Plautus: Stichus

PANEGYRIS VXOR EPIGNOMI
SOROR VXOR PAMPHILIPPI
ANTIPHO SENEX
GELASIMVS PARASITVS
CROCOTIVM ANCILLA
PINACIVM PVER
EPIGNOMVS
PAMPHILIPPVS
STICHVS SERVVS
SANGARINVS SERVVS
STEPHANIVM ANCILLA

PANEGYRIS WIFE OF EPIGNOMUS
SISTER WIFE OF PAMPHILIPPUS
ANTIPHO OLD MAN
GELASIMUS PARASITE
CROCOTIUM HANDMAID
PINACIUM BOY
EPIGNOMUS
PAMPHILIPPUS
STICHUS SLAVE
SANGARINUS SLAVE
STEPHANIUM HANDMAID

ARGVMENTVM I

ARGUMENT 1

Duas sorores simul in matrimonium
duo fratres ducunt. post re confracta duo
rem quaerunt peregre, qui paupertatem levent.
ibi absunt peregrinantes per triennium.

Two brothers take two sisters into matrimony at the same time.
After their fortune is broken, the two seek a fortune abroad,
to alleviate poverty. There they are absent, traveling abroad for three years.

sorores nolunt prodere absentes viros.
pater castigat propter eam rem filias;
sed ei persuadent, aliis ne se conlocet.
reveniunt opibus aucti ad uxores viri;
facete reduces ludunt.

the sisters do not wish to betray their absent husbands.
the father chastises his daughters on account of that matter;
but they persuade him not to marry them to others.
the husbands return to their wives, augmented in resources;
facetiously, the returnees jest.

potant servuli.

the little slaves drink.

ARGVMENTVM II

ARGUMENT 2

Senex castigat filias, quod eae viros
Tam perseverent peregrinantis pauperes
Ita sustinere fratres neque relinquere;
Contraque verbis delenitur commodis,
Habere ut sineret quos semel nactae forent.
Viri reveniunt opibus aucti trans mare;
Suam quisque retinet, ac Sticho ludus datur.

The old man chastises his daughters, because they so persist in sustaining their husbands,
poor wanderers abroad, the brothers, and in not abandoning them;
and in turn he is charmed by suitable words,
so that he would allow them to keep those whom they had once obtained.
The men return, enriched in resources, from across the sea;
each keeps his own, and entertainment is given to Stichus.

ACTVS I

ACT 1

I.i
PANEGYRIS Credo ego miseram
fuisse Penelopam,          1a
soror, suo ex animo,
quae tam diu vidua        2a
viro suo caruit;
nam nos eius animum         3a
de nostris factis noscimus, quarum viri hinc apsunt,
quorumque nos negotiis apsentum, ita ut aequom est,
sollicitae noctes et dies, soror, sumus semper.
SOROR Nostrum officium
nos facere aequomst,                7a
neque id magis facimus
quam nos monet pietas. 8a
sed hic, soror, asside dum: multa volo tecum
loqui de re viri.

I.i
PANEGYRIS I believe that Penelope was
wretched, sister, from my own feeling,          1a
who for so long, a widow,        2a
was bereft of her own husband;
for we know her spirit         3a
from our own deeds, we whose husbands are away from here,
and for the business of those absent, as is just,
we are anxious nights and days, sister, always.
SISTER Our duty
it is just that we do,                7a
nor do we do that more
than piety admonishes us. 8a
but here, sister, sit down a while: many things I want with you
to speak about the matter of the husband.

PAN. Salvene, amabo?
SOR. Spero quidem et volo; sed hoc, soror, crucior,
patrem tuom meumque adeo, unice qui unus ~
civibus ex omnibus probus perhibetur,
eum nunc improbi viri officio uti,
viris qui tantas apsentibus nostris 15
facit iniurias immerito
nosque ab eis abducere volt.
haec res vitae me, soror, saturant,
haec mihi dividiae et senio sunt.

PAN. Are you well, please?
SOR. I do hope so and wish it; but at this, sister, I am tormented,
your father and mine as well, who uniquely, the one and only, ~
among all the citizens is held upright,
that he now is making use of the service of a wicked man,
a man who does such great injustices to our husbands, while they are absent, 15
undeservedly,
and wants to lead us away from them.
these things make me, sister, sated with life,
these are for me estrangements and senility.

PAN. Ne lacruma, soror, neu tuo id animo 20
fac quod tibi tuos pater facere minatur:
spes est eum melius facturum.
novi ego illum: ioculo istaec dicit,
neque ille sibi mereat Persarum
montis, qui esse aurei perhibentur, 25
ut istuc faciat quod tu metuis.
tamen si faciat, minime irasci
decet, neque id immerito eveniet.

PAN. Do not weep, sister, nor, in your mind, 20
do that which your father threatens to do to you:
there is hope he will do better.
I know him: he says these things in jest,
nor would he, for the mountains of the Persians,
which are said to be golden, 25
do that which you fear.
Still, if he should do it, it is by no means fitting
to grow irate, nor will that befall undeservedly.

nam viri nostri domo ut abierunt,
hic tertius annus. SOR. Ita ut memoras. 30
PAN. Quom ipsi interea vivant, valeant,
ubi sint, quid agant, ecquid agant,
neque participant nos, neque redeunt.
SOR. An id doles, soror, quia illi suom officium 34-35
non colunt, quom tu tuom facis?

for since our men left home,
this is the third year. SOR. Just so, as you mention. 30
PAN. While they themselves meanwhile live and are well,
where they are, what they are doing, whether they do anything at all,
they neither make us participants, nor return.
SOR. Do you grieve at that, sister, because they do not perform their office 34-35
when you do yours?

PAN. Ita pol.   36
SOR. Tace sis, cave sis audiam ego istuc
posthac ex te. PAN. Nam quid iam?
SOR. Quia pol meo animo omnis sapientis
suom officium aequom est colere et facere.        40
quam ob rem ego te hoc, soror, tametsi es maior,
moneo, ut tuom memineris officium:
etsi illi improbi sint atque aliter
nobis faciant quam aequomst, tam pol
ne quid magis simus *** omnibus obnixe opibus   45
nostrum officium meminisse decet.
PAN. Placet; taceo.

PAN. Indeed, by Pollux.   36
SOR. Be silent, please; take care, please, that I do not hear that
hereafter from you. PAN. Well, what now?
SOR. Because, by Pollux, in my mind it is equitable for every sapient person
to cultivate and to do his own duty.        40
Wherefore I warn you of this, sister, although you are the elder,
to remember your duty:
even if they are wicked and do otherwise
to us than is equitable, yet, by Pollux,
let us be by no means more ***; with all strenuously exerted resources   45
it is fitting to remember our duty.
PAN. It pleases; I am silent.

SOR. At memineris facito.
[PAN. Nolo ego, soror, me credi esse immemorem viri,
neque ille eos honores, mihi quos habuit, perdidit;
nam pol mihi grata acceptaque eiust benignitas. 50
et me quidem haec condicio nunc non paenitet,
neque est cur [non] studeam has nuptias mutarier;
verum postremo in patris potestate est situm:
faciendum id nobis quod parentes imperant.
SOR. Scio, atque in cogitando maerore augeor, 55
nam propemodum iam ostendit suam sententiam.

SOR. But do be sure you remember.
[PAN. I do not wish, sister, that I be believed to be forgetful of my husband,
nor has he lost those honors which he had for me;
for, by Pollux, to me his benignity is pleasing and acceptable. 50
and indeed I do not now regret this condition,
nor is there any reason [not] that I should be eager for these nuptials to be changed;
but in the end it is set in the father’s power:
we must do that which parents command.
SOR. I know, and in thinking I am increased in sorrow, 55
for he has by now pretty nearly shown his sentiment.

PAN. Igitur quaeramus, nobis quid facto usus sit.]

PAN. Therefore let us inquire what it is of use for us to do.]

I.ii
ANTIPHO Qui manet ut moneatur semper servos homo officium suom
nec voluntate id facere meminit, servos is habitu hau probust.
vos meministis quot kalendis petere demensum cibum: 60
qui minus meministis quod opus sit facto facere in aedibus?
iam quidem in suo quicque loco nisi erit mihi situm supellectilis,
quom ego revortar, vos monimentis commonefaciam bubulis.

I.ii
ANTIPHO The slave who waits to be warned always to do his duty,
and does not remember to do it of his own will—by habit that slave is not at all of probity.
you do remember, when the Kalends come, to ask for your measured-out ration of food: 60
why the less do you remember to do what needs to be done in the house?
now then, unless each bit of household furniture is set in its own place for me,
when I return, I will remind you with oxhide mementos.

non homines habitare mecum mi hic videntur, sed sues.
facite sultis, nitidae ut aedes meae sint, quom redeam domum. 65
iam ego domi adero: ad meam maiorem filiam inviso modo;
siquis me quaeret, inde vocatote aliqui; aut iam egomet hic ero.
SOR. Quid agimus, soror, si offirmabit pater adversum nos?

not men seem to inhabit here with me, but swine.
do as you please, only see that my house be neat when I return home. 65
now I will be at home: I shall just go to visit my elder daughter;
if anyone seeks me, let someone call me from there; or else I myself will be here presently.
SOR. What shall we do, sister, if father steels himself against us?

PAN. Pati
nos oportet quod ille faciat, cuius potestas plus potest.
exorando, haud adversando sumendam operam censeo: 70
gratiam per si petimus, spero ab eo impetrassere;
adversari sine dedecore et scelere summo haud possumus,
neque equidem id factura neque tu ut facias consilium dabo,
verum ut exoremus. novi ego nostros: exorabilest.

PAN.
To endure
it behooves us what he does, whose authority is more powerful.
by entreating, not by opposing, I judge that effort is to be spent: 70
if we seek favor by that means, I hope to obtain it from him;
to oppose we cannot without disgrace and extreme wickedness,
nor indeed will I do that, nor will I give counsel that you do it,
but that we entreat him. I know our own: he is exorable.

ANT. Principium ego quo pacto cum illis occipiam, id ratiocinor: 75
utrum ego perplexim lacessam oratione ad hunc modum,
quasi numquam quicquam in eas simulem, quasi nil indaudiverim
eas in se meruisse culpam, an potius temptem saeviter,
[an minaciter. scio litis fore, ego meas novi optume.]
si manere hic sese malint potius quam alio nubere. 80
non faciam. quid mi opust decurso aetatis spatio cum meis
gerere bellum, quom nil, quam ob rem id faciam, meruisse arbitror?

ANT. I calculate in what way I shall begin with them: 75
whether I should assail them with a convoluted speech in this manner,
as if I were never pretending anything against them, as if I had heard nothing
that they had merited blame upon themselves, or rather try it savagely,
[or menacingly. I know there will be litigation; I know my girls very well.]
if they would rather remain here than marry elsewhere. 80
I will not do it. What need have I, with the span of my age run through, to
wage war with my own, since I think they have deserved nothing on account of which I should do that?

minime, nolo turbas, sed hoc mihi optumum factu arbitror:
[sic faciam: adsimulabo quasi quam culpam in sese admiserint.]
perplexabiliter earum hodie perpavefaciam pectora; 85
post id [agam] igitur deinde, ut animus meus erit, faciam palam.
multa scio faciunda verba. ibo intro.

by no means, I do not want disturbances, but this I judge to be the optimum thing to do for me:
[thus I will do: I will simulate as though what culpa they have admitted in themselves.]
in a perplexing manner I will thoroughly terrify their hearts today; 85
after that [I will act] therefore then, as my mood will be, I will make it plain.
I will go inside, knowing many words must be made.

sed apertast foris.
SOR. Certo enim mihi paternae vocis sonitus auris accidit.
PAN. Is est ecastor.

but the door is open.
SOR. Surely indeed, the sound of my paternal voice has reached my ears.
PAN. By Castor, it is he.

ferre advorsum homini occupemus osculum.
SOR. Salve, mi pater. ANT. Et vos ambae.

let us forestall the man with a kiss.
SOR. Greetings, my father. ANT. And to you both.

ilico agite assidite. 90
SOR. Osculum — ANT. Sat est osculi mihi vostri. PAN. Qui, amabo, pater?
ANT. Quia ita meae animae salsura evenit.

at once, come, be seated. 90
SOR. A kiss — ANT. I’ve enough of your kisses. PAN. How so, please, father?
ANT. Because thus the salting of my soul has turned out.

SOR. Asside hic, pater.
ANT. Non sedeo istic, vos sedete; ego sedero in subsellio.
PAN. Mane pulvinum.

SOR. Sit here, father.
ANT. I do not sit there; you two sit; I will sit on the bench.
PAN. Wait—the cushion.

ANT. Bene procuras. mihi satis sic fultumst. sede.

ANT. You provide well. For me it’s propped up enough like this. Sit.

SOR. Sine, pater. ANT. Quid opust? PAN. Opust.

SOR. Allow it, father. ANT. What need is there? PAN. There is need.

ANT. Morem tibi 95
geram. atque hoc est satis.
SOR. Numquam enim nimis curare possunt suom parentem filiae.

ANT. I will defer to you 95
and this is enough.
SOR. For daughters can never care too much for their own parent.

quem aequiust nos potiorem habere quam te? postidea, pater,
viros nostros, quibus tu voluisti esse nos matres familias.
ANT. Bonas ut aequomst facere facitis, quom tamen apsentis viros
proinde habetis quasi praesentes sint. SOR. Pudicitiast, pater, 100
eos nos magnificare, qui nos socias sumpserunt sibi.

whom is it more just that we hold as superior than you? afterwards, father,
our husbands, for whom you wished us to be matrons of families.
ANT. You do, as is right for good women to do, since nevertheless you regard absent husbands
just as if they were present. SOR. It is chastity, father, 100
that we magnify those who have taken us as associates to themselves.

ANT. Num quis hic est alienus nostris dictis auceps auribus?
PAN. Nullus praeter nosque teque. ANT. Vostrum animum adhiberi volo;
nam ego ad vos nunc imperitus rerum et morum mulierum,
discipulus venio ad magistras: quibus matronas moribus, 105
quae optumae sunt, esse oportet?

ANT. Is there anyone here alien to our words, an eavesdropper with his ears?
PAN. No one except us and you. ANT. I want your attention;
for I come to you now unskilled in the affairs and morals of women,
as a pupil I come to teachers: with what morals should matrons, 105
who are the best, be?

sed utraque ut dicat mihi.
SOR. Quid istuc est quod huc exquaesitum mulierum mores venis?
ANT. Pol ego uxorem quaero, postquam vostra mater mortuast.

but that both tell me.
SOR. What is this, that you come here to seek out the morals of women?
ANT. By Pollux, I am looking for a wife, since your mother has died.

SOR. Facile invenies et peiorem et peius moratam, pater,
quam illa fuit: meliorem neque tu reperies neque sol videt. 110
ANT. At ego ex te exquaero atque ex istac tua sorore. SOR. Edepol pater,
scio ut oportet esse: si sint — ita ut ego aequom censeo.
A. Volo scire ergo, ut aequom censes.

SOR. You will easily find both a worse one and one worse-mannered, father,
than she was: a better neither will you find nor does the sun see. 110
ANT. But I inquire from you and from that sister of yours. SOR. By Pollux, father,
I know how they ought to be: if they exist — in such manner as I deem equitable.
A. I wish to know then, as you consider equitable.

S. Vt, per urbem quom ambulent,
omnibus os opturent, ne quis merito male dicat sibi.
ANT. Dic vicissim nunciam tu. PAN. Quid vis tibi dicam, pater? 115
ANT. Vbi facillime spectatur mulier, quae ingenio est bono?
PAN. Quoi male faciundi est potestas, quae ne id faciat temperat.

S. That, when they walk through the city,
they stop up everyone’s mouth, lest anyone with good reason speak ill of them.
ANT. Now you, say in turn. PAN. What do you wish me to say to you,
father? 115
ANT. Where is a woman, who is of good disposition, most easily inspected?
PAN. She who has the power for ill-doing, and tempers herself not to do it.

[ANT. Hau male istuc. age tu altera, utra sit condicio pensior,
virginemne an viduam habere? SOR. Quanta mea sapientiast,
ex malis multis malum quod minimumst, id minimest malum.] 120
ANT. Qui potest mulier vitare vitiis?

[ANT. Not bad, that. Come, you the other one, which condition is weightier,
to have a virgin or a widow? SOR. So far as my wisdom goes,
from many evils, the evil which is least is the least evil.] 120
ANT. How can a woman avoid vices?

SOR. Vt cottidie
pridie caveat ne faciat quod pigeat postridie.
ANT. Quae tibi mulier videtur multo sapientissuma?
PAN. Quae tamen, cum res secundae sunt, se poterit noscere,
et illa quae aequo animo patietur sibi esse peius quam fuit. 125
ANT. Edepol vos lepide temptavi vostrumque ingenium ingeni.

SOR. That every day
she the day before beware not to do what she would regret the day after.
ANT. Which woman seems to you by far the wisest?
PAN. She who nevertheless, when things are favorable, will be able to know herself,
and she who will endure with equanimity being worse off than she was. 125
ANT. By Pollux, I have cleverly tested you and your ingenuity with ingenuity.

sed hoc est quod ad vos venio quodque esse ambas conventas volo:
mi auctores ita sunt amici, ut vos hinc abducam domum.
SOR. At enim nos, quarum res agitur, aliter auctores sumus.
nam aut olim, nisi tibi placebant, non datas oportuit, 130
aut nunc non aequomst abduci, pater, illisce apsentibus.

but this is what I come to you for, and what I want you both to be convened for:
my sponsors are such friends that I will lead you home from here.
SOR. But indeed we, whose matter is at issue, are sponsors in another sense.
for either formerly, if they did not please you, they ought not to have been given, 130
or now it is not equitable to be led away, father, with those men absent.

ANT. Vosne ego patiar cum mendicis nuptas me vivo viris?
SOR. Placet ille meus mihi mendicus: suos rex reginae placet.
idem animust in paupertate qui olim in divitiis fuit:
[ANT. Vosne latrones et mendicos homines magni penditis? 135
SOR.] non tu me argento dedisti, opinor, nuptum, sed viro.

ANT. Am I to suffer you to be married to beggar-men while I am alive?
SOR. That beggar of mine pleases me; the queen likes her own king.
the same spirit is in poverty as once was in riches:
[ANT. Do you hold robbers and beggar-men in high esteem? 135
SOR.] you did not, I suppose, give me in marriage for silver, but to a man.

ANT. Quid illos exspectatis, qui abhinc iam abierunt triennium?
quin vos capitis condicionem ex pessuma primariam?
PAN. Stultitiast, pater, venatum ducere invitas canes.

ANT. Why do you wait for those who have been gone from here now for three years?
why don’t you take a prime condition from the worst?
PAN. It is folly, father, to lead dogs out to the hunt when you have to invite them.

hostis est uxor, invita quae viro nuptum datur. 140
ANT. Certumne est neutram vostrarum persequi imperium patris?
PAN. Persequimur, nam quo dedisti nuptum, abire nolumus.
ANT. Bene valete.

A wife is an enemy, who, unwilling, is given in marriage to a man. 140
ANT. Is it certain that neither of you will follow the command of your father?
PAN. We do follow it, for we are unwilling to depart from those to whom you have given us in marriage.
ANT. Fare well.

ibo atque amicis vostra consilia eloquar.
PAN. Probiores credo arbitrabunt, si probis narraveris.
ANT. Curate igitur familiarem rem ut potestis.

I will go and declare to my friends your counsels.
PAN. I believe they will deem them more reputable, if you narrate them to reputable men.
ANT. Therefore take care of the family matter as you can.

PAN. Optume, 145
nunc places, quom recte monstras; nunc tibi auscultabimus.
nunc, soror, abeamus intro. SOR. Immo intervisam domum.

PAN. Excellent, 145
now you please, since you show aright; now we will hearken to you.
now, sister, let us go inside. SOR. Nay rather, I’ll just step in to look at the house.

si a viro tibi forte veniet nuntius, facito ut sciam. —
PAN. Neque ego te celabo, neque tu me celassis quod scias.
eho, Crocotium, i, parasitum Gelasimum huc arcessito, 150
tecum adduce; nam illum ecastor mittere ad portum volo,
si quae forte ex Asia navis heri aut hodie venerit.

if by chance a messenger comes to you from your husband, see to it that I know. —
PAN. Neither will I conceal from you, nor do you conceal from me what you know.
hey, Crocotium, go, summon the parasite Gelasimus hither, 150
bring him with you; for by Castor I want to send him to the port,
if by chance any ship from Asia has come yesterday or today.

nam dies totos apud portum servos unus assidet;
sed tamen volo intervisi. propera atque actutum redi. —

for whole days at the harbor a single slave keeps watch;
but still I want it looked in on. hurry and come back at once. —

I.iii
GELASIMVS Famem ego fuisse suspicor matrem mihi, 155
nam postquam natus sum, satur numquam fui.
neque quisquam melius referet matri gratiam
[quam ego meae matri refero invitissimus.]        157a
neque rettulit, quam ego refero meae matri Fami.
nam illa me in alvo menses gestavit decem,
at ego illam in alvo gesto plus annos decem.   160
atque illa puerum me gestavit parvolum,
quo minus laboris cepisse illam existumo:
ego non pauxillulam in utero gesto famem,
verum hercle multo maximam et gravissimam;
uteri dolores mihi oboriuntur cotidie, ~           165
sed matrem parere nequeo, nec quid agam scio.

I.iii
GELASIMVS I suspect that Hunger was my mother, for me, 155
for after I was born, I have never been sated.
nor will anyone better return gratitude to a mother
[than I, most unwilling, return to my mother.]        157a
nor has anyone returned it as I return it to my mother Hunger.
for she carried me in her womb ten months,
but I carry her in my belly for more than ten years.   160
and she carried me as a tiny little boy,
wherefore I reckon that she took less labor:
I do not carry a very little hunger in my womb,
but, by Hercules, a much greatest and most grievous one;
womb-pains arise for me every day, ~           165
but I cannot give birth to my mother, nor do I know what I should do.

atque auditavi saepe hoc volgo dicier,
solere elephantum gravidam perpetuos decem
esse annos; eius ex semine haec certost fames,
nam iam complures annos utero haeret meo. 170
nunc si ridiculum hominem quaerat quispiam,
venalis ego sum cum ornamentis omnibus;
inanimentis explementum quaerito.
Gelasimo nomen mi indidit parvo pater,
quia inde iam a pausillo puero ridiculus fui. ~ 175
propter pauperiem hoc adeo nomen repperi,
eo quia paupertas fecit ridiculus forem;
nam illa artis omnis perdocet, ubi quem attigit.

and I have often heard this said commonly,
that a pregnant elephant is wont to be for a continuous ten
years; from its seed this hunger is for sure,
for now for many years it clings to my womb. 170
now if anyone should seek a ridiculous man,
I am for sale with all my ornaments;
I look for a stuffing for my emptinesses.
My father gave me the name Gelasimus when I was small,
because from then already, as a wee boy, I was ridiculous. ~ 175
on account of paupery I have indeed found this name,
for this reason, because poverty made that I should be ridiculous;
for that one thoroughly teaches every art, once she has touched anyone.

per annonam caram dixit me natum pater:
propterea, credo, nunc essurio acrius. 180
sed generi nostro haec redditast benignitas:
nulli negare soleo, siquis me essum vocat.
oratio una interiit hominum pessume,
atque optuma hercle meo animo et scitissuma,
qua ante utebantur: 'veni illo ad cenam, sic face, 185
promitte vero, ne gravare. est commodum?

my father said I was born when provisions were dear:
therefore, I believe, now I am hungering the more keenly. 180
but to our kind this benignity has been rendered:
I am wont to refuse none, if anyone invites me to eat.
one form of speech has perished among men most badly,
and, by Hercules, to my mind the best and most shrewd,
which they used before: 'come there to dinner, do so, 185
do promise indeed, do not be burdensome. is it convenient?

volo inquam fieri, non amittam quin eas.'
nunc reppererunt iam ei verbo vicarium
(nihili quidem hercle verbumst ac vilissimum):
'vocem te ad cenam, nisi egomet cenem foris.' 190
ei hercle ego verbo lumbos diffractos velim,
ni vere perierit, si cenassit domi.
haec verba subigunt me uti mores barbaros
discam atque ut faciam praeconis compendium
itaque auctionem praedicem, ipse ut venditem. 195
CROCOTIVM Hic illest parasitus, quem arcessitum missa sum.
quae loquitur auscultabo prius quam conloquar.

I want it, I say, to be done; I will not omit to go.'
now they have already found for that word a vicarious substitute
(indeed, by Hercules, a word of nothing and most cheap):
'I summon you to dinner, unless I myself dine out.' 190
for that word, by Hercules, I would wish the loins shattered,
unless he would truly be ruined, if he had supped at home.
these words drive me to learn barbarian manners
and to make the crier’s compendium,
and so to proclaim an auction, that I myself may sell. 195
CROCOTIVM Here he is, the parasite, whom I was sent to fetch.
what he says I will listen to before I converse with him.

GEL. Sed curiosi sunt hic complures mali,
alienas res qui curant studio maximo,
quibus ipsis nullast res, quam procurent, sua: 200
ei quando quem auctionem facturum sciunt,
adeunt, perquirunt quid sit causae ilico:
alienum aes cogat an pararit praedium,
uxorin sit reddenda dos divortio.
eos omnis tametsi hercle haud indignos iudico 205
qui multum miseri sint, laborent, nil moror:
dicam auctionis causam, ut damno gaudeant;
nam curiosus nemo est quin sit malevolus.
[ipse egomet quam ob rem auctionem praedicem] 208a
damna evenerunt maxuma misero mihi,
ita me mancupia miserum adfecerunt male,
potationes plurumae demortuae,
quot adeo cenae, quas deflevi, mortuae,
quot potiones mulsi, quae autem prandia,
quae inter continuom perdidi triennium.

GEL. But there are here quite a few bad busybodies,
who tend to others’ affairs with the greatest zeal,
who themselves have no affair that they manage, their own: 200
and whenever they know someone is going to hold an auction,
they approach, they inquire on the spot what the cause may be:
whether debt compels him or he has prepared/purchased an estate,
whether a wife’s dowry must be returned by divorce.
all those, although, by Hercules, I judge not unworthy 205
to be very miserable, to toil, I care nothing:
I will tell the cause of the auction, so that they may rejoice at my loss;
for there is no curious person who is not malevolent.
[I myself, the reason why I proclaim an auction] 208a
the greatest losses have befallen wretched me,
so have my slaves treated me, poor wretch, badly,
very many potations dead and gone,
just so many dinners—dead—which I have wept over,
as many draughts of mulsum, and likewise luncheons,
among which I have squandered a continuous three years.

prae maerore adeo miser atque aegritudine 215
consenui; paene sum fame emortuos.
CROC. Ridiculus aeque nullus est quando esurit.
GEL. Nunc auctionem facere decretumst mihi:
foras necessumst quidquid habeo vendere.

From grief—so wretched—and from sickness 215
I have grown old; I am nearly dead of hunger.
CROC. No one is equally ridiculous as when he is hungry.
GEL. Now it is decreed for me to hold an auction:
I must sell, out of doors, whatever I have.

adeste sultis, praeda erit praesentium. 220
logos ridiculos vendo. age licemini.
qui cena poscit?

be present if you wish, there will be booty for those present. 220
I sell ridiculous discourses. come on, bid.
who demands dinner?

ecqui poscit prandio?
hercle aestumavi prandio, cena tibi.
ehem, adnuistin?

does anyone call for luncheon?
by Hercules, I have appraised it at luncheon; dinner for you.
ahem, did you nod assent?

nemo meliores dabit.
[nulli meliores esse parasito sinam.] 225
vel unctiones Graecas sudatorias
vendo vel alias malacas, crapularias;
cavillationes, adsentatiunculas
ac perieratiunculas parasiticas;
robiginosam strigilem, ampullam rubidam, 230
parasitum inanem quo recondas reliquias.
haec veniisse iam opus est quantum potest,
ut decumam partem Herculi polluceam.

no one will give better.
[I will allow none to be better for a parasite.] 225
either I sell Greek sudatory unctions,
or other softeners, crapulous, for hangovers;
cavillations, little assentations,
and little perjuries, parasitical;
a rusty strigil, a ruddy ampulla, 230
an empty parasite in which you may stash leftovers.
these need already to have been sold as much as possible,
so that I may dedicate the tenth part to Hercules.

CROC. Ecastor auctionem haud magni preti. 234-235
adhaesit homini ad infimum ventrem fames. 236
adibo ad hominem. GEL. Quis haec est quae advorsum it mihi?
Epignomi ancilla haec quidem est Crocotium.

CROC. By Castor, an auction of not great price. 234-235
hunger has stuck to the man’s lowest belly. 236
I’ll go up to the man. GEL. Who is this woman who is coming toward me?
This indeed is Epignomus’s maidservant, Crocotium.

CROC. Gelasime, salve. GEL. Non id est nomen mihi.
CROC. Certo mecastor id fuit nomen tibi. 240
GEL. Fuit disertim, verum id usu perdidi:
nunc Miccotrogus nomine e vero vocor.

CROC. Gelasimus, hello. GEL. That is not my name.
CROC. Surely, by Castor, that was your name. 240
GEL. It was indeed, but I have lost it by usage:
now, in truth, I am called by the name Miccotrogus.

C. ~ Eu ecastor, risi te hodie multum. G. Quando aut quo in loco?
CROC. Hic quom auctionem praedicabas, GEL. Pessuma, 244-245
eho an audivisti?

C. ~ Ah, by Castor, I laughed at you a lot today. G. When or in what place?
CROC. Here, when you were proclaiming the auction. GEL. The worst, 244-245
hey—did you hear?

CROC. Te quidem dignissumam. 246
G. Quo nunc is? C. Ad te. G. Quid venis? C. Panegyris
rogare iussit ted ut opere maximo,
mecum simitu ut ires ad sese domum.
GEL. Ego illo mehercle vero eo quantum potest. 250
iamne exta cocta sunt?

CROC. You indeed most worthy. 246
G. Where are you going now? C. To you. G. Why do you come? C. Panegyris
ordered me to ask you that, with the greatest haste,
you go together with me to her house.
GEL. By Hercules, I truly go there as quickly as can be. 250
Are the entrails cooked already?

quot agnis fecerat?
CROC. Illa quidem nullum sacrificavit. GEL. Quo modo?

with how many lambs had she done it?
CROC. She indeed sacrificed none. GEL. How so?

quid igitur me volt? CROC. Tritici modios decem
rogare, opinor [te volt]. GEL. Mene, ut ab sese petam?
CROC. Immo ut a vobis mutuom nobis dares. 255
GEL. Nega esse quod dem nec mihi nec mutuom,
neque aliud quicquam nisi hoc quod habeo pallium;
linguam quoque etiam vendidi datariam.

what then does she want with me? CROC. To ask for ten modii of wheat,
I think [she wants you]. GEL. Me—to ask it from herself?
CROC. No, rather that from you folks you would give it to us on loan. 255
GEL. Say there’s nothing I can give, neither for myself nor on loan,
nor anything else except this cloak I have;
I’ve even sold my giving tongue.

CROC. Au,
nullan tibi lingua est? GEL. Quae quidem dicat 'dabo'; 259-260
ventri reliqui eccam aliam quae dicat 'cedo'. 261
CROC. Malum quidem si vis — GEL. Haec eadem dicit tibi.
CROC. Quid nunc?

CROC. Oh,
have you no tongue? GEL. One that would indeed say 'I will give'; 259-260
to my belly I have left, look, another that says 'yield'. 261
CROC. A curse indeed, if you like— GEL. She says this same to you.
CROC. What now?

ituru's an non? GEL. Abi sane domum,
iam illo venturum dicito. propera atque abi.

are you going or not? GEL. Go on home, by all means,
say that I’ll be coming there presently. Hurry and go.

— 264-265
demiror quid illaec me ad se arcessi iusserit, 266
quae numquam iussit me ad se arcessi ante hunc diem,
postquam vir abiit eius. miror quid siet,
nisi ut periclum fiat: visam quid velit.
sed eccum Pinacium eius puerum.

— 264-265
I marvel what that woman has ordered me to be summoned to her for, 266
who has never ordered me to be summoned to her before this day,
since her husband went away. I wonder what it may be,
unless that a trial be made: I will go see what she wishes.
but look, here is Pinacium, her boy.

hoc vide, 270
satin ut facete, <aeque> atque ex pictura, astitit?
ne iste edepol vinum poculo pauxillulo
saepe exanclavit submerum scitissume.

look at this, 270
how neatly, <equally> as if from a painting, he has posed?
indeed, by Pollux, that fellow has often drained neat wine most exquisitely from a very tiny cup.

ACTVS II

ACT 2

II.i
PINACIVM Mercurius, Iovis qui nuntius perhibetur, numquam aeque patri
suo nuntium lepidum attulit quam ego nunc meae erae nuntiabo: 275
itaque onustum pectus porto laetitia lubentiaque
neque lubet nisi gloriose quicquam proloqui profecto.
amoenitates omnium venerum et venustatum adfero
ripisque superat mi atque abundat pectus laetitia meum.
propera, Pinacium, pedes hortare, honesta dicta factis 280
(nunc tibi potestas adipiscendist gloriam laudem decus)
eraeque egenti subveni, [benefacta maiorum tuom]
quae misera in exspectatione est Epignomi adventum viri.

II.i
PINACIVM Mercury, who is held to be Jove’s messenger, never equally to his father
brought so delightful a message as I will now announce to my mistress: 275
and so I carry a breast laden with joy and willingness,
nor does it please me to utter anything except gloriously, for sure.
I bring the amenities of all loves and of lovelinesses;
my breast overflows its banks for me and abounds with joy.
hurry, Pinacium, urge on your feet; let honorable words be matched by deeds 280
(now you have the power of acquiring glory, praise, distinction),
and help your needy mistress, [in the benefactions of your elders],
who, poor thing, is in expectation of the advent of her man Epignomus.

proinde ut decet, amat virum suom, cupide expetit. nunc, Pinacium,
age ut placet, curre ut lubet, cave quemquam flocci feceris, 285
cubitis depulsa de via, tranquillam concinna viam;
si rex obstabit obviam, regem ipsum prius pervortito.
GEL. Quidnam dicam Pinacium
lascivibundum tam lubentem currere? 288a
harundinem fert sportulamque et hamulum piscarium.

accordingly, as is fitting, she loves her own man, she eagerly seeks him. Now, Pinacium,
come, as it pleases, run as you like, take care you do not reckon anyone worth a straw, 285
with your elbows driving [them] off the road, arrange a tranquil way;
if a king will stand in the way to meet you, subvert the king himself first. GEL. What then shall I say—that Pinacium,
wantoning, runs so willingly? 288a
he carries a reed, a little basket, and a fish-hook.

PIN. Sed tandem, opinor, aequiust eram mihi esse supplicem
atque oratores mittere ad me donaque ex auro et quadrigas,
qui vehar, nam pedibus ire non queo. ergo iam revortar.
ad me adiri et supplicari egomet mi aequom censeo.

PIN. But at last, I suppose, it is more equitable that my mistress be a suppliant to me,
and send ambassadors to me and gifts of gold and four-horse chariots,
by which I may be conveyed, for I cannot go on foot. Therefore now I will turn back.
I myself judge it fair that approach be made to me and that supplication be offered to me.

an vero nugas censeas, nihil esse quod ego nunc scio?
tantum a portu adporto bonum, tam gaudium grande adfero, 295
vix ipsa domina hoc, nisi sciat, exoptare ab deis audeat.
nunc ultro id deportem?

Or do you really think it’s nonsense, that what I now know is nothing?
so great a good I bring from the port, so great a joy I bear, 295
hardly would the mistress herself, unless she knew it, dare to long for this from the gods.
Now should I of my own accord carry it back?

hau placet, neque id viri officium arbitror.
sic hoc videtur mihi magis meo convenire huic nuntio:
adversum veniat, opsecret, se ut nuntio hoc impertiam;
secundas fortunas decent superbiae. 300
sed tandem cum recogito, qui potuit scire haec scire me?
non enim possum quin revortar, quin loquar, quin edissertem
eramque ex maerore eximam, bene facta maiorum meum
exaugeam atque illam augeam insperato opportuno bono:
contundam facta Talthubi contemnamque omnis nuntios; 305
simulque [ad] cursuram meditabor [me] ad ludos Olympios.
sed spatium hoc occidit: brevest curriculo; quam me paenitet.

this does not please, nor do I judge that to be a man’s duty.
thus this seems to me to suit this my message more:
let him come to meet me, beseech, that I may impart this message to him;
prosperous fortunes befit haughtiness. 300
but at last, when I reconsider, how could he have known that I know these things?
for I cannot but turn back, speak, and set it forth in detail,
and I will take her out of grief, and by the well-deeds of my ancestors
I will augment, and I will augment her by an unhoped-for opportune good:
I will crush the deeds of Talthubus and contemn all messengers; 305
and at the same time I will prepare [for] a run [myself] to the Olympic games.
but this interval is being killed: it is most brief for the race; how I regret it.

quid hoc? occlusam ianuam video. ibo et pultabo fores.

What is this? I see the door closed. I will go and knock at the doors.

aperite atque adproperate, fores facite ut pateant, removete moram;
nimis haec res sine cura geritur. vide quam dudum hic asto et pulto. 310
somnone operam datis? experiar, fores an cubiti ac pedes plus valeant.

open and hasten, make the doors stand open, remove the delay;
this matter is being carried on too without care. see how long I have been standing here and knocking. 310
are you giving your effort to sleep? I will try whether the doors or elbows and feet will prevail more.

nimis vellem hae fores erum fugissent, ea causa ut haberent ma<lum mag>num;
defessus sum pultando.
hoc postremumst. vae vobis.

i would very much wish these doors had fled their master, for this reason, that they might have a gr<eat ev>il;
i am worn out with knocking.
this is the last. woe to you.

GEL. Ibo atque hunc compellabo. 315
salvos sis. PIN. Et tu salve.
GEL. Iam tu piscator factu's?
PIN. Quam pridem non edisti?

GEL. I will go and address this man. 315
may you be safe. PIN. And greetings to you.
GEL. So now you’ve turned fisherman?
PIN. How long is it since you ate?

G. Vnde is? quid fers? quid festinas? P. Tua quod nil refert, ne cures. 319-320
G. Quid istic inest?

G. Whence are you coming? what do you bear? why do you hasten? P. Since it matters nothing to you, don’t concern yourself. 319-320
G. What is in that there?

P. Quas tu edes colubras. G. Quid tam iracundu's? PIN. Si in te 321
pudor adsit, non me appelles.
GEL. Possum scire ex te verum?

P. Those snakes you will eat. G. Why so irascible? PIN. If in you 321
shame were present, you would not address me.
GEL. Can I know the truth from you?

PIN. Potes: hodie non cenabis. 324-325

PIN. You can: today you will not dine. 324-325

II.ii
PANEGYRIS Quisnam, opsecro, has frangit fores? ubi est? 326
tun haec facis? tun mihi huc hostis venis? 326a
GEL. Salve, tuo arcessitu venio huc.

2.2
PANEGYRIS Who, I beseech, is breaking these doors? where is he? 326
is it you doing these things? is it you who come here to me as an enemy? 326a
GEL. Greetings, I come here at your summons.

PAN. Ean gratia fores effringis?
GEL. Tuos inclama, tui delinquont: ego quid me velles visebam;
nam me quidem harum miserebat. PIN. Ergo auxilium propere latumst.

PAN. What? For this reason are you breaking the doors down?
GEL. Call your own; your people are delinquent: I came to see what you wanted of me;
for indeed I was pitying these women. PIN. Therefore aid has been promptly brought.

PA. Quisnam hic loquitur tam prope nos? PI. Pinacium. PA. Vbi is est? 330
PIN. Respice ad me et relinque egentem parasitum, Panegyris.

PA. Who is speaking here so near to us? PI. Pinacium. PA. Where is he? 330
PIN. Look back to me and leave the needy parasite, Panegyris.

PAN. Pinacium. PIN. Istuc indiderunt nomen maiores mihi.
PAN. Quid agis?

PAN. Pinacium. PIN. That name my ancestors bestowed on me.
PAN. What are you doing?

PIN. Quid agam rogitas? PAN. Quidni rogitem? PIN.
Quid mecum est tibi?

PIN. You ask what I should do? PAN. Why shouldn’t I
ask? PIN.
What have you to do with me?

PAN. Mein fastidis, propudiose? eloquere propere, Pinacium.
PI. Iube me omittere igitur hos, qui retinent.

PAN. Do you disdain me, you scandalous wretch? Speak out promptly, Pinacium.
PI. Then bid me to let go these who are holding me.

PA. Qui retinent? PI. Rogas? 335
omnia membra lassitudo mihi tenet. PAN. Linguam quidem
sat scio tibi non tenere.

PA. Who are holding you back? PI. You ask? 335
weariness holds all my limbs. PAN. Your tongue, at least, I certainly know weariness does not hold.

PIN. Ita celeri curriculo fui
propere a portu, tui honoris causa. PAN. Ecquid adportas boni?
PIN. Nimio ~ inparti multo tanto plus quam speras.

PIN. So with a swift course I came
quickly from the port, for the sake of your honor. PAN. Do you bring anything good?
PIN. By an excessive ~ unequal amount, much, so much more than you hope.

PAN. Salva sum.
PIN. At ego perii, quoi medullam lassitudo perbibit. 340
GEL. Quid ego, quoi misero medullam ventris percepit fames.
PAN. Ecquem convenisti?

PAN. I am safe.
PIN. But I am undone, for lassitude has drunk my marrow dry. 340
GEL. What of me, poor wretch, whose belly’s marrow hunger has seized?
PAN. Did you meet anyone?

PIN. Multos. PAN. At virum? PIN. Equidem plurimos:
verum ex multis nequiorem nullum quam hic est.

PIN. Many. PAN. But a man? PIN. Indeed very many:
but out of many none more worthless than this one is.

GEL. Quo modo?
iam dudum ego istum patior dicere iniuste mihi.
praeterhac si me inritassis — PIN. Edepol essuries male. 345
GEL. Animum inducam, ut istuc verum te elocutum esse arbitrer.

GEL. In what way?
for a long time now I endure that fellow to speak unjustly to me.
besides this, if you provoke me — PIN. By Pollux, hunger is bad. 345
GEL. I will bring my mind, to judge that you have spoken that truly.

PIN. Munditias volo fieri. ecferte huc scopas simulque harundinem,
ut operam omnem araneorum perdam et texturam improbem
deiciamque eorum omnis telas. GEL. Miseri algebunt postea.

PIN. I want cleanliness to be done. bring out here the brooms and the reed-pole as well,
so that I may destroy all the labor of the spiders and condemn their textile-work,
and cast down all their webs. GEL. The poor wretches will freeze afterward.

PIN. Quid? illos itidemne esse censes quasi te, cum veste unica? 350
cape illas scopas. GEL. Capiam.

PIN. What? Do you deem them likewise to be as you are, with a single garment? 350
take those brooms. GEL. I will take them.

PIN. Hoc egomet, tu hoc converre. GEL.
Ego fecero.
PIN. Ecquis huc effert nassiternam cum aqua?

PIN. This I myself; you sweep this up. GEL.
I will have done it.
PIN. Is anyone bringing out an ewer with water here?

GEL. Sine suffragio
populi tamen aedilitatem hic quidem gerit. PIN. Age tu ocius
~ pinge, humum consperge ante aedis. G. Faciam.

GEL. Without the suffrage
of the people, nevertheless this fellow here indeed carries the aedileship. PIN. Come on, you, quicker ~ paint, sprinkle the ground before the house. G. I will do it.

P. Factum oportuit.
ego hinc araneas de foribus deiciam et de pariete. 355
GEL. Edepol rem negotiosam. PAN. Quid sit, nil etiam scio,
nisi forte hospites venturi sunt.

P. It ought to have been done.
I will cast down the cobwebs from the doors and from the wall. 355
GEL. By Pollux, a troublesome business. PAN. What it may be, I still know nothing,
unless perhaps guests are about to come.

PIN. <Vos> lectos sternite.
GEL. Principium placet de lectis. PIN. Alii ligna caedite,
alii piscis depurgate, quos piscatu rettuli,
pernam et glandium deicite.

PIN. <You> strew the couches.
GEL. A beginning with the couches pleases me. PIN. Others, cut the wood,
others, clean the fish which I brought back from the fishing,
take down the ham and the acorns.

GEL. Hic hercle homo nimium sapit. 360
PAN. Non ecastor, ut ego opinor, satis erae morem geris.
PIN. Immo res omnis relictas habeo prae quod tu velis.
PAN. Tum tu igitur, qua causa missus es ad portum, id expedi.

GEL. By Hercules, this man is too wise. 360
PAN. No, by Castor, as I reckon, you do not sufficiently humor the mistress.
PIN. On the contrary, I have all affairs left aside in preference to what you would wish.
PAN. Then you, therefore, set forth that for which you were sent to the port.

PIN. Dicam. postquam me misisti ad portum, cum luci simul,
commodum radiosus sese sol superabat ex mari. 365
dum percontor portitores, ecquae navis venerit
ex Asia, negant venisse, conspicatus sum interim
cercurum, quo ego me maiorem non vidisse censeo.
in portum vento secundo, velo passo pervenit.

PIN. I will tell. After you sent me to the port, at the same time as daybreak,
just then the radiant sun was climbing up from the sea. 365
while I question the customs-collectors whether any ship has come
from Asia, they say none has come; meanwhile I caught sight
of a cercurus, than which I reckon I have not seen a greater.
into the port with a favorable wind, with sail spread, it arrived.

alius alium percontamur: quoiast navis? quid vehit? 370
interibi Epignomum conspicio tuom virum et servom Stichum.
PAN. Hem quid?

we question one another: whose ship is it? what does it carry? 370
in the meantime I catch sight of Epignomus, your man, and the slave Stichus.
PAN. Ha, what?

Epignomum elocutu's? PIN. Tuom virum. GEL. Et vitam meam.
PIN. Venit inquam.

Have you spoken with Epignomus? PIN. Your husband. GEL. And my life.
PIN. He has come, I say.

PAN. Tutin ipsus ipsum vidisti? PIN. Lubens.
argenti aurique advexit nimium.

PAN. Are you quite sure you yourself saw him himself? PIN. Gladly.
He has brought in too much silver and gold.

GEL. Nimis factum bene.
hercle vero capiam scopas atque hoc convorram lubens. 375
PIN. Lanam purpuramque multam. GEL. Em qui ventrem vestiam.

GEL. Exceedingly well done.
by Hercules indeed I’ll take up the brooms and gladly sweep this clean. 375
PIN. Much wool and much purple.
GEL. There—what I’ll clothe my belly with.

PIN. Lectos eburatos, auratos. GEL. Accubabo regie.
PIN. Tum Babylonica et peristroma tonsilia et tappetia
advexit, nimium bonae rei.

PIN. Beds ivory-inlaid, gilded. GEL. I will recline regally.
PIN. Then Babylonian fabrics and shorn peristroma-coverlets and tapestries
he has brought in, too much of a good thing.

GEL. Hercle rem gestam bene.
PIN. Poste, ut occepi narrare, fidicinas, tibicinas, 380
sambucas advexit secum forma eximia. GEL. Eugepae,
quando adbibero, adludiabo: tum sum ridiculissumus.

GEL. By Hercules, the matter has been managed well.
PIN. Afterward, as I began to narrate, cithara-players, pipe-players, 380
sambuca-players he brought along with him, of outstanding beauty. GEL. Eugepae,
when I have drunk my fill, I will play along: then I am most comical.

PIN. Poste unguenta multigenerum multa. GEL. Non vendo logos.
iam non facio auctionem, mi optigit hereditas:
malivoli, perquisitores auctionum, perierint. 385
Hercules, decumam esse adauctam tibi quam vovi gratulor.

PIN. Afterwards, many unguents of many kinds. GEL. I do not sell lots.
I no longer hold an auction; an inheritance has fallen to me, my friend:
malevolent men, perquisitors of auctions, may they perish. 385
By Hercules, I congratulate that the tithe which I vowed to you has been increased.

[spes est, tandem aliquando inportunam exigere ex utero famem.]
PIN. Poste autem advexit parasitos secum. GEL. Ei, perii miser.
PIN. Ridiculissumos.

[there is hope, at last sometime, to drive out from the belly the importunate hunger.]
PIN. But then Poste brought parasites along with him. GEL. Alas, I’m undone, poor wretch.
PIN. The most ridiculous.

GEL. Revorram hercle hoc quod converri modo.
PAN. Vidistin virum sororis Pamphilum? PIN. Non.

GEL. By Hercules, I’ll vomit back what was just swept together.
PAN. Have you seen your sister’s husband, Pamphilus? PIN. No.

PAN. Non adest? 390
PIN. Immo venisse eum simitu aiebat ille: ego huc citus
praecucurri, ut nuntiarem nuntium exoptabilem.
GEL. Venales logi sunt illi, quos negabam vendere.
ilicet, iam meo malost quod malevolentes gaudeant.

PAN.
Is he not here? 390
PIN. Nay rather, he said that he had come simultaneously with him; I ran ahead here quickly, to announce the much-desired news.
GEL. Those saleable tales are the ones I was saying I would not sell.
In short, now it is to my harm that the malevolent should rejoice.

Hercules, qui deus sis, sane discessisti non bene. 395
PAN. I intro, Pinacium, iube famulos rem divinam mi apparent.
bene vale. GEL. Vin administrem?

Hercules, though you be a god, truly you have not departed well. 395
PAN. Go inside, Pinacium; order the servants to prepare the divine rite for me.
fare well. GEL. D’you want me to assist?

PAN. Sat servorum habeo domi. —
GEL. Enim vero, Gelasime, opinor provenisti futtile,
si neque ille adest neque hic, qui venit, quicquam subvenit.
ibo intro ad libros et discam de dictis melioribus; 400
nam ni illos homines expello, ego occidi planissume.

PAN. I have enough slaves at home. —
GEL. Indeed truly, Gelasimus, I think you have turned out futile,
if neither that fellow is here nor this one, who came, brings any succor.
I will go inside to the books and learn from better sayings; 400
for unless I expel those men, I am killed most plainly.

—

ACTVS III

ACT 3

III.i
EPIGNOMVS Quom bene re gesta salvos convortor domum,
Neptuno grates habeo et Tempestatibus;
simul Mercurio, qui me in mercimoniis
iuvit lucrisque quadruplicavit rem meam. 405
olim quos abiens adfeci aegrimonia,
eos nunc laetantis faciam adventu meo.
nam iam Antiphonem conveni adfinem meum
cumque eo reveni ex inimicitia in gratiam.
videte, quaeso, quid potest pecunia: 410
quoniam bene gesta re rediisse me videt
magnasque adportavisse divitias domum,
sine advocatis ibidem in cercuro in stega
in amicitiam atque in gratiam convortimus.

III.i
EPIGNOMVS When, the affair well managed, I turn back home safe,
I give thanks to Neptune and to the Tempests;
and likewise to Mercury, who in merchandises
helped me, and by profits quadrupled my estate. 405
Those whom, departing once upon a time, I afflicted with heart-ache,
those now I shall make rejoicing at my arrival.
for now I have met Antiphon, my affine,
and with him I returned from enmity into favor.
see, I pray, what money can do: 410
since he sees that I have returned with the business well carried through
and have brought great riches home,
without advocates, right there in the cercurus, on the deck
we turned into amity and into favor.

et is hodie apud me cenat et frater meus; 415
nam heri ambo in uno portu fuimus, sed mea
hodie solutast navis aliquanto prius.
age abduce hasce intro, quas mecum adduxi, Stiche.
STICHVS Ere, si ego taceam seu loquar, scio scire te
quam multas tecum miserias mulcaverim. 420
nunc hunc diem unum ex illis multis miseriis
volo me eleutheria capere advenientem domum.

and he dines at my place today, and my brother as well; 415
for yesterday both of us were in one harbor, but my
ship today was loosed somewhat earlier.
come, lead these inside, which I brought with me, Stichus.
STICHVS Master, whether I be silent or speak, I know that you know
how many miseries I have soothed with you. 420
now this one day out of those many miseries
I want to take my day of liberty upon coming home.

EPIG. Et ius et aequom postulas: sumas, Stiche.
in hunc diem te nil moror; abi quo lubet.
cadum tibi veteris vini propino.

EPIG. You request what is just and equitable: take it, Stichus.
for this day I do not detain you at all; go where you please.
I pledge you a cask of old wine.

ST. Papae, 425
ducam hodie amicam. EPIG. Vel decem, dum de tuo.
S. Quid?

ST. Goodness, 425
I’ll take my girlfriend out today. EPIG. Or ten, so long as it’s on your tab.
S. What?

hoc etiam unum? E. Quid id autem unumst? expedi.

this one thing too? E. What then is that one thing? explain.

STICH. Ad cenam ibone? EPIG. Si vocatu's, censeo.
STICH. Sic hoc placet; rogatu necne, nil moror.

STICH. Shall I go to dinner? EPIG. If you’re invited, I think so.
STICH. So this pleases me; invited or not, I don’t care.

EPIG. Vbi cenas hodie? STICH. Sic hanc rationem institi: 430
amicam ego habeo Stephanium hinc ex proxumo,
tui fratris ancillam: eo condixi in symbolam
ad cenam, ad eius conservom Sangarinum Syrum.
eademst amica ambobus, rivales sumus.

EPIG. Where do you dine today? STICH. Thus I have instituted this plan: 430
I have a mistress, Stephanium, from right next door,
your brother’s maidservant: with her I made a chip‑in agreement
for dinner, at her fellow-slave, Sangarinus the Syrian’s.
she is the same mistress to us both; we are rivals.

EPIG. Age abduce hasce intro. hunc tibi dedo diem. 435
STICH. Meam culpam habeto, nisi probe excruciavero.

EPIG. Come, lead these inside. I give this day to you. 435
STICH. Lay the blame on me, unless I have properly tormented him.

iam hercle ego per hortum ad amicam transibo meam
mi hanc occupatum noctem; eadem symbolam
dabo et iubebo ad Sangarinum cenam coqui.
aut egomet ibo atque opsonabo opsonium. 440
Sangarinus scio iam hic aderit cum domino suo,
servos homo, qui nisi temperi ad cenam meat,
advorsitores pol cum verberibus decet
dari, uti eum verberabundi adducant domum.
parata res faciam ut sit.

Now, by Hercules, I’ll go through the garden to my girlfriend;
for me this night is booked; likewise I’ll give the contribution,
and I’ll order dinner to be cooked at Sangarinus’s.
or I myself will go and shop the relishes. 440
I know Sangarinus will be here presently with his master,
a slave fellow, who, unless he goes to dinner in good time,
by Pollux, it is fitting that greeters with lashes
be sent, so that, flogging, they may lead him home.
I will make sure the matter is prepared.

egomet me moror.   445
atque id ne vos miremini, hominis servolos
potare, amare atque ad cenam condicere:
licet haec Athenis nobis. sed quom cogito,
potius quam invidiam inveniam, est etiam hic ostium
aliud posticum nostrarum harunc aedium:         450
[posticam partem magis utuntur aedium]        450a
ea ibo opsonatum, eadem referam opsonium:
per hortum utroque commeatus continet.
ite hac secundum vos me. ego hunc lacero diem.

I myself am delaying myself.   445
And don’t you marvel at this, that a fellow’s servant-lads
drink, love, and make appointments for dinner:
these things are permitted to us at Athens. But when I consider,
rather than incur ill-will, there is also here another postern-door
of our house—of these houses of ours:         450
[they make use of the back part of the house more]        450a
by that I will go to buy the viands, by the same I will bring back the viands:
through the garden a passage holds in both directions.
go this way following me. I lacerate this day.

—

III.ii
GELASIMVS Libros inspexi; tam confido quam potis,
me meum optenturum regem ridiculis meis. 455
nunc interviso, iamne a portu advenerit,
ut eum advenientem meis dictis deleniam.
EPIG. Hic quidem Gelasimus est parasitus, qui venit.
GEL. Auspicio hodie optumo exivi foras:
mustela murem abstulit praeter pedes; 460
cum strena obscaevavit; spectatum hoc mihist.

III.ii
GELASIMUS I have inspected the books; I am as confident as can be,
that I shall obtain my king by my ridicules. 455
Now I will go take a look, whether he has already arrived from the harbor,
so that, as he arrives, I may charm him with my sayings.
EPIG. This indeed is Gelasimus the parasite, who is coming.
GEL. I went out today under the best auspice:
a weasel carried off a mouse right past my feet; 460
she gave a left-omen as a strena (good‑luck gift); this is a sight for me to see.

nam ut illa vitam repperit hodie sibi,
item me spero facturum: augurium hac facit.
Epignomus hic quidemst qui astat. ibo atque adloquar.

for as she found life for herself today,
so I hope I shall do likewise: this makes an augury from this.
Epignomus, this indeed is he who stands here. I will go and address him.

<o> Epignome, ut ego nunc te conspicio libens, 465
ut prae laetitia lacrimae prosiliunt mihi.
valuistin usque? EPIG. Sustentatumst sedulo.

<o> Epignomus, how I now gaze on you gladly, 465
how, for very joy, tears leap forth to me.
Have you kept well all along? EPIG. It has been sustained assiduously.

GEL. Propino tibi salutem plenis faucibus.
EPIG. Bene atque amice dicis. di dent quae velis.

GEL. I pledge to you health with a full gullet.
EPIG. You speak well and in a friendly way. May the gods grant what you wish.

GEL. Cenem illi apud te, quoniam salvos advenis. 470-471
EPIG. Locatast opera nunc quidem; tam gratiast. 472
G. Promitte. E. Certumst. G. Sic face inquam.

GEL. Let me dine with him at your place, since you arrive safe and sound. 470-471
EPIG. The service is engaged just now; it is so much in favor. 472
G. Promise. E. It is certain. G. Do so, I say.

E. Certa res.
G. Lubente me hercle facies. E. Idem ego istuc scio.

E. A sure thing.
G. By Hercules, you will do it with me willing. E. I know that same thing.

quando usus veniet, fiet. GEL. Nunc ergo usus est. 475
EPIG. Non edepol possum. GEL. Quid gravare?

when the need comes, it will be done. GEL. Now then, the need is here. 475
EPIG. By Pollux, I cannot. GEL. Why make difficulties?

censeas.
nescio quid vero habeo in mundo. EPIG. I modo,
alium convivam quaerito tibi in hunc diem.

you might think so.
I really have I know not what in readiness. EPIG. Just go,
look for yourself another dinner-guest for today.

GEL. Quin tu promittis? EPIG. Non graver, si possiem.
GEL. Vnum quidem hercle certo promitto tibi: 480
libens accipiam certo, si promiseris.

GEL. Why don’t you promise? EPIG. I would not demur, if I could.
GEL. One thing indeed, by Hercules, I surely promise you: 480
I will gladly accept, surely, if you promise.

EP. Valeas. GEL. Certumnest? EP. Certum.

EP. Be well. GEL. Is it settled? EP. Settled.

cenabo domi.
GEL. [Quando quidem tu ad me non vis promittere]
sed — quoniam nil processit hac, ego ivero
apertiore magis via; ita plane loquar: 485
vin ad te ad cenam veniam? EPIG. Si possim, velim;
verum hic apud me cenant alieni novem.

I will dine at home.
GEL. [Since indeed you do not wish to promise to me]
but — since nothing has proceeded with this, I will go by a more open road; thus I will speak plainly: 485
do you want me to come to dinner to your place? EPIG. If I could, I would like to;
but in fact here at my place nine outsiders are dining.

GEL. Hau postulo equidem med in lecto accumbere:
scis tu me esse unisubselli virum.
EPIG. At ei oratores sunt popli, summi viri; 490
Ambracia veniunt huc legati publice.
GEL. Ergo oratores populi, summates viri,
summi accubent, ego infimatis infimus.

GEL. I do not at all ask, for my part, to recline on the couch:
you know that I am a one-bench sort of man.
EPIG. But they are the people’s ambassadors, men of the highest rank; 490
from Ambracia legates come here on public business.
GEL. Therefore let the people’s orators, topmost men,
let the highest recline; I, the lowest of the low.

EPIG. Haud aequomst te inter oratores accipi.
GEL. Equidem hercle orator sum, sed procedit parum. 495
EPIG. Cras de reliquiis nos volo.

EPIG. It is not fair for you to be accepted among the orators.
GEL. Indeed, by Hercules, I am an orator, but it proceeds too little. 495
EPIG. Tomorrow I want us for the leftovers.

multum vale. —
GEL. Perii hercle vero plane, nihil obnoxie.
uno Gelasimo minus est quam dudum fuit.

fare very well. —
GEL. I’ve perished, by Hercules, truly, plainly, through no fault.
there is one Gelasimus less than there was a little while ago.

certumst mustelae posthac numquam credere,
nam incertiorem nullam novi bestiam; 500
quaen eapse deciens in die mutat locum,
ea ego auspicavi in re capitali mea?
certumst amicos convocare, ut consulam
qua lege nunc med essurire oporteat. —

it is certain never hereafter to trust a weasel,
for I know no beast more uncertain; 500
one that itself changes its place ten times in a day—
and by that did I take auspices in my capital matter?
it is certain to call together friends, so that I may consult
by what law it is now proper for me to starve. —

ACTVS IV

ACT 4

IV.i
ANTIPHO Ita me di bene ament measque mihi [bene] servassint filias, 505
ut mihi volup est, Pamphilippe, quia vos in patriam domum
rediisse video bene gesta re ambos, te et fratrem tuom.
PAMPHILIPPVS Satis abs te accipiam, nisi videam mihi te amicum esse, Antipho;
nunc quia te amicum mihi experior esse, credetur tibi.
ANT. Vocem ego te ad me ad cenam, frater tuos ni dixisset mihi, 510
te apud se cenaturum esse hodie, quom me ad se ad cenam vocat.

IV.i
ANTIPHO So may the gods well love me, and may they have [well] preserved my daughters for me, 505
as it is a delight to me, Pamphilippus, because I see that you both have returned to the native home with the affair well conducted, you and your brother.
PAMPHILIPPVS I would accept it well enough from you, unless I saw you to be a friend to me, Antipho; now, since I find you to be a friend to me, you will be believed.
ANT. I would invite you to dinner at my place, had not your brother told me 510
that you are going to dine at his today, when he invites me to dinner at his.

et magis par fuerat me vobis dare cenam advenientibus,
quam me ad illum promittere, nisi nollem ei advorsarier.
nunc me gratiam abs te inire verbis nil desidero:
cras apud me eritis et tu et ille cum vostris uxoribus. 515
PAMPH. At apud me perendie. nam ille heri me iam vocaverat
in hunc diem.

and it would have been more fitting that I give you a dinner as you arrive,
than that I promise myself to him, unless I were unwilling to oppose him.
now I desire nothing of entering into favor with you by words:
tomorrow at my place you will be, both you and he, with your wives. 515
PAMPH. But at my place the day after tomorrow. For he had already invited me yesterday
for this day.

sed satin ego tecum pacificatus sum, Antipho?
ANT. Quando ita rem gessistis ut vos velle amicosque addecet,
pax commersque est vobis mecum. nam hoc tu facito ut cogites:
ut cuique homini res paratast, perinde amicis utitur: 520
si res firma, <item> firmi amici sunt; sin res laxe labat,
itidem amici conlabascunt: res amicos invenit.

but am I sufficiently reconciled with you, Antipho?
ANT. Since you have carried the matter in such a way as it befits you and your friends to wish,
there is peace and commerce between you and me. For do you take care to think this:
as each man’s resources are provided, accordingly he uses his friends: 520
if the resources are firm, likewise the friends are firm; but if the resources loosely totter,
likewise the friends collapse: fortune finds friends.

EPIGNOMVS Iam redeo. nimiast voluptas, ubi diu afueris domo,
domum ubi redieris, si tibi nullast aegritudo animo obviam.
nam ita me absente familiarem rem uxor curavit meam, 525
omnium me exilem atque inanem fecit aegritudinum.

EPIGNOMUS Now I return. Excessive is the pleasure, when you have been long away from home,
when you return home, if no distress meets your spirit face to face.
for thus, with me absent, my wife has cared for my household affair, 525
she has made me stripped and empty of all griefs.

sed eccum fratrem Pamphilippum, incedit cum socero suo.
P. Quid agitur, Epignome? E. Quid tu? quam dudum in portum venis?

but look, here’s brother Pamphilippus; he advances with his father-in-law.
P. What’s being done, Epignomus? E. What about you? how long ago did you come into port ?

PAMPH. Hau longissume. EPIG. Postilla iam iste est tranquillus tibi?
A. Magis quam mare quo ambo estis vecti.

PAMPH. Not very long. EPIG. Since then, is that fellow now tranquil toward you?
A. More than the sea by which you both have been carried.

E. Facis ut alias res soles. 530
hodiene exoneramus navem, frater? PAMPH. Clementer volo.
nos potius oneremus nosmet vicissatim voluptatibus.

E. You do as you are wont in other matters. 530
are we unloading the ship today, brother? PAMPH. I would have it gently.
rather let us load ourselves, in turn, with pleasures.

quam mox coctast cena? inpransus ego sum. E. Abi intro ad me et lava.

how soon is dinner cooked? I haven't lunched. E. Go inside to me and wash.

PAMPH. Deos salutatum atque uxorem modo intro devortor domum;
haec si ita ut volo conficio, continuo ad te transeo. 535
EPIG. Apud nos eccillam festinat cum sorore uxor tua.
PAMPH. Optumest, iam istoc morai minus erit. iam ego apud te ero.

PAMPH. I’ll just turn in home to salute the gods and my wife; if I bring these things off as I wish, I’ll cross over to you at once. 535
EPIG. At our place—look, there she is!—your wife is hurrying with her sister.
PAMPH. Excellent; now there’ll be less delay on that score. I’ll be with you forthwith.

ANT. Prius quam abis, praesente ted huic apologum agere unum volo.
PAMPH. Maxume. ANT. Fuit olim, quasi ego sum, senex; ei filiae
duae erant, quasi nunc meae sunt; eae erant duobus nuptae fratribus, 540
quasi nunc meae sunt vobis.

ANT. Before you go, with you present I want to relate one apologue to this man.
PAMPH. By all means. ANT. There once was, as I am, an old man; he had two daughters,
as now I have; they were married to two brothers, 540
as now mine are to you.

EPIG. Miror quo evasurust apologus.
ANT. Erant minori illi adulescenti fidicina et tibicina,
peregre advexerat, quasi nunc tu; sed ille erat caeleps senex,
quasi ego nunc sum. E. Perge porro.

EPIG. I marvel how the apologue will turn out.
ANT. There were for that younger young man a lyre-girl and a flute-girl; he had imported them from abroad, as you now; but that one was a celibate old man, as I am now. E. Go on further.

praesens hic quidem est apologus.
ANT. Deinde senex ille illi dixit, cuius erat tibicina, 545
quasi ego nunc tibi dico: EPIG. Ausculto atque animum advorto sedulo.
ANT. 'Ego tibi meam filiam, bene quicum cubitares, dedi:
nunc mihi reddi ego aequom esse abs te quicum cubitem censeo.'
EPIG. Quis istuc dicit?

this apologue is indeed to the point here.
ANT. Then that old man said to the one to whom the flute-girl belonged, 545
as I now say to you: EPIG. I listen and turn my mind diligently.
ANT. ‘I gave you my daughter, with whom you might sleep well:
now I judge it equitable that there be returned to me from you someone with whom I may sleep.’
EPIG. Who says that?

an ille quasi tu? ANT. Quasi ego nunc dico tibi.
'Immo duas dabo,' inquit ille adulescens 'una si parumst; 550
et si duarum paenitebit,' inquit 'addentur duae.'
E. Quis istuc quaeso? an ille quasi ego?

or he, like you? ANT. Just as I now say to you.
'Nay, I will give two,' says that young man, 'if one is too little; 550
and if two cause regret,' he says, 'two will be added.'
E. Who says that, pray? or he, like me?

A. Is ipse quasi tu. <tum> senex
ille quasi ego: 'si vis,' inquit 'quattuor sane dato,
dum equidem hercle quod edint addas, meum ne contruncent cibum.'
EPIG. Videlicet parcum illum fuisse senem, qui <illi istaec> dixerit, 555
quom ille, illi qui pollicetur, eum cibum poposcerit.
ANT. Videlicet non fuisse illum aequom adulescentem, qui ilico
ubi ille poscit denegavit dare se granum tritici.
hercle qui aequom postulabat ille senex, quando quidem
filiae illae dederat dotem, accipere pro tibicina. 560
EPIG. Hercle ille quidem certo adulescens docte vorsutus fuit,
qui seni illi concubinam dare dotatam noluit.

A. The same fellow, as if you. <then> that old man, as if me: “if you wish,” says he, “by all means give four, provided indeed, by Hercules, that you add something for them to eat, so they don’t butcher my food.”
EPIG. Evidently that old man was frugal, who <to him those things> said, 555
when that fellow—the one who promises to him—demanded that food.
ANT. Evidently that young man was not fair, who straightway,
when he asks, denied that he would give a grain of wheat.
By Hercules, that old man was demanding what was fair, since indeed
he had given that daughter a dowry, to receive in place of the flute-girl. 560
EPIG. By Hercules, that young man certainly was cleverly shrewd,
who did not wish to give that old man a concubine with a dowry.

ANT. Senex quidem voluit, si posset, indipisci de cibo;
quia nequit, qua lege licuit velle dixit fieri.
'fiat' ille inquit adulescens. 'facis benigne' inquit senex. 565
'habeon rem pactam?' inquit.

ANT. The old man indeed wished, if he could, to come to terms about the food;
since he cannot, he said he wished it to be done by such law as it was permitted.
“Let it be done,” said the adolescent. “You act benignly,” said the old man. 565
“Have I a pact on the matter?” he said.

'faciam ita' inquit 'ut fieri voles.'
sed ego ibo intro et gratulabor vostrum adventum filiis.
poste ibo lautum in pyelum, ibi fovebo senectutem meam.
post ubi lavero, otiosus vos opperiar accubans.

"I will do so," he says, "as you will have it done."
but I will go inside and congratulate my children on your advent.
after that I will go to bathe in the bathtub; there I will warm my senescence.
after, when I have washed, at leisure I will await you, reclining.

—
PAMPH. Graphicum mortalem Antiphonem, ut apologum fecit quam fabre. 570
EPIG. Etiam nunc scelestus se esse ducit pro adulescentulo.
dabitur homini amica, noctu quae in lecto occentet senem;
namque edepol aliud quidem illi quid amica opus sit nescio.
PAMPH. Sed quid agit parasitus noster Gelasimus?

—
PAMPH. Antiphon, a graphic mortal, how skillfully he made the apologue. 570
EPIG. Even now the scoundrel deems himself to be a youngster.
A mistress will be given to the man, who at night in bed will chant over the old man;
for, by Pollux, indeed I do not know what else he has need of a mistress for.
PAMPH. But what is our parasite Gelasimus doing?

etiam valet?
E. Vidi edepol hominem haud perdudum. P. Quid agit?

Is he still well?
E. By Pollux, I saw the man not very long ago. P. What is he doing?

E. Quod famelicus. 575
P. Quin vocavisti hominem ad cenam? E. Ne quid adveniens perderem.
atque eccum tibi lupum in sermone: praesens esuriens adest.

E. Because he's famished. 575
P. Why didn’t you invite the man to dinner? E. So that on his arriving I wouldn’t lose anything.
and look, here’s the wolf in our talk: present, hungry, he is here.

PAMPH. Ludificemur hominem. EPIG. Capti consili memorem mones.

PAMPH. Let us mock the man. EPIG. You admonish one mindful of the counsel already taken.

IV.ii
GELASIMVS Sed ita ut occepi narrare vobis: quom hic non adfui,
cum amicis deliberavi iam et cum cognatis meis. 580
ita mi auctores fuere, ut egomet me hodie iugularem fame.
sed videone ego Pamphilippum cum fratre Epignomo? atque is est.

4.2
GELASIMVS But just as I began to narrate to you: when I was not here,
I have now deliberated with my friends and with my kinsmen. 580
Such advisers were they to me, that I myself today should starve myself to death.
But do I see Pamphilippus with his brother Epignomus? And that is he.

adgrediar hominem. <o> sperate Pamphilippe, o spes mea,
o mea vita, o mea voluptas, salve. salvom gaudeo
peregre te in patriam rediisse.

I will approach the man. <o> hoped-for Pamphilus, O my hope,
O my life, O my delight, hail. I rejoice that you have returned safe
from abroad into your fatherland.

PAMPH. Salvo salve, Gelasime. 585
G. Valuistin bene? P. Sustentatumst sedulo. G. Edepol gaudeo.

PAMPH. Hail, safe and sound, Gelasimus. 585
G. Have you been well? P. I have been sustained diligently. G. By Pollux, I rejoice.

edepol ne ego nunc mihi medimnum mille esse argenti velim.
EPIG. Quid eo tibi opust? GEL. Hunc hercle ad cenam ut vocem, te non vocem.

By Pollux, indeed I would now wish that there were for me a thousand medimni of silver.
EPIG. What need have you of that? GEL. By Hercules, so that I might invite this man to dinner, and not invite you.

EPIG. Advorsum te fabulare. GEL. Illud quidem, ambos ut vocem;
et equidem simitu hau maligne vos invitassem domum 590
ad me, sed mihi ipsi domi meae nihil est. atque hoc scitis vos.

EPIG. Speak against yourself. GEL. That indeed—namely, that I should invite both of you;
and indeed at the same time I would not grudgingly have invited you home 590
to me, but I myself have nothing at my own house. And this you know.

EPIG. Edepol te vocem lubenter, si superfiat locus.
G. Quin tum stans obstrusero aliquid strenue. E. Immo unum hoc potest.

EPIG. By Pollux, I would invite you gladly, if there be room to spare.
G. Why then, standing, I’ll briskly cram myself in. E. No rather, this one can be managed.

G. Quid? E. Vbi convivae abierint, tum venias. G. Vae aetati tuae.

G. What? E. When the guests have departed, then come. G. Woe to your age.

EPIG. Vasa lautum, non ad cenam dico. GEL. Di te perduint. 595
quid ais, Pamphilippe? PAMPH. Ad cenam hercle alio promisi foras.

EPIG. For washing the vessels, I don’t mean for dinner. GEL. May the gods destroy you. 595
what do you say, Pamphilus? PAMPH. By Hercules, I have promised to dine out elsewhere.

G. Quid, foras? P. Foras hercle vero. G. Qui malum tibi lasso libet
foris cenare?

G. What, out of doors? P. Out of doors, by Hercules, indeed. G. How the mischief does it please you, tired as you are,
to dine outside?

PAMPH. Vtrum tu censes? GEL. Iuben domi cenam coqui
atque ad illum renuntiari? PAMPH. Solus cenabo domi?

PAMPH. Which do you think? GEL. Do you bid at home dinner to be cooked
and that it be reported back to him? PAMPH. Shall I dine alone at home?

GEL. Non enim solus: me vocato. PAMPH. At ille ne suscenseat, 600
mea qui causa sumptum fecit. GEL. Facile excusari potest.

GEL. Not, in fact, alone: invite me. PAMPH. But lest he be angry, 600
who on my account has made the outlay. GEL. It can easily be excused.

mihi modo ausculta, iube cenam domi coqui. EPIG. Non me quidem
faciet auctore, hodie ut illum decipiat. GEL. Non tu hinc abis?

just listen to me now, order dinner to be cooked at home. EPIG. Not with me, indeed, as adviser, that he should deceive him today. GEL. Will you not go away from here?

nisi me non perspicere censes quid agas. cave sis tu tibi,
nam illic homo tuam hereditatem inhiat, quasi esuriens lupus. 605
non tu scis, quam efflictentur homines noctu hic in via?
PAMPH. Tanto pluris qui defendant ire advorsum iussero.

unless you suppose I do not perceive what you are doing. do, please, take care for yourself,
for that man there gapes after your inheritance like a starving wolf. 605
do you not know how men are battered at night here in the street? PAMPH. All the more I will order defenders to go against him.

EPIG. Non it, non it, quia tanto opere suades ne ebitat. GEL. Iube
domi mi tibique tuaeque uxori celeriter cenam coqui.
si hercle faxis, non opinor dices deceptum fore. 610
PAMPH.

EPIG. He isn’t going, he isn’t going, because you so greatly urge that he not go out. GEL. Order
at home, for me, for you, and for your wife, a dinner to be cooked quickly.
If, by Hercules, you do so, I don’t think you will say you have been deceived. 610
PAMPH.

Per hanc tibi cenam incenato, Gelasime, esse hodie licet.
GEL. Ibisne ad cenam foras? PAMPH. Apud fratrem ceno in proxumo.

Thanks to this dinner, Gelasimus, you are allowed to go supperless today.
GEL. Will you go out to dinner? PAMPH. I dine with my brother, next door.

G. Certumnest? P. Certum. G. Edepol te hodie lapide percussum velim.

G. Is it certain? P. Certain. G. By Pollux, I would like you to be struck by a stone today.

PAMPH. Non metuo: per hortum transibo, non prodibo in publicum.
EPIG. Quid ais, Gelasime? GEL. Oratores tu accipis, habeas tibi. 615
EPIG. Tua pol refert.

PAMPH. I do not fear: I will pass through the garden, I will not go forth into public.
EPIG. What do you say, Gelasimus? GEL. You receive orators; keep them for yourself. 615
EPIG. By Pollux, it concerns you.

GEL. Enim, si quidem mea refert, opera utere.
EPIG. Posse edepol tibi opinor etiam uni locum condi ***
ubi accubes. PAMPH. Sane faciundum censeo.

GEL. Indeed, if indeed it concerns me, use my help.
EPIG. By Pollux, I think even a place can be prepared for you alone *** where you may recline. PAMPH. Surely, I think it ought to be done.

GEL. O lux oppidi.
EPIG. Si arte poteris accubare. GEL. Vel inter cuneos ferreos;
tantillum loculi, ubi catellus cubet, id mi satis est loci. 620
E. Exorabo aliquo modo.

GEL. O light of the town.
EPIG. If by art you can recline. GEL. Even among iron wedges;
just the tiniest bit of a nook, where a little dog might lie, that is enough place for me. 620
E. I will coax it out somehow.

veni. G. Hucine? E. Immo in carcerem;
nam hic quidem genium meliorem tuom non facies.

come. G. Here? E. No —
to prison;
for here indeed you will not make your genius better.

eamus, tu.
PAMPH. Deos salutabo modo, poste ad te continuo transeo. —
G. Quid igitur? E. Dixi equidem, in carcerem ires.

let us go, you.
PAMPH. I will salute the gods just now; afterwards I cross over to you straightway. —
G. What then? E. I did say, that you should go to prison.

G. Quin si iusseris,
eo quoque ibo. E. Di immortales, hic quidem pol summam in crucem 625
cena aut prandio perduci potest. GEL. Ita ingenium meumst:
quicumvis depugno multo facilius quam cum fame.

G. Why, if you order it,
I’ll go there too. E. By the immortal gods, this fellow indeed, by Pollux, can be led to the highest cross 625
by a supper or by a lunch. GEL. Such is my nature:
I fight with anyone much more easily than with hunger.

EPIG. Dum parasitus mi atque fratri fuisti, rem confregimus.
GEL. Non nego ista apud te. EPIG. Satis spectatast mihi iam tua felicitas;
nunc ego nolo ex Gelasimo mihi fieri te Catagelasimum. — 630
GEL. Iamne abiisti?

EPIG. While you were a parasite to me and to my brother, we smashed our estate.
GEL. I don’t deny those things with you. EPIG. Your good fortune has already been sufficiently looked at by me;
now I do not want you, for me, to turn from Gelasimus into Catagelasimus. — 630
GEL. Have you gone already?

Gelasime, vide quid es capturus consili.
egone? tune.

Gelasimus, see what counsel you are about to take.
I? You.

mihine? tibine. viden ut annonast gravis?

to me? to you. do you see how grievous the grain-supply is?

viden, benignitates hominum ut periere et prothymiae?
viden ridiculos nihili fieri, atque ipsos parasitarier?
numquam edepol me vivom quisquam in crastinum inspiciet diem; 635
nam mihi iam intus potione iuncea onerabo gulam,
neque ego hoc committam, ut me esse homines mortuom dicant fame.

do you see how men’s benignities have perished, and their prothymies?
do you see the jesters becoming worth nothing, and the very men turning parasite?
never, by Pollux, shall anyone see me alive into tomorrow’s day; 635
for even now within I will burden my gullet with a reed potation,
nor will I commit this, that men say I am dead from hunger.

— 637-640

I’m missing the Latin for lines 637–640. Please provide the exact text for those lines, and I will translate it while matching your formatting.

ACTVS V

ACT 5

V.i
STICHVS More hoc fit, atque stulte mea sententia: 641
si quem hominem exspectant, eum solent provisere;
qui hercle illa causa ocius nihilo venit.
idem ego nunc facio, qui proviso Sagarinum,
qui nihilo citius veniet tamen hac gratia. 645
iam hercle ego decumbam solus, si ille huc non venit.
cadum modo hinc a me huc cum vino transferam,
postidea accumbam.

5.1
STICHUS This is done this way, and foolishly in my judgment: 641
if they are expecting some man, they are wont to look out for him;
who, by Hercules, for that cause comes no whit faster.
I now do the same: I look out for Sagarinus,
who will, however, come no whit quicker on this account. 645
Now, by Hercules, I will recline alone, if he does not come here.
I will just transfer a cask with wine from here to here,
afterwards I will recline.

quasi nix tabescit dies. —

the day melts away like snow. —

V.ii
SANGARINVS Salvete, Athenae, quae nutrices Graeciae,
sperata erilis patria, te video libens. 650
sed amica mea et conserva quid agat Stephanium
curaest, ut valeat. nam Sticho mandaveram,
salutem ut nuntiaret atque ei ut diceret
me hodie venturum, ut cenam coqueret temperi.
sed Stichus est hic quidem.

V.ii
SANGARINVS Hail, Athens, you nurse of Greece,
the hoped-for fatherland of my master, I gladly behold you. 650
But about my girlfriend and fellow-slave, what Stephanium is doing—
it is a concern, that she be well. For I had charged Stichus
to announce greetings and to say to her that I would come today,
so that she might cook dinner in timely fashion. But Stichus is here, indeed.

STICHVS Fecisti, ere, facetias, 655
quom hoc donavisti dono tuom servom Stichum.
pro di immortales, quot ego voluptates fero,
quot risiones, quot iocos, quot savia,
saltationes, blanditias, prothymias.
SANG. Stiche.

STICHUS You have done, master, a facetious thing, 655
when you bestowed, as this gift, your slave Stichus.
O immortal gods, how many pleasures I bring,
how many laughters, how many jests, how many kisses,
dances, blandishments, prothymies.
SANG. Stichus.

STICH. Hem. SANG. Quid fit? STICH. Euge, Sangarine 660
lepidissume.

STICH. Eh. SANG. What is happening? STICH. Bravo, Sangarine 660
most delightful!

fero convivam Dionysum mihique et tibi.
namque edepol cena cocta est, locus liber datust
mihi et tibi apud vos (nam apud nos est convivium,
ibi voster cenat cum uxore adeo et Antipho,
ibidem erus est noster), hoc mihi dono datumst. 665
SANG. Quis somniavit aurum? STICH. Quid id ad te attinet?

I bring as a dinner‑guest Dionysus, for me and for you.
for indeed—by Pollux!—the dinner is cooked, a free place has been given
to me and to you at your place (for at our place there is a banquet,
there your master is dining with his wife and Antipho besides,
our master is there as well), this has been given to me as a gift. 665
SANG. Who dreamed of gold? STICH. What’s that to you?

proin tu lavare propera. SANG. Lautus sum. STICH. Optime,
[sequere ergo hac me intro.

so then hurry to wash. SANG. I am washed. STICH. Excellent,
[follow me inside this way then.

SANG. Ego vero sequor.
STICH.] volo eluamus hodie, peregrina omnia
relinque, Athenas nunc colamus. sequere me. — 670
SANG. Sequor, et domum redeunti principium placet.

SANG. Indeed I follow.
STICH.] I want us to wash out today; leave all things foreign, let us now cultivate Athens. follow me. — 670
SANG. I follow, and for one returning home the beginning is pleasing.

bona scaeva strenaque obviam occessit mihi. —

a good omen and New Year’s gift came to meet me. —

V.iii
STEPHANIVM Mirum videri nemini vestrum volo, spectatores,
quid ego hinc, quae illic habito, exeam: faciam vos certiores.         674-675
domo dudum huc arcessita sum, <nam> quoniam nuntiatum est         676
istarum venturos viros, ibi festinamus omnes;
lectis sternendis studuimus munditiisque apparandis.
inter illud tamen negotium meis curavi amicis,
Sticho et conservo Sagarino meo, cena cocta ut esset.         680
Stichus obsonatust, ceterum ego operam do: is adlegavit.
nunc ibo hinc et amicos meos curabo hic advenientes.

5.3
STEPHANIVM I do not want it to seem strange to any of you, spectators,
why I, who live over there, am going out from here: I will make you more certain.         674-675
I was some time ago summoned from home to here, <for> since it has been announced         676
that the men of those women are going to come, there we are all hurrying;
we have been zealous about the beds to be spread and about preparations for cleanliness.
amid that business, however, I took care for my friends,
for Stichus and my fellow-slave Sagarinus, that dinner should be cooked.         680
Stichus has done the marketing, but I give the effort: he furnished the supplies.
now I will go from here and look after my friends as they arrive here.

—

V.iv
SANGARINVS Agite ite foras: ferte pompam. cado te praeficio, Stiche.
omnibus modis temptare certumst nostrum hodie convivium.

V.iv
SANGARINUS Come on, go out: bring the pomp. I put you in charge of the cask, Stichus.
It’s settled to try our banquet today in every way.

ita me di ament, lepide accipimur quom hoc recipimur in loco. 685
quisquis praetereat, comissatum volo vocari. STICHVS Convenit,
dum quidem hercle quisque veniat, <veniat> cum vino suo.
nam hinc quidem hodie polluctura praeter nos dabitur nemini.

so may the gods favor me, we are being neatly received when we are received in this place. 685
whoever passes by, I want to be called to the revel. STICHVS Agreed,
provided indeed, by Hercules, that each one come, with his own wine.
for from here indeed today a sacrificial banquet will be given to no one except us.

~
nosmet inter nos ministremus monotropi. SANG. Hoc conviviumst
pro opibus nostris satis commodule nucibus, fabulis, ficulis, 690
oleae ~ interiplio, lupillo, comminuto crustulo.
STICH. Sat est: servo homini modeste melius facere sumptum quam ampliter.

~
let us minister among ourselves, just we among ourselves, monotropes. SANG. This convivium is,
according to our means, quite commodiously with nuts, beans, little figs, 690
olives ~ with a bit of interiplio, a little lupine, a crumbled crustulum.
STICH. That is enough: for a slave it is better to make the outlay modestly than lavishly.

suom quemque decet: quibus divitiae domi sunt, scaphiis cantharis
batiocis bibunt, at nos nostro Samiolo poterio:
tamen bibimus nos, tamen efficimus pro opibus nostra moenia. 695
SANG. Age dice uter utrubi accumbamus. STICH. Abi tu sane superior.
atque adeo, ut tu scire possis, pacto ego hoc tecum divido:
vide, utram tibi libet etiam nunc capere, cape provinciam.

What is one’s own befits each: those who have riches at home drink with scaphia, canthari, and batioci, but we with our own little Samian poterio:
still we drink, still we effect, according to our means, our ramparts. 695
SANG. Come, say which of us on which side we should recline. STICH. Go on, you, by all means, be upper.
and indeed, so that you may know, I by a pact divide this with you:
see, whichever you please even now to take, take the province.

SANG. Quid istuc est provinciai? STICH. Vtrum Fontine an Libero
imperium te inhibere mavis? SANG. Nimio liquido Libero. 700
sed amica mea et tua dum cenat dumque se exornat, nos volo
tamen ludere inter nos.

SANG. What is that “province”? STICH. Whether by the Fountain or by Liber
do you prefer to have the imperium exercised over you? SANG. By far, clearly, Liber. 700
but while my and your girlfriend is dining and while she is adorning herself, I want us
nevertheless to play among ourselves.

strategum te facio huic convivio.
STICH. Nimium lepide in mentem venit: potius quam in subsellio
cynice hic accipimur quam in lectis. SANG. Immo enim nimio hic dulcius.

I make you strategus for this banquet.
STICH. An exceedingly witty notion comes to mind: rather that we be received here in Cynic fashion on benches than on couches. SANG. Nay indeed, far sweeter here.

sed interim, stratege noster, cur hic cessat cantharus? 705
vide, quot cyathos bibimus. STICH. Tot quot digiti tibi sunt in manu.
cantio Graecast: e pevt e tria pin e me tettara.

but meanwhile, our strategus, why does the cantharus delay here? 705
see how many cyathi we are drinking. STICH. As many as the fingers you have on your hand.
a Greekish song: either five, or three, drink; do not drink four.

SANG. Tibi propino. decumam a fonte tibi tute inde, si sapis.
bene vos, bene nos, bene te, bene me, bene nostram etiam Stephanium.

SANG. I pledge you. the tenth from the spring for yourself from there, if you are wise.
cheers to you all, cheers to us, cheers to you, cheers to me, cheers to our Stephanium as well.

[STICH. Bibe si bibis. SANG. Non mora erit apud me. STICH. Edepol 710
convivi sat est,
modo nostra huc amica accedat: id abest, aliud nil abest.]
STICH. Lepide hoc actum est. tibi propino cantharum.

[STICH. Drink if you drink. SANG. There will be no delay with me. STICH.
By Pollux 710
it is enough for the banquet,
provided our sweetheart would come here: that is lacking; nothing else is lacking.]
STICH. Nicely done. I pledge you the cantharus.

vinum tu habes.
SA. Nimis vellem aliquid pulpamenti. ST. Si horum, quae adsunt, paenitet,
nihil est.

you have wine.
SA. I’d very much like some relish. ST. If you’re dissatisfied with what’s here, there is nothing.

tene aquam. SANG. Melius dicis; nil moror cuppedia.
bibe, tibicen.

hold back the water. SANG. You speak better; I don’t care for dainties.
drink, flute-player.

age si quid agis, bibendum hercle hoc est, ne nega. 715
quid hic fastidis quod faciundum vides esse tibi? quin bibis?
[age si quid agis] accipe inquam.

come on, if you are doing anything, by Hercules this is for drinking; don't say no. 715
what here are you fastidious about that you see ought to be done by you? why don't you drink?
[come on, if you are doing anything] take it, I say.

non hoc <tuo fit sumptu>: inpendet publicum.
haud tuom istuc est te vereri. eripe ex ore tibias.

not this <is done at your expense>: the public pays.
that is not your business to be concerned about. snatch the pipes from his mouth.

STICH. Vbi illic biberit, vel servato meum modum vel tu dabo. ~
nolo ego nos ~ prosumo bibere. nulli rei erimus postea; 720
namque edepol quam vis desubito vel cadus verti potest.

STICH. When that fellow has drunk there, either keep to my measure, or I’ll do the pouring for you. ~
I don’t want us ~ to drink prodigally. We’ll be good for nothing afterward; 720
for, by Pollux, however big, even a cask can be turned over all of a sudden.

SANG. Quid igitur? quamquam gravatus fuisti, non nocuit tamen.
age, tibicen, quando bibisti, refer ad labeas tibias,
suffla celeriter tibi buccas quasi proserpens bestia,
agedum.

SANG. What then? Although you were reluctant, nevertheless it did no harm.
come on, piper, since you have drunk, bring the pipes back to your lips,
quickly puff up your cheeks for yourself like a creeping beast,
come then.

Stiche, uter demutassit, poculo multabitur. 725
STICH. Bonum ius dicis. impetrare oportet qui aequom postulat.
SANG. Age ergo observa.

Stiche, whichever one has shifted, shall be mulcted a cup. 725
STICH. You speak good law. He who petitions what is equitable ought to obtain it.
SANG. Come then, keep watch.

si pecassis, multam hic retinebo ilico.
ST. Optimum atque aequissimum oras. em tibi hoc primum omnium:
haec facetiast, amare inter se rivalis duos,
uno cantharo potare, unum scortum ducere. 730
hoc memorabilest: ego tu sum, tu es ego, unianimi sumus,
unam amicam amamus ambo, mecum ubi est, tecum est tamen;
tecum ubi autem est, mecum ibi autemst: neuter neutri invidet.

if you have sinned, I will retain a fine here on the spot.
ST. You ask for what is best and most equitable. Here you have this first of all:
this is facetiousness: for two rivals to love one another,
to drink from one tankard, to lead one harlot. 730
this is memorable: I am you, you are me, we are unanimous,
we both love one girlfriend; when she is with me, nonetheless she is with you;
and when she, however, is with you, there she is with me: neither envies the other.

SANG. Ohe, iam satis, nolo obtaedescat; alium ludum nunc volo.
STICH. Vin amicam huc evocemus? ea saltabit.

SANG. Hey, enough now; I do not want it to become wearisome; I want another game now.
STICH. Do you want us to summon the girlfriend here? she will dance.

SANG. Censeo.   735
STICH. Mea suavis, amabilis, amoena Stephanium, ad amores tuos
foras egredere, satis mihi pulchra es. SANG. At enim pulcherrima.
STICH. Fac nos hilaros hilariores opera atque adventu tuo.
SANG. Peregre advenientes te expetimus, Stephaniscidium, mel meum,  739-740
si amabilitas tibi nostra placet, si tibi ambo accepti sumus.        741

SANG. I think so.   735
STICH. My sweet, lovable, lovely Stephanium, come out to your lovers, you are fair enough for me. SANG. But indeed most beautiful.
STICH. Make us cheerful, more cheerful, by your service and your arrival.
SANG. We, arriving from abroad, seek you, Stephaniscidium, my honey,  739-740
if our amiability pleases you, if we both are acceptable to you.        741

V.v
STEPHANIVM Morem vobis geram, meae deliciae. nam ita me Venus amoena amet,
ut ego huc iam dudum simitu exissem vobiscum foras,
nisi me vobis exornarem. nam ita est ingenium muliebre:
bene cum lauta est, tersa ornata ficta est, infecta est tamen; 745
nimioque sibi mulier meretrix repperit odium ocius
sua inmunditia, quam in perpetuom ut placeat munditia sua.

5.5
STEPHANIUM I will humor you, my delights. For so may lovely Venus love me,
as I would long since have gone out here together with you,
if I were not adorning myself for you. For such is the womanly nature:
when she is well bathed, scoured, adorned, she is “made up,” yet she is unfinished nonetheless; 745
and a courtesan far more swiftly finds hatred for herself by her own immundity
than that she might, by her mundity, please in perpetuity.

STICH. Nimium lepide fabulata est. SANG. Veneris mera est oratio,
ST. Sangarine. SA. Quid est?

STICH. Too wittily she has spoken. SANG. It is the pure discourse of Venus,
ST. Sangarine. SA. What is it?

ST. Totus doleo. SA. Totus? tanto miserior.

ST. I ache all over. SA. All over? All the more wretched.

STEPH. Vtrubi accumbo? SANG. Vtrubi tu vis? STEPH. Cum ambobus 750
volo, nam ambos amo.

STEPH. Where do I recline? SANG. Wherever you wish? STEPH.
With both of you 750
I want to, for I love both of you.

STICH. Vapulat peculium, actum est. SANG. Fugit hoc libertas caput.
STEPH. Date mihi locum, ubi accumbam, amabo, siquidem placeo.

STICH. The peculium is being thrashed; it is done for. SANG. Liberty has fled this head.
STEPH. Give me a place where I may recline, please, since I please.

STICH. Tun mihi?
STEPH. Cupio cum utroque. STICH. Ei mihi, bene <ego> dispereo.

STICH. You, to me?
STEPH. I desire with both. STICH. Alas for me, well <I> perish.

quid ais?
SANG. Quid est?
STICH. Ita me di ament, numquam enim fiet hodie, haec quin saltet tamen.

what do you say?
SANG. What is it?
STICH. So may the gods love me, for it will never come to pass today, that this one not dance, however.

age, mulsa mea suavitudo, salta: saltabo ego simul. 755
SANG. Numquam edepol med istoc vinces, quin ego ibidem pruriam.
STEPH. Siquidem mihi saltandum est, tum vos date bibat tibicini.
STICH. Et quidem nobis.

come now, my honey-sweet suavity, dance: I will dance as well. 755
SANG. By Pollux, you will never beat me at that, without my itching right there on the spot.
STEPH. Since I must dance, then you give the piper a drink.
STICH. And indeed to us, too.

SANG. Tene, tibicen, primum; postidea loci
si hoc eduxeris, proinde ut consuetu's antehac, celeriter
lepidam et suavem cantionem aliquam occupito cinaedicam, 760
ubi perpruriscamus usque ex unguiculis. inde huc aquam.

SANG. Hold it, piper, first; afterwards onstage
if you bring this out, just as you’ve been accustomed before, quickly
start up some dainty and suave cinaedic song, 760
where we may itch right from our fingernails. After that, water here.

V.vi
tene tu hoc, educe. dudum placuit potio:
nunc minus gravate iam accipit. tene tu. interim,
meus oculus, da mihi savium, dum illic bibit.

5.6
you hold this; draw it out. a little while ago the potion pleased;
now he already takes it less grudgingly. you hold it. meanwhile,
my eye, give me a kiss, while that fellow drinks there.

STICH. Prostibilest tandem? stantem stanti savium 765
dare amicum amicae? euge euge, sic furi datur.

STICH. Is it at last permissible? for a friend to give to his girlfriend, standing to standing, a standing kiss? 765
bravo, bravo; thus it is given to a thief.

SANG. Age, iam infla buccas, nunciam aliquid suaviter.
redde cantionem veteri pro vino novam.

SANG. Come on, now inflate your cheeks; now then, something sweetly.
render a new song in return for the old wine.

V.vii
qui Ionicus aut cinaedicust, qui hoc tale facere possiet?
STICH. Si istoc me vorsu viceris, alio me provocato: 770
SA. Fac tu hoc modo. ST. At tu hoc modo.

V.vii
who is Ionic or a cinaedus, who could do such a thing?
STICH. If you beat me with that verse, challenge me to another: 770
SA. Do you this way. ST. But you this way.

SA. Babae. ST. Tatae.
SANG. Papae.

SA. Bravo. ST. Ha.
SANG. Goodness.

STICH. Pax.
SANG. Nunc pariter ambo. omnis voco cinaedos contra.

STICH. Peace.
SANG. Now both together. I call all catamites to the opposing side.

satis esse nobis non magis potis quam fungo imber.
STICH. Intro hinc abeamus nunciam: saltatum satis pro vinost.
vos, spectatores, plaudite atque ite ad vos comissatum.

to be enough for us is no more possible than a shower from a mushroom.
STICH. Let’s go inside from here now: we’ve danced enough for the wine.
you, spectators, applaud and go carousing to your own places.