Augustine: CONFESSIONES

iam mortua erat adulescentia mea mala et nefanda, et ibam in iuventutem, quanto aetate maior, tanto vanitate turpior, qui cogitare aliquid substantiae nisi tale non poteram, quale per hos oculos videri solet. non te cogitabam, deus, in figura corporis humani; ex quo audire aliquid de sapientia coepi, semper hoc fugi et gaudebam me hoc repperisse in fide spiritalis matris nostrae, catholicae tuae, sed quid te aliud cogitarem non occurrebat. et conabar cogitare te, homo et talis homo, summum et solum et verum deum, et te incorruptibilem et inviolabilem et incommutabilem totis medullis credebam, quia nesciens unde et quomodo, plane tamen videbam et certus eram id quod corrumpi potest deterius esse quam id quod non potest, et quod violari non potest incunctanter praeponebam violabili, et quod nullam patitur mutationem melius esse quam id quod mutari potest.

already my nefarious and evil adolescence had died, and I was going into youth—by how much greater in age, by so much fouler in vanity—who could not think anything of substance unless of such a kind as is wont to be seen through these eyes. I was not thinking you, God, in the figure of a human body; from the time I began to hear something about wisdom, I always fled this and I rejoiced that I had discovered this in the faith of our spiritual mother, your Catholic Church; but what else I should think you to be did not occur to me. And I was trying to conceive you as a man, and such a man, the highest and sole and true God; and you I believed with all my marrow to be incorruptible and inviolable and incommutable, because—though not knowing whence or how—yet plainly I saw and was certain that what can be corrupted is worse than what cannot, and I unhesitatingly preferred what cannot be violated to what can be violated, and that what suffers no change is better than what can be changed.

clamabat violenter cor meum adversus omnia phantasmata mea, et hoc uno ictu conabar abigere circumvolantem turbam immunditiae ab acie mentis meae, et vix dimota in ictu oculi, ecce conglobata rursus aderat et inruebat in aspectum meum et obnubilabat eum, ut quamvis non forma humani corporis, corporeum tamen aliquid cogitare cogerer per spatia locorum, sive infusum mundo sive etiam extra mundum per infinita diffusum, etiam ipsum incorruptibile et inviolabile et incommutabile quod corruptibili et violabili et commutabili praeponebam, quoniam quidquid privabam spatiis talibus nihil mihi esse videbatur, sed prorsus nihil, ne inane quidem, tamquam si corpus auferatur loco et maneat locus omni corpore vacuatus et terreno et humido et aerio et caelesti, sed tamen sit locus inanis tamquam spatiosum nihil.

My heart was crying out violently against all my phantasms, and with this one blow I tried to drive away the circling swarm of uncleanness from the keen edge of my mind; and scarcely moved aside in the twinkling of an eye, lo, massed together again it was present and rushed upon my sight and clouded it, so that although not in the form of a human body, yet I was forced to think something corporeal through the spaces of places, whether infused into the world or even, outside the world, diffused through infinite expanses, even that very thing incorruptible and inviolable and incommutable which I preferred to the corruptible and violable and mutable, since whatever I deprived of such spaces seemed to me to be nothing, but utterly nothing, not even a void, as if a body were taken away from a place and the place remained emptied of every body, earthy and moist and airy and heavenly; but yet there be an empty place, as a spacious nothing.

7.1.2

ego itaque incrassatus corde nec mihimet ipsi vel ipse conspicuus, quidquid non per aliquanta spatia tenderetur vel diffunderetur vel conglobaretur vel tumeret vel tale aliquid caperet aut capere posset, nihil prorsus esse arbitrabar. per quales enim formas ire solent oculi mei, per tales imagines ibat cor meum, nec videbam hanc eandem intentionem qua illas ipsas imagines formabam non esse tale aliquid, quae tamen ipsas non formaret nisi esset magnum aliquid. ita etiam te, vita vitae meae, grandem per infinita spatia undique cogitabam penetrare totam mundi molem et extra eam quaquaversum per immensa sine termine, ut haberet te terra, haberet caelum, haberent omnia et illa finirentur in te, tu autem nusquam.

I therefore, thickened in heart and not even visible to my own self, judged that whatever was not stretched through some spaces, or diffused, or conglobated, or swollen, or took on or could take on such a thing, was absolutely nothing. For through whatever forms my eyes are wont to go, through such images my heart went, nor did I see that this very intention by which I was forming those very images was not such a thing, which nevertheless would not form them unless it were something great. Thus even you, life of my life, I imagined as vast, penetrating through infinite spaces on every side the whole mass of the world, and beyond it everywhere through immensities without end, so that the earth would have you, heaven would have you, all things would have you, and those would be terminated in you, but you nowhere.

sicut autem luci solis non obsisteret aeris corpus, aeris huius qui supra terram est, quominus per eum traiceretur penetrans eum, non dirrumpendo aut concidendo sed implendo eum totum, sic tibi putabam non solum caeli et aeris et maris sed etiam terrae corpus pervium et ex omnibus maximis minimisque partibus penetrabile ad capiendam praesentiam tuam, occulta inspiratione intrinsecus et extrinsecus administrantem omnia quae creasti. ita suspicabar, quia cogitare aliud non poteram; nam falsum erat. illo enim modo maior pars terrae maiorem tui partem haberet et minorem minor, atque ita te plena essent omnia ut amplius tui caperet elephanti corpus quam passeris, quo esset isto grandius grandioremque occuparet locum, atque ita frustatim partibus mundi magnis magnas, brevibus breves partes tuas prasesentes faceres.

Just as the body of the air, this air which is above the earth, would not stand in the way of the light of the sun so as to prevent its being carried through, penetrating it, not by tearing or cutting but by filling it entirely, so I supposed for you not only the bodies of heaven and air and sea but even the body of the earth to be passable and, in all their greatest and smallest parts, penetrable for the taking-in of your presence, you by hidden inspiration administering from within and from without all the things you created. Thus I suspected, because I could not think otherwise; for it was false. For in that way a greater part of the earth would have a greater part of you and a lesser a lesser; and thus all things would be full of you in such a manner that the body of an elephant would take in more of you than that of a sparrow, inasmuch as it would be larger by that much and would occupy a greater place, and so piecemeal you would make great parts of your presence present to the great parts of the world, and small to the small.

non est autem ita, sed nondum inluminaveras tenebras meas.

but it is not so, but you had not yet illumined my darkness.

7.2.3

sat erat mihi, domine, adversus illos deceptos deceptores et loquaces mutos, quoniam non ex eis sonabat verbum tuum -- sat erat ergo illud quod iam diu ab usque Carthagine a Nebridio proponi solebat et omnes qui audieramus concussi sumus: quid erat tibi factura nescio qua gens tenebrarum, quam ex adversa mole solent opponere, si tu cum ea pugnare noluisses? si enim responderetur aliquid fuisse nocituram, violabilis tu et corruptibilis fores. si autem nihil ea nocere potuisse diceretur, nulla afferretur causa pugnandi, et ita pugnandi ut quaedam portio tua et membrum tuum vel proles de ipsa substantia tua misceretur adversis potestatibus et non a te creatis naturis, atque in tantum ab eis corrumperetur et commutaretur in deterius ut a beatitudine in miseriam verteretur et indigeret auxilio quo erui purgarique posset, et hanc esse animam cui tuus sermo servienti liber et contaminatae purus et corruptae integer subveniret, sed et ipse corruptibilis, quia ex una eademque substantia.

it was enough for me, Lord, against those deceived deceivers and loquacious mutes, since your word was not sounding from them -- it was enough, therefore, that which for a long time already from Carthage onward was wont to be proposed by Nebridius, and all of us who had heard were shaken: what was that race of darkness, which they are accustomed to set in opposition from an adverse mass, going to do to you, if you had been unwilling to fight with it? For if it were answered that it would have been able to harm anything, you would be violable and corruptible. But if it were said that it could harm nothing, no cause would be brought for fighting—and fighting in such wise that a certain portion of you and a member of yours, or offspring from your very substance, should be mixed with adverse powers and with natures not created by you, and be corrupted by them to such a degree and changed for the worse that it should be turned from beatitude into misery and should be in need of aid whereby it might be rescued and purged—and that this is the soul, to which your discourse, free to the serving, pure to the contaminated, entire to the corrupted, should come to the aid; yet itself also corruptible, because from one and the same substance.

itaque si te, quidquid es, id est substantiam tuam qua es, incorruptibilem dicerent, falsa esse illa omnia et exsecrabilia; si autem corruptibilem, idipsum iam falsum et prima voce abominandum. sat erat ergo istuc adversus eos omni modo evomendos a pressura pectoris, quia non habebant qua exirent sine horribili sacrilegio cordis et linguae sentiendo de te ista et loquendo.

and so, if they were to call you—whatever you are, that is, your substance by which you are—incorruptible, all those things were false and execrable; but if corruptible, that very assertion was already false and to be abominated at the first utterance. enough, then, was this against them, that they in every way had to be vomited up from the oppression of the breast, because they had no way to get out without horrible sacrilege of heart and tongue, in feeling such things about you and in speaking them.

7.3.4

sed et ego adhuc, quamvis incontaminabilem et inconvertibilem et nulla ex parte mutabilem dicerem firmeque sentirem deum nostrum, deum verum, qui fecisti non solum animas nostras sed etiam corpora, nec tantum nostras animas et corpora sed omnes et omnia, non tenebam explicatam et enodatam causam mali. quaecumque tamen esset, sic eam quaerendam videbam, ut non per illam constringerer deum incommutabilem mutabilem credere, ne ipse fierem quod quaerebam. itaque securus eam quaerebam, et certus non esse verum quod illi dicerent quos toto animo fugiebam, quia videbam quaerendo unde malum repletos malitia, qua opinarentur tuam potius substantiam male pati quam suam male facere.

But I too still, although I used to say and firmly feel that our God, the true God, who made not only our souls but also our bodies, and not only our souls and bodies but all persons and all things, is incorruptible and inconvertible and mutable in no part, did not yet hold an explicit and unknotted cause of evil. Whatever it was, however, thus I saw it must be sought, that I not by it be constrained to believe the unchangeable God changeable, lest I myself become that which I was seeking. Therefore securely I sought it, and was certain that what those said, whom I was fleeing with my whole soul, was not true, because I saw that, in inquiring whence evil, they were filled with malice, by which they supposed that your substance rather suffers ill than that their own does ill.

7.3.5

et intendebam ut cernerem quod audiebam, liberum voluntatis arbitrium causam esse ut male faceremus et rectum iudicium tuum ut pateremur, et eam liquidam cernere non valebam. itaque aciem mentis de profundo educere conatus mergebar iterum, et saepe conatus mergebar iterum atque iterum. sublevabat enim me in lucem tuam quod tam sciebam me habere voluntatem quam me vivere.

and I was intent to discern what I was hearing: that the free arbitrium of the will is the cause that we do evil, and your right judgment that we suffer; and I was not able to see that clearly. therefore, trying to draw up the edge of my mind from the deep, I was submerged again, and often, though I tried, I was submerged again and again. for this lifted me up into your light: that I knew I had a will as surely as that I lived.

itaque cum aliquid vellem aut nollem, non alium quam me velle ac nolle certissimus eram, et ibi esse causam peccati mei iam iamque animadvertebam. quod autem invitus facerem, pati me potius quam facere videbam, et id non culpam sed poenam esse iudicabam, qua me non iniuste plecti te iustum cogitans cito fatebar. sed rursus dicebam, 'quis fecit me? nonne deus meus, non tantum bonus sed ipsum bonum?

Therefore, whenever I would will something or would not will, I was most certain that it was none other than myself who willed and who was unwilling, and there I was now at last noticing that the cause of my sin was there. But what I did unwillingly, I saw that I suffered rather than did, and I judged that to be not a fault but a penalty, by which I quickly confessed that I was not unjustly punished, thinking you just. But again I used to say, 'Who made me? Was it not my god, not only good but Good itself?'

unde igitur mihi male velle et bene nolle? ut esset cur iuste poenas luerem? quis in me hoc posuit et insevit mihi plantarium amaritudinis, cum totus fierem a dulcissimo deo meo?

Whence, then, for me to will evil and to not will good? so that there might be a reason why I should justly pay penalties? Who put this into me and sowed in me a seedling of bitterness, since I was wholly made by my most-sweet God?

si diabolus auctor, unde ipse diabolus? quod si et ipse perversa voluntate ex bono angelo diabolus factus est, unde et in ipso voluntas mala qua diabolus fieret, quando totus angelus a conditore optimo factus esset?' his cogitationibus deprimebar iterum et suffocabar, sed non usque ad illum infernum subducebar erroris ubi nemo tibi confitetur, dum tu potius mala pati quam homo facere putatur.

'If the devil is the author, whence the devil himself? And if he too by a perverse will from a good angel was made a devil, whence also in him the evil will by which he would become a devil, when the whole angel had been made by the best Creator?' By these thoughts I was pressed down again and suffocated, but I was not led down as far as that inferno of error where no one confesses to you, while you are thought rather to suffer evils than a man to do them.

7.4.6

sic enim nitebar invenire cetera, ut iam inveneram melius esse incorruptibile quam corruptibile, et ideo te, quidquid esses, esse incorruptibilem confitebar. neque enim ulla anima umquam potuit poteritve cogitare aliquid quod sit te melius, qui summum et optimum bonum es. cum autem verissime atque certissime incorruptibile corruptibili praeponatur, sicut iam ego praeponebam, poteram iam cogitatione aliquid attingere quod esset melius deo meo, nisi tu esses incorruptibilis. ubi igitur videbam incorruptibile corruptibili esse praeferendum, ibi te quaerere debebam atque inde advertere ubi sit malum, id est unde sit ipsa corruptio, qua violari substantia tua nullo modo potest.

For thus I strove to find the rest, as I had already found that the incorruptible is better than the corruptible, and therefore I confessed you, whatever you might be, to be incorruptible. For no soul has ever been able, nor will be able, to think anything that is better than you, who are the highest and best good. But since most truly and most certainly the incorruptible is preferred to the corruptible, as I was already preferring, I could already by thought attain something that would be better than my God, unless you were incorruptible. Where therefore I saw that the incorruptible is to be preferred to the corruptible, there I ought to seek you and thence to turn my attention to where evil is, that is, whence that very corruption is, by which your substance can in no way be violated.

nullo enim prorsus modo violat corruptio deum nostrum, nulla voluntate, nulla necessitate, nullo improviso casu, quoniam ipse est deus, et quod sibi vult bonum est, et ipse est idem bonum; corrumpi autem non est bonum. nec cogeris invitus ad aliquid, quia voluntas tua non est maior quam potentia tua. esset autem maior, si te ipso tu ipse maior esses: voluntas enim et potentia dei deus ipse est.

for by absolutely no means does corruption violate our God—by no will, by no necessity, by no unforeseen chance—since he himself is God, and what he wills for himself is good, and he himself is the same Good; but to be corrupted is not good. Nor are you compelled, unwilling, to anything, because your will is not greater than your power. It would, however, be greater, if you yourself were greater than yourself: for the will and the power of God are God himself.

et quid improvisum tibi, qui nosti omnia? et nulla natura est nisi quia nosti eam. et ut quid multa dicimus cur non sit corruptibilis substantia quae deus est, quando, si hoc esset, non esset deus?

And what could be unforeseen to you, who know all things? And no nature exists except because you know it. And why do we say many things about why the substance which is god is not corruptible, when, if this were so, it would not be god?

7.5.7

et quaerebam unde malum, et male quaerebam, et in ipsa inquisitione mea non videbam malum. et constituebam in conspectu spiritus mei universam creaturam, quidquid in ea cernere possumus, sicuti est terra et mare et aer et sidera et arbores et animalia mortalia, et quidquid in ea non videmus, sicut firmamentum caeli insuper et omnes angelos et cuncta spiritalia eius, sed etiam ipsa, quasi corpora essent, locis et locis ordinavit imaginatio mea. et feci unam massam grandem distinctam generibus corporum, creaturam tuam, sive re vera quae corpora erant, sive quae ipse pro spiritibus finxeram, et eam feci grandem, non quantum erat, quod scire non poteram, sed quantum libuit, undiqueversum sane finitam, te autem, domine, ex omni parte ambientem et penetrantem eam, sed usquequaque infinitum, tamquam si mare esset ubique et undique per immensa infinitum solum mare et haberet intra se spongiam quamlibet magnam, sed finitam tamen, plena esset utique spongia illa ex omni sua parte ex immenso mari.

and I was seeking whence evil comes, and I was seeking badly, and in my very inquisition I did not see evil. and I was setting before the sight of my spirit the whole creation, whatever in it we can discern, as the earth and the sea and the air and the stars and the trees and the mortal animals, and whatever in it we do not see, as the firmament of heaven above and all the angels and all its spiritual things; but even these very things, as if they were bodies, my imagination arranged in places and in places. and I made one great mass distinguished by kinds of bodies, your creation, whether those which in truth were bodies, or those which I myself had fashioned in place of spirits, and I made it great, not as great as it was (which I could not know), but as great as I pleased, in every direction indeed finite; but you, Lord, encompassing it from every part and penetrating it, yet everywhere infinite, as if the sea were everywhere and on all sides through immensities infinite—only the sea—and had within itself a sponge however great, yet finite; that sponge would surely be full from every part of itself from the immense sea.

sic creaturam tuam finitam te infinito plenam putabam et dicebam, 'ecce deus et ecce quae creavit deus, et bonus deus atque his validissime longissimeque praestantior; sed tamen bonus bona creavit, et ecce quomodo ambit atque implet ea. ubi ergo malum et unde et qua huc inrepsit? quae radix eius et quod semen eius? an omnino non est?

Thus I supposed your creation, finite, to be full of you, the Infinite, and I was saying, 'Behold God, and behold what God created, and God is good and by far and most mightily more preeminent than these; yet nevertheless the good God created good things, and behold how he encompasses and fills them. Where then is evil, and whence, and by what way did it creep in here? What is its root and what its seed? Or is it altogether not at all?'

cur ergo timemus et cavemus quod non est? aut si inaniter timemus, certe vel timor ipse malum est, quo incassum stimulatur et excruciatur cor, et tanto gravius malum, quanto non est, quod timeamus, et timemus. idcirco aut est malum quod timemus, aut hoc malum est quia timemus.

Why, then, do we fear and beware what is not? Or if we fear in vain, certainly fear itself is an evil, by which the heart is needlessly stimulated and excruciated, and the more grievous an evil, the more there is not that which we fear, and yet we fear. Therefore either what we fear is an evil, or this is the evil because we fear.

unde est igitur, quoniam deus fecit haec omnia bonus bona? maius quidem et summum bonum minora fecit bona, sed tamen et creans et creata bona sunt omnia. unde est malum?

Whence, then, is it, since God, good, made all these things good? The greater indeed and highest Good made the lesser things good; yet both the Creator and the created things are all good. Whence is evil?

an unde fecit ea, materies aliqua mala erat et formavit atque ordinavit eam, sed reliquit aliquid in illa quod in bonum non converteret? cur et hoc? an impotens erat totam vertere et commutare, ut nihil mali remaneret, cum sit omnipotens?

Or whence did he make them? Was there some evil matter, and did he form and order it, but leave something in it which he would not convert into good? Why this too? Or was he impotent to turn and change it entirely, so that no evil would remain, since he is omnipotent?

postremo cur inde aliquid facere voluit ac non potius eadem omnipotentia fecit, ut nulla esset omnino? aut vero exsistere poterat contra eius voluntatem? aut si aeterna erat, cur tam diu per infinita retro spatia temporum sic eam sivit esse ac tanto post placuit aliquid ex ea facere?

Finally, why did he wish to make something from it, and not rather by the same omnipotence bring it about that it should not exist at all? Or indeed, could it exist against his will? Or, if it was eternal, why for so long, through the infinite backward expanses of times, did he allow it to be thus, and so much later did it please him to make something from it?

aut iam, si aliquid subito voluit agere, hoc potius ageret omnipotens, ut illa non esset atque ipse solus esset totum verum et summum et infinitum bonum? aut si non erat bene, ut non aliquid boni etiam fabricaretur et conderet qui bonus erat, illa sublata et ad nihilum redacta materie quae mala erat, bonam ipse institueret unde omnia crearet? non enim esset omnipotens si condere non posset aliquid boni nisi ea quam non ipse condiderat adiuvaretur materia.' talia volvebam pectore misero, ingravidato curis mordacissimis de timore mortis et non inventa veritate; stabiliter tamen haerebat in corde meo in catholica ecclesia fides Christi tui, domini et salvatoris nostri, in multis quidem adhuc informis et praeter doctrinae normam fluitans, sed tamen non eam relinquebat animus, immo in dies magis magisque inbibebat.

Or now, if he suddenly wished to act, should not the Omnipotent rather do this, that that thing should not exist and that he alone should be the whole true and supreme and infinite good? Or if it was not well that not even something of good should be fabricated and founded by the one who was good, with that matter which was evil removed and reduced to nothing, might he himself institute a good one whence he would create all things? For he would not be omnipotent if he could not found something of good unless he were aided by matter which he himself had not founded.' Such things I was revolving in my wretched breast, weighed down with most biting cares about the fear of death and with truth not found; yet steadfastly there stuck in my heart, in the Catholic Church, the faith of your Christ, our Lord and Savior, indeed still in many respects unformed and floating beyond the norm of doctrine, yet my mind did not abandon it; nay rather, day by day it imbibed it more and more.

7.6.8

iam etiam mathematicorum fallaces divinationes et impia deliramenta reieceram. confiteantur etiam hinc tibi de intimis visceribus animae meae miserationes tuae, deus meus! tu enim, tu omnino (nam quis alius a morte omnis erroris revocat nos nisi vita quae mori nescit, et sapientia mentes indigentes inluminans, nullo indigens lumine, qua mundus administratur usque ad arborum volatica folia?), tu procurasti pervicaciae meae, qua obluctatus sum Vindiciano acuto seni et Nebridio adulescenti mirabilis animae, illi vehementer adfirmanti, huic cum dubitatione quidem aliqua sed tamen crebro dicenti non esse illam artem futura praevidendi, coniecturas autem hominum habere saepe vim sortis et multa dicendo dici pleraque ventura, nescientibus eis qui dicerent sed in ea non tacendo incurrentibus -- procurasti ergo tu hominem amicum, non quidem segnem consultorem mathematicorum nec eas litteras bene callentem sed, ut dixi, consultorem curiosum et tamen scientem aliquid quod a patre suo se audisse dicebat: quod quantum valeret ad illius artis opinionem evertendam ignorabat.

Already too I had rejected the fallacious divinations of the mathematicians (astrologers) and impious deliraments. Let your compassions also from here confess to you from the inmost bowels of my soul, my God! For you, you altogether (for who else calls us back from the death of every error except the Life that knows not how to die, and the Wisdom illuminating indigent minds, itself indigent of no light, by which the world is administered even unto the winged leaves of the trees?), you made provision for my stubbornness, with which I wrestled against Vindicianus, a keen old man, and Nebridius, a youth of a marvelous soul—the former strongly affirming, the latter, with some doubt indeed yet nevertheless often saying, that that art is not one of foreseeing things to come, but that men’s conjectures often have the force of lot, and that by saying many things most things that are going to happen are said, they who say them not knowing, but by not keeping silence about them stumbling upon them—therefore you provided a friendly man, not indeed a sluggish consulter of the mathematicians nor one well-versed in those letters, but, as I said, a curious consulter and yet knowing something which he said he had heard from his father: which, how much it would avail to overturn the opinion of that art, he did not know.

is ergo vir nomine Firminus, liberaliter institutus et excultus eloquio, cum me tamquam carissimum de quibusdam suis rebus, in quas saecularis spes eius intumuerat, consuleret, quid mihi secundum suas quas constellationes appellant videretur, ego autem, qui iam de hac re in Nebridii sententiam flecti coeperam, non quidem abnuerem conicere ac dicere quod nutanti occurrebat, sed tamen subicerem prope iam esse mihi persuasum ridicula illa esse et inania, tum ille mihi narravit patrem suum fuisse librorum talium curiosissimum et habuisse amicum aeque illa simulque sectantem. qui pari studio et conlatione flatabant in eas nugas ignem cordis sui, ita ut mutorum quoque animalium, si quae domi parerent, observarent momenta nascentium atque ad ea caeli positionem notarent, unde illius quasi artis experimenta conligerent. itaque dicebat audisse se a patre quod, cum eundem Firminum praegnans mater esset, etiam illius paterni amici famula quaedam pariter utero grandescebat, quod latere non potuit dominum, qui etiam canum suarum partus examinatissima diligentia nosse curabat; atque ita factum esse, ut cum iste coniugis, ille autem ancillae dies et horas minutioresque horarum articulos cautissima observatione numerarent, enixae essent ambae simul, ita ut easdem constellationes usque ad easdem minutias utrique nascenti facere cogerentur, iste filio, ille servulo.

So then this man, by name Firminus, liberally educated and cultivated in eloquence, when he, as to one dearest to him, consulted me about certain of his affairs in which his secular hope had swelled, asking what seemed good to me according to those configurations which they call constellations, I—who had already begun to be bent to Nebridius’s opinion on this matter—did not indeed refuse to conjecture and to say what occurred to one wavering, yet I would add that I was now almost persuaded that those things were ridiculous and empty. Then he told me that his father had been most curious about such books and had had a friend equally pursuing them together. With equal zeal and by comparing notes they fanned into those trifles the fire of their heart, to such a degree that they would even observe, if any dumb animals gave birth at home, the moments of the births and would note the position of the sky at them, whence they might collect the experiments of that quasi-art. And so he said he had heard from his father that, when his mother was pregnant with this same Firminus, a certain maidservant of that paternal friend likewise was at the same time growing great with child—something which could not be hidden from the master, who also took care, with most scrutinizing diligence, to know the whelpings of his bitches; and thus it came about that, since this man for his wife, and that one for the maidservant, counted with most careful observation the days and the hours and the minutest joints of the hours, both were delivered at once, so that they were compelled to frame the same constellations, down to the same minutes, for each newborn—the one for his son, the other for his little slave.

nam cum mulieres parturire coepissent, indicaverunt sibi ambo quid sua cuiusque domo ageretur, et paraverunt quos ad se invicem mitterent, simul ut natum quod parturiebatur esset cuique nuntiatum: quod tamen ut continuo nuntiaretur, tamquam in regno suo facile effecerant. atque ita qui ab alterutro missi sunt tam ex paribus domorum intervallis sibi obviam factos esse dicebat, ut aliam positionem siderum aliasque particulas momentorum neuter eorum notare sineretur. et tamen Firminus amplo apud suos loco natus dealbatiores vias saeculi cursitabat, augebatur divitiis, sublimabatur honoribus, servus autem ille conditionis iugo nullatenus relaxato dominis serviebat, ipso indicante qui noverat eum.

for when the women had begun to be in labor, both indicated to one another what was being transacted in each one’s house, and prepared those whom they would send to each other, so that, as soon as that which was being labored should be born, it might be announced to each; and they had easily brought it about, as in their own kingdom, that it be reported immediately. and so he said that those who were sent from either side, from equal intervals between the houses, met one another in such a way that neither of them was allowed to note a different position of the stars or different minute particles of the moments. and yet Firminus, born in a lofty station among his own, was running along the more whitewashed ways of the world, was being increased in riches, was being exalted in honors, whereas that slave, the yoke of condition in no way relaxed, was serving his masters, as was indicated by the very one who knew him.

7.6.9

his itaque auditis et creditis (talis quippe narraverat) omnis illa reluctatio mea resoluta concidit, et primo Firminum ipsum conatus sum ab illa curiositate revocare, cum dicerem, constellationibus eius inspectis ut vera pronuntiarem, debuisse me utique videre ibi parentes inter suos esse primarios, nobilem familiam propriae civitatis, natales ingenuos, honestam educationem liberalesque doctrinas; at si me ille servus ex eisdem constellationibus (quia et illius ipsae essent) consuluisset, ut eidem quoque vera proferrem, debuisse me rursus ibi videre abiectissimam familiam, conditionem servilem et cetera longe a prioribus aliena longeque distantia. unde autem fieret ut eadem inspiciens diversa dicerem, si vera dicerem, si autem eadem dicerem, falsa dicerem, inde certissime conlegi ea quae vera consideratis constellationibus dicerentur non arte dici sed sorte, quae autem falsa, non artis imperitia sed sortis mendacio.

Therefore, these things having been heard and believed (for indeed he had told such a tale), all that resistance of mine, loosened, collapsed; and first I tried to call back Firminus himself from that curiosity, when I said that, his constellations inspected so that I might pronounce truths, I ought surely to have seen there his parents to be foremost among their own, a noble family of his own city, freeborn birth, an honorable education, and liberal disciplines; but if that slave had consulted me from the same constellations (since those would be his as well), so that I might likewise bring forth truths for him too, I ought again to have seen there a most abject family, a servile condition, and the rest far alien and far distant from the former. How then would it come about that, looking at the same things, I should say different things, if I were speaking true; but if I should say the same things, I should be speaking false? From this I most certainly gathered that the things which would be said as true with the constellations considered are said not by art but by lot, while the things that are false are due not to the inexpertness of the art but to the mendacity of the lot.

7.6.10

hinc autem accepto aditu, ipse mecum talia ruminando, ne quis eorundem delirorum qui talem quaestum sequerentur, quos iam iamque invadere atque inrisos refellere cupiebam, mihi ita resisteret, quasi aut Firminus mihi aut illi pater falsa narraverit, intendi considerationem in eos qui gemini nascuntur, quorum plerique ita post invicem funduntur ex utero ut parvum ipsum temporis intervallum, quantamlibet vim in rerum natura habere contendant, conligi tamen humana observatione non possit litterisque signari omnino non valeat quas mathematicus inspecturus est ut vera pronuntiet. et non erunt vera, quia easdem litteras inspiciens eadem debuit dicere de Esau et de Iacob, sed non eadem utrique acciderunt. falsa ergo diceret aut, si vera diceret, non eadem diceret: at eadem inspiceret.

But then, having thus gotten an entry-point, by ruminating such things with myself, lest any of those same delirious ones who followed such a gain—whom I was just now eager to assail and, having mocked, to refute—should resist me in this way, as though either Firminus had told me lies or his father to him, I directed my consideration to those who are born twins, most of whom are delivered from the womb one after the other in such a way that the very small interval of time—no matter how much force they contend it has in the nature of things—yet cannot be gathered by human observation, nor can it at all be marked down in letters which the mathematician (astrologer) will inspect in order to pronounce truths. And they will not be true, because, inspecting the same letters, he ought to have said the same things about Esau and Jacob; but the same things did not befall each. Therefore he would be speaking falsehoods, or, if he spoke truths, he would not be saying the same things: yet he would be inspecting the same things.

non ergo arte sed sorte vera diceret. tu enim, domine, iustissime moderator universitatis, consulentibus consultisque nescientibus occulto instinctu agis ut, dum quisque consulit, hoc audiat quod eum oportet audire occultis meritis animarum ex abysso iusti iudicii tui. cui non dicat homo, 'quid est hoc?' 'ut quid hoc?' non dicat, non dicat; homo est enim.

therefore he would speak true things not by art but by lot. For you, Lord, most just moderator of the universe, act upon those consulting and those consulted, unknowing, by a hidden prompting, so that, while each one consults, he may hear this which it behooves him to hear, by the hidden merits of souls from the abyss of your just judgment. To which let not man say, 'What is this?' 'To what end this?' let him not say, let him not say; for he is a man.

7.7.11

iam itaque me, adiutor meus, illis vinculis solveras, et quaerebam unde malum, et non erat exitus. sed me non sinebas ullis fluctibus cogitationis auferri ab ea fide qua credebam et esse te et esse incommutabilem substantiam tuam et esse de hominibus curam et iudicium tuum et in Christo, filio tuo, domino nostro, atque scripturis sanctis quas ecclesiae tuae catholicae commendaret auctoritas, viam te posuisse salutis humanae ad eam vitam quae post hanc mortem futura est. his itaque salvis atque inconcusse roboratis in animo meo, quaerebam aestuans unde sit malum.

Now therefore, my helper, you had loosed me from those chains, and I was inquiring whence evil is, and there was no exit. But you did not allow me to be carried off by any billows of thought from that faith by which I believed both that you are, and that your incommutable substance is, and that there is your care for human beings and your judgment, and that in Christ, your Son, our Lord, and in the holy Scriptures which the authority of your Catholic Church commends, you have set the way of human salvation to that life which will be after this death. These things therefore being safe and strengthened unshaken in my mind, I was seeking, burning, whence evil is.

quae illa tormenta parturientis cordis mei, qui gemitus, deus meus! et ibi erant aures tuae nesciente me. et cum in silentio fortiter quaererem, magnae voces erant ad misericordiam tuam tacitae contritiones animi mei. tu sciebas quid patiebar, et nullus hominum.

What torments of my parturient heart were those, what groans, my God! And there were your ears, though I knew it not. And when I was earnestly seeking in silence, the silent contritions of my mind were great voices to your mercy. You knew what I was suffering, and none of men.

quantum enim erat quod inde digerebatur per linguam meam in aures familiarissimorum meorum! numquid totus tumultus animae meae, cui nec tempora nec os meum sufficiebat, sonabat eis? totum tamen ibat in auditum tuum quod rugiebam a gemitu cordis mei, et ante te erat desiderium meum, et lumen oculorum meorum non erat mecum.

For how much, indeed, of it was being digested from there through my tongue into the ears of my most familiar friends! Was the whole tumult of my soul, for which neither the time nor my mouth sufficed, sounding to them? Yet the whole of what I roared from the groaning of my heart went into your hearing, and my desire was before you, and the light of my eyes was not with me.

intus enim erat, ego autem foris, nec in loco illud. at ego intendebam in ea quae locis continentur, et non ibi inveniebam locum ad requiescendum, nec recipiebant me ista ut dicerem, 'sat est et bene est,' nec dimittebant redire ubi mihi satis esset bene. superior enim eram istis, te vero inferior, et tu gaudium verum mihi subdito tibi et tu mihi subieceras quae infra me creasti.

For it was within, but I was without, and it was not in a place. But I was intending toward the things which are contained by places, and there I did not find a place for resting; nor did those things receive me so that I might say, 'it is enough and it is well,' nor did they allow me to return to where it would be enough for me to be well. For I was superior to these, but inferior to you; and you are true joy to me, when I am subjected to you, and you had subjected to me the things which you created beneath me.

et hoc erat rectum temperamentum et media regio salutis meae, ut manerem ad imaginem tuam et tibi serviens dominarer corpori. sed cum superbe contra te surgerem et currerem adversus dominum in cervice crassa scuti mei, etiam ista infima supra me facta sunt et premebant, et nusquam erat laxamentum et respiramentum. ipsa occurrebant undique acervatim et conglobatim cernenti, cogitanti autem imagines corporum ipsae opponebantur redeunti, quasi diceretur, 'quo is, indigne et sordide?' et haec de vulnere meo creverant, quia humilasti tamquam vulneratum superbum, et tumore meo separabar abs te et nimis inflata facies claudebat oculos meos.

and this was the right temperament and the middle region of my salvation: that I should remain according to your image, and, serving you, should have dominion over the body. but when I rose up proudly against you and ran against the Lord with the stiff neck of my shield, even these lowest things were set above me and were pressing me down, and nowhere was there loosening or a breathing-space. they themselves would meet me from every side in heaps and in conglobed masses as I looked; but as I pondered, the images of bodies themselves were set in opposition to me as I tried to return, as though it were being said, 'where are you going, unworthy and sordid?' and these had grown from my wound, because you humbled the proud man as one wounded; and by my swelling I was separated from you, and a face too much inflated was shutting my eyes.

7.8.12

tu vero, domine, in aeternum manes et non in aeternum irasceris nobis, quoniam miseratus es terram et cinerem. et placuit in conspectuo tuo reformare deformia mea, et stimulis internis agitabas me ut impatiens essem donec mihi per interiorem aspectum certus esses. et residebat tumor meus ex occulta manu medicinae tuae aciesque conturbata et contenebrata mentis meae acri collyrio salubrium dolorum de die in diem sanabatur.

but you, Lord, abide unto eternity and are not angry with us unto eternity, since you have taken pity on earth and ash. and it pleased in your sight to re-form my deformities, and with internal goads you were agitating me that I might be impatient until, through an interior sight, you should be certain to me. and my swelling was subsiding from the hidden hand of your medicine, and the disturbed and darkened keenness of my mind was being healed day by day by the sharp collyrium of salubrious pains.

7.9.13

et primo volens ostendere mihi quam resistas superbis, humilibus autem des gratiam, et quanta misericordia tua demonstrata sit hominibus via humilitatis, quod verbum tuum caro factum est et habitavit inter homines, procurasti mihi per quendam hominem immanissimo typho turgidum quosdam platonicorum libros ex graeca lingua in latinam versos, et ibi legi, non quidem his verbis sed hoc idem omnino multis et multiplicibus suaderi rationibus, quod in principio erat verbum et verbum erat apud deum et deus erat verbum. hoc erat in principio apud deum. omnia per ipsum facta sunt, et sine ipso factum est nihil.

and first, being willing to show me how you resist the proud but give grace to the humble, and how great your mercy has shown to men the way of humility, that your Word was made flesh and dwelt among men, you procured for me through a certain man, swollen with most monstrous pride, some books of the Platonists translated from the Greek tongue into Latin; and there I read—not indeed in these words, but altogether this same thing urged by many and manifold rationales—that in the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. This was in the beginning with God. All things were made through him, and without him nothing was made.

quod factum est in eo vita est, et vita erat lux hominum; et lux in tenebris lucet, et tenebrae eam non comprehenderunt. et quia hominis anima, quamvis testimonium perhibeat de lumine, non est tamen ipsa lumen, sed verbum deus est lumen verum, quod inluminat omnem hominem venientem in hunc mundum. et quia in hoc mundo erat, et mundus per eum factus est, et mundus eum non cognovit.

what was made in him is life, and the life was the light of men; and the light shines in the darkness, and the darkness did not comprehend it. and because the soul of man, although it bears testimony concerning the light, is nevertheless not itself the light, but the Word, God, is the true light, which illuminates every human being coming into this world. and because he was in this world, and the world was made through him, and the world did not know him.

quia vero in sua propria venit et sui eum non receperunt, quotquot autem receperunt eum, dedit eis potestatem filios dei fieri credentibus in nomine eius, non ibi legi.

But indeed that he came unto his own, and his own did not receive him; but as many as received him, he gave to them power to become sons of God, to those believing in his name, I did not read there.

7.9.14

item legi ibi quia verbum, deus, non ex carne, non ex sanguine non ex voluntate viri neque ex voluntate carnis, sed ex deo natus est; sed quia verbum caro factum est et habitavit in nobis, non ibi legi. indagavi quippe in illis litteris varie dictum et multis modis quod sit filius in forma patris, non rapinam arbitratus esse aequalis deo, quia naturaliter idipsum est, sed quia semet ipsum exinanivit formam servi accipiens, in similitudinem hominum factus et habitu inventus ut homo, humilavit se factus oboediens usque ad mortem, mortem autem crucis: propter quod deus eum exaltavit a mortuis et donavit ei nomen quod est super omne nomen, ut in nomine Iesu omne genu flectatur caelestium terrestrium et infernorum, et omnis lingua confiteatur quia dominus Iesus in gloria est dei patris, non habent illi libri. quod enim ante omnia tempora et supra omnia tempora incommutabiliter manet unigenitus filius tuus coaeternus tibi, et quia de plenitudine eius accipiunt animae ut beatae sint, et quia participatione manentis in se sapientiae renovantur ut sapientes sint, est ibi; quod autem secundum tempus pro impiis mortuus est, et filio tuo unico non pepercisti, sed pro nobis omnibus tradidisti eum, non est ibi.

likewise I read there that the Word, God, not from flesh, not from blood, not from the will of a man nor from the will of flesh, but from God was born; but that the Word was made flesh and dwelt among us, I did not read there. for I investigated in those letters that it was said variously and in many modes that the Son is in the form of the Father, not having thought it robbery to be equal to God, because by nature he is the selfsame; but that he emptied himself, taking the form of a servant, made in the likeness of men and, in habit found as a man, humbled himself, made obedient unto death, and the death of the cross: wherefore God exalted him from the dead and granted him the name which is above every name, that at the name of Jesus every knee should bend of things heavenly, earthly, and infernal, and every tongue confess that the Lord Jesus is in the glory of God the Father, those books do not have. for that before all times and above all times the Only-begotten Son of yours remains unchangeably, coeternal with you, and that from his plenitude souls receive so that they may be blessed, and that by participation in Wisdom abiding in itself they are renewed so that they may be wise, is there; but that according to time he died for the impious, and you did not spare your only Son, but for us all delivered him up, is not there.

abscondisti enim haec a sapientibus et revelasti ea parvulis, ut venirent ad eum laborantes et onerati et reficeret eos, quoniam mitis est et humilis corde, et diriget mites in iudicio et docet mansuetos vias suas, videns humilitatem nostram et laborem nostrum et dimittens omnia peccata nostra. qui autem cothurno tamquam doctrinae sublimioris elati non audiunt dicentem, 'discite a me quoniam mitis sum et humilis corde, et invenietis requiem animabus vestris,' etsi cognoscunt deum, non sicut deum glorificant aut gratias agunt, sed evanescunt in cogitationibus suis et obscuratur insipiens cor eorum; dicentes se esse sapientes stulti facti sunt.

for you have hidden these things from the wise and revealed them to little ones, so that those laboring and burdened might come to him and he might refresh them, for he is gentle and humble of heart, and he will direct the meek in judgment and teaches the mild his ways, seeing our humility and our toil and remitting all our sins. but those who, lifted up on the buskin as though of a more sublime doctrine, do not hear the one saying, 'learn from me, for I am gentle and humble of heart, and you will find rest for your souls,' although they know God, do not glorify him as God or give thanks, but become vain in their thoughts and their senseless heart is darkened; professing themselves to be wise, they became fools.

7.9.15

et ideo legebam ibi etiam immutatam gloriam incorruptionis tuae in idola et varia simulacra, in similitudinem imaginis corruptibilis hominis et volucrum et quadrupedum et serpentium, videlicet Aegyptium cibum quo Esau perdidit primogenita sua, quoniam caput quadrupedis pro te honoravit populus primogenitus, conversus corde in Aegyptum et curvans imaginem tuam, animam suam, ante imaginem vituli manducantis faenum. inveni haec ibi et non manducavi. placuit enim tibi, domine, auferre opprobrium diminutionis ab Iacob, ut maior serviret minori, et vocasti gentes in hereditatem tuam.

and therefore I read there also the glory of your incorruption transmuted into idols and various simulacra, into the likeness of the image of corruptible man and of birds and of quadrupeds and of serpents, namely the Egyptian food by which Esau lost his primogeniture, because the firstborn people honored the head of a quadruped in place of you, turned in heart to Egypt and bending your image, his soul, before the image of a calf eating hay. I found these things there and did not eat. for it pleased you, Lord, to take away the reproach of diminution from Jacob, that the greater should serve the lesser, and you called the nations into your inheritance.

et ego ad te veneram ex gentibus et intendi in aurum quod ab Aegypto voluisti ut auferret populus tuus, quoniam tuum erat, ubicumque erat. et dixisti Atheniensibus per apostolum tuum quod in te vivimus et movemur et sumus, sicut et quidam secundum eos dixerunt, et utique inde erant illi libri. et non attendi in idola Aegyptiorum, quibus de auro tuo ministrabant qui transmutaverunt veritatem dei in mendacium, et coluerunt et servierunt creaturae potius quam creatori.

and I had come to you from among the nations (the Gentiles) and bent my attention to the gold which from Egypt you willed that your people carry off, since it was yours, wherever it was. and you said to the Athenians through your apostle that in you we live and move and are, just as certain ones among them have said; and assuredly from thence were those books. and I did not attend to the idols of the Egyptians, to which those who transmuted the truth of God into a lie were ministering with your gold, and they worshiped and served the creature rather than the Creator.

7.10.16

et inde admonitus redire ad memet ipsum, intravi in intima mea duce te, et potui, quoniam factus es adiutor meus. intravi et vidi qualicumque oculo animae meae supra eundem oculum animae meae, supra mentem meam, lucem incommutabilem, non hanc vulgarem et conspicuam omni carni, nec quasi ex eodem genere grandior erat, tamquam si ista multo multoque clarius claresceret totumque occuparet magnitudine. non hoc illa erat sed aliud, aliud valde ab istis omnibus.

and thence, admonished to return to my very self, I entered into my inmost parts with you as guide, and I was able, since you had become my helper. I entered and saw, with whatever eye of my soul, above that same eye of my soul, above my mind, an incommutable light—not this common and conspicuous light to all flesh, nor was it as though it were greater of the same kind, as if this one were to shine much and much more brightly and to occupy all by magnitude. It was not this, but something else, something very other than all these.

nec ita erat supra mentem meam, sicut oleum super aquam nec sicut caelum super terram, sed superior, quia ipsa fecit me, et ego inferior, quia factus ab ea. qui novit veritatem, novit eam, et qui novit eam, novit aeternitatem; caritas novit eam. o aeterna veritas et vera caritas et cara aeternitas, tu es deus meus, tibi suspiro die ac nocte! et cum te primum cognovi, tu adsumpsisti me ut viderem esse quod viderem, et nondum me esse qui viderem.

nor was it above my mind as oil above water nor as heaven above earth, but higher, because it made me, and I lower, because made by it. whoever knows the truth knows it, and whoever knows it knows eternity; charity knows it. O eternal Truth and true Charity and dear Eternity, you are my God; for you I sigh day and night! and when I first came to know you, you took me up so that I might see that there is that which I might see, and that I was not yet the one who could see.

et reverberasti infirmitatem aspectus mei, radians in me vehementer, et contremui amore et horrore. et inveni longe me esse a te in regione dissimilitudinis, tamquam audirem vocem tuam de excelso: 'cibus sum grandium: cresce et manducabis me. nec tu me in te mutabis sicut cibum carnis tuae, sed tu mutaberis in me.' et cognovi quoniam pro iniquitate erudisti hominem, et tabescere fecisti sicut araneam animam meam, et dixi, 'numquid nihil est veritas, quoniam neque per finita neque per infinita locorum spatia diffusa est?' et clamasti de longinquo, 'immo vero ego sum qui sum.' et audivi, sicut auditur in corde, et non erat prorsus unde dubitarem, faciliusque dubitarem vivere me quam non esse veritatem, quae per ea quae facta sunt intellecta conspicitur.

and you beat back the infirmity of my sight, shining into me vehemently, and I trembled with love and with horror. and I found that I was far from you in the region of dissimilarity, as though I heard your voice from on high: 'I am the food of the grown; grow, and you will eat me. nor will you change me into yourself like the food of your flesh, but you will be changed into me.' and I knew that because of iniquity you have disciplined man, and you caused my soul to waste away like a spider’s web, and I said, 'is truth perhaps nothing, since it is diffused neither through finite nor through infinite spaces of places?' and you cried from afar, 'nay rather, I am who I am.' and I heard, as it is heard in the heart, and there was not at all any source whence I might doubt, and I could more easily doubt that I live than that truth does not exist, which, understood through the things that have been made, is beheld.

7.11.17

et inspexi cetera infra te et vidi nec omnino esse nec omnino non esse: esse quidem, quoniam abs te sunt, non esse autem, quoniam id quod es non sunt. id enim vere est quod incommutabiliter manet. mihi autem inhaerere deo bonum est, quia, si non manebo in illo, nec in me potero.

and I inspected the rest beneath you and saw that they neither altogether are nor altogether are not: they do exist, indeed, since they are from you; yet they are not, since they are not that which you are. For that truly is which remains incommutably. But for me, to adhere to God is good, because, if I shall not abide in him, neither shall I be able in myself.

ille autem in se manens innovat omnia, et dominus meus es, quoniam bonorum meorum non eges.

but he, remaining in himself, innovates all things, and you are my Lord, since you have no need of my goods.

7.12.18

et manifestatum est mihi quoniam bona sunt quae corrumpuntur, quae neque si summa bona essent neque nisi bona essent corrumpi possent; quia si summa bona essent, incorruptibilia essent, si autem nulla bona essent, quid in eis corrumperetur non esset. nocet enim corruptio et, nisi bonum minueret, non noceret. aut igitur nihil nocet corruptio, quod fieri non potest, aut, quod certissimum est, omnia quae corrumpuntur privantur bono.

and it was made manifest to me that the things which are corrupted are good—things which neither, if they were supreme goods, nor unless they were goods, could be corrupted; for if they were supreme goods, they would be incorruptible; but if they were no goods, there would be nothing in them that could be corrupted. For corruption harms, and unless it diminished the good, it would not harm. Either, therefore, corruption harms nothing—which cannot be—or, what is most certain, all things that are corrupted are deprived of good.

si autem omni bono privabuntur, omnino non erunt. si enim erunt et corrumpi iam non poterunt, meliora erunt, quia incorruptibiliter permanebunt. et quid monstrosius quam ea dicere omni bono amisso facta meliora?

but if they will be deprived of every good, they will not be at all. for if they will be and can no longer be corrupted, they will be better, because they will remain incorruptibly. and what is more monstrous than to say that, with all good lost, they have been made better?

ergo si omni bono privabuntur, omnino nulla erunt: ergo quamdiu sunt, bona sunt. ergo quaecumque sunt, bona sunt, malumque illud quod quaerebam unde esset non est substantia, quia si substantia esset, bonum esset. aut enim esset incorruptibilis substantia, magnum utique bonum, aut substantia corruptibilis esset, quae nisi bona esset, corrumpi non posset.

Therefore, if they will be deprived of every good, they will be altogether nothing: therefore, so long as they are, they are good. Therefore whatever things are, are good, and that evil which I was seeking whence it was is not a substance, because if it were a substance, it would be good. For it would either be an incorruptible substance—certainly a great good—or it would be a corruptible substance, which, unless it were good, could not be corrupted.

itaque vidi et manifestatum est mihi quia omnia bona tu fecisti et prorsus nullae substantiae sunt quas tu non fecisti. et quoniam non aequalia omnia fecisti, ideo sunt omnia, quia singula bona sunt, et simul omnia valde bona, quoniam fecit deus noster omnia bona valde.

And so I saw, and it was made manifest to me, that you made all good things, and there are absolutely no substances which you did not make. And since you did not make all things equal, for this reason all things are, because individually they are good, and together all things are very good, since our God made all things very good.

7.13.19

et tibi omnino non est malum, non solum tibi sed nec universae creaturae tuae, quia extra non est aliquid quod inrumpat et corrumpat ordinem quem imposuisti ei. in partibus autem eius quaedam quibusdam quia non conveniunt, mala putantur; et eadem ipsa conveniunt aliis et bona sunt et in semet ipsis bona sunt. et omnia haec, quae sibimet invicem non conveniunt, conveniunt inferiori parti rerum, quam terram dicimus, habentem caelum suum nubilosum atque ventosum congruum sibi. et absit iam ut dicerem, 'non essent ista,' quia etsi sola ista cernerem, desiderarem quidem meliora, sed iam etiam de solis istis laudare te deberem, quoniam laudandum te ostendunt de terra dracones et omnes abyssi, ignis, grando, nix, glacies, spiritus tempestatis, quae faciunt verbum tuum, montes et omnes colles, ligna fructifera et omnes cedri, bestiae et omnia pecora, reptilia et volatilia pinnata.

and for you there is absolutely no evil, not only for you but neither for your whole creation, because outside there is not anything that might break in and corrupt the order which you have imposed upon it. but in its parts certain things are thought evils because they do not agree with certain others; and these very same things agree with others and are good, and in themselves are good. and all these things, which do not agree with one another, agree with the lower part of things, which we call earth, having its own heaven cloudy and windy, congruent to itself. and far be it now that I should say, 'let these not exist,' because even if I perceived only these, I would indeed desire better things, yet even from these alone I ought to praise you, since they show that you are to be praised: from the earth, dragons and all abysses, fire, hail, snow, ice, the spirit of tempest, which do your word, mountains and all hills, fruit-bearing trees and all cedars, beasts and all cattle, reptiles and winged birds.

reges terrae et omnes populi, principes et omnes iudices terrae, iuvenes et virgines, seniores cum iunioribus laudent nomen tuum. cum vero etiam de caelis te laudent, laudent te, deus noster. in excelsis omnes angeli tui, omnes virtutes tuae, sol et luna, omnes stellae et lumen, caeli caelorum et aquae quae super caelos sunt laudent nomen tuum.

kings of the earth and all peoples, princes and all judges of the earth, youths and virgins, elders with the younger, let them praise your name. And indeed when also from the heavens they praise you, let them praise you, our God. In the heights, all your Angels, all your Virtues, the sun and the moon, all the stars and the light, the heavens of heavens, and the waters which are above the heavens, let them praise your name.

non iam desiderabam meliora, quia omnia cogitabam, et meliora quidem superiora quam inferiora, sed meliora omnia quam sola superiora iudicio saniore pendebam.

I no longer desired better things, because I was considering all things, and indeed I judged the superior things better than the inferior; but by a sounder judgment I weighed all things as better than the superior things alone.

7.14.20

non est sanitas eis quibus displicet aliquid creaturae tuae, sicut mihi non erat cum displicerent multa quae fecisti. et quia non audebat anima mea ut ei displiceret deus meus, nolebat esse tuum quidquid ei displicebat. et inde ierat in opinionem duarum substantiarum, et non requiescebat, et aliena loquebatur.

There is no soundness for those to whom anything of your creation displeases, just as there was none for me when many things that you made displeased me. And because my soul did not dare that my God should be displeasing to it, it was unwilling that whatever displeased it be yours. And from that it had gone into the opinion of two substances, and it did not find rest, and it was speaking things alien.

et inde rediens fecerat sibi deum per infinita spatia locorum omnium et eum putaverat esse te et eum conlocaverat in corde suo, et facta erat rursus templum idoli sui abominandum tibi, sed posteaquam fovisti caput nescientis et clausisti oculos meos, ne viderent vanitatem. cessavi de me paululum, et consopita est insania mea, et evigilavi in te et vidi te infinitum aliter, et visus iste non a carne trahebatur.

and thence returning, it had made for itself a god through the infinite expanses of all places and had supposed him to be you, and had located him in its heart, and it had become again a temple of its idol, abominable to you; but after you cherished the head of the unknowing and closed my eyes, lest they should see vanity, I ceased from myself a little, and my insanity was lulled, and I awoke in you and saw you infinite otherwise, and this vision was not drawn from the flesh.

7.15.21

et respexi alia, et vidi tibi debere quia sunt et in te cuncta finita, sed aliter, non quasi in loco, sed quia tu es omnitenens manu veritate, et omnia vera sunt in quantum sunt, nec quicquam est falsitas, nisi cum putatur esse quod non est. et vidi quia non solum locis sua quaeque suis conveniunt sed etiam temporibus et quia tu, qui solus aeternus es, non post innumerabilia spatia temporum coepisti operari, quia omnia spatia temporum, et quae praeterierunt et quae praeteribunt, nec abirent nec venirent nisi te operante et manente.

and I looked upon other things, and I saw that they owe to you that they are, and that in you all things are finite, but otherwise, not as though in a place, but because you are all-holding with the hand, that is, truth; and all things are true inasmuch as they are, nor is falsity anything except when what is not is supposed to be. and I saw that not only do things severally fit their own places but also their times, and that you, who alone are eternal, did not begin to operate after innumerable spaces of times, because all the spaces of times, both those that have passed and those that will pass, would neither go away nor come except by you operating and abiding.

7.16.22

et sensi expertus non esse mirum quod palato non sano poena est et panis qui sano suavis est, et oculis aegris odiosa lux quae puris amabilis. et iustitia tua displicet iniquis, nedum vipera et vermiculus, quae bona creasti, apta inferioribus creaturae tuae partibus, quibus et ipsi iniqui apti sunt, quanto dissimiliores sunt tibi, apti autem superioribus, quanto similiores fiunt tibi. et quaesivi quid esset iniquitas et non inveni substantiam, sed a summa substantia, te deo, detortae in infima voluntatis perversitatem, proicientis intima sua et tumescentis foras.

and, having learned by experience, I sensed it no wonder that to an unsound palate even the bread which is sweet to a sound one is a punishment, and to sick eyes odious is the light which is lovable to the pure. and your justice displeases the iniquitous—let alone the viper and the little worm—which you created good, fitted to the lower parts of your creature, to which even the iniquitous themselves are fitted the more dissimilar they are to you, but fitted to the higher the more they become similar to you. and I sought what iniquity might be and I did not find a substance, but the perversity of a will twisted away from the highest Substance, you, God, turned down into the lowest, casting out its own innermost things and swelling outward.

7.17.23

et mirabar quod iam te amabam, non pro te phantasma, et non stabam frui deo meo, sed rapiebar ad te decore tuo moxque diripiebar abs te pondere meo, et ruebam in ista cum gemitu; et pondus hoc consuetudo carnalis. sed mecum erat memoria tui, neque ullo modo dubitabam esse cui cohaererem, sed nondum me esse qui cohaererem, quoniam corpus quod corrumpitur adgravat animam et deprimit terrena inhabitatio sensum multa cogitantem, eramque certissimus quod invisibilia tua a constitutione mundi per ea quae facta sunt intellecta conspiciuntur, sempiterna quoque virtus et divinitas tua. quaerens enim unde approbarem pulchritudinem corporum, sive caelestium sive terrestrium, et quid mihi praesto esset integre de mutabilibus iudicanti et dicenti, 'hoc ita esset debet, illud non ita' -- hoc ergo quaerens, unde iudicarem cum ita iudicarem, inveneram incommutabilem et veram veritatis aeternitatem supra mentem meam commutabilem.

And I marveled that already I loved you, not a phantasm in place of you, and I did not stand firm to enjoy my God; rather I was rapt unto you by your beauty, and soon was torn away from you by my own weight, and I collapsed back into these things with a groan; and this weight is carnal custom. But the memory of you was with me, nor in any way did I doubt that there was one to whom I might cohere, but not yet that I was one who could cohere, since the body that is corrupted aggravates the soul, and the earthly habitation depresses the mind thinking many things; and I was most certain that your invisible things, from the constitution of the world, are seen, being understood through the things that have been made—your sempiternal power also and divinity. For, seeking whence I should approve the beauty of bodies, whether heavenly or earthly, and what was present to me enabling me to judge with integrity concerning changeable things and to say, “this ought to be so, that not so”—therefore, seeking whence I should judge when thus I judged, I had found the incommutable and true eternity of Truth above my changeable mind.

atque ita gradatim a corporibus ad sentientem per corpus animam atque inde ad eius interiorem vim, cui sensus corporis exteriora nuntiaret, et quousque possunt bestiae, atque inde rursus ad ratiocinantem potentiam ad quam refertur iudicandum quod sumitur a sensibus corporis. quae se quoque in me comperiens mutabilem erexit se ad intellegentiam suam et abduxit cogitationem a consuetudine, subtrahens se contradicentibus turbis phantasmatum, ut inveniret quo lumine aspergeretur, cum sine ulla dubitatione clamaret incommutabile praeferendum esse mutabili unde nosset ipsum incommutabile (quod nisi aliquo modo nosset, nullo modo illud mutabili certa praeponeret), et pervenit ad id quod est in ictu trepidantis aspectus. tunc vero invisibilia tua per ea quae facta sunt intellecta conspexi, sed aciem figere non evalui, et repercussa infirmitate redditus solitis non mecum ferebam nisi amantem memoriam et quasi olefacta desiderantem quae comedere nondum possem.

and thus, step by step, from bodies to the soul sensing through the body, and thence to its interior force, to which the senses of the body would announce exterior things—and as far as beasts can go—and thence again to the ratiocinative potency, to which there is referred for judgment what is taken up from the senses of the body. Which, finding itself in me also to be mutable, raised itself to its own intelligence and drew the thought away from custom, withdrawing itself from the contradicting crowds of phantasms, so that it might find with what light it might be sprinkled, since without any hesitation it cried out that the immutable must be preferred to the mutable—whence it knew the immutable itself (for unless it somehow knew it, in no way would it with certainty set it before the mutable)—and it came to That Which Is, in the blink of a trembling glance. Then indeed I beheld your invisibles, understood through the things that are made, but I was not able to fix my gaze, and, beaten back by weakness, returned to my usual things; nor did I carry away with me anything except a loving memory and, as it were, a desire for things smelled, which I was not yet able to eat.

7.18.24

et quaerebam viam comparandi roboris quod esset idoneum ad fruendum te, nec inveniebam donec amplecterer mediatorem dei et hominum, hominem Christum Iesum, qui est super omnia deus benedictus in saecula, vocantem et dicentem, 'ego sum via et veritas et vita,' et cibum, cui capiendo invalidus eram, miscentem carni, quoniam verbum caro factum est ut infantiae nostrae lactesceret sapientia tua, per quam creasti omnia. non enim tenebam deum meum Iesum, humilis humilem, nec cuius rei magistra esset eius infirmitas noveram. verbum enim tuum, aeterna veritas, superioribus creaturae tuae partibus supereminens subditos erigit ad se ipsam, in inferioribus autem aedificavit sibi humilem domum de limo nostro, per quam subdendos deprimeret a seipsis et ad se traiceret, sanans tumorem et nutriens amorem, ne fiducia sui progrederentur longius, sed potius infirmarentur, videntes ante pedes suos infirmam divinitatem ex participatione tunicae pelliciae nostrae, et lassi prosternerentur in eam, illa autem surgens levaret eos.

and I was seeking a way of acquiring strength that would be suitable for enjoying you, and I did not find it until I embraced the mediator of God and men, the man Christ Jesus, who is God over all, blessed unto the ages, calling and saying, 'I am the way and the truth and the life,' and as food—for the taking of which I was feeble—mixing it with flesh, since the Word was made flesh, that your Wisdom, through whom you created all things, might become milk for our infancy. For I was not holding fast my God Jesus, humble to the humble, nor did I know of what thing his infirmity was the instructress. For your Word, eternal Truth, supereminent above the superior parts of your creature, lifts the subjects up to itself; but in the lower parts it built for itself a humble house out of our clay, through which it might press down those to be subjected from themselves and transfer them to itself, healing swelling and nourishing love, lest by confidence in themselves they should go farther, but rather be made weak, seeing before their feet divinity made infirm by participation in our tunic of skins, and, wearied, they might be prostrated upon it, while it, rising, would raise them.

7.19.25

ego vero aliud putabam tantumque sentiebam de domino Christo meo, quantum de excellentis sapientiae viro cui nullus posset aequari, praesertim quia mirabiliter natus ex virgine, ad exemplum contemnendorum temporalium prae adipiscenda immortalitate, divina pro nobis cura tantam auctoritatem magisterii meruisse videbatur. quid autem sacramenti haberet verbum caro factum, ne suspicari quidem poteram. tantum cognoveram ex his quae de illo scripta traderentur quia manducavit et bibit, dormivit, ambulavit, exhilaratus est, contristatus est, sermocinatus est, non haesisse carnem illam verbo tuo nisi cum anima et mente humana.

I for my part was thinking otherwise, and I felt about my Lord Christ only as much as about a man of excellent wisdom to whom no one could be equaled, especially because, wondrously born of a virgin, as an exemplar of despising temporals for the sake of attaining immortality, he seemed by divine care for us to have merited such authority of magistery. But what sacrament the Word made flesh might have, I could not even suspect. I had only learned from what was transmitted in writings about him that he ate and drank, slept, walked, was exhilarated, was saddened, conversed, that that flesh had not cleaved to your Word save with a soul and a human mind.

novit hoc omnis qui novit incommutabilitatem verbi tui, quam ego iam noveram, quantum poteram, nec omnino quicquam inde dubitabam. etenim nunc movere membra corporis per voluntatem, nunc non movere, nunc aliquo affectu affici, nunc non affici, nunc proferre per signa sapientes sententias, nunc esse in silentio, propria sunt mutabilitatis animae et mentis. quae si falsa de illo scripta essent, etiam omnia periclitarentur mendacio neque in illis litteris ulla fidei salus generi humano remaneret.

Everyone who knows the immutability of your Word knows this, which I already knew, as far as I could, nor did I in any way doubt anything of it. For now to move the members of the body by will, now not to move them; now to be affected by some affect, now not to be affected; now to bring forth wise sentences through signs, now to be in silence—these are proper to the mutability of soul and mind. Which things, if they had been written falsely about him, then everything too would be imperiled by mendacity, nor in those letters would any salvation of faith remain for the human race.

quia itaque vera scripta sunt, totum hominem in Christo agnoscebam, non corpus tantum hominis aut cum corpore sine mente animum, sed ipsum hominem, non persona veritatis, sed magna quadam naturae humanae excellentia et perfectiore participatione sapientiae praeferri ceteris arbitrabar. Alypius autem deum carne indutum ita putabat credi a catholicis ut praeter deum et carnem non esset in Christo, animam mentemque hominis non existimabat in eo praedicari. et quoniam bene persuasum tenebat ea quae de illo memoriae mandata sunt sine vitali et rationali creatura non fieri, ad ipsam christianam fidem pigrius movebatur.

Since therefore the writings are true, I was acknowledging the whole man in Christ—not only the body of a man, nor, along with the body, a soul without mind, but the man himself; and I was thinking that he was preferred before the rest, not as the Person of Truth, but by a certain great excellence of human nature and a more perfect participation of wisdom. But Alypius thought that the Catholics believe God clothed with flesh in such a way that, besides God and flesh, there was nothing in Christ; he did not suppose that the soul and mind of a man are predicated in him. And since he firmly held, as well-persuaded, that the things which have been consigned to memory about him could not be done without a vital and rational creature, he was more sluggishly moved toward the Christian faith itself.

sed postea haereticorum apollinaristarum hunc errorem esse cognoscens catholicae fidei conlaetatus et contemperatus est. ego autem aliquanto posterius didicisse me fateor, in eo quod verbum caro factum est, quomodo catholica veritas a Photini falsitate dirimatur. improbatio quippe haereticorum facit eminere quid ecclesia tua sentiat et quid habeat sana doctrina.

but afterwards, recognizing that this was the error of the heretical Apollinarists, he rejoiced together with the catholic faith and was brought into harmony with it. I, however, confess that somewhat later I learned, in that “the Word was made flesh,” how catholic truth is separated from the falsity of Photinus. For the improbation of heretics makes stand out what your Church holds and what sound doctrine possesses.

oportuit enim et haereses esse, ut probati manifesti fierent inter infirmos.

for it was necessary that there be also heresies, so that the approved might become manifest among the infirm.

7.20.26

sed tunc, lectis platonicorum illis libris, posteaquam inde admonitus quaerere incorpoream veritatem, invisibilia tua per ea quae facta sunt intellecta conspexi et repulsus sensi quid per tenebras animae meae contemplari non sinerer, certus esse te et infinitum esse nec tamen per locos finitos infinitosve diffundi et vere te esse, qui semper idem ipse esses, ex nulla parte nulloque motu alter aut aliter, cetera vero ex te esse omnia, hoc solo firmissimo documento quia sunt, certus quidem in istis eram, nimis tamen infirmus ad fruendum te. garriebam plane quasi peritus et, nisi in Christo, salvatore nostro, viam tuam quaererem, non peritus sed periturus essem. iam enim coeperam velle videri sapiens plenus poena mea et non flebam, insuper et inflabar scientia. ubi enim erat illa aedificans caritas a fundamento humilitatis, quod est Christus Iesus?

but then, when those books of the Platonists had been read, after I had from there been admonished to seek incorporeal truth, I beheld your invisibles, understood through the things that are made, and, driven back, I sensed what I was not allowed to contemplate because of the darkness of my soul: certain that you are and that you are infinite, yet not diffused through finite or infinite places, and that truly you are, you who would always be the same self, in no part and by no motion other or otherwise; but that the rest, all things, are from you, by this sole most firm document, that they are. I was indeed certain in these things, yet too infirm to enjoy you. I was plainly prattling as if skilled, and, unless in Christ, our savior, I should seek your way, I would be not skilled but about-to-perish. For already I had begun to wish to seem wise, full of my penalty, and I did not weep; moreover I was puffed up by knowledge. For where was that charity which builds from the foundation of humility, which is Christ Jesus?

aut quando illi libri me docerent eam? in quos me propterea, priusquam scripturas tuas considerarem, credo voluisti incurrere, ut imprimeretur memoriae meae quomodo ex eis affectus essem et, cum postea in libris tuis mansuefactus essem et curantibus digitis tuis contrectarentur vulnera mea, discernerem atque distinguerem quid interesset inter praesumptionem et confessionem, inter videntes quo eundum sit nec videntes qua, et viam ducentem ad beatificam patriam non tantum cernendam sed et habitandam. nam si primo sanctis tuis litteris informatus essem et in earum familiaritate obdulcuisses mihi, et post in illa volumina incidissem, fortasse aut abripuissent me a solidamento pietatis, aut si in affectu quem salubrem inbiberam perstitissem, putarem etiam ex illis libris eum posse concipi, si eos solos quisque didicisset.

or when would those books have taught me that? into which, therefore, before I considered your Scriptures, I believe you willed me to run headlong, so that it might be imprinted upon my memory how I was affected by them; and when later in your books I had been made mild, and my wounds were handled by your caring fingers, I might discern and distinguish what difference there is between presumption and confession, between those seeing whither one must go and not seeing by what way, and the Way leading to the beatific fatherland, not only to be discerned but also to be inhabited. for if I had at the first been formed by your holy letters, and in their familiarity you had sweetened me, and afterward I had fallen upon those volumes, perhaps either they would have snatched me away from the solid foundation of piety; or, if I had persisted in the affection which I had healthfully imbibed, I would suppose that even from those books it could be conceived, if one had learned them alone.

7.21.27

itaque avidissime arripui venerabilem stilum spiritus tui, et prae ceteris apostolum Paulum, et perierunt illae quaestiones in quibus mihi aliquando visus est adversari sibi et non congruere testimoniis legis et prophetarum textus sermonis eius, et apparuit mihi una facies eloquiorum castorum, et exultare cum tremore didici. et coepi et inveni, quidquid illac verum legeram, hac cum commendatione gratiae tuae dici, ut qui videt non sic glorietur, quasi non acceperit non solum id quod videt, sed etiam ut videat (quid enim habet quod non accepit?) et ut te, qui es semper idem, non solum admoneatur ut videat, sed etiam sanetur ut teneat, et qui de longinquo videre non potest, viam tamen ambulet qua veniat et videat et teneat, quia, etsi condelectetur homo legi dei secundum interiorem hominem, quid faciet de alia lege in membris suis repugnante legi mentis suae et se captivum ducente in lege peccati, quae est in membris eius? quoniam iustus es, domine, nos autem peccavimus, inique fecimus, impie gessimus, et gravata est super nos manus tua, et iuste traditi sumus antiquo peccatori, praeposito mortis, quia persuasit voluntati nostrae similitudinem voluntatis suae, qua in veritate tua non stetit.

Therefore I most eagerly seized the venerable stylus of your Spirit, and before the rest the Apostle Paul, and those questions perished in which at one time he seemed to me to be at odds with himself and not congruent with the testimonies of the Law and the Prophets, the texture of his discourse; and there appeared to me one face of chaste utterances, and I learned to exult with trembling. And I began and I found that whatever I had read there as true is said here with this commendation of your grace: so that he who sees may not so glory as if he had not received, not only that which he sees, but even that he see (for what has he that he has not received?), and that he may be not only admonished to see you, who are ever the same, but also healed to hold fast; and that he who cannot see from afar may nevertheless walk the way by which he may come and see and hold fast. For although a man con-delights in the law of God according to the inner man, what shall he do about the other law in his members, repugnant to the law of his mind and leading him captive in the law of sin which is in his members? Since you are just, Lord, but we have sinned, we have acted iniquitously, we have acted impiously, and your hand has been made heavy upon us, and we have justly been handed over to the ancient sinner, appointed over death, because he persuaded to our will a likeness of his own will, by which he did not stand in your truth.

quid faciet miser homo? quis eum liberabit de corpore mortis huius, nisi gratia tua per Iesum Christum dominum nostrum, quem genuisti coaeternum et creasti in principio viarum tuarum, in quo princeps huius mundi non invenit quicquam morte dignum, et occidit eum? et evacuatum est chirographum quod erat contrarium nobis.

what will the wretched man do? who will deliver him from the body of this death, unless your grace through jesus christ our lord, whom you begot coeternal and created at the beginning of your ways, in whom the prince of this world found nothing worthy of death, and slew him? and the chirograph that was contrary to us has been made void.

hoc illae litterae non habent: non habent illae paginae vultum pietatis huius, lacrimas confessionis, sacrificium tuum, spiritum contribulatum, cor contritum et humilatum, populi salutem, sponsam civitatem, arram spiritus sancti, poculum pretii nostri. nemo ibi cantat, 'nonne deo subdita erit anima mea? ab ipso enim salutare meum: etenim ipse deus meus et salutaris meus, susceptor meus: non movebor amplius.' nemo ibi audit vocantem: 'venite ad me, qui laboratis.' dedignantur ab eo discere quoniam mitis est et humilis corde.

this those letters do not have: those pages do not have the countenance of this piety, the tears of confession, your sacrifice, a contrite spirit, a contrite and humbled heart, the salvation of the people, the bride-city, the earnest of the Holy Spirit, the cup of our price. no one there sings, 'will not my soul be subject to God? for from him is my salvation: for he himself is my God and my salvation, my upholder: I shall not be moved any more.' no one there hears the One calling: 'come to me, you who labor.' they disdain to learn from him, for he is meek and humble of heart.

abscondisti enim haec a sapientibus et prudentibus et revelasti ea parvulis. et aliud est de silvestri cacumine videre patriam pacis et iter ad eam non invenire et frustra conari per invia circum obsidentibus et insidiantibus fugitivis desertoribus cum principe suo leone et dracone, et aliud tenere viam illuc ducentem cura caelestis imperatoris munitam, ubi non latrocinantur qui caelestem militiam deseruerunt; vitant enim eam sicut supplicium. haec mihi inviscerabantur miris modis, cum minimum apostolorum tuorum legerem, et consideraveram opera tua et expaveram.

For you have hidden these things from the wise and prudent and revealed them to little ones. And it is one thing to see from a sylvan summit the fatherland of peace and not to find the road to it, and to strive in vain through trackless places, with fugitive deserters, with their prince the lion and the dragon, besieging around and laying ambush; and it is another to hold the way leading thither, fortified by the care of the heavenly emperor, where those who have deserted the heavenly militia do not commit brigandage; for they shun it as a punishment. These things were being inwrought into my very viscera in wondrous ways, when I was reading the least of your apostles, and I had considered your works and was awe-struck.

Submitted by James J. O'Donnell (Univ. of Pennsylvania) from his new edition. Prof.

O'Donnell's introduction and commentary may be found at the original site: The Confessions of Augustine: An Electronic Edition