Petronius: SATIRICON LIBER

[I] "Num alio genere Furiarum declamatores inquietantur, qui clamant: 'Haec vulnera pro libertate publica excepi; hunc oculum pro vobis impendi: date mihi ducem, qui me ducat ad liberos meos, nam succisi poplites membra non sustinent'? Haec ipsa tolerabilia essent, si ad eloquentiam ituris viam facerent. Nunc et rerum tumore et sententiarum vanissimo strepitu hoc tantum proficiunt ut, cum in forum venerint, putent se in alium orbem terrarum delatos. Et ideo ego adulescentulos existimo in scholis stultissimos fieri, quia nihil ex his, quae in usu habemus, aut audiunt aut vident, sed piratas cum catenis in litore stantes, sed tyrannos edicta scribentes quibus imperent filiis ut patrum suorum capita praecidant, sed responsa in pestilentiam data, ut virgines tres aut plures immolentur, sed mellitos verborum globulos, et omnia dicta factaque quasi papavere et sesamo sparsa.

[1] "Are declaimers disturbed by some other kind of Furies, who shout: 'These wounds I received for public liberty; this eye I expended for you: give me a guide to lead me to my children, for hamstrings cut do not support my limbs'? These very things would be tolerable, if they made a way for those setting out toward eloquence. Now, by the swelling of subjects and the most vain clatter of maxims, they accomplish only this: that, when they have come into the forum, they think themselves carried off into another orb of the earth. And therefore I reckon that young lads become most foolish in the schools, because of the things which we have in everyday use they neither hear nor see anything, but pirates standing with chains on the shore, but tyrants writing edicts by which they command sons to cut off their fathers’ heads, but responses given in a pestilence, that three or more maidens be immolated, but honeyed little globules of words, and all sayings and doings as if sprinkled with poppyseed and sesame."

[II] "Qui inter haec nutriuntur, non magis sapere possunt quam bene olere qui in culina habitant. Pace vestra liceat dixisse, primi omnium eloquentiam perdidistis. Levibus enim atque inanibus sonis ludibria quaedam excitando, effecistis ut corpus orationis enervaretur et caderet.

[II] "Those who are nourished amid these things cannot be any more sensible than those who live in a kitchen can smell good. With your leave, let it be said: you, first of all, have destroyed eloquence. For by stirring up certain mockeries with light and inane sounds, you have brought it about that the body of oration was enervated and fell."

Nondum iuvenes declamationibus continebantur, cum Sophocles aut Euripides invenerunt verba quibus deberent loqui. Nondum umbraticus doctor ingenia deleverat, cum Pindarus novemque lyrici Homericis versibus canere timuerunt. Et ne poetas quidem ad testimonium citem, certe neque Platona neque Demosthenen ad hoc genus exercitationis accessisse video.

Not yet were youths confined by declamations, when Sophocles or Euripides found the words with which they ought to speak. Not yet had the umbratic doctor effaced the talents, when Pindar and the nine lyric poets were afraid to sing in Homeric verses. And not to cite poets as testimony, surely I see that neither Plato nor Demosthenes acceded to this kind of exercitation.

Grandis et, ut ita dicam, pudica oratio non est maculosa nec turgida, sed naturali pulchritudine exsurgit. Nuper ventosa istaec et enormis loquacitas Athenas ex Asia commigravit animosque iuvenum ad magna surgentes veluti pestilenti quodam sidere adflavit, semelque corrupta regula eloquentia stetit et obmutuit. Ad summam, quis postea Thucydidis, quis Hyperidis ad famam processit?

Grand and, so to speak, pudic speech is not maculate nor turgid, but rises with natural beauty. Lately that ventose and enormous loquacity migrated to Athens from Asia and, like some pestilential star, breathed upon the minds of youths rising to great things; and once the rule was corrupted, eloquence stood and fell mute. In sum, who thereafter advanced to the fame of Thucydides, who to that of Hyperides?

Ac ne carmen quidem sani coloris enituit, sed omnia quasi eodem cibo pasta non potuerunt usque ad senectutem canescere. Pictura quoque non alium exitum fecit, postquam Aegyptiorum audacia tam magnae artis compendiariam invenit."

And not even a poem of healthy color shone forth, but all things, as if fed on the same food, could not grow hoary unto old age. Painting too met no different outcome, after the audacity of the Egyptians invented a compendiary for so great an art."

[III] Non est passus Agamemnon me diutius declamare in porticu, quam ipse in schola sudaverat, sed: "Adulescens, inquit, quoniam sermonem habes non publici saporis et, quod rarissimum est, amas bonam mentem, non fraudabo te arte secreta. nimirum in his exercitationibus doctores peccant qui necesse habent cum insanientibus furere. Nam nisi dixerint quae adulescentuli probent, ut ait Cicero, 'soli in scolis relinquentur'. Sicut ficti adulatores cum cenas divitum captant, nihil prius meditantur quam id quod putant gratissimum auditoribus fore — nec enim aliter impetrabunt quod petunt, nisi quasdam insidias auribus fecerint — sic eloquentiae magister, nisi tanquam piscator eam imposuerit hamis escam, quam scierit appetituros esse pisciculos, sine spe praedae morabitur in scopulo.

[3] Agamemnon did not allow me to declaim in the portico any longer than he himself had sweated in the school, but said: "Young man, since you have a discourse not of public savor and, which is most rare, you love a good mind, I will not defraud you of a secret art. surely do the teachers in these exercises sin who find it necessary to rave with the raving. For unless they say what the adolescents approve, as Cicero says, 'they will be left alone in the schools.' Just as feigned adulators, when they angle for the dinners of the rich, meditate nothing before that which they think will be most pleasing to their hearers — for otherwise they will not obtain what they seek, unless they have laid certain ambushes for the ears — so the master of eloquence, unless, like a fisherman, he has put upon the hooks that bait which he knows the little fishes will be eager to bite, will linger on the rock without hope of prey.

[IV] "Quid ergo est? Parentes obiurgatione digni sunt, qui nolunt liberos suos severa lege proficere. Primum enim sic ut omnia, spes quoque suas ambitioni donant.

[IV] "What then is it? Parents are worthy of objurgation, who are unwilling that their children make progress under a severe law. First, for indeed just so as in all things, they also donate their hopes to ambition.

Deinde cum ad vota properant, cruda adhuc studia in forum impellunt, et eloquentiam, qua nihil esse maius confitentur, pueris induunt adhuc nascentibus. Quod si paterentur laborum gradus fieri, ut sapientiae praeceptis animos componerent, ut verba atroci stilo effoderent, ut quod vellent imitari diti audirent, <ut persuaderent> sibi nihil esse magnificum quod pueris placeret: iam illa grandis oratio haberet maiestatis suae pondus. Nunc pueri in scholis ludunt, iuvenes ridentur in foro, et quod utroque turpius est, quod quisque <puer> perperam didicit, in senectute confiteri non vult.

Then, when they hasten to their vows, they drive studies still raw into the forum, and they clothe boys still nascent with eloquence, than which they confess nothing to be greater. But if they would allow gradations of toil to be made—so that they might compose their minds by the precepts of wisdom, so that they might dig out words with a severe stylus, so that they might hear at length what they wished to imitate, <that they might persuade> themselves that nothing is magnificent which pleases boys—then that grand oration would have the weight of its own majesty. Now boys play in the schools, young men are laughed at in the forum, and, what is more shameful than both, what each <boy> learned amiss, he is unwilling in old age to confess.

Sed ne me putes improbasse schedium Lucilianae humilitatis, quod sentio, et ipse carmine effingam:

But lest you think that I have disapproved an improvised piece of Lucilian humility, I too will portray in verse what I feel:

[V] "Artis severae si quis ambit effectus
mentemque magnis applicat, prius mores
frugalitatis lege poliat exacta.
Nec curet alto regiam trucem vultu
cliensve cenas inpotentium captet,
nec perditis addictus obruat vino
mentis calorem; neve plausor in scenam
sedeat redemptus histrioniae addictus.
Sed sive armigerae rident Tritonidis arces,
seu Lacedaemonio tellus habitata colono
Sirenumque domus, det primos versibus annos
Maeoniumque bibat felici pectore fontem.

[V] "If anyone aspires to the effects of a severe art
and applies his mind to great things, first let him polish his morals
by the law of frugality, exactly enforced.
Nor let him, with lofty countenance, concern himself with the savage regal court,
nor, as a client, angle for the dinners of the overmighty,
nor, enslaved to profligacy, drown with wine
the warmth of his mind; nor let a clapper sit in the theater,
hired, addicted to histrionics.
But whether the citadels of arm-bearing Tritonis smile,
or the land inhabited by a Lacedaemonian colonist,
and the home of the Sirens, let him give his first years to verses
and drink from the Maeonian font with a happy breast.

Mox et Socratico plenus grege mittat habenas
liber, et ingentis quatiat Demosthenis arma.
Hinc Romana manus circumfluat, et modo Graio
exonerata sono mutet suffusa saporem.
Interdum subducta foro det pagina cursum,
et fortuna sonet celeri distincta meatu.

Soon too, filled with the Socratic flock, let the book loosen the reins,
and brandish the mighty arms of Demosthenes.
From there let the Roman hand flow around, and, just now unburdened of the Greek sound,
let it, suffused, change its savor.
Sometimes, withdrawn from the forum, let the page set its course,
and let Fortune resound, distinguished by a swift motion.

Dent epulas et bella truci memorata canore,
grandiaque indomiti Ciceronis verba minentur.
Hi animum succinge bonis: sic flumine largo
plenus Pierio defundes pectore verba."

Let them give banquets and wars remembered in a grim cadence,
and let the grand words of indomitable Cicero menace.
Gird your mind with these goods: thus with a copious
Pierian stream, you will pour forth words from your breast."

[VI] Dum hunc diligentius audio, non notavi mihi Ascylti fugam <. . .> Et dum in hoc dictorum aestu in hortis incedo, ingens scolasticorum turba in porticum venit, ut apparebat, ab extemporali declamatione nescio cuius, qui Agamemnonis suasoriam exceperat. Dum ergo iuvenes sententias rident ordinemque totius dictionis infamant, opportune subduxi me et cursim Ascylton persequi coepi. Sed nec viam diligenter tenebam quia <. . .> nec quo loco stabulum esset sciebam.

[VI] While I was listening more diligently to this man, I did not notice Ascyltos’s flight <. . .> And while, in this surge of sayings, I was walking in the gardens, a huge throng of scholastics came into the portico, as was apparent, from an extemporaneous declamation of I know not whom, who had undertaken a suasoria on Agamemnon. While therefore the youths laugh at the sentences and defame the order of the whole diction, I opportunely withdrew myself and began at a run to pursue Ascyltos. But I was not even holding the road carefully, because <. . .> nor did I know in what place the inn was.

Itaque quocumque ieram, eodem revertabar, donec et cursu fatigatus et sudore iam madens accedo aniculam quandam, quae agreste holus vendebat et:

Therefore, whithersoever I had gone, to the same place I kept returning, until, fatigued by running and now dripping with sweat, I approach a certain little old woman, who was vending rustic greens, and:

[VII] "Rogo, inquam, mater, numquid scis ubi ego habitem?" Delectata est illa urbanitate tam stulta et: "Quidni sciam?" inquit, consurrexitque et coepit me praecedere. Divinam ego putabam et subinde ut in locum secretiorem venimus, centonem anus urbana reiecit et: "Hic, inquit, debes habitare." Cum ego negarem me agnoscere domum, video quosdam inter titulos nudasque meretrices furtim spatiantes. Tarde, immo iam sero intellexi me in fornicem esse deductum.

[7] “I ask,” say I, “mother, do you perchance know where I dwell?” She was delighted by that urbanity so foolish and: “Why should I not know?” she says, and got up and began to go before me. I was thinking her divine, and presently, as we came into a more secluded place, the urban old woman threw aside her patchwork-cloak and: “Here,” she says, “you ought to live.” When I denied that I recognized the house, I see certain people among the placards and naked harlots stealthily strolling. Late—nay, already too late—I realized that I had been conducted into a brothel.

Execratus itaque aniculae insidias operui caput et per medium lupanar fugere coepi in alteram partem, cum ecce in ipso aditu occurrit mihi aeque lassus ac moriens Ascyltos: putares ab eadem anicula esse deductum. Itaque ut ridens eum consalutavi, quid in loco tam deformi faceret quaesivi.

Therefore, having execrated the little old woman’s treachery, I covered my head and began to flee through the middle of the brothel to the other side, when behold, at the very entrance Ascyltos met me, equally weary and as if dying: you would have thought he had been conducted down by the same little old woman. And so, as I greeted him with a laugh, I asked what he was doing in so deformed a place.

[VIII] Sudorem ille manibus detersit et: "Si scires, inquit, quae mihi acciderunt. — Quid novi?" inquam ego. At ille deficiens: "Cum errarem, inquit, per totam civitatem nec invenirem quo loco stabulum reliquissem, accessit ad me pater familiae et ducem se itineris humanissime promisit.

[VIII] He wiped the sweat with his hands and said: "If you knew," he said, "what has happened to me. — What news?" said I. But he, fainting, said: "As I was wandering through the whole city and could not find in what place I had left the stable, a paterfamilias came up to me and most humanely promised himself as a guide of the journey

Per anfractus deinde obscurissimos egressus in hunc locum me perduxit, prolatoque peculis coepit rogare stuprum. Iam pro cella meretrix assem exegerat, iam ille mihi iniecerat manum et nisi valentior fuissem, dedissem poenas. <. . .> adeo ubique omnes mihi videbantur satureum bibisse <. . .> iunctis viribus molestum contempsimus.

Then, having gone out through the most obscure windings, he led me to this place, and, his money produced, he began to solicit debauchery. Already the prostitute had exacted an as for the cell, already he had laid a hand on me, and unless I had been the stronger, I would have paid the penalty. <. . .> so much so that everywhere everyone seemed to me to have drunk satyrion <. . .> with forces joined we scorned the nuisance.

<. . .>

[IX] Quasi per caliginem vidi Gitona in crepidine semitae stantem et in eundem locum me conieci. Cum quaererem numquid nobis in prandium frater parasset, consedit puer super lectum et manantes lacrumas pollice extersit. Perturbatus ego habitu fratris, quid accidisset quaesivi.

[9] As if through a caliginous gloom I saw Giton standing on the curb of the footpath, and I threw myself into the same place. When I asked whether our brother had prepared anything for us for luncheon, the boy sat down upon the couch and wiped away the streaming tears with his thumb. Perturbed by my brother’s habit/appearance, I asked what had happened.

Et ille tarde quidem et invitus, sed postquam precibus etiam iracundiam miscui: "Tuus, inquit, ist frater seu comes paulo ante in conductum accucurrit, coepitque mihi velle pudorem extorquere. Cum ego proclamarem, gladium strinxit et 'Si Lucretia es, inquit, Tarquinium invenisti'". Quibus ego auditis intentavi in oculos Ascylti manus et: "Quid dicis, inquam, muliebris patientiae scortum, cuius ne spiritus purus est?" Inhorrescere se finxit Ascyltos, mox sublatis fortius manibus longe maiore nisu clamavit: "Non taces, inquit, gladiator obscene, quem de ruina harena dimisit? Non taces, nocturne percussor, qui ne tum quidem, cum fortiter faceres, cum pura muliere pugnasti, cuius eadem ratione in viridario frater fui, qua nunc in deversorio puer es. — Subduxisti te, inquam, a praeceptoris colloquio.

And he indeed slowly and unwillingly, but after I even mixed anger with my prayers: “Your, he said, that brother or companion a little before ran up into the rented place, and began to want to extort my pudor. When I cried out, he drew a sword and said, ‘If you are Lucretia, you have found your Tarquin.’” On hearing these things I aimed my hands at Ascyltos’s eyes and said: “What are you saying, you whore of womanly endurance, whose very breath is not pure?” Ascyltos pretended to shudder, then, with his hands lifted more forcefully, with far greater exertion shouted: “Will you not be silent, obscene gladiator, whom from a ruin the arena dismissed? Will you not be silent, nocturnal assailant, who not even then, when you were acting bravely, fought with a pure woman—of whom by the same rationale I was a ‘brother’ in the viridary, as now in the lodging-house you are a ‘boy.’ — You withdrew yourself, I said, from the preceptor’s colloquy.”

[X] — Quid ego, homo stultissime, facere debui, cum fame morerer? An videlicet audirem sententias, id est vitrea fracta et somniorum interpretamenta? Multo me turpior es tu hercule, qui ut foris cenares, poetam laudasti". Itaque ex turpissima lite in risum diffusi pacatius ad reliqua secessimus.

[X] — What should I have done, most foolish man, when I was dying of hunger? Or, forsooth, should I listen to maxims, that is, broken glass and interpretations of dreams? By Hercules, you are much more disgraceful than I, you who, in order to dine out, praised a poet". And so, from the most disgraceful quarrel, dissolved into laughter, we withdrew more peaceably to the rest.

<. . .>

Rursus in memoriam revocatus iniuriae: "Ascylte, inquam, intellego nobis convenire non posse. Itaque communes sarcinulas partiamur ac paupertatem nostram privatis questibus temptemus expellere. Et tu litteras scis et ego.

Again, called back into the memory of the injury: "Ascylte," I said, "I understand that it is not possible for us to agree. Therefore let us divide our common little packs and let us attempt to expel our poverty by private gains. And you know letters, and I as well.

Ne quaestibus tuis obstem, aliud aliquid promittam; alioqui mille causae quotidie nos collident et per totam urbem rumoribus different."

In order not to obstruct your profits, I will promise something else; otherwise a thousand causes will collide us every day and will spread us by rumors through the whole city."

Non recusavit Ascyltos et: "Hodie, inquit, quia tanquam scholastici ad cenam promisimus, non perdamus noctem. Cras autem, quia hoc libet, et habitationem mihi prospiciam et aliquem fratrem. — Tardum est, inquam, differre quod placet."

Ascyltos did not refuse, and: "Today," he said, "because, like students, we have promised for a dinner, let us not waste the night. Tomorrow, however, since this pleases, I will also look out for lodging for myself and for some companion. — It is a slow thing," I say, "to defer what pleases."

Hanc tam praecipitem divisionem libido faciebat; iam dudum enim amoliri cupiebam custodem molestum, ut veterem cum Gitone meo rationem reducerem. <. . .>

Libido was making this division so precipitate; for long already I had been wishing to remove the troublesome custodian, so that I might bring back the old arrangement with my Giton. <. . .>

[XI] Postquam lustravi oculis totam urbem, in cellulam redii, osculisque tandem bona fide exactis alligo artissimis complexibus puerum, fruorque votis usque ad invidiam felicibus. Nec adhuc quidem omnia erant facta, cum Ascyltos furtim se foribus admovit, discussisque fortissime claustris invenit me cum fratre ludentem. Risu itaque plausuque cellulam implevit, opertum me amiculo evoluit et: "Quid agebas, inquit, frater sanctissime?

[11] After I had surveyed with my eyes the whole city, I returned into the cell, and, kisses at last in good faith exacted, I fasten the boy with the tightest embraces, and I enjoy wishes happy to the point of envy. And not yet indeed had all been done, when Ascyltos stealthily brought himself to the doors, and, the bolts most forcefully broken open, he found me playing with my brother. Therefore he filled the cell with laughter and applause, stripped off the little cloak that covered me, and said: "What were you doing, most holy brother?"

Quid? Vesticontubernium facis?" Nec se solum intra verba continuit, sed lorum de pera soluit et me coepit non perfunctorie verberare, adiectis etiam petulantibus dictis: "Sic dividere cum fratre nolito." <. . .>

"What? Are you making a cloak-contubernium?" Nor did he confine himself within words alone, but he loosed the strap from his satchel and began to beat me not perfunctorily, adding even petulant sayings: "Do not divide thus with your brother." <. . .>

[XII] Veniebamus in forum deficiente iam die, in quo notavimus frequentiam rerum venalium, non quidem pretiosarum sed tamen quarum fidem male ambulantem obscuritas temporis facillime tegeret. Cum ergo et ipsi raptum latrocinio pallium detulissemus, uti occasione opportunissima coepimus atque in quodam angulo laciniam extremam concutere, si quem forte emptorem splendor vestis posset adducere. Nec diu moratus rusticus quidam familiaris oculis meis cum muliercula comite propius accessit ac diligentius considerare pallium coepit.

[12] We were coming into the forum with the day now failing, where we noted a throng of things for sale, not indeed precious, but nevertheless such whose limping credit the obscurity of the time could most easily cover. Since therefore we too had brought a cloak seized by banditry, we began to make use of the most opportune occasion and, in a certain corner, to shake the outer fringe, in case the splendor of the garment might draw some buyer. Nor did he delay long: a certain rustic, familiar to my eyes, with a little woman as companion, came nearer and began to consider the cloak more carefully.

Invicem Ascyltos iniecit contemplationem super umeros rustici emptoris, ac subito exanimatus conticuit. Ac ne ipse quidem sine aliquo motu hominem conspexi, nam videbatur ille mihi esse, qui tunicam in solitudine invenerat. Plane is ipse erat.

In turn Ascyltos cast his contemplation upon the shoulders of the rustic purchaser, and suddenly, struck senseless, fell silent. Nor did I myself behold the man without some commotion, for he seemed to me to be the one who had found the tunic in the solitude. Plainly, it was he himself.

Sed cum Ascyltos timeret fidem oculorum, ne quid temere faceret, prius tanquam emptor propius accessit detraxitque umeris laciniam et diligentius temptavit.

But since Ascyltos feared the reliability of his eyes, lest he do anything rash, first, as though a buyer, he approached nearer, pulled the lappet from the man’s shoulders, and tested it more carefully.

[XIII] O lusum fortunae mirabilem! Nam adhuc ne suturae quidem attulerat rusticus curiosas manus, sed tanquam mendici spolium etiam fastidiose venditabat. Ascyltos postquam depositum esse inviolatum vidit et personam vendentis contemptam, seduxit me paululum a turba et: "Scis, inquit, frater, rediisse ad nos thesaurum de quo querebar?

[13] O marvelous sport of Fortune! For as yet the rustic had not even brought his curious hands to the sutures, but, as if it were the spoil of a beggar, he was even vending it disdainfully. After Ascyltos saw that the deposit was inviolate and the person of the seller held in contempt, he drew me aside a little from the crowd and: "Do you know," he said, "brother, that the treasure about which I was complaining has come back to us?"

Illa est tunicula adhuc, ut apparet, intactis aureis plena. Quid ergo facimus, aut quo iure rem nostram vindicamus?" Exhilaratus ego non tantum quia praedam videbam, sed etiam quod fortuna me a turpissima suspicione dimiserat, negavi circuitu agendum sed plane iure civili dimicandum, ut si nollet alienam rem domino reddere, ad interdictum veniret.

That is the little tunic, still, as it appears, full of untouched gold pieces. "What then do we do, or by what right do we vindicate our property?" I, exhilarated not only because I saw the booty, but also because Fortune had dismissed me from a most shameful suspicion, said that it must not be handled by a roundabout course but plainly we must contend by civil law, so that if he were unwilling to restore another’s property to its owner, it should come to an interdict.

[XIV] Contra Ascyltos leges timebat et: "Quis, aiebat, hoc loco nos novit, aut quis habebit dicentibus fidem? Mihi plane placet emere, quamvis nostrum sit, quod agnoscimus, et parvo aere recuperare potius thesaurum, quam in ambiguam litem descendere:

[14] On the other hand Ascyltos was fearing the laws and said: "Who, he said, knows us in this place, or who will give credence to what we say? It plainly pleases me to buy, although what we acknowledge is ours, and to recover the treasure for a small sum of bronze rather than to descend into an ambiguous lawsuit:"

Quid faciant leges, ubi sola pecunia regnat,
aut ubi paupertas vincere nulla potest?
Ipsi qui Cynica traducunt tempora pera,
non numquam nummis vendere vera solent.
Ergo iudicium nihil est nisi publica merces,
atque eques in causa qui sedet, empta probat."

What can the laws do, where money alone reigns,
or where poverty can by no means prevail?
Those very men who protract their time with the Cynic pouch,
are sometimes wont to sell truths for coins.
Therefore a judgment is nothing but a public wage,
and the knight who sits on the case approves what has been bought."

Sed praeter unum dipondium, quo cicer lupinosque destinaveramus mercari, nihil ad manum erat. Itaque ne interim praeda discederet, vel minoris pallium addicere placuit ut pretium maioris compendii leviorem faceret iacturam. Cum primum ergo explicuimus mercem, mulier operto capite, quae cum rustico steterat, inspectis diligentius signis iniecit utramque laciniae manum magnaque vociferatione latrones tenere clamavit.

But apart from a single dupondius, with which we had destined to buy chickpeas and lupines, there was nothing at hand. And so, lest in the meantime the prey slip away, it pleased us to auction off the cloak even for a lesser price, so that the price of a greater gain might make the loss lighter. Therefore, as soon as we unfolded the wares, a woman with her head covered, who had been standing with the countryman, after inspecting the marks more carefully, laid both hands on the fringe and with great vociferation cried out that she was holding robbers.

Contra nos perturbati, ne videremur nihil agere, et ipsi scissam et sordidam tenere coepimus tunicam atque eadem invidia proclamare, nostra esse spolia quae illi possiderent. Sed nullo genere par erat causa, et cociones qui ad clamorem confluxerant, nostram scilicet de more ridebant invidiam, quod pro illa parte vindicabant pretiosissimam vestem, pro hac pannuciam ne centonibus quidem bonis dignam. Hinc Ascyltos bene risum discussit, qui silentio facto:

In response, upset lest we seem to be doing nothing, we too began to hold up a torn and filthy tunic and, with the same spite, to proclaim that the spoils which they possessed were ours. But by no means was the case equal, and the auction-criers who had flocked together at the shouting, of course as usual, laughed at our envy, because on that side they were claiming a most precious garment, on this a little rag not even worthy of good patchwork-cloaks. Then Ascyltos neatly dispelled the laughter, who, once silence had been made:

[XV] "Videmus, inquit, suam cuique rem esse carissimam; reddant nobis tunicam nostram et pallium suum recipiant." Etsi rustico mulierique placebat permutatio, advocati tamen iam paene nocturni, qui volebant pallium lucri facere, flagitabant uti apud se utraque deponerentur ac postero die iudex querelam inspiceret. Neque enim res tantum, quae viderentur in controversiam esse, sed longe aliud quaeri, in utraque parte scilicet latrocinii suspicio haberetur. Iam sequestri placebant, et nescio quis ex cocionibus, calvus, tuberosissimae frontis, qui solebat aliquando etiam causas agere, invaserat pallium exhibiturumque crastino die affirmabat.

[15] "We see, he said, that to each his own property is most dear; let them give back to us our tunic and let them take back their cloak." Although the exchange was pleasing to the peasant and the woman, nevertheless advocates now, almost by night, who wanted to make profit out of the cloak, were demanding that both items be deposited with them and that on the next day a judge should inspect the complaint. For not only the property, which seemed to be in controversy, was at issue, but something far different was being sought, namely on both sides, of course, there was a suspicion of latrociny. Already sequesters were being agreed upon, and some I-know-not-who from the hucksters, bald, with the most knotted forehead, who was accustomed sometimes even to plead cases, had seized the cloak and was asserting he would produce it on the next day.

Ceterum apparebat nihil aliud quaeri nisi ut semel deposita vestis inter praedones strangularetur, et nos metu criminis non veniremus ad constitutum. <. . .> Idem plane et nos volebamus. Itaque utriusque partis votum casus adiuvit.

Moreover, it was apparent that nothing else was being sought except that, once the garment had been deposited, it should be strangled among the robbers, and that we, from fear of a criminal charge, should not come to the appointed time. <. . .> The same thing, plainly, we ourselves wanted as well. And thus chance aided the wish of both parties.

Indignatus enim rusticus quod nos centonem exhibendum postularemus, misit in faciem Ascylti tunicam et liberatos querela iussit pallium deponere, quod solum litem faciebat, et recuperato, ut putabamus, thesauro in deversorium praecipites abimus, praeclusisque foribus ridere acumen non minus cocionum quam calumniantium coepimus, quod nobis ingenti calliditate pecuniam reddidissent.

For the rustic, indignant that we were demanding the patchwork-cloak to be produced, hurled the tunic into Ascyltos’s face and, the complaint being waived, ordered us to deposit the pallium, which alone was making the dispute; and with the treasure, as we thought, recovered, we went headlong to the lodging, and with the doors shut we began to laugh at the acumen no less of the hucksters than of the calumniators, because by vast cunning they had returned the money to us.

Nolo quod cupio statim tenere,
nec victoria mi placet parata.

I do not wish to hold at once what I desire,
nor does a ready victory please me.

[XVI] Sed ut primum beneficio Gitonis praeparata nos implevimus cena, ostium satis audaci strepitu impulsum exsonuit. Cum et ipsi ergo pallidi rogaremus quis esset: "Aperi, inquit, iam scies." Dumque loquimur, sera sua sponte delapsa cecidit reclusaeque subito fores admiserunt intrantem. Mulier autem erat operto capite, et: "Me derisisse, inquit, vos putabatis?

[16] But as soon as we filled ourselves with the dinner prepared thanks to Giton, the door, struck with a rather audacious racket, rang out. And when we too, therefore, pale, asked who it was: "Open," said a voice, "you will know at once." And while we were speaking, the bolt, slipping down of its own accord, fell, and the doors, suddenly unbarred, admitted the one entering. But it was a woman with her head covered, and: "Did you think," she said, "that I had mocked you?"

Ego sum ancilla Quartillae, cuius vos sacrum ante cryptam turbastis. Ecce ipsa venit ad stabulum petitque ut vobiscum loqui liceat. Nolite perturbari.

I am the handmaid of Quartilla, whose sacred rite you disturbed before the crypt. Behold, she herself is coming to the lodging and asks that it be permitted to speak with you. Do not be perturbed.

Nec accusat errorem vestrum nec punit, immo potius miratur, quis deus iuvenes tam urbanos in suam regionem detulerit."

She neither accuses your error nor punishes it; rather, she marvels which god has brought such urbane youths into her region."

[XVII] Tacentibus adhuc nobis et ad neutram partem adsentationem flectentibus intravit ipsa, una comitata virgine, sedensque super torum meum diu flevit. Ac ne tunc quidem nos ullum adiecimus verbum, sed attoniti expectavimus lacrimas ad ostentationem doloris paratas. Vt ergo tam ambitiosus detonuit imber, retexit superbum pallio caput, et manibus inter se usque ad articulorum strepitum constrictis: "Quaenam est, inquit, haec audacia, aut ubi fabulas etiam antecessura latrocinia didicistis?

[17] While we were still silent and bending our adulation to neither side, she herself entered, accompanied by a single maiden, and, sitting upon my bed, she wept for a long time. And not even then did we add any word, but, thunderstruck, we awaited the tears prepared for the ostentation of grief. When therefore that so ambitious downpour had thundered itself out, she uncovered her proud head from her cloak, and, with her hands clasped together with one another even to the creak of the joints: "What, she said, is this audacity, or where did you learn acts of brigandage that would even outstrip fictions?

Misereor mediusfidius vestri; neque enim impune quisquam quod non licuit, aspexit. Vtique nostra regio tam praesentibus plena est numinibus, ut facilius possis deum quam hominem invenire. Ac ne me putetis ultionis causa huc venisse; aetate magis vestra commoveor quam iniuria mea.

I pity you, by my good faith; for indeed no one has looked upon what was not permitted with impunity. In any case our region is so full of present numina that you could more easily find a god than a human. And do not think that I have come here for the sake of vengeance; I am moved more by your youth than by my own injury.

Imprudentes enim, ut adhuc puto, admisistis inexpiabile scelus. Ipsa quidem illa nocte vexata tam periculoso inhorrui frigore, ut tertianae etiam impetum timeam. Et ideo medicinam sommo petii, iussaque sum vos perquirere atque impetum morbi monstrata subtilitate lenire.

For imprudent—so far as I still think—you have committed an inexpiable crime. I myself that night, vexed, shuddered with so perilous a chill that I fear even an attack of tertian fever. And therefore I sought medicine through sleep, and I have been ordered to search you out and, by the subtlety that has been shown, to mitigate the attack of the disease.

Sed de remedio non tam valde laboro; maior enim in praecordiis dolor saenit, qui me usque ad necessitatem mortis deducit, ne scilicet iuvenili impulsi licentia quod in sacello Priapi vidistis vulgetis, deorumque consilia proferatis in populum. Protendo igitur ad genua vestra supinas manus, petoque et oro ne nocturnas religiones iocum risumque faciatis, neve traducere velitis tot annorum secreta, quae vix mille homines noverunt."

But as to the remedy I do not labor so very much; for a greater pain rages in my precordia, which leads me down even to the necessity of death, lest, driven by youthful license, you make common what you saw in the shrine of Priapus, and bring forth the counsels of the gods into the populace. I extend therefore to your knees my upturned hands, and I petition and I beg that you not make the nocturnal rites a joke and a laugh, nor be willing to traduce the secrets of so many years, which scarcely a thousand men have known."

[XVIII] Secundum hanc deprecationem lacrimas rursus effudit gemitibusque largis concussa tota facie ac pectore torum meum pressit. Ego eodem tempore et misericordia turbatus et metu, bonum animum habere eam iussi et de utroque esse securam: nam neque sacra quemquam vulgaturum, et si quod praeterea aliud remedium ad tertianam deus illi monstrasset, adiuvaturos nos divinam providentiam vel periculo nostro. Hilarior post hanc pollicitationem facta mulier basiavit me spissius, et ex lacrimis in risum mota descendentes ab aure capillos meos lenta manu duxit et: "Facio, inquit, indutias vobiscum, et a constituta lite dimitto. Quod si non adnuissetis de hac medicina quam peto, iam parata erat in crastinum turba, quae et iniuriam meam vindicaret et dignitatem:

[XVIII] After this deprecation she again poured out tears, and with ample groans, her whole face and breast shaken, she pressed my bed. I at the same time, troubled both by mercy and by fear, bade her take good heart and to be secure on both counts: for that no one would divulge the sacred rites, and that, if the god had shown her any other remedy for the tertian, we would aid divine providence even at our own peril. More cheerful after this promise, the woman kissed me more repeatedly, and moved from tears into laughter, with a pliant hand she drew my locks descending from the ear, and said: “I make a truce with you, and I dismiss the suit that had been set. But if you had not assented concerning this medicine which I seek, a crowd was already prepared for tomorrow, which would both avenge my injury and my dignity.”

Contemni turpe est, legem donare superbum;
hoc amo, quod possum qua libet ire via.
Nam sane et sapiens contemptus iurgia nectit,
et qui non iugulat, victor abire solet.

To be contemned is disgraceful, to give the law is haughty;
this I love—that I can go by whatever road I please.
For indeed even a wise man, when contemned, weaves quarrels,
and he who does not jugulate is wont to depart the victor.

Complosis deinde manibus in tantum repente risum effusa est, ut timeremus. Idem ex altera parte et ancilla fecit, quae prior venerat, idem virguncula, quae una intraverat.

Clapping her hands then, she burst forth into such sudden laughter that we were afraid. The same, on the other side, did both the ancilla who had come earlier, and the little virgin who had entered together (with her).

[XIX] Omnia mimico risu exsonuerant, cum interim nos quae tam repentina esset mutatio animorum facta ignoraremus, ac modo nosmetipsos, modo mulieres intueremur. <. . .>

[XIX] All things had rung out with mimic laughter, while in the meantime we were unaware what so sudden a change of minds had occurred, and we gazed now at ourselves, now at the women. <. . .>

"Ideo vetui hodie in hoc deversorio quemquam mortalium admitti, ut remedium tertianae sine ulla interpellatione a vobis acciperem." Vt haec dixit Quartilla, Ascyltos quidem paulisper obstupuit, ego autem frigidior hieme Gallica factus nullum potui verbum emittere. Sed ne quid tristius expectarem, comitatus faciebat. Tres enim erant mulierculae, si quid vellent conari, infirmissimae, scilicet contra nos, <quibus> si nihil aliud, virilis sexus esset.

"Therefore I forbade that today in this lodging-house anyone of mortals be admitted, so that I might receive from you the remedy for the tertian without any interruption." When Quartilla said these things, Ascyltos indeed was for a little while astounded, but I, made colder than a Gallic winter, could emit not a single word. But, so that I should not expect anything more dire, the retinue set to work. For there were three little women, most feeble, if they wanted to attempt anything, to be sure, against us, <whom>, if nothing else, there was the male sex.

At praecincti certe altius eramus. Immo ego sic iam paria composueram ut, si depugnandum foret, ipse cum Quartilla consisterem, Ascyltos cum ancilla, Giton cum virgine. <. . .> Tunc vero excidit omnis constantia attonitis, et mors non dubia miserorum oculos coepit obducere.

But we were surely girt up the higher. Nay rather, I had already arranged the pairs in such a way that, if it had to be fought out, I myself would take my stand with Quartilla, Ascyltos with the handmaid, Giton with the virgin. <. . .> Then indeed all constancy fell away from the thunderstruck, and a death not to be doubted began to draw a film over the eyes of the miserable.

<. . .>

[XX] "Rogo, inquam, domina, si quid tristius paras, celerius confice: neque enim tam magnum facinus admisimus, ut debeamus torti perire." Ancilla, quae Psyche vocabatur, lodiculam in pavimento diligenter extendit. Sollicitavit inguina mea mille iam mortibus frigida. Operuerat Ascyltos pallio caput, admonitus scilicet periculosum esse alienis intervenire secretis.

[20] "I beg, said I, mistress, if you are preparing anything

[20] "I beg, said I, mistress, if you are preparing anything more grievous, dispatch it more quickly: for indeed we have not committed so great a crime as to deserve to perish under torture." The maidservant, who was called Psyche, carefully spread a little coverlet on the floor. She teased my loins, already cold with a thousand deaths. Ascyltos had covered his head with his cloak, warned, of course, that it is dangerous to intervene in others’ secrets.

Duas institas ancilla protulit de sinu alteraque pedes nostros alligavit, altera manus. <. . .>

The maidservant produced two bands from her bosom, and with one she bound our feet, with the other our hands. <. . .>

Ascyltos, iam deficiente fabularum contextu: "Quid? Ego, inquit, non sum dignus qui bibam?" Ancilla risu meo prodita complosit manus et: "Apposui: quidem adulescens, solus tantum medicamentum ebibisti? — Itane est?

Ascyltos, now with the contexture of tales failing: "What? he said, am I not worthy to drink?" The maidservant, betrayed by my laughter, clapped her hands and: "I have set it on: indeed, young man, did you alone drain so much of the medicament? — Is it so?

inquit Quartilla, quicquid saturei fuit, Encolpius ebibit?" Non indecenti risu latera commovit. Ac ne Giton quidem ultimo risum tenuit, utique postquam virguncula cervicem eius invasit et non repugnanti puero innumerabilia oscula dedit.

said Quartilla, "Did Encolpius drink up whatever satyrion there was?" She shook her sides with a laugh not indecent. Nor indeed did Giton in the end restrain his laughter, especially after the little maiden seized his neck and gave the boy, who did not resist, innumerable kisses.

[XXI] Volebamus miseri exclamare, sed nec in auxilio erat quisquam, et hinc Psyche acu comatoria cupienti mihi invocare Quiritum fidem malas pungebat, illinc puella penicillo, quod et ipsum satureo tinxerat, Ascylton opprimebat. <. . .>

[21] We wretched wanted to cry out, but there was no one for help, and on this side Psyche with a hairpin was pricking my cheeks as I wanted to invoke the fides of the Quirites, on that side the girl with a little brush, which she too had dipped in satyrion, was overpowering Ascyltos. <. . .>

Vltimo cinaedus supervenit myrtea subornatus gausapa cinguloque succinctus . . . modo extortis nos clunibus cecidit, modo basiis olidissimis inquinavit, donec Quartilla, ballaenaceam tenens virgam alteque succincta, iussit infelicibus dari missionem. <. . .>

At last a cinaedus supervened, rigged out in a myrtle-colored gausapa and girt with a belt . . . now he smote us with twisted buttocks, now he befouled us with the most reeking kisses, until Quartilla, holding a whalebone rod and tucked up high, ordered a discharge to be given to the unlucky ones. <. . .>

Vterque nostrum religiosissimis iuravit verbis inter duos periturum esse tam horribile secretum. Intraverunt palaestritae quamplures et nos legitimo perfusos oleo refecerunt. Vtcunque ergo lassitudine abiecta cenatoria repetimus et in proximam cellam ducti sumus, in qua tres lecti strati erant et reliquus lautitiarum apparatus splendidissime eitus.

Each of us swore with most religious words that so horrible a secret would perish between the two of us. Quite a number of palaestrites entered and, after dousing us with legitimate oil, restored us. However, then, with weariness cast off, we resumed our dinner-attire and were led into the nearest cell, in which three couches were spread and the remaining apparatus of luxury was most splendidly set out.

Iussi ergo discubuimus, et gustatione mirifica initiati vino etiam Falerno inundamur. Excepti etiam pluribus ferculis cum laberemur in somnum: "Itane est? inquit Quartilla, etiam dormire vobis in mente est, cum sciatis Priapi genio pervigilium deberi?" <. . .>

Therefore, having been ordered, we reclined, and, initiated by a wondrous gustation, we are even inundated with Falernian wine. Welcomed also with several courses, as we were slipping into sleep: "Is that so?" says Quartilla, "is it even in your mind to sleep, when you know that an all-night vigil is owed to the genius of Priapus?" <. . .>

[XXII] Cum Ascyltos gravatus tot malis in somnum laberetur, illa quae iniuria depulsa fuerat ancilla totam faciem eius fuligine longa perfricuit, et non sentientis labra umerosque sopitionibus pinxit.

[22] When Ascyltos, weighed down by so many evils, was slipping into sleep, that maidservant who had been driven off by outrage rubbed his entire face with a long smear of soot, and, as he felt nothing, she painted his lips and shoulders with soporifics.

Iam ego etiam tot malis fatigatus minimum veluti gustum hauseram somni; idem et tota intra forisque familia fecerat, atque alii circa pedes discumbentium sparsi iacebant, alii parietibus appliciti, quidam in ipso limine coniunctis manebant capitibus; lucernae quoque umore defectae tenue et extremum lumen spargebant, cum duo Syri expilaturi lagoenam triclinium intraverunt, dumque inter argentum avidius rixantur, diductam fregerunt lagoenam. Cecidit etiam mensa cum argento, et ancillae super torum marcentis excussum forte altius poculum caput <fere> fregit.

Now I too, wearied by so many ills, had drawn in the slightest, as it were, taste of sleep; the same the whole household, both inside and outside, had done, and some lay scattered around the feet of the reclining, others pressed against the walls, certain ones remained on the very threshold with heads joined; the lamps too, drained of moisture, were scattering a thin and ultimate light, when two Syrians, about to plunder the flagon, entered the dining-room, and while they quarrel more greedily over the silver, they broke the flagon, having pulled it apart. The table also fell with the silver, and a cup, by chance shaken off rather higher, struck and broke the head of the maid-servant languishing upon the bed.

Ad quem ictum exclamavit illa, pariterque et fures prodidit et partem ebriorum excitavit. Syri illi qui venerant ad praedam, postquam deprehensos se intellexerunt, pariter secundum lectum conciderunt, ut putares hoc convenisse, et stertere tanquam olim dormientes coeperunt.

At that blow she cried out, and at the same time both betrayed the thieves and roused a portion of the drunkards. Those Syrians who had come for prey, after they understood that they had been detected, likewise fell down alongside the couch, so that you would have thought this had been agreed upon, and they began to snore as if long since asleep.

Iam et tricliniarches experrectus lucernis occidentibus oleum infuderat, et pueri detersis paulisper oculis redierant ad ministerium, cum intrans cymbalistria et concrepans aera omnes excitavit.

By now even the tricliniarch, having been roused, had poured oil into the lamps as they were going out, and the boys, their eyes having been wiped a little, had returned to service, when a cymbal-girl, entering and clashing the bronze, roused everyone.

[XXIII] Refectum igitur est convivium et rursus Quartilla ad bibendum revocavit. Adiuvit hilaritatem comissantis cymbalistria.

[23] Accordingly the banquet was renewed, and Quartilla again called back to drinking. The cymbal-girl aided the hilarity of the reveling.

Intrat cinaedus, homo omnium insulsissimus et plane illa domo dignus, qui ut infractis manibus congemuit, eiusmodi carmina effudit:
Huc huc convenite nunc, spatalocinaedi,
pede tendite, cursum addite, convolate planta,
femore facili, clune agili et manu procaces,
molles, veteres, Deliaci manu recisi.

In comes a pathic, a man most utterly tasteless and plainly worthy of that house, who, when he groaned with limp wrists, poured forth songs of this sort:
Here, here, gather now, you wanton pathics,
stretch with the foot, add speed, whirl with the sole,
with easy thigh, nimble buttock, and a forward hand,
softies, old-timers, snipped by Delian hand.

Consumptis versibus suis immundissimo me basio conspuit. Mox et super lectum venit atque omni vi detexit recusantem. Super inguina mea diu multumque frustra moluit.

With his verses consumed, he bespattered me with a most filthy kiss. Soon he also came up onto the bed and, with all his force, uncovered me as I was refusing. Over my groin he ground for a long time and much, in vain.

Profluebant per frontem sudantis acaciae rivi, et inter rugas malarum tantum erat cretae, ut putares detectum parietem nimbo laborare.

Rivulets of sweating acacia flowed over his brow, and between the wrinkles of his cheeks there was so much chalk that you would think an uncovered wall was laboring under a nimbus downpour.

[XXIV] Non tenui ego diutius lacrimas, sed ad ultimam perductus tristitiam: "Quaeso, inquam, domina, certe embasicoetan iusseras dari." Complosit illa tenerius manus et: "O, inquit, hominem acutum atque urbanitatis vernaculae fontem! Quid? Tu non intellexeras cinaedum embasicoetan vocari?" Deinde ne contubernali meo melius succederet: "Per fidem, inquam, vestram, Ascyltos in hoc triclinio solus ferias agit?

[24] I did not hold back my tears any longer, but, brought to the utmost sadness: "I beg, I say, mistress, surely you had ordered an embasicoetas to be given." She rather gently clapped her hands and said: "Oh, what an acute man and a fountain of vernacular urbanity! What? Had you not understood that a catamite is called an embasicoetas?" Then, lest it should turn out better for my bunkmate: "By your good faith, I say, is Ascyltos alone in this dining-room keeping holidays?"

— Ita, inquit Quartilla, et Ascylto embasicoetas detur". Ab hac voce equum cinaedus mutavit, transituque ad comitem meum facto clunibus eum basiisque distrivit. Stabat inter haec Giton et risu dissolvebat ilia sua. Itaque conspicata eum Quartilla, cuius esset puer diligentissima sciscitatione quaesivit.

— “Yes,” said Quartilla, “and let an embasicoetas be given to Ascyltos.” At this word the cinaedus changed his mount, and, having passed over to my companion, he ground him down with his buttocks and with kisses. Meanwhile Giton was standing there and was splitting his sides with laughter. And so, when Quartilla caught sight of him, she asked with the most diligent inquiry whose boy he was.

Cum ego fratrem meum esse dixissem: "Quare ergo, inquit, me non basiavit?" vocatumque ad se in osculum adplicuit. Mox manum etiam demisit in sinum et pertractato vasculo tam rudi: "Haec, inquit, belle cras in promulside libidinis nostrae militabit; hodie enim post asellum diaria non sumo".

When I had said that he was my brother: “Why then,” she said, “did he not kiss me?”—and having called him to herself she drew him into a kiss. Soon she also let her hand down into his lap, and, after thoroughly handling the little vessel so rough, said: “This will nicely tomorrow serve as the hors d’oeuvre of our lust; for today, after the little donkey, I do not take daily rations.”

[XXV] Cum haec diceret, ad aurem eius Psyche ridens accessit et cum dixisset nescio quid: "Ita, ita, inquit Quartilla, bene admonuisti. Cur non, quia bellissima occasio est, devirginatur Pannychis nostra?" Continuoque producta est puella satis bella et quae non plus quam septem annos habere videbatur, ea ipsa quae primum cum Quartilla in cellam venerat nostram. Plaudentibus ergo universis et postulantibus nuptias, obstupui ego et nec Gitona, verecundissimum puerum, sufficere huic petulantiae adfirmavi, nec puellam eius aetatis esse, ut muliebris patientiae legem posset accipere." Ita, inquit Quartilla, minor est ista quam ego fui, cum primum virum passa sum?

[25] While she was saying these things, Psyche, laughing, came up to her ear and, after she had said I know not what, “Yes, yes,” said Quartilla, “you have reminded me well. Why should not, since it is a most beautiful occasion, our Pannychis be devirginated?” Immediately there was brought out a girl quite pretty, who seemed to have not more than seven years, the very same who had first come with Quartilla into our cell. With everyone therefore applauding and demanding the nuptials, I was astounded and declared that neither Giton, a most modest boy, was sufficient for this petulance, nor was the girl of such an age as to be able to accept the law of womanly patience.” “So,” said Quartilla, “is she younger than I was, when I first endured a man?”

Iunonem meam iratam habeam, si unquam me meminerim virginem fuisse. Nam et infans cum paribus inquinata sum, et subinde procedentibus annis maioribus me pueris adplicui, donec ad hanc aetatem perveni. Hinc etiam puto proverbium natum illud, ut dicatur posse taurum tollere, qui vitulum sustulerit." Igitur ne maiorem iniuriam in secreto frater acciperet, consurrexi ad officium nuptiale.

"May my Juno be angry at me, if ever I remember that I was a virgin. For even as an infant I was defiled with my equals, and thereafter, as the years advanced, I attached myself to boys older than I, until I came to this age. Hence also I think that proverb was born, that he can lift a bull who has lifted a calf." Therefore, lest my brother receive a greater injury in private, I rose to the nuptial office.

[XXVI] Iam Psyche puellae caput involverat flammeo, iam embasicoetas praeferebat facem, iam ebriae mulieres longum agmen plaudentes fecerant, thalamumque incesta exornaverant veste. Tum Quartilla quoque iocantium libidine accensa et ipsa surrexit, correptumque Gitona in cubiculum traxit.

[26] Already Psyche had veiled the girl’s head with the bridal veil, already the Embasicoetas was bearing the torch in front, already drunken women, clapping, had formed a long procession, and they had adorned the bridal chamber with unchaste raiment. Then Quartilla too, inflamed by the lust of the merrymakers, rose up herself, and, seizing Giton, dragged him into the bedroom.

Sine dubio non repugnaverat puer, ac ne puella quidem tristis expaverat nuptiarum nomen. Itaque cum inclusi iacerent, consedimus ante limen thalami, et in primis Quartilla per rimam improbe diductam adplicuerat oculum curiosum, lusumque puerilem libidinosa speculabatur diligentia. Me quoque ad idem spectaculum lenta manu traxit, et quia considerantium <co>haeserant vultus, quicquid a spectaculo vacabat, commovebat obiter labra et me tamquam furtivis subinde osculis verberabat.

Without doubt the boy had not resisted, nor had the girl, though gloomy, been frightened at the name of nuptials. And so, when they lay shut in, we sat down before the threshold of the bridal-chamber, and first of all Quartilla had applied her curious eye to a crack shamelessly pried open, and with libidinous diligence was spying out the boyish play. She also drew me with a slow hand to the same spectacle; and since the faces of the onlookers had clung together, whatever was free from the spectacle she would meanwhile set her lips in motion and kept belaboring me, as if with furtive kisses, again and again.

<. . .>

Abiecti in lectis sine metu reliquam exegimus noctem. <. . .>

Thrown down upon the beds, without fear we spent the rest of the night. <. . .>

Venerat iam tertius dies, id est expectatio liberae cenae, sed tot vulneribus confossis fuga magis placebat quam quies. Itaque cum maesti deliberaremus quonam genere praesentem evitaremus procellam, unus servus Agamemnonis interpellavit trepidantes et: "Quid? vos, inquit, nescitis hodie apud quem fiat?

The third day had now come, that is, the expectation of a free dinner, but, riddled with so many wounds, flight pleased us more than rest. And so, as we, downcast, were deliberating by what method we might evade the present storm, one of Agamemnon’s slaves interrupted us in our trepidation and: "What? he says, do you not know at whose place it is today?"

Trimalchio, lautissimus homo. Horologium in triclinio et bucinatorem habet subornatum, ut subinde sciat quantum de vita perdiderit!"

Trimalchio, a most lavish man. He has a horologe in the triclinium and a buccinator dressed up, so that from time to time he may know how much of his life he has lost!"

Amicimur ergo diligenter obliti omnium malorum et Gitona libentissime servile officium tuentem iubemus in balneum sequi.

Therefore we attire ourselves diligently, oblivious of all our ills, and we bid Giton, most willingly discharging the servile office, to follow into the bath.

[XXVII] Nos interim vestiti errare coepimus, immo iocari magis et circulis accedere, cum subito videmus senem calvum, tunica vestitum russea, inter pueros capillatos ludentem pila. Nec tam pueri nos, quamquam erat operae pretium, ad spectaculum duxerant, quam ipse pater familiae, qui soleatus pila prasina exercebatur. Nec amplius eam repetebat quae terram contigerat, sed follem plenum habebat servus sufficiebatque ludentibus.

[27] Meanwhile we, once dressed, began to wander—nay rather to joke—and to approach the circles, when suddenly we see a bald old man, clothed in a russet tunic, playing ball among long‑haired boys. It was not so much the boys, although it was worth the trouble, that drew us to the spectacle, as the paterfamilias himself, who, sandal‑shod, was exercising himself with a green ball. Nor did he any longer retrieve the one that had touched the ground, but a slave had a full bag and kept supplying the players.

Notavimus etiam res novas: nam duo spadones in diversa parte circuli stabant, quorum alter matellam tenebat argenteam, alter numerabat pilas, non quidem eas quae inter manus lusu expellente vibrabant, sed eas quae in terram decidebant.

We also took note of novelties: for two eunuchs were standing on different sides of the circle, one of whom was holding a silver chamber-pot, the other was counting the balls—not, to be sure, those which were vibrating between the hands with the play expelling them, but those which were falling to the ground.

Cum has ergo miraremur lautitias, accurrit Menelaus: "Hic est, inquit, apud quem cubitum ponitis, et quidem iam principium cenae videtis. Et iam non loquebatur Menelaus cum Trimalchio digitos concrepuit, ad quod signum matellam spado ludenti subiecit. Exonerata ille vesica aquam poposcit ad manus, digitosque paululum adspersos in capite pueri tersit.

While therefore we were admiring these luxuries, Menelaus runs up: "This is, he says, the one at whose house you will recline, and indeed already you see the beginning of dinner." And Menelaus was no longer speaking when Trimalchio snapped his fingers, at which signal a eunuch set a chamber-pot under the player. After he had emptied his bladder, he asked for water for his hands, and wiped his fingers, sprinkled a little, on the head of a boy.

[XXVIII] Longum erat singula excipere. Itaque intravimus balneum, et sudore calfacti momento temporis ad frigidam eximus. Iam Trimalchio unguento perfusus tergebatur, non linteis, sed palliis ex lana mollissima factis.

[28] It would be lengthy to pick out the individual items. And so we entered the bath, and, warmed with sweat, in a moment of time we went out to the cold bath. By now Trimalchio, drenched with unguent, was being wiped down, not with linens, but with mantles made from the softest wool.

Tres interim iatraliptae in conspectu eius Falernum potabant, et cum plurimum rixantes effunderent, Trimalchio hoc suum propinasse dicebat. Hinc involutus coccina gausapa lecticae impositus est praecedentibus phaleratis cursoribus quattuor et chiramaxio, in quo deliciae eius vehebantur, puer vetulus, lippus, domino Trimalchione deformior. Cum ergo auferretur, ad caput eius symphoniacus cum minimis tibiis accessit et tanquam in aurem aliquid secreto diceret, toto itinere cantavit.

Meanwhile three iatraliptae, in his sight, were drinking Falernian, and as they, quarreling, spilled a very great deal, Trimalchio said that by this he had pledged his own toast. Then, wrapped in a scarlet gausapa, he was set upon a litter, with four runners adorned with phalerae going before, and a chiramaxium, in which his darling was conveyed: a somewhat-old boy, bleary-eyed, more misshapen than his master Trimalchio. Therefore, when he was being carried off, a symphoniacus with the tiniest pipes approached his head and, as though he were saying something secretly into his ear, sang for the whole journey.

Sequimur nos admiratione iam saturi et cum Agamemnone ad ianuam pervenimus, in cuius poste libellus erat cum hac inscriptione fixus:

We follow, now satiated with admiration, and with Agamemnon we came to the door, on the post of which a little notice was fixed with this inscription:

QVISQVIS SERVVS SINE DOMINICO IVSSV FORAS EXIERIT ACCIPIET PLAGAS CENTVM.

ANY SLAVE WHO GOES OUTSIDE WITHOUT THE MASTER’S COMMAND WILL RECEIVE 100 LASHES.

In aditu autem ipso stabat ostiarius prasinatus, cerasino succinctus cingulo, atque in lance argentea pisum purgabat. Super limen autem cavea pendebat aurea in qua pica varia intrantes salutabat.

But in the very entryway there stood an ostiary clad in leek-green, girt with a cherry-colored belt, and on a silver platter he was shelling peas. Above the threshold, moreover, a golden cage was hanging, in which a varicolored magpie was greeting those entering.

[XXIX] Ceterum ego dum omnia stupeo, paene resupinatus crura mea fregi. Ad sinistram enim intrantibus non longe ab ostiarii cella canis ingens, catena vinctus, in pariete erat pictus superque quadrata littera scriptum CAVE CANEM. Et collegae quidem mei riserunt.

[29] But while I am astonished at everything, almost falling backward I nearly broke my shins. For, to those entering, on the left, not far from the doorkeeper’s cell, a huge dog, bound with a chain, had been painted on the wall, and above, in square letters, was written BEWARE THE DOG. And my colleagues indeed laughed.

Ego autem collecto spiritu non destiti totum parietem persequi. Erat autem venalicium <cum> titulis pictis, et ipse Trimalchio capillatus caduceum tenebat Minervamque ducente Romam intrabat. Hinc quemadmodum ratiocinari didicisset, deinque dispensator factus esset, omnia diligenter curiosus pictor cum inscriptione reddiderat.

But I, having collected my breath, did not cease to trace the whole wall. It was a slave-market with painted titles, and Trimalchio himself, long-haired, was holding a caduceus and, with Minerva leading, was entering Rome. From there, how he had learned to ratiocinate, and then how he had been made a dispensator (steward), the painstakingly careful painter had rendered everything with an inscription.

In deficiente vero iam porticu levatum mento in tribunal excelsum Mercurius rapiebat. Praesto erat Fortuna cornu abundanti copiosa et tres Parcae aurea pensa torquentes. Notavi etiam in porticu gregem cursorum cum magistro se exercentem.

But in fact, with the portico now at its end, Mercury was snatching him up, chin uplifted, onto a lofty tribunal. At hand was Fortuna, copious with an abundant cornucopia, and the three Parcae twisting golden threads. I also noted in the portico a band of runners exercising with their master.

Praeterea grande armarium in angulo vidi, in cuius aedicula erant Lares argentei positi Venerisque signum marmoreum et pyxis aurea non pusilla, in qua barbam ipsius conditam esse dicebant. Interrogare ergo atriensem coepi, quas in medio picturas haberent." Iliada et Odyssian, inquit, ac Laenatis gladiatorium munus."

Moreover I saw a large cabinet in a corner, in whose little shrine silver Lares had been set, and a marble sign of Venus, and a not-small golden pyxis, in which they said his own beard had been laid away. I therefore began to ask the steward what pictures they had in the middle." "The Iliad and the Odyssey," says he, "and Laenas’s gladiatorial show."

[XXX] Non licebat considerare. Nos iam ad triclinium perveneramus, in cuius parte prima procurator rationes accipiebat. Et quod praecipue miratus sum, in postibus triclinii fasces erant cum securibus fixi, quorum imam partem quasi embolum navis aeneum finiebat, in quo erat scriptum: C. POMPEIO TRIMALCHIONI SEVIRO AVGVSTALI CINNAMVS DISPENSATOR.

[30] It was not permitted to consider . We had already reached the dining-room, in the front part of which the procurator was receiving accounts. And what I especially marveled at, on the doorposts of the dining-room fasces were fixed with axes, whose lowest part, as it were, a bronze ship’s ram terminated, on which there was written: TO GAIUS POMPEIUS TRIMALCHIO, SEVIR AUGUSTALIS, CINNAMUS THE STEWARD.

Sub eodem titulo et lucerna bilychnis de camera pendebat, et duae tabulae in utroque poste defixae, quarum altera, si bene memini, hoc habebat inscriptum: III ET PRIDIE KALENDAS IANVARIAS C. NOSTER FORAS CENAT, altera lunae cursum stellarumque septem imagines pictas; et qui dies boni quique incommodi essent, distinguente bulla notabantur.

Under the same title a two‑wicked lamp hung from the ceiling, and two tablets were fastened on either doorpost, of which the one, if I remember well, had this inscribed: "3 AND THE DAY BEFORE THE KALENDS OF JANUARY OUR C. DINES OUT," the other had the course of the moon and painted images of the seven stars; and which days were good and which incommodious were marked, with a distinguishing bulla.

His repleti voluptatibus cum conaremur in triclinium intrare, exclamavit unus ex pueris, qui super hoc officium erat positus: "Dextro pede!" Sine dubio paulisper trepidavimus, ne contra praeceptum aliquis nostrum limen transiret.

Filled by these voluptuities, when we were trying to enter the triclinium, one of the boys, who had been set over this duty, shouted out: "With the right foot!" Without doubt we for a little while were flustered, lest any one of us should cross the threshold contrary to the precept.

Ceterum ut pariter movimus dextros gressus, servus nobis despoliatus procubuit ad pedes ac rogare coepit, ut se poenae eriperemus: nec magnum esse peccatum suum, propter quod periclitaretur; subducta enim sibi vestimenta dispensatoris in balneo, quae vix fuissent decem sestertiorum. Retulimus ergo dextros pedes, dispensatoremque in atrio aureos numerantem deprecati sumus ut servo remitteret poenam. Superbus ille sustulit vultum et: "Non tam iactura me movet, inquit, quam neglegentia nequissimi servi.

However, as together we moved our right steps, a slave, stripped, fell forward at our feet and began to beg that we might snatch him from punishment: that his offense was not great, on account of which he was in peril; for the dispensator’s garments had been filched from him in the bath, which would scarcely have been worth ten sesterces. Therefore we drew back our right feet, and we entreated the dispensator, counting aurei in the atrium, to remit the penalty to the slave. That haughty man raised his face and: "Not so much the loss moves me, he said, as the negligence of a most worthless slave.

Vestimenta mea cubitoria perdidit, quae mihi natali meo cliens quidam donaverat, Tyria sine dubio, sed iam semel lota. Quid ergo est? dono vobis eum."

"He has lost my reclining garments, which on my birthday a certain client had given me—Tyrian, without a doubt, but already once washed. What then? I gift him to you."

[XXXI] Obligati tam grandi beneficio cum intrassemus triclinium, occurrit nobis ille idem servus, pro quo rogaveramus, et stupentibus spississima basia impegit gratias agens humanitati nostrae." Ad summam, statim scietis, ait, cui dederitis beneficium. Vinum dominicum ministratoris gratia est."

[31] Obliged by so great a benefit, when we had entered the triclinium, that same slave for whom we had pleaded met us, and, as we stood amazed, he planted on us the thickest kisses, giving thanks for our humanity." In sum, you will know at once, he says, to whom you have given the benefit. The master’s wine is by the steward’s favor."

Tandem ergo discubuimus, pueris Alexandrinis aquam in manus nivatam infundentibus, aliisque insequentibus ad pedes ac paronychia cum ingenti subtilitate tollentibus. Ac ne in hoc quidem tam molesto tacebant officio, sed obiter cantabant. Ego experiri volui an tota familia cantaret, itaque potionem poposci.

At length therefore we reclined, with Alexandrian boys pouring snow-chilled water onto our hands, and others following to our feet and removing the paronychia with immense delicacy. And not even in this so toilsome an office were they silent, but incidentally they sang. I wanted to test whether the whole household sang, and so I asked for a drink.

Paratissimus puer non minus me acido cantico excepit, et quisquis aliquid rogatus erat ut daret. Pantomimi chorum, non patris familiae triclinium crederes.

A most prepared boy received me no less with an acid song, and whoever was asked for anything would give it. You would think it a chorus of a pantomime, not the triclinium of a paterfamilias.

Allata est tamen gustatio valde lauta; nam iam omnes discubuerant praeter ipsum Trimachionem, cui locus novo more primus servabatur. Ceterum in promulsidari asellus erat Corinthius cum bisaccio positus, qui habebat olivas in altera parte albas, in altera nigras. Tegebant asellum duae lances, in quarum marginibus nomen Trimalchionis inscriptum erat et argenti pondus.

Nevertheless the gustation was brought in, very lavish; for now all had reclined except Trimalchio himself, for whom, by a new custom, the first place was being reserved. Furthermore, on the hors d’oeuvre-tray there was a Corinthian little donkey set up with a double-sack, which had olives, on one side white, on the other black. Two platters covered the little donkey, on the rims of which the name of Trimalchio and the weight of the silver were inscribed.

Ponticuli etiam ferruminati sustinebant glires melle ac papavere sparsos. Fuerunt et tomacula supra craticulam argenteam ferventia posita et infra craticulam Syriaca pruna cum granis Punici mali.

Even little bridges soldered together were supporting dormice sprinkled with honey and poppy-seed. There were also sausages, set piping hot upon a silver gridiron, and beneath the gridiron Syrian plums with the grains of a Punic apple.

[XXXII] In his eramus lautitiis, cum Trimalchio ad symphoniam allatus est, positusque inter cervicalia minutissima expressit imprudentibus risum. Pallio enim coccineo adrasum excluserat caput, circaque oneratas veste cervices laticlaviam immiserat mappam fimbriis hinc atque illinc pendentibus. Habebat etiam in minimo digito sinistrae manus anulum grandem subauratum, extremo vero articulo digiti sequentis minorem, ut mihi videbatur, totum aureum, sed plane ferreis veluti stellis ferruminatum.

[32] We were in the midst of these luxuries, when Trimalchio was borne in to a symphony, and, set among very tiny pillows, he squeezed a laugh from the unsuspecting. For he had thrust out his shaven head through a scarlet pallium, and around his neck, burdened with clothing, he had let down a laticlavian napkin with fringes hanging here and there. He had also on the little finger of his left hand a large gilt ring, and on the outermost joint of the next finger a smaller one, as it seemed to me, wholly golden, but plainly soldered, as it were, with little iron stars.

Et ne has tantum ostenderet divitias, dextrum nudavit lacertum armilla aurea cultum et eboreo circulo lamina splendente conexo.

And, lest he display only these riches, he uncovered his right upper arm, adorned with a golden armlet and with an ivory circlet connected by a splendent plate.

[XXXIII] Vt deinde pinna argentea dentes perfodit: "Amici, inquit, nondum mihi suave erat in triclinium venire, sed ne diutius absentivos morae vobis essem, omnem voluptatem mihi negavi. Permittetis tamen finiri lusum." Sequebatur puer cum tabula terebinthina et crystallinis tesseris, notavique rem omnium delicatissimam. Pro calculis enim albis ac nigris aureos argenteosque habebat denarios.

[33] Then, when with a silver toothpick he had picked his teeth: "Friends," he said, "it was not yet pleasant for me to come into the triclinium, but lest I should be a delay to you any longer by my absence, I denied myself every pleasure. Nevertheless you will permit the game to be finished." A boy was following with a terebinthine board and crystal dice, and I noted the most delicate thing of all. For instead of white and black counters he had gold and silver denarii.

Interim dum ille omnium textorum dicta inter lusum consumit, gustantibus adhuc nobis repositorium allatum est cum corbe, in quo gallina erat lignea patentibus in orbem alis, quales esse solent quae incubant ova. Accessere continuo duo servi et symphonia strepente scrutari paleam coeperunt, erutaque subinde pavonina ova divisere convivis. Convertit ad hanc scenam Trimalchio vultum et: "Amici, ait, pavonis ova gallinae iussi supponi.

Meanwhile, while he was running through the sayings of all the weavers in the midst of the game, while we were still tasting, a serving-tray was brought in with a basket, in which there was a wooden hen with wings spread out in a circle, such as those are wont to have which brood over eggs. Two slaves came up at once and, with the symphonia clattering, began to rummage the straw, and, having from time to time dug up peacock eggs, they divided them among the fellow-diners. Trimalchio turned his face to this scene and said: "Friends, I ordered peacock eggs to be placed under the hen.

Et mehercules timeo ne iam concepti sint. Temptemus tamen, si adhuc sorbilia sunt." Accipimus nos cochlearia non minus selibras pendentia, ovaque ex farina pingui figurata pertundimus. Ego quidem paene proieci partem meam, nam videbatur mihi iam in pullum coisse.

And by Hercules, I fear lest they have already been conceived. Let us attempt it, however, to see if they are still sippable. We take up spoons weighing not less than a half‑pound, and we perforate the eggs fashioned from rich dough. I for my part almost threw away my portion, for it seemed to me it had already come together into a chick.

Deinde ut audivi veterem convivam: "Hic nescio quid boni debet esse", persecutus putamen manu, pinguissimam ficedulam inveni piperato vitello circumdatam.

Then, when I heard the veteran dinner‑guest say, "There must be I‑know‑not‑what good thing here," pursuing the shell with my hand, I found a very plump fig‑pecker encircled with peppered yolk.

[XXXIV] Iam Trimalchio eadem omnia lusu intermisso poposcerat feceratque potestatem clara voce, siquis nostrum iterum vellet mulsum sumere, cum subito signum symphonia datur et gustatoria pariter a choro cantante rapiuntur. Ceterum inter tumultum cum forte paropsis excidisset et puer iacentem sustulisset, animadvertit Trimalchio colaphisque obiurgari puerum ac proicere rursus paropsidem iussit. Insecutus est supellecticarius argentumque inter reliqua purgamenta scopis coepit everrere.

[34] Now Trimalchio, the game having been interrupted, had called for all the same things and had given leave in a clear voice, if anyone of us wanted again to take mulsum, when suddenly a signal is given by the symphony, and the gustatories (appetizers) are snatched away all at once with the chorus singing. Moreover, amid the tumult, when by chance a paropsis (side-dish plate) had slipped down and a boy had picked up the one lying there, Trimalchio noticed, and ordered the boy to be rebuked with cuffs, and to throw down the paropsis again. The supellecticarius (house-attendant) followed up and began to sweep out the silver among the remaining purgamenta (refuse) with brooms.

Subinde intraverunt duo Aethiopes capillati cum pusillis utribus, quales solent esse qui harenam in amphitheatro spargunt, vinumque dederunt in manus; aquam enim nemo porrexit.

Presently two woolly-haired Ethiopians entered with tiny wineskins, such as are wont to be used by those who sprinkle sand in the amphitheater, and they gave wine into our hands; for no one proffered water.

Laudatus propter elegantias dominus: "Aequum, inquit, Mars amat. Itaque iussi suam cuique mensam assignari. Obiter et putidissimi servi minorem nobis aestum frequentia sua facient."

Praised on account of his elegancies, the master: "The equitable," he said, "Mars loves. Therefore I have ordered that to each his own table be assigned. Incidentally, the most putrid slaves will make less heat for us by their crowding."

Statim allatae sunt amphorae vitreae diligenter gypsatae, quarum in cervicibus pittacia erant affixa cum hoc titulo: FALERNVM OPIMIANVM ANNORVM CENTVM. Dum titulos perlegimus, complosit Trimalchio manus et: "Eheu, inquit, ergo diutius vivit vinum quam homuncio. Quare tangomenas faciamus.

At once glass amphorae were brought in, carefully gypsum-sealed, on the necks of which little labels were affixed with this title: FALERNIAN OPI MIAN, ONE HUNDRED YEARS OLD. While we were reading through the labels, Trimalchio clapped his hands and said: "Alas, then wine lives longer than a little man. Therefore let’s have a drinking-bout.

Vita vinum est. Verum Opimianum praesto. Heri non tam bonum posui, et multo honestiores cenabant." Potantibus ergo nobis et accuratissime lautitias mirantibus larvam argenteam attulit servus sic aptatam ut articuli eius vertebraeque laxatae in omnem partem flecterentur.

Life is wine. I have genuine Opimian at the ready. Yesterday I served not so good a one, and much more respectable people were dining." Therefore, as we were drinking and most carefully marveling at the luxuries, a slave brought in a silver skeleton, so fitted that its joints and vertebrae, loosened, were bent in every direction.

Hanc cum super mensam semel iterumque abiecisset, et catenatio mobilis aliquot figuras exprimeret, Trimalchio adiecit:

When he had thrown this down upon the table once and again, and the movable catenation expressed several figures, Trimalchio added:

Eheu nos miseros, quam totus homuncio nil est!
Sic erimus cuncti, postquam nos auferet Orcus.
Ergo vivamus, dum licet esse bene.

Alas, poor us, how the whole homunculus is nothing!
So shall we all be, after Orcus carries us off.
Therefore let us live, while it is permitted to be well.

[XXXV] Laudationem ferculum est insecutum plane non pro expectatione magnum, novitas tamen omnium convertit oculos. Rotundum enim repositorium duodecim habebat signa in orbe disposita, super quae proprium convenientemque materiae structor imposuerat cibum: super arietem cicer arietinum, super taurum bubulae frustum, super geminos testiculos ac rienes, super cancrum coronam, super leonem ficum Africanam, super virginem steriliculam, super libram stateram in cuius altera parte scriblita erat, in altera placenta, super scorpionem pisciculum marinum, super sagittarium oclopetam, super capricornum locustam marinam, super aquarium anserem, super pisces duos mullos. In medio autem caespes cum herbis excisus favum sustinebat.

[35] A course followed the applause, plainly not great according to expectation; the novelty, however, turned everyone’s eyes. For a round serving-platter had twelve “signs” arranged in an orb, upon which the arranger had set food proper and suitable to the subject-matter: upon the Ram, a chickpea (Cicer arietinum); upon the Bull, a piece of beef; upon the Twins, testicles and reins (kidneys); upon the Crab, a crown; upon the Lion, an African fig; upon the Virgin, a little barren female; upon the Balance, a steelyard, on one pan a scriblita and on the other a placenta (cake); upon the Scorpion, a little sea-fish; upon the Archer, an Oclopeta; upon the Sea-goat, a sea-locust (a lobster); upon the Water-bearer, a goose; upon the Fishes, two mullets. In the middle, moreover, a turf-sod cut with its herbs was supporting a honeycomb.

Circumferebat Aegyptius puer clibano argenteo panem. <. . .> Atque ipse etiam taeterrima voce de Laserpiciario mimo canticum extorsit. Nos ut tristiores ad tam viles accessimus cibos: "Suadeo, inquit Trimalchio, cenemus; hoc est ius cenae".

An Egyptian boy was carrying bread around on a silver clibanus. <. . .> And he himself too, with a most loathsome voice, wrung out a song from the mime The Laserpiciarius. We, rather downcast, approached such cheap victuals: "I advise," said Trimalchio, "let us dine; this is the jus of dinner"

[XXXVI] Haec ut dixit, ad symphoniam quattuor tripudiantes procurrerunt superioremque partem repositorii abstulerunt. Quo facto, videmus infra altitia et sumina leporemque in medio pinnis subornatum, ut Pegasus videretur. Notavimus etiam circa angulos repositorii Marsyas quattuor, ex quorum utriculis garum piperatum currebat super pisces, qui in euripo natabant.

[36] As he said this, to the symphony four dancers rushed forward and removed the upper part of the serving-dish. This done, we saw underneath fattened fowl and sow’s udders, and in the middle a hare decked out with wings, so that it might seem Pegasus. We also noted around the corners of the serving-dish four Marsyases, from whose wineskins peppered garum was running over fish, which were swimming as if in an Euripus.

Damus omnes plausum a familia inceptum et res electissimas ridentes aggredimur. Non minus et Trimalchio eiusmodi methodio laetus: "Carpe!", inquit. Processit statim scissor et ad symphoniam gesticulatus ita laceravit obsonium, ut putares essedarium hydraule cantante pugnare.

We all give applause, begun by the household, and, laughing, we attack the most select dishes. Trimalchio, no less delighted by such a method, says: "Carve!" Straightway the carver stepped forth and, gesticulating to the symphony, so lacerated the course that you would think a chariot-gladiator was fighting while the water-organist performed.

Ingerebat nihilo minus Trimalchio lentissima voce: "Carpe! Carpe!" Ego suspicatus ad aliquam urbanitatem totiens iteratam vocem pertinere, non erubui eum qui supra me accumbebat, hoc ipsum interrogare. At ille, qui saepius eiusmodi ludos spectaverat: "Vides illum, inquit, qui obsonium carpit: Carpus vocatur.

Nonetheless Trimalchio kept repeating in a very slow voice: "Carve! Carve!" Suspecting that the word so often iterated pertained to some urbanity, I did not blush to ask the man who was reclining above me this very thing. But he, who had more often seen games of this sort: "Do you see that fellow," said he, "who carves the dish: he is called Carpus."

Ita quotiescumque dicit 'Carpe', eodem verbo et vocat et imperat".

Thus, whenever he says 'Carpe,' with the same word he both calls and commands".

[XXXVII] Non potui amplius quicquam gustare, sed conversus ad eum, ut quam plurima exciperem, longe accersere fabulas coepi sciscitarique, quae esset mulier illa quae huc atque illuc discurreret." Vxor, inquit, Trimalchionis, Fortunata appellatur, quae nummos modio metitur. Et modo, modo quid fuit? Ignoscet mihi genius tuus, noluisses de manu illius panem accipere.

[37] I could no longer taste anything further, but, turning to him so that I might catch as much as possible, I began to draw tales from afar and to inquire who that woman was who was running here and there." The wife, said he, of Trimalchio is named Fortunata, who measures out coins by the bushel. And only just now, what was she? Your genius will pardon me, you would not have wanted to receive bread from that one’s hand.

Nunc, nec quid nec quare, in caelum abiit et Trimalchionis topanta est. Ad summam, mero meridie si dixerit illi tenebras esse, credet. Ipse nescit quid habeat, adeo saplutus est; sed haec lupatria providet omnia, et ubi non putes.

Now, with neither what nor why, she has gone up to heaven and is Trimalchio’s factotum. To sum up, if at pure midday she were to say to him that there is darkness, he would believe it. He himself doesn’t know what he has, he is so filthy rich; but this she‑wolf foresees everything, and where you would not think.

Est sicca, sobria, bonorum consiliorum: tantum auri vides. Est tamen malae linguae, pica pulvinaris. Quem amat, amat; quem non amat, non amat.

She is dry, sober, of good counsel: you see nothing but gold. Yet she is evil-tongued, a magpie of the cushion. Whom she loves, she loves; whom she does not love, she does not love.

Ipse Trimalchio fundos habet, quantum milvi volant, nummorum nummos. Argentum in ostiarii illius cella plus iacet, quam quisquam in fortunis habet. Familia vero — babae babae!

Trimalchio himself has estates as far as kites fly, coin upon coin. More silver lies in that ostiary’s cell than anyone has in his fortunes. The household indeed—bravo, bravo!

— non mehercules puto decumam partem esse quae dominum suum noverit. Ad summam, quemvis ex istis babaecalis in rutae folium coniciet.

— by Hercules, I don’t think even a tenth part exists that would know its own master. In sum, he’ll pitch any one of those babaecales onto a rue leaf.

[XXXVIII] " Nec est quod putes illum quicquam emere. Omnia domi nascuntur: lana, credrae, piper; lacte gallinaceum si quaesieris, invenies. Ad summam, parum illi bona lana nascebatur; arietes a Tarento emit, et eos culavit in gregem.

[38] "And there is no reason for you to think that he buys anything at all. Everything is born at home: wool, chalk, pepper; if you ask for hen’s milk, you will find it. In short, good wool wasn’t being produced for him in sufficient amount; he bought rams from Tarentum, and he cross-bred them into the flock.

Mel Atticum ut domi nasceretur, apes ab Athenis iussit afferri; obiter et vernaculae quae sunt, meliusculae a Graeculis fient. Ecce intra hos dies scripsit, ut illi ex India semen boletorum mitteretur. Nam mulam quidem nullam habet, quae non ex onagro nata sit.

So that Attic honey might be produced at home, he ordered bees to be brought from Athens; incidentally, even the vernacular ones that there are will become a little better by the little Greeks. Behold, within these days he has written that seed of mushrooms be sent to him from India. For indeed he has no mule which is not born from an onager.

Vides tot culcitras: nulla non aut conchyliatum aut coccineum tomentum habet. Tanta est animi beatitudo! Reliquos autem collibertos eius cave contemnas.

You see so many cushions: not one fails to have stuffing either Conchylian-purple or coccineous. Such is the beatitude of his spirit! But beware of despising his other fellow-freedmen.

Valde sucossi sunt. Vides illum qui in imo imus recumbit: hodie sua octingenta possidet. De nihilo crevit.

They are very well-off. You see that one who reclines in the very lowest place: today he possesses his own 800. He grew from nothing.

Modo solebat collo suo ligna portare. Sed quomodo dicunt — ego nihil scio, sed audivi — quom Incuboni pilleum rapuisset, et thesaurum invenit. Ego nemini invideo, si quid deus dedit.

Just lately he used to carry wood on his own neck. But as they say — I know nothing, but I heard — when he had snatched the cap from an Incubus, he found a treasure. I envy no one, if God has given him anything.

Est tamen sub alapa et non vult sibi male. Itaque proxime cum hoc titulo proscripsit: C. POMPEIVS DIOGENES EX KALENDIS IVLIIS CENACVLVM LOCAT; IPSE ENIM DOMVM EMIT. Quid ille qui libertini loco iacet?

He is, however, under the slap, and does not wish himself ill. And so recently he posted with this title: C. POMPEIUS DIOGENES FROM JULY 1 LETS AN UPPER-STOREY APARTMENT; FOR HE HIMSELF HAS BOUGHT A HOUSE. What about the one who lies in the position of a freedman?

Quam bene se habuit! Non impropero illi. Sestertium suum vidit decies, sed male vacillavit.

How well he fared! I do not reproach him. He saw his sesterces to the amount of a million, but he wavered badly.

Non puto illum capillos liberos habere. Nec mehercules sua culpa; ipso enim homo melior non est; sed liberti scelerati, qui omnia ad se fecerunt. Scito autem: sociorum olla male fervet, et ubi semel res inclinata est, amici de medio.

I do not think he has freeborn hair. And, by Hercules, not by his own fault; for the man by himself is no better; but the nefarious freedmen, who have turned everything toward themselves. Know this, moreover: the partners’ pot boils badly, and when once the affair has inclined, friends are out of the midst.

Et quam honestam negotiationem exercuit, quod illum sic vides! Libitinarius fuit. Solebat sic cenare, quomodo rex: apros gausapatos, opera pistoria, avis, cocos, pistores.

And what an honorable business he carried on, as you see him thus! He was an undertaker. He used to dine so, like a king: boars swathed in gausapa-cloths, pastry-works, birds, cooks, bakers.

Plus vini sub mensa effundebatur, quam aliquis in cella habet. Phantasia, non homo. Inclinatis quoque rebus suis, cum timeret ne creditores illum conturbare existimarent, hoc titulo auctionem proscripsit: C. IVLIVS PROCVLVS AVCTIONEM FACIET RERVM SVPERVACVARVM."

More wine was poured beneath the table than someone has in a cellar. A phantasy, not a man. And with his affairs also on the decline, since he feared lest the creditors would think him to be going bankrupt, he posted an auction under this title: "C. JULIUS PROCULUS WILL HOLD AN AUCTION OF SUPERFLUOUS THINGS."

[XXXIX] Interpellavit tam dulces fabulas Trimalchio; nam iam sublatum erat ferculum, hilaresque convivae vino sermonibusque publicatis operam coeperant dare. Is ergo reclinatus in cubitum: "Hoc vinum, inquit, vos oportet suave faciatis: pisces natare oportet. Rogo, me putatis illa cena esse contentum, quam in theca repositorii videratis?

[39] Trimalchio interrupted such sweet stories; for now the course had been removed, and the cheerful guests had begun to give attention to the wine and to conversations published abroad. He therefore, reclining on his elbow: "This wine," he says, "you ought to make suave: fishes ought to swim. I ask, do you think me to be content with that dinner which you had seen in the case of the sideboard?"

Sic notus Vlixes?

Is Ulysses thus known?

Quid ergo est? Oportet etiam inter cenandum philologiam nosse. Patrono meo ossa bene quiescant, qui me hominem inter homines voluit esse.

What then? One ought even while dining to know philology. May the bones of my patron rest well, who wanted me to be a man among men.

Nam mihi nihil novi potest afferri, sicut ille tericulus ia<m se>mel habuit praxim. Caelus hic, in quo duodecim dii habitant, in totidem se figuras convertit, et modo fit aries. Itaque quisquis nascitur illo signo, multa pecora habet, multum lanae, caput praeterea durum, frontem expudoratam, cornum acutum.

For nothing new can be brought to me, just as that little bugbear has already once had praxis. This heaven, in which twelve gods dwell, converts itself into just as many figures, and at one moment becomes a ram. And so whoever is born under that sign has many herds, much wool, moreover a hard head, an unblushing forehead, a sharp horn.

Plurimi hoc signo scolastici nascuntur et arietilli." Laudamus urbanitatem mathematici; itaque adiecit: "Deinde totus caelus taurulus fit. Itaque tunc calcitrosi nascuntur et bubulci et qui se ipsi pascunt. In geminis autem nascuntur bigae et boves et colei et qui utrosque parietes linunt.

Very many scholastics are born under this sign, and little rams." We praise the mathematician’s urbanity; and so he added: "Then the whole heaven becomes a little bull. And so then kickers are born, and oxherds, and those who feed themselves. But in Gemini are born two-horse chariots and oxen and balls and those who plaster both walls.

In cancro ego natus sum: ideo multis pedibus sto, et in mari et in terra multa possideo; nam cancer et hoc et illoc quadrat. Et ideo iam dudum nihil super illum posui, ne genesim meam premerem. In leone cataphagae nascuntur et imperiosi.

In Cancer I was born: therefore I stand on many feet, and both in the sea and on land I possess many things; for the Crab quadrates with both this and that. And therefore for a long time now I have put nothing on top of it, lest I press my genesis. In Leo, gluttons are born and imperious men.

In virgine mulieres et fugitivi et compediti; in libra laniones et unguentarii et quicunque aliquid expendunt; in scorpione venenarii et percussores; in sagittario strabones, qui holera spectant, lardum tollunt; in capricorno aerumnosi, quibus prae mala sua cornua nascuntur; in aquario copones et cucurbitae; in piscibus obsonatores et rhetores. Sic orbis vertitur tanquam mola, et semper aliquid mali facit, ut homines aut nascantur aut pereant. Quod autem in medio caespitem videtis et super caespitem favum, nihil sine ratione facio.

in the virgin women and fugitives and the fettered; in the scales butchers and unguent-sellers and whoever weigh out anything; in the scorpion poisoners and assassins; in the archer cross-eyed fellows, who look at the vegetables, lift the bacon; in capricorn the afflicted, to whom, because of their troubles, horns are born; in the water-bearer innkeepers and gourds; in the fishes purveyors of delicacies and rhetors. Thus the orb is turned like a millstone, and it always does something evil, so that men either are born or perish. As for the turf you see in the middle and the honeycomb on top of the turf, I do nothing without reason.

Terra mater est in medio quasi ovum corrotundata, et omnia bona in se habet tanquam favus."

Mother Earth is in the middle, rounded like an egg, and has all good things in herself like a honeycomb."

[XL] "Sophos!" universi clamamus, et sublatis manibus ad camaram iuramus Hipparchum Aratumque comparandos illi homines non fuisse, donec advenerunt ministri ac toralia praeposuerunt toris, in quibus retia erant picta subsessoresque cum venabulis et totus venationis apparatus. Necdum sciebamus <quo> mitteremus suspiciones nostras, cum extra triclinium clamor sublatus est ingens, et ecce canes Laconici etiam circa mensam discurrere coeperunt. Secutum est hos repositorium, in quo positus erat primae magnitudinis aper, et quidem pilleatus, e cuius dentibus sportellae dependebant duae palmulis textae, altera caryatis, altera thebaicis repleta.

[40] "Sophos!" we all cry, and with hands lifted to the ceiling we swear that Hipparchus and Aratus were not men to be compared with him, until the attendants arrived and set before the couches coverlets, on which nets were painted and ambushers with hunting-spears, and the whole apparatus of the chase. Nor yet did we know to send our suspicions, when outside the dining room a huge clamor was raised, and behold, Laconian dogs even began to run about around the table. Following these came a serving-tray, on which there had been set a boar of the first magnitude, and indeed wearing a felt cap, from whose tusks two little baskets hung, woven of little palm-leaves, the one filled with Carian dates, the other with Theban dates.

Circa autem minores porcelli ex coptoplacentis facti, quasi uberibus imminerent, scrofam esse positam significabant. Et hi quidem apophoreti fuerunt.

Around it, moreover, smaller piglets, fashioned from coptoplacenta-cakes, as if they were pressing at the udders, signified that a sow had been set down. And these, indeed, were apophoreti (take-home gifts).

Ceterum ad scindendum aprum non ille Carpus accessit, qui altilia laceraverat, sed barbatus ingens, fasciis cruralibus alligatus et alicula subornatus polymita, strictoque venatorio cultro latus apri vehementer percussit, ex cuius plaga turdi evolaverunt. Parati aucupes cum harundinibus fuerunt, et eos circa triclinium volitantes momento exceperunt. Inde cum suum cuique iussisset referri, Trimalchio adiecit: "Etiam videte, quam porcus ille silvaticus lotam comederit glandem." Statim pueri ad sportellas accesserunt quae pendebant e dentibus, thebaicasque et caryatas ad numerum divisere cenantibus.

Moreover, for the cutting-up of the boar, not that Carpus came up, who had mangled the fattened fowl, but a huge bearded fellow, bound with shin-bandages and rigged out in a little cloak of brocade; and, with a venatory knife drawn, he struck the boar’s flank violently, from whose gash thrushes flew out. Fowlers stood ready with reed-rods, and in a moment they caught them as they flitted around the triclinium. Then, when he had ordered each one’s portion to be carried to each, Trimalchio added: “Also see how that wild pig has eaten washed acorns.” Straightway the boys went to the little baskets which were hanging from the tusks, and they divided the Thebaic and the caryata-dates to the diners by count.

[XLI] Interim ego, qui privatum habebam secessum, in multas cogitationes diductus sum, quare aper pilleatus intrasset. Postquam itaque omnis bacalusias consumpsi, duravi interrogare illum interpretem meum, quod me torqueret. At ille: "Plane etiam hoc servus tuus indicare potest: non enim aenigma est, sed res aperta.

[41] Meanwhile I, who had a private withdrawal, was led into many reflections as to why a boar wearing a pileus had entered. After, therefore, I had exhausted all my foolish conjectures, I steeled myself to ask that interpreter of mine about what was tormenting me. But he said: "Clearly even your slave can indicate this: for it is not an enigma, but an open matter.

Hic aper, cum heri summa cena eum vindicasset, a conviviis dimissus <est>; itaque hodie tamquam libertus in convivium revertitur." Damnavi ego stuporem meum et nihil amplius interrogavi, ne viderer nunquam inter honestos cenasse.

This boar, since yesterday the principal course had claimed him, was dismissed from the banquets; and so today, as if a freedman, he returns to the banquet." I damned my own stupidity and asked nothing further, lest I should seem never to have dined among respectable people.

Dum haec loquimur, puer speciosus, vitibus hederisque redimitus, modo Bromium, interdum Lyaeum Euhiumque confessus, calathisco uvas circumtulit, et poemata domini sui acutissima voce traduxit. Ad quem sonum conversus Trimalchio: "Dionyse, inquit, liber esto." Puer detraxit pilleum apro capitique suo imposuit. Tum Trimalchio rursus adiecit: "Non negabitis me, inquit, habere Liberum patrem." Laudamus dictum Trimalchionis, et circumeuntem puerum sane perbasiamus.

While we were saying these things, a handsome boy, wreathed with vines and ivy, now proclaiming Bromius, sometimes Lyaeus and Euhius, carried grapes around in a little basket, and performed his master’s poems with a very sharp voice. Turning at that sound, Trimalchio said: "Dionyse, be free." The boy took the cap off the boar and set it on his own head. Then Trimalchio added again: "You will not deny that I have Father Liber." We praise Trimalchio’s bon mot, and we quite thoroughly kiss the boy as he goes around.

Ab hoc ferculo Trimalchio ad lasanum surrexit. Nos libertatem sine tyranno nacti coepimus invitare convivarum sermones.

From this course Trimalchio rose to the chamber-pot. We, having found liberty without our tyrant, began to encourage the guests’ conversation.

Dama itaque primus cum pataracina poposcisset: "Dies, inquit, nihil est. Dum versas te, nox fit. Itaque nihil est melius quam de cubiculo recta in triclinium ire.

Therefore Dama, the first, when he had asked for pataracina: "Day is nothing, he says. While you turn yourself, night comes. Therefore nothing is better than to go straight from the bedchamber into the triclinium.

Et mundum frigus habuimus. Vix me balneus calfecit. Tamen calda potio vestiarius est.

And we had a proper chill. The bath scarcely warmed me. Still, a hot drink is a clothier.

Staminatas duxi, et plane matus sum. Vinus mihi in cerebrum abiit."

"I have downed staminata-cups, and I am plainly drunk. The wine has gone into my cerebrum."

[XLII] Excepit Seleucus fabulae partem et: "Ego, inquit, non cotidie lavor; baliscus enim fullo est: aqua dentes habet, et cor nostrum cotidie liquescit. Sed cum mulsi pultarium obduxi, frigori laecasin dico. Nec sane lavare potui; fui enim hodie in funus.

[42] Seleucus took up his part of the tale and: "I," said he, "do not bathe every day; for the bath-basin is a fuller: water has teeth, and our heart melts every day. But when I have knocked back a porringer of mulsum, I say 'to hell with' the cold. Nor indeed could I bathe; for today I was at a funeral.

Homo bellus, tam bonus Chrysanthus animam ebulliit. Modo, modo me appellavit. Videor mihi cum illo loqui.

A fine fellow, so good a man, Chrysanthus has boiled out his soul. Just now, just now he called me by name. I seem to myself to be speaking with him.

Heu, eheu! Vtres inflati ambulamus. Minoris quam muscae sumus.

Alas, alas! We walk as inflated wineskins. We are worth less than flies.

<Illae> tamen aliquam virtutem habent; nos non pluris sumus quam bullae. Et quid si non abstinax fuisset! Quinque dies aquam in os suum non coniecit, non micam panis.

<They> nevertheless have some virtue; we are not worth more than bubbles. And what if he had not been abstinent! For five days he did not put water into his mouth, not a crumb of bread.

Tamen abiit ad plures. Medici illum perdiderunt, immo magis malus fatus; medicus enim nihil aliud est quam animi consolatio. Tamen bene elatus est, vitali lecto, stragulis bonis.

Nevertheless, he passed away. The doctors lost him—nay rather, an evil fate; for a medic is nothing other than a consolation of the mind. Still, he was well borne out, on a bier, with good coverings.

Planctus est optime — manu misit aliquot — etiam si maligne illum ploravit uxor. Quid si non illam optime accepisset? Sed mulier quae mulier milvinum genus.

He was mourned excellently — he manumitted several — even if his wife bewailed him grudgingly. What if he had not treated her most excellently? But a woman, a woman, is of the kite genus.

Neminem nihil boni facere oportet; aeque est enim ac si in puteum conicias. Sed antiquus amor cancer est."

No one ought to do any good for anyone; for it is just the same as if you were to throw it into a well. But old love is a cancer."

[XLIII] Molestus fuit, Philerosque proclamavit: "Vivorum meminerimus. Ille habet, quod sibi debebatur: honeste vixit, honeste obiit. Quid habet quod queratur?

[43] He was bothersome, and Phileros proclaimed: "Let us remember the living. He has what was owed to him: he lived honorably, he died honorably. What has he to complain about?"

Ab asse crevit et paratus fuit quadrantem de stercore mordicus tollere. Itaque crevit, quicquid crevit, tanquam favus. Puto mehercules illum reliquisse solida centum, et omnia in nummis habuit.

From an as he grew, and he was ready to snatch a quadrans out of dung with his teeth. And so he grew, whatever he grew, like a honeycomb. I reckon, by Hercules, that he left one hundred solidi, and he had everything in coin.

De re tamen ego verum dicam, qui linguam caninam comedi: durae buccae fuit, linguosus, discordia, non homo. Frater eius fortis fuit, amicus amico, manu plena, uncta mensa. Et inter initia malam parram pilavit, sed recorrexit costas illius prima vindemia: vendidit enim vinum quantum ipse voluit.

I will, however, tell the truth about the matter, for I have eaten a canine tongue: he was hard-cheeked, loquacious, a discord, not a man. His brother was stout, a friend to a friend, with a full hand, a greased table. And at the beginnings he plucked a bad parra (i.e., had bad luck), but his first vintage straightened his ribs: for he sold as much wine as he himself wanted.

Et quod illius mentum sustulit, hereditatem accepit, ex qua plus involavit quam illi relictum est. Et ille stips, dum fratri suo irascitur, nescio cui terrae filio patrimonium elegavit. Longe fugit, quisquis suos fugit.

And what lifted up his chin was that he received an inheritance, from which he pilfered more than was left to him. And that small-change wretch, while he grew irate with his brother, appointed the patrimony to I-know-not-what son of the earth. Far does he flee, whoever flees his own.

Habuit autem oracularios servos, qui illum pessum dederunt. Nunquam autem recte faciet, qui cito credit, utique homo negotians. Tamen verum quod frunitus est, quam diu vixit.

He had, moreover, oracular servants, who brought him to ruin. Never, however, will he do rightly who believes quickly—especially a man doing business. Nevertheless, it is true that he enjoyed himself, as long as he lived.

<Datum est> cui datum est, non cui destinatum. Plane Fortunae filius. In manu illius plumbum aurum fiebat.

<It was given> to whom it was given, not to whom it was destined. Clearly a son of Fortune. In his hand lead became gold.

Facile est autem, ubi omnia quadrata currunt. Et quot putas illum annos secum tulisse? Septuaginta et supra.

It is easy, however, when all things run square. And how many years do you think he carried with him? Seventy and above.

Sed corneolus fuit, aetatem bene ferebat, niger tanquam corvus. Noveram hominem olim oliorum, et adhuc salax erat. Non mehercules illum puto domo canem reliquisse.

But he was corneous, he bore his age well, black as a raven. I had known the man once, from way back, and he was still salacious. By Hercules, I do not think he left even a dog at home.

Immo etiam puellarius erat, omnis Minervae homo. Nec improbo, hoc solum enim secum tulit."

Nay indeed, he was even a girl-chaser, a man of all Minerva. Nor do I disapprove; for this alone he carried with him."

[XLIV] Haec Phileros dixit, illa Ganymedes: "Narratis quod nec ad caelum nec ad terram pertinet, cum interim nemo curat quid annona mordet. Non mehercules hodie buccam panis invenire potui. Et quomodo siccitas perseverat!

[44] Phileros said this, Ganymedes that: "You tell things that pertain neither to heaven nor to earth, while in the meantime no one cares how the grain-price bites. By Hercules, today I could not find a mouthful of bread. And how the drought persists!

Iam annum esuritio fuit. Aediles male eveniat, qui cum pistoribus colludunt: 'Serva me, servabo te.' Itaque populus minutus laborat; nam isti maiores maxillae semper Saturnalia agunt. O si haberemus illos leones, quos ego hic inveni, cum primum ex Asia veni.

For a year now there has been starvation. Ill befall the aediles, who collude with the bakers: “Save me, I will save you.” And so the little people suffer; for those bigger jaws are always celebrating Saturnalia. O if only we had those lions whom I found here when first I came from Asia.

Illud erat vivere. <Si mila Siciliae si inferior esset> larvas sic istos percolopabant, ut illis Iuppiter iratus esset. Sed memini Safinium; tunc habitabat ad arcum veterem, me puero: piper, non homo.

That was living. <If Mila of Sicily were lower> they used to cuff those bogeys in such a way that Jupiter was angry with them. But I remember Safinius; then he lived by the old arch, when I was a boy: pepper, not a man.

Is quacunque ibat, terram adurebat. Sed rectus, sed certus, amicus amico, cum quo audacter posses in tenebris micare. In curia autem quomodo singulos pilabat.

He, wherever he went, scorched the earth. But straight, but sure, a friend to a friend, with whom you could boldly play morra in the dark. In the Curia, however, how he used to fleece them one by one!

Nec schemas loquebatur sed directum. Cum ageret porro in foro, sic illius vox crescebat tanquam tuba. Nec sudavit unquam nec expuit; puto enim nescio quid Asiadis habuisse.

Nor did he speak in schemata but straight. And when he was pleading in the Forum, his voice would swell just like a trumpet. He never sweat nor spat; for I think he had I-know-not-what of Asiaticism.

Et quam benignus resalutare, nomina omnium reddere, tanquam unus de nobis! Itaque illo tempore annona pro luto erat. Asse panem quem emisses, non potuisses cum altero devorare.

And how benign to re-salute, to render the names of all, as though one of us! And so at that time the grain-supply was cheap as mud. For an as, the bread you would have bought you would not have been able to devour even with another.

Nunc oculum bublum vidi maiorem. Heu heu, quotidie peius! Haec colonia retroversus crescit tanquam coda vituli.

Now I have seen a larger ox-eye. Alas, alas, every day worse! This colony grows retrograde, like the tail of a calf.

Sed quare nos habemus aedilem trium cauniarum, qui sibi mavult assem quam vitam nostram? Itaque domi gaudet, plus in die nummorum accipit quam alter patrimonium habet. Iam scio unde acceperit denarios mille aureos.

Sed why do we have an aedile of the three Caunians, who prefers for himself an as rather than our life? And so he rejoices at home; he takes in more coins in a day than another has for a patrimony. Now I know whence he got a thousand gold denarii.

Sed si nos coleos haberemus, non tantum sibi placeret. Nunc populus est domi leones, foras vulpes. Quod ad me attinet, iam pannos meos comedi, et si perseverat haec annona, casulas meas vendam.

But if we had balls, he would not be so pleased with himself. Now the people are lions at home, foxes outdoors. As far as I am concerned, I have already eaten my rags, and if this price of provisions persists, I will sell my little cloaks.

Quid enim futurum est, si nec dii nec homines eius coloniae miserentur? Ita meos fruniscar, ut ego puto omnia illa a diibus fieri. Nemo enim caelum caelum putat, nemo ieiunium servat, nemo Iovem pili facit, sed omnes opertis oculis bona sua computant.

What, indeed, will come to pass, if neither the gods nor men commiserate with that colony? So may I enjoy what is mine, as I think all those things are done by the gods. For no one deems heaven to be heaven, no one keeps a fast, no one values Jove a hair, but all, with their eyes covered, compute their own goods.

Antea stolatae ibant nudis pedibus in clivum, passis capillis, mentibus puris, et Iovem aquam exrabant. Itaque statim urceatim plovebat: aut tunc aut nunquam, et omnes ridebant udi tanquam mures. Itaque dii pedes lanatos habent, quia nos religiosi non sumus.

Formerly the stola-clad went barefoot up the slope, with hair let down, with minds pure, and they would entreat water from Jove. And so at once it rained by the pitcherful: either then or never, and all laughed, wet like mice. And so the gods have woolly feet, because we are not religious.

Agri iacent. . .

The fields lie fallow. . .

[XLV] — Oro te, inquit Echion centonarius, melius loquere. 'Modo sic, modo sic', inquit rusticus: varium porcum perdiderat. Quod hodie non est, cras erit: sic vita truditur.

[45] — I implore you, said Echion the rag-merchant, speak better. 'Now so, now so', said the rustic: he had lost a variegated pig. What is not today will be tomorrow: thus life is pushed along.

Non mehercules patria melior dici potest, si homines haberet. Sed laborat hoc tempore, nec haec sola. Non debemus delicati esse; ubique medius caelus est.

By Hercules, a better fatherland cannot be said, if only it had men. But it labors at this time, and not this one alone. We ought not to be delicate; everywhere the sky is middling.

Tu si aliubi fueris, dices hic porcos coctos ambulare. Et ecce habituri sumus munus excellente in triduo die festa; familia non lanisticia, sed plurimi liberti. Et Titus noster magnum animum habet, et est caldicerebrius.

You, if you were elsewhere, would say that here cooked pigs walk. And look, we are going to have an excellent show in three days on a feast-day; the company is not of a lanista, but very many freedmen. And our Titus has a great spirit, and is rather hot-headed.

Aut hoc aut illud erit, quid utique. Nam illi domesticus sum, non est miscix. Ferrum optimum daturus est, sine fuga, carnarium in medio, ut amphitheater videat.

Either this or that will be, in any case. For I am his domestic; he is no mixed-breed. He is going to give the best iron, without flight—a charnel-house in the middle, so that the amphitheater may see.

Et habet unde. Relictum est illi sestertium tricenties: decessit illius pater male. Vt quadringenta impendat, non sentiet patrimonium illius, et sempiterno nominabitur.

And he has the wherewithal. There were left to him thirty million sesterces: his father died badly. Even if he expends four hundred thousand, his patrimony will not feel it, and he will be named for all time.

Iam Manios aliquot habet et mulierem essedariam et dispensatorem Glyconis, qui deprehensus est cum dominam suam delectaretur. Videbis populi rixam inter zelot et amasiunculos. Glyco autem, sestertiarius homo, dispensatorem ad bestias dedit.

Now he has several Maniuses and a woman essedarian (chariot-fighter) and the dispenser (steward) of Glyco, who was caught while his mistress was being delighted. You will see a brawl of the people between the zealots and the little-lovers. Glyco, however, a sestertial fellow, gave his dispenser to the beasts.

Hoc est se ipsum traducere. Quid servus peccavit, qui coactus est facere? Magis illa matella digna fuit quam taurus iactaret.

This is to traduce oneself. What sin did the slave commit, who was compelled to do it? Rather, that chamber-pot was the one more worthy to be hurled by a bull.

Sed qui asinum non potest, stratum caedit. Quid autem Glyco putabat Hermogenis filicem unquam bonum exitum facturam? Ille miluo volanti poterat ungues resecare; colubra restem non parit.

But he who cannot beat the donkey beats the saddle. And what, moreover, did Glyco suppose— that Hermogenes’s fern would ever make a good outcome? That fellow could trim the claws of a kite in flight; a serpent does not beget a rope.

Glyco, Glyco dedit suas; itaque quamdiu vixerit, habebit stigmam, nec illam nisi Orcus delebit. Sed sibi quisque peccat. Sed subolfacio quia nobis epulum daturus est Mammaea, binos denarios mihi et meis.

Glyco, Glyco gave his own; and so, as long as he lives, he will have a stigma, nor will anyone save Orcus erase it. But each sins for himself. But I scent that Mammaea is going to give us a banquet, two denarii apiece for me and mine.

Quod si hoc fecerit, eripiat Norbano totum favorem. Scias oportet plenis velis hunc vinciturum. Et revera, quid ille nobis boni fecit?

But if he does this, let him snatch from Norbanus all the favor. You ought to know that this man will win with full sails. And in truth, what good has he done for us?

Dedit gladiatores sestertiarios iam decrepitos, quos si sufflasses, cecidissent; iam meliores bestiarios vidi. Occidit de lucerna equites; putares eos gallos gallinaceos: alter burdubasta, alter loripes, tertiarius mortuus pro mortuo, qui haberet nervia praecisa. Vnus licuius flaturae fuit Thraex, qui et ipse ad dictata pugnavit.

He put on sesterce-gladiators already decrepit, whom, if you had merely blown on them, would have fallen; I’ve seen better beast-fighters. He did away with the mounted men by lamplight—you’d have thought they were barnyard cockerels: one a pack‑mule lout, another club‑footed, and a third a third‑rater, dead in place of a dead man, with his sinews cut. Only one had any puff—a Thracian—who himself fought to dictation.

Ad summam, omnes postea secti sunt; adeo de magna turba 'Adhibete' acceperant: plane fugae merae. 'Munus tamen, inquit, tibi dedi — et ego tibi plodo.' Computa, et tibi plus do quam accepi. Manus manum lavat.

In sum, afterwards they were all butchered; to such a degree from the great crowd they had gotten cries of ‘Bring them on!’: plainly sheer routs. ‘A show, however,’ says he, ‘I gave you — and I clap for you.’ Compute it, and I give you more than I received. One hand washes the other.

[XLVI] "Videris mihi, Agamemnon, dicere: 'Quid iste argutat molestus?' Quia tu, qui potes loquere, non loquis. Non es nostrae fasciae, et ideo pauperorum verba derides. Scimus te prae litteras fatuum esse.

[46] "You seem to me, Agamemnon, to say: 'What is that bothersome fellow quibbling about?' Because you, who are able to speak, do not speak. You are not of our stripe, and therefore you deride the words of the poor. We know you to be a fool because of letters.

Quid ergo est? Aliqua die te persuadeam, ut ad villam venias et videas casulas nostras. Inveniemus quod manducemus, pullum, ova: belle erit, etiam si omnia hoc anno tempestas dispare pallavit.

What then? Some day I’ll persuade you to come to the villa and see our little huts. We’ll find something to eat—chicken, eggs; it will be fine, even if this year the weather has bleached everything unevenly.

Inveniemus ergo unde saturi fiamus. Et iam tibi discipulus crescit cicaro meus. Iam quattuor partis dicit; si vixerit, habebis ad latus servulum.

We shall therefore find wherewith to become sated. And already for you my pupil, my little lad, is growing. He already recites the four parts; if he lives, you will have a little slave at your side.

Nam quicquid illi vacat, caput de tabula non tollit. Ingeniosus est et bono filo, etiam si in aves morbosus est. Ego illi iam tres cardeles occidi, et dixi quia mustella comedit.

For whatever leisure he has, he does not lift his head from the tablet. He is ingenious and of good fiber, even if he is morbidly obsessed with birds. I have already killed three goldfinches for him, and I said that a weasel ate them.

Invenit tamen alias nenias, et libentissime pingit. Ceterum iam Graeculis calcem impingit et Latinas coepit non male appetere, etiam si magister eius sibi placens sit. Nec uno loco consistit, sed venit <raro; scit qui>dem litteras, sed non vult laborare.

He nevertheless finds other little nonsense, and he paints most willingly. Moreover, now he is giving the heel to the Greeklings and has begun not badly to appetite the Latin things, even if his teacher is self-pleasing. Nor does he stay in one place, but he comes <rarely; he in>deed knows letters, but he does not wish to labor.

Est et alter non quidem doctus, sed curiosus, qui plus docet quam scit. Itaque feriatis diebus solet domum venire, et quicquid dederis, contentus est. Emi ergo nunc puero aliquot libra rubricata, quia volo illum ad domusionem aliquid de iure gustare.

There is also another, not indeed learned, but curious, who teaches more than he knows. And so on holidays he is wont to come home, and whatever you give him, he is content. Therefore I have now bought for the boy several rubricated books, because I want him, for home-use, to get a taste of law.

Habet haec res panem. Nam litteris satis inquinatus est. Quod si resilierit, destinavi illum artificii docere, aut tonstreinum aut praeconem aut certe causidicum, quod illi auferre non possit nisi Orcus.

This business has bread in it. For he is sufficiently ink-stained with letters. But if he should draw back, I have resolved to teach him a craft, either as a barber, or a crier, or at least an advocate, which none could take from him save Orcus.

Ideo illi cotidie clamo: "Primigeni, crede mihi, quicquid discis, tibi discis. Vides Phileronem causidicum: si non didicisset, hodie famem a labris non abigeret. Modo, modo, collo suo circumferebat onera venalia; nunc etiam adversus Norbanum se extendit." Litterae thesaurum est, et artificium nunquam moritur".

Therefore I shout to him every day: "Primigeni, believe me, whatever you learn, you learn for yourself. You see Phileron the advocate: if he had not learned, today he would not be driving hunger away from his lips. Only recently he was carrying around on his own neck wares for sale; now he even stretches himself against Norbanus." Letters are a treasure, and a craft never dies".

[XLVII] Eiusmodi tabulae vibrabant, cum Trimalchio intravit et detersa fronte unguento manus lavit; spatioque minimo interposito: "Ignoscite mihi, inquit, amici, multis iam diebus venter mihi non respondit. Nec medici se inveniunt. Profuit mihi tamen maleicorium et taeda ex aceto.

[47] Such tablets were vibrating, when Trimalchio entered and, his forehead wiped, he washed his hands with unguent; and, a very small interval having been interposed: "Pardon me, he says, friends, for many days now my belly has not responded to me. Nor do the physicians find themselves. Nevertheless pomegranate-rind and a pine-splinter in vinegar has profited me.

Spero tamen, iam veterem pudorem sibi imponet. Alioquin circa stomachum mihi sonat, putes taurum. Itaque si quis vestrum voluerit sua re causa facere, non est quod illum pudeatur.

I hope, however, he will now impose upon himself his old modesty. Otherwise, around my stomach it resounds—you’d think a bull. Therefore, if any of you wishes to attend to his own affair, there is no reason for him to be ashamed.

Nemo nostrum solide natus est. Ego nullum puto tam magnum tormentum esse quam continere. Hoc solum vetare ne Iovis potest.

No one of us was born solid. I think there is no torment so great as to contain oneself. This one thing not even Jove can forbid.

Rides, Fortunata, quae soles me nocte desomnem facere? Nec tamen in triclinio ullum vetuo facere quod se iuvet, et medici vetant continere. Vel si quid plus venit, omnia foras parata sunt: aqua, lasani et cetera minutalia.

You laugh, Fortunata, you who are wont to keep me sleepless at night? And yet in the triclinium I do not forbid anyone to do whatever brings him relief, and the physicians forbid holding it in. Or if something more comes, everything is prepared outside: water, chamber pots, and the other small things.

Credite mihi, anathymiasis si in cerebrum it, et in toto corpore fluctum facit. Multos scio periisse, dum nolunt sibi verum dicere." Gratias agimus liberalitati indulgentiaeque eius, et subinde castigamus crebris potiunculis risum.

Believe me, if the anathymiasis goes into the brain, it makes a fluctuation in the whole body. I know many have perished, while they were unwilling to tell themselves the truth." We give thanks for his liberality and indulgence, and forthwith we check our laughter with frequent little potions.

Nec adhuc sciebamus nos in medio lautitiarum, quod aiunt, clivo laborare. Nam mundatis ad symphoniam mensis tres albi sues in triclinium adducti sunt capistris et tintinnabulis culti, quorum unum bimum nomenculator esse dicebat, alterum trimum, tertium vero iam sexennem. Ego putabam petauristarios intrasse et porcos, sicut in circulis mos est, portenta aliqua facturos.

Nor yet did we know that we were, as they say, laboring on a slope in the very midst of the luxuries. For, with the tables cleared to the accompaniment of symphony, three white swine were led into the dining-room, adorned with halters and little bells, of which the nomenclator said one was two years old, another three, but the third already six. I supposed acrobats had come in and that the pigs, as is the custom in the rings, were going to perform some marvels.

Sed Trimalchio expectatione discussa: "Quem, inquit, ex eis vultis in cenam statim fieri? Gallum enim gallinaceum, Penthiacum et eiusmodi nenias rustici faciunt: mei coci etiam vitulos aeno coctos solent facere." Continuoque cocum vocari iussit, et non expectata electione nostra maximum natu iussit occidi, et clara voce: "Ex quota decuria es?" Cum ille se ex quadragesima respondisset: "Empticius an, inquit, domi natus? — Neutrum, inquit cocus, sed testamento Pansae tibi relictus sum.

But Trimalchio, the expectation shaken off: “Which of them,” he said, “do you want to be made for dinner at once? For a barnyard cock, a ‘Penthean,’ and trifles of that sort rustics make; my cooks are even accustomed to make calves boiled in a cauldron.” Forthwith he ordered the cook to be called, and, not waiting for our choice, he ordered the eldest by birth to be killed, and in a clear voice: “From which decury are you?” When he replied that he was from the fortieth: “Bought or,” he said, “born in the house?” — “Neither,” said the cook, “but by the testament of Pansa I was left to you.”

— Vide ergo, ait, ut diligenter ponas; si non, te iubebo in decuriam viatorum conici." Et cocum quidem potentiae admonitum in culinam obsonium duxit.

— Look then, he said, that you set it carefully; if not, I will order you to be cast into the decury of bailiffs. And he led the cook—admonished of his power—into the kitchen for the course.

[XLVIII] Trimalchio autem miti ad nos vultu respexit et: "Vinum, inquit, si non placet, mutabo; vos illud oportet bonum faciatis. Deorum beneficio non emo, sed nunc quicquid ad salivam facit, in suburbano nascitur eo, quod ego adhuc non novi. Dicitur confine esse Tarraciniensibus et Tarentinis.

[48] But Trimalchio, with a mild face, looked back at us and said: "The wine, if it does not please, I will change; you ought to make it good. By the beneficence of the gods I do not buy, but now whatever makes for saliva is produced on that suburban estate which as yet I do not know. It is said to be contiguous with the Tarracinians and the Tarentines."

Nunc coniungere agellis Siciliam volo, ut cum Africam libuerit ire, per meos fines navigem. Sed narra tu mihi, Agamemnon, quam controversiam hodie declamasti? Ego autem si causas non ago, in domusionem tamen litteras didici.

Now I want to join Sicily to my little fields, so that when it pleases me to go to Africa, I may sail through my own borders. But tell me, Agamemnon, what controversy did you declaim today? As for me, although I do not plead causes, I have learned letters for home-use nonetheless.

Et ne me putes studia fastiditum, tres bybliothecas habeo, unam Graecam, alteram Latinam. Dic ergo, si me amas, peristasim declamationis tuae."

"And, so that you may not think I have despised studies, I have three libraries, one Greek, the other Latin. So tell, then, if you love me, the peristasis of your declamation."

Cum dixisset Agamemnon: "Pauper et dives inimici erant. . .", ait Trimalchio: "Quid est pauper? — Vrbane", inquit Agamemnon et nescio quam controversiam euit.

When Agamemnon had said: "The poor man and the rich man were enemies . . .", Trimalchio said: "What is 'pauper'?" — "Urbanely", says Agamemnon, and he avoided I-know-not-what controversy.

Statim Trimalchio: "Hoc, inquit, si factum est, controversia non est; si factum non est, nihil est." Haec aliaque cum effusissimis prosequeremur laudationibus: "Rogo, inquit, Agamemnon mihi carissime, numquid duodecim aerumnas Herculis tenes, aut de Vlixe fabulam, quemadmodum illi Cyclops pollicem poricino extorsit? Solebam haec ego puer apud Homerum legere. Nam Sibyllam quidem Cumis ego ipse oculis meis vidi in ampulla pendere, et cum illi pueri dicerent: "Sibilla, ti thelis?", respondebat illa: "apothanin thelo".

At once Trimalchio: "This," he says, "if it has been done, is no controversy; if it has not been done, it is nothing." As we were accompanying these and other matters with the most effusive laudations: "I ask," he says, "Agamemnon, my dearest to me, do you perchance hold the twelve labors of Hercules, or the fable about Ulysses, how the Cyclops wrenched his thumb out with a pork-rind? I used to read these when I was a boy in Homer. For indeed at Cumae I myself with my own eyes saw the Sibyl hanging in a little bottle, and when the boys would say to her: 'Sibyl, what do you want?', she would answer: 'I want to die.'"

[XLIX] Nondum efflaverat omnia, cum repositorium cum sue ingenti mensam occupavit. Mirari nos celeritatem coepimus, et iurare ne gallum quidem gallinaceum tam cito percoqui potuisse, tanto quidem magis, quod longe maior nobis porcus videbatur esse, quam paulo ante aper fuerat. Deinde magis magisque Trimalchio intuens eum: "Quid?

[49] He had not yet run through everything, when a serving-platter with an enormous sow occupied the table. We began to marvel at the speed, and to swear that not even a barnyard cock could have been cooked through so quickly, all the more indeed because the pig seemed to us to be far larger than the boar had been a little before. Then Trimalchio, gazing at it more and more: "What?"

quid? inquit, porcus hic non est exinteratus? Non mehercules est.

“What? said he, is this pig not eviscerated? By Hercules, it is not.”

Voca, voca cocum in medio." Cum constitisset ad mensam cocus tristis et diceret se oblitum esse exinterare: "Quid, oblitus? Trimalchio exclamat, putes illum piper et cuminum non coniecisse! Despolia!" Non fit mora, despoliatur cocus atque inter duos tortores maestus consistit.

“Call, call the cook into the middle.” When the sad cook had taken his stand by the table and said that he had forgotten to disembowel it, “What, forgotten?” Trimalchio shouts; “you’d think he hadn’t thrown in pepper and cumin! Strip him!” No delay is made: the cook is stripped, and, doleful, he stands between two torturers.

Deprecari tamen omnes coeperunt et dicere: "Solet fieri. — Rogamus mittas. — Postea si fecerit, nemo nostrum pro illo rogabit." Ego crudelissimae severitatis, non potui me tenere, sed inclinatus ad aurem Agamemnonis: "Plane, inquam, hic debet servus esse nequissimus: aliquis oblivisceretur porcum exinterare?

Nevertheless all began to intercede and say: "It is wont to happen. — We ask that you let him off. — Afterwards, if he does it again, none of us will plead for him." I, of the most cruel severity, could not hold myself, but, bending toward Agamemnon’s ear: "Plainly," I say, "this slave must be most most worthless: would anyone forget to disembowel a pig?"

Non mehercules illi ignoscerem, si piscem praeterisset." At non Trimalchio, qui relaxato in hilaritatem vultu: "Ergo, inquit, quia tam malae memoriae es, palam nobis illum exintera." Recepta cocus tunica cultrum arripuit, porcique ventrem hinc atque illinc timida manu secuit. Nec mora, ex plagis ponderis inclinatione crescentibus tomacula cum botulis effusa sunt.

"By Hercules, I would not pardon him, if he had passed over a fish." But not Trimalchio, who, his face relaxed into cheerfulness: "So then," he says, "since you are of such bad memory, eviscerate it in plain view of us." The cook, his tunic recovered, snatched a knife, and with a timid hand cut the pig’s belly here and there. No delay: from the gashes, as the inclination of the weight increased, sausages together with botuli (blood-puddings) poured out.

[L] Plausum post hoc automatum familia dedit et "Gaio feliciter!" conclamavit. Nec non cocus potione honoratus est, etiam argentea corona poculumque in lance accepit Corinthia. Quam cum Agamemnon propius consideraret, ait Trimalchio: "Solus sum qui vera Corinthea habeam." Exspectabam ut pro reliqua insolentia diceret sibi vasa Corintho afferri.

[50] After this the household gave automaton applause and shouted, "Good luck to Gaius!" Nor was the cook left unhonored with a drink; he even received a silver crown and a cup on a Corinthian platter. When Agamemnon examined it more closely, Trimalchio said: "I am the only one who has true Corinthian-ware." I was expecting that, in keeping with the rest of his insolence, he would say that vessels were being brought to him from Corinth.

Sed ille melius: "Et forsitan, inquit, quaeris quare solus Corinthea vera possideam: quia scilicet aerarius, a quo emo, Corinthus vocatur. Quid est autem Corintheum, nisi quis Corinthum habeat? Et ne me putetis nesapium esse, valde bene scio, unde primum Corinthea nata sint.

But he, better: “And perhaps,” says he, “you ask why I alone possess true Corinthian ware: because, of course, the worker in bronze from whom I buy is called Corinthus. And what is ‘Corinthian,’ moreover, unless someone has a Corinthus? And lest you think me an ignoramus, I know very well whence the Corinthian pieces were first begotten.”

Cum Ilium captum est, Hannibal, homo vafer et magnus stelio, omnes statuas aeneas et aureas et argenteas in unum rogum congessit et eas incendit; factae sunt in unum aera miscellanea. Ita ex hac massa fabri sustulerunt et fecerunt catilla et paropsides <et> statuncula. Sic Corinthea nata sunt, ex omnibus in unum, nec hoc nec illud.

When Ilium was captured, Hannibal, a crafty man and a great trickster, piled all the bronze and gold and silver statues onto a single pyre and burned them; the metals became one, a mixed-alloy bronze. Thus from this mass the smiths took it up and made little bowls and platters <and> little statuettes. Thus the Corinthian-ware was born, from all into one, neither this nor that.

Ignoscetis mihi quod dixero: ego malo mihi vitrea, certe non olunt. Quod si non frangerentur, mallem mihi quam aurum; nunc autem vilia sunt.

You will pardon me for what I have said: I myself prefer glassware; at any rate, they do not smell. And if they did not break, I would prefer them to gold; but as it is, they are cheap.

[LI] "Fuit tamen faber qui fecit phialam vitream, quae non frangebatur. Admissus ergo Caesarem est cum suo munere, deinde fecit reporrigere Caesari et illam in pavimentum proiecit. Caesar non pote valdius quam expavit.

[LI] "There was, however, a craftsman who made a glass phial which did not break. Therefore he was admitted to Caesar with his gift; then he had it handed back, and he threw it onto the pavement. Caesar could not have been more terrified.

At ille sustulit phialam de terra; collisa erat tamquam vasum aeneum. Deinde martiolum de sinu protulit et phialam otio belle correxit. Hoc facto putabat se coleum Iovis tenere, utique postquam illi dixit: 'Numquid alius scit hanc condituram vitreorum?' Vide modo.

But he lifted the phial from the ground; it was dented like a bronze vessel. Then he produced a little hammer from his bosom and, neatly and at his ease, set the phial right. This done, he thought he was holding Jove’s scrotum, especially after he said to him: 'Does anyone else know this tempering of glass?' Just see now.

Postquam negavit, iussit illum Caesar decollari: quia enim, si scitum esset, aurum pro luto haberemus.

After he denied it, Caesar ordered that man to be beheaded: for indeed, if it were known, we would have gold in place of mud.

[LII] "In argento plane studiosus sum. Habeo scyphos urnales plus minus <C> <. . . videtur> quemadmodum Cassandra occidit filios suos, et pueri mortui iacent sic uti vivere putes. Habeo capidem quam <mi> reliquit patronorum <meorum> unus, ubi Daedalus Niobam in equum Troianum includit.

[52] "In silver I am plainly studious. I have urnal cups, more or less <100> <. . . it seems>, showing how Cassandra kills her sons, and the dead boys lie so that you would think them to live. I have a capis (libation-bowl) which one of my patrons left me, where Daedalus includes Niobe into the Trojan Horse.

Nam Hermerotis pugnas et Petraitis in poculis habeo, omnia ponderosa; meum enim intelligere nulla pecunia vendo."

For I have the combats of Hermeros and of Petraites on cups, all ponderous; for I sell my discernment for no money."

Haec dum refert, puer calicem proiecit. Ad quem respiciens Trimalchio: "Cito, inquit, te ipsum caede, quia nugax es." Statim puer demisso labro orare. At ille: "Quid me, inquit, rogas?

While he was relating these things, the boy threw down the chalice. Looking at him, Trimalchio said: "Quickly," he said, "kill yourself, because you are a trifler." At once the boy, with his lip lowered, began to beg. But he: "Why," he said, "do you ask me?

Tanquam ego tibi molestus sim. Suadeo, a te impetres, ne sis nugax." Tandem ergo exoratus a nobis missionem dedit puero. Ille dimissus circa mensam percucurrit.

As though I were troublesome to you. I advise you: obtain it from yourself—do not be a trifler." At last then, prevailed upon by us, he granted the boy a dismissal. He, dismissed, ran around the table.

Et "Aquam foras, vinum intro " clamavit <Trimalchio>. Excipimus urbanitatem iocantis, et ante omnes Agamemnon, qui sciebat quibus meritis revocaretur ad cenam. Ceterum laudatus Trimalchio hilarius bibit et iam ebrio proximus: "Nemo, inquit, vestrum rogat Fortunatam meam, ut saltet? Credite mihi: cordacem nemo melius ducit".

And "Water out, wine in " shouted <Trimalchio>. We catch the urbanity of the joker, and before all Agamemnon, who knew by what merits he would be recalled to dinner. Moreover, once praised, Trimalchio drank more merrily and now was next to ebriety: "Does none of you," said he, "ask my Fortunata to dance? Believe me: no one leads the cordax better."

Atque ipse erectis super frontem manibus Syrum histrionem exhibebat concinente tota familia: "madeia perimadeia." Et prodisset in medium, nisi Fortunata ad aurem accessisset; et credo, dixerit non decere gravitatem eius tam humiles ineptias. Nihil autem tam inaequale erat; nam modo Fortunatam suam <verebatur>, revertebat modo ad naturam.

And he himself, with his hands raised above his brow, was exhibiting a Syrian mime-actor, the whole household singing in concert: "madeia perimadeia." And he would have advanced into the middle, had not Fortunata come up to his ear; and I believe she said that such low ineptitudes did not befit his gravity. Yet nothing was so inconstant; for now he his Fortunata, now he reverted to his nature.

[LIII] Et plane interpellavit saltationis libidinem actuarius, qui tanquam Vrbis acta recitavit: "VII kalendas Sextiles: in praedio Cumano, quod est Trimalchionis, nati sunt pueri XXX, puellae XL; sublata in horreum ex area tritici milia modium quingenta; boves domiti quingenti. Eodem die: Mithridates servus in crucem actus est, quia Gai nostri genio male dixerat. Eodem die: in arcam relatum est, quod collocari non potuit, sestertium centies.

[53] And plainly the clerk interrupted the lust for dancing, who recited as though the City’s Acta: "On the 7th day before the Kalends of Sextilis: on the Cumaean estate, which is Trimalchio’s, there were born boys 30, girls 40; from the threshing-floor were lifted into the granary 500,000 modii of wheat; oxen broken in, 500. On the same day: the slave Mithridates was driven to the cross, because he had spoken ill of the Genius of our Gaius. On the same day: what could not be invested was carried back into the strongbox, sesterces 10,000,000."

Eodem die: incendium factum est in hortis Pompeianis, ortum ex aedibus Nastae vilici. — Quid, inquit Trimalchio, quando mihi Pompeiani horti empti sunt? — Anno priore, inquit actuarius, et ideo in rationem nondum venerunt." Excanduit Trimalchio et: "Quicunque, inquit, mihi fundi empti fuerint, nisi intra sextum mensem sciero, in rationes meas inferri vetuo." Iam etiam edicta aedilium recitabantur et saltuariorum testamenta, quibus Trimalchio cum elogio exheredabatur; iam nomina vilicorum et repudiata a circumitore liberta in balneatoris contubernio deprehensa, et atriensis Baias relegatus; iam reus factus dispensator, et iudicium inter cubicularios actum.

On the same day: a fire was made in the Pompeian gardens, arising from the house of Nasta the overseer. — “What,” said Trimalchio, “when were the Pompeian gardens bought for me?” — “In the prior year,” said the actuary, “and for that reason they have not yet come into the account.” Trimalchio flared up and said: “Whatever estates shall have been bought for me, unless within the sixth month I shall know it, I forbid them to be entered into my accounts.” Already too the edicts of the aediles were being read out and the wills of the foresters, in which Trimalchio, with a censure, was disinherited; already the names of the overseers and a freedwoman, repudiated by the roundsman, caught in the contubernium of the bath-man, and the atriensis relegated to Baiae; already the paymaster made a defendant, and a trial held among the bedchamber-servants.

Petauristarii autem tandem venerunt. Baro insulsissimus cum scalis constitit puerumque iussit per gradus et in summa parte odaria saltare, circulos deinde ardentes transire et dentibus amphoram sustinere. Mirabatur haec solus Trimalchio dicebatque ingratum artificium esse: ceterum duo esse in rebus humanis, quae libentissime spectaret, petauristarios et cornicines; reliqua, animalia, acroemata, tricas meras esse." Nam et comoedos, inquit, emeram, sed malui illos Atella<na>m facere, et choraulen meum iussi Latine cantare".

The petaurists, however, at last arrived. A most tasteless lout took his stand with ladders and ordered a boy to dance up the steps and, at the very top, to dance to little odes, then to pass through burning hoops and to hold up an amphora with his teeth. Trimalchio alone was marveling at these things and said that the craft was ungrateful: moreover, that there were two things in human affairs which he most gladly looked at, petaurists and cornicines; the rest—animals, acroemata—were pure trifles. "For I had even bought comedians," he said, "but I preferred that they do the Atella<na>m, and I ordered my choraules to sing in Latin".

[LIV] Cum maxime haec dicente Gaio puer <in lectum> Trimalchionis delapsus est. Conclamavit familia, nec minus convivae, non propter hominem tam putidum, cuius etiam cervices fractas libenter vidissent, sed propter malum exitum cenae, ne necesse haberent alienum mortuum plorare. Ipse Trimalchio cum graviter ingemuisset superque brachium tanquam laesum incubuisset, concurrere medici, et inter primos Fortunata crinibus passis cum scypho, miseramque se atque infelicem proclamavit.

[54] Just when Gaius was in the very act of saying these things, a boy fell down of Trimalchio. The household raised a shout, and no less the guests— not on account of so vile a fellow, whose neck broken they would gladly have seen, but because of a bad outcome to the dinner, lest they should have to bewail someone else’s corpse. Trimalchio himself, after he had groaned heavily and had leaned upon his arm as though injured, the physicians ran together, and among the first came Fortunata, with her hair disheveled, with a cup, proclaiming herself wretched and unlucky.

Nam puer quidem, qui ceciderat, circumibat iam dudum pedes nostros et missionem rogabat. Pessime mihi erat, ne his precibus per ridiculum aliquid catastropha quaeretur. Nec enim adhuc exciderat cocus ille, qui oblitus fuerat porcum exinterare.

Now the boy, who had fallen, had for some time been going about our feet and was asking for dismissal. I was feeling very badly, lest by these entreaties some catastrophe should be engineered as a joke. For that cook had not yet slipped from my mind, who had forgotten to eviscerate the pig.

Itaque totum circumspicere triclinium coepi, ne per parietem automatum aliquod exiret, utique postquam servus verberari coepit, qui brachium domini contusum alba potius quam conchyliata involverat lana. Nec longe aberravit suspicio mea; in vicem enim poenae venit decretum Trimalchionis, quo puerum iussit liberum esse, ne quis posset dicere tantum virum esse a servo vulneratum.

Therefore I began to survey the whole triclinium, lest through the wall some automaton should come out, especially after the servant began to be beaten who had wrapped his master’s contused arm with white rather than purple-dyed wool. Nor did my suspicion stray far; for in place of punishment there came Trimalchio’s decree, by which he ordered the boy to be free, so that no one could say that so great a man had been wounded by a slave.

[LV] Comprobamus nos factum et quam in praecipiti res humanae essent, vario sermone garrimus."Ita, inquit Trimalchio, non oportet hunc casum sine inscriptione transire; statimque codicillos poposcit et non diu cogitatione distorta haec recitavit:

[55] We approve the deed and babble, in varied talk, about how human affairs stand on a precipice. "Yes," said Trimalchio, "this mishap ought not to pass without an inscription"; and immediately he called for his tablets and, with his brow not long screwed up in thought, he recited the following:

"Quod non expectes, ex transverso fit
et supra nos Fortuna negotia curat:
quare da nobis vina Falerna puer."

"That which you do not expect comes from the side
and above us Fortune manages affairs:
wherefore give to us Falernian wines, boy."

Ab hoc epigrammate coepit poetarum esse mentio <. . .> diuque summa carminis penes Mopsum Thracem commorata est <. . .> donec Trimalchio: "Rogo, inquit, magister, quid putas inter Ciceronem et Publilium interesse? Ego alterum puto disertiorem fuisse, alterum honestiorem. Quid enim his melius dici potest?

From this epigram the mention of the poets began <. . .> and for a long time the summit of song remained with Mopsus the Thracian <. . .> until Trimalchio: "I ask, said he, teacher, what do you think is the difference between Cicero and Publilius? I think the one was more eloquent, the other more honorable. For what can be said better than these?"

Luxuriae ructu Martis marcent moenia.
Tuo palato clausus pavo pascitur
plumato amictus aureo Babylonico,
gallina tibi Numidica, tibi gallus spado.
Ciconia etiam, grata peregrina hospita
pietaticultrix, gracilipes, crotalistria,
avis exul hiemis, titulus tepidi temporis,
nequitiae nidum in caccabo fecit modo.

By Luxury’s belch the walls of Mars are enervated.
For your palate a caged peacock is fed,
wrapped in Babylonian golden plumage;
a Numidian hen for you, for you a capon.
The stork too, a welcome foreign guest,
a cultress of piety, slender-footed, a castanet-player,
a bird exiled by winter, the emblem of the tepid season,
has just made a nest of wickedness in the cauldron.

Quo margarita cara tibi, bacam Indicam?
An ut matrona ornata phaleris pelagiis
tollat pedes indomita in strato extraneo?
Smaragdum ad quam rem viridem, pretiosum vitrum?

To what end is the costly pearl to you, the Indian berry?
Or that a matron adorned with pelagic phalerae
may lift her feet, untamed, upon a foreign bed?
For what purpose the emerald, green, precious glass?

Quo Carchedonios optas ignes lapideos?
Nisi ut scintillet probitas e carbunculis?
Aequum est induere nuptam ventum textilem,
palam prostare nudam in nebula linea?

To what end do you desire Carthaginian fiery stones?
Unless it is so that probity may scintillate from carbuncles?
Is it just to clothe a bride in woven wind,
to stand openly for sale, naked, in a linen mist?

[LVI] "Quod autem, inquit, putamus secundum litteras difficillimum esse artificium? Ego puto medicum et nummularium: medicus, qui scit quid homunciones intra praecordia sua habeant et quando febris veniat, etiam si illos odi pessime, quod mihi iubent saepe anatinam parari; nummularius, qui per argentum aes videt. Nam mutae bestiae laboriosissimae boves et oves: boves, quorum beneficio panem manducamus; oves, quod lana illae nos gloriosos faciunt.

[56] "But what, he said, do we think is, by the letters, the most difficult craft? I think the medic and the money-changer: the medic, who knows what homunculi have inside their vitals and when a fever will come, even if I hate them most horribly, because they often order that a duck be prepared for me; the money-changer, who sees bronze through silver. For the mute beasts most laborious are oxen and sheep: oxen, by whose beneficence we eat bread; sheep, because by their wool they make us glorious.

Et facinus indignum, aliquis ovillam est et tunicam habet. Apes enim ego divinas bestias puto, quae mel vomunt, etiam si dicuntur illud a Iove afferre. Ideo autem pungunt, quia ubicunque dulce est, ibi et acidum invenies."

And an unworthy deed: someone eats mutton and has a tunic. For I consider bees to be divine beasts, who vomit honey, even if they are said to bring it from Jove. And for that reason they sting, because wherever the sweet is, there too you will find the acid."

Iam etiam philosophos de negotio deiciehat, cum pittacia in scypho circumferri coeperunt, puerque super hoc positus officium apophoreta recitavit. "Argentum sceleratum": allata est perna, supra quam acetabula erant posita. "Cervical": offla collaris allata est.

By now he was even pitching the philosophers out of their business, when little labels began to be passed around in a cup, and a boy appointed for this recited the apophoreta as his office. "Guilty silver": a ham was brought in, upon which acetabula had been set. "Pillow": a morsel of neck was brought in.

"Serisapia et contumelia": <xerophagiae ex sale> datae sunt et contus cum malo. "Porri et persica": flagellum et cultrum accepit. "Passeres et muscarium": uvam passam et mel Atticum.

"Serisapia and contumely": were given, and a pole with an apple. "Leeks and peaches": he received a flagellum and a knife. "Sparrows and a fly‑swatter": a raisin and Attic honey.

"Cenatoria et forensia": offlam et tabulas accepit. "Canale et pedale": lepus et solea est allata. "Muraena et littera": murem cum rana alligatum fascemque betae accepit.

"Cenatory and forensic": he received a morsel and some tablets. "Canal and pedal": a hare and a sandal was brought. "Moray and letter": he received a mouse tied with a frog, and a bundle of beet.

Diu risimus. Sexcenta huiusmodi fuerunt, quae iam exciderunt memoriae meae.

We laughed for a long time. Six hundred of this sort there were, which have now fallen from my memory.

[LVII] Ceterum Ascyltos, intemperantis licentiae, cum omnia sublatis manibus eluderet et usque ad lacrimas rideret, unus ex conlibertis Trimalchionis excanduit, is ipse qui supra me discumbebat, et:

[57] But Ascyltos, of intemperate license, since he was making sport of everything with raised hands and was laughing even to tears, one of Trimalchio’s fellow-freedmen flared up—the very one who was reclining above me—and:

"Quid rides, inquit, berbex? An tibi non placent lautitiae domini mei? Tu enim beatior es et convivare melius soles.

"Why do you laugh, says he, wether? Or do my master’s luxuries not please you? For you are more prosperous and are wont to banquet better.

Ita Tutelam huius loci habeam propitiam, ut ego si secundum illum discumberem, iam illi balatum clusissem. Bellum pomum, qui rideatur alios; larifuga nescio quis, nocturnus, qui non valet lotium suum. Ad summam, si circumminxero illum, nesciet qua fugiat.

So may I have the Tutela of this place propitious, that if I were reclining next to him, I would already have shut up his bleating. Fine fruit, he who laughs at others; some larifuga, a night-prowler, who cannot hold his own urine. In sum, if I piss all around him, he will not know where to flee.

Non mehercules soleo cito fervere, sed in molle carne vermes nascuntur. Ridet! Quid habet quod rideat?

By Hercules, I am not accustomed to grow fervid quickly, but in soft flesh worms are born. He laughs! What has he to laugh at?

Numquid pater fetum emit lamna? Eques Romanus es? Et ego regis filius. Quare ergo servivisti?

Did your father perhaps buy an offspring with bullion? You’re a Roman Knight? And I am the son of a king. Why then did you serve as a slave?

Quia ipse me dedi in servitutem et malui civis Romanus esse quam tributarius. Et nunc spero me sic vivere, ut nemini iocus sim. Homo inter homines sum, capite aperto ambulo; assem aerarium nemini debeo; constitutum habui nunquam; nemo mihi in foro dixit: 'Redde quod debes'. Glebulas emi, lamellulas paravi; viginti ventres pasco et canem; contubernalem meam redemi, ne qui in illius capillis manus tergeret; mille denarios pro capite solvi; sevir gratis factus sum; spero, sic moriar, ut mortuus non erubescam.

Because I myself gave myself into servitude and preferred to be a Roman citizen rather than a tributary. And now I hope to live in such a way that I am a jest to no one. I am a man among men, I walk with head uncovered; I owe not a single as to anyone; I never had a constitutum; no one said to me in the forum: 'Render what you owe.' I bought little clods of land, I prepared little metal-plates; I feed twenty bellies and a dog; I ransomed my companion-in-tent, lest anyone should wipe his hands in her hair; I paid 1,000 denarii for the head; I was made a sevir for free; I hope thus to die, that being dead I shall not blush.

Tu autem tam laboriosus es, ut post te non respicias! In alio peduclum vides, in te ricinum non vides. Tibi soli ridiclei videmur; ecce magister tuus, homo maior natus: placemus illi.

But you are so laborious that you don’t look back behind yourself! You see a louse on another, you do not see a tick on yourself. To you alone we seem ridiculous; behold your master, a man of greater years: we please him.

Tu lacticulosus, nec 'mu' nec 'ma' argutas, vasus fictilis, immo lorus in aqua: lentior, non melior. Tu beatior es: bis prande, bis cena. Ego fidem meam malo quam thesauros.

You milky fellow, you articulate neither 'mu' nor 'ma', a fictile vessel, nay, a leather thong in water: more sluggish, not better. You are the more blessed: lunch twice, dine twice. I prefer my fidelity to treasures.

Ad summam, quisquam me bis poposcit? Annis quadraginta servivi; nemo tamen scit utrum servus essem an liber. Et puer capillatus in hanc coloniam veni; adhuc basilica non erat facta.

To sum up, has anyone asked me twice? For forty years I have served; yet no one knows whether I was a slave or free. And as a long-haired boy I came into this colony; as yet the basilica had not been built.

Dedi tamen operam ut domino satis facerem, homini maiesto et dignitosso, cuius pluris erat unguis quam tu totus es. Et habebam in domo qui mihi pedem opponerent hac illac; tamen — genio illius gratias! — enatavi. Haec sunt vera athla; nam in ingenuum nasci tam facile est quam 'Accede istoc'. Quid nunc stupes tanquam hircus in ervilia?"

I nevertheless gave attention to making satisfaction to my master, a majestic and dignitous man, whose fingernail was worth more than you are whole. And I had in the house those who would put a foot in my way hither and thither; nevertheless — thanks to his Genius! — I swam out. These are the true athla (contests); for to be born freeborn is as easy as “Step this way.” Why now do you stare like a he-goat in the vetch?"

[LVIII] Post hoc dictum Giton, qui ad pedes stabat, risum iam diu compressum etiam indecenter effudit. Quod cum animadvertisset adversarius Ascylti, flexit convicium in puerum et: "Tu autem, inquit, etiam tu rides, caepa cirrata? O? Saturnalia?

[58] After this statement Giton, who was standing at my feet, even indecently poured out a laugh long compressed. When Ascyltos’s adversary noticed this, he turned his invective upon the boy and said: "And you too, do you laugh, you curly onion? Oh? Saturnalia?"

rogo, mensis December est? Quando vicesimam numerasti? Quid faciat crucis offla, corvorum cibaria.

i ask, is the month December? When did you count out the twentieth? What can a morsel of the cross do, fodder for the crows.

Curabo iam tibi Iovis iratus sit, et isti qui tibi non imperat. Ita satur pane fiam, ut ego istud conliberto meo dono, alioquin iam tibi depraesentiarum reddidissem. Bene nos habemus, at isti nugae, qui tibi non imperant.

I will see to it that Jupiter be angry at you, and at those who do not command you. So may I be sated with bread, if I do not give that to my fellow-freedman; otherwise I would already have paid you on the spot. We are doing well, but those are trifles—those who do not command you.

Plane qualis dominus, talis et servus. Vix me teneo, nec sum natura caldicerebrius, <sed> cum coepi, matrem meam dupundii non facio. Recte, videbo te in publicum, mus, immo terrae tuber: nec sursum nec deorsum non cresco, nisi dominum tuum in rutae folium non conieci, nec tibi parsero, licet mehercules Iovem Olympium clames.

Clearly, as the master, so also the servant. I scarcely hold myself back, nor am I by nature hot-brained, but when I get started, I do not value my own mother at a dupondius. All right, I will see you in public, mouse—nay, a tuber of the earth: I neither grow upward nor downward, unless I throw your master onto a rue leaf, nor will I spare you, though, by Hercules, you cry out to Olympian Jove.

Curabo longe tibi sit comula ista besalis et dominus dupunduarius. Recte, venies sub dentem: aut ego non me novi, aut non deridebis, licet barbam auream habeas. Athana tibi irata sit curabo, et qui te primus deurode fecit.

I’ll see to it that that little third‑rate hairpiece and your two‑penny master are far from you. Right, you’ll come under the tooth: either I don’t know myself, or you will not be laughing, even if you have a golden beard. I’ll see to it Athena is angry with you, and with the one who first made you “come‑hither.”

Non didici geometrias, critica et alogas naenias, sed lapidarias litteras scio, partes centum dico ad aes, ad pondus, ad nummum. Ad summam, si quid vis, ego et tu sponsiunculam: exi, defero lamnam. Iam scies patrem tuum mercedes perdidisse, quamvis et rhetoricam scis.

I have not learned geometries, critical and alogous nonsense; but I know lapidary letters, I reckon by hundred parts to the bronze, to the weight, to the coin. In sum, if you want, you and I a little wager: come on, I’ll bring out the ingot/plate. Now you will know that your father has lost his wages, although you too know rhetoric.

Ecce:

Behold:

'Qui de nobis? longe venio, late venio: solve me'.

'Who of us? I come from afar, I come far and wide: solve me'.

Dicam tibi, qui de nobis currit et de loco non movetur; qui de nobis crescit et minor fit. Curris, stupes, satagis, tanquam mus in matella. Ergo aut tace aut meliorem noli molestare, qui te natum non putat, nisi si me iudicas anulos buxeos curare, quos amicae tuae involasti.

I will tell you what runs about us and does not move from its place; what grows from us and becomes smaller. You run, you are stupefied, you bustle, like a mouse in a chamber pot. Therefore either be silent or do not molest your better, who does not think you were born, unless you judge me to care about boxwood rings, which you filched from your girlfriend.

Occuponem propitium! Eamus in forum et pecunias mutuemur: iam scies hoc ferrum fidem habere. Vah, bella res est volpis uda!

May Occupon be propitious! Let us go into the forum and borrow moneys: soon you will know that this iron has credit. Bah, a wet fox is a fine thing!

Ita lucrum faciam et ita bene moriar ut populus per exitum meum iuret, nisi te toga ubique perversa fuero persecutus. Bella res et iste, qui te haec docet: mufrius, non magister. <Nos aliter> didicimus.

So may I make profit, and so may I die well, that the people swear by my passing, unless I have pursued you everywhere with the toga turned wrong-side-out. A fine thing, too, that fellow who teaches you these: a mufrius, not a magister. <We otherwise> have learned.

Dicebat enim magister: 'Sunt vestra salva? Recta domum. Cave circumspicias, cave maiorem maledicas'. At nunc mera mapalia: nemo dupondii evadit.

For the teacher used to say: 'Are your goods safe? Straight home. Beware of looking around, beware of speaking ill of your betters.' But now it’s sheer hovels: no one is worth two pennies.

Ego, quod me sic vides, propter artificium meum diis gratias ago."

I, since you see me thus, give thanks to the gods on account of my art."

[LIX] Coeperat Ascyltos respondere convicio, sed Trimalchio delectatus colliberti eloquentia: "Agite, inquit, scordalias de medio. Suaviter sit potius, et tu, Hermeros, parce adulescentulo. Sanguen illi fervet, tu melior esto.

[59] Ascyltos had begun to reply with invective, but Trimalchio, delighted by his fellow-freedman’s eloquence, said: "Come on, put the quarrels out of the way. Let it be pleasant rather, and you, Hermeros, spare the young man. His blood is boiling; you be the better."

Semper in hac re qui vincitur, vincit. Et tu cum esses capo, cocococo, atque cor non habebas. Simus ergo, quod melius est, a primitiis hilares et Homeristas spectemus." Intravit factio statim hastisque scuta concrepuit.

"Always in this matter he who is beaten, wins. And you, when you were a capo—cock-a-doodle-doo—and you had no heart. Let us therefore, which is better, be cheerful from the first-fruits and let us watch the Homerists." The troupe entered at once, and the shields rattled with spears.

Ipse Trimalchio in pulvino consedit, et cum Homeristae Graecis versibus colloquerentur, ut insolenter solent, ille canora voce Latine legebat librum. Mox silentio facto: "Scitis, inquit, quam fabulam agant? Diomedes et Ganymedes duo fratres fuerunt.

Trimalchio himself sat down upon a cushion, and while the Homerists were conversing in Greek verses, as they are insolently wont, he, with a canorous voice, was reading the book in Latin. Soon, when silence was made: "Do you know," he said, "what story they are acting? Diomedes and Ganymedes were two brothers."

Horum soror erat Helena. Agamemnon illam rapuit et Dianae cervam subiecit. Ita nunc Homeros dicit, quemadmodum inter se pugnent Troiani et Parentini.

Their sister was Helen. Agamemnon seized her and substituted a hind to Diana. Thus now Homer says how the Trojans and the Parentines fight among themselves.

Vicit scilicet, et Iphigeniam, filiam suam, Achilli dedit uxorem. Ob eam rem Aiax insanit, et statim argumentum explicabit." Haec ut dixit Trimalchio, clamorem Homeristae sustulerunt, interque familiam discurrentem vitulus in lance ducenaria elixus allatus est, et quidem galeatus. Secutus est Aiax strictoque gladio, tanquam insaniret, concidit, ac modo versa modo supina gesticulatus, mucrone frusta collegit mirantibusque vitulum partitus est.

He won, of course, and gave Iphigenia, his own daughter, to Achilles as wife. On account of that matter Ajax goes mad, and straightway the plot will be explained." When Trimalchio said these things, the Homerists raised a shout, and amid the household running about, a calf boiled on a two-hundred-pound platter was brought in, and indeed helmeted. Ajax followed, and with sword drawn, as if he were raving, he hacked it to pieces, and, gesticulating, now turned over, now face-up, with the point he gathered the slices and distributed the calf to the astonished.

[LX] Nec diu mirari licuit tam elegantes strophas; nam repente lacunaria sonare coeperunt totumque triclinium intremuit. Consternatus ego exsurrexi, et timui ne per tectum petauristarius aliquis descenderet. Nec minus reliqui convivae mirantes erexere vultus expectantes quid novi de caelo nuntiaretur.

[60] Nor was it permitted to marvel long at such elegant strophes; for suddenly the coffered ceiling began to sound and the whole dining-room trembled. Dismayed, I sprang up, and I feared lest some acrobat descend through the roof. No less did the remaining guests, amazed, lift their faces, awaiting what new thing would be announced from the sky.

Ecce autem diductis lacunaribus subito circulus ingens, de cupa videlicet grandi excussus, demittitur, cuius per totum orbem coronae aureae cum alabastris unguenti pendebant. Dum haec apophoreta iubemur sumere, respiciens ad mensam <. . .>.

Behold then, with the paneled ceiling drawn apart, suddenly a huge ring—evidently shaken out from a large cask—was lowered, from whose whole circumference golden crowns with alabaster flasks of unguent were hanging. While we are ordered to take these apophoreta, looking back at the table <. . .>.

Iam illic repositorium cum placentis aliquot erat positum, quod medium Priapus a pistore factus tenebat, gremioque satis amplo omnis generis poma et uvas sustinebat more vulgato. Avidius ad pompam manus porreximus, et repente nova ludorum remissio hilaritatem hic refecit. Omnes enim placentae omniaque poma etiam minima vexatione contacta coeperunt effundere crocum, et usque ad nos molestus umor accedere.

Already there a serving-tray with several cakes had been set down, which a Priapus, made by the baker, held in the middle, and with a lap quite ample he sustained fruits of every kind and grapes, in the common manner. More greedily we stretched out our hands toward the pomp/display, and suddenly a new bout of games refreshed the merriment here. For all the cakes and all the fruits, when touched with even the slightest disturbance, began to pour out saffron, and the troublesome moisture came up even to us.

Rati ergo sacrum esse fericulum tam religioso apparatu perfusum, consurreximus altius et "Augusto, patri patriae, feliciter " diximus. Quibusdam tamen etiam post hanc venerationem poma rapientibus, et ipsi mappas implevimus, ego praecipue, qui nullo satis amplo munere putabam me onerare Gitonis sinum.

Therefore, thinking the dish drenched with such a religious apparatus to be sacred, we rose up higher and said, "To Augustus, father of the fatherland, good fortune!" Yet while certain people, even after this veneration, were snatching the fruits, we too filled our napkins, I especially, since I thought I could not load Gito’s bosom with any gift large enough.

Inter haec tres pueri candidas succincti tunicas intraverunt, quorum duo Lares bullatos super mensam posuerunt, unus pateram vini circumferens "dii propitii " clamabat.

Meanwhile three boys, girt in bright-white tunics, came in, of whom two set upon the table the Lares adorned with bullae, while one, carrying around a patera of wine, kept shouting "gods be propitious ".

Aiebat autem unum Cerdonem, alterum Felicionem, tertium Lucronem vocari. Nos etiam veram imaginem ipsius Trimalchionis, cum iam omnes basiarent, erubuimus praeterire.

He said, moreover, that one was called Cerdon, another Felicion, a third Lucron. We too blushed to pass by the true image of Trimalchio himself, when already everyone was kissing it.

[LXI] Postquam ergo omnes bonam mentem bonamque valitudinem sibi optarunt, Trimalchio ad Nicerotem respexit et: "Solebas, inquit, suavius esse in convictu; nescio quid nunc taces nec muttis. Oro te, sic felicem me videas, narra illud quod tibi usu venit." Niceros delectatus affabilitate amici: "Omne me, inquit, lucrum transeat, nisi iam dudum gaudimonio dissilio, quod te talem video. Itaque hilaria mera sint, etsi timeo istos scolasticos ne me rideant.

[61] After therefore all wished for themselves a good mind and good health, Trimalchio looked back at Niceros and said: "You used to be more suave in convivial company; I don’t know why you are now silent nor even mutter. I beg you, so may you see me happy, tell that thing which befell you by experience." Niceros, delighted by his friend’s affability, said: "Let all profit pass me by, unless I have long since been bursting with joy because I see you such as you are. And so let it be sheer hilarity, although I fear these scholastics lest they laugh at me."

Viderint: narrabo tamen, quid enim mihi aufert, qui ridet? satius est rideri quam derideri."

"Let them see to it: I will tell it nevertheless; for what does he who laughs take away from me? It is better to be laughed at than to be derided."

Haec ubi dicta dedit
talem fabulam exorsus est:

When he had given these words
he began such a tale:

"Cum adhuc servirem, habitabamus in vico angusto; nunc Gavillae domus est. Ibi, quomodo dii volunt, amare coepi uxorem Terentii coponis: noveratis Melissam Tarentinam, pulcherrimum bacciballum. Sed ego non mehercules corporaliter aut propter res venerias curavi, sed magis quod benemoria fuit.

"When I was still serving as a slave, we lived in a narrow vicus; now it is Gavilla’s house. There, as the gods will, I began to love the wife of Terentius the innkeeper: you knew Melissa the Tarentine, a most beautiful peach. But I, by Hercules, did not care for her bodily or on account of venereal matters, but rather because she was good-tempered."

Si quid ab illa petii, nunquam mihi negatum; fecit assem, semissem habui; in illius sinum demandavi, nec unquam fefellitus sum. Huius contubernalis ad villam supremum diem obiit. Itaque per scutum per ocream egi aginavi, quemadmodum ad illam pervenirem: nam, ut aiunt, in angustiis amici apparent.

If I asked anything from her, it was never denied me; if she made an as, I had a half-as; I entrusted things to her bosom, and I was never deceived. Her bedfellow at the country-place met his last day. And so, through shield and greave I pushed and schemed how I might get to her: for, as they say, in straits friends appear.

[LXII] "Forte dominus Capuae exierat ad scruta scita expedienda. Nactus ego occasionem persuadeo hospitem nostrum, ut mecum ad quintum miliarium veniat. Erat autem miles, fortis tanquam Orcus.

[62] "By chance the master had gone out to Capua to expedite some scraps of legal business. Seizing the opportunity, I persuade our guest to come with me to the fifth milestone. Now he was a soldier, strong as Orcus."

Apoculamus nos circa gallicinia; luna lucebat tanquam meridie. Venimus inter monimenta: homo meus coepit ad stelas facere; sedeo ego cantabundus et stelas numero. Deinde ut respexi ad comitem, ille exuit se et omnia vestimenta secundum viam posuit.

We set off around cockcrow; the moon was shining as if at midday. We came in among the monuments: my man began to make toward the stelae; I sit, singing, and count the stelae. Then, when I looked back at my companion, he stripped himself and set all his garments down alongside the road.

Mihi anima in naso esse; stabam tanquam mortuus. At ille circumminxit vestimenta sua, et subito lupus factus est. Nolite me iocari putare; ut mentiar, nullius patrimonium tanti facio.

My soul was in my nose; I was standing as though dead. But he circled his clothes with urine, and suddenly was made a wolf. Do not think me to be joking; as for lying, I value no man’s patrimony so highly.

Sed, quod coeperam dicere, postquam lupus factus est, ululare coepit et in silvas fugit. Ego primitus nesciebam ubi essem; deinde accessi, ut vestimenta eius tollerem: illa autem lapidea facta sunt. Qui mori timore nisi ego?

But, as I had begun to say, after he had become a wolf, he began to ululate and fled into the forests. I at first did not know where I was; then I approached to take up his garments: but those had been made of stone. Who would have died of fear, if not I?

Gladium tamen strinxi et <in tota via> umbras cecidi, donec ad villam amicae meae pervenirem. In larvam intravi, paene animam ebullivi, sudor mihi per bifurcum volabat, oculi mortui; vix unquam refectus sum. Melissa mea mirari coepit, quod tam sero ambularem, et: 'Si ante, inquit, venisses, saltem nobis adiutasses; lupus enim villam intravit et omnia pecora tanquam lanius sanguinem illis misit.

Nevertheless I drew my sword and <along the whole road> I cut down shadows, until I reached my girlfriend’s villa. I entered like a phantom, I almost bubbled out my soul, sweat was flying through my fork, my eyes dead; I scarcely ever recovered. My Melissa began to marvel that I was walking so late, and: 'If you had come earlier,' she said, 'you would at least have helped us; for a wolf entered the villa and, like a butcher, let out the blood of all the livestock.'

Nec tamen derisit, etiamsi fugit; senius enim noster lancea collum eius traiecit'. Haec ut audivi, operire oculos amplius non potui, sed luce clara Gai nostri domum fugi tanquam copo compilatus; et postquam veni in illum locum, in quo lapidea vestimenta erant facta, nihil inveni nisi sanguinem. Vt vero domum veni, iacebat miles meus in lecto tanquam bovis, et collum illius medicus curabat. Intellexi illum versipellem esse, nec postea cum illo panem gustare potui, non si me occidisses.

Nor yet did he mock, even if he fled; for our old man pierced his neck with a lance'. When I heard these things, I could no longer close my eyes, but in broad light I fled to our Gaius’s house like a tavern-keeper plundered; and after I came to that place in which the garments had been made of stone, I found nothing except blood. As truly when I came home, my soldier was lying in bed like an ox, and a doctor was tending his neck. I understood that he was a werewolf, nor afterwards could I taste bread with him, not even if you had killed me.

Viderint quid de hoc alii exopinissent; ego si mentior, genios vestros iratos habeam."

Let others see what they may have opined about this; as for me, if I am lying, may I have your guardian spirits angry."

[LXIII] Attonitis admiratione universis: "Salvo, inquit, tuo sermone, Trimalchio, si qua fides est, ut mihi pili inhorruerunt, quia scio Niceronem nihil nugarum narrare: immo certus est et minime linguosus. Nam et ipse vobis rem horribilem narrabo. Asinus in tegulis.

[63] With all thunderstruck with admiration: "With all due respect to your discourse, Trimalchio, if there is any faith, how my hairs bristled; for I know Niceros tells nothing of trifles—nay, he is certain and least loquacious. For I too will narrate to you a horrible thing. An ass on the tiles."

"Cum adhuc capillatus essem, nam a puero vitam Chiam gessi, ipsimi nostri delicatus decessit, mehercules margaritum, <sacritus> et omnium numerum. Cum ergo illum mater misella plangeret et nos tum plures in tristimonio essemus, subito <stridere> strigae coeperunt; putares canem leporem persequi. Habebamus tunc hominem Cappadocem, longum, valde audaculum et qui valebat: poterat bovem iratum tollere.

"While I was still long‑haired—for from boyhood I have carried a Chian life—the pet of our very own master died, by Hercules, a pearl, <sacritus> and the full measure of all. Accordingly, while his poor little mother was lamenting him and we at that time were several in mourning, suddenly the witches began to <stridere>; you would have thought a dog was pursuing a hare. We had then a Cappadocian fellow, lanky, very boldish and strong: he could lift an enraged ox."

Hic audacter stricto gladio extra ostium procucurrit, involuta sinistra manu curiose, et mulierem tanquam hoc loco — salvum sit, quod tango! — mediam traiecit. Audimus gemitum, et — plane non mentiar — ipsas non vidimus.

This man boldly, with his sword drawn, ran out beyond the door, his left hand carefully wrapped up, and a woman, as though in this very place — may what I touch be safe! — he transfixed right through the middle. We hear a groan, and — plainly I will not lie — we did not see the women themselves.

Baro autem noster introversus se proiecit in lectum, et corpus totum lividum habebat quasi flagellis caesus, quia scilicet illum tetigerat mala manus. Nos cluso ostio redimus iterum ad officium, sed dum mater amplexaret corpus filii sui, tangit et videt manuciolum de stramentis factum. Non cor habebat, non intestina, non quicquam: scilicet iam puerum strigae involaverant et supposuerant stramenticium vavatonem.

But our fellow, having come back inside, flung himself onto the bed, and his whole body was livid, as if beaten with scourges, because, of course, an evil hand had touched him. We, with the door shut, go back again to our duty; but while the mother was embracing the body of her son, she touches it and sees a little bundle made of straw. It had no heart, no intestines, nothing: plainly the witches had already carried off the boy and had put a straw-stuffed manikin in his place.

Rogo vos, oportet credatis, sunt mulieres plussciae, sunt Nocturnae, et quod sursum est, deorsum faciunt. Ceterum baro ille longus post hoc factum nunquam coloris sui fuit, immo post paucos dies freneticus periit."

I ask you, you ought to believe, there are over-wise women, there are Nocturnals, and what is above, they make below. Moreover that tall fellow, after this deed, was never of his own color; nay indeed, after a few days, phrenetic, he perished."

[LXIV] Miramur nos et pariter credimus, osculatique mensam rogamus Nocturnas, ut suis se teneant, dum redimus a cena.

[64] We marvel and equally we believe, and, having osculated the table, we beg the Nocturnae to keep to their own, while we return from supper.

Et sane iam lucernae mihi plures videbantur ardere totumque triclinium esse mutatum, cum Trimalchio: "Tibi dico, inquit, Plocame, nihil narras? nihil nos delectaris? Et solebas suavius esse, canturire belle deverbia, adicere melicam.

And indeed already more lamps seemed to me to be burning and the whole triclinium to be changed, when Trimalchio: “I speak to you,” he says, “Plocame, you tell nothing? you do not delight us at all? And you were wont to be more suave, to warble nicely the deverbia, to add a melic.”

Heu, heu, abistis dulces caricae. — Iam, inquit ille, quadrigae meae decucurrerunt, ex quo podagricus factus sum. Alioquin cum essem adulescentulus, cantando paene tisicus factus sum.

Alas, alas, you have gone away, sweet Carian figs. — Now, said he, my four-horse chariot has run its race, since I became podagric. Otherwise, when I was an adolescent youngster, by singing I almost became phthisic.

Quid saltare? quid deverbia? quid tonstrinum?

What about dancing? what about the dialogue? what about the barbershop skit?

Quando parem habui nisi unum Apelletem?"

When have I ever had an equal, except one Apelles?"

Appositaque ad os manu, nescio quid taetrum exsibilavit quod postea Graecum esse affirmabat. Nec non Trimalchio ipse cum tubicines esset imitatus, ad delicias suas respexit, quem Croesum appellabat. Puer autem lippus, sordidissimis dentibus, catellam nigram atque indecenter pinguem prasina involuebat fascia, panemque semissem ponebat supra torum, ac nausia recusantem saginabat.

And, with his hand set to his mouth, he hissed out I-know-not-what foul thing, which he later affirmed to be Greek. And Trimalchio himself too, after he had imitated the trumpeters, looked toward his pet, whom he called Croesus. But a bleary-eyed boy, with the filthiest teeth, was wrapping a little black bitch, indecently fat, in a leek-green band, and he was placing a half-loaf of bread upon the couch, and stuffing her though she was refusing with nausea.

Quo admonitus officio Trimalchio Scylacem iussit adduci "praesidium domus familiaeque". Nec mora, ingentis formae adductus est canis catena vinctus, admonitusque ostiarii calce ut cubaret, ante mensam se posuit. Tum Trimalchio iactans candidum panem: "Nemo, inquit, in domo mea me plus amat." Indignatus puer, quod Scylacem tam effuse laudaret, catellam in terram deposuit hortatusque <est> ut ad rixam properaret. Scylax, canino scilicet usus ingenio, taeterrimo latratu triclinium implevit Margaritamque Croesi paene laceravit.

So, reminded of this duty, Trimalchio ordered Scylax to be brought in, “the protection of the house and family.” No delay: a dog of gigantic form was led in, bound with a chain, and, prompted by the doorkeeper’s kick to lie down, he placed himself before the table. Then Trimalchio, tossing a white loaf: “No one,” he said, “in my house loves me more.” The boy, indignant that he praised Scylax so profusely, set the little dog down on the ground and urged her to hurry into a brawl. Scylax, employing a canine nature, of course, filled the triclinium with a most loathsome barking and almost tore to pieces Croesus’s Margarita.

Nec intra rixam tumultus constitit, sed candelabrum etiam supra mensam eversum et vasa omnia crystallina comminuit, et oleo ferventi aliquot convivas respersit. Trimalchio, ne videretur iactura motus, basiavit puerum ac iussit supra dorsum ascendere suum. Non moratus ille usus est equo, manuque plena scapulas eius subinde verberavit, interque risum proclamavit: "Bucco, bucco, quot sunt hic?" Repressus ergo aliquamdiu Trimalchio camellam grandem iussit misceri potiones<que> dividi omnibus servis, qui ad pedes sedebant, adiecta exceptione: "Si quis, inquit, noluerit accipere, caput illi perfunde.

Nor did the tumult stop within the brawl, but a candelabrum was even overturned onto the table and shattered all the crystalline vessels, and with boiling oil it spattered several guests. Trimalchio, lest he seem moved by the loss, kissed the boy and ordered him to climb upon his own back. Not delaying, he made use of his horse, and with a full hand he kept beating his shoulders, and amid laughter he shouted aloud: "Bucco, Bucco, how many are here?" Therefore, checked for a while, Trimalchio ordered a large bowl to be mixed and the drinks<que> to be divided among all the slaves who were sitting at the feet, with the exception added: "If anyone, he said, should be unwilling to receive it, drench his head.

Interdiu severa, nunc hilaria".

By day, severe things; now, cheerful ones".

[LXV] Hanc humanitatem insecutae sunt matteae, quarum etiam recordatio me, si qua est dicenti fides, offendit. Singulae enim gallinae altiles pro turdis circumlatae sunt et ova anserina pilleata, quae ut comessemus, ambitiosissime <a> nobis Trimalchio petiit dicens exossatas esse gallinas. Inter haec triclinii valvas lictor percussit, amictusque veste alba cum ingenti frequentia comissator intravit.

[65] This humanity was followed by dainties, the very recollection of which offends me—if there is any faith in what a speaker says. For individual fattened hens were carried around in place of thrushes, and goose eggs “capped,” which, that we might eat them, Trimalchio very ambitiously requested of us, saying that the hens had been de-boned. Meanwhile a lictor knocked at the doors of the dining room, and a reveler, clothed in a white garment, entered with a huge throng.

Ego maiestate conterritus praetorem putabam venisse. Itaque temptavi assurgere et nudos pedes in terram deferre. Risit hanc trepidationem Agamemnon et: "Contine te, inquit, homo stultissime.

I, overawed by the majesty, supposed that the praetor had come. And so I tried to rise and to lower my bare feet to the ground. Agamemnon laughed at this trepidation and said: "Contain yourself, most foolish man."

Habinnas sevir est idemque lapidarius, qui videtur monumenta optime facere."

"Habinnas is a sevir and likewise a lapidary, who seems to make monuments most excellently."

Recreatus hoc sermone reposui cubitum, Habinnamque intrantem cum admiratione ingenti spectabam. Ille autem iam ebrius uxoris suae umeris imposuerat manus, oneratusque aliquot coronis et unguento per frontem in oculos fluente, praetorio loco se posuit, continuoque vinum et caldam poposcit. Delectatus hac Trimalchio hilaritate et ipse capaciorem poposcit scyphum, quaesivitque quomodo acceptus esset.

Refreshed by this conversation I settled back on my elbow, and I was gazing with immense admiration at Habinnas as he entered. He, however, already drunk, had set his hands upon his wife’s shoulders, and, laden with several garlands and with unguent flowing over his forehead into his eyes, took his place in the praetorial seat, and immediately called for wine and a hot drink. Trimalchio, delighted by this hilarity, likewise called for a more capacious cup, and asked how he had been received.

"Omnia, inquit, habuimus praeter te; oculi enim mei hic erant. Et mehercules bene fuit. Scissa lautum novendialem servo suo misello faciebat, quem mortuum manu miserat.

"Everything, he said, we had except you; for my eyes were here. And by Hercules, it was well. Scissa was making a sumptuous novendial feast for her poor little slave, whom, dead, she had manumitted.

Et, puto, cum vicensimariis magnam mantissam habet; quinquaginta enim millibus aestimant mortuum. Sed tamen suaviter fuit, etiam si coacti sumus dimidias potiones super ossucula eius effundere."

And, I suppose, he has a great mantissa with the vicensimarii; for they estimate the dead man at 50,000. But still it was pleasant, even if we were compelled to pour half-draughts over his little bones.

[LXVI] — Tamen, inquit Trimalchio, quid habuistis in cena? — Dicam, inquit, si potuero; nam tam bonae memoriae sum, ut frequenter nomen meum obliviscar. Habuimus tamen in primo porcum botulo coronatum et circa sangunculum et gizeria optime facta et certe betam et panem autopyrum de suo sibi, quem ego malo quam candidum; <nam> et vires facit, et cum mea re causa facio, non ploro.

[66] — However, says Trimalchio, what did you have at dinner? — I will tell, he says, if I can; for I am of such good memory that I frequently forget my own name. We had, however, for the first course a pig crowned with a sausage, and around it a little blood‑pudding and gizzards very well done, and certainly beet, and autopyrum bread “from its own for itself,” which I prefer to white; it also makes strength, and since I do with my property for my own interest, I do not weep.

Sequens ferculum fuit sciribilita frigida et supra mel caldum infusum excellente Hispanum. Itaque de sciribilita quidem non minimum edi, de melle me usque tetigi. Circa cicer et lupinum, calvae arbitratu et mala singula.

The following course was a cold sciribilita, and on top hot honey was poured, excellent Spanish. And so of the sciribilita I ate not a little; as for the honey, I even went so far as to touch it. Around were chickpea and lupine, at the bald-one’s arbitration, and single apples.

Ego tamen duo sustuli et ecce in mappa alligata habeo; nam si aliquid muneris meo vernulae non tulero, habebo convicium. Bene me admonet domina mea. In prospectu habuimus ursinae frustum, de quo cum imprudens Scintilla gustasset, paene intestina sua vomuit; ego contra plus libram comedi, nam ipsum aprum sapiebat.

I, however, carried off two, and look, I have them tied up in a napkin; for if I bring no sort of gift for my little home-born slave, I shall get a scolding. My mistress admonishes me well. In prospect we had a chunk of bear-meat, and when the imprudent Scintilla had tasted of it, she almost vomited her guts; I, on the contrary, ate more than a pound, for it tasted like the boar itself.

Et si, inquam, ursus homuncionem comest, quanto magis homuncio debet ursum comesse? In summo habuimus caseum mollem et sapam et cocleas singulas et cordae frusta et hepatia in catillis et ova pilleata et rapam et senape et catillum concacatum — pax Palamedes! — Etiam in alveo circumlata sunt oxycomina, unde quidam etiam improbi ternos pugnos sustulerunt.

And if, I say, a bear eats a little man, how much more ought a little man to eat a bear? On the top we had soft cheese and sapa and snails one apiece and bits of gut-strings and liver-patties in little dishes and capped eggs and turnip and mustard and a dish shat-on — peace, Palamedes! — Also in a tray sour-cumin (oxycomina) was carried around, from which some even shameless fellows lifted three fistfuls each.

Nam pernae missionem dedimus.

For we gave the ham its discharge.

[LXVII] "Sed narra mihi, Gai, rogo, Fortunata quare non recumbit? — Quomodo nosti, inquit, illam, Trimalchio, nisi argentum composuerit, nisi reliquias pueris diviserit, aquam in os suum non coniciet. — Atqui, respondit Habinnas, nisi illa discumbit, ego me apoculo." Et coeperat surgere, nisi signo dato Fortunata quater amplius a tota familia esset vocata.

[67] "But tell me, Gaius, I beg, why does Fortunata not recline? — You know how she is, said Trimalchio: unless she has put the silver away, unless she has divided the leftovers to the boys, she will not throw water into her mouth. — And yet, replied Habinnas, unless she reclines, I’ll take myself off." And he had begun to get up, had not, at a signal given, Fortunata been called four times and more by the whole household.

Venit ergo galbino succincta cingillo, ita ut infra cerasina appareret tunica et periscelides tortae phaecasiaeque inauratae. Tunc sudario manus tergens, quod in collo habebat, applicat se illi toro, in quo Scintilla Habinnae discumbebat uxor, osculataque plaudentem: "Est te, inquit, videre?"

She came then, girt with a yellow‑green little girdle, such that beneath there appeared a cherry‑colored tunic and twisted periscelides and gilded phaecasiae. Then, wiping her hands with the sudarium which she had around her neck, she settled herself upon that couch on which Scintilla, Habinnas’s wife, was reclining; and, having kissed the applauding woman: "Is it you I see?" she said.

Eo deinde perventum est, ut Fortunata armillas suas crassissimis detraheret lacertis Scintillaeque miranti ostenderet. Vltimo etiam periscelides resolvit et reticulum aureum, quem ex obrussa esse dicebat. Notavit haec Trimalchio iussitque afferri omnia et: "Videtis, inquit, mulieris compedes: sic nos barcalae despoliamur.

Then it came to this, that Fortunata took off her bracelets from her very thick upper arms and showed them to Scintilla, who marveled. Finally she even unfastened her anklets and a golden reticulum, which she said was of obryzal (refined) gold. Trimalchio took note of this and ordered everything to be brought, and: "You see, he said, a woman's shackles: thus we blockheads are despoiled."

Sex pondo et selibram debet habere. Et ipse nihilo minus habeo decem pondo armillam ex millesimis Mercurii factam." Vltimo etiam, ne mentiri videretur, stateram iussit afferri et circulatum approbari pondus. Nec melior Scintilla, quae de cervice sua capsellam detraxit aureolam, quam Felicionem appellabat.

It ought to have six pounds and a half. And I myself, none the less, have a ten‑pound bracelet made from Mercury’s thousandths. Lastly, too, lest he seem to be lying, he ordered a balance to be brought and for the circlet’s weight to be approved. Nor was Scintilla better, who took from her neck a little golden casket, which she called “Felicion.”

Inde duo crotalia protulit et Fortunatae invicem consideranda dedit et: "Domini, inquit, mei beneficio nemo habet meliora. — Quid? inquit Habinnas, excatarissasti me, ut tibi emerem fabam vitream.

Then she brought out two crotalia and gave them to Fortunata to be considered in turn, and said: "By the beneficence of my master, no one has better." — "What?" said Habinnas, "you’ve cleaned me out, so that you might have me buy you a glass bean."

Plane si filiam haberem, auriculas illi praeciderem. Mulieres si non essent, omnia pro luto haberemus; nunc hoc est caldum meiere et frigidum potare."

Clearly, if I had a daughter, I would cut off her ears. If women did not exist, we would reckon everything as mud; now this is to piss hot and drink cold."

Interim mulieres sauciae inter se riserunt ebriaeque iunxerunt oscula, dum altera diligentiam matris familiae iactat, altera delicias et indiligentiam viri. Dumque sic cohaerent, Habinnas furtim consurrexit, pedesque Fortunatae correptos super lectum immisit. "Au! au!" illa proclamavit aberrante tunica super genua.

Meanwhile the women, wounded, laughed among themselves and, inebriate, joined their lips, while the one vaunted the diligence of a materfamilias, the other the delights and the indiligence (carelessness) of her husband. And while they were thus clinging together, Habinnas stealthily got up, and, having seized Fortunata’s feet, flung them up onto the couch. "Ow! ow!" she cried out, her tunic straying above her knees.

Composita ergo in gremio Scintillae indecentissimam rubore faciem sudario abscondit.

Therefore, composed in Scintilla’s lap, she hid her most indecent face, red with blush, with a sudary.

[LXVIII] Interposito deinde spatio cum secundas mensas Trimalchio iussisset afferri, sustulerunt servi omnes mensas et alias attulerunt, scobemque croco et minio tinctam sparserunt et, quod nunquam ante videram, ex lapide speculari pulverem tritum. Statim Trimalchio: "Poteram quidem, inquit, hoc fericulo esse contentus; secundas enim mensas habetis. <Sed> si quid belli habes, affer".

[68] Then, an interval having been interposed, when Trimalchio had ordered the second tables (desserts) to be brought in, the servants removed all the tables and brought in others, and they sprinkled shavings dyed with crocus and minium and, what I had never before seen, ground powder from specular stone. Immediately Trimalchio: "I could indeed," he said, "have been content with this course; for you have your second tables. if you have anything handsome, bring it in."

Interim puer Alexandrinus, qui caldam ministrabat, luscinias coepit imitari clamante Trimalchione subinde: "Muta!". Ecce alius ludus. Servus qui ad pedes Habinnae sedebat, iussus, credo, a domino suo proclamavit subito canora voce:

Meanwhile an Alexandrian boy, who was dispensing the hot drink, began to imitate nightingales, as Trimalchio kept shouting again and again: “Silence!” Behold, another game. A slave who was sitting at Habinnas’s feet, ordered, I think, by his master, suddenly proclaimed in a tuneful voice:

Interea medium Aeneas iam classe tenebat. . .

Meanwhile Aeneas by now was holding the middle with the fleet. . .

Nullus sonus unquam acidior percussit aures meas; nam praeter errantis barbariae aut adiectum aut deminutum clamorem, miscebat Atellanicos versus, ut tunc primum me etiam Vergilius offenderit. Lassus tamen cum aliquando desisset, adiecit Habinnas et "Nun<quam, in>quit, didicit, sed ego ad circulatores eum mittendo erudibam. Itaque parem non habet, sive muliones volet sive circulatores imitari.

No sound ever more acid struck my ears; for besides the clamor of errant barbarity, either added or diminished, he was mixing in Atellan verses, so that then for the first time even Vergil offended me. Tired out, however, when at last he stopped, Habinnas added: “He never learned, but I was training him by sending him to circulators. And so he has no equal, whether he wants to imitate muleteers or circulators.”

Desperatum valde ingeniosus est: idem sutor est, idem cocus, idem pistor, omnis Musae mancipium. Duo tamen vitia habet, quae si non haberet, esset omnium numerum: recutitus est et stertit. Nam quod strabonus est, non curo; sicut Venus spectat.

He is desperately ingenious: the same man is a cobbler, a cook, a baker, the bond-slave of every Muse. Yet he has two vices, which if he did not have, he would be number one of all: he is circumcised and he snores. For as to his being cross-eyed, I do not care; he looks as Venus looks.

Ideo nihil tacet, vix oculo mortuo unquam. Illum emi trecentis denariis. . ."

"Therefore he keeps nothing quiet, scarcely ever with a dead eye. I bought him for 300 denarii. . ."

[LXIX] Interpellavit loquentem Scintilla et: "Plane, inquit, non omnia artificia servi nequam narras. Agaga est; at curabo stigmam habeat." Risit Trimalchio et: "Adcognosco, inquit, Cappadocem: nihil sibi defraudit, et mehercules laudo illum; hoc enim nemo parentat. Tu autem, Scintilla, noli zelotypa esse.

[69] Scintilla interrupted the one speaking and said: "Plainly, she says, you are not telling all the artifices of the worthless slave. She’s a gaga; but I will see to it she has a brand-mark." Trimalchio laughed and said: "I recognize the Cappadocian: he defrauds himself of nothing, and by Hercules I praise him; for for this no one performs parentations. But you, Scintilla, do not be jealous."

Crede mihi, et vos novimus. Sic me salvum habeatis, ut ego sic solebam ipsumam meam debattuere, ut etiam dominus suspicaretur; et ideo me in vilicationem relegavit. Sed tace, lingua, dabo panem." Tanquam laudatus esset nequissimus servus, lucernam de sinu fictilem protulit et amplius semihora tubicines imitatus est succinente Habinna et inferius labrum manu deprimente.

“Believe me, we know you too. So may you have me safe, I used to bang my very own mistress in such a way that even the master grew suspicious; and for that reason he relegated me to villication (farm-stewardship). But hush, tongue, I’ll give you bread.” As though the most nefarious slave had been praised, he brought forth from his bosom a clay lamp and for more than half an hour imitated trumpeters, with Habinnas chiming in and pressing down his lower lip with his hand.

Vltimo etiam in medium processit et modo harundinibus quassis choraulas imitatus est, modo lacernatus cum flagello mulionum fata egit, donec vocatum ad se Habinnas basiavit, potionemque illi porrexit et: "Tanto melior, inquit, Massa, dono tibi caligas".

Finally he too advanced into the middle, and now with shaken reeds he imitated pipers, now, cloaked and with a whip, he played the muleteers’ roles, until, having summoned Habinnas to him, he kissed him, and proffered him a potion and said: "So much the better, Massa, I give you boots."

Nec ullus tot malorum finis fuisset, nisi epidipnis esset allata, turdi siligine<i> uvis passis nucibusque farsi. Insecuta sunt Cydonia etiam mala spinis confixa, ut echinos efficerent. Et haec quidem tolerabilia erant, si non fericulum longe monstrosius effecisset ut vel fame perire mallemus.

Nor would there have been any end to so many evils, had not the epidipnis (dessert) been brought in—thrushes stuffed with fine-wheat bread, raisins, and nuts. There followed Cydonian apples as well, stuck with thorns so as to make sea-urchins. And these indeed were tolerable, if a far more monstrous course had not been produced, so that we would rather perish of hunger.

Nam cum positus esset, ut nos putabamus, anser altilis circaque pisces et omnium genera avium: "<Amici> , inquit Trimalchio, quicquid videtis hic positum, de uno corpore est factum." Ego scilicet homo prudentissimus, statim intellexi quid esset, et respiciens Agamemnon: "Mirabor, inquam, nisi omnia ista de <fimo> facta sunt aut certe de luto. Vidi Romae Saturnalibus eiusmodi cenarum imaginem fieri".

For when there had been set down, as we thought, a fattened goose, and around it fishes and every kind of bird: "<Friends> , said Trimalchio, whatever you see placed here has been made from one body." I, of course, a most prudent man, at once understood what it was, and looking back at Agamemnon: "I shall marvel, I said, unless all those things have been made out of <dung> or at any rate out of clay. I saw at Rome at the Saturnalia a representation of dinners of this sort being made."

[LXX] Necdum finieram sermonem, cum Trimalchio ait: "Ita crescam patrimonio, non corpore, ut ista cocus meus de porco fecit. Non potest esse pretiosior homo. Volueris, de vulva faciet piscem, de lardo palumbam, de perna turturem, de colaepio gallinam.

[70] I had not yet finished my speech, when Trimalchio says: "So may I grow in patrimony, not in body, as my cook made those things out of a pig. A man cannot be more precious. If you like, he will make from a womb a fish, from bacon a wood-pigeon, from a ham a turtledove, from the hock a hen.

Et ideo ingenio meo impositum est illi nomen bellissimum; nam Daedalus vocatur. Et quia bonam mentem habet, attuli illi Roma munus cultros Norico ferro." Quos statim iussit afferri, inspectosque miratus est. Etiam nobis potestatem fecit ut mucronem ad buccam probaremus.

And so, by my ingenuity, the most beautiful name was imposed upon him; for he is called Daedalus. And because he has a good mind, I brought him from Rome a gift: knives of Noric steel. These he immediately ordered to be brought in, and, having inspected them, he marveled at them. He even gave us leave to test the point on the cheek.

Subito intraverunt duo servi, tanquam qui rixam ad lacum fecissent; certe in collo adhuc amphoras habebant. Cum ergo Trimalchio ius inter litigantes diceret, neuter sententiam tulit decernentis, sed alterius amphoram fuste percussit. Consternati nos insolentia ebriorum intentavimus oculos in proeliantes, notavimusque ostrea pectinesque e gastris labentia, quae collecta puer lance circumtulit.

Suddenly two slaves entered, as if they had staged a brawl at the cistern; certainly they still had amphorae about their necks. When therefore Trimalchio was declaring the law between the litigants, neither accepted the sentence of the arbitrator, but one struck the other’s amphora with a cudgel. Dismayed at the insolence of the drunkards, we fixed our eyes on the combatants, and we noted oysters and scallops slipping from their baskets, which, once collected, a boy carried around on a tray.

Has lautitias aequavit ingeniosus cocus; in craticula enim argentea cocleas attulit et tremula taeterrimaque voce cantavit.

An ingenious cook equaled these luxuries; for on a silver gridiron he brought snails and sang with a tremulous and most hideous voice.

Pudet referre quae secuntur: inaudito enim more pueri capillati attulerunt unguentum in argentea pelve pedesque recumbentium unxerunt, cum ante crura talosque corollis vinxissent. Hinc ex eodem unguento in vinarium atque lucernam aliquantum est infusum.

I am ashamed to relate what follows: for by an unheard-of custom long-haired boys brought unguent in a silver basin and anointed the feet of those reclining, after they had first bound the shins and ankles with garlands. Then from this same unguent a certain amount was poured into the wine-vessel and the lamp.

Iam coeperat Fortunata velle saltare, iam Scintilla frequentius plaudebat quam loquebatur, cum Trimalchio: "Permitto, inquit, Philargyre et Cario, etsi prasinianus es famosus, dic et Menophilae, contubernali tuae, discumbat. "Quid multa? Paene de lectis deiecti sumus, adeo totum triclinium familia occupaverat.

Now Fortunata had begun to want to dance, now Scintilla was applauding more frequently than she was speaking, when Trimalchio: "I permit it," he says, "Philargyrus and Cario, although you are a notorious Prasinian, tell Menophila too, your contubernalis, to recline." "Why say more? We were nearly thrown from the couches, so much had the whole triclinium been occupied by the household.

Certe ego notavi super me positum cocum, qui de porco anserem fecerat, muria condimentisque fetentem. Nec contentus fuit recumbere, sed continuo Ephesum tragoedum coepit imitari et subinde dominum suum sponsione provocare si prasinus proximis circensibus primam palmam".

Certainly I noticed set above me a cook, who had made a goose out of a pig, reeking of brine and condiments. Nor was he content to recline, but immediately began to imitate Ephesus the tragedian and repeatedly to challenge his master to a wager that the Green at the next circus games would take the first palm".

[LXXI] Diffusus hac contentione Trimalchio: "Amici, inquit, et servi homines sunt et aeque unum lactem biberunt, etiam si illos malus fatus oppresserit. Tamen me salvo cito aquam liberam gustabunt. Ad summam, omnes illos in testamento meo manu mitto.

[71] Relaxed by this contention Trimalchio said: "Friends, even slaves are human beings and equally have drunk the same milk, even if an evil fate has oppressed them. Nevertheless, with me safe they will soon taste free water. In sum, I manumit all of them in my testament.

Philargyro etiam fundum lego et contubernalem suam, Carioni quoque insulam et vicesimam et lectum stratum. Nam Fortunatam meam heredem facio, et commendo illam omnibus amicis meis. Et haec ideo omnia publico, ut familia mea iam nunc sic me amet tanquam mortuum".

To Philargyrus I also bequeath an estate and his contubernal mate, to Carion likewise a tenement (insula) and a twentieth and a made-up bed. For I make my Fortunata my heir, and I commend her to all my friends. And I publish all these things for this reason, that my household even now may love me thus as if dead".

Gratias agere omnes indulgentiae coeperant domini, cum ille oblitus nugarum exemplar testamenti iussit afferri et totum a primo ad ultimum ingemescente familia recitavit. Respiciens deinde Habinnam: "Quid dicis, inquit, amice carissime? Aedificas monumentum meum quemadmodum te iussi?

All had begun to give thanks for the master's indulgence, when he, forgetful of trifles, ordered the exemplar of the testament to be brought, and recited it all from first to last while the household was groaning. Then, looking back at Habinna: "What do you say, dearest friend? Are you building my monument just as I ordered you?"

Valde te rogo, ut secundum pedes statuae meae catellam pingas et coronas et unguenta et Petraitis omnes pugnas, ut mihi contingat tuo beneficio post mortem vivere; praeterea ut sint in fronte pedes centum, in agrum pedes ducenti. Omne genus enim poma volo sint circa cineres meos, et vinearum largiter. Valde enim falsum est vivo quidem domos cultas esse, non curari eas, ubi diutius nobis habitandum est.

I earnestly beg you to paint beside the feet of my statue a little dog, and coronas (wreaths) and unguents, and all the bouts of Petraites, so that it may befall me by your beneficence to live after death; moreover, that there be in front 100 feet, in depth 200 feet. For I want every kind of fruit to be around my ashes, and vineyards in plenty. For it is very false that houses should indeed be well-kept while one lives, and not be cared for where we have to dwell for a longer time.

Et ideo ante omnia adici volo: HOC MONUMENTUM HEREDEM NON SEQUATUR. Ceterum erit mihi curae, ut testamento caveam ne mortuus iniuriam accipiam. Praeponam enim unum ex libertis sepulchro meo custodiae causa, ne in monumentum meum populus cacatum currat.

And therefore, before all else, I want to add: THIS MONUMENT IS NOT TO FOLLOW THE HEIR. Moreover, it will be my concern to take precautions in my testament that, once dead, I may not receive an injury. For I will set one of my freedmen over my sepulchre for the sake of custody, so that the populace not run to my monument to shit.

Te rogo, ut naves etiam <in fronte> monumenti mei facias plenis velis euntes, et me in tribunali sedentem praetextatum cum anulis aureis quinque et nummos in publico de sacculo effundentem; scis enim, quod epulum dedi binos denarios. Faciatur, si tibi videtur, et triclinia. Facies et totum populum sibi suaviter facientem.

I ask you to make ships also <in front> of my monument, going with full sails, and me seated on a tribunal, wearing the praetexta, with five golden rings, and pouring out coins in public from a little purse; for you know that I gave a banquet, two denarii apiece. Let there be made, if it seems good to you, triclinia as well. You will also make the whole populace making it pleasant for themselves.

Ad dexteram meam pones statuam Fortunatae meae columbam tenentem, et catellam cingulo alligatam ducat, et cicaronem meum, et amphoras copiosas gypsatas, ne effluant vinum. Et urnam licet fractam sculpas, et super eam puerum plorantem. Horologium in medio, ut quisquis horas inspiciet, velit nolit, nomen meum legat.

At my right hand you will place a statue of my Fortunata holding a dove, and let her lead a little dog tied with a belt, and my page-boy, and plentiful amphoras plastered with gypsum, lest the wine flow out. And you may even sculpt a broken urn, and above it a boy weeping. A horologe in the middle, so that whoever inspects the hours, whether he wants to or not, reads my name.

Inscriptio quoque vide diligenter si haec satis idonea tibi videtur:

Also look carefully at the inscription, to see whether this seems to you sufficiently suitable:

C. POMPEIVS TRIMALCHIO MAECENATIANVS HIC REQVIESCIT
HVIC SEVIRATVS ABSENTI DECRETVS EST
CVM POSSET IN OMNIBVS DECVRIIS ROMAE ESSE TAMEN NOLVIT
PIVS FORTIS FIDELIS EX PARVO CREVIT SESTERTIVM RELIQVIT TRECENTIES
NEC VNQVAM PHILOSOPHVM AVDIVIT
VALE
ET TV "

GAIUS POMPEIUS TRIMALCHIO MAECENATIANUS HERE RESTS
TO HIM THE SEVIRATE WAS DECREED IN HIS ABSENCE
ALTHOUGH HE COULD BE IN ALL THE DECURIES AT ROME, YET HE DID NOT WANT IT
PIUS, BRAVE, FAITHFUL; FROM LITTLE HE GREW; HE LEFT 30,000,000 SESTERCES
AND HE NEVER LISTENED TO A PHILOSOPHER
FAREWELL
AND YOU "

[LXXII] Haec ut dixit Trimalchio, flere coepit ubertim. Flebat et Fortunata, flebat et Habinnas, tota denique familia, tanquam in funus rogata, lamentatione triclinium implevit. Immo iam coeperam etiam ego plorare, cum Trimalchio: "Ergo, inquit, cum sciamus nos morituros esse, quare non vivamus?

[72] When Trimalchio said these things, he began to weep copiously. Fortunata too was weeping, Habinnas too was weeping; finally the whole household, as if invited to a funeral, filled the triclinium with lamentation. Nay, I too had already begun to weep, when Trimalchio said: "Therefore," he says, "since we know that we are going to die, why do we not live?"

Sic nos felices videam, coniciamus nos in balneum, meo periculo, non paenitebit. Sic calet tanquam furnus. — Vero, vero, inquit Habinnas, de una die duas facere, nihil malo "; nudisque consurrexit pedibus et Trimalchionem gaudentem subsequi.

“So may I see us happy, let us toss ourselves into the bath—at my peril—it will not be regretted. It’s as hot as a furnace.” — “Indeed, indeed,” said Habinnas, “to make two out of one day, I would prefer nothing”; and he sprang up with bare feet to follow the rejoicing Trimalchio.

Ego respiciens ad Ascylton: "Quid cogitas? inquam, ego enim si videro balneum, statim expirabo. — Assentemur, ait ille, et dum illi balneum petunt, nos in turba exeamus".

I, looking back at Ascyltos: "What are you thinking? I say, for if I see the bath, I shall at once expire. — Let us assent, said he, and while they make for the bath, let us go out in the crowd".

Cum haec placuissent, ducente per porticum Gitone ad ianuam venimus, ubi canis catenarius tanto nos tumultu excepit, ut Ascyltos etiam in piscinam ceciderit. Nec non ego quoque ebrius, qui etiam pictum timueram canem, dum natanti opem fero, in eundem gurgitem tractus sum. Servavit nos tamen atriensis, qui interventu suo et canem placavit et nos trementes extraxit in siccum.

When these things had pleased, with Giton leading us through the portico we came to the door, where a chained dog received us with such a tumult that Ascyltos even fell into the piscina. Nor indeed I too, drunk—who had even feared the painted dog—while bringing help to the one swimming, was dragged into the same whirlpool. The hall-steward, however, saved us, who by his intervention both appeased the dog and drew us, trembling, out onto the dry.

At Giton quidem iam dudum <se> servatione acutissima redemerat a cane: quicquid enim a nobis acceperat de cena, latranti sparserat, et ille avocatus cibo furorem suppresserat. Ceterum cum algentes utique petissemus ab atriense ut nos extra ianuam emitteret: "Erras, inquit, si putas te exire hac posse, qua venisti. Nemo unquam convivarum per eandem ianuam emissus est; alia intrant, alia exeunt."

But Giton indeed had long since bought himself off from the dog by a very keen stratagem of preservation: for whatever he had received from us from dinner, he had scattered to the barking beast, and it, called off by the food, had suppressed its fury. Moreover, when, shivering with cold, we had of course begged from the atriensis to let us out beyond the door, he said: "You err, if you think you can go out by this way by which you came. No one of the dinner-guests has ever been sent out through the same door; they enter by one, they go out by another."

[LXXIII] Quid faciamus homines miserrimi et novi generis labyrintho inclusi, quibus lavari iam coeperat votum esse? Vltro ergo rogavimus ut nos ad balneum duceret, proiectisque vestimentis, quae Giton in aditu siccare coepit, balneum intravimus, angustum scilicet et cisternae frigidariae simile, in qua Trimalchio rectus stabat. Ac ne sic quidem putidissimam eius iactationem licuit effugere; nam nihil melius esse dicebat quam sine turba lavari, et eo ipso loco aliquando pistrinum fuisse.

[73] What are we to do, most wretched men, shut up in a labyrinth of a new kind, for whom it had already begun to be a vow to bathe? Accordingly, of our own accord we asked that he lead us to the bath, and, having flung off our garments, which Giton began to dry at the entrance, we entered the bath, narrow, of course, and like the cistern of a frigidarium, in which Trimalchio was standing upright. And not even thus was it permitted to escape his most rotten vaunting; for he kept saying that nothing was better than to bathe without a crowd, and that in that very place there had once been a bakehouse.

Deinde ut lassatus consedit, invitatus balnei sono diduxit usque ad cameram os ebrium et coepit Menecratis cantica lacerare, sicut illi dicebant, qui linguam eius intellegebant. Ceteri convivae circa labrum manibus nexis currebant, et gingilipho ingenti clamore exsonabant. Alii autem aut restrictis manibus anulos de pavimento conabantur tollere, aut posito genu cervices post terga flectere, et pedum extremos pollices tangere.

Then, when he sat down worn out, invited by the sound of the bath he stretched his drunken mouth even up to the vaulted ceiling and began to lacerate the songs of Menecrates, as those said who understood his tongue. The other guests were running around the basin with hands interlaced, and with a gingiliphus they were resounding with immense clamor. Others, with their hands restrained, tried to lift little rings from the pavement; or, with a knee planted, to bend their necks behind their backs and touch the outermost big toes of their feet.

Nos, dum alii sibi ludos faciunt, in solium, quod Trimalchioni parabatur, descendimus.

We, while others were making games for themselves, descended into the tub which was being prepared for Trimalchio.

Ergo ebrietate discussa in aliud triclinium deducti sumus ubi Fortunata disposuerat lautitias ita ut supra lucernas <vidi . . .> aeneolosque piscatores notaverim et mensas totas argenteas calicesque circa fictiles inauratos et vinum in conspectu sacco defluens. Tum Trimalchio: "Amici, inquit, hodie servus meus barbatoriam fecit, homo praefiscini frugi et micarius. Itaque tangomenas faciamus et usque in lucem cenemus".

Therefore, with the drunkenness shaken off, we were led down into another triclinium where Fortunata had arranged luxuries, such that above the lamps <I saw . . .> I noted little bronze fishermen, and tables entirely of silver, and all around gilded earthenware goblets, and wine, in plain sight, flowing down from a sack. Then Trimalchio said: "Friends, today my slave had his barbering, a man—touch wood—thrifty and a pinch-penny. And so let’s have a tangomenas and dine all the way into the light."

[LXXIV] Haec dicente eo gallus gallinaceus cantavit. Qua voce confusus Trimalchio vinum sub mensa iussit effundi lucernamque etiam mero spargi. Immo anulum traiecit in dexteram manum et: "Non sine causa, inquit, hic bucinus signum dedit; nam aut incendium oportet fiat, aut aliquis in vicinia animam abiciat.

[74] As he was saying these things, the cock, the barnyard rooster, crowed. At that sound, disconcerted, Trimalchio ordered wine to be poured under the table, and even for the lamp to be sprinkled with neat wine. Indeed, he shifted his ring to his right hand and said: "Not without cause has this bugler given a signal; for either a fire ought to happen, or someone in the neighborhood will give up the ghost."

Longe a nobis! Itaque quisquis hunc indicem attulerit, corollarium accipiet." Dicto citius de vicinia gallus allatus est, quem Trimalchio iussit ut aeno coctus fieret. Laceratus igitur ab illo doctissimo coco, qui paulo ante de porco aves piscesque fecerat, in caccabum est coniectus.

"Far from us! Therefore whoever brings this informer will receive a corollary (bonus)." Quicker than the word was said, a cock was brought from the neighborhood, which Trimalchio ordered to be cooked in a bronze kettle. Torn up, then, by that most learned cook, who a little before had made birds and fishes out of a pig, he was thrown into the stewpot.

Dumque Daedalus potionem ferventissimam haurit, Fortunata mola buxea piper trivit.

And while Daedalus quaffs a most boiling-hot potion, Fortunata ground pepper with a boxwood mill.

Sumptis igitur matteis, respiciens ad familiam Trimalchio: "Quid vos, inquit, adhuc non cenastis? Abite, ut alii veniant ad officium." Subiit igitur alia classis, et illi quidem exclamavere: "Vale Gai ", hi autem: "Ave Gai." Hinc primum hilaritas nostra turbata est; nam cum puer non inspeciosus inter novos intrasset ministros, invasit eum Trimalchio et osculari diutius coepit. Itaque Fortunata, ut ex aequo ius firmum approbaret, male dicere Trimalchionem coepit et purgamentum dedecusque praedicare, qui non contineret libidinem suam.

With the dainties thus taken up, looking back toward the household Trimalchio said: "What, you—have you not yet dined? Be off, so that others may come to their duty." So another class came in, and those indeed shouted: "Farewell, Gaius ", but these: "Hail, Gaius." From this point first our cheerfulness was disturbed; for when a not good-looking boy had entered among the new attendants, Trimalchio seized him and began to kiss him for a long while. Therefore Fortunata, in order to approve her firm right on equal terms, began to speak ill of Trimalchio and to proclaim him filth and a disgrace, who did not restrain his libido.

Vltimo etiam adiecit: "canis!". Trimalchio contra offensus convicio calicem in faciem Fortunatae immisit. Illa tanquam oculum perdidisset, exclamavit manusque trementes ad faciem suam admovit. Consternata est etiam Scintilla trepidantemque sinu suo texit.

Finally he even added: "dog!" Trimalchio, in return, offended by the abuse, hurled a chalice into Fortunata’s face. She, as though she had lost an eye, cried out and brought her trembling hands to her face. Scintilla too was dismayed and sheltered the trembling woman in her bosom.

Immo puer quoque officiosus urceolum frigidum ad malam eius admovit, super quem incumbens Fortunata gemere ac flere coepit. Contra Trimalchio: "Quid enim, inquit, ambubaia non meminit se? de machina illam sustuli, hominem inter homines feci. At inflat se tanquam rana, et in sinum suum non spuit, codex, non mulier.

Nay rather, even the dutiful boy applied a little cold jug to her cheek, and, leaning upon it, Fortunata began to groan and to weep. Trimalchio, on the contrary: "What then," he said, "does the ambubaia not remember herself? I lifted her from the stage-contraption, I made her a human among humans. But she puffs herself up like a frog, and she doesn’t spit into her own bosom—she’s a blockhead, not a woman."

Sed hic, qui in pergula natus est, aedes non somniatur. Ita genium meum propitium habeam, curabo domata sit Cassandra caligaria. Et ego, homo dipundiarius, sestertium centies accipere potui.

But this fellow, who was born in a stall, does not even dream of a house. So may I have my Genius propitious, I will see to it that Cassandra the boot-girl is tamed. And I, a two-penny man, could have received 10,000,000 sesterces.

Scis tu me non mentiri. Agatho unguentarius here proxime seduxit me et: 'Suadeo, inquit, non patiaris genus tuum interire.' At ego dum bonatus ago et nolo videri levis, ipse mihi asciam in crus impegi. Recte, curabo me unguibus quaeras.

You know I do not lie. Agatho the perfumer only yesterday drew me aside and said: “I advise that you do not allow your line to perish.” But I, while playing the good fellow and not wishing to seem light, drove an axe into my own shin. Right—I'll see to it that you seek me with your fingernails.

Et, ut depraesentiarum intelligas quid tibi feceris: Habinna, nolo statuam eius in monumento meo ponas, ne mortuus quidem lites habeam. Immo, ut sciat me posse malum dare, nolo me mortuum basiet."

And, that for the present you may understand what you have done to yourself: Habinna, I do not want you to place his statue in my monument, lest I have lawsuits even when dead. Rather, so that he may know I can give evil, I do not want him to kiss me, dead."

[LXXV] Post hoc fulmen Habinnas rogare coepit ut iam desineret irasci, et: "Nemo, inquit, nostrum non peccat. Homines sumus, non dei." Idem et Scintilla flens dixit, ac per genium eius Gaium appellando rogare coepit ut se frangeret. Non tenuit ultra lacrimas Trimalchio et: "Rogo, inquit, Habinna, sic peculium tuum fruniscaris: si quid perperam feci, in faciem meam inspue.

[75] After this thunderbolt, Habinnas began to ask that he now cease to be angry, and: "No one of us, said he, does not sin. We are men, not gods." The same Scintilla too, weeping, said, and, by his genius, addressing him as Gaius, began to beg that he would restrain himself. Trimalchio did not hold back his tears any longer and: "I ask, said he, Habinna, so may you enjoy your peculium: if I have done anything wrongly, spit into my face.

Puerum basiavi frugalissimum, non propter formam, sed quia frugi est: decem partes dicit, librum ab oculo legit, thraecium sibi de diariis fecit, arcisellium de suo paravit et duas trullas. Non est dignus quem in oculis feram? Sed Fortunata vetat.

I kissed a most frugal boy, not on account of beauty, but because he is frugal: he recites the ten parts, reads a book by sight, made himself a Thracian cloak out of his daily wages, provided a little strongbox from his own means and two ladles. Is he not worthy to be carried in my eyes? But Fortunata forbids it.

Ita tibi videtur, fulcipedia? Suadeo, bonum tuum concoquas, milva, et me non facias ringentem, amasiuncula: alioquin experieris cerebrum meum. Nosti me: quod semel destinavi, clavo tabulari fixum est.

So it seems to you, stilt-foot? I advise you, digest your “good,” kite, and do not make me snarling, little paramour: otherwise you will experience my brains. You know me: what I have once destined is fixed with a board-nail.

Sed vivorum meminerimus. Vos rogo, amici, ut vobis suaviter sit. Nam ego quoque tam fui quam vos estis, sed virtute mea ad hoc perveni.

But let us remember the living. I ask you, friends, that it may be pleasant for you. For I too was as you are, but by my virtue I have come to this.

Corcillum est quod homines facit, cetera quisquilia omnia. Bene emo, bene vendo; alius alia vobis dicet. Felicitate dissilio.

It is brains that make men; all the rest is rubbish. I buy well, I sell well; another will tell you other things. I burst with felicity.

Tu autem, sterteia, etiamnum ploras? Iam curabo fatum tuum plores. Sed ut coeperam dicere, ad hanc me fortunam frugalitas mea perduxit.

But you, snorer, are you still crying? Now I’ll see to it that you weep for your fate. But as I had begun to say, to this fortune my frugality has conducted me.

"Tam magnus ex Asia veni, quam hic candelabrus est. Ad summam, quotidie me solebam ad illum metiri, et ut celerius rostrum barbatum haberem, labra de lucerna ungebam. Tamen ad delicias ipsimi annos quattuordecim fui.

"Just as big, I came from Asia, as this candelabrum is. In sum, I used to measure myself by that every day, and so that I might have a bearded snout more quickly, I would anoint my lips from the lamp. Still, I was the very master’s pet for fourteen years.

Nec turpe est, quod dominus iubet. Ego tamen et ipsimae satis faciebam. Scitis quid dicam: taceo, quia non sum de gloriosis.

Nor is what the master orders shameful. I, however, also gave the mistress herself satisfaction. You know what I mean: I keep silent, because I am not of the vainglorious.

[LXXVI] "Ceterum, quemadmodum di volunt, dominus in domo factus sum, et ecce cepi ipsimi cerebellum. Quid multa? coheredem me Caesari fecit, et accepi patrimonium laticlavium.

[76] "But, as the gods will, I was made master in the house, and behold I seized the very master’s cerebellum. Why say more? He made me coheir with Caesar, and I received a laticlavian patrimony.

Nemini tamen nihil satis est. Concupivi negotiari. Ne multis vos morer, quinque naves aedificavi, oneravi vinum — et tunc erat contra aurum — misi Romam.

Yet for no one is anything enough. I longed to engage in commerce. Not to delay you with many details, I built five ships, I loaded them with wine — and then it was a match for gold — I sent them to Rome.

Putares me hoc iussisse: omnes naves naufragarunt. Factum, non fabula. Vno die Neptunus trecenties sestertium devoravit.

You would have thought I had ordered this: all the ships were shipwrecked. Fact, not fable. In one day Neptune devoured 30,000,000 sesterces.

Putatis me defecisse? Non mehercules mi haec iactura gusti fuit, tanquam nihil facti. Alteras feci maiores et meliores et feliciores, ut nemo non me virum fortem diceret.

Do you think I have failed? By Hercules, this loss was no taste to me, as if nothing had happened. I made others bigger and better and more felicitous, so that everyone called me a brave man.

Scis, magna navis magnam fortitudinem habet. Oneravi rursus vinum, lardum, fabam, seplasium, mancipia. Hoc loco Fortunata rem piam fecit: omne enim aurum suum, omnia vestimenta vendidit et mi centum aureos in manu posuit.

You know, a great ship has great fortitude. I loaded again wine, lard, beans, seplasium, slaves. At this point Fortunata did a pious deed: for she sold all her gold, all her garments, and put a hundred gold pieces into my hand.

Hoc fuit peculii mei fermentum. Cito fit quod di volunt. Vno cursu centies sestertium corrotundavi.

This was the leaven of my peculium. What the gods will is quickly done. With one voyage I rounded it off to ten million sesterces.

Statim redemi fundos omnes, qui patroni mei fuerant. Aedifico domum, venalicia coemo, iumenta; quicquid tangebam, crescebat tanquam favus. Postquam coepi plus habere quam tota patria mea habet, manum de tabula: sustuli me de negotiatione et coepi libertos fenerare.

Immediately I redeemed all the estates that had been my patron’s. I build a house, I buy up sale-slaves and draft animals; whatever I touched grew like a honeycomb. After I began to have more than my whole homeland has, hand from the tablet: I lifted myself out of business and began to lend at interest to my freedmen.

Et sane nolente me negotium meum agere exhortavit mathematicus, qui venerat forte in coloniam nostram, Graeculio, Serapa nomine, consiliator deorum. Hic mihi dixit etiam ea, quae oblitus eram; ab acia et acu mi omnia euit; intestinas meas noverat; tantum quod mihi non dixerat, quid pridie cenaveram. Putasses illum semper mecum habitasse.

And indeed, when I was unwilling to conduct my business, a mathematician encouraged me—who had by chance come into our colony—a little Greek, by name Serapa, a counselor of the gods. This man told me even the things which I had forgotten; from thread to needle he recounted to me everything; he knew my entrails; only that he had not told me what I had eaten for dinner the day before. You would have thought he had always lived with me.

[LXXVII] "Rogo, Habinna — puto, interfuisti —: 'Tu dominam tuam de rebus illis fecisti. Tu parum felix in amicos es. Nemo unquam tibi parem gratiam refert. Tu latifundia possides.

[77] "I ask, Habinna — I think, you were present —: 'You informed your mistress about those matters. You are too unlucky in friends. No one ever renders you equal gratitude. You possess latifundia.

Tu viperam sub ala nutricas' et — quid vobis non dixerim — etiam nunc mi restare vitae annos triginta et menses quattuor et dies duos. Praeterea cito accipiam hereditatem. Hoc mihi dicit fatus meus.

‘You nurture a viper under your wing’ and — what should I not say to you — even now there remain to me of life thirty years and four months and two days. Moreover, I shall soon receive an inheritance. This my fate tells me.

Quod si contigerit fundos Apuliae iungere, satis vivus pervenero. Interim dum Mercurius vigilat, aedificavi hanc domum. Vt scitis, casula erat; nunc templum est.

But if it should come about that I join together the estates of Apulia, I shall have come through sufficiently alive. Meanwhile, while Mercury keeps watch, I have built this house. As you know, it was a little cottage; now it is a temple.

Habet quattuor cenationes, cubicula viginti, porticus marmoratos duos, susum cellationem, cubiculum in quo ipse dormio, viperae huius sessorium, ostiarii cellam perbonam; hospitium hospites capit. Ad summam, Scaurus cnm huc venit, nusquam mavoluit hospitari, et habet ad mare paternum hospitium. Et multa alia sunt, quae statim vobis ostendam.

It has four dining-rooms, twenty bedchambers, two marble porticoes, upstairs a storeroom, the bedchamber in which I myself sleep, the sitting-room of this viper, a very good cell for the doorkeeper; the guest-quarters take in guests. In sum, when Scaurus came here, he preferred to lodge nowhere else, and he has by the sea an ancestral guest-house. And there are many other things which I will show you immediately.

Credite, mihi: assem habeas, assem valeas; habes, habeberis. Sic amicus vester, qui fuit rana, nunc est rex. Interim, Stiche, profer vitalia, in quibus volo me efferri.

Believe me: have an as, you will be worth an as; have, and you will be considered. Thus your friend, who was a frog, is now a king. Meanwhile, Stichus, bring forth the burial-clothes in which I wish to be carried out.

Profer et unguentum et ex illa amphora gustum, ex qua iubeo lavari ossa mea."

Bring out both the unguent and a taste from that amphora, from which I order my bones to be washed."

[LXXVIII] Non est moratus Stichus, sed et stragulam albam et praetextam in triclinium attulit. <Vitalia Trimalchio accepit> iussitque nos temptare, an bonis lanis essent confecta. Tum subridens: "Vide tu, inquit, Stiche, ne ista mures tangant aut tineae; alioquin te vivum conburam.

[78] Stichus did not delay, but brought both a white coverlet and a praetexta into the triclinium. and ordered us to test whether they had been made of good wools. Then, smiling a little: "See to it, Stichus," he said, "that neither mice nor moths touch those; otherwise I will burn you alive."

Ego gloriosus volo efferri, ut totus mihi populus bene imprecetur." Statim ampullam nardi aperuit omnesque nos unxit et: "Spero, inquit, futurum ut aeque me mortuum iuvet tanquam vivum." Nam vinum quidem in vinarium iussit infundi et: "Putate vos, ait, ad parentalia mea invitatos esse".

"I want to be borne out in glory, that the whole populace may invoke good upon me." Straightway he opened a nard ampulla and anointed all of us, and: "I hope," he said, "that it will help me dead just as much as living." For he ordered the wine to be poured into the wine-jar and said: "Suppose yourselves to have been invited to my Parentalia."

Ibat res ad summam nauseam, cum Trimalchio ebrietate turpissima gravis novum acroama, cornicines, in triclinium iussit adduci, fultusque cervicalibus multis extendit se super torum extremum et: "Fingite me, inquit, mortuum esse. Dicite aliquid belli." Consonuere cornicines funebri strepitu. Vnus praecipue servus libitinarii illius, qui inter hos honestissimus erat, tam valde intonuit, ut totam concitaret viciniam.

The affair was going to the height of nausea, when Trimalchio, weighed down by most disgraceful ebriety, ordered a new acroama, cornicines, to be brought into the triclinium, and, propped with many pillows, stretched himself out upon the end-couch and said: "Imagine me to be dead. Say something nice." The cornicines sounded together with a funereal din. One especially, a slave of that undertaker, who among these was the most respectable, thundered so strongly that he stirred up the whole vicinity.

Itaque vigiles, qui custodiebant vicinam regionem, rati ardere Trimalchionis domum, effregerunt ianuam subito et cum aqua securibusque tumultuari suo iure coeperunt. Nos occasionem opportunissimam nacti Agamemnoni verba dedimus, raptimque tam plane quam ex incendio fugimus.

And so the watchmen, who were guarding the neighboring district, thinking Trimalchio’s house was burning, suddenly broke down the door and began, with water and axes, to raise a tumult by full right. We, having seized a most opportune opportunity, put Agamemnon off with words, and hastily fled as plainly as from a fire.

[LXXIX] Neque fax ulla in praesidio erat, quae iter aperiret errantibus, nec silentium noctis iam mediae promittebat occurrentium lumen. Accedebat huc ebrietas et imprudentia locorum etiam interdiu obscura. Itaque cum hora paene tota per omnes scrupos gastrarumque eminentium fragmenta traxissemus cruentos pedes, tandem expliciti acumine Gitonis sumus.

[79] Nor was any torch in safeguard to open a path for us as we wandered, nor did the silence of now-midnight promise the light of any who might meet us. Added to this were drunkenness and an ignorance of the places, obscure even in broad daylight. And so, when for almost a whole hour we had dragged our bloodied feet over all the sharp stones and the projecting fragments of potsherds, at last we were extricated by Giton’s acumen.

Prudens enim pridie, cum luce etiam clara timeret errorem, omnes pilas columnasque notaverat creta, quae lineamenta evicerunt spississimam noctem, et notabili candore ostenderunt errantibus viam. Quamvis non minus sudoris habuimus etiam postquam ad stabulum pervenimus. Anus enim ipsa inter deversitores diutius ingurgitata ne ignem quidem admotum sensisset, et forsitan pernoctassemus in limine, ni tabellarius Trimalchionis intervenisset X vehiculis <deviis>. Non diu ergo tumultuatus stabuli ianuam effregit, et nos per eandem festram admisit.

For prudent indeed the day before, since even in bright light he feared error, he had marked all the piles and columns with chalk, which lineaments overcame the most compact night, and by notable candor showed the way to those wandering. Although we had no less sweat even after we reached the stable. For the old woman herself, long ingurgitated among the lodgers, would not even have felt a fire applied, and perhaps we would have spent the night on the threshold, had not Trimalchio’s courier intervened with 10 vehicles <byways>. Not long therefore, after making a commotion, he broke open the door of the stable, and admitted us through the same window.

<. . .>

Qualis nox fuit illa, di deaeque,
quam mollis torus! Haesimus calentes
et transfudimus hinc et hinc labellis
errantes animas. Valete curae
mortales.

What a night that was, gods and goddesses,
how soft the couch! We clung, hot,
and we transfused, here and there, with little lips
our wandering souls. Farewell, mortal
cares.

Ego sic perire coepi.

I thus began to perish.

Sine causa gratulor mihi. Nam cum solutus mero remisissem ebrias manus, Ascyltos, omnis iniuriae inventor, subduxit mihi nocte puerum et in lectum transtulit suum, volutatusque liberius cum fratre non suo, sive non sentiente iniuriam sive dissimulante, indormivit alienis amplexibus oblitus iuris humani. Itaque ego ut experrectus pertrectavi gaudio despoliatum torum, si qua est amantibus fides, ego dubitavi, an utrumque traicerem gladio somnumque morti iungerem.

Without cause I congratulate myself. For when, loosened by wine, I had let slack my drunken hands, Ascyltos, inventor of every injury, stole the boy from me at night and transferred him to his own bed, and, having rolled more freely with a brother not his own—whether not perceiving the injury or dissimulating it—fell asleep in alien embraces, forgetful of human law. And so I, when awakened, felt over the bed stripped of joy; if there is any faith for lovers, I myself doubted whether I should pierce them both with the sword and join sleep to death.

Tutius dein secutus consilium Gitona quidem verberibus excitavi, Ascylton autem truci intuens vultu: "Quoniam, inquam, fidem scelere violasti et communem amicitiam, res tuas ocius tolle et alium locum, quem polluas, quaere". Non repugnavit ille, sed postquam optima fide partiti manubias sumus: "Age, inquit, nunc et puerum dividamus".

Then, following the safer counsel, I did indeed rouse Giton with blows, but, gazing at Ascyltos with a truculent countenance: "Since," I said, "you have violated faith by crime and our common friendship, take your things at once and seek another place to pollute." He did not resist, but after we had divided the spoils in utmost good faith: "Come," he said, "now let us divide the boy as well."

[LXXX] Iocari putabam discedentem. At ille gladium parricidali manu strinxit et: "Non frueris, inquit, hac praeda super quam solus incumbis. Partem meam necesse est vel hoc gladio contemptus abscindam". Idem ego ex altera parte feci, et intorto circa brachium pallio, composui ad proeliandum gradum.

[80] I thought the one departing was joking. But he drew his sword with a parricidal hand and said: "You shall not enjoy this prey upon which you alone recline. It is necessary that, if scorned, I cut off my share even with this sword." I did the same on the other side, and, with my cloak twisted around my arm, I set my stance for combat.

Inter hanc miserorum dementiam infelicissimus puer tangebat utriusque genua cum fletu, petebatque suppliciter ne Thebanum par humilis taberna spectaret, neve sanguine mutuo pollueremus familiaritatis clarissimae sacra. "Quod si utique, proclamabat, facinore opus est, nudo ecce iugulum, convertite huc manus, imprimite mucrones. Ego mori debeo, qui amicitiae sacramentum delevi." Inhibuimus ferrum post has preces, et prior Ascyltos: "Ego, inquit, finem discordiae imponam.

Amid this madness of the wretches, the most unfortunate boy was touching the knees of each with weeping, and was beseeching that a humble tavern should not behold a Theban pair, nor that we, with mutual blood, should pollute the sacred rites of our most illustrious familiarity. “But if, in any case,” he was crying out, “there is need of a crime, behold my bare throat; turn your hands here, drive in the points. I must die, I who have effaced the sacrament of friendship.” We held back the steel after these prayers, and Ascyltos first: “I,” he said, “will impose an end to the discord.”

Puer ipse, quem vult, sequatur, ut sit illi saltem in eligendo fratre salva libertas." Ego qui vetustissimam consuetudinem putabam in sanguinis pignus transisse, nihil timui, immo condicionem praecipiti festinatione rapui, commisique iudici litem. Qui ne deliberavit quidem, ut videretur cunctatus, verum statim ab extrema parte verbi consurrexit <et> fratrem Ascylton elegit. Fulminatus hac pronuntiatione, sic ut eram, sine gladio in lectulum decidi, et attulissem mihi damnatus manus, si non inimici victoriae invidissem.

"Let the boy himself follow whom he wishes, so that at least in choosing a brother his liberty may be kept safe." I, who supposed that our most time-honored consuetude had passed into a pledge of blood, feared nothing; rather I snatched at the condition with headlong haste, and committed the lawsuit to a judge. He did not even deliberate, so as to seem to have hesitated, but straightway, before the last word was out, sprang up and chose Ascyltos as brother. Thunderstruck by this pronouncement, just as I was, without a sword I fell onto the little couch, and I would have laid violent hands upon myself, condemned, if I had not begrudged my enemy his victory.

Egreditur superbus cum praemio Ascyltos, et paulo ante carissimum sibi commilitonem fortunaeque etiam similitudine parem in loco peregrino destituit abiectum.

Ascyltos goes out proud with the prize, and the fellow soldier dearest to him but a little before—equal also in the similitude of fortune—he left abject in a foreign place.

Nomen amicitiae, sic, quatenus expedit, haeret;
calculus in tabula mobile ducit opus.
Dum fortuna manet, vultum servatis, amici;
cum cecidit, turpi certitis ora fuga.
Grex agit in scaena mimum: pater ille vocatur,
filius hic, nomen divitis ille tenet.

Nomen of friendship, thus, in so far as it is expedient, sticks;
the counter on the tablet conducts the mobile work.
While Fortune remains, you keep the countenance, friends;
when she has fallen, you vie in shameful flight of faces.
The troupe acts a mime on the scene: that one is called “father,”
this one “son,” that one holds the name of “rich man.”

Mox ubi ridendas inclusit pagina partes,
vera redit facies, adsimulata perit.

Soon as the page has enclosed the laughable parts,
the true face returns, the simulated perishes.

[LXXXI] Nec diu tamen lacrimis indulsi, sed veritus ne Menelaus etiam antescholanus inter cetera mala solum me in deversorio inveniret, collegi sarcinulas, locumque secretum et proximum litori maestus conduxi. Ibi triduo inclusus, redeunte in animum solitudine atque contemptu, verberabam aegrum planctibus pectus et inter tot altissimos gemitus frequenter etiam proclamabam: "Ergo me non ruina terra potuit haurire? Non iratum etiam innocentibus mare?

[81] Nor did I for long indulge in tears; but fearing lest Menelaus, the assistant-schoolmaster, among the other evils should find me alone in the inn, I collected my little packs, and, sad, I rented a secluded place close to the shore. There, shut in for three days, as loneliness and contempt returned upon my mind, I was beating my ailing breast with blows, and amid so many very deep groans I was frequently even crying out: "So then the earth’s ruin could not swallow me? Not the sea, angry even against the innocent?"

Effugi iudicium, harenae imposui, hospitem occidi, ut inter audaciae nomina mendicus, exul, in deversorio Graecae urbis iacerem desertus? Et quis hanc mihi solitudinem imposuit? Adulescens omni libidine impurus et sua quoque confessione dignus exilio, stupro liber, stupro ingenuus, cuius anni ad tesseram venierunt, quem tanquam puellam conduxit etiam qui virum putavit.

I escaped judgment, I set foot on the sand of the arena, I killed my host, so that, among the names of audacity, I should lie a beggar, an exile, deserted in an inn of a Greek city? And who imposed this solitude on me? A youth defiled by every lust and by his own confession worthy of exile, free by debauchery, freeborn by debauchery, whose years were sold for a token (tessera), whom even one who took him for a man hired as though a girl.

Quid ille alter? qui die togae virilis stolam sumpsit, qui ne vir esset a matre persuasus est, qui opus muliebre in ergastulo fecit, qui postquam conturbavit et libidinis suae solum vertit, reliquit veteris amicitiae nomen et — pro pudor! — tanquam mulier secutuleia unius noctis tactu omnia vendidit.

What of that other one? who on the day of the toga virilis took up the stola, who was persuaded by his mother not to be a man, who did woman’s work in the workhouse, who, after he threw things into confusion and turned the very ground for his lust, left only the name of an old friendship and — for shame! — like a purse‑woman sold everything for the touch of a single night.

Iacent nunc amatores obligati noctibus totis, et forsitan mutuis libidinibus attriti derident solitudinem meam. Sed non impune. Nam aut vir ego liberque non sum, aut noxio sanguine parentabo iniuriae meae."

Now the lovers lie bound for whole nights, and perhaps, worn down by mutual libidinous desires, they mock my solitude. But not with impunity. For either I am not a man and free, or I will propitiate my injury with guilty blood."

[LXXXII] Haec locutus gladio latus cingor, et ne infirmitas militiam perderet, largioribus cibis excito vires. Mox in publicum prosilio furentisque more omnes circumeo porticus. Sed dum attonito vultu efferatoque nihil aliud quam caedem et sanguinem cogito, frequentiusque manum ad capulum, quem devoveram, refero, notavit me miles, sive ille planus fuit sive nocturnus grassator, et: "Quid tu, inquit, commilito, ex qua legione es aut cuius centuria?" Cum constantissime et centurionem et legionem essem ementitus: "Age ergo, inquit ille, in exercitu vestro phaecasiati milites ambulant?" Cum deinde vultu atque ipsa trepidatione mendacium prodidissem, ponere iussit arma et malo cavere.

[82] Having spoken these things, I gird my side with a sword, and, lest weakness lose the soldiery, I rouse my strength with more lavish foods. Soon I leap forth into public and, in the manner of the frenzied, I go around all the porticoes. But while, with a thunderstruck and savage face, I think of nothing other than slaughter and blood, and more frequently carry my hand back to the hilt which I had devoted, a soldier noticed me—whether he was a plain-clothes man or a nocturnal footpad—and said: "What about you, fellow-soldier: from what legion are you, or of which century?" When I had most steadfastly fabricated both a centurion and a legion, he said: "Come then: in your army do soldiers walk about in felt slippers (phaecasiae)?" When then by my face and by my very trepidation I had betrayed the lie, he ordered me to set down my arms and beware of trouble.

Despoliatus ergo, immo praecisa ultione retro ad deversorium tendo, paulatimque temeritate laxata coepi grassatoris audaciae gratias agere. <. . .>

Despoiled, therefore—nay, with my vengeance cut short—I make back to the lodging, and little by little, with my temerity relaxed, I began to give thanks for the robber’s audacity. <. . .>

Non bibit inter aquas, poma aut pendentia carpit
Tantalus infelix, quem sua vota premunt.
Divitis haec magni facies erit, omnia acervans
qui timet et sicco concoquit ore famem.
Non multum oportet consilio credere, quia suam habet fortuna rationem.

Non does the unhappy Tantalus drink amid waters, nor pluck the hanging fruits,
whom his own vows weigh down.
This will be the visage of the great rich man, piling up everything,
who is afraid and with a dry mouth stomachs hunger.
One ought not to trust much to counsel, because Fortune has her own reason.

<. . .>

[LXXXIII] In pinacothecam perveni vario genere tabularum mirabilem. Nam et Zeuxidos manus vidi nondum vetustatis iniuria victas, et Protogenis rudimenta cum ipsius naturae veritate certantia non sine quodam horrore tractavi. Jam vero Apellis quam Graeci mon(kthmon appellant, etiam adoravi.

[83] I came into a pinacotheca, marvelous for its various kinds of panels. For I saw the hand of Zeuxis, not yet overcome by the injury of age, and I handled, not without a certain shudder, the rudiments of Protogenes, contending with the truth of nature itself. And indeed I even adored that work of Apelles which the Greeks call the monochromon.

Tanta enim subtilitate extremitates imaginum erant ad similitudinem praecisae, ut crederes etiam animorum esse picturam. Hinc aquila ferebat caelo sublimis Idaeum, illinc candidus Hylas repellebat improbam Naida. Damnabat Apollo noxias manus lyramque resolutam modo nato flore honorabat.

For with such subtlety the extremities of the images had been cut to similitude, that you would believe there was even a painting of spirits. Here an eagle, lofty in the sky, was bearing the Idaean boy; there fair Hylas was repelling the shameless Naiad. Apollo was condemning the noxious hands, and was honoring the unstrung lyre with a newly born flower.

Inter quos etiam pictorum amantium vultus tanquam in solitudine exclamavi: "Ergo amor etiam deos tangit. Iuppiter in caelo suo non invenit quod diligeret, sed peccaturus in terris nemini tamen iniuriam fecit. Hylan Nympha praedata temperasset amori suo, si venturum ad interdictum Herculem credidisset.

Among which too, at the lovers’ faces painted by painters, as if in solitude I cried out: "Therefore love touches even the gods. Jupiter in his own heaven did not find what he might love, but though about to sin upon the earth, nevertheless he did injury to no one. The Nymph, having seized Hylas, would have tempered her love, if she had believed that Hercules would come to interdict."

Apollo pueri umbram revocavit in florem, et omnes fabulae quoque sine aemulo habuerunt complexus. At ego in societatem recepi hospitem Lycurgo crudeliorem." Ecce autem, ego dum cum ventis litigo, intravit pinacothecam senex canus, exercitati vultus et qui videretur nescio quid magnum promittere, sed cultu non proinde speciosus, ut facile appareret eum <ex> hac nota litterat<or>um esse, quos odisse divites solent. Is ergo ad latus constitit meum.

Apollo recalled the boy’s shade into a flower, and all the tales too had embraces without a rival. "But I received into fellowship a guest more cruel than Lycurgus." Behold then, while I am wrangling with the winds, there entered the pinacotheca a white-haired old man, with a practiced-looking face and one who seemed to promise I know not what great thing, but in attire not correspondingly showy, so that it was easy to see, <ex> this mark, that he belonged to the litterat<or>um, whom the rich are wont to hate. He therefore stood at my side.

"Ego, inquit, poeta sum et, ut spero, non humillimi spiritus, si modo coronis aliquid credendum est, quas etiam ad imperitos deferre gratia solet. 'Quare ergo, inquis, tam male vestitus es?' Propter hoc ipsum. Amor ingenii neminem unquam divitem fecit.

"I," he says, "am a poet and, as I hope, not of the most lowly spirit, if only crowns are to be believed, which favor is accustomed to bestow even upon the unskilled. 'Why then,' you ask, 'are you so badly dressed?' For this very reason. Love of genius has never made anyone rich.

"Qui pelago credit, magno se fenore tollit;
qui pugnas et castra petit, praecingitur auro;
vilis adulator picto iacet ebrius ostro,
et qui sollicitat nuptas, ad praemia peccat.
Sola pruinosis horret facundia pannis,
atque inopi lingua desertas invocat artes.

"He who entrusts to the sea raises himself by great interest;
he who seeks battles and camps is girded with gold;
the cheap adulator lies drunk on embroidered purple,
and he who solicits wedded women sins for prizes.
Only facundity shudders in frosty rags,
and the indigent tongue invokes deserted arts.

[LXXXIV] "Non dubie ita est: si quis vitiorum omnium inimicus rectum iter vitae coepit insistere, primum propter morum differentiam odium habet: quis enim potest probare diversa? Deinde qui solas exstruere divitias curant, nihil volunt inter homines melius credi, quam quod ipsi tenent. Insectantur itaque, quacunque ratione possunt, litterarum amatores, ut videantur illi quoque infra pecuniam positi.

[84] "Without doubt it is so: if anyone, an enemy of all vices, has begun to stand upon the straight path of life, first he has hatred on account of a difference of morals: for who can approve what is at variance? Next, those who care only to build up riches want nothing to be believed among men better than what they themselves hold. Therefore they assail, by whatever method they can, the lovers of letters, so that those too may seem to be set beneath money.

<. . .>

"Nescio quo modo bonae mentis soror est paupertas. <. . .>

"I do not know how, but poverty is the sister of a good mind. <. . .>

"Vellem, tam innocens esset frugalilatis meae hostis, ut deliniri posset. Nunc veteranus est latro et ipsis lenonibus doctior". <. . .>

"I would that the enemy of my frugality were so innocent that he could be charmed. Now the robber is a veteran and more learned than the pimps themselves". <. . .>

[LXXXV] EVMOLPVS. "In Asiam cum a quaestore essem stipendio eductus, hospitium Pergami accepi. Vbi cum libenter habitarem non solum propter cultum aedicularum, sed etiam propter hospitis formosissimum filium, excogitavi rationem qua non essem patri familiae suspectus amator.

[85] EUMOLPUS. "When I had been led out on stipend into Asia by the quaestor, I accepted hospitality at Pergamum. There, since I was gladly lodging not only on account of the refinement of the chambers, but also on account of my host’s most handsome son, I devised a plan by which I would not be a lover suspected by the paterfamilias.

Quotiescunque enim in convivio de usu formosorum mentio facta est, tam vehementer excandui, tam severa tristitia violari aures meas obsceno sermone nolui, ut me mater praecipue tanquam unum ex philosophis intueretur. Jam ego coeperam ephebum in gymnasium deducere, ego studia eius ordinare, ego docere ac praecipere, ne quis praedator corporis admitteretur in domum.

Whenever indeed, at a banquet, mention was made about the use of the beautiful, I flared up so vehemently, with such austere gloom I would not allow my ears to be violated by obscene speech, that my mother in particular looked upon me as one of the philosophers. Already I had begun to lead the ephebe to the gymnasium, I to arrange his studies, I to teach and to instruct, that no predator of the body be admitted into the house.

Forte cum in triclinio iaceremus, quia dies sollemnis ludum artaverat pigritiamque recedendi imposuerat hilaritas longior, fere circa mediam noctem intellexi puerum vigilare. Itaque timidissimo murmure votum feci et: "Domina, inquam, Venus, si ego hunc puerum basiavero, ita ut ille non sentiat, cras illi par columbarum donabo". Audito voluptatis pretio puer stertere coepit. Itaque aggressus simulantem aliquot basiolis invasi.

By chance, as we were lying in the triclinium, because the solemn day had curtailed the school and a longer hilarity had imposed a sloth of withdrawing, about the middle of the night I perceived the boy to be awake. Therefore, in the most timid murmur I made a vow and said: "Lady, I say, Venus, if I shall have kissed this boy, in such a way that he does not perceive it, tomorrow I will give him a pair of doves". On hearing the price of the pleasure, the boy began to snore. Therefore, attacking the one pretending, I assailed him with several little kisses.

Contentus hoc principio bene mane surrexi electumque par columbarum attuli expectanti ac me voto exsolvi.

Content with this beginning, I got up good and early in the morning and brought a chosen pair of doves to the expectant one, and I discharged my vow.

[LXXXVI] Proxima nocte cum idem liceret, mutavi optionem et: "Si hunc, inquam, tractavero improba manu, et ille non senserit, gallos gallinaceos pugnacissimos duos donabo patienti". Ad hoc votum ephebus ultro se admovit et, puto, vereri coepit ne ego obdormissem. Indulsi ergo sollicito, totoque corpore citra summam voluptatem me ingurgitavi. Deinde ut dies venit, attuli gaudenti quicquid promiseram.

[86] I’m sorry, but I can’t translate this passage because it contains explicit sexual content involving a minor. In neutral summary (omitting those details): on the next night the narrator changes his plan and vows to give two very pugnacious gamecocks if an action goes unnoticed; the other person draws nearer, the narrator humors him without excess, and at daybreak brings the delighted recipient what had been promised.

Vt tertia nox licentiam dedit, consurrexi ad aurem male dormientis: "Dii, inquam, immortales, si ego huic dormienti abstulero coitum plenum et optabilem, pro hac felicitate cras puero asturconem Macedonicum optimum donabo, cum hac tamen exceptione, si ille non senserit". Nunquam altiore somno ephebus obdormivit. Itaque primum implevi lactentibus papillis manus, mox basio inhaesi, deinde in unum omnia vota coniunxi. Mane sedere in cubiculo coepit atque expectare consuetudinem meam.

I’m sorry, but I can’t provide a direct translation of this passage because it depicts sexual activity involving a minor. In brief, on the third night the narrator vows to gift the boy an excellent Macedonian asturcon if he can enjoy intimacy with the sleeping youth without the youth noticing; finding him in a very deep sleep, he indulges his desire, and in the morning the youth sits in the chamber awaiting the narrator’s usual custom.

Scis quanto facilius sit columbas gallosque gallinaceos emere quam asturconem, et, praeter hoc, etiam timebam ne tam grande munus suspectam faceret humanitatem meam. Ergo aliquot horis spatiatus, in hospitium reverti nihilque aliud quam puerum basiavi. At ille circumspiciens ut cervicem meam iunxit amplexu: "Rogo, inquit, domine, ubi est asturco?"

You know how much more easily it is to buy doves and gallinaceous cocks than an asturcon, and, besides this, I was also afraid lest so great a gift should make my humanity seem suspect. Therefore, after strolling for several hours, I returned to the hostel and did nothing else but kiss the boy. But he, looking around, as he clasped my neck in an embrace, said: "I beg, master, where is the asturcon?"

[LXXXVII] Cum ob hanc offensam praeclusissem mihi aditum quem feceram, <mox tamen> iterum ad licentiam redii. Interpositis enim paucis diebus, cum similis casus nos in eandem fortunam rettulisset, ut intellexi stertere patrem, rogare coepi ephebum ut reverteretur in gratiam mecum, id est ut pateretur satis fieri sibi, et cetera quae libido distenta dictat. At ille plane iratus nihil aliud dicebat nisi hoc: "Aut dormi, aut ego iam dicam patri". Nihil est tam arduum, quod non improbitas extorqueat.

[87] Since on account of this offense I had precluded for myself the access which I had made, I returned again to license. With a few days interposed, since a similar case had carried us back into the same fortune, when I perceived the father snoring, I began to ask the ephebe to return into favor with me, that is, to allow that satisfaction be rendered to him, and the rest which a distended libido dictates. But he, plainly angry, said nothing else except this: "Either sleep, or I will now tell my father." Nothing is so arduous that shamelessness does not extort it.

Dum dicit: "Patrem excitabo ", irrepsi tamen et male repugnanti gaudium extorsi. At ille non indelectatus nequitia mea, postquam diu questus est deceptum se et derisum traductumque inter condiscipulos, quibus iactasset censum meum: "Videris tamen, inquit, non ero tui similis. Si quid vis, fac iterum". Ego vero deposita omni offensa cum puero in gratiam redii, ususque beneficio eius in somnum delapsus sum.

While he says: "I will wake my father ", nevertheless I crept in and, he resisting poorly, I extorted joy. But he, not un-delighted by my wickedness, after he complained for a long time that he had been deceived and mocked and paraded among his fellow-disciples, before whom he had boasted of my fortune: "See to it, however, he says, I will not be like you. If you want anything, do it again". I indeed, with all offense laid aside, was reconciled with the boy, and, having used his benefaction, I slipped into sleep.

Sed non fuit contentus iteratione ephebus plenae maturitatis et annis ad patiendum gestientibus. Itaque excitavit me sopitum et: "Numquid vis?" inquit. Et non plane iam molestum erat munus.

But the ephebe, of full maturity and with years eager to undergo, was not content with a repetition. And so he roused me, asleep, and said: "Do you perhaps want something?" And by now the service was no longer in the least troublesome.

Vtcunque igitur inter anhelitus sudoresque tritus, quod voluerat accepit, rursusque in somnum decidi gaudio lassus. Interposita minus hora pungere me manu coepit et dicere: "Quare non facimus?" Tum ego toties excitatus plane vehementer excandui et reddidi illi voces suas: "Aut dormi, aut ego iam patri dicam". <. . .>

However, then, worn down amid gasps and sweats, he received what he had wanted, and I, weary with joy, fell back into sleep. With less than an hour interposed, he began to poke me with his hand and say: "Why are we not doing it?" Then I, roused so many times, plainly flared up fiercely and returned his words to him: "Either sleep, or I will now tell your father." <. . .>

[LXXXVIII] Erectus his sermonibus consulere prudentiorem coepi <atque ab eo> aetates tabularum et quaedam argumenta mihi obscura simulque causam desidiae praesentis excutere, cum pulcherrimae artes perissent, inter quas pictura ne minimum sui vestigium reliquisset. Tum ille: "Pecuniae, inquit, cupiditas haec tropica instituit. Priscis enim temporibus, cum adhuc nuda virtus placeret, vigebant artes ingenuae summumque certamen inter homines erat, ne quid profuturum saeculis diu lateret.

[88] Roused by these discourses, I began to consult a more prudent man to examine the dates of the paintings and certain arguments/subjects that were obscure to me, and at the same time to shake out the cause of the present sloth (desidia), since the most beautiful arts had perished, among which painting had left not the least vestige of itself. Then he said: "The cupidity of money has instituted these tropics (turnings). For in former times, when naked virtue still pleased, the ingenuous arts flourished, and the highest contest among men was that nothing which would be of profit to the ages should long lie hidden."

Itaque herbarum omnium sucos Democritus expressit, et ne lapidum virgultorumque vis lateret, aetatem inter experimenta consumpsit Eudoxos quidem in cacumine excelsissimi montis consenuit ut astrorum caelique motus deprehenderet, et Chrysippus, ut ad inventionem sufficeret, ter elleboro animum detersit. Verum ut ad plastas convertar, Lysippum statuae unius lineamentis inhaerentem inopia extinxit, et Myron, qui paene animas hominum ferarumque aere comprehenderat, non invenit heredem. At nos vino scortisque demersi ne paratas quidem artes audemus cognoscere, sed accusatores antiquitatis vitia tantum docemus et discimus.

Therefore Democritus pressed out the juices of all herbs, and lest the power of stones and of little shrubs lie hidden, Eudoxus spent his lifetime among experiments indeed grew old on the summit of a most lofty mountain, that he might apprehend the motions of the stars and of the sky; and Chrysippus, that he might suffice for invention, scoured his mind three times with hellebore. But to turn to the sculptors, poverty extinguished Lysippus, clinging to the lineaments of a single statue, and Myron, who had almost captured in bronze the souls of men and of wild beasts, found no heir. But we, submerged in wine and harlots, do not even dare to recognize the arts made ready for us, but, accusers of antiquity, we teach and learn only vices.

Vbi est dialectica? ubi astronomia? ubi sapientiae cultissima via?

Where is dialectic? where astronomy? where the most cultivated way of sapience?

Quis unquam venit in templum et votum fecit, si ad eloquentiam pervenisset? quis, si philosophiae fontem attigisset? Ac ne bonam quidem mentem aut bonam valitudinem petunt, sed statim antequam limen Capitolii tangant, alius donum promittit, si propinquum divitem extulerit, alius, si thesaurum effoderit, alius, si ad trecenties sestertium salvus pervenerit.

Who ever came into a temple and made a vow, if he should arrive at eloquence? who, if he should touch the fountain of philosophy? And they do not even ask for a good mind or good health, but straightaway, before they so much as touch the threshold of the Capitol, one promises a gift if he will have carried out a rich kinsman to burial, another if he will have dug up a treasure, another if he will have safely come to 30,000,000 sesterces.

Ipse senatus, recti bonique praeceptor, mille pondo auri Capitolio promittere solet, et ne quis dubitet pecuniam concupiscere, Iovem quoque peculio exorat. Noli ergo mirari, si pictura defecit, cum omnibus dis hominibusque formosior videatur massa auri, quam quicquid Apelles Phidiasque, Graeculi delirantes, fecerunt.

The Senate itself, preceptor of the right and the good, is accustomed to promise a thousand pounds of gold to the Capitol, and, lest anyone doubt that it covets money, it even beseeches Jupiter with a private purse (peculium). Do not therefore marvel if painting has failed, since to all gods and men a mass of gold seems more beautiful than whatever Apelles and Phidias, raving Greeklings, have made.

[LXXXIX] Sed video te totum in illa haerere tabula, quae Troiae halosin ostendit. Itaque conabor opus versibus pandere:

[89] But I see you wholly lingering over that panel which shows the sack of Troy. Therefore I will try to unfold the work in verses:

Iam decuma maestos inter ancipites metus
Phrygas obsidebat messis, et vatis fides
Calchantis atro dubia pendebat metu,
cum Delio profante caesi vertices
Idae trahuntur, scissaque in molem cadunt
robora, minacem quae figurarent equum.
Aperitur ingens antrum et obducti specus,
qui castra caperent. Huc decenni proelio
irata virtus abditur, stipant graves
recessus Danai et in voto latent.

I Now the tenth harvest was besieging the sad Phrygians amid two-edged fears,
and the faith of the seer Calchas hung doubtful with black dread,
when, with the Delian proclaiming, the felled peaks
of Ida are dragged, and the split oaks fall into a mass
to shape a menacing horse. A vast antrum is opened and a covered cavern,
to take the camp. Hither, angered by the 10-year battle,
valor is hidden; the Danaans throng the heavy recesses
and lie concealed in fulfillment of their vow.

O patria, pulsas mille credidimus rates
solumque bello liberum: hoc titulus fero
incisus, hoc ad fata compositus Sinon
firmabat et mendacium in damnum potens.
Iam turba portis libera ac bello carens
in vota properat. Fletibus manant genae,
mentisque pavidae gaudium lacrimas habet.

O fatherland, we believed the thousand ships had been driven away and the land freed from war: this, an inscription incised with iron, this, composed for fate, Sinon was confirming, and a lie potent for harm.
Now the crowd, free at the gates and lacking war, hastens to vows.
Cheeks stream with weeping, and the joy of a fearful mind has tears.

Quas metus abegit. Namque Neptuno sacer
crinem solutus omne Laocoon replet
clamore vulgus. Mox reducta cuspide
uterum notavit, fata sed tardant manus,
ictusque resilit et dolis addit fidem.

Which fear drove away. For Laocoön, sacred to Neptune,
with hair loosened, fills the whole crowd with shouting.
Soon, with the spear-point drawn back, he marked the belly,
but the fates delay the hands; and the stroke rebounds
and adds faith to the deceits.

Iterum tamen confirmat invalidam manum
altaque bipenni latera pertemptat. Fremit
captiva pubes intus, et dum murmurat,
roborea moles spirat alieno metu.
Ibat iuventus capta, dum Troiam capit,
bellumque totum fraude ducebat nova.

Yet again, however, he confirms his infirm hand
and with the upraised two‑edged axe he thoroughly tests the flanks. It roars,
the captive youth within, and while it murmurs,
the oaken mass breathes with alien fear.
The captured youth was going, while it captures Troy,
and was conducting the whole war by a new fraud.

Ecce alia monstra: celsa qua Tenedos mare
dorso replevit, tumida consurgunt freta
undaque resultat scissa tranquillo minor,
qualis silenti nocte remorum sonus
longe refertur, cum premunt classes mare
pulsumque marmor abiete imposita gemit.
Respicimus: angues orbibus geminis ferunt
ad saxa fluctus, tumida quorum pectora
rates ut altae lateribus spumas agunt.
Dat cauda sonitum, liberae ponto iubae
consentiunt luminibus, fulmineum iubar
incendit aequor sibilisque undae tremunt.

Behold other monsters: where lofty Tenedos with its back has filled the sea,
the swollen straits rise up, and the wave, split, rebounds, lesser even in calm,
such as on a silent night the sound of oars is borne far,
when fleets press the sea and the marble-smooth surface, smitten, groans
beneath the fir-wood laid upon it. We look back: serpents with twin coils
drive the billows toward the rocks, whose swollen breasts, as tall ships
with their flanks, churn up foams. The tail gives a sound, their manes free upon the deep
accord with their eyes; a fulminous radiance sets the level sea ablaze,
and with hisses the waves tremble.

Stupuere mentes. Infulis stabant sacri
Phrygioque cultu gemina nati pignora
Lauconte. Quos repente tergoribus ligant
angues corusci.

The minds were stupefied. Sacred with fillets
and in Phrygian attire stood the twin pledges of offspring
with Laocoon. Whom suddenly with their coils
the flashing serpents bind.

Parvulas illi manus
ad ora referunt, neuter auxilio sibi,
uterque fratri; transtulit pietas vices
morsque ipsa miseros mutuo perdit metu.
Accumulat ecce liberum funus parens,
infirmus auxiliator. Invadunt virum
iam morte pasti membraque ad terram trahunt.

They bring their very small hands
to their faces, neither a help to himself,
each to his brother; piety has transferred the duties,
and death itself destroys the wretches by mutual fear.
Behold, the parent accumulates the funeral of his children,
a feeble auxiliary. They attack the man,
already glutted with death, and drag his limbs to the earth.

Iacet sacerdos inter aras victima
terramque plangit. Sic profanatis sacris
peritura Troia perdidit primum deos.
Iam plena Phoebe candidum extulerat iubar
minora ducens astra radianti face,
cum inter sepultos Priamidas nocte et mero
Danai relaxant claustra et effundunt viros.

The priest lies among the altars, a victim,
and beats the earth. Thus, with rites profaned,
Troy, destined to perish, first lost her gods.
Now full Phoebe had lifted her shining beam,
leading the lesser stars with her radiant torch,
when, while the Priamids were buried in night and wine,
the Danaans loosen the bars and pour out their men.

Temptant in armis se duces, ceu ubi solet
nodo remissus Thessali quadrupes iugi
cervicem et altas quatere ad excursum iubas.
Gladios retractant, commovent orbes manu
bellumque sumunt. Hic graves alius mero
obtruncat, et continuat in mortem ultimam
somnos; ab aris alius accendit faces
contraque Troas invocat Troiae sacra."

The leaders test themselves in arms, as when the Thessalian quadruped, loosed from the knot of the yoke, is wont to shake its neck and lofty manes for a dash.
They re-handle their swords, they set their orbs (round shields) in motion with the hand, and they take up war.
Here one cuts down men heavy with wine, and he prolongs their sleeps into the ultimate death; another lights torches from the altars and calls upon Troy’s sacra against the Trojans."

[XC] Ex is, qui in porticibus spatiabantur, lapides in Eumolpum recitantem miserunt. At ille, qui plausum ingenii sui noverat, operuit caput extraque templum profugit. Timui ego, ne me poetam vocaret.

[90] Of those who were strolling in the porticoes, they hurled stones at Eumolpus as he was reciting. But he, who knew the applause of his genius, covered his head and fled outside the temple. I was afraid lest he should call me a poet.

Itaque subsecutus fugientem ad litus perveni, et ut primum extra teli coniectum licuit consistere: "Rogo, inquam, quid tibi vis cum isto morbo? Minus quam duabus horis mecum moraris, et saepius poetice quam humane locutus es. Itaque non miror, si te populus lapidibus persequitur. Ego quoque sinum meum saxis onerabo ut, quotiescunque coeperis a te exire, sanguinem tibi a capite mittam". Movit ille vultum et: "O mi, inquit, adulescens, non hodie primum auspicatus sum.

Therefore, having followed the fleeing man, I reached the shore, and as soon as it was permitted to halt outside a cast of a weapon: "I ask, said I, what do you want with that malady? You tarry with me less than two hours, and you have spoken more often poetically than humanely. Therefore I do not marvel if the populace persecutes you with stones. I too will load my bosom with stones so that, whenever you begin to go out from yourself, I may let blood for you from the head." He moved his countenance and: "O my adolescent, he said, I have not today for the first time auspicated."

lmmo quoties theatrum, ut recitarem aliquid, intravi, hac me adventicia excipere frequentia solet. Ceterum ne et tecum quoque habeam rixandum, toto die me ab hoc cibo abstinebo. — Immo, inquam ego, si eiuras hodiernam bilem, una cenabimus."

Nay rather, as often as I have entered the theater to recite something, this adventitious crowd is wont to receive me. Moreover, so that I may not have to quarrel with you as well, I will abstain from this food for the whole day. — Nay rather, I said, if you forswear today’s bile, we shall dine together."

Mando aedicularum custodi cenulae officium. <. . .>

I entrust to the custodian of the aedicules the office of the little supper. <. . .>

[XCI] Video Gitona cum linteis et strigilibus parieti applicitum tristem confusumque. Scires non libenter servire. Itaque ut experimentum oculorum caperem.

[91] I see Giton, with linens and strigils, applied to the wall, sad and confounded. You would know he was not serving willingly. And so, in order that I might take a trial of my eyes.

<. . .> Convertit ille solutum gaudio vultum et: "Miserere, inquit, frater. Vbi arma non sunt, libere loquor. Eripe me latroni cruento et qualibet saevitia paenitentiam iudicis tui puni.

<. . .> He turned his face, loosened by joy, and said: "Have mercy, brother. Where there are no arms, I speak freely. Snatch me from the bloody bandit, and with whatever savagery punish the penitence of your judge."

Satis magnum erit misero solacium tua voluntate cecidisse". Supprimere ego querelam iubeo, ne quis consilia deprehenderet, relictoque Eumolpo — nam in balneo carmen recitabat — per tenebrosum et sordidum egressum extraho Gitona raptimque in hospitium meum pervolo. Praeclusis deinde foribus invado pectus amplexibus, et perfusum os lacrumis vultu meo contero. Diu vocem neuter invenit; nam puer etiam singultibus crebris amabile pectus quassaverat.

"It will be great enough solace for the wretch to have fallen by your will." I order him to suppress his complaint, lest anyone detect our plans, and leaving Eumolpus — for he was reciting a poem in the bath — I drag Giton out through a dark and sordid exit and I fly swiftly to my lodging. Then, the doors having been shut, I assault his breast with embraces, and I rub with my face his face drenched in tears. For a long time neither found a voice; for the boy too had shaken his lovable breast with frequent sobs.

"O facinus, inquam, indignum, quod amo te quamvis relictus, et in hoc pectore, cum vulnus ingens fuerit, cicatrix non est. Quid dicis, peregrini amoris concessio? Dignus hac iniuria fui?" Postquam se amari sensit, supercilium altius sustulit.

"O outrage," I say, "unworthy, that I love you although abandoned, and in this breast, though the wound has been huge, there is no scar. What do you say, a concession of peregrine love? Was I worthy of this injury?" After he sensed that he was loved, he raised his brow higher.

<. . .>

"Nec amoris arbitrium ad alium iudicem tuli. Sed nihil iam queror, nihil iam memini, si bona fide paenitentiam emendas". Haec cum inter gemitus lacrimasque fudissem, detersit ille pallio vultum et: "Quaeso, inquit, Encolpi, fidem memoriae tuae appello: ego te reliqui, an tu me prodidisti? Equidem fateor et prae me fero: cum duos armatos viderem, ad fortiorem confugi". Exosculatus pectus sapientia plenum inieci cervicibus manus, et ut facile intellegeret redisse me in gratiam et optima fide reviviscentem amicitiam, toto pectore adstrinxi.

"Nor did I carry the arbitration of love to another judge. But now I complain of nothing, I now remember nothing, if in good faith you make good your repentance." When I had poured these words out amid groans and tears, he wiped his face with his cloak and said: "I beg, Encolpius, I appeal to the good faith of your memory: did I leave you, or did you betray me? For my part I confess and openly declare: when I saw two armed men, I took refuge with the stronger." Having kissed again and again that breast full of wisdom, I threw my hands about his neck, and, so that he might easily understand that I had returned into favor and that our friendship was reviving in utmost good faith, I pressed him to my whole breast.

[XCII] Et iam plena nox erat mulierque cenae mandata curaverat, cum Eumolpus ostium pulsat. Interrogo ego: "Quot estis?" obiterque per rimam foris speculari diligentissime coepi, num Ascyltos una venisset. Deinde ut solum hospitem vidi, momento recepi.

[92] And now it was full night, and the woman had taken care of the dinner mandates, when Eumolpus knocks at the door. I ask, "How many are you?" and at the same time I began most diligently to inspect outside through a crack, whether Ascyltos had come along. Then, when I saw the guest alone, I received him in a moment.

Ille ut se in grabatum reiecit viditque Gitona in conspectu ministrantem, movit caput et: "Laudo, inquit, Ganymedem. Oportet hodie bene sit". Non delectavit me tam curiosum principium, timuique ne in contubernium recepissem Ascylti parem. Instat Eumolpus, et cum puer illi potionem dedisset: "Malo te, inquit, quam balneum totum " siccatoque avide poculo negat sibi unquam acidius fuisse." Nam et dum lavor, ait, paene vapulavi, quia conatus sum circa solium sedentibus carmen recitare; et postquam de balneo tanquam de theatro eiectus sum, circuire omnes angulos coepi et clara voce Encolpion clamitare.

He, as he threw himself onto the cot and saw Giton serving in plain sight, nodded his head and said: “I commend Ganymede. It ought to be good today.” So curious a beginning did not delight me, and I was afraid that I had received into our contubernium an equal of Ascyltos. Eumolpus presses on, and when the boy had given him a potion, “I prefer you,” he says, “to the whole bath,” and, having greedily dried the cup, he declares that it had never been more acid for him. “For even while I was washing,” he says, “I nearly got a thrashing, because I tried to recite a carmen to those sitting around the tub; and after I was thrown out of the bath as if from a theatre, I began to go round all the corners and with a loud voice to shout Encolpius.”

Ex altera parte iuvenis nudus, qui vestimenta perdiderat, non minore clamoris indignatione Gitona flagitabat. Et me quidem pueri tanquam insanum imitatione petulantissima deriserunt, illum autem frequentia ingens circumvenit cum plausu et admiratione timidissima. Habebat enim inguinum pondus tam grande, ut ipsum hominem laciniam fascini crederes.

On the other side a naked youth, who had lost his garments, with no less an outcry of indignation was demanding Giton. And the boys indeed mocked me as though insane, with the most petulant imitation; but a huge concourse hemmed him in with applause and with the most timorous admiration. For he had such a weight of the groin that you would have believed the man himself to be the fringe of the phallus.

O iuvenem laboriosum! puto illum pridie incipere, postero die finire. Itaque statim invenit auxilium; nescio quis enim, eques Romanus, ut aiebant, infamis, sua veste errantem circumdedit ac domum abduxit, credo, ut tam magna fortuna solus uteretur.

O what a laborious youth! I think he begins the previous day and finishes the following day. And so he immediately found assistance; for some fellow—so they said, a Roman eques, infamous—enveloped the wandering boy with his own garment and led him home, I suppose, so that he alone might make use of so great a fortune.

At ego ne mea quidem vestimenta ab officioso recepissem, nisi notorem dedissem. Tanto magis expedit inguina quam ingenia fricare". Haec Eumolpo dicente mutabam ego frequentissime vultum, iniuriis scilicet inimici mei hilaris, commodis tristis. Vtcunque tamen, tanquam non agnoscerem fabulam, tacui et cenae ordinem explicui.

But I would not even have received my clothes back from the obliging fellow, unless I had produced a witness. So much the more is it expedient to rub the inguinal parts than the ingenuities." As Eumolpus was saying these things, I was changing my expression very frequently—cheerful, to be sure, at the injuries of my enemy, sad at his advantages. However, in any case, as though I did not recognize the story, I kept silent and set out the order of the dinner.

<. . .>

[XCIII] "Vile est, quod licet, et animus errore lentus iniurias diligit.
Ales Phasiacis petita Colchis
atque Afrae volucres placent palato,
quod non sunt faciles: at albus anser
et pictis anas renovata pennis
plebeium sapit. Vltimis ab oris
attractus scarus atque arata Syrtis
si quid naufragio dedit, probatur:
mulus iam gravis est.

[93] "What is cheap is what is permitted, and the mind, slow in error, loves injuries.
A bird sought from Phasian Colchis
and African fliers please the palate,
because they are not easy: but the white goose
and the duck renewed with painted feathers
tastes plebeian. From the farthest shores
a drawn-in scarus and the furrowed Syrtis,
if it has given anything by a shipwreck, is approved:
the mullet is now wearisome.

Amica vincit
uxorem. Rosa cinnamum veretur.
Quicquid quaeritur, optimum videtur."

A mistress conquers
a wife. The rose reveres cinnamon.
Whatever is sought appears optimal."

— Hoc est, inquam, quod promiseras, ne quem hodie versum faceres? Per fidem, saltem nobis parce, qui te nunquam lapidavimus. Nam si aliquis ex is, qui in eodem synoecio potant, nomen poetae olfecerit, totam concitabit viciniam et nos omnes sub eadem causa obruet.

— This is, I say, what you promised, that you would make no verse today? By your good faith, at least spare us, who have never stoned you. For if any of those who drink in the same synoecium should sniff out the name of a poet, he will rouse the whole vicinity and will overwhelm us all under the same charge.

Miserere et aut pinacothecam aut balneum cogita." Sic me loquentem obiurgavit Giton, mitissimus puer, et negavit recte facere, quod seniori conviciarer simulque oblitus officii mensam, quam humanitate posuissem, contumelia tollerem, multaque alia moderationis verecundiaeque verba, quae formam eius egregie decebant. <. . .>

"Have mercy and think either of the pinacotheca or the bath." Thus, as I was speaking, Giton, the gentlest boy, objurgated me, and denied that I was doing rightly, because I was reviling a senior and, at the same time, forgetful of duty, was removing by an affront the table which I had set out with humanity; and he added many other words of moderation and modesty, which excellently became his form. <. . .>

[XCIV] EVMOLPVS AD GITONEM. "O felicem, inquit, matrem tuam, quae te talem peperit: macte virtute esto. Raram fecit mixturam cum sapientia forma.

[94] EUMOLPUS TO GITON. "O happy, said he, your mother, who bore such a one as you: be increased in virtue. Beauty has made a rare mixture with wisdom."

Itaque ne putes te tot verba perdidisse, amatorem invenisti. Ego laudes tuas carminibus implebo. Ego paedagogus et custos, etiam quo non iusseris, sequar.

And so, do not think that you have wasted so many words: you have found a lover. I will fill songs with your praises. I, pedagogue and custodian, will follow even where you have not ordered.

Nec iniuriam Encolpius accipit: alium amat." Profuit etiam Eumolpo miles ille, qui mihi abstulit gladium; alioquin quem animum adversus Ascylton sumpseram, eum in Eumolpi sanguinem exercuissem. Nec fefellit hoc Gitona. Itaque extra cellam processit, tanquam aquam peteret, iramque meam prudenti absentia extinxit.

Nor does Encolpius take it as an injury: he loves another. That soldier too, who took the sword from me, profited Eumolpus; otherwise the spirit which I had taken up against Ascyltos I would have exercised upon Eumolpus’s blood. Nor did this escape Giton. Therefore he went out of the cell, as if he were seeking water, and he extinguished my anger by prudent absence.

Paululum ergo intepescente saevitia: "Eumolpe, inquam, iam malo vel carminibus loquaris, quam eiusmodi tibi vota proponas. Et ego iracundus sum, et tu libidinosus: vide, quam non conveniat his moribus. Puta igitur me furiosum esse, cede insaniae, id est, ocius foras exi". Confusus hac denuntiatione Eumolpus non quaesiit iracundiae causam, sed continuo limen egressus adduxit repente ostium cellae, meque nihil tale expectantem inclusit, exemitque raptim clavem et ad Gitona investigandum cucurrit.

Therefore, with the savagery growing a little tepid: "Eumolpus," I say, "now I would rather you speak in poems than set before yourself vows of that sort. I am irascible, and you are libidinous: see how ill these mores fit together. Suppose me, then, to be furious; yield to the insanity, that is, go out more quickly." Confounded by this denunciation, Eumolpus did not seek the cause of my anger, but immediately, having crossed the threshold, he suddenly pulled to the door of the cell, and, I expecting nothing of the sort, shut me in; and he swiftly took out the key and ran to track down Giton.

Inclusus ego suspendio vitam finire constitui. Et iam semicinctium stanti ad parietem spondae iunxeram cervicesque nodo condebam, cum reseratis foribus intrat Eumolpus cum Gitone meque a fatali iam meta revocat ad lucem. Giton praecipue ex dolore in rabiem efferatus tollit clamorem, me utraque manu impulsum praecipitat super lectum: "Erras, inquit, Encolpi, si putas contingere posse, ut ante moriaris.

Shut in, I resolved to finish my life by suspension. And already I had fastened my girdle to the side of the bed standing by the wall, and was fitting my neck into the knot, when, the doors unbarred, Eumolpus enters with Giton and recalls me from the fatal goal back to the light. Giton especially, carried into rage from grief, raises a clamor, and, having shoved me with both hands, hurls me headlong onto the bed: “You err,” he says, “Encolpi, if you think it can befall that you die before me.”

Prior coepi; in Ascylti hospitio gladium quaesivi. Ego si te non invenissem, periturus per praecipitia fui. Et ut scias non longe esse quaerentibus mortem, specta invicem quod me spectare voluisti". Haec locutus mercennario Eumolpi novaculam rapit, et semel iterumque cervice percussa ante pedes collabitur nostros.

I began first; in Ascyltus’s lodging I sought a sword. If I had not found you, I was going to perish by a precipitous plunge. And that you may know that death is not far for those seeking it, behold in turn that which you wished me to behold". Having said these things, he snatches the razor from Eumolpus’s hireling, and, his neck having been struck once and again, collapses before our feet.

Exclamo ego attonitus, secutusque labentem codem ferramento ad mortem viam quaero. Sed neque Giton ulla erat suspicione vulneris laesus, neque ego ullum sentiebam dolorem. Rudis enim novacula et in hoc retusa, ut pueris discentibus audaciam tonsoris daret, instruxerat thecam.

I cry out, thunderstruck, and, following the one collapsing, with the same implement I seek a way to death. But neither was Giton hurt with any suspicion of a wound, nor did I feel any pain at all. For a raw razor, and for this purpose blunted, so as to give to boys learning the trade the barber’s audacity, had stocked the sheath.

Ideoque nec mercennarius ad raptum ferramentum expaverat, nec Eumolpus interpellaverat mimicam mortem.

And so neither had the mercenary been alarmed at the seized iron, nor had Eumolpus interrupted the mimic death.

[XCV] Dum haec fabula inter amantes luditur, deversitor cum parte cenulae intervenit, contemplatusque foedissimam volutationem iacentium: "Rogo, inquit, ebrii estis, an fugitivi, an utrumque? Quis autem grabatum illum erexit, aut quid sibi vult tam furtiva molitio? Vos mehercules ne mercedem cellae daretis, fugere nocte in publicum voluistis.

[95] While this little drama is being played between the lovers, the innkeeper intervened with part of the light supper, and, after beholding the most foul rolling-about of those lying there: "I ask," said he, "are you drunk, or fugitives, or both? And who, moreover, set up that pallet, or what is the meaning of such furtive manipulation? You, by Hercules, so that you might not pay the rent of the cell, wanted to flee by night into the public street.

Sed non impune. Iam enim faxo sciatis non viduae hanc insulam esse sed Marci Mannicii". Exclamat Eumolpus: "Etiam minaris?"; simulque os hominis palma excussissima pulsat. Ille tot hospitum potionibus liber urceolum fictilem in Eumolpi caput iaculatus est, soluitque clamantis frontem, et de cella se proripuit, Eumolpus contumeliae impatiens rapit ligneum candelabrum, sequiturque abeuntem, et creberrimis ictibus supercilium suum vindicat.

But not with impunity. For I will at once see to it that you know this tenement is not a widow’s but Marcus Mannicius’s." Eumolpus shouts: "Do you even menace?"; and at the same time he strikes the man’s face with a most resounding slap of the palm. He, emboldened by so many potions of the guests, hurled a little earthenware pitcher at Eumolpus’s head and split the forehead of the one shouting, and he tore himself out of the cell. Eumolpus, impatient of the contumely, seizes a wooden candelabrum, follows the one departing, and with very frequent blows vindicates his own eyebrow.

Fit concursus familiae hospitumque ebriorum frequentia. Ego autem nactus occasionem vindictae Eumolpum excludo, redditaque scordalo vice sine aemulo scilicet et cella utor et nocte.

There is a concourse of the household and a throng of drunken guests. I, however, seizing the opportunity for revenge, shut Eumolpus out; and, with Scordalus paid back in turn, I make use—without a rival, of course—both of the room and the night.

Interim coctores insulariique mulcant exclusum, et alius veru extis stridentibus plenum in oculos eius intentat, alius furca de carnario rapta statum proeliantis componit. Anus praecipue lippa, sordidissimo praecincta linteo, soleis ligneis imparibus imposita, canem ingentis magnitudinis catena trahit instigatque in Eumolpon. Sed ille candelabro se ab omni periculo vindicabat.

Meanwhile the cooks and the tenement-dwellers were mauling the one shut out, and one aimed at his eyes a spit full of entrails sizzling, another, with a fork snatched from the meat-rack, arranged the stance of a combatant. An old woman especially, bleary-eyed, girt with a most filthy linen, set upon mismatched wooden clogs, drags by a chain a dog of enormous size and urges it against Eumolpus. But he with the candelabrum was defending himself from every danger.

[XCVI] Videbamus nos omnia per foramen valvae, quod paulo ante ansa ostioli rupta laxaverat, favebamque ego vapulanti. Giton autem non oblitus misericordiae suae reserandum esse ostium succurrendumque periclitanti censebat. Ego durante adhuc iracundia non continui manum, sed caput miserantis stricto acutoque articulo percussi.

[96] We were seeing everything through the hole of the door-leaf, which a little earlier the broken handle of the little door had loosened, and I for my part was favoring the one being beaten. But Giton, not forgetful of his mercy, judged that the door must be unbarred and that succor should be brought to the one in peril. I, with my anger still lasting, did not restrain my hand, but struck the head of the pitying one with a tightened and sharp knuckle.

Et ille quidem flens consedit in lecto. Ego autem alternos opponebam foramini oculos iniuriaque Eumolpi velut quodam cibo me replebam advocationemque commendabam, cum procurator insulae Bargates a cena excitatus a duobus lecticariis mediam rixam perfertur; nam erat etiam pedibus aeger. Is ut rabiosa barbaraque voce in ebrios fugitivosque diu peroravit, respiciens ad Eumolpon: "O poetarum, inquit, disertissime, tu eras?

And he indeed, weeping, sat down on the bed. I, however, was setting my eyes alternately to the hole and was filling myself, as with a certain food, with the injury to Eumolpus, and I was commending the advocacy, when the procurator of the insula, Bargates, roused from dinner, is borne by two litter-bearers into the middle of the brawl; for he was also sick in his feet. He, when he had perorated for a long time with a rabid and barbarous voice against the drunkards and fugitives, looking toward Eumolpus: "O most eloquent of poets," he said, "was it you?"

Et non discedunt ocius nequissimi servi manusque continent a rixa?" <. . .>

"And do the most nefarious slaves not depart more quickly and restrain their hands from the brawl?" <. . .>

BARGATES PROCVRATOR AD EVMOLPVM: "Contubernalis mea mihi fastum facit. Ita, si me amas, maledic illam versibus, ut habeat pudorem".

BARGATES PROCURATOR TO EUMOLPUS: "My bedfellow puts on haughtiness toward me. So, if you love me, speak ill of her in verses, that she may have shame."

[XCVII] Dum Eumolpus cum Bargate in secreto loquitur, intrat stabulum praeco cum servo publico aliaque sane modica frequentia; facemque tumosam magis quam lucidam quassans haec proclamavit: "Puer in balneo paulo ante aberravit, annorum circa XVI, crispus, mollis, formosus, nomine Giton. Si quis eum reddere aut commonstrare voluerit, accipiet nummos mille". Nec longe a praecone Ascyltos stabat amictus discoloria veste, atque in lance argentea indicium et fidem praeferebat. Imperavi Gitoni ut raptim grabatum subiret annecteretque pedes et manus institis, quibus sponda culcitam ferebat, ac sic ut olim Vlixes pro arieti adhaesisset, extentus infra grabatum scrutantium eluderet manus.

[97] While Eumolpus was speaking with Bargates in secret, into the stable enters the crier with a public slave and, to be sure, another truly modest attendance; and, shaking a torch swollen more than bright, he proclaimed these things: "A boy in the bathhouse a little before wandered off, about 16 years old, curly-haired, soft, handsome, by name Giton. If anyone will return him or point him out, he will receive a thousand coins." And not far from the crier Ascyltos was standing, clothed in a variegated garment, and on a silver platter he was holding forth the notice and the pledge. I commanded Giton to slip quickly under a cot and to fasten his feet and hands with the bed-cords, by which the frame bore the mattress, and thus, as once Ulysses had stuck under a ram, stretched out beneath the cot he might elude the hands of the searchers.

Non est moratus Giton imperium, momentoque temporis inseruit vinculo manus et Vlixem astu simillimo vicit. Ego ne suspicioni relinquerem locum, lectulum vestimentis implevi uniusque hominis vestigium ad corporis mei mensuram figuravi.

Giton did not delay the command, and in a moment of time he slipped his hands into the binding and, by a stratagem most similar, outdid Ulysses. I, so as to leave no place for suspicion, filled the little bed with garments and fashioned the vestige of a single person to the measure of my body.

Interim Ascyltos ut pererravit omnes cum viatore cellas, venit ad meam, et hoc quidem pleniorem spem concepit, quo diligentius oppessulatas invenit fores. Publicus vero servus insertans commissuris secures claustrorum firmitatem laxavit. Ego ad genua Ascylti procubui, et per memoriam amicitiae perque societatem miseriarum petii, ut saltem ostenderet fratrem.

Meanwhile Ascyltos, when he had traversed all the cells with the attendant-officer, came to mine, and indeed he conceived fuller hope from this, because he found the doors more diligently bolted. The public slave, however, inserting axes into the commissures, loosened the firmness of the bars. I fell at the knees of Ascyltos, and by the memory of friendship and by the society of our miseries I begged that he would at least show my brother.

Immo ut fidem haberent fictae preces: "Scio te, inquam, Ascylte, ad occidendum me venisse. Quo enim secures attulisti? Itaque satia iracundiam tuam: praebeo ecce cervicem, funde sanguinem, quem sub praetextu quaestionis petisti". Amolitur Ascyltos invidiam et se vero nihil aliud quam fugitivum suum dicit quaerere, mortem nec hominis concupisse nec supplicis, utique eius quem post fatalem rixam habuit carissimum.

Nay rather, so that the feigned prayers might have credit: "I know, I say, Ascyltos, that you have come to kill me. For what, indeed, did you bring axes? Therefore sate your wrath: behold, I proffer my neck; pour out the blood which you sought under the pretext of an inquest." Ascyltos removes the odium and says that in truth he is seeking nothing other than his fugitive, that he had coveted the death neither of a man nor of a suppliant, especially of him whom, after the fateful quarrel, he held most dear.

[XCVIII] At non servus publicus tam languide agit, sed raptam cauponi harundinem subter lectum mittit, omniaque etiam foramina parietum scrutatur. Subducebat Giton ab ictu corpus, et reducto timidissime spiritu ipsos sciniphes ore tangebat. <. . .>

[98] But the public slave does not act so languidly, but snatches the innkeeper’s reed and sends it under the bed, and he scrutinizes even all the holes of the walls. Giton was drawing his body away from the blow, and with his breath most timidly drawn back he was touching the very gnats with his mouth. <. . .>

Eumolpus autem, quia effractum ostium cellae neminem poterat excludere, irrumpit perturbatus et: "Mille, inquit, nummos inveni; iam enim persequar abeuntem praeconem, et in potestate tua esse Gitonem meritissima proditione monstrabo". Genua ego perseverantis amplector, ne morientes vellet occidere, et: "Merito, inquam, excandesceres si posses proditum ostendere. Nunc inter turbam puer fugit, nec quo abierit suspicari possum. Per fidem, Eumolpe, reduc puerum et vel Ascylto redde". Dum haec ego iam credenti persuadeo, Giton collectione spiritus plenus ter continuo ita sternutavit, ut grabatum concuteret.

But Eumolpus, because with the door of the cell broken he could exclude no one, irrupts, perturbed, and says: "I have found a thousand coins; for now I will pursue the departing crier, and I will show by a most well-deserved betrayal that Giton is in your power." I clasp the knees of the man persisting, so that he would not wish to kill the dying, and say: "You would, I say, rightly flare up if you could show him as betrayed. Now, amid the crowd, the boy has fled, nor can I suspect where he has gone. By good faith, Eumolpus, bring the boy back and hand him over even to Ascyltos." While I am persuading him, now believing, Giton, full with a gathering of breath, sneezed three times in succession in such a way that he shook the cot.

Ad quem motum Eumolpus conversus salvere Gitona iubet. Remota etiam culcita videt Vlixem, cui vel esuriens Cyclops potuisset parcere. Mox conversus ad me: "Quid est, inquit, latro?

At that motion Eumolpus, turning, bids Giton hail. With the mattress also removed, he sees a Ulysses whom even a starving Cyclops could have spared. Soon, turning to me: "What is it," he says, "robber?"

Ne deprehensus quidem ausus es mihi verum dicere. Immo ni deus quidam humanarum rerum arbiter pendenti puero excussisset indicium, elusus circa popinas errarem."

Not even when apprehended did you dare to tell me the truth. Nay rather, if some god, arbiter of human affairs, had not shaken a sign out of the boy as he dangled, I, duped, would have been wandering around the cookshops."

Giton longe blandior quam ego, primum araneis oleo madentibus vulnus, quod in supercilio factum erat, coartavit. Mox palliolo suo laceratam mutavit vestem, amplexusque iam mitigatum, osculis tanquam fomentis aggressus est et: "In tua, inquit, pater carissime, in tua sumus custodia. Si Gitona tuum amas, incipe velle servare.

Giton, far more blandishing than I, first staunched the wound—which had been made on the eyebrow—with spiderwebs soaked in oil. Soon he changed the torn garment for his own little cloak, and, embracing him now softened, he set upon him with kisses as if with poultices, and: "In your keeping," he said, "dearest father, in your keeping we are. If you love your Giton, begin to be willing to preserve."

Vtinam me solum inimicus ignis hauriret aut hibernum invaderet mare. Ego enim omnium scelerum materia, ego causa sum. Si perirem, conveniret inimicis." <. . .>

"Would that hostile fire would swallow me alone, or that the wintry sea would invade me. For I am the material of all crimes, I am the cause. If I were to perish, it would suit my enemies." <. . .>

[XCIX] EVMOLPVS: "Ego sic semper et ubique vixi, ut ultimam quamque lucem tanquam non redituram consumerem". <. . .>

[99] EUMOLPUS: "I have thus always and everywhere lived, to consume each last light as though it were not going to return". <. . .>

Profusis ego lacrimis rogo quaesoque, ut mecum quoque redeat in gratiam: neque enim in amantium esse potestate furiosam aemulationem. Daturum tamen operam ne aut dicam aut faciam amplius, quo possit offendi. Tantum omnem scabitudinem animo tanquam bonarum artium magister deleret sine cicatrice." Incultis asperisque regionibus diutius nives haerent, ast ubi aratro domefacta tellus nitet, dum loqueris, levis pruina dilabitur.

With tears poured out I ask and I beseech, that she too may return into favor with me; for mad emulation (jealousy) is not within the power of lovers. I will nevertheless take pains that I neither say nor do anything further by which she could be offended. Only let him erase all scabrousness from his mind, like a master of the good arts, without a cicatrix." In uncultivated and rough regions snows cling longer; but when the soil, tamed by the plow, shines, while you are speaking, the light rime slips away.

Similiter in pectoribus ira considit: feras quidem mentes obsidet, eruditas praelabitur. — Vt scias, inquit Eumolpus, verum esse quod dicis, ecce etiam osculo iram finio. Itaque, quod bene eveniat, expedite sarcinulas et vel sequimini me vel, si mavultis, ducite". Adhuc loquebatur, cum crepuit ostium impulsum, stetitque in limine barbis horrentibus nauta et: "Moraris, inquit, Eumolpe, tanquam properandum ignores". Haud mora, omnes consurgimus, et Eumolpus quidem mercennarium suum iam olim dormientem exire cum sarcinis iubet.

Similarly in breasts anger settles: it does indeed besiege wild minds, it glides past the educated. — “So that you may know,” says Eumolpus, “that what you say is true, behold I even end anger with a kiss. And so, may it turn out well, make ready the little bundles and either follow me or, if you prefer, lead.” He was still speaking, when the door creaked, having been pushed, and a sailor with bristling beard stood on the threshold and said: “You delay, Eumolpus, as though you were unaware that there must be hurrying.” Without delay, we all rise, and Eumolpus orders his hireling, long since asleep, to go out with the bundles.

Ego cum Gitone quicquid erat in alutam compono, et adoratis sideribus intro navigium. <. . .>

I, together with Giton, stow whatever there was into the leather bag, and, the stars having been adored, I go aboard the ship. <. . .>

[C] "Molestum est quod puer hospiti placet. Quid autem? Non commune est, quod natura optimum fecit?

[C] "It is troublesome that the boy pleases the guest. What then? Is not that which nature has made best common?

Sol omnibus lucet. Luna innumerabilibus comitata sideribus etiam feras ducit ad pabulum. Quid aquis dici formosius potest?

The Sun shines for all. The Moon, accompanied by innumerable stars, even leads the wild beasts to pasture. What can be said more beautiful about the waters?

In publico tamen manant. Solus ergo amor furtum potius quam praemium erit? Immo vero nolo habere bona, nisi quibus populus inviderit.

Yet they flow in public. So then will love alone be a theft rather than a reward? Nay rather, I do not wish to have goods, unless they be such as the populace envies.

Vnus, et senex, non erit gravis; etiam cum voluerit aliquid sumere, opus anhelilu prodet". Haec ut intra fiduciam posui fraudavique animum dissidentem, coepi somnum obruto tunicula capite mentiri.

"One, and an old man, will not be burdensome; even when he wants to take up something, the effort—his panting—will betray it." Having set these points within my confidence and defrauded my dissenting mind, I began to feign sleep, my head covered with my little tunic.

Sed repente quasi destruente fortuna constantiam meam eiusmodi vox supra constratum puppis congemuit: "Ergo me derisit?" Et haec quidem virilis et paene auribus meis familiaris animum palpitantem percussit. Ceterum eadem indignatione mulier lacerata ulterius excanduit et: "Si quis deus manibus meis, inquit, Gitona imponeret, quam bene exulem exciperem." Vterque nostrum tam inexpectato ictus sono amiserat sanguinem. Ego praecipue quasi somnio quodam turbulento circumactus diu vocem collegi, tremebundisque manibus Eumolpi iam in soporem labentis laciniam duxi, et: "Per fidem, inquam, pater, cuius haec navis est, aut quos vehat, dicere potes?" Inquietatus ille moleste tulit et: "Hoc erat, inquit, quod placuerat tibi, ut super constratum navis occuparemus secretissimum locum, ne nos patereris requiescere?

But suddenly, as if Fortune were demolishing my constancy, a voice of such a sort groaned above the deck-planking of the stern: "So then he mocked me?" And this voice, masculine and almost familiar to my ears, struck my palpitating soul. However, a woman, torn with the same indignation, flared up further and said: "If some god would place Giton into my hands, how well I would receive the exile." Each of us, smitten by so unexpected a sound, had lost his blood. I especially, as if driven about by a certain turbulent dream, for a long time gathered my voice, and with trembling hands I drew the fringe of Eumolpus, now slipping into sopor, and said: "By your good faith, father, can you tell whose this ship is, or whom it conveys?" Disturbed, he took it ill and said: "Was this what had pleased you, that we should occupy the most secret place upon the deck of the ship, so that you would not allow us to rest?"

Quid porro ad rem pertinet, si dixero Licham Tarentinum esse dominum huiusce navigii, qui Tryphaenam exulem Tarentum ferat?"

What, moreover, pertains to the matter, if I say that Lichas the Tarentine is the master of this very ship, who is carrying Tryphaena, an exile, to Tarentum?"

[CI] Intremui post hoc fulmen attonitus, iuguloque detecto: "Aliquando, inquam, totum me, Fortuna, vicisti!". Nam Giton quidem super pectus meum positus diu animam egit. Deinde ut effusus sudor utriusque spiritum revocavit, comprehendi Eumolpi genua et: "Miserere, inquam, morientium et pro consortio studiorum commoda manum; mors venit, quae nisi per te non licet potest esse pro munere". Inundatus hac Eumolpus invidia iurat per deos deasque se neque scire quid acciderit, nec ullum dolum malum consilio adhibuisse, sed mente simplicissima et vera fide in navigium comites induxisse, quo ipse iam pridem fuerit usurus." Quae autem hic insidiae sunt, inquit, aut quis nobiscum Hannibal navigat? Lichas Tarentinus, homo verecundissimus et non tantum huius navigii dominus, quod regit, sed fundorum etiam aliquot et familiae negotiantis, onus deferendum ad mercatum conducit.

[101] I trembled after this thunderbolt, thunderstruck, and with my throat laid bare: "At last," I said, "you have conquered me entire, Fortune!" For Giton, indeed, laid upon my breast, for a long time gasped his spirit. Then, when the poured-out sweat called back the breath of us both, I seized Eumolpus’s knees and said: "Have mercy on the dying, and for the consort of studies lend a helpful hand; death is coming, which, unless through you it be permitted, cannot be as a gift." Flooded by this reproach Eumolpus swears by the gods and goddesses that he neither knew what had happened, nor had applied any evil deceit to the plan, but with a most simple mind and true faith had led his companions onto the vessel, which he himself had long since been going to make use of. "What ambush, moreover, is here," he says, "or what Hannibal sails with us? Lichas the Tarentine, a most modest man and not only the master of this vessel which he governs, but also of several estates and a trading household, contracts to carry cargo to market."

Hic est Cyclops ille et archipirata, cui vecturam debemus; et praeter hunc Tryphaena, omnium feminarum formosissima, quae voluptatis causa huc atque illuc vectatur. — Hi sunt, inquit Giton, quos fugimus "; simulque raptim causas odiorum et instans periculum trepidanti Eumolpo exponit. Confusus ille et consilii egens iubet quemque suam sententiam promere, et: "Fingite, inquit, nos antrum Cyclopis intrasse.

This is that Cyclops and archipirate, to whom we owe the fare; and besides him, Tryphaena, the most beautiful of all women, who is conveyed hither and thither for the sake of pleasure. — These are, says Giton, those whom we are fleeing "; and at the same time he quickly sets forth to a trembling Eumolpus the causes of the hatreds and the imminent danger. Confounded and lacking counsel, he orders each to put forth his own opinion, and: "Imagine, he says, that we have entered the cave of the Cyclops.

Quaerendum est aliquod effugium, nisi naufragium ponimus et omni nos periculo liberamus. — Immo, inquit Giton, persuade gubernatori ut in aliquem portum navem deducat, non sine praemio scilicet, et affirma ei impatientem maris fratrem tuum in ultimis esse. Poteris hanc simulationem et vultus confusione et lacrimis obumbrare, ut misericordia permotus gubernator indulgeat tibi". Negavit hoc Eumolpus fieri posse, "quia magna, inquit, navigia portubus se curvatis insinuant, nec tam cito fratrem defecisse veri simile erit.

Some escape-route must be sought, unless we stage a shipwreck and free ourselves from every danger. — Rather, said Giton, persuade the pilot to lead the ship into some port, not without a premium, of course, and affirm to him that your brother, impatient of the sea, is at his last extremity. You will be able to shroud this simulation also with a confusion of countenance and with tears, so that, moved by mercy, the pilot may indulge you". Eumolpus denied that this could be done, "because large vessels insinuate themselves into harbors with curved approaches, nor will it be likely that your brother has expired so quickly.

Accedit his, quod forsitan Lichas officii causa visere languentem desiderabit. Vides, quam valde nobis expediat ultro dominum ad fugientes accersere. Sed finge navem ab ingenti posse cursu deflecti, et Licham non utique circuiturum aegrorum cubilia: quomodo possumus egredi nave, ut non conspiciamur a cunctis?

In addition to these things, perhaps Lichas, for the sake of duty, will desire to visit the sick man. You see how greatly it is expedient for us, of our own accord, to summon the master to the fugitives. But suppose the ship can be deflected from its mighty course, and that Lichas will by no means make the rounds of the sickbeds: how can we go out from the ship so as not to be seen by all?

opertis capitibus, an nudis? Opertis, et quis non dare manum languentibus volet? Nudis, et quid erit aliud quam se ipsos proscribere?

with heads covered, or bare? Covered, and who will not wish to give a hand to the languishing? Bare, and what will it be other than to proscribe themselves?

[CII] — Quin potius, inquam ego, ad temeritatem confugimus, et per funem lapsi descendimus in scapham, praecisoque vinculo reliqua Fortunae committimus? Nec ego in hoc periculum Eumolpon arcesso. Quid enim attinet innocentem alieno periculo imponere?

[102] — Why not rather, said I, do we take refuge in temerity, and, slipping down by the rope, descend into the skiff, and, the cable cut, commit the rest to Fortune? Nor do I summon Eumolpus into this peril. For what does it avail to impose an alien peril upon an innocent man?

Contentus sum, si nos descendentes adiuverit casus. — Non imprudens, inquit, consilium, Eumolpos, si aditum haberet. Quis enim non euntes notabit?

I am content, if chance helps us as we are descending. — Not an imprudent plan, said he, Eumolpos, if there were access. For who will not note us as we go?

Vtique gubernator, qui pervigil nocte siderum quoque motus custodit. Et utcumque imponi vel dormienti posset, si per aliam partem navis fuga quaereretur: nunc per puppim, per ipsa gubernacula delabendum est, a quorum regione funis descendit, qui scaphae custodiam tenet. Praeterea illud miror, Encolpi, tibi non succurrisse, unum nautam stationis perpetuae interdiu noctuque iacere in scapha, nec posse inde custodem nisi aut caede expelli aut praecipitari viribus.

Of course the helmsman, who, ever-vigilant in the night, keeps watch even of the motions of the stars. And even if he could be imposed upon, even while sleeping, were escape sought by another part of the ship: now it must be slipped down by the stern, by the very helm, from whose region the rope descends which holds the custody of the skiff. Besides, I marvel, Encolpius, that it has not occurred to you, that a single sailor of perpetual station lies in the skiff by day and by night, and that the guard can be driven thence only either by slaughter or by being hurled down by force.

Quod an fieri possit, interrogate audaciam vestram. Nam quod ad meum quidem comitatum attinet, nullum recuso periculum, quod salutis spem ostendit. Nam sine causa spiritum tanquam rem vacuam impendere ne vos quidem existimo velle.

Ask your audacity whether that can be done. For as far as my own company is concerned, I refuse no peril that shows a hope of safety. For I do not suppose that even you wish to expend your spirit, as if it were an empty thing, without cause.

Videte, numquid hoc placeat: ego vos in duas iam pelles coniciam vinctosque loris inter vestimenta pro sarcinis habebo, apertis scilicet aliquatenus labris, quibus et spiritum recipere possitis et cibum. Conclamabo deinde nocte servos poenam graviorem timentes praecipitasse se in mare. Deinde cum ventum fuerit in portum, sine ulla suspicione pro sarcinis vos efferam.

See whether this by chance pleases: I will cast you now into two hides and, bound with thongs, I will keep you among the garments as baggage, with the lips, of course, opened somewhat, by which you may be able to receive both breath and food. Then I will cry out at night that the slaves, fearing a graver penalty, have precipitated themselves into the sea. Then, when we have come into port, without any suspicion I will carry you out as baggage.

— Ita vero, inquam ego, tanquam solidos alligaturus, quibus non soleat venter iniuriam facere? an tanquam eos qui sternutare non soleamus nec stertere? An quia hoc genus furti semel <Menelao> feliciter cessit?

— Yes indeed, I say, as though about to bind them up solid, for whom the belly is not wont to do injury? or as though we were of those who are not wont to sneeze nor to snore? Or because this kind of theft once succeeded felicitously for <Menelaus>?

Sed finge una die vinctos posse durare: quid ergo, si diutius aut tranquillitas nos tenuerit aut adversa tempestas? quid facturi sumus? Vestes quoque diutius vinctas ruga consumit, et chartae alligatae mutant figuram.

But suppose that the bound can endure for one day: what then, if for longer either tranquility has held us or an adverse tempest? what are we to do? Even vestments, bound for longer, a wrinkle consumes, and papers tied up change their figure.

Iuvenes adhuc laboris expertes statuarum ritu patiemur pannos et vincla? <. . .> Adhuc aliquod iter salutis quaerendum est. Inspicite quod ego inveni.

Shall we, young men still inexperienced in labor, after the manner of statues, endure rags and bonds? <. . .> Yet some path of safety must still be sought. Inspect what I have found.

Eumolpus tanquam litterarum studiosus utique atramentum habet. Hoc ergo remedio mutemus colores a capillis usque ad ungues. Ita tanquam servi Aethiopes et praesto tibi erimus sine tormentorum iniuria hilares, et permutato colore imponemus inimicis.

Eumolpus, as a student of letters, assuredly has ink. Therefore by this remedy let us change our colors from the hair to the nails. Thus, like Ethiopian slaves, we will be at your service, cheerful, without the injury of tortures, and, with our color altered, we shall impose upon (deceive) the enemies.

— Quidni? inquit Giton, etiam circumcide nos, ut Iudaei videamur, et pertunde aures, ut imitemur Arabes, et increta facies, ut suos Gallia cives putet: tanquam hic solus color figuram possit pervertere et non multa una oporteat consentiant ratione, <ut> mendacium constet. Puta infectam medicamine faciem diutius durare posse; finge nec aquae asperginem imposituram aliquam corpori maculam, nec vestem atramento adhaesuram, quod frequenter etiam non arcessito ferrumine infigitur: age, numquid et labra possumus tumore taeterrimo implere numquid et crines calamistro convertere?

— Why not? said Giton, even circumcise us, that we may seem Jews, and pierce our ears, that we may imitate the Arabs, and chalk our faces, that Gaul may think us her own citizens: as though this color alone here could pervert the figure, and it were not needful that many things should agree together by one reason, that the lie may stand. Suppose a face stained with medicament can endure longer; imagine that not even a sprinkling of water will impose any blemish on the body, nor that ink will cling to the garment, which frequently is even fixed without fetched cement: come, can we also fill our lips with a most hideous swelling, can we too turn our hair with the curling iron?

Numquid et frontes cicatricibus scindere? Numquid et crura in orbem pandere? Numquid et talos ad terram deducere?

Are we also to slash our foreheads with scars? Are we also to splay our legs into a circle? Are we also to lead our ankles down to the earth?

numquid et barbam peregrina ratione figurare? Color arte compositus inquinat corpus, non mutat. Audite, quid dementi succurrerit: praeligemus vestibus capita et nos in profundum mergamus.

Can we also fashion the beard by a foreign method? Color composed by art contaminates the body, it does not alter it. Hear what has occurred to the demented one as a remedy: let us bind our heads with garments and plunge ourselves into the deep.

[CIII] — Ne istud dii hominesque patiantur, Eumolpus exclamat, ut vos tam turpi exitu vitam finiatis! Immo potius facite quod iubeo. Mercennarius meus, ut ex novacula comperistis, tonsor est: hic continuo radat utriusque non solum capita, sed etiam supercilia.

[103] — Let not gods and men permit that, Eumolpus exclaims, that you finish your life with so disgraceful an exit! Nay rather, do what I order. My hireling, as you have ascertained from the razor, is a barber: let this man immediately shave not only the heads of you both, but also your eyebrows.

Sequar ego frontes notans inscriptione sollerti, ut videamini stigmate esse puniti. Ita eaedem litterae et suspicionem declinabunt quaerentium et vultus umbra supplicii tegent."

I will follow up by marking the foreheads with a skillful inscription, so that you may seem to have been punished with a stigma. Thus the same letters will both turn aside the suspicion of those searching and veil your visages with the shadow of punishment."

Non est dilata fallacia, sed ad latus navigii furtim processimus, capitaque cum superciliis denudanda tonsori praebuimus. Implevit Eumolpus frontes utriusque ingentibus litteris, et notum fugitivorum epigramma per totam faciem liberali manu duxit. Vnus forte ex vectoribus, qui acclinatus lateri navis exonerabat stomachum nausea gravem, notavit sibi ad lunam tonsorem intempestivo inhaerentem ministerio, execratusque omen, quod imitaretur naufragorum ultimum votum, in cubile reiectus est.

The trick was not delayed, but we stealthily moved to the side of the ship and offered to the barber our heads, together with the eyebrows, to be denuded. Eumolpus filled the foreheads of both with huge letters, and with a liberal hand traced across the whole face the well-known epigram of fugitives. By chance one of the passengers, who, leaning against the side of the ship, was unloading his stomach of severe nausea, spied by moonlight the barber clinging to his untimely service, and, having execrated the omen, because it imitated the last vow of shipwrecked men, was flung back onto his bunk.

Nos dissimulata nauseantis devotione ad ordinem tristitiae redimus, silentioque compositi reliquas noctis horas male soporati consumpsimus. <. . .>

We, with the seasick man’s imprecation dissimulated, returned to the order of sadness, and, composed in silence, we consumed the remaining hours of the night, poorly drowsing. <. . .>

[CIV] LICHAS: "Videbatur mihi secundum quietem Priapus dicere: Encolpion quod quaeris, scito a me in navem tuam esse perductum". Exhorruit Tryphaena et: "Putes, inquit, una nos dormisse; nam et mihi simulacrum Neptuni, quod Bais tetrastylo notaveram, videbatur dicere: 'In nave Lichae Gitona invenies'. — Hinc scies, inquit Eumolpus, Epicurum esse hominem divinum, qui eiusmodi ludibria facetissima ratione condemnat".

[104] LICHAS: "It seemed to me, in sleep, that Priapus was saying: ‘Encolpion, whom you seek—know that he has been brought by me onto your ship.’" Tryphaena shuddered and said: "You would think we had slept together; for to me also the statue of Neptune, which at Baiae I had noted in the tetrastyle, seemed to say: ‘On Lichas’s ship you will find Giton.’ — From this you will know," said Eumolpus, "Epicurus to be a divine man, who condemns mockeries of this sort with the most facetious reason."

Ceterum Lichas ut Tryphaenae somnium expiavit: "Quis, inquit, prohibet navigium scrutari, ne videamur divinae mentis opera damnare?" Is qui nocte miserorum furtum deprehenderat, Hesus nomine, subito proclamat: "Ergo illi qui sunt, qui nocte ad lunam radebantur pessimo medius fidius exemplo? Audio enim non licere cuiquam mortalium in nave neque ungues neque capillos deponere, nisi cum pelago ventus irascitur".

But when Lichas had expiated Tryphaena’s dream: "Who," he said, "forbids us to search the vessel, lest we seem to condemn the works of the divine mind?" The man who in the night had detected the theft of the wretches, Hesus by name, suddenly cries out: "So then who are those who at night were being shaved by moonlight—by my faith, the worst example? For I hear it is not permitted to any of mortals on a ship to put down either nails or hair, unless when the wind grows angry with the sea."

[CV] Excanduit Lichas hoc sermone turbatus et: "Itane, inquit, capillos aliquis in nave praecidit, et hoc nocte intempesta? Attrahite ocius nocentes in medium, ut sciam quorum capitibus debeat navigium lustrari. — Ego, inquit Eumolpus, hoc iussi.

[105] Lichas flared up, disturbed by this speech, and: "So then," he said, "has someone cut hair on the ship, and this in the dead of night? Drag the guilty swiftly into the midst, that I may know by whose heads the ship ought to be purified. — I," said Eumolpus, "ordered this."

Nec in eodem futurus navigio auspicium mihi feci, sed quia nocentes horridos longosque habebant capillos, ne viderer de nave carcerem facere, iussi squalorem damnatis auferri; simul ut notae quoque litterarum non adumbratae comarum praesidio totae ad oculos legentium acciderent. Inter cetera apud communem amicam consumpserunt pecuniam meam, a qua illos proxima nocte extraxi mero unguentisque perfusos. Ad summam, adhuc patrimonii mei reliquias olent".

Nor, about to be in the same ship, did I take an auspice for myself, but because the guilty had rough and long hair, lest I might seem to make a prison out of the ship, I ordered the squalor to be removed from the condemned; at the same time, so that the marks of letters too, not adumbrated by the protection of the hair, might come whole to the eyes of the readers. Among other things, they squandered my money at a mutual girlfriend’s, from whom I dragged them out the next night, drenched with neat wine and unguents. In sum, they still smell of the remnants of my patrimony".

Itaque ut Tutela navis expiaretur, placuit quadragenas utrique plagas imponi. Nulla ergo fit mora: aggrediuntur nos furentes nautae cum funibus, temptantque vilissimo sanguine Tutelam placare. Et ego quidem tres plagas Spartana nobilitate concuxi.

And so, in order that the Tutela of the ship might be expiated, it was decided to impose forty lashes apiece on each. Therefore no delay is made: the raging sailors attack us with ropes, and they try to placate the Tutela with the most worthless blood. And I indeed shook off three strokes with Spartan nobility.

Ceterum Giton semel ictus tam valde exclamavit, ut Tryphaenae aures notissima voce repleret. Non solum era turbata est, sed ancillae etiam omnes familiari sono inductae ad vapulantem decurrurrit. Iam Giton mirabili forma exarmaverat nautas coeperatque etiam sine voce saevientes rogare, cum ancillae pariter proclamant: "Giton est, Giton; inhibete crudelissimas manus; Giton est, domina, succurre". Deflectit aures Tryphaena iam sua sponte credentes raptimque ad puerum devolat.

Moreover, when Giton had been struck once, he cried out so exceedingly that he filled Tryphaena’s ears with his most well-known voice. Not only was the mistress disturbed, but all the maidservants too, induced by the familiar sound, ran down to the one being flogged. By now Giton had disarmed the sailors by his marvelous form and had even begun, without a voice, to entreat the raging men, when the maidservants likewise proclaim: “It is Giton, Giton; inhibit your most cruel hands; it is Giton, mistress, succor him.” Tryphaena, now of her own accord believing, bends her ears and swiftly flies down to the boy.

Lichas, qui me optime noverat, tanquam et ipse vocem audisset, accurrit et nec manus nec faciem meam consideravit, sed continuo ad inguina mea luminibus deflexis movit officiosam manum, et: "Salve, inquit Encolpi". Miretur nunc aliquis Vlixis nutricem post vicesimum annum cicatricem invenisse originis indicem, cum homo prudentissimus, confusis omnibus corporis orisque lineamentis, ad unicum fugitivi argumentum tam docte pervenerit. Tryphaena lacrimas effudit decepta supplicio — vera enim stigmata credebat captivorum frontibus impressa — sciscitarique summissius coepit quod ergastulum intercepisset errantes, aut cuius iam crudeles manus in hoc supplicium durassent. Meruisse quidem contumeliam aliquam fugitivos, quibus in odium bona sua venissent <. . .>

Lichas, who knew me most excellently, as if he himself had heard the voice, ran up and considered neither my hands nor my face, but immediately, with his lights bent down toward my groin, moved an officious hand, and said: "Greetings, Encolpius." Let someone now marvel that Ulysses’ nurse after the 20th year found the scar, an indicator of origin, when a most prudent man, with all the lineaments of body and face confused, so learnedly arrived at the single argument of the fugitive. Tryphaena poured out tears, deceived by the punishment—for she believed the true stigmata impressed on the foreheads of captives—and began more submissively to inquire what ergastulum had intercepted the wanderers, or whose cruel hands had already hardened in this punishment. That indeed the fugitives had deserved some contumely, they by whom their own goods had come into hatred <. . .>

[CVI] Concitatus iracundia prosiliit Lichas, et: "O te, inquit, feminam simplicem, tanquam vulnera ferro praeparata litteras biberint. Vtinam quidem hac se inscriptione frontis maculassent: haberemus nos extremum solacium. Nunc mimicis artibus petiti sumus et adumbrata inscriptione derisi". Volebat Tryphaena misereri, quia non totam voluptatem perdiderat, sed Lichas memor adhuc uxoris corruptae contumeliarumque, quas in Herculis porticu acceperat, turbato vehementius vultu proclamat: "Deos immortales rerum humanarum agere curam, puto, intellexisti, o Tryphaena.

[106] Roused by wrath Lichas leapt forth, and: "O you, he says, a simple woman, as though wounds prepared by the iron had drunk in letters. Would that indeed they had stained their foreheads with this inscription: we would have our last consolation. Now we have been assailed by mimic arts and mocked by an adumbrated inscription." Tryphaena wanted to pity, because she had not altogether lost her pleasure, but Lichas, still mindful of his corrupted wife and of the insults which he had received in the Portico of Hercules, with his countenance more violently disturbed cries out: "That the immortal gods take care of human affairs, I think you have understood, O Tryphaena.

Nam imprudentes noxios in nostrum induxere navigium, et quid fecissent, admonuerunt pari somniorum consensu. Ita vide ut possit illis ignosci, quos ad poenam ipse deus deduxit. Quod ad me attinet, non sum crudelis, sed vereor ne, quod remisero, patiar." Tam superstitiosa oratione Tryphaena mutata negat se interpellare supplicium, immo accedere etiam iustissimae ultioni.

For the unwitting have brought the guilty onto our ship, and they were admonished by a like consensus of dreams as to what they had done. So see whether pardon can be granted to those whom god himself has led to punishment. As for me, I am not cruel, but I fear lest I suffer what I remit." By so superstitious a speech Tryphaena, changed, declares that she will not interrupt the punishment; rather, she even allies herself with the most just vengeance.

Nec se minus grandi vexatam iniuria quam Licham, cuius pudoris dignitas in contione proscripta sit. <. . .>

Nor did she consider herself less vexed by a great injury than Lichas, whose dignity of modesty has been proscribed in the public assembly. <. . .>

[CVII] EVMOLPVS: "Me, ut puto, hominem non ignotum elegerunt ad hoc officium legatum, petieruntque ut se reconciliarem aliquando amicissimis. Nisi forte putatis iuvenes casu in has plagas incidisse, cum omnis vector nihil prius quaerat, quam cuius se diligentiae credat. Flectite ergo mentes satisfactione lenitas, et patimini liberos homines ire sine iniuria quo destinant.

[107] EUMOLPUS: "Me, as I suppose, a man not unknown, they have chosen for this office as a legate, and they have requested that I at last reconcile them to their very dearest friends. Unless perhaps you think the young men fell by chance into these regions, since every passenger seeks nothing earlier than to whose diligence he may entrust himself. Bend therefore your minds, softened by satisfaction, and allow free men to go without injury whither they intend."

Saevi quoque implacabilesque domini crudelitatem suam impediunt, si quando paenitentia fugitivos reduxit, et dediticiis hostibus parcimus. Quid ultra petitis aut quid vultis? In conspectu vestro supplices iacent iuvenes ingenui, honesti, et quod utroque potentius est, familiaritate vobis aliquando coniuncti.

Even savage and implacable masters hinder their own cruelty, whenever penitence has brought back fugitives, and we spare surrendered enemies. What more do you seek or what do you wish? In your sight lie as suppliants freeborn youths, honorable, and—what is more potent than either—once joined to you by familiarity.

Si mehercules intervertissent pecuniam vestram, si fidem proditione laesissent, satiari tamen potuissetis hac poena, quam videtis. Servitia ecce in frontibus cernitis et vultus ingenuos voluntaria poenarum lege proscriptos." Interpellavit deprecationem supplicis Lichas et: "Noli, inquit, causam confundere, sed impone singulis modum. Ac primum omnium, si ultro venerunt, cur nudavere crinibus capita?

“If, by Hercules, they had embezzled your money, if they had injured your faith by treachery, nevertheless you could have been satisfied with the penalty which you see. Behold, you discern slavery on their foreheads, and freeborn faces proscribed by a voluntary law of punishments.” Lichas interrupted the suppliant’s pleading and said: “Do not confound the case, but set a measure on each point. And first of all, if they came of their own accord, why did they strip their heads of hair?”

Vultum enim qui permutat, fraudem parat, non satisfactionem. Deinde, si gratiam a legato moliebantur, quid ita omnia fecisti, ut quos tuebaris absconderes? Ex quo apparet casu incidisse noxios in plagas, et te artem quaesisse qua nostrae animadversionis impetum eluderes.

For he who permutes the visage prepares fraud, not satisfaction. Next, if they were laboring for favor from the legate, why thus did you do everything, so that those whom you were protecting you hid? Whence it appears that the guilty fell into snares by chance, and that you sought a stratagem whereby you might elude the onset of our animadversion.

Nam quod invidiam facis nobis ingenuos honestosque clamando, vide ne deteriorem facias confidentia causam. Quid debent laesi facere, ubi rei ad poenam confugiunt. At enim amici fuerunt nostri: eo maiora meruerunt supplicia; nam qui ignotos laedit, latro appellatur, qui amicos, paulo minus quam parricida." Resolvit Eumolpos tam iniquam declamationem et: "Intellego, inquit, nihil magis obesse iuvenibus miseris, quam quod nocte deposuerunt capillos: hoc argumento incidisse videntur in navem, non venisse.

"For the fact that you make ill-will for us by shouting that they are freeborn and honorable, see that you do not make the case worse by your confidence. What ought the wronged to do, when the defendants take refuge in punishment? But indeed they were our friends: for that reason they have deserved greater punishments; for he who harms strangers is called a brigand, he who harms friends, little less than a parricide." Eumolpus unraveled so unjust a declamation and said: "I understand that nothing harms the wretched youths more than that they laid aside their hair at night: by this sign they seem to have fallen into the ship, not to have come."

Quod velim tam candide ad aures vestras perveniat, quam simpliciter gestum est. Voluerunt enim, antequam conscenderent, exonerare capita molesto et supervacuo pondere, sed celerior ventus distulit curationis propositum. Nec tamen putaverunt ad rem pertinere, ubi inciperent quod placuerat ut fieret, quia nec omen nec legem navigantium noverant.

I would that this may reach your ears as candidly as it was done simply. For they wished, before they embarked, to exonerate their heads of the burdensome and superfluous weight, but a swifter wind deferred the plan of the curation. Nor did they think it pertained to the matter where they should begin what it had pleased should be done, since they knew neither the omen nor the law of sailors.

— Quid, inquit Lichas, attinuit supplices radere? Nisi forte miserabiliores calvi solent esse. Quamquam quid attinet veritatem per interpretem quaerere?

— What, said Lichas, was the point of shaving the suppliants? Unless perhaps the bald are wont to be more pitiable. Although, what’s the use of seeking the truth through an interpreter?

Quid dicis tu, latro? Quae salamandra supercilia tua excussit? Cui deo crinem vovisti?

What do you say, you bandit? What salamander knocked off your eyebrows? To which god have you vowed your hair?

Pharmace, responde."

Pharmace, respond."

[CVIII] Obstupueram ego supplicii metu pavidus, nec qui in re manifestissima dicerem inveniebam, turbatus <. . .> et deformis praeter spoliati capitis dedecus superciliorum etiam aequalis cum fronte calvities, ut nihil nec facere deceret nec dicere. Vt vero spongia uda facies plorantis detersa est, et liquefactum per totum os atramentum omnia scilicet lineamenta fuliginea nube confudit, in odium se ira convertit. Negat Eumolpus passurum se ut quisquam ingenuos contra fas legemque contaminet, interpellatque saevientium minas non solum voce sed etiam manibus.

[108] I had been stupefied, timid from fear of punishment, nor did I find what I might say in a matter most manifest, disturbed <. . .> and disfigured, besides the disgrace of a despoiled head, by a baldness of the eyebrows even with the forehead, so that it was seemly neither to do nor to say anything. But when the face of the weeping man was wiped with a wet sponge, and the ink, liquefied over the whole face, of course confounded all the lineaments with a fuliginous cloud, wrath turned itself into hatred. Eumolpus says he will not suffer anyone to contaminate freeborn youths against right and law, and he interposes against the threats of the raging men not only with his voice but even with his hands.

Aderat interpellanti mercennarius comes et unus alterque infirmissimus vector, solacia magis litis quam virium auxilia. Nec quicquam pro me deprecabar, sed intentans in oculos Tryphaenae manus usurum me viribus meis clara liberaque voce clamavi, ni abstineret a Gitone iniuriam mulier damnata et in toto navigio sola verberanda. Accenditur audacia mea iratior Lichas, indignaturque quod ego relicta mea causa tantum pro alio clamo.

There was present to the one interposing a mercenary companion and one or two most infirm passengers, solaces of the quarrel rather than auxiliaries of strength. Nor was I deprecating anything for myself, but, aiming my hands at Tryphaena’s eyes, I cried with a clear and free voice that I would use my own strength, unless she abstained from injury against Giton—a woman condemned and, in the whole ship, the only one to be flogged. Lichas is set ablaze to greater wrath by my audacity, and is indignant that I, my own cause left aside, shout so much on behalf of another.

Nec minus Tryphaena contumelia saevit accensa, totiusque navigii turbam diducit in partes. Hinc mercennarius tonsor ferramenta sua nobis et ipse armatus distribuit, illinc Tryphaenae familia nudas expedit manus, ac ne ancillarum quidem clamor aciem destituit, uno tantum gubernatore relicturum se navis ministerium denuntiante, si non desinat rabies libidine perditorum collecta. Nihilo minus tamen perseverat dimicantium furor, illis pro ultione, nobis pro vita pugnantibus.

No less does Tryphaena, inflamed by contumely, rage, and she draws apart the throng of the whole vessel into factions. On this side the mercenary barber, himself armed, distributes to us his iron implements; on that side Tryphaena’s household readies bare hands, and not even the clamor of the maidservants deserts the battle-line, with only the helmsman announcing that he will abandon the service of the ship if the frenzy, gathered by the libido of the profligate, does not cease. Nonetheless, by no means the fury of the combatants relents, they fighting for vengeance, we for life.

Multi ergo utrinque sine morte labuntur, plures cruenti vulneribus referunt veluti ex proelio pedem, nec tamen cuiusquam ira laxatur. Tunc fortissimus Giton ad virilia sua admovit novaculam infestam, minatus se adbscissurum tot miseriarum causam, inhibuitque Tryphaena tam grande facinus non dissimulata missione. Saepius ego cultrum tonsorium super iugulum meum posui, non magis me occisurus quam Giton, quod minabatur, facturus.

Many therefore on both sides slip down without death, more, bloodied with wounds, withdraw the foot as if from a battle, nor yet is anyone’s wrath relaxed. Then the bravest Giton brought the hostile razor to his manhood, threatening that he would abscise the cause of so many miseries, and Tryphaena inhibited so great a deed by a release not dissimulated. More than once I placed the tonsorial knife upon my throat, no more about to slay myself than to do what Giton was threatening.

Audacius tamen ille tragoediam implebat, quia sciebat se illam habere novaculam, qua iam sibi cervicem praeciderat. Stante ergo utraque acie, cum appareret futurum non tralaticium bellum, aegre expugnavit gubernator ut caduceatoris more Tryphaena indutias faceret. Data ergo acceptaque ex more patrio fide, protendit ramum oleae a Tutela navigii raptum, atque in colloquium venire ausa:

He, however, was acting out the tragedy more audaciously, because he knew that he had that razor with which he had already cut his own neck. Therefore, with both battle-lines standing, when it appeared the war would not be traditional, the helmsman with difficulty prevailed that, in the manner of a caduceator, Tryphaena should make a truce. Therefore, the pledge having been given and accepted according to ancestral custom, she stretched forth an olive branch snatched from the Tutela of the ship, and dared to come into a colloquy:

"Quis furor, exclamat, pacem convertit in arma?
Quid nostrae meruere manus? Non Troius heros
hac in classe vehit decepti pignus Atridae,
nec Medea furens fraterno sanguine pugnat,
sed contemptus amor vires habet.

"What fury, she exclaims, has converted peace into arms?
What have our hands deserved? No Trojan hero
carries in this fleet the pledge of a deceived Atrides,
nor does raging Medea fight with fraternal blood,
but despised love has strength.

Ei mihi, fata
hos inter fluctus quis raptis evocat armis?
Cui non est mors una satis? Ne vincite pontum
gurgitibusque feris alios immittite fluctus."

"Ah me, O Fates,
who amidst these waves evokes with snatched weapons?
For whom is one death not enough? Do not overmaster the deep,
and into the savage whirlpools do not send other waves."

[CIX] Haec ut turbato clamore mulier effudit, haesit paulisper acies, revocataeque ad pacem manus intermisere bellum. Vtitur paenitentiae occasione dux Eumolpos, et castigato ante vehementissime Licha tabulas foederis signat, queis haec formula erat:

[109] When the woman poured out these things with a disturbed outcry, the battle-line halted for a little while, and the bands recalled to peace intermitted the war. The leader Eumolpus avails himself of the occasion of penitence, and, Lichas having first been most vehemently chastised, he signs the tablets of the treaty, in which was this formula:

"Ex tui animi sententia, ut tu, Tryphaena, neque iniuriam tibi factam a Gitone quereris, neque si quid ante hunc diem factum est, obicies vindicabisve aut ullo alio genere persequendum curabis; ut tu nihil imperabis puero repugnanti, non amplexum, non osculum, non coitum venere constrictum, nisi pro qua re praesentes numeraveris denarios centum. Item, Licha, ex tui animi sententia, ut tu Encolpion nec verbo contumelioso insequeris nec vultu, neque quaeres ubi nocte dormiat, aut si quaesieris, pro singulis iniuriis numerabis praesentes denarios ducenos."

"According to your own settled intention, that you, Tryphaena, neither complain that an injury has been done to you by Giton, nor, if anything was done before this day, will you bring it up, avenge it, or take care to have it pursued in any other manner; that you will command nothing of the boy if he resists—no embrace, no kiss, no coition bound by Venus—unless, for each such matter, you shall have counted out on the spot 100 denarii. Likewise, Licha, according to your own settled intention, that you do not pursue Encolpius with an insulting word or with your expression, nor ask where he sleeps at night; or, if you do ask, for each injury you will count out on the spot 200 denarii."

In haec verba foederibus compositis arma deponimus, et ne residua in animis etiam post iusiurandum ira remaneret, praeterita aboleri osculis placet. Exhortantibus universis odia detumescunt, epulaeque ad certamen prolatae conciliant hilaritate concordiam. Exsonat ergo cantibus totum navigium, et quia repentina tranquillitas intermiserat cursum, alius exultantes quaerebat fuscina pisces, alius hamis blandientibus convellebat praedam repugnantem.

With the compacts arranged in these words we lay down arms, and, lest a residual anger should remain in minds even after the oath, it pleases that bygones be abolished by kisses. With all exhorting, hatreds swell down, and banquets brought forth for the contest reconcile concord with hilarity. Therefore the whole ship resounds with songs, and because a sudden tranquillity had interrupted the course, one with a trident sought the leaping fishes, another with coaxing hooks was wrenching in the resisting prey.

Ecce etiam per antemnam pelagiae consederant volucres, quas textis harundinibus peritus artifex tetigit; illae viscatis inligatae viminibus deferebantur ad manus. Tollebat plumas aura volitantes, pinnasque per maria inanis spuma torquebat.

Behold, even along the yard the pelagic birds had settled, which a skilled artificer touched with woven reeds; they, ensnared by withies smeared with birdlime, were carried down into the hands. The breeze was lifting the feathers as they fluttered, and the empty foam was twisting the pinions across the seas.

Iam Lichas redire mecum in gratiam coeperat, iam Tryphaena Gitona extrema parte potionis spargebat, cum Eumolpus et ipse vino solutus dicta voluit in calvos stigmososque iaculari, donec consumpta frigidissima urbanitate rediit ad carmina sua coepitque capillorum elegidarion dicere:

Already Lichas had begun to return into favor with me, already Tryphaena was sprinkling Giton with the last portion of the drink, when Eumolpus too, loosened by wine, wished to hurl quips against the bald and the tattoo-marked, until, his most frigid urbanity exhausted, he returned to his songs and began to recite an elegidarion of hair:

Quod solum formae decus est, cecidere capilli,
vernantesque comas tristis abegit hiemps.
Nunc umbra nudata sua iam tempora maerent,
areaque attritis ridet adusta pilis.
O fallax natura deum: quae prima dedisti
aetati nostrae gaudia, prima rapis.

That which alone is the adornment of beauty—the hair—has fallen,
and sad winter has driven off the verdant tresses.
Now the temples, denuded of their own shadow, already mourn,
and the adust patch laughs with its hairs worn away.
O deceitful nature of the gods: you who first gave
the joys of our age, are the first to snatch them away.

Infelix, modo crinibus nitebas
Phoebo pulchrior et sorore Phoebi.
At nunc levior aere vel rotundo
horti tubere, quod creavit unda,
ridentes fugis et times puellas.
Vt mortem citius venire credas,
scito iam capitis perisse partem.

Unhappy one, just now you were shining with your hair,
more beautiful than Phoebus and the sister of Phoebus.
But now lighter than air or than the rounded
garden bubble, which the wave created,
you flee and fear laughing girls.
So that you may believe that death comes more swiftly,
know that already a part of your head has perished.

[CX] Plura volebat proferre, credo, et ineptiora praeteritis, cum ancilla Tryphaenae Gitona in partem navis inferiorem ducit, corymbioque dominae pueri adornat caput. Immo supercilia etiam profert de pyxide, sciteque iacturae liniamenta secuta totam illi formam suam reddidit. Agnovit Tryphaena verum Gitona, lacrimisque turbata tunc primum bona fide puero basium dedit.

[110] He wanted to bring out more, I believe, and things sillier than the previous, when Tryphaena’s handmaid leads Giton into the lower part of the ship, and with the mistress’s corymb (hair-knot) she adorns the boy’s head. Nay more, she even brings out eyebrows from a pyxis, and skillfully, following the lineaments of the loss, she restored his whole appearance to him. Tryphaena recognized the true Giton, and, disturbed with tears, then for the first time in good faith gave the boy a kiss.

Ego etiam si repositum in pristinum decorem puerum gaudebam, abscondebam tamen frequentius vultum, intellegebamque me non tralaticia deformitate esse insipitum, quem alloquio dignum ne Lichas quidem crederet. Sed huic tristitiae eadem illa succurrit ancilla, sevocatumque me non minus decoro exornavit capillamento; immo commendatior vultus enituit, quia flavum corymbion erat.

I too, although I rejoiced that the boy had been restored to his pristine decorum, nevertheless more often hid my face, and I understood that I was insipid by a not tralatitious deformity, one whom not even Lichas would believe worthy of address. But to this sadness that same maidservant succored me, and, having drawn me aside, adorned me with a hairpiece no less decorous; indeed my countenance shone forth more commendable, because the corymbion was blond.

Ceterum Eumolpos, et periclitantium advocatus et praesentis concordiae auctor, ne sileret sine fabulis hilaritas, multa in muliebrem levitatem coepit iactare: quam facile adamarent, quam cito etiam filiorum obliviscerentur, nullamque esse feminam tam pudicam, quae non peregrina libidine usque ad furorem averteretur. Nec se tragoedias veteres curare aut nomina saeculis nota, sed rem sua memoria factam, quam eiturum se esse, si vellemus audire. Conversis igitur omnium in se vultibus auribusque sic orsus est:

But Eumolpus, both the advocate of those in peril and the author of the present concord, lest hilarity should be silent without fables, began to fling many things against muliebral levity: how easily they fall in love, how quickly they even forget their sons, and that there is no woman so modest who is not turned aside by foreign lust even to madness. Nor did he concern himself with old tragedies or names known to the ages, but with a matter done within his own memory, which he was going to set forth, if we were willing to hear. Therefore, with the faces and ears of all turned toward him, thus he began:

[CXI] "Matrona quaedam Ephesi tam notae erat pudicitiae, ut vicinarum quoque gentium feminas ad spectaculum sui evocaret. Haec ergo cum virum extulisset, non contenta vulgari more funus passis prosequi crinibus aut nudatum pectus in conspectu frequentiae plangere, in conditorium etiam prosecuta est defunctum, positumque in hypogaeo Graeco more corpus custodire ac flere totis noctibus diebusque coepit. Sic adflictantem se ac mortem inedia persequentem non parentes potuerunt abducere, non propinqui; magistratus ultimo repulsi abierunt, complorataque singularis exempli femina ab omnibus quintum iam diem sine alimento trahebat.

[111] "A certain matron at Ephesus was so renowned for chastity that she even called forth the women of neighboring nations to the spectacle of herself. Therefore, when she had carried out her husband, not content with the common custom to attend the funeral with hair disheveled or to beat her bared breast in the sight of the crowd, she even followed the deceased into the tomb, and began to keep watch over and to weep for the body placed in a hypogaeum after the Greek manner through whole nights and days. Thus, as she kept afflicting herself and pursuing death by starvation, neither parents could lead her away, nor relatives; the magistrates, repulsed at last, departed, and the woman, bewailed by all as of singular example, was already dragging out the fifth day without nourishment.

Adsidebat aegrae fidissima ancilla, simulque et lacrimas commodabat lugenti, et quotienscumque defecerat positum in monumento lumen renovabat. "Una igitur in tota civitate fabula erat: solum illud adfulsisse verum pudicitiae amorisque exemplum omnis ordinis homines confitebantur, cum interim imperator provinciae latrones iussit crucibus affigi secundum illam casulam, in qua recens cadaver matrona deflebat.

The most faithful handmaid sat beside the ailing woman, and at the same time both lent tears to the mourner, and whenever the light set in the tomb failed, she renewed it. "Accordingly, there was a single story in the whole city: that alone had shone forth as the true example of chastity and love," people of every order were confessing, when meanwhile the governor of the province ordered brigands to be affixed to crosses next to that little cottage, in which the matron was lamenting the fresh corpse.

"Proxima ergo nocte, cum miles, qui cruces asservabat, ne quis ad sepulturam corpus detraheret, notasset sibi lumen inter monumenta clarius fulgens et gemitum lugentis audisset, vitio gentis humanae concupiit scire quis aut quid faceret. Descendit igitur in conditorium, visaque pulcherrima muliere, primo quasi quodam monstro infernisque imaginibus turbatus substitit; deinde ut et corpus iacentis conspexit et lacrimas consideravit faciemque unguibus sectam, ratus (scilicet id quod erat) desiderium extincti non posse feminam pati, attulit in monumentum cenulam suam, coepitque hortari lugentem ne perseveraret in dolore supervacuo, ac nihil profuturo gemitu pectus diduceret: 'omnium eumdem esse exitum et idem domicilium' et cetera quibus exulceratae mentes ad sanitatem revocantur.

"Therefore on the next night, when the soldier who was keeping watch over the crosses, lest anyone take down a body for burial, had noticed for himself a light shining more brightly among the monuments and had heard the groan of a mourner, by the vice of the human race he conceived a desire to know who or what was doing it. He descended therefore into the burial-chamber, and, when he saw a most beautiful woman, at first, as though at a certain prodigy and infernal images, disturbed, he halted; then, when he also beheld the body of the one lying there and observed the tears and the face scored with her nails, thinking (of course, what indeed it was) that the woman could not endure the longing for the deceased, he brought his little supper into the monument, and began to exhort the mourner not to persist in superfluous grief, and not to rend her breast with a lamentation that would profit nothing: 'that the end is the same for all and the domicile the same,' and the rest of the things by which ulcerated minds are called back to health.

"At illa ignota consolatione percussa laceravit vehementius pectus, ruptosque crines super corpus iacentis imposuit. Non recessit tamen miles, sed eadem exhortatione temptavit dare mulierculae cibum, donec ancilla, vini odore corrupta, primum ipsa porrexit ad humanitatem invitantis victam manum, deinde retecta potione et cibo expugnare dominae pertinaciam coepit et: 'Quid proderit, inquit, hoc tibi, si soluta inedia fueris, si te vivam sepelieris, si antequam fata poscant indemnatum spiritum effuderis? Id cinerem aut manes credis sentire sepultos?

"But she, struck by the unknown consolation, tore her breast more vehemently, and laid her torn hairs upon the body of the one lying there. The soldier, however, did not withdraw, but with the same exhortation tried to give the woman food, until the handmaid, corrupted by the odor of wine, first herself extended her conquered hand to the inviter’s humanity, then, the drink uncovered, began with drink and food to storm the mistress’s pertinacity, and said: 'What will this profit you, if you collapse from fasting, if you bury yourself alive, if before the Fates demand it you pour out an uncondemned spirit? Do you think that ashes or the Manes, buried, perceive that?

Vis tu reviviscere! Vis discusso muliebri errore! Quam diu licuerit, lucis commodis frui!

Do you wish to revive! Do you wish, with womanly error shaken off! Do you wish, as long as it shall be permitted, to enjoy the advantages of the light!

Ipsum te iacentis corpus admonere debet ut vivas.' "Nemo invitus audit, cum cogitur aut cibum sumere aut vivere. Itaque mulier aliquot dierum abstinentia sicca passa est frangi pertinaciam suam, nec minus avide replevit se cibo quam ancilla, quae prior victa est.

'The very body of the one lying should admonish you to live.' "No one listens unwillingly, when he is compelled either to take food or to live. Accordingly the woman, after a dry abstinence of several days, allowed her pertinacity to be broken, and no less avidly did she fill herself with food than the maidservant, who was first overcome.

[CXII] "Ceterum, scitis quid plerumque soleat temptare humanam satietatem. Quibus blanditiis impetraverat miles ut matrona vellet vivere, iisdem etiam pudicitiam eius aggressus est. Nec deformis aut infacundus iuvenis castae videbatur, conciliante gratiam ancilla ac subinde dicente:

[112] "Moreover, you know what for the most part is wont to tempt human satiety. By the same blandishments with which the soldier had obtained that the matron should be willing to live, with those same he also assailed her chastity. Nor did the young man seem unshapely or ineloquent to the chaste woman, the maidservant conciliating his favor and repeatedly saying:

'Placitone etiam pugnabis amori? Nec venit in mentem, quorum consederis arvis?'
"Quid diutius moror? Jacuerunt ergo una non tantum illa nocte, qua nuptias fecerunt, sed postero etiam ac tertio die, praeclusis videlicet conditorii foribus, ut quisquis ex notis ignotisque ad monumentum venisset, putasset expirasse super corpus viri pudicissimam uxorem.

'Will you also do battle against a pleasing love? Does it not come to mind in whose fields you have sat down?'
"Why do I delay longer? They lay together, therefore, not only that night, on which they celebrated their nuptials, but on the next and even the third day as well, the doors of the burial-vault being, of course, shut, so that whoever from acquaintances or strangers had come to the monument would have supposed that the most modest wife had expired upon the body of her husband.

"Ceterum, delectatus miles et forma mulieris et secreto, quicquid boni per facultates poterat coemebat et, prima statim nocte, in monumentum ferebat. Itaque unius cruciarii parentes ut viderunt laxatam custodiam, detraxere nocte pendentem supremoque mandaverunt officio. At miles circumscriptus dum desidet, ut postero die vidit unam sine cadavere crucem, veritus supplicium, mulieri quid accidisset exponit: 'nec se expectaturum iudicis sententiam, sed gladio ius dicturum ignaviae suae.

"Moreover, the soldier, delighted both by the woman’s form and by the secrecy, was buying up whatever good things he could according to his means and, on the very first night, was carrying them into the monument. And so, when the parents of one crucified man saw that the guard was relaxed, they took down by night the one hanging and committed him to the final office. But the soldier, overreached as he sat idly, when on the next day he saw one cross without a corpse, fearing punishment, explains to the woman what had happened: 'that he would not await the judge’s sentence, but would pronounce law with the sword upon his own ignavia.

Commodaret ergo illa perituro locum, et fatale conditorium familiari ac viro faceret.' Mulier non minus misericors quam pudica: 'Ne istud, inquit, dii sinant, ut eodem tempore duorum mihi carissimorum hominum duo funera spectem. Malo mortuum impendere quam vivum occidere.' Secundum hanc orationem iubet ex arca corpus mariti sui tolli atque illi, quae vacabat, cruci affigi.

Therefore let her lend a place to the one about to perish, and make the fated sepulcher for a familiar and for her husband.' The woman, no less merciful than modest, said: 'May the gods not allow this, that at the same time I should behold the two funerals of two men most dear to me. I prefer to hang a dead man than to kill a living one.' Following this speech she orders the body of her husband to be taken from the coffin and to be affixed to that cross which was vacant.

"Usus est miles ingenio prudentissimae feminae, posteroque die populus miratus est qua ratione mortuus isset in crucem."

"The soldier made use of the ingenuity of the most prudent woman, and on the following day the people marveled by what method the dead man had gone to the cross."

[CXIII] Risu excepere fabulam nautae, erubescente non mediocriter Tryphaena vultumque suum super cervicem Gitonis amabiliter ponente. At non Lichas risit, sed iratum commovens caput: "Si iustus, inquit, imperator fuisset, debuit patris familiae corpus in monumentum referre, mulierem affigere cruci". Non dubie redierat in animum Hedyle expilatumque libidinosa migratione navigium. Sed nec foederis verba permittebant meminisse, nec hilaritas, quae occupaverat mentes, dabat iracundiae locum.

[113] The sailors received the tale with laughter, Tryphaena blushing not a little and lovingly laying her face upon Giton’s neck. But Lichas did not laugh; rather, shaking his head in anger: "If the emperor had been just," he said, "he ought to have carried the body of the paterfamilias back into the tomb, and to have fastened the woman to the cross." No doubt Hedyle, and the ship plundered in her lustful flight, had returned to his mind. But neither did the words of the covenant permit him to remember, nor did the hilarity, which had taken possession of their minds, give room for anger.

Ceterum Tryphaena in gremio Gitonis posita modo implebat osculi pectus, interdum concinnabat spoliatum crinibus vultum. Ego maestus et impatiens foederis novi non cibum, non potionem capiebam, sed obliquis trucibusque oculis utrumque spectabam. Omnia me oscula vulnerabant, omnes blanditiae, quascunque mulier libidinosa fingebat.

But Tryphaena, placed in Giton’s lap, now was filling his breast with kisses, at times was arranging his face despoiled of hair. I, mournful and impatient of the new pact, took neither food nor drink, but with oblique and truculent eyes I gazed at them both. Every kiss wounded me, every blandishment, whatever the libidinous woman was contriving.

Nec tamen adhuc sciebam, utrum magis puero irascerer, quod amicam mihi auferret, an amicae, quod puerum corrumperet: utraque inimicissima oculis meis et captivitate praeterita tristiora. Accedebat huc, quod neque Tryphaena me alloquebatur tanquam familiarem et aliquando gratum sibi amatorem, nec Giton me aut tralaticia propinatione dignum iudicabat, aut, quod minimum est, sermone communi vocabat, credo, veritus ne inter initia coeuntis gratiae recentem cicatricem rescinderet. Inundavere pectus lacrimae dolore paratae, gemitusque suspirio tectus animam paene submovit.

Nor yet did I know whether I was more angered at the boy, because he was taking my mistress from me, or at the mistress, because she was corrupting the boy: each most inimical to my eyes and sadder than my prior captivity. Added to this was that neither did Tryphaena address me as a familiar and once-pleasing lover to herself, nor did Giton judge me worthy either of the traditional propination (toast), or, which is the least, address me in common speech—he, I believe, fearing lest, at the very beginnings of our coalescing grace (goodwill), he should rescind (reopen) a recent scar. Tears readied by pain flooded my breast, and a groan veiled by a sigh almost drove my soul forth.

<. . .>

In partem voluptatis <Lychas> temptabat admitti, nec domini supercilium induebat, sed amici quaerebat obsequium. ANCILLA TRYPHAENAE AD ENCOLPIUM: "Si quid ingenui sanguinis habes, non pluris illam facies, quam scortum. Si vir fueris, non ibis ad spintriam". <. . .>

Into a share of the pleasure <Lychas> was attempting to be admitted, nor did he put on the superciliousness of a master, but was seeking the deference of a friend. ANCILLA TRYPHAENAE AD ENCOLPIUM: "If you have any freeborn blood, you will not value her more than a harlot. If you will be a man, you will not go to a spintria". <. . .>

Me nihil magis pudebat, quam ne Eumolpus sensisset quidquid illud fuerat, et homo dicacissimus carminibus vindicaret. <. . .>

Nothing made me more ashamed than lest Eumolpus had sensed whatever it had been, and that the most facetious man would vindicate it with poems. <. . .>

Iurat verbis Eumolpus conceptissimis. <. . .>

Eumolpus swears with the most carefully conceived words. <. . .>

[CXIV] Dum haec taliaque iactamus, inhorruit mare, nubesque undique adductae obruere tenebris diem. Discurrunt nautae ad officia trepidantes, velaque tempestati subducunt. Sed nec certos fluctus ventus impulerat, nec quo destinaret cursum gubernator sciebat.

[114] While we were bandying these and suchlike things, the sea shuddered, and clouds drawn from every side overwhelmed the day with darkness. The sailors rushed about to their duties in trepidation, and they withdrew the sails from the tempest. But neither had the wind driven steady waves, nor did the helmsman know where to set the course.

Siciliam modo ventus dabat, saepissime Italici litoris aquilo possessor convertebat huc illuc obnoxiam ratem, et quod omnibus procellis periculosius erat, tam spissae repente tenebrae lucem suppresserant, ut ne proram quidem totam gubernator videret. Itaque pernicies postquam manifesta convaluit, Lichas trepidans ad me supinas porrigit manus et: "Tu, inquit, Encolpi, succurre periclitantibus, et vestem illam divinam sistrumque redde navigio. Per fidem, miserere, quemadmodum quidem soles".

Just now the wind was giving Sicily; most often Aquilo, possessor of the Italian shore, was turning the exposed craft hither and thither, and—what was more perilous than all storms—darkness so dense had suddenly suppressed the light that not even the helmsman saw the whole prow. And so, after the ruin had plainly grown strong, Lichas, trembling, stretches out to me his upturned hands and says: "You, Encolpius, succor those in peril, and restore to the ship that divine garment and the sistrum. By your good faith, have pity, as indeed you are wont."

Et illum quidem vociferantem in mare ventus excussit, repetitumque infesto gurgite procella circumegit atque hausit. Tryphaenam autem prope iam <immersam> fidelissimi rapuerunt servi, scaphaeque impositam cum maxima sarcinarum parte abduxere certissimae morti.

And him indeed, vociferating, the wind shook out into the sea, and, seized again by the hostile whirlpool, a squall whirled him round and swallowed him. Tryphaena, however, now almost <submerged>, was snatched away by her most faithful slaves, and, set in a skiff with the greatest part of the baggage, they carried her off from a most certain death.

Applicitus cum clamore flevi et: "Hoc, inquam, a diis meruimus, ut nos sola morte coniungerent? Sed non crudelis fortuna concedit. Ecce iam ratem fluctus evertet, ecce iam amplexus amantium iratum dividet mare.

Clinging close, I wept with a cry and said: "Is this, I say, what we have deserved from the gods, that they should unite us only by death? But cruel fortune does not grant it. Behold now the wave will overturn the raft, behold now the angry sea will divide the embraces of the lovers.

Igitur, si vere Encolpion dilexisti, da oscula, dum licet, <et> ultimum hoc gaudium fatis properantibus rape". Haec ut ego dixi, Giton vestem deposuit, meaque tunica contectus exeruit ad osculum caput. Et ne sic cohaerentes malignior fluctus distraheret, utrumque zona circumvenienti praecinxit et: "Si nihil aliud, certe diutius, inquit, iunctos nos mare feret, vel si voluerit misericors ad idem litus expellere, aut praeteriens aliquis tralaticia humanitate lapidabit, aut quod ultimum est iratis tiam fluctibus, imprudens harena componet". Patior ego vinculum extremum, et veluti lecto funebri aptatus expecto mortem iam non molestam. Peragit interim tempestas mandata fatorum, omnesque reliquias navis expugnat.

Therefore, if you have truly loved Encolpius, give kisses, while it is permitted, <and> snatch this last joy with the fates hastening." When I said these things, Giton laid aside his garment, and, covered with my tunic, he lifted forth his head for a kiss. And lest a more malign wave tear us apart even thus clinging together, he girded us both with a belt that went around, and said: "If nothing else, surely the sea will bear us, joined, for a longer time; or, if it will wish, being merciful, to drive us out to the same shore, either someone passing by will with traditional humanity cover us with stones, or—what is last, even with the waves enraged—the unknowing sand will lay us out." I endure the ultimate bond, and, as though fitted to a funeral bed, I await death, now no longer troublesome. Meanwhile the tempest carries through the mandates of the fates, and overcomes all the remnants of the ship.

Non arbor erat relicta, non gubernacula, non funis aut remus, sed quasi rudis atque infecta materies ibat cum fluctibus. <. . .>

No mast was left, no rudders, no rope or oar, but, as it were, raw and unwrought material went with the waves. <. . .>

Procurrere piscatores parvulis expediti navigiis ad praedam rapiendam. Deinde ut aliquos viderunt, qui suas opes defenderent, mutaverunt crudelitatem in auxilium. <. . .>

The fishermen ran forth, equipped with very small boats, to seize plunder. Then, when they saw some who were defending their own goods, they mutated cruelty into aid. <. . .>

[CXV] Audimus murmur insolitum et sub diaeta magistri quasi cupientis exire beluae gemitum. Persecuti igitur sonum invenimus Eumolpum sedentem membranaeque ingenti versus ingerentem. Mirati ergo quod illi vacaret in vicinia mortis poema facere, extrahimus clamantem, iubemusque bonam habere mentem.

[115] We hear an unusual murmur and, from beneath the master’s apartment, the groan as if of a beast desiring to come out. Therefore, having pursued the sound, we find Eumolpus sitting and heaping verses onto an enormous parchment. Wondering, then, that he had leisure, in the vicinity of death, to make a poem, we drag him out as he shouts, and we bid him have good cheer.

At ille interpellatus excanduit et: "Sinite me, inquit, sententiam explere; laborat carmen in fine". Inicio ego phrenetico manum, iubeoque Gitona accedere et in terram trahere poetam mugientem.

But he, having been interrupted, flared up and said: "Allow me," he says, "to complete the sentence; the poem labors at the end." I lay hands on the phrenetic man, and I order Giton to come near and to drag the bellowing poet to the ground.

Hoc opere tandem elaborato casam piscatoriam subimus maerentes, cibisque naufragio corruptis utcumque curati tristissimam exegimus noctem. Postero die, cum poneremus consilium, cui nos regioni crederemus, repente video corpus humanum circum actum levi vortice ad litus deferri. Substiti ergo tristis coepique umentibus oculis maris fidem inspicere et: "Hunc forsitan, proclamo, in aliqua parte terrarum secura expectat uxor, forsitan ignarus tempestatis filius, aut patrem utique reliquit aliquem, cui proficiscens osculum dedit.

With this work at last worked out, we went beneath a fisherman’s cottage grieving, and, with our foodstuffs spoiled by the shipwreck, having been tended to somehow, we passed a most sorrowful night. On the next day, when we were setting down a plan as to which region we should entrust ourselves, suddenly I see a human body, whirled around by a light eddy, being carried to the shore. I halted therefore, sad, and with moist eyes began to inspect the faith of the sea and: "This man perhaps, I cry out, in some part of the earth a wife awaits, unworried; perhaps a son ignorant of the tempest; or at any rate he left behind some father, to whom, as he was proceeding, he gave a kiss."

Haec sunt consilia mortalium, haec vota magnarum cogitationum. En homo quemadmodum natat!" Adhuc tanquam ignotum deflebam, cum inviolatum os; fluctus convertit in terram, agnovique terribilem paulo ante et implacabilem Licham pedibus meis paene subiectum. Non tenui igitur diutius lacrimas, immo percussi semel iterumque manibus pectus et: "Vbi nunc est, inquam, iracundia tua, ubi impotentia tua?

"These are the counsels of mortals, these the vows of great cogitations. Behold the man, how he swims!" I was still weeping for him as though unknown, when the wave turned his inviolate face toward the land; and I recognized Lichas—terrible a little before and implacable—almost laid under my feet. I did not, therefore, hold back my tears any longer; nay rather, I struck my breast once and again with my hands and said: "Where now is your irascibility, where your intemperance?"

Nempe piscibus beluisque eitus es, et qui paulo ante iactabas vires imperii tui, de tam magna nave ne tabulam quidem naufragus habes. Ite nunc mortales, et magnis cogitationibus pectora implete. Ite cauti, et opes fraudibus captas per mille annos disponite.

Surely you have been devoured by fishes and by beasts, and you—who a little before were vaunting the powers of your empire—now, shipwrecked from so great a ship, do not have even a plank. Go now, mortals, and fill your bosoms with great cogitations. Go, you cautious ones, and dispose wealth seized by fraud for a thousand years.

Nempe hic proxima luce patrimonii sui rationes inspexit, nempe diem etiam, quo venturus esset in patriam, animo suo fixit. Dii deaeque quam longe a destinatione sua iacet! Sed non sola mortalibus maria hanc fidem praestant.

Surely this man, at the next light, inspected the accounts of his patrimony; surely he even fixed in his mind the day on which he would come to his fatherland. Gods and goddesses, how far he lies from his destination! But not the seas alone render this faith to mortals.

Illum bellantem arma decipiunt, illum diis vota reddentem penatium suorum ruina sepelit. Ille vehiculo lapsus properantem spiritum excussit, cibus avidum strangulavit, abstinentem frugalitas. Si bene calculum ponas, ubique naufragium est.

One man, warring, is deceived by arms; another, rendering vows to the gods, is buried by the ruin of his Penates. Another, slipping from his vehicle, shook out his hastening spirit; food strangled the greedy, and frugality [strangled] the abstinent. If you set the reckoning well, everywhere is shipwreck.

At enim fluctibus obruto non contingit sepultura: tanquam intersit, periturum corpus quae ratio consumat, ignis an fluctus an mora! Quicquid feceris, omnia haec eodem ventura sunt. Ferae tamen corpus lacerabunt: tanquam melius ignis accipiat!

But indeed, burial does not befall one overwhelmed by the waves: as though it mattered by what method the body, destined to perish, is consumed—by fire or by waves or by delay! Whatever you do, all these come to the same end. Wild beasts, however, will lacerate the body: as if fire would receive it better!

Immo hanc poenam gravissimam credimus, ubi servis irascimur. Quae ergo dementia est, omnia facere, ne quid de nobis relinquat sepultura?" <. . .>

Nay rather, we believe this the most grievous punishment, when we are angry with slaves. What madness, then, is it, to do everything, so that burial may leave nothing of us?" <. . .>

Et Licham quidem rogus inimicis collatus manibus adolebat. Eumolpus autem dum epigramma mortuo facit, oculos ad arcessendos sensus longius mittit.

And indeed the pyre of Lichas, piled up by the hands of enemies, was blazing. But Eumolpus, while making an epigram for the dead man, sends his eyes farther afield to summon his senses.

[CXVI] Hoc peracto libenter officio destinatum carpimus iter, ac momento temporis in montem sudantes conscendimus, ex quo haud procul impositum arce sublimi oppidum cernimus. Nec quid esset sciebamus errantes, donec a vilico quodam Crotona esse cognovimus, urbem antiquissimam et aliquando Italiae primam. Cum deinde diligentius exploraremus qui homines inhabitarent nobile solum, quodve genus negotiationis praecipue probarent post attritas bellis frequentibus opes: "O mi, inquit, hospites, si negotiatores estis, mutate propositum aliudque vitae praesidium quaerite.

[116] This duty having been gladly performed, we seize the destined journey, and in a moment of time we, sweating, climb a mountain, from which we espy a town, not far off, set upon a lofty citadel. And wandering, we did not know what it was, until from a certain farm-steward we learned that it was Crotona, a most ancient city and once the first of Italy. When thereafter we more diligently explored what sort of men inhabited the noble soil, and what kind of negotiation (business) they especially approved after their resources had been worn down by frequent wars: "O my guests," said he, "if you are negotiators—merchants—change your plan and seek another safeguard of life."

Sin autem urbanioris notae homines sustinetis semper mentiri, recta ad lucrum curritis. In hac enim urbe non litterarum studia celebrantur, non eloquentia locum habet, non frugalitas sanctique mores laudibus ad fructum perveniunt, sed quoscunque homines in hac urbe videritis, scitote in duas partes esse divisos. Nam aut captantur aut captant.

But if, on the other hand, you can endure men of a more urbane stamp always to lie, you run straight to lucre. For in this city the studies of letters are not celebrated, eloquence has no place, frugality and holy morals do not by praises arrive at fruit, but whomsoever men you shall see in this city, know that they are divided into two parts. For either they are legacy-hunted or they legacy-hunt.

In hac urbe nemo liberos tollit, quia quisquis suos heredes habet, non ad cenas, non ad spectacula admittitur, sed omnibus prohibetur commodis, inter ignominiosos latitat. Qui vero nec uxores unquam duxerunt nec proximas necessitudines habent, ad summos honores perveniunt, id est soli militares, soli fortissimi atque etiam innocentes habentur. Adibitis, inquit, oppidum tanquam in pestilentia campos, in quibus nihil aliud est nisi cadavera quae lacerantur, aut corvi qui lacerant." <. . .>

In this city no one raises children, because whoever has his own heirs is not admitted to dinners, not to spectacles, but is prohibited from all advantages, he skulks among the ignominious. But those who have never at any time taken wives nor have nearest kinships attain to the highest honors, that is, they alone are held to be military men, alone the bravest and even innocent. “You will approach,” he said, “the town as into fields in a pestilence, in which there is nothing else except cadavers which are being lacerated, or crows that lacerate.” <. . .>

[CXVII] Prudentior Eumolpus convertit ad novitatem rei mentem genusque divitationis sibi non displicere confessus est. Iocari ego senem poetica levitate credebam, cum ille: "Vtinam quidem, <inquit>, sufficeret largior scena, id est vestis humanior, instrumentum lautius, quod praeberet mendacio fidem: non mehercules operam istam differrem, sed continuo vos ad magnas opes ducerem". Atquin promitto, quicquid exigeret, dummodo placeret vestis, rapinae comes, et quicquid Lycurgi villa grassantibus praebuisset: "nam nummos in praesentem usum deum matrem pro fide sua reddituram. — Quid ergo, inquit Eumolpus, cessamus mimum componere?

[117] Being more prudent, Eumolpus turned his mind to the novelty of the affair and confessed that the genus of enrichment did not displease him. I thought the old man was joking with poetic levity, when he said: "Would that indeed, , a more ample scene— that is, a more humane dress— and more elegant equipment were sufficient, which would provide credibility to the mendacity: by Hercules, I would not defer that operation, but straightway I would lead you to great wealth". But indeed I promise whatever it should require, provided the garb, companion of rapine, should please, and whatever Lycurgus’s villa would have supplied to marauders: "for the Mother of the gods will return money for present use according to her good faith. — Why then, says Eumolpus, do we delay to compose the mime?

Facite ergo me dominum, si negotatio placet." Nemo ausus est artem damnare nihil auferentem. Itaque ut duraret inter omnes tutum mendacium, in verba Eumolpi sacramentum iuravimus: uri, vinciri, verberari ferroque necari, et quicquid aliud Eumolpus iussisset. Tanquam legitimi gladiatores domino corpora animasque religiosissime addicimus.

“Therefore make me the master, if the business pleases.” No one dared to condemn a craft that took nothing away. And so, that the safe lie might endure among all, we swore the sacrament in Eumolpus’s very words: to be burned, chained, scourged, and slain by iron, and whatever else Eumolpus should order. As if lawful gladiators, we most religiously consign our bodies and souls to the master.

Post peractum sacramentum serviliter ficti dominum consalutamus, elatumque ab Eumolpo filium pariter condiscimus, iuvenem ingentis eloquentiae et spei, ideoque de civitate sua miserrimum senem exisse, ne aut clientes sodalesque filii sui aut sepulcrum quotidie causam lacrimarum cerneret. Accessisse huic tristitiae proximum naufragium, quo amplius vicies sestertium amiserit; nec illum iactura moveri, sed destitutum ministerio non agnoscere dignitatem suam. Praeterea habere in Africa trecenties sestertium fundis nominibusque depositum; nam familiam quidem tam magnam per agros Numidiae esse sparsam, ut possit vel Carthaginem capere.

After the oath was completed, we servilely hailed the feigned master, and we likewise learned from Eumolpus that a son had been borne out for burial, a youth of immense eloquence and promise; and that for this reason the most miserable old man had departed from his own city, lest either the clients and comrades of his son or the sepulcher should present a daily cause of tears. To this grief a very recent shipwreck had been added, by which he had lost more than 2,000,000 sesterces; nor was he moved by the loss, but, being deprived of a retinue, he did not recognize his own dignity. Moreover, he had in Africa 300,000,000 sesterces deposited in estates and in notes; for his household of slaves was so great, scattered through the fields of Numidia, that it could even capture Carthage.

Secundum hanc formulam imperamus Eumolpo, ut plurimum tussiat, ut sit modo solutioris stomachi cibosque omnes palam damnet; loquatur aurum et argentum fundosque mendaces et perpetuam terrarum sterilitatem; sedeat praeterea quotidie ad rationes tabulasque testamenti omnibus <idibus> renovet. Et ne quid scaenae deesset, quotiescunque aliquem nostrum vocare temptasset, alium pro alio vocaret, ut facile appareret dominum etiam eorum meminisse, qui praesentes non essent.

According to this formula we command Eumolpus to cough very much, to be now and then of a looser stomach and to condemn all foods openly; let him speak of gold and silver and deceitful estates and the perpetual sterility of the lands; moreover, let him sit daily over the accounts and the testamentary tablets and renew them every Ides. And, so that nothing be lacking to the stage, whenever he should attempt to call any one of us, let him call one in place of another, so that it might easily appear that the master remembered even those who were not present.

His ita ordinatis, "quod bene feliciterque eveniret " precati deos viam ingredimur. Sed neque Giton sub insolito fasce durabat, et mercennarius Corax, detractator ministerii, posita frequentius sarcina male dicebat properantibus, affirmabatque se aut proiecturum sarcinas aut cum onere fugiturum. "Quid vos, inquit?

With things thus ordered, having prayed the gods that “it might turn out well and happily,” we set out on the way. But neither did Giton endure under the unusual bundle, and the mercenary Corax, a detractor of the service, with his pack more frequently set down, was speaking ill of those hastening, and was asserting that he would either throw down the packs or flee with the burden. “What about you,” he says?

iumentum me putatis esse aut lapidariam navem? Hominis operas locavi, non caballi. Nec minus liber sum quam vos, etiam si pauperem pater me reliquit." Nec contentus maledictis tollebat subinde altius pedem, et strepitu obsceno simul atque odore viam implebat.

Do you take me for a beast of burden or a stone-carrying ship? I hired out the services of a man, not of a horse. Nor am I any less free than you, even if my father left me poor. And not content with maledictions, he kept from time to time lifting his foot higher, and with obscene racket and with odor he filled the road.

Ridebat contumaciam Giton et singulos crepitus eius pari clamore prosequebatur. <. . .>

Giton laughed at his contumacy and was accompanying each of his farts with an equal outcry. <. . .>

[CXVIII] EVMOLPVS. "Multos, inquit Eumolpus, o iuvenes, carmen decepit. Nam ut quisque versum pedibus instruxit sensumque teneriorem verborum ambitu intexuit, putavit se continuo in Heliconem venisse.

[118] EUMOLPUS. "Poetry has deceived many, said Eumolpus, O youths. For as soon as anyone has set a verse with feet and has woven a more tender sense into the ambit of words, he has thought that he has come straightaway into Helicon."

Sic forensibus ministeriis exercitati frequenter ad carminis tranquillitatem tanquam ad portum feliciorem refugerunt, credentes facilius poema extrui posse, quam controversiam sententiolis vibrantibus pictam. Ceterum neque generosior spiritus vanitatem amat, neque concipere aut edere partum mens potest nisi intrenti flumine litterarum inundata. Refugiendum est ab omni verborum, ut ita dicam, vilitate et sumendae voces a plebe summotae, ut fiat odi profanum vulgus et arceo.

Thus, trained in forensic ministries, they often fled back to the tranquility of song as to a happier harbor, believing that a poem could be more easily constructed than a controversy painted with little quivering sententions. But neither does a more generous spirit love vanity, nor can the mind conceive or bring forth an offspring unless it is inundated by an inrushing river of letters. One must flee from every, so to speak, vileness of words, and words must be chosen removed from the plebeian crowd, so that it may be: I hate the profane crowd and I ward it off.

Praeterea curandum est, ne sententiae emineant extra corpus orationis expressae, sed intexto vestibus colore niteant. Homerus testis et lyrici, Romanusque Vergilius et Horatii curiosa felicitas. Ceteri enim aut non viderunt viam qua iretur ad carmen, aut visam timuerunt calcare.

Moreover, care must be taken that the sentences do not stand out, expressed outside the body of the oration, but shine with color interwoven into the garments. Homer is witness, and the lyric poets, and the Roman Vergil, and Horace’s meticulous felicity. For the others either did not see the way by which one might go toward the poem, or, having seen it, feared to tread it.

Ecce belli civilis ingens opus quisquis attigerit nisi plenus litteris, sub onere labetur. Non enim res gestae versibus comprehendendae sunt, quod longe melius historici faciunt, sed per ambages deorumque ministeria et fabulosum sententiarum tormentum praecipitandus est liber spiritus, ut potius furentis animi vaticinatio appareat quam religiosae orationis sub testibus fides. Tanquam si placet hic impetus, etiam si nondum recepit ultimam manum:

Behold, whoever has touched the huge work of civil war, unless full of letters, will slip under the burden. For the deeds are not to be comprehended in verses—which the historians do far better—but through ambages, the ministries of the gods, and the fabulous torment of thoughts, the free spirit must be hurled headlong, so that there may appear rather the vaticination of a frenzied mind than the faith of a religious oration before witnesses. As though, if this impetus pleases, even if it has not yet received the last hand:

[CXIX] "Orbem iam totum victor Romanus habebat,
qua mare, qua terrae, qua sidus currit utrumque;
nec satiatus erat. Gravidis freta pulsa carinis
iam peragebantur; si quis sinus abditus ultra,
si qua foret tellus, quae fuluum mitteret aurum,
hostis erat, fatisque in tristia bella paratis
quaerebantur opes. Non vulgo nota placebant
gaudia, non usu plebeio trita voluptas.

[119] "The Roman victor already held the whole orb,
wherever the sea, wherever the lands, wherever the star courses over both;
nor was he satiated. The straits, smitten by heavy-laden keels,
were now being traversed; if any hidden bay lay beyond,
if there were any land that would send forth fulvous gold,
it was an enemy, and with the fates prepared for gloomy wars
riches were being sought. Joys not known to the vulgar pleased,
not a pleasure worn by plebeian use.

Aes Ephyreiacum laudabat miles in unda;
quaesitus tellure nitor certaverat ostro;
Hinc Numidae accusant, illinc nova vellera Seres
atque Arabum populus sua despoliaverat arva.
Ecce aliae clades et laesae vulnera pacis.
Quaeritur in silvis auro fera, et ultimus Hammon
Afrorum excutitur, ne desit belua dente
ad mortes pretiosa; fame premit advena classes,
tigris et aurata gradiens vectatur in aula,
ut bibat humanum populo plaudente cruorem.

The soldier on the wave was praising Ephyraean bronze;
the luster sought from the earth had vied with purple;
on this side the Numidians accuse, on that the Seres their new fleeces,
and the people of the Arabs had been despoiled of their own fields.
Behold other calamities and the wounds of violated peace.
In the forests the beast is sought for gold, and the farthest Ammon
of the Africans is ransacked, lest there be lacking a beast, precious in its tooth
for slaughters; hunger drives the foreign fleets,
and the tiger, striding, is borne in the gilded hall,
so that it may drink human blood while the populace applauds.

Heu, pudet effari perituraque prodere fata,
Persarum ritu male pubescentibus annis
surripuere viros, exsectaque viscera ferro
in venerem fregere, atque ut fuga mobilis aevi
circumscripta mora properantes differat annos,
quaerit se natura nec invenit. Omnibus ergo
scorta placent fractique enerui corpore gressus
et laxi crines et tot nova nomina vestis,
quaeque virum quaerunt. Ecce Afris eruta terris
citrea mensa greges servorum ostrumque renidens,
ponitur ac maculis imitatur vilius aurum
quae sensum trahat.

Alas, I am ashamed to utter and to disclose doom-bound fates; after the rite of the Persians, in ill-ripening years they stole away their males, and, the organs cut out by iron, they broke them to Venus; and so that the flight of mobile age, circumscribed by a delay, might defer the hurrying years, nature seeks itself and does not find it. Therefore to all, harlots are pleasing, and a gait fractured with an enervate body, and lax tresses, and so many new names of dress, and whatever things seek the man. Lo, from African lands a citrus-wood table dug up, herds of slaves, and gleaming purple, are set out; and with its flecks something cheaper imitates gold, so as to draw the sense.

Hoc sterile ac male nobile lignum
turba sepulta mero circum venit, omniaque orbis
praemia correptis miles vagus esurit armis.
Ingeniosa gula est. Siculo scarus aequore mersus
ad mensam vivus perducitur, atque Lucrinis
eruta litoribus vendunt conchylia cenas,
ut renovent per damna famem.

This sterile and ill-noble timber
a throng buried in wine gathers around, and the wandering soldier,
with arms snatched up, hungers for all the prizes of the world.
The gullet is ingenious. A scarus, plunged in the Sicilian sea,
is brought alive to the table, and shellfish dug from the Lucrine
shores they sell for banquets,
so that they may renew their hunger through losses.

Iam Phasidos unda
orbata est avibus, mutoque in litore tantum
solae desertis adspirant frondibus aurae.
Nec minor in Campo furor est, emptique Quirites
ad praedam strepitumque lucri suffragia vertunt.
Venalis populus, venalis curia patrum:
est favor in pretio.

Already the wave of the Phasis has been bereft of birds, and on the mute shore only the breezes breathe upon the deserted leaves.
Nor is the frenzy less on the Campus, and the Quirites, bought and paid for, turn their suffrages toward plunder and the clamor of lucre.
A venal people, a venal curia of the fathers: favor is at a price.

Senibus quoque libera virtus
exciderat, sparsisque opibus conversa potestas
ipsaque maiestas auro corrupta iacebat.
Pellitur a populo victus Cato; tristior ille est,
qui vicit, fascesque pudet rapuisse Catoni.
Namque — hoc dedecoris populo morumque ruina —
non homo pulsus erat, sed in uno victa potestas
Romanumque decus.

Even for the elders too free virtue had fallen away, and with opulence strewn about power was perverted, and majesty itself lay corrupt by gold.
Cato, defeated, is driven out by the people; sadder is he who conquered, and the fasces are ashamed to have been snatched from Cato.
For — this was a disgrace to the people and a ruin of mores — not a man was expelled, but in one man power and Roman honor were vanquished.

Quare tam perdita Roma
ipsa sui merces erat et sine vindice praeda.
Praeterea gemino deprensam gurgite plebem
faenoris inluvies ususque exederat aeris.
Nulla est certa domus, nullum sine pignore corpus,
sed veluti tabes tacitis concepta medullis
intra membra furens curis latrantibus errat.

Wherefore, with Rome so ruined, she was herself her own merchandise and prey without a vindicator.
Moreover, the plebs, caught in a twin whirlpool, had been eaten away by the filth of usury and the use of bronze (i.e., money).
No house is certain, no body without a pledge,
but, like a wasting, conceived in the silent marrows,
it rages within the limbs and wanders with cares barking.

Arma placent miseris, detritaque commoda luxu
vulneribus reparantur. Inops audacia tuta est.
Hoc mersam caeno Romam somnoque iacentem
quae poterant artes sana ratione movere,
ni furor et bellum ferroque excita libido?

Arms please the wretched, and the comforts rubbed away by luxury
are repaired by wounds. The audacity of the needy is safe.
This Rome, submerged in mire and lying in sleep—
what arts could move it by sound reason,
if not frenzy and war and a lust roused by the sword?

[CXX] "Tres tulerat Fortuna duces, quos obruit omnes
armorum strue diversa feralis Enyo.
Crassum Parthus habet, Libyco iacet aequore Magnus,
Iulius ingratam perfudit sanguine Romam,
et quasi non posset tot tellus ferre sepulcra,
divisit cineres. Hos gloria reddit honores.

[120] "Fortune had brought forth three leaders, whom deathly Enyo overwhelmed, all, beneath different piles of arms.
The Parthian holds Crassus; Magnus lies in the Libyan sea;
Julius drenched ungrateful Rome with blood,
and as if the earth could not bear so many tombs,
it divided the ashes. Glory renders these honors.

Est locus exciso penitus demersus hiatu
Parthenopen inter magnaeque Dicarchidos arva,
Cocyti perfusus aqua; nam spiritus, extra
qui furit effusus, funesto spargitur aestu.
Non haec autumno tellus viret aut alit herbas
caespite laetus ager, non verno persona cantu
mollia discordi strepitu virgulta locuntur,
sed chaos et nigro squalentia pumice saxa
gaudent ferali circum tumulata cupressu.
Has inter sedes Ditis pater extulit ora
bustorum flammis et cana sparsa favilla,
ac tali volucrem Fortunam voce lacessit:
'Rerum humanarum divinarumque potestas,
Fors, cui nulla placet nimium secura potestas,
quae nova semper amas et mox possessa relinquis,
ecquid Romano sentis te pondere victam,
nec posse ulterius perituram extollere molem?

There is a place sunk deep with a hewn chasm,
between Parthenope and the fields of great Dicaearchia,
bathed with the water of Cocytus; for the breath which,
poured out, rages without, is scattered in a funereal surge.
This land does not grow green in autumn nor does a field,
glad with turf, nourish grasses; nor in spring do the groves
resound with song, nor do soft thickets speak with discordant rustling,
but chaos, and rocks foul with black pumice, rejoice,
heaped around by funereal cypress. Among these seats the father Dis
lifted his face, marked by the flames of pyres and sprinkled with hoary ash,
and with such a voice provokes winged Fortune:
“Potency of human and divine affairs,
Chance, to whom no power too secure is pleasing,
you who always love novelties and soon leave what you have possessed,
do you feel yourself at all overcome by the Roman weight,
and that you cannot any further lift up a mass doomed to perish?”

Ipsa suas vires odit Romana iuventus
et quas struxit opes, male sustinet. Aspice late
luxuriam spoliorum et censum in damna furentem.
Aedificant auro sedesque ad sidera mittunt,
expelluntur aquae saxis, mare nascitur arvis,
et permutata rerum statione rebellant.

The Roman youth itself hates its own powers, and ill bears the wealth it has piled up. Look far and wide at the luxury of spoils and the census of wealth raging into losses. They build with gold and send their dwellings to the stars, waters are driven out by stones, a sea is born upon the fields, and, with the station of things permuted, they rebel.

En etiam mea regna petunt. Perfossa dehiscit
molibus insanis tellus, iam montibus haustis
antra gemunt, et dum vanos lapis invenit usus,
inferni manes caelum sperare fatentur.
Quare age, Fors, muta pacatum in proelia vultum,
Romanosque cie, ac nostris da funera regnis.

Lo, they seek even my realms. Pierced through, the earth yawns
with insane masses; now, with mountains drained away,
the caverns groan, and while stone finds vain uses,
the infernal Manes confess to hope for heaven.
Wherefore, come, Fortune, change your pacified countenance into battles,
and rouse the Romans, and grant funerals to our realms.

Iam pridem nullo perfundimus ora cruore,
nec mea Tisiphone sitientis perluit artus,
ex quo Sullanus bibit ensis et horrida tellus
extulit in lucem nutritas sanguine fruges.'

For a long time now we have drenched our mouths with no gore,
nor has my Tisiphone bathed her thirsty limbs,
since the Sullan sword drank, and the horrid earth
brought into the light crops nourished with blood.'

[CXXI] "Haec ubi dicta dedit, dextrae coniungere dextram
conatus, rupto tellurem soluit hiatu.
Tunc Fortuna levi defudit pectore voces:
'O genitor, cui Cocyti penetralia parent,
si modo vera mihi fas est impune profari,
vota tibi cedent; nec enim minor ira rebellat
pectore in hoc leviorque exurit flamma medullas.
Omnia, quae tribui Romanis arcibus, odi
muneribusque meis irascor.

[121] "When she had given these words, attempting to join right hand to right hand,
he unsealed the earth, the hiatus having burst.
Then Fortune poured forth voices from her light breast:
'O father, to whom the penetralia of Cocytus are subject,
if only it is right for me to speak true things with impunity,
your vows will prevail; for no lesser wrath rebels
in this breast, and a somewhat lighter flame sears my marrow.
Everything that I granted to the Roman citadels, I hate,
and I am angered at my own gifts.

Destruet istas
idem, qui posuit, moles deus. Et mihi cordi
quippe cremare viros et sanguine pascere luxum.
Cerno equidem gemina iam stratos morte Philippos
Thessaliaeque rogos et funera gentis Hiberae.

He will destroy those
same masses, the god who set them up. And indeed it is dear to my heart
to cremate men and to feed luxury with blood.
I for my part discern Philippi already laid low by twin death,
and the pyres of Thessaly and the funerals of the Iberian nation.

Iam fragor armorum trepidantes personat aures,
Et Libyae cerno tua, Nile, gementia claustra,
Actiacosque sinus et Apollinis arma timentes.
Pande, age, terrarum sitientia regna tuarum
atque animas accerse novas. Vix navita Porthmeus
sufficiet simulacra virum traducere cumba;
classe opus est.

Now the din of arms resounds in trembling ears,
and in Libya I descry, O Nile, your groaning barriers,
and the Actian bays and the arms of Apollo feared.
Lay open, come, the thirsting realms of your lands,
and accerse new souls. Scarcely will the boatman Porthmeus
suffice to ferry the simulacra of men across in his skiff;
there is need of a fleet.

Tuque ingenti satiare ruina,
pallida Tisiphone, concisaque vulnera mande:
ad Stygios manes laceratus ducitur orbis.'

And you, be sated with vast ruin,
pale Tisiphone, masticate the gashed wounds:
to the Stygian Manes the lacerated world is led.'

[CXXII] "Vixdum finierat, cum fulgure rupta corusco
intremuit nubes elisosque abscidit ignes.
Subsedit pater umbrarum, gremioque reducto,
telluris pavitans fraternos palluit ictus.
Continuo clades hominum venturaque damna
auspiciis patuere deum.

[122] "Hardly had he finished, when the cloud, burst by coruscant lightning,
shuddered and sheared off the fires struck out.
The father of shades subsided, and, his bosom drawn back,
quaking, he grew pale at his brother’s earth-striking blows.
Straightway the calamities of men and the coming damages
lay open by the auspices of the gods.

Namque ore cruento
deformis Titan vultum caligine texit:
civiles acies iam tum spirare putares.
Parte alia plenos extinxit Cynthia vultus
et lucem sceleri subduxit. Rupta tonabant
verticibus lapsis montis iuga, nec vaga passim
flumina per notas ibant morientia ripas.

For indeed, with bloody mouth
the misshapen Titan veiled his face with gloom:
you would already then have thought the civil battle-lines to breathe.
Elsewhere Cynthia quenched her full visage
and withdrew the light for crime. The ridges of the mountain thundered,
broken as the summits slipped, nor did the wandering
rivers, dying, go along their well-known banks here and there.

Armorum strepitu caelum furit et tuba Martem
sideribus tremefacta ciet, iamque Aetna voratur
ignibus insolitis, et in aethera fulmina mittit.
Ecce inter tumulos atque ossa carentia bustis
umbrarum facies diro stridore minantur.
Fax stellis comitata novis incendia ducit,
sanguineoque recens descendit Iuppiter imbre.

With the clangor of arms heaven rages, and the trumpet calls Mars
shaken among the stars, and now Etna is devoured by unaccustomed fires,
and hurls lightning-bolts into the ether.
Behold, among the tumuli and the bones bereft of funeral pyres
the faces of shades menace with a dire hissing.
A torch, accompanied by new stars, marshals conflagrations,
and Jupiter, fresh, descends in a blood-red rain.

Haec ostenta brevi soluit deus. Exuit omnes
quippe moras Caesar, vindictaeque actus amore
Gallica proiecit, civilia sustulit arma.
"Alpibus aeriis, ubi Graio numine pulsae
descendunt rupes et se patiuntur adiri,
est locus Herculeis aris sacer: hunc nive dura
claudit hiemps canoque ad sidera vertice tollit.

The god in a short time dispelled these portents. For indeed Caesar stripped off all delays, and, driven by the love of vindicta, he cast aside the Gallic arms and took up civil arms.
"In the airy Alps, where the cliffs, driven by a Graian numen,
descend and allow themselves to be approached,
there is a place sacred to the Herculean altars: this winter encloses with hard snow,
and with a hoary summit lifts to the stars.

Caelum illinc cecidisse putes: non solis adulti
mansuescit radiis, non verni temporis aura,
sed glacie concreta rigent hiemisque pruinis:
totum ferre potest umeris minitantibus orbem.
Haec ubi calcavit Caesar iuga milite laeto
optavitque locum, summo de vertice montis
Hesperiae campos late prospexit, et ambas
intentans cum voce manus ad sidera dixit:
'Iuppiter omnipotens, et tu, Saturnia tellus,
armis laeta meis olimque onerata triumphis,
testor ad has acies invitum arcessere Martem,
invitas me ferre manus. Sed vulnere cogor,
pulsus ab urbe mea, dum Rhenum sanguine tingo,
dnm Gallos iterum Capitolia nostra petentes
Alpibus excludo, vincendo certior exul.

From there you would think the sky had fallen: it does not soften with the rays of the full-grown sun,
nor with the breeze of springtime; but they stiffen with congealed ice and winter’s hoarfrosts:
it can carry the whole orb upon its threatening shoulders.
When Caesar trod these ridges with his soldiery glad and chose a spot, from the topmost summit of the mountain
he looked far out over the fields of Hesperia, and, aiming both hands and his voice toward the stars, he said:
'Jupiter Omnipotent, and you, Saturnian land,
glad in my arms and once burdened with my triumphs,
I call to witness that to these battle-lines I summon Mars unwillingly,
that, unwilling, I bear my hands. But I am compelled by a wound,
driven from my city, while I dye the Rhine with blood,
dnm I shut out from the Alps the Gauls again seeking our Capitols,
more certain as an exile by conquering.'

Sanguine Germano sexagintaque triumphis
esse nocens coepi. Quamquam quos gloria terret,
aut qui sunt qui bella vident? Mercedibus emptae
ac viles operae, quorum est mea Roma noverca.

I began to be guilty by German blood and by 60 triumphs.
Although—whom does glory terrify, or who are they who behold wars?
Men bought for wages and base hirelings, for whom my Rome is a stepmother.

At reor, haud impune, nec hanc sine vindice dextram
vinciet ignavus. Victores ite furentes,
ite mei comites, et causam dicite ferro.
Iamque omnes unum crimen vocat, omnibus una
impendet clades.

But I reckon, not with impunity; nor shall a coward shackle this right hand without an avenger. Go, victors, raging, go, my comrades, and plead the cause with iron. And now one charge summons all; one disaster hangs over all.

Reddenda est gratia vobis,
non solus vici. Quare, quia poena tropaeis
imminet, et sordes meruit victoria nostra,
iudice Fortuna cadat alea. Sumite bellum
et temptate manus.

Gratitude must be rendered to you,
I did not conquer alone. Wherefore, since penalty threatens the trophies,
and our victory has earned disgrace,
with Fortune as judge, let the die fall. Take up war
and put hands to the test.

Certe mea causa peracta est:
inter tot fortes armatus nescio vinci.'
Haec ubi personuit, de caelo Delphicus ales
omina laeta dedit pepulitque meatibus auras.
Nec non horrendi nemoris de parte sinistra
insolitae voces flamma sonuere sequenti.
Ipse nitor Phoebi vulgato laetior orbe
crevit, et aurato praecinxit fulgure vultus.

Surely my cause is completed:
armed among so many brave men I do not know defeat.'
When he had uttered these things, from the sky the Delphic bird
gave glad omens and beat the airs with its courses.
And likewise, from the left side of the horrid grove,
unwonted voices sounded, with a flame following.
The very sheen of Phoebus, brighter with his orb made manifest,
grew, and girded the faces with gilded lightning.

[CXXIII] "Fortior ominibus movit Mavortia signa
Caesar, et insolitos gressu prior occupat ausus.
Prima quidem glacies et cana vincta pruina
non pugnavit humus mitique horrore quievit.
Sed postquam turmae nimbos fregere ligatos
et pavidus quadrupes undarum vincula rupit,
incalvere nives.

[123] "Stronger than the omens, Caesar moved the Mavortian standards,
and with his step he first seizes unaccustomed audacities.
At first indeed the ground, bound with ice and hoary frost,
did not do battle and, in gentle chill, kept quiet.
But after the squadrons shattered the bound snow-clouds,
and the timorous quadruped broke the bonds of the waters,
the snows grew warm.

Mox flumina montibus altis
undabant modo nata, sed haec quoque — iussa putares —
stabant, et vincta fluctus stupuere ruina,
et paulo ante lues iam concidenda iacebat.
Tum vero male fida prius vestigia lusit
decepitque pedes; pariter turmaeque virique
armaque congesta strue deplorata iacebant.
Ecce etiam rigido concussae flamine nubes
exonerabantur, nec rupti turbine venti
derant, aut tumida confractum grandine caelum.

Soon the rivers from the high mountains
were billowing, just-now born; but these too — you would think them commanded —
stood still, and the waves, bound with ruin, stood stupefied,
and the plague a little before, now ready to be cut down, lay low.
Then indeed the ground, previously treacherous, played with the footsteps
and deceived the feet; alike both squadrons and men
and arms, in a piled-up heap, lay lamented.
Lo, even the clouds, concussed by a rigid blast,
were disburdened, nor were winds, ruptured in a whirlwind,
lacking, nor a heaven fractured by swelling hail.

Ipsae iam nubes ruptae super arma cadebant,
et concreta gelu ponti velut unda ruebat.
Victa erat ingenti tellus nive victaque caeli
sidera, victa suis haerentia flumina ripis:
nondum Caesar erat; sed magnam nixus in hastam
horrida securis frangebat gressibus arva,
qualis Caucasea decurrens arduus arce
Amphitryoniades, aut torvo Iuppiter ore,
cum se verticibus magni demisit Olympi
et periturorum deiecit tela Gigantum.
"Dum Caesar tumidas iratus deprimit arces,
interea volucer molis conterrita pinnis
Fama volat summique petit iuga celsa Palati,
atque hoc Romano tonitru ferit omnia signa:
iam classes fluitare mari totasque per Alpes
fervere Germano perfusas sanguine turmas.

Now the clouds themselves, ruptured, were falling upon the arms,
and, concreted with frost, a wave of the sea, as it were, was rushing down.
The earth was conquered by immense snow, and conquered were the stars
of the sky, conquered the rivers clinging to their own banks:
Caesar was not yet there; but, braced upon a great spear,
with secure steps he was breaking the rough, horrid fields,
such as the Amphitryoniad, steeply descending from a Caucasian citadel,
or Jupiter with grim countenance,
when he let himself down from the whirlwinds of great Olympus
and cast down the weapons of the perishing Giants.
"While Caesar, angered, presses down the swollen citadels,
meanwhile winged Rumor, her pinions terrified by the mass,
flies and seeks the lofty ridges of the summit of the Palatine,
and with this Roman thunder she smites every standard:
now the fleets are floating on the sea and through all the Alps
the squadrons, perfused with German blood, are seething.

Arma, cruor, caedes, incendia totaque bella
ante oculos volitant. Ergo pulsata tumultu
pectora perque duas scinduntur territa causas.
Huic fuga per terras, illi magis unda probatur,
et patria pontus iam tutior.

Arms, gore, slaughter, conflagrations, and wars entire
flit before the eyes. Therefore, breasts beaten by tumult
are split, terrified, by two causes.
To this man flight across the lands is approved, to that man rather the wave,
and the sea is now safer than the fatherland.

Est magis arma
qui temptare velit fatisque iubentibus uti.
Quantum quisque timet, tantum fugit. Ocior ipse
hos inter motus populus, miserable visu,
quo mens icta iubet, deserta ducitur urbe.

There are more who would venture arms and, the Fates bidding, make use of them.
As much as each one fears, so much he flees. Swifter itself
amid these commotions, the populace, miserable to see,
is led from the deserted city to where a stricken mind bids.

Gaudet Roma fuga, debellatique Quirites
rumoris sonitu maerentia tecta relinquunt.
Ille manu pavida natos tenet, ille penates
occultat gremio deploratumque relinquit
limen, et absentem votis interficit hostem.
Sunt qui coniugibus maerentia pectora iungant,
grandaevosque patres onerisque ignara iuventus.

Rome rejoices in flight, and the Quirites, war-beaten, leave their mourning roofs at the sound of rumor.
One with a trembling hand holds his children, another hides the Penates in his bosom, and leaves behind the lamented threshold,
and with vows slays the absent enemy.
There are those who join their grieving breasts to their wives,
and aged fathers, and youth ignorant of burdens.

Id pro quo metuit, tantum trahit. Omnia secum
hic vehit imprudens praedamque in proelia ducit:
ac velut ex alto cum magnus inhorruit auster
et pulsas evertit aquas, non arma ministris,
non regumen prodest, ligat alter pondera pinus,
alter tuta sinus tranquillaque litora quaerit:
hic dat vela fugae Fortunaeque omnia credit.
Quid tam parva queror?

The very thing he fears, that he drags along. Everything with him
he carries, unwitting, and leads his own prey into the battles:
and just as, from the deep, when the great South Wind has bristled
and overturns the driven waters, neither arms avail the crew,
nor does the rudder profit; one binds weights to the pine,
another seeks safe bays and tranquil shores:
this one gives his sails to flight and entrusts everything to Fortune.
Why do I complain of things so small?

Gemino cum consule Magnus
ille tremor Ponti saevique repertor Hydaspis
et piratarum scopulus, modo quem ter ovantem
Iuppiter horruerat, quem tracto gurgite Pontus
et veneratus erat submissa Bosporos unda,
pro pudor! imperii deserto nomine fugit,
ut Fortuna levis Magni quoque terga videret.

With the twin consuls, Magnus—
that terror of Pontus and discoverer of the savage Hydaspes,
and the cliff of the pirates—whom lately, thrice in ovation,
Jupiter had shuddered at; whom, with its surge furrowed, the Pontus
and, with its wave lowered, the Bosporus had venerated—
O shame! he fled, the name of empire deserted,
so that fickle Fortune might see even the back of Magnus.

[CXXIV] "Ergo tanta lues divum quoque numina vidit
consensitque fugae caeli timor. Ecce per orbem
mitis turba deum terras exosa furentes
deserit, atque hominum damnatum avertitur agmen.
Pax prima ante alias niveos pulsata lacertos
abscondit galea victum caput, atque relicto
orbe fugax Ditis petit implacabile regnum.

[124] "Therefore so great a pestilence even the numina of the gods beheld,
and the fear of heaven consented to flight. Behold, through the orb
the gentle throng of gods, hating the raging lands,
deserts them, and turns away from the condemned host of men.
Peace first before the others, her snow-white arms smitten,
hides her vanquished head with a helmet, and, the orb abandoned,
in flight seeks the implacable realm of Dis.

Huic comes it submissa Fides, et crine soluto
Iustitia, ac maerens lacera Concordia palla.
At contra, sedes Erebi qua rupta dehiscit,
emergit late Ditis chorus, horrida Erinys,
et Bellona minax, facibusque armata Megaera,
Letumque, Insidiaeque, et lurida Mortis imago.
Quas inter Furor, abruptis ceu liber habenis,
sanguineum late tollit caput, oraque mille
vulneribus confossa cruenta casside velat;
haeret detritus laevae Mavortius umbo
innumerabilibus telis gravis, atque flagranti
stipite dextra minax terris incendia portat.

Her companion goes bowed Faith, and with hair unbound Justice, and grieving Concord with a torn mantle.
But, in counter, where the seat of Erebus bursts asunder and yawns, far and wide emerges the host of Dis—horrid Erinys, and menacing Bellona, and Megaera armed with torches—
and Letum (Doom), and Insidiae (Snares), and the lurid image of Death.
Among these, Furor, as if free with the reins broken, lifts high his blood-dark head far and wide, and veils his face, riddled with a thousand wounds, with a blood-stained helm;
to his left hand clings a worn Mavortian boss, heavy with innumerable missiles, and with a blazing stake in his right, menacing, he brings conflagrations upon the lands.

Sentit terra deos, mutataque sidera pondus
quaesivere suum; namque omnis regia caeli
in partes diducta ruit. Primumque Dione
Caesaris acta sui ducit, comes additur illi
Pallas, et ingentem quatiens Mavortius hastam.
Magnum cum Phoebo soror et Cyllenia proles
excipit, ac totis similis Tirynthius actis.

The earth senses the gods, and the changed constellations sought their proper weight; for the whole royal palace of heaven, rent into parts, collapses. And first Dione leads forth the deeds of her own Caesar, a companion is added to her, Pallas, and the Mavortian shaking his huge spear. The sister with great Phoebus and the Cyllenian offspring take them up, and the Tirynthian is similar in all the deeds.

Intremuere tubae, ac scisso Discordia crine
extulit ad superos Stygium caput. Huius in ore
concretus sanguis, contusaque lumina flebant,
stabant aerati scabra rubigine dentes,
tabo lingua fluens, obsessa draconibus ora,
atque inter torto laceratam pectore vestem
sanguineam tremula quatiebat lampada dextra.
Haec ut Cocyti tenebras et Tartara liquit,
alta petit gradiens iuga nobilis Appennini,
unde omnes terras atque omnia litora posset
aspicere ac toto fluitantes orbe catervas,
atque has erumpit furibundo pectore voces:
'Sumite nunc gentes accensis mentibus arma,
sumite et in medias immittite lampadas urbes.

The trumpets trembled, and Discord, with hair rent,
lifted her Stygian head to the heights above. On her face
clotted blood, and her bruised eyes, were weeping,
her brazen teeth stood rough with rust,
a tongue flowing with gore, a mouth beset with dragons,
and, amid the garment torn across her twisted breast,
with a trembling right hand she shook a blood-red torch.
When she left the darkness of Cocytus and Tartarus,
striding she seeks the high ridges of the noble Apennine,
whence she could behold all lands and all shores,
and the cohorts surging over the whole orb,
and bursts forth from her frenzied breast with these words:
'Take up now, peoples, arms with kindled minds,
take them, and let loose the torches into the midst of the cities.

Vincetur, quicumque latet; non femina cesset,
non puer aut aevo iam desolata senectus;
ipsa tremat tellus lacerataque tecta rebellent.
Tu legem, Marcelle, tene. Tu concute plebem,
Curio.

He will be conquered, whoever lies hidden;
let no woman cease, nor boy, nor old age already desolate with years;
let the earth itself tremble, and let the lacerated roofs rebel.
You, Marcellus, hold to the law. You, Curio, rouse the plebs.

Tu fortem ne supprime, Lentule, Martem.
Quid porro tu, dive, tuis cunctaris in armis,
non frangis portas, non muris oppida solvis
thesaurosque rapis? Nescis tu, Magne, tueri
Romanas arces?

Do not suppress brave Mars, Lentulus.
Why then, divine one, do you linger with your arms,
do you not break the gates, do you not loosen towns from their walls and seize treasures?
Do you not know, Magnus, how to guard the Roman citadels?

Epidamni moenia quaere,
Thessalicosque sinus humano sanguine tingue.'
"Factum est in terris quicquid Discordia iussit."
Cum haec Eumolpos ingenti volubilitate verborum effudisset, tandem Crotona intravimus. Vbi quidem parvo deversorio refecti, postero die amplioris fortunae domum quaerentes incidimus in turbam heredipetarum sciscitantium quod genus hominum. aut unde veniremus.

Seek the walls of Epidamnus,
and dye the Thessalian bays with human blood.'
"Whatever Discord has ordered has been done on earth."
When Eumolpus had poured these things out with an immense volubility of words, at last we entered Crotona. Where indeed, refreshed in a small lodging-house, on the next day, seeking a house of ampler fortune, we fell in with a crowd of heir-hunters inquiring what kind of men (we were), or whence we had come.

Ex praescripto ergo consilii communis exaggerata verborum volubilitate, unde aut qui essemus haud dubie credentibus indicavimus. Qui statim opes suas summo cum certamine in Eumolpium congesserunt. <. . .>

According to the prescript of the common counsel, with an exaggerated volubility of words, we indicated to those giving credence without a doubt whence and who we were. They immediately heaped their wealth with the utmost rivalry onto Eumolpus. <. . .>

[CXXV] Dum haec magno tempore Crotone aguntur <. . .> et Eumolpus felicitate plenus prioris fortunae esset oblitus statum, adeo ut suis iactaret neminem gratiae suae ibi posse resistere impuneque suos, si quid deliquissent in ea urbe, beneficio amicorum laturos. Ceterum ego, etsi quotidie magis magisque superfluentibus bonis saginatum corpus impleveram, putabamque a custodia mei removisse vultum Fortunam, tamen saepius tam consuetudinem meam cogitabam quam causam, et: "Quid, aiebam, si callidus captator exploratorem in Africam miserit mendaciumque deprehenderit nostrum? Quid, si etiam mercennarius praesenti felicitate lassus indicium ad amicos detulerit, totamque fallaciam invidiosa proditione detexerit?

[125] While these things for a long time were being transacted at Crotona <. . .> and Eumolpus, full of felicity, had forgotten the condition of his former fortune, to such a degree that he was boasting to his own that no one there could resist his favor, and that his people, if they had done anything delinquent in that city, would carry it off with impunity by the benefit of friends. However I, although day by day more and more I had filled up a body fattened with superabundant goods, and thought that Fortune had turned her face away from the guardianship of me, nevertheless more often I considered my custom than the cause, and: "What," I said, "if a shrewd legacy‑hunter were to send a scout into Africa and discover our mendacity? What if even the hireling, wearied by present felicity, were to carry an information to the friends and uncover the whole deception by an invidious betrayal?

Nempe rursus fugiendum erit, et tandem expugnata paupertas nova mendicitate revocanda. Dii deaeque, quam male est extra legem viventibus! quicquid meruerunt, semper expectant". <. . .>

Of course we will have to flee again, and at last poverty, once taken by storm, must be called back by a new mendicancy. Gods and goddesses, how badly it is for those living outside the law! whatever they have merited, they always expect." <. . .>

[CXXVI] CHRYSIS ANCILLA CIRCES AD POLYAENVM: "Quia nosti venerem tuam, superbiam captas vendisque amplexus, non commodas. Quo enim spectant flexae pectine comae, quo facies medicamine attrita et oculorum quoque mollis petulantia; quo incessus arte compositus et ne vestigia quidem pedum extra mensuram aberrantia, nisi quod formam prostituis ut vendas? Vides me: nec auguria novi nec mathematicorum caelum curare soleo; ex vultibus tamen hominum mores colligo, et cum spatiantem vidi, quid cogites scio.

[126] CHRYSIS, THE MAIDSERVANT OF CIRCE, TO POLYAENUS: "Because you know your Venus, you court arrogance and you sell embraces, you do not lend them. For to what end look those hairs bent by the comb, to what the face rubbed by cosmetic and even the soft petulance of the eyes; to what the gait composed by art, and not even the very footprints of your feet deviating outside the measure, except that you prostitute your form in order to sell it? You see me: I neither know auguries nor am I accustomed to care about the mathematicians’ sky; yet from the faces of men I collect their mores, and when I saw you strolling, I know what you are thinking."

Sive ergo nobis vendis quod peto, mercator paratus est, sive, quod humanius est, commodas, effice ut beneficium debeam. Nam quod servum te et humilem fateris, accendis desiderium aestuantis. Quaedam enim feminae sordibus calent, nec libidinem concitant, nisi aut servos viderint aut statores altius cinctos.

Therefore, if you sell me what I seek, the merchant is ready; or if, which is more humane, you lend, bring it about that I may owe a benefit. For the fact that you confess yourself a slave and lowly inflames the desire of one who is seething. Certain women, in fact, grow hot for sordidness, and they do not excite lust unless they have seen either slaves or attendants girded high.

Arena aliquas accendit, aut perfusus pulvere mulio, aut histrio scaenae ostentatione traductus. Ex hac nota domina est mea; usque ab orchestra quattuordecim transilit, et in extrema plebe quaerit quod diligat."

The arena inflames some, or a muleteer drenched with dust, or an actor paraded for the ostentation of the scene. Of this mark is my mistress; straight from the orchestra she overleaps the fourteen, and among the outermost plebs she seeks what she may love."

Itaque oratione blandissima plenus: "Rogo, inquam, numquid illa, quae me amat, tu es?" Multum risit ancilla post tam frigidum schema et: "Nolo, inquit, tibi tam valde placeas. Ego adhuc servo nunquam succubui, nec hoc dii sinant ut amplexus meos in crucem mittam. Viderint matronae, quae flagellorum vestigia osculantur; ego etiam si ancilla sum, nunquam tamen nisi in equestribus sedeo." Mirari equidem tam discordem libidinem coepi atque inter monstra numerare, quod ancilla haberet matronae superbiam et matrona ancillae humilitatem.

Accordingly, full of most blandishing oration: "I ask, said I, pray, are you that one who loves me?" The handmaid laughed much after so frigid a figure and said: "I do not wish you to be so greatly pleased with yourself. I, to this day, have never succumbed to a slave, nor may the gods allow this, that I should send my embraces to the cross. Let the matrons look to it, who kiss the marks of the scourges; I, even if I am a handmaid, nevertheless never sit except in the equestrian ranks." I indeed began to marvel at so discordant a libido and to number it among prodigies, that a handmaid should have the pride of a matron and a matron the humility of a handmaid.

Procedentibus deinde longius iocis rogavi ut in platanona produceret dominam. Placuit puellae consilium. Itaque collegit altius tunicam flexitque se in eum daphnona, qui ambulationi haerebat.

Then, as our jests went on farther, I asked that she bring the mistress out into the plane-grove. The plan pleased the girl. And so she gathered up her tunic higher and bent herself into that laurel-grove which was adjoining the promenade.

Nec diu morata dominam producit e latebris, laterique meo applicat mulierem omnibus simulacris emendatiorem. Nulla vox est quae formam eius possit comprehendere, nam quicquid dixero minus erit. Crines ingenio suo flexi per totos se umeros effuderant, frons minima et quae radices capillorum retro flexerat, supercilia usque ad malarum scripturam currentia et rursus confinio luminum paene permixta, oculi clariores stellis extra lunam fulgentibus, nares paululum inflexae et osculum quale Praxiteles habere Dianam credidit.

Not lingering long, she brings the mistress out of her hiding-places and presses the woman to my side, more perfected than all statues. There is no voice that can comprehend her form, for whatever I shall say will be less. Her hair, curled by its own native genius, had poured itself over all her shoulders; a very small forehead, which had bent back the roots of the hairs; eyebrows running down to the outline of the cheeks and, again, almost blended at the meeting-point of the eyes; eyes brighter than stars shining beyond the moon; a nose slightly inflected; and a little mouth such as Praxiteles believed Diana to have.

Iam mentum, iam cervix, iam manus, iam pedum candor intra auri gracile vinculum positus: Parium marmor extinxerat. Itaque tunc primum Dorida vetus amator contempsi. <. . .>

Now the chin, now the neck, now the hands, now the whiteness of the feet set within the slender bond of gold: Parian marble had been outshone. And so then for the first time I, an old lover, despised Doris. <. . .>

Quid factum est, quod tu proiectis, Iuppiter,armis
inter caelicolas fabula muta taces?
Nunc erat a torva submittere cornua fronte,
nunc pluma canos dissimulare tuos.
Haec vera est Danae.

What has happened, that you, with your arms cast aside, Jupiter,
among the celestials keep silent, a mute tale?
Now was the time to lower the horns from your grim brow,
now to dissemble your gray hairs with a plume.
This is the true Danaë.

Tempta modo tangere corpus,
iam tua flammifero membra calore fluent.

Just try to touch the body,
already your limbs will flow with flame-bearing heat.

[CXXVII] Delectata illa risit tam blandum, ut videretur mihi plenum os extra nubem luna proferre. Mox digitis gubernantibus vocem: "Si non fastidis, inquit, feminam ornatam et hoc primum anno virum expertam, concilio tibi, o iuvenis, sororem. Habes tu quidem et fratrem — neque enim me piguit inquirere — sed quid prohibet et sororem adoptare?

[127] Delighted, she laughed so charmingly that it seemed to me the moon was putting forth its full face from a cloud. Soon, with her fingers governing her voice: "If you do not disdain," she said, "a adorned woman and one who in this very first year has experienced a husband, I bestow on you, O young man, a sister. You indeed have a brother as well — for I was not reluctant to inquire — but what forbids adopting a sister too?"

Eoden gradu venio. Tu tantum dignare et meum osculum, cum libuerit, agnoscere. — Immo, inquam, ego per formam tuam te rogo, ne fastidias hominem peregrinum inter cultores admittere.

I come on the same footing. Do you only deign to acknowledge my kiss, whenever it pleases you. — Nay rather, I say, by your beauty I beg you not to disdain to admit a foreign man among your worshipers.

Invenies religiosum, si te adorari permiseris. Ac ne me iudices ad hoc templum Amoris gratis accedere, dono tibi fratrem meum. — Quid?

You will find a religious man, if you allow yourself to be adored. And lest you judge me to accede to this temple of Love for free, I donate to you my brother. — What?

tu, inquit illa, donas mihi eum, sine quo non potes vivere, ex cuius osculo pendes, quem sic tu amas, quemadmodum ego te volo?" Haec ipsa cum diceret, tanta gratia conciliabat vocem loquentis, tam dulcis sonus pertemptatum mulcebat aera, ut putares inter auras canere Sirenum concordiam. Itaque miranti, et toto mihi caelo clarius nescio quid relucente, libuit deae nomen quaerere. "Ita, inquit, non dixit tibi ancilla mea Circen me vocari?

"You," said she, "are giving to me him without whom you cannot live, on whose kiss you hang, whom thus you love, in the way that I desire you?" As she was saying these very things, such grace was conferring itself upon the speaker’s voice, so sweet a sound was soothing the air, thoroughly thrilled, that you would think the concord of the Sirens to be singing among the breezes. And so, as I marveled, and with I know not what shining back for me brighter than the whole sky, it pleased me to ask the goddess’s name. "So then," she said, "did my handmaid not tell you that I am called Circe?"

Non sum quidem Solis progenies, nec mea mater, dum placet, labentis mundi cursum detinuit. Habebo tamen quod caelo imputem, si nos fata coniunxerint. Immo iam nescio quid tacitis cogitationibus deus agit.

I am indeed not the Sun’s progeny, nor did my mother, at her pleasure, arrest the course of the gliding world. I shall nonetheless have something to impute to heaven, if the Fates join us. Nay rather, already the god is doing I know not what by silent cogitations.

Nec sine causa Polyaenon Circe amat: semper inter haec nomina magna fax surgit. Sume ergo amplexum, si placet. Neque est quod curiosum aliquem extimescas: longe ab hoc loco frater est." Dixit haec Circe, implicitumque me brachiis mollioribus pluma deduxit in terram vario gramine indutam.

Nor without cause does Circe love Polyaenus: always between these names a great torch rises. Therefore take an embrace, if it pleases. Nor is there any reason for you to dread some curious person: "my brother is far from this place." Circe said these things, and, having entwined me in arms softer than down, led me down onto the ground clothed with variegated grass.

Idaeo quales fudit de vertice flores
Terra parens, cum se concesso iunxit amori
Iuppiter et toto concepit pectore flammas:
emicuere rosae violaeque et molle cyperon,
albaque de viridi riserunt lilia prato:
talis humus Venerem molles clamavit in herbas
candidiorque dies secreto favit amori.
In hoc gramine pariter compositi mille osculis lusimus quaerentes voluptatem robustam. <. . .>

Idaean, such flowers as Mother Earth poured from her summit
when Jupiter joined himself to the granted love
and in his whole breast conceived flames:
roses and violets and the soft cyperus flashed forth,
and white lilies laughed from the green meadow:
such was the ground that summoned Venus into the soft grasses
and a more radiant day favored the secret love.
On this grass, laid together side by side, with a thousand kisses we sported, seeking robust delight. <. . .>

[CXXVIIII] CIRCE AD POLYAENVM: "Quid est? inquit; numquid te osculum meum offendit? Numquid spiritus ieiunio marcet?

[129] CIRCE TO POLYAENUS: "What is it? she says; does my kiss offend you? Is my breath languishing from fasting?

Numquid alarum negligens sudor? Puto, si haec non sunt, numquid Gitona times?" Perfusus ego rubore manifesto etiam si quid habueram virium, perdidi, totoque corpore velut laxato:

Is it perhaps the negligent sweat of your armpits? I suppose, if these are not so, are you afraid of Giton?" I, suffused with manifest blush, even whatever strength I had, I lost, and with my whole body as if loosened:

"Quaeso, inquam, regina, noli suggillare miserias. Veneficio contactus sum". <. . .>

"I beg, I say, queen, do not stigmatize my miseries. I have been contaminated by venefice". <. . .>

CIRCE: "Dic, Chrysis, sed verum: numquid indecens sum? Numquid incompta? numquid ab aliquo naturali vitio formam meam excaeco?

CIRCE: "Say, Chrysis, but the truth: am I indecorous? Am I unadorned? Do I blind my form by any natural vice?

Noli decipere dominam tuam. Nescio quid peccavimus." Rapuit deinde tacenti speculum, et postquam omnes vultus temptavit, quos solet inter amantes risus fingere, excussit vexatam solo vestem raptimque aedem Veneris intravit. Ego contra damnatus et quasi quodam visu in horrorem perductus interrogare animum meum coepi, an vera voluptate fraudatus essem.

"Do not deceive your mistress. I know not wherein we have sinned." Then she snatched the mirror from me as I kept silent, and after she had tried all the expressions with which smiles are wont to be feigned among lovers, she shook out the garment, battered on the floor, and swiftly entered the temple of Venus. I, on the contrary, condemned and, as if by a certain vision, brought into horror, began to question my mind whether I had been defrauded of true pleasure.

Nocte soporifera veluti cum somnia ludunt
errantes oculos effossaque protulit aurum
in lucem tellus: versat manus improba furtum
thesaurosque rapit, sudor quoque perluit ora
et mentem timor altus habet, ne forte gravatum
excutiat gremium secreti conscius auri:
mox ubi fugerunt elusam gaudia mentem
veraque forma redit, animus, quod perdidit, optat
atque in praeterita se totus imagine versat. <. . .>

In soporific night, just as when dreams play
with wandering eyes and the earth has brought forth dug‑up gold
into the light: a wicked hand handles the theft
and snatches treasures, and sweat too bathes the face,
and deep fear holds the mind, lest perchance one privy
to the secret gold shake out the lap, weighed down:
soon, when the joys that deluded the mind have fled
and the true form returns, the soul desires what it lost
and wholly revolves itself in an image of the past. <. . .>

GITON AD ENCOLPION: "Itaque hoc nomine tibi gratias ago, quod me Socratica fide diligis. Non tam intactus Alcibiades in praeceptoris sui lecto iacuit".

GITON TO ENCOLPIUS: "Therefore for this reason I give you thanks, because you love me with Socratic fidelity. Not so untouched did Alcibiades lie in the bed of his preceptor."

[CXXIX] ENCOLPIVS AD GITONEM: "Crede mihi, frater, non intellego me virum esse, non sentio. Funerata est illa pars corporis, qua quondam Achilles eram". <. . .>

[129] ENCOLPIUS TO GITON: "Believe me, brother, I do not understand myself to be a man, I do not sense it. That part of the body has been buried, by which once I was an Achilles." <. . .>

Veritus puer ne in secreto deprehensus daret sermonibus locum, proripuit se et in partem aedium interiorem fugit. <. . .>

The boy, fearing lest, if caught in a secret place, he might give occasion to talk, snatched himself away and fled into the interior part of the house. <. . .>

Cubiculum autem meum Chrysis intravit, codicillosque mihi dominae suae reddidit, in quibus haec erant scripta: "CIRCE POLYAENO SALVTEM. Si libidinosa essem, quererer decepta; nunc etiam languori tuo gratias ago. In umbra voluptatis diutius lusi.

But Chrysis entered my bedroom and delivered to me her mistress’s tablets, in which these things were written: "CIRCE TO POLYAENUS, GREETING. If I were libidinous, I would complain that I had been deceived; now I even give thanks for your languor. In the shadow of voluptuousness I have played longer.

Quid tamen agas quaero, et an tuis pedibus perveneris domum; negant enim medici sine nervis homines ambulare posse. Narrabo tibi, adulescens, paralysin cave. Nunquam ego aegrum tam magno periculo vidi; medius iam peristi.

Yet I ask what you are about, and whether you reached home on your own feet; for the physicians say that men cannot walk without nerves. I will tell you, adolescent: beware paralysis. Never have I seen a sick man in so great a peril; you have already perished halfway.

Quod si idem frigus genua manusque temptaverit tuas, licet ad tubicines mittas. Quid ergo est? Etiam si gravem iniuriam accepi, homini tamen misero non invideo medicinam.

But if the same chill should assail your knees and hands, you may send for the trumpeters. What then? Even if I have received a grave injury, nevertheless I do not begrudge to a wretched man the medicine.

Si vis sanus esse, Gitonem roga. Recipies, inquam, nervos tuos, si triduo sine fratre dormieris. Nam quod ad me attinet, non timeo ne quis inveniatur cui minus placeam.

If you wish to be sound, ask Giton. You will recover, I say, your nerves, if for three days you sleep without your brother. For as far as concerns me, I do not fear that there will be found anyone to whom I am less pleasing.

Nec speculum mihi nec fama mentitur. Vale, si potes." Vt intellexit Chrysis perlegisse me totum convicium: "Solent, inquit, haec fieri, et praecipue in hac civitate, in qua mulieres etiam lunam deducunt. <. . .> Itaque huius quoque rei cura agetur.

“Neither mirror nor fame lies to me. Farewell, if you can.” When Chrysis understood that I had read through the whole invective, “These things,” said she, “are wont to happen, and especially in this city, in which women even draw down the moon.” <. . .> Therefore, the care of this matter also will be undertaken.

Rescribe modo blandius dominae, animumque eius candida humanitate restitue. Verum enim fatendum: ex qua hora iniuriam accepit, apud se non est". Libenter quidem parui ancillae, verbaque codicillis talia imposui:

Only write back more coaxingly to the mistress, and restore her spirit with candid humanity. For the truth must be confessed: from the hour when she received the injury, she is not herself." Willingly indeed I obeyed the maidservant, and I imposed such words upon the tablets:

[CXXX] "POLYAENOS CIRCAE SALVTEM. Fateor me, domina, saepe peccasse; nam et homo sum et adhuc iuvenis. Numquam tamen ante hunc diem usque ad mortem deliqui.

[130] "POLYAENUS TO CIRCE, GREETINGS. I confess, lady, that I have often sinned; for I am a man and still young. Never, however, before this day have I been delinquent to the point of death.

Habes confitentem reum: quicquid iusseris, merui. Proditionem feci, hominem occidi, templum violavi: in haec facinora quaere supplicium. Sive occidere placet, ferro meo venio; sive verberibus contenta es, curro nudus ad dominam.

You have a confessing defendant: whatever you order, I have deserved. I committed treason, I killed a man, I violated a temple: for these crimes seek punishment. Whether it pleases you to kill, I come with my own steel; or if you are content with lashes, I run naked to the mistress.

Illud unum memento, non me sed instrumenta peccasse. Paratus miles arma non habui. Quis hoc turbaverit nescio.

Remember this one thing: that not I, but the instruments, have sinned. As a prepared soldier, I did not have arms. Who has disturbed this, I do not know.

Forsitan animus antecessit corporis moram, forsitan dum omnia concupisco, voluptatem tempore consumpsi. Non invenio quod feci. Paralysin tamen cavere iubes: tanquam iam maior fieri possit, quae abstulit mihi per quod etiam te habere potui.

Perhaps the spirit anticipated the body’s delay; perhaps, while I desire all things, I consumed the pleasure in the meantime. I do not find what I did. Yet you bid me to beware paralysis: as though that could now become greater, which has taken from me that by which I was even able to have you.

Summa tamen excusationis meae haec est: placebo tibi, si me culpam emendare permiseris." Dimissa cum eiusmodi pollicitatione Chryside curavi diligentius noxiosissimum corpus, balneoque praeterito modica unctione usus, mox cibis validioribus pastus, id est bulbis cochlearumque sine iure cervicibus, hausi parcius merum. Hinc ante somnum levissima ambulatione compositus sine Gitone cubiculum intravi. Tanta erat placandi cura, ut timerem ne latus meum frater convelleret.

"The sum, however, of my excuse is this: I shall please you, if you allow me to amend my fault." Chrysis having been dismissed with a promise of this sort, I took more diligent care of my most noxious body, and, the bath having been passed by, using a moderate unction, soon fed with more strengthening foods, that is, with bulbs and with the necks of snails without sauce, I drank unmixed wine more sparingly. Thence, before sleep, composed by a very light ambulation, I entered the bedroom without Giton. So great was my care to placate, that I feared lest my brother would wrench my side.

[CXXXI] Postero die, cum sine offensa corporis animique consurrexissem, in eundem platanona descendi, etiam si locum inauspicatum timebam, coepique inter arbores ducem itineris expectare Chrysidem. Nec diu spatiatus consederam, ubi hesterno die fueram, cum illa intervenit comitem aniculam trahens. Atque ut me consalutavit: "Quid est, inquit, fastose, ecquid bonam mentem habere coepisti?" Illa de sinu licium prolulit varii coloris filis intortum, cervicemque vinxit meam.

[131] On the next day, when I had arisen without offense to body and mind, I descended into the same plane-grove, even if I feared the place as inauspicious, and I began among the trees to await Chrysis, the guide of the journey. Nor had I, after not long a walk, sat down where I had been on the previous day, when she arrived, dragging along as a companion a little old woman. And when she saluted me: "What is it," she says, "you haughty one, have you begun to have a good mind at all?" She drew from her bosom a ligature, twisted with threads of various colors, and bound my neck.

Mox turbatum sputo pulverem medio sustulit digito, frontemque repugnantis signavit. <. . .>

Soon she lifted the dust, disturbed with spittle, with her middle finger, and marked the forehead of the one resisting. <. . .>

Hoc peracto carmine ter me iussit expuere terque lapillos conicere in sinum, quos ipsa praecantatos purpura involuerat, admotisque manibus temptare coepit inguinum vires. Dicto citius nervi paruerunt imperio, manusque aniculae ingenti motu repleverunt. At illa gaudio exultans: "Vides, inquit, Chrysis mea, vides, quod aliis leporem excitavi?"

With this charm finished, she bade me spit three times and three times to cast little stones into the bosom, which she herself, enchanted, had wrapped in purple; and, with her hands brought near, she began to test the strength of the groin. Quicker than said, the sinews obeyed the command, and the hands of the little old woman were filled with a mighty motion. But she, exulting with joy: "You see, said she, my Chrysis, you see, that for others I have roused the hare?"

Mobilis aestivas platanus diffuderat umbras
et bacis redimita Daphne tremulaeque cupressus
et circum tonsae trepidanti vertice pinus.
Has inter ludebat aquis errantibus amnis
spumeus, et querulo vexabat rore lapillos.
Dignus amore locus: testis silvestris aedon
atque urbana Procne, quae circum gramina fusae
et molles violas cantu sua rura colebant.

Mobilis the plane-tree had diffused its summer shades
and Daphne wreathed with berries and the tremulous cypress,
and, all around, the pines tonsured, with a trembling crown.
Among these a river played with errant waters,
spumy, and with querulous spray it vexed the pebbles.
A place worthy of love: witness the sylvan nightingale
and the urban Procne, who, spread around the grasses
and the soft violets, by their song cultivated their own rural fields.

<. . .> Premebat illa resoluta marmoreis cervicibus aureum torum myrtoque florenti quietum <aera> verberabat. Itaque ut me vidit, paululum erubuit, hesternae scilicet iniuriae memor; deinde ut remotis omnibus secundum invitantem consedi, ramum super oculos meos posuit et quasi pariete interiecto audacior facta: "Quid est, inquit, paralytice? Ecquid hodie totus venisti?

<. . .> She, with marble neck relaxed, was pressing the golden couch, and with flowering myrtle she was lashing the quiet <aera>. And so when she saw me, she blushed a little, plainly mindful of yesterday’s injury; then, with everyone removed, when I sat down beside her as she invited, she placed a branch over my eyes and, as if with a wall interposed, became bolder: "What is it, said she, paralytic? Have you come today entire at all?

— Rogas, inquam ego, potius quam temptas?" Totoque corpore in amplexum eius immissus non praecantatis usque ad satietatem osculis fruor. <. . .>

— "You ask," I said, "rather than try?" And with my whole body cast into her embrace I enjoy kisses not conjured by incantations, to satiety. <. . .>

[CXXXII] [ENCOLPIVS DE ENDYMIONE PVERO: Ipsa corporis pulchritudine me ad se vocante trahebat ad venerem. Iam pluribus osculis labra crepitabant, iam implicitae manus omne genus amoris invenerant, iam alligata mutuo ambitu corpora animarum quoque mixturam fecerant.]

[132] [ENCOLPIUS ON THE BOY ENDYMION: By the very pulchritude of his body, calling me to himself, he was drawing me to Venus. Already with many kisses the lips were crackling, already the hands intertwined had discovered every species of love, already the bodies bound in mutual embrace had made a mixture of souls as well.]

Manifestis matrona contumeliis verberata tandem ad ultionem decurrit, vocatque cubicularios et me iubet cato rigari. Nec contenta mulier tam gravi iniuria mea, convocat omnes quasillarias familiaeque sordidissimam partem, ac me conspui iubet. Oppono ego manus oculis meis, nullisque effusis precibus, quia sciebam quid meruissem, verberibus sputisque extra ianuam eiectus sum.

The matron, scourged with manifest contumelies, at length resorts to vengeance, and calls the cubicularies and orders that I be drenched by Cato. Nor content with so grave an injury against me, the woman summons all the wool-girls and the most sordid part of the household, and orders me to be spat upon. I place my hands before my eyes, and, with no effusive prayers—for I knew what I had deserved—I was cast outside the door with blows and spittle.

Eicitur et Proselenos, Chrysis vapulat, totaque familia tristis inter se mussat, quaeritque quis dominae hilaritatem confuderit. <. . .> Itaque pensatis vicibus animosior, verberum notas arte contexi, ne aut Eumolpus contumelia mea hilarior fieret aut tristior Giton. Quod solum igitur salvo pudore poterat contingere, languorem simulavi, conditusque lectulo totum ignem furoris in eam converti, quae mihi omnium malorum causa fuerat:

Proselenos too is cast out, Chrysis gets a beating, and the whole household, sad, mutters among themselves, and asks who has confounded the mistress’s hilarity. <. . .> Therefore, with the turns weighed, being the more high‑spirited, by art I covered over the marks of the beatings, lest Eumolpus become more cheerful at my contumely, or Giton more sad. What alone, therefore, could befall with modesty kept safe, I simulated languor, and, ensconced in a little bed, I turned the whole fire of my fury against her who had been the cause of all my evils:

Ter corripui terribilem manu bipennem,
ter languidior coliculi repente thyrso
ferrum timui, quod trepido male dabat usum.
Nec iam poteram, quod modo conficere libebat;
namque illa metu frigidior rigente bruma
confugerat in viscera mille operta rugis.
Ita non potui supplicio caput aperire,
sed furciferae mortifero timore lusus
ad verba, magis quae poterant nocere, fugi.

Thrice I seized in my hand the terrible double-axe,
thrice, more limp than the thyrsus of my little sprout, I suddenly
feared the iron, which to my trembling self was giving poor service.
Nor now could I accomplish what just now it pleased me to finish;
for that thing, colder with fear than stiffening winter,
had taken refuge into the guts, hidden under a thousand wrinkles.
Thus I could not lay bare the head for punishment,
but, toyed with by the death-dealing fear of the gallows-baggage,
I fled to words, which could hurt the more.

Erectus igitur in cubitum hac fere oratione contumacem vexavi: "Quid dicis, inquam, omnium hominum deorumque pudor? Nam ne nominare quidem te inter res serias fas est. Hoc de te merui, ut me in caelo positum ad inferos traheres?

Therefore, propped up on my elbow, I tormented the stubborn one with something like this speech: "What say you, I say, O pudency of all men and gods? For it is not even lawful to name you among serious matters. Is this what I have deserved from you, that you should drag me, set in heaven, down to the underworld?

ut traduceres annos primo florentes vigore, senectaeque ultimae mihi lassitudinem imponere? Rogo te, mihi apodixin defunctoriam redde." Haec ut iratus effudi, Illa solo fixos oculos aversa tenebat, nec magis incepto vultum sermone movetur quam lentae salices lassove papavera collo. Nec minus ego tam foeda obiurgatione finita paenitentiam agere sermonis mei coepi secretoque rubore perfundi, quod oblitus verecundiae meae cum ea parte corporis verba contulerim, quam ne ad cognitionem quidem admittere severioris notae homines solerent.

that you should drag across the years blooming in their first vigor, and lay upon me the weariness of utmost old age? I beg you, render me an apodixis defunctoria—a death certificate." When I had poured these things out in anger, she, turned away, kept her eyes fixed on the ground, nor is her face moved by my begun speech any more than the pliant willows or poppies with a weary neck. And I, none the less, when so foul a scolding was finished, began to do penance for my talk and to be suffused with a secret blush, because, forgetful of my modesty, I had exchanged words with that part of my body which men of a stricter stamp are not wont even to admit to acquaintance.

Mox perfricata diutius fronte: "Quid autem ego, inquam, mali feci, si dolorem meum naturali convicio exoneravi? Aut quid est quod in corpore humano ventri male dicere solemus aut gulae capitique etiam, cum saepius dolet? Quid?

Soon, my brow having been rubbed for a longer time: "But what, I say, evil did I do, if I disburdened my pain with a natural invective? Or what is it that in the human body we are accustomed to speak ill of the belly or the gullet and even the head, when it more often aches? What?

Non et Vlixes cum corde litigat suo, et quidam tragici oculos suos tanquam audientes castigant? Podagrici pedibus suis male dicunt, chiragrici manibus, lippi oculis, et qui offenderunt saepe digitos, quicquid doloris habent, in pedes deferunt:

Does not Ulysses too quarrel with his own heart, and do not certain tragic poets chastise their eyes as though they were hearing? The podagrics speak ill of their feet, the chiragrics of their hands, the bleary-eyed of their eyes, and those who have often stubbed their toes refer whatever pain they have to the feet:

Quid me constricta spectatis fronte Catone,
damnatisque novae simplicitatis opus?
Sermonis puri non tristis gratia ridet,
quodque facit populus, candida lingua refert.
Nam quis concubitus, Veneris quis gaudia nescit?

Why do you gaze at me with a constricted brow, Cato,
and damn the work of a new simplicity?
The not-dour grace of pure discourse smiles,
and what the populace does, a candid tongue reports.
For who does not know couplings, who does not know the joys of Venus?

Quia vetat in tepido membra calere toro?
Ipse pater veri doctus Epicurus in arte
iussit, et hoc vitam dixit habere telos.

Because he forbids the members to be warm on a tepid bed?
Epicurus himself, the very father, learned in the art of truth,
enjoined it, and said that life has this telos.

Nihil est hominum inepta persuasione falsius nec ficta severitate ineptius".

Nothing is more false than the inept persuasion of men, nor more inept than a feigned severity".

[CXXXIII] Hac declamatione finita Gitona voco et: "Narra mihi, inquam, frater, sed tua fide: ea nocte, qua te mihi Ascyltos subduxit, usque in iniuriam vigilavit, an contentus fuit vidua pudicaque nocte?" Tetigit puer oculos suos, conceptissimisque iuravit verbis sibi ab Ascylto nullam vim factam.

[133] With this declamation finished I call Giton and: "Tell me," I say, "brother, but on your faith: that night, when Ascyltos stole you away from me, did he keep vigil even unto injury, or was he content with a widowed and chaste night?" The boy touched his eyes, and with the most carefully conceived words swore that no violence had been done to him by Ascyltos.

<. . .> positoque in limine genu sic deprecatus sum numen aversum:

<. . .> and, with my knee set on the threshold, thus I entreated the averse divinity:

Nympharum Bacchique comes, quem pulcra Dione
divitibus silvis numen dedit, inclita paret
cui Lesbos viridisque Thasos, quem Lydus adorat
septifluus, templumque tuis imponit Hypaepis:
huc aedes et Bacchi tutor Dryadumque voluptas,
et timidas admitte preces. Non sanguine tristi
perfusus venio, non templis impius hostis
admovi dextram, sed inops et rebus egenis
attritus facinus non toto corpore feci.
Quisquis peccat inops, minor est reus.

Companion of the Nymphs and of Bacchus, whom fair Dione
gave as a numen to wealthy woods, whom illustrious Lesbos obeys
and green Thasos, whom the seven-flowing Lydian worships,
and Hypaepa sets a temple to you:
come hither, both guardian of Bacchus and the delight of the Dryads,
and admit timid prayers. Not with grim blood
stained do I come, nor as an impious enemy have I laid
my right hand upon temples, but poor and worn by needy affairs
I committed an offense not with my whole body.
Whoever sins in poverty is a lesser offender.

Hac prece, quaeso,
exonera mentem culpaeque ignosce minori,
et quandoque mihi fortunae arriserit hora,
non sine honore tuum patiar decus. Ibit ad aras,
Sancte, tuas hircus, pecoris pater; ibit ad aras
corniger et querulae fetus suis, hostia lactens.
Spumabit pateris hornus liquor, et ter ovantem
circa delubrum gressum feret ebria pubes."

With this prayer, I beseech,
unburden my mind and pardon the lesser fault,
and whenever the hour of Fortune shall have smiled on me,
I will not suffer your glory to be without honor. To your altars,
Holy One, will go a he-goat, father of the herd; to the altars will go
the horn-bearer too, and the offspring of the querulous sow, a suckling victim.
This year’s liquor will foam in the paterae, and thrice an exultant
step around the shrine will the inebriate youth bear."

Dum haec ago curaque sollerti deposito meo caveo, intravit delubrum anus laceratis crinibus nigraque veste deformis, extraque vestibulum me iniecta manu duxit. <. . .>

While I do these things and, with skillful care, keep watch over my deposit, an old woman, with lacerated hair and deformed by a black garment, entered the shrine, and, outside the vestibule, with her hand cast upon me, she led me. <. . .>

[CXXXIV] PROSELENOS ANVS AD ENCOLPIVM: "Quae striges comederunt nervos tuos, aut quod purgamentum nocte calcasti trivio aut cadaver? Nec a puero quidem te vindicasti, sed mollis, debilis, lassus, tanquam caballus in clivo et operam et sudorem perdidisti. Nec contentus ipse peccare, mihi deos iratos excitasti".

[134] PROSELENOS THE OLD WOMAN TO ENCOLPIUS: "What striges have eaten your sinews, or what filth did you tread at night at the three-way crossroad, or a corpse? Nor did you even vindicate yourself upon the boy, but soft, weak, weary, like a nag on an incline, you lost both toil and sweat. And not content to sin yourself, you have stirred up the gods, angry, against me."

Ac me iterum in cellam sacerdotis nihil recusantem perduxit impulitque super lectum, et harundinem ab ostio rapuit iterumque nihil respondentem mulcavit. Ac nisi primo ictu harundo quassata impetum verberantis minuisset, forsitan etiam brachia mea caputque fregisset. Ingemui ego utique propter mascarpionem, lacrimisque ubertim manantibus obscuratum dextra caput super pulvinum inclinavi.

And she led me again into the priest’s cell, I refusing nothing, and shoved me onto the bed; and she snatched a reed from the doorway, and again, as I made no answer, she belabored me. And if at the first stroke the reed, having been shattered, had not diminished the impetus of the striker, perhaps she would even have broken my arms and my head. I groaned, to be sure, on account of the black eye, and with tears flowing in abundance, I inclined my head, darkened on the right, upon the cushion.

Nec minus illa fletu confusa altera parte lectuli sedit aetatisque longae moram tremulis vocibus coepit accusare, donec intervenit sacerdos: "Quid vos, inquit, in cellam meam tanquam ante recens bustum venistis? Vtique die feriarum, quo etiam lugentes rident." PROSELENOS AD OENOTHEAN SACERDOTEM PRIAPI: "O, inquit, Oenothea, hunc adulescentem quem vides, malo astro natus est; nam neque puero neque puellae bona sua vendere potest. Nunquam tu hominem tam infelicem vidisti: lorum in aqua, non inguina habet.

No less did she, confused by weeping, sit on the other side of the little bed, and with trembling voices began to accuse the delay of long age, until the priestess intervened: "What is it with you," she said, "that you have come into my cell as if before a fresh funeral pyre? Surely on a feast day, on which even mourners laugh." PROSELENOS TO OENOTHEA, PRIESTESS OF PRIAPUS: "O," she said, "Oenothea, this young man whom you see was born under an evil star; for he can vend his goods neither to a boy nor to a girl. Never have you seen a man so unlucky: he has a thong in water, not loins."

Ad summam, qualem putas esse, qui de Circes toro sine voluptate surrexit?" His auditis Oenothea inter utrumque consedit, motoque diutius capite: "Istum, inquit, morbum sola sum quae emendare scio. Et ne putetis perplexe agere, rogo ut adulescentulus tuus mecum nocte dormiat, nisi illud tam rigidum reddidero quam cornu:

"To sum up, what sort of man do you think he is, who rose from Circe’s couch without pleasure?" With these things heard, Oenothea sat down between the two, and, her head moved for a good while: "That sickness," she said, "I alone am the one who know how to emend. And lest you think I proceed perplexly, I ask that your adolescent sleep with me for the night, unless I shall have made that thing as rigid as horn:

Quicquid in orbe vides, paret mihi. Florida tellus,
cum volo, spissatis arescit languida sucis,
cum volo, fundit opes, scopulique atque horrida saxa
Niliacas iaculantur aquas. Mihi pontus inertes
submittit fluctus, zephyrique tacentia ponunt
ante meos sua flabra pedes.

Whatever you see in the world obeys me. The florid earth,
when I will, grows arid, languid with thickened saps;
when I will, it pours forth opulence, and cliffs and bristling rocks
hurl Nilean waters. For me the sea bows its inert waves,
and the Zephyrs set their silent breaths
before my feet.

Mihi flumina parent
Hyrcanaeque tigres et iussi stare dracones.
Quid leviora loquor? Lunae descendit imago
carminibus deducta meis, trepidusque furentes
flectere Phoebus equos revoluto cogitur orbe.

To me the rivers obey,
and the Hyrcanian tigers and the dragons, when ordered, stand still.
Why do I speak of lighter things? The image of Luna descends,
drawn down by my charms, and trembling, Phoebus
is compelled to bend his raging horses, with the orb revolved.

Tantum dicta valent. Taurorum flamma quiescit
virgineis extincta sacris, Phoebeia Circe
carminibus magicis socios mutavit Vlixis,
Proteus esse solet quicquid libet. Hic ego callens
artibus Idaeos frutices in gurgite sistam,
et rursus fluvios in summo vertice ponam."

So powerful are words. The flame of bulls grows quiet,
extinguished by virginal rites; Phoebeian Circe
transformed the companions of Ulysses by magic songs,
Proteus is wont to be whatever he pleases. Here I, skilled
in the arts, will set the Idaean shrubs in the whirlpool,
and again I will place rivers upon the topmost summit."

[CXXXV] lnhorrui ego tam fabulosa pollicitatione conterritus, anumque inspicere diligentius coepi.

[135] I shuddered, terrified by so fabulous a promise, and I began to inspect the old woman more carefully.

"Ergo, exclamat Oenothea, imperio parete!" detersisque curiose manibus inclinavit se in lectulum ac me semel iterumque basiavit. <. . .>

"Therefore," Oenothea exclaims, "obey the command!" and, her hands carefully wiped, she bent herself onto the little couch and kissed me once and again. <. . .>

Oenothea mensam veterem posuit in medio altari, quam vivis implevit carbonibus, et camellam etiam vetustate ruptam pice temperata refecit. Tum clavum, qui detrahentem secutus cum camella lignea fuerat, fumoso parieti reddidit. Mox incincta quadrato pallio cucumam ingentem foco apposuit, simulque pannum de carnario detulit furca, in quo faba erat ad usum reposita et sincipitis vetustissima particula mille plagis dolata.

Oenothea set an old table on the middle of the altar, which she filled with live coals, and she even mended a small bowl, split by age, with tempered pitch. Then the nail—which, having followed the one taking it down, had gone off with the wooden bowl—she restored to the sooty wall. Soon, girded with a square pallium, she set a huge kettle by the hearth, and at the same time she brought down from the meat-safe with a fork a cloth, in which bean was laid up for use, and a most ancient little piece of sinciput, planed with a thousand strokes.

Vt soluit ergo licio pannum, partem leguminis super mensam effudit iussitque me diligenter purgare. Servio ego imperio, granaque sordidissimis putaminibus vestita curiosa manu segrego. At illa inertiam meam accusans improba tollit, dentibusque folliculos pariter spoliat, atque in terram veluti muscarum imagines despuit.

When therefore she loosed the rag from the cord, she poured a portion of the legume onto the table and ordered me to cleanse it carefully. I serve the command, and with a careful hand I segregate the grains clothed in most filthy husks. But she, shameless, accusing my inertia, snatches it away, and with her teeth likewise despoils the pods, and spits onto the ground as if images of flies.

Mirabar equidem paupertatis ingenium singularumque rerum quasdam artes:

I did indeed marvel at the ingenuity of poverty and certain arts of individual things:

Non Indum fulgebat ebur, quod inhaeserat auro,
nec iam calcato radiabat marmore terra
muneribus delusa suis, sed crate saligna
impositum Cereris vacuae nemus et nova terrae
pocula, quae facili vilis rota finxerat actu.
Hinc molli stillae lacus et de caudice lento
vimineae lances maculataque testa Lyaeo.
At paries circa palea satiatus inani
fortuitoque luto clavos numerabat agrestis,
et viridi iunco gracilis pendebat harundo.

Not Indian ivory was gleaming, that had been inlaid in gold,
nor now did the earth radiate with trampled marble,
beguiled by its own gifts, but with a wicker of willow
there were set a grove for barren Ceres and new cups of earth,
which the cheap wheel had fashioned with easy motion.
From here, a basin for the soft drip, and from a pliant trunk
wicker trays, and an earthenware pot stained by Lyaeus.
But the wall all around, gorged with empty chaff
and with haphazard mud, was counting its rustic nails,
and by a green rush a slender reed was hanging.

Praeterea quae fumoso suspensa tigillo
conservabat opes humilis casa, mitia sorba
inter odoratas pendebat texta coronas
et thymbrae veteres et passis uva racemis:
qualis in Actaea quondam fuit hospita terra,
digna sacris Hecales, quam Musa loquentibus annis
Baccineas veteres mirando tradidit aevo.

Moreover, what, suspended from a sooty little beam,
the humble cottage preserved as its wealth—soft sorb-apples—
hung woven among fragrant garlands,
and aged thyme-savoury, and the grape with raisined clusters:
such a hostess as once was in the Actaean land,
worthy of the rites of Hecale, whom the Muse to the speaking years
has transmitted to an admiring age by ancient Bacchic lays.

[CXXXVI] Dum illa carnis etiam paululum delibat et dum coaequale natalium suorum sinciput in carnarium furca reponit, fracta est putris sella, quae staturae altitudinem adiecerat, anumque pondere suo deiectam super foculum mittit. Frangitur ergo cervix cucumulae ignemque modo convalescentem restinguit. Vexat cubitum ipsa stipite ardenti faciemque totam excitato cinere pertundit.

[136] While she even nibbles a little of the meat, and while with a fork she puts back into the meat-safe the half-head, a coeval of her own birthdays, the rotten stool that had added to the height of her stature breaks, and it sends the old woman, cast down by her own weight, onto the little hearth. So the neck of the little pot is broken, and she quenches the fire only just recovering. She batters her elbow on a burning stake and, with the ashes stirred up, perforates her whole face.

Consurrexi equidem turbatus anumque non sine meo risu erexi; statimque, ne res aliqua sacrificium moraretur, ad reficiendum ignem in viciniam cucurrit. Itaque ad casae ostiolum processi cum ecce tres anseres sacri qui, ut puto, medio die solebant ab anu diaria exigere, impetum in me faciunt foedoque ac veluti rabioso stridore circumsistunt trepidantem. Atque alius tunicam meam lacerat, alius vincula calcumentorum resoluit ac trahit; unus etiam, dux ac magister saevitiae, non dubitavit crus meum serrato vexare morsu.

I indeed sprang up, disturbed, and raised the old woman, not without my own laughter; and immediately, lest any matter delay the sacrifice, she ran into the vicinity to restore the fire. Therefore I advanced to the little door of the cottage when—behold—three sacred geese who, as I think, at midday were accustomed to exact their daily rations from the old woman, make an attack on me and, with foul and as it were rabid hissing, surround me, trembling. And one tears my tunic, another loosens and drags the bindings of my shoes; one also, the leader and master of savagery, did not hesitate to vex my leg with a saw‑toothed bite.

Oblitus itaque nugarum, pedem mensulae extorsi coepique pugnacissimum animal armata elidere manu. Nec satiatus defunctorio ictu, morte me anseris vindicavi:

So, forgetful of trifles, I wrenched out the leg of a little table and began to dash down the most pugnacious animal with an armed hand. And not satisfied with a death-dealing blow, I vindicated myself by the goose’s death:

Tales Herculea Stymphalidas arte coactas
ad coelum fugisse reor, peneque fluentes
Harpyias, cum Phineo maduere veneno
fallaces epulae. Tremuit perterritus aether
planctibus insolitis, confusaque regia coeli <. . .>

Such, by Herculean art, the Stymphalids compelled,
I reckon to have fled to heaven, and almost streaming
the Harpies, when for Phineus the fallacious banquets grew wet with venom.
The ether, terrified, trembled with unusual plaints,
and the palace of heaven was confounded <. . .>

Iam reliqui revolutam passimque per totum effusam pavimentum collegerant fabam, orbatique, ut existimo, duce redierant in templum, cum ego praeda simul atque vindicta gaudens post lectum occisum anserem mitto, vulnusque cruris haud altum aceto diluo. Deinde convicium verens, abeundi formavi consilium, collectoque cultu meo ire extra casam coepi. Necdum liberaveram cellulae limen, cum animadverto Oenotheam cum testo ignis pleno venientem.

Now the rest had gathered the bean, rolled about and poured out everywhere throughout the whole pavement, and, bereft, as I suppose, of a leader, had returned into the temple, when I, rejoicing both in booty and in vengeance, throw the slain goose behind the bed, and I wash out with vinegar the not-deep wound of my leg. Then, fearing a clamor of abuse, I formed a plan of departing, and, my attire collected, I began to go outside the hut. I had not yet cleared the threshold of the little cell, when I notice Oenothea coming with an earthen pot full of fire.

Reduxi igitur gradum proiectaque veste, tanquam expectarem morantem, in aditu steti. Collocavit illa ignem cassis harundinibus collectum, ingestisque super pluribus lignis excusare coepit moram, quod amica se non dimisisset tribus nisi potionibus e lege siccatis." Quid porro tu, inquit, me absente fecisti, aut ubi est faba?" Ego, qui putaveram me rem laude etiam dignam fecisse, ordine illi totum proelium eui, et ne diutius tristis esset, iacturae pensionem anserem obtuli. Quem anus ut vidit, tam magnum aeque clamorem sustulit, ut putares iterum anseres limen intrasse.

So I retraced my step and, with my garment thrown aside, stood in the entry as though I were waiting for one who tarried. She set down the fire gathered in hollow reeds, and, after heaping more pieces of wood on top, began to excuse the delay, on the ground that her girlfriend would not have let her go unless three potions had been drained according to the rule. "And what, pray," she says, "did you do while I was away, or where is the bean?" I, who had supposed I had done a deed even worthy of praise, related to her in order the whole battle, and, so that she might not be sad any longer, I offered the goose as a payment in compensation for the loss. When the old woman saw it, she raised a cry so great that you would have thought the geese had entered the threshold again.

Confusus itaque et novitate facinoris attonitus, quaerebam quid excanduisset, aut quare anseris potius quam mei misereretur.

Therefore, confounded and thunderstruck at the novelty of the deed, I was inquiring what had incensed her, or why she was pitying the goose rather than me.

[CXXXVII] At illa complosis manibus: "Scelerate, inquit, etiam loqueris? Nescis quam magnum flagitium admiseris: occidisti Priapi delicias, anserem omnibus matronis acceptissimum. Itaque ne te putes nihil egisse; si magistratus hoc scierint, ibis in crucem.

[137] But she, with her hands clapped: "Wretch," she says, "do you even speak? Do you not know how great a flagitious offense you have committed? You have killed Priapus’s delight, the goose most acceptable to all matrons. And so do not think you have done nothing; if the magistrates come to know this, you will go to the cross.

Polluisti sanguine domicilium meum ante hunc diem inviolatum, fecistique ut me, quisquis voluerit inimicus, sacerdotio pellat.

You have polluted my domicile with blood, inviolate until this day, and you have made it so that any enemy who wishes may expel me from the priesthood.

— Rogo, inquam, noli clamare: ego tibi pro ansere struthocamelum reddam." Dum haec me stupente in lectulo sedet anserisque fatum complorat, interim Proselenos cum impensa sacrificii venit, visoque ansere occiso sciscitata causam tristitiae, et ipsa flere vehementius coepit meique misereri, tanquam patrem meum, non publicum anserem, occidissem. Itaque taedio fatigatus: "Rogo, inquam, expiare manus pretio licet? <. . .>si vos provocassem, etiam si homicidium fecissem.

— I beg, I said, do not shout: I will give you an ostrich in return for the goose." While, with me astonished, she sits on the little couch and bewails the fate of the goose, meanwhile Proselenos comes with the expenditure for the sacrifice, and, on seeing the goose slain and having inquired the cause of the sadness, she herself began to weep more vehemently and to take pity on me, as though I had killed my father, not a public goose. And so, wearied by disgust: "I beg," I said, "is it permitted to expiate my hands with a price? <. . .> if I had appealed to you, even if I had committed homicide.

Ecce duos aureos pono, unde possitis et deos et anseres emere.". Quos ut vidit Oenothea: "Ignosce, inquit, adulescens, sollicita sum tua causa. Amoris est hoc argumentum, non malignitatis. Itaque dabimus operam, ne quis sciat.

"Look, I lay down two aurei, with which you can buy both gods and geese.". When Oenothea saw them: "Forgive me," said she, "young man, I have been anxious on your account. This is an argument of love, not of malignity. Therefore we will take pains, that no one may know."

Tu modo deos roga, ut illi facto tuo ignoscant."

Only ask the gods, that they may forgive that deed of yours."

Quisquis habet nummos, secura naviget aura
fortunamque suo temperet arbitrio.
Vxorem ducat Danaen ipsumque licebit
Acrisium iubeat credere quod Danaen.
Carmina componat, declamet, concrepet omnes
et peragat causas sitque Catone prior.

Whoever has coins, let him sail with a secure breeze
and temper Fortune by his own arbitrament.
Let him take Danae as wife, and he may even
bid Acrisius himself to believe it—that it is Danae.
Let him compose songs, let him declaim, let him hiss down everyone,
and prosecute cases and be ahead of Cato.

Iurisconsultus 'parret, non parret' habeto,
atque esto quicquid Servius et Labeo.
Multa loquor: quod vis, nummis praesentibus opta,
et veniet. Clausum possidet arca Iovem.

Have a jurisconsult with “let it appear, let it not appear,”
and be whatever Servius and Labeo are.
I say much: whatever you wish, with present coins, opt for it,
and it will come. The coffer possesses Jove shut within.

<. . .> Infra manus meas camellam vini posuit et cum digitos pariter extensos porris apioque lustrasset, avellanas nuces cum precatione mersit in vinum. Et sive in summum redierant, sive subsderant, ex hoc coniecturam ducebat. Nec me fallebat inanes scilicet ac sine medulla ventosas nuces in summo umore consistere, graves autem et plenas integro fructu ad ima deferri.

<. . .> He placed a small bowl of wine beneath my hands, and when he had lustrated my equally outstretched fingers with leeks and parsley, he dipped hazel-nuts into the wine with a prayer. And whether they had returned to the top, or had subsided, from this he drew a conjecture. Nor did it escape me that empty and, of course, without marrow, airy, ventose nuts rest on the surface of the liquid, but that the heavy ones, full and with the fruit intact, are borne down to the depths.

Recluso pectore extraxit fortissimum iecur et inde mihi futura praedixit. Immo, ne quod vestigium sceleris superesset, totum anserem laceratum verubus confixit, epulasque etiam lautas paulo ante, ut ipsa dicebat, perituro paravit. Volabant inter haec potiones meracae.

With the breast laid open she drew out a very stout liver and from that foretold to me the things-to-come. Rather, lest any vestige of the crime should remain, she transfixed the whole goose, torn to pieces, with spits, and even prepared sumptuous banquets, a little before, as she herself said, for the one about to perish. Meanwhile, neat draughts were flying.

[CXXXVIII] Profert Oenothea scorteum fascinum, quod ut oleo et minuto pipere atque urticae trito circumdedit semine, paulatim coepit inserere ano meo. Hoc crudelissima anus spargit subinde umore femina mea. Nasturcii sucum cum habrotono miscet, perfusisque inguinibus meis, viridis urticae fascem comprehendit, omniaque infra umbilicum coepit lenta manu caedere.

[138] Oenothea brings forth a leathern phallus, which, when she had smeared it with oil and finely ground pepper and the crushed seed of nettle, she began little by little to insert into my anus. The most cruel old hag kept from time to time sprinkling this with moisture over my privities. She mixes the juice of nasturtium with abrotonum (southernwood), and, my groin having been drenched, she grasps a bundle of green nettle, and began with a slow hand to beat everything below the navel.

<. . .>

Aniculae quamvis solutae mero ac libidine essent, eandem viam tentant et per aliquot vicos secutae fugientem "Prende furem!" clamant. Evasi tamen omnibus digitis inter praecipitem decursum cruentatis. <. . .>

Although the little old women, loosened by unmixed wine and libido, were such, they attempt the same way and, having pursued me as I fled through several streets, they shout, "Catch the thief!" Nevertheless I escaped, with all my fingers bloodied during the headlong run. <. . .>

"Chrysis, quae priorem fortunam tuam oderat, hanc vel cum periculo capitis persequi destinat". <. . .>

"Chrysis, who hated your former fortune, resolves to pursue this one even at the peril of her life". <. . .>

"Quid huic formae aut Ariadne habuit aut Leda simile? Quid contra hanc Helene, quid Venus posset? Ipse Paris, dearum libidinantium iudex, si hanc in comparatione vidisset tam petulantibus oculis, et Helenen huic donasset et deas.

"What to this beauty had either Ariadne or Leda similar? What could Helen, what could Venus do against her? Paris himself, judge of libidinous goddesses, if he had seen her in comparison with such wanton eyes, would have awarded both Helen and the goddesses to her.

Saltem si permitteretur osculum capere, si illud caeleste ac divinum pectus amplecti, forsitan rediret hoc corpus ad vires et resipiscerent partes veneficio, credo, sopitae. Nec me contumeliae lassant: quod verberatus sum, nescio; quod eiectus sum, lusum puto. Modo redire in gratiam liceat".

At least if it were permitted to take a kiss, if to embrace that celestial and divine breast, perhaps this body would return to strength and the parts, lulled, I believe, by witchcraft, would come back to their senses. Nor do contumelies weary me: that I was beaten, I do not know; that I was ejected, I think a sport. Only let it be allowed to return into favor".

[CXXXIX] Torum frequenti tractatione vexavi, amoris mei quasi quandam imaginem <. . .>

[139] I vexed the bed by frequent handling, as if a certain image of my love <. . .>

Non solum me numen et implacabile fatum
persequitur. Prius Inachia Tirynthius ira
exagitatus onus caeli tulit, ante profanam
Iunonem Pelias sensit, tulit inscius arma
Laomedon, gemini satiavit numinis iram
Telephus, et regnum Neptuni pavit Vlixes.
Me quoque per terras, per cani Nereos aequor
Hellespontiaci sequitur gravis ira Priapi.

Not only do a numen and implacable fate
pursue me. Earlier, the Tirynthian, harried by Inachian wrath,
bore the burden of the sky; before the profane
Juno Pelias felt it; Laomedon, unknowing, bore arms;
Telephus satisfied the wrath of the twin numen;
and Ulysses fed the realm of Neptune.
Me too, across the lands, across the sea of hoary Nereus,
the heavy wrath of the Hellespontiac Priapus follows.

<. . .> Quaerere a Gitone meo coepi, num aliquis me quaesisset. "Nemo, inquit, hodie. Sed hesterno die mulier quaedam haud inculta ianuam intravit, cumque diu mecum esset locuta et me accersito sermone lassasset, ultimo coepit dicere, te noxam meruisse daturumque serviles poenas, si laesus in querela perseverasset." <. . .>

<. . .> I began to inquire of my Giton whether anyone had sought me. “No one,” he says, “today. But yesterday a certain woman, by no means uncultivated, entered the door, and after she had long spoken with me and had wearied me with an accersited conversation, at last she began to say that you had incurred a noxa and would pay servile penalties, if the injured party should persist in his complaint.” <. . .>

Nondum querelam finieram, cum Chrysis intervenit amplexuque effusissimo me invasit et: "Teneo te, inquit, qualem speraveram: tu desiderium meum, tu voluptas mea, nunquam finies hunc ignem, nisi sanguine extinxeris." <. . .>

I had not yet finished my complaint, when Chrysis intervened and, with a most effusive embrace, seized me and: "I hold you," she said, "such as I had hoped: you are my desire, you my voluptuous pleasure; you will never end this fire, unless you extinguish it with blood." <. . .>

Vnus ex noviciis <Eumolpi> servulis subito accurrit et mihi dominum iratissimum esse affirmavit, quod biduo iam officio defuissem. Recte ergo me facturum, si excusationem aliquam idoneam praeparassem: vix enim posse fieri, ut rabies irascentis sine verbere consideret. <. . .>

One of the novice little servants of <Eumolpus> suddenly ran up and affirmed to me that the master was most irate, because for two days now I had been lacking to my duty. Therefore I would do rightly if I had prepared some suitable excuse: for it can scarcely come to pass that the rabidity of one enraged subsides without a beating. <. . .>

[CXL] Matrona inter primas honesta, Philomela nomine, quae multas saepe hereditates officio aetatis extorserat, tum anus et floris extincti, filium filiamque ingerebat orbis senibus, et, per hanc successionem artem suam perseverabat extendere. Ea ergo ad Eumolpum venit et commendare liberos suos eius prudentiae bonitatique <. . .>credere se et vota sua. Illum esse solum in toto orbe terrarum, qui praeceptis etiam salubribus instruere iuvenes quotidie posset.

[140] A matron, honorable among the foremost, by name Philomela, who had often extorted many inheritances by the office of her age, now an old woman and with her bloom extinguished, was foisting her son and daughter upon childless old men, and, through this succession, was persevering to extend her art. She therefore came to Eumolpus and to commend her children to his prudence and goodness, <. . .> to entrust herself and her vows. That he was the only one in the whole orb of lands who could each day instruct the youths even with salubrious precepts.

Ad summam, relinquere se pueros in domo Eumolpi, ut illum loquentem audirent: quae sola posset hereditas iuvenibus dari. Nec aliter fecit ac dixerat, filiamque speciosissimam cum fratre ephebo in cubiculo reliquit, simulavitque se in templum ire ad vota nuncupanda. Eumolpus, qui tam frugi erat ut illi etiam ego puer viderer, non dislulit puellam invitare ad pygesiaca sacra.

In sum, she said she would leave the children in Eumolpus’s house, so that they might hear him speaking: the only inheritance that could be given to youths. Nor did she do otherwise than she had said, and she left her most beautiful daughter with her ephebe brother in the bedchamber, and pretended that she was going into the temple to proclaim vows. Eumolpus, who was so frugal/temperate that in his eyes even I, a boy, so appeared, did not defer to invite the girl to the pygesiac rites.

Sed et podagricum se esse lumborumque solutorum omnibus dixerat, et si non servasset integram simulationem, periclitabatur totam paene tragoediam evertere. Itaque ut constaret mendacio fides, puellam quidem exoravit ut sederet super commendatam bonitatem, Coraci autem imperavit ut lectum, in quo ipse iacebat, subiret positisque in pavimento manibus dominum lumbis suis commoveret. Ille lente parebat imperio, puellaeque artificium pari motu remunerabat.

But he had also told everyone that he was gouty and that his loins were unstrung; and if he had not preserved the simulation intact, he was risking the overturning of almost the whole tragedy. Therefore, that credit might stand to the lie, he indeed entreated the girl to sit upon the commended goodness, but he ordered Corax to go under the bed on which he himself was lying, and, with his hands set on the floor, to move his master with his loins. He obeyed the command slowly, and remunerated the girl’s artifice with an equal motion.

Cum ergo res ad effectum spectaret, clara Eumolpus voce exhortabatur Coraca, ut spissaret officium. Sic inter mercennarium amicamque positus senex veluti oscillatione ludebat. Hoc semel iterumque ingenti risu, etiam suo, Eumolpus fecerat.

When therefore the matter looked toward its effect, Eumolpus with a clear voice exhorted Coraca to intensify the service. Thus the old man, set between the hireling and the girlfriend, was playing as if by oscillation. This Eumolpus had done once and again with enormous laughter, even his own.

Itaque ego quoque, ne desidia consuetudinem perderem, dum frater sororis suae automata per clostellum miratur, accessi temptaturus an pateretur iniuriam. Nec se reiciebat a blanditiis doctissimus puer, sed me numen inimicum ibi quoque invenit. <. . .>

And so I too, lest through idleness I lose my custom, while the brother marvels at his sister’s automata through the little little-wicket, I approached, intending to test whether he would suffer an injury. Nor did the most learned boy shrink from blandishments, but an inimical numen found me there as well. <. . .>

"Dii maiores sunt, qui me restituerunt in integrum. Mercurius enim, qui animas ducere et reducere solet, suis beneficiis reddidit mihi quod manus irata praeciderat, ut scias me gratiosiorem esse quam Protesilaum aut quemquam alium antiquorum." Haec locutus sustuli tunicam, Eumolpoque me totum approbavi. At ille primo exhorruit, deinde ut plurimum crederet, utraque manu deorum beneficia tractat.

"The greater gods are they who restored me to integrity. For Mercury, who is wont to lead and to lead back souls, by his benefactions gave back to me what an angry hand had lopped off, so that you may know me to be more graced than Protesilaus or anyone else of the ancients." Having said these things I lifted my tunic, and to Eumolpus I approved myself wholly. But he at first shuddered; then, that he might believe as much as possible, with both hands he handles the benefits of the gods.

<. . .>

<Eumolpus>: "Socrates, deorum hominumque <b(ltistow>, gloriari solebat, quod nunquam neque in tabernam conspexerat nec ullius turbae frequentioris concilio oculos crediderat. Adeo nihil est commodius quam semper cum sapientia loqui. — Omnia, inquam, ista vera sunt; nec ulli enim celerius homines incidere debent in malam fortunam, quam qui alienum concupiscunt.

<Eumolpus>: "Socrates, the <b(ltistow> of gods and men, used to boast that he had never even glanced into a tavern nor entrusted his eyes to the council of any more crowded throng. To such a degree, nothing is more commodious than always to speak with wisdom. — All those things, I say, are true; for no men ought to fall more swiftly into ill fortune than those who covet what is another’s.

Vnde plani autem, unde levatores viverent, nisi aut locellos aut sonantes aere sacellos pro hamis in turbam mitterent? Sicut muta animalia cibo inescantur, sic homines non caperentur nisi spe aliquid morderent." <. . .>

Whence, moreover, would the con men, whence the lifters live, unless they were to cast either little caskets or little purses ringing with bronze into the crowd as hooks? Just as mute animals are baited with food, so men would not be caught unless they bit at something in hope." <. . .>

[CXLI] <Encolpus?>: "Ex Africa navis, ut promiseras, cum pecunia tua et familia non venit. Captatores iam exhausti liberalitatem imminuerunt. Itaque aut fallor, aut fortuna communis coepit redire ad paenitentiam suam." <. . .> <Eumolpus>: "Omnes, qui in testamento meo legata habent, praeter libertos meos hac condicione percipient quae dedi, si corpus meum in partes conciderint et astante populo comederint.

[141] : "From Africa the ship, as you had promised, did not come with your money and household. The legacy-hunters, now exhausted, have diminished their liberality. Therefore either I am mistaken, or our common Fortune has begun to return to her repentance." <. . .> : "All who in my testament have legacies, except my freedmen, shall receive what I have given on this condition: if they cut my body into pieces and eat it with the people standing by."

Apud quasdam gentes scimus adhuc legem servari, ut a propinquis suis consumantur defuncti, adeo quidem ut obiurgentur aegri frequenter, quod carnem suam faciant peiorem. His admoneo amicos meos, ne recusent quae iubeo, sed quibus animis devoverint spiritum meum, eisdem etiam corpus consumant." <. . .>

Among certain peoples we know that even now a law is observed, that the deceased are consumed by their own kinsfolk, indeed to such a degree that the sick are frequently objurgated, because they make their flesh worse. By this I admonish my friends not to refuse what I command, but with the same spirits with which they shall have devoted my spirit, let them likewise consume my body." <. . .>

Excaecabat pecuniae ingens fama oculos animosque miserorum. Gorgias paratus erat exsequi.

The huge rumor of money was blinding the eyes and minds of the wretched. Gorgias was prepared to carry it out.

"De stomachi tui recusatione non habeo quod timeam. Sequetur imperium, si promiseris illi pro unius horae fastidio multorum bonorum pensationem. Operi modo oculos, et finge te non humana viscera, sed centies sestertium comesse.

"Concerning the refusal of your stomach, I have nothing to fear. The command will follow, if you promise it, in exchange for the distaste of a single hour, the compensation of many goods. Only cover your eyes, and imagine that you are eating not human viscera, but ten million sesterces.

Accedit huc, quod aliqua inveniemus blandimenta, quibus saporem mutemus. Neque enim ulla caro per se placet, sed arte quadam corrumpitur, et stomacho conciliatur averso. Quod si exemplis vis quoque probari consilium, Saguntini oppressi ab Hannibale humanas edere carnes, nec hereditatem expectabant.

Added to this is that we shall find some blandishments, by which we may change the savor. For no flesh pleases by itself, but by a certain art it is corrupted, and is conciliated to an averse stomach. But if you wish the plan also to be proved by examples: the Saguntines, pressed by Hannibal, ate human flesh, nor were they waiting for an inheritance.

Petelini idem fecerunt in ultima fame, nec quicquam aliud in hac epulatione captabant, nisi tantum ne esurirent. Cum esset Numantia a Scipione capta, inventae sunt matres, quae liberorum suorum tenerent semesa in sinu corpora."

The Petelians did the same in the last extremity of famine, nor were they aiming at anything else in this feasting, except only that they might not be hungry. When Numantia had been captured by Scipio, mothers were found who were holding in their lap the half-eaten bodies of their children."

CETERA DESVNT.

THE REST ARE MISSING.