Horace: SERMONES

'Sunt quibus in satura videar nimis acer et ultra
legem tendere opus; sine nervis altera quidquid
conposui pars esse putat similisque meorum
mille die versus deduci posse. Trebati,
quid faciam? praescribe.' 'quiescas.' 'ne faciam, inquis,

'There are those to whom, in satire, I seem too keen and to stretch the work beyond the law; another party thinks whatever I have composed is without sinews, and that my verses can be drawn out to a thousand in a day. Trebatius, what am I to do? prescribe.' 'be quiet.' 'that I should not do it, you say,

omnino versus?' 'aio.' 'peream male, si non
optimum erat; verum nequeo dormire.' 'ter uncti
transnanto Tiberim, somno quibus est opus alto,
inriguumque mero sub noctem corpus habento.
aut si tantus amor scribendi te rapit, aude

'Not at all verses?' 'I say.' 'May I perish badly, if it was not the best; but I cannot sleep.' 'Let those who have need of deep sleep, thrice anointed, swim across the Tiber, and keep the body irrigated with unmixed wine toward night. Or if so great a love of writing seizes you, dare

Caesaris invicti res dicere, multa laborum
praemia laturus.' 'cupidum, pater optime, vires
deficiunt; neque enim quivis horrentia pilis
agmina nec fracta pereuntis cuspide Gallos
aut labentis equo describit volnera Parthi.'

‘to speak the deeds of unconquered Caesar, about to bear many rewards of labors.’ ‘though eager, best father, my powers fail; for not just anyone portrays the ranks bristling with spears, nor the Gauls slain by a shattered spear-point, or the wounds of a Parthian slipping from his horse.’

'attamen et iustum poteras et scribere fortem,
Scipiadam ut sapiens Lucilius.' 'haud mihi dero,
cum res ipsa feret: nisi dextro tempore Flacci
verba per attentam non ibunt Caesaris aurem:
cui male si palpere, recalcitrat undique tutus.'

'yet you could also write of one both just and brave,
a Scipiad, as wise Lucilius.' 'I will not fail myself,
when the matter itself will bear it: unless at a right time the words of Flaccus
will not go through Caesar’s attentive ear:
to whom, if you fawn amiss, he kicks back on all sides, secure everywhere.'

'quanto rectius hoc quam tristi laedere versu
Pantolabum scurram Nomentanumque nepotem,
cum sibi quisque timet, quamquam est intactus, et odit.'
'quid faciam? saltat Milonius, ut semel icto
accessit fervor capiti numerusque lucernis;

'how much more rightly is this than to wound with a sad verse
Pantolabus the scurrilous buffoon and Nomentanus the prodigal,
when each man, although untouched, fears for himself and hates.'
'what am I to do? Milonius dances, as soon as, once a blow has been struck,
heat has mounted to his head, and there is a rhythm to the lamps;

Castor gaudet equis, ovo prognatus eodem
pugnis; quot capitum vivunt, totidem studiorum
milia: me pedibus delectat claudere verba
Lucili ritu, nostrum melioris utroque.
ille velut fidis arcana sodalibus olim

Castor rejoices in horses, the one born from the same egg in fists; as many heads as live, so many thousands of pursuits: it delights me to close words with feet in the manner of Lucilius, a better of us both. he, as once to faithful comrades his arcana

credebat libris neque, si male cesserat, usquam
decurrens alio neque, si bene; quo fit ut omnis
votiva pateat veluti descripta tabella
vita senis. sequor hunc, Lucanus an Apulus anceps;
nam Venusinus arat finem sub utrumque colonus,

he did not trust to books, nor, if it had turned out ill, running off anywhere else
nor, if well; whereby it comes about that the whole
life of the old man lies open as if delineated on a votive tablet.
I follow this man, uncertain whether a Lucanian or an Apulian;
for the Venusian farmer ploughs a boundary under either side,

missus ad hoc pulsis, vetus est ut fama, Sabellis,
quo ne per vacuum Romano incurreret hostis,
sive quod Apula gens seu quod Lucania bellum
incuteret violenta. sed hic stilus haud petet ultro
quemquam animantem et me veluti custodiet ensis

sent for this, the Sabellians having been driven out, as ancient report has it,
so that an enemy might not make an incursion upon the Roman through a vacant land,
whether because the Apulian people or because violent Lucania would strike war.
but this stylus will not of its own accord seek out any living creature, and the sword, as it were, will guard me

vagina tectus: quem cur destringere coner
tutus ab infestis latronibus? o pater et rex
Iuppiter, ut pereat positum robigine telum
nec quisquam noceat cupido mihi pacis! at ille,
qui me conmorit—melius non tangere, clamo—,

covered in the sheath: why should I try to draw it,
secure from hostile brigands? o father and king
Jupiter, may the weapon laid aside perish by rust,
and let no one harm me, desirous of peace! but he,
who provokes me—better not to touch, I cry—,

flebit et insignis tota cantabitur urbe.
Cervius iratus leges minitatur et urnam,
Canidia Albuci, quibus est inimica, venenum,
grande malum Turius, siquid se iudice certes.
ut quo quisque valet suspectos terreat utque

he will weep, and, conspicuous, will be sung throughout the whole city.
Cervius, angered, menaces the laws and the urn,
Canidia of Albucius, for those to whom she is inimical, poison,
Turius a great evil, if you contend with himself as judge.
so that, by whatever each is strong, he may terrify those suspected, and that

imperet hoc natura potens, sic collige mecum:
dente lupus, cornu taurus petit: unde nisi intus
monstratum? Scaevae vivacem crede nepoti
matrem: nil faciet sceleris pia dextera—mirum,
ut neque calce lupus quemquam neque dente petit bos—,

let potent Nature command this; so infer with me:
the wolf attacks with tooth, the bull with horn: whence, unless shown from within?
believe for Scaeva’s grandson a long-lived mother: a pious right hand will do nothing of crime—no wonder,
just as neither with the heel does the wolf assail anyone nor with the tooth does the ox—,

sed mala tollet anum vitiato melle cicuta.
ne longum faciam: seu me tranquilla senectus
exspectat seu mors atris circumvolat alis,
dives, inops, Romae, seu fors ita iusserit, exsul,
quisquis erit vitae scribam color.' 'o puer, ut sis

but the evil hemlock, with vitiated honey, will carry off the old woman.
not to make it long: whether tranquil senescence awaits me
or death circles with black wings,
rich, poor, at Rome, or, if chance so orders, an exile,
whatever the color of life shall be, I will write.' 'O boy, that you may be

vitalis metuo et maiorum nequis amicus
frigore te feriat.' 'quid? cum est Lucilius ausus
primus in hunc operis conponere carmina morem
detrahere et pellem, nitidus qua quisque per ora
cederet, introrsum turpis: num Laelius aut qui

‘I fear for your life, and lest some friend of the great strike you with his chill.’ ‘What? when Lucilius dared,
first, to compose songs in this fashion of workmanship,
to strip off even the hide, by which each, sleek, would pass before people’s faces,
but inwardly foul: was it Laelius or he who

duxit ab oppressa meritum Karthagine nomen
ingenio offensi aut laeso doluere Metello
famosisque Lupo cooperto versibus? atqui
primores populi arripuit populumque tributim,
scilicet uni aequos virtuti atque eius amicis.

did he derive from oppressed Carthage a deserved name?
did Metellus, offended or wounded by his wit, take it ill, and Lupus, covered over with infamous verses?
and yet he took on the chiefs of the people and the people tribe by tribe,
of course being fair to one thing only—Virtue and its friends.

quin ubi se a volgo et scaena in secreta remorant
virtus Scipiadae et mitis sapientia Laeli,
nugari cum illo et discincti ludere, donec
decoqueretur holus, soliti. quidquid sum ego, quamvis
infra Lucili censum ingeniumque, tamen me

nay rather, when the virtue of the Scipiad and the gentle sapience of Laelius withdraw themselves from the crowd and the stage into secret places,
they were wont to trifle with him and, ungirded, to play, until
the pot-herb was cooked down. Whatever I am, although
beneath Lucilius’s assessment and genius, nevertheless me

cum magnis vixisse invita fatebitur usque
invidia et fragili quaerens inlidere dentem
offendet solido—nisi quid tu, docte Trebati,
dissentis.' 'equidem nihil hinc diffindere possum.
sed tamen ut monitus caveas, ne forte negoti

envy, unwilling, will nevertheless always confess that I have lived with the great,
and, seeking to dash her brittle tooth, will strike against something solid—unless you, learned Trebatius,
disagree.' 'For my part, I can split nothing off from this.
But yet, being admonished, beware, lest perhaps of trouble

incutiat tibi quid sanctarum inscitia legum:
si mala condiderit in quem quis carmina, ius est
iudiciumque.' 'esto, siquis mala; sed bona siquis
iudice condiderit laudatus Caesare? siquis
opprobriis dignum latraverit, integer ipse?'

lest the ignorance of the sacred laws bring something down on you:
if someone has composed evil poems against anyone, there is law
and judgment.' 'Granted, if someone evil; but if someone has composed good ones,
with Caesar as judge, and is praised by Caesar? If someone
has barked at a man worthy of opprobrium, he himself unimpeached?'

'solventur risu tabulae, tu missus abibis.'

'the tablets will be dissolved in laughter; you, dismissed, will depart.'

2.2

Quae virtus et quanta, boni, sit vivere parvo
—nec meus hic sermo est, sed quae praecepit Ofellus
rusticus, abnormis sapiens crassaque Minerva—,
discite non inter lances mensasque nitentis,
cum stupet insanis acies fulgoribus et cum 5
adclinis falsis animus meliora recusat,
verum hic inpransi mecum disquirite. cur hoc?
dicam, si potero.

What virtue, and how great, good men, it is to live on little
—nor is this discourse mine, but what Ofellus prescribed,
a rustic, a sage outside the norm, with a coarse Minerva—,
learn it not amid platters and gleaming tables,
when the gaze is stupefied by insane splendors and when 5
the mind, leaning to false things, refuses better things,
but here, fasting, examine it with me. Why this?
I will say, if I can.

male verum examinat omnis
corruptus iudex. leporem sectatus equove
lassus ab indomito vel, si Romana fatigat

every corrupted judge examines the truth badly;
having pursued a hare, or tired from an unbroken horse,
or, if the Roman life wearies [him]

militia adsuetum graecari—seu pila velox
molliter austerum studio fallente laborem,
seu te discus agit, pete cedentem aera disco:
cum labor extuderit fastidia, siccus, inanis
sperne cibum vilem; nisi Hymettia mella Falerno

accustomed by military service to “Greek it”—whether the fleet ball,
with zeal gently beguiling the austere labor,
or the discus drives you, seek the yielding air with the discus:
when toil has hammered out your fastidiousness, dry, empty,
spurn cheap food; unless Hymettian honeys with Falernian

ne biberis diluta. foris est promus, et atrum
defendens piscis hiemat mare: cum sale panis
latrantem stomachum bene leniet. unde putas aut
qui partum?

do not drink it diluted. the steward is outside, and the fish, keeping to the dark sea, winters: with salt, bread will well soothe the barking stomach. whence do you suppose, or how, is it procured?

non in caro nidore voluptas
summa, sed in te ipso est. tu pulmentaria quaere

not in the costly savor is the highest pleasure,
but in yourself it is. you, seek relishes

sudando: pinguem vitiis albumque neque ostrea
nec scarus aut poterit peregrina iuvare lagois.
vix tamen eripiam, posito pavone velis quin
hoc potius quam gallina tergere palatum,
corruptus vanis rerum, quia veneat auro

by sweating: neither oysters nor the scarus nor the foreign lagois (ptarmigan) will be able to help one fat with vices and pale.
yet scarcely, when the peacock is set down, shall I snatch you from wanting to wipe the palate with this rather than with a hen,
corrupted by the empty vanities of things, because it is sold for gold

rara avis et picta pandat spectacula cauda:
tamquam ad rem attineat quidquam. num vesceris ista,
quam laudas, pluma? cocto num adest honor idem?
carne tamen quamvis distat nil, hac magis illam
inparibus formis deceptum te petere esto:

let a rare bird, and a painted tail, unfold spectacles:
as though anything pertained to the matter.
Do you feed on that feather which you praise?
Does the same honor attend it when cooked?
yet in flesh it differs not at all; let it be that, deceived by unequal forms, you seek that one rather than this one more:

unde datum sentis, lupus hic Tiberinus an alto
captus hiet? pontisne inter iactatus an amnis
ostia sub Tusci? laudas, insane, trilibrem
mullum, in singula quem minuas pulmenta necesse est.
ducit te species, video: quo pertinet ergo

from where do you suppose it was brought—does this Tiberine wolf-fish gape, or, caught from the deep?
was it tossed between the bridges or beneath the mouths of the Tuscan river?
you praise, insane man, a three‑pound mullet, which it is necessary to diminish into individual relishes.
appearance leads you, I see: to what does it pertain, then

proceros odisse lupos? quia scilicet illis
maiorem natura modum dedit, his breve pondus:
ieiunus raro stomachus volgaria temnit.
'porrectum magno magnum spectare catino
vellem' ait Harpyiis gula digna rapacibus. at vos

do you hate the long pikes? because, forsooth, to those nature gave a greater measure, to these a slight weight:
a fasting stomach rarely scorns common fare.
'i would like to gaze upon a big one set out on a big dish,' says a gullet worthy of the rapacious Harpies. but you

praesentes, Austri, coquite horum obsonia. quamquam
putet aper rhombusque recens, mala copia quando
aegrum sollicitat stomachum, cum rapula plenus
atque acidas mavolt inulas. necdum omnis abacta
pauperies epulis regum: nam vilibus ovis

present, South Winds, cook their relishes. although
the boar and the fresh turbot may stink, when a bad abundance
solicits the ailing stomach, when, full of little turnips,
he prefers tart inulas. nor yet has all poverty been driven off
from the banquets of kings: for with cheap eggs

nigrisque est oleis hodie locus. haud ita pridem
Galloni praeconis erat acipensere mensa
infamis. quid?

and for black olives today there is room. not so long ago
the table of Gallonius the crier was infamous for sturgeon.
what?

tunc rhombos minus aequor alebat?
tutus erat rhombus tutoque ciconia nido,
donec vos auctor docuit praetorius. ergo

then did the sea nourish turbots less?
the turbot was safe, and the stork in its safe nest,
until a praetorian author taught you. therefore

siquis nunc mergos suavis edixerit assos,
parebit pravi docilis Romana iuventus.
sordidus a tenui victu distabit Ofello
iudice: nam frustra vitium vitaveris illud,
si te alio pravum detorseris. Avidienus,

if someone now shall have declared roasted divers “sweet,”
the Roman youth, docile to depravity, will obey.
in Ofellus as judge, the sordid man will differ from a slender diet;
for you will have avoided that vice in vain, if you have twisted yourself, crooked, to another. Avidienus,

cui Canis ex vero dictum cognomen adhaeret,
quinquennis oleas est et silvestria corna
ac nisi mutatum parcit defundere vinum et
cuius odorem olei nequeas perferre, licebit
ille repotia, natalis aliosve dierum

Avidienus, to whom the cognomen “Dog” adheres in truth,
feeds on five-year-old olives and wild cornels,
and, unless changed, is sparing to pour out wine, and
whose oil’s odor you could not endure—let that man
furnish second-drinkings, birthdays, or other days

festos albatus celebret, cornu ipse bilibri
caulibus instillat, veteris non parcus aceti.
quali igitur victu sapiens utetur et horum
utrum imitabitur? hac urget lupus, hac canis, aiunt.
mundus erit, qua non offendat sordibus atque

let him, clothed in white, celebrate feast-days; he himself from a two-pound horn
instills onto the cabbage-stalks, not sparing old vinegar.
with what victual, then, will the sage make use, and which of these
will he imitate? on this side the wolf presses, on that the dog, they say.
he will be neat, in so far as he does not offend with filth and

in neutram partem cultus miser. hic neque servis,
Albuci senis exemplo, dum munia didit,
saevus erit, nec sic ut simplex Naevius unctam
convivis praebebit aquam: vitium hoc quoque magnum.
accipe nunc, victus tenuis quae quantaque secum

in dress, a wretch to neither extreme. He will be neither toward his slaves,
after the example of old Albucius, while he was allotting duties,
savage, nor yet, like simple Naevius, will he offer to his dinner-guests
oily water: this too is a great fault.
Hear now what and how great things a slender diet brings with it

adferat. in primis valeas bene; nam variae res
ut noceant homini credas, memor illius escae,
quae simplex olim tibi sederit. at simul assis
miscueris elixa, simul conchylia turdis,
dulcia se in bilem vertent stomachoque tumultum

let it bring. in the first place, may you be well; for you would believe
that various things harm a man, mindful of that food
which, simple, once sat well for you. but as soon as you mix
roasted with boiled, as soon as shellfish with thrushes,
sweets will turn themselves into bile and for the stomach a tumult

lenta feret pitvita. vides, ut pallidus omnis
cena desurgat dubia? quin corpus onustum
hesternis vitiis animum quoque praegravat una
atque adfigit humo divinae particulam aurae.
alter ubi dicto citius curata sopori

a sluggish phlegm will ensue. you see how pallid everyone
rises from a dubious dinner? nay, the body laden
with yesterday’s vices also overburdens the mind at once
and fastens to the ground the particle of divine breath.
while another, quicker than a word, is restored for sleep.

membra dedit, vegetus praescripta ad munia surgit.
hic tamen ad melius poterit transcurrere quondam,
sive diem festum rediens advexerit annus,
seu recreare volet tenuatum corpus, ubique
accedent anni, tractari mollius aetas

he has given his limbs over, vigorous he rises to the prescribed duties.
yet this one will nevertheless be able someday to run on to better,
whether the returning year brings back a festal day,
or will wish to re-create the attenuated body, everywhere
the years will draw near, age will be handled more gently

imbecilla volet: tibi quidnam accedet ad istam
quam puer et validus praesumis mollitiem, seu
dura valetudo inciderit seu tarda senectus?
rancidum aprum antiqui laudabant, non quia nasus
illis nullus erat, sed, credo, hac mente, quod hospes 90
tardius adveniens vitiatum commodius quam
integrum edax dominus consumeret. hos utinam inter
heroas natum tellus me prima tulisset.

the feeble will want it: what, for you, will be added to that softness
which you, a boy and strong, presume, whether hard ill-health should befall or tardy senescence?
the ancients used to praise rancid boar, not because they had no nose,
but, I believe, with this intention: that a guest arriving later
would more conveniently consume what was vitiated than the edacious master would consume what was sound. 90
would that the first earth had borne me, born among these heroes.

das aliquid famae, quae carmine gratior aurem
occupet humanam? grandes rhombi patinaeque

do you give anything to Fame, who, more pleasing by song, may occupy the human ear?
great turbots and platters

grande ferunt una cum damno dedecus. adde
iratum patruum, vicinos, te tibi iniquum
et frustra mortis cupidum, cum deerit egenti
as, laquei pretium. 'iure' inquit 'Trausius istis
iurgatur verbis: ego vectigalia magna

together with the loss they bear a great disgrace. Add
an angry uncle, the neighbors, you unjust to yourself,
and in vain desirous of death, when for the needy there will be lacking
a copper as, the price of the noose. ‘Rightly,’ he says, ‘Trausius is scolded with those
words: I have great revenues’

100

divitiasque habeo tribus amplas regibus.' ergo,
quod superat non est melius quo insumere possis?
cur eget indignus quisquam te divite? quare
templa ruunt antiqua deum?

and I have riches ample for three kings.' therefore,
is there not something better on which you could expend what remains?
why does any unworthy person lack while you are rich? for what reason
do the ancient temples of the gods collapse?

cur, inprobe, carae
non aliquid patriae tanto emetiris acervo?

why, shameless man, for your dear
fatherland do you not measure out something from so great a heap?

105

uni nimirum recte tibi semper erunt res,
o magnus posthac inimicis risus. uterne
ad casus dubios fidet sibi certius? hic qui
pluribus adsuerit mentem corpusque superbum,
an qui contentus parvo metuensque futuri

surely for you alone your affairs will always be right,
O great laughter for enemies hereafter.
Which of the two will trust himself more surely in doubtful contingencies?
this man who has accustomed his mind and proud body to more,
or he who, content with little and fearing the future

110

in pace, ut sapiens, aptarit idonea bello?
quo magis his credas, puer hunc ego parvus Ofellum
integris opibus novi non latius usum
quam nunc accisis. videas metato in agello
cum pecore et gnatis fortem mercede colonum

in peace, as a wise man, has prepared things suitable for war?
that you may the more credit these things, boy, when small I knew this Ofellus
with intact resources not using them more widely
than now, when cut down. You might see on a meted-out little field
with herd and children a stout tenant-farmer for hire.

115

'non ego' narrantem 'temere edi luce profesta
quicquam praeter holus fumosae cum pede pernae.
ac mihi seu longum post tempus venerat hospes
sive operum vacuo gratus conviva per imbrem
vicinus, bene erat non piscibus urbe petitis,

'Not I,' he telling, 'did I rashly eat on a workday (profest day)
anything except greens with the foot of smoked ham.
And for me, whether after a long time a guest had come,
or a neighbor, a welcome convive, at leisure from labors, through the rain,
it was well, not with fish sought from the city,

120

sed pullo atque haedo; tum pensilis uva secundas
et nux ornabat mensas cum duplice ficu.
post hoc ludus erat culpa potare magistra
ac venerata Ceres, ita culmo surgeret alto,
explicuit vino contractae seria frontis.

but with chicken and kid; then a hanging grape adorned the second tables, and a nut with a double fig.
after this the game was to drink, with fault as schoolmistress,
and, Ceres having been venerated, so that she might rise with a high stalk,
he unfolded by wine the seriousness of a contracted brow.

125

saeviat atque novos moveat Fortuna tumultus:
quantum hinc inminuet? quanto aut ego parcius aut vos,
o pueri, nituistis, ut huc novus incola venit?
nam propriae telluris erum natura nec illum
nec me nec quemquam statuit: nos expulit ille,

let Fortune rage and set new tumults in motion:
how much will she diminish from this? by how much either I more sparingly or you,
o boys, strove, when a new inhabitant came here?
for Nature has appointed as master of his own soil neither him
nor me nor anyone: he has driven us out,

130

illum aut nequities aut vafri inscitia iuris,
postremum expellet certe vivacior heres.
nunc ager Umbreni sub nomine, nuper Ofelli
dictus, erit nulli proprius, sed cedet in usum
nunc mihi, nunc alii. quocirca vivite fortes

him either iniquity or the ignorance of wily law,
at last a more long-lived heir will surely expel.
now the field under Umbrenus’s name, lately called Ofellus’s,
will be proper to no one, but will cede into use
now to me, now to another. wherefore live stout-hearted

135

fortiaque adversis opponite pectora rebus.'

and set brave breasts against adverse things.'

2.3

'Sic raro scribis, ut toto non quater anno
membranam poscas, scriptorum quaeque retexens,
iratus tibi, quod vini somnique benignus
nil dignum sermone canas. quid fiet? at ipsis
Saturnalibus huc fugisti sobrius.

'You write so rarely, that in a whole year you do not ask for a parchment sheet four times,
redoing each of your writings,
angry at yourself, because, indulgent to wine and sleep,
you compose nothing worthy of discourse. What will be done? But on the very
Saturnalia you fled hither sober.

ergo 5
dic aliquid dignum promissis. incipe. nil est.

therefore 5
say something worthy of your promises. begin. there is nothing.

culpantur frustra calami inmeritusque laborat
iratis natus paries dis atque poetis.
atqui voltus erat multa et praeclara minantis,
si vacuum tepido cepisset villula tecto.

the pens are blamed in vain, and the undeserving wall labors
born for the wrath of angry gods and of poets.
and yet his visage was of one threatening many and very splendid things,
if a little villa with a tepid roof had taken him in when idle.

quorsum pertinuit stipare Platona Menandro?
Eupolin, Archilochum, comites educere tantos?
invidiam placare paras virtute relicta?

To what end did it pertain to pack Plato with Menander?
to lead out as companions such great ones as Eupolis and Archilochus?
do you prepare to placate envy, with virtue left behind?

contemnere miser. vitanda est inproba Siren
desidia, aut quidquid vita meliore parasti

despise it, poor wretch. The shameless Siren, Sloth, must be avoided, or else whatever you have prepared by a better life

ponendum aequo animo.' 'di te, Damasippe, deaeque
verum ob consilium donent tonsore. sed unde
tam bene me nosti?' 'postquam omnis res mea Ianum
ad medium fracta est, aliena negotia curo
excussus propriis. olim nam quaerere amabam,

‘to be borne with equanimity.’ ‘May the gods and goddesses, Damasippus,
grant you a barber for your true counsel. But whence
do you know me so well?’ ‘After all my fortune was broken to the middle at Janus,
I attend to other people’s business, shaken out of my own.
For once I loved to make money,

quo vafer ille pedes lavisset Sisyphus aere,
quid scalptum infabre, quid fusum durius esset.
callidus huic signo ponebam milia centum;
hortos egregiasque domos mercarier unus
cum lucro noram; unde frequentia Mercuriale

with which that wily Sisyphus would have washed his feet in bronze,
what had been engraved uncraftsmanlike, what had been cast too hard.
clever, for this statue I would set 100,000;
I alone knew how to trade in gardens and distinguished houses with profit,
whence the crowd at the Mercurial.

inposuere mihi cognomen compita.' 'novi
et miror morbi purgatum te illius. atqui
emovit veterem mire novus, ut solet, in cor
traiecto lateris miseri capitisve dolore,
ut lethargicus hic cum fit pugil et medicum urget.

they have imposed upon me the cognomen ‘Crossroads.’ ‘I know
and I marvel that you have been purged of that disease. And yet
the new has marvellously removed the old, as it is wont, into the heart,
with the pain of the wretched side or head shot through,
as when this lethargic man becomes a pugilist and presses the medic.

dum nequid simile huic, esto ut libet.' 'o bone, ne te
frustrere: insanis et tu stultique prope omnes,
siquid Stertinius veri crepat, unde ego mira
descripsi docilis praecepta haec, tempore quo me
solatus iussit sapientem pascere barbam

'so long as there be nothing like this, be as you please.' 'o good man, do not delude yourself:
you too are insane, and nearly all are fools,
if Stertinius rattles off anything true, whence I,
being docile, copied down these wondrous precepts, at the time when he,
comforting me, ordered me to nourish a sage’s beard

atque a Fabricio non tristem ponte reverti.
nam male re gesta cum vellem mittere operto
me capite in flumen, dexter stetit et "cave faxis
te quicquam indignum. pudor" inquit "te malus angit,
insanos qui inter vereare insanus haberi.

and not to return from the Fabricius Bridge downcast.
for when, with the matter ill-managed, I wished to send
myself with my head covered into the river, he stood at my right and said, “Beware lest you do
anything unworthy. ‘Shame,’” he says, “bad shame is choking you,
you who, among the insane, are afraid to be held insane.”

primum nam inquiram, quid sit furere: hoc si erit in te
solo, nil verbi, pereas quin fortiter, addam.
quem mala stultitia et quemcumque inscitia veri
caecum agit, insanum Chrysippi porticus et grex
autumat. haec populos, haec magnos formula reges,

first, then, I will inquire what it is to be mad: if this shall be in you alone, not a word—nay, I will even add, “perish bravely.” whoever evil stupidity, and whomever ignorance of the true drives, blind, the Portico of Chrysippus and his herd avers to be insane. this formula peoples, this great kings,

excepto sapiente, tenet. nunc accipe, quare
desipiant omnes aeque ac tu, qui tibi nomen
insano posuere. velut silvis, ubi passim
palantis error certo de tramite pellit,
ille sinistrorsum, hic dextrorsum abit, unus utrique

except for the wise man, it holds. now receive why
all are foolish equally as you, to whom they have set the name
“insane.” just as in woods, where at random
wandering error drives stragglers off the sure track,
that man goes leftwards, this one rightwards, one and the same to each

error, sed variis inludit partibus: hoc te
crede modo insanum, nihilo ut sapientior ille
qui te deridet caudam trahat. est genus unum
stultitiae nihilum metuenda timentis, ut ignis,
ut rupes fluviosque in campo obstare queratur;

delusion, but it plays upon various parts: in this way believe yourself insane, only so that that man who mocks you, no whit wiser, may drag a tail. There is one kind of stupidity, of one fearing things not at all to be feared, as if he should complain that fire, that a rock and rivers obstruct on a plain;

alterum et huic varum et nihilo sapientius ignis
per medios fluviosque ruentis: clamet amica
mater, honesta soror cum cognatis, pater, uxor:
'hic fossa est ingens, hic rupes maxima: serva!'
non magis audierit, quam Fufius ebrius olim,

another too, crooked like this man and not a whit wiser, rushes through the midst of fires and rivers: let his loving mother shout, his honorable sister with kinsmen, his father, his wife: 'here is a huge ditch, here a very great cliff: save yourself!' he would hear no more than Fufius, drunk once,

cum Ilionam edormit, Catienis mille ducentis
'mater, te appello' clamantibus. huic ego volgus
errori similem cunctum insanire docebo.
insanit veteres statuas Damasippus emendo:
integer est mentis Damasippi creditor?

when he sleeps through Iliona, while Catienuses, one thousand two hundred strong,
are shouting, 'Mother, I appeal to you.' To this man I will demonstrate that the entire vulgar
crowd, similar in error, is insane. Damasippus is insane, purchasing ancient statues:
is Damasippus’s creditor intact in mind?

esto.

Granted.

'accipe quod numquam reddas mihi' si tibi dicam:
tune insanus eris, si acceperis, an magis excors
reiecta praeda, quam praesens Mercurius fert?
scribe decem a Nerio: non est satis; adde Cicutae
nodosi tabulas, centum, mille adde catenas:

'accept what you will never pay back to me,' if I should say to you:
will you then be insane, if you accept, or rather more witless
for having rejected the prey which present Mercury brings?
write down ten from Nerius: it is not enough; add Cicuta’s
knotty tablets; add a hundred, add a thousand chains:

effugiet tamen haec sceleratus vincula Proteus.
cum rapies in ius malis ridentem alienis,
fiet aper, modo avis, modo saxum et, cum volet, arbor
si male rem gerere insani est, contra bene sani:
putidius multo cerebrum est, mihi crede, Perelli

the wicked Proteus will nevertheless escape these bonds.
when you drag into court a man laughing at others’ misfortunes,
he will become a boar, now a bird, now a rock and, when he wishes, a tree.
if to conduct the matter badly is insanity, conversely to conduct it well is sanity:
the cerebrum of Perellius is much more putrid, believe me.

dictantis, quod tu numquam rescribere possis.
audire atque togam iubeo conponere, quisquis
ambitione mala aut argenti pallet amore,
quisquis luxuria tristive superstitione
aut alio mentis morbo calet: huc propius me,

of one dictating, to which you could never write back.
I bid to listen and to arrange his toga, whoever
grows pale with wicked ambition or with a love of silver,
whoever burns with luxury or with grim superstition,
or with some other disease of the mind: hither, closer to me,

dum doceo insanire omnis vos, ordine adite.
danda est ellebori multo pars maxima avaris:
nescio an Anticyram ratio illis destinet omnem.
heredes Staberi summam incidere sepulcro,
ni sic fecissent, gladiatorum dare centum

while I teach that you all are insane, approach in order.
the very greatest portion of much hellebore must be given to the avaricious:
I do not know whether Reason assigns for them all Anticyra.
the heirs of Staberius to incise the sum upon the sepulcher,
unless they had done thus, to give a hundred gladiators

damnati populo paria atque epulum arbitrio Arri,
frumenti quantum metit Africa. 'sive ego prave
seu recte hoc volui, ne sis patruus mihi': credo,
hoc Staberi prudentem animum vidisse. quid ergo
sensit, cum summam patrimoni insculpere saxo

condemned by the people, pairs of gladiators and a banquet at Arrius’s discretion,
as much grain as Africa reaps. “Whether I wrongly
or rightly wanted this, do not be an uncle to me”: I believe
that Staberius’s prudent mind saw this. What then
did he mean, when to insculp on stone the sum of his patrimony

heredes voluit? quoad vixit, credidit ingens
pauperiem vitium et cavit nihil acrius, ut, si
forte minus locuples uno quadrante perisset,
ipse videretur sibi nequior. 'omnis enim res,
virtus, fama, decus, divina humanaque pulchris

did he want heirs? as long as he lived, he believed poverty a vast vice and guarded against nothing more sharply, so that, if by chance he had died less wealthy by a single quadrant, he would seem to himself more good‑for‑nothing. 'for every thing—virtue, fame, honor, divine and human—to the beautiful

divitiis parent; quas qui construxerit, ille
clarus erit, fortis, iustus.' 'sapiensne?' 'etiam, et rex
et quidquid volet.' hoc veluti virtute paratum
speravit magnae laudi fore. quid simile isti
Graecus Aristippus? qui servos proicere aurum

they obey riches; whoever shall have built them up, he
will be renowned, brave, just.' 'wise too?' 'yes, and a king
and whatever he will wish.' he hoped that this, as though procured by virtue,
would be for great praise. what was similar to this in the
Greek Aristippus? who had his slaves throw away gold

100

in media iussit Libya, quia tardius irent
propter onus segnes. uter est insanior horum?
nil agit exemplum, litem quod lite resolvit.
siquis emat citharas, emptas conportet in unum,
nec studio citharae nec Musae deditus ulli,

in the middle of Libya he ordered [them], because they were going more slowly, sluggish on account of the burden.
Which of these is more insane?
An example accomplishes nothing, which resolves a dispute with a dispute.
If someone should buy citharas, and carry the purchased ones together into one place,
devoted neither to the study of the cithara nor to any Muse,

105

si scalpra et formas non sutor, nautica vela
aversus mercaturis: delirus et amens
undique dicatur merito. qui discrepat istis,
qui nummos aurumque recondit, nescius uti
conpositis metuensque velut contingere sacrum?

if chisels and lasts, not being a cobbler; nautical sails, being averse to merchandizing: let him be called delirious and demented on every side with good reason. Who differs from these—the one who hides away coins and gold, unknowing how to use what he has laid up and fearing as though to touch a sacred thing?

110

siquis ad ingentem frumenti semper acervum
porrectus vigilet cum longo fuste neque illinc
audeat esuriens dominus contingere granum
ac potius foliis parcus vescatur amaris;
si positis intus Chii veterisque Falerni

If someone, stretched out, should keep watch beside a huge heap of grain with a long cudgel, and, a hungry master, should not dare from there to touch a single grain, and rather, sparing, should feed on bitter leaves; if, with Chian and old Falernian stored within,

115

mille cadis—nihil est: tercentum milibus, acre
potet acetum; age si et stramentis incubet unde-
octoginta annos natus, cui stragula vestis,
blattarum ac tinearum epulae, putrescat in arca:
nimirum insanus paucis videatur, eo quod 120
maxima pars hominum morbo iactatur eodem.
filius aut etiam haec libertus ut ebibat heres,
dis inimice senex custodis? ne tibi desit?
quantulum enim summae curtabit quisque dierum,
unguere si caules oleo meliore caputque

a thousand casks—’tis nothing: for three hundred thousand, he will quaff sharp vinegar; come now, even if he also lie upon straw—seventy-nine years old—
whose coverlet, banquets of cockroaches and moths, putrefies in a chest:
surely he may seem insane to few, for this reason that 120
the greatest part of men is tossed by the same morbid disease.
his son or even a freedman heir, that he may drink these up—old man inimical to the gods, do you stand guard? lest it be lacking to you?
for how tiny an amount will each of the days dock from the sum,
if you anoint your cabbages with better oil and your head

125

coeperis inpexa foedum porrigine? quare,
si quidvis satis est, peiuras, surripis, aufers
undique? tun sanus? populum si caedere saxis
incipias servosve tuos, quos aere pararis,
insanum te omnes pueri clamentque puellae;

you begin, your uncombed hair foul with scurf? Why,
if anything at all suffices, do you perjure yourself, filch, and carry off
from everywhere? Are you sane? If you should begin to smite the people with stones,
or your slaves, whom you have procured with bronze (money),
all the boys and girls would cry you insane;

130

cum laqueo uxorem interimis matremque veneno,
incolumi capite es? quid enim? neque tu hoc facis Argis
nec ferro ut demens genetricem occidis Orestes.
an tu reris eum occisa insanisse parente
ac non ante malis dementem actum Furiis quam

when with a noose you do away with your wife and with poison your mother,
is your head intact? Why indeed? You are not doing this at Argos,
nor do you, like Orestes, a madman, kill your mother with steel.
Or do you suppose that he, with his parent slain, went insane,
and not that earlier he had been driven demented by the Furies by evils than

135

in matris iugulo ferrum tepefecit acutum?
quin, ex quo est habitus male tutae mentis Orestes,
nil sane fecit quod tu reprehendere possis:
non Pyladen ferro violare aususve sororem
Electran, tantum maledicit utrique vocando

did he warm the sharp iron in his mother’s throat?
indeed, since Orestes has been regarded as of an unsound mind,
he has certainly done nothing which you could reprehend:
not daring to violate Pylades with iron or his sister
Electra; he only maligns both by calling

140

hanc Furiam, hunc aliud, iussit quod splendida bilis.
pauper Opimius argenti positi intus et auri,
qui Veientanum festis potare diebus
Campana solitus trulla vappamque profestis,
quondam lethargo grandi est oppressus, ut heres

this one a Fury, that one something else, as splendid bile ordered.
poor Opimius, with silver and gold laid up within,
who on feast-days was accustomed to drink Veientine,
with a Campanian ladle, and flat wine on non-festival days,
once was overwhelmed by a great lethargy, so that the heir

145

iam circum loculos et clavis laetus ovansque
curreret. hunc medicus multum celer atque fidelis
excitat hoc pacto: mensam poni iubet atque
effundi saccos nummorum, accedere pluris
ad numerandum: hominem sic erigit; addit et illud:

already around the money-boxes and keys, glad and exultant,
he would run. This man the physician, very swift and faithful,
rouses in this fashion: he orders a table to be set and
the sacks of coins to be poured out, that several may draw near
for numbering: thus he raises the man; and he adds this too:

150

'ni tua custodis, avidus iam haec auferet heres.'
'men vivo?' 'ut vivas igitur, vigila. hoc age.' 'quid vis?'
'deficient inopem venae te, ni cibus atque
ingens accedit stomacho fultura ruenti.
tu cessas?

'unless you guard your goods, the greedy heir will now carry these off.'
'with me alive?' 'so that you may live, then, keep vigil. do this.' 'what do you want?'
'the veins will fail you, destitute, unless food and a huge
buttress is added to the stomach as it collapses.
you delay?

agedum sume hoc tisanarium oryzae.'

come now, take this rice tisane.'

155

'quanti emptae?' 'parvo.' 'quanti ergo?' 'octussibus.' 'eheu,
quid refert, morbo an furtis pereamque rapinis?'
quisnam igitur sanus? qui non stultus. quid avarus?

'How much were they bought for?' 'For little.' 'How much then?' 'For eight asses.' 'Alas,
what difference does it make, whether I perish by disease or by thefts and rapine?'
'Who then is sane? He who is not stupid. What of the avaricious man?'

stultus et insanus. quid, siquis non sit avarus,
continuo sanus? minime.

foolish and insane. what, if someone is not avaricious,
immediately sane? by no means.

cur, Stoice? dicam.

Why, Stoic? I will tell.

160

'non est cardiacus' Craterum dixisse putato
'hic aeger'. recte est igitur surgetque? negabit.
[quod latus aut renes morbo temptentur acuto]
non est periurus neque sordidus: inmolet aequis
hic porcum Laribus; verum ambitiosus et audax:

'He is not cardiac,' suppose Craterus to have said,
'this patient.' 'He is well then, and will get up?' He will deny it.
[that the side or kidneys are being assailed by an acute disease]
he is not perjured nor sordid: let him immolate a pig to the equitable
Lares; but he is ambitious and audacious:

165

naviget Anticyram. quid enim differt, barathrone
dones quidquid habes an numquam utare paratis?
Servius Oppidius Canusi duo praedia, dives
antiquo censu, gnatis divisse duobus
fertur et hoc moriens pueris dixisse vocatis

let him sail to Anticyra. For what, indeed, is the difference, whether you donate whatever you have to the Barathron, or never make use of the things made ready?
Servius Oppidius at Canusium, with two estates, rich
by the ancient census, is said to have divided them between his two sons,
and, as he was dying, to have said this after calling in the boys:

170

ad lectum: 'postquam te talos, Aule, nucesque
ferre sinu laxo, donare et ludere vidi,
te, Tiberi, numerare, cavis abscondere tristem,
extimui, ne vos ageret vesania discors,
tu Nomentanum, tu ne sequerere Cicutam.

to the bed: 'after I saw you, Aulus, knucklebones and nuts
to carry in a loose bosom, to donate and to play, I saw,
you, Tiberius, to number, to hide the grim coin in hollows,
I was greatly afraid, lest a discordant madness drive you,
you to follow Nomentanus, you, Cicuta.

175

quare per divos oratus uterque Penatis
tu cave ne minuas, tu ne maius facias id
quod satis esse putat pater et natura coercet.
praeterea ne vos titillet gloria, iure
iurando obstringam ambo: uter aedilis fueritve

wherefore, by the gods, by your Penates, I beseech you both:
you, beware lest you diminish; you, do not make greater that
which father deems to be sufficient and nature restrains.
moreover, lest glory tickle you, by an oath
I will bind you both: whichever of you has been or is aedile

180

vestrum praetor, is intestabilis et sacer esto.'
in cicere atque faba bona tu perdasque lupinis,
latus ut in circo spatiere et aeneus ut stes,
nudus agris, nudus nummis, insane, paternis;
scilicet ut plausus quos fert Agrippa feras tu,

‘let him be your praetor—let him be intestable and accursed.’
on chickpea and bean may you spend your goods, and waste them on lupines,
so that broad in the chest you may pace in the Circus and stand bronze-like,
stripped of lands, stripped of monies, you madman, of your paternal [estates];
of course, so that you may bear the applauses which Agrippa bears,

185

astuta ingenuum volpes imitata leonem?
nequis humasse velit Aiacem, Atrida, vetas cur?
'rex sum—' nil ultra quaero plebeius.

has a cunning fox imitated the noble-born lion?
lest anyone should wish to have buried Ajax, Atrides, why do you forbid?
'I am king—' I, a plebeian, ask nothing further.

'—et aequam
rem imperito, ac sicui videor non iustus, inulto
dicere quod sentit permitto.' maxime regum,

'—and I permit an equitable case to the inexpert, and if to anyone I seem not just, to say unpunished what he feels.' greatest of kings,

190

di tibi dent capta classem redducere Troia.
ergo consulere et mox respondere licebit?
'consule.' cur Aiax, heros ab Achille secundus,
putescit, totiens servatis clarus Achivis,
gaudeat ut populus Priami Priamusque inhumato,

may the gods grant you to bring back your fleet with Troy taken.
therefore will it be permitted to consult and soon to answer?
'consult.' why does Ajax, a hero second to Achilles,
rot, famous for the Achaeans so often saved,
so that the people of Priam and Priam himself may rejoice at him unburied,

195

per quem tot iuvenes patrio caruere sepulcro?
'mille ovium insanus morti dedit, inclitum Ulixen
et Menelaum una mecum se occidere clamans.'
tu cum pro vitula statuis dulcem Aulide natam
ante aras spargisque mola caput, inprobe, salsa,

by whom so many youths were deprived of the ancestral sepulcher?
'mad, he gave a thousand sheep to death, crying that he was killing illustrious Ulysses
and Menelaus, together with me.'
you, when in place of a heifer you set your sweet daughter at Aulis
before the altars and sprinkle her head with salted meal, wicked man,

200

rectum animi servas? 'quorsum?' insanus quid enim Aiax
fecit? cum stravit ferro pecus, abstinuit vim
uxore et gnato; mala multa precatus Atridis
non ille aut Teucrum aut ipsum violavit Ulixen.

do you preserve the rectitude of mind? 'to what end?' what, indeed, did mad Ajax do? though he laid low the herd with iron, he withheld force from wife and son; having imprecated many evils upon the Atridae, he did not violate either Teucer or Ulysses himself.

'verum ego, ut haerentis adverso litore navis

'but I, as a ship clinging to an adverse shore

205

eriperem, prudens placavi sanguine divos.'
nempe tuo, furiose? 'meo, sed non furiosus.'
qui species alias veris scelerisque tumultu
permixtas capiet, commotus habebitur atque
stultitiane erret nihilum distabit an ira.

I would have snatched him away; prudent, I placated the gods with blood.'
surely with your own, you madman? 'with my own, but not mad.'
he who takes appearances, other than realities, mixed in the tumult of crime,
will be held agitated, and whether he wanders in stupidity or in anger
will differ not at all.

210

Aiax inmeritos cum occidit desipit agnos:
cum prudens scelus ob titulos admittis inanis,
stas animo et purum est vitio tibi cum tumidum est cor?
siquis lectica nitidam gestare amet agnam,
huic vestem ut gnatae, paret ancillas, paret aurum,

When Ajax kills undeserving lambs, he is out of his wits:
when you, prudent, admit a crime for the sake of empty titles,
do you stand fast in mind, and is it pure of fault for you when your heart is tumid?
if someone loves to carry in a litter a glossy lamb,
for her, as for a daughter, he provides clothing, he provides handmaids, he provides gold,

215

Rufam aut Pusillam appellet fortique marito
destinet uxorem: interdicto huic omne adimat ius
praetor et ad sanos abeat tutela propinquos.
quid, siquis gnatam pro muta devovet agna,
integer est animi? ne dixeris. ergo ubi prava

Let him call her Rufa or Pusilla and destine her as a wife for a strong husband:
let the praetor, by interdict, take away all right from this man
and let the tutelage pass to sane kinsmen.
What, if someone devotes his daughter in place of a mute lamb,
is he sound in mind? do not say so. therefore where depraved

220

stultitia, hic summa est insania; qui sceleratus,
et furiosus erit; quem cepit vitrea fama,
hunc circumtonuit gaudens Bellona cruentis.
nunc age luxuriam et Nomentanum arripe mecum.
vincet enim stultos ratio insanire nepotes.

foolishness—here is the highest insanity; whoever will be wicked and frenzied, the man whom glassy fame has seized, around him blood-stained Bellona, rejoicing, has thundered. now come, seize upon Luxury and Nomentanus with me. for reason will convict the foolish grandsons of being insane.

225

hic simul accepit patrimoni mille talenta,
edicit, piscator uti, pomarius, auceps,
unguentarius ac Tusci turba inpia vici,
cum scurris fartor, cum Velabro omne macellum
mane domum veniant. quid tum? venere frequentes,

here, as soon as he received a thousand talents of patrimony,
he issues an edict, that the fisherman, the fruit-seller, the bird-catcher,
the perfumer and the impious mob of the Vicus Tuscus,
the sausage-stuffer with the buffoons, and the whole market from the Velabrum,
should come to the house in the morning. What then? They came in throngs,

230

verba facit leno: 'quidquid mihi, quidquid et horum
cuique domi est, id crede tuum et vel nunc pete vel cras.'
accipe quid contra haec iuvenis responderit aequus.
'in nive Lucana dormis ocreatus, ut aprum
cenem ego; tu piscis hiberno ex aequore verris.

the pimp makes a speech: 'whatever is mine, whatever also of these men each has at home, count it yours—and ask for it either now or tomorrow.' hear what the fair‑minded young man answered to this. 'you sleep, booted, in the Lucanian snow, so that I may dine on boar; you trawl fish from the wintry sea.'

235

segnis ego, indignus qui tantum possideam; aufer,
sume tibi deciens; tibi tantundem; tibi triplex,
unde uxor media currit de nocte vocata.'
filius Aesopi detractam ex aure Metellae,
scilicet ut deciens solidum absorberet, aceto

I am sluggish, unworthy to possess so much; take it away,
take for yourself ten times; for you the same amount; for you threefold,
whence a wife runs, called in the middle of the night.'
the son of Aesopus, a pearl taken from Metella’s ear,
naturally, so that he might absorb, in vinegar, a solid tenfold sum

240

diluit insignem bacam: qui sanior ac si
illud idem in rapidum flumen iaceretve cloacam?
Quinti progenies Arri, par nobile fratrum
nequitia et nugis pravorum et amore gemellum
luscinias soliti inpenso prandere coemptas,

dissolved the notable pearl: was he any more sane than if
he had thrown that same thing into a rapid river or a sewer?
the offspring of Quintus Arrius, a noble pair of brothers,
a twin in worthlessness and in the trifles of the crooked and in affection,
accustomed to lunch on nightingales bought at extravagant cost,

245

quorsum abeant? sani ut creta, an carbone notati?
aedificare casas, plostello adiungere muris,
ludere par inpar, equitare in harundine longa
siquem delectet barbatum, amentia verset.
si puerilius his ratio esse evincet amare

whither do they go? sound as with chalk, or noted with charcoal?
to build huts, to yoke a little cart to the walls,
to play “even-odd,” to ride on a long reed
if this should delight some bearded man, let madness turn him about.
if reason shall evince that to love is more boyish than these

250

nec quicquam differre, utrumne in pulvere, trimus
quale prius, ludas opus, an meretricis amore
sollicitus plores: quaero, faciasne quod olim
mutatus Polemon? ponas insignia morbi,
fasciolas, cubital, focalia, potus ut ille

nor does it make any difference, whether in the dust, a three-year-old as before, you play your game, or, agitated by the love of a courtesan, you weep: I ask, will you do what once the transformed Polemon did? will you lay down the insignia of the disease, the little bandages, the elbow-cushion, the throat-scarf, as he, when drunk,

255

dicitur ex collo furtim carpsisse coronas,
postquam est inpransi correptus voce magistri?
porrigis irato puero cum poma, recusat;
'sume, catelle': negat; si non des, optet. amator
exclusus qui distat, agit ubi secum, eat an non,

is he said to have stealthily plucked the garlands from his neck,
after he, fasting, was caught by the master’s voice?
you hold out apples to an angry boy, he refuses;
'take it, puppy': he says no; if you do not give, he will desire it. the lover
shut out—how does he differ, when he debates with himself whether to go or not,

260

quo rediturus erat non arcessitus, et haeret
invisis foribus? 'nec nunc, cum me vocet ultro,
accedam? an potius mediter finire dolores?

whither was he going to return, not summoned, and does he cling
to the hateful doors? 'and not now, when she calls me of her own accord,
shall I approach? or rather should I meditate to end my dolors?

exclusit; revocat: redeam? non, si obsecret.' ecce
servos, non paulo sapientior 'o ere, quae res

She has shut me out; she calls me back: shall I return? No, not even if she should beseech.' Look—
the slave, not a little wiser: 'O master, what is the matter

265

nec modum habet neque consilium, ratione modoque
tractari non volt. in amore haec sunt mala, bellum,
pax rursum: haec siquis tempestatis prope ritu
mobilia et caeca fluitantia sorte laboret
reddere certa sibi, nihilo plus explicet ac si

it has neither measure nor counsel, and by reason and method
it does not wish to be handled. In love these are the evils: war,
peace in turn: if anyone should, almost in the fashion of a tempest,
labor to render these things, mobile and floating by blind lot,
certain for himself, he would explicate nothing more than if

270

insanire paret certa ratione modoque.'
quid? cum Picenis excerpens semina pomis
gaudes, si cameram percusti forte, penes te es?
quid? cum balba feris annoso verba palato,
aedificante casas qui sanior?

‘he sets out to be insane by a sure reason and method.’
What? when, plucking out the seeds from Picene apples,
you take delight—if you have chanced to strike the ceiling—are you in possession of yourself?
What? when you bear stammering words with an age-worn palate,
who is the more sane—the one building little houses?

adde cruorem

add gore

275

stultitiae atque ignem gladio scrutare. modo, inquam.
Hellade percussa Marius cum praecipitat se,
cerritus fuit?

scrutinize stupidity and even the fire with a sword. just now, I say.
with Hellas struck, when Marius precipitates himself,
was he crazed?

an commotae crimine mentis
absolves hominem et sceleris damnabis eundem
ex more inponens cognata vocabula rebus?

or, with the charge of a disturbed mind,
do you absolve the man and condemn the same one of crime,
by custom imposing cognate words upon things?

280

libertinus erat, qui circum compita siccus
lautis mane senex manibus currebat et 'unum',
—'quid tam magnum?' addens—, 'unum me surpite morti!
dis etenim facile est' orabat, sanus utrisque
auribus atque oculis; mentem, nisi litigiosus,

he was a freedman, who around the crossroads, sober,
an old man in the morning with washed hands, would run and say 'one thing,'
—adding 'what so great?'—, 'one thing: steal me away from death!
for to the gods indeed it is easy,' he prayed, sane in both
ears and eyes; as for his mind, unless you are litigious,

285

exciperet dominus, cum venderet. hoc quoque volgus
Chrysippus ponit fecunda in gente Meneni.
'Iuppiter, ingentis qui das adimisque dolores,'
mater ait pueri mensis iam quinque cubantis,
'frigida si puerum quartana reliquerit, illo

the master would make an exception, when he sold him. Chrysippus places this too, the vulgar herd, among the fecund clan of Menenius.
‘Jupiter, who givest and takest away enormous dolors,’
says the mother of a boy who has been lying abed now five months,
‘if the cold quartan should leave the boy, for that

290

mane die, quo tu indicis ieiunia, nudus
in Tiberi stabit.' casus medicusve levarit
aegrum ex praecipiti: mater delira necabit
in gelida fixum ripa febrimque reducet,
quone malo mentem concussa? timore deorum."

in the morning of the day on which you indicate fasts, naked
he will stand in the Tiber.' chance or a physician will have relieved
the sick man from the precipice: the delirious mother will kill him,
fixed on the icy bank, and will bring the fever back,
shaken in mind by what evil? by fear of the gods."

295

haec mihi Stertinius, sapientum octavos, amico
arma dedit, posthac ne conpellarer inultus.
dixerit insanum qui me, totidem audiet atque
respicere ignoto discet pendentia tergo.'
'Stoice, post damnum sic vendas omnia pluris,

these things to me Stertinius, the eighth of the wise, gave as arms to a friend, so that hereafter I might not be accosted unavenged.
whoever shall call me insane will hear just as many things in return and will learn to look back at the things hanging from a stranger’s back.'
'Stoic, after a loss you thus sell everything at a higher price,

300

qua me stultitia, quoniam non est genus unum,
insanire putas? ego nam videor mihi sanus.'
'quid, caput abscissum manibus cum portat Agaue
gnati infelicis, sibi tunc furiosa videtur?'
'stultum me fateor—liceat concedere veris—

‘By what stupidity, since there is not a single kind, do you think me to be insane? For I, to myself, seem sane.’ ‘What? when Agave carries in her hands the cut-off head of her unlucky son, does she then seem to herself frenzied?’ ‘I confess myself a fool—let it be permitted to concede to the truths—’

305

atque etiam insanum; tantum hoc edissere, quo me
aegrotare putes animi vitio.' 'accipe: primum
aedificas, hoc est longos imitaris, ab imo
ad summum totus moduli bipedalis, et idem
corpore maiorem rides Turbonis in armis

and even insane; only expound this, by what
vice of mind you think me to ail.' 'Receive: first,
you build—that is, you imitate the tall—being from the bottom
to the top wholly of a two‑foot module; and likewise
you laugh at one larger in body than Turbo in his arms

310

spiritum et incessum: qui ridiculus minus illo?
an, quodcumque facit Maecenas, te quoque verum est,
tanto dissimilem et tanto certare minorem?
absentis ranae pullis vituli pede pressis
unus ubi effugit, matri denarrat, ut ingens

spirit and gait: who is less ridiculous than that man?
Or is it true that whatever Maecenas does, you too,
so very dissimilar and so much the lesser, contend to compete?
with the frog’s brood, their mother absent, crushed by a calf’s foot,
when one escaped, he recounts to his mother how immense

315

belua cognatos eliserit: illa rogare,
quantane? num tantum, sufflans se, magna fuisset?
'maior dimidio.' 'num tanto?' cum magis atque
se magis inflaret, 'non, si te ruperis,' inquit,
'par eris.' haec a te non multum abludit imago.

that a brute had dashed to pieces his kin: she began to ask,
‘how big? was it so much—would she, puffing herself up, have been great?’
‘bigger by half.’ ‘as big as that?’ as more and
more she swelled herself, he says, ‘not, even if you burst yourself,
will you be equal.’ this image does not diverge much from you.

320

adde poemata nunc, hoc est, oleum adde camino,
quae siquis sanus fecit, sanus facis et tu.
non dico horrendam rabiem—' 'iam desine.' '—cultum
maiorem censu—' 'teneas, Damasippe, tuis te.'
'—mille puellarum, puerorum mille furores—'

add poems now; that is, add oil to the hearth,
which, if anyone sane has made, you too, being sane, do.
I do not speak of a horrendous frenzy—' 'now stop.' '—a finery
greater than your census—' 'keep to your own, Damasippus.'
'—a thousand furors of girls, a thousand of boys—'

325

'o maior tandem parcas, insane, minori.'

'O greater one, at last spare the lesser, madman.'

2.4

'Unde et quo Catius?' 'non est mihi tempus, aventi
ponere signa novis praeceptis, qualia vincent
Pythagoran Anytique reum doctumque Platona.'
'peccatum fateor, cum te sic tempore laevo
interpellarim; sed des veniam bonus, oro.

'Whence and whither, Catius?' 'I have no time, being eager
to plant my standards by new precepts, such as will vanquish
Pythagoras, Anytus’s accused, and learned Plato.'
'I confess a fault, since I have interrupted you thus at an inauspicious time;
but grant pardon, be good, I beg.'

quodsi interciderit tibi nunc aliquid, repetes mox,
sive est naturae hoc sive artis, mirus utroque.'
'quin id erat curae, quo pacto cuncta tenerem
utpote res tenuis, tenui sermone peractas.'
'ede hominis nomen, simul et, Romanus an hospes.'

but if something should slip from you now, you will soon retrieve it,
whether this is of nature or of art, you are wondrous in each.'
'indeed that was my care, by what pact I might hold all things
since, as a man of tenuous means, matters carried through in tenuous speech.'
'tell the man’s name, and at the same time, whether he is a Roman or a guest.'

'ipsa memor praecepta canam, celabitur auctor.
longa quibus facies ovis erit, illa memento,
ut suci melioris et ut magis alba rotundis,
ponere: namque marem cohibent callosa vitellum.
cole suburbano qui siccis crevit in agris

'I myself, mindful, will sing the precepts; the author shall be concealed.
for those eggs whose shape will be long, remember
to set those; for the rotund ones, as of better juice and more white,
put aside: for callous yolk cohibits the male.
cherish the suburban cock who has grown in dry fields

dulcior: inriguo nihil est elutius horto.
si vespertinus subito te oppresserit hospes,
ne gallina malum responset dura palato,
doctus eris vivam musto mersare Falerno:
hoc teneram faciet. pratensibus optima fungis

sweeter: nothing is more washed-out than an irrigated garden.
if a vespertine guest should suddenly press you,
lest the hen answer badly, hard to the palate,
you will know to immerse it alive in Falernian must:
this will make it tender. it is best with meadow mushrooms

natura est; aliis male creditur. ille salubris
aestates peraget, qui nigris prandia moris
finiet, ante gravem quae legerit arbore solem.
Aufidius forti miscebat mella Falerno:
mendose, quoniam vacuis conmittere venis

it is a matter of nature; in others trust is ill-bestowed. He will pass salubrious summers, who will finish his lunches with black mulberries, which he will have gathered from the tree before the sun grows heavy. Aufidius used to mix honey with strong Falernian: amiss, since to commit to empty veins

nil nisi lene decet: leni praecordia mulso
prolueris melius. si dura morabitur alvus,
mitulus et viles pellent obstantia conchae
et lapathi brevis herba, sed albo non sine Coo.
lubrica nascentes inplent conchylia lunae;

nothing but the gentle is decent: with gentle mulsum you will rinse the precordia better.
if a hard bowel lingers,
the mussel and lowly shells will drive off what stands in the way,
and the brief herb of dock, but not without white Coan [wine].
slippery shellfish swell as the moons are being born;

sed non omne mare est generosae fertile testae:
murice Baiano melior Lucrina peloris,
ostrea Circeis, Miseno oriuntur echini,
pectinibus patulis iactat se molle Tarentum.
nec sibi cenarum quivis temere arroget artem,

but not every sea is fertile for noble shellfish:
the Lucrine peloris is better than the Baian murex,
oysters at Circeii, sea-urchins arise at Misenum,
Tarentum, gentle, vaunts itself with gaping scallops.
nor should just anyone rashly arrogate to himself the art of dinners,

non prius exacta tenui ratione saporum.
nec satis est cara piscis averrere mensa
ignarum, quibus est ius aptius et quibus assis
languidus in cubitum iam se conviva reponet.
Umber et iligna nutritus glande rotundas

not before the flavors have been exacted by subtle reasoning.
nor is it enough to sweep expensive fish onto the table,
being ignorant for which a sauce is more apt and for which the roast;
the guest, languid, will now lay himself back on his elbow.
an Umbrian, nourished on holm‑oak acorn, the rounded

curvat aper lances carnem vitantis inertem;
nam Laurens malus est, ulvis et harundine pinguis.
vinea submittit capreas non semper edulis.
fecundae leporis sapiens sectabitur armos.
piscibus atque avibus quae natura et foret aetas,

the boar bends the platters with meat—idle stuff for one avoiding flesh;
for the Laurentian is bad, fattened on water-weeds and reed.
the vineyard-land sends up roe-deer, not always edible.
the wise man will carve the shoulders of the fertile hare.
for fishes and for birds, what nature and what age would be,

ante meum nulli patuit quaesita palatum.
sunt quorum ingenium nova tantum crustula promit.
nequaquam satis in re una consumere curam,
ut siquis solum hoc, mala ne sint vina, laboret,
quali perfundat piscis securus olivo.

before my own, a palate for delicacies lay open to no one.
there are those whose talent brings forth only novel little pastries.
by no means enough to consume care on one thing,
as if someone were to labor only at this, that the wines not be bad,
with what sort of olive-oil he, unconcerned, should drench the fish.

Massica si caelo suppones vina sereno,
nocturna siquid crassi est tenuabitur aura
et decedet odor nervis inimicus; at illa
integrum perdunt lino vitiata saporem.
Surrentina vafer qui miscet faece Falerna

If you set Massic wines under a serene sky,
whatever of thickness there is will be thinned by the nocturnal aura,
and the odor inimical to the nerves will depart; but those
vitiated lose their integral savor by linen.
The wily one who mixes Surrentine with Falernian dregs

vina, columbino limum bene colligit ovo,
quatenus ima petit volvens aliena vitellus.
tostis marcentem squillis recreabis et Afra
potorem coclea; nam lactuca innatat acri
post vinum stomacho; perna magis et magis hillis

the wines, a dove’s egg well gathers the sediment,
insofar as the yolk, rolling, seeks the depths, carrying down foreign matter.
you will revive a drooping drinker with toasted shrimps and an African snail;
for lettuce floats on the sharp stomach after wine;
ham more and more with those

flagitat inmorsus refici, quin omnia malit
quaecumque inmundis fervent allata popinis.
est operae pretium duplicis pernoscere iuris
naturam. simplex e dulci constat olivo,
quod pingui miscere mero muriaque decebit

the bite demands to be refreshed, nay rather he prefers everything whatever that seethes, brought from unclean cook-shops.
it is worth the effort to learn thoroughly the nature of the twofold sauce.
the simple kind consists of sweet olive oil,
which it will be fitting to mix with rich wine and with brine

non alia quam qua Byzantia putuit orca.
hoc ubi confusum sectis inferbuit herbis
Corycioque croco sparsum stetit, insuper addes
pressa Venafranae quod baca remisit olivae.
Picenis cedunt pomis Tiburtia suco:

no other than that with which a Byzantine jar has reeked.
when this, blended, has boiled up with cut herbs
and, sprinkled with Corycian saffron, has stood, you will add on top
what the pressed berry of the Venafran olive has yielded.
Tiburtine fruits yield to Picene apples in juice:

nam facie praestant, venucula convenit ollis;
rectius Albanam fumo duraveris uvam.
hanc ego cum malis, ego faecem primus et allec,
primus et invenior piper album cum sale nigro
incretum puris circumposuisse catillis.

for in appearance they excel; the Venuculan little grape suits jars; more rightly you would harden the Alban grape with smoke. this along with apples—I, the dregs and alec, was the first, and I am found first to have set around clean little dishes white pepper worked in with black salt.

inmane est vitium dare milia terna macello
angustoque vagos piscis urgere catino.
magna movet stomacho fastidia, seu puer unctis
tractavit calicem manibus, dum furta ligurrit,
sive gravis veteri creterrae limus adhaesit.

it is a monstrous vice to give three thousand to the market,
and to cram roaming fish into a narrow bowl.
great disgust stirs the stomach, whether a boy with greasy
hands has handled the chalice while he laps up stolen sips,
or heavy slime has clung to an old crater.

vilibus in scopis, in mappis, in scobe quantus
consistit sumptus? neglectis flagitium ingens.
ten lapides varios lutulenta radere palma
et Tyrias dare circum inlota toralia vestis,
oblitum, quanto curam sumptumque minorem

how much expense consists in cheap brooms, in napkins, in sawdust?
neglected, a huge flagitious disgrace.
do you abrade various stones with a mud-besmeared palm,
and put Tyrian couch-covers of unwashed cloth around,
forgetting how much lesser care and expense

haec habeant, tanto reprehendi iustius illis,
quae nisi divitibus nequeunt contingere mensis?'
'docte Cati, per amicitiam divosque rogatus
ducere me auditum, perges quocumque, memento.
nam quamvis memori referas mihi pectore cuncta,

let them have these; are they therefore more justly reprehended for those,
which cannot befall any but wealthy tables?'
'learned Catius, by friendship and by the gods entreated,
to lead me to hear, remember, wherever you will proceed.
for although you may recount to me everything with a mindful breast,

non tamen interpres tantundem iuveris. adde
voltum habitumque hominis, quem tu vidisse beatus
non magni pendis, quia contigit; at mihi cura
non mediocris inest, fontis ut adire remotos
atque haurire queam vitae praecepta beatae.'

yet, as an interpreter, you will not help as much. add
the countenance and habit of the man, which you, happy to have seen,
do not value greatly, since it befell you; but for me there is
no mediocre concern, that I may approach the remote fountains
and be able to draw the precepts of the happy life.'

2.5

'Hoc quoque, Tiresia, praeter narrata petenti
responde, quibus amissas reparare queam res
artibus atque modis. quid rides?' 'iamne doloso
non satis est Ithacam revehi patriosque penatis
adspicere?' 'o nulli quicquam mentite, vides ut

'This too, Tiresias, besides the things told, answer to one asking
by what arts and methods I may be able to restore my lost goods.
Why do you laugh?' 'Is it not yet enough for the wily one
to be borne back to Ithaca and to behold his ancestral Penates?'
'O you who have lied to no one about anything, you see how

nudus inopsque domum redeam te vate, neque illic
aut apotheca procis intacta est aut pecus: atqui
et genus et virtus, nisi cum re, vilior alga est.'
quando pauperiem missis ambagibus horres,
accipe qua ratione queas ditescere. turdus

naked and destitute shall I return home with you as prophet, nor there either is the storehouse left untouched by the suitors or the herd: and yet both lineage and virtue, unless along with means, are cheaper than seaweed.' since you shudder at poverty, the roundabout talk sent away, receive by what method you may grow rich. a thrush

sive aliud privum dabitur tibi, devolet illuc,
res ubi magna nitet domino sene; dulcia poma
et quoscumque feret cultus tibi fundus honores
ante Larem gustet venerabilior Lare dives.
qui quamvis periurus erit, sine gente, cruentus

or if some other perquisite is given to you, let it fly down thither,
where a great fortune shines in an old master; sweet fruits
and whatever honors your cultivated farm will bear for you
let the rich man, more venerable than the Lar, taste before the Lar.
who, although he will be perjured, without lineage, blood-stained

sanguine fraterno, fugitivus, ne tamen illi
tu comes exterior, si postulet, ire recuses.'
'utne tegam spurco Damae latus? haud ita Troiae
me gessi, certans semper melioribus.' 'ergo
pauper eris.' 'fortem hoc animum tolerare iubebo;

'though with a brother’s blood on him, a fugitive, do not, however, refuse to go as his outer companion, if he should demand it.'
'What? that I should shield foul Dama’s side? Not so at Troy did I conduct myself, ever contending with the better men.' 'Then you will be poor.' 'I will bid this spirit to endure bravely;

et quondam maiora tuli. tu protinus, unde
divitias aerisque ruam, dic, augur, acervos.'
'dixi equidem et dico: captes astutus ubique
testamenta senum neu, si vafer unus et alter
insidiatorem praeroso fugerit hamo,

‘and once I have borne greater things. You, straightway, tell me, augur, whence I may rush upon riches and heaps of bronze (money).’
‘I have indeed said and I say: as an astute man, seize everywhere the testaments (wills) of old men, and do not—if one or another sly fellow shall have fled the ambusher with the hook gnawed off—

aut spem deponas aut artem inlusus omittas.
magna minorve foro si res certabitur olim,
vivet uter locuples sine gnatis, inprobus, ultro
qui meliorem audax vocet in ius, illius esto
defensor; fama civem causaque priorem

either lay down hope or, tricked, abandon the art.
if ever a matter great or lesser is contested in the forum,
let the one live who is wealthy, without offspring, a shameless man, who,
bold, even summons the better man into court; be
the defender of that man; the citizen superior in fame and in his cause

sperne, domi si gnatus erit fecundave coniux.
"Quinte" puta aut "Publi"—gaudent praenomine molles
auriculae—"tibi me virtus tua fecit amicum.
ius anceps novi, causas defendere possum;
eripiet quivis oculos citius mihi quam te 35
contemptum cassa nuce pauperet; haec mea cura est,
nequid tu perdas neu sis iocus." ire domum atque
pelliculam curare iube; fi cognitor ipse,
persta atque obdura: seu rubra Canicula findet
infantis statuas, seu pingui tentus omaso

spurn it, if at home you will have a son or a fecund wife.
“Quintus,” suppose, or “Publius”—soft little ears rejoice in the praenomen—“your virtus has made me your friend.
I know the two-edged law, I can defend causes;
anyone would snatch out my eyes sooner than let you,
scorned, be impoverished by an empty nut; this is my care, 35
that you lose nothing and not be a joke.” Order him to go home and look after his little skin-cloak;
be yourself the cognitor,
stand firm and endure: whether the ruddy Dog-star will split
the statues of infants, or, swollen with a greasy omasum

Furius hibernas cana nive conspuet Alpis.
"nonne vides" aliquis cubito stantem prope tangens
inquiet, "ut patiens, ut amicis aptus, ut acer?"
plures adnabunt thynni et cetaria crescent.
sicui praeterea validus male filius in re

Furius will bespatter the winter Alps with hoary snow.
“Don’t you see,” someone, touching with his elbow the one standing near, says, “how patient, how apt for friends, how sharp?”
More tunny will swim in, and the fish-saltery will grow.
and if, moreover, anyone has a robust son bad for his means

praeclara sublatus aletur, ne manifestum
caelibis obsequium nudet te, leniter in spem
adrepe officiosus, ut et scribare secundus
heres et, siquis casus puerum egerit Orco,
in vacuom venias: perraro haec alea fallit.

let him, lifted up by splendid commendations, be nourished, lest the manifest obsequiousness toward a bachelor strip you bare; creep up gently, obligingly, into hope, so that you may also be inscribed as second heir, and, if any mishap drives the boy to Orcus, you may come into the vacancy: very rarely does this die fail.

qui testamentum tradet tibi cumque legendum,
abnuere et tabulas a te removere memento,
sic tamen, ut limis rapias, quid prima secundo
cera velit versu; solus multisne coheres,
veloci percurre oculo. plerumque recoctus

whoever hands over to you a testament to be read whenever,
remember to refuse and to remove the tablets from yourself,
yet so, that with sidelong glances you snatch what the first
wax wishes in the second verse; are you sole or a co-heir with many,
run through with a swift eye. for the most part reheated

scriba ex quinqueviro corvum deludet hiantem
captatorque dabit risus Nasica Corano.'
'num furis? an prudens ludis me obscura canendo?'
'o Laertiade, quidquid dicam, aut erit aut non:
divinare etenim magnus mihi donat Apollo.'

a scribe from the five-man board will delude the gaping crow
and the legacy-hunter Nasica will give laughter to Coranus.'
'Are you mad? or do you, prudent, play with me by singing obscure things?'
'O son of Laertes, whatever I say, either it will be or not be:
for great Apollo donates to me the gift to divine.'

'quid tamen ista velit sibi fabula, si licet, ede.'
'tempore quo iuvenis Parthis horrendus, ab alto
demissum genus Aenea, tellure marique
magnus erit, forti nubet procera Corano
filia Nasicae, metuentis reddere soldum.

'but what, however, that tale means for itself, if it is permitted, declare.'
'at the time when a youth horrendous to the Parthians,
a lineage let down from on high from Aeneas,
will be great on land and sea, the tall daughter will wed to brave Coranus—
the daughter of Nasica, who fears to render the solidus.'

tum gener hoc faciet: tabulas socero dabit atque
ut legat orabit; multum Nasica negatas
accipiet tandem et tacitus leget invenietque
nil sibi legatum praeter plorare suisque.
illud ad haec iubeo: mulier si forte dolosa

then the son-in-law will do this: he will give the tablets to his father-in-law and will beg that he read; Nasica, after many refusals, will at last receive and silently will read and will find nothing bequeathed to himself except to weep for himself and for his own. to these things I order this: if perchance the woman is crafty

libertusve senem delirum temperet, illis
accedas socius: laudes, lauderis ut absens.
adiuvat hoc quoque, sed vincit longe prius ipsum
expugnare caput. scribet mala carmina vecors:
laudato. scortator erit: cave te roget; ultro

or if a freedman manages the doting old man, attach yourself as an ally to them: praise, so that you may be praised when absent.
this too helps, but it far surpasses to storm the head itself first.
witless, he will write bad songs: praise them.
he will be a whoremonger: see that he need not ask you; of your own accord

Penelopam facilis potiori trade.' 'putasne
perduci poterit tam frugi tamque pudica,
quam nequiere proci recto depellere cursu?'
'venit enim magnum donandi parca iuventus
nec tantum veneris quantum studiosa culinae.

Penelope—be compliant—hand her over to the superior.' 'Do you think
she, so frugal and so chaste, can be led astray,
whom the suitors were unable to drive from her straight course?'
'For indeed there has come a great youth, sparing in giving,
and not so much of Venus as studious of the kitchen.

sic tibi Penelope frugi est; quae si semel uno
de sene gustarit tecum partita lucellum,
ut canis a corio numquam absterrebitur uncto.
me sene quod dicam factum est. anus inproba Thebis
ex testamento sic est elata: cadaver

thus for you Penelope is frugal; who, if she has once tasted a little lucre from a single old man, having split it with you, like a dog will never be driven off from a greased hide. what I say happened with me, an old man. a shameless old woman at Thebes was thus carried out according to her will: a cadaver

unctum oleo largo nudis umeris tulit heres,
scilicet elabi si posset mortua; credo,
quod nimium institerat viventi. cautus adito
neu desis operae neve immoderatus abundes.
difficilem et morosum offendet garrulus: ultra 90
'non' 'etiam' sileas; Davus sis comicus atque
stes capite obstipo, multum similis metuenti.

anointed with abundant oil, the heir carried the corpse on naked shoulders,
of course, as if the dead woman could slip away; I believe,
because she had pressed him too much while living. Approach cautiously,
and do not be lacking in service nor immoderately abound.
a garrulous man will offend the difficult and morose: beyond 90
be silent at 'no' and 'yes'; be a comic Davus and
stand with head bowed, very like one who is afraid.

obsequio grassare; mone, si increbruit aura,
cautus uti velet carum caput; extrahe turba
oppositis umeris; aurem substringe loquaci.

advance by obsequiousness; warn, if the breeze has grown brisk,
that, cautious, he veil his dear head; draw him out of the crowd
with opposing shoulders; shut your ear to the loquacious.

inportunus amat laudari: donec 'ohe iam'
ad caelum manibus sublatis dixerit, urge:
crescentem tumidis infla sermonibus utrem.
cum te servitio longo curaque levarit,
et certum vigilans "quartae sit partis Ulixes"

the importunate loves to be lauded: until he says 'enough now,'
with hands raised to heaven, press on:
inflate the growing wineskin with swollen speeches.
when he has lightened you from long servitude and care,
and, keeping watch to make it sure, 'let Ulysses be of the fourth part'

100

audieris "heres": "ergo nunc Dama sodalis
nusquam est? unde mihi tam fortem tamque fidelem?"
sparge subinde et, si paulum potes inlacrimare, est
gaudia prodentem voltum celare. sepulcrum
permissum arbitrio sine sordibus exstrue: funus

when you hear "heir": "so then, is Dama the crony nowhere now? whence for me one so stout and so faithful?" scatter such remarks repeatedly, and, if you can shed a little tear, it helps to conceal a face betraying your joys. erect the tomb, left to your discretion, without sordidness: the funeral

105

egregie factum laudet vicinia. siquis
forte coheredum senior male tussiet, huic tu
dic, ex parte tua seu fundi sive domus sit
emptor, gaudentem nummo te addicere. sed me
imperiosa trahit Proserpina: vive valeque.'

let the vicinity laud the deed done excellently. if by chance any senior of the coheirs coughs badly, to this man say that, as for your share, whether he be buyer of a farm or of a house, you, rejoicing, adjudge yourself for a coin. but imperious Proserpina draws me: live and farewell.'

2.6

Hoc erat in votis: modus agri non ita magnus,
hortus ubi et tecto vicinus iugis aquae fons
et paulum silvae super his foret. auctius atque
di melius fecere. bene est.

This was among my wishes: a measure of land not so large,
a garden where there would be, and near the roofed house, a perennial spring of water,
and a little bit of woodland over and above these. The gods have done more abundantly and better. It is well.

nil amplius oro,
Maia nate, nisi ut propria haec mihi munera faxis. 5
si neque maiorem feci ratione mala rem
nec sum facturus vitio culpave minorem,
si veneror stultus nihil horum 'o si angulus ille
proximus accedat, qui nunc denormat agellum!'
'o si urnam argenti fors quae mihi monstret, ut illi,

nothing more do I beg,
son of Maia, than that you make these gifts my proper own. 5
if I have not made my estate greater by bad reason
nor am I going to make it less by vice or fault,
if I, a fool, venerate none of these: 'oh if only that corner
next to me would be added, which now puts my little field out of true!'
'oh if only some chance would point out to me an urn of silver, as to that man,'

thesauro invento qui mercennarius agrum
illum ipsum mercatus aravit, dives amico
Hercule!', si quod adest gratum iuvat, hac prece te oro:
pingue pecus domino facias et cetera praeter
ingenium, utque soles, custos mihi maximus adsis.

with a treasure found, the hireling who bought that very field ploughed it, rich by friendly Hercules! if what is at hand, being welcome, delights, with this prayer I beg you: make the flock fat for its master and all other things except my genius, and, as you are wont, be my greatest guardian.

ergo ubi me in montes et in arcem ex urbe removi,
quid prius inlustrem saturis musaque pedestri?
nec mala me ambitio perdit nec plumbeus auster
autumnusque gravis, Libitinae quaestus acerbae.
Matutine pater, seu Iane libentius audis,

therefore, when I have withdrawn myself to the mountains and to a citadel out of the city,
what shall I first illustrate with satires and with my pedestrian Muse?
neither does wicked ambition ruin me nor the leaden south wind,
and the heavy autumn, the gain of bitter Libitina.
Father of Morning, or, if you more willingly hear “Janus,”

unde homines operum primos vitaeque labores
instituunt—sic dis placitum—, tu carminis esto
principium. Romae sponsorem me rapis: 'eia,
ne prior officio quisquam respondeat, urge.'
sive aquilo radit terras seu bruma nivalem

whence men institute the first works and labors of life—thus has it pleased the gods—be you the beginning of my song. In Rome you snatch me as a sponsor: ‘hey, lest anyone respond prior in duty, press on.’ whether Aquilo scrapes the lands or the brumal solstice is snow-laden

interiore diem gyro trahit, ire necesse est.
postmodo quod mi obsit clare certumque locuto
luctandum in turba et facienda iniuria tardis.
'quid tibi vis, insane?' et 'quam rem agis?' inprobus urget
iratis precibus, 'tu pulses omne quod obstat,

draws the day into a narrower circle, it is necessary to go.
afterwards, for having spoken clearly and certainly what would harm me
i must wrestle in the throng and an injury must be done to the tardy.
'what do you want, madman?' and 'what thing are you about?' the shameless one presses
with angry prayers, 'you should batter everything that stands in the way,

ad Maecenatem memori si mente recurras.'
hoc iuvat et melli est, non mentiar. at simul atras
ventum est Esquilias, aliena negotia centum
per caput et circa saliunt latus. 'ante secundam
Roscius orabat sibi adesses ad Puteal cras.'

‘to Maecenas, if you would run back with a mindful mind.’ This delights and is honey, I will not lie. But as soon as we came to the dark Esquiline, a hundred others’ affairs leap over my head and around my side. ‘Before the second hour Roscius was entreating that you be present at the Puteal tomorrow.’

'de re communi scribae magna atque nova te
orabant hodie meminisses, Quinte, reverti.'
'inprimat his cura Maecenas signa tabellis.'
dixeris: 'experiar': 'si vis, potes,' addit et instat.
septimus octavo propior iam fugerit annus,

'about public business, weighty and new, the scribes were begging you today to remember to return, Quintus.'
'let Maecenas’s care imprint the seals on these little tablets.'
you would say: 'I will try'; 'if you wish, you can,' he adds and presses.
the seventh year, nearer to the eighth, will already have fled,

ex quo Maecenas me coepit habere suorum
in numero, dumtaxat ad hoc, quem tollere raeda
vellet iter faciens et cui concredere nugas
hoc genus: 'hora quota est?' 'Thraex est Gallina Syro par?'
'matutina parum cautos iam frigora mordent',

from the time when Maecenas began to have me among his own
in number, at least for this: the sort of man whom he would wish to take up into his carriage
when making a journey, and to whom to entrust trifles
of this kind: 'What hour is it?' 'Is the Thracian a match for Gallina the Syrian?'
'the morning chills already bite those not cautious enough',

et quae rimosa bene deponuntur in aure.
per totum hoc tempus subiectior in diem et horam
invidiae noster. ludos spectaverat, una
luserat in campo: 'fortunae filius' omnes.
frigidus a rostris manat per compita rumor:

and those things which are well deposited in a fissured ear.
through all this time our man was more subject, with each day and hour, to envy.
he had watched the games, had played together in the field: 'a son of Fortune,' everyone.
a cold rumor trickles from the Rostra through the crossroads:

quicumque obvius est, me consulit: 'o bone—nam te
scire, deos quoniam propius contingis oportet—,
numquid de Dacis audisti?' 'nil equidem.' 'ut tu
semper eris derisor.' 'at omnes di exagitent me,
si quicquam.' 'quid? militibus promissa Triquetra

whoever is encountered asks me: 'o good man—for you ought to know, since you touch the gods more closely—,
have you heard anything about the Dacians?' 'nothing indeed.' 'so you
will always be a mocker.' 'but may all the gods harry me,
if anything.' 'what? the Three-Cornered (Triquetra) promised to the soldiers

praedia Caesar an est Itala tellure daturus?'
iurantem me scire nihil mirantur ut unum
scilicet egregii mortalem altique silenti.
perditur haec inter misero lux non sine votis:
o rus, quando ego te adspiciam quandoque licebit

‘Is Caesar going to grant estates from Italian soil?’
they marvel at me, though I swear that I know nothing, as the one mortal of distinguished and lofty silence.
in the midst of these things this day is lost for wretched me, not without vows:
O countryside, when shall I look upon you, and when will it be permitted

nunc veterum libris, nunc somno et inertibus horis
ducere sollicitae iucunda oblivia vitae?
o quando faba Pythagorae cognata simulque
uncta satis pingui ponentur holuscula lardo?
o noctes cenaeque deum, quibus ipse meique

now with the books of the ancients, now with sleep and idle hours,
to pass the pleasant oblivions of a careworn life?
O when will the bean, kin to Pythagoras, and likewise
little vegetables anointed enough with fat lard be set out?
O nights and dinners of the gods, at which I myself and mine

ante Larem proprium vescor vernasque procacis
pasco libatis dapibus. prout cuique libido est,
siccat inaequalis calices conviva solutus
legibus insanis, seu quis capit acria fortis
pocula seu modicis uvescit laetius. ergo

before my own Lar I dine and I feed the saucy homeborn slaves with libated dishes.
as each one’s desire is,
the unequal guest dries his chalices, released from insane laws,
whether some stout fellow takes sharp cups or grows more happily moistened with moderate ones. therefore

sermo oritur, non de villis domibusve alienis,
nec male necne Lepos saltet; sed, quod magis ad nos
pertinet et nescire malum est, agitamus, utrumne
divitiis homines an sint virtute beati,
quidve ad amicitias, usus rectumne, trahat nos

conversation arises, not about villas or other people’s houses,
nor whether Lepos dances badly or not; but, what more pertains to us
and it is an evil not to know, we agitate, whether men are blessed
by riches or by virtue, and what draws us to friendships, utility or rectitude

et quae sit natura boni summumque quid eius.
Cervius haec inter vicinus garrit anilis
ex re fabellas. siquis nam laudat Arelli
sollicitas ignarus opes, sic incipit: 'olim
rusticus urbanum murem mus paupere fertur

and what the nature of the good is and what its summit is.
Cervius, a neighbor, chatters among these things old-womanishly
to-the-matter little fables. For if anyone, unaware, praises Arellius’s
anxious riches, thus he begins: “once upon a time
a rustic mouse is said, in poverty, to have received the urban mouse

accepisse cavo, veterem vetus hospes amicum,
asper et attentus quaesitis, ut tamen artum
solveret hospitiis animum. quid multa? neque ille
sepositi ciceris nec longae invidit avenae,
aridum et ore ferens acinum semesaque lardi

that he had received in his hollow, the old host an old friend,
harsh and attentive to his acquisitions, yet so as nevertheless to loosen his tight heart for hospitalities. What need of many words? neither did he begrudge the set-apart chickpea nor the long-stored oat,
bearing to his mouth a dried grape and half-eaten scraps of bacon

frusta dedit, cupiens varia fastidia cena
vincere tangentis male singula dente superbo,
cum pater ipse domus palea porrectus in horna
esset ador loliumque, dapis meliora relinquens.
tandem urbanus ad hunc "quid te iuvat" inquit, "amice,

he gave scraps, desiring to conquer with dinner the varied fastidiousness of one who touches each item poorly with a haughty tooth,
while the father of the house himself, stretched out on chaff in the granary, was eating spelt and darnel, leaving the better parts of the feast.
at last the urbane one to him says, "what helps you," he says, "friend,

praerupti nemoris patientem vivere dorso?
vis tu homines urbemque feris praeponere silvis?
carpe viam, mihi crede, comes, terrestria quando
mortalis animas vivunt sortita neque ulla est
aut magno aut parvo leti fuga: quo, bone, circa,

to endure living on the ridge of a precipitous grove?
do you wish to prefer men and the city to the wild woods of beasts?
seize the way, believe me, comrade, since earthly things
mortal souls live having been allotted, and there is no
escape from death for either the great or the small: wherefore, good friend, about it,

dum licet, in rebus iucundis vive beatus,
vive memor, quam sis aevi brevis." haec ubi dicta
agrestem pepulere, domo levis exsilit; inde
ambo propositum peragunt iter, urbis aventes
moenia nocturni subrepere. iamque tenebat

“while it is permitted, live blessed in jocund matters,
live mindful how brief you are of age.” When these things said
drove the countryman, light he leaps from the house; then
both carry through the purposed journey, eager to
steal by night to the city’s walls. And now it was holding

100

nox medium caeli spatium, cum ponit uterque
in locuplete domo vestigia, rubro ubi cocco
tincta super lectos canderet vestis eburnos
multaque de magna superessent fercula cena,
quae procul exstructis inerant hesterna canistris.

night held the middle space of the sky, when each set his footsteps in a wealthy house, where a coverlet, tinctured with red scarlet, would gleam above the ivory couches, and many dishes from the great dinner were left over, which at a distance were within yesterday’s heaped-up baskets.

105

ergo ubi purpurea porrectum in veste locavit
agrestem, veluti succinctus cursitat hospes
continuatque dapes nec non verniliter ipsis
fungitur officiis, praelambens omne quod adfert.
ille cubans gaudet mutata sorte bonisque

therefore, when he placed the rustic, stretched out, on a purple garment,
the host, as if girded up, runs about
and continues the banquet, and likewise servilely performs the offices themselves,
pre-tasting everything which he brings.
he, reclining, rejoices in the changed lot and good things

110

rebus agit laetum convivam, cum subito ingens
valvarum strepitus lectis excussit utrumque.
currere per totum pavidi conclave magisque
exanimes trepidare, simul domus alta Molossis
personuit canibus. tum rusticus: "haud mihi vita

he busies the happy convive with the dishes, when suddenly a huge
clatter of the doors shook both from their couches.
They run, fearful, through the whole chamber and, more
lifeless, they tremble; at the same time the lofty house resounded
with Molossian hounds. Then the rustic: "Not for me is life

115

est opus hac" ait et "valeas: me silva cavosque
tutus ab insidiis tenui solabitur ervo."'

"there is need of this," he says, "farewell: the wood and the hollows,
safe from ambush, will solace me with meager vetch."'

2.7

'Iamdudum ausculto et cupiens tibi dicere servos
pauca reformido.' 'Davusne?' 'ita, Davus, amicum
mancipium domino et frugi quod sit satis, hoc est,
ut vitale putes.' 'age libertate Decembri,
quando ita maiores voluerunt, utere: narra.'

'I have been listening for a long time, and, wishing to tell you a few things, as a slave I shrink back.' 'Davus?' 'Yes, Davus—a friendly chattel to his master and frugal enough, that is, such as you might deem a living thing.' 'Come, use the December liberty, since the ancestors so willed: tell.'

'pars hominum vitiis gaudet constanter et urget
propositum; pars multa natat, modo recta capessens,
interdum pravis obnoxia. saepe notatus
cum tribus anellis, modo laeva Priscus inani
vixit inaequalis, clavum ut mutaret in horas,

'some men take pleasure in vices constantly and press their purpose;
many swim, now taking up the right, at times subject to depraved things.
often marked with three rings, now with his left hand empty,
Priscus lived unequal, so that he would change the helm from hour to hour,

aedibus ex magnis subito se conderet unde
mundior exiret vix libertinus honeste;
iam moechus Romae, iam mallet doctus Athenis
vivere, Vortumnis quotquot sunt natus iniquis.
scurra Volanerius, postquam illi iusta cheragra

in great mansions he would suddenly shut himself up, whence
he would come out more well-groomed—hardly, for a freedman, decently;
now an adulterer at Rome, now he would prefer, learned, at Athens
to live, born under as many iniquitous Vortumnuses as there are.
the scurrilous jester Volanerius, after a proper bout of chiragra had befallen him

contudit articulos, qui pro se tolleret atque
mitteret in phimum talos, mercede diurna
conductum pavit: quanto constantior isdem
in vitiis, tanto levius miser ac prior illo
qui iam contento, iam laxo fune laborat.'

it crushed his joints; he kept, hired at a daily wage, a man
to pick up and to throw the knucklebones for him into the box;
the more constant he is in the same vices,
by so much the less miserable and the prior to that one
who labors now with a tight, now with a slack rope.'

'non dices hodie, quorsum haec tam putida tendant,
furcifer?' 'ad te, inquam.' 'quo pacto, pessime?' 'laudas
fortunam et mores antiquae plebis, et idem,
siquis ad illa deus subito te agat, usque recuses,
aut quia non sentis, quod clamas, rectius esse,

'Will you not say today, to what end this so rotten stuff tends, gallows-bird?' 'At you, I say.' 'How so, worst man?' 'You praise the fortune and the mores of the ancient plebs, and yet the same you would continually refuse, if some god should suddenly drive you to those things, either because you do not perceive that what you shout is more correct,

aut quia non firmus rectum defendis et haeres
nequiquam caeno cupiens evellere plantam.
Romae rus optas; absentem rusticus urbem
tollis ad astra levis. si nusquam es forte vocatus
ad cenam, laudas securum holus ac, velut usquam

or because, not firm, you defend the right and you cling,
in vain wishing to pluck your foot out of the mud.
in Rome you long for the country; when away, as a rustic,
you, flighty, lift the city to the stars. if by chance you are invited nowhere
to dinner, you praise untroubled vegetable fare and, as though anywhere

vinctus eas, ita te felicem dicis amasque,
quod nusquam tibi sit potandum. iusserit ad se
Maecenas serum sub lumina prima venire
convivam: "nemon oleum fert ocius? ecquis
audit?" cum magno blateras clamore fugisque.

bound you go, thus you call yourself happy and you even love it,
because nowhere have you to be drinking. Let Maecenas have ordered
a dinner-guest to come to him late under the first lights:
“is no one bringing oil more quickly? does anyone
hear?” you blather with great clamor and you dash about.

Mulvius et scurrae, tibi non referenda precati,
discedunt. "etenim fateor me" dixerit ille
"duci ventre levem, nasum nidore supinor,
inbecillus, iners, siquid vis, adde, popino.
tu cum sis quod ego et fortassis nequior, ultro

Mulvius and the buffoons, having begged things not to be reported by you, depart.
"indeed I confess myself," he would say,
"to be led by my belly, a light fellow; my nose is thrown back by the savor,
feeble, inert; add, if you will, a cookshop-haunter.
but you, since you are what I am and perhaps more good-for-nothing, into the bargain

insectere velut melior verbisque decoris
obvolvas vitium?" quid, si me stultior ipso
quingentis empto drachmis deprenderis? aufer
me voltu terrere; manum stomachumque teneto,
dum quae Crispini docuit me ianitor edo.

Do you assail me as if you were the better man and wrap your vice with decorous words?
What if you should catch me more foolish than the very man bought for five hundred drachmas?
Stop trying to terrify me with your visage; keep your hand and your stomach (anger) in check,
while I eat the things which the doorkeeper of Crispinus taught me.

te coniunx aliena capit, meretricula Davum:
peccat uter nostrum cruce dignius? acris ubi me
natura intendit, sub clara nuda lucerna
quaecumque excepit turgentis verbera caudae
clunibus aut agitavit equum lasciva supinum, 50
dimittit neque famosum neque sollicitum, ne
ditior aut formae melioris meiat eodem.
tu cum proiectis insignibus, anulo equestri
Romanoque habitu, prodis ex iudice Dama,
turpis odoratum caput obscurante lacerna,

you are captivated by another’s wife, a little whore snares Davus:
which of us sins more worthy of the cross? where keen nature
strings me, under a bright bare lamp, whichever has received
the lashes of a turgent tail upon her buttocks, or the lascivious one has driven
the horse supine, sends me away neither infamous nor anxious, lest someone richer 50
or of better form micturate at the same spot.
you, with your insignia cast aside, the equestrian ring
and Roman habit, you come forth from judge as “Dama,”
a shameful cloak obscuring your perfumed head,

non es quod simulas? metuens induceris atque
altercante libidinibus tremis ossa pavore.
quid refert, uri virgis ferroque necari
auctoratus eas, an turpi clausus in arca,
quo te demisit peccati conscia erilis,

you are not what you pretend? afraid, you are led in, and with your libidos wrangling you tremble to the bones with dread.
what does it matter, to be burned by rods and slain by iron, to go as an auctoratus, or, shut up in a shameful chest,
into which the mistress, conscious of her sin, has let you down,

contractum genibus tangas caput? estne marito
matronae peccantis in ambo iusta potestas,
in corruptorem vel iustior? illa tamen se
non habitu mutatve loco peccatve superne,
cum te formidet mulier neque credat amanti.

do you, with your knees, touch your contracted head? Is there for the husband of a sinning matron a just power over both, or even a more just one over the corrupter? she, however, does not change herself in habit or in place, nor sin from above, when the woman fears you and does not credit her lover.

ibis sub furcam prudens dominoque furenti
conmittes rem omnem et vitam et cum corpore famam
evasti: credo, metues doctusque cavebis:
quaeres, quando iterum paveas iterumque perire
possis, o totiens servus. quae belua ruptis,

you will go under the fork, being prudent, and to your raging master
you will commit the whole matter and your life and, along with your body, your fame;
you have escaped: I believe it; you will fear and, taught, you will beware:
you will seek when you may again tremble and again be able to perish,
O slave so many times. What beast, with bonds broken,

cum semel effugit, reddit se prava catenis?
"non sum moechus" ais. neque ego hercule fur, ubi vasa
praetereo sapiens argentea.

what beast, once it has escaped, gives itself back to crooked chains?
"I am not an adulterer," you say. nor, by Hercules, am I a thief, when I, wise, pass by silver vessels.

tolle periclum:
iam vaga prosiliet frenis natura remotis.
tune mihi dominus, rerum imperiis hominumque

take away the peril:
now roving nature will leap forth with the reins removed.
then are you to be my lord, in the empires of things and of men

tot tantisque minor, quem ter vindicta quaterque
inposita haud umquam misera formidine privet?
adde super, dictis quod non levius valeat; nam,
sive vicarius est, qui servo paret, uti mos
vester ait, seu conservus, tibi quid sum ego? nempe

so much and by so many the lesser, one whom the vindicta, thrice and four times imposed,
will by no means ever deprive of wretched fear?
add besides, to the dicta something no less weighty; for,
whether he is a vicarius, who obeys a slave, as your custom
says, or a co-slave, what am I to you? surely

tu, mihi qui imperitas, aliis servis miser atque
duceris ut nervis alienis mobile lignum.
quisnam igitur liber? sapiens sibi qui imperiosus,
quem neque pauperies neque mors neque vincula terrent,
responsare cupidinibus, contemnere honores

you, who command me, wretched and a slave to others as well,
and you are led like a movable piece of wood by another’s strings.
who then is free? the wise man, who is imperious over himself,
whom neither poverty nor death nor chains frighten,
to answer back to desires, to contemn honors

fortis, et in se ipso totus, teres atque rotundus,
externi nequid valeat per leve morari,
in quem manca ruit semper fortuna. potesne
ex his ut proprium quid noscere? quinque talenta
poscit te mulier, vexat foribusque repulsum

strong, and entirely in himself, well-turned and rounded,
so that nothing external may have power to delay him by some slight thing,
the man against whom maimed Fortune is ever rushing. Are you able
from these to recognize anything as proper to him? Five talents
a woman demands from you, she vexes you, and, repulsed from her doors

perfundit gelida, rursus vocat: eripe turpi
colla iugo liber, "liber sum" dic age. non quis.
urget enim dominus mentem non lenis et acris
subiectat lasso stimulos versatque negantem.
vel cum Pausiaca torpes, insane, tabella,

he drenches you with cold water, calls again: snatch your neck from the shameful yoke, free man; say “I am free.” not “someone.”
for the master presses your mind, no mild one but sharp,
he puts goads under the weary and turns the one refusing.
or when you grow numb, madman, at a Pausias tablet,

qui peccas minus atque ego, cum Fulvi Rutubaeque
aut Pacideiani contento poplite miror
proelia rubrica picta aut carbone, velut si
re vera pugnent, feriant vitentque moventes
arma viri? nequam et cessator Davus; at ipse

In what do you sin less than I, when at Fulvius and Rutuba
or at Pacideianus, with knee braced, I marvel
at battles painted in rubric or in charcoal, as if
in truth they were fighting, and, moving, the men were striking and evading
with their weapons? “Davus is a good-for-nothing and a loiterer”; but he himself

100

subtilis veterum iudex et callidus audis.
nil ego, si ducor libo fumante: tibi ingens
virtus atque animus cenis responsat opimis?
obsequium ventris mihi perniciosius est cur?

you pass for a subtle and crafty judge of the ancients.
I am nothing, if I am led away by a steaming libum: do your vast
virtue and spirit match opulent dinners?
why is obedience to the belly more pernicious for me?

tergo plector enim. qui tu inpunitior illa,

for I am flogged on the back. How are you with greater impunity than she,

105

quae parvo sumi nequeunt, obsonia captas?
nempe inamarescunt epulae sine fine petitae
inlusique pedes vitiosum ferre recusant
corpus. an hic peccat, sub noctem qui puer uvam
furtiva mutat strigili: qui praedia vendit,

do you chase relishes that cannot be procured for a small price?
surely feasts sought without end grow bitter,
and your deluded feet refuse to carry an unsound body.
or is it this one who sins, the boy who at nightfall swaps a grape
for a stolen strigil: he who sells his estates,

110

nil servile gulae parens habet? adde, quod idem
non horam tecum esse potes, non otia recte
ponere teque ipsum vitas fugitivus et erro,
iam vino quaerens, iam somno fallere curam,
frustra: nam comes atra premit sequiturque fugacem.'

has the caterer to his gullet nothing servile? add that this same man
cannot be with himself for even an hour, cannot rightly employ his leisure,
and you shun your very self, a fugitive and wanderer,
now seeking with wine, now with sleep, to cheat care—
in vain: for dark Care, as a companion, presses close and follows the fugitive.

115

'unde mihi lapidem?' 'quorsum est opus?' 'unde sagittas?'
'aut insanit homo aut versus facit.' 'ocius hinc te
ni rapis, accedes opera agro nona Sabino.'

'Whence am I to get a stone?' 'What need is there?' 'Whence arrows?'
'Either the man is insane or he is making verses.' 'Quicker, unless you snatch yourself away from here,
you will be added to the work as the ninth hand on the Sabine farm.'

2.8

'Ut Nasidieni iuvit te cena beati?
nam mihi quaerenti convivam dictus here illic
de medio potare die.' 'sic, ut mihi numquam
in vita fuerit melius.' 'da, si grave non est,
quae prima iratum ventrem placaverit esca.'

'How did the dinner of wealthy Nasidienus please you?
for to me, as I was inquiring, you were said yesterday to have drunk there
in the middle of the day.' 'So, that it has never been better for me in my life.' 'Tell, if it is not burdensome,
what first appeased the angry belly as a food.'

'in primis Lucanus aper: leni fuit austro
captus, ut aiebat cenae pater: acria circum
rapula, lactucae, radices, qualia lassum
pervellunt stomachum, siser, allec, faecula Coa.
his ut sublatis puer alte cinctus acernam 10
gausape purpureo mensam pertersit et alter
sublegit quodcumque iaceret inutile quodque
posset cenantis offendere, ut Attica virgo
cum sacris Cereris procedit fuscus Hydaspes
Caecuba vina ferens, Alcon Chium maris expers.

'first, a Lucanian boar: it had been taken when the south wind was gentle,
so said the father of the dinner (the host): sharp little turnips all around,
lettuces, roots, such things as tweak a weary stomach, skirret, allec (fish-brine), Coan dregs.
when these were taken away, a boy, girded up high, with a purple napkin
thoroughly wiped the maple table, and another picked up whatever lay useless and whatever 10
could offend the diners, just as an Attic maiden advances with the sacred rites of Ceres;
a swarthy Hydaspes bearing Caecuban wines, Alcon Chian, having no dealings with the sea.'

hic erus "Albanum, Maecenas, sive Falernum
te magis adpositis delectat, habemus utrumque."'
'divitias miseras! sed quis cenantibus una,
Fundani, pulcre fuerit tibi, nosse laboro.'
'summus ego et prope me Viscus Thurinus et infra,

here the master: "Alban, Maecenas, or if Falernian delights you more with the courses set before you, we have both."'
'Wretched wealth! But who, dining together, Fundanius, was fine company for you, I labor to know.'
'topmost I, and near me Viscus Thurinus, and below,

si memini, Varius; cum Servilio Balatrone
Vibidius, quos Maecenas adduxerat umbras.
Nomentanus erat super ipsum, Porcius infra,
ridiculus totas semel absorbere placentas;
Nomentanus ad hoc, qui, siquid forte lateret,

if I remember, Varius; along with Servilius Balatro
Vibidius, the shadows whom Maecenas had brought along.
Nomentanus was above him, Porcius below,
a ridiculous fellow to absorb the whole cakes at a single go;
Nomentanus for this, who, if anything by chance were lying hidden,

indice monstraret digito; nam cetera turba,
nos, inquam, cenamus avis, conchylia, piscis,
longe dissimilem noto celantia sucum,
ut vel continuo patuit, cum passeris atque
ingustata mihi porrexerit ilia rhombi.

he would indicate with his index finger; for the rest of the crowd,
we, I say, dine on birds, shellfish, fish,
concealing a savor far different from the familiar,
as was immediately evident, when he proffered the entrails of a sparrow and
to me the as‑yet‑untasted entrails of a turbot.

post hoc me docuit melimela rubere minorem
ad lunam delecta. quid hoc intersit, ab ipso
audieris melius. tum Vibidius Balatroni
"nos nisi damnose bibimus, moriemur inulti,"
et calices poscit maiores. vertere pallor

after this he taught me that honey-apples grow red when selected at the lesser moon;
what difference this makes, you will hear better from himself.
then Vibidius to Balatro:
"unless we drink ruinously, we shall die unavenged,"
and he demands larger chalices. a pallor came over them

tum parochi faciem nil sic metuentis ut acris
potores, vel quod maledicunt liberius vel
fervida quod subtile exsurdant vina palatum.
invertunt Allifanis vinaria tota
Vibidius Balatroque secutis omnibus: imi 40
convivae lecti nihilum nocuere lagoenis.
adfertur squillas inter murena natantis
in patina porrecta.

then the face of the caterer, fearing nothing so much as hard
drinkers, either because they malign more freely, or
because fervid wines make the subtle palate go deaf.
they overturn all the Allifan wine-jars,
with Vibidius and Balatro, everyone following: the guests of the lowest 40
couch did no harm to the flagons at all.
there is brought in, a moray swimming among shrimps
on an outstretched platter.

sub hoc erus "haec gravida" inquit
"capta est, deterior post partum carne futura.
his mixtum ius est: oleo, quod prima Venafri

upon this the master says, "this one is pregnant"
"was captured, destined to be worse in flesh after childbirth.
with these a sauce is mixed: with oil, which is the prime of Venafrum

pressit cella; garo de sucis piscis Hiberi;
vino quinquenni, verum citra mare nato,
dum coquitur—cocto Chium sic convenit, ut non
hoc magis ullum aliud—; pipere albo, non sine aceto,
quod Methymnaeam vitio mutaverit uvam.

the cellar has pressed it; with garum from the juices of the Iberian fish;
with five-year-old wine, indeed born on this side of the sea,
while it is being cooked—when cooked, Chian suits it thus, so that none other suits it more than this—;
with white pepper, not without vinegar,
which by a fault has altered the Methymnaean grape.

erucas viridis, inulas ego primus amaras
monstravi incoquere; inlutos Curtillus echinos,
ut melius muria quod testa marina remittat."
interea suspensa gravis aulaea ruinas
in patinam fecere, trahentia pulveris atri

green arugulas, bitter inulas I was the first to show how to cook down;
Curtillus [served] sea-urchins unwashed,
so that the brine which the marine shell gives off might be better."
meanwhile the heavy suspended hangings made a collapse into the platter,
dragging along black dust

quantum non Aquilo Campanis excitat agris.
nos maius veriti, postquam nihil esse pericli
sensimus, erigimur; Rufus posito capite, ut si
filius inmaturus obisset, flere. quis esset
finis, ni sapiens sic Nomentanus amicum

as much as not even Aquilo rouses in the Campanian fields.
we, fearing something worse, after we sensed there was no peril,
raise ourselves; Rufus, with his head set down, to weep, as if
an untimely son had died. what end there would have been, if the wise Nomentanus had not thus addressed his friend

tolleret: "heu, Fortuna, quis est crudelior in nos
te deus? ut semper gaudes inludere rebus
humanis!" Varius mappa conpescere risum
vix poterat. Balatro suspendens omnia naso
"haec est condicio vivendi" aiebat, "eoque

would lift him up: "Alas, Fortune, what god is more cruel against us than you? how you always delight to mock human affairs!" Varius could hardly restrain his laughter with his napkin. Balatro, turning up his nose at everything, was saying, "this is the condition of living," and "therefore"

responsura tuo numquam est par fama labori.
tene, ut ego accipiar laute, torquerier omni
sollicitudine districtum, ne panis adustus,
ne male conditum ius adponatur, ut omnes
praecincti recte pueri comptique ministrent. 70
adde hos praeterea casus, aulaea ruant si,
ut modo; si patinam pede lapsus frangat agaso.
sed convivatoris, uti ducis, ingenium res
adversae nudare solent, celare secundae."
Nasidienus ad haec "tibi di, quaecumque preceris,

the fame that will respond to your labor is never equal. Is it you, that I may be received sumptuously, to be wracked, constrained by every solicitude, lest burnt bread, lest ill-seasoned sauce be set on, so that all the boys, duly girded and well-groomed, may serve. 70
add these mishaps besides, if the hangings should fall, as just now; if the mule-boy, slipping with his foot, should break a dish. but the character of a banquet-host, as of a leader, adverse circumstances are wont to lay bare, prosperous ones to conceal."
Nasidienus to this: "may the gods grant you whatever you pray for,

commoda dent: ita vir bonus es convivaque comis"
et soleas poscit. tum in lecto quoque videres
stridere secreta divisos aure susurros.'
'nullos his mallem ludos spectasse; sed illa
redde age quae deinceps risisti.' 'Vibidius dum

"may they grant you benefits: thus you are a good man and a courteous conviva,"
and he calls for sandals. Then on the couch too you would see
secret whispers, divided to the ear, hiss.
"I would have preferred to have watched no games than these; but come,
render, now, what you laughed at next." "While Vibidius

quaerit de pueris, num sit quoque fracta lagoena,
quod sibi poscenti non dentur pocula, dumque
ridetur fictis rerum Balatrone secundo,
Nasidiene, redis mutatae frontis, ut arte
emendaturus fortunam; deinde secuti

he asks the servants whether a flagon too has been broken,
because cups are not being given to him when he asks for himself; and while
he is laughed at with feigned matters, Balatro seconding,
Nasidienus, you return with altered brow, as if by art
about to amend your fortune; then followed

mazonomo pueri magno discerpta ferentes
membra gruis sparsi sale multo non sine farre,
pinguibus et ficis pastum iecur anseris albae
et leporum avolsos, ut multo suavius, armos,
quam si cum lumbis quis edit. tum pectore adusto

boys bearing, on a great mazon-dish, the discerpted limbs of a crane
sprinkled with much salt, not without far, and the liver of a white goose
fattened on fat figs, and the torn-off shoulders—the fore-shoulders—of hares,
as much the sweeter than if one eats them with the loins. then, with the breast seared

vidimus et merulas poni et sine clune palumbis,
suavis res, si non causas narraret earum et
naturas dominus; quem nos sic fugimus ulti,
ut nihil omnino gustaremus, velut illis
Canidia adflasset, peior serpentibus Afris.'

we saw also blackbirds being served and wood-pigeons without the rump,
a pleasant thing, if the master were not narrating their causes and
their natures; him we thus fled, avenged,
so that we tasted nothing at all, as if Canidia
had breathed upon them, worse than African serpents.'