dissolve 'after baleful Discord'

belli ferratos postis portasque refregit',
invenias etiam disiecti membra poetae.
hactenus haec: alias, iustum sit necne poema.
nunc illud tantum quaeram, meritone tibi sit
suspectum genus hoc scribendi. Sulgius acer

'he broke open the iron-clad doorposts and the gates of war,'
you will even find the limbs of a dismembered poet.
so much for these things: at another time, whether the poem be just or not.
now I will only ask this, whether this kind of writing is suspect to you with good reason.
Sulgius, keen

ambulat et Caprius, rauci male cumque libellis,
magnus uterque timor latronibus; at bene siquis
et vivat puris manibus, contemnat utrumque.
ut sis tu similis Caeli Birrique latronum,
non ego sim Capri neque Sulgi: cur metuas me?

Caprius too walks about, badly hoarse and with libels,
both are a great dread to bandits; but if someone
also lives with pure hands, let him contemn each.
Granted that you be like the bandits Caelius and Birrus,
I am not Caprius nor Sulgius: why should you fear me?

nulla taberna meos habeat neque pila libellos,
quis manus insudet volgi Hermogenisque Tigelli,
nec recito cuiquam nisi amicis idque coactus,
non ubivis coramve quibuslibet. in medio qui
scripta foro recitent, sunt multi quique lavantes:

let no shop nor pillar hold my little books,
whereon the hands of the crowd and of Hermogenes Tigellius might sweat,
nor do I recite to anyone except to friends, and that compelled,
not everywhere nor before just anybody. In the middle who
recite their writings in the forum, there are many, and many even while washing:

suave locus voci resonat conclusus. inanis
hoc iuvat, haud illud quaerentis, num sine sensu,
tempore num faciant alieno. 'laedere gaudes'
inquit 'et hoc studio pravus facis.' unde petitum
hoc in me iacis?

The enclosed place sweetly resounds to the voice. the empty man
this it delights, not the one inquiring whether without sense,
whether they do it at an alien time. 'You rejoice to injure,'
he says, 'and you do this, depraved by this zeal.' From where, sought out,
do you hurl this against me?

est auctor quis denique eorum,

who, after all, is the author of them,

vixi cum quibus? absentem qui rodit, amicum
qui non defendit alio culpante, solutos
qui captat risus hominum famamque dicacis,
fingere qui non visa potest, conmissa tacere
qui nequit: hic niger est, hunc tu, Romane, caveto.

With whom have I lived? one who gnaws at the absent, who does not defend a friend when another is blaming, who hunts for unbound laughs of men and the fame of a dicacious (witty) man, who can fashion things not seen, who cannot keep silent about things entrusted: this man is black; you, Roman, beware this man.

saepe tribus lectis videas cenare quaternos,
e quibus unus amet quavis aspergere cunctos
praeter eum qui praebet aquam; post hunc quoque potus,
condita cum verax aperit praecordia Liber:
hic tibi comis et urbanus liberque videtur

Often on three couches you may see foursomes dining,
of whom one loves to splash everyone with whatever comes to hand
except him who proffers the water; after him too, in drink,
when truthful Liber opens the stored-away inmost heart:
this man seems to you affable and urbane and free-spoken

infesto nigris: ego si risi, quod ineptus
pastillos Rufillus olet, Gargonius hircum,
lividus et mordax videor tibi? mentio siquae
de Capitolini furtis iniecta Petilli
te coram fuerit, defendas, ut tuus est mos:

hostile to the black-clad: I, if I have laughed that the inept Rufillus smells of pastilles, Gargonius of a he-goat, do I seem to you livid and biting? if any mention about the thefts of Petillius Capitolinus has been cast in before you, defend him, as is your custom:

'me Capitolinus convictore usus amicoque
a puero est causaque mea permulta rogatus
fecit et incolumis laetor quod vivit in urbe;
sed tamen admiror, quo pacto iudicium illud
fugerit': hic nigrae sucus lolliginis, haec est

'Capitolinus has used me as a fellow-diner and friend
from boyhood, and, having been asked for my sake, he did very many things;
and I, safe and sound, rejoice that he lives in the city;
but yet I wonder by what way he escaped that judgment': here is the juice of the black cuttlefish, this is

100

aerugo mera; quod vitium procul afore chartis,
atque animo prius, ut siquid promittere de me
possum aliud vere, promitto. liberius si
dixero quid, si forte iocosius, hoc mihi iuris
cum venia dabis: insuevit pater optimus hoc me,

pure verdigris; may that vice be far from my pages,
and from my mind first, so that if I can promise anything else
truly about myself, I promise it. If I shall have said something more
freely, if perchance more jocularly, you will grant me this right with pardon:
the best of fathers accustomed me to this,

105

ut fugerem exemplis vitiorum quaeque notando.
cum me hortaretur, parce frugaliter atque
viverem uti contentus eo quod mi ipse parasset:
'nonne vides, Albi ut male vivat filius utque
Baius inops? magnum documentum, ne patriam rem

so that I might flee the vices by examples and by noting each one.
when he urged me to live sparingly and frugally and to make use, content with that which he himself had prepared for me:
‘do you not see how the son of Albius lives badly and how Baius is indigent? a great document (lesson), not to the fatherland’s estate

110

perdere quis velit.' a turpi meretricis amore
cum deterreret: 'Scetani dissimilis sis.'
ne sequerer moechas, concessa cum venere uti
possem: 'deprensi non bella est fama Treboni'
aiebat. 'sapiens, vitatu quidque petitu

'who would wish to lose it.' When he would deter me from the base love of a prostitute:
'Be unlike Scetanus.'
that I might not follow adulteresses, though I could make use of permitted Venus,
he used to say, 'the fame of Trebonius, caught in the act, is not pretty'
'the wise man, what to be avoided and what to be sought

115

sit melius, causas reddet tibi; mi satis est, si
traditum ab antiquis morem servare tuamque,
dum custodis eges, vitam famamque tueri
incolumem possum; simul ac duraverit aetas
membra animumque tuum, nabis sine cortice.' sic me

‘if it will be better, he will render the causes to you; for me it is enough, if
to preserve the custom handed down from the ancients, and your
life and reputation to keep unharmed while you need a guardian
I am able; as soon as age shall have hardened
your limbs and your mind, you will swim without cork.’ thus me

120

formabat puerum dictis et, sive iubebat
ut facerem quid, 'habes auctorem, quo facias hoc'
unum ex iudicibus selectis obiciebat,
sive vetabat, 'an hoc inhonestum et inutile factu
necne sit, addubites, flagret rumore malo cum

he was shaping the boy by his sayings, and, whether he ordered
that I do something, “you have an authority by whom you may do this,”
he would adduce one from the selected judges;
or if he forbade, “whether this is dishonorable and unprofitable to do
or not, you may hesitate, when it blazes with evil rumor”

125

hic atque ille?' avidos vicinum funus ut aegros
exanimat mortisque metu sibi parcere cogit,
sic teneros animos aliena opprobria saepe
absterrent vitiis. ex hoc ego sanus ab illis
perniciem quaecumque ferunt, mediocribus et quis

‘this one and that one?’ as a neighboring funeral unnerves the greedy like the sick, and by fear of death compels them to spare themselves, so the opprobriums of others often deter tender minds from vices. from this I am sound away from those things, whatever perdition they bring, in moderate ones and in certain

130

ignoscas vitiis teneor. fortassis et istinc
largiter abstulerit longa aetas, liber amicus,
consilium proprium; neque enim, cum lectulus aut me
porticus excepit, desum mihi. 'rectius hoc est;
hoc faciens vivam melius; sic dulcis amicis

pardon me; I am held by faults. Perhaps even from this a long age will have taken away largely—my book a friend, my own counsel; for indeed, when a little couch or the portico has received me, I am not lacking to myself. ‘This is more correct; doing this I shall live better; thus sweet to my friends

135

occurram; hoc quidam non belle: numquid ego illi
inprudens olim faciam simile?' haec ego mecum
conpressis agito labris; ubi quid datur oti,
inludo chartis. hoc est mediocribus illis
ex vitiis unum; cui si concedere nolis,

I shall meet them; a certain fellow does this not nicely: might I someday,
unawares, do something like to him?' These things I ponder with myself
with lips compressed; whenever any leisure is granted,
I trifle with my papers. This is one out of those middling
vices; to which, if you should be unwilling to concede,

140

multa poetarum veniat manus, auxilio quae
sit mihi—nam multo plures sumus—, ac veluti te
Iudaei cogemus in hanc concedere turbam.

let a large band of poets come, which may be for aid to me—for we are many more—and, just as the Jews, we will compel you to concede into this crowd.

1.5

Egressum magna me accepit Aricia Roma
hospitio modico; rhetor comes Heliodorus,
Graecorum longe doctissimus; inde Forum Appi
differtum nautis cauponibus atque malignis.
hoc iter ignavi divisimus, altius ac nos

Having gone forth from great Rome, Aricia received me with modest hospitality; Heliodorus the rhetorician, a companion, by far the most learned of the Greeks; thence the Forum of Appius, crammed with sailors and with malicious innkeepers. this journey we, the sluggish, divided, more strenuously than us

praecinctis unum: minus est gravis Appia tardis.
hic ego propter aquam, quod erat deterrima, ventri
indico bellum, cenantis haud animo aequo
exspectans comites. iam nox inducere terris
umbras et caelo diffundere signa parabat:

for the girded-up, one: the Appian is less burdensome for the slow.
here I, on account of the water, which was the very worst, declare war on my belly,
awaiting my companions as they dined, with not an even spirit
now night was preparing to induce shadows upon the lands
and to diffuse the constellations in the sky:

tum pueri nautis, pueris convicia nautae
ingerere: 'huc adpelle'; 'trecentos inseris'; 'ohe,
iam satis est.' dum aes exigitur, dum mula ligatur,
tota abit hora. mali culices ranaeque palustres
avertunt somnos; absentem cantat amicam

then boys at the sailors, sailors at the boys, hurling revilings:
'bring her in here'; 'you’re cramming in three hundred'; 'hey,
now it’s enough.' while the bronze is exacted, while the mule is tied,
a whole hour passes. noxious gnats and marsh frogs
ward off sleep; he sings of his absent girlfriend

multa prolutus vappa nauta atque viator
certatim; tandem fessus dormire viator
incipit ac missae pastum retinacula mulae
nauta piger saxo religat stertitque supinus.
iamque dies aderat, nil cum procedere lintrem

the sailor and the traveler, drenched with much flat wine, vying with each other;
at length the weary traveler begins to sleep, and the lazy sailor
ties to a rock the reins of the mule sent to feed,
and, lying supine, snores. And now day was at hand,
when the skiff was making no progress at all.

sentimus, donec cerebrosus prosilit unus
ac mulae nautaeque caput lumbosque saligno
fuste dolat: quarta vix demum exponimur hora.
ora manusque tua lavimus, Feronia, lympha.
milia tum pransi tria repimus atque subimus

we perceive it, until one hot-headed fellow springs forth and with a willow cudgel planes the head and loins of the mule and the boatman: scarcely at last are we put ashore at the fourth hour. our mouths and hands we wash, Feronia, with your water. then, having lunched, we crawl three miles and we climb

inpositum saxis late candentibus Anxur.
huc venturus erat Maecenas optimus atque
Cocceius, missi magnis de rebus uterque
legati, aversos soliti conponere amicos.
hic oculis ego nigra meis collyria lippus

Anxur, set upon rocks gleaming far and wide.
Hither was to come most excellent Maecenas and
Cocceius, both sent as legates about great matters,
ambassadors, accustomed to reconcile estranged friends.
Here I, bleary‑eyed, applied black collyria to my eyes.

inlinere. interea Maecenas advenit atque
Cocceius Capitoque simul Fonteius, ad unguem
factus homo, Antoni, non ut magis alter, amicus.
Fundos Aufidio Lusco praetore libenter
linquimus, insani ridentes praemia scribae,

to smear it on. meanwhile Maecenas arrived and
Cocceius and at the same time Fonteius Capito, a man made to the fingernail,
a friend of Antony, than whom no other was more a friend.
we gladly leave Fundi, with Aufidius Luscus as praetor,
laughing at the perquisites of the insane scribe,

praetextam et latum clavum prunaeque vatillum.
in Mamurrarum lassi deinde urbe manemus,
Murena praebente domum, Capitone culinam.
postera lux oritur multo gratissima; namque
Plotius et Varius Sinuessae Vergiliusque

the praetexta and the broad clavus and a little pan for coals.
then, weary, we remain in the city of the Mamurrae,
Murena furnishing the house, Capito the kitchen.
the next day rises, most welcome by far; for
Plotius and Varius and Vergilius at Sinuessa

occurrunt, animae, qualis neque candidiores
terra tulit neque quis me sit devinctior alter.
o qui conplexus et gaudia quanta fuerunt.
nil ego contulerim iucundo sanus amico.
proxima Campano ponti quae villula, tectum

they meet us, souls, than whom the earth has borne none more candid, nor is there any other to whom I am more bound.
o what embraces, and how great were the joys.
nothing, being sane, would I compare to a jocund friend.
the little villa nearest to the Campanian bridge, a roof

praebuit et parochi, quae debent, ligna salemque.
hinc muli Capuae clitellas tempore ponunt.
lusum it Maecenas, dormitum ego Vergiliusque;
namque pila lippis inimicum et ludere crudis.
hinc nos Coccei recipit plenissima villa,

and the parochi furnished, as they owe, wood and salt.
From here the mules at Capua set down the packs at the due time.
Maecenas goes to play; to sleep, I and Vergilius;
for the ball-game is inimical to the bleary-eyed, and playing to those with crudities.
From here Cocceius receives us in his most well-provisioned villa,

quae super est Caudi cauponas. nunc mihi paucis
Sarmenti scurrae pugnam Messique Cicirri,
Musa, velim memores et quo patre natus uterque
contulerit litis. Messi clarum genus Osci;
Sarmenti domina exstat: ab his maioribus orti
ad pugnam venere. prior Sarmentus 'equi te

what remains: the taverns of Caudium. Now for me in a few words,
Muse, I would that you recall the bout of Sarmentus the scurra and of Messius Cicirrus,
and with what father each, in their quarrel, claimed to be born,
what lineage he matched. Messius’s stock is the illustrious Oscan;
as for Sarmentus, his “mistress” stands forth: from these ancestors sprung,
they came to the fight. Sarmentus first: ‘a horse, you—

55esse feri similem dico.' ridemus, et ipse
Messius 'accipio,' caput et movet. 'o tua cornu
ni foret exsecto frons,' inquit, 'quid faceres, cum
sic mutilus minitaris?' at illi foeda cicatrix

55'I say you are like a wild beast.' We laugh, and Messius himself
'I accept,' and he moves his head. 'O, if your brow were not, with the horn excised,' he says, 'what would you do, when
thus, mutilated, you menace?' But on him there is a foul cicatrix

saetosam laevi frontem turpaverat oris.
Campanum in morbum, in faciem permulta iocatus,
pastorem saltaret uti Cyclopa rogabat:
nil illi larva aut tragicis opus esse cothurnis.
multa Cicirrus ad haec: donasset iamne catenam

a bristly scar had defiled the smooth brow of his face.
Having cracked many jokes about the Campanian disease, about his face,
he was asking that he dance a shepherd in the manner of a Cyclops:
that he had no need of a mask or tragic cothurni.
Much did Cicirrus say to this: had he already given the chain

ex voto Laribus, quaerebat; scriba quod esset,
nilo deterius dominae ius esse; rogabat
denique, cur umquam fugisset, cui satis una
farris libra foret, gracili sic tamque pusillo.
prorsus iucunde cenam producimus illam.

whether as a vow to the Lares, he kept asking; since he was a scribe, that a mistress’s right was in no way worse; he asked
finally why he had ever run away, for whom a single pound of far would be sufficient, being so gracile and so very puny.
altogether we prolonged that dinner quite pleasantly.

tendimus hinc recta Beneventum, ubi sedulus hospes
paene macros arsit dum turdos versat in igni.
nam vaga per veterem dilapso flamma culinam
Volcano summum properabat lambere tectum.
convivas avidos cenam servosque timentis

from here we head straight to Beneventum, where the sedulous host
almost scorched the lean thrushes while he turned them on the fire.
for the wandering flame through the old kitchen,
with Vulcan having slipped in, was hastening to lick the top of the roof.
the eager guests and the slaves fearing for the dinner

tum rapere atque omnis restinguere velle videres.
incipit ex illo montis Apulia notos
ostentare mihi, quos torret Atabulus et quos
nunquam erepsemus, nisi nos vicina Trivici
villa recepisset lacrimoso non sine fumo,

then you might see them snatching up and wanting to extinguish everything.
from that point Apulia begins to ostentate to me its well-known mountains,
which the Atabulus scorches, and which
we should never have crawled up, unless a villa near Trivicum
had received us, not without lachrymose smoke,

udos cum foliis ramos urente camino.
hic ego mendacem stultissimus usque puellam
ad mediam noctem exspecto; somnus tamen aufert
intentum veneri; tum inmundo somnia visu
nocturnam vestem maculant ventremque supinum.

with the hearth burning wet branches with leaves.
here I, most foolish, wait right up to midnight for a lying girl;
sleep, however, carries me off, intent on Venus; then dreams with unclean vision
stain the night-garment and the supine belly.

quattuor hinc rapimur viginti et milia raedis,
mansuri oppidulo, quod versu dicere non est,
signis perfacile est: venit vilissima rerum
hic aqua, sed panis longe pulcherrimus, ultra
callidus ut soleat umeris portare viator.

from here we are borne twenty-four miles by carriages,
to stay at a little town, which is not to be spoken in verse,
by signs it is very easy: here water comes cheapest of things,
but the bread is by far most beautiful, so that beyond
the shrewd traveler is wont to carry it on his shoulders.

nam Canusi lapidosus, aquae non ditior urna:
qui locus a forti Diomede est conditus olim.
flentibus hinc Varius discedit maestus amicis.
inde Rubos fessi pervenimus, utpote longum
carpentes iter et factum corruptius imbri.

for Canusium is stony, not richer in water than an urn:
which place was founded by brave Diomedes once upon a time.
From here Varius departs, sad, his friends weeping.
thence, weary, we reached Rubi, inasmuch as a long
journey we were picking through, and one made more corrupted by rain.

postera tempestas melior, via peior ad usque
Bari moenia piscosi; dein Gnatia Lymphis
iratis exstructa dedit risusque iocosque,
dum flamma sine tura liquescere limine sacro
persuadere cupit. credat Iudaeus Apella,

the next day’s weather better, the road worse, all the way
to the fish-rich walls of Bari; then Gnatia, built with the Lymphs
wrathful, gave laughs and jests, while a flame, without incense,
tries to persuade that it melts on the sacred threshold.
let the Jew Apella believe it,

100

non ego; namque deos didici securum agere aevom
nec, siquid miri faciat natura, deos id
tristis ex alto caeli demittere tecto.
Brundisium longae finis chartaeque viaeque est.

not I; for I have learned that the gods pass a carefree aeon,
nor, if nature does something wondrous, that the gods
send that down, sorrowful, from the high roof of heaven.
Brundisium is the end of the long scroll and of the road.

1.6

Non quia, Maecenas, Lydorum quidquid Etruscos
incoluit finis, nemo generosior est te,
nec quod avus tibi maternus fuit atque paternus
olim qui magnis legionibus imperitarent,
ut plerique solent, naso suspendis adunco

Not because, Maecenas, whatever of the Lydians inhabited the Etruscan borders, no one is more high-born than you,
nor because your maternal and paternal grandfathers once were men who commanded great legions,
do you, as most are wont, hold me suspended by a hooked nose

ignotos, ut me libertino patre natum.
cum referre negas, quali sit quisque parente
natus, dum ingenuus, persuades hoc tibi vere,
ante potestatem Tulli atque ignobile regnum
multos saepe viros nullis maioribus ortos

the unknown, such as me, born from a freedman father.
since you say it does not matter of what parent each is
born, provided he is freeborn, you persuade yourself of this truly,
before the power of Tullius and his ignoble reign
that many men often, sprung from no ancestors

et vixisse probos amplis et honoribus auctos;
contra Laevinum, Valeri genus, unde Superbus
Tarquinius regno pulsus fugit, unius assis
non umquam pretio pluris licuisse, notante
iudice quo nosti, populo, qui stultus honores

and to have lived as upright men, augmented with ample honors;
by contrast Laevinus, of the Valerian stock, from which Tarquin the Proud, expelled from the kingdom, fled,
never at any time to have been worth at a price more than a single as, with
the judge you know marking it—the people, who, foolish, honors

saepe dat indignis et famae servit ineptus,
qui stupet in titulis et imaginibus. quid oportet
nos facere a volgo longe longeque remotos?
namque esto: populus Laevino mallet honorem
quam Decio mandare novo censorque moveret

often he gives to the unworthy and, inept, serves fame,
he who gapes at titles and images. What ought
we to do, we far, far removed from the crowd?
For let it be granted: the people would prefer to entrust the honor to Laevinus
rather than to the new Decius, and the censor would remove him.

Appius, ingenuo si non essem patre natus:
vel merito, quoniam in propria non pelle quiessem.
sed fulgente trahit constrictos Gloria curru
non minus ignotos generosis. quo tibi, Tilli,
sumere depositum clavom fierique tribuno?

Appius, if I had not been born from a freeborn father;
or with good reason, since I would not have rested in my own skin.
But Glory, with her gleaming chariot, drags along the bound fast
the unknown no less than the well-born. Why, Tillius,
take up the laid-aside broad stripe and become a tribune?

invidia adcrevit, privato quae minor esset.
nam ut quisque insanus nigris medium impediit crus
pellibus et latum demisit pectore clavom,
audit continuo 'quis homo hic est? quo patre natus?'
ut siqui aegrotet quo morbo Barrus, haberi

envy increased, which would be less for a private man.
for as soon as any madman has bound his mid-leg with black skins
and has let down the broad clavus from his chest,
he immediately hears, ‘what man is this? from what father born?’
as if anyone were to be considered sick with whatever disease Barrus has

et cupiat formosus, eat quacumque, puellis
iniciat curam quaerendi singula, quali
sit facie, sura, quali pede, dente, capillo:
sic qui promittit civis, urbem sibi curae,
imperium fore et Italiam, delubra deorum,

and let the handsome man desire, wherever he may go, to instill in the girls a care of inquiring into each particular—of what sort his face is, his calf, of what sort his foot, tooth, hair: thus he who, as a citizen, promises that the city will be his care, that the empire and Italy, the shrines of the gods,

quo patre sit natus, num ignota matre inhonestus,
omnis mortalis curare et quaerere cogit.
'tune, Syri Damae aut Dionysi filius, audes
deicere de saxo civis aut tradere Cadmo?'
'at Novius collega gradu post me sedet uno;

he compels every mortal to care and to inquire by what father he was born, whether dishonorable with an unknown mother.
'you—son of a Syrian Dama or of a Dionysius—do you dare to cast citizens down from the rock or to hand them over to Cadmus?'
'but Novius, my colleague, sits one step behind me;'

namque est ille, pater quod erat meus.' 'hoc tibi Paulus
et Messalla videris? at hic, si plostra ducenta
concurrantque foro tria funera magna, sonabit,
cornua quod vincatque tubas: saltem tenet hoc nos.'
nunc ad me redeo libertino patre natum,

‘for he is what my father was.’ ‘Do you seem to yourself in this a Paulus or a Messalla? But this fellow, if two hundred carts and three great funerals should clash together in the forum, will sound something that will surpass horns and trumpets: at least in this he holds us.’
now I return to myself, born of a freedman father,

quem rodunt omnes libertino patre natum,
nunc, quia sim tibi, Maecenas, convictor, at olim,
quod mihi pareret legio Romana tribuno.
dissimile hoc illi est, quia non, ut forsit honorem
iure mihi invideat quivis, ita te quoque amicum,

whom they all gnaw at as born of a freedman father,
now, because I am for you, Maecenas, a convivial companion, and once,
because the Roman legion obeyed me as tribune.
this is dissimilar to that, because it is not, just as perhaps anyone may by right envy me an honor,
so also you as a friend,

praesertim cautum dignos adsumere, prava
ambitione procul. felicem dicere non hoc
me possim, casu quod te sortitus amicum;
nulla etenim mihi te fors obtulit: optimus olim
Vergilius, post hunc Varius dixere, quid essem.

especially, being cautious to take up the worthy, far
from perverse ambition. I cannot in this call myself fortunate,
that by chance I drew you as a friend; for no Fortune
offered you to me: the best Vergilius once, and after him Varius
declared what I was.

ut veni coram, singultim pauca locutus—
infans namque pudor prohibebat plura profari—
non ego me claro natum patre, non ego circum
me Satureiano vectari rura caballo,
sed quod eram narro. respondes, ut tuus est mos,

as I came face-to-face, speaking a few words in sobs— for infantile modesty forbade me to speak forth more— I did not say that I was born from a famous father, I did not say that I was being carried around the Satureian fields on a horse, but I tell what I was. you reply, as is your custom,

pauca; abeo, et revocas nono post mense iubesque
esse in amicorum numero. magnum hoc ego duco,
quod placui tibi, qui turpi secernis honestum
non patre praeclaro, sed vita et pectore puro.
atqui si vitiis mediocribus ac mea paucis

few things; I depart, and you call me back after nine months and bid
that I be in the number of friends. I reckon this a great thing,
that I pleased you, who separate the honorable from the base,
not by a distinguished father, but by life and a pure heart.
and yet, if with moderate vices and my own few

mendosa est natura, alioqui recta, velut si
egregio inspersos reprendas corpore naevos,
si neque avaritiam neque sordes nec mala lustra
obiciet vere quisquam mihi, purus et insons,
ut me collaudem, si et vivo carus amicis,

nature is faulty, otherwise upright, as if
you were to reproach moles sprinkled on an excellent body,
if neither avarice nor filth nor evil brothels
will anyone truly charge against me, pure and innocent,
that i may praise myself, if also i live dear to my friends,

causa fuit pater his; qui macro pauper agello
noluit in Flavi ludum me mittere, magni
quo pueri magnis e centurionibus orti
laevo suspensi loculos tabulamque lacerto
ibant octonos referentes idibus aeris,

The cause for this was my father; who, poor with a meager little plot, did not wish to send me to Flavius’s school, a great one, where boys born from great centurions, their pouches and tablet hanging from the left upper arm, used to go, bringing back eight coins of bronze on the Ides,

sed puerum est ausus Romam portare docendum
artis quas doceat quivis eques atque senator
semet prognatos. vestem servosque sequentis,
in magno ut populo, siqui vidisset, avita
ex re praeberi sumptus mihi crederet illos.

but he dared to carry the boy to Rome to be taught
the arts which any eques and senator teaches
their own progeny. Clothing and servants in attendance,
so that, in the great populace, if anyone had seen [us], he would have believed
that those expenses were being provided to me from ancestral estate.

ipse mihi custos incorruptissimus omnis
circum doctores aderat. quid multa? pudicum,
qui primus virtutis honos, servavit ab omni
non solum facto, verum opprobrio quoque turpi
nec timuit, sibi ne vitio quis verteret, olim

he himself was for me a most incorrupt guardian, present all around the instructors.
why say much? chaste— which is the first honor of virtue— he kept me from every
not only deed, but also from disgraceful opprobrium;
nor did he fear, lest someone should turn it to a fault against himself, someday

si praeco parvas aut, ut fuit ipse, coactor
mercedes sequerer; neque ego essem questus. at hoc nunc
laus illi debetur et a me gratia maior.
nil me paeniteat sanum patris huius, eoque
non, ut magna dolo factum negat esse suo pars,

if I were to pursue small wages as a crier or, as he himself was, a collector;
I would not have complained. but for this now
laud is owed to him and from me a greater gratitude.
let nothing, while sane, make me repent of this father, and for that reason
I am not, as a certain party denies that a great fact was accomplished by their own guile,

quod non ingenuos habeat clarosque parentes,
sic me defendam. longe mea discrepat istis
et vox et ratio. nam si natura iuberet
a certis annis aevum remeare peractum
atque alios legere, ad fastum quoscumque parentes

that he does not have freeborn and illustrious parents—thus I would defend myself. Far does both my voice and my rationale differ from those men. For if Nature were to order, after certain years, to go back over a completed lifetime and to choose others, whatever parents for vainglory

optaret sibi quisque, meis contentus honestos
fascibus et sellis nollem mihi sumere, demens
iudicio volgi, sanus fortasse tuo, quod
nollem onus haud umquam solitus portare molestum.
nam mihi continuo maior quaerenda foret res

each would choose for himself, content with my own things,
I would not wish to take for myself honorable fasces and curule chairs, mad
in the judgment of the mob, sane perhaps in yours, because
I would not wish to carry a burdensome load not ever accustomed to carry.
for me forthwith a greater thing would have to be sought

100

atque salutandi plures, ducendus et unus
et comes alter, uti ne solus rusve peregre<ve>
exirem, plures calones atque caballi
pascendi, ducenda petorrita. nunc mihi curto
ire licet mulo vel si libet usque Tarentum,

and more persons to be saluted, and one to be led along and a second as companion, so that I not go out alone either to the country or abroad<or>; more camp-servants and nags to be fed, four-wheeled carriages to be led. now it is permitted for me to go on a dock-tailed mule, or if it pleases me, all the way to Tarentum,

105

mantica cui lumbos onere ulceret atque eques armos.
obiciet nemo sordis mihi, quas tibi, Tilli,
cum Tiburte via praetorem quinque secuntur
te pueri, lasanum portantes oenophorumque.
hoc ego commodius quam tu, praeclare senator,

with a saddle-bag which would ulcerate his loins with its load, and a rider the shoulders.
No one will cast at me the charge of sordidness, such as at you, Tillius,
when on the Tiburtine Way five boys follow you, the praetor,
carrying the chamber-pot and the wine-jar.
This I do more conveniently than you, illustrious Senator,

110

milibus atque aliis vivo. quacumque libido est,
incedo solus, percontor quanti holus ac far,
fallacem circum vespertinumque pererro
saepe forum, adsisto divinis, inde domum me
ad porri et ciceris refero laganique catinum;

I live with the thousands and the others. Wherever desire is,
I walk alone, I inquire for how much the greens and the spelt are,
I often wander around the deceitful and evening forum,
I stand by the diviners, then I carry myself home
to a bowl of leek and chickpea and laganum.

115

cena ministratur pueris tribus et lapis albus
pocula cum cyatho duo sustinet, adstat echinus
vilis, cum patera guttus, Campana supellex.
deinde eo dormitum, non sollicitus, mihi quod cras
surgendum sit mane, obeundus Marsya, qui se

dinner is ministered by three boys, and a white stone
supports two cups with a ladle; a cheap echinus stands by,
with a patera and a guttus—Campanian furniture.
deinde I go to sleep, not anxious that tomorrow for me
there must be rising early, Marsyas to be gone to, who himself

120

voltum ferre negat Noviorum posse minoris.
ad quartam iaceo; post hanc vagor aut ego lecto
aut scripto quod me tacitum iuvet unguor olivo,
non quo fraudatis inmundus Natta lucernis.
ast ubi me fessum sol acrior ire lavatum

he declares that the lesser Novii cannot bear his countenance.
I lie until the fourth hour; after this I wander, either with reading
or with writing which may please me in silence; I anoint myself with olive-oil,
not like filthy Natta, with the lamps defrauded.
but when the keener sun bids me, weary, to go to bathe

125

admonuit, fugio campum lusumque trigonem.
pransus non avide, quantum interpellet inani
ventre diem durare, domesticus otior. haec est
vita solutorum misera ambitione gravique;
his me consolor victurum suavius ac si

has advised, I flee the Campus and the game of trigon.
having lunched not greedily, only so much as would interrupt the day’s enduring with an empty
belly, I idle domestically at home. This is
the life of those unbound from wretched and heavy ambition;
with these things I console myself that I shall live more sweetly than if

130

quaestor avus pater atque meus patruusque fuisset.

if my grandfather, father, and my uncle too had been quaestor.

1.7

Proscripti Regis Rupili pus atque venenum
hybrida quo pacto sit Persius ultus, opinor
omnibus et lippis notum et tonsoribus esse.
Persius hic permagna negotia dives habebat
Clazomenis et iam litis cum Rege molestas,
durus homo atque odio qui posset vincere Regem,

The pus and poison of the proscribed King Rupilius—how the hybrid Persius took vengeance on them, I opine is known to all, even to the bleary‑eyed and to the barbers.
This Persius, a rich man, had very great business at Clazomenae and already vexatious litigations with the King, a tough fellow and one who could conquer the King in hatred,

confidens, tumidus, adeo sermonis amari,
Sisennas, Barros ut equis praecurreret albis.
ad Regem redeo. postquam nihil inter utrumque
convenit—hoc etenim sunt omnes iure molesti,
quo fortes, quibus adversum bellum incidit: inter

confident, tumid, so bitter of speech,
that he would outstrip the Sisennas and the Barri with white horses.
I return to the King. After nothing was agreed between the two,
—for indeed in this all are by right troublesome, in the same way as brave are those upon whom an adverse war has fallen:—
between

Hectora Priamiden, animosum atque inter Achillem
ira fuit capitalis, ut ultima divideret mors,
non aliam ob causam, nisi quod virtus in utroque
summa fuit: duo si Discordia vexet inertis
aut si disparibus bellum incidat, ut Diomedi

Hector, the Priamid, high-spirited, and between him and Achilles
there was a capital/mortal wrath, so that final death might divide them,
for no other cause, except that virtue in each
was supreme: if Discord harasses two who are inert,
or if war falls upon unequals, as for Diomedes

cum Lycio Glauco, discedat pigrior, ultro
muneribus missis: Bruto praetore tenente
ditem Asiam, Rupili et Persi par pugnat, uti non
conpositum melius cum Bitho Bacchius. in ius
acres procurrunt, magnum spectaculum uterque.

with Lycian Glaucus, let the slower withdraw, with gifts sent unasked:
Brutus as praetor holding wealthy Asia, the pair of Rupilius and Persius fights, just as
Bacchius was not more well-matched with Bithus. into court
the keen ones run forward, each a great spectacle.

Persius exponit causam; ridetur ab omni
conventu; laudat Brutum laudatque cohortem,
solem Asiae Brutum appellat stellasque salubris
appellat comites excepto Rege; Canem illum,
invisum agricolis sidus, venisse: ruebat

Persius expounds his case; he is laughed at by the whole convocation;
he lauds Brutus and lauds the cohort,
he calls Brutus the sun of Asia and the salubrious stars
he calls companions, with the King excepted; that Dog,
the star hateful to farmers, had come: he was rushing on

flumen ut hibernum, fertur quo rara securis.
tum Praenestinus salso multoque fluenti
expressa arbusto regerit convicia, durus
vindemiator et invictus, cui saepe viator
cessisset magna conpellans voce cuculum.

like a winter river, to which the axe is rarely borne.
then the man of Praeneste, to the salty and much-flowing stream,
pays back insults pressed from the vine-arbor, a tough
and unconquered grape-harvester, to whom a wayfarer often
would have yielded, shouting with a great voice “cuckoo.”

at Graecus, postquam est Italo perfusus aceto,
Persius exclamat: 'per magnos, Brute, deos te
oro, qui reges consueris tollere, cur non
hunc Regem iugulas? operum hoc, mihi crede, tuorum est.'

but the Greek, after he has been drenched with Italian vinegar,
Persius exclaims: 'by the great gods, Brutus, I beg you,
you who are wont to remove kings, why do you not jugulate
this King? this, believe me, is a work of yours.'

1.8

Olim truncus eram ficulnus, inutile lignum,
cum faber, incertus scamnum faceretne Priapum,
maluit esse deum. deus inde ego, furum aviumque
maxima formido; nam fures dextra coercet
obscaenoque ruber porrectus ab inguine palus,

Once I was a fig-tree trunk, a useless wood,
when a craftsman, uncertain whether to make a bench or a Priapus,
preferred that I be a god. Thence a god am I, the greatest dread of thieves and of birds;
for thieves are restrained by my right hand
and by a red stake stretched forth from my obscene groin,

ast inportunas volucres in vertice harundo
terret fixa vetatque novis considere in hortis.
huc prius angustis eiecta cadavera cellis
conservus vili portanda locabat in arca;
hoc miserae plebi stabat commune sepulcrum;

but an importunate birds a reed fixed on the summit terrifies and forbids to settle in the new gardens.
hither previously cadavers ejected from narrow cells
a fellow-slave used to contract to be carried in a cheap coffin;
this stood as the common sepulcher for the wretched plebs.

Pantolabo scurrae Nomentanoque nepoti
mille pedes in fronte, trecentos cippus in agrum
hic dabat, heredes monumentum ne sequeretur.
nunc licet Esquiliis habitare salubribus atque
aggere in aprico spatiari, quo modo tristes

To Pantolabus the buffoon and to Nomentanus the prodigal
a thousand feet in frontage, three hundred into the field, the cippus here allotted,
so that the monument might not follow to the heirs.
Now it is permitted to dwell on the healthful Esquiline and
to stroll on the Agger in the sunshine, in such a way as the gloomy

albis informem spectabant ossibus agrum,
cum mihi non tantum furesque feraeque suetae
hunc vexare locum curae sunt atque labori
quantum carminibus quae versant atque venenis
humanos animos: has nullo perdere possum

they used to look upon a field formless with white bones,
when for me not only thieves and wild beasts accustomed
to vex this place are a concern and a toil
so much as those who with charms and venoms turn
human minds: these I can by no means destroy

nec prohibere modo, simul ac vaga luna decorum
protulit os, quin ossa legant herbasque nocentis.
vidi egomet nigra succinctam vadere palla
Canidiam pedibus nudis passoque capillo,
cum Sagana maiore ululantem: pallor utrasque

nor even to hinder them, as soon as the wandering moon has brought forth her seemly face,
from gathering bones and baneful herbs.
I myself saw Canidia go, girt with a black mantle,
with bare feet and hair let loose,
together with Sagana the elder, ululating: a pallor had blanched them both

fecerat horrendas adspectu. scalpere terram
unguibus et pullam divellere mordicus agnam
coeperunt; cruor in fossam confusus, ut inde
manis elicerent animas responsa daturas.
lanea et effigies erat altera cerea: maior

had made them horrendous to behold. to scrape the earth
with their nails and to tear apart with their teeth a dark ewe-lamb
they began; the gore, poured into a ditch, so that from there
they might elicit the souls of the Manes to give responses.
there was a woolen effigy and another waxen: the larger

lanea, quae poenis conpesceret inferiorem;
cerea suppliciter stabat, servilibus ut quae
iam peritura modis. Hecaten vocat altera, saevam
altera Tisiphonen: serpentes atque videres
infernas errare canes Lunamque rubentem,

woolen, which might restrain by penalties the inferior;
the waxen stood as a suppliant, as one which was about to perish by servile modes.
The one calls Hecate, the other the savage Tisiphone: and you might see
serpents and the infernal dogs wandering, and the Moon reddening,

ne foret his testis, post magna latere sepulcra.
mentior at siquid, merdis caput inquiner albis
corvorum atque in me veniat mictum atque cacatum
Iulius et fragilis Pediatia furque Voranus.
singula quid memorem, quo pacto alterna loquentes

lest there be a witness to these things, hiding behind great sepulchres.
but if I am lying at all, let my head be befouled with the white droppings
of crows, and let Julius and fragile Pediatia and the thief Voranus
come to micturate and to defecate upon me.
why should I recount particulars, in what way, speaking in turn

umbrae cum Sagana resonarint triste et acutum
utque lupi barbam variae cum dente colubrae
abdiderint furtim terris et imagine cerea
largior arserit ignis et ut non testis inultus
horruerim voces furiarum et facta duarum?

when the shades with Sagana have resounded grim and shrill,
and how, like a wolf’s beard, the many-hued serpents with fang
have stealthily hidden in the earth, and with a waxen image
a more lavish fire has blazed, and how, not an unavenged witness,
I have shuddered at the voices of the Furies and the deeds of the two?

nam, displosa sonat quantum vesica, pepedi
diffissa nate ficus; at illae currere in urbem.
Canidiae dentis, altum Saganae caliendrum
excidere atque herbas atque incantata lacertis
vincula cum magno risuque iocoque videres.

for, I farted—as loud as a burst bladder resounds—, my buttock split with a hemorrhoid; but they ran into the city.
You would have seen Canidia’s teeth, Sagana’s towering wig fall out, and their herbs and the spell-charmed bonds for the upper arms, with great laughter and jest.

1.9

Ibam forte via sacra, sicut meus est mos,
nescio quid meditans nugarum, totus in illis:
accurrit quidam notus mihi nomine tantum
arreptaque manu 'quid agis, dulcissime rerum?'
'suaviter, ut nunc est,' inquam 'et cupio omnia quae vis.'

I was going by chance along the Sacred Way, as is my custom,
musing I-know-not-what of trifles, wholly in them:
up runs a certain man known to me by name only
and, my hand seized, “How are you doing, sweetest of things?”
“Pleasantly, as things are now,” I say, “and I desire everything you wish.”

cum adsectaretur, 'numquid vis?' occupo. at ille
'noris nos' inquit; 'docti sumus.' hic ego 'pluris
hoc' inquam 'mihi eris.' misere discedere quaerens
ire modo ocius, interdum consistere, in aurem
dicere nescio quid puero, cum sudor ad imos

while he was following close, 'Is there anything you want?' I forestall. But he, 'You shall know us,' he says; 'we are learned.' Then I: 'For this,' I say, 'you will be worth more to me.' Miserably seeking to depart—now to go more swiftly, sometimes to stop—to say I-know-not-what into the boy’s ear, when sweat to the very depths

manaret talos. 'o te, Bolane, cerebri
felicem' aiebam tacitus, cum quidlibet ille
garriret, vicos, urbem laudaret. ut illi
nil respondebam, 'misere cupis' inquit 'abire:
iamdudum video; sed nil agis: usque tenebo;

was running down to my ankles. “O you, Bolanus, fortunate in your temper,” I was saying silently, while he was chattering whatever came to mind and praising the streets, the city. Since I was making no reply to him, “you are miserably eager to go away,” he says, “I have seen it for a long time now; but you accomplish nothing: I will hold you all the way.”

persequar hinc quo nunc iter est tibi.' 'nil opus est te
circumagi: quendam volo visere non tibi notum;
trans Tiberim longe cubat is prope Caesaris hortos.'
'nil habeo quod agam et non sum piger: usque sequar te.'
demitto auriculas, ut iniquae mentis asellus,

'I will pursue from here to where now your way lies for you.' 'There is no need for you to be turned around: I wish to visit a certain man not known to you;
across the Tiber he lies far off, near Caesar’s gardens.'
'I have nothing that I must do and I am not slothful: I will follow you continuously.'
I let my ears droop, like a donkey of a discontented mind,

cum gravius dorso subiit onus. incipit ille:
'si bene me novi, non Viscum pluris amicum,
non Varium facies; nam quis me scribere pluris
aut citius possit versus? quis membra movere
mollius?

when a heavier load came upon his back. He begins:
'if I know myself well, you will not value Viscus as a friend more highly,
nor Varius; for who could write more
or more swiftly than I can verses? who could move his limbs
more softly?

invideat quod et Hermogenes, ego canto.'

'I sing what even Hermogenes may envy.'

interpellandi locus hic erat 'est tibi mater,
cognati, quis te salvo est opus?' 'haud mihi quisquam.
omnis conposui.' 'felices. nunc ego resto.

here was the place for interruption 'have you a mother,
relatives, anyone who has need of you, with you safe?' 'for me, no one at all.
I have settled everything.' 'happy ones. now I remain.

confice; namque instat fatum mihi triste, Sabella
quod puero cecinit divina mota anus urna:

finish; for a sad fate presses upon me, which the Sabellian divine old woman, her urn set in motion, sang to me when I was a boy:

"hunc neque dira venena nec hosticus auferet ensis
nec laterum dolor aut tussis nec tarda podagra:
garrulus hunc quando consumet cumque: loquaces,
si sapiat, vitet, simul atque adoleverit aetas."'
ventum erat ad Vestae, quarta iam parte diei

"neither dire poisons nor a hostile sword will carry off this one,
nor pain of the sides or a cough nor slow gout (podagra):
a garrulous fellow will consume him whenever; if he be wise, let him avoid the loquacious,
as soon as his age has grown to maturity."'
they had come to Vesta’s, with the fourth part of the day already gone

praeterita, et casu tum respondere vadato
debebat, quod ni fecisset, perdere litem.
'si me amas,' inquit 'paulum hic ades.' 'inteream, si
aut valeo stare aut novi civilia iura;
et propero quo scis.' 'dubius sum, quid faciam', inquit,

the fourth part of the day having passed, and by chance he then had to respond to his surety under bail,
which, if he had not done, to lose the lawsuit.
‘if you love me,’ he says, ‘be here a little.’ ‘may I perish, if
either I am able to stand or I know the civil laws;
and I hasten where you know.’ ‘I am in doubt what I should do,’ he says,

'tene relinquam an rem.' 'me, sodes.' 'non faciam' ille,
et praecedere coepit; ego, ut contendere durum
cum victore, sequor. 'Maecenas quomodo tecum?'
hinc repetit. 'paucorum hominum et mentis bene sanae.

'Shall I leave you or the matter?' 'Me, please.' 'I will not do it,' he,
and he began to go on ahead; I, since to contend is hard
with a victor, follow. 'How is Maecenas with you?'
from here he repeats. 'of few men and of a mind well-sane.

nemo dexterius fortuna est usus. haberes

no one has used fortune more dexterously. you would have

magnum adiutorem, posset qui ferre secundas,
hunc hominem velles si tradere: dispeream, ni
summosses omnis.' 'non isto vivimus illic,
quo tu rere, modo; domus hac nec purior ulla est
nec magis his aliena malis; nil mi officit, inquam,

as a great helper, one who could bear the second parts,
you would want, if you could, to hand over this man: may I perish, unless
you have removed them all.' 'We do not live there in that way,
which you suppose; nor is any house purer than this,
nor more alien to these evils; nothing does me any harm, I say,

ditior hic aut est quia doctior; est locus uni
cuique suus.' 'magnum narras, vix credibile.' 'atqui
sic habet.' 'accendis quare cupiam magis illi
proximus esse.' 'velis tantummodo: quae tua virtus,
expugnabis: et est qui vinci possit eoque

this man is richer either because he is more learned; there is for each man his own place.' 'you tell something great, scarcely credible.' 'and yet so it is.' 'you kindle why I should more desire to be nearest to him.' 'only will it: with your virtue, you will take it by storm; and there is one who can be conquered and therefore

difficilis aditus primos habet.' 'haud mihi deero:
muneribus servos corrumpam; non, hodie si
exclusus fuero, desistam; tempora quaeram,
occurram in triviis, deducam. nil sine magno
vita labore dedit mortalibus.' haec dum agit, ecce

‘his first approaches are difficult.’ ‘I will not fail myself:
I will corrupt the servants with gifts; no—if I am shut out today, I will not desist; I will seek occasions,
I will run into him at the crossroads, I will escort him. life has given nothing to mortals without great labor.’ While he is doing these things, behold

Fuscus Aristius occurrit, mihi carus et illum
qui pulchre nosset. consistimus. 'unde venis et
quo tendis?' rogat et respondet.

Fuscus Aristius encounters us, dear to me and to that fellow
who knew him quite well. We stop. 'Whence do you come and
whither do you tend?' he asks and answers.

vellere coepi
et pressare manu lentissima bracchia, nutans,
distorquens oculos, ut me eriperet. male salsus

I began to pluck and to press with my hand his most-sluggish arms, nodding,
twisting my eyes, so that he might snatch me away. ill-salted

ridens dissimulare; meum iecur urere bilis.
'certe nescio quid secreto velle loqui te
aiebas mecum.' 'memini bene, sed meliore
tempore dicam; hodie tricensima sabbata: vin tu
curtis Iudaeis oppedere?' 'nulla mihi' inquam

smiling to dissimulate; my liver was burning with bile.
'surely you were saying you wished to speak I know not what in secret with me.'
'I remember well, but I will say it at a better time; today is the thirtieth Sabbath: do you want
to break wind at the circumcised Jews?' 'none for me,' I say

'religio est.' 'at mi: sum paulo infirmior, unus
multorum. ignosces; alias loquar.' huncine solem
tam nigrum surrexe mihi! fugit inprobus ac me
sub cultro linquit.

'It is a religious scruple.' 'But as for me: I am a little weaker, one
of many. You will pardon; I will speak another time.' Has this sun
risen so black for me! The shameless fellow flees and leaves me
under the knife.

casu venit obvius illi
adversarius et 'quo tu, turpissime?' magna

By chance there comes to meet him
an adversary, and 'Where are you going, most disgraceful man?' loudly

inclamat voce, et 'licet antestari?' ego vero
oppono auriculam. rapit in ius; clamor utrimque,
undique concursus. sic me servavit Apollo.

he cries out with a voice, and 'is it permitted to call witnesses?' I indeed proffer my ear. he snatches me into court; clamor on both sides, a concourse from everywhere. thus Apollo saved me.

1.10

[Lucili, quam sis mendosus, teste Catone,
defensore tuo, pervincam, qui male factos
emendare parat versus, hoc lenius ille,
quo melior vir et est longe subtilior illo,
qui multum puer et loris et funibus udis

[Lucilius, how faulty you are, with Cato as witness,
your defender, I will thoroughly prevail in proving; he, who prepares
to emend verses ill-made, does this the more gently,
because he is a better man and is far subtler than that one,
he who, much as a boy, with straps and with wet cords

exoratus, ut esset, opem qui ferre poetis
antiquis posset contra fastidia nostra,
grammaticorum equitum doctissimus. ut redeam illuc:]
Nempe inconposito dixi pede currere versus
Lucili. quis tam Lucili fautor inepte est,
ut non hoc fateatur?

prevailed upon, to be one who could bring aid to the ancient poets against our fastidiousness, the most learned of the grammarians of equestrian rank. to return to that point:]
Surely I said that the verses of Lucilius run with an uncomposed foot.
Who is so inept a favorer of Lucilius as not to admit this?

at idem, quod sale multo
urbem defricuit, charta laudatur eadem.
nec tamen hoc tribuens dederim quoque cetera; nam sic

but the same man, who with much salt
scrubbed the city, is praised on the same page.
nor yet, granting this, would I have conceded the rest as well; for thus

et Laberi mimos ut pulchra poemata mirer.
ergo non satis est risu diducere rictum
auditoris; et est quaedam tamen hic quoque virtus.
est brevitate opus, ut currat sententia neu se
inpediat verbis lassas onerantibus auris,

and that I should admire the mimes of Laberius as beautiful poems.
therefore it is not enough to stretch the listener’s jaws with laughter;
and yet there is here too a certain virtue.
there is need of brevity, that the thought run and not
impede itself with words burdening weary ears,

et sermone opus est modo tristi, saepe iocoso,
defendente vicem modo rhetoris atque poetae,
interdum urbani, parcentis viribus atque
extenuantis eas consulto. ridiculum acri
fortius et melius magnas plerumque secat res.

and there is need of a manner of speech now somber, often jocose,
at times taking the part in turn of the rhetorician and the poet,
sometimes urbane, sparing its forces and
deliberately attenuating them. ridiculum more strongly and better than the acerbic
for the most part cuts through great matters.

illi, scripta quibus comoedia prisca viris est,
hoc stabant, hoc sunt imitandi; quos neque pulcher
Hermogenes umquam legit neque simius iste
nil praeter Calvum et doctus cantare Catullum.
'at magnum fecit, quod verbis graeca latinis

those men, by whom ancient comedy was written,
stood by this; in this they are to be imitated; whom neither the handsome
Hermogenes ever read nor that ape there,
able to chant nothing except Calvus and the learned Catullus.
'but he did something great, that he rendered Greek things in Latin words

miscuit.' o seri studiorum, quine putetis
difficile et mirum, Rhodio quod Pitholeonti
contigit? 'at sermo lingua concinnus utraque
suavior, ut Chio nota si conmixta Falerni est.'
cum versus facias, te ipsum percontor, an et cum

‘he mixed them.’ O latecomers to studies, do you indeed think
difficult and wondrous, that which befell Pitholeon of Rhodes?
‘But speech, well-concinnated with either tongue,
is sweeter, as if a Chian vintage, if mixed with Falernian, is.’
When you make verses, I question you yourself, whether also when

dura tibi peragenda rei sit causa Petilli?
scilicet oblitus patriaeque patrisque Latini,
cum Pedius causas exsudet Poplicola atque
Corvinus, patriis intermiscere petita
verba foris malis, Canusini more bilinguis.

Must the hard case of Petillius’s matter be carried through by you?
Of course, forgetful of both your fatherland and your Latin father,
while Pedius and Poplicola and Corvinus sweat at causes,
you prefer to intermix with your native words those sought from abroad,
bilingual in the Canusine manner.

atque ego cum graecos facerem, natus mare citra,
versiculos, vetuit me tali voce Quirinus
post mediam noctem visus, cum somnia vera:
'in silvam non ligna feras insanius ac si
magnas Graecorum malis inplere catervas.'

and I, when I was composing Greek, born on this side of the sea,
versicles, Quirinus forbade me with such a voice
seen after midnight, when dreams are true:
'you would not carry wood into the forest more insanely than if
you should wish to fill up the great cohorts of the Greeks.'

turgidus Alpinus iugulat dum Memnona dumque
diffingit Rheni luteum caput, haec ego ludo,
quae neque in aede sonent certantia iudice Tarpa
nec redeant iterum atque iterum spectanda theatris.
arguta meretrice potes Davoque Chremeta

while turgid Alpinus cuts the throat of Memnon and while he remolds the muddy head of the Rhine, I toy with these things,
things which would neither resound in the temple, contending with Tarpa as judge,
nor return again and again to the theaters to be looked at.
with a clever courtesan you can, and Chremes with Davus

eludente senem comis garrire libellos
unus vivorum, Fundani, Pollio regum
facta canit pede ter percusso; forte epos acer
ut nemo Varius ducit, molle atque facetum
Vergilio adnuerunt gaudentes rure Camenae:

while the old man is being toyed with, to chatter graceful little books
alone among the living, Fundanius; Pollio sings the deeds of kings
with the foot thrice-beaten; with force the keen Varius leads the epic
as no one; the Muses, rejoicing in the countryside, nodded to Vergil for the soft and witty:

hoc erat, experto frustra Varrone Atacino
atque quibusdam aliis, melius quod scribere possem,
inventore minor; neque ego illi detrahere ausim
haerentem capiti cum multa laude coronam.
at dixi fluere hunc lutulentum, saepe ferentem

This was it—that, with Varro of Atax tested in vain and certain others as well, I might be able to write better, though inferior to the inventor; nor would I dare to take away from him the crown clinging to his head with much praise. But I said that this one flows muddy, often bearing

plura quidem tollenda relinquendis. age quaeso,
tu nihil in magno doctus reprehendis Homero?
nil comis tragici mutat Lucilius Acci?

more things indeed to be taken away than to be left. Come, pray, do you, learned, reprehend nothing in great Homer?
does genial Lucilius mutate nothing of Accius the tragic poet?

non ridet versus Enni gravitate minores,
cum de se loquitur non ut maiore reprensis?

does he not laugh at Ennius’s verses as lesser in gravitas,
when he speaks about himself not as greater than those rebuked?

quid vetat et nosmet Lucili scripta legentis
quaerere, num illius, num rerum dura negarit
versiculos natura magis factos et euntis
mollius ac siquis pedibus quid claudere senis,
hoc tantum contentus, amet scripsisse ducentos

what forbids even us ourselves, as we read Lucilius’s writings,
to ask whether it was his, or the hardness of the matters, that denied
little verses more naturally well-fashioned and going more softly,
than if someone were to confine something in six feet,
content with this only, to love to have written two hundred

ante cibum versus, totidem cenatus, Etrusci
quale fuit Cassi rapido ferventius amni
ingenium, capsis quem fama est esse librisque
ambustum propriis. fuerit Lucilius, inquam,
comis et urbanus, fuerit limatior idem

verses before food, and, having supped, just as many,
what sort the genius of the Etruscan Cassius was, hotter than a rapid river,
whom report says to have been scorched by his own book-chests and books.
let Lucilius, I say, have been gracious and urbane, let him have been more polished too

quam rudis et Graecis intacti carminis auctor
quamque poetarum seniorum turba; sed ille,
si foret hoc nostrum fato delapsus in aevum,
detereret sibi multa, recideret omne quod ultra
perfectum traheretur, et in versu faciendo

how unpolished, and the author of a song untouched by the Greeks,
and how the crowd of elder poets; but he,
if he had by fate fallen down into this our age,
would wear down many things for himself, would cut back everything that would be drawn beyond
the perfect, and in the making of verse

saepe caput scaberet vivos et roderet unguis.
saepe stilum vertas, iterum quae digna legi sint
scripturus, neque te ut miretur turba labores,
contentus paucis lectoribus. an tua demens
vilibus in ludis dictari carmina malis?

Often he would scratch his head and gnaw his nails to the quick.
Often you should turn the stylus, when you are about to write things that are worthy to be read again,
and do not labor that the crowd may marvel at you,
content with a few readers. Or do you, demented one,
prefer that your poems be dictated in cheap schools?

non ego; nam satis est equitem mihi plaudere, ut audax,
contemptis aliis, explosa Arbuscula dixit.
men moveat cimex Pantilius aut cruciet quod
vellicet absentem Demetrius aut quod ineptus
Fannius Hermogenis laedat conviva Tigelli?

not I; for “it is enough for me that a knight applaud me,” as the bold
Arbuscula said, the others despised, when she was hissed off.
Should the bedbug Pantilius move me, or would it torment me that
Demetrius nips at one absent, or that the inept
Fannius, dinner-guest of Hermogenes Tigellius, gives offense?

Plotius et Varius, Maecenas Vergiliusque,
Valgius et probet haec Octavius optimus atque
Fuscus et haec utinam Viscorum laudet uterque
ambitione relegata. te dicere possum,
Pollio, te, Messalla, tuo cum fratre, simulque

Plotius and Varius, Maecenas and Vergilius,
and Valgius, and let most excellent Octavius approve these as well,
and Fuscus, and would that each of the Visci praise these,
ambition having been relegated. I can name you,
Pollio, you, Messalla, with your brother, and likewise

vos, Bibule et Servi, simul his te, candide Furni,
conpluris alios, doctos ego quos et amicos
prudens praetereo, quibus haec, sint qualiacumque,
adridere velim, doliturus, si placeant spe
deterius nostra. Demetri, teque, Tigelli,

you, Bibulus and Servius, together with these, you too, candid Furnius,
and several others, whom I count as learned and as friends,
I prudently pass over, to whom I would wish these things, be they of whatever sort,
to smile; I shall be pained if they please worse than our hope.
Demetrius, and you too, Tigellius,

discipularum inter iubeo plorare cathedras.
i, puer, atque meo citus haec subscribe libello.

I order you to weep among the chairs of the schoolgirls.
Go, boy, and swiftly subscribe these things in my little book.